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1
00:00:06,310 --> 00:00:08,008
♪
2
00:00:10,140 --> 00:00:11,794
[shrieks]
3
00:00:17,191 --> 00:00:18,931
[school bell rings]
4
00:00:21,325 --> 00:00:22,326
[burps]
5
00:00:22,370 --> 00:00:23,066
[tires screech]
6
00:00:25,286 --> 00:00:27,244
D'oh!
7
00:00:27,288 --> 00:00:29,029
[grunts]
8
00:00:34,034 --> 00:00:36,210
Refill!
9
00:00:36,253 --> 00:00:38,255
♪
10
00:00:43,130 --> 00:00:44,261
HOMER:
Kids,
11
00:00:44,305 --> 00:00:45,436
is there anything better
12
00:00:45,480 --> 00:00:48,309
than when a restaurant
misprints a coupon?
13
00:00:48,352 --> 00:00:50,572
-[snaps fingers]
-And with the money we saved,
14
00:00:50,615 --> 00:00:54,228
your mom is getting
a Swedish massage.
15
00:00:54,271 --> 00:00:57,100
[exhales]
All the tension's going
16
00:00:57,144 --> 00:00:58,667
[in Patty's voice]:
out of my body.
17
00:00:58,710 --> 00:01:00,886
[guttural moans]
18
00:01:00,930 --> 00:01:03,454
Now let's take one deep breath
of this classy place
19
00:01:03,498 --> 00:01:05,761
before we go back
to our lousy car.
20
00:01:05,804 --> 00:01:08,242
-[all inhaling]
-[French accent]: Excuse me,
21
00:01:08,285 --> 00:01:10,548
that air is the property
of this restaurant.
22
00:01:10,592 --> 00:01:12,507
Fine, I'll give it back.
[belches loudly]
23
00:01:12,550 --> 00:01:15,249
[laughter]
24
00:01:15,292 --> 00:01:16,728
-Good one.
-[belches]
25
00:01:16,772 --> 00:01:19,688
-[belches]
-Memory book.
26
00:01:19,731 --> 00:01:21,255
Okay, kids.
I admit we hustled
27
00:01:21,298 --> 00:01:23,170
the restaurant there,
but that's it.
28
00:01:23,213 --> 00:01:24,823
I don't want you to think
this is the way
29
00:01:24,867 --> 00:01:26,173
you get ahead in life.
30
00:01:26,216 --> 00:01:29,393
Do not take advantage
of someone else's mistakes.
31
00:01:29,437 --> 00:01:31,743
-Your car, sir.
-But that's not...
32
00:01:31,787 --> 00:01:34,355
[heavenly chorus]
33
00:01:34,398 --> 00:01:35,312
You see that, kids?
34
00:01:35,356 --> 00:01:37,140
It's the kind of car
they don't make anymore.
35
00:01:37,184 --> 00:01:39,708
Windshield that breaks into
a thousand glass razor blades.
36
00:01:39,751 --> 00:01:41,753
Your lap is the cup holder.
37
00:01:41,797 --> 00:01:44,234
Vinyl seats that can
melt your ass.
38
00:01:44,278 --> 00:01:46,193
God, do I want to drive it.
39
00:01:46,236 --> 00:01:49,631
[shudders]:
Oh... so useless.
40
00:01:49,674 --> 00:01:53,243
This is the car
I've always wanted.
41
00:01:53,287 --> 00:01:54,940
You'll never have
a car this nice.
42
00:01:54,984 --> 00:01:56,768
You'll never have
a girlfriend this cute.
43
00:01:56,812 --> 00:01:58,292
That's right!
44
00:01:58,335 --> 00:02:01,164
And you'll never have
exhaust this toxic.
45
00:02:01,208 --> 00:02:02,209
[tires screech]
46
00:02:05,081 --> 00:02:07,344
Oh, I need this.
I've always needed this.
47
00:02:07,388 --> 00:02:09,433
Get in, kids, get in.
48
00:02:09,477 --> 00:02:11,392
Dad, what were you
just telling us?
49
00:02:11,435 --> 00:02:13,002
This is morally wr...
50
00:02:13,045 --> 00:02:15,352
Whee!
51
00:02:15,396 --> 00:02:17,311
Pull every knob.
Press all the buttons.
52
00:02:17,354 --> 00:02:18,573
Find out what things do.
53
00:02:20,575 --> 00:02:22,011
[grunting]
54
00:02:25,319 --> 00:02:26,798
Don't you
"chitty chitty bang bang" me!
55
00:02:26,842 --> 00:02:28,844
-[grunting]
-["Chitty Chitty Bang Bang"
playing]
56
00:02:33,457 --> 00:02:34,806
Ooh, what's this crank for?
57
00:02:34,850 --> 00:02:36,460
Duh, rolling down the window.
58
00:02:36,504 --> 00:02:38,680
Hmm. How do I put on
the air conditioning?
