All language subtitles for Short Circuit 2 (1988) -eng

MAN:
This is ground control

Citation Zebra-Bravo is landing
on Runway 3-0 right

Police and security
to full alert immediately

MAN 1:
Rolex watches.

You know the name,
now own the watch.

Oh, you little rascal,
running away like that.

Are you all seeing how
he is running around?

He is programmed to be doing that.

This is a highly sophisticated
robot for $19.95.

No tax, please note.

Hey, uncle, are you wanting to buy?
Uncle, there's no obligation.

Rolex. Rolex watch.

You know the name,
now own the watch.

MAN 2: How much is that?
The ultimate in Swiss craftsmanship.

No doubt you've seen these
on sale at Tiffany's for $1700.

I deal in volume. My special
price to you today, 39.95.

39.95. How are you
gonna beat that?

You gonna beat that?
How are you gonna beat that?

Would you like a robot?

How's your line moving, pal?

They're not selling like pancakes,
that is for certain.

Maybe I should be selling them
door-to-door, huh?

Door-to-door? In this town?

Did you just fall off
the banana boat or what?

I do not travel with bananas, sir.

And I'll have you know
I've been kicking

around town for two
days' time already.

Really?

Interested in upgrading your image?
Up my image?

FRED: I'm gonna let you have
half of my inventory, huh?

What would you say to that?

WOMAN 1:
Ooh! What the...?

WOMAN: Wha...?
MAN: Why, hey. Oop.

WOMAN:
Oh, look at that.

Wait, Mr. Slater, look, look.
You haven't seen this.

You haven't seen this before.
Check it out.

Look, see? They're hands.

They clap.

I know it'll sell.
Sandy, we don't sell novelty items.

Now how many chances
am I supposed to give you?

I told you l want high tech
and I want it now.

For Christmas, not Easter, got it?

Yes, sir, high tech.

I'll can the hat
and I'll keep looking.

And if you don't mind, Miss Banatoni,
some of us are trying to work.

Ah. That's better.

Silence is better
than Little Richard?

I can let you have these,
rock bottom, wholesale.

You're gonna clean up.

That is nice of you,
but I'm occupying myself...

The toy robot business,
that's pathetic.

They're not gonna move.
Not in this town.

Excuse me, is this yours?

Yes.

It is called Number Five.

It rolled right past my office.

Listen...
FRED: Excuse me.

My friend and I were taking
a meeting. Who are you?

Sandy Banatoni, assistant buyer,
Simpsons Toy Department, okay?

Listen, these are great toys.
Thank you.

I showed this to
my boss, he loves it.

Where did you get them?
Oh, I am making them.

I am Ben Jahrvi.

Titanic Toy Corporation.
Like the ship?

I'm sorry I haven't heard of you.
Where are you located?

Well, actually, I am based
in that vehicle right over yonder.

No, I mean, where is your
assembly plant, your offices?

Well, you're also there.
It is also my home.

You mean you make
these yourself?

In there?
Yeah.

Yes, you see, robotics is the only
livelihood I am knowing.

Are you wanting to purchase one?

See the hands?
They bendy like that.

We deal in volume. I couldn't
possibly order less than a thousand.

One thousand?
A thousand.

A thousand?
We could do a thousand.

No perspiration, if the
per-unit price is at all attractive.

Who are the "we"?

We could go maybe 50 a piece?

Oh, no, I'm only charging $19.95.
A day, to rent.

If you wanna buy them
wholesale, 50.

We could live with 50 a piece.
Okay.

Maybe, but seriously,
how long before you could deliver?

Oh, well, you just want
a rough estimate of how long?

Yes, yes, 1000 robots?

This is a ballpark figure, you know?
We round it off...

They could be ready for delivery
middle of October.

Really?
1993.

Rolex.

Get a Rolex watch.

Look, I'm sorry for
wasting your time.

We're in two different worlds here.

I mean, l'd have to have them
in, like, 30 days.

Thirty days?

I'm sorry.
Oh, wait a minute.

You know, he meant
with our current facilities.

But we could expand our
operation, you know?

We can get more personnel,
a larger factory.

Once we get your cash advance,
we could be in high gear.

Again you say this "we" part, sir.

My boss would never go
for cash advance.

For Simpsons,
we'll forego the advance.

Tell you what.
How does this sound?

We'll show up at your door October 15th
this year with 1000 of these fine robots.

You guarantee to buy them
$50 apiece, COD, huh? Huh?

Okay.
Yeah, okay.

Get your lawyers on the paperwork.
We got a deal.

We got a deal.
Thank you, thanks very much.

We are making a deal.
Well, this is most pleasantly pleasing.

I am studying with fervor to become
a citizen of your country 'tis of thee.

You are appreciating my robots, huh?
Yeah.

Did you ask me a question?

Benny, merchandise is running away.
Get back here, you're grounded.

Bye, now.
I'm going to take your batteries out.

Bad boys.

FRED: First things first.
Before the first thing is a question.

Who are you and what
is your good name, sir?

Fred Ritter.
I'm in the entrepreneur business.

I ask financial questions
like "Where's your capital?"

Washington, D.C.

All right. Simple words.

How are you gonna build those
robots yourself with no money?

I am thinking I will contact my friends
Newton and Stephanie in Montana.

Perhaps they can
assist me financially.

Montana? You got friends here.

I just got you your big break.
Tell me what you need.

Oscar, step aside.

POLICEMAN:
Stay back, ladies. Back, there.

REPORTER: Mr. de Ruyter,
may we have a word?

Mr. de Ruyter, welcome to the U.S.
and welcome to First Federal Trust.

It's a great honor for all of us
at the bank and I'd like...

Might we step inside, please?

Oh, yes. Yes, indeed.

Madson steel alloy, A450.

Of course.
Built by Heimdall, completely custom.

I must say, we're really
quite, quite proud of it.

Mm-hm.

Gentlemen,
the Vanderveer Collection.

We'll keep them here until one day

before the exhibition is
to open at the museum.

Of course, during the day we'll have
a special detail of six armed guards.

And at night,
they'll be augmented by 12

strategically-placed
security personnel.

DE RUYTER: Excellent.
DARTMOOR: Glad you approve.

You already owe me
a substantial sum, Fred.

Comes due in 30 days.
Yes, Mr. Arnold, l'm aware.

But it takes money
to make money.

And this is a sure thing.
With this, I am guaranteed in the black.

And you. Your money, your interest
is in your pocket in full, on time.

No bullshit.

And this time,
I have great collateral.

Fifty-five Rolex watches.

You know the name,
now own the watch.

I know the name, Fred.

And your body is your collateral.

Oh.

Now, this does not change
our original contract.

Absolutely not.

Still owe me everything.
Absolutely.

In 30 days.
Thirty days.

FRED: This is it, your new factory
rented just for you.

Right here?

You see? This is why I'm studying to
become citizen of your great country.

In one day's time only,

a man can go from a mean
street corner like this one

to a tall skyscraping building
like that one.

What are you talking about?
Not the bank.

One-eighty, over here.

Huh?

Midtown, centrally located,

been here since 1902.

Beautiful, huh?

And a historic building.

Come on.

Huh?

It's unbelievable, isn't it?

They're gonna tear it down
in a couple of months.

Sweet-talked them into
a short-term lease.

Really?
Got it for a song.

It will work, though, right?

It's got everything we need.

It's got walls and windows.

Phone service.

All the square footage
you could ask for.

Hi.

FRED: Benny, I'd like you to meet
your production staff.

They're fast learners,
they're hard workers,

and, hey, minimum wage.

Now here's your budget
for tools and parts and all that.

I promised our staff
a three-course dinner.

Got my favorite table
reserved at McDonald's.

Excuse me?

How are you obtaining
this financial funding?

A little muscle,
a whole lot of hustle.

Everybody get a watch?

WOMAN: Yeah, I got a watch.

Come on, you like McNuggets?

BEN: Who is he?
FRED: Trust me.

JONES:
I don't believe it.

SAUNDERS:
Well, this is just great.

Just great. Who the hell are they?

Nobody's supposed to be here.

Slow down, Saunders.

God, I knew l should've
stayed away from this.

So leave. Go back to
your two-bit computer scam.

You were doing so good, huh? Huh?

All right. Now how much
time do we need?

Ha! You gotta be kidding.

We're not even past
utility lines yet.

The soil density is much lower
than l figured.

We're gonna have to start
shoring every five feet.

There's no way we'll ever get
to those jewels before...

How much time?

If we have to stop digging
for more than five days,

we'll never make it in time.

We gotta get them out of here or
we can kiss those diamonds goodbye.

Hey, Benny, where did you get
the idea for this thing?

