Original subtitles

Check it out!

-Did you pack everything? -Yes, mom.

I get emotional in times like this. Oh, my lion!

When you get emotional, I do, too.

Shut up, son! Alright. Everybody's staring at us.

-It's over now, dear. -Well, mom,

highways are broad, I'd better hit the road.

I may not come back ever again, give me your blessing.

Don't be stupid, Kayhan. You're only going to Istanbul after all.

Here, keep this. Spend wisely, alright?

-How much is there? -Some, be frugal.

Last call for 7:15 Istanbul! Passengers for 7:15 Istanbul!

Why are you shouting?

It's an announcement! Say goodbye to your mother and get on the bus already.

Don't get my mother involved! Why get my mother involved?

I don't need your permission.

Go away!

God, what a tongue.

Have a nice trip. Godspeed, son.

Thanks, mom. Give me five.

Check it out. Hands in the back.

Alright, see you, bro. Take care.

You, too, son.

Whoa!

Goodbye, mom!

Goodbye, I love you so much!

-So much! -Sir!

-Goodbye! -Sir!

Can't you hear?

Can't you hear?

-What are you saying? -Can't you hear?

I didn't hear you, old chap, the bass was dropping. Sorry.

My goodness!

Can't I say goodbye?

You can, but don't lean on me!

Humanity is dead.

What are you doing?

Oh, brother! Go away!

Oh, my! Go away! What a maniac!

You maniac!

What are you doing?

You're bothering me.

Here's a riddle. Why did the octopus beat a shark in a fight?

-Why? -How should I know?

Because he was well armed!

A man calls a taxi cab one day. What happens then?

-God... -Tell me.

-I don't know! -Cabs can't answer phones!

These jokes are hilarious!

Steward! Four cakes, a tea. Do you want some tea?

Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?

Why?

It didn't have any guts!

-Do you know pie? -What pie?

My sweet cherry pie.

This is how I get people, see?

Oh, my god.

You scorched me!

-That was some sneeze. -I've had enough of you!

Steward, can you look here?

-What a sneeze! -Yes, sir? What's happening here?

It's just a sneeze. Do you have napkins?

Don't disturb the other passengers.

I didn't disturb anyone. Can't I sneeze?

I wanted to travel with a lady, but this is what I get.

-Isn't there a lady here? -Look.

I've already seen enough of you. Behave or get off the bus.

Are you being a smartass? I enjoy being challenged by tiny men.

Don't be a smartass. Off you go.

-Driver! Pull over! -What's this?

-Get off the bus. -Get him off!

-What's this? No way! -Get off the bus!

I need to go to Istanbul!

-Come on. -To Istanbul!

What is this?

I need to go to Istanbul! What are you doing?

-You can't! -Off you go! Go away!

-To Istanbul, he says! Shut up! -How could you?

-Shut up! -I need to go to Istanbul!

Call me when you get there.

God damn you all.

What a bus company!

Throwing me out of the bus for a sneeze!

CAR WASH

-Hello there, brother. -Hello, brother.

Do you have the part?

-What part? -The plug seal.

-The plug seal? -Didn't Necip the Mechanic send you?

No, he didn't.

The steward sent me here. I've been walking.

-I need to be in Istanbul in three hours. -That's hard.

Impossible, there's no way.

How come? No way at all?

So many buses pass by, won't they take me?

They won't. It's their company policy.

I have never seen one picking people off the road.

But there's a way, and it is this.

-That? -I can give you that.

How much do you want?

How much do you have?

You shouldn't ask a man his salary, nor a woman her age.

Let me feel my pockets.

-This is all I have. -Let me see.

This is a grand, tops!

This is all I have.

You look like a decent man.

-It's yours! -That's great.

-Are the keys in it? -Yes, they are.

FOR SALE BY OWNER

By the way, it wasn't all I had! I fooled you, sucker!

God damn you!

WELCOME, CLASS OF '98

Esteemed class of '98, welcome!

To see all of you here...

He started with a speech. That's not how it is done.

We should be singing our school anthem first.

...a source of pride for us educators.

Before I start...

616 Kayhan, what is it, son?

You missed something very important.

-I'm giving my speech, son! -Just a second. Please.

Our love is united to create a school

A sun has risen to shine on My country and my people

Oh, Özerenler School!

Pioneer in its category!

Oh, Özerenler School!

Pioneer in its category!

-Drop the mic. -OK, son!

Kayhan out.

Nice! You're great.

What are you doing? Where are your parents?

-We're flipping bottles. -And our father works at this school.

And my father is retired with a pension.

Why did you get your father involved?

You asked us about our parents.

Shut it. I don't like kids who answer me back.

Now that you're at my table, we should meet.

-I'm Kayhan. -I'm Berk, and this is Serkan.

Serko! Nice.

How do you flip bottles? Can I try?

-It's hard. I don't think you can do it. -Me, too.

Why is that? I’ve spun a lot of bottles in my time.

I was spinning, not flipping, but both involve bottles.

Should it land upright?

-Yes. -Let me try.

I haven't seen such an incompetent loser for a long time!

You can't do it!

You're the loser. You're incompetent.

-It was my first try. -Look,

your technique is terrible, use more power.

Your throws are short. Do a powerful throw.

Powerful like this?

-Headshot! -On the head!

-Such disrespect! -Nice hit, eh?

-Check it out! -Good job.

Give me five. Alright! Back to your seats.

Kayhan? Why is your table empty?

Everybody but you was there last year. It's the opposite this year!

What are you saying, idiot? We care for each other as a class!

Everybody loves each other.

When I told them I was coming to the reunion, they all got happy.

Kayhan wrote on Facebook that he's coming to the reunion.

-What? -Kayhan?

You're joking.

Trouble-maker, Kayhan Başaran!

What's that idiot doing there?

Why is he coming?

I'm not coming.

I won't be there, no way.

I'm not going.

There's no way I'm going.

-I definitely won't go. -I won't spend a minute with him.

Forget the reunion. I won't go there even if it costs me my painting career.

They must be stuck in traffic. I can't think of any other explanation.

-They'll be here, for sure. -Hi, Kayhan.

Hello, miss, how may I help you?

We've reprinted the Class of '98 yearbook.

And we're giving them away, for free!

-Here, this is yours! -Oh, my god! It is so beautiful!

I couldn't buy it at the time. My father had given me 50 liras for it,

but I spent all of that money on coins at the arcades.

In all my years here, this is the only thing this school has given me.

Oh, you poor thing.

This is so beautiful.

Let me find my class.

Here! What a pretty class picture.

I remember that day like yesterday.

Where am I? Ah! Only my shoulder is in the frame.

It must have been a faulty print.

Anyway, what my friends wrote for my page is what's important.

Let's find it.

You're the worst person I know.

It was a torture because of you!

You made me start taking antidepressants!

I wouldn't love you as a son.

-You're a walking disaster. -Forget me.

-You take the sweet out of pie. -I pity your parents.

Don't walk by police stations, or they will imprison you for life!

Every day with you is a century in hell.

I feel ashamed of graduating from the same school as you.

What the hell?

What is this?

What the hell?

You donkeys!

I helped you cheat in the exams!

I watched your backs!

I fought your fights!

Is this what I get?

What did I do to deserve this?

You donkeys!

What did I do to you?

Is this how you treat me?

I won't let you get away with this as long as I'm Kayhan Başaran!

I won't die before I take my revenge!

You'll pay for this!

IAU MEDICINE MEDICAL PARK

No changes in the last five hours. He's stable.

Very nice data, but this is very unusual.

We haven't seen anything similar.

Sorry, sir, may I come in?

I'm visiting Kayhan Başaran. Oh, my brother.

Welcome. Are you a relative?

I'm his bro... I mean, his friend. He's like a brother.

-How is he? -He's been under watch for a week.

Let me show you...

As you see here, there's a 30 percent loss in the part responsible for logic

in the middle of the right hemisphere.

A dead area has formed there.

But, interestingly, there is not a single broken bone

after such a powerful crash.

Oh, Kayhan, my brother.

We haven't injected a thing for three days, but he's in deep sleep.

At least, he's not unconscious.

Revenge...

Revenge!

Kayhan?

-Easy, son. -Am I dead?

No, you're alive, bro. I'm here with you, see?

Thank God.

I can't die, bro.

