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1
00:00:01,802 --> 00:00:06,671
♪ Let me tell you a story
that few live to tell ♪
2
00:00:06,673 --> 00:00:09,207
♪ 'Bout a thousand-year-old fish ♪
3
00:00:09,209 --> 00:00:11,075
♪ Surely sent from hell ♪
4
00:00:11,077 --> 00:00:15,814
♪ Spawn of a demon whale
and a drunk King Kong ♪
5
00:00:15,816 --> 00:00:20,352
♪ He's as big as a bus
with a 12-foot dong ♪
6
00:00:20,354 --> 00:00:25,023
♪ With a 12-foot dong ♪
7
00:00:25,025 --> 00:00:29,294
♪ Just his sideways glance
smashes men to bits ♪
8
00:00:29,296 --> 00:00:33,966
♪ He takes hundred-year
naps and two-ton shits ♪
9
00:00:33,968 --> 00:00:38,036
♪ And two-ton shits ♪
10
00:00:38,038 --> 00:00:43,508
♪ He's the beast from beneath
and king of the fishies ♪
11
00:00:43,510 --> 00:00:47,712
♪ He goes by the name of old Ulysses ♪
12
00:00:47,714 --> 00:00:52,517
♪ Old Ulysses ♪
13
00:00:52,519 --> 00:00:54,653
♪ Born in a volcano ♪
14
00:00:54,655 --> 00:00:58,991
♪ Old Ulysses, Old Ulysses ♪
15
00:00:58,993 --> 00:01:05,664
♪ Will kill everyone you know ♪
16
00:01:05,700 --> 00:01:07,400
_
17
00:01:11,318 --> 00:01:12,671
Ahh.
18
00:01:12,673 --> 00:01:16,475
I never understood why only little girls
got to have tea parties.
19
00:01:16,477 --> 00:01:20,813
They are a wonderful way
to unwind after a stressful day.
20
00:01:20,815 --> 00:01:23,415
I know you drank my last
Monster Energy drink!
21
00:01:23,417 --> 00:01:25,083
You ruined my special plans.
22
00:01:25,085 --> 00:01:27,552
I was gonna drink it after
Francine went to sleep
23
00:01:27,554 --> 00:01:30,154
and make prank calls all night long.
24
00:01:30,156 --> 00:01:31,156
It wasn't me.
25
00:01:31,158 --> 00:01:33,692
My sensitive tummy
can't handle that stuff.
26
00:01:33,694 --> 00:01:35,760
I have to water down my Sprite.
27
00:01:35,762 --> 00:01:38,563
This wasn't just a regular
Monster Energy drink, Steve.
28
00:01:38,565 --> 00:01:40,965
This was Baller's Blend Punch, Steve!
29
00:01:40,967 --> 00:01:43,101
A high-performance fuel
inspired by the streets
30
00:01:43,103 --> 00:01:45,704
and optimized for the true baller.
Oh, wait.
31
00:01:45,706 --> 00:01:48,640
- You're a fake-ass baller, if anything.
- Ahh!
32
00:01:48,642 --> 00:01:51,109
Well, I won't keep you
from your little tea party.
33
00:01:51,111 --> 00:01:52,511
Later, cucks.
34
00:01:52,513 --> 00:01:54,646
Geez. Your dad's a real jerk.
35
00:01:54,648 --> 00:01:57,516
Eh, he's just telling it like it is.
But I don't mind.
36
00:01:57,518 --> 00:02:01,319
Tomorrow we leave for our
annual trip to Possum Lake.
37
00:02:01,321 --> 00:02:04,122
All I have in my room
is a Burger King wrapper
38
00:02:04,124 --> 00:02:05,390
I taped to the wall.
39
00:02:05,392 --> 00:02:08,993
A wee bit of color in
my otherwise drab life.
40
00:02:08,995 --> 00:02:12,597
Yeah, at Possum Lake there are
all these father-son events...
41
00:02:12,599 --> 00:02:15,200
hot-dog-eating contest, chicken fights,
42
00:02:15,202 --> 00:02:17,602
and a big boat race
at the end of the week.
43
00:02:17,604 --> 00:02:19,738
My dad is always so proud of me up there
44
00:02:19,740 --> 00:02:21,473
because all we do is win.
45
00:02:21,475 --> 00:02:25,210
Geez, Steve, you're starting to
make me wish my dad wasn't dead.
46
00:02:25,212 --> 00:02:27,345
Oh you're really gonna
wish your dad wasn't dead
47
00:02:27,347 --> 00:02:28,613
when you hear this.
48
00:02:28,615 --> 00:02:31,083
Up there, we never have to shower.
49
00:02:31,085 --> 00:02:33,952
We just take some Pert
Plus into the lake.
50
00:02:33,954 --> 00:02:35,353
Lake baths?
