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1
00:00:21,040 --> 00:00:24,374
MAN 1 ON COMPUTEROh.. Mistress, spank my bottom Spank it really hard!
2
00:00:24,460 --> 00:00:26,038
Please, spank my bottom!
3
00:00:26,212 --> 00:00:28,371
-That is unpleasant.
-Spank it really hard
4
00:00:29,174 --> 00:00:30,882
WOMAN ON COMPUTER - Lick my nipples
5
00:00:30,968 --> 00:00:32,795
No, thank you, pregnant lady.
6
00:00:33,762 --> 00:00:35,008
MAN 2 ON COMPUTER - Strip, soldier!
7
00:00:35,097 --> 00:00:37,671
You're gonna find outwhy they call me the drill sergeant
8
00:00:37,767 --> 00:00:39,226
(WHIP CRACKS)
9
00:00:39,561 --> 00:00:40,759
(SIGHS)
10
00:01:28,949 --> 00:01:32,532
That's... That's nice, baby.
11
00:01:35,915 --> 00:01:37,409
No, Frizzy! No!
12
00:01:37,500 --> 00:01:38,828
(GROANING)
13
00:01:39,252 --> 00:01:40,497
(GASPING)
14
00:01:43,047 --> 00:01:44,921
No, no, no, Frizzy! No!
15
00:01:45,258 --> 00:01:46,290
Frizzy.
16
00:01:46,385 --> 00:01:47,416
(PHONE BEEPS)
17
00:01:47,511 --> 00:01:50,049
No, no, no, wait! Cody! No.
18
00:02:11,829 --> 00:02:12,861
ROB ON PHONE: No, no, no, Frizzy! No!
19
00:02:12,956 --> 00:02:15,447
Don't worry about it, man.
Everyone's got a sex tape.
20
00:02:15,542 --> 00:02:16,621
Please.
21
00:02:16,710 --> 00:02:18,703
Yeah, except they're having sex with people.
22
00:02:19,797 --> 00:02:20,876
-(GRO ANING) Frizzy
-Right.
23
00:02:20,964 --> 00:02:24,713
It's not technically incest
if your family member's a different species.
24
00:02:24,969 --> 00:02:26,594
So, are you getting close with Dana yet?
25
00:02:26,679 --> 00:02:29,217
The rumours are true. She's taken the pledge.
26
00:02:29,307 --> 00:02:31,845
No sex? She was your sure thing.
27
00:02:31,977 --> 00:02:35,595
-Faith-camp propaganda, man.
-NATHAN: She's waiting until marriage.
28
00:02:35,814 --> 00:02:37,854
l thought she had sex with six guys.
29
00:02:42,780 --> 00:02:43,979
What?
30
00:02:45,158 --> 00:02:46,439
Get to class.
31
00:02:47,118 --> 00:02:48,696
No cell phones in the hall, Alyson.
32
00:02:48,787 --> 00:02:51,159
You can pick this up from my office
today after school.
33
00:02:51,248 --> 00:02:54,831
No, no, no, Frizzy! No! Frizzy!
34
00:02:55,252 --> 00:02:56,996
Well, I've seen worse.
35
00:02:59,090 --> 00:03:00,169
No, no, no, Frizzy! No!
36
00:03:00,258 --> 00:03:01,800
(CLEARS THROAT)
37
00:03:02,135 --> 00:03:04,294
Miss Johnson. Lunch today?
38
00:03:05,222 --> 00:03:08,472
l'll have to check my calendar, perv... Pete.
39
00:03:12,188 --> 00:03:15,522
No, no, no, Frizzy! No! Frizzy!
40
00:03:15,692 --> 00:03:17,352
Look. Look. Look at that.
41
00:03:18,028 --> 00:03:21,397
No, no, no, Frizzy! No! Frizzy!
42
00:03:21,573 --> 00:03:23,198
(CHEERLEADER EXCLAlMS lN DlSGUST)
43
00:03:23,284 --> 00:03:27,151
-Hey, just ignore them.
-Oh, God. You saw it, too?
44
00:03:28,581 --> 00:03:31,037
-Just so you know, it's not at all...
-Hey, don't worry about it.
45
00:03:31,334 --> 00:03:33,956
Frizzy's a good-looking dog.
46
00:03:34,921 --> 00:03:38,373
So, do you wanna do it? Are we on?
47
00:03:40,010 --> 00:03:43,047
Rob? Rob? Are we on for seventh period?
48
00:03:43,181 --> 00:03:45,672
Yeah. l... l'll...
49
00:03:46,518 --> 00:03:48,676
-l'll meet you over there.
-Okay.
50
00:03:51,231 --> 00:03:53,189
-Doggy style!
-Hey, Stifler.
51
00:03:53,275 --> 00:03:54,734
Is that your girlfriend?
52
00:03:54,818 --> 00:03:57,191
No, we're just... We're just... We're friends.
53
00:03:57,571 --> 00:03:59,979
Just friends? How sweet.
54
00:04:00,700 --> 00:04:04,283
Well, she seems awful ripe.
If you don't pick the fruit, I will.
55
00:04:05,622 --> 00:04:07,579
STIFLER: Hey, beautiful.
56
00:04:11,796 --> 00:04:12,875
STIFLER:: Wow!
57
00:04:12,964 --> 00:04:13,913
(SCHOOL BELL RINGING)
58
00:04:14,173 --> 00:04:17,091
CHARLES ON PA Good morning,East Great Falls Blazers
59
00:04:17,177 --> 00:04:20,094
Don't forget about the big gameagainst Central this week
60
00:04:20,180 --> 00:04:24,260
and the Aloha Dance this Fridayfrom 700 to midnight
61
00:04:24,351 --> 00:04:28,563
Hawaiian shirts and leisare recommended for entrance
62
00:04:28,648 --> 00:04:29,679
(CHARLES GIGGLES)
63
00:04:29,816 --> 00:04:33,019
-PRINCIPAL ON PA Charles, knock that off-Sorry
64
00:04:52,466 --> 00:04:54,624
(MR O'DONNELL CLEARS THROAT)
65
00:04:55,302 --> 00:04:57,461
Let's focus on the quiz, please.
66
00:05:08,483 --> 00:05:09,978
Douche bag.
67
00:05:38,183 --> 00:05:40,223
I'm serious about this pledge, you know.
68
00:05:40,352 --> 00:05:41,431
I know.
69
00:05:41,520 --> 00:05:44,557
-so just dancing tonight.
-Yeah. just dancing.
70
00:05:44,940 --> 00:05:46,518
The horizontal hula.
71
00:05:46,609 --> 00:05:48,353
Nathan.
72
00:05:55,535 --> 00:05:56,816
Poor Nathan.
73
00:05:56,912 --> 00:05:59,534
His willy must be hard enough
to cut glass by now.
74
00:05:59,623 --> 00:06:01,996
Nathan loves me, and Nathan respects me.
75
00:06:02,084 --> 00:06:06,332
Okay. A, a guy never respects a girl
enough to give up sex.
76
00:06:06,631 --> 00:06:08,707
And, B, well, what about you?
77
00:06:09,009 --> 00:06:11,796
You must be feeling
pretty randy by now, Dana.
78
00:06:12,596 --> 00:06:15,170
Okay, well, yeah, maybe, like, the tiniest bit,
79
00:06:15,266 --> 00:06:17,722
but I really feel like I'm connecting
with the higher power here.
80
00:06:17,810 --> 00:06:20,384
Yes, I know, and that is totally fab,
81
00:06:20,480 --> 00:06:23,849
but I know I couldn't do it.
I'm way too into giving blow jobs.
82
00:06:24,401 --> 00:06:25,895
Ask Richard.
83
00:06:26,570 --> 00:06:28,812
Hey, don't listen to lmogen, okay?
84
00:06:28,906 --> 00:06:31,907
Sex is a really big deal,
and if you feel like you're not ready,
85
00:06:31,993 --> 00:06:34,151
then I think you should wait.
86
00:06:35,747 --> 00:06:36,909
DANA: But...
87
00:06:36,998 --> 00:06:40,367
No offence, Heidi, but you have no idea
what you're talking about.
88
00:06:43,714 --> 00:06:45,339
Text me later.
89
00:06:52,432 --> 00:06:54,341
-Hey, Rob.
-ROB: Yeah?
90
00:06:54,851 --> 00:06:57,058
-Can I ask You something?
-Sure. What's up?
91
00:06:57,145 --> 00:06:59,138
Well, it's kind of personal.
92
00:07:01,108 --> 00:07:02,353
Okay.
93
00:07:03,277 --> 00:07:07,026
I've been thinking.
You know I'm a virgin, right?
94
00:07:08,074 --> 00:07:09,403
It's just... I don't know.
95
00:07:09,492 --> 00:07:11,818
Everyone's already done it
like a million times already,
96
00:07:11,953 --> 00:07:15,370
and I know I don't have a boyfriend
or whatever, but...
97
00:07:16,250 --> 00:07:18,456
But sometimes I feel like I should just
get it over with.
98
00:07:18,544 --> 00:07:22,756
You know? I mean,
just get past this whole thing, this virgin.
99
00:07:23,341 --> 00:07:25,417
What does that even mean, anyway?
100
00:07:25,802 --> 00:07:29,088
So I've never had a penis in my vagina,
but so what?
101
00:07:29,431 --> 00:07:32,800
Why do I have to label everything?
Like, ''She's too innocent.
102
00:07:32,893 --> 00:07:35,895
'She can't handle it.'' I'm not that innocent.
103
00:07:35,980 --> 00:07:38,269
I've seen Showgirls and Blue Lagoon
104
00:07:40,819 --> 00:07:45,315
Anyways, I think I've decided to just do it.
But what do you think?
105
00:07:45,824 --> 00:07:51,199
Yeah. I think you should definitely
go ahead and get it over with.
106
00:07:51,330 --> 00:07:53,074
(LAUGHS) Thanks.
107
00:07:56,211 --> 00:07:57,670
Let's get back to work.
108
00:07:59,172 --> 00:08:00,999
(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)
109
00:08:09,517 --> 00:08:10,715
(WHOOPS)
110
00:08:18,027 --> 00:08:21,063
Stifcam coming at you live
from the Aloha Dance
111
00:08:21,197 --> 00:08:23,273
here at the East Great Falls...
112
00:08:23,783 --> 00:08:25,361
This chick just grabbed my ass.
113
00:08:25,452 --> 00:08:27,990
She wants to play
the Stifmeister's flute skin.
114
00:08:28,079 --> 00:08:30,915
Let go find some of that
sweet-looking pinoche, Gibbsy.
115
00:08:56,069 --> 00:08:57,978
Hey, check it out. There's Heidi.
116
00:08:58,989 --> 00:09:01,562
LUBE: All right, all right.
She looks highly doable.
117
00:09:02,159 --> 00:09:04,152
All right, so what's the game plan here?
118
00:09:04,244 --> 00:09:06,154
I don't know. Ask her to dance, I guess.
119
00:09:06,247 --> 00:09:09,698
You need a plan, all right?
It's all about establishing your intentions.
120
00:09:09,792 --> 00:09:12,877
See, right now,
she thinks of you as just a friend.
121
00:09:13,171 --> 00:09:14,713
You need to break that paradigm.
122
00:09:14,798 --> 00:09:18,416
Remember, friends don't let friends
just be friends.
123
00:09:18,510 --> 00:09:21,346
-Right.
-I'm serious. You cannot puss out here.
124
00:09:21,430 --> 00:09:24,100
All right, take it easy.
I'm gonna go talk to her.
125
00:09:25,560 --> 00:09:28,181
Wait. Aren't you forgetting something?
126
00:09:30,649 --> 00:09:32,060
Oh. Oh. Oh.
127
00:09:32,192 --> 00:09:33,900
Here, don't forget these.
128
00:09:34,695 --> 00:09:36,901
You only need those when you're alone.
129
00:09:37,782 --> 00:09:39,193
Right. Right. Okay.
130
00:09:51,547 --> 00:09:54,216
-(EXCLAlMS) Okay!
-What? What's wrong?
131
00:09:54,300 --> 00:09:55,581
l can't.
132
00:09:55,676 --> 00:09:58,761
-But it's only second base.
-l know. But if we go there,
133
00:09:58,847 --> 00:10:00,923
then we're gonna wanna go further.
134
00:10:01,892 --> 00:10:03,801
But Adam and Eve did it.
135
00:10:03,894 --> 00:10:04,973
(GASPS)
136
00:10:05,062 --> 00:10:07,470
I'm sorry. Hey, hey.
137
00:10:07,690 --> 00:10:10,311
I love you. Do you know that?
138
00:10:13,363 --> 00:10:14,738
Come here.
139
00:10:19,202 --> 00:10:20,448
Is God okay with a blow job?
140
00:10:20,537 --> 00:10:21,700
(GASPS)
141
00:10:22,706 --> 00:10:24,913
l thought you understood
how I felt about this.
142
00:10:25,001 --> 00:10:27,788
l told you, it's important for me
to save myself until marriage.
143
00:10:27,879 --> 00:10:29,457
You've had sex with seven guys.
144
00:10:29,547 --> 00:10:30,792
(GASPING)
145
00:10:33,802 --> 00:10:36,258
And it was six, not seven!
146
00:10:36,472 --> 00:10:39,045
Well, one was a black guy,
so he counts as two.
147
00:10:40,142 --> 00:10:41,174
Dana.
148
00:10:42,311 --> 00:10:44,185
-Dana, come on.
-Fuck off.
149
00:10:44,647 --> 00:10:47,649
Dana. Come on, Dana. Dana!
150
00:10:47,734 --> 00:10:49,145
(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)
151
00:10:55,826 --> 00:10:59,112
Hey, girls.
This is gonna be for Sit-on-my-face-book.
152
00:10:59,205 --> 00:11:01,578
I need you to kiss one time, okay?
153
00:11:02,250 --> 00:11:03,448
I don't know.
154
00:11:03,543 --> 00:11:06,747
Come on.
It's gonna be seen by millions of people.
155
00:11:08,173 --> 00:11:09,288
(LAUGHS) Okay.
156
00:11:10,926 --> 00:11:12,469
(BOYS CHEERING)
157
00:11:13,721 --> 00:11:15,050
Okay, we're gonna go again,
158
00:11:15,139 --> 00:11:17,927
but this time,
sneak in some tongue for daddy.
159
00:11:18,018 --> 00:11:19,346
Okay.
160
00:11:22,481 --> 00:11:24,189
(LAUGHS EXCITEDLY)
161
00:11:24,859 --> 00:11:28,442
(HIGH-PITCHED VOICE)
That's what I'm talking about, baby!
162
00:11:28,780 --> 00:11:30,322
(BOYS CHEERING)
163
00:11:31,199 --> 00:11:33,192
Stifmeister strikes again!
164
00:11:35,036 --> 00:11:36,199
Dude.
