All language subtitles for Insecurity s01e03 View to a Nursing Home.eng

[phone ringing]

Hello, National Arts Council.

Excuse me.

To whom should I submit
an emerging novelist

grant application?

You can leave it on
the pile over there.

Whoa, it's a
pretty big stack.

Any chance you could--
No.

Would a kid playing hockey
change your mind?

What if I just thin out
the stack a little?

Oh, my God! I know.

Here's one from Margaret Atwood.

Doesn't she have
enough already?

[beeping]
Bomb.

Let's hope it's not
another Oryx and Crake.

Actually, Oryx was okay.
Crake was useless.

No, it's a bomb.

[beeping]
Oh!

Sync by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com

[beeping]

Ten seconds.

The only copy of the first
half of my novel is in here.

You don't have it in your computer?
I'm a longhand guy.

It's good enough for Le Carre,
it's good enough for me.

Five seconds! Aah!

Aa-a-ah!

[beeping faster]

I hope you'll take my
heroism into account

when reviewing my application.

[beeping stops]

Oooh. Thank god.

Are you okay?

Fine.

Should we evacuate
the building?

Yes. Starting with whoever
can fast track this.

By now Canada's
reeling from the news

that its precious
National Arts Council

has been blown sky high.

The Ottawa 8 will
strike again.

And our next attack
will make this bomb

look like a dud.

[laughs]

Okay, Ottawa 8, do we have
anything on these guys?

They're monsters.

What better use is there
for taxpayer dollars

than funding my
sci-fi-spy book?

Or, as I like to call it,
spacepionage.

That's a genre?
It's about to be.

We traced one the transistors
back to Grey Industries.

As in Lord Cooper Grey?

N'UDU:
Serving five years for fraud

in a minimum security
facility in Florida.

Thank God I got my shares
out before he went to jail.

A lotta losers
took a bath.

Like my mother-in-law. She lost
her savings because of that guy

and now she lives in my den.

Grey's sons are running the
company while he's in jail.

Simon and Ted, trust fund kids,
kicked out of private school,

so their father pulled strings
to get them into Western.

That's how I know them,
Western boys.

They pledged at
my fraternity.

I go back frosh week to
get messed up, check out the new talent.

Those the weekends
you come back purple?

Yeah. They love me there.
Pete "the deal" McNeil.

Okay, let's split up. We'll
check out Grey Industries.

JoJo and Burt, you dig up
more on Simon and Ted.

PETER:
I'll give you a head-start.

These are the only two guys to get thrown
out of res for pulling a fire alarm.

It's a great gag, but you
gotta be some kinda stupid

to get caught, so let's nail
these lame-os.

N'UDU: Every entrance is guarded.
There's no way in.

CLAUDE: The only good vantage point is
that nursing home over there.

ALEX:
Oh, don't say that.

N'UDU: Don't worry. I won't let
anything happen to the elders.

No, it's not that.
My grandmother lives there.

This means I'll have
to go visit her.

Unless the Ottawa 8
strikes again.

Fingers crossed.

She's right next door?
Go call on your grandmother.

CLAUDE:
I agree.

We won't get interference
from that angle.

Really? 'Cause it looks pretty
interference-y to me.

It's the home or nothing.

Fine!

Gran?

Who's that?

Alex.

Aleska, your granddaughter.
I brought you a plant.

You can't be Aleska.
She never visits.

I know. I'm sorry.
Work's been crazy at the...

travel agency.

But, hey, I brought
you a plant.

Now how about we get
some light in here?

Oh, it is perfect
for surveillance.

Close the drapes.
I don't wanna get raped.

What?
You heard me.

Now sit down and give
me a proper visit.

Idiots!

How embarrassing.

Ah! Oh, and we sent the whole
video and everything.

It's okay, Simon.

First time jitters. We'll get
'em next time. Right, guys?

Dad always said
we were gonna be failures.

But he said it
with more spittle.

Oh, yeah? Well,
that spittle, Ted,

that spittle
built an empire.

Don't you remember
Dad all hunched over

the National Post saying,
"Somebody should do

"this whole country a favour

and blow the National Arts
Council to hell!"