51
00:02:37,490 --> 00:02:39,491
Ew, you nasty.
52
00:02:40,837 --> 00:02:43,295
Oh, no, Baller's Blend in my bowl?
53
00:02:43,297 --> 00:02:45,297
I can't afford to party for days.
54
00:02:45,299 --> 00:02:46,498
I have plans!
55
00:02:46,500 --> 00:02:50,302
Errr-ohhhhh, yeah! Get it, boy!
56
00:02:50,304 --> 00:02:51,904
Now I've got the edge I need,
57
00:02:51,906 --> 00:02:53,371
whether I'm hitting the clubs
58
00:02:53,373 --> 00:02:55,274
or hitting the courts!
59
00:02:56,658 --> 00:03:00,512
♪ Spawn of a demon whale
and a drunk King Kong ♪
60
00:03:00,514 --> 00:03:05,050
♪ He's as big as a bus
with a 12-foot dong ♪
61
00:03:05,052 --> 00:03:07,719
Why have I never had a
jaunty song written about me?
62
00:03:07,721 --> 00:03:10,255
I'm over 1,600 years old.
Where's my song?
63
00:03:10,257 --> 00:03:12,791
Isn't Bon Jovi's "Bad Medicine"
written about you?
64
00:03:12,793 --> 00:03:16,661
No, I've come to realize that I slept
with a different Richard Sambora.
65
00:03:16,663 --> 00:03:19,798
Well, I couldn't be more
excited for Possum Lake.
66
00:03:19,800 --> 00:03:22,401
This is the first year I've
been able to make the trip.
67
00:03:22,403 --> 00:03:25,070
I thought this was the first time
we ever invited you to come along.
68
00:03:25,072 --> 00:03:26,872
- I didn't invite him.
- Who invited him?
69
00:03:26,874 --> 00:03:28,741
Oh, look! The lake.
70
00:03:30,677 --> 00:03:32,611
- Wanna lay out and tan for a bit?
- Sure.
71
00:03:32,613 --> 00:03:34,813
Hey, I have an idea
for a film adaptation
72
00:03:34,815 --> 00:03:37,282
of Hungry Hungry Hippos.
You wanna hear about it?
73
00:03:37,284 --> 00:03:38,550
Of course.
74
00:03:38,552 --> 00:03:39,951
It's the year 3000.
75
00:03:39,953 --> 00:03:44,355
Marbles are scarce and
hippos are used only for sex.
76
00:03:46,293 --> 00:03:48,359
A giant, freshwater lake?
77
00:03:49,496 --> 00:03:51,162
I can finally ditch my bowl
78
00:03:51,164 --> 00:03:54,299
and be free to roam
around wherever I please.
79
00:03:54,301 --> 00:03:56,501
Freeeeeeedommm!
80
00:03:58,239 --> 00:03:59,438
Oh, crap.
81
00:03:59,440 --> 00:04:05,044
Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!
82
00:04:05,046 --> 00:04:07,846
- How much time left, Possum Dave?
- Two hours.
83
00:04:07,848 --> 00:04:09,981
Time to kick it into high gear!
84
00:04:11,785 --> 00:04:12,985
_
85
00:04:15,856 --> 00:04:18,457
Stan and Steve are our winners!
86
00:04:21,929 --> 00:04:25,396
♪ Nobody beats the best ♪
87
00:04:25,398 --> 00:04:28,867
♪ We're super good, yeah, uh-huh ♪
88
00:04:30,938 --> 00:04:33,538
Did you know that some
people stretch by themselves?
89
00:04:33,540 --> 00:04:34,806
Those poor souls.
90
00:04:35,091 --> 00:04:35,807
Ahh.
91
00:04:35,809 --> 00:04:37,476
Here we are.
92
00:04:37,478 --> 00:04:39,144
Snot?
93
00:04:39,146 --> 00:04:40,211
Tuttle?
94
00:04:40,213 --> 00:04:42,547
In the flesh.
95
00:04:42,549 --> 00:04:44,883
Hey, Snot. But what are you doing here?
96
00:04:44,885 --> 00:04:47,552
Hearing you talk about
this trip with your dad
97
00:04:47,554 --> 00:04:48,954
made me so jealous.
98
00:04:48,956 --> 00:04:51,757
I decided I had to find
a father of my own.
99
00:04:51,759 --> 00:04:56,361
I was inspired by one of my
favorite romantic comedies.
100
00:04:57,965 --> 00:05:00,365
Hello, you're on the air.
101
00:05:00,367 --> 00:05:01,700
Lonely in Langley?
102
00:05:01,702 --> 00:05:03,702
That's what she called him on the show.
103
00:05:03,704 --> 00:05:07,772
Says here the kid's already gotten
over two thousand letters.
104
00:05:07,774 --> 00:05:09,908
Ugh. No leads on a dad,
105
00:05:09,910 --> 00:05:12,611
but we got another clue
from the Zodiac Killer.