165
00:11:37,289 --> 00:11:39,448
You're gonna love this. Check this out.
166
00:11:41,877 --> 00:11:43,372
Yeah. So?
167
00:11:43,754 --> 00:11:45,083
Watch and learn.
168
00:11:48,551 --> 00:11:51,387
''You're hot.
169
00:11:51,888 --> 00:11:57,310
''Give me your number
and let's get together.''
170
00:12:00,064 --> 00:12:02,437
l throw this at a hot girl,
171
00:12:02,525 --> 00:12:05,942
and she's so impressed
that I'm literally throwing around a Benjamin
172
00:12:06,071 --> 00:12:08,360
that she wants to hook up with me.
173
00:12:08,448 --> 00:12:10,987
Yeah. Good luck with that.
174
00:12:11,535 --> 00:12:13,943
-I'm gonna go find Dana.
-All right, man.
175
00:12:37,898 --> 00:12:40,603
Oh, no.
176
00:12:40,943 --> 00:12:42,437
Oh, God.
177
00:12:46,115 --> 00:12:48,785
Excuse me. Excuse me.
Watch out. Coming through.
178
00:12:48,868 --> 00:12:50,612
(DANCE SONG PLAYING)
179
00:12:51,121 --> 00:12:55,201
So, I was thinking about what
we were talking about, you know, before.
180
00:12:55,459 --> 00:13:00,620
-Yeah. Yeah, I remember.
-Right. so I was thinking, why wait?
181
00:13:00,882 --> 00:13:03,634
Right? I mean, you might as well,
you know, get it over with.
182
00:13:03,718 --> 00:13:05,960
What? Like, here? At the dance?
183
00:13:06,054 --> 00:13:07,963
Well, there's always the library.
184
00:13:08,140 --> 00:13:10,809
-Yeah, the library.
-I'm kidding.
185
00:13:10,976 --> 00:13:13,812
-Yeah. I know.
-But seriously, after the dance,
186
00:13:13,896 --> 00:13:14,975
l don't know if you...
187
00:13:17,650 --> 00:13:20,486
-What are You doing?
-Looking for my money.
188
00:13:20,945 --> 00:13:23,152
-C-note thing?
-Yeah.
189
00:13:23,573 --> 00:13:25,531
-Lose your money?
-Shut up.
190
00:13:25,826 --> 00:13:26,941
Ooh.
191
00:13:30,957 --> 00:13:34,622
And we're back. What's up, dude?
Where's Heidi?
192
00:13:36,338 --> 00:13:37,666
l don't know.
193
00:13:38,548 --> 00:13:41,633
-She was here a second ago.
-Maybe She went to the bathroom.
194
00:13:41,802 --> 00:13:44,756
-Yeah, maybe.
-Dana's pissed at me.
195
00:13:45,181 --> 00:13:47,423
Dude, you gotta play along
with this whole pledge thing.
196
00:13:47,517 --> 00:13:49,059
Well, that's easy for you to say.
197
00:13:49,143 --> 00:13:50,851
You haven't exactly
broken the seal yet, either.
198
00:13:50,937 --> 00:13:53,393
Dude, I've been getting to third base
on a regular basis.
199
00:13:53,481 --> 00:13:55,688
I can't go back to jacking off now.
200
00:13:55,776 --> 00:13:59,821
Dude, just use your left hand.
It feels completely different.
201
00:14:01,198 --> 00:14:04,283
-I'm gonna go find Heidi.
-I'm gonna go find Dana.
202
00:14:29,521 --> 00:14:32,725
BOY: (LAUGHS) No! Dude,
you're gonna make me hurl.
203
00:14:40,742 --> 00:14:42,118
Heidi?
204
00:14:49,752 --> 00:14:51,994
LUBE: No, no, no, no!
205
00:14:53,256 --> 00:14:54,419
Wait.
206
00:14:55,842 --> 00:14:57,218
Dude, yo.
207
00:15:13,595 --> 00:15:14,971
What are you doing?
208
00:15:15,848 --> 00:15:18,090
Rob? You said...
209
00:15:18,643 --> 00:15:19,674
Rob!
210
00:15:20,019 --> 00:15:21,395
(EXCLAIMS)
211
00:15:21,853 --> 00:15:23,597
Dude, nice cock block.
212
00:15:26,942 --> 00:15:28,223
(SHRIEKS)
213
00:15:28,444 --> 00:15:29,820
I'm on fire.
214
00:15:30,613 --> 00:15:32,107
-I'm on fire.
-Oh, my God.
215
00:15:32,198 --> 00:15:35,983
There's a fire. There's a fire, and it's on me.
216
00:15:41,207 --> 00:15:42,488
Oh, my God.
217
00:15:43,335 --> 00:15:48,127
HEIDI: Rob! Rob! Put it out. Take off
your pants! Take off... Take your pants off!
218
00:15:48,424 --> 00:15:49,752
Oh, God!
219
00:15:49,883 --> 00:15:51,544
(SHRIEKS) Come on!
220
00:15:52,927 --> 00:15:54,090
(SHRIEKS)
221
00:15:54,179 --> 00:15:57,050
Oh, my God. Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
222
00:15:57,140 --> 00:15:59,632
Hurry, Rob, come on.
223
00:16:00,102 --> 00:16:01,846
Get it out! Get it out!
224
00:16:04,315 --> 00:16:05,691
(FIRE ALARM RINGING)
225
00:16:05,775 --> 00:16:06,854
(SHRIEKS)
226
00:16:06,943 --> 00:16:08,022
Oh, God.
227
00:16:11,864 --> 00:16:13,857
What the hell is going on in here?
228
00:16:19,748 --> 00:16:23,283
Two months seems like an awfully long time
for Saturday detention.
229
00:16:23,544 --> 00:16:25,452
We're supposed to clean up the library.
230
00:16:26,296 --> 00:16:28,170
Do you guys know where the vacuum is?
231
00:16:28,256 --> 00:16:29,419
Nope.
232
00:16:31,593 --> 00:16:33,882
What were you doing in the library anyway?
233
00:16:35,014 --> 00:16:36,923
I wasn't doing anything.
Heidi was already in there.
234
00:16:37,016 --> 00:16:39,933
-I was just Looking for her.
-I heard She was blowing some dude.
235
00:16:40,018 --> 00:16:44,016
Cody! Well, I don't know
how you're gonna go on the school ski trip
236
00:16:44,106 --> 00:16:45,517
if you're still on detention.
237
00:16:45,608 --> 00:16:48,395
Mom, I don't see what that has to do with it.
I didn't do anything.
238
00:16:48,486 --> 00:16:50,028
I heard you were the fluffer.
239
00:16:50,864 --> 00:16:52,773
-Cody.
-Look. His lips are chapped.
240
00:16:52,908 --> 00:16:53,939
(EXCLAIMS)
241
00:16:54,034 --> 00:16:55,361
Well, we'll see.
242
00:16:56,369 --> 00:16:58,860
All right. I have to go get ready.
243
00:17:01,541 --> 00:17:03,451
Maybe it's in the garage.
244
00:17:07,006 --> 00:17:10,042
Rob? I wanna have a little chat with you.
245
00:17:10,343 --> 00:17:11,421
Do we have to?
246
00:17:11,510 --> 00:17:14,961
Honey, I know that you're growing older,
247
00:17:15,055 --> 00:17:18,721
and I don't know what your father
has told you about things,
248
00:17:18,809 --> 00:17:21,846
but I think it's important to discuss
everything, you know?
249
00:17:21,938 --> 00:17:23,729
Like about sex.
250
00:17:25,650 --> 00:17:28,223
-are You having sex?
-Mom, I don't wanna talk about this.
251
00:17:28,319 --> 00:17:33,028
No, well, it's just that I found
this sock in the laundry, and, well...
252
00:17:33,491 --> 00:17:35,899
Oh, God, Mom. Put that away.
253
00:17:38,455 --> 00:17:43,615
And, also,
somebody sent me a link to this video.
254
00:17:44,127 --> 00:17:46,084
ROB: No, no, no, Frizzy! No
255
00:17:46,171 --> 00:17:47,831
-Mom, just turn it off!
-l don't know how!
256
00:17:47,923 --> 00:17:49,548
Your brother made it my start-up screen.
257
00:17:49,633 --> 00:17:51,626
-Okay, I can... I Can fix that.
-You can? Great.
258
00:17:51,719 --> 00:17:52,750
-Yeah.
-Thanks.
259
00:17:52,845 --> 00:17:54,637
-No, no, no, Frizzy! No!
-Thank You for that.
260
00:17:54,722 --> 00:17:56,347
-Okay.
-And we're done. Right? Yeah.
261
00:17:56,432 --> 00:17:58,757
Well, honey, please.
There's no reason to be ashamed.
262
00:17:58,851 --> 00:18:00,511
Masturbation is perfectly natural.
263
00:18:00,603 --> 00:18:04,553
l mean, boys your age
are maybe into experimentation
264
00:18:04,649 --> 00:18:07,899
and trying new things with animals.
265
00:18:08,445 --> 00:18:12,063
l mean, Frizzy, she's been in our family for...
Since she was a puppy...
266
00:18:12,199 --> 00:18:14,191
(STAMMERS) Hey, I'm late.
267
00:18:24,962 --> 00:18:27,453
-You're tardy.
-Sorry.
268
00:18:28,549 --> 00:18:30,790
You can start by cleaning off
all the damaged books
269
00:18:30,884 --> 00:18:34,419
and separating the ruined ones.
l'll be checking on you.
270
00:18:37,183 --> 00:18:39,935
Heidi. Look, about last night...
271
00:18:40,603 --> 00:18:41,979
l don't wanna talk about it.
272
00:18:43,231 --> 00:18:45,721
-Well, I just wanted to tell you...
-Rob.
273
00:18:47,985 --> 00:18:49,859
I'm gonna go empty this bucket.
274
00:19:40,374 --> 00:19:42,580
Do you have any idea what I found here?
275
00:19:42,668 --> 00:19:45,159
-This is the bible.
-l thought That was an urban legend.
276
00:19:45,254 --> 00:19:47,626
No. This is real. This goes back decades.
277
00:19:47,714 --> 00:19:49,624
Okay. So what?
278
00:19:49,716 --> 00:19:52,290
This is exactly what we need
to finally get laid.
279
00:19:53,053 --> 00:19:55,545
How is this thing gonna help us get laid?
It's ruined.
280
00:19:55,723 --> 00:19:57,882
You can't even read most of it.
281
00:19:57,976 --> 00:20:00,893
This book has helped one lucky guy
each year at Great Falls.
282
00:20:01,104 --> 00:20:04,223
And this year, that lucky guy is us.
283
00:20:04,815 --> 00:20:08,399
Even with the damage, it still has
a ton of useful stuff. Check this out.
284
00:20:09,446 --> 00:20:12,945
''February 1st, 1977. The G-spot.''
285
00:20:15,494 --> 00:20:18,199
-l Can dig it.
-LUBE: What else You got?
286
00:20:18,621 --> 00:20:22,240
''1991 . How to shave your pubes
to make your dick look bigger.''
287
00:20:22,751 --> 00:20:24,329
Dad showed me that one.
288
00:20:24,420 --> 00:20:28,548
'2003. I just had
the most amazing sexual experience.''
289
00:20:28,799 --> 00:20:32,714
Something I can't read.
''She used a breath mint.''
290
00:20:33,263 --> 00:20:35,800
A breath mint? For what?
291
00:20:36,265 --> 00:20:40,762
You moron. You stick it up your tailpipe and
the minty-ness makes your asshole twitch.
292
00:20:41,855 --> 00:20:43,432
Everyone knows that.
293
00:20:44,357 --> 00:20:46,564
Dude, I don't know. This sounds pretty weak.
294
00:20:46,651 --> 00:20:49,225
Plus, I mean, we can find most of this stuff
on the internet anyway.
295
00:20:49,321 --> 00:20:52,108
No, this is different.
This has personal experiences.
296
00:20:52,198 --> 00:20:54,606
Plus, it's custom-tailored to Great Falls girls.
297
00:20:54,701 --> 00:20:56,493
Since when does punani have a zip code?
298
00:20:56,578 --> 00:20:59,663
What have we got to lose? Nathan,
you've been working on Dana for, what?
299
00:20:59,748 --> 00:21:03,616
Like six months? Only to find out that
she loves the Lord more than sex?
300
00:21:05,504 --> 00:21:08,754
And, Lube, how have all your schemes
to get laid been working out so far?
301
00:21:08,841 --> 00:21:09,956
Minus $100.
302
00:21:10,050 --> 00:21:14,760
Exactly, and me, well, I've been wasting
all my time on some fantasy that someday
303
00:21:14,847 --> 00:21:18,014
Heidi's gonna fall madly in love with me.
Face it, guys, we need help.
304
00:21:18,143 --> 00:21:20,634
And this is it, staring us right in the face.
305
00:21:22,271 --> 00:21:23,516
-I'm in.
-All Right.
306
00:21:24,273 --> 00:21:25,472
I'm in.
307
00:21:25,650 --> 00:21:26,681
-Yeah.
-Yes.
308
00:21:26,818 --> 00:21:28,016
(ALL WHOOPING)
309
00:21:28,111 --> 00:21:29,190
-Yeah!
-Yeah!
310
00:21:29,362 --> 00:21:31,071
Hey, easy. Guys, it's old.
311
00:21:31,657 --> 00:21:33,614
''May 1st, 1990.
312
00:21:35,327 --> 00:21:39,027
''The simplest way into a girl's pants
is still basic flattery.''
313
00:21:40,582 --> 00:21:43,038
That's it? Just flatter her?
314
00:21:43,335 --> 00:21:45,079
-That's it.
-Well, think about it.
315
00:21:45,171 --> 00:21:47,045
How many times do you actually do it?
316
00:21:47,381 --> 00:21:50,299
Walk up to a girl and say,
''Wow, you have beautiful eyes.''
317
00:21:50,385 --> 00:21:55,177
Like, never. It's telling us the only proven
way to get women is to be an asshole,
318
00:21:55,264 --> 00:21:58,515
'cause the guys that actually spew
that kind of crap get laid.
319
00:21:58,601 --> 00:22:01,092
Check it out. Twelve o'clock.
320
00:22:01,187 --> 00:22:02,848
(NATHAN EXCLAIMS)
321
00:22:04,691 --> 00:22:06,067
(CHATTERING)
322
00:22:32,595 --> 00:22:33,924
(WHISTLES)
323
00:22:34,806 --> 00:22:38,674
-All right. Let's put this bible to a test.
-Yes.
324
00:22:39,019 --> 00:22:41,688
-You go talk to her.
-I'm not trying it out on Ashley.
325
00:22:41,771 --> 00:22:44,808
Why don't you go talk to her,
'cause you're the one who likes her?
326
00:22:46,151 --> 00:22:48,393
-I'm eating.
-Okay. I'll do it.