Oh, no, no.
Split conductor cable, remember?

Mm-hm.

Before I arrived in the city,
I was working in Oregon for Nova Robotics.

Together with my friend,
Newton, we designed

and we built the real
Number Five robot.

Unfortunately,
the military got hold of him

and decided to use him as
a weapon of death and destruction.

You mean you were
making these things for real

and now you make toys
for a living? Gee.

Well, the real Number Five,
he malfunctioned and...

Well, let us just say that we
were separated from our jobs.

Well, when you have completed
this robot, we will have 25.

FRED:
Voila, my man.

Number 25.

Twenty-four.

Excuse me, sir, but we are
not open to the public.

Oh, hello. Can l...?

Hey, come on now, guys.

You're jumping the gun here.
Arnold said I got 29 more days.

Hey, watch the silk.

JONES:
Come on, let's do it.

Oh, no, sir, please, don't touch...

No, please, don't leave.

Don't forget the circuit... Tester.

BEN:
Not the circuit tester. Oh!

Oh, now, Fred, get up, you chicken.

You have to learn
to defend yourself.

But who would be doing this to struggling
business persons like ourselves?

I thought it was somebody l knew.
No, wait, sir, wait.

Oh, now, now we are unemployers.

Oh, look. We still got all of
the robot parts in the van.

I can get a new staff together.

We are having no more money
and now having no equipment.

To assemble the robots
with our naked hands,

it would be slower than
mole's asses in January.

Benny, you leave me
with my back to the wall here.

We gotta come up with something.
It's not possible.

We are people who have everything
in our favor going against us.

Look, look, how about this.

How about we go to the lady at Simpsons
and we beg for an advance?

I mean, we go in there and we grovel.
We look really pathetic.

MAN: Mountain Lion Air Freight.
We got a delivery for you.

Oh, yeah?

We've had enough deliveries
for one day, pal.

MAN: Mr. Benjamin Jarvee, right?
Jahrvi.

MAN: Yeah, we should leave
it out here or what?

Yeah, leave it out there.

Yeah, it is for you.
Who knows you're here?

I have only told
my friends in Montana.

I've never seen that
happen before.

What the hell is this crap?

Who is caring?
This crap is moving.

Hello, bozos.

Benjamin.

Oh, come here, give me a hug.
Oh, it's so good to see you.

Number Five.

For you from Stephanie.

All-natural granola brownies.
No preservatives or additives.

That's the real one.
That's the real Number Two.

Number Five.
Number Five.

Please, call me Johnny Five.
Johnny?

You've taken name for yourself?

I choose many things for myself,

but did not choose
traveling in a box.

I choose to fly tourist class,
but they say I'm cargo.

No movie, no magazine,
no bag of peanuts.

Yeah, but what are you doing here?
I am not understanding.

JOHNNY:
Oh, listen. Ahem.

Dear Ben,

we decided that the only way we
could help was to send Number Five

He can build your toy robot

But you know how crazy he is for
input so please keep an eye on him

Good luck
Love, Stephanie and Newton

Oh, Benjamin, this is your home?

Domicile? Flophouse?

Oh, Fred. Lady luck's here
sitting in our laps today.

She is, huh? You said this thing
misfunctioned on you.

Oh, that is a falsity.

What happened was
we were working on him one day.

Suddenly, he was
struck by lightning.

From this moment on,

he's having a mind of his own.

So the government tried
to destroy him so he ran away.

So now, he's living with my friend
in Montana,

in a cabin, in the woods, incognito.

Ooh! Input.
Hound of the Baskervilles

I think the chauffeur did it.

He did.

Hey, listen very carefully.

I am thinking we should not tell him
he is in major metropolitan area.

If he is discovering he's in whole city
full of input, he will go insanely crazy.

You mean this thing
just runs by itself?

JOHNNY:
Thing? An object without life?

A personal possession? Incorrect.

Johnny Five not a thing.
Yeah, right.

What I mean is,
is it remote-controlled or what?

Well...

You would not believe me, huh?

Number Five?

Hm?
Johnny Five.

Johnny is a very cute name, huh?
I like it.

Come here. Come on.

This is my friend, Fred.

Oh, hello, Fred.

No, over here, yeah.
Oh, right, sorry.

Perhaps Fred would like
a little demonstration

of how you will be
helping us out of this

sticky predicament we are
now stuck inside of.

Here, please assemble.
JOHNNY: Sure.

Okay, check diagram,

and keep fine tread assembly dry.

Okay and...

Insert Tab B into Slot B.
Whoa.

Don't forget the nernies.

This one's here.

Let's get part of that fused in.

It's me. Isn't that special?

We're home free.
It can build them all, right?

Mm-hm.

MAN 1:
What is it, Matumwa?

JOHNNY:
Okay now, the next set of parts.

Completed number 74, Benjamin.

Benjamin?

The government is divided
into three trees.

Branches.

Hmm.

WOMAN: We'll return to Tarzan The Fearless
after these messages

MAN: Like l said,
it's the all-new RadioShack stereo

And just look at these prices. Whoa!

I admit it. I need therapy

But till I'm cured, you can save big

So come on, come on

Take advantage of Manic Mike's
emotional problems

I just gotta sell, sell, sell

l can't help it. Look at me

l'm in a panic,
l'm frantic and l'm... manic

Whoa, nutso Hmm.

Interesting human.

It's incredible.

They have got a robot
doing all the work for them.

Operating completely unsupervised,

a totally mobile,
independent robotics system.

Saunders, are they
moving out or not?

What, are you kidding me?

The stuff we smashed is worth
nothing compared to that thing.

These guys must be loaded.

What are they doing in that building?
Probably bought the building.

Okay, so we get rid of the robot.

JOHNNY:
Benjamin.

Bwana Benjamin. Wake-up call.

JOHNNY: Up and at them, Benjamin.
Time for recharging.

BEN: Good morning.
Morning.

You have an alternative
power supply, huh?

Lithium-argon liquid battery,
good for 500 hours.

Improvement on your design.
Cut the bugs out.

Yes, and l am proud of you.
You removed your laser weapon, huh?

Weapon is to kill,
disassemble, make dead.

Unacceptable.

You have made many modifications
upon your person, huh?

You have come a long way from
the Defense Department prototype.

You betcha.
It's the all-new Johnny Five.

Just look at these items.

Increased memory,
500 megabytes online.

I come with a utility pack,
dozen gadgets for outdoor living,

Greenpeace stickers,
even my own Nike swoosh.

And if you act now,
I'll throw in absolutely free

my all-new multi-frequency
remote control.

You're a crazy man, huh?

FRED:
Hey, hey, hey.

Guys, I'm trying to sleep up here.

I can't help it. I'm in a panic.

I'm frantic and I'm... manic.

Hey, Fred, it is time to wake up, huh?
The early bird gets worms.

What is the time being?

Oh, 8:37 a.m. and 17 seconds.

Oh, my God.
Eighteen. Nineteen.

I'm suppose to go to Simpsons
to sign the papers.

Benjamin, l'll go with you.
I'd love more input.

No, Johnny Five, you...
You must wait here, huh?

It's... You stay here and...

There is nothing outside.
It is very boring out there.

Everything you need is here, huh?

I'll be back soon.
It is very boring out there.

No input, huh.
Boring, boring, boring.

Dubious.

Hard to believe.

Excuse me.
Oh.

Oh, hi.
Mr. Jahrvi, right?

Jahrvi, but you can
call me B-E-N. L spell it Ben.

Ben, hi. So how's it going?

Oh, great. Oh.
Yeah?

This for you.
Oh.

Ben, it looks great.
Thank you.

Hey, this looks even better
than your prototype.

So you can actually mass-produce with
this quality and still meet our deadline?

Yes.
Great, great.

So why don't you go down and see my
secretary about signing the papers?

I don't know why.

No, I mean, you should go.
Oh, I mean yes.

Yeah, okay, good.
Yes.

Well, so good luck with the
rest of them and be in touch.

Oh. Uh...

♪ Please won't you be
My neighbor? ♪ ♪

Hi, neighbor

I've been thinking about you

and I thought you might like
to see Hisher Boottrunk

Hisher is a ventriloquist's dummy
JOHNNY: Hm?

He isn't alive

l'm alive
I'm a human being like you

Hisher is made of
papier-mâché and wood,

and except for pretend,
Hisher doesn't have feelings

l have feelings

l have skin and bones..
Yeesh.

Hey, gently with the shirt.

That's my Bisana. Lt's a $190 shirt.

I got it for 45.50 off the truck.

Wanna hand me the Labatt's?

Sure.

Wouldn't want you
to strain yourself.

Can you say, "Thank you?"

Why don't you see if you can hunt up
more of those cashew nuts.