106
00:05:13,981 --> 00:05:18,517
You're gonna slip up sooner or later,
you son of a bitch.
107
00:05:18,519 --> 00:05:19,785
What is wrong with me?
108
00:05:19,787 --> 00:05:23,254
I'm obsessed with some
boy I've never even met.
109
00:05:23,256 --> 00:05:26,191
What I really don't want to do
is end up always wondering
110
00:05:26,193 --> 00:05:27,326
what might have happened
111
00:05:27,328 --> 00:05:30,129
and knowing I could have done something.
112
00:05:30,130 --> 00:05:31,130
_
113
00:05:36,870 --> 00:05:39,671
Maybe he found a better dad.
114
00:05:47,348 --> 00:05:49,280
It's you.
115
00:05:49,282 --> 00:05:51,150
It's me...
116
00:05:51,152 --> 00:05:52,283
Tuttle.
117
00:05:52,285 --> 00:05:55,020
It was a pretty wild day and a half.
118
00:05:55,022 --> 00:05:57,088
Well, I should go help my da...
119
00:05:57,090 --> 00:06:00,359
Tuttle unpack.
120
00:06:00,361 --> 00:06:03,094
So, Tuttle and Snot, huh?
121
00:06:03,096 --> 00:06:04,163
I guess that makes sense.
122
00:06:04,165 --> 00:06:06,565
They're both very... "New York".
123
00:06:07,701 --> 00:06:08,900
- After you.
- After you.
124
00:06:08,902 --> 00:06:10,369
- Unh.
- Unh.
125
00:06:10,371 --> 00:06:12,103
They seem a little
awkward around each other.
126
00:06:12,105 --> 00:06:13,505
Maybe we should help them out.
127
00:06:13,507 --> 00:06:15,440
- Oh can we, Papa?
- Let's do it.
128
00:06:15,442 --> 00:06:19,778
And I know the perfect thing
for two fellas trying to bond.
129
00:06:19,780 --> 00:06:22,447
Lake baths!
130
00:06:22,449 --> 00:06:23,648
It's weird.
131
00:06:23,650 --> 00:06:25,316
Tuttle and Snot seem even more awkward
132
00:06:25,318 --> 00:06:28,554
around each other now that they're naked
and in a public lake.
133
00:06:30,791 --> 00:06:33,325
I'm so bored.
134
00:06:36,063 --> 00:06:39,464
Ugh, and now a boring bird
is on my shoulder.
135
00:06:39,466 --> 00:06:42,000
Actually, I'm a human
who's been turned into a bird
136
00:06:42,002 --> 00:06:43,535
by an evil corp...
137
00:06:43,537 --> 00:06:45,404
So boring!
138
00:06:45,406 --> 00:06:48,006
I can't believe our tour
guide never showed up.
139
00:06:48,008 --> 00:06:49,674
What are we gonna do now?
140
00:06:51,412 --> 00:06:52,677
Sorry I'm late.
141
00:06:52,679 --> 00:06:54,946
I'm your tour guide, Wheelie Pedalaton.
142
00:06:54,948 --> 00:06:57,682
But it says our guide is named
Schwinn Chafecrotch.
143
00:06:57,684 --> 00:06:59,751
Really? That's a good one.
144
00:06:59,753 --> 00:07:01,686
So, hi, I'm Schwinn Chafecrotch.
145
00:07:01,688 --> 00:07:03,022
Everyone on your bikes!
146
00:07:03,024 --> 00:07:05,424
If you can't keep up,
you will be left behind!
147
00:07:06,293 --> 00:07:08,960
Ahhh! I fell in the sticker bush.
148
00:07:08,962 --> 00:07:12,564
Just gonna rub this leaf on my wounds
as a topical ointment.
149
00:07:12,566 --> 00:07:13,832
Uhp, that's poison ivy.
150
00:07:13,834 --> 00:07:15,834
Well, these organic
mushrooms should fix that.
151
00:07:16,646 --> 00:07:17,636
Argh!
152
00:07:19,106 --> 00:07:22,641
Why don't we go around in a circle
and say where we're all from.
153
00:07:22,643 --> 00:07:25,510
Hey, you guys gonna do the
father-son chicken fight, too?
154
00:07:25,512 --> 00:07:29,514
Yeah! We saw it on the activities list
and thought it sounded fun.
155
00:07:29,516 --> 00:07:31,049
Hey, that's super.
156
00:07:31,051 --> 00:07:32,718
Yeah, good for you guys.
157
00:07:32,720 --> 00:07:35,987
So, I've been wondering,
who puts on all these activities?
158
00:07:35,989 --> 00:07:39,725
Uh, the same company that's behind
everything great in America.
159
00:07:39,727 --> 00:07:42,193
Halliburton.