327
00:23:20,145 --> 00:23:22,185
Hey, Ashley.
328
00:23:22,272 --> 00:23:24,312
Hey, Rob. Shopping for your girlfriend?
329
00:23:24,400 --> 00:23:27,732
No... This is... It's for my mom.
330
00:23:29,696 --> 00:23:31,025
She's dating again.
331
00:23:42,876 --> 00:23:44,454
(NERVOUS LAUGH)
332
00:23:44,795 --> 00:23:48,580
Well, you know, I...
Actually, I wanted to say,
333
00:23:49,342 --> 00:23:53,636
you know,
you have the most gorgeous teeth.
334
00:23:58,559 --> 00:24:01,893
Hey. Come with me.
335
00:24:06,318 --> 00:24:09,319
Jealous? He's making a move
on your lady friend.
336
00:24:09,613 --> 00:24:12,069
Unlike you, I don't mind sharing my women.
337
00:24:12,909 --> 00:24:15,066
(LAUGHS) And what are
you wankers up to today?
338
00:24:15,160 --> 00:24:17,070
-(lN BRlTlSH ACCENT) Cheerio.
-(lN BRlTlSH ACCENT) Hello, love.
339
00:24:17,162 --> 00:24:18,194
Word to your mumsie.
340
00:24:18,289 --> 00:24:20,495
Just waiting for some ladies
to join us, in fact.
341
00:24:20,583 --> 00:24:23,204
You nancy boys couldn't get laid
at a Jonas Brothers concert
342
00:24:23,294 --> 00:24:26,913
with a fistful of backstage passes. Cheerio.
343
00:24:29,467 --> 00:24:31,009
(lN NORMAL ACCENT)
Was that a slam?
344
00:24:31,344 --> 00:24:32,921
(lN NORMAL ACCENT)
You bet your bollocks.
345
00:24:33,137 --> 00:24:34,513
-Hold this.
-Yeah.
346
00:24:48,779 --> 00:24:50,356
How does this look?
347
00:24:52,700 --> 00:24:54,159
Great, l'll take it.
348
00:24:55,411 --> 00:24:56,442
Stand up.
349
00:25:00,374 --> 00:25:03,790
Wait, what... What's... Wait, hold... Hold on.
350
00:25:04,545 --> 00:25:05,576
Oh.
351
00:25:08,466 --> 00:25:09,711
(GROANS)
352
00:25:11,720 --> 00:25:12,965
(GASPING)
353
00:25:18,560 --> 00:25:19,888
Should I call you?
354
00:25:21,229 --> 00:25:24,065
Just walk out of the store
and meet me at the food court.
355
00:25:26,402 --> 00:25:27,564
Act natural.
356
00:25:52,929 --> 00:25:54,305
(lNAUDlBLE)
357
00:25:55,474 --> 00:25:56,553
Can I help you?
358
00:25:56,642 --> 00:26:00,971
No. No. I'm... I'm just browsing.
359
00:26:03,523 --> 00:26:04,899
Okay, then.
360
00:26:05,317 --> 00:26:07,773
-Have a nice day.
-You, too.
361
00:26:12,992 --> 00:26:14,023
(ALARM SOUNDING)
362
00:26:14,118 --> 00:26:17,784
I'm sorry! I wasn't stealing.
It was a... It was a prank.
363
00:26:17,872 --> 00:26:20,873
I am so sorry.
I think we left the tags on your garments.
364
00:26:20,958 --> 00:26:24,790
Please come back to the register.
We'll figure this out. I'm so embarrassed.
365
00:26:35,557 --> 00:26:37,384
Oh, my God.
366
00:26:39,144 --> 00:26:41,351
Sorry, I... I got excited.
367
00:26:41,980 --> 00:26:43,475
(CLEARS THROAT)
368
00:26:46,485 --> 00:26:47,861
(WHlSPERS)
369
00:26:48,196 --> 00:26:49,855
That'll be 149.90.
370
00:26:51,073 --> 00:26:53,445
-How much?
- 149.90.
371
00:26:54,452 --> 00:26:55,994
But they're so small.
372
00:27:02,919 --> 00:27:06,833
-Madeleine?
-It's my mom. I'm... I have a note.
373
00:27:11,511 --> 00:27:12,756
(LAUGHS)
374
00:27:21,479 --> 00:27:23,519
-Thank you.
-Have a nice day.
375
00:27:24,233 --> 00:27:25,608
Come again.
376
00:27:34,285 --> 00:27:36,029
What took you so long? Did you get it?
377
00:27:36,121 --> 00:27:40,118
Sure did. I even stole you a bag so
you don't have to touch it till you get home.
378
00:27:40,208 --> 00:27:41,702
Great. Thanks.
379
00:27:42,335 --> 00:27:44,411
Hey. What's up, Ashley?
380
00:27:44,546 --> 00:27:46,455
What are you pillow biters doing here?
381
00:27:46,548 --> 00:27:47,627
Stifler.
382
00:27:47,883 --> 00:27:50,421
Don't eat that. You're gonna get fat.
383
00:27:50,511 --> 00:27:53,677
I'm super horny.
Wanna suck me off in the Sharper lmage?
384
00:27:53,888 --> 00:27:55,003
Okay.
385
00:27:57,434 --> 00:27:58,763
(GIGGLING)
386
00:28:02,898 --> 00:28:03,812
(CHURCH ORGAN PLAYING)
387
00:28:10,239 --> 00:28:13,940
(WHISPERING) Dana.
Excuse me. I'm so sorry.
388
00:28:14,076 --> 00:28:16,781
Didn't mean to disrupt the...
This morning's mass.
389
00:28:16,871 --> 00:28:19,445
(WHISPERING) What are you doing here?
390
00:28:19,749 --> 00:28:21,742
I wanted to say I'm sorry.
391
00:28:22,127 --> 00:28:25,163
Did you really think that
this is the best time to discuss this?
392
00:28:26,256 --> 00:28:27,964
Well, you weren't answering any of my texts.
393
00:28:28,049 --> 00:28:29,378
(SHUSHING)
394
00:28:30,093 --> 00:28:32,086
-l'll be right back, okay?
-(WHISPERING) Okay.
395
00:28:32,179 --> 00:28:34,302
PRIEST ON PA What is faith?
396
00:28:34,473 --> 00:28:36,845
When you flip the light switchin your kitchen,
397
00:28:36,934 --> 00:28:39,341
you know that the light will turn on
398
00:28:39,436 --> 00:28:44,893
Some might call that faith, but I tell you,that is not the real faith
399
00:28:45,442 --> 00:28:49,108
Okay, so what is so important that
you needed to come and interrupt church?
400
00:28:49,197 --> 00:28:50,905
l don't really get why
you're so mad at me right now.
401
00:28:50,990 --> 00:28:55,118
Because you don't respect me.
This is all just a big joke to you.
402
00:28:55,286 --> 00:28:58,785
You know what? You're right,
because this is just another phase for you.
403
00:28:58,873 --> 00:29:00,415
Just like your little stint on yearbook.
404
00:29:00,500 --> 00:29:02,956
You stuck with that for, what,
two weeks before you got bored with it?
405
00:29:03,044 --> 00:29:05,500
Why is it so hard for you to believe
that I wanna
406
00:29:05,589 --> 00:29:06,964
(ON PA) wait until marriage?
407
00:29:07,049 --> 00:29:08,247
NATHAN ON PABecause you slept with Doug Wheeler
408
00:29:08,342 --> 00:29:10,464
and Scott Thompson on the same night
409
00:29:10,552 --> 00:29:12,628
DANA That doesn't count I was drunk
410
00:29:12,721 --> 00:29:13,835
(WHISPERING) Is that Dana?
411
00:29:13,930 --> 00:29:15,804
As soon as you get bored
with this whole pledge thing,
412
00:29:16,850 --> 00:29:18,642
you're just gonna jump right backin the saddle again
413
00:29:18,811 --> 00:29:20,934
And when you get to college,don't even tell me
414
00:29:21,022 --> 00:29:23,857
that you won't be experimentingwith the standard lesbian hookups,
415
00:29:23,941 --> 00:29:26,229
having three-ways, trying anal.
416
00:29:26,318 --> 00:29:27,349
(ALL GASPING)
417
00:29:27,444 --> 00:29:28,476
-Yeah.
-Yeah.
418
00:29:28,571 --> 00:29:29,602
That's what I'm talking...
419
00:29:29,697 --> 00:29:30,942
(LAUGHS NERVOUSLY) Fine Just relax
420
00:29:31,115 --> 00:29:32,146
-Do something!
-PRIEST Faith is
421
00:29:32,241 --> 00:29:33,652
-She's your daughter.
-Go!
422
00:29:33,743 --> 00:29:35,368
PRIEST Faith is the rock-solid
423
00:29:35,453 --> 00:29:38,371
DANA You don't think I'm committed to this?My parents waited until marriage
424
00:29:38,457 --> 00:29:41,623
NATHAN (LAUGHS) My dadwent to high school with your mom
425
00:29:41,709 --> 00:29:43,204
He said she blew the whole football team
426
00:29:43,294 --> 00:29:44,670
and had to have her stomach pumped.
427
00:29:44,838 --> 00:29:46,000
(ALL GASPING)
428
00:29:46,089 --> 00:29:47,583
DANA Don't be gross, okay?
429
00:29:47,883 --> 00:29:49,377
Plus, your dad was a Beta
430
00:29:49,468 --> 00:29:51,176
Those guys are notorious poon slayers.
431
00:29:52,012 --> 00:29:54,171
Fuck it! This is bullshit!
432
00:29:54,473 --> 00:29:56,181
(PEOPLE MUTTERING)
433
00:29:56,517 --> 00:29:58,426
You know you want this.
434
00:29:59,228 --> 00:30:00,556
Did we miss communion?
435
00:30:02,064 --> 00:30:02,728
(STUDENTS CHEERING)
436
00:30:02,815 --> 00:30:03,728
COMMENTATOR 1 ON PABeen a rough go for the
437
00:30:03,816 --> 00:30:05,061
East Great Falls Blazers in this game
438
00:30:05,151 --> 00:30:06,526
CHEERLEADERS:
Go, Blazers!
439
00:30:06,611 --> 00:30:09,945
which is surprising, since this isthe last home game of the season
440
00:30:10,031 --> 00:30:12,024
You'd think they'd reallypump up the power there
441
00:30:12,117 --> 00:30:13,859
Look at him! Watch that guy! Watch that guy!
442
00:30:13,951 --> 00:30:18,163
Even though it's close to a tie,we were hoping for better defence from the
443
00:30:18,248 --> 00:30:21,035
Oh, my gosh, wait.
So, what did your dad say?
444
00:30:21,126 --> 00:30:23,451
He said if he ever sees Nathan
within 100 feet of me,
445
00:30:23,545 --> 00:30:25,621
he's gonna castrate him
with a rusty Garden Weasel.
446
00:30:25,714 --> 00:30:29,414
Oh, no. So what?
Is it over between you guys or what?
447
00:30:29,509 --> 00:30:30,707
l don't know.
448
00:30:30,802 --> 00:30:34,385
Well, if you ever want to try a menage,
you're welcome to join Richard and me.
449
00:30:35,849 --> 00:30:37,095
-No.
-No.
450
00:30:37,435 --> 00:30:39,724
COMMENTATOR 1 Please don't say''young boy'' around Coach Daly
451
00:30:39,812 --> 00:30:41,271
COMMENTATOR 2 ON PAYeah, out here he's
452
00:30:41,356 --> 00:30:42,731
-What about You, missy?
-What?
453
00:30:42,815 --> 00:30:44,273
How's your sex life?
454
00:30:44,358 --> 00:30:46,980
You guys, I'm gonna go through with it.
I am. I am.
455
00:30:47,069 --> 00:30:50,273
You're so boring.
I would've thought you'd be fielding offers
456
00:30:50,365 --> 00:30:52,404
after your striptease in the library.
457
00:30:53,368 --> 00:30:55,942
Yeah, I'm...
I'm still just waiting for the right time.
458
00:30:58,957 --> 00:31:04,711
CHEERLEADERS: Blue and white,
let's go, fight, win. Let's go, fight, win.
459
00:31:04,921 --> 00:31:10,047
Blue and white, let's go, fight, win. Blazers!
460
00:31:10,135 --> 00:31:13,256
Fight, win.
Blue and white, let's go, fight, win.
461
00:31:13,347 --> 00:31:14,427
(CAMERA CLICKING)
462
00:31:41,627 --> 00:31:44,498
l think that is quite enough pictures
of the cheerleaders.
463
00:31:44,588 --> 00:31:46,995
How about we get some of the game?
464
00:31:56,142 --> 00:31:57,802
(CAMERA CLICKING)
465
00:32:03,482 --> 00:32:04,680
(GRUNTS)
466
00:32:06,110 --> 00:32:07,604
As you were.
467
00:32:12,576 --> 00:32:13,904
Douche bag.
468
00:32:14,328 --> 00:32:15,988
CHEERLEADERS: Blue and white...
469
00:32:16,079 --> 00:32:17,455
COMMENTATOR 1Shearson's bringing the ball up court
470
00:32:17,539 --> 00:32:19,946
He passes it off to Scott Stifler
471
00:32:26,423 --> 00:32:27,455
(STUDENTS EXCLAIM)
472
00:32:27,549 --> 00:32:30,337
Central takes a charge from Shearson
473
00:32:30,428 --> 00:32:33,512
Time out, BlazersWhat are we gonna do now, Bill?
474
00:32:33,889 --> 00:32:34,920
COMMENTATOR 2Ten seconds in the game
475
00:32:35,015 --> 00:32:36,640
I think these guysreally need to get their act
476
00:32:36,725 --> 00:32:40,426
Get your head in the game, doggy style.
You can finish your wet dream later.
477
00:32:40,521 --> 00:32:42,313
-I'm sorry.
-This is it for this game
478
00:32:42,398 --> 00:32:44,391
Hey, Scott? Can I talk to you for a sec?
479
00:32:44,484 --> 00:32:47,154
-Are you nuts? I'm in the middle of a game.
-Last home game of the season
480
00:32:47,237 --> 00:32:48,316
(GIGGLES)
481
00:32:48,405 --> 00:32:49,567
Really gotta get their act together
482
00:32:49,655 --> 00:32:51,066
(WHISTLE BLOWS)
483
00:32:51,157 --> 00:32:55,321
Tie game, 89 all, 39 seconds leftLet's see what's gonna happen here
484
00:32:55,412 --> 00:32:56,740
-Central's got the ball
-CHEERLEADERS: Go, Blazers!
485
00:32:56,830 --> 00:32:59,582
They have the advantage
486
00:33:00,376 --> 00:33:01,656
Looks like Double screen!
487
00:33:01,752 --> 00:33:04,955
Shearson gets the ballHe passes it to Scott Stifler It's good! It's in!