-I took an oath. -An oath?

A warrior's oath.

-Is this because of the medicine? -It may be.

Also, he's not himself right now.

I'm myself alright. This is me.

It's not you. You're in shock, but it'll pass.

-I'm not in shock. -You are.

Let's not argue, sir.

I don't want to get into any arguments right now.

Leave the room, please.

-Please! -Alright.

-I'll be outside. -You, too.

Thanks for your understanding.

What have you done, brother? You scared us all!

Scared? You all?

Don't talk plural.

You're the only person in this world who loves me, bro.

From cradle to the grave. You're the only one.

You're like a brother to me, needless to say.

Did you tell your mother?

Don't get my mother involved!

Why get her involved?

Are you a maniac? I just asked if you told her. Calm down.

I'll snap your neck, devil!

Don't answer back.

-Are you angry at something? -Yes.

It's over. No more Mr. Sweet Boy Kayhan.

No more turning the other cheek!

That exemplary man honest, good, sweet Kayhan is no more.

The moment that bus hit me,

I felt the company logo landed on my face

and I saw my childhood in front of me.

-And... -And?

I was a tool. A complete tool.

I decided not to be one.

From now on, you'll see Kayhan the Trouble!

I will make any soil that I step on barren.

I will make the soil unfertile.

I'll disperse filth. I'll take revenge for life.

From now on,

I'm Kayhan the Evil.

They should fear me from now on!

What are you saying? What revenge? From whom?

You're not even making sense.

If I was afraid of dying,

I wouldn't taste the steel, son!

I built the roads they're now walking on, fam!

If I was afraid of fire, I wouldn't carry a lighter, brother!

Stop talking like a gangster.

I'm the greatest gangster now.

You're clearly not thinking straight.

I'll tell doctor to give you a sedative. I need to go now.

-It's late. My wife is waiting. -Why, bro?

-I'm married, and she's waiting for me. -But why, bro?

That's what married people do, they go home.

Why are you so eager to go home? Did she put you on a leash?

Very nice. You still have your sense of humor.

I'm leaving now. Call me if you need me and I'll come.

Get well soon. Kisses, bro. Goodbye.

Don't send me kisses!

Scumbag! Istanbul has changed you, man.

Well, how are you today, Kayhan?

What's going on? Kayhan?

My God! Where is he?

CLASS OF '98

Revenge!

Ding dong, Orçun!

A bird's greeting, bro.

-Kayhan? -I sang like a bird for you.

Check it out! What's up?

What's up, bro? Check it out!

What are you doing here?

I was on my way to the market

and I wanted to ask you if you wanted anything.

Are you an idiot?

I've just been discharged.

I see that. I'm asking how they let you go.

A doctor came into my room in the morning.

I was half naked and had a morning wood.

-I consorted him. -Consulted.

Yes, I consorted.

Then he said that I was a waste of space in the hospital,

also that I was a waste of human being and that I had to go.

And I figured I could come to your house and save you from a hospital bill.

Why am I paying for your hospital bill?

Look!

Do you hear that?

Nothing. I don't have any money, I'm broke.

I gave your name as a guarantor, naturally.

You're getting provision expenses as we speak, bro.

-You'll pay in seven installments. -Am I your guarantor?

Come on!

Come on?

What do you mean "come on"?

Of course, I gave your name as a guarantor.

You help me today, I'll help you someday.

What's in this world, stays in this world.

You can't take them with you. Do you understand?

You can't take your wealth to the other world.

-Even Steve Jobs is gone. -Be calm!

I don't have any other friends!

-I'll lose my mind now, I swear! -Shut up!

Come in, the neighbors will think something's wrong.

-Is the wife home? -Yes, come in.

We'll be together for a while, check it out.

Check it out!

-Just go in! -Wow!

Bro...

I see that your taps give out money.

It's not that much.

Sevim, it's my high school friend Kayhan

-that I was telling you about. -Hi.

-Is her name really Sevim? -Yes.

-Your wife's name's Sevim? -Yes.

Did you open him a Sevim's account?

The Sevim's budget.

-He's always a joker! -Hi, check it out.

High five! Up! In the back!

Bravo!

Orçun is my brother from cradle to grave.

And you're my sister.

Kayhan is a real man.

I got it, yeah.

Yeah, you can see it in my blood.

Cut my arm and I'll bleed red and white!

-I'm Kayhan the real man. -Bro, calm down.

This husband of yours is a real man!

If you search his name online, it says "did you mean 'man'?"

You can see his picture and it says "did you mean 'man'?"

The search engine says so. All of the search engines give his name.

Thanks to him, I'll have a warm house for 15 days.

-How did you come up with that? -15 days?

Maybe a month.

No way! He's joking about the 15 days thing.

No such thing!

Let Kayhan and I have coffee and talk about the good old days.

-Let's go, bro! -Cafer!

Remember the parrot?

-I'll be right back, sweetheart. -I'm waiting for you.

Sit there, bro.

-There? -Yeah, right there.

-Don't touch anything, I'll be right back. -Check it out.

Why didn't you inform me, love?

I didn't know. I opened the door and saw him.

You don't know that he's had a serious accident.

The doctor told him not to go away.

I'm his only friend here, so he came here. Just tolerate him.

I'll find a place for him tomorrow.

A few days is OK, but I can't stand him for 15 days.

-I got it. -I can't.

-Whatever he does is on me, OK? -OK, go.

Bro, what's it about this 15-day rest period? Can you tell me again?

You know that I was hit by a bus.

Yeah.

You can't send a man straight home after an accident.

The Doctor told me not to go far, because he may need some tests.

He'll take a stool, urine, spit sample.

Do an MRI scan, a colonoscopy and then an endoscopy.

He'll check all my holes. He'll even check my prostate for some reason.

And I have some business to take care of. That's why I need to stay.

-What kind of business? -Some secret business.

Got it? I'll make things even, mad boy.

OK, whatever you have to do, you'll finish them tomorrow, right?

-Are you alright, by the way? -I'm OK, how about you?

I don't mean that.

You were unconsciously saying things when I was at the hospital.

What did I say?

That you wanted to take revenge,

that you blacklisted your classmates,

that we would see Kayhan the Evil from then on.

No way! No such thing!

There's no way I said that!

Is it possible? You're hilarious! Really?

-You're acting weird... -Am I?

What am I doing weird right now? I'm being honest to you.

-You're like a misbehaving child now. -No such thing, mister!

I can't have said that.

I love my classmates, I'm looking you in the face.

I'm just saying that we should all come together,

and I can handle all of them at once.

You're scaring me by saying that you want them all at once.

Bro, which of them do you still see?

I haven't seen any of them for a long time.

I got it. Sevim's here.

Orçun, you'll miss the exhibit. You wanted me to remind you.

Right, let me see if I can make it.

Get dressed or you'll be late.

OK, honey, I'll be on it. Don't worry.

Bravo, for real.

You found a woman just like Siri. She reminds you everything.

She's like Google Alerts. Bravo, for real.

She cares for me, certainly.

Whose exhibit is she talking about?

It's nothing important. Ahmet's art exhibit, from high school.

-He's an artist now. -What?

Ahmet? Our classmate? Ahmet Vardarlı?

Yes, it's him.

I was just waiting for this opportunity to come.

Let's go there, I'll join you.

I can't go there now, I'm too tired. Also, it's rush hour.

What do you mean by that?

It's your classmate's exhibit. What do you mean?

Let's go! Come on! I'm coming, too.

No, we're not going to the exhibit. Neither me nor you.

Also he doesn't know you're coming. You can't go there without notice.

Are you ashamed of me, Orçun?

Why would I be ashamed of you?

You're not taking me anywhere. You always invite me to your home.

-Oh, my... -Let's go already.

Come on, Orçun, let's go.

-Come on. -I'll lose my mind.

Oh, yeah!

-What are you doing, Kayhan? -What did I do?

Don't make me regret bringing you here.

Don't act ridiculously.

Enough is enough!

Stop complaining! Are you my wife or what?

Shut up! Come on and let's find Ahmet.

He's here.

-Hey there, Artist! -Orçun!

I have a surprise for you. Look who's here.

-Kayhan! -Check it out, man!

What's up, bro? Hadouken!

What a surprise, Kayhan! I'm glad you're here.

