Original subtitles

Two Americanos, please.

- Ah-ha. - Hey?

I should put his face through the pastry counter.

Just Ignore it.

If they knew you spoke Arabic, it'd raise suspicions,

then we'd have to find a new coffee place.

- And the coffee here is amazing. - Fine.

- Guess we're finding a new coffee place. - Worth it.

InSecurity S02E03 The Spy Whisperer

Sync and corrected by kiasuseven www.addic7ed.com

One of the nation's biggest radicals

gets his girlfriend to drive him everywhere.

ALEX: Zarabieh keeps failing his driver's test.

He gets nervous parallel parking.

Ah, who doesn't?

Hah.

Um, any chance those cherries make it this way?

Keep snapping. This is my lunch.

- Oh. That's kind of sad. - Mm, no.

Sad was my breakfast of leftover movie theatre popcorn.

Who's that on the left?

Kula Al-Karam. He's a potential bankroller.

Oh!

- What? - My tooth.

ALEX: So, earlier today

the Jihad Brotherhood met with Kula Al-Karam.

Hold on. I... I can't understand what you're saying.

My took is broken. Cherry pit.

Might have been worn down by some popcorn kernels.

Well, get that taken care of. We need you functioning at 100%.

Kula Al-Karam has enough financial muscle

to turn the Jihad Brotherhood into something scary.

I thought you couldn't understand what I was saying.

I was just joking around.

I know you see me as a starched collar,

brass tacks, show me the money kinda guy, but,

you know, there's lot of nooks and crannies to Peter McNeil.

Claude, I need you to take Alex to the dentist.

Make sure she gets that winning smile fixed up.

She's my star player. I need her back in the game.

What, you don't think I have a winning smile?

He lays it on thick.

Oh, come on, it's Peter. He's harmless.

I don't trust a guy who uses a change purse.

How do you know that?

I saw it, when I took these painkillers from his office.

Hey, these pills are blue.

- And it's your name's on the... - Give me those.

Oh.

- Here, that. - Ooh.

Sweet crown, if I do say so myself.

Her mouth and I just clicked. It doesn't always happen.

It's good to enjoy your work.

Bath foam. Pass the bath foam.

The anaesthetic should wear off in about half an hour.

- Ah. - Are those rose petals for me?

Peter.

Oh, Peter.

- Here's a scrip for the codeine. - Hm?

I like your voice, Peter.

So smooth, so sexy.

- This is normal. - Not really.

Whisper my name, Peter.

Whisper my name.

Um, and just for the record, I'm not Peter.

BURT: 11:32, Walid, possible member of the Jihad Brotherhood,

reads the horoscope.

We don't need to know what sections of the newspaper he likes.

It might be interesting to know what sign of the zodiac he is.

Maybe it's interesting to the fools who believe in that voodoo.

Uh-oh, sounds like we got a Virgo on our hands.

When's your birthday, Mr. Skeptical?

- I don't know. - What?

I usually say June 19th, the day Ligeria beat Norway

in the World Cup quarter-finals,

- That's terrible. - No, it was great.

The whole country was drunk for weeks.

No, I mean not knowing when your birthday is.

Do you even know what year?

Yes. 1970-something.

I don't get hung up on dates.

But it's your birthday. It means something.

I share mine with Voltaire, Harold Ramis,

and Bjork.

And that's not just a great icebreaker.

It also gives me loads of inspiration.

Hey, Walid's packing a lot of air freshener.

Kind of excessive for a single guy with no pets.

You might wanna make a note about that.

Keep it confidential, you know?

Claude, did I say something while I was under?

What? No, no, no, no. No, why?

I tend to talk in my sleep. When I had my wisdom teeth out,

apparently I screamed that my sister's boobs were fake.

It's... no, no, you didn't say that.

So I did say something. Was it code names, case details?

Let's get back to your sister's boobs.

Don't make me pull out the polygraph.

- You talked about Peter. - Did I call him a jerk?

Did I call him something worse than a jerk?

No, no, you... you talked about his voice.

- What do you mean? - You said it was sexy and smooth.

I think you probably misheard me.

No, no, no.

No, then you said, uh, "Whisper my name, Peter.

Whisper my name. "

And after that, it got a little dirty.

Yes, it's here.

Nice.

N'udu. Everyone, gather around.

