Original subtitles

Nailed it.

Did you see that? JoJo?

Watch, I'll show you again.

I have to go.

- Where you goin'? - I have a mission.

- Need a ride? - I'm fine.

I could pick you up after.

Burt, just because you have nothing to do

doesn't mean the rest of us aren't busy.

I got stuff to do. I got lots to do.

Hey, guy, you seen my pen trick?

[♪]

- InSecurity S01E08- The Kwan Identity

Sync and corrected by: Kiasuseven

♪ Well now the sun ain't shinin' no more ♪

♪ I don't know why but I've seen it before ♪

♪ Ain't got no joy No man to lean on ♪

♪ He leaves my soul on the floor like a doll ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah! ♪ ♪ Ooo-ooo-ooo-ooo-ooo ♪

Nice packaging, Shamus.

Thanks, Tommi. We got a bag-sealing machine.

It's brilliant. Really keeps the heroin fresh.

It's good for sandwiches too.

What do you think, Angel Pants?

It's good.

Vivian says it's good.

Do you always let your woman make decisions for ya?

[laughs]

That's funny!

You, you a funny guy.

You got any more for me, funny man?

I'm sorry. I didn't mean anythin' by it.

Ha ha ha, jokes.

Jokes.

See, I can be a funny man too.

I'm here all week. Try the heroin.

Now, you get me 30 kilos of this

and I get you your dirty bomb.

Grand.

We'll leave you to it, then.

Tommi, this is boring. Gimme some money.

What happened to the cash I gave you yesterday?

I spent it.

But don't I look pretty?

Don't you think I know when someone looks pretty?

You'd be a solid 8 if you got your boobs done.

Aw, thanks.

You finally going to sleep over tonight?

Tommi, we talked about this.

I got real strict parents.

We agreed to wait until they're dead.

Leo, find Vivian's parents and kill them.

Ha ha ha, jokes.

Jokes.

Here.

Uh-uh-uh-uh.

Give me some sugar first.

Alex, it's JoJo.

I've got something big. Meet me in 15.

The deal's in the works.

Looks like it's heroin for a dirty bomb.

Shamus and his guys are planning to blow up the Queen while she's here in Ottawa.

Not the Queen! I'm having dinner with her.

Me and 400 other secret service agents.

- What should I wear? I was thinking... - Alex.

- What's the timeframe? - Don't know. but it's gonna be soon.

The Silver Kings can get a dirty bomb?

Tommi can get anything. Except me.

He's so creepy.

Always calling me Babe or Sugar Lumps or Vivian.

But isn't that your code name?

Yeah, but it's the way he says it.

I should go. Tommi's picking me up.

He wants to re-enact all the Austin Power movies for me.

Anymore time with him and I'll be off men.

- I didn't know you were into them. - Oh, yeah, I got it bad.

$87.50.

I got this.

Um, isn't that evidence now?

Yep.

[engine starts]

[thud]

Oh. Good.

Well... whoo.

I thought I hit something.

Are you okay?,

I can't believe she took off.

What's your name?

I, uh, I'm not sure.

Vivian!

Let me through before I cut you!

Butter Buns, you okay?

Who are you?

Vivian, it's me, Tommi. Remember?

Sort of.

What about your parents? Do you remember them?

Yeah, they're strict.

- They don't want us sleeping together. - Dammit!

Okay, come on. Let's get you out of here.

I have the whole evening planned.

Dinner, then dancing, then, uh...

I'll explain that bit later.

See you tonight. Bye.

So, big anniversary plans?

It's gonna be perfect.

What did you get Helene?

N'udu, this year I've really outdone myself.

I got her this handbag she's had her eye on.

- A cobra skin tote from the Fuchi spring collection? - Yes, sir.

Where I come from, only the most ruthless warlords

can afford such extravagance.

- Who did you kill? - Nobody.

JoJo was scoring one from the Silver Kings.

They've got a truck full of them.

Claude, many menny men had in order for this bag

to come to Canada.

Still, she's going to love it!

Uh, just don't say anything to Alex.

Course not. Bro-code.

Has anyone seen JoJo?

Nope, sure haven't. Right, Claude?

She's supposed to brief us on the Queen's visit.