488
00:33:05,046 --> 00:33:06,078
(BUZZER BUZZING)
489
00:33:06,173 --> 00:33:09,838
The game's over91-89 for East Great Falls Blazers
490
00:33:09,927 --> 00:33:13,711
This is incredible, folks!This means we're going on to the playoffs!
491
00:33:13,806 --> 00:33:15,929
Unbelievable! It's exciting
492
00:33:16,601 --> 00:33:20,219
What a chain of eventsthat has occurred here today!
493
00:33:24,233 --> 00:33:25,893
(KNOCKING AT DOOR)
494
00:33:26,194 --> 00:33:28,400
Honey, I need to talk to you.
495
00:33:29,197 --> 00:33:30,573
Yeah, sure.
496
00:33:31,742 --> 00:33:33,533
Is... Is that a Bible?
497
00:33:33,702 --> 00:33:35,161
What? No. No, it's...
498
00:33:35,245 --> 00:33:38,281
Well, honey, it's okay to read the Bible.
l mean, gosh, you act like
499
00:33:38,373 --> 00:33:39,404
l caught you reading pornography.
500
00:33:39,499 --> 00:33:40,994
(FORCED LAUGH)
501
00:33:41,668 --> 00:33:43,163
What did you wanna talk about?
502
00:33:43,253 --> 00:33:46,041
Well, I just got
my credit card statement and...
503
00:33:46,132 --> 00:33:49,583
And here on your card
there's a charge here for a lingerie store.
504
00:33:50,428 --> 00:33:53,097
Yeah, I'm...
I'm gonna pay you back for that, Mom.
505
00:33:54,974 --> 00:33:56,598
Is there a girl you're seeing?
506
00:33:56,684 --> 00:33:59,887
No. Mom, it's complicated.
507
00:34:01,105 --> 00:34:03,775
-Did You buy something for yourself?
-No!
508
00:34:03,859 --> 00:34:05,602
Because it's a very normal area
of exploration.
509
00:34:05,694 --> 00:34:09,109
My book says that most fetishes are not
homosexual in nature,
510
00:34:09,197 --> 00:34:11,024
and, well, you know, boys, they tend to...
511
00:34:11,116 --> 00:34:14,734
Yes, Mom, that's it. You figured it out.
I love wearing women's underwear.
512
00:34:14,828 --> 00:34:17,450
Thongs, G-strings,
a little teddy now and then.
513
00:34:17,539 --> 00:34:20,078
It's so soft and silky smooth.
The frillier the better.
514
00:34:20,167 --> 00:34:21,199
Sexy.
515
00:34:21,293 --> 00:34:23,499
Oh, God! Come on.
516
00:34:23,587 --> 00:34:24,618
Gotcha.
517
00:34:24,713 --> 00:34:25,958
(HUMMING)
518
00:34:26,298 --> 00:34:27,579
(HISSING)
519
00:34:29,301 --> 00:34:31,259
So it was for a girl.
520
00:34:32,638 --> 00:34:33,967
Yeah, Mom.
521
00:34:34,557 --> 00:34:35,720
Great.
522
00:34:50,282 --> 00:34:53,283
So, you know that thing
you told me before the dance?
523
00:34:53,369 --> 00:34:54,447
Yeah.
524
00:34:54,536 --> 00:34:56,991
Right, well,
I was thinking about that conversation.
525
00:34:57,080 --> 00:34:58,824
So, what about it?
526
00:34:59,041 --> 00:35:03,086
I was just thinking, you know,
maybe you should wait.
527
00:35:04,046 --> 00:35:07,831
I know. You know, I've thought about it, too,
528
00:35:07,925 --> 00:35:10,498
but I still feel like
I'm making this whole thing
529
00:35:10,594 --> 00:35:14,758
into, like, this huge deal. I mean,
it's consuming my every thought.
530
00:35:16,267 --> 00:35:17,512
(SIGHS)
531
00:35:18,353 --> 00:35:20,180
I don't know, Rob.
532
00:35:20,271 --> 00:35:23,688
I still feel like it's best
if I just get it over with.
533
00:35:24,067 --> 00:35:26,771
Yeah. I can see that.
534
00:35:30,490 --> 00:35:32,649
ROB ON PHONE: You figured it outI love wearing women's underwear
535
00:35:32,743 --> 00:35:35,068
Thongs, G-strings,a little teddy now and then
536
00:35:35,162 --> 00:35:37,914
It's so soft and silky smoothThe frillier the better
537
00:35:37,998 --> 00:35:40,205
What is up with this crap, butt nugget?
538
00:35:40,293 --> 00:35:44,206
That was taken completely out of context.
All right? I was being facetious.
539
00:35:45,631 --> 00:35:47,209
That means he wasn't being serious.
540
00:35:48,634 --> 00:35:51,339
l know what facetious means, dick face.
541
00:35:51,763 --> 00:35:54,088
Are you trying to repel
all the pussy in school?
542
00:35:54,182 --> 00:35:55,724
-No...
-Tick tock, Doggy boy.
543
00:35:55,809 --> 00:35:57,219
You cock is on the clock.
544
00:35:58,269 --> 00:36:01,555
Excuse me. Take notes.
545
00:36:05,026 --> 00:36:07,862
-Hey, lmogen.
-Stifler.
546
00:36:08,614 --> 00:36:10,820
The word for the day is ''legs.''
547
00:36:11,742 --> 00:36:12,773
So?
548
00:36:12,867 --> 00:36:16,403
So, why don't we go back to my place
and spread the word?
549
00:36:17,331 --> 00:36:19,904
Well, how about you save your breath?
550
00:36:20,167 --> 00:36:22,456
You're gonna need it
to inflate your date later.
551
00:36:26,925 --> 00:36:29,593
Gentlemen, it is time we got laid.
552
00:36:29,718 --> 00:36:32,126
Really? And what is it
we've been trying to do all this time?
553
00:36:32,221 --> 00:36:37,263
No, no. We need to get laid.
Right here. September 9th, 1995.
554
00:36:38,395 --> 00:36:40,767
Can you give us the executive summary?
555
00:36:40,856 --> 00:36:44,805
No, not that. This.
556
00:36:46,820 --> 00:36:49,774
LUBE: We are going on a road trip.
557
00:37:08,676 --> 00:37:10,503
How long do you intend
on staying in Canada?
558
00:37:11,471 --> 00:37:13,345
Just a couple of hours.
559
00:37:14,474 --> 00:37:15,968
What's the nature of your visit?
560
00:37:16,058 --> 00:37:19,642
We've driven many miles
in search of vertical smiles.
561
00:37:19,729 --> 00:37:21,271
(BOYS LAUGHING)
562
00:37:22,023 --> 00:37:23,933
We use kilometres here.
563
00:37:25,569 --> 00:37:31,441
Then we've driven many clicks
to wet our dicks?
564
00:37:32,159 --> 00:37:33,357
LUBE: Yes!
ROB: Yeah!
565
00:37:33,452 --> 00:37:35,195
-That works, right?
-Bye-bye.
566
00:37:35,287 --> 00:37:36,485
(LAUGHS)
567
00:37:37,915 --> 00:37:39,326
Fucking Americans.
568
00:37:40,668 --> 00:37:42,246
(BOYS CHEERING)
569
00:37:42,670 --> 00:37:45,126
You know, the exchange rate on the dollar
is really gonna help us out.
570
00:37:45,215 --> 00:37:46,246
Yeah.
571
00:37:46,341 --> 00:37:48,000
Okay, up ahead, turn right.
572
00:37:48,092 --> 00:37:49,372
-You sure?
-Yes. turn Right.
573
00:38:07,738 --> 00:38:10,193
Okay, boys. Let's do this.
574
00:38:10,282 --> 00:38:11,824
Are you sure this is a good idea?
575
00:38:11,909 --> 00:38:13,866
Come on, you pussy. Let's get laid.
576
00:38:17,206 --> 00:38:19,245
The bible says to ask for Monique.
577
00:38:27,550 --> 00:38:29,210
(SPEAKING FRENCH)
578
00:38:29,552 --> 00:38:31,960
Hi. Are you Monique?
579
00:38:32,055 --> 00:38:36,218
(IN FRENCH ACCENT) No, moi, no, no, no.
Mais, Monique, she is inside.
580
00:38:36,684 --> 00:38:38,143
Come. Come, boys.
581
00:38:38,311 --> 00:38:39,936
(SPEAKING FRENCH)
582
00:38:40,772 --> 00:38:42,432
(POP SONG PLAYING)
583
00:38:45,235 --> 00:38:49,067
Boys, entrez chez nous
584
00:38:49,156 --> 00:38:53,984
C'est magnifique, no? I will get Monique.
585
00:38:54,244 --> 00:38:58,492
She will be so happy to see you.
586
00:38:58,583 --> 00:39:01,500
ln the meantime, make yourselves at home.
587
00:39:01,586 --> 00:39:02,914
(EXCLAIMS)
588
00:39:05,005 --> 00:39:07,923
Jesus, tits. We came to the right place.
589
00:39:08,551 --> 00:39:10,129
Is that a moose?
590
00:39:10,595 --> 00:39:11,793
Condom?
591
00:39:12,430 --> 00:39:14,756
Hi, thank you.
592
00:39:16,143 --> 00:39:17,471
Gentlemen.
593
00:39:20,939 --> 00:39:22,101
Thank you.
594
00:39:22,315 --> 00:39:23,644
Very much.
595
00:39:23,942 --> 00:39:25,318
Thank you.
596
00:39:28,113 --> 00:39:29,608
LUBE: Can't wait to see Monique.
597
00:39:32,118 --> 00:39:33,493
(DOOR OPENING)
598
00:39:33,578 --> 00:39:34,906
(ALL GASP)
599
00:39:45,173 --> 00:39:47,545
(STAMMERING) We're here to see Monique.
600
00:39:47,634 --> 00:39:49,259
(SPEAKING FRENCH)
601
00:39:50,345 --> 00:39:53,796
(IN FRENCH ACCENT) I am Monique.
602
00:39:55,433 --> 00:39:58,388
Well, that's... That's okay.
603
00:39:59,146 --> 00:40:05,149
Come, come. I make you a nice drink.
604
00:40:08,238 --> 00:40:09,269
(BONE CRACKS)
605
00:40:09,364 --> 00:40:10,645
(GRUNTING)
606
00:40:26,174 --> 00:40:29,175
Could you just give us just one minute?
607
00:40:32,504 --> 00:40:36,797
-This could be very educational for All of us.
-Really?
608
00:40:44,928 --> 00:40:47,594
-He's up.
-No, No. why am I first?
609
00:40:47,678 --> 00:40:49,006
NATHAN: lt was your idea.
610
00:40:49,096 --> 00:40:52,214
Don't... Don't insult Monique.
She has an entire chapter in the bible.
611
00:40:52,306 --> 00:40:53,883
Come on, you're going to have a nice time.
612
00:40:53,973 --> 00:40:56,842
LUBE: (LAUGHS)
You two crazy kids have fun.
613
00:41:05,937 --> 00:41:07,845
(WOMAN SPEAKING FRENCH)
614
00:41:11,649 --> 00:41:13,272
(SPEAKING FRENCH)
615
00:41:18,359 --> 00:41:20,316
And welcome.
616
00:41:23,988 --> 00:41:27,272
So... So, how does this work?
Am I supposed to pay you?
617
00:41:27,364 --> 00:41:29,190
No, no, no. Not yet.
618
00:41:29,282 --> 00:41:30,859
(SPEAKING FRENCH)
619
00:41:33,450 --> 00:41:34,694
(LAUGHS)
620
00:41:36,868 --> 00:41:38,361
l see.
621
00:41:40,870 --> 00:41:42,696
(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)
622
00:42:26,308 --> 00:42:27,766
(UNZIPPING PANTS)
623
00:42:27,851 --> 00:42:29,095
(MOANING)
624
00:42:29,560 --> 00:42:30,804
(MOANING)
625
00:42:33,813 --> 00:42:36,846
You've got one active imagination, boy.
626
00:42:37,481 --> 00:42:38,725
(GASPS)
627
00:42:40,941 --> 00:42:42,399
How long was I out?
628
00:42:42,899 --> 00:42:44,558
Only about eight seconds that time.
629
00:42:48,235 --> 00:42:49,434
(SPEAKING FRENCH)
630
00:42:49,529 --> 00:42:50,642
(BONE CRACKING)
631
00:42:50,737 --> 00:42:51,980
(GROANS)
632
00:43:02,868 --> 00:43:06,650
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
No. No. No, no, no.
633
00:43:06,745 --> 00:43:09,233
Yes. Yes.
634
00:43:09,704 --> 00:43:10,983
(MOANING)
635
00:43:12,747 --> 00:43:14,573
(ROB MOANING LOUDLY)
636
00:43:15,040 --> 00:43:19,250
ROB: Monique! That's really nice.
637
00:43:21,169 --> 00:43:22,543
(CLACKING)
638
00:43:32,548 --> 00:43:33,876
ROB: That's it.
639
00:43:40,427 --> 00:43:43,925
I'm so sorry. I usually last a lot longer.
640
00:43:45,971 --> 00:43:47,002
Hey.
641
00:43:47,597 --> 00:43:51,094
Hey, was I supposed to
tap you on the shoulder or something?
642
00:43:53,308 --> 00:43:54,931
Oh, no. No.
643
00:43:56,434 --> 00:44:00,216
Help! Help! Help, help, help!
644
00:44:01,062 --> 00:44:03,432
NATHAN: Go, go, go! Go!
LUBE: I'm coming!
645
00:44:05,314 --> 00:44:06,476
-Jesus. dude.
-Oh, God!
646
00:44:06,565 --> 00:44:07,844
What, do you need an audience?
647
00:44:07,940 --> 00:44:09,683
No, no. Wait, guys. I think she's dead!
648
00:44:10,273 --> 00:44:11,353
Excuse me?
649
00:44:11,441 --> 00:44:13,232
Oh, my God. This is not good.
650
00:44:13,317 --> 00:44:15,937
I can't get her off.
I think she had a heart attack.
651
00:44:16,027 --> 00:44:18,102
Help! She's got lockjaw. Get her off of me!
652
00:44:18,195 --> 00:44:20,436
-Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
-It's lockjaw.
653
00:44:20,530 --> 00:44:23,529
Lockjaw! Lockjaw, lockjaw, lockjaw,
lockjaw, lockjaw!
654
00:44:23,614 --> 00:44:25,274
-Okay.
-Get her off!
655
00:44:25,364 --> 00:44:26,906
(ALL CLAMOURING)
656
00:44:29,283 --> 00:44:30,563
I'm sorry!
657
00:44:31,534 --> 00:44:32,613
(SCREAMING)
658
00:44:32,702 --> 00:44:36,744
Phone. Phone. Wait. Clear!
659
00:44:38,663 --> 00:44:40,322
Shit. What am I doing?