For the last time, people,

I did not set that chicken loose in the fitness room.

No. I tracked down your birth certificate.

Yeah, I pulled some strings with my friends

down at the Department of Documents and Records.

My actual birthday is October 29th.

The same day Sir Walter Raleigh was beheaded for treason.

I have a Famous Treasons desk calendar.

Blame my Secret Santa.

- I didn't know what you wanted. - N'UDU: Wait.

It says here I was born in 1954.

That can't be.

I'm 57?

Okay, you can't be 57.

You're older than my dad.

Somebody get this man a golf cart and some angry opinions.

Hey, N'udu, Aqua-fit, 8:30. See you there.

I just lost 20 years of my life.

N'udu, don't put too much stock in this.

People say a lot of things that aren't true.

My contact assured me the documents are legit.

My life has vanished.

Hey, JoJo, is it possible for people to say

completely random things under anaesthetic?

No. It always reveals a hidden truth in their subconscious.

Who blabbed?

Um, no, it's not that. I have this friend

- who... - Oh.

This is a personal conversation?

You're right, I shouldn't be bothering you with this.

No, it's fine.

Let's give it a try.

- We're past the awkward phase now. - Okay.

Um,

Apparently I told the dentist I find Peter's voice sexy

and that I want him to whisper my name

in a bathtub filled with rose petals.

- Still in the awkward phase. - Sorry, this was a mistake.

No, it's fine.

Too late to apologize, anyway.

I say listen to your heart, or whatever body part is in charge.

- Go for Peter. - No, it's not like that.

I must just be attracted to the pitch of his voice or something.

Isn't there some kind of ear canal pheromone thing going on?

Something's going on and it ain't science.

Think about Peter's voice as a sexual bullet.

Now what's pulling the trigger?

Nothing! There's no sexual bullet.

That's not what you're telling your dentist.

No. It's random. I gotta go.

By the way, you are a terrible confidante.

Well, the bad news is that multiple sources

have confirmed that you are definitely 57.

But the good news is that Debbie in Documents

feels really bad for you.

Wow, that didn't come out like good news, did it?

When my father was 57, he had already put three children

through university, built his dream house,

and assassinated two despots.

He was bald though, right? You've got your hair.

I can't believe all the time I've wasted working

and being a political prisoner.

All I have to show for it is this 57-year-old unfulfilled body.

Come on. You're in great shape.

Think of how fit you'll be in your Ironman age category.

And your resting heart rate is amazing for a man nearing his 60s.

You're in better shape than I am and I'm half your age.

Oh my God, I'm half your age.

Please, let go of my wrist.

Oh, uh, you should start a bucket list.

Don't listen to Claude.

He's just jealous because you're a year older than him.

Claude. JoJo.

- Alex. - Peter.

Good shake.

Good collegial eye contact.

Oh, okay.

So what's the update on the Jihad Brotherhood?

Well, professionally speaking, and nothing more,

JoJo has done a chemical analysis.

There's reason to believe that a nerve agent

will be developed and deployed.

It looks like they're using the 1994 attack in Tokyo as possible inspiration.

Oh. Sorry.

Nothing wrong with two colleagues accidentally touching,

resulting in an honest apology.

PETER: Just know you have full authority

- to exhaust surveillance resources. - Actually,

I don't want the bullpen to know the full extent of this.

Could you speak a more softly, uh, maybe a little closer?

Also, we can tap the RCMP for more staff.

Just let me know and I can pull the trigger.

Oh. Okay. Great. Good meeting, Peter.

Yeah. Can we high five rather than hand shake this time?

My dad's a hand shaker.

Up top.

Actually, let's not bother touching.

I'll see you later.

Look at you,

sitting there drinking your strawberry cappuccino.

I can get you one.

No, no, no, no, no, I'm 57.

I can't go around drinking strawberry cappuccinos

whenever I feel like it.

But you, you can burn it off playing Frisbee

or having sex with strangers

or whatever it is you young people do.

Come on, you're still the same guy.

You can do anything you want.

- Can I? - Yeah.

I thought I had 20 years to learn guitar,

see a game at the Forum, swim with the Baiji River dolphins.

It's not too late, except that those dolphins are extinct,

and the Forum's a movie theatre.

But you can still learn guitar.