Now, any of you idiots
learn how to build

a functioning bomb in
the last 24 hours? Huh?

Or am I going to find a
whole new group of idiots?

Oh!

[knocking]

Cable guy.

I didn't order any cable.
I did, as a surprise for you

in case you got
bored of the plant.

CLAUDE:
This is a very nice facility.

Is there a pool? No.

And, uh, how's the bingo?

You have a big nose,
nosey Frenchman.

Gran!

Everyone knows you
can't trust the French.

Their food is too spicy.

I'm sorry. She's--

Don't worry. I'm used to it.

I've got one of those
living in my den.

At least yours doesn't
throw her slippers.

CLAUDE:
N'udu, this place if perfect.

For surveillance?
No, my mother-in-law.

Claude, it is a duty
of the child

to care for the elders
until they die.

Only if you can't afford to
have someone else to do it.

Nursing homes save a lot of
marriages. Just trust me.

We don't have nursing
homes in Ligeria.

It seems like a dangerous idea.

One bad flu season and the knowledge
of the elders could be wiped out.

Yeah.

Oh, what's blocking the camera?
I'll go see.

It would be an honour to meet
the matriarch of Alex's family.

I'd call first, N'udu.

She's, um, difficult.

Oh, a fiery grey.

How delightful.

Sorry to disturb you.

I need to make a small
adjustment to your cable.

The cable, yes. No problem.

Gran, why don't you
and I go and--

I'm not going anywhere.

You're crazy if you think I'll
leave my room while this--Oh, God!

handsome young
man is here.

Well, aren't you just
full of surprises.

Tell me, young man--

Please, call me Benjamin.

Such lovely manners.

I bet you visit
your grandmother.

Oh, yes!

If I had the good fortune
to have you as my Bibi,

I would visit every day.

Oh, is this your
granddaughter?

Yeah, that's me.

Oh. Was your hair
burned in a fire?

No. Home perm. I was going
through an awkward phase.

How's that cable looking?

There, all fixed,
Mrs. Cranston.

Oh, please, call me Marjorie.

So, Richard's offered to
paint "Death to the Left"

on the back of his sailboat.

I don't really see how that's
gonna terrorize the masses.

Ooo, Mark's got
a race horse. Uh-huh.

Maybe we could fill some
paper bags with manure,

and hurl them off
of Richard's boat.

We need bombs, not flying
bags of crap, of crap,

of crap, crap, crap!

Unh!

Okay, why don't
we call it a day

and come back tomorrow with
some fresh anti-left ideas.

Good effort, guys.

Don't tell Dad I bent
his nine, Ted.

Idea for the book.

Young super spy Aidan
O'Finn keeps lookout

while his bumbling assistant
places a tracking device

on the hover car belonging
to the evil Ottawa 9.

Do you like Ottawa
or Zongwark?

Burt, they say
write what you know.

So don't write anything.

[beep]

TED: Maybe we should let
things cool down

before moving on to phase two.

SIMON: You think Dad would stay
cool at a time like this?

I can hear his voice in
my head right now saying--

JOJO: You're going to slice.
Exactly.

Except he'd be
cursing a lot more

and the spittle would be
just out of control.

His voice would
probably be lower, too. Ooh!

You have to slow down
your backswing

and choke up
on the club a bit.

It'll give you
more control.

I tell him that
all the time.

Ted Grey. This is
my brother, Simon.

You must be the club's
new golf instructor?

Hardly. We're in
demolitions. Samantha Lee.

And this is my partner.
Aidan O'Finn.

What sort of,
uh, demolitions?

Office buildings,
mainly.

Some houses. And one time
we blew up a boat.

We could use Richard's yacht.
Not here.

Yacht bomb.
Not here. Not here.

So, you guys have
experience in explosives, huh?

Well, it's the only real way
to bring down a building.

Wrecking balls are for socialists.
Sam's the best.

She once took out five city blocks
with a single stick of dynamite.

Now, that's very impressive.

Public housing
was spoiling my view.

I think the four of us should
talk more, you know, in private.

Maybe you guys should come
to our office sometime.

It would be my
pleasure, Mr. Grey.

You gave me a great idea
for a new character.