160
00:07:42,195 --> 00:07:45,264
"American Dad!" salutes Halliburton
161
00:07:45,266 --> 00:07:48,934
and all the wonderful
things they secretly fund.
162
00:07:48,936 --> 00:07:52,003
They're behind all your favorite things.
163
00:07:52,005 --> 00:07:54,406
They control everything!
164
00:07:54,408 --> 00:07:57,075
All hail, Halliburton.
165
00:07:57,077 --> 00:08:00,946
Don't cross them or they'll
turn you into a bird.
166
00:08:00,948 --> 00:08:03,348
_
167
00:08:03,350 --> 00:08:04,549
Ohh!
168
00:08:04,551 --> 00:08:06,151
♪ Chi... Chi... Chi...
Chi... Chi... Chi... ♪
169
00:08:06,153 --> 00:08:08,487
♪ Chi... Chicken fight! ♪
170
00:08:08,489 --> 00:08:10,155
♪ Chi... Chi... Chi... Chi...
Chi... Chi... Chi... ♪
171
00:08:10,157 --> 00:08:11,890
♪ Chicken fight! ♪
172
00:08:11,892 --> 00:08:16,628
♪ When a son is on a dad,
things are all right! ♪
173
00:08:16,630 --> 00:08:18,830
Oopsie! Sorry.
174
00:08:18,832 --> 00:08:20,099
Not very stable.
175
00:08:20,101 --> 00:08:23,034
You're the most stable
man I have in my life.
176
00:08:23,036 --> 00:08:24,636
- Really?
- Yeah!
177
00:08:26,840 --> 00:08:28,640
Hahhhhhh!
178
00:08:28,642 --> 00:08:30,775
Ahhh!
179
00:08:35,248 --> 00:08:38,249
That's my ribbon.
180
00:08:40,253 --> 00:08:43,855
♪ Nobody beats the best ♪
181
00:08:43,857 --> 00:08:46,858
Whoa, they're doing your dance!
182
00:08:46,860 --> 00:08:49,861
I'm going up for air, Possum Dave.
183
00:08:49,863 --> 00:08:51,697
Don't follow me.
184
00:08:56,403 --> 00:08:57,402
I'll do my own scalp.
185
00:08:57,404 --> 00:08:59,805
But we always do each other's scalps.
186
00:08:59,807 --> 00:09:01,072
Is this about the chicken fight?
187
00:09:01,074 --> 00:09:02,540
Of course it's about the chicken fight!
188
00:09:02,542 --> 00:09:03,942
No, I don't mind that you're Jewish.
189
00:09:03,944 --> 00:09:06,544
I hope you're okay
with me being a Wiccan.
190
00:09:06,546 --> 00:09:07,679
Steve, come on.
191
00:09:07,681 --> 00:09:11,349
Today is a whole new day
with all new activities for us to crush.
192
00:09:11,351 --> 00:09:12,951
Tuttle and Snot just got lucky.
193
00:09:12,953 --> 00:09:14,219
They blind sided us...
194
00:09:14,221 --> 00:09:15,887
and they did it right in our face.
195
00:09:15,889 --> 00:09:17,755
Hmm, maybe you're right.
196
00:09:17,757 --> 00:09:18,957
Of course I am.
197
00:09:18,959 --> 00:09:21,827
You really think "Tuttle" and "Snot"
are any match for us?
198
00:09:21,829 --> 00:09:23,295
Now let me at that scalp.
199
00:09:23,297 --> 00:09:25,230
There we go. Don't worry.
200
00:09:25,232 --> 00:09:27,433
We're gonna win like crazy today.
201
00:09:27,435 --> 00:09:29,234
We lost every single event!
202
00:09:29,236 --> 00:09:31,236
They made us look like chumps out there!
203
00:09:32,542 --> 00:09:34,306
You like looking like a chump?
204
00:09:35,575 --> 00:09:36,708
No.
205
00:09:39,713 --> 00:09:41,113
Ugh, still not dark enough.
206
00:09:41,115 --> 00:09:42,514
I'm an "Autumn Bronze",
207
00:09:42,516 --> 00:09:45,851
but I want to be a "Dried Tobacco".
208
00:09:45,853 --> 00:09:47,185
Sunscreen?
209
00:09:47,187 --> 00:09:49,521
What, are you trying to scare the sun?
210
00:09:49,523 --> 00:09:52,190
We need to wine and dine the sun.
211
00:09:52,192 --> 00:09:53,859
Show a little skin.
212
00:09:53,861 --> 00:09:55,527
That's what he likes.
213
00:09:55,529 --> 00:09:57,395
That is what I like.
214
00:09:57,397 --> 00:09:59,264
See?
215
00:09:59,266 --> 00:10:02,000
You're doing great.
Just throw that leg over.
216
00:10:02,002 --> 00:10:03,401
When you talk, you move the bike.
