Original subtitles

[Static]

♪

[Thunder crashes]

[Static]

♪

-Have you ever been to one of those farms where they say,

hey, let the kiddies run free in the corn maze

while you pick your own corn?

My dad used to love those places.

Mama would say, "But the rattlesnakes

love that corn maze, too."

And he was like, "Well, if the kids see rattlesnake,

I'll just shoot it.

But the main reason they wanted to go in the first place

was so we could get one of those big wooden bushel baskets,

or seven or eight of them,

and fill them up with ears of corn

so we could take it home and shuck it and eat corn forever.

-I would love that, because you know,

when they ask that question like, you know,

what would you eat if you just only could have one thing?

Mine is corn. -Really?

-But, Robin, corn is the most evil cash crop.

-What? -Yeah.

I think there's something wrong with the food when you can say,

hey, you can either eat it with your Sunday dinner

or put it in your car's tank instead of gasoline.

I mean, how can that be possible that it can do both?

-Plus, they use it to make high fructose corn syrup.

-Which -- What is high fructose? What is that?

-You know, also pronounced fructose. Who cares?

Sugar substitute in Cokes and stuff like that.

-Okay.

Why do -- why do so many products, say,

made without high fructose corn syrup?

I mean, they're like answering a question

that nobody really asked them.

You know, I didn't ask them

whether high fructose corn syrup was in that root beer.

I just wanted a root beer.

I don't think they're required to tell you what

the 17 ingredients of root beer are,

but they are required to tell you about the corn syrup.

I mean, they could put it in the little box on the side,

the one that says, you know,

3% of your daily high fructose corn syrup allowance

or whatever,

but they're so afraid of getting sued that they say,

no high fructose in this baby, you know?

So... -Okay, love your pronunciation.

But is this discussion anywhere in the movie?

-Oh, yeah. Oh yeah.

Our next movie is "Children of the Corn."

[Cheering]

Thank you for wearing the corn hat, Robin.

And I was just wondering

why Stephen King would choose corn as the chosen crop

of the weather devil.

-I don't remember being a weather devil.

-Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You get a thunderstorm and a tornado

and the ground starts to shake

and the land starts buckling like the world's

biggest groundhog is right under the surface.

And then the children go crazy and they kill their parents,

and they start crucifying 19-year-olds on corn stalks.

And then what happens?

And then what happens in this movie?

But only in corn fields.

Never happens in a soybean field.

-Soybeans are nice. [Laughter]

-Alright. Plus, I remember when we would get home

and start shucking the corn,

and my mama would cook it for dinner,

and then we'd grill it and eat it off the cob.

It never tasted right. [Laughs] It wasn't --

It wasn't what you call sweet corn.

It was field corn.

So why wouldn't field corn be better?

Because normally,

anything you pick out of a field is better

because you just picked it out of a field.

But the grocery store corn was better than the field corn,

which my dad would never admit was true.

I would say, "Dad, this is not as good

as the -- as the as the corn we get down at the A&P.

So where they put in high fructose corn syrup

in the corn in the store,

which wouldn't make sense because that would be

like corn cannibalism or something.

-I still love corn.

-Okay. [Laughter]

Even though they use it in the rubber

in car tires. -Really?

-And fireworks, that's got corn in it.

And -- and that sticky stuff on the flaps of envelopes,

that's got corn in it.

You know, those paper plates you buy

when you don't want to wash the dishes?

-Yeah. -Alright, cornstarch.

-What? -They put it in shoe polish.

That's corn, concrete. They use corn to make concrete.

You know who loves corn? Pigs love corn.

A whole lot of the corn goes straight to the slaughterhouse

so they can fatten up porkers and bovines

and toilet paper. -What?

-Corn, drywall.

You want to eat drywall? Of course you don't.

Crayons. -Oh, speaking of crayons.

-Yeah. -I am going to do

some Crayola drawings

like the ones in the opening titles.

-You are? -I am, "Last Drive-In" ones.

-Okay. -I can do it while

you're painting his toenails. -Yes.

-No, we're not going back to that.

-Yes, we are. It's happening. -It's happening, Joe Bob.

-Alright, can I please finish my rant, girls?

Okay. -Yeah.

Please do, because we really need to start this movie.

-Alright, diapers. -Yeah.

-Corn. Spark plugs, corn.

Hand sanitizer, corn. -What?

-Okay, here's the most sinister one, in my opinion.

In the grocery store, vegetables like carrots,

broccoli, celery contain this ingredient that they make

from corn that they call a "processing aid."

All it does is make the vegetables look good.

It doesn't do anything else.

So corn is not only infecting our lives in 9,000 ways,

it's spreading to the other foods in the store.

And also the high fructose corn syrup is not just in Cokes,

it's in salad dressing, It's in yogurt,

it's in chewing gum, It's in peanut butter.

You know, it's -- it's --

it's an electrical conductor in batteries.

[Laughter]

They use it to make bricks.

They use it to make wax paper. -Oh, my God.

-In fact, the two of you undoubtedly

have corn on your bodies right now.

-I feel like that's true. -What?!

-In the form of blush.

If you have blush or lipstick or eyeshadow.

-Okay. Are you done now, please? -No, one more thing.

-Okay, go for it.

-We are all indeed children of the corn.

-Yes!

-Okay, now, are you done? -I am.

-Alright. -Let's go.

-Yes. -Big Steve King, by the way,

was one of the first supporters

of the original marathon back in 2018.

He drove so much traffic to us so we could break the Internet.

So, "Children of the Corn,

in my estimation, this is an early Stephen King.

It's better than "Cujo."

It's not quite "Dead Zone" in my opinion,

but Big Steve always delivers.

"Children of the Corn" starts off one day

when the Baptist church in Gatlin, Nebraska

is letting out and everybody is headed

over to the coffee shop

to eat something greasy and disgusting like meatloaf.

Only once they try the coffee,

they start grabbing their throats

like somebody just forced him

to watch an all day "Friends" marathon,

and then they start making noises

like a major Maytag appliance.

And then their kids come in the restaurant

and start mowing them down with meat cleavers

and sickles and pickaxes.

And one guy gets held down

while they stick his hand in the automatic roast beef slicer.

And it's okay, though, because nobody was ordering at the time.

Now it's three years later,

and this little kid is running through the cornfields

with the suitcase trying to make it to the highway,

but a man with a butcher knife in his holster

turns the kid into shish kebab meat

and then puts him out on the road

so some tourists will mow him down like a potato pancake.

And then this movie starts to get grisly,

because basically what we got is a bunch of little brats

that killed all the grownups in town,

and now they make gas-a-haul all day and murder

tourists and worship this kid named Isaac,

who has a Buster Brown haircut and stands about two foot six

and looks like Charlie Brown

with a piece of goat meat lodged in his throat.

There's -- there's also a kid named Malachi

who looks like Alfalfa with his hair grown out like a hippie,

and Malachi likes to kill little dogs

and old coot gas station owners.

And I call these the corn flight kids.

Alright, so these two tourists come along

and figure out something's wrong

when the streets of the town are deserted

and rotten corn stalks are sticking out everywhere.

And this doctor and his blonde girlfriend

go walking through all these buildings full of corn stalks.

And after about 15 minutes,

they say there is something strange about this town.

And so the road scholar who says

this gets hung up on a cornstalk cross

so they can sacrifice her to He Who Walks Behind the Rows.

But first they have to wait for Amos.

Amos is the 19-year-old wimp who likes to carve on his chest

with a farm implement and drain his blood into a cup

so everybody can drink it. Now, Amos wants to go to him

by strapping himself up there on a cross,

while the cornflake kids crowd around him

and do a Vienna boys choir number,

and Amos and the blonde bimbo are going to go to him together

because the bimbos husband is hiding out over

in the atomic bomb shelter with a couple of little kids

who have been hiding out from Isaac

and playing "Monopoly" for the last three years.

So a little too much plot getting in the way of the movie,

but decent drive-in flick.

So let's take a look at those Drive-In totals.

We have 10 dead bodies, one dead dog, no breasts.

That's Linda Hamilton refusing to drop her top

in the no breast category there.

One motor vehicle chase, about two pints of blood,

heads do not roll, hands roll,

excellent groundhog-mushroom-cloud

monster, great scene where Peter Horton,

the tourist with an IQ of 24, gets strangled

by a demon cornstalk, one mass murder,

throat slashing, one cleaver to the cranium,

prophetic picture-crayoning. [Laughter]

One corn maze escape attempt gone wrong,

cornstalk crucifixion, cat and mouse,

gratuitous country-road driving, gratuitous cornfield close ups,

farm implement fu, cornstalk fu,

Drive-In Academy Award nominations for Courtney Gains

as the hippie Alfalfa. -Whoo.

-John Franklin as Charlie Brown, Fritz Kiersch,

the guy who directed this sucker, and Big Steve,

who made it all possible with his original short story.

[Cheering]

His original short story published in Penthouse magazine.

Three and a half stars. Joe Bob says check it out.

Oh, man. -Whoo.

-I like this movie. -Have you seen it?

-Yeah. -Is the scary

Sky Bar still here?

Oh. -He's not scary.

He can really dance!

-I think he got into Felissa's vodka.

-Yeah, I bet it's made out of corn.

We should kill him. -No, I love the sky bar!

-Robin, you love everything, Robin.

So... -I mean, true.

[ Laughter] -You know what you are, Robin?

You're a hippie born too late. -Yeah, that's kind of true.

Yeah. [Laughter]

-Yeah, yeah, you do it.

Come on, Sky Bar. Chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug!

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah! Yeah!

Sky Bar! Sky Bar!

[Static, thunder crashes]

♪

[Static]

[Eerie music playing]

♪

♪

♪

[Birds chirping]

[Crow squawking]

[Flies buzzing]

[Bell tolling]

♪

♪

-Morning. -Morning, reverend.

-Thank you.

[Indistinct conversations]

-It was about three years ago.

I was the only kid in church that day.

The others were with Isaac out at the cornfield.

I didn't get to go 'cause dad didn't like Isaac.

He was pretty smart, my dad.

After church we've been to Hansen's, just like always.

Sarah was homesick with mom.

She'd come down with the fever real sudden.

-Morning, Dave. -Morning, Pop.

How are your wife and Sarah?

-Dad was worried

so we went to call Mom first thing.

-I'm gonna call your mom, okay? -Okay.

[Indistinct conversations]

-Okay, Jobie. You want your usual?

-Yeah, strawberry shake.

That's when I saw Malachai and the others.

I guess their meeting with Isaac was over.

[Indistinct conversation]

-Hi. -They were acting

real creepy.

-There you go, Jobie. -Oh, thanks.

[Indistinct conversations]

-How is she?

-[Groaning] -I'm worried, Dave.

The fever's gone from 101 to 104.

-Uh-huh. [Bell rings]

Sure.

[Indistinct chatter]

♪

Mm-hmm.

[Tense music playing]

♪

♪

♪

[Indistinct conversations]

Okay.

[Crow squawks]

-Good coffee.

♪

-[Groans]

-[Gasping]

-[Grunts]

[Indistinct conversations]

-Oh, my god!

-No!

Stop it!

[Man groans]

- Dave, are you listening to me?

♪

[Machine whirring] -Don't do it! Don't do it!

[Screaming]

[Flesh tearing]

-Don't!

Don't!

[Suspenseful music playing]

♪

♪

[Bell chimes]

-What do you kids do --

[Man grunts, woman screams]

♪

-It happened everywhere in Gatlin that day.

That's when Sarah started drawing these pictures.

♪

[Eerie music playing]

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

[Party horn blows]

-[Laughs]

Happy birthday!

-What are you doing?

Oh, you're crazy. -Okay. C'mon! C'mon, c'mon.

Make a wish.

-[Chuckles]

[Blows]

-So, what did you wish for?

-To live happily ever after.

-Is that a proposal?

-No, it's not.

-Okay.

Well, I guess I'll give you this anyway.

Come on. -What is it?

Oh!

That's nice!

-Turn it over.

-[Chuckles]

I like this.

-In honor of this special occasion

we have a birthday serenade.

-♪ A one, a two a one, two, three, four ♪

♪ No more books and studies

♪ Now I can stay out late with my buddies ♪

♪ I can do the things I wanna do ♪

♪ 'Cause all my exams are through ♪

♪ I can root for the Yankees from the bleachers ♪

♪ And don't have to worry about teachers ♪

♪ And I'm so glad that school is out ♪

♪ I could sing and shout ♪

♪ School is out ♪

♪ Everybody gonna have some fun ♪

♪ Everybody gonna jump and run ♪

♪ C'mon, people don't you be late ♪

♪ I just got time to take my girl out today ♪

[Laughs]

-Yay! [Chuckles]

You're whacko.

Holy cow!

[Sighs] We better get going now.

We got a lot of driving to do today.

-Couldn't we just say the hell with it

and stay here for a couple of hours?

I wish.

Starting Monday I've got 50 patients a day to look at.

-I got a couple things you could look at.

-[Chuckles] Oh, is that right?

[Knock on door]

-Hello?

Hello? Maid service.

-Um, we'll be out in a minute.

Oh, we gotta get going.

I'm gonna grab a quick shower before we go, okay?

[Music playing on radio]

[Crickets chirping]

C'mon, honey! You're making something out of nothing.

-Right. To me it's something, to you it's nothing.

-Listen, I'm just worried about this internship, okay?

I've been working for this for four years.

-I know.

I do understand.

It's just, why do you have to be such a jerk about it?

-[Chuckles]

Welcome to Nebraska.

[Rooster crowing]

-We weren't the only ones who thought Isaac was weird.

One day Joseph told us he was running away.

He said he couldn't take it anymore.

He was pretty scared. I wasn't.

-I'm scared. -Me too.

-There's nothing to be afraid of.

I said I'd come back for you. I promise.

-Can we go with you? Please! -No.

I'd never make it with you two.

-But we don't like it here.

-I said you'll be all right!

As long as nobody finds them pictures you've been drawing.

-She can't help it.

-That won't matter to Isaac and Malachai

They'll take it as a sign.

Anyways, you now crayons and drawings are forbidden.

Just like that record player. -But we like it.

Isaac doesn't let us do anything.

-Well, you just better mind him until I get back.

Or else, you know what happens.

-You're not going through the corn, are you?

-I can't go no other way.

-But what if -- -I said it'll be all right.

Unless you tell anybody I'm gone.

-We won't.

-Cross your heart, hope to die, stick a...

-[All] ...needle in your eye.

-Okay. You know what that means now?

If you tell, you're gonna burn on the lake of fire

for all eternity.

Make sure nobody's looking.

-Okay. Go! -Nobody's looking.

Nobody's looking.

[Dramatic music playing]

♪

♪

♪

♪

[Vicky sighs]

-I spy with my little eye

something that begins with the letter "C".

-Corn. -Right.

So now we know...

back roads are even less interesting than the highway.

-Maybe they've discovered music.

-Hallelujah!

[Overlapping chatter]

-There are many mansions...

but there's no room for the fornicator!

-No! No room! -No room

for the homosexual!

-No room! -No room!

-No room!

-No room for the drug abusers!

-No room! -No room!

-Amen. Peanut butter and white bread!

-There's no room for the college graduate!

No room for people who watch public television.

-No room for commitment! -Amen!

C'mon.

[Dramatic music playing, leaves rustling]

-[Panting]

♪

♪

[Crow squawking]

[Suspenseful music playing]

♪

[Eerie music playing]

♪

♪

♪

♪

[Screams]

[Grunting]

♪

-Here it is.

I wonder how it got here.

-Not me.

-Okay. Now, it looks like this one goes to Grand Island

and this one cuts up to the highway.

-Where's this Gatlin we've been seeing the signs for?

-It's not on here.

-What do you mean, it's not on here?

It's gotta be on here somewhere.

-Burt, look out!

[Tires screeching] [Screaming]

♪

[Groans]

-Hang on. Let me check.

Let me check.

Where? Right there? -Yeah.

-It was just a bump.

Just try and relax.

-That was an animal, right?

-I gotta go back there, okay?

Just stay here and try to rest.

C'mon, buddy.

Oh, Lord!

♪

-Is he...

-Oh, yeah.

♪

Oh, God! -Easy, easy. C'mon.

Easy.

Take it easy. Don't look at him.

♪

Okay.

Now listen to me.

There's something very wrong here.

So I want you to go back to the car

and wait for me there. Understand?

And keep all the doors locked until I get back.

-Why? Where are you going?

-I'll tell you when I get back. Just do what I say.

[Wind blowing, insects chirping]

[Tense music playing]

♪

♪

[Dramatic music playing]

♪

[Crow squawking]

♪

[Tense music playing]

♪

♪

♪

-[Chirps]

♪

♪

[Door handle rattles]

♪

♪

♪

-Burt.

♪

♪

Burt!

Burt.

♪

♪

Burt!

♪

♪

♪

♪

I'm so sorry.

[Music sting] [Screams]

-Vicky, c'mon. -Burt!

-Easy. Calm down.

-I kneeled down next to him.

-Okay. -He's --

-It's okay. Take it easy.

Just take it easy. Relax.

You're okay, understand?

-Yeah.

-You're okay.

It's okay. It's okay.

[Wind gusting]

[Trunk closes] -[Sighs]

[Engine revving]

-Me and Sarah were playing in our old house.

We played there lots.

Malachai said it was forbidden.

But I think that's because nobody ever asked him to play.

When I grow up,

I'm gonna have all the money in the world.

-Me too. -You can't.

-Why not? -Because I'm gonna have it.

-I'll get it first. -Will not.

-Will too. -Will not.

-Will too. -Oh, yeah? How?

[Upbeat music playing on record player]

♪

[Mutters]

Seven.

One, two, three, four, five, six...

[Coughs]

...seven.

Alright! See?

$200.

-Uh-uh, Jobie!

♪

-How much?

-Thirteen thousand hundred dollars.

-Thirteen thousand hundred dollars?

-Uh, okay, $2,000.

-Mm-hm. Thought so.

$100, $200, 3--

I gotta a great idea.

Let's pretend this guy is Isaac

and we're gonna put him in jail.

-What if he gets a Get Out of Jail Free card?

-[Mutters]

What card?

[Laughter]

[Music stops]

-Do you think it might've been some kinda accident,

like farm equipment or something?

-Not like that.

[Sighs] His throat was cut deliberately.

He was already dead when he stumbled out into the road.

-Whoever killed him, do you think he saw us?

I mean, I felt like we were being watched.

-Possible.

Blood starts to coagulate in four minutes.

When I went to get the suitcase it was still fresh.

-Then he coulda been out there!

-I couldn't just leave it there.

I mean, what if it holds some sort of clue?

Let's open it. -No.

Let's just get to a phone or a house or some place.

-Malachai took us right to Isaac.

I figured he'd finally tapped a little squirt

into punishing us for being unbelievers.

Up 'til then, we'd been forgiven

'cause we weren't in the corn,

the day "He Who Walks Behind the Rows"

made himself known.

That bothered Malachai.

He had a lot of problems.

[Door creaking]

-I found these two in one of the old homes.

They had a game and music...

and this.

-They come already.

You have the gift of sight.

This is a blessing, my child.

-I've seen this car upon the road.

-Go to the old man.

Make sure he tells them nothing.

-What about these two?

-Take them back where they were.

-But they had a game and music. They're forbidden.

-Question me not, Malachai.

I act according to His will.

[Sarah and Job grunting]

-[Groans] You'd think we were on the damn moon.

We haven't even seen a truck.

-We'll be in Gatlin soon.

-Do you think he lived there?

-We may never know that.

I really think we should open it.

-Okay.

-Let's see if I can get some news.

[Indistinct chatter on radio]

-Only by the blood of the lamb are we saved!

-I'm getting tired of that crap.

[Suitcase unclasps]

-[Grunts] -What is it?

-Jesus Christ! -Not in my book.

-It looks like some sort of primitive folk art.

-I think it's repulsive.

-Sarge, how about that number six?

Oh, damn it! Better make it an eight.

C'mon. C'mon. We ain't got all day.

[Grunts]

[Grunts]

Oh, good boy, Sarge.

Yeah. We'll have that transmission fixed in no time.

Then we'll get on the radiator.

Damn. This road is becoming a regular highway. [Chuckles]

Ain't this about the third car in a month, huh?

We know what to do, don't we, boy?

-[Sighs] You better put that suitcase away.

[Car buzzing]

Be right back.

Hi, we've had ourselves -- -I ain't got no gas.

-No, I don't need gas.

-I ain't got no diesel fuel neither.

-No, you don't understand. I need to use --

-If you don't buy no gas, you can't use no restroom.

[Bird squawking]

-Your telephone, I need to use your phone.

-Telephone? I ain't got no telephone.

Sarge.

[Sarge whimpering]

Sarge, you be still now.

[Wind howling]

Mister, what you wanna do, is to go to Hemingford.

It's about 19 miles down that right fork there.

-What about Gatlin? -Gatlin? [Chuckles]

There ain't nothing in Gatlin.

[Sarge barking]

-What do you mean, "There ain't nothing in Gatlin?"

-Folks in Gatlin's got religion.

They don't coddle the outsiders,

and they probably won't have a phone there either.

[Sarge barking] Sarge.

Mister, I'd like to stay here to shoot the breeze with you

about politics and stuff, but I got a transmission to fix.

Now, you get on that right fork there

and you'll be in Hemingford in no time.

-Right. [Sarge barking]

-Sarge, sit! At ease!

-Yeah. Thanks a lot.

-Sarge!

-Either that man is senile,

or he's been out in the sun too long.

[Sarge barking] -Sarge!

Come back here!

Sarge, get back here!

[Sarge barking] On the double!

Do you hear me? Come back here. Come on!

That's an order.

[Man continues indistinct]

[Sarge barking]

[Thunder rumbling]

Who is it? Is that you?

What do you want?

[Sarge barks]

[Bird squawks]

♪

[Bell rattles]

What you doing in there?

♪

[Door bangs open]

-Well, there really isn't that much stuff in here.

Just kids' stuff.

Clothes, matches,

compass, pocket knife. -I don't -- I don't get it.

Camping stuff? -Yeah.

Oh, great! This must be our day.

Didn't the last sign we saw say Gatlin was three miles

and pointed that way? -That's what I thought.

[Groans] Did I miss a turn?

-No, we've been going straight.

-Well, somebody's been messing with these signs then.

Hemingford's gotta be straight ahead.

-Yeah.

[Car revving]

-Must have been the wind.

[Thud]

[Suspenseful music playing]

♪

♪

♪

[Wind howling]

♪

Them hood latches ain't worth a damn.

Blow over in a bad fart.

[Metal clangs]

[Children laughing]

[Thunder rumbling] Who is it?

I never told them nothing. I swear it.

I kept our bargain just like always.

-Jesus Christ! Gatlin!

What do they have, a monopoly on road signs?

What about Hemingford?

-For people who don't like visitors

they sure do advertise enough.

Over there.

♪

-Of course, it's the wind.

♪

[Grunting]

♪

[Wind howling]

♪

[Crying softly]

♪

Why did you have to go after them, Sarge?

[Door creaks]

♪

Why, you bastards!

You can't do this to me.

♪

[Grunts] [Metal clangs]

♪

♪

♪

I know you're in here.

♪

C'mon.

C'mon!

[Suspenseful music playing]

♪

I can smell you, you stinkin' little skunks.

C'mon.

♪

Murdering little devils!

♪

C'mon!

♪

[Thunder rumbles]

[Static]

[Laughter]

-How long does it take for this stuff to wear off?

-You are gonna love it. [Laughs]

-What color is that? -It's crystal pink.

-I'm not going to be able to go to the locker room at the gym

until this is off.

-I've only done two toes.

Do you want me to do, like, a lavender?

-Yeah. No, I don't want to start over.

It's like it's already enough torture.

So just keep doing what you're doing.

What are you doing, Darcy? -Well,

these images just come to me automatically.

I can't stop drawing them, like...

Like, look at this one.

-Oh, wow. -What?

-Is that my hat... -Yes.

...from the first marathon, when everybody thought

I was doing the last show of my life?

-It was so sad, yes. -Yeah.

Interesting you would pick that image.

-It's just all just popping into my brain.

I cannot control this right now.

-Alright. -Genius.

Well, that was the late, great R.G. Armstrong

as the gas station owner who gets murdered for...

I'm not sure what he gets murdered for.

I think he's made a deal with the cultist

to not tell anybody what's going on,

and they think he betrayed them,

although we've seen that clearly, he did not betray them.

Anyway, if you've ever driven through Kansas or Nebraska

or Iowa, you know there are many stretches of land

that are just corn as far as you can see in any direction.

Uh, the evil town in the movie is Gatlin,

supposedly in Nebraska,

but Gatlin was created out of tiny towns

in the middle of nowhere in Iowa.

Hornick, Iowa, population 239.

Salix, Iowa, population 429.

And Whiting, Iowa, population 734,

and the headquarters for the film was Sioux City.

Since all three of those towns

are within reasonable driving distance of Sioux City.

And the director was Fritz Kiersch,

a Texan who was making his directorial debut

and having it right at the moment when

Stephen King film properties were blowing up like crazy.

It was actually the eighth Stephen King property adapted

for the screen... -Whoa.

-And almost all of them had been hits,

and the only person who seemed to dislike the movie

was Linda Hamilton, who plays Vicky.

She called it the worst movie she ever made,

and I disagree, Linda. -What?

-We will take that into consideration when we talk about

how much effort you put into this -- this role.

Alright. I think you've got the setup.

You got the set up in the first two minutes

with the diner scene, so let's get back to the movie.

Roll it.

Can I take a look at some of the --

Can I look at those, Darcy? -Yeah.

I mean, look at this. It's so weird.

I don't know. It's coming to me.

-That's -- That's you.

That's a self-portrait of you as...

-Frankenhunter. -...as Frankenhunter.

-[Indistinct] -Oh.

-What's that other one? -Oh, yeah.

-Oh, my God. -Remember when I --

when I chopped off your head?

-What? -Darcy --

-You chopped his head off. -You're kind of dark.

-I mean, are you just noticing those? Yes.

[Laughter]

-[Laughs]

-Ouch! -Oh, sorry.

After I finish, Joe Bob, I'm gonna --

I'm gonna give you, like,

a little bit of tips on the toenail hygiene situation.

-Alright. -But this pink looks

so good on you.

It's kind of corny.

[Laughter]

[Indistinct conversations]

-[Grunting]

-Hey, party! Yeah!

Chug it! Chug it! Chug it!

-[Grunting intensifies]

[Thuds]

[Static, thunder crashes]

♪

[Static]

[Tense music playing]

♪

♪

-What was that?

-[Sighs] That was probably just my golf bag.

-Are you sure? -What do you mean am I sure?

[Tires screeching] -Vicky.

[Suspenseful music playing]

♪

♪

-God, this isn't even a road.

We'll never gotta get out of here.

-We will too, now stop it!

♪

Sorry.

-Just tell me where we are. -I don't know.

[Suspenseful music playing]

♪

♪

We're right back where we started from.

We never should have listen to that old fool.

Hemingford is 19 miles, Gatlin is only three.

I don't care how much religion they've got.

We're going there right now.

Don't ever show up in my emergency room, buddy.

[Suspenseful music playing]

♪

♪

-Behold.

A dream did come to me in the night.

And the Lord did show all this to me.

-Praise God! Praise the Lord!

A time of tribulation has come.

A test is at hand.

The final test. -What has the Lord commanded?

-In the dream the Lord did come to me

and he was a shape.

It was He Who Walks Behind the Rows.

And I did fall on my knees in terror and hide my eyes

less the fierceness of His face strike me dead.

He told me all that has since happened.

He said, "Joseph has taken his things

and fled this happy place

because the worship of me is no more upon him...

so take you his life and spill his blood."

-He did? -Yeah.

"But let not the flesh pollute the corn.

Cast him instead upon the road."

-And so it was done.

Joseph, the betrayer, was cast out.

-And He Who Walks Behind the Rows did say,

"I will send outlanders amongst you.

A man and a woman. And these outlanders

will be unbelievers and profaners of the holy."

-I wish Isaac never came here.

-But he's always been here.

Just like He Who Walks Behind the Rows.

-"And the man shall sorely test you

for He has great power.

Even greater than that of the blue man.

-The blue man! Yes, the blue man!

-And just as the blue man was offered upon to Him,

so shall be the unbelievers!

-Make sacrifice unto Him.

Bring him the blood of the outlanders!

-[All chanting] Praise god! Praise the lord!

Praise God! Praise the Lord!

Praise God! Praise the Lord!

Praise God! Praise the Lord!

Praise God! Praise the Lord!

-Let's get out of here!

[-All chanting] Praise god! Praise the lord!

Praise God! Praise the Lord!

[Birds chirping]

-It looks like a swinging place.

[Suspenseful music playing]

I guess nobody told them we were coming.

-I hope not.

I don't see anybody.

♪

-Town Hall.

Grocery store.

Hansen's Cafe.

Let's see if they got a phone.

-Unless a ghost is using it.

-[Chuckles]

[Suspenseful music playing]

♪

♪

♪

-What is it with this corn?

-[Scoffs] You got me.

Phew.

♪

[Grabs phone, coins clinking, dialing]

♪

It's dead. Just like everything else here.

[Rat squeaks] -Yuck!

-A rat. -Yeah.

Just an ordinary coffee shop rat.

Now can we get out of here, please?

-Hey. Hey! Wait a minute! Come back here!

C'mon, Vicky. Hurry up. I don't wanna lose them.

♪

[Engine starts]

[Tires screeching]

-So, what are you gonna do if you catch them?

-Ask where we can get help. What else?

-They just got off that way. -Okay.

Damn it! Where did they go?

Look, we're already in the car.

Why wouldn't we just go on to Hemingford?

That would take us 20 minutes. -We just found people.

-Yeah, three kids that tried to steal our car.

There's something very strange about this town.

-[Sighs] Maybe you're right.

We'd be better off in a bigger town anyway.

The size of Seattle. -Yeah.

-Over there! -What?

-I just saw a door open and close.

-I didn't see anything.

-Let's check it out. -Why?

I thought we were going.

-Settle down. -Don't patronize me.

-I'm not patronizing you.

I just wanna see if somebody's there.

Hello?

Hello?

[Knocks on door]

Anybody home?

We've had an accident. We need to use your phone.

-Okay. Now can we go?

Burt, this is somebody's house. -I know. I know.

I just want to use a phone.

Hello?

-Gross.

-I'll check out the back.

I found the phone.

-Matches the decor perfectly.

This is three years old.

-I don't understand what's going on here.

-Well, can we go?

[Bang]

[Whispering] Burt!

[Suspenseful music playing]

[Stairs creaking]

♪

-Hello?

♪

Anybody here?

[Stairs creaking]

♪

♪

[Knocks on door]

♪

[Suspenseful music playing]

♪

♪

♪

♪

[Both gasp]

[Guitar music playing]

♪

-[Exhales]

[Both chuckle]

Don't be afraid. We didn't mean to scare you.

-Hi!

What's your name? -Sarah.

-Oh, Sarah. That's a beautiful name.

This is Burt and I'm Vicky. -Are you here alone, Sarah?

-Do you live here?

-You just come here to play?

-Are your mommy and daddy around?

-They're in the corn field.

-Oh, what are they doing there? -All the grownups are there.

-Are they working there or having a meeting?

-No. Isaac put them there.

-Who's Isaac?

-Come on, sweetheart, tell us who Isaac is.

-Our leader.

-Leader of what?

-Everybody.

-Of course.

-Listen, could you take us to Isaac?

-Unh-unh. -Why not?

-He's scary. -Look, Sarah.

It's very important that we speak to some grownups

as soon as possible.

-We're wasting our time, Vicky.

-Well, give her a chance.

-Yeah. I'm gonna go look at the Town Hall.

-Why?

-Because we have a murder to report

and we're standing here talking in circles,

wasting our time.

-Well, maybe she can help.

-Well, fine. Then you stay here with her.

Listen, things just aren't happening fast.

[Keys jingle]

I'm gonna leave you the car. I won't be gone very long.

If anybody comes, just come honk. Okay?

-Okay.

-Are we safe?

-Yes. It's a little weird here, but it's safe.

I'll be back.

[Door creaking]

-So, it looks like it's just you and me.

What were you doing here by yourself? Just playing records?

Come on, you can tell me.

-Drawing.

-Drawing...

What's so secret about drawing? -I'm not supposed to.

-You're not supposed to draw?

Who says? Isaac?

-Malachai.

-Malachai?

Well, I'll tell you what. Why don't you draw me a picture

and we won't tell Isaac, or Malachai, or anybody?

How's that sound? -Okay.

[Static]

♪

[Thunder crashes]

[Static]

-So, you're doing more of those Crayola drawings?

-I am. -What you got?

-Look. -Is that Michael Berryman?

-It's Michael Berryman. -Are you doing all the former

guests on our shows?

-I don't know, they're just popping in my head.

-Alright. What is it? Oh, I think I know.

I think that's my Biedermeier shoes

from 18th century Germany when we did "Nosferatu."

-Um, no. Actually -- -We created the Biedermeier

era costume. -It's your pimp shoes.

-They're not pimp shoes. -It's your pimp shoes.

-They were Biedermeier shoes. -You're beautiful pimp shoes.

And look. Aww, remember this day?

-What is that? -Aww.

When you got ripped apart by zombies.

-Oh, my God. -It's so sweet.

-You kind of sick, Darcy. [Laughter]

They're just coming to me. -Alright.

"Children of the Corn" was directed by Fritz Kiersch.

He was primarily a cinematographer

when he got the job,

and this was his first movie as a director.

And he really knew nothing about Stephen King.

In fact, he said he was surprised that

so many people came up to him

and they were already familiar with the story

because they were Stephen King fans.

He had grown up in Ithaca, New York.

His father was a geology professor at Cornell University,

and his mother was a cartoonist for The New Yorker

and other magazines, and he never formally studied film.

He had a degree in economics from Ohio Wesleyan University.

But when he got to New York

to start looking for a Wall Street job,

instead he met Andrew Sarris.

Andrew Sarris was the film critic for The Village Voice

and a film professor at Columbia University.

And he was the guy who invented, for better or worse,

the auteur theory,

the idea that the author of any movie is the director.

Screenwriters hate Andrew Sarris,

and he's been dead for 12 years and they still hate him.

It took decades to overcome this idea,

and some critics still stand by this today

that movies are made by directors.

Movies are made by collaborators,

about a dozen of them on most movies,

the five most important being producer, director,

writer, editor, production designer.

In my opinion, I would say those five are make the movie,

but that's a discussion for another time.

At any rate, Andrew Sarris inspired

Fritz Kiersch to get involved

with film, and he headed out to L.A.

where he audited classes in film at both USC and UCLA.

Now, auditing is when you're not enrolled in that school,

but you're allowed to just sit in the class

and soak up whatever they're teaching.

And then he just networked around L.A.,

and he volunteered for every movie job he was offered.

And he -- he always claimed to know how to do the work,

even when he knew nothing about it.

And he eventually ended up working as an assistant

to Caleb Deschanel.

He's the great cinematographer who did, um,

"National Treasure," "Being There,"

"Jack Reacher," "Passion of the Christ,"

"The Black Stallion," and Kiersch

ended up shooting commercials on his own

from -- from what he'd learned from Deschanel.

And then along came this offer to direct

"Children of the Corn," and the man

with no film credentials at all was suddenly a director.

This was his first film.

Alright, back to the movie.

You know, they have all these guilds in L.A.,

the Writers Guild, Actors Guild, the Directors Guild,

the Cinematographers Guild, and the Director's Guild

has the most interesting requirement for membership.

In order to become a member of the Director's Guild,

you must direct a theatrical feature.

That's it. No other requirement.

I love that. In any other country

you would need a diploma of some sort.

In any other country, Fritz Kiersch's self-education

would be impossible. [Cheering]

[Groans] -[Chuckles]

[Indistinct conversations]

-Say it? -Seek.

Sky! Sky! Yes! -What?!

Yeah! That's right. [Laughs]

-Seek! -Bar!

Sky bar! I got it! -Sky bar, oh.

I win! I win!

-[Groans] Oh, my God.

Darcy, make him stop.

-You're the one who summoned him.

[Laughter]

[Static, thunder crashes]

♪

[Static]

[Tense music playing]

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

-[Sighs]

[Tense music playing]

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

-So, how's it coming, huh? -Fine.

-What did you draw? -You.

-You did? Can I see?

What is this?

[Footsteps]

Burt?

♪

Burt, is that you?

♪

♪

♪

Burt, is that you?

Somebody here?

♪

Who are you?

What do you want?

♪

-We want to give you peace.

Seize her.

-Come on! Get her! [Indistinct chatter]

-Come on. -[Gasps]

♪

-Come out of there!

-[Screams]

Sarah!

♪

[Man laughs]

-[Grunts]

[Tense music playing]

♪

No!

-[Laughs] -No!

Burt!

Burt!

No!

Burt!

-Are we safe?

-Yes, it's a little weird here, but it's safe.

-Are we safe? -Yeah, it's a little

weird here, but it's safe. -Vicky.

[Tense music playing]

♪

-Help me!

Where are you taking me?!

Help!

Burt! -[Sobbing]

-Burt! Help!

♪

-Vicky!

Sarah, what happened here, huh?

What happened? Where's Vicky?

You've gotta think. Now think.

What happened to her? Please.

-Does He speak to you, Isaac?

-He speaks to me always.

But today he's displeased.

He's displeased with you, Malachai.

-What have I done?

-Question Him not in vain.

Do you not know you sacrificed Joseph without an offering?

And did you not spill the blood of the old man

when his oil and gasoline were still useful to us?

-We have our own fuel now from the corn.

-Sow not your pride, Malachai. We have not enough.

-Maybe He's displeased that we have not offered Him

Sarah and Job.

-Sarah has the gift of sight.

She warned us of the coming of the interlopers.

Question not my judgment, Malachai.

I am the giver of His word.

Go you and bring me the husband.

We must offer them tonight when Amos leaves.

-Sarah, come on. Tell me what happened to her, please.

Sarah, look at me! Now think! -Malachai.

-What? -Malachai.

-Who's Malachai? What do you mean?

Huh?

♪

Vicky?

♪

Vicky?

♪

Vicky?

[Indistinct chanting]

♪

[Voices overlapping, laughter]

[Indistinct chanting]

[Church bell tolling]

♪

[Indistinct chatter]

♪

[All cheering]

-[Screaming]

-[Children]: Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill!

Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill!

Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill!

Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill!

Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill!

Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill!

Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill!

[Church bell tolling]

-Now the blood of Amos will be shared.

-Stop it! Stop that!

-Hold the outlander!

-What the hell is going on here?

Are you crazy? What do you think you're doing?

-My passage. It's my birthday.

-You've got a pretty sick way of celebrating it, pal.

Listen, I don't -- -Silence, interloper!

Your presence does profane this holy place.

He will reckon with you. -That's terrific.

I don't know who He is.

But maybe He'd like to discuss the medical side

of what's going on here with me.

-It says it should be -- -Amos!

-It says it is written. -Speak no more to him!

He is an unbeliever. Hurry, get Isaac!

No! Wait! Bring Malachai.

-[Gasps]

-[Exhales]

What do you mean, "As it's written?" Written where?

What? In this?

Are you rewriting the whole thing

or just the parts that suit your needs?

Back off! -Sit down!

-What do we have here?

19, 18... what is this?

These people died so young. -Not died.

We go to Him the first night of our 19th year.

-Who the hell is Him?

-He Who Walks Behind the Rows.

-Malachai comes!

-Seize him!

-Get him! -[Grunts]

Back off!

♪

-Go get him! -Go get him!

-Come on, hurry up!

[Indistinct shouting]

♪

-Get him! Do not let him escape!

[Indistinct shouting]

[Suspenseful music playing]

-Let's go get him!

-Where is he? Come on! -He went around the corner.

[Indistinct shouting]

-There he is. Go get him! You guys! Go that way!

-[Grunts]

♪

-[Screaming]

♪

-I need your help! Come on!

Come on, help me Help me!

-Outlander! Hey!

He's here!

[Suspenseful music playing]

♪

♪

-Got you this time.

-This isn't a game, you understand?

Now back off!

Get out of here!

-Outlander!

Go get him!

[Indistinct shouting]

♪

[Indistinct chatter]

♪

-Check the doors! Check the doors!

You guys go back at the alley. You, over there.

You two follow me.

-Shit.

♪

♪

[Door creaks]

[Footsteps approaching]

♪

♪

[Wood floor creaking]

♪

[Footsteps approaching]

♪

[Tense music playing]

[Grunts]

[Grunts]

Ow.

Damn it!

[Door creaks, closes]

-[Groans]

-Psst. Hey, mister!

I know a place to hide. But we gotta hurry.

-Who are you? -Job. Come on.

Stop asking questions.

Come on!

Will you come on?

[Door closes]

Careful.

Hey, don't be a scaredy-cat.

Come on. It's only me and Sarah.

-Sarah? -Yeah, my sister.

Isn't that unique? My dad built it

when the communists launched their first strike.

-I don't think it's the communists

we have to worry about, Job.

-Don't worry.

Nobody knows about this place.

It's secret.

-Those guys friends of yours? -No way!

They listen to Isaac and Malachai.

-Who are Isaac and Malachai?

-Isaac started the whole thing.

If he hadn't come, this would never have happened.

When he was young, he was a preacher

so everybody believed him.

They thought he had a great spirit.

I thought he was weird. Huh, Sarah?

[Indistinct conversations]

♪

-We must sacrifice them both tonight.

-Amos will satisfy Him. We need the woman.

She'll bring the man to us. -No.

He must be taken without her.

We cannot remove her from this place. It is holy.

-We'll bring the Lord two by using one.

-Do not blaspheme, Malachai.

You know not the laws. He speaks them only to me.

-I think not, Isaac.

You are the one who's lost favor with Him.

He's a God of blood and sacrifice, not ceremonies.

-Ah, sacrilege!

Down on your knees, heretic!

-Shut your mouth, Isaac!

You've grown prideful and apart from us.

-Oh, gosh. -Oh, no.

-He Who Walks Behind the Rows will decide your fate.

-Don't just sit there, seize him!

Punish him, cut him down. I command you!

I am the word and the giver of His laws.

Disobedience to me is disobedience to Him.

Do it now or your punishment shall be a thousand times,

a thousand deaths, each more horrible than the last.

-They're tired of your talk, Issac.

I've showed them what I can do.

Cut the woman down. Put Isaac in her place.

We'll see how the Lord favors you.

-No! You dare not to blaspheme!

He will punish you. The God of hell will devour you.

All of you!

No! No! No! No!

-When my dad wouldn't get up

I ran from Hansen to get Officer Hodgekiss.

But I was too late.

-Why? What happened to him?

-He got away at that time.

He went to the barn after he talked to the minister.

-The minister?

What happened to the minister?

-Malachai.

-Outlander!

Outlander!

Get over there. He's gonna come.

You, over there.

-You come with me down this street.

-Outlander!

Outlander!

We have your woman.

She still lives.

Outlander, maybe you don't hear so well.

-[Screams]

-Outlander, her blood will spill unless you give yourself up!

We won't wait much longer.

The night is coming. Night is His time.

Outlander! Come on!

Come on! Come on, outlander!

Come on!

Outlander!

[Static]

♪

-So you say Bloody Mary backwards.

-It's the only way to get rid of him.

-Backwards like when the devil talks on a Black Sabbath record?

-Yeah, just like that.

[Laughter]

-Can I just spell Bloody Mary backwards

and say that five times? -I'm not sure, actually.

-Maybe go by syllables. Rima, debla.

-What's that?

-Bloody Mary backwards syllabically.

Or it could be...

"why-ram-it-ulb." [Laughter]

-What are you talking about?

-That would just be putting the letters

in Bloody Mary backwards.

Oh, maybe I could just say rab-- rabyks.

R-A-B-Y-K-S. -Rabyks. What's that?

-Sky bar backwards. -Oh.

-Rabyks. Rabyks, rabyks, rabyks.

Rabyks. [Air whooshes]

-Hey, you guys seen Sky Bar?

He was just here. He's got my lighter.

-Outstanding. -Aww.

-Excellent.

Hell, yes. Alright. Uh, no, John.

He must have wandered off to the ghost spirit

candy mascot restroom or something,

but I'll -- I'll let you know if I see him, alright?

-Alright. Thanks, man.

-Done. What did you do, man?

-Wow.

Before we go back to the movie, I wanted to mention

Courtney Gains, who plays Malachi.

Courtney Gains is a popular guy

at horror conventions these days.

But in 1984, he got savaged by the critics.

And I don't really think it was deserved,

especially for a guy acting in his first movie.

Courtney went on to a long and continuing

career as a character actor,

and his interpretation of Malachi

is really one of the most memorable parts of the movie.

In fact, almost all of the child actors

did very professional jobs,

which is a tribute partly to the casting agencies

that worked on the picture in Iowa and in L.A.

Okay, roll the movie.

Do you know how many "Children of the Corn"

sequels and remakes there have been?

-12. -Yeah.

[Laughter]

-You told me yesterday. It's fine. [Laughs]

-Alright. And you've seen every damn one of them, right?

-I think I have, actually,

but my favorite is "666,"

where Isaac returns.

-"Children of the Corn 666," the return of Isaac.

-Yes. -Okay, so that's the one

to watch? -It's my favorite.

-Alright.

I wonder why Malachi became more famous than Isaac

because Isaac is the boss man or the boss boy.

-True. -More drawings?

-You -- You are scaring me, Darcy.

-You want to see them? -What do you got this time?

Okay, that's the, uh, Spooky Rapper.

-Hey, we're watching Spooky. -And Spooky.

-Yeah. -Hey, we're watching Spooky.

-And... -That is when

I interviewed Elvira... -Yeah.

-...on the show. -Classic.

-We showed "Haunted Hills." What is this one?

-Jon Brennan, when I got married to Tom Atkins.

He was playing the flute.

-When we showed "The Love Witch" and...

But how do you even know about that, Darcy?

I think that was a hallucination,

that I had, the Tom Atkins -- -Was it though?

-The Tom Atkins wedding. -Maybe --

-Are you still married to Tom? -Exactly. Who's to say?

-Oh, well. Yeah. -[Coughs] Sorry.

-Darcy, you're going over our whole history.

You know, if there was a Gatlin, Nebraska today, though,

the GPS would just route you around it, don't you think?

-Unless He Who Walks Behind the Rows

could mess with the GPS.

-Because He Who Walks Behind the Rows is all powerful?

-Because otherwise there's no movie.

-Oh, yeah, all that too, right?

[Coughs] I'm choking on Sky Bar detritus.

[Laughter]

-That's your fault. [Laughter]

[Static, thunder crashes]

♪

[Static]

-Are you looking for that lady?

-Yeah, you know where she is?

-They took her out to the clearing.

-What clearing? Where? -In the corn field.

-Are you sure? -Of course I'm sure.

I followed them, just like I followed you.

-Show me.

-Okay. -Come on, let's go.

-Okay.

[Whispers] Quiet.

Come on.

Follow me to the barn.

-Careful.

♪

-I'm ready to celebrate my birthday.

-Malachai! He will not forgive you!

None of you will be forgiven!

All of you shall feel His wrath!

-We have a surprise for you, Amos.

-You moron!

Don't you understand what he's trying to do?

-Isaac is going to keep you company.

-He Who Walks Behind the Rows will decide your fate!

I am the word and the giver of His laws.

This is the end!

[Tense music playing]

♪

♪

♪

-Come on.

♪

Over here.

You can see everything from here.

♪

-Okay, you two...

you stay here and wait for me. Alright?

But if anything happens to me,

you get to Hemingford as fast as you can.

You get on that road and don't get off it.

Understand?

-Uh-huh.

Go past the irrigation pump.

[Wind blowing]

[Roaring]

-It's Him.

He's come for me.

He's come for me.

He's come to welcome me.

♪

-Go to him, Amos.

-I'm here, Lord!

[Thunder rumbling]

I'm here, Lord!

I'm ready!

Take me now, Lord!

Your will, Lord! My passage!

[Suspenseful music playing]

♪

[Amos screams, creature roars]

-I did as you commanded!

I was good!

I swear it!

I did everything You wanted!

[Indistinct whispers]

No! No!

♪

Stop!

[Screaming]

♪

[Indistinct shouting]

-Vicky, come on, run to the barn!

[Grunting]

-Get him! -He hit Malachai!

-Seize him. -Take that.

-Vicky, get out of here!

Was this how it was with your parents, huh?

Was it?

Just because some self-proclaimed holy man

said this is what God commands?

So...what kind of a God

tells his children to kill their parents, huh?

Answer me that, buddy.

Did you hear that before Isaac?

Did you?

I can't believe you're this blind.

Maybe you've been listening to these holy rollers so long

it's all started to sound the same.

-Well, it's not! -what's he talking about?

-Any religion without love

and compassion is false.

-It's a lie! [Malachai screams]

-[Grunting]

[Suspenseful music playing]

♪

♪

[Grunts]

♪

♪

-He's still down?

-Is this what you want, huh?

Is this what He commands?

[Knife thuds, children gasp]

I don't think so.

-Get him!

Stop him!

Kill him!

-[Demonic] Malachai!

[Kid gasps]

-Oh, my God! Isaac!

-He wants you too, Malachai.

♪

He wants you, too.

♪

[Growling]

♪

[Neck snaps]

[Thunder rumbling]

[Indistinct shouting]

-Vicky? -Burt? Over here!

Burt!

-Are you okay? -Yeah.

[Wind howling, door bangs]

Get down. Get down.

Jobie, get some help and get those doors closed.

Quick.

-Peter, Robert, come on!

-What do we do? -I don't know.

If I knew what it was, I could tell you.

-It's He Who Walks Behind the Rows.

-What if we tried to run for it and make it to the road?

-I think we're safer here, for now.

[Window crashes]

Jobie, has anybody ever tried to hurt the monster?

Any of the adults, your parents before they were killed?

-The Blue Man!

-Who is the Blue Man? What -- What did he do?

-Officer Hodgekiss. I told you.

He came down here after he talked to the minister.

He was reading a page torn out of the Bible

and it was working with distil.

-Wait, wait, wait. [Wood crashes]

[Children screams]

What was he reading at the Bible?

What was it? Do you know?

You have it?

Hurry up. Where is it?

-It's all Malachai's fault.

-"And the devil that deceived them

was cast into the lake of fire and brimstone.

Where the beast and the false prophet are,

and shall be tormented

day and night, for ever and ever."

What's that supposed to mean?

[Crashes]

[Children screaming, wind howling]

Job, what was the Blue Man doing at the distil?

-He hooked the hose and he was trying to roll it out.

-But what stopped him?

-Malachai. -Malachai.

-Lake of fire. Fire!

He was gonna burn the field.

-Oh, yes. The gasohol. Distil.

-How? -Never mind, never mind.

You kids, give me as many hoses as you can find. Quick!

Job and Sarah, find me a bottle.

A glass bottle. A pop bottle, alright?

Quick! Move!

Vicky, come here!

-Over here!

-I can't find anything.

[Child screaming]

-It doesn't fit.

There's gotta be a connector around here somewhere.

-Try this!

[Items clattering]

♪

-Okay.

♪

Get somebody to hold this on tight.

-Okay. -Hang on to it.

You got one. Good!

Alright, Vicky, see if you can find me a thick rag.

-Jobie, come here.

-Hey, that's not a rag!

♪

-Okay.

Now, get them to hold on to that tight.

Open it up when I get there, alright?

Alright.

Burt, be careful.

-I love you, Vicky.

-We should never have done this.

-Okay.

[Wind howling]

[Suspenseful music playing]

♪

♪

[Grunts]

[Indistinct whisper]

♪

Ow!

[Indistinct whisper continues]

[Wind blowing]

♪

♪

♪

What are you doing here?

Get back to the barn. Hurry up!

Go on! Move! Now!

♪

-Excuse me!

♪

♪

♪

-Jobie, get that valve!

Quick!

♪

Jobie, do you know how to run this thing?!

-Crank it! -What?!

Crank it.

[Tense music playing]

♪

Push the button at the top!

Yeah!

♪

[Motor pump whirring]

Alright!

[Suspenseful music playing]

♪

♪

Get the bottle! -Okay!

♪

♪

Come here. Block the wind.

[Clanking]

♪

[Wind roaring]

[Grunts]

♪

Jobie!

Jobie, come back here!

♪

♪

Jobie, stop!

♪

Run, come on, run!

Jobie!

-Here's the bottle! Throw it!

Throw right this time!

Throw it! Throw it!

[Suspenseful music playing]

♪

[Explosion]

♪

-Burt!

♪

-Jobie!

-Burt!

-Jobie!

-Vicky! -Sarah!

-Vicky!

-Jobie! Jobie!

♪

-Look! Look!

[Explosions]

♪

♪

-Come on! Come on! Let's go!

[Wind howling]

[Demon screaming]

-Is he dead? -I think so.

-Then why are we still running? -Just keep going!

-Where did you get this guy?

♪

[Dramatic music playing]

♪

♪

♪

-[Sighs] Well, Hemingford's 19 miles, right?

-We walk?

-Sure.

-Burt, are you sure you're strong enough?

-[Sighs] I'm okay.

What about you? Are you okay?

-Yeah. I'll make it. -Yeah?

-I got a great doctor.

-I don't believe it.

[Laughter]

Jealous?

-So what are we gonna doh these two little munchkins, huh?

-Oh, I don't know.

You guys wanna come live with us for a couple of days?

Hmm? -How about a week?

[Laughter]

-Okay. -How about a month?

-No. [Laughter]

Alright. Alright.

I'll grab the map. -Ever been to Seattle?

-What's Seattle?

[Tense music playing]

♪

-Interloper! No! -Oh! God!

♪

-You must die!

[Grunts]

-Oh, boy!

♪

Oh, she's out cold.

What are we gonna do now?

-Send her a get well card from Seattle.

Let's get the hell out of here.

[Grunts]

[Suspenseful music playing]

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

[Thunder crashes]

[Static]

-Alright, Darcy, let's see what you got.

-Ernie. -Yeah, but Ernie as Tetsuo.

-Ernie as Tetsuo. -Ernesto.

-Alright.

"Prom Night II: Hello, Mary Lou, "but it's you.

-It's amazing. -[Laughs]

-Oh, yeah. -What is that?

-Um, when you exploded? [Laughter]

-When did I explode?

-Maybe it's a prophecy.

-Yeah.

I can't believe there's only one movie left

in the Nightmareathon, though. Are you tuckered?

-I'm good...ish. -I think "Children of the Corn"

holds up pretty well after all these years.

Do you? -Definitely.

It's still really scary.

Demonic children are just really scary.

-Yeah.

As Mirtha said in "When Evil Lurks,"

"Evil likes children and children like evil."

But I also think it summoned up a lot of fears

that were borrowed from other movies.

Like, don't go into the countryside.

That's where all the deranged stuff happens out there,

outside the city limits.

You know, that started with "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre."

And don't trust religion to help anybody, you know?

That harkens back to "Rosemary's Baby,"

uh, "The Exorcist," and of course,

all evil -- evil children stories go back to the bad seed.

So, alright, before we wrap this baby up

with our second Roger Corman movie,

"Galaxy of Terror," let's go back to the mailbag.

What you got for me?

-There you go.

This one is from Thomas Henning of Everett, Washington.

-All right, "Dear Joe Bob,

I need some film noir recs from you.

I remember a few years back

you put out a limited edition art print

that featured some of your favorite noir titles."

I can't say noir. -Noir.

-Um, "I wasn't fortunate enough to pick one of those up,

so could you enlighten me with some of your favorites?

It's a genre I really want to dive into,

but I'm unsure where to start. Thanks a bunch.

Thomas Henning, Everett, Washington"

Yes, indeed.

Alamo Drafthouse released a series of lithographs

that were composed of old movie ads,

and each lithograph was curated by somebody devoted

to that genre of film.

So I chose film noir,

even though I can't really pronounce it.

And I wish I had one here so I could show you how cool it is.

But I have maybe 25 of my favorite film noir

on that lithograph.

But just to list a few --

"The Hustler," Jackie Gleason, George C. Scott, Paul Newman.

"The Maltese Falcon," Humphrey Bogart.

"Double Indemnity," Fred MacMurray,

Barbara Stanwyck from the James M. Cain novel.

"Touch of Evil," of course, which many regard

as Orson Welles greatest work. "Body Heat," of course.

They don't really make them anymore,

these film noirs. I don't know why.

I mean, they're dark, they're creepy, and I think it

would be considered horror adjacent as a -- as a genre.

Okay, the sun is way up.

We're going to chug through our final movie,

and I really appreciate it

if you spent all this time with us.

Keep going to be a certified "Last Drive-in" iron man.

-Yeah. -And we're coming to you

from a Saturday morning in Coweta County, Georgia,

where it's hotter than a goat's ass in a pepper patch.

And I'm reminding you that the drive-in will never die.

♪

A guy is shaving with a straight-edged razor.

-Okay. -Razor drops out

of his hand, lops off his dick.

So he gathers up his dick and he stuffs it in his pocket,

and he rushes outside and he hails a cab.

He tells the driver get me to the emergency room,

and at the emergency room,

he tells the surgeon what happened.

And the surgeon says, "We have to work quickly.

Give it to me."

So the man reaches into his pocket,

deposits its contents into the surgeon's hand,

and the surgeon says, "But this is not a dick, this is a cigar.

And the man says, "Oh, my God, I must have smoked it in the cab."

-What?

[Laughter]

[Laughter continues]

-One, two, three, four!

♪ Felissa -Ah!

♪ Felissa and Rhonda ♪

♪ We're staying up all night with Rhonda ♪

♪ Felissa, Rhonda ♪

♪ We're staying up all night, yeah ♪

[Static, thunder rumbles]

♪ We're staying up all night with Felissa ♪

[Static]