59
00:02:38,723 --> 00:02:40,812
Uh, you're doing it.
60
00:02:40,856 --> 00:02:42,988
Aw, cool. An ashtray.
61
00:02:43,032 --> 00:02:45,339
[gasps]
A full ashtray!
62
00:02:45,382 --> 00:02:48,559
Uh-uh-uh!
Bad, bad, bad!
63
00:02:48,603 --> 00:02:51,214
Ah, smooth.
Bad, bad.
64
00:02:51,258 --> 00:02:52,911
[small car honks]
65
00:02:52,955 --> 00:02:55,349
[honks]
66
00:02:55,392 --> 00:02:59,353
Now, to tie them in a bow.
67
00:02:59,396 --> 00:03:01,224
[grunts]
68
00:03:01,268 --> 00:03:05,054
My husband-- he's doing
something incredibly stupid.
69
00:03:06,490 --> 00:03:08,362
Look at this beautiful color.
70
00:03:08,405 --> 00:03:11,713
Seafoam. This is what
cars used to look like.
71
00:03:11,756 --> 00:03:14,019
And what the sea
used to look like.
72
00:03:14,063 --> 00:03:17,240
-[tires screech]
-LISA AND BART: Whee!
73
00:03:17,284 --> 00:03:18,589
Whoa!
74
00:03:18,633 --> 00:03:21,244
Put this on the list of things
we don't tell your mother.
75
00:03:21,288 --> 00:03:23,420
Including the fact
there is a list.
76
00:03:24,508 --> 00:03:26,510
LISA:
Aw, it's over.
77
00:03:26,554 --> 00:03:28,469
Now, to teach you kids
a life lesson.
78
00:03:28,512 --> 00:03:31,863
Moments of pure joy
always have consequences.
79
00:03:31,907 --> 00:03:33,300
We already knew that.
80
00:03:33,343 --> 00:03:35,171
Yeah. Why do you think we exist?
81
00:03:35,215 --> 00:03:37,347
Quick!
Put on your innocent faces.
82
00:03:37,391 --> 00:03:39,523
Innocenter... innocenter.
83
00:03:39,567 --> 00:03:43,397
Uh, yeah, I'm, uh, I'm sorry,
you gave me the wrong car.
84
00:03:43,440 --> 00:03:47,488
The moment I realized,
I brought it back immediately.
85
00:03:47,531 --> 00:03:49,490
You stole my car.
86
00:03:49,533 --> 00:03:53,842
My precious 1957 Cadillac
Eldorado Biarritz convertible
87
00:03:53,885 --> 00:03:57,411
in the original seafoam,
with the illegal brodie knob.
88
00:03:57,454 --> 00:04:00,631
Oh, God. Tell me right now you
did not touch my brodie knob.
89
00:04:00,675 --> 00:04:02,633
Absolutely not.
90
00:04:02,677 --> 00:04:04,679
This is the brodie knob.
91
00:04:04,722 --> 00:04:06,724
Oh. I was all over thatthing.
92
00:04:06,768 --> 00:04:08,378
You're in big trouble.
93
00:04:08,422 --> 00:04:10,424
They're gonna charge you
with grand theft auto.
94
00:04:10,467 --> 00:04:13,296
A lousy game
but a magnificent law.
95
00:04:13,340 --> 00:04:15,733
Listen, I'm sorry.
Really sorry.
96
00:04:15,777 --> 00:04:18,301
I just wanted to give
my kids a ride,
97
00:04:18,345 --> 00:04:19,955
show them the house
I was born in,
98
00:04:19,998 --> 00:04:21,696
show them the house
I'm gonna die in,
99
00:04:21,739 --> 00:04:22,914
then drive through
a cornfield for kicks.
100
00:04:22,958 --> 00:04:23,959
Whoo-hoo!
101
00:04:25,569 --> 00:04:27,876
I gave you
the USS Enterprise,
102
00:04:27,919 --> 00:04:31,401
and you returned
with the Orville!
103
00:04:31,445 --> 00:04:33,969
I am so sorry.
You're absolutely right.
104
00:04:34,012 --> 00:04:35,362
I'll get it fixed by a pro.
105
00:04:35,405 --> 00:04:37,668
I'll get you a license plate
frame saying
106
00:04:37,712 --> 00:04:40,715
"My other car is a..."
insert dumb movie reference.
107
00:04:40,758 --> 00:04:43,457
Tron Legacy Light-Cycle.
Well, okay.
108
00:04:43,500 --> 00:04:46,938
I suppose I could allow you to--
oh, God!
109
00:04:46,982 --> 00:04:48,592
No!
110
00:04:48,636 --> 00:04:52,814
My mint condition copy
of Radioactive Mannumber one!
111
00:04:52,857 --> 00:04:53,945
[grunts]
112
00:04:53,989 --> 00:04:56,165
This was the comic
I always wanted most
113
00:04:56,208 --> 00:04:58,515
since I was an athletic,
popular child.