217
00:10:03,403 --> 00:10:06,204
So, our tour guide can't ride a bicycle?
218
00:10:06,206 --> 00:10:08,206
Best way to learn is to teach.
219
00:10:08,208 --> 00:10:09,475
But we all know how to ride.
220
00:10:09,477 --> 00:10:12,410
Then why'd you hire an expert cyclist?
221
00:10:12,412 --> 00:10:14,346
Oh, sticker bush!
222
00:10:14,348 --> 00:10:15,947
Oh, fire ants!
223
00:10:15,949 --> 00:10:17,483
Oh, sticker bush!
224
00:10:17,485 --> 00:10:20,218
There's even more fire ants in here!
225
00:10:23,290 --> 00:10:27,425
All this open water, Klaus must
be having the time of his life.
226
00:10:33,633 --> 00:10:36,168
Who cares about all those dumb contests?
227
00:10:36,170 --> 00:10:39,838
The only thing that really matters
is the big boat race tomorrow.
228
00:10:39,840 --> 00:10:41,306
We bring home that trophy,
229
00:10:41,308 --> 00:10:43,375
then we're still the real winners,
right, Dad?
230
00:10:43,377 --> 00:10:45,577
Absolutely.
And we're going to win for sure.
231
00:10:45,579 --> 00:10:47,179
Tuttle doesn't even know how to sail.
232
00:10:50,250 --> 00:10:52,718
What's that sound?
233
00:10:53,921 --> 00:10:55,387
It's "Orinoco Flow".
234
00:10:55,389 --> 00:10:59,057
♪ Sail away, sail away, sail away ♪
235
00:10:59,059 --> 00:11:01,126
I just learned how to sail!
236
00:11:02,006 --> 00:11:03,329
Aw, man!
237
00:11:04,331 --> 00:11:05,864
I'm sick of losing!
238
00:11:05,866 --> 00:11:07,265
There's only one solution...
239
00:11:07,267 --> 00:11:09,401
we have to break up Snot and Tuttle.
240
00:11:09,403 --> 00:11:12,270
We can't do that.
Snot's your best friend.
241
00:11:12,272 --> 00:11:15,541
- Fine, fine, I won't.
- Good.
242
00:11:15,543 --> 00:11:17,876
Hey, you think Francine's still got it?
243
00:11:20,348 --> 00:11:22,080
I hate that the sun is setting.
244
00:11:22,082 --> 00:11:24,015
I know! I want to keep tanning!
245
00:11:24,017 --> 00:11:28,420
You know, I heard a rumor once
that stars are actually suns.
246
00:11:28,422 --> 00:11:30,622
Then I say we keep sun tanning.
247
00:11:30,624 --> 00:11:33,359
I think you mean star tanning.
248
00:11:47,441 --> 00:11:50,508
Have we had any water today?
249
00:11:53,113 --> 00:11:56,448
You gotta let me explain, SnottySnot!
250
00:11:56,450 --> 00:11:58,584
Oh, I think I get it!
251
00:11:58,586 --> 00:12:00,252
Steve.
252
00:12:00,254 --> 00:12:02,520
I know what you did this summer!
253
00:12:02,522 --> 00:12:05,390
- Eh?
- You broke up Tuttle and Snot, didn't you?
254
00:12:05,392 --> 00:12:07,726
I did what had to be done.
255
00:12:07,728 --> 00:12:10,396
I broke them up with a page
out of their own book...
256
00:12:10,398 --> 00:12:13,265
a Tom Hanks/Meg Ryan rom-com.
257
00:12:14,003 --> 00:12:15,333
"Joe Versus the Volcano"!
258
00:12:15,335 --> 00:12:17,603
No, "You've Got Mail".
259
00:12:17,605 --> 00:12:18,737
The worst one.
260
00:12:18,739 --> 00:12:22,007
I seduced Tuttle online,
presenting myself
261
00:12:22,009 --> 00:12:25,010
as a better,
more appealing son than Snot.
262
00:12:25,933 --> 00:12:27,345
The rest was easy.
263
00:12:27,347 --> 00:12:29,147
I turn on my computer.
264
00:12:29,149 --> 00:12:30,416
I go online.
265
00:12:30,418 --> 00:12:32,484
And my breath catches in my chest
266
00:12:32,486 --> 00:12:34,953
until I hear three little words...
267
00:12:34,955 --> 00:12:36,421
- You've got mail.
- You've got mail.
268
00:12:36,423 --> 00:12:38,156
In a city where everyone
269
00:12:38,158 --> 00:12:40,025
is looking for someone,
270
00:12:40,027 --> 00:12:42,160
Tuttle and Steve have discovered
271
00:12:42,162 --> 00:12:44,029
the best way to meet someone
272
00:12:44,031 --> 00:12:46,698
is to never meet at all.