Irish militants are trying to blow her up.

Not today of all days.

Someone wants to blow up the Queen?

But she is so lovely and graceful.

And oddly sexy. I like a good unibosom.

I'm worried Tommi got to JoJo. You guys try her phone.

I'll check the security tapes from the nail salon.

Oh, crap.

Uh-oh.

Tommi.

Stop. Stop, stop, stop, stop! Stop!

Hey, Alex.

I'm not doing anything. It's not... Anyway... what?

We have a lead on JoJo. Great!

N'UDU: We intercepted a call between Tommi and JoJo

saying they were going to meet here.

What did you find on the security tapes?

Apparently I... well, there was an accident

in the parking lot after we got our nails done.

Then Tommi took her.

- What do you mean, a car accident? - Sort of.

Did you get the licence plate? A visual of the driver?

- Car make? - The video was pretty grainy.

{ It was hard to see what happened. }

But we know where she is now, so let's stay focused.

There she is.

Claude's wife is gonna look great with that bag.

- What? - Nothing.

- She seems okay. - Why hasn't she checked in?

Burt, see if you can get any audio.

They're arguing.

He's saying she should get a job.

And she says she has a job taking care of him.

Now he's calling her a... whoa, rude.

I'm gonna try calling again.

What? I knew she was screening my calls.

All right, I'm intercepting on foot. You guys stay close.

Psst! JoJo!

- JoJo! - Are you talkin' to me?

Yeah, you didn't check in. What's going on?

Lady, you got the wrong lady.

I'm sorry I hit you. Normally I'm a very good driver.

Shoulder checks, seat belts, the works.

You're the one who hit me?

And took off and left me in the parking lot?

Okay, let's not get crazy.

You wanna see crazy? I'll show you crazy!

Hey! Calm down. We gotta get you back to NISA.

NISA?

JoJo! Guys, I'm gonna need back up.

Wait!

It's okay, JoJo!

Aaa-aaah! Aaa-eeaah!

I got her!,

Oaah!

Whoa! Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Do I know you?

JoJo, let's just calm down. Okay?

O- kay, no more training for you, missy.

First things first.

I thought we agreed on a red bag.

I don't know what you're talking about.

You need to tell us about the dirty bomb and the Queen.

If they harm one little hat on her head. Tell me, JoJo!

I told you, my name is Viv-i-an.

And I ain't sayin' nuthin' till I talk to a lawyer.

She can't remember who she is,

so she's adopted her undercover persona.

The doctors say it's amnesia brought on

by some kind of accident.

I heard she was hit by a car.

Maybe. That's one possibility. Nobody knows for sure.

Who just hits somebody and drives away?

Is there no decency anymore? At least leave a note.

Maybe that person's a good driver but just didn't know they hit her.

I mean, we've all run over someone, sure.

But you stop, make sure they're okay, then take off.

It was me.

I hit JoJo. I didn't realize it,

- but then I saw the surveillance video and... - It was you?

You, Miss "Slow down, Peter,"

Miss "Stop looking at yourself in the rear-view mirror, Peter,"

Miss, "Don't wave your service revolver at slow drivers, Peter"?

Can we just focus on JoJo here?

You're right. Poor woman has brain damage.

- Amnesia. - Whatever.

She's our link to stopping an Irish terror cell from blowing up the Queen.

We cannot let that happen.

We'd have to change the face on all our money.

But JoJo thinks she's Vivian.

So turn Vivian. She'll be easy. She's not as bright as JoJo.

And this is your stapler.

And look, your scrunchie.

Here's yogurt from the staff fridge with your name on it.

You see? Jo-Jo.

I'm not JoJo.

Dibs.

Peach? Goddamn it!

All right guys, take five. Let me have a crack at her.

Good luck.

Ah, what the hell.

So, Joj. Still not talking?

Not to those two.

They're not so bad once you get to know them,

which you already do?

What do you remember since the accident?

Not much. Got in a fight with Tommi.

Got in a fight with that lady who ran me over.

Then I saw you.

What's your name?

Burt Wilson. Our desks are next to each other.

We share a garbage can that I sometimes miss.

So you honestly don't remember me?

Oh, I wish I did.