I didn't expect to be here, either. I was sitting at home like a cow.

He said that there was an exhibit. "Whose exhibit?"

"Ahmet." "Which Ahmet?"

"Our friend, Ahmet?" "Yes." And I came here immediately.

It feels so awkward.

To see that you've accomplished so much since high school...

I'm so proud of you.

I'm glad that you're here. It's an honor. Welcome.

It was obvious from the start.

It was so obvious. This tool wasn't successful in any other class.

However, he was great at Arts.

-Do you remember? -Sure, how can I forget?

Those were the days...

I miss those days.

Childhood friendships like ours are unique.

New ones are in no way similar to that.

-I'll show another similar thing as well. -Pardon?

I meant as a childhood friend, he is special.

He did it again.

By the way, give me your car keys.

Why do you want them?

I need something in the car and also I need to take a dump.

Here. Don't forget to lock it.

Which one is it? The trunk button?

Moron!

Why did you bring him here?

He's so unpredictable. He's a psycho!

Be patient.

He's been at my place for a few days.

Sevim mentioned the exhibit and he just came.

I wasn't coming but he insisted.

But we were trying to get rid of him, Orçun?

Instead, you brought him to my opening night.

Be patient. He's a kind hearted man. Don't mind his behavior.

I'll be calm.

Nothing can ruin my mood. Tonight is the night.

Let's hunt the rich.

-Do you see the brush strokes? -Wonderful.

-Harmony in colors? -What a piece of art!

Wonderful! Marvellous!

Like a newly dropped cow shit.

-Really beautiful! -Great!

It's an Ahmet Vardarlı alright.

Amazing!

I know the artist myself.

Most of his paintings are fake, you know.

Pardon me? I don't get it.

Ma'am, he gets them made in China. I know the retailer.

These are worth a few bucks, tops.

He sells these for thousands of euros to you. Don't be naive.

Sir, don't bother us, please. We are soothing our souls here.

Don't get me started, red beard. What are you talking about?

You only come here for free drinks. Look, it's already empty.

Ercan!

-Check it out! -Maniac! How come they let him in here?

-I don't know. -Gosh!

-What's that? -It's a special painting. His masterpiece.

-Is there a painting behind this? -Yes, a special one.

-Let me see. -No!

You can see it after his speech, in 10 minutes.

-Let me see now! -No, you need to wait.

Did you make this wall for it?

Yes, it is a drywall built for this painting.

I see.

-What are you doing, sir? -I'm measuring it.

Sir?

Thank you very much. Yeah...

I'm sure you noticed that in my art,

I try to portray Eastern mysticism and Western modernism.

This is the first time I reflect something humane.

I tried to show the nakedness of creation and the dance of existence.

The corrupted souls that we see every single day...

And their totality consisting of plain and yet aggressive behavior.

You'll notice the iodine smell coming out from the smallest holes.

I salute the new day and every living creature.

I'll stop talking now and let my heart tell a story to your souls.

Here's...

The Fable!

Ahmet the Jerk!

-Kayhan? -Yes, it's me!

He's my high school friend. My dear buddy.

Am I your dear buddy, now?

What about what you have written here?

I swore that I would make you pay for this.

Now is the payback time.

It's time to pay, Ahmet!

Don't be silly, Kayhan! Do something, Orçun!

Don't act ridiculously, Kayhan! Shut up!

Don't get involved!

It's none of your business.

Well, Ahmet, I'll tell you a fable now and you'll smell the iodine yourself.

-Don't be silly! -Wait, you'll see.

-Kayhan... -It's the fable of Kayhan Başaran!

Orçun! Get me out of here!

-God damn you! -Maniac! Get out!

You ruined my artwork!

Moron! It's better than before.

I'll headbutt your piece of art!

I'll headbutt your piece of art!

-You're a disgrace! -I'll headbutt your piece of art!

God damn you! What kind of a person are you?

You screwed his exhibit up!

He is the one who screwed my life up.

I've been through a lot for 20 years because of them.

I followed the rules of engagement.

Sorry, but check it out!

Rules of engagement?

As if you're the commander-in-chief and you followed the rules of engagement!

It's been 20 years. Did you have to do that?

What if he files a suit for damages? How can you pay it back to him?

I don't have to think about it. I can borrow from you, bro.

No way! It's not my job to pay your debts!

Either find a loan shark or ask from your mom.

Don't get my mother involved! Why get my mother involved?

Why did you bring her up?

How is she relevant?

We were just talking about the exhibit and now it's about my mom again!

I'll show you!

Let's go! Quick!

The feds will come soon. The coppers will notice us!

Yeah, bro. Now that you mentioned that, I'm calm.

Yeah.

You're right. Yeah.

Wait a second.

Can you make less noise?

Good morning to you, too, bro. You started scolding immediately.

Sorry, bro. Yeah, I'm listening.

It's OK. I'm mad at him, too. I've been talking to him since yesterday.

Alright, Ahmet.

Alright, Ahmet. Kisses, bye.

Well, well. What did I just hear?

"Dear Ahmet"s and all?

You started kissing his ass.

You sold me out! Well done! Bravo!

Don't be silly, Kayhan!

I've been trying to persuade him for 20 minutes.

Be thankful that the insurance company is paying for the damage.

He can't do anything to me!

He's afraid of me. He doesn't have the balls to cross me again.

I'm the trouble!

I'm the Antichrist!

I strangle people!

He doesn't have the balls to argue with me.

I warn you. If you do something like this, our friendship will be over.

Well, well!

You warn me, huh?

You stabbed me in the back, too.

-You, too, Orçun? -Don't be silly!

That's right! When did you forget the promises that you made?

-What promises? -Let me remind you.

March 12, 1990. A spring day.

Orçun! Why are you upset like this?

Big kids took my ball and they won't give it back.

-Those ones? -Yes.

Don't worry, bro!

I'm bringing your ball, now. Wait here.

Hey! Give me the ball!

-Why did you take Orçun's ball? -What?

Give me that!

And get out of here!

I'll hit you so hard that they will scrape you off the floor.

-Take it and leave us alone. -Good thinking, kiddo.

Here's your ball, Orçun!

Thank you, Kayhan. You're a good kid. From now on, you're my brother.

I promise you, I'll do anything for you.

I'll do anything for you, too, bro.

We'll be bros from cradle to grave. Do not ever forget your word.

-Alright. -Come, bro.

Did you remember, bro?

Yes, I did.

I promised that alright. You're my brother.

But this is not OK. You attack everybody.

It was OK when I got your ball for you.

-Is it the same? -Yes, it's the same.

It's even worse!

They took my childhood away from me.

They wrote those things and ruined my childhood!

That's enough.

I need to go to the office now. I'll be there for a few hours.

Stay here, alright?

I have some business.

What business? Stay here!

No way, I need to go.

You'll stay and wait for me!

OK, I'll wait.

There's the TV and the computer. Enjoy yourself.

OK, bro. Have a nice day!

Have a nice working day!

Oh, I see a Latin chick!

One, two... Don't move your hip. Upper body...

I wanted to say good morning!

Good morning.

-Good morning to you, too. -Morning. Why don't you join us?

No, thanks.

There's rash on my thighs.

-I can't work out today. -Get well soon.

-Let's continue, he's a little different. -Let's.

Don't mind me.

-Good. -Nice.

Don't let your knees go over your toes!

Shoulders straight.

Core tight.

Good, extend your arms.

Well, well, well.

Oh, good mighty Lord, I admire your creations!

-To the back! -Look at those hips! What a Latin chick!

L'ombelico del mondo!

-It's enough! -What happened?

Don't stare at us!

Good God! I wasn't staring.

I was looking at the garden. Is it forbidden? What did I do?

Did I offend her?

Did I catcall her?

You practically did!

Go inside!

I won't stare, don't mind me.

Stay in squat. Very good.

Hips in the back, spine straight, extend your arms.

Continue, stay in squat.

-Like that? -Good.

Spine straight, core tight!

-Hips to the back. -OK.

-Good. Spine straight. -It's enough! You think I'm an idiot?

-What happened now? -Wait a second. It's not OK, Kayhan.

What happened?

Delete it now!

I was taking a selfie eating cereal. Don't be so paranoid!

-Is that so? Give me that! -OK, I deleted it.

You are very aggressive. No need for that!