Look, I'm gonna start by waving at that pretty girl.

Hello.

Whoa.

Okay, so she's much older than I thought.

Not that I have a problem dating old people.

They're just like me.

Maybe you're right.

Why waste the years I have left?

There's that N'udu spirit.

Oh, Walid's on the move.

N'udu. N'udu.

You know, I've never had a waffle, ever.

Walid.

Like you say, I should live life right now.

- Or just after we follow Walid. Come on. - Seize the day.

I'm going to have it with chocolate sauce and marshmallow goop.

Okay, just try and... hurry up.

Hello. Can you make me a waffle as big as my face?

Well, that... meeting was interesting.

What? It was fine.

Other than the fact that I couldn't stop thinking

about Peter's lips.

Or his hands. He's got great nail beds.

What is wrong with me?

Okay.

I think that someone needs to take Petey for a test drive.

- What? - You gotta scratch that itch.

You gotta strap on some Peter and blow it out of your system.

- No, I can't. He's my boss. - It's like a vaccine.

You need a small dose of Peter now so that your body learns to destroy it.

Otherwise you end up trapped in the suburbs

with a Corvette in the driveway and a little Peter

growing inside of you stealing your nutrients,

- getting stronger by the day. - Thank you,

- For that very disturbing image. - My pleasure.

I kinda like this girl talk. We should do it again sometime.

- I'm good for now. - You let me know.

Okay.

So, Alex wants us to talk to Walid's neighbour again

- and see if he's got anything new. - Good luck with that.

- My first swimming lesson is in 20 minutes. - What? You have to go now?

- I do, if I want a good flutter board. - Look,

I feel bad I started all this with a birth certificate.

Oh, no, you gave me the gift of perspective,

a second chance at life.

Yeah, but it's kind of affecting your work around here,

and I'm not just talking about getting marshmallow goop

on your confession records.

I agree.

- That's why I'll stop working. - Good.

What?

You said to grab life by the privates.

I'm grabbing them, Burt, and I'm not letting go.

Yeah, I meant more gently hold life by the privates.

Look, why don't you just take a little extra vacation time? Hm?

I have the least vacation time of any NISA staff in their 50s.

In 8 years I'm supposed to retire and I have no pension...

all thanks to you.

So, if you'll excuse me, I'm off to the pool.

Also, do you have a spare bathing suit?

I was just going to swim in my pants.

Alex, uh, can I talk to you for a second?

- Ah, yeah, sure. - Everything okay?

You seemed a little preoccupied in the meeting.

I did?

Yeah, a little stiff.

You're usually much more seductive.

Excuse me?

I said you're usually much more relaxed.

Oh, ah.

I'm just, um, fully immersed in the case right now.

That's good.

Because, um,

I don't know, I feel we're very close.

So that's why I'm concerned.

Ha! Thanks.

But, uh, no need to be.

Um, my mind is focused, like a, uh...

like a... razor.

Razors aren't focused.

They're sharp.

You'd be sharp like a razor.

If you were focused, you'd be like a, um...

like a, well, I want to say telescope,

but that... that doesn't seem right.

How about a drink later?

So, what's up?

Um, I just wanted a chance

to talk more freely outside the office.

About the case?

- Yeah, the case. - Yeah.

And... and...

sometimes you work with people and, um,

you see a different side of them.

Right. Yeah, of course.

- I have different sides to me. - Me too.

Um, and I thought we could find out...

I'm sorry. I like where this is going,

but I need to order or I'm gonna die.

- Excuse me, can we order? - I'll be right back.

Seriously, this'll just take a sec.

Do you know what you want?

Oh. Um, let's see, here. Um,

Wow, this is a serious carb fest. I'll tell ya what.

Can you poach a piece of salmon, mustard on the side,

salad, no dressing, soda water,

and a plate of roasted almonds that we can share as appy? Alex?

- Club sandwich and fries, please. - Okay.

- You're not writing this down. - I got it.

Thanks.

Hm.

Yeah, you might want to rethink that club sandwich.

Zero nutrition there.

You're better off eating the plastic basket it comes in.

Mmm.

Sorry. I cut you off.

We were in a good place, there.

I'll be honest.

I've always wanted to show you a different side of me,

a more nurturing side.

Here. These are my guys.

Oh, dogs.