273
00:12:46,700 --> 00:12:49,034
I know I'm in a relationship with Snot.
274
00:12:49,036 --> 00:12:50,769
I'm just e-mailing with this other kid.
275
00:12:50,771 --> 00:12:52,103
It's really nothing.
276
00:12:52,105 --> 00:12:53,238
But...
277
00:12:53,240 --> 00:12:55,373
I might be falling for him.
278
00:12:55,375 --> 00:12:56,908
What they don't realize...
279
00:12:56,910 --> 00:13:00,245
is that one of them is just a huge dick.
280
00:13:00,247 --> 00:13:01,647
- Hey!
- What?
281
00:13:01,649 --> 00:13:03,181
You're ruining your best friend's life
282
00:13:03,183 --> 00:13:04,850
all to win a stupid boat race.
283
00:13:04,852 --> 00:13:07,719
Uh, the Possum Lake
Regatta is not stupid.
284
00:13:07,721 --> 00:13:09,655
Do you even hear yourself right now?
285
00:13:09,657 --> 00:13:11,056
Wait, you're a bird?
286
00:13:11,058 --> 00:13:12,724
We're all gonna be birds!
287
00:13:12,726 --> 00:13:13,859
Don't you get it?
288
00:13:13,861 --> 00:13:15,927
Don't you see what
Halliburton is doing...
289
00:13:20,334 --> 00:13:22,267
My plan worked perfectly.
290
00:13:22,269 --> 00:13:24,336
Tuttle fell in love with me,
this morning,
291
00:13:24,338 --> 00:13:26,538
Snot found all the secret e-mails,
292
00:13:26,540 --> 00:13:28,206
and now they're in a huge fight.
293
00:13:32,680 --> 00:13:34,746
With Tuttle and Snot out of the way,
294
00:13:34,748 --> 00:13:36,214
we'll win for sure now.
295
00:13:36,216 --> 00:13:38,016
Don't you want to taste it again?
296
00:13:38,018 --> 00:13:39,617
Taste... what?
297
00:13:39,619 --> 00:13:43,021
The winning!
The delicious taste of winning.
298
00:13:43,023 --> 00:13:44,156
Gobble, gobble!
299
00:13:44,158 --> 00:13:45,557
I don't want to win like this.
300
00:13:45,559 --> 00:13:47,959
I'm sorry, but I can't do
the Possum Lake Regatta
301
00:13:47,961 --> 00:13:48,960
with you, Steve.
302
00:13:48,962 --> 00:13:50,295
Well, don't worry.
303
00:13:50,297 --> 00:13:53,165
With that attitude,
I don't want to do the race with you!
304
00:13:54,301 --> 00:13:56,568
Tuttle, will you be my partner
for the big boat race?
305
00:13:56,570 --> 00:13:59,037
- Sure, but...
- Great, shut up!
306
00:13:59,039 --> 00:14:00,772
Whoa! Did you see that?
307
00:14:00,774 --> 00:14:04,376
The back seat of Tuttle's Ford Probe
is full of weathered prosthetic limbs.
308
00:14:04,378 --> 00:14:06,021
Let's build a guy!
309
00:14:07,604 --> 00:14:09,848
A tradition unlike any other,
310
00:14:09,850 --> 00:14:11,517
the sporting event of the summer...
311
00:14:11,519 --> 00:14:14,119
This is The Possum Lake Boat Race.
312
00:14:14,121 --> 00:14:17,255
I'm Kenny "The Jet" Smith
with Cris Collinsworth.
313
00:14:18,162 --> 00:14:19,457
That's the start of the race.
314
00:14:19,459 --> 00:14:21,727
Let's take you down to the
action live for the start
315
00:14:21,729 --> 00:14:23,328
of our 14 hours of coverage...
316
00:14:23,330 --> 00:14:25,263
14 hours?
317
00:14:27,334 --> 00:14:28,934
This boat is amazing.
318
00:14:28,936 --> 00:14:30,869
Plus it has a mini-fridge
319
00:14:30,871 --> 00:14:33,539
packed with every drink
you could ever imagine.
320
00:14:33,541 --> 00:14:36,141
I can imagine rainbow juice.
321
00:14:36,143 --> 00:14:38,544
Oh, I miss Snot.
322
00:14:40,680 --> 00:14:43,582
Huh, was Steve the one
who knew how to sail?
323
00:14:46,086 --> 00:14:47,753
Look at me! Are you looking?
324
00:14:47,755 --> 00:14:50,355
You're doing great, honey!
325
00:14:50,357 --> 00:14:52,357
Oh, people! Thank God.
326
00:14:52,359 --> 00:14:53,491
Who are you?
327
00:14:53,493 --> 00:14:55,026
I'm Schwinn Chafecrotch.
328
00:14:55,028 --> 00:14:56,494
Isn't that your name, honey?