MR. ROGERS: Oh, there's
somebody at the door

Wash his socks, iron his shirts...

Jeez!

Just like animals in a jungle,
I swear to God.

The people in this city,
it's like back-to-the-trees time.

City?

I am in a city?

I didn't say that.
This is actually no place at all.

You shouldn't waste your time.
There's really nothing to see out there.

I mean... Yeah, you could see for yourself.
It's pretty dull.

JOHNNY:
Whoa! Hmm!

FRED: It's not much of a place to see,
really, is it?

Major metropolis.

FRED: Come on now.
We got toys to make.

Was not told I was in a city. Why?

Look, just get back to work.

You're ordering me?

I'm not slave-O-matic.
I'm Johnny Five. I'm alive.

Yeah, and my
Aunt Bertha's a toaster.

Come on, get to work.

No, thanks, I've never seen a city.

Time for sightseeing.
What do you need with sightseeing?

Excuse me.
Unh!

Wow!

Input.

Megabytes of input.

Oh, watch your toes.

Look at this place. It's amazing.

It's like Montana, only vertical.

Buildings, skyscrapers,
urban habitats.

L am impressed.

Oh. A mobile human.

Uch! Woman carrying
a dead animal.

Hm. Outdoor plumbing.

WOMAN:
It must be Candid Camera.

Oh, hot dogs.

Pork snouts, nitrites,
red dye number five.

Hello there, pedestrians, city dwellers,
young urban professionals.

Nice place you got here.

Whoa! Human porcupines.

Smile. Woo-hoo!

What's going on?

MAN: Okay, red to black,
red to black, red to black.

Red card.
Everybody can play this game.

Winners all the time. Here we go. Red
to black, red to black, red to black.

Red card, okay, pick a card.
JOHNNY: That one.

L win.

Hey, what the hell
am l looking at here?

WOMAN 2: Look, it's a droid.
Kiss off, geek, come on.

L did not win?
Hey, look, who's running this thing?

Get this ugly mother out of my face.
Out of my face.

Okay.
Well, excuse me for living.

MEN:
Los Locos kick your ass

Los Locos kick your face

Los Locos kick your balls
lnto outer space

Yo, that ain't gonna work
on this kind of lock, sucker.

Push on the window.
Push.

Push, man.

JOHNNY:
I'll unlock it.

A droid.
It's a droid.

Is it a cop, man?
No, man, l seen that shit before.

I've seen it too.

It's a... lt's a...

A Mitsubishi.
Not Mitsubishi.

Am Johnny Five.
It's talking, man.

Sure, sure, sure,
they all do that, man.

Hey, what are you doing here?

I'm sightseeing, but many
people are angry. Why?

That's your car, man?
Are you looking out for it?

No.
Come on.

Are you angry too?
No, man, no.

L wanna be your friend.

Listen, you can open
any car you want?

Sure.
Hey, you know, man.

You wanna help us out?

We got this big job, you know.

We go around looking
for old car stereos

that need to be, like, polished up
and repaired and stuff.

And that's what we do.

And then we put them back the cars
and everybody's happy.

Yeah, we work for the
Department of Car Stereo Repair.

Yeah, man, and we're
really overworked.

We got too many cars to do today.

See all those cars?
JOHNNY: Yeah.

We got to do all those cars.

We don't even get to go home
to see our families

and little babies and stuff.

Aww

ZORRO: ls it doing it?
L don't see nothing.

L think it split, man.

JOHNNY: l got radios, I got stereos,
I got tape decks and CDs.

Everything you need for
car sound system at low, low prices.

I can't help it, look at me,
I'm in a panic, l'm frantic and I'm:

Manic.

Hola, dude.

Check it out, man. Pretty nice, eh?

Por favor, need assistance
to find Benjamin and Frederick,

135 West Lafayette Boulevard.

Yeah.

Yeah, that's right across the street.
Oh.

What is this?
Some type of stunt?

A joke?
No humor is involved.

Collecting mucho input.
Urban input.

Hey, be careful.

Be careful. You really should
cross at the crosswalk.

You lost Number Johnny Five?
Hold it.

Now you stop backing up,
you untrustworthy person.

Now get up, get up.
L did not lose him.

He just ran out.
He went ape on me.

My friends have trusted me,
now l have lowered them down.

Your friends? What about me?
This is a major screwing up.

What about this business?
OSCAR: Excuse me.

L found this machine
across the street.

Number Johnny Five.

Am l not telling you not
to go outside of doors?

Outside of doors is city.

Awesome input.
You did not tell me.

You have been vandalized
all over yourself.

No, decorations.
Multi-colored petroleum by-products.

Los Locos kick your ass
Los Locos kick your face

Los Locos kick your balls
lnto outer space

Number Johnny Five.
Uh-oh.

Come on, I will clean you up.
But...

If you had a mouth,
I'd wash it out with soap.

But l...

You really saved our bacon there.
Thanks a lot.

That thing is remarkable.

Is it yours?
Yeah, there's only one and we got it.

Yeah, we're using it to build
this fine line of quality toys.

That's very nice.
Isn't that cute?

Oh, my name is Oscar Baldwin.
L work at the bank across the street.

L thought this building
had been vacated.

Maybe you'd like to join the
Neighborhood Merchants' Association.

I happen to be the membership
committee chairman.

We're on a short-term lease.
We'll be gone in a month.

You have removed 57 car stereos

Uh-huh.
From automobiles?

What? You were out
ripping stuff off?

Not ripping, unscrewing.

I helped my friends,
the Department of Car Stereo Repair.

Sick dummy, you were
boosting car stereos.

Stealing, okay? You were stealing.
You got fingerprints?

No, he doesn't.
Stealing?

To take another person's property
without permission unlawfully?

But they said it's their job.
Tomorrow they'll put them back.

No, they scammed you.
See, they tricked your ass.

I've got more brains in my left nostril
than he's got in his whole erector set.

L was tricked? Flimflammed?

Hornswoggled?
You see, this is not the countryside.

This is the cityside.

There are very many people here
and people here are very complicated.

I should know. L spent
my entire lifetime

as one and still I do
not understand them.

Now, please, will you stay inside?

Okay.
Okay, thank you.

Let's go, Saunders.
I think l'm allergic to this stuff.

Oh, come on.

WOMAN: Key is in the ignition
Key is in the ignition

Get it.
I got it.

Dear Stephanie,
the toys are almost done.

This city is nice, but people
here get angry easily.

Maybe they need
more fiber in their diet.

Or maybe it's just me.

Love, Johnny.

P.S., enclosed is something
called a chili dog.

Hm. Masks? Disguises?

Excuse me, gentlemen,
our showroom closes at 6.

Hey. Ow!

Come on. Let's get that craphead.

A-ha.

Have a seat, gentlemen.

Why are you angry? Why try
to disassemble Johnny Five?

Bad humans.

BOTH:
Whoa!

Please allow me to demonstrate
the law of centrifugal force.

Please return your seat backs and tray
tables to their full upright positions.

Preparation for landing.

Robot ejects prowlers, film at 11.

Yeehaw!

To the moon, Alice.

Who are these masked men
and what do they want?

Does everybody get
treated this way?

Now we gotta get
a security system.

Security system? Sure.

♪ R-E-S-P-E-C-T
That is what I'd like for me ♪

Johnny Five, lower your volume. L cannot
hear myself forgetting what I'm studying.

Makes me unable even to remember the
name of Warren G. Harding. Harding?

Johnny.

Hi, Oscar.
I... I...

I thought this would interest you.

Sightseeing tips.
Lots of input.

Oscar, thank you.

And I'll read it again later.

Found one for you.
Great.

Got it?
Yep.

Hello there.

L just thought I'd drop off
that application for you.

Oh, yeah, thanks,
I'll get to it right away.

What's he doing anyway?

Making homemade contraption
to protect my friends.

Let me ask you.
How does that thing work?

You operate it by remote control?
No, you just talk to it.

Absolutely amazing.

L know a little bit about computers,

and we'd expect to pay no less than
a half a million for something like him.

Johnny Five total value,
$11,002,076.17.

Ha, ha!
Eleven million dollars, you see.

And well worth it.

Capable of doing anything,
and a marvelous personality to boot.

Thank you, Oscar. Adios.

L like Oscar. He's friendly.
And he treats me with:

♪ R-E-S-P-E-C-T ♪

♪ Sock it to me, sock it to me,
Sock it to me ♪

BEN: Amendment two,
a right to have bare arms.

All right, what's the deal here?
What?

I'm talking about a robot
worth 11 million bucks?

Yeah, so?
So, Benny.

Why are we killing ourselves
making toys for a lousy 50 grand?