114
00:04:58,559 --> 00:05:00,169
Look, you're a nice guy.
115
00:05:00,212 --> 00:05:03,520
When have you ever seen me
be a nice guy?!
116
00:05:03,564 --> 00:05:06,567
I am pressing charges!
117
00:05:09,787 --> 00:05:10,832
Is this yours?
118
00:05:10,875 --> 00:05:13,008
Yes.
119
00:05:14,488 --> 00:05:15,532
Simpson, get on the bike.
120
00:05:15,576 --> 00:05:17,578
Put your arms around me.
121
00:05:17,621 --> 00:05:20,711
Now, head on my shoulder.
Yeah... aw, that's nice.
122
00:05:20,755 --> 00:05:22,583
And don't lean the same way I do
123
00:05:22,626 --> 00:05:23,758
[chuckles]: or we're both dead.
124
00:05:23,801 --> 00:05:25,760
Uh, by the way,
you're under arrest.
125
00:05:25,803 --> 00:05:28,458
Uh, doesn't the law say
I need a helmet, too?
126
00:05:28,502 --> 00:05:30,199
Another law you're breaking.
127
00:05:33,637 --> 00:05:35,596
Why are you riding a motorcycle?
128
00:05:35,639 --> 00:05:37,380
It's not for fun!
I got arrested!
129
00:05:37,424 --> 00:05:39,295
That's worse!
130
00:05:40,427 --> 00:05:42,994
Your Honor, I'm scared.
Okay, I screwed up.
131
00:05:43,038 --> 00:05:46,607
If you'll permit, may I read
a speech in my defense?
132
00:05:46,650 --> 00:05:47,608
Did your daughter write it?
133
00:05:47,651 --> 00:05:49,436
Absolutely not.
134
00:05:49,479 --> 00:05:51,742
Sir, if an opportunity
came along
135
00:05:51,786 --> 00:05:54,223
to give your kids
a memory they'll never forget,
136
00:05:54,266 --> 00:05:56,486
-wouldn't you hop
in the driver's seat?
-[mouthing]
137
00:05:56,530 --> 00:05:58,967
A golden day with their dad.
138
00:05:59,010 --> 00:06:01,535
What could be more innocent?
139
00:06:01,578 --> 00:06:04,494
All I know is that
as that gas gauge read empty,
140
00:06:04,538 --> 00:06:07,671
our hearts were full.
Full of love.
141
00:06:07,715 --> 00:06:13,024
Love of what our country does
best: build cars 60 years ago!
142
00:06:13,068 --> 00:06:14,678
[sniffling]
143
00:06:14,722 --> 00:06:17,551
I'm a judge.
But I'm also a father.
144
00:06:17,594 --> 00:06:19,466
A father whose ex-wife
only lets him see the kids
145
00:06:19,509 --> 00:06:22,512
on summers and Christmas.
I don't need you to rub it in.
146
00:06:22,556 --> 00:06:23,861
I find the defendant guilty.
147
00:06:23,905 --> 00:06:26,647
Your Honor, I'm not the one
on trial here.
148
00:06:26,690 --> 00:06:28,126
Yes, you are.
149
00:06:28,170 --> 00:06:29,563
[all gasping]
150
00:06:29,606 --> 00:06:33,218
"Hire a lawyer," I said.
"Waste of money," he said.
151
00:06:33,262 --> 00:06:37,048
This is what I spend my time
in courtroom audiences for.
152
00:06:37,092 --> 00:06:38,528
This is my Starbucks.
153
00:06:43,359 --> 00:06:44,578
Two weeks.
Two weeks to turn this around.
154
00:06:44,621 --> 00:06:46,101
Lisa, can we get the state
155
00:06:46,144 --> 00:06:48,016
to change its sentencing
guidelines
156
00:06:48,059 --> 00:06:49,321
in the next two weeks?
157
00:06:49,365 --> 00:06:52,455
Ah, the legislative calendar
is pretty full.
158
00:06:52,499 --> 00:06:54,675
And they take off
the second week for Easter.
159
00:06:54,718 --> 00:06:58,069
RomanEaster! To the Byzantine
world, it's nothing!
160
00:06:58,113 --> 00:07:01,551
I'm afraid we have to prepare
for the possibility
161
00:07:01,595 --> 00:07:03,684
that you might go to prison.
162
00:07:03,727 --> 00:07:07,644
ANNOUNCER:
The Arts and Incarceration
Channel presents...
163
00:07:10,734 --> 00:07:13,694
INTERVIEWER:
What advice would you give
to a new inmate?
164
00:07:13,737 --> 00:07:15,478
Everything can be a weapon.
165
00:07:15,522 --> 00:07:18,481
I saw a guy get his eye gouged
with uncooked spaghetti.
166
00:07:18,525 --> 00:07:20,918
You sound
like you've seen a lot.
