All language subtitles for Insecurity s01e13 Death by Birthday.eng

- Can we take you to lunch?
- No.

- Buy you a drink after work?
- No.

- Buy you a drink during work?
- No.

Can we sing you Happy Birthday

or some non-copyrighted
version of a birthday song?

I appreciate the sentiment,
but I'm not big on birthdays.

And we have a lot of work to do.

Peter's here with CIA Special Agent
Tom Bailey out of New York.

There are concerns that al-Qaeda
is setting up a cell in Ottawa.

- Tom.
- Thanks, Alex.

We've been monitoring calls
and it seems that al-Qaeda

Plans to attack targets here
and in the northern U.S.

Have a listen.
[ static ]

It's a little staticky at first,

But you start to make out
what they're saying.

And here...
[ dance beat ]

You can hear their cell leader say
the plans have been set...

[ dance beat gets louder ]

And it's time to get naked.

Oooo!

Uh, Tom, what the hell are you--

Al-Qaeda says...

Death to all party-poopers!

[ laughter, applause and cheering ]

[ applause and cheering ]

Peter, give me a call next week

And we'll talk those
North Korean sleeper cells.

You got it, Tom.

- Happy Birthday.
- Thank you.

Mm! God, that guy's got great glutes.

Tom's a real agent?

Oh, yeah. Rember Operation Brass Pole?

Militant extremists working
out of a Dubai Chippendales.

Tom headed that up.

Picked up some sweet moves, too.

Which reminds me,

I've got a special
birthday treat for you.

You're not gonna take off
your pants, are you?

What? And follow Agent Hard Buns?

Let me get my guitar.

Come on, open your presents.

Cards first. It's only polite.

Who's this one from?

Mystery card?
Let's just find out, then.

Oh, someone sealed this
one up pretty tight.

Oh! Oh!

[ coughing ]
What is that?

[ alarm buzzing ]

FEMALE VOICE: Alert! Alert!
Toxic levels dangerous.

Death imminent. Death imminent.

I guess I'll, uh, do my song later.

[
]

InSecurity S01E13 Death by Birthday
Sync and corrected by Kiasuseven www.addic7ed.com

Thanks.

The good news is the toxin's been
totally contained in your area.

- Everybody else in the building
is completely safe. - Great.

Good job, guys.

- What is this stuff?
- We don't know yet.

But the Health Department's
Hazmat unit is on its way.

This is a Priority 1 Call.

Alex, I'll start analyzing this.
In the meantime,

I recommend everyone slow down
their heart rate to 30 bpm.

I'll get right on that.

I've been through this before.

You're fine once you get over the hives
and the fever and the vomiting.

- And the vomiting from the eyes.
- Thanks.

Look, there's lots to keep us
busy before Hazmat gets here,

So let's just get going.

It appears to be a mutated
strain of anthrax.

Symptoms include--

Well, death is really the main one,

But it's preceded by hives,
eye redness, hair loss,

[ coughing ]
violent coughing.

Why doesn't Burt have any symptoms?

It's possible he has a natural immunity.

- Are you serious?
- That's awesome!

- One in 10,000 do.
- Of all the people.

- What's that supposed to mean?
- Nothing.

- I know what you meant.
- Guys.

No, no. I know I'm not
the greatest agent.

And I'm sorry if you all think
I have no place on this team.

I know you want to say something,

But you're probably
saving your strength.

- I'll need a sample of your blood.
- Needles make me queasy.

Noted. Knife.

Knives are actually worse.

Ow-wa-ow!

Not that this is going to help.

Could you try to be a little positive?

If you die today,
it means no more birthdays?

There's the silver lining.
[ knocking ]

A little update.

Identical envelopes filled
with the same powder

Were sent to five different
government offices

And the Prime Minister's residence.

- Is he okay?
- Oh, yeah.

Yeah, he's actually on vacation
surfing in Costa Rica.

But he doesn't want his Huskies to die,

So the Hazmat unit has
been sent there first.

But don't worry,
they'll be here right after.

- How long will that take?
- Don't know.

Try not to worry about it.
Speeds up the brain melt.

Ah, okay.

So, if Burt is immune,
couldn't we use his antibodies

To make an antidote?

Judging by the levels
of toxin, we would need

All of Burt's blood
just to get one dose.