329
00:14:56,496 --> 00:14:58,496
Barbara, I love when you call me honey.
330
00:14:58,498 --> 00:15:01,233
I was walking in the woods
when I was attacked...
331
00:15:01,235 --> 00:15:03,435
by the Possum Lake monster!
332
00:15:03,437 --> 00:15:05,503
Old Ulysses from the song?
333
00:15:05,505 --> 00:15:10,508
No, this was a land-based monster
whose song has yet to be written.
334
00:15:10,510 --> 00:15:12,710
It had a big, swollen head.
335
00:15:12,712 --> 00:15:15,447
No nose. Droopy witch-belly.
336
00:15:15,449 --> 00:15:17,583
Long, probing fingers.
337
00:15:17,585 --> 00:15:22,921
I'll never forget the disgusting
feel of that gray, papery skin.
338
00:15:22,923 --> 00:15:24,456
Okay, that's enough.
339
00:15:24,458 --> 00:15:25,857
You can't blame this poor,
340
00:15:25,859 --> 00:15:28,594
land-based monster
for the dry mountain air.
341
00:15:28,596 --> 00:15:30,996
And "monster", that's a bit
of a loaded word, isn't it?
342
00:15:30,998 --> 00:15:33,399
- The words we use matter.
- But it attacked him.
343
00:15:33,401 --> 00:15:35,400
Oh, don't be such a stupid bitch,
Barbara.
344
00:15:36,154 --> 00:15:37,535
I won't apologize.
345
00:15:37,537 --> 00:15:40,538
I think this two-day
bike lesson is over.
346
00:15:40,540 --> 00:15:43,541
You think this is over?
This is far from over!
347
00:15:43,543 --> 00:15:46,812
Because this land-based
monster never forgets.
348
00:15:46,814 --> 00:15:48,614
That's right, I'm admitting it.
349
00:15:48,616 --> 00:15:50,816
And you fools made a terrible mistake...
350
00:15:50,818 --> 00:15:53,419
You taught the monster to ride a bike.
351
00:15:57,357 --> 00:15:59,491
Mm-hmm.
They should call it Pricker Lake.
352
00:15:59,493 --> 00:16:02,694
I ain't seen one possum 'round here,
I'll tell you that.
353
00:16:02,696 --> 00:16:05,563
Looks like Steve and Tuttle are
going to win this one easily.
354
00:16:05,565 --> 00:16:07,433
They've already started
their victory dance.
355
00:16:07,435 --> 00:16:10,902
♪ Nobody beats the best ♪
356
00:16:10,904 --> 00:16:15,240
♪ We're super good, yeah, uh-huh ♪
357
00:16:15,242 --> 00:16:16,574
Wait a second.
358
00:16:16,576 --> 00:16:20,245
It looks like one of our competitors
is having some sort of revelation.
359
00:16:20,247 --> 00:16:22,448
My God. What have I done?
360
00:16:22,450 --> 00:16:24,582
Tuttle, I don't think I can do this.
361
00:16:26,386 --> 00:16:29,787
No way. I-It can't be.
362
00:16:29,789 --> 00:16:32,190
Yes, it is. It's real. It's...
363
00:16:32,192 --> 00:16:36,394
♪ Old Ulysses, Old Ulysses ♪
364
00:16:36,396 --> 00:16:43,068
♪ Will kill everyone you know ♪
365
00:16:55,282 --> 00:16:57,015
Think fast, Stan, what do we do?
366
00:16:57,017 --> 00:16:58,216
What do fish hate?
367
00:16:58,218 --> 00:17:00,486
Well, I know what fans
of the band Phish hate...
368
00:17:00,488 --> 00:17:02,020
deodorant. Zing!
369
00:17:02,022 --> 00:17:04,756
Ah crap, I wasted all my
time on that perfect zinger!
370
00:17:04,758 --> 00:17:07,126
God of Jokes,
I've earned your protection!
371
00:17:08,162 --> 00:17:10,896
We have to turn around and help my dad!
372
00:17:10,898 --> 00:17:12,564
But we're about to win!
373
00:17:12,566 --> 00:17:14,099
I don't care about winning.
374
00:17:14,101 --> 00:17:15,501
I have to save my dad!
375
00:17:15,503 --> 00:17:18,303
- Ah!
- I'm coming, Dad!
376
00:17:30,718 --> 00:17:33,385
Steve. You saved me.
377
00:17:33,387 --> 00:17:35,187
Great, now save me!
378
00:17:48,331 --> 00:17:50,068
Dad!
379
00:17:50,070 --> 00:17:51,603
Oh, no, wake up!
380
00:17:53,140 --> 00:17:55,341
Oh, if only there was
something powerful enough...
381
00:17:55,343 --> 00:17:58,644
Every drink you could ever imagine.
382
00:17:58,746 --> 00:18:02,280
Every drink you could ever imagine.