You're funny.

Wow. You really got smoked, didn't ya?

This is strange.

She hasn't kicked Burt in the crotch once.

You thinking what I'm thinking?

We should look at the video of you hitting JoJo.

No. We should use Burt to turn Vivian.

You hit JoJo? Miss, "We don't drive

on the left side of the road in Canada, N'udu"?

I don't know if this'll work.

JoJo and me don't have the best track record.

I think she added the word "sucks" to my ID badge.

JoJo isn't in that room. Vivian is. And she seems to like you.

So you're saying I'm the agency's only hope?

I would never say that.

Hey, Vivian, I thought you might be hungry.

Thanks.

You comfortable? You need anything?

You're the first person who's been nice to me since I got here.

So, uh, why don't you tell me a bit about your boyfriend, Tommi?

Well, he's hot, but unpredictable in a scary way.

He's got a terrible sense of humour.

You have kind eyes.

And a kind butt.

Yeah, I started a Vinyasa yoga class about a month ago.

I guess it's finally paying off.

Burt!

Anyway, you know, you don't have to stay with Tommi.

Yeah, well, what choice do I got?

You can help us.

Tommi's moving a dirty bomb for Shamus.

We need to know when the deal's going down.

I don't know.

With Tommi it's hard to tell what's real and what's jokes.

Wear a wire for us and we can stop this.

You and me.

But if Tommi catches me, I'm dead.

I'm worse than dead.

He turned his last girlfriend into a suit.

Hey, this is Burt you're talkin' to.

I'm not gonna let that happen.

I don't know why, but I feel so safe with you.

What are you doing?

Protecting my soft organs.

You're weird.

I like it.

Mm!

Guys, are you seeing this? What do I do?

Just let it happen, brother.

{ Advertisement }

Vivian, all you need to do is find out

where and when the deal's going down.

- We'll be listening the whole time. - I don't know.

What if I screw up? What if they see it?

- Hey, sshh-shh. - You can do it, baby. I'm here for you.

Baby?

Well, I'm just rolling with it.

- She needs my support. - Just don't get carried away.

Remember what she did to your screen saver.

And she added a password so I can't change it.

We have a saying in Ligeria: when a woman changes your

screen saver to an insult, it means she likes you.

That's a saying?

It sounds better in Ligerian.

Hm. To think, all this time JoJo liked me.

Okay, how are we doing here? Almost ready to go?

Why are you so dressed up?

We used to dress up all the time back in the day.

- Gives the mission a sense of class. - I like your attitude.

No reason you can't look good fighting terror.

I'll grab my tie.

No! No suits, no ties. Let's move.

- How you feeling, Viv? - Okay, I guess. I'm scared.

Me too. I know it's all kinda sudden.

To think every time you shot a staple into my head,

it was a sign of affection.

Oh, you make no sense. It's cute. Where's my purse?

You should go in exactly as you left.

Claude, where's Vivian's purse?

Uh, oh, I'm not sure. Uh, maybe I left it on my desk.

I'll go check.

Ah, sacrifice!

You got anything else you want to say about my singing voice?

Do you!

Hey, Tommi.

Baby Thighs. Where you been?

Just out with some friends.

Where to? Taco Mart?

I swear,if you went to Taco Mart without inviting me!

We were just gettin' our hair did.

- I want to hear you say it. - I wasn't at Taco Mart?

That's my girl.

Now, taste this.

Oh, my God. Did the deal already go down?

No. "Did the deal already go down?" she says?

How could the deal have gone down

when it's going down right now!

Wow.

Shamus and the Silver Kings in one location,

trading heroin for a bomb to kill the Queen.

Right now.

Vivian, just hold tight. We can't wait for backup.

Claude and Burt, head around the side, wait for my signal.

N'udu and I will go through the back. Any questions?

Yes, that's right, a table for two under Lesage.

I need to push my reservation back by half an hour?

We should be done by then, right?

Move!

Okay, thank you.

Burt, did you get that? I hope I did okay.

You did great. We're coming to get ya.

Thanks, Burt. You're sweet.

I miss you too.

That's not what I said, but I feel the same way.

I think you're really hot.

I'm on com, Burt. I can hear you.