660
00:44:40,414 --> 00:44:42,072
Clear, clear!
661
00:44:42,205 --> 00:44:43,533
(SCREAMING)
662
00:44:45,415 --> 00:44:49,957
Okay. Come down here.
Grab her legs. One, two, three.
663
00:44:52,086 --> 00:44:55,086
Forget it. It's totally screwed up. Oh, God.
664
00:44:55,712 --> 00:44:56,791
(DOOR OPENING)
665
00:44:56,879 --> 00:44:57,910
(MAN SPEAKING FRENCH)
666
00:44:58,422 --> 00:45:00,212
What you do to maman?
667
00:45:01,798 --> 00:45:03,078
(SHRIEKS)
668
00:45:04,550 --> 00:45:06,127
(BOYS SCREAMING)
669
00:45:08,969 --> 00:45:12,715
(CRYING) Maman! You killed maman!
You killed maman!
670
00:45:12,887 --> 00:45:14,131
(ROARING)
671
00:45:29,478 --> 00:45:34,932
Fucking Americans! Come back here.
I'll kill you! I'll kill you, you cowards!
672
00:45:37,441 --> 00:45:38,815
ROB: I killed her.
673
00:45:38,900 --> 00:45:40,690
I killed her with my sperm!
674
00:45:40,776 --> 00:45:43,858
Hey, man, when it's your time to go,
it's your time to go. She led a full life.
675
00:45:43,943 --> 00:45:44,974
How do you know that?
676
00:45:45,068 --> 00:45:47,309
Man, what do you want me to say?
You're the one that murdered her!
677
00:45:47,403 --> 00:45:50,984
I can't believe that was the woman
the bible said we should have sex with.
678
00:45:51,072 --> 00:45:54,605
Right here. ''September 9th, 1995.''
679
00:45:55,449 --> 00:45:56,824
Let me see that.
680
00:45:57,826 --> 00:46:03,825
No. No, that's a seven!
That's 1975. It's from the '70s.
681
00:46:04,286 --> 00:46:06,492
-I thought It was a nine.
-NATHAN: Shut up! Shut up!
682
00:46:06,579 --> 00:46:11,155
-I didn't do anything!
-Shut up!Just Shut up!l wanna go home.
683
00:46:11,248 --> 00:46:12,446
I don't wanna be here.
684
00:46:12,583 --> 00:46:13,613
(THUDS)
685
00:46:13,708 --> 00:46:15,829
Oh, my God! I just hit a squirrel.
686
00:46:18,918 --> 00:46:20,709
LUBE: Well, that went well.
687
00:46:21,045 --> 00:46:23,368
ROB: Guys, I think it's time
we try my interpretation.
688
00:46:23,462 --> 00:46:26,581
Look, Nathan, you've been trying to
convince Dana to sleep with you,
689
00:46:26,672 --> 00:46:28,829
instead of just listening to her.
Right, you know?
690
00:46:28,923 --> 00:46:31,957
Trying to see things from her point of view?
Showing just...
691
00:46:32,049 --> 00:46:34,041
Just a little respect.
692
00:46:34,133 --> 00:46:37,050
And you, you're still trying
to trick women into sleeping with you,
693
00:46:37,218 --> 00:46:39,175
instead of just being honest.
694
00:46:39,678 --> 00:46:43,010
And you're still too much of a pussy
to tell Heidi you're into her.
695
00:46:52,268 --> 00:46:54,390
You going to Stifler's house tonight?
696
00:46:54,477 --> 00:46:56,848
Yeah. l'll probably go with Dana.
697
00:46:56,978 --> 00:47:00,511
So any luck losing that thing you were
trying to get rid of?
698
00:47:00,605 --> 00:47:03,011
-Rob.
-I'm just asking.
699
00:47:03,106 --> 00:47:05,227
Maybe you should mind your own business.
700
00:47:09,234 --> 00:47:10,857
What's with you today?
701
00:47:20,739 --> 00:47:24,651
l wanna tell you something that
I've been wanting to say for a long time.
702
00:47:24,741 --> 00:47:25,820
Okay.
703
00:47:31,037 --> 00:47:32,696
l really like you.
704
00:47:33,328 --> 00:47:35,366
l really like you, too.
705
00:47:36,080 --> 00:47:41,202
No, not like that. I really like you.
706
00:47:43,459 --> 00:47:44,489
Oh.
707
00:47:46,752 --> 00:47:48,032
-Rob...
-l think you're great.
708
00:47:48,420 --> 00:47:53,162
You have a great personality.
l laugh at all your jokes. You're pretty.
709
00:47:53,254 --> 00:47:57,961
Oh, God, you're pretty. You even smell great.
710
00:47:59,674 --> 00:48:02,839
I don't know. I'm just...
I'm happy when I'm around you.
711
00:48:02,926 --> 00:48:04,751
Now, I don't know if you feel the same way,
but if you do...
712
00:48:04,843 --> 00:48:06,834
Let's not waste any more time. Right?
Let's just
713
00:48:07,928 --> 00:48:10,299
see where our feelings take us.
714
00:48:14,140 --> 00:48:15,799
l feel the same way.
715
00:48:16,974 --> 00:48:19,049
-You do?
-Yes.
716
00:48:19,142 --> 00:48:22,343
This is great.
Why didn't you say something?
717
00:48:22,434 --> 00:48:23,928
Why didn't you?
718
00:48:24,644 --> 00:48:25,972
(LAUGHING)
719
00:48:26,062 --> 00:48:27,307
(CELL PHONE BUZZING)
720
00:48:27,395 --> 00:48:33,063
It's about that time, so I gotta go.
But I'll see you tonight?
721
00:48:33,900 --> 00:48:34,978
Yes.
722
00:48:54,742 --> 00:48:55,820
-Dana: Dad?
-Mmm-hmm?
723
00:48:56,576 --> 00:48:58,034
There she is.
724
00:49:05,872 --> 00:49:08,658
(GASPING) They saw me!
Get down! Get down!
725
00:49:12,334 --> 00:49:14,373
-Oh, my God. Oh, my gosh.
-Drive. Drive.
726
00:49:14,460 --> 00:49:16,251
It's cool. It's cool.
727
00:49:17,378 --> 00:49:20,413
Nathan, look, I've been thinking.
728
00:49:21,588 --> 00:49:23,294
Maybe I've been too hard on you.
729
00:49:24,131 --> 00:49:25,410
You have?
730
00:49:25,673 --> 00:49:29,503
You obviously love my daughter,
and you two should be together.
731
00:49:30,509 --> 00:49:33,046
-we should?
-Absolutely.
732
00:49:33,594 --> 00:49:37,376
Honey, it is not right
to give a man blue balls.
733
00:49:37,471 --> 00:49:42,379
If you want boys to like you, you gotta
put out. Here, start with Nathan's friend.
734
00:49:54,395 --> 00:49:55,770
This is so not cool.
735
00:49:55,854 --> 00:49:58,426
I mean, fantasising about
your best friend's girlfriend?
736
00:49:59,773 --> 00:50:01,681
(SCREAMING) Oh, my God!
737
00:50:02,941 --> 00:50:04,933
-Dad! Stop! Stop.
-Fucknut!
738
00:50:26,576 --> 00:50:28,319
(ALL CHEERING)
739
00:50:31,038 --> 00:50:32,946
All right, girls.
740
00:50:33,288 --> 00:50:35,197
-Party looks good.
-Yeah.
741
00:50:35,289 --> 00:50:36,452
Uh-huh.
742
00:50:36,915 --> 00:50:39,536
All right, listen to me. Stay focused.
743
00:50:39,626 --> 00:50:42,956
Be honest, show respect
and just say whatever's on your mind.
744
00:50:43,043 --> 00:50:44,073
Stop, jerk.
745
00:50:44,168 --> 00:50:45,248
I can't even get near Dana.
746
00:50:45,336 --> 00:50:46,746
She'll be here. She's coming with Heidi.
747
00:50:46,837 --> 00:50:49,373
Just try and think of things
from her point of view.
748
00:50:49,463 --> 00:50:52,167
Yeah, and I might as well just crack
the Da Vinci Code while I'm at it.
749
00:50:52,257 --> 00:50:54,294
Just get her some frankincense and myrrh.
750
00:50:54,382 --> 00:50:55,413
That's a great idea.
751
00:50:55,508 --> 00:50:57,794
I'll just pick up some roofies for you
while I'm out.
752
00:50:57,883 --> 00:51:01,132
You need a prescription for that,
from what I hear.
753
00:51:01,218 --> 00:51:03,126
Lube, pay attention. This applies to you, too.
754
00:51:03,219 --> 00:51:07,167
All right.
Let's try to go in there and just be real.
755
00:51:08,139 --> 00:51:09,798
All right, Oprah.
756
00:51:12,515 --> 00:51:14,306
(POP MUSIC PLAYING)
757
00:51:29,898 --> 00:51:31,689
(BOY EXCLAIMING)
758
00:51:35,604 --> 00:51:38,330
Hey. Isn't that that chick from Central?
759
00:51:40,058 --> 00:51:41,183
Yeah.
760
00:51:41,573 --> 00:51:43,043
Hey, Stifler.
761
00:51:43,506 --> 00:51:45,013
Oh, hey, there...
762
00:51:45,524 --> 00:51:46,732
Katie.
763
00:51:46,953 --> 00:51:50,565
Katie, right. I knew that.
Just having some fun with you.
764
00:51:50,905 --> 00:51:54,635
Can I talk to you for a second,
like, in private?
765
00:51:55,319 --> 00:51:56,442
Yeah, sure, you know what?
766
00:51:56,538 --> 00:51:59,562
Let me just grab another beer
and l'll be right back with you.
767
00:51:59,649 --> 00:52:01,490
Don't you flake on me.
768
00:52:03,770 --> 00:52:06,709
Dude, you been working out?
Didn't think so.
769
00:52:06,838 --> 00:52:10,281
You two, stay amazing. My God.
770
00:52:10,411 --> 00:52:11,964
(GlGGLES)
771
00:52:13,731 --> 00:52:15,369
Hey, what's up, beautiful?
772
00:52:15,455 --> 00:52:17,379
You know, I got so drunk last weekend
773
00:52:17,473 --> 00:52:20,916
that I nailed my cock to a table,
then set it on fire.
774
00:52:21,341 --> 00:52:22,847
Wanna check it out?
775
00:52:22,939 --> 00:52:24,828
The table or your cock?
776
00:52:25,125 --> 00:52:27,048
God, I love that accent.
777
00:52:27,142 --> 00:52:28,983
Could you do me a favour and just say,
778
00:52:29,076 --> 00:52:32,937
''Spank me, Stifler.
Spank me wee little bum.''
779
00:52:34,246 --> 00:52:36,889
How did you know I like to be spanked?
780
00:52:37,778 --> 00:52:40,037
(lN HlGH-PlTCHED VOlCE) Awesome!
781
00:52:41,183 --> 00:52:45,045
So where's this boyfriend Richard you keep
talking about non-stop all the time?
782
00:52:45,135 --> 00:52:47,692
He doesn't attend high-school parties.
783
00:52:47,783 --> 00:52:52,361
Sounds like you might be in the market
for some home-grown American beef.
784
00:52:52,449 --> 00:52:54,086
Sorry, I'm vegan.
785
00:52:55,182 --> 00:52:56,390
Cheers.
786
00:52:59,594 --> 00:53:01,483
What if I use a cucumber?
787
00:53:04,159 --> 00:53:07,023
All right, boys. Tonight's the night.
Wish me luck.
788
00:53:07,108 --> 00:53:08,319
Good luck, buddy.
789
00:53:08,416 --> 00:53:10,896
Good luck, dude.
Tonight, you become a man.
790
00:53:10,986 --> 00:53:13,216
That's it. Tonight, I'm getting laid!
791
00:53:13,515 --> 00:53:15,576
-Yeah, buddy! Yes!
-Yeah, buddy.
792
00:53:15,665 --> 00:53:17,090
-Yes!
-right here.
793
00:53:17,181 --> 00:53:19,159
Just give it to her nice and slow at first.
794
00:53:19,247 --> 00:53:20,972
Then speed her up.
795
00:53:21,311 --> 00:53:22,437
Dana!
796
00:53:23,502 --> 00:53:24,843
Dana!
797
00:53:29,645 --> 00:53:30,286
Yeah!
798
00:53:30,509 --> 00:53:31,451
(WHOOPS)
799
00:53:36,440 --> 00:53:39,317
-I can't find Heidi anywhere.
-Maybe she didn't come.
800
00:53:39,407 --> 00:53:41,535
No, no. Her car is outside.
801
00:53:42,627 --> 00:53:43,793
How you making out?
802
00:53:43,883 --> 00:53:45,381
Check it out.
803
00:53:47,061 --> 00:53:50,653
Don't you think maybe Ashley's
just a little bit out of your league?
804
00:53:50,740 --> 00:53:54,998
I don't know. I'm just saying, you know,
you've been at it for years.
805
00:53:55,172 --> 00:53:57,467
Maybe it's just not in the cards for you.
806
00:53:57,556 --> 00:53:59,018
I'm a man of refinement.
807
00:53:59,103 --> 00:54:02,363
Why settle for a six
when you can get a perfect 10?
808
00:54:05,376 --> 00:54:08,589
Okay, whatever you say, man. Good luck.
809
00:54:08,805 --> 00:54:11,218
Right. I'm gonna do it.
810
00:54:12,776 --> 00:54:14,740
Hey, what's up, Ashley?
811
00:54:15,244 --> 00:54:16,576
Hey, Lube.
812
00:54:16,666 --> 00:54:17,950
You want a beer?
813
00:54:18,046 --> 00:54:19,424
Got a beer.
814
00:54:19,592 --> 00:54:20,759
Right.
815
00:54:22,187 --> 00:54:23,304
So...
816
00:54:26,284 --> 00:54:29,993
You obviously know that I'm,
like, totally into you. Right?
817
00:54:30,256 --> 00:54:31,838
Yeah. I've seen the shrine.
818
00:54:32,934 --> 00:54:33,966
(LAUGHS)
819
00:54:34,272 --> 00:54:35,899
All right.
820
00:54:36,864 --> 00:54:40,574
Okay, so I'm just gonna be honest with you.
I'm just gonna lay it out on the line.
821
00:54:40,670 --> 00:54:43,166
No tricks, no hidden agenda at all.
822
00:54:44,600 --> 00:54:47,727
I happen to be a sensitive and expert lover.
823
00:54:47,986 --> 00:54:49,448
(GIRLS LAUGHING)
824
00:54:52,545 --> 00:54:56,255
I can guarantee that I will satisfy you
in every way possible,
825
00:54:56,350 --> 00:54:58,562
and I shall not stop until I'm certain
826
00:54:58,649 --> 00:55:01,943
that you are completely happy
with my endeavours.
827
00:55:06,261 --> 00:55:07,378
Okay.