Instagram is flooded with asses and squats.

The trainer is doing the proper moves.

That's why I was taking her pictures. Her squat was very proper.

I've had enough of you, Kayhan! Go inside! Get out of here!

OK, Sevim. I'll go.

See you, miss.

You're doing it properly, bravo!

You're super! Continue!

Ahmet Vardarlı is done!

Let's see who the next one is.

Idiot Orçun hasn't logged out.

"Bro, Kayhan screwed Ahmet's exhibit up yesterday.

How did he come there? Did you bring him?" Mert.

Mert!

Mert Reyhanlı!

Our classmate Mert!

What luck that I've found you here!

Let me bait him to meet me.

"He just followed me there, that bastard!

Hear this, I have important news for you."

Let's see if he'll take the bait.

"Tell me now!"

He took it.

No one can resist gossiping.

"No, wait, I need to tell you this in person, bro."

"I have a meeting soon. It'll be over in the afternoon. Let's meet at lunch."

Let's meet! You'll meet my fists as well, Mert! You bastard!

"Alright.

See you soon. Check it out!"

I wrote "check it out"!

"Did you get that from Kayhan?"

I need to turn this around.

"Yes. I got that from him. See you soon. Bye!"

"OK. Bye!"

I have cornered you, like a wildcat corners a mouse!

I'll finish you, Mert!

Love?

-Love. -Welcome, love.

Thanks. Where's Kayhan?

I don't know. I know he's your friend, I'm sorry, but he's a real retard.

What did he do now?

I was training with Cansu, then he came the with his cereal

and he stared at the woman's butt as he ate, like a pig.

He even shot a video. Sorry but I had to warn and scold him.

That's OK. Where is he now?

I don't know, somewhere downstairs.

-OK, I'll go and check on him. -Love.

Tonight we're having dinner with my Reiki Master. You're coming, right?

Don't worry, love. I'll go to the gym and come back.

I don't want Kayhan there.

No way, why would we take him there?

Don't worry, I'll ditch him.

-Please, don't take him there. -I got this.

Kayhan!

Dude!

I didn't write these!

Kayhan...

Oh, Kayhan!

He's going to make some trouble again.

There's not an example of fruits and vegetables...

I apologize.

Yes. No example of fruits and vegetables together.

Ma'am, can I use your card after you?

Don't be silly.

Goodness, what a character.

Sir, let me pass with you.

-Hand it to me. -I can't. Get yourself one.

Let me go first, I'll let you in.

My goodness.

What are you doing?

I wanted to pass with you, ma'am, but you stopped and I seemed like a perv.

This is how I get into stadiums.

No way, mister. Give them your ID and get a guest card.

Sure, will do.

Security!

Security.

What did I do?

What's going on? Why are you bothering people?

Outside, please.

PRIVATE SECURITY

I'll see my friend.

-Who is your friend? -Mert.

There's a bunch of Merts here. Which one?

Which one...

-Mert Reyhanlı. -Do you have an appointment?

-I do. -Wait a second.

Hello, Ayşe. Mr. Reyhanlı's guest is here.

-Sorry. Name? -Mert!

Sir, your name.

Oh. Kayhan.

-Surname? -Kayhan Başaran.

Kayhan Başaran.

I see, Ayşe.

Thank you.

So which floor is it?

I can't let you in. Outside, please.

Why is that? I want to see my friend.

Please comply.

What if I don't?

-I'll have to use force. -Force?

-Yes. -What kind of force?

Gravitational, or...

I use tear gas!

If I was afraid of tear gas, I wouldn't go to away matches, sister!

I'm an Ankara boy, got that? Check it out!

Ankaragücü, Ankaragücü!

Sir, please, out.

Do you have a restroom here? I want to take a dump in this plaza before I leave.

There is. Let me help you.

Why help? I have been doing it on my own since I was 12.

-Here, sir. -Why are you coming with me?

-Here. -Don't come!

MEN'S ROOM

Come on already! It's been 25 minutes!

Goodness...

Help me! Help!

First of all, I greet you, dear Ayşe.

Hello there. How do you know my name?

I just know it. Where is Mert?

There Mert is!

He's in a meeting. Whose name should we give him?

See? I'm here.

Kayhan...

Kayhan Başaran?

-Very same. -What are you doing here?

Hey! Sit! Sit still!

Freeze!

-Don't move! -OK.

Look at me.

Don't make me mad. I'm already mad.

Hey! Calling the security?

-Yes. -I took one guard down

at the first floor restroom. He's there. Call his cellphone.

Hello, security? 17th floor.

I'll eat you alive!

-Kayhan? -The outside world is cruel, mad boy!

Having a meeting won't save you, dog!

-What are you doing here? -What is this?

How should I know? I mean, I don't know.

Do you know what this is? It is a document proving a youngster's life was in vain.

Let's read what this scumbag wrote on my yearbook page.

He wrote, "We have gotten rid of you, but what will your parents do?

I wouldn't love you with protective gloves on!"

Who would write such a thing on somebody's yearbook page?

This is for life, my children will read this.

It happened so many years ago. I don't remember.

Donkey in a suit is still a donkey.

A total donkey!

We were kids, dude. I don't remember.

Alright business people, leave this room now.

There will be blood. Quick.

Countdown has started. Launch is imminent.

Seven, six, five...

-Kayhan. -Three.

-What are you doing? -You'll see what I am doing, you cow.

I'll make you lose your mind.

-Kayhan. -It's time for revenge.

-Calm down. -Everything has a consequence.

Day comes, the chicken screws the cock.

Calm down.

Help me!

Come here!

Have a nice and organic beating.

Let me give you an organic beating.

Kayhan, stop! Don't!

Kayhan!

Kayhan, what are you doing? Help me!

Get him! He's a maniac!

-I'll throw it, I swear! -He's the one who got me.

I'll take you down, too! Stay there!

-Don't do it! -I will!

I swear!

-Call the police! -Police?

Police?

Calm down! Don't!

Don't!

Drop it!

-Stop it! -Here!

-Calm down! -Have some cauliflower!

God!

Help!

Do you know the victim?

I know the scumbag, sir.

-How? -We were friends in high school.

Of course, if you can call that a friend.

-See? He's such a person. -I see. Tell me what happened.

This is what happened. I got enraged and busted him in his office around 11.

I forced myself in, there is this long table,

I slid over the table and hit him with my head.

When I hit him, I heard a cracking sound.

I can't imitate it exactly, but you understand.

I took his ribs out, it was ready to be served as steak at that point.

After that, I gained momentum from the wall with my feet

and hit him with a flying kick.

Two teeth fell out of his mouth. Then,

I picked him up and did a leg-twist.

I turned his ankle all the way around.

I separated his pinky toe from others.

Then, I grabbed him,

and threw him on the table, head first. His head and his cerebellum bounced off.

Like this.

He did that. Then, little birds appeared around his head

and they said "Finish him."

Finish him, you know.

Right when I was about to do a Hadouken, the guards came in and he slipped away.

I fought a while with the guards, and then I gave myself in, willingly.

-That's all. -Do you regret this?

I don't. I would definitely do it again.

Wait, let's note it down.

Please specify "coercion, breaking and entering, battery."

-State all of them in the report. -OK.

I want them in my record.

I battered

the victim,

Mert Reyhanlı

and

I

admit it. I don't

regret...

17-55, 17-55. I'm listening, over.

What are you doing? Give me that.

-There's a crime. -Give it!

-Wait... -Give that to me!

-Wait. -Lower your hand.

You can bring the guys into the headquarters, over.

Give it to me.

Give it.

Dude, give it to me.

-How did you pass the exam? -Give!

How did you become a cop?

-Sign it. -What's that?

-Your statement. -What?

-Your statement! -No, it's not!

That's not what I said!

Write all the things I have told you.

I won't sign it. I want the things I told you there.

You didn't write broken ribs or Hadouken.

Sir, it is clear.

I'm on duty here, and I can't write fast. Sign and get over with it.

I don't care!

I don't care if you can write or not!

This is my statement! It has to be like I tell you!

If you can't write, I'll write it myself.

Goodness!

I told you things worth pages,

and you just write three sentences.

This is it.

That's how you do it. I'll sign it now.

Here.

Come here.

-Check it out, man! -Stop with that now!

So you bailed me out.