Why don't we sell the big one?
What? This is not possible.

For very personal reasons.

Number Johnny Five cannot
be sold in any way howsoever.

Am l making myself
completely transparent to you?

Oh, yeah, transparent as hell.

Out of all the partners
I could've picked,

l get the one that
doesn't wanna be rich.

Of course, if everybody was rich
then everybody would have a Bisana.

Benny, hey. Grab your jacket,
I'm taking you to lunch.

I've been thinking about
this girl, Sandy.

You have?

And how she's got
your jeans steaming.

Oh, no, that's not true.

It's always a surprise,
the kind of guys they go for.

You'd think it'd be
somebody like me, right? No.

It always turns out to be
a guy just like you.

BEN: But she's not even recognizing me
when she's seeing me.

I'm telling you.
You know what you got to do?

You got to break it up
with a little small talk.

You know, small talk?

First, start out by talking
about the weather.

Then you move on to complimenting
her shoes or her earrings.

Then you can move on to
something a little more personal.

Tell her you find yourself fascinated
by her hypnotic blue eyes.

I paid yesterday.
Bill's gonna pick it up today.

WOMAN: Who?
Hey, Bill. How you doing?

Good game. Great game.

A fine, fine young athlete.
I'm with him.

Hypnotic blue eyes.
Hypnotic blue eyes.

Yeah, that sounds good.
That sounds real good.

You're on a roll.
Know what I'd do if I were you?

What?
I'd go see Sandy today.

Today?
Absolutely.

Yeah, right after lunch.

I'm not that hungry myself.
I can go take care of the store.

You go for the groceries.
I'll cover for you.

Go for it.
You think so?

FRED: Absolutely.
Thank you, Fred.

Sandy Banatoni.

FRED: Come on, J. Five, l got some people
that are dying to meet you.

Frederick, I have an important question.
Why do humans not like me?

Call me craphead?
They like you.

They like you.
Craphead is a compliment.

Oh.

JOHNNY:
Check it out. Major input.

Frederick, wait here.
I'll be right back after these words.

Input, input, input. Whoo!

No, look out.

Input!

Input.
Watch it, hold it.

Input. Treasure Island

Origin of The Species

Everything You Always Wanted
To KnowAbout Sex. Hm.

Five?

Ahh. More.

Fabulous.

JOHNNY: That was good.
L like that one, that one too.

Boring.

The movie was better.

These two are wonderful.

Five, what are you doing?
You're gonna get us busted here.

Frederick, l must read
these two books very carefully.

Two excellent books.
May l have these, craphead?

Five, come on, we gotta go.
Hm? But, Fre...

Do you see those
two guys down there?

They wanna take
your books away.

Nice going, ace.
Read any good books lately?

Oh, yes, l covered many great subjects.
Philosophy, art, religion, aerobics.

But, Frederick,
there's so many more.

L could do the whole store
in 35 minutes.

Give me a break.

L got you some input, didn't I?
Now do something for me.

Okay.
And watch the shirt.

Silk.
Yeah, damn right.

From the Bombyx mori
moth caterpillar, or silkworm.

L don't care.

Come on, we'll gonna be late.

This is far too risky.
I mean, broad daylight.

JONES: All three of them are gone.
It's the only chance we'll get.

We'll be out of here
in under two minutes.

L used to do this for a living.
It'll be a controlled fire.

JOHNNY:
Ladies and gentlemen

Direct your attention to the person
or persons attempting illegal entry

here at 135 West
Lafayette Boulevard

They are criminals, thugs,
bad dudes, desperados

So get the police,
the Lone Ranger, Dirty Harry,

Mean Joe Greene, the Green Berets,
the Green Hornet. Woo-hoo!

No, it can't be.

The Nova project was scrapped
and the robots were destroyed.

I'm telling you. It's a Nova robot.

JOHNNY: Follow the red card.
Winners all the time.

Everybody's a winner.
Follow the red card, red or black.

Follow the red card,
not the black card.

Everybody step right
up, take a chance.

No, it's just that me and Ben Jahrvi,
he's my partner.

We've got...
Ben Jahrvi?

Yeah.
Ben Jahrvi.

Wasn't he with Nova Robotics?
He was Newton Crosby's partner.

MAN:
Whatever happened to those guys?

They were supposed to be
such hotshot engineers.

WOMAN:
Incredible adaptability.

It's a breakthrough
in artificial intelligence.

Hi.
Very impressive, Mr...

Ritter, Fred Ritter, nice to meet you.
Ritter, huh?

You say it's not
remote control but

how else can you get such
a range of abilities?

Corporate secrets,

which I will, of course,
explain in detail once we have a sale.

That is, if you're interested.

Well, yes, of course
we are interested.

Sale, contract by which ownership
of property is transferred.

What property is for sale?

Well, you, l hope.

Fred wants to sell me?

Come on, it's just a figure of speech.
Am not property, Frederick.

One whose person is under control
of another as master is a slave.

That's all we need.
A robot who's into equal rights.

Five, if you blow this,
I'll pull your head off.

I swear to God I will.

But they cannot purchase me,
cannot, l am alive.

I'm endowed by my creator
with certain inalienable rights...

Falling 32 feet per second.
Unacceptable.

Better hurry before I make
a big hit on Broadway. Whoo.

Steady. Watch the trim.

Oh, it's great up here.

No problems.

MAN:
Look, look up there.

WOMAN:
What is that? Look at that thing.

MAN 2: Some kind of a bird.
MAN 1: No, it's a hang-glider.

L wish l were a bird.

The chrome-breasted input eater.

Dream on, Johnny.

Landing area, six o'clock.

Beginning final approach.

Hm. What's this?

Oh, aesthetic input.
Sculptures, modern art.

Hmm. An early Brancusi?

Please, darling, it's a Hankoff.
It's gaunt, angular...

Repulsive.

Hm?

What do you think, Mr. Slater?
We can call it Funny Fingers.

Sandy, now you've been
with us how long?

Two months, and you
still haven't found

one item I'd even
consider carrying.

The robots, sir. L found those.

Where are they?
You're dealing with a street hustler.

Come on, Sandy, get with it.
He's not a hustler.

He's a robotics engineer.

He worked for the government.

He's very, very business-like.
A total professional.

Pardon.

Um... Delivery boy.

Oh.
Sorry.

That was my boss.
Sorry.

Yeah, now listen, Ben,
what's going on with those robots?

We're getting close
to the deadline.

We're manufacturing them
like gang-bangers.

Busters. Gangbusters.

Busters.
Yeah.

Okay, good. Good.

Totally professional.
L knew l could count on you.

Ben, I can count on you, can't I?

Sandy, that Pogo Stick guy
is waiting for you upstairs.

Oh. Um...

l gotta run.

Contact me as soon as the

complete shipment
is ready, okay?

Sandy?

Excuse me, it's time to tell you
something which is very important.

Yeah.
L have a need to explain.

Oh, God.

There's a problem, isn't there?

You're not gonna be able
to make the robots on time?

L knew it, l knew it.

Mr. Slater, he tells us
don't take chances, so I don't,

and I take a chance and then...

No, please, everything's okay.

This is not my current
discussion of topic.

Ben, then what is?

Well...

l am wishing to say there is
a great deal of weather today.

Hey, you know you have
attractive shoes and earrings.

Thank you.

L am fascinated
by your hypnotic blue eyes.

L mean brown.

They're brown. Ben...

It's small talk.

Chatchit to increase
the relationship.

Oh, no. Ben, you don't
have to make small talk.

We're already in business,
but what you do

have to make are those
damn little robots.

And l really got to run, so why

don't you go back to work, okay?

Yes, l shall be damn sure telling you
when the robots are to be completed.

To damn to be harder.

Hmm. Maybe a new
wardrobe would help.

Sixty regular.

Great fit. Fashion statement.

Mixing in with
all the other living bipeds.

I'm just like you,
except I'm from out of town.

GIRL: Look at him.
JOHNNY: They're buying it.

Wow!

Ohh. Beautiful architecture.
Edifice, Romanesque.

JOHNNY:
Yes.

Ohh.

Can someone direct me
to the answers, please?

Oh, maybe that's where
the answers are.

Hello.

Yes, my child?
Hello.

Need input.

Input, well,
that's what I'm here for, son.

People dislike me.
Call me droid, ugly, mother...

My goodness. Well, I've been
called a few names myself.

I understand it. It always hurt.

We all want to be liked.

But it doesn't really matter
what people think of you.

It doesn't?
No.

What matters is what you do,
how you live

what the Lord thinks about you.

We're all equal before him.

All equal?

But l'm different. I'm a...

No, you're not.

No matter what you may have done,
you're as deserving as anyone else.