If you put me in your book, I'll kill you
and make it look like an accident.

First, it's not based on you.
Second, MoJo would never say that.

Well Gran,

it's been nice hearing your
take on every single story

in the news,
but I gotta go.

[phone beeps]

What's going on?

What do you mean?

You show up out of the blue
twitchier than a box of frogs

and you flirt with every
cable man in sight.

"Oh, thank you, Benjamin."

That was you.

There's something
you're not telling me.

Fine. Look, I'm not a
travel agent. I'm a spy.

Pull the other leg.

It's true. I work for Sam's.
Actually, I'm Team Leader.

And we need to use your
room for surveillance.

You should have told me.
I served in World War II.

I know a few thing
about covert ops.

Are you sure you're the
Team Leader, not Benjamin?

Benjamin h the commanding
presence of a leader while you--

you've got the
Cranston shoulders.

[sighs]

Bottom line,
we can help you maximize

your explosive potential while
minimizing your cost overruns.

Why don't you start by telling
us what your targets are.

What do you think
we are, amateurs?

JOJO: We have to be able
to trust each other.

You don't want to look
like those idiots

who botched the National
Arts Council job.

No.

I'm gonna get
this out of the way.

Well, if you don't have
a target in mind,

may I make a suggestion?

Busker Fest.

But, JoJo, everyone loved
that silver statue guy.

He just stands there.

TED:
That guy's awesome.

I blew 30 rolls
of quarters on him.

He never moved once.
Why'd you call her JoJo?

Oh, no, no. That's
the silver guy's name.

This is JoJo,
this is, uh--

I introduced
her earlier.

Wrecking balls are for socialists.
Sam's the best.

Yeah, I know whenI'.

They're playin' us, right?

Huh?

I don't know.

We'll see who knows
the most about spying.

Oh. What's that?

A before ad for face soap?

Dammit, Gran.

Who are you?

I want answers.

Where'd you get that?
Dad's collection.

Now tell me who you are!
Gentlemen, please.

Cynthia's right.

We're all on the
same page, here.

What the hell was that?

Oh, horse crackers.

We gotta get
that old lady.

Weapons, boys!

Freeze! NISA!

Open fire!

[clicking]

I knew it, silencers.

These guns don't work.

Let's move!

Okay, c'mon, c'mon, c'mon!

Ah!

Okay, watch the
hands, Grandpa.

Where is she?
Where's my Gran?

Mrs. Cranston?

Her grandsons just
picked her up.

Grandsons?

They were very polite.

One of them had a musket.

Aw, horse crackers!

Greetings, NISA.

Turn off your precious
Peter Mansbridge and listen up.

Change of plans.

The Ottawa 8 now demands
the release of Lord Cooper Grey.

And in exchange...

Yeah.

We're gonna give you this back.

MARJORIE:
Cowards! Don't listen to them.

I'm not a coward.
Terry, hit her!

I'm not gonna hit her.
She's an old lady.

Ted?
Don't look at me.

Fine. We're gonna
hit her later.

A Nazi tried to hit me once and
I put a dum-dum between his eyes,

and his head split open
like cheap firewood.

Uh, you got
till 7 p.m.

If my father's not freed by
then, then your Nana's gonna...

have something
happen to her.

N'UDU:
Why would they do this now,

when Marjorie's got her
whole life behind her!

I don't know.
She's had a good run.

We have to rescue her. But how?

In Chapter 4 of my novel,
The Liquid Spy --

Can we just focus
on finding my Gran?

Agreed. But we have
to play it cool.

I've been here before.
Homecoming '92.

Lakehead stole JW,
our horse mascot,

funniest horse you ever seen.

So you stole their mascot
to even the score?

No. We broke into their dorm,
pooped in all their beds.

It took all night,
but we got it done.

Seriously, funniest
goddamn horse.

But let's go
with your thing.

What if they don't
want her back?

Then we're stuck
with this old lady.

It's not so bad. She's
teaching me how to knit.

It's a little long, but
it's my first club cozy.

Can I get a single
malt, please?

Watch and learn,
Prep School.

Hey! Hey!

Go!

Now that you can
put in your book.