167
00:07:20,962 --> 00:07:24,531
I've seen things and done things
I ain't proud of.
168
00:07:24,574 --> 00:07:25,488
And I'm the chaplain.
169
00:07:25,532 --> 00:07:27,838
I can't take this, Marge.
170
00:07:27,882 --> 00:07:31,102
Maybe I can make peace
with Comic Book Guy.
171
00:07:31,146 --> 00:07:33,104
Do you think so?
He's an angry man.
172
00:07:33,148 --> 00:07:36,717
His favorite thing is Star Wars,
and he hates Star Wars.
173
00:07:36,760 --> 00:07:38,545
I'll talk to him.
174
00:07:38,588 --> 00:07:41,722
Careful, Marge.
He's a lazy, overweight slob.
175
00:07:41,765 --> 00:07:43,463
Don't fall in love with him.
176
00:07:47,771 --> 00:07:51,514
Comic Book Guy,
my husband is reallysorry.
177
00:07:51,558 --> 00:07:55,344
Okay, he screwed up.
But he doesn't belong in prison.
178
00:07:55,387 --> 00:07:58,086
I beg to differ.
That car is very special to me.
179
00:07:58,129 --> 00:07:59,914
When I was young,
my father took me in it to...
180
00:07:59,957 --> 00:08:02,786
-Buy comic books?
-No, not comic books.
181
00:08:02,830 --> 00:08:05,180
Everything in my life
is not comic books, okay?
182
00:08:05,223 --> 00:08:06,790
We bought baseball cards.
183
00:08:06,834 --> 00:08:09,924
Look, we'll detail your car
and fix your comic book.
184
00:08:09,967 --> 00:08:13,754
This is not about my car.
It is about me getting respect.
185
00:08:13,797 --> 00:08:16,539
I want all the Little Lulus
five dollars can buy.
186
00:08:16,583 --> 00:08:18,672
And make it snappy,
Blobba the Hutt.
187
00:08:18,715 --> 00:08:22,327
Jabba is actually quite slim!
For a Hutt.
188
00:08:22,371 --> 00:08:23,720
Just get the Lulus.
189
00:08:23,764 --> 00:08:26,244
Or I'll take my business
to Build-A-Bear.
190
00:08:27,811 --> 00:08:30,031
Here you go. Five dollars'
worth of Little Lulus.
191
00:08:32,033 --> 00:08:34,818
As for you, I am not budging.
192
00:08:34,862 --> 00:08:37,908
Like the door of Superman's
Fortress of Solitude
193
00:08:37,952 --> 00:08:40,694
when the Beatles tried to visit.
Pure folly.
194
00:08:40,737 --> 00:08:43,000
That comic is noncanonical.
195
00:08:43,044 --> 00:08:46,482
The only thing noncanonical
in my store is Snoopy
196
00:08:46,526 --> 00:08:50,617
dressed as Sgt. Rock
for an ill-timed Vietnam war ad.
197
00:08:50,660 --> 00:08:54,403
I see. Well, I'm sorry
to have bothered you.
198
00:08:54,446 --> 00:08:56,579
Yes, don't let the door hit you
on the way out.
199
00:08:56,623 --> 00:08:58,581
No, seriously.
It's just been painted.
200
00:08:58,625 --> 00:09:01,671
Oh. That's what
being nice gets you.
201
00:09:02,890 --> 00:09:06,850
Mom, Dad, I think I found
the answer on the Internet!
202
00:09:06,894 --> 00:09:09,418
Lisa, nothing good
ever comes from YouTube.
203
00:09:09,461 --> 00:09:12,247
Except ducks eating watermelon.
204
00:09:17,034 --> 00:09:20,516
No, no.
Sentencing mitigation videos.
205
00:09:20,560 --> 00:09:22,518
People have had
their jail terms reduced,
206
00:09:22,562 --> 00:09:24,868
or even gotten off death row
207
00:09:24,912 --> 00:09:27,654
by producing slick
video appeals to the judge.
208
00:09:27,697 --> 00:09:31,832
Finally, a way for rich people
to bend the system their way.
209
00:09:31,875 --> 00:09:33,834
Mr. Burns got off the hook once
210
00:09:33,877 --> 00:09:37,707
by using a video directed
by Guillermo del Toro.
211
00:09:37,751 --> 00:09:41,058
Hello, I am, uh, film director
Guillermo del Toro.
212
00:09:41,102 --> 00:09:45,280
Uh, when I was a young boy,
I fell in love with monsters.
213
00:09:45,323 --> 00:09:48,718
Frankenstein's monster,
King Kong, Son of Kong,
214
00:09:48,762 --> 00:09:51,025
Nosferatu, Godzilla,
Mechagodzilla,
215
00:09:51,068 --> 00:09:52,635
Godzilla's nephew Godzooky,
216
00:09:52,679 --> 00:09:54,506
Mothra the caterpillar,
Mothra the moth,
217
00:09:54,550 --> 00:09:56,291
the Blob fromThe Blob...