You possess the immortal soul.
That makes you equal.

Soul?

Yes, input from Bible,
Koran, Upanishads.

Well, l lean towards
the Bible, myself.

I possess immortal soul?
Of course you do, my son.

You're human, right?
No, I'm a machine.

But l am alive.

Now this is confession.
You don't

play games in the house of God.

Not games. Have

questions, need answers.

Fine, then come to confession
yourself. Don't send a machine.

You can't confess
by remote control.

Now, out. Get out.

O'MALLEY:
Hey, look at that thing over there.

MENDEZ: You think that's the

boozer that trashed
the bookstore?

How many of these could there be?
Hm.

All right, fun's over.

Oh, police officer.

Can you answer questions for me?
Just the facts.

Whoever's running this thing,
this is the police, come out now.

But l am out. Here l am.

Listen up now.
We got complaints on this thing.

Complaints? L did something wrong?
Hey!

All right.
Ooh!

O'MALLEY:
This is your last chance.

Either you come out now or we're
impounding this piece of equip...

But l am not equipment.

Am passerby,
man on street, average Joe.

Is this thing for real?
Sure.

I'm just on my way to
pick up the kids and my wife.

Yeah, my wife, Morgan Fairchild.

Yeah, that's the ticket. Ohh.

You will book me, Danno?

I will make your day?

Do not pass go?
I'm underage, you know.

MENDEZ:
Okay, hold it there.

Mug shots?

The chief said get
a photo record of it.

What are we supposed to do?
This jail is for human beings.

They may be scum,
but they're human beings.

But l am alive.
Read my lip lights.

L think, therefore l am.

Take it down to stolen goods.

L am not stolen goods.
Out!

But hath not a robot eyes,
hath not a robot hands?

Organs, dimensions,
senses, affections, passions?

Lf you prick us, do we not bleed?

Yeah, battery fluid, maybe.

Let me get this straight.

You tried to sell
Number Johnny Five?

Yeah. But it fell through.

So where is he now?

L lost him.
Oh, l see.

So you lost him. Oh, well.

Hey, take it easy.
L just misplaced him, you know.

Like your car keys, your...

How are you misplacing
a 700-pound car key?

Don't come any closer.
You coward.

Dirty old snake in the grass.

Benjamin Jarvee?
Jahrvi.

Oh, hello.

BEN:
Stolen goods warehouse?

He's looking to you
like a household appliance?

Number Johnny Five.

Are you operational?
Say something to me.

Hubcaps, corn dog, soul.

What is this?

He is delicate equipment.

A completely unique self-mobile
microcomputer robotics system.

Yeah, we thought it was that.

Okay, Johnny Five, you're free to go.
Okay.

BEN: What are these foolish

clothings you're wearing?

Attempt to look human,
fit in, belong.

Unsuccessful.

Now, when people are looking
at you, they see a machine,

so they are treating you
like a machine.

But this causes
strange feeling, emotion.

It's not good.
What emotion is this?

It feels like desert, wasteland.

Can you explain a little
more explicitly, please?

Unpleasant, hollow, cold.

Is it loneliness?
Loneliness, solitude.

Yes, l have read
about this in many books.

Francis Bacon said:

"A crowd is not
company, and faces

are but a gallery of pictures."

Oh, well, you're hitting the nail
right between the eyes.

Johnny Five, you should become
accustomed to this feeling

because this is the way
life is being usually.

Since I am leaving India,

l too am having much
loneliness in this lifetime.

You're having loneliness too?
But you're human.

Well, yes, humans are
everywhere, this is true.

But for just two of these humans to be
getting together to not to be lonely,

it is very, well...

Complicated?
Correct.

Because out of all these humans,

there is only one that I am wanting
to be the yin for my yang.

Which one human?

Sandy Banatoni, the human.

Oh.

Oh, every time I'm being near her,
I sweat in the palms.

The duckbumps, l am so...

Like a sweaty duck.
No.

Afraid. Afraid to be rejected.

Rejection makes you lonely?

Oh, yes.

You see, we have
much in common.

You are lonely because no one
is believing you are alive

and I am lonely because Sandy
Banatoni is not knowing l'm alive.

But, Benjamin, I can help you.

Oh, no, no, no,
I am completely un-helpable.

I cannot be a fast-talking
socially-type person.

But in the bookstore,
I scanned many megabytes

on male-female relationships,
courtship and dating rituals,

romance novels, poetry.

I could give you input.

Number Johnny Five,
you would be doing this for me?

Why, yes. You're my friend.

Oh, that is wonderful.

If you are even just helping me to speak
to Sandy, well, I am jumping with joy.

Well, hey, give me five, hombre.

Why, yes, and give me the three.
Oh.

MAN: No, catch fish fresh every day.
WOMAN: No, those fish are old.

SAUNDERS: Look, you have no
background in this field at all.

There is no way to get
that robot to do what we want.

Sounds like a pretty good idea to me.
We sure as hell can't get rid of it.

We can't even get our asses
into the goddamn building,

so why shouldn't we get
the robot to help us?

It's a "computer." It probably has
custom operating system.

Hey, you're the expert.

The jewels go to the museum
in two days.

We're flat out of time, buddy.
So, what's your brilliant plan?

Exactly. There is no other plan.

This will be our only opportunity.

Now you two just keep that Indian fella
and his partner out of that building.

Let me deal with the robot.

BEN: You have selected an
appropriate location for my date?

JOHNNY:
Yes, right on Sandy's way home.

I also remembered
another great book:

Dating Do's and Don'ts
for Modern Teens

BEN:
Are you able to hear me?

Are you able to hear me?

Ten-four, good buddy.

Ah. And with a wave
of my magic antenna...

JOHNNY:
Presto.

Go, go, go. Now.

Do it.
Okay, okay.

Lord Rama.

DRIVER: The ignition system's
fouled up somehow. Sorry, folks.

Ben?

Oh, the Sandy. Sandy,
what a coincidence you're here.

SANDY: This is so weird I
was just thinking about you

And now here you are
BEN: Yes, uh...

"Say there, Sandy, isn't that a
swell dress you're wearing tonight?"

Thanks.

"lf it is okay with
your mom and pop,

would you like to go to a malt shop
for a cheeseburger?"

Uh, sure. Why not?
Ohh.

SANDY:
A malt shop?

BEN: Well, Hungarian malts.
Very good

Oh, no. It's a better view.

Isn't it strange we should
be meeting like this?

Meet, closeness, proximity, yes.

Well, "the goal of two ones who
share proximity on a physical plane"

is to achieve a double oneness
on the metaphysical plane."

Ben, don't go weird on me.

Just tell me you are making the robots
and everything is really okay, right?

"Say, doll, this mug's got
more moves than you got curves.

L cracked that case hours ago."

Does that mean you're done?
On time, like l wanted?

Yes, definitely.
Yes?

Great. Great.

SANDY: I'll arrange to have
them picked up tomorrow

This is terrific I know they're gonna
sell l have a good feeling about this

And, you know,
this is great for me too

I mean, especially at
this stage of my career.

Stage. Oh, that's a good one.

"Oh, well, I am thinking
all the world is a stage."

SANDY:
Yeah?

Well, yeah
JOHNNY: Hey.

SANDY: Yeah.
BEN: All the world is a stage

JOHNNY:
Get off, get off.

You know Shakespeare?

"Are you troubled by irregularity?"

JOHNNY: Hey, get off,
Felix, Sylvester, Garfield.

Do l look like a mouse?

Well, "it takes a tough man
to make a tender chicken."

Ben, you're not doing
any drugs, are you?

I mean...
Oh, no, no, no.

L just knew this guy
once who started talking

like you before he
decided he was God.

God.
God?

Jehovah, Krishna, Lord of Lords.
L think he needs some coffee.

French now, huh?

Every time l meet you, l think to myself,
"ls he naturally this eccentric?

Or is this just an act or what?"
Hey! Move those balloons.

Move them.
I mean, what are you really like?

Oh. L see. No answer to that one.

Why are guys like that?

Go on.
L've never been able to figure it out

SANDY: And all the guys I ever
met were exactly the same way.

When talking about themselves.
Me?

SANDY:
Their feelings and stuff.

Yeah, you.

SANDY: It's really irritating,
I just don't get it at all.

Okay.

Guys just smile.

Wait. L know a little Spanish.

Oh, no, no, no.

My mother sleeps with your dog?

Oh, no.

Well, that's an expression
in my country

where sometimes
we are speaking Spanish.

It does not mean that your mother is
sleeping with my dog. Oh, no, no.

It means that the people that she is
sleeping with, they are like dogs.

L mean that they are friendly and loyal.
Oh, no, what a maroon.

I think l better go.

Oh, no, no. L am...

Please, l am sorry, huh?

L am confessing to you now, Sandy.

Everything that l have been saying, it
has been coming to you not from me,

but from my friend who has been
controlling remotely the sign.

You mean you've had
someone prompting you?

Yes, please, l must escape
this embarrassment.

Don't. No, no, wait.

Sit. Please, sit down

Do you mean that you're
interested in me personally?

Yes.

So that's what's been going on.

You've been trying so hard.

Ben, the expense alone.

Well, l am wanting so much to be able
to speak to you with my tongue untied.

It's really sweet.

You could've just told me.

So, what do we talk about now?

Well, do you like music?

No, no, no.
Don't tell me, don't tell me.

This, this, this one is "Bo Diddley"
performed by Mr. Diddley himself.

What year?
Nineteen...

Fifty-five.
Fifty-five.

Oh, that's great.

Yes, I think this Mr. Diddley person
did more for this country

than Warden D. Hardon.

Harding. Harding.

SANDY:
It's okay, Ben.

Oh, my, how time is fun
when you're having flies, huh?

Wait, l know this great
all-night rock 'n' roll place.

An after-hours club.
You up for it?

Oh, yes, I am in all directions
for it most definitely.

We need a cab.
No, l will get it, allow me, sir.

Ma'am. Pardon me. Taxi, taxi.

God, you can't even get
a cab in this city.

Oh, did l startle you?
What is that?

What is what?
That.

There are 2312 taxicabs
in this city.

And there's one now.
Hey, taxi, cab.

And bull's eye.

SANDY:
Ben, what the hell is that?

It looks a giant one of your toys.
Yeah, well...

But yes, it does, doesn't it?

Ben, will you please tell me
what that thing is?

Thank you for stopping.

Please.
Excuse me.

Number Johnny Five.

Thank you, friend.

Now, you go back home.
Okay.

JOHNNY: Okay, all loaded.
One thousand toy robots.

Is that it, Robby?
Mm-hm.

You enjoying planet Earth?

What?

Take me to your leader.
Oh, what's this?

Hey.

This is XL-7, over and out.

Hmm.

Oh, Oscar. Hola, dude.

What's happening?

Number Johnny Five,

the date was

such a success.

We talked.

We danced.

We drank champagne.

Well, she sure came through
with the money.

Benny, our first big score.

Look at that,
half those zeroes are yours.

Come on, you're gonna hold
a grudge all your life?

Be happy. We're finally making it.

Oh, no. No, no way.

Who are you guys, anyway?

Five?
Number Johnny Five?

JOHNNY: Oh, Oscar, you're
such a friendly guy.

L always enjoy talking to you.

Well, I've always enjoyed
talking to you.

But you know something, Johnny?

I'm worried about our friends,
Benjamin and Frederick.

Huh? Frederick is not my friend.

Well, to be perfectly honest,
l never liked him either.

But Benjamin is our friend, right?
True blue.

Now, with all the break-ins,
the vandalism,

the sudden attacks
by those thugs,

you and I have to make sure
Benjamin is safe.

Okay.

Now, across the street out there
is a little secret room

that l happen to know about,
and it's a perfect hiding place.

And I thought Benjamin could use
an escape tunnel to that room

in case those villains come back.

L worked it out in intricate detail.

It's taken me a long time,
let me tell you.

Borrowing the blueprints,
purchasing equipment.

Here, let me show you.

All right, get in there.

Oh, dear.
FRED: l get it.

Industrial espionage.

See, we got a hot toy,
so the big boys want it, right?

Relax, get comfortable.
You're gonna be here for a while.

Somebody will let you out
Monday morning.

FRED:
Oh, yeah?

You screw around
with Johnny Five,

he'll knock you into
the next zip code, pal.

Hey, the robot's working
for us now, pal.

And when he's finished, we're gonna
turn him to aluminum siding.

No, sir, please.

Now, l wonder if you would help me

finish my hiding place

for our friend, Benjamin.

Certainly, Oscar. I'd detach
my right arm for Benjamin.

And my let arm, or both arms.

Oh, wait.

Subterranean excavation
requires many permits.

Department of Water,
telephone company.

City planners.
L have them, every single one.

Okay.

Low bridge.

This place is a mess.

Okay.

I'm sorry l tried to sell
your goddamn robot, okay?

It was a dirty trick.
I'm a jerk, l'm a sleazeball.

Yeah, you're getting warmer.

It's just that when you owe
as much money as I do,

it kind of puts you under pressure.

And who would be foolish enough
to loan money to you?

Don't rub it in.
I had to go to a shark.

Oh, dear, and now you're expecting me to
believe you borrowed money from a fish?

No, no, no, a loan shark.

It's somebody,
you don't pay them back

they start removing popular parts
of your anatomy.

This shark money, it is what
you have used to help me?

L did it to help us, give us
our big break, you know?

You are risking your popular
body parts to start our business?

Yeah. Yeah, only then,
l got greedier.

I mean, come on,
a robot worth 11 million bucks.

L couldn't stand it.

L should've known it wouldn't work.

That thing ran me all over to hell
and gone, which l deserve, I admit.

How do you control it, though?

Really, Benny, that thing
doesn't work so good.

Well, there is something
in which I have not told you also.

The reason that it is
so difficult to control

is because it is just like you and l.

What are you talking about?

I mean, it is making a lot of
mistakes because it is alive.

Alive?

OSCAR:
l know what it's like for Benjamin,

working long hours
for very little compensation.

L work all day with
other people's money.

"Look, but don't touch.
Don't make mistakes."

They treat me like a machine.

Like a machine?

This gives you bad emotion.

Loneliness, unhappiness.

Oh, Oscar. Come here, come here.

L understand.

So those two dickheads out there,
if they smash Johnny Five up,

or they shut him down
or something, he'll be dead?

Lf he's losing his power, yes.

That's it.
We gotta get out of here.

The two of us together, we can take it.
BEN: That's right.

One shot, mind over matter.
You ready?

I'm ready, I'm definitely ready.
On three, one, two, three.

Oh.

Well, my mind is not getting
over that matter.

That is for certain.

Oh, good golly, I just remembered.

L am now missing my
second date with Sandy.

Oh, no.

Ugh. Squid. L need squid.

Wait a minute.
Wait a minute, they screwed up.

What?
Look.

"Doo Wah's
Chinese Restaurant and Deli."

There's the address right there.
We know where we are.

But to whom are we to tell
this earthquaking news?

Right.

Doesn't help us to save
Number Johnny Five.

No, we may be too late.
We've been here for hours.

It's unfortunate we are not carrying
a telephone with us.

Oh, well, I left mine in the Mercedes.
No, l am speaking seriously.

There's a telephone line here. I could
wire in the telephone most easily.

Hey, Benny, well,
can't you use that?

I mean, you're a
high-tech kind of a guy.

Well, can't you make something?

You know, send them
Morse code or something?

JOHNNY:
♪ Johnny's in the tunnel with Oscar ♪

♪ Digging 10 feet below ♪

♪ Johnny's in the tunnel
With Oscar ♪

Juicy Fruit.

To hold the wire in place.

All right.

911.

Oh, Bharma, please.

Oh, ringing. It is ringing.

Ringing again.

And someone has picked up.
Now quickly, tell me the code.

This Morse code.
L don't know it.

What do you mean?
L thought you knew.

No, that means...

What kind of electronics
genius are you?

I am meaning technically.
How am l supposed to know the code?

I can't believe you...
Oh, dear.

What is that?
The Beach Boys, 1964.

"Help Me, Rhoda."
Rhonda.

Well, I'm studying popular
music so I can increase

my relationships and
communications with Sandy,

who l'll probably never
be seeing again.

Wait a minute.

Fred has this weird idea.

♪ I don't know why ♪

♪ But I'm feeling so sad ♪

♪ I long to try something I ♪

Is this gonna work?
Yes, yes.

I think she will understand.
She's

very knowledgeable
in this field.

Does she have an
answering machine?

Oh, yes.

Greetings.
Hello, l'm Sandy Banatoni.

I'm not here right now,
but please leave message.

I'll get back on you soon as I return,
but wait for the beeping beep.

Beep, all right, first one.
Beep, yes, right.

BOTH: ♪ Help me, Rhonda
Help, help me, Rhonda ♪

♪ Oh, where can you be? ♪

♪ Help me, Rhonda ♪
♪ Seven-eight-seven ♪

♪ Eight-eight-nine-seven-four ♪

JOHNNY: ♪ Camptown robot sing
this song Doo-da, doo-da ♪

♪ Think this tunnel's five miles long
Oh, doo-da day ♪

♪ Gonna dig all night, gonna... ♪

Whoa.