383
00:18:02,282 --> 00:18:04,482
That's it! Thanks, Tuttle!
384
00:18:04,484 --> 00:18:08,286
Stay out of the back seat of my Probe.
385
00:18:11,959 --> 00:18:14,893
Baller's Blend! Alright!
386
00:18:14,895 --> 00:18:17,095
Let's do this!
387
00:18:17,097 --> 00:18:20,299
No. We're stronger together.
388
00:18:23,237 --> 00:18:24,903
♪ Chi... Chi... Chi... Chi...
Chi... Chi... Chi... ♪
389
00:18:24,905 --> 00:18:26,572
♪ Chicken fight! ♪
390
00:18:26,574 --> 00:18:28,173
♪ Chi... Chi... Chi... Chi...
Chi... Chi... Chi... ♪
391
00:18:28,175 --> 00:18:29,841
♪ Chicken fight! ♪
392
00:18:29,843 --> 00:18:33,645
♪ When the son is on the dad,
things are all right! ♪
393
00:18:40,388 --> 00:18:41,987
We did it!
394
00:18:43,657 --> 00:18:45,123
Well, I was helping, too.
395
00:18:45,125 --> 00:18:47,192
I was punching him from the inside.
396
00:18:47,194 --> 00:18:48,526
Got in some good licks.
397
00:18:48,528 --> 00:18:51,663
Hey, this fish is funny!
398
00:18:51,665 --> 00:18:54,866
The chapter of Old Ulysses is over.
399
00:18:54,868 --> 00:18:57,669
Thus, a new chapter begins.
400
00:18:57,671 --> 00:19:02,140
Our star tanning has
given us great powers.
401
00:19:02,142 --> 00:19:06,878
It is time for the gods
to leave this realm.
402
00:19:18,426 --> 00:19:19,958
Every year.
403
00:19:25,032 --> 00:19:27,633
Sorry, Dad.
I guess I kinda ruined our trip.
404
00:19:27,635 --> 00:19:29,435
What are you talking about?
It was amazing.
405
00:19:29,437 --> 00:19:31,236
I got to kill a mythical fish.
406
00:19:31,238 --> 00:19:34,105
I just don't understand why
you got so obsessed with winning.
407
00:19:34,107 --> 00:19:36,174
I was worried that if we started losing,
408
00:19:36,176 --> 00:19:39,377
we would also lose that special
bond that we have up here.
409
00:19:39,379 --> 00:19:40,846
Special bond?
410
00:19:40,848 --> 00:19:43,782
Yeah, you're so happy up here
because we're always winning.
411
00:19:43,784 --> 00:19:46,051
No, I'm happy because I'm not working.
412
00:19:46,053 --> 00:19:47,385
I hate work.
413
00:19:47,387 --> 00:19:49,655
I wish I was a baby again.
414
00:19:50,991 --> 00:19:54,660
I... probably should go
apologize to Snot now.
415
00:19:58,065 --> 00:20:00,999
I'm so sorry, Snot. I really messed up.
416
00:20:01,001 --> 00:20:02,868
No, I messed up.
417
00:20:02,870 --> 00:20:06,004
I butted in on your
special trip with your dad.
418
00:20:06,006 --> 00:20:09,074
I guess I'm just jealous
of what you guys have.
419
00:20:09,076 --> 00:20:10,208
Hey, listen.
420
00:20:10,210 --> 00:20:11,877
If you ever want to join me and my dad
421
00:20:11,879 --> 00:20:15,147
for a camping weekend,
all we gotta do is ask.
422
00:20:15,149 --> 00:20:17,149
- Really?
- Come on.
423
00:20:17,151 --> 00:20:18,584
No.
424
00:20:22,289 --> 00:20:26,692
♪ Old Ulysses was killed
by father and son ♪
425
00:20:26,694 --> 00:20:32,364
♪ Now the land-based
monster's the only one ♪
426
00:20:32,366 --> 00:20:34,032
I got my song!
427
00:20:34,034 --> 00:20:38,036
♪ He skulks the woods
with his lumbering gait ♪
428
00:20:38,038 --> 00:20:39,104
Hey!
429
00:20:39,106 --> 00:20:42,174
♪ Varicose veins and a balding pate ♪
430
00:20:42,176 --> 00:20:43,509
Oh, come on.
431
00:20:43,511 --> 00:20:47,179
♪ This chinless creature
with gnome-like features ♪
432
00:20:47,181 --> 00:20:48,580
Gnome-like?
433
00:20:48,582 --> 00:20:57,322
♪ You can smell his ass
all over the lake! ♪
434
00:20:57,324 --> 00:20:58,323
Well, that's true.
435
00:20:58,325 --> 00:21:00,225
Bye! Have a beautiful time!
436
00:21:02,023 --> 00:21:04,076
- synced and corrected by sot26 -
www.addic7ed.com
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