Yes, I bailed you out. We live in California, you know.

I can only pay the price of having you as a friend.

Why did you leave the house? I told you not to.

I didn't do it willingly.

Sevim kicked me out of the house.

You must have done something.

Look, you will never leave my side, ever!

Wherever I go, you'll come with me! Even to the toilet.

Of course, bro. That's brotherhood.

Wherever you go, I'll come with you. From cradle to grave.

Fine, let's go.

Only if the paperwork is done.

-Go. -They need the paperwork, you know.

Thankfully, Mert is reasonable. He didn't press charges.

Sure. I'll be there, bro.

Who am I talking to?

-What? -I was talking to you.

I'm talking to someone, wireless.

Dudemeister, I'll call you later. Check it out.

I said, thankfully, Mert didn't press charges.

-You're free, thanks to him. -He can't press charges.

He knows that he'll get a beating if he does.

I don't want to argue with you. Sit quietly, we will train now.

-Orçun, how goes? -Good, you?

-Very good. Ready? -Yes.

-Let's go. -OK.

Well, Orçun, ready?

-Ready. -Let's start with left, right, roll.

-Alright. -Let's go.

Bravo, one more.

Cover yourself next time. Stronger.

-Alright. -OK. Left, right.

Stay on your guard.

Hey! Hello! Why are you hitting the kid like that?

-Talking to me? -Yes, you, imbecile!

Do you have a problem understanding?

Why did you hit my bro like that?

God! Where do you find these people?

Don't listen to him. He's not hitting me, we're training.

Don't get involved, Orçun.

I'm defending you here. Look here, baldy!

Focus only on training.

I've been a Wing Chun master for seven years now.

Try me if you dare. It's easy to give an egg a beating.

-An egg? -You are fragile just like an egg, bro.

We're training here, my friend. If you want, let's see you in the ring.

Alright, let's!

Let's do that!

-Let's. -Sir.

-Don't push him too hard, OK? -Don't worry.

I'll just make him sweat.

And he cut his beard like Mr. T. What a retard.

Come here.

Bro, he's one of the best trainers in Turkey. Try to learn a lot.

Step back. This is what friends are for.

Now, let's teach you a valuable lesson.

And let's see your mastery in Wing Chun. Start.

Time out!

What kind of a hit was that, you animal? I thought this was training.

He wasted my leg.

-He's wasted me. -He won't recover from that.

Thanks. I wish you'd hit him once for me too.

Scumbag!

-Is he still laughing? -Bring him here once in a while.

We'll be here every other day. He craves for beatings!

I'll be your end. You're done for.

Come here.

Laugh at this!

Orçun, are you alright?

Why did you hit him with the kettlebell?

I meant to hit you.

Orçun, are you alright?

-Check if he's alive. -What is your problem, you maniac?

It looks bad. Does it ache?

Of course, doctor. I feel the pain all over my head.

When the thing hit him, there was blood everywhere.

We saw little objects bouncing on the floor.

We didn't understand at first. "Was he eating candy?" I thought.

I thought they were candy pieces. But they were his teeth.

They rolled away like marbles.

Then he was like this. I think it's hard to recover from that.

Doctor, when can I be my old self again?

Don't worry, you will be, as soon as possible.

However, we won't do a local anesthesia but a general one instead,

since the roots are deep.

Do whatever you can and get me ready for tonight.

We're invited to a dinner at my wife's master's house.

She'll kill me if I miss it.

Don't worry, you won't miss it.

Who is your emergency contact, since you'll will be under sedation?

-You can call my house, or Sevim. -Are you retarded?

Call Sevim, you idiot?

We're already doing this without her knowledge.

I'm here for a reason. I'll decide for you when you're asleep.

They can ask me whatever they want. Tell them.

Ask Kayhan in case there's an emergency.

-Kayhan? -Yes, Kayhan.

Is there a problem, doctor? Kayhan, yes.

You'll ask me.

I represent him. If something happens, I'll decide.

Don't worry, bro, OK? I'm here with you.

Nurse, have him relaxed.

-I'll be right back. -Sure.

Don't worry, you're in safe hands.

I'll have them give you the best treatment. Don't worry.

Bro...

-It's so good. I got relaxed very quickly. -Did it hit you right away?

What are you giving patients here?

-Nurse, would you give me a few miligrams? -Sir, don't be silly.

Give me what's left in the syringe. Let it be in me instead of some trash can.

-Get me high. -There's nothing left in it.

Come on, nurse. Do this for me.

Let a brother see the rainbow.

I want to chase the purple rabbits, too.

Let me take a shower with elephants on the clouds.

Let them brush me on the Ganges.

-Get me high, please. -Sir.

Do I look like a drug dealer?

My phone.

Phones are ringing!

LOVE

-Sevim's calling me. -I'll talk to her.

-Let me talk to her. -I'll tell her you said hello.

Relax, I got this.

Give me some, then I'll go.

Get out, please.

I've put you on my revenge list. I'll see you.

OK, bro, see you.

I love you, Sevim!

Sir, can I take your signature here?

Mom told me not to sign things before reading them.

That's why I can't do it. What is it?

It's nothing, don't worry. It's a contract stating you're the patient's escort.

I'm his escort, alright.

I'm with him in sickness and in health.

He's my bro. Check it out!

I see. Sign here.

Alright.

Thank you.

Hey, doc!

I'm thinking...

This would suit my bro very well.

-How is it? Would it look good on Orçun? -This?

Yes, I want this. Can we do it?

We can, but are you sure?

I'm sure, of course! Why would I show it to you if I weren't?

I can legally decide for him right now, can't I?

I am the decider.

I tell you to do it, you'll do it.

Yes, the moment of greatness.

I gave you just the teeth I wanted, I swear. They turned out great, show him.

I'm so curious. Let me see.

Dude!

What did you do to me?

Did you give me gold teeth?

And it is the best quality gold, you see, we put some diamonds on it, too.

You're now a part of West Side Youth, bro.

You got the bling. Check it out, man.

I'll kill you both!

Why did you give me gold teeth?

Why would you do that?

Your escort asked us to do it, sir.

You said you liked it!

You took all that money for the gold and the diamond,

and now you're selling me out?

You'll fix them tomorrow, right?

If you don't, I'm going to have to kill you.

Use these teeth for today, and come back tomorrow.

I'll do what's necessary and fix them.

But don't bring this man with you.

Bro, I think you should enjoy them for the moment.

It's a new style, it needs time.

Women like it very much, I swear. Sevim will kiss you differently now.

I think it's here.

What will I tell Sevim now?

Look at her message.

"Orçun, I can't believe you.

You're a total pig.

Thank you for leaving me alone here like an ass. Don't come at all. Crap."

This is what she said.

Don't get involved with her too much.

You give them a thing, and they take everything.

Are you insane? We'll be with her in a moment.

You're right.

Then, don't get too close to her, or she'll scratch your face.

Thanks, bro. You're very helpful.

Good evening, sorry for bothering.

-Is this Atilla's place? -Oh, my!

She's not talking. She is a specter. Let's leave, bro!

Don't be stupid. I apologize.

My wife is his student. She was supposed to be here tonight.

Is this the right place?

Look at how she's acting.

We shouldn't enter this house for sure. I've seen movies.

They take you to their cellar,

and some twin sisters skip rope in front of you.

Dude, she can hear us.

Don't be ridiculous, go in.

I appreciate that you've come here tonight. Thank you so much.

-Sorry, master, they're a little late. -Oh, they're here!

-Sorry we're late. -Welcome, Orçun.

Sit beside your wife.

-Let me kiss your hand, old chap. -Why is he here?

-I'll explain later. -Sit here.

Alright.

Orçun, let's leave.

-Why? -I saw in a movie.

They screw each other with masks on, like a ritual, in places like this.

I think he'll wear the mask, and she'll hold us...

...and they'll screw us both.

Orçun, do something about him.

I got that, don't worry.

Me and my wife, Hayal, are grateful

that you have shed your light onto our table.

His wife? She looks more like an undead person.

Pardon?

Pardonnez-moi?

Friends, my precious student Sevim, full of pure energy,

-and her precious partner Orçun. Welcome! -Thanks, master.

Thanks, master. Merci.

The loved ones of my loved ones are my loved ones.

My precious friend, will you give us your name?

Me, master? Kayhan.