218
00:09:56,334 --> 00:09:58,859
and Godzilla's cousin,
Sheldon Godzilla.
219
00:09:58,902 --> 00:10:01,644
Lesser known
but equally horrifying.
220
00:10:01,688 --> 00:10:04,865
Monsters, yes.
But they are capable of love.
221
00:10:04,908 --> 00:10:07,868
Which brings us
to Montgomery Burns.
222
00:10:07,911 --> 00:10:09,304
Oh, hello.
223
00:10:09,347 --> 00:10:10,784
Did someone mention me?
224
00:10:10,827 --> 00:10:13,308
DEL TORO:
From birth, he was not wanted.
225
00:10:15,963 --> 00:10:17,704
Then came the real monsters:
226
00:10:17,747 --> 00:10:20,794
the bullies that hated him
just because he was wealthy.
227
00:10:20,837 --> 00:10:22,839
And maybe he rubbed it in
a little.
228
00:10:28,279 --> 00:10:30,673
But no one knows
the real Mr. Burns.
229
00:10:43,338 --> 00:10:44,948
I love Señor Burns.
230
00:10:44,992 --> 00:10:46,558
Who are you?
231
00:10:46,602 --> 00:10:48,909
He combines the ancient evil
of Cthulhu
232
00:10:48,952 --> 00:10:51,085
with the trim physique
of Slender Man.
233
00:10:51,128 --> 00:10:53,957
Señor Burns demonstrates
that in all so-called monsters
234
00:10:54,001 --> 00:10:56,264
beats a heart.
Thank you for listening.
235
00:10:56,307 --> 00:10:57,700
And thank you,
Georgia Film Commission,
236
00:10:57,744 --> 00:10:59,136
for the 22% discount.
237
00:10:59,180 --> 00:11:01,704
I'll see you wherever
free people congregate.
238
00:11:01,748 --> 00:11:03,488
Like the Yale Club.
239
00:11:03,532 --> 00:11:06,753
[orchestral fanfare]
240
00:11:09,320 --> 00:11:12,497
Wow. Maybe I've been
all wrong about evil.
241
00:11:12,541 --> 00:11:15,718
Once again, Mr. del Toro
stripped away the darkness
242
00:11:15,762 --> 00:11:17,720
and found beauty at its core.
243
00:11:17,764 --> 00:11:19,679
Like that fish-snuggling movie.
244
00:11:21,637 --> 00:11:22,594
Excuse me.
245
00:11:22,638 --> 00:11:24,292
[coughs]
246
00:11:24,335 --> 00:11:27,077
Ah... you told me you've
never been to Missouri.
247
00:11:27,121 --> 00:11:29,732
You're right, honey.
Hollywood can solve anything.
248
00:11:29,776 --> 00:11:32,126
Except its own lack
of creativity and diversity.
249
00:11:32,169 --> 00:11:33,736
Now, how do we make this thing?
250
00:11:33,780 --> 00:11:36,217
I think we should use
a videographer.
251
00:11:36,260 --> 00:11:37,827
There's one left in town.
252
00:11:39,829 --> 00:11:42,310
I will do anything
for your wedding video.
253
00:11:42,353 --> 00:11:46,444
Color, black and white, or
Polaroid Swinger, cha cha cha.
254
00:11:46,488 --> 00:11:48,795
I gotta warn you,
my camera hand is shaky
255
00:11:48,838 --> 00:11:52,015
because I have
a major vitamin E deficiency.
256
00:11:52,059 --> 00:11:55,018
No problemo.
It works fine if you just
257
00:11:55,062 --> 00:11:56,454
nod your head like this...
258
00:11:56,498 --> 00:11:58,500
[warbling]
259
00:12:01,851 --> 00:12:03,766
You know, we could
just do it ourselves.
260
00:12:03,810 --> 00:12:07,944
Yeah. Those are the words
that are killing my profession.
261
00:12:08,728 --> 00:12:10,555
Now you say nice things
about me.
262
00:12:10,599 --> 00:12:12,035
So what is it
you're looking for?
263
00:12:12,079 --> 00:12:14,385
Words or something?
Uh, human words?
264
00:12:14,429 --> 00:12:17,954
Okay, uh, Homer Simpson,
uh, well, real family man.
265
00:12:17,998 --> 00:12:20,261
Yeah. Always brings his kids
into the bar.
266
00:12:20,304 --> 00:12:23,046
Not one of them aristocrats
who gets all bent out of shape
267
00:12:23,090 --> 00:12:24,918
when there's a mouse
in his beer.
268
00:12:24,961 --> 00:12:27,616
Hey, Moe. I need you to file a
serial number off a wheelchair.
269
00:12:27,659 --> 00:12:28,835
HOMER:
Cut!