Madson steel alloy, A-450.

I'll dig around it.
No.

No, no, it's okay, it's okay.

Oh, yes, yes.

This is the secret room.

Now, l had planned to make
an entrance with a cutting torch,

but perhaps you have
a faster way, huh?

Entrance, portal.
Right.

A hole.
Yes.

DJ:
Hey, good morning out there

You're tuned to Daddy-O's Patio,
with stacks of wax

and golden-oldie platter chatter too,
and we've got lots more on tap...

What the hell?

Wait a minute. Ben?

Stand back, please. My plasma
cutter's dangerous to humans.

SANDY:
Yeah, turn here, l think.

♪ They say the neon lights are bright
On Broadway ♪

Broadway, it's gotta be it.
Keep going.

Excuse me, but if you are worried
for your friend to be safe,

why have you not call the police?

Oh, l called and they said
that technically, he's just missing.

Technically, he has to be missing for 24
hours before he's officially missing.

But l know something's wrong.
L just know it.

We have come to Broadway.
Is it a left or right that I would hang?

Wait.

BOTH:
♪ You can always go downtown ♪

Downtown, take a left.
Hurry up, please.

We may not have much time.

Okay, okay, okay, Ben,
Broadway's a long street.

♪ Sixteen candles... ♪

Tony Romeo and The Crests.
16th Street.

That's it, 16th street. Go, go, go.

Hurry, hurry, please.
Can't you go any faster?

Lf you get a ticket, I'll pay for it.
Move, lady, move.

Okay, rocking lady, 16th Street.
Next song, please.

Where'd you learn all this stuff?
Leningrad black market.

Everything from ABBA to ZZ Top.

Oh, what is this?

You don't know this one?
Otis Redding, "Dock of the Bay."

"Dock of the Bay," of course.
"Dock of the Bay."

Go towards the docks.
Okey-dokey.

Lucy, I'm home.

Oh, my God.

Ohh!

Oh! You're incredible.

Now, this is the room,
the hiding place for Benjamin.

Isn't it wonderful?

Oscar, hiding place is bank vault,
Heimdall bank vault.

Well, yes, yes, of course.

That's the whole idea, see?

What could be safer than a safe?

But isn't that...?

Now we need to do
just one more thing.

We need to clear out
all my old junk here.

Open this box.

But, Oscar, cutting hole in bank vault
is not damage? Vandalism?

Don't be ridiculous.
L own this vault.

You can't vandalize something
that's already yours.

Come on, come on.
Well, all right.

Hold this.

Now open this.
Okay.

JOHNNY:
Whoa!

Precious stones. Diamonds.

The Vanderveer Collection.

This is your old junk?

Yup. Excuse me.

Oscar owns the
Vanderveer Collection?

Yes.
What? Oscar.

DRIVER:
"Louie, Louie."

SANDY:
No, no, it's doo-doo-something.

Doo-doo-run-run.

Doo, Doo...

"Doo Wah Diddy," "Doo Wah Diddy."
Yeah, yes.

What the hell's a "Doo Wah Diddy?"

"The warmth in your heart
makes others happy."

l still like this one.

"Opportunity is waiting.
You need but to open the door."

Arm yourself.

Hi.

It's coming, and it's
smarter than I thought.

Get ready.
We should take the damn robot too.

OSCAR:
Don't be absurd.

But taking jewels without permission
is stealing, boosting, ripping off...

Whoa, whoa! Aah!

You missed him, you missed him.
It's half-busted, we'll finish it off.

You idiots! You don't even know
what you're chasing.

Artificial intelligence...
Will you shut up?

JOHNNY:
No.

Help. Police.

Must find policeman.

Constable, gendarme.
MAN: Hey.

OSCAR:
Hurry up, we gotta get him.

Police, police station. Which way?

Hey.

MAN:
Oh, God. Oh, God.

SAUNDERS:
Where is he?

You have some explaining to do.
Aah! Do something.

Oscar, enlighten me. Why try
to disassemble Johnny Five?

Et-gay arce-scay.

JOHNNY: What? Is your
speech program scrambled?

What?
Et-gay arce-scay.

Et-gay ehind-bay im-hay!

Oh, right. I'm scared.

We better go.
Oh, shit, yeah, yeah.

I'm scared, let's get out of here.
Scared.

Oscar, l do not understand this input.

What language are
you speaking, Oscar?

Oh! Ow!

Hey, no. No, wait.

Aah!
OSCAR: Hit it.

Wreck it, wreck it. Don't you get it?

It's a witness. It can identify us.

No, stop. Please.

Not just machine... Ow!

Not disassemble. Am alive, can die.

Smash the damn thing!
JOHNNY: No, no, please.

Am alive.

No, stop.

No, do not kill me. Aah!

No.
OSCAR: It's still moving.

Get it. Hit it, hit it.

Hit it.
No.

OSCAR:
Rip it apart. Take its head off.

Hit it. Finish it off.

Hey, what the hell?

Come back here.

MAN:
Hey, come back here.

OSCAR:
That's it. Good. Good.

OSCAR:
Look out.

SAUNDERS:
Hey, those things can kill you.

Come on.

Number Johnny Five?

Johnny?

Fred. Fred, check outside.

Where is he?

A secret, sliding,
descending staircase.

Johnny Five? Number Johnny Five?

Police, hands in the air.
What is the meaning of...?

OFFICER: I said don't move. Stand
apart now. Do it now. I said now.

Read him his rights.

Have you seen a robot about this big?
Looks like a metal grasshopper.

No grasshopper today, huh?

J. Five.

Hey, stop.

FRED:
Oh, God.

What did they do to you?

L can't. L can't.

The cops have got him.

Me? Me? Fix?

How? With what?

"Purple?" The purple wires,
twist them back together?

Lo hell, bozo. Hello, "zobo."

Hello, bozo.

Thank God. Are you okay now?

No. Backup power "ingo."

Going.

Well, can't you just
plug it into the wall?

Main "werpow..."

Power circuits are severed.
Must lectrico...

Reconnect main battery. I know, open.
Open quick like a bunny.

Oh, God, you're bleeding.

Yes, battery fluid. Fluid, fluid, fluid.

Oh, no, Fred, not your "shilk sirt."
Silk shirt.

Ombyx mori...
Forget it.

I think l got you bandaged.
You gonna be okay now?

No. Must repair wiring to memory.

My memory is me.

If it loses power I die.

Expire. Buck the "kicket."

Yeah.

Just tell me what to do.

First, get soldering iron.

Iron, iron, iron. Thank you.

This is it, right?
No.

No, that's not it.

L can't do this.

I'm no good at this stuff.

For 15 minutes
you have to get good.

What?
Plenty of time, time, time.

In a sort of runic rhyme, rhyme.

All right. All right, don't lose it.

Just tell me step by step.

BEN: All right, we were
nowhere near that tunnel.

I personally was spending the night with
a friend in a Chinese refrigerator.

It's true. Smell him.

Hurry, Fred. Hurry.

Backup power is going.

Hurry. Quickly.

Jesus.

Christ, lived from 1 to 33 AD.

There you go. Those are in now.
This should be it, right?

Hope so.

Okay, here we go.

Hello, baby.

I told you you could do it.

Thanks.

Okay, ace? L get your arm working
you could do the rest yourself, right?

K.O., Derf.
Fred.

That's what I said, Derf.

Why did you get dinosaurs?

They were on sale at Woolworths
Oscar said it didn't matter.

OSCAR:
And it doesn't matter.

This will get us through
customs just fine.

Our git to the Brazilian
National Orphanage.

Oscar? That schlub?
JOHNNY: Yeah.

I can't believe it.
How you doing? You feeling better?

Approximately 70 present...
President. Percent repaired.

Derf, why did Racso lie to me?

Try to disassemble me?

Racso? Oh, Oscar. Oh.

Well, the jewels, man. I mean,
they must be worth... Who knows?

Thirty-seven million, 862,000
"lardolls."

l thought my friend he was.

Am naive. Gullible. Schlemiel.

Lesson number one,
you can't trust anybody.

I trust you now.

Well, you shouldn't.
I wouldn't trust me.

I tried to cash in on you too.

Humans are so "plicompcated."

Well, come on, buddy,
don't take it so hard.

Welcome to life in the big city.

Jeez, Oscar suckered me
and I'm the big con man.

He locked up me and Benny in
a room full of frozen Chinese squids.

He locked you up?

He did not smash,
crush, dent, mangle you?

No, he just wanted us out of the way.

Sure, kidnap the humans.

Destroy the machine.

Ooh!

All right.

Let's party.

FRED:
Take it easy. You're okay now.

Am not human, but am a life form.
Have soul.