Change the channel. It's time
for Coronation Street.

You just watched it.
It's a marathon.

Oh, I hate public
broadcasting.

[beep]

Hello, Simon.

You took my Gran.
We took your brother.

If you want him back,
give us Gran.

Impossible. He just texted
me from the golf course.

What does that even mean?

Simon? Ted?

Make a deal.

You have no idea
what it's like here.

The coffee is awful and
the toilet paper, one ply!

Your fingers go
right through! It's--

If you want him back,
give us Gran.

You have one hour
to respond.

Oh, God, Teddie!

I don't know what to do.

He's the one
with the brains.

Always came home
with straight B's.

Oh, nut up.
It's win-win.

She's got a point.

Plus Ted's got a great handicap
and it'd be a drag

to have to
find a new fourth.

No one asked for
your opinion.

Now keep it down.
I'm missing Corrie.

And poor Maria.

Liam is gone
and her baby has no father.

Oh, God, make a
trade already.

I will.

And I know just the place.

Release Gran and I'll
give you your brother.

No. Release Ted and
I'll give you your Gran.

How about we both release
our prisoners at the same time?

Count of three? Yeah.

One, two, three.

Now!

Freeze!

Down on the ground!
Drop your weapon!

Are you beeping?

[beeping]

Great! Granny bomb!

Granny bomb!
And it's padlocked.

They wait for my signal.

This will make for an interesting
paragraph in Aunt Judy's newsletter.

N'udu, quick, get me
some bolt cutters!

Where are they?
Marjorie's too old to die!

Where are they? Burt, where did
you put the bolt cutters?

Oh, no, that wasn't me!

You had the bolt cutters last, right?
I threw them at you. You had them last.

Go, Ted, go!

We got it!

Okay, let's go.

I could not locate
the bolt cutters.

It's no use! Run! Save yourself!

I'm not gonna
leave you, Gran.

N'UDU:
Good for you, Alex.

Dying with your grandmother
is the most noble of all deaths.

Oh, three minutes!
Oh, you-you have to go, Dear.

Yeah, but--
"Yeah but" is a rabbit! Get going!

We're gonna get you
out of this!

Run, Ted! Faster!

This way!

I think they're gone.

After you suck the hard candy,
don't put it back in your purse.

Just start banging!

Uh, uaaah-aaah!

Hah, there's our car.
Right on time!

So the SUV
gets blown up?

I look like a dork
in that thing.

Yeah, but I love
the seat warmers.

Forget the seat warmers.
Can't you see we've done it!

When the old woman blows,
she's gonna take the whole CBC with her.

Ah, death to
commercial-free radio!

Ah, aaah-aaah! Come on!

Yes! Yes,
Ah, yes! yes, yes, yes!

So, long,
suckers!

You're gonna die along with your
precious public broadcaster.

Long live the rich!

[beeping]

Yes! The matriarch of the
Cranston clan lives on!

I'm gonna live too.

Don't throw
the candy away.

I guess you could say this is
gonna be a Grey day for Canada.

Get down!

[explosion]

[laughing]
We did it!

Oh, do stand up straight.
Are you kidding me?

I just saved you
from being confetti.

Oh, fine.

PETER:
Hey, hey, there she is.

The agent who saved CBC.
God, I miss fieldwork.

What are you doing?

Western's in town to give Carlton a little
"How's she going?"

Kick-off's in an hour. You wanna come?
I got extra tickets.

We could paint a "W"--
No, I promised Gran a visit.

Oh. Well, you know what?

Bring her along, because
they won't frisk her.

I think she's had enough
excitement for one week.

Oh, okay. Well,
again, great work.

If you change your mind, I'll
be in the end zone, the Purple Pit.

You can't see a thing,
but it's a blast.

Wow, that's a surprise.

But okay.

Whew.

Great news.

My mother-in-law
is out of my den.

Oh? You got her a place
in a nursing home?

No, she died.
The funeral is tomorrow.

My wife is heartbroken,
but she'll get over it.

Hot off the presses, people.

National Arts Council
registered mail.

Remember where you were the day
Liquid Spy was green lit.

Hoo!

Rejected?

Just what I wanted.

Excuse me.

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