Dear Ayhan, welcome.

Ayhan?

I said Kayhan!

Names don't matter.

What matters is that our spirits are connected. Welcome.

Thanks, master.

But I have to speak my trouble, master. I have a complaint about this woman.

She keeps staring at me. She's been looking at me since I've come.

As if she wants to attack me. I want to sit there if possible.

My wife Hayal is a reactive spirit.

She has taken a vow of silence to keep the things inside her a secret.

12 years ago exactly.

And she hasn't said a single word for 12 years.

That's the power of spiritual teaching.

Well, well! I like this spiritual teaching thing.

She hasn't said a single word since?

You must be at peace, master.

I wish we all had this chance in our marriages where women don't speak.

Right, Orçun?

Imagine Sevim being silent for 12 years.

Isn't it great? You'd live longer!

-Why are you laughing like that? -I wasn't laughing.

I had a cough, and I closed my mouth to spare the spits coming out.

-Is there something in your mouth? -No.

Dear friends. Let's bring happiness to our stomachs first,

then to our spirits.

I like that idea. I was starving.

-What's this? -An escargot wrapped in

maple leaves and boiled with date syrup.

That's disgusting.

How can you eat that?

Don't you have a loaf of bread to feed our hunger?

Oh, prejudice! It limits you.

Let your palate decide if the meal is delicious or not.

Dude, just try to eat. Maybe you'll like it.

We're together in this then. You'll eat, too.

Alright, alright. Eat.

How is it, Ayhan?

My name is...

Kayhan!

And your food is like shit, excuse my language.

Your teeth shows...

Orçun! What are those, in your mouth?

Is there something on my teeth?

What are these?

Open your mouth!

-Did you get gold teeth? Very uncivilized! -Master.

Was that bug you made me eat alive?

Something is moving inside me.

I swear, it is crawling from my stomach to my small intestine.

The animal is swimming through shit to exit my body.

-Oh, he's so funny. -It's not funny, master.

You make us eat with our hands, talking about nature,

and serve us slime. It is slime, you know.

But you live in a mansion...

...worth millions. How come?

Where did you find the money?

-It's none of your business! -Sevim, please.

You don't know me, naturally.

I'm a world-class trainer who does workshops,

-seminars and gives classes. -Do you practice exorcism?

Or genital cup cure, or leech cure?

And do Exorcist stuff?

The daughter of a relative of mine has a 360-degree spinning head,

she walks on her hands, throws up green stuff.

They took her to a health center and she was diagnosed with exorcism.

They just taped garlic on her armpits.

I said that she was just being a teenager.

When her father invites her to the dinner table, she says

"I don't want dinner!"

She bites the arm, goes back into her corner.

Can we bring her here if we can catch her?

She is jumping around on the ceiling.

We can catch her and put on a leash.

You seem very confused, Ayhan. Sorry, was it Bayhan?

Kayhan!

My name is Kayhan!

He either omits a letter or changes them.

Calm down now. Stand up, and come here.

Dude, he wants me to go to him.

Remember what I said? He'll screw me.

Come here, please.

-Right there? -Here.

-OK. -Come, calm down, close your eyes.

Don't try anything weird.

Or else I'll break your nose. My reflexes are perfect.

-Alright. -Will you show us an energy transfer?

Yes, yes.

Close your eyes and listen to yourself.

And concentrate.

There are storms within me, master.

Oh, rebel soul! Calm down! Soothe yourself!

Master, I don't like the way you sound.

Calm down. Keep silent and feel the warmth of my hand.

Yes, walk slowly within your world of visions.

Slow everything down.

Yes! Calm down!

Let yourself go!

Let yourself go!

Alright, alright!

He's just fainted. He's OK.

Come here.

Put your bag over there.

Why are we here, bro?

You'll be staying here for a while.

What? Sorry but I can't stay here! What's this place?

Want me to stay here like a homeless person?

What if I get tuberculosis from the damp, and spit blood?

What if a rat gets in here while I'm sleeping and it eats my nose and ears?

Dude, it's Sevim's orders.

She doesn't want you home.

I understand now.

So she doesn't want me, huh?

Shame on you!

Couldn't you say I was your bro, and shut her up saying I was your guest?

Couldn't you?

I couldn't, at the time, but I wanted to.

I could only come up with this solution.

It wouldn't be a problem if I were single.

But I'm married and half of everything is hers.

Men used to be the head of household.

Now women are!

She held the reins, put the headgear on you and pulled on them!

I can see it on your face.

Your eyes are empty.

She kept whipping you and turned you into a little puppy.

-Alright. Good night! -You can't leave like that.

I have one condition.

You are so needy! What is your condition?

Give me your tablet.

I can't give my tablet. I use it for work.

Don't I know what you use it for really, scumbag?

I checked your whole internet history.

You have VPN, too.

You change it to Canada one day, or the USA the other.

Orçun wanks everywhere except for Turkey.

I used the speakers and they went...

Like this! You clogged them, too!

Thank God it is water resistant and it works.

Disinfect it and bring it here.

Alright! What kind of a human are you?

-How does your mother tolerate you? -Don't get my mother involved!

Why involve my mother? We were talking about your tablet. Idiot!

Go get me your tablet, you wanker.

Shut up!

-I'll beat you with those logs. -Shut up!

I'll bash you with them!

Let's see who the next lucky person is.

Merve Ayaztaş.

Let me stalk you.

The same ugly face. I'll never forget it.

Let's see... Ah!

Bingo!

"Thank you very much Erhan, for this make over.

The dye is done, highlights tomorrow.

You'll see the change yourself.

Hashtag Erhan Merryclipper."

I know where I can find you now, Merve.

I will catch you when you're least expecting me.

It will be the highlight of your day, Merve!

Wait for me. It's time for revenge!

ERHAN MERRYCLIPPER

09:53. A bulky, fat ass woman.

09:37. A woman.

Dear diary, still no sign of Merve.

Ah, Merve! It's Merve alright!

I can recognize her from the back anywhere.

Now, you're done for.

You're done for.

It's time for revenge, Merve.

Yes. Greetings.

-Yes? -Who's in charge here?

That's me.

-I'm from ltmfac.com.tr. -Where?

Should I have said the full name, listentomeforacure?

Please get me.

It's the internet era. There's a complaint about you.

-A complaint? -They said

you make eight Thai child laborers work for you.

They faxed and phoned us about this issue.

I do no such thing, sir. Can I see your papers?

I'm undercover, sir. I need to check your books.

Please comply.

I understand nothing. Go to my office,

I'll be right there. It's over there.

-There? -Yes.

Love, there's going to be an inspection. Will you excuse me?

The guys will take care of you.

Erhan, don't be silly, dear. Attend to your business, I'm here.

Thanks!

How many people work here?

Normally, we are five people. But two are on leave.

There are three people here now.

-You gave them leave? -Yes.

-Two people? -Yes.

Can I see the papers for their leave?

There are no papers.

They asked for leave verbally, and I let them have it.

That's how it happened.

What kind of a business is this, sir?

This is a hairdressers. How can you let them go like that?

"Can I take some leave?" "Of course, my dear."

You can't do that. Mistake number one. I found it immediately!

No way! I want all your staff here right now.

Sure.

Serkan! Mehtap! Can you come here quickly?

And you look here quickly.

Come here.

One down.

-Erhan? -Yes, Erhan.

Yes. Two down.

What's going on?

God damn it. You go down, too.

Well, now, it's time for Merve.

Now we're alone, my dear Merve.

Hello, sweetie! How are you?

I'm good, thanks, you?

Thanks. Welcome.

Thanks.

I'm not sure if I know you. Are you new here?

You don't know me, naturally. I'm Orhan.

I was the co-partner of Erhan. This place was ours at first.

But then I had to leave. I got the blues.

Then, depression. And I went away.

I started working with animals.

For some time, for the last four years,

I was working with veterinarians.

You know, llamas, calves, oxen, and sometimes zebras.

I even worked on a grizzly bear, in the Darıca Zoo.

I did the poor bear's hair there!

What can I do for you, sweetie?

Actually, Erhan was going to see me for the highlights.

The dye was done yesterday.

So Erhan did the whole work and all I have to do is the easy work!

There's a man inside, from the municipality I think.

They're checking the books.

He may be a little stressed.