828
00:55:14,247 --> 00:55:15,531
(SIGHS)
829
00:55:15,668 --> 00:55:20,925
Look, that was a really interesting speech,
830
00:55:21,022 --> 00:55:25,161
and I don't really wanna embarrass you
in front of everyone, but...
831
00:55:25,956 --> 00:55:27,870
But it's not gonna happen.
832
00:55:27,963 --> 00:55:31,472
I mean, I think that you're,
like, really super cool,
833
00:55:31,558 --> 00:55:33,356
and you're really funny in class
and everything,
834
00:55:33,440 --> 00:55:36,200
but I don't wanna have sex with you.
835
00:55:37,079 --> 00:55:38,162
Okay?
836
00:55:38,627 --> 00:55:40,506
Yeah, yeah. Sure. Okay.
837
00:55:41,887 --> 00:55:44,350
-so are we cool?
-Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
838
00:55:44,690 --> 00:55:45,890
All right.
839
00:55:45,986 --> 00:55:47,567
Well, I'm gonna go get another beer.
Do you want one?
840
00:55:47,659 --> 00:55:50,335
No, no. I'm... I'm good. I'm good.
841
00:55:55,186 --> 00:55:56,982
-Hey.
-Hey.
842
00:55:57,235 --> 00:56:00,243
(CLEARS THROAT) What you said just now?
843
00:56:00,538 --> 00:56:01,655
Yeah?
844
00:56:01,793 --> 00:56:03,339
Was that true?
845
00:56:03,926 --> 00:56:09,444
Guaranteed satisfaction and you won't stop
until a girl is completely satisfied?
846
00:56:10,616 --> 00:56:11,697
Yeah.
847
00:56:13,376 --> 00:56:16,052
All right. Well, what the hell.
848
00:56:16,764 --> 00:56:19,974
Meet me upstairs
in the first bedroom to the left.
849
00:56:22,743 --> 00:56:24,026
(LAUGHS)
850
00:56:33,197 --> 00:56:36,075
NATHAN: The truth is, yes,
I was trying to pressure you,
851
00:56:36,166 --> 00:56:38,925
because I really, really wanna have sex.
852
00:56:39,052 --> 00:56:43,107
But I really wanna have sex with you.
853
00:56:44,069 --> 00:56:47,946
And, also, I mean, with us,
hooking up has always been about me.
854
00:56:50,091 --> 00:56:54,431
I wanna forget myself for once
and try to make you feel good for a change.
855
00:56:54,524 --> 00:56:59,446
Like, maybe try and make you feel
the way that you make me feel.
856
00:57:08,037 --> 00:57:09,069
Oh!
857
00:57:20,382 --> 00:57:21,463
(PHONE BEEPS)
858
00:57:21,550 --> 00:57:22,582
Oh.
859
00:57:23,720 --> 00:57:26,341
You shouldn't... You shouldn't...
It's my phone.
860
00:57:26,430 --> 00:57:27,890
Don't read my phone.
861
00:57:27,973 --> 00:57:32,434
What's this supposed to mean?
''Give her a dose of manthrax''?
862
00:57:32,644 --> 00:57:33,675
Well, I don't... What does that...
863
00:57:33,770 --> 00:57:35,598
l don't know what that...
Do you know what that means?
864
00:57:35,689 --> 00:57:37,599
'I'm getting laid''?
865
00:57:38,776 --> 00:57:41,102
You're advertising this
before it even happens?
866
00:57:41,196 --> 00:57:42,275
-No.
-Wow.
867
00:57:42,363 --> 00:57:44,736
You must be some special kind of asshole.
868
00:57:44,824 --> 00:57:47,112
No. No, no, no! No. I didn't... lt was...
869
00:57:47,200 --> 00:57:48,232
(GRUNTS ANGRlLY)
870
00:57:48,327 --> 00:57:49,785
Later, loser.
871
00:57:54,750 --> 00:57:58,877
Faster. Okay. Now, slower. Yes, yes.
872
00:57:59,213 --> 00:58:01,965
Slower. Tickle the bunny. Yes, yes.
873
00:58:02,050 --> 00:58:04,587
Oh, God, the man in the boat is out.
874
00:58:04,676 --> 00:58:07,001
Paddle, paddle, do the alphabet. Swirl.
875
00:58:07,095 --> 00:58:10,714
Back to the bunny. That's it.
Okay. Now, more to the left.
876
00:58:11,140 --> 00:58:12,801
More to the left!
877
00:58:13,059 --> 00:58:14,768
-my left or your left?
-My left, my left, my left!
878
00:58:14,853 --> 00:58:15,885
All right.
879
00:58:17,647 --> 00:58:19,640
Hey, have you seen Heidi?
880
00:58:20,399 --> 00:58:21,596
Thanks.
881
00:58:23,195 --> 00:58:24,476
Hey, Rob.
882
00:58:26,282 --> 00:58:27,479
Heidi?
883
00:58:28,534 --> 00:58:31,950
Hey, doggy style.
l told you, you snooze, you lose.
884
00:58:32,037 --> 00:58:35,489
So unless you want mop-up duty,
close the door, pervert.
885
00:58:35,664 --> 00:58:36,697
(STIFLER: GIGGLES)
886
00:58:46,176 --> 00:58:47,339
STIFLER:: Hey, where are you going?
887
00:58:47,427 --> 00:58:49,632
This was a horrible idea.
888
00:58:56,936 --> 00:58:58,810
Rob? Excuse me.
889
00:59:00,065 --> 00:59:03,812
Excuse me. Rob. Rob.
890
00:59:04,735 --> 00:59:06,479
-go away.
-l didn't. l...
891
00:59:06,571 --> 00:59:09,143
l don't wanna see your face right now.
892
00:59:10,033 --> 00:59:11,146
Rob.
893
00:59:15,663 --> 00:59:16,909
(GASPING)
894
00:59:17,873 --> 00:59:18,906
(LAUGHS)
895
00:59:24,256 --> 00:59:26,248
Whoa, whoa.
896
00:59:26,423 --> 00:59:27,502
What are you doing?
897
00:59:27,592 --> 00:59:31,670
What happened to forgetting about yourself
and making me feel good?
898
00:59:32,471 --> 00:59:34,179
But I thought I just...
899
00:59:34,265 --> 00:59:35,759
What? You thought that what, Nathan?
900
00:59:35,850 --> 00:59:39,182
That you could just pretend that you cared
about my feelings and my pledge
901
00:59:39,269 --> 00:59:42,186
and then just go
and try again when my guard was down?
902
00:59:42,272 --> 00:59:44,562
No. You don't get it. l...
903
00:59:44,650 --> 00:59:47,686
No. No, you're the one
that's not gonna get it.
904
00:59:58,371 --> 01:00:01,077
Dude, you need to slow down.
905
01:00:01,168 --> 01:00:03,455
Yeah, seriously. Let's just go home.
906
01:00:03,543 --> 01:00:07,042
You, sir...
You, sir, were right about the bible.
907
01:00:07,839 --> 01:00:10,625
Because assholes get laid!
908
01:00:10,717 --> 01:00:11,796
(BOYS CHEERING)
909
01:00:11,885 --> 01:00:12,916
Yes.
910
01:00:15,429 --> 01:00:18,385
No. No, no, dude. You were right.
911
01:00:18,726 --> 01:00:20,883
-There's something to it.
-What are You talking about?
912
01:00:20,977 --> 01:00:24,594
We tried the nice guy thing
and I believe we're all still virgins.
913
01:00:24,689 --> 01:00:28,057
Well, the nice guy vibe got me
past the bouncer, man.
914
01:00:28,776 --> 01:00:29,891
Hey.
915
01:00:33,907 --> 01:00:40,358
Well, gentlemen, you failed,
and the proof, as they say, is in the Jell-o.
916
01:00:41,373 --> 01:00:43,863
So I will see you later, nice guys.
917
01:00:47,628 --> 01:00:49,502
-Hey.
-Hey.
918
01:00:49,798 --> 01:00:51,376
I know you want me.
919
01:00:51,465 --> 01:00:54,750
I'm gonna let you take me upstairs
and do me right now.
920
01:00:55,218 --> 01:00:56,761
-Really?
-Yeah.
921
01:00:57,470 --> 01:00:58,716
Kiss me.
922
01:01:03,059 --> 01:01:05,100
STIFLER:: Y'all ready for some pain?
923
01:01:09,566 --> 01:01:11,523
Hey, ladies.
924
01:01:13,319 --> 01:01:14,696
(GIRLS SCREAMING)
925
01:01:20,660 --> 01:01:22,072
GlRL: Oh, my God.
926
01:01:22,664 --> 01:01:24,240
STIFLER:: Oh, my God!
927
01:01:24,749 --> 01:01:26,575
Look at those taters!
928
01:01:35,468 --> 01:01:37,176
Do me from behind.
929
01:01:37,511 --> 01:01:38,625
What?
930
01:01:40,263 --> 01:01:42,755
I thought you liked it doggy style.
931
01:01:47,313 --> 01:01:48,591
ROB: Huh?
932
01:01:49,272 --> 01:01:51,810
What are you doing back there? Let's go.
933
01:01:53,152 --> 01:01:56,153
You're not putting your dick in that,
are you?
934
01:01:56,697 --> 01:01:58,072
(SCREAMS)
935
01:01:58,490 --> 01:02:01,063
Are you kidding me? Gross.
936
01:02:03,536 --> 01:02:04,485
(THUDS)
937
01:02:21,553 --> 01:02:22,883
(GROANS)
938
01:02:22,972 --> 01:02:24,716
Here. This'll help.
939
01:02:25,014 --> 01:02:26,213
Thanks.
940
01:02:27,143 --> 01:02:30,558
Honey, I know that I can't stop you
from doing certain things,
941
01:02:30,646 --> 01:02:33,812
but I can insist that you are safe.
942
01:02:34,273 --> 01:02:35,983
Did you drink and drive?
943
01:02:36,068 --> 01:02:38,559
No. John Costello drove me home.
944
01:02:39,196 --> 01:02:44,356
Well, I want you to know that if
you find yourself in any carnal situation,
945
01:02:44,450 --> 01:02:46,990
that you... You will use protection.
946
01:02:47,412 --> 01:02:49,488
What do you mean by carnal?
947
01:02:52,167 --> 01:02:53,199
This.
948
01:02:57,173 --> 01:02:58,203
(GROANS)
949
01:02:58,299 --> 01:03:00,089
GIRL Are you kidding me? Gross
950
01:03:00,175 --> 01:03:02,250
Is there no such thing as privacy any more?
951
01:03:02,343 --> 01:03:06,092
l will tell your father that
you're just not up to seeing him today.
952
01:03:06,181 --> 01:03:08,090
You're not feeling well.
953
01:03:08,934 --> 01:03:10,180
Thanks.
954
01:03:13,897 --> 01:03:15,356
How was she?
955
01:03:16,900 --> 01:03:18,892
-How was who?
-Vomit girl.
956
01:03:19,277 --> 01:03:20,356
How do you know about that?
957
01:03:20,446 --> 01:03:23,779
Who do you think is forwarding
all those videos to Mom?
958
01:03:28,661 --> 01:03:30,454
ROB: I'm ready to give up.
959
01:03:30,830 --> 01:03:32,158
I thought I had the answers.
960
01:03:32,247 --> 01:03:35,948
It's too bad that 99% of the bible's
completely unreadable.
961
01:03:37,879 --> 01:03:39,207
That's it.
962
01:03:39,924 --> 01:03:42,045
We need to reconstruct the bible.
963
01:03:42,132 --> 01:03:43,213
Why?
964
01:03:43,301 --> 01:03:44,712
The secrets are in there.
965
01:03:44,803 --> 01:03:47,719
I mean, there's no one single answer
to getting laid.
966
01:03:47,804 --> 01:03:49,762
Right? We need the whole book
to understand.
967
01:03:49,848 --> 01:03:51,925
Probably has a lot of crap in there
that we need to know, too,
968
01:03:52,017 --> 01:03:55,019
like positions, techniques,
angle of insertion.
969
01:03:55,104 --> 01:03:59,315
Exactly. That's what the bible was
created for, to help guys like us.
970
01:03:59,484 --> 01:04:02,603
And we owe it to the others.
I ruined the bible.
971
01:04:02,944 --> 01:04:05,482
I owe it to future generations
to restore its wisdom.
972
01:04:05,572 --> 01:04:08,324
Dude, I'm all for it, but how?
973
01:04:14,332 --> 01:04:15,992
Where do we start?
974
01:04:18,043 --> 01:04:19,750
From the beginning.
975
01:04:20,212 --> 01:04:22,003
LUBE: This must be the guy
who created the bible.
976
01:04:23,799 --> 01:04:25,376
(RINGING)
977
01:04:27,178 --> 01:04:28,375
Hello?
978
01:04:28,470 --> 01:04:31,257
ROB: Hi May I speakto Noah Levenstein, please?
979
01:04:31,348 --> 01:04:32,380
Speaking.
980
01:04:32,475 --> 01:04:34,798
Are you the one who created the bible?
981
01:04:36,143 --> 01:04:38,551
No, that would be God.
982
01:04:38,730 --> 01:04:40,557
No, no, no Hold on
983
01:04:40,857 --> 01:04:44,191
I'm referring to the bible.
984
01:04:45,111 --> 01:04:46,854
I'm calling fromEast Great Falls High School
985
01:04:50,074 --> 01:04:54,119
NOAH: lt was the summer
of my junior year, 1969,
986
01:04:54,203 --> 01:04:56,955
and my buddies and I,
we take this trip to Amsterdam,
987
01:04:57,040 --> 01:05:00,954
where we run into a group
of semi-attractive Dutch nymphos
988
01:05:01,044 --> 01:05:05,254
who were willing to trade their bodies
for a handful of Jimi Hendrix LPs.
989
01:05:05,340 --> 01:05:09,836
Well, needless to say, we had ourselves
one super weekend with those gals,
990
01:05:10,053 --> 01:05:12,756
sexually speaking, if you get my drift.
991
01:05:13,556 --> 01:05:16,426
But the sad news was,
we had no idea what we were doing.
992
01:05:16,517 --> 01:05:18,261
We had no technique.
993
01:05:18,645 --> 01:05:21,396
And then one day, we were out sight-seeing,
994
01:05:21,480 --> 01:05:24,434
and we run into this Dutch hooker
in the red-light district,
995
01:05:24,525 --> 01:05:26,932
and she tells us about this book.
996
01:05:28,113 --> 01:05:33,154
It was a sex manual, evidently written
in the 19th century by some priest.
997
01:05:33,243 --> 01:05:35,614
Well, we read that thing cover to cover,
998
01:05:35,702 --> 01:05:38,158
and then when we got back
to East Great Falls,
999
01:05:38,246 --> 01:05:40,997
I had the bright idea to write my own book
1000
01:05:41,082 --> 01:05:45,129
and add my own observations
and experiences and advice
1001
01:05:45,212 --> 01:05:49,127
and leave it in the library for some
other hapless virgin in the class below us.