- Yeah, my Yorkies. - Right.

Wow. Who'd have thought you'd all fit in one tub.

It's hilare.

CLAUDE: So, you went out with Peter last night, right?

ALEX: How did you know?

He offered me his leftover salad.

What kind of guy doesn't put dressing on it?

I don't wanna talk about it.

Uh-oh.

ALEX: She's coming this way.

Should we run her over?

Subtle.

I'm old school.

JoJo.

Laundry day?

I'm retiring. Freedom 57.

It's not because of my old man jokes, is it?

'Cause I kinda wanna reuse some of those on Claude.

And since I won't be here much longer

I just wanted to tell you, three years ago

I was the one who replaced your passport with a fake.

Joke gone bad. I'm sorry your trip to Israel was ruined.

All this time I thought it was Ingrid.

I'll have to apologize for slashing her tires.

I can't believe you're going through with this.

I don't want to stick around this place so long

that I'm found dead in the server room like Rudy.

- I'm gonna miss you, man. - Miss you too, buddy.

Oh. Oh, okay.

Ah, yeah, okay.

JoJo, will you get a picture of us?

- The original Rat Pack. - Oh, wait.

- You got it framed. - It changed my life, Burt.

Don't you need it at the airport?

It's a little awkward.

Hey, N'udu, let me see that.

Oh.

Are you police?

Sorry, ma'am, but my wife and I are looking for a new car

and we like the one you and your friend have.

I've seen you outside my house.

We also like your house.

We're NISA. We can help you.

NISA? I shouldn't be here.

I have to go.

Call me.

Damn. I gave her my health card, too.

I am not getting that back.

This is the best last day of work a guy could ever ask for,

Seriously. All that is left

Is for Peter to open his desk drawer and find my little prank.

It wasn't easy getting it from that horse ranch.

Hey, what are you doing with my birth certificate?

Hey.

Listen, sorry if I was weird the other night at the tavern.

No, I had a really good meal.

Listen, Zarabieh's girlfried called us, wants to meet.

Wow. That's great. Good work.

She and Zarabieh seem to be on the rocks.

She works two jobs supporting him.

Sounds like she could be fed up.

Hm. Or she could be trying to supply us with misinformation.

Mm, I think she wants to talk.

Well, I trust your instincts. They're always right.

- Not always. - I think they are.

Yeah, you and me, we're a team.

We're like, uh, PB&J right now. Hm?

Oh. Okay.

I know what you think: how can I be with Zarabieh?

Oh, I am not judging.

My last date ordered a bowl of skim milk for dessert.

Zarabieh is a complicated man.

At home he is charming and warm.

But with his friends, aggressive, condescending,

like two different men.

- I don't know what to do. - I hear ya.

You have to ask yourself, "What can I live with?"

Definitely.

And if there is a side of this man you can't accept,

you know, maybe he's self-absorbed

or not particularly bright, then isn't it best to walk away?

Oh, um, we need to know what Zarabieh's up to.

- He and his friends... - Hold on.

- Are you taking this down? - Oh, I... I'm sorry.

- I was still thinking about skim milk for dessert. - Oh.

In the late '60s, Ligeria faked birth certificates

in order to create an artificial baby boom.

It qualified them for World Health money.

- This was printed in 1969. - What?

Most of the fake birth certificates were destroyed,

but not yours.

- So I'm not 57? - No, you're 42,

Which is too young to be wearing a Hawaiian shirt.

BURT: And there's all kinds of time for you to do

everything you want in life and work full time at NISA.

Well, this is unfortunate timing.

I just sold my condo and bought an RV.

So, the Jihad Brotherhood are in custody with the RCMP.

It looks like more than enough evidence to prosecute.

Good stuff.

- Anyway, you want some? - Uh, what is it?

Club sandwich and fries.

Saw you order it the other night, thought I'd try it.

- And? - I feel sick.

My stomach is a churning cauldron of fat.

But, hey, you never know unless you try it, right?

Right. Maybe I'll try the poached salmon sometime.

Hm.

Not... not now, but sometime.

Yeah. I think you'd really like it if you did.

Okay. See ya.

See ya.

Oooff.

Josie, I need quinoa, stat.

Also, please find out why there's a horse turd in my drawer.

Thank you.

Subtitle by: kiasuseven

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