So, he told me to check you in and that he'd check you out.

It's OK, actually, I have time. I can wait for him.

I won't start with the hair, dear.

Let me check your skin.

-My skin? -It's so dry.

Will you look at that? It's so rough.

-My skin? -Like the bottom of a shoe.

You can do a Burning Man on your skin.

It's like sandpaper. It takes my skin off!

I have a very special cream for you.

I'll do a very special care.

I'll have to wrap your arms.

I have never heard of this care.

Of course. Let's wait as your skin soaks the cream.

This part as well.

-What are you... -Just lean back.

-Stay put. -Unwrap me, please.

-Yes... -This is stressing me out.

-Let's be sure. -Orhan, unwrap me.

Can you check on Erhan?

-Turn your head... -Where's Erhan?

I don't want this care. I'm getting a little stressed, you know.

Can you call on Erhan for me? He must be done by now.

I can get you not Erhan,

but Kayhan right now!

-Kayhan? -Yes, Kayhan.

-Of course. -What are you doing here?

How do you like me now, after all those years?

Kayhan, what are you doing here? This is my hairdresser!

Are you asking me why I am here?

-What's this, huh? -I have no idea!

The yearbook!

You'll pay for all the filthy things you wrote about me

on this yearbook, Merve!

It's been so many years! How can I remember what I wrote there?

That's your problem, why should I care?

I've read them all. I was utterly shocked!

You idiot!

Have you lost your mind?

-I'll give you a very nice cut... -Don't!

-...and we'll get even! -No way!

-Don't be ridiculous. -We'll get...

-...even! -I'll ruin you!

I'll make you pay for this!

-You've done enough! -Don't!

-Come here. Let's see... -Let my hair go!

-Let's gather them all... -I'll ruin you!

-And start cutting... Yes... -God damn you!

-It's a great haircut for sure. -My lovely hair!

-God damn you! -See this?

You will pay for this!

-See? -You won't get away with this.

-The price for what you've written. -You won't get away!

Look at me! And you're still cutting it!

God damn you! I hope you die!

-I will dice you! -You look like Jon Bon Jovi!

I will cut you into pieces.

Let me go!

-I will make you look like Gorbachev. -Kayhan, don't!

-Gorbachev! -Don't do anything!

God damn you!

You idiot! Maniac!

How do you like it?

Merve the Baldy!

Let me go!

Revenge!

Another one down.

Another one down.

Who did this?

This is how it is done!

Look at this.

I can't separate between day and night.

I'm miserable in basement corners.

It's like jail.

I can't tell when it's the morning.

-Will it stay stiff? -No, it won't.

I have a wedding next week.

Check it out!

How nice, women everywhere. Why are you all here?

-Kayhan, your outfit! -This is how I dress at home.

I wear undies inside.

Girls, I apologize for that. Kayhan is Orçun's high school friend.

He's been staying at our place.

It's a long story.

Kayhan, this is a girl thing. Do whatever you want outside.

I'll grab some things and leave anyway.

I will go eat. What are you doing here?

I see doctors and paramedics. Is there an emergency?

It's nothing like that. We're doing botox around the eye,

and taking care of the lips, in preparation for the wedding.

Is there a wedding?

-Who is the bride? -I am.

Who is the groom, girl?

He is Orçun's classmate, right?

-No. -Then he's your classmate!

-Who? -Sinan. Sinan Özaltun.

What? Sinan Özaltun?

Sinan Özaltun? Our classmate?

The one who wrote...

I like him a lot.

We call him Sinan the Humanist.

Kayhan, go to the kitchen already. Don't answer him back.

I'll go to the kitchen. Where's Orçun?

-They... -He and Sinan are together.

They're doing a bachelor's party at Sensation Hotel.

I just got it.

Sensation Hotel, without me, huh? Donkeys...

Anyway, they probably couldn't let me know as there's no reception in the garage.

By the way, I have to say this.

You don't need any botox or anything.

You're good as you are.

Thanks.

But those two need a whole bodywork by a mechanic.

He will need to vacuum their faces!

Kayhan, please, go to the kitchen.

Take care. See you.

You couldn't just shut up, Ayşe! Why not send him a location, too?

You kept interrupting us.

They didn't tell him about the party, can't you see?

Let's see what's in here.

Cheese and cheddar sandwich. Perfect.

Let's see if there's something to drink.

What's that?

Well, well. They've put the treasure here.

See? So they inject the botox cold.

It's like snake venom.

Well, well. I need to steal one of these.

Let's put it in here, jail style.

Then take it.

Hello? Is this Prince Ender?

Yes, who is this?

Kayhan the Night Owl.

Is this a joke?

Why would it be?

If you're a prince, I'm a night owl.

How did you get my number?

I got it from Sherbet Ziya.

-Sherbet? -I’ve got a very important party tonight.

Last minute calls are a little more expensive.

Talk if you're willing to pay.

Of course, it's no problem. I have crap loads of money.

What do you need?

I need seven or eight good women.

And include a bellydancer if you can.

Also, I need some candies.

-Where's the party? -Sensation Hotel.

Alright. Be in the hotel's parking garage in a few hours. Look for a black minivan.

Come prepared, OK?

OK, sure, check it out.

Prince.

-Talking to me? -Is this what we agreed on?

I asked for eight broads, you only brought two.

Girls, you keep walking.

I'll talk to this man.

What?

-Aren't you Prince Ender? -No.

Let's meet. I'm King Adnan.

King Adnan?

Everybody's royalty in Istanbul.

Dude, are you high?

Bugger off or I'll shoot your leg.

Why are you being rude? Talk properly!

You want a bullet?

No, sir, it must be a misunderstanding.

I was waiting for another person. Don't keep the ladies waiting, please.

God, why do all these characters find me?

He's the car park mafia, I assume.

Goodness. What a weird man.

Kayhan?

How do you know my name?

We talked on the phone. Prince Ender.

Dude, check it out. Where were you?

I almost got shot by a man named King Adnan here.

-Where are the girls? -In the car.

I'll take the payment. They'll come with you.

-How much is it? -5,000 euros.

Whoa! I paid 50 liras for this balloon.

5,000 euros are 50-60,000 liras at its current rate.

How much is it now, 15 liras per euro?

-You're screwing me over. -Dude.

Find these girls in four hours yourself, then ask for any less.

-Hi, girls. -Hi.

They're the best kind. And your candies are here.

I'll take the payment and they're yours.

Firstly, congratulations.

They are really royalty material.

You're the best.

It's a real gang bus full of Latino chicks. It's perfect.

But I don't have enough cash on me.

Can we do an exchange?

What? How will we do that?

I owe you 5,000 euros, so I'll give you property worth 15-20,000 euros.

How will we manage that?

Like this. Do you see the car?

I'll give you that.

Sevim's car. I'll give you the papers tomorrow.

-OK, deal. -But...

It is worth more than I owe you. You'll owe me for another, better party.

OK, I'll handle it.

-Give me the candies. -Here.

OK, girls! Davay, davay!

Alright, come on, chicks.

-Come on. -Alright, davay!

Come on, chicks.

Surprise!

-Kayhan? -Yes, Kayhan!

Why are you here? Who are they?

They are my soccer-mates.

Why are you here, I should ask? Why didn't you tell me about the party?

-How did you find here? -I heard from Sevim and her friends.

Bro, what is going... Kayhan.

Well, well, Sinan!

They told me there was a bachelor's party, and I brought presents, see?

Oh, I see. Of course I do.

My brother!

Well, well! Come inside, bro.

Don't keep him waiting. Come in, bro.

-Are you sure? -I am. Come in.

He's our guest of honor. Come inside!

Guys, you won't believe what you're seeing.

Alright, girls. Let's go in.

Give your coats to my bro.

Come on. Hand over your coats.

Give your coats to my bro, girls.

Let's go! Yes.

See, Sinan, I did my best for your bachelor's party.

Kayhan managed what you couldn't.

You're the man.

It's nothing, bro. Anything for you.

Then I say, let the party begin!

Tickle, tickle!

Wow, check it out, man!

-All good, right? -I'm so happy, dude!

I have more surprises for you.

Here, this is for you. Drink.

-What is it? -A special cocktail.

Chug, chug!

Alright, the first stage is over!

Let's move on to the second stage. More surprises coming.