1002
01:05:49,217 --> 01:05:53,295
But I had no idea it had been
passed down for 40 years.
1003
01:05:53,512 --> 01:05:56,134
Your book is a legend, Mr Levenstein.
1004
01:05:58,642 --> 01:06:00,136
Do you have it here?
1005
01:06:00,226 --> 01:06:01,307
Yeah.
1006
01:06:01,395 --> 01:06:03,055
May I see it?
1007
01:06:06,902 --> 01:06:08,063
Oh.
1008
01:06:08,444 --> 01:06:09,641
Oh, my.
1009
01:06:11,196 --> 01:06:12,274
Boys.
1010
01:06:13,948 --> 01:06:16,737
This is a real piece of history here.
1011
01:06:17,453 --> 01:06:19,244
What happened to it?
1012
01:06:19,412 --> 01:06:21,156
Well, that's why we're here.
1013
01:06:21,248 --> 01:06:22,493
The bible kinda got ruined,
1014
01:06:22,583 --> 01:06:26,532
so we wanna call everyone on the list
and try to reconstruct it.
1015
01:06:27,672 --> 01:06:28,915
Oh.
1016
01:06:30,005 --> 01:06:33,919
Well, I think you boys might need
some help.
1017
01:06:35,929 --> 01:06:39,843
Well, girls have the advantage,
because girls talk to each other,
1018
01:06:39,932 --> 01:06:42,637
and don't kid yourself,
they talk about the penis.
1019
01:06:42,727 --> 01:06:46,142
Penis size, penis shape,
the angle of the bend.
1020
01:06:46,481 --> 01:06:48,189
Whether it winks at you. They talk.
1021
01:06:48,274 --> 01:06:52,189
Now, to really make love to a woman,
you gotta really care about her.
1022
01:06:52,278 --> 01:06:56,227
But... Hey, sex is great, but sex with
someone you love? That's awesome.
1023
01:06:56,322 --> 01:06:58,066
Dude, that is so profound.
1024
01:06:58,159 --> 01:06:59,322
Telling you.
1025
01:06:59,410 --> 01:07:01,283
Yeah, definitely gets lonely on the road.
1026
01:07:01,371 --> 01:07:03,908
Sure, I made love to all kinds
of different food groups.
1027
01:07:03,999 --> 01:07:06,205
Did you ever try making love
to a peanut-butter sandwich?
1028
01:07:06,292 --> 01:07:07,573
Nothing comes close.
1029
01:07:07,668 --> 01:07:08,747
What?
1030
01:07:08,836 --> 01:07:13,083
Well, maybe a deboned ham hock,
but that takes a whole lot of prep.
1031
01:07:13,674 --> 01:07:14,753
Bend your knees.
1032
01:07:14,842 --> 01:07:17,628
Next time you spank it, sit lndian-style.
1033
01:07:17,845 --> 01:07:19,588
You won't come, not in a million years.
1034
01:07:19,680 --> 01:07:22,385
MAN: Our sex organs
are like musical instruments.
1035
01:07:22,474 --> 01:07:24,384
Sure, you can have any technician
blow on your horn,
1036
01:07:24,477 --> 01:07:27,559
but to place your instrument into
the hands of a true expert?
1037
01:07:27,645 --> 01:07:30,351
That, my young friend, is true harmony.
1038
01:07:30,441 --> 01:07:32,398
NOAH: Guys don't talk to each other
1039
01:07:32,484 --> 01:07:34,394
because they view each other
as competitors,
1040
01:07:34,486 --> 01:07:36,195
which I think is crazy. You know?
1041
01:07:36,279 --> 01:07:39,731
Because men need to help each other
and work together to get laid.
1042
01:07:40,159 --> 01:07:42,114
NOAH: Noah Levenstein, class of '70
1043
01:07:42,202 --> 01:07:44,907
ROB: Pete Sambrelli?NOAH: That's right, the Noah Levenstein
1044
01:07:44,996 --> 01:07:46,027
ROB: Do you have a number for him?
1045
01:07:46,123 --> 01:07:48,578
Hi This is regarding his adviceon the lubricants
1046
01:07:48,666 --> 01:07:51,871
We found the tongue tornado in Regina.
1047
01:07:51,962 --> 01:07:52,993
(BOYS CHEERING)
1048
01:07:53,254 --> 01:07:55,462
You said bros befo' hos.
1049
01:07:55,549 --> 01:07:59,546
Isn't that what you said? Bros befo' hos.
And then you screwed my girlfriend.
1050
01:07:59,636 --> 01:08:02,672
Well, so did the entire glee club, Carlito.
What's your point?
1051
01:08:05,521 --> 01:08:08,865
It's all about chemistry,
and confidence is the key.
1052
01:08:13,135 --> 01:08:15,810
MAN: R-E-S-P-E-C-T,you've heard that song, right?
1053
01:08:15,894 --> 01:08:17,642
Boys, we got another confirmation.
1054
01:08:17,735 --> 01:08:19,316
MAN: You gotta treat your lady right.
1055
01:08:19,408 --> 01:08:24,248
You've got to be gentle, kind
and respectful to the one you love.
1056
01:08:24,678 --> 01:08:27,011
-Who are You talking to?
-Shut the Fuck up.
1057
01:08:27,103 --> 01:08:28,936
This is how you get her really excited.
1058
01:08:29,027 --> 01:08:32,405
Stick your finger in her ass. Trust me.
1059
01:08:32,623 --> 01:08:34,752
Was that two fingers or one?
1060
01:08:35,551 --> 01:08:37,349
LUBE: I'm sorry.
Confidential matter.
1061
01:08:38,899 --> 01:08:40,563
NOAH: Phone, phone. Okay.
1062
01:08:41,157 --> 01:08:42,190
LUBE: Then what happened?
1063
01:08:42,286 --> 01:08:45,377
Hello. Yeah. Class of '77.
1064
01:08:45,464 --> 01:08:47,011
Yeah, hold on. Let me get a pen.
1065
01:08:47,094 --> 01:08:48,212
Pete O'Donnell, please.
1066
01:08:48,976 --> 01:08:50,392
Who is this?
1067
01:08:51,277 --> 01:08:54,452
Mr O'Donnell, this is Marshall Lubetski.
1068
01:08:54,540 --> 01:08:57,383
l just wanted to talk to you about
what you wrote in the bible.
1069
01:08:57,467 --> 01:09:01,476
You know, about having anal sex
with Miss Johnson.
1070
01:09:03,364 --> 01:09:05,278
(ALL CLAMOURING)
1071
01:09:13,695 --> 01:09:16,538
...very much! Mark S.!
1072
01:09:18,210 --> 01:09:19,711
(ALL CHEERING)
1073
01:09:27,372 --> 01:09:29,751
This is not a sex manual.
1074
01:09:31,094 --> 01:09:33,639
lt is a life manual.
1075
01:09:35,276 --> 01:09:37,856
Now, I've been married for 35 years
1076
01:09:37,952 --> 01:09:41,498
and not just because
I'm this handsome dude
1077
01:09:41,592 --> 01:09:43,971
who knows how to satisfy a woman.
1078
01:09:44,144 --> 01:09:48,233
I've been married 35 years
because I love my wife
1079
01:09:48,324 --> 01:09:51,250
and I respect my wife.
1080
01:09:51,588 --> 01:09:54,264
And whether it's Amsterdam
or East Great Falls,
1081
01:09:54,348 --> 01:09:56,061
it all comes down to this.
1082
01:09:56,148 --> 01:10:00,026
If you're honest and treat a girl with respect,
1083
01:10:00,980 --> 01:10:06,683
then whatever happens is meant to happen,
because it's all perfectly natural.
1084
01:10:11,778 --> 01:10:14,863
Boys, I've prepared you for this quest.
1085
01:10:15,240 --> 01:10:18,737
And before you lies
the biggest test of your lives.
1086
01:10:27,497 --> 01:10:29,785
This book is a powerful weapon,
1087
01:10:32,167 --> 01:10:33,957
so use it for good,
1088
01:10:35,627 --> 01:10:36,871
not evil.
1089
01:11:26,450 --> 01:11:27,529
Yes.
1090
01:11:27,827 --> 01:11:28,858
(SIGHS)
1091
01:11:28,953 --> 01:11:29,983
(DOOR CLOSING)
1092
01:11:34,332 --> 01:11:35,957
ROB: You still looking for the vacuum?
1093
01:11:36,041 --> 01:11:39,125
No. I found it in Cody's room. So strange.
1094
01:11:39,210 --> 01:11:42,245
I mean, I just don't remember
leaving it there.
1095
01:11:42,337 --> 01:11:44,163
(LAUGHS) Losing my mind, clearly.
1096
01:11:44,254 --> 01:11:46,793
Hey, Mom, can I go on the ski trip?
1097
01:11:48,675 --> 01:11:49,754
Yes.
1098
01:11:50,343 --> 01:11:54,587
But no drinking,
and if you do drink, no driving.
1099
01:11:54,677 --> 01:11:58,211
Don't worry. If I do anything wrong,
I'm sure it'll end up on YouTube, so...
1100
01:11:58,306 --> 01:12:00,299
Call you when I get there.
1101
01:12:15,691 --> 01:12:16,853
(CHATTERING)
1102
01:12:16,941 --> 01:12:18,317
(ALL WHOOPING)
1103
01:12:19,987 --> 01:12:21,362
Drinking round!
1104
01:12:29,993 --> 01:12:32,448
-Deal me in.
-What are You doing here?
1105
01:12:32,536 --> 01:12:33,567
Katie.
1106
01:12:33,662 --> 01:12:35,987
l know. But what are you doing here?
1107
01:12:36,080 --> 01:12:38,571
-l wanna play.
-Right.
1108
01:12:38,666 --> 01:12:40,906
Just deal her in, Stifler. What's the big deal?
1109
01:12:41,000 --> 01:12:42,659
AMY: Yeah, deal her in.
1110
01:12:49,046 --> 01:12:50,422
Hi, Nathan.
1111
01:12:53,258 --> 01:12:54,918
Thanks for the flowers.
1112
01:12:55,010 --> 01:12:58,459
I'm sorry about being a jerk.
And, for the record, I've learned my lesson.
1113
01:12:58,553 --> 01:13:01,506
I'm ready to respect you
and support you on your pledge.
1114
01:13:01,597 --> 01:13:05,048
Really? But why?
1115
01:13:06,392 --> 01:13:09,723
I'm in this for you.
I'm not in it just to have sex.
1116
01:13:10,227 --> 01:13:13,096
Well, I realised that I'm in this for you,
1117
01:13:13,186 --> 01:13:17,016
and if the pledge gets in the way of that,
then how good can it really be?
1118
01:13:17,106 --> 01:13:21,813
Sounds like a good basis for the two of us
to just relax and see what happens.
1119
01:13:22,193 --> 01:13:24,767
Look. I bought a book.
1120
01:13:25,612 --> 01:13:27,603
I was thinking that we could
1121
01:13:27,697 --> 01:13:31,111
start on page one
and then see how far we get this weekend.
1122
01:13:31,949 --> 01:13:34,107
The first three chapters are foreplay.
1123
01:13:34,200 --> 01:13:35,279
Wow.
1124
01:13:35,993 --> 01:13:39,242
You know, I've actually been
reading a book, as well.
1125
01:13:39,330 --> 01:13:42,364
Have you ever heard of the tongue tornado?
1126
01:13:42,956 --> 01:13:44,497
Okay, let's go.
1127
01:13:48,960 --> 01:13:51,119
This is supposed to be fun.
1128
01:13:51,503 --> 01:13:53,044
This isn't fun.
1129
01:13:53,212 --> 01:13:56,378
Just you wait. You possess wisdom now.
1130
01:13:57,133 --> 01:13:58,792
Trust in the book.
1131
01:14:03,385 --> 01:14:07,430
I mean, what does that mean, anyway?
Do you think I'm too clingy?
1132
01:14:07,639 --> 01:14:09,881
No. No, of course not.
1133
01:14:10,225 --> 01:14:11,848
Do you even know how to play poker?
1134
01:14:11,935 --> 01:14:12,965
KATIE: I know the game.
1135
01:14:13,060 --> 01:14:16,806
And I tell you what,
if I lose, l'll take off all my clothes.
1136
01:14:16,894 --> 01:14:18,353
(ALL EXCLAIMING)
1137
01:14:19,395 --> 01:14:20,889
AMY: Snap.
ASHLEY: Nice.
1138
01:14:20,981 --> 01:14:22,475
And if I lose?
1139
01:14:22,857 --> 01:14:24,648
You apologise to me.
1140
01:14:25,861 --> 01:14:27,933
-for What? blowing You off?
-KATIE: Yes.
1141
01:14:28,027 --> 01:14:30,813
If it's not enough, it was my first time.
1142
01:14:31,029 --> 01:14:32,060
I deserve better.
1143
01:14:32,153 --> 01:14:33,435
(GASPS)
1144
01:14:34,407 --> 01:14:37,940
But if I win,
not only do you apologise to me,
1145
01:14:38,035 --> 01:14:40,239
you gotta run through the snow naked.
1146
01:14:40,327 --> 01:14:41,904
(ALL CHEERING)
1147
01:14:42,286 --> 01:14:45,156
-Yeah.
-It's a deal.
1148
01:14:53,168 --> 01:14:55,326
Start stripping, sweetheart.
1149
01:14:55,630 --> 01:14:57,289
It's not over yet.
1150
01:14:59,966 --> 01:15:01,458
Feeling lucky?
1151
01:15:03,467 --> 01:15:06,502
You better hope for a five on the river, baby.
1152
01:15:14,515 --> 01:15:16,839
ASHLEY: She got the five! Unbelievable.
1153
01:15:16,934 --> 01:15:18,261
(SCREAMING)
1154
01:15:18,352 --> 01:15:19,679
Oh, my God.
1155
01:15:21,353 --> 01:15:23,013
-Strip.
-Hold on a second.
1156
01:15:23,105 --> 01:15:24,599
-Strip.
-Strip.
1157
01:15:24,688 --> 01:15:27,643
ALL: (CHANTING)
Strip! Strip! Strip! Strip!
1158
01:15:27,731 --> 01:15:32,806
Strip! Strip! Strip! Strip!
1159
01:15:32,902 --> 01:15:35,983
You want me to strip?
You want some of this?
1160
01:15:36,696 --> 01:15:39,649
It's time to get it going, baby!
1161
01:15:39,740 --> 01:15:41,199
(ALL CHEERING)
1162
01:15:41,449 --> 01:15:44,450
All right, let's go! Here we go, baby.
1163
01:15:46,079 --> 01:15:48,197
STIFLER:: Wait, let's talk this over.
1164
01:15:50,497 --> 01:15:53,450
Shit. It's freezing out here.
1165
01:15:53,624 --> 01:15:55,165
Now apologise.
1166
01:15:55,458 --> 01:15:57,249
-I'm sorry.
-for What?
1167
01:15:57,627 --> 01:16:00,118
I'm sorry for not calling you afterwards.
1168
01:16:00,214 --> 01:16:01,457
And what else?
1169
01:16:01,546 --> 01:16:03,951
I'm sorry for being a dick, okay?
1170
01:16:04,339 --> 01:16:06,460
Now, open the stinking door.
1171
01:16:06,966 --> 01:16:07,996
GIRLS: Oh!
1172
01:16:08,801 --> 01:16:10,129
(EXCLAIMING)
1173
01:16:17,555 --> 01:16:19,098
Open the door!
1174
01:16:19,182 --> 01:16:23,677
Now, tell everyone how you cry
like a little girl after you cum.
1175
01:16:23,768 --> 01:16:26,342
I cry like a girl after I cum, okay?
1176
01:16:27,063 --> 01:16:29,518
It's a very intense experience for me.
1177
01:16:30,858 --> 01:16:32,399
(MOOSE BELLOWING)
1178
01:16:35,360 --> 01:16:36,437
Call 91 1 .
1179
01:16:36,527 --> 01:16:37,855
(SCREAMING)
1180
01:16:40,489 --> 01:16:41,518
(SNORTING)
1181
01:16:42,031 --> 01:16:43,062
(GRUNTING)
1182
01:16:44,698 --> 01:16:45,730
(SCREECHING)
1183
01:17:48,035 --> 01:17:49,779
Hey, l'll meet you at the lodge later.
1184
01:17:49,871 --> 01:17:51,150
Yeah, yeah, sure. Go.
1185
01:17:52,790 --> 01:17:54,697
ROB: Heidi. Wait up.
1186
01:18:02,927 --> 01:18:05,381
Do you mind if I ride up with you?
1187
01:18:05,802 --> 01:18:06,881
Okay.
1188
01:18:35,918 --> 01:18:38,207
Hey. What's up?
1189
01:18:39,297 --> 01:18:42,214
We... We're in the same gondola.
1190
01:18:43,092 --> 01:18:44,551
Yeah, look at that.
1191
01:18:50,974 --> 01:18:52,303
(GROANING)
1192
01:18:56,147 --> 01:18:57,426
Oh, God.
1193
01:19:14,416 --> 01:19:15,794
I didn't sleep with Stifler.
1194
01:19:15,876 --> 01:19:17,584
Yeah. I heard.
1195
01:19:18,754 --> 01:19:20,878
-But You still hate me?
-No.
1196
01:19:22,466 --> 01:19:24,459
No. Why would you say that?
1197
01:19:24,551 --> 01:19:27,637
You haven't said a word to me
since that night.
1198
01:19:28,307 --> 01:19:30,298
I know. I'm sorry.
1199
01:19:31,185 --> 01:19:34,969
I guess I just...
I needed time to work through my feelings.
1200
01:19:40,151 --> 01:19:43,187
And? What did you decide?
1201
01:19:46,493 --> 01:19:50,192
Gibbs says that Stifler has to sit on
a foam rubber doughnut for six weeks.
1202
01:19:50,287 --> 01:19:54,073
And he says they're talking about
amputating his feet from frostbite.
1203
01:19:54,166 --> 01:19:57,332
Gibbs is a liar.
Stifler doesn't need amputation.
1204
01:19:57,419 --> 01:19:59,993
That's too bad. I got an A in Shop.
1205
01:20:04,677 --> 01:20:05,709
(SNORTS)
1206
01:20:05,803 --> 01:20:07,676
Oh, my. Was that a snort?
1207
01:20:22,695 --> 01:20:23,942
Come to gloat?
1208
01:20:24,031 --> 01:20:26,153
No. Just looking for a fag.
1209
01:20:26,325 --> 01:20:30,025
Just 'cause I took a moose pickle up my ass
doesn't mean I'm gay.
1210
01:20:30,121 --> 01:20:32,954
Very funny. How's your bum?
1211
01:20:33,039 --> 01:20:37,168
Feels like I gave birth to a mayonnaise jar,
but thanks for asking.
1212
01:20:37,919 --> 01:20:41,040
Hey, I heard about your boyfriend.
That really sucks.
1213
01:20:41,131 --> 01:20:44,335
Yeah. I thought only high school boys
were jerks.
1214
01:20:44,425 --> 01:20:46,135
lt turns out they never outgrow it.
1215
01:20:46,219 --> 01:20:49,920
lmogen, no offence,
and you're the most mature girl I know,
1216
01:20:50,599 --> 01:20:54,515
but a 24-year-old dude isn't gonna take
a high-school girl seriously.
1217
01:20:54,606 --> 01:20:56,014
I suppose not.
1218
01:20:57,107 --> 01:20:58,849
You wanna sit down?
1219
01:20:59,525 --> 01:21:00,771
What for?
1220
01:21:00,943 --> 01:21:03,897
I just thought we could both use
a friend right now.
1221
01:21:16,585 --> 01:21:17,617
Stifler.
1222
01:21:17,711 --> 01:21:19,254
My bad. Reflex.
1223
01:21:19,336 --> 01:21:20,619
(LAUGHS)
1224
01:21:22,383 --> 01:21:23,759
ROB: I'm sorry.
1225
01:21:24,177 --> 01:21:25,457
You have to make your own decisions.
1226
01:21:25,553 --> 01:21:29,502
You know, I just...
I thought we had something.
1227
01:21:29,598 --> 01:21:30,843
We did.
1228
01:21:32,518 --> 01:21:33,717
We do.
1229
01:21:35,105 --> 01:21:36,563
I was scared.
1230
01:21:37,275 --> 01:21:38,519
Of what?
1231
01:21:42,446 --> 01:21:44,070
I really like you.
1232
01:21:45,573 --> 01:21:47,899
And I want it to be special.
1233
01:21:49,326 --> 01:21:52,495
I guess I just wanted to be ready.
1234
01:21:54,500 --> 01:21:58,912
So you almost had sex with Stifler
so you'd be ready for me.
1235
01:22:00,339 --> 01:22:01,418
Yeah.
1236
01:22:02,341 --> 01:22:05,177
That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard.
1237
01:22:06,262 --> 01:22:08,836
Well, I heard you got some practise.
1238
01:22:09,516 --> 01:22:12,432
You know, the truth is,
is nothing happened.
1239
01:22:14,395 --> 01:22:17,182
l didn't want it to be random like that.
1240
01:22:17,398 --> 01:22:18,598
And...
1241
01:22:21,361 --> 01:22:25,406
I couldn't picture my first time
being with anybody else but you.
1242
01:22:45,887 --> 01:22:47,381
What was that?
1243
01:22:48,139 --> 01:22:49,764
I don't know.
1244
01:22:53,102 --> 01:22:55,060
-Looks like we're stuck.
-Yeah.
1245
01:23:00,985 --> 01:23:04,319
You know, we could be up here for a while.
1246
01:23:04,404 --> 01:23:05,485
Yeah.
1247
01:23:31,601 --> 01:23:33,392
LUBE: Hey, can I ask you a question?
1248
01:23:33,478 --> 01:23:35,185
Yeah, sure. Whatever.
1249
01:23:35,270 --> 01:23:37,809
Why do you hook up with assholes
like Scott Stifler anyway?
1250
01:23:37,898 --> 01:23:40,188
Excuse me, but you don't know me.
1251
01:23:40,276 --> 01:23:43,443
(SCOFFS) You know,
you're just the same as all the rest.
1252
01:23:43,529 --> 01:23:44,691
I'm just some sort of trophy to you.
1253
01:23:44,781 --> 01:23:47,238
You don't care about me.
You just wanna sleep with me,
1254
01:23:47,325 --> 01:23:50,160
because you think
it's some sort of status symbol.
1255
01:23:50,244 --> 01:23:51,407
Sorry.
1256
01:23:52,665 --> 01:23:53,743
(ASHLEY SIGHS)
1257
01:23:53,833 --> 01:23:54,864
God.
1258
01:23:56,460 --> 01:23:58,831
How long are we gonna be up here?
1259
01:24:00,672 --> 01:24:02,168
l'll get help.
1260
01:24:03,802 --> 01:24:05,212
ASHLEY: What are you doing?
1261
01:24:05,303 --> 01:24:08,054
It's not that far down,
and there's, like, 20 feet of snow.
1262
01:24:08,138 --> 01:24:10,131
What, is this supposed to impress me?
1263
01:24:10,226 --> 01:24:12,263
The thought had crossed my mind.
1264
01:24:12,353 --> 01:24:14,426
Absolutely not. First of all, it's just wrong.
1265
01:24:14,521 --> 01:24:16,809
Second of all,
you're not even supposed to touch the door.
1266
01:24:16,898 --> 01:24:21,144
And third, it's just really dangerous, okay?
So just get away from there.
1267
01:24:21,235 --> 01:24:23,690
Right. What was I thinking?
1268
01:24:27,616 --> 01:24:28,697
Whoa!
1269
01:24:28,784 --> 01:24:30,444
(ASHLEY SCREAMING)
1270
01:24:32,205 --> 01:24:33,581
Are you okay?
1271
01:24:33,664 --> 01:24:35,161
I think I hurt my leg.
1272
01:24:35,252 --> 01:24:36,494
(SIGHS)
1273
01:24:36,710 --> 01:24:37,824
Idiot.
1274
01:24:53,186 --> 01:24:54,679
Are you okay?
1275
01:24:55,604 --> 01:24:57,147
Are you crazy?
1276
01:24:58,315 --> 01:24:59,776
Are you okay?
1277
01:25:00,402 --> 01:25:03,606
Yeah, I'm fine. No, I'm fine. I'm fine.
1278
01:25:03,697 --> 01:25:07,231
About what you said
about how I don't care about you
1279
01:25:07,325 --> 01:25:10,078
and you're just a trophy,
that's actually not true.
1280
01:25:10,161 --> 01:25:14,705
l really like you.
We went to elementary school together.
1281
01:25:15,001 --> 01:25:18,168
I remember when you sang Hey Ya!
in the sixth-grade talent show.
1282
01:25:18,253 --> 01:25:22,383
I remember when you fell off the pyramid
at the homecoming game, freshman year.
1283
01:25:22,466 --> 01:25:25,337
You were so embarrassed, but I didn't care.
1284
01:25:25,510 --> 01:25:29,211
I just liked how you played it off
like it was all part of the routine.
1285
01:25:29,306 --> 01:25:35,892
I mean, yeah, sure, you're a super-hot babe,
but I actually like you for you.
1286
01:25:38,067 --> 01:25:40,770
Look, this may be a shock to you,
1287
01:25:40,860 --> 01:25:45,108
but I have no idea what I'm doing with girls.
1288
01:25:46,659 --> 01:25:49,992
But I really wanna learn.
You just give me a chance.
1289
01:25:50,914 --> 01:25:52,786
That's all I'm asking.
1290
01:25:53,498 --> 01:25:57,496
And I guarantee that
l will make it my life's mission
1291
01:25:57,586 --> 01:26:00,921
to satisfy you in every way possible.
1292
01:26:37,546 --> 01:26:40,165
-Let's go back to the...
-to the cabin.
1293
01:27:37,523 --> 01:27:40,228
Dude. You forgot to sign it.
1294
01:27:47,783 --> 01:27:50,358
You sure we can't just keep it
for one more year?
1295
01:27:50,454 --> 01:27:52,446
No, guys, it's someone else's turn.
1296
01:28:36,085 --> 01:28:38,457
ROB ON COMPUTERThis is my little brother, Cody,
1297
01:28:38,794 --> 01:28:42,579
and this is what he doeswith the vacuum every day
1298
01:28:43,551 --> 01:28:45,507
No! Hey! No!
1299
01:28:46,012 --> 01:28:49,095
CODY Help! It's stuck! I can't get it off!
1300
01:28:49,347 --> 01:28:50,380
(CODY GROANING)
1301
01:28:50,725 --> 01:28:53,216
Help! Help! It's stuck
1302
01:28:53,853 --> 01:28:55,015
(LAUGHS) Gotcha
1303
01:28:56,312 --> 01:28:57,429
CODY Help!
1304
01:29:00,737 --> 01:29:01,766
No!
1305
01:29:05,321 --> 01:29:09,987
She was using me. I... That was really bad.
1306
01:29:10,369 --> 01:29:12,777
Father, why hast Thou forsaken me?
1307
01:29:13,665 --> 01:29:16,335
Wanna suck me off in the Sharper lmage?
1308
01:29:16,627 --> 01:29:19,296
Rob, are you some kind of jive turkey?
1309
01:29:21,338 --> 01:29:24,377
He's like an inch away from the real McCoy.
1310
01:29:25,053 --> 01:29:26,926
Did you bring condoms?
1311
01:29:27,095 --> 01:29:28,175
What?
1312
01:29:28,263 --> 01:29:31,383
I wet the bed until I was 13 years old, okay?
1313
01:29:31,517 --> 01:29:34,054
You nancy boys couldn't get lucky
at a Jonas Brothers concert
1314
01:29:34,144 --> 01:29:36,267
with a fistful of backstage passes.
1315
01:29:36,647 --> 01:29:40,396
Faith in God and His promise of eternal life
1316
01:29:41,987 --> 01:29:44,940
Now, put the condom on the banana.
1317
01:29:45,989 --> 01:29:49,656
Who didn't see that coming?
Look at the time. Gotta go.
1318
01:29:50,702 --> 01:29:53,456
l think that is quite enough pictures
of the cheerleaders.
1319
01:29:53,539 --> 01:29:54,999
How about we get some of the game?
1320
01:29:56,502 --> 01:29:57,580
We're eating.
1321
01:29:58,086 --> 01:29:59,118
(FARTS)
1322
01:29:59,713 --> 01:30:02,122
You've been fucking Americans or...
1323
01:30:02,757 --> 01:30:04,465
Watching, loving...
1324
01:30:08,138 --> 01:30:09,170
Bear with me.
1325
01:30:09,265 --> 01:30:12,135
If she's down, bring her flowers.
1326
01:30:12,434 --> 01:30:14,926
If she's thirsty, serve her fine champagne.
1327
01:30:15,020 --> 01:30:17,394
Yeah, 'cause, I'm telling you,
my wife is pretty effing hot.
1328
01:30:17,480 --> 01:30:20,933
I'm talking a tight, tight ass
and squeaky clean.
1329
01:30:21,777 --> 01:30:24,483
Is that cream-filled? You rock.
1330
01:30:25,072 --> 01:30:27,231
Oh. Don't mention that, okay?
1331
01:30:27,867 --> 01:30:32,279
And whenever it comes to making out,
put on side one of Led Zeppelin IV
99781
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