- It would kill him.
- Oh.

But we could do it, right?

Well, let's just keep
that as backup plan.

What do you mean backup?
I'm not backup.

We're brainstorming, Burt.
There's no wrong answers.

Shall I add it to the whiteboard?

Hey, guys. The Hazmat team
is making real progress

Over at the Prime Minister's residence.

So, this is the bullpen
where you'd be spending

The bulk of your time.

Now, don't worry, these glass
walls usually aren't here.

Burt, which one's your desk?

So, you'd be sitting over there.

What are you doing?

Oh. Uh, just a sec, guys.

I'm sorry. It's just procedure.

I know you and your team
are gonna get through this.

They're our replacements?
But I'm not dying.

Exactly.
It's just standard practice.

Under the circumstances,
I've gotta have a backup team in place.

Transition, never gonna happen.

And, besides, Donna, not ready.

- Donna?
- Hey.

Hi.

Don't worry. It's just
for the brass upstairs.

So what would you say are your
main areas of responsibility?

Donna, you might wanna hear this.

Good news.

I have enough compounds here to make
something that could get us out of this.

Thanks, JoJo. You really came
through in the clutch, big time.

Keep on giving 110%.

God, I have to stop falling
asleep to SportsCentre.

[ phone ringing ]

Hello?

Ah, just a sec.

It's your wife.

Allo. Comment ?a va?

Yeah, everything's good.

How's your day?

Oh, yeah, yeah. She liked
the cake, don't worry.

Um, Helene, um,
I might be a little late,

So I'll call you if
it's past six, right?

Yeah.

What?

Oh. Let's have the chicken.

Moi aussi. Bye. Love you.

I like your attitude.

Nothing to get Helene upset about

- Because we're going to
get through this. - No.

"Let's have the chicken" is our
code for "I'm gonna die soon."

And what if you actually want chicken?

Yeah, it's confusing.

So we mainly eat pork.

So.

What's that?

Doomsday Kit.

It's filled with my favourite things.

A signed copy of The Spy
Who Came in from the Cold .

A fine bottle of wine,
Romanee Conti, 1983,

And a cigar hand rolled by Castro.

- You met Fidel?
- No. Pepe Castro.

Works at the smoke shop on Bank.

No thumbs, but rolls a hell of a cigar.

You'll see.

[ beeping ]

Oop, a minute.

One, two--

There.

Anyway.

Well, it's to be opened only
in case of imminent death.

Hello, Jeanette.

Hi. It's Benjamin N'udu.

We had a speed-date three
years ago, remember?

[ coughs ]
We both love cats.

Anyways, I have a favour to
ask you. Please call me back.

- What kinda favour do you need?
- Maybe I can help.

I don't think so.

Come on.
I'm here for you.

I need to impregnate someone
with my frozen sperm

so the N'udu name will
live on after I die today.

[ sigh ]

All right, let me give it a shot.

I don't mean get pregnant. I
mean I'll help you find someone.

Alex, you got a second?
She's going to be dead too.

Yeah. Never mind.
Good point.

So, where are ya keepin'
the little N'udus?

The freezer in the lab,
behind the ice cube tray.

What, beside the vanilla ice pops?

Those aren't vanilla ice pops.

- Here.
- See? What did I tell ya?

Thank God, my little ones are safe!

A word to the wise, you
might wanna label those.

[ phone ringing ]

Hello?
Hey, Sis.

Heyyyyy. Alex!

About tonight--

- You're not calling to cancel, are you?
- No.

Why would I do that?

Because you have a habit of cancelling.

I do not.

Really?
Remember the hostage taking?

What hostage taking?

Oh, on Mom and Dad's anniversary.

Yes, that hostage taking.

Or the time you missed
Emily's school play

Because your were trapped
in a Russian tank.

Fortunately, you sent me the DVD.

You know, for a 6-year-old girl,
Emily was a great Geppetto.

She worked so hard on that accent.

Yeah, I know. You mentioned
in the DVD extras.

And don't get me started
on missing my jazz choir.

Look, I'll be there.

Cross my heart, hope to die.

Maybe more the latter,
but what can ya do?

Yes, hello. I'm looking
for Mary-Elizabeth.

I'm sorry.
She's living in a convent.