Come on. On your knees.

Close your eyes tight. Don't open them until I say so.

OK, people, give it up for Asya!

Tatiana! Natali! Come here!

I'll pull a prank on Sinan. After the dance, take him

to his room inside. Put him on his bed and tuck him in.

-And leave the rest to me. OK? -OK.

OK? Go and wait.

Give it up for Asya!

Davay, davay!

Well, well! Orçun!

Orçun!

You got the best one, you hyena!

Take her! Look, what is this?

Get into her panties.

Undress her all the way, you rabbit! Ears up!

-Hop like a squirrel! -What are you talking about?

It's safe with me, don't worry.

Sevim won't hear a thing. Zip, done!

-Look away, please. -Dig in.

Come on!

Check it out!

There's a perfect view here.

Girls, you're awesome.

Let me take a nice picture.

Sexy! Alright, good.

Thank you, girls. You're done here.

Check it out! Alright.

The real party begins now, Sinan.

It is time for your fourth surprise.

Botox.

Your wife did botox, and you will, too.

Flex, inject.

Flex, inject. Looking good.

On your chin and cheeks, too.

Yes, perfect.

Yes.

Here, too. And the final magic touch.

Yes.

Yes, here, too.

It's perfect.

Now, I have taken my revenge, Sinan.

Did you think you would get away with what you wrote?

-Take them away! Quick! -What's that?

-What's going on here? -Take them all.

You, too. Don't make me say it. Hurry!

Sir, this is the retard who brought us here.

Ah, there is the pimp. Take the pimp, too.

I'm not a pimp, no.

I swear I'm not. I'm not a pimp, really!

How shameful! I'm not a pimp!

Go!

Can I say something?

-Say it. -Even five year olds know

there are men behind this glass.

Why are you paying for such expenses and trying to fool me?

See, I'm waving.

Shut up!

-When did you start working for Ender? -I'm not working for him, sir.

I’ve got nothing to do with him.

I'm just a man living in Ankara.

I live with my mother. What Ender?

-I see, so Ankara is yours. -Ankara is not mine or anything.

How did you come up with that?

Conspiracy theory over conspiracy theory.

Is this CSI Bağcılar?

I live in Ankara.

I don't work for him. Those men said it.

They called me a pimp. I'm not a pimp or anything like that.

If I was one, I'd say so. I'd say, "I got the best broads."

Or "How much do you want?" I'm not a pimp.

I'm an Özerenler School graduate who lives with his mother.

I know no Enders at all.

-How come? -I don't, dude. Do you want trouble?

Hey! Don't lie. Why are you lying, son?

Why would I lie? I swear on my life, really.

What is this?

We have a very important party tonight, Ender.

What do you need?

I need seven or eight good women.

-And include a bellydancer if you can. -Where is this party?

At Sensation Hotel.

You were caught by the technical surveillance, son.

It is your voice, and you say you don't know Ender. It is clear as day!

Here's what we do. I won't take any more of your time.

I want to see my lawyer.

I shouldn't talk anymore.

-Are you joking with us? -Of course not, sir.

This is what we found in his bag.

-What is this? -Dead chicken.

-This? -Nunchacku.

-What? -Nunchucks.

-And this? -Faucet knob valve.

-Why carry this? -I use it for body clean up.

I put it on the bidet pipe so... Yes, it might be a bit dirty.

-This? -That's a reception bell.

I went to scuba diving in Kaş. I took it as a memoir from the lodging there.

So, theft?

Not theft. I was the only one using it.

I kept ringing it. The guy got driven mad and told me to take it and leave.

-What is this? -Pepper spray. I use it on meals.

-The pepper spray? -Yes, I like it spicy.

That is my girlfriend's.

-For fantasy? -No, daily use.

Her neck resembles a kangal dog's. That's how she likes it.

-This? -A baby bottle.

-What do you do with it? -I still drink from it.

I still drink formula.

-Still? -It's a palatal delight.

That's how my palate developed. I drank from the bottle until I was 22.

Also, we've found synthetic drugs on him.

For your attention.

-What about this? -Well, that...

-Are those buttons? -What?

Sugar beans.

-Sugar beans? -Yes.

-They're stimulants. -I wasn't warned about them, really.

Honestly, I was given these to use at the party and I kept them in my pocket.

I wasn't aware of what they are.

Guys!

Take him to the duty prosecutor, then to the courthouse.

Sir, please, send me to my mother, to Ankara.

You'll go there alright.

-Wait, I want to make a confession. -What is it?

Sir, on the condition that my friend Orçun is released,

I admit to all the charges.

Release him, please.

I admit to all the crimes committed. I'm willing to go to jail.

See, he confessed. Take him.

-Where to? -To Ankara.

Where are you taking me?

Oh, cruel destiny

They've put me in jail

Never a smile on our faces

Never, oh, never

Death separated us

Never... Cemal, enough. Please, no more.

I'd headbutt you if you weren't the boss in this cell.

You've made me sing folk songs ever since I got in.

I asked the warden to put me in solitary confinement by myself.

I swear I can live on bread and water for months

without singing. Enough.

What can we do, Kayhan?

You sing very well. You are relieving us.

Brother, thank you, you're my elder.

I'll respect you until I get out of here.

But let me sing in my style a little.

Go ahead.

Seko, come, give me beat, bro.

My shoulder on the picture, The rest is all insults

My pride is on the floor, Miserably honorless

I'm here now, But captivity will one day end

What's important is That I destroyed you all

Check it out, yeah

This is my style.

-This is also nice. -This is what real rap is.

Look, Kayhan, you're emotional just like me.

Yes, I am. But I keep things inside.

Do you see these?

I was going to ask you that.

You're a grown man, but still, you hang helicopter pictures like a five year old.

Where did you even find them?

These are my babies.

I have 16 of them.

16?

-All of them are yours? -Yeah. This is my sickness.

-I hope they grow up nicely. -Look, 755 Douglas.

This is my first baby.

When you're on it, it feels like you're in your own living room.

That comfortable. This is Raven 44.

It's Polish. It's agile like a horsefly.

And this one.

Her name is Eurocopter X3.

She can do 470 kilometers per hour.

Thanks to her speed, she can go back and forth very efficiently at borders.

Excuse me, but what do you do?

I went back and forth between borders, making money.

I see, you're a smuggler.

SİNAN ÖZALTUN GETS MARRIED

Turn up the volume.

He really got married!

Guys, this was my classmate.

I do!

Look at his face! What a monkey!

God damn you!

SEVEN MONTHS LATER

Finally, thanks to Turkish Justice,

we can come to the reunion without Kayhan.

Don't even mention him. How much more will he serve?

I believe he still has six months to go.

-Oh, good. -I've just got my old face back.

We'll have to get our wedding pictures taken again.

What is that? Guys, look!

I can't believe it.

-Kayhan? -Where did he come from?

What the...

-Kayhan! -No way!

-He's a nightmare! -Shush! He's coming.

Yes, Kayhan! You thought I wouldn't come, right?

I wouldn't miss this reunion, no matter what.

I dug an 18 kilometer-long tunnel from the jail to here.

I've been spooning dirt for seven months. Enough!

But, Orçun, seeing you here makes it feel like it's all worth it. I miss you.

Welcome, bro.

We miss you, too. We were just talking about you.

Why did you escape? What if your sentence gets longer?

It won't. I'll go back there through the tunnel.

I put a dummy on my bed, with a wig and all. They think I'm sleeping.

By the way, I see that the whole class of 3C has gathered in my absence!

It's got nothing to do with you, man.

Yes, I was sick in bed last year.

Right!

I'm not buying it!

Anyway, now that I have taken my revenge from all of you, we have no problems.

There's only one thing.

-What is it? -A class picture with me in it.

Only my shoulder is seen in the yearbook one.

That's why we'll take a picture with me in it now.

Alright, stay together.

Let's do what he says.

-I don't want any other problems. -Come.

Come together.

Stand tightly!

You're the one who's missing. Come here, we'll ask somebody to take it.

I'll come over there, Orçun. But first, I have a nice surprise for you.

I've made an arrangement.

Hello? Cemal?

You may come in.

Alright, Kayhan!

What the...

Kayhan, what is that?

God damn you!

What a nice picture!

You've got all the filth of Istanbul on you!

God damn you, Kayhan!