270
00:12:28,878 --> 00:12:31,228
Hmm... Homer Simpson?
How can I put this?
271
00:12:31,272 --> 00:12:35,145
Ah, we've never had an employee
get rehired so many times.
272
00:12:35,189 --> 00:12:38,366
Homer Simpson has two children
enrolled in our school.
273
00:12:38,409 --> 00:12:40,498
That's all I'm
comfortable saying.
274
00:12:41,978 --> 00:12:43,806
All right, let's see
what you got.
275
00:12:43,850 --> 00:12:46,026
I had to edit a little.
276
00:12:47,070 --> 00:12:49,072
Homer Simpson. Family man.
277
00:12:49,116 --> 00:12:50,944
Happy. Aristocrat.
278
00:12:50,987 --> 00:12:52,380
Too. Cool. Comfortable.
279
00:12:52,423 --> 00:12:54,904
Homer is a...
grace to the family.
280
00:12:54,948 --> 00:12:56,950
He is an ape...le father.
281
00:12:56,993 --> 00:12:59,387
I warned Marge... marry him.
282
00:12:59,430 --> 00:13:02,869
That's the best you can do?
I'm screwed!
283
00:13:02,912 --> 00:13:05,654
Not while Ican use
Final Cut Pro.
284
00:13:05,697 --> 00:13:07,047
We'll start from scratch.
285
00:13:07,090 --> 00:13:10,006
Using the only two things
people still believe in:
286
00:13:10,050 --> 00:13:11,878
babies and dogs.
287
00:13:11,921 --> 00:13:13,053
[Snowball II meows sadly]
288
00:13:13,096 --> 00:13:15,664
Sorry, Snowball,
cats are polarizing.
289
00:13:15,707 --> 00:13:17,884
[meows sympathetically]
290
00:13:17,927 --> 00:13:20,060
[sighs] Please...
291
00:13:20,103 --> 00:13:23,715
just give us something
we can use.
292
00:13:28,111 --> 00:13:29,069
We're ready.
293
00:13:29,112 --> 00:13:31,245
Oh, now the dog
won't cooperate.
294
00:13:31,288 --> 00:13:34,074
There's a trick that always
works with Kevin James.
295
00:13:36,946 --> 00:13:38,469
[panting]
296
00:13:41,255 --> 00:13:43,779
♪ I think I'll color
this man father...♪
297
00:13:43,823 --> 00:13:45,912
MARGE: He's a guy who gets off at 5:00
298
00:13:45,955 --> 00:13:49,089
and comes directly home
to be with his kids.
299
00:13:49,132 --> 00:13:51,656
♪ Said I'm gonna
color him father♪
300
00:13:51,700 --> 00:13:53,267
♪ Color him father...♪
301
00:13:53,310 --> 00:13:56,270
He's incredibly generous
to his friends and neighbors.
302
00:13:58,838 --> 00:14:02,450
In his spare time,
he loves PTA meetings.
303
00:14:02,493 --> 00:14:04,756
Helping with the Cub Scouts.
304
00:14:04,800 --> 00:14:07,237
Or just going to the movies.
305
00:14:07,281 --> 00:14:09,239
This is Maggie, our baby.
306
00:14:09,283 --> 00:14:12,112
And she understands
what's going on.
307
00:14:12,155 --> 00:14:15,332
She's never said a word,
but I get the feeling
308
00:14:15,376 --> 00:14:18,335
she wants to say something now.
309
00:14:18,379 --> 00:14:21,121
Nee... Da... dy.
310
00:14:21,164 --> 00:14:23,819
What a man.
311
00:14:25,081 --> 00:14:27,040
And now we pray.
312
00:14:27,083 --> 00:14:28,737
Bless us, O Lord,
for this bountiful feast...
313
00:14:28,780 --> 00:14:30,130
Not that prayer.
314
00:14:30,173 --> 00:14:32,132
I must say, I am impressed.
315
00:14:32,175 --> 00:14:35,091
So, unless the prosecution has
a rebuttal, I'm inclined to...
316
00:14:35,135 --> 00:14:37,485
Not... so... fast.
317
00:14:37,528 --> 00:14:38,965
Do you have a video, too?
318
00:14:39,008 --> 00:14:40,967
No, that would be pretentious.
319
00:14:41,010 --> 00:14:45,145
-Very well, then.
-I have a speech.
320
00:14:45,188 --> 00:14:48,191
-[somber music playing]
-Comic book sales is
a very fragile field.
321
00:14:48,235 --> 00:14:51,064
Kids hate to read,
the stores smell like farts
322
00:14:51,107 --> 00:14:54,328
-and bubble gum...
-[murmuring in agreement]
323
00:14:54,371 --> 00:14:57,984
Then the things I cherish most--
my father's car,
324
00:14:58,027 --> 00:15:01,117
my precious, precious comic,
and most important,
325
00:15:01,161 --> 00:15:03,815
my dignity-- were taken from me.