He me killed to try.

Wait a minute, J. Five,
what do you think you're gonna do?

Pursue, capture, incarcerate.

Come on now, man.
These are serious guys.

You're not in top form,
and your backup battery's used up.

I'm okay. Just a few
Bugs Bunny to work out.

Perfectly functionality.
Functionality.

Yeah, sure. Listen to yourself,
you can't even talk straight.

Derf, a life form's gotta do
what a life form gotta do.

Stand aside.
Whoa!

Aw. No.

Yo.
Hey, life form, cool it.

What is that?
How much you want for it?

This is a hell of a way to treat
a future American citizen.

Please, somebody...
Excuse me, sir, you must listen to me.

A life is hanging in a tightrope.
MENDEZ: Got a 10-31.

Whatever happened to...
A guy was ripped off by a robot.

Yeah!
BOTH: You!

This is ridiculous.
Oh, hello.

They broke into my alarm system,
but I didn't hear any noise at all.

Excuse me, you are Maniac Mike
who is spotting the robot?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Please, come with me.

No. My store was robbed.
Come with me.

Yeah, okay. Take care of it.

Back to the scene of the crime.
Hey, this is crazy.

You're never gonna find them.
They're long gone.

Find them I will.

Activating spectroanalyzer.

A-ha! Vehicle tire tracks.
Goodyear radials, 215-7515.

Hop on, Derf.

You can see their tire tracks?
You can follow them?

Piece of corn. Can of cake.

Suck "doup."

Oh, no, fluid. He is leaking.

Hydraulic fluid? Brake fluid?
Lighter fluid?

Mr. Manic, you're not
knowing your fluids.

This is battery fluid.

He is bleeding to death.

Here. Parked. Gone.

Thataway.

Whoa!

Don't worry. My cousin
was a Harley Davidson.

Ah. There, Chrysler LeBaron.
Late model.

FRED: That's them? You did it.
We got them.

WOMAN:
Headed south on Central Avenue,

a man riding a motorcycle
that looks like a robot

Six Charlie, do you copy?

That is him.
That is Number Johnny Five.

This Charlie Six.
Six Charlie, we're on it.

JONES:
I don't believe it.

OSCAR:
We gotta lose that thing.

WOMAN:
Hey. You jerk.

We're never gonna catch them now.
Oh, yeah? Check this out, baby.

What?

No, no, no. That's not a good idea.
Trust me.

FRED: No.
JOHNNY: Shortcut, as the crow flies.

Have seen utility maps
in the bookstore.

We're on 59th headed east.
No sign of the suspect.

No, we are seeing neither
the hide nor the hair of them.

I am requesting a helicopter
immediately, 4-10.

FRED:
Do you know what l'm standing in?

JOHNNY: Suspect vehicle
turning east on Lakeshore.

FRED:
No, wait.

SAUNDERS: What the hell?
OSCAR: Go around them.

JONES:
Yeah, yeah.

OSCAR:
Look out.

It's all right, we lost them.

SAUNDERS: I'm telling you, you're
underestimating him, he's gonna find us.

FRED: See them?
JOHNNY: Shh. Quiet.

FRED: "Quiet." You know
what just floated past me?

WOMAN:
Vehicle's low on fuel

What? No, it isn't.

WOMAN:
Door is open

JOHNNY:
And you're going nowhere, bozos.

SAUNDERS: What's going on?
FRED: What are you doing now?

Pumping iron.

OSCAR:
Is the car moving?

Prepare for launch.
All systems are go.

JONES:
It's not going.

JOHNNY:
We have lift-off.

MAN 1:
What happened?

MAN 2:
Just get them out. Get them out.

Easy. Are you okay?

Are you okay? Easy.
Yeah.

Hey, you. Here's Johnny.

Yeah, give me that.

Okay, jerk-off,
you're gonna get recycled.

Oh, yeah? Recycle this,
you meshuggenah schmuck.

Get out of my face,
you ugly mother.

Yo, come on, you bug-eyed geek.

Do you feel lucky, punk?

WOMAN: Six Charlie, this
sounds like your baby

We have a 10-34
between two men and a forklift

What is a 10-34?

Why does he not speak English?

Where are you going, Speedy?

Watch it, dink.
You're out of your league.

JOHNNY:
Dr. Ruth says,

"Violence is an expression
of sexual frustration."

Saunders, you bastard, help me.

Eep-kay im-hay usy-bay.

Hey, you, you got water-cooled tubes.
JOHNNY: What?

I got an error message for you.
I'll scramble your RAM.

Oh, like, I'm really scared,
you know, for sure. Hoo-hoo!

Yes. Yes, J. Five. Ha, ha, ha!

You rang?

Ew-scray ou-yay, ozo-bay.

Well, okay, pilgrim.

It's roundup time.

Five. Five.

Excuse me, could you put
your arms down, please?

Sure.

Thank you.
You're welcome.

Five.

Oscar.

It's a dead end, Oscar.

Give it up.

Hey.

Stop.
So long, sucker.

Ha, ha.

Oh, yeah? Watch this.

JOHNNY:
Rats. Can't lock on frequency.

Okay, Oscar,
I'll pass you off at the head.

Hey, tough guy.

Ben.

Where is he? He is leaking.

He will run out of power
and he will die.

Ooh! Aah!

No, Oscar. No.

OSCAR:
Forget it. You can't swim.

Elevation. Altitude. Come on.

Oscar, you will not get away.

I am really pissed off.

Adios! Ha, ha!

OSCAR:
No!

No.

Me Johnny. You busted.

OSCAR:
Ooh, no, no.

What are you?

Punishment from God?

FRED: Johnny Five.
Number Johnny Five.

Number Johnny Five,
are you okay?

Shit.
O'MALLEY: All right.

BEN:
Get out of my way. Out of my way.

Please, officer.
JOHNNY: Benjamin.

Number Johnny Five, what's wrong?
Where's your auxiliary power?

What?
His auxiliary power.

Backup battery? It's dead.
Yes!

He used it up already.

Goddamn it.
L knew he wasn't up to this.

Number Johnny Five.

You, medical person, pay attention
to your job. Come here.

Quickly. Give me the defibrillator.

Ben, what are you doing?
BEN: Give it to me.

Good bye, Benjamin.

No.

Hey, listen, you nutcase, give me that.
Do not be touching me, sir.

Turn the power on to
its topmost capacity.

Get back. Get back.
Look out. Look out.

Number Johnny Five.
Come on, Johnny Five.

Come on, lad.
Come on, Johnny Five.

Come on.

Please, come on!

Please say something.

Benjamin.

My friend.

Oh, my God, Number Johnny Five.

Are you completely operational?

One hundred percent intact?

Perfectly K.O.

Keep that power on or I'll beat
the living headlights out of you.

Oh, but I've got such a headache.

Number Johnny Five,
you had me so worried.

Oh, pardon me.

MAN:
See this guy? I know him.

Yeah, I know him. Fast reader.

Close personal friend of mine.
Comes by here all the time.

You talk about speed-reading.
Here's a guy that can really read.

FRED: You want my toys?
Everybody wants my toys.

We're gonna be late.

Yeah, you want 5000, you got 5000.
You just gotta wait six months.

Yeah, I got three shits working
on it now. Not a hell of a lot I can do.

Okay. Okay, I'll get back to you.

I've been a salesman all my life.
I finally got something that sells.

Hey, what do you think
about this new slogan?

Johnny Five. You know the
name, now own the toy.

What do you think?
I think we gotta get in the car.

JUDGE:
I solemnly swear...

CROWD:
I solemnly swear...

JUDGE: That I will support and defend
the constitution and the laws...

That I will support and defend
the constitution and the laws...

JUDGE:
Of the United States of America...

Of the United States of America...

Hurry up.
FRED: Coming.

CROWD: Against all enemies,
foreign and domestic...

And that I will bear true faith
and allegiance to the same.

CROWD: And that I will bear true
faith and allegiance to the same.

And that I take this obligation freely...

Without any mental reservation
or purpose of evasion.

JUDGE:
So help me, God.

So help me, God.

JUDGE:
Congratulations to you all.

And, finally, it is my unique honor,

officially, to recognize
our first robotic citizen.

By this ceremony, the
United States government decrees

that he shall have the same
rights and privileges

as any other citizen in this nation.

My special congratulations to you,
Mr. Johnny Five.

JOHNNY:
All right. Hee-hee-hee!

Thank you.

SANDY:
Congratulations, Johnny.

And you.

Whoa. Kissing.
Osculation. Hot tchotchkes.

My partner.

Mr. Five. Mr. Five,
tell us how you feel.

How do l feel?

I feel alive!

SubRip: HighCode