ALEX: We all hear you.

[whispering] Hurry, Burt. There's not much time.

Who are you whispering to?

Ever since the accident, I hear voices.

What's that? Rebecca?

You wanna tell me why you were wearing a wire?

Uh... jokes?

{ Advertisement }

Wow, there's a lot of them.

Okay, nobody move until I say so.

How could you do this to me, Candy Pants?

I respected your parents' decision to wait

until we took it to the next level.

Come on, Tommi, don't get crazy!

Whoa, ho-ho-ho-ho, I'm not going to get crazy, lady.

I'm just going to make you into luggage.

Ha ha ha. Jokes.

I'm going in.

No! No! Burt!

You can't. It's not safe.

Claude, Vivian is the closest thing I've had

to a relationship in a long time. Okay, ever.

I know she's got brain damage, but I could do worse.

- Vivian! - Burt!

No, no, Burt! Stop!

Dammit!

Okay, we'll go in on three.

One, two...

Federal agents! Nobody move!

I'm gonna say it anyway. Three!

First, I'm going to introduce you to my good friend, Kevin,

which is what I call my knife.

Then you and Jennifer are going to get real close.

Jennifer is what I call my chainsaw.

Hold it right there, bub!

- Burt! - Baby!

Baby? Who's this guy?

Burt Wilson, NISA.

We've got the whole building surrounded.

Uh, hey, guys.

What do you want to hurt the Queen for?

She's so wee and sweet.

She's got that great wave.

And a body that just won't quit.

At least we'll go down doing what we love.

- Protecting the Queen. - Killing Irish.

Now, then, my little Asian hombre,

what do you say we just drop the knife

and have ourselves a pow-wow?

Why don't you drop your gun first?

Don't listen to him! He's crazy!

It's okay, I'm a little nutty myself.

There. Now just lower the knife.

Dammit.

You're almost as stupid as your girlfriend.

She's not my girlfriend.

We're just kind of... well, it's complicated.

I mean I-I'd like it to go that way, but... early days.

Well, that was easier than I expected.

Yes. And the move you did with your legs was quite impressive.

Not as good as your double-thumb neck stab.

What!

Are we a man short?

Shamus!

I'm on it.

[engine starts]

Okay, shoulder check, indicator on, e-brake down,

radio to Lite 97, adjust mirrors.

I see you, buddy.

Okay, how about this?

You drop the knife and the gun and I'll...

He-yah!

Hoping that would blind you.

Didn't count on you closing your eyes.

Smart.

You probably didn't count on this, either.

[gunshot]

Burt!

And now, you.

Nut shot, classic jokes.

Oof! Oah!

Okay, into park, ignition off, manicure intact.

Bad guy down.

Vivian.

- You okay? - Yeah.

Oh, yeah. I'm good.

That's why we wear the vest.

I can't believe you took a bullet for me.

Maybe now you'll show me how to change my screen saver.

- Oh, Burt. - Oh, Vivian,

[thud] Ow! Burt!

What are you doing?

Givin' in to passion, baby.

[groans]

Oh, hey, JoJo.

Oh God, you all right?

Yeah, I wore a cup.

Hey, there's a tooth in here.

Alex gave me her ticket to the Queen's Dinner.

It was exquisite.

Her majesty mistook me for a waiter, but still, sparks flew.

How was your anniversary?

We missed our reservation, didn't get home till midnight

and I ended up giving Helene a nice air freshener

that I picked up from a gas station.

Still better than last year.

PETER: That was good work.

It's not every day you stop somebody from committing regicide.

It means killing a monarch.

- It's a noun. - Yup.

But JoJo's the one we should be thanking.

Yeah, locking lips with Burt. She's the real hero.

Oh. Hello.

To you.

Hello.

So, your tongue was in my mouth.

Look, Burt, I know this is going to be kind of weird.

But I think we just need to move on.

Definitely. I-I mean, yeah. Duh.

I'm glad we're on the same page.

Yeah. I just need a-a test tube from up there.

Do you mind?

Sure.

Oh, that's where I put my bowling ball.

Aw, come on, just a little concussion, a friendly love tap.

- See where it goes. - Stop following me.

Subtitle by: Kiasuseven

Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0