326
00:15:05,078 --> 00:15:07,297
I'm just your ordinary
small businessman.
327
00:15:07,341 --> 00:15:10,039
Never took anything from anyone.
328
00:15:10,083 --> 00:15:14,522
But I did dare to think
I would be treated with respect.
329
00:15:14,565 --> 00:15:18,047
I have so many fictional heroes,
Your Honor.
330
00:15:18,091 --> 00:15:21,442
For once, please
give me a real one.
331
00:15:23,096 --> 00:15:25,054
[grunts]
332
00:15:25,098 --> 00:15:27,100
Best. Courtroom speech. Ever.
333
00:15:27,143 --> 00:15:28,101
Yes!
334
00:15:28,144 --> 00:15:30,190
I will render
my sentence tomorrow.
335
00:15:30,233 --> 00:15:32,105
I thank you.
Good night.
336
00:15:32,148 --> 00:15:33,193
Boom.
337
00:15:33,236 --> 00:15:34,977
Wait, wait, wait.
Do you want to go to a movie?
338
00:15:35,021 --> 00:15:36,979
I'll go to a movie
with you, Judge.
339
00:15:37,023 --> 00:15:38,807
-Youwon't be available.
-Oh.
340
00:15:44,117 --> 00:15:45,640
Dad, the computer says...
341
00:15:45,683 --> 00:15:47,990
That computer has brought me
nothing but trouble
342
00:15:48,034 --> 00:15:50,601
and sports scores
while I'm at church!
343
00:15:50,645 --> 00:15:52,473
A store in Ogdenville
just put up
344
00:15:52,516 --> 00:15:55,128
the same Radioactive Mancomic
that we destroyed
345
00:15:55,171 --> 00:15:57,043
in perfect condition.
346
00:15:57,086 --> 00:15:59,001
It's my last hope at freedom.
347
00:15:59,045 --> 00:16:01,917
I mean, how much could
an old comic cost?
348
00:16:01,961 --> 00:16:03,963
[whispering]
349
00:16:17,933 --> 00:16:19,935
[whispering]
350
00:16:23,112 --> 00:16:24,679
-Are you done?
-No.
351
00:16:24,722 --> 00:16:27,638
[whispering]
352
00:16:27,682 --> 00:16:29,075
[tires screech]
353
00:16:37,431 --> 00:16:41,391
You can't be closed.
It's Tuesday at 4:30!
354
00:16:41,435 --> 00:16:46,179
Do you not see the "closed" sign
written in Wakandan?
355
00:16:46,222 --> 00:16:49,182
And I wasted high school
learning German.
356
00:16:49,225 --> 00:16:51,401
Was fur eine Schande!
357
00:16:51,445 --> 00:16:55,492
Well, German is Earth's closest
language to Klingon.
358
00:16:55,536 --> 00:16:56,885
Come on in.
359
00:17:16,383 --> 00:17:17,340
What do youwant?
360
00:17:17,384 --> 00:17:18,950
I'm extremely busy.
361
00:17:22,389 --> 00:17:24,173
Mm-hmm.
362
00:17:25,174 --> 00:17:26,654
I want to talk to you.
363
00:17:26,697 --> 00:17:30,005
I see we have reached the
epilogue of our little drama.
364
00:17:30,049 --> 00:17:34,096
[screams] No, not the epilogue.
Still plot. Still plot!
365
00:17:34,140 --> 00:17:35,793
Look, I know we've had
our differences,
366
00:17:35,837 --> 00:17:37,317
but we can still be friends.
367
00:17:37,360 --> 00:17:40,146
Like when Superman teamed up
with Lex Luthor.
368
00:17:40,189 --> 00:17:43,497
That was an imaginary story
written by Harlan Ellison
369
00:17:43,540 --> 00:17:45,238
because he wanted to get fired.
370
00:17:45,281 --> 00:17:48,937
Well, maybe thiswill
tickle your ponytail.
371
00:17:48,980 --> 00:17:50,286
-[boing]
-[gasps]
372
00:17:50,330 --> 00:17:54,116
The Ogdenville copy!
It lives!
373
00:17:54,160 --> 00:17:55,030
Am I forgiven?
374
00:17:55,074 --> 00:17:56,249
I'm afraid not. No.
375
00:17:56,292 --> 00:17:59,252
I don't have a choice.
The grudge is still inside me.
376
00:17:59,295 --> 00:18:03,212
Which is also the name of
a low-budget Roger Corman movie.
377
00:18:03,256 --> 00:18:04,953
Oh! What does it take?
378
00:18:04,996 --> 00:18:06,998
How to explain
what I am feeling.
379
00:18:07,042 --> 00:18:09,740
Uh...look around.
What do you see?
380
00:18:09,784 --> 00:18:12,134
Uh... a bunch of stuff
that other people threw out?
381
00:18:12,178 --> 00:18:14,136
Like a mirror,
you see everything
382
00:18:14,180 --> 00:18:16,747
but understand nothing.
Get out.
383
00:18:16,791 --> 00:18:19,402
[sighs] Let's go.
384
00:18:19,446 --> 00:18:20,534
Oh, my God! Oh!
385
00:18:20,577 --> 00:18:24,059
Is that a season one Welcome Back, Kotter
key chain?
386
00:18:25,191 --> 00:18:27,062
It is! The proof...
387
00:18:27,106 --> 00:18:29,630
a John Travolta
who is happy to be there!
388
00:18:29,673 --> 00:18:32,154
How did youget this?
389
00:18:32,198 --> 00:18:34,287
[applause on TV]
390
00:18:35,462 --> 00:18:37,203
Did I ever tell you
about my Uncle Max?
391
00:18:37,246 --> 00:18:38,595
He was the halfback
in the family.
392
00:18:38,639 --> 00:18:40,728
If you gave him a sandwich,
you got half back.
393
00:18:40,771 --> 00:18:43,165
[all laughing]
394
00:18:43,209 --> 00:18:44,166
[giggling]
395
00:18:44,210 --> 00:18:45,602
This is for you, son.
396
00:18:45,646 --> 00:18:47,387
Don't say I never
gave you nothing.
397
00:18:47,430 --> 00:18:49,389
Are you gonna give me
anything else?
398
00:18:49,432 --> 00:18:50,390
Nope. One thing.
399
00:18:51,782 --> 00:18:55,003
Homer, when you look
at your precious totem there,
400
00:18:55,046 --> 00:18:56,526
how does it make youfeel?
401
00:18:56,570 --> 00:18:58,441
I never thought of it before.
402
00:18:58,485 --> 00:18:59,399
I touch it all the time.
403
00:18:59,442 --> 00:19:01,662
I feel unhappy
if I don't have it.
404
00:19:01,705 --> 00:19:03,403
Sometimes I dream about it.
405
00:19:03,446 --> 00:19:05,796
[gasps] I think I love it!
406
00:19:05,840 --> 00:19:08,973
Well put. Now understand this.
407
00:19:09,017 --> 00:19:10,453
Dah!
408
00:19:10,497 --> 00:19:13,326
That is how youmade mefeel!
409
00:19:13,369 --> 00:19:15,110
[whooshes]
410
00:19:15,154 --> 00:19:16,329
Now you see.
411
00:19:16,372 --> 00:19:18,418
And you may consider
the charges dropped.
412
00:19:18,461 --> 00:19:21,029
Let us shake hands,
drink rice wine,
413
00:19:21,072 --> 00:19:22,335
and enjoy Swedish Fish candy.
414
00:19:22,378 --> 00:19:24,641
Are you saying I'm off the hook?
415
00:19:24,685 --> 00:19:26,600
Yes.
In fact, you may be surprised,
416
00:19:26,643 --> 00:19:28,602
but you are now my best friend.
417
00:19:28,645 --> 00:19:30,386
So I'm not going to prison?
418
00:19:30,430 --> 00:19:32,780
No, you are going
to Comic-Con with me.
419
00:19:32,823 --> 00:19:34,477
Oh. Hmm.
420
00:19:34,521 --> 00:19:36,218
Let me see, let me see.
421
00:19:36,262 --> 00:19:37,872
Dad, just say yes.
422
00:19:39,830 --> 00:19:41,223
Is prison still an option?
423
00:19:41,267 --> 00:19:44,139
No. Not until you hold down
Harrison Ford
424
00:19:44,183 --> 00:19:46,228
while I clip off
his fingernails.
425
00:19:46,272 --> 00:19:47,273
-Let's get to it.
-[groans]
426
00:19:51,668 --> 00:19:53,670
[snoring]
427
00:19:55,890 --> 00:19:58,458
-What's this?
-Mitigation video.
428
00:19:58,501 --> 00:20:02,897
When I first met Bart, I was
just a nerdy kid with glasses.
429
00:20:02,940 --> 00:20:05,247
But now this
blue-haired butterfly's
430
00:20:05,291 --> 00:20:07,902
ready to emerge from his pupa!
431
00:20:07,945 --> 00:20:10,513
[sighs] Simpson, you think
this is helpingyou?
432
00:20:10,557 --> 00:20:12,385
[Bart laughing]
433
00:20:12,428 --> 00:20:14,735
Skinner's a jerk.
Skinner's a jerk.
434
00:20:14,778 --> 00:20:17,477
Skinner's
a jerk. Skinner's a jerk.
435
00:20:17,520 --> 00:20:18,739
Skinner's a jerk.
436
00:20:18,782 --> 00:20:20,131
Skinner's
a jerk.
437
00:20:20,175 --> 00:20:21,307
Skinner's a jerk.
438
00:21:04,350 --> 00:21:06,221
Shh!32059
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