Oh. It's Sister Mary-Elizabeth now.

That's correct.

Well, then, who are you?

[ chuckles ]

Hello? Hel--

- You okay?
- Bapteme!

No, just frustrated.

It's so hot in here
without the ventilation.

- Where did youget that?
- Hm? Uh, in the lab.

I'd get you one, but it's not very good.

It tastes nothing like vanilla.

Excuse me.
Can I have your attention?

In a few hours, it's likely
that you'll all be dead.

That came out less inspirational
than I had hoped.

You may be gone, but you
will not be forgotten,

Because I'm going to create...

A slide show.

Hey, guys, I've done it.

Maybe you didn't hear me.
I said slide show.

I wasn't sure I could pull it off,

But there was just enough
for four capsules,

One for each of us.

Great. I can make it to my sister's.

I can save my Doomsday Kit.

I can impregnate a woman, myself.

And I can see a touching audio visual
presentation go out the window.

Now, put the capsule in your mouth.

But before you swallow, make
sure to bite down on the cap.

And if I did my job right,

In about five minutes we'll all be dead.

[ spitting ]
What the hell?

What are you doing?
Don't waste them!

What's in these?
Cyanide, more or less.

And a bit of Ecstasy to cut the edge.

Are you crazy? Wait.
Where'd you get the Ecstasy?

The stripper left his jacket.

This is going to be ugly, people.

Paralysis,

Convulsions,

Brain spasms,

Liquefaction of eyeballs!

Okay, I think we get it.
We're not taking these.

Atta girl, Alex.
That's the spirit.

We are going to live!

We are going to come up
with an antidote, somehow.

Everybody say "brain spasm."

[ click ]

I'm just setting aside a little treat.

And when this is all over,
I will reward myself with it.

Nice.

If you weren't going to be dead soon,

You would make a great
mother for my child.

Um, that's-that's sort of
an off-side thing to say

To your boss, but thank you.

You don't want to give it
a shot just in case, do you?

Further off-side.

- I feel sick.
- Blame Alex.

You'd be enjoying the peaceful sleep
of death if it were up to me.

No. I mean I can't get
into that goddamn box.

Cigar looks good, bottle seems intact.

Just run an analysis on the wine.

Tannin levels are perfect.

Don't tell me that.

This is Claude's Doomsday Kit.

Claude, tell us what inspired
this box of priceless treasures.

Get that out of my face.

Oh, that's our Claude,
the lovable curmudgeon.

Claude, how long have you been--

Wow, are all those kids yours,
or are you running a daycare?

- They certainly all have your eyebrow.
- N'udu.

[ click ]

How goes the baby game?

Is there no one who
wants to be impregnated

By a stranger on short notice?

Ah, women.

You know what I've discovered?

You don't actually need
them to reproduce.

Check this out.

I made you a computer baby.

- Aww, look at him.
- Yeah, Little Burt.

- We're not calling him Burt.
- Call him whatever you want.

- N'udu.
- Okay.

- I don't want red hair.
- We can change that.

- And he should be black.
- Yeah, probably.

Hello.
Carol. Hey.

Um, I know this is a drag,

But there's a good chance
I won't make it tonight.

You have to come.

I know. It's just...

something's come up at work.

I knew it.

No, something has actually come up.

I'm not faking. In fact, there's
a good chance I could die.

You can just say you don't
wanna come to the party.

- What party?
- Oh, like you didn't know.

Mom and Dad not answering,
no one around on your birthday.

You're throwing me a surprise party.

Yeah. Except you're not coming
because you're "dying."

Look, I'm really sorry about this.

Can I talk to Mom and Dad,

You know, before I bite it?

They went to pick up the cake,

The cake you're not
going to eat because

You're trapped in some volcano
full of rabid scorpions.

Or on a space jet,
flying into a wormhole.

Look, I will try to be there.

Maybe Uncle Bill can
convince you to come.

No, don't put me on the
phone with Uncle Bill.

Hey, Alex.

Aaaah.
[ beep ]

What is this made out of?

I don't know.
I bought it 20 years ago at Den for Men.

Here, I can open it.

Oh, oh, oh.
Please don't.

There's a bottle in there.

I'll be careful.

Oh, God.

You just need to know where to hit it.

Get the right angle.

No room for error.

[ bang ]

- Maybe there's room for a little error.
- Stop!

Gimme that!

[ speaking French)

[ glass shatters ]

That's open!

Okay.

Okay. Which one of you did it?

Did what?

All day I have been
trying to be positive.

I hate my birthday, then I get poisoned.

And I think, it's okay. Stay
positive. Make the best of it.

Save a piece of cake
for when it's all over,

A little treat that says Alex on it.

And one of you ate it!

Is your name Alex?

No.

It's okay, Alex.
It's okay.

I think I know what could
turn that frown upside down.

[ soft guitic ]

BURT'S VOICE:
Question: What are friends?

Answer: People who have
your back,

People who care for you,

People who make
you live, love, laugh.

Good friends,

Good job,

Good food.

I knew it.

I'm sorry, Alex.

I had to get that popsicle
flavour out of my mouth.

Ssshh!
You'll ruin the slide show.

Walk into the light.

Rest in peace, NISA Team.

Good luck on
the ultimate mission.

[ knocking ]

Good news! The Hazmat team
came through with an antidote.

An antidote, really?

It's only a beta formula,

So they'd like to test
it out on you guys

Before they give it to the
Prime Minister's huskies.

We'll take our chances.
Let's do it.

Great! One other thing.

They could only produce three doses.

I hate birthdays.

Well, it's simple,

One for each of you.

I don't think so.

Antidotes developed in the field
are notoriously ineffective.

Okay, you, N'udu, JoJo, take these.

I've had a good life, good career.

I'll take my chances.,

I'm sorry, Claude,
I can't let your wisdom

And belly of experience be at risk.

I'm a warrior, unafraid of death.

Plus, I accidentally killed
my computer child,

So now I have nothing to live for.

- Little N'udu's dead?
- I forgot to feed him.

Okay, I can't take any more of this.

Oh!

Ooww!

No.

Hold her down.

Okay, okay.
But let me do it myself.

You're a butcher with those things.

Aah! Sacrifice!

What-what-what-what-what
did you do that for?

No offence, Claude, but it's
hard to find good team leaders.

JoJo, do you speak French?

Don't worry.
You'll do fine without me.

Any one of these people
would make a great leader.

At least three out of four
would be a great leader.

Listen, guys, uh, can I have
a second with Alex, please?

Oh.

Has your hair always looked this fuzzy?

Hang in there. You gotta
get through this. Listen to me.

Look, you're one of my best agents, Alex.

I mean you're bright, hardworking,

thoughtful, beautiful.

Are you hitting on me? Now?

I don't want to lose you, as an agent,

But also as a, as a person.

Yeah, I really think you're great, Alex.

You know, and I know that
we've never slept together,

But, believe me, I-I've wanted to,

Ha, lotsa times, but, well, you're just,

You're too good to just have sex with.

This isn't really coming out right.

I care for you, so please don't die.
Okay?

Peter, that's sweet of you to say.

And I've always wanted to
say something to you, too.

I--

Ooh.

What? What?

No. No, no!

What?

Oh, my God.

This is the afterlife and
I'm sleeping with Burt.

It's okay.

Not really.

Don't worry. You're in
the NISA infirmary.

You're going to be okay.

But how did--

We were able to give you
a transfusion, from Burt.

He saved your life.

Oh. Great. Thanks.

So just to be clear, I have
Burt's blood in me now?

Yep, I'm in you.

You can probably feel me.

Hey, I wonder if we'll be able
to read each other's minds.

I'm sorry.
It was our only option.

I'm concentrating on
moving your left foot.

Can you feel that?

You made it.

- Well, it's good to have you back.
- Thanks.

You feeling okay?

Yeah.

Rest up. You've been through
a lot and there's probably

A lot of things you don't even remember.

Do you remember things like, uh,

What you were gonna say
before you passed out?

Look, it was a little crazy.

People say stuff.

Yeah.

[ chuckling ]

I-I could see you were
a little freaked out,

So I was just trying to
motivate you to push through.

Of course. And I was
responding in some way

I totally don't remember.

Hm. Okay.

Well, good job.

Alex, your sister's on the phone.

She wants to know if
you're coming to dinner.

Aach, tell her I'm dead.

Subtitle by: Kiasuseven

Repair and Synchronization by
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