All language subtitles for L.A.Law.S02E14.Petticoat.Injunction.1080p.HULU.WEB-DL.DDP5.1.H.264-BurCyg_track3_[eng]

Woman on TV:
A snow massive snowstorm

hit the entire east coast today,

wreaking havoc in its wake.

Hardest hit was New York City

which was paralyzed during
the morning rush hour.

It was one of
the heaviest snowfalls

ever dumped
on the Big Apple.

17 inches of the cold,
wet white stuff

fell within 24 hours...

[moans]
Hi.

What time is it?

[kisses]
Early.

Go back to sleep. [kisses]

[upbeat music]

[water splashes]

[water splattering]

Ah!

[whirring]

[music continues]

Hey Arnie, don't ding my Jag
getting into your car.

[car door slams]

[seat belt clicks]

[car engine starts]

[car revving]

[upbeat music fades]

[office telephone ringing]

- Good morning, Mr. Becker.
- Hi.

- Good morning, Rox.
- This is the land, Rox.

I'll tell you, L.A.
has got to be the land.

[kisses]
Mwah!

While the rest of the world is
freezing,

getting buried with snow,

I am gently awakened by a beam
of California sunshine

reflecting off
the golden blond hair

of the very warm body
that I'm nestled against.

Couple of laps in the pool,

fresh glass of carrot juice

is life to get out here or what?

It's figured out
just fine, Arnie.

I was woken up by a dumpster.

The only thing that nestled up
to me in the last eight months

is currently in the slammer
for stock fraud.

My bagel was so stale
I practically chipped a tooth,

I'm retaining water,
and I'm all out of Mydol.

Is life figured out here,
you ask?

[blowing raspberries]

[theme music]

[music continues]

[music continues]

[music fading]

Morning.

Morning, Benny.

- Good morning.
- Morning.

- Victor?
- Hmm?

I'm going out
on a date tonight.

- No kidding!
Benny: Yeah.

I met this girl
named Ivy at the center,

and we're going out on a date.

We're taking the bus

to Lum's Shanghai Gardens
to have dinner

and then we're gonna go look
in the stores on Melrose.

- Sounds like fun.
- Oh, yeah.

When did you ask her out?

Uh, yesterday.

Boy, was I nervous too.

Mmm, I never asked
a girl out when I wasn't.

She has really nice
curly brown hair.

- You like that, huh?
- Yeah, I do.

Stuart, what's happening
with the Yuppie Bandit?

They accelerated the trial date.
We start tomorrow.

How long should we figure you
two will be tied up with that?

Oh, I don't guess more
than a day or two.

If we can proceed, Ken Hole
versus Twelve-Ten Fish Decoys.

Ah, action for
specific performance.

The delivery of antiques
bought at auction.

I'm in depositions all week.

Ottoman versus Max.

We've instructed the Marshall

to impound the judgment
on his automobiles

unless a bond
is posted by 5 o'clock.

Seiling versus
Steinmetz-Needham Productions.

Yeah, hearing for an injunction
is scheduled for 2 o'clock.

Sounds like a loser.

You know, I can't believe that
a T.V. actor's going into court

because he's unhappy
with his part.

[laughing]

What's the name of this show?

- "Consenting Adults."
- I never even heard of it.

That's the producer's
whole problem.

You see that they've
gotten great reviews but they're

in a tough time slot
and they can't get samplings

so if the numbers
don't improve...

[clicks lips]
They're history.

I would think that Jack Seiling
would do anything

he could to boost the ratings.

Maybe he doesn't want
to go around the rest

of his life prancing
in a cocktail dress.

Arnie: You know, the public
doesn't always differentiate

between an actor
and the role he plays.

To millions of people

Raymond Burr will always
be a lawyer,

Vince Edwards, a doctor,
Jack Webb, a cop.

Larry Kreger ,
a psychotic detective.

Nobody remembers
"I Wake-up Screaming?"

Well, before we adjourn.
Michael, how's Gracie?

Oh, she's okay.
She's, uh... [sips]

She's spending some time
at home, taking it easy.

You got any leads
on the shooter?

No. And all she saw was the gun.

She afraid they're
gonna come after her?

I think if they'd wanted
to hit her,

they would have done it
when they had the chance.

Still, it's gonna
go through her mind.

Yeah. Yeah, it does.

Is she going back to work?

Well, she is thinking about it.

I don't think right away though.

I can't imagine what her
state of mind must be

after something like that.

Ah, pretty shaky for
the first couple of days

but she's worked
her way through it.

You know, she's in better shape
than I am.

Grace: You set me up!

- Grace, take it easy.
- Don't Grace me!

It is shear blind luck I wasn't
gun downed, you bastard!

You were in the wrong place
at the wrong time.

Now how is that my fault?

If you had told me
we had a third partner

or who he was or
what he expected of us.

If I had known any of it,

I never would have been
in that restaurant

in the first place.

- I had no choice.
- Why?

John Vincent is not a guy
you say no to.

I did, Charlie. I said no.

You could have, too.

I'm sorry.

What can I do to make
things right between us?

[sighs]

You betrayed our friendship.
Nothing.

Nothing you can do
makes that right.

Grace...

I'm not proud of myself

or what I've become.

The guy is dead.

It gives us a chance to
start over with a clean slate.

[sighs]

You start over, Charlie, alone.

Please. I wish you'd reconsider.

Not a chance.

What will you do?

I don't know.

Maybe nothing.

Maybe go back
to the D.A.'s office.

Grace.

I, uh, I know
you know this, but...

What he told you
before the shooting.

Charlie: About owning us,
financing us?

If any of that stuff
ever got around...

Wouldn't be too great
for either one of us.

I appreciate your deep concern
for my welfare, Charlie.

[door opens]

Arnie: And what we have here
is an executive producer

using her power to ruin
the career of my client.

All we have is an actor,
vested with no creative control

whatsoever, trying
to stop a telecast!

Making him a cross-dresser

is gonna cause
irreparable harm, Your Honor.

Arnie: And take a look
at the picture

that they're releasing
to the newspapers.

Isn't it a late to be
squawking now, Mr. Becker?

The episode's supposed
to air in two days.

My client was assured
that it would be cut and edited

to have socially
redeeming value.

Give me a break.

But what's resulted is a
trashy piece of exploitation,

deliberately designed
at destroying his career.

How can you stand here
as an Officer of the court

and lie like that?

Arnie: It's the truth,
Your Honor.

Ms. Needham has been
recklessly vindictive--

You're the one
that's being vindictive!

Alright! Quiet.

Mr. Becker, I see
no contractual right

which allows your guy to control

the creative development
of the character he plays.

Your Honor, there's an implied
covenant of good faith

in every contract,
and she's has breached it

with this malicious attempt
to stain his image.

Your Honor, I know it's unusual

but I'd like to put
my client on the stand.

What?

This isn't not
an evidentiary hearing.

I know that, but the issue
concerns enjoining a program

that costs over $1 million
to produce.

Koyama: Now before you consider
such an extraordinary remedy,

I'd like you
to be fully informed.

Fine. I demand the right
to cross-examine

and a one-day continuance
to prepare.

Oh, please.

Hey, if you want
to stick her up here,

then he's got
the right to cross.

Judge McGrath: We'll convene
tomorrow at 10 a.m.

Now both of you leave
and take the media with you.

[clamoring]
Charlie, get the camera.

Mr. Seiling, Mr. Seiling.

Looks like you're losing,
Mr. Seiling.

If they run that show,
I'll break the studio,

I'll break the network,
and I'll ruin her.

And I'll sue you right back for
abusive process and harassment.

We have no comment.

Wait till you see how natural
he looks in lingerie.

Needham: Like he's worn it
all his life.

- That's slander, lady.
Needham: Oh, please.

To the extend you counsel her
into saying on those things,

you're gonna be held
liable, too.

Why don't we just sue everybody?

- Mr. Seiling.
- I'll walk right off the set!

- Don't you push me.
- Promises, promises.

Needham on TV: Wednesday night,
9 o'clock, channel 4,

Jack Seiling
in a black brassiere.

Reporter: Ms. Needham, wait--

"The Arnie Becker Show."

Pretty tawdry stuff.

Hey. At least no one's
getting shot at.

Yet.

Be honest with me.

Am I a jerk?

[sighs] Well, sometimes.

This time.

No.

Why would I think that?

Well, I take a powder
from the D.A.'s office,

a significant job,

because I am seduced
by this glitzy office,

more money, this change
in venue, right?

And the whole thing
blows up in my face.

Gracie, you had to quit.

Come on, it was the only
right thing to do.

I spent the whole day
making phone calls.

- Oh, yeah? To whom?
- Firms.

[sighfully]
I've got to get a job.

[chuckling]
What for?

[scoffs]
Because...

Because that's what I do.
I work.

Well, we do a lot of things.

We eat, we sleep,

[kisses] we make love.

Believe it or not, sometimes
we do absolutely nothing.

I'd go nuts doing nothing.

[kisses] Oh, yeah?

You ever tried it?

All the time.

Sure. When?

[dog barking in distance]

[laughingly] Sundays.

Right, with a case file
on your lap.

Now, what I'm talking about here
is serious nothing, girl.

I'm talking about...

I'm talking about going
for a ride in a car

with no destination or, uh--

What?

Yeah, taking a
bubble bath instead

of giving yourself
a sponge bath.

[sighs] Mickey.

Hey, something happened to you.

You got to give yourself time
to settle down

before you go charging back
into the work force.

I have to make
a living, don't I?

[sighs]
Well, I don't know, do you?

Well, if the situation
were reversed,

would you question whether
you had to make a living?

Yeah.

Yeah, if it was at the expense
of self-knowledge, I would.

Oh. [chuckles]

- Self-knowledge, huh?
- Yeah.

You saying I don't know
myself sufficiently?

Well, who among us does?

And I suppose
you're gonna show me the way?

Well, look at it this way.

Um... uh...

A guiding hand here and there
never really hurt.

[romantic soft music]

This guiding hand is cold.

I put it somewhere warm.

[kissing]

Mm-mm. That's better.

Stuart: We had
pretty much written it off

until we got a call
from Detective Majesky

saying that there'd
been a break in the case.

And what else
did the detective tell you?

That they had recovered my watch

and they had
a suspect in custody,

and would we please
come down and identify him

through photographs,
which we did.

And were you able to make
a positively identification

of the man who robbed you?

Yes.

Debente: And is the man you
identified in this courtroom?

There he is, right there,
that's the man.

Debente: The record will show
that the witness

has identified the defendant,
Robert Alden.

No further questions.

[man coughs]

Now, according to the report
you gave the police,

the man who accosted you
was 6 foot or over.

But, uh, Mr. Alden's only
5 foot 10 and half inches.

[chuckling] Oh. So call me
a liar for an inch and half.

Well, if you like that
characterization, okay.

Look, I'm 5 foot 5 and a half.

A lot of people
look taller to me.

So you're saying that
your diminutive stature

makes you a less
than reliable observer.

No.

But you'll acknowledge there's
a discrepancy here?

Echeverria: You also said
the man wore a mustache.

Stuart: Now, I'm not sure
about that. Um.

I think actually he may
have shaved it off.

Echeverria: Well, my
question is, Mr. Markowitz,

did he or did he not have
a mustache?

Now, why the hesitancy,
Mr. Markowitz?

Is it because
you can't remember?

Or is it because
you and your wife

were so drunk that night

you can't be certain
who you saw?

Well, you testified you were
on your way back from dinner.

Now, didn't you share
a bottle of wine?

In fact, you two guys were
pretty looped, weren't you?

No, that's not the case.

Come on, Mr. Markowitz.

- Wait a minute.
- Objection!

Ann: Stop putting words
in his mouth.

- Your Honor--
- Mrs. Markowitz!

He's posing compound questions
and brow beating the witness.

You're not the attorney
of record here. Sit down.

Come on.

You can't let him
get away with that.

I'm not going to.

Mr. Markowitz, given the trouble
you're having

with all this,
how can you tell us that

Robert Alden is the man
who robbed you?

We weren't drunk. And I'm almost
positive that's the man.

Echeverria: Well,
"almost positive" doesn't put

an innocent man in jail,
Mr. Markowitz.

Not until they suspend
the constitution.

Nothing further.

What was I supposed to do? Lie?

- I'm not accusing you.
- You are accusing me!

I'm not.
You did the best you could.

I just wish you hadn't
let him him

walk all over you, that's all.

And you were so forceful,
jumping up and objecting like--

Would you mind?

Let's not a fight in the middle
of a cafeteria, okay.

Where would you
rather have a fight?

$4.35.

Let's just drop it, Stuart.

You don't want to
talk about it, fine.

- Good.
- Fine.

Jean on TV: Actors are asked
to play less than heroic

or unsympathetic parts
all of the time,

why the fuss over this one?

Well, my client feels
that playing the part

of a cross-dresser will
seriously damage his career.

But isn't it really
the producers...

You know, actually the camera
puts about 10 pounds on you.

Look, it's Arnie.

...what is one of the most

critically acclaimed shows
on television.

I never saw anybody I knew
on television before.

Jean on TV: ...no doubt that
being seen

in a dress will damage Jack...

Rox, have you seen
my other trial case?

- Arnie?
Roxanne: It's in the closet.

Arnie on TV: Let me
ask you something.

What would have happened
to John Wayne's career

if instead of playing
the part of a war hero,

he'd played a drag queen?

[all laughing]
Arnie on TV: Thank you.

Jean: Arnold Becker is due back
in court tomorrow

when producer Jamie Needham
is scheduled to take the stand.

From Los Angeles County Court,
I'm Jean Kasabian.

Arnie? How can,
how can you be...

There and, and here
at the same time?

- See ya.
- I'm late for court, Benny.

I think I'll let Roxanne
explain that to you.

[office telephone ringing]

They interviewed
Arnie yesterday, Benny.

What we're seeing here
is a-- a videotape.

[office telephone ringing]

Benny, how was
your date with Ivy?

[shrugs] Okay.

Just okay?

[sighs] Well...

We didn't really have that much
to talk about.

People don't always hit it off
on their first date, Benny.

I thought we would. [sighs]

She just kept worrying about
not getting home too late.

She, ah, lives with her parents.

You took a first step.

That's lot more important than
whether

or not this
one date worked out.

Believe me, I've kissed a lot
more frogs than princes.

[office telephone ringing]

No, Benny, no.
That's just a saying.

Um.

I mean that you'll go
out with different people

and some you'll like better
than others.

And some you'll only like after

you know them
for a little while.

That might even happen with Ivy.

I don't think so.

[laughing]

It would be self-defeating
for me to ruin his image.

Jamie: The success of our show
depends

on a large part
on his public appeal.

And you didn't feel that it

would be compromising
that appeal

to have him dressed
in women's clothing?

Jamie: It's a nighttime soap.

All our characters
have perversities.

And our viewers love them.

Thank you, Ms. Needham,
that's all.

Miss Needham, isn't it true

that you and my client
engaged in a bitter

contract dispute
before this season?

It was negotiations.

I certainly harbor
no bitterness.

Arnie: Oh, come on,
Ms. Needham.

One of his demands
was they direct

three episodes next year, right?

And you found that totally
unacceptable, didn't you?

I objected to the notion
of an actor being vested

with
directing responsibilities, yes.

And the network
forced you to cave in

because they knew he was
more important

to the show than you, right?

Objection!
What's the relevance of this?

Arnie: I'll tell you
the relevance!

She perceives my client
as a threat to her control.

So she is trying to humiliate
him with storylines

to induce him
to breach his contract.

He's no threat to me!
I made him!

You made me?!
You didn't make me.

Sit down, Mr. Seiling,
or I'll throw you out of here.

I oughta just write
you out completely.

- I'd win an Emmy for it!
- Miss Needham--

I'll stop the whole damn show!

You'll do what I tell you to do.

Your Honor, this woman's
malicious is self evident.

Everybody shut up!

[woman in audience
clears throat]

Judge, I'd like to call
my client to the stand now.

What?

This is a motion session,
Mr. Becker, not a trial.

And your case is so weak

I don't see what possible
good it would do?

I know it's unorthodox, Judge,

but she's had a chance
to have her say.

Arnie: I think
in the interest of justice,

Mr. Seiling should have
his chance, as well.

Well, then I'm gonna want a day
to prepare just like he got.

Alright, we reconvene
tomorrow at 10:00 a.m.

Judge McGrath: And this
is the last day. I mean it.

I'm gonna give this guy
10 minutes and that's it.

After that, no more witnesses!

[elevator dings]

[car beeps]

[car beeps]

[car tires screeching
in distance]

Miss Needham.

Mr. Becker.

- Nice car.
- Thank you.

Arnie: Every time I see it,

I see you driving down
the Coast Highway totally naked.

Soft shiny hair
flying in the wind,

double clutching.

Down shifting.

Stop.

Kiss me.

Not here.

Come on.

There's no one around.

[kissing]

[vehicles rumbling]

Michael: Anyway, she quit.

What's she gonna do?

I don't know.
Look for another job, I guess.

What the hell is this check
from Jack Seiling?

Uh, must be our fee, Leland?

It's for $100,000.

- What?!
- A 100 grand?

Yeah, I negotiated a flat rate
and he accepted it.

Well who the hell in his
right mind would agree

to pay it all up front,
especially an amount like that?

I wouldn't know.

Well, tell me what you do know,

or I'll call the client myself.

Okay.

The money's coming
from the studio.

This injunction hearing
isn't exactly adversarial.

What's that supposed to mean?

It means that this...
[sighs]

Well, this whole thing has
sort of been staged

to generate publicity
for the show.

- Staged?
- What?!

Yeah, we figured a little
courtroom fireworks.

When they call the newscasts,

maybe boost
the ratings a little.

So the producer, the actor,

and me, we, uh...

We-- we kind of
put on a little show.

- Arnie, that's fraud.
- Nobody got hurt.

We used a couple hours of
court time, what's the harm?

I'll tell you the harm!

Apart from getting
you disbarred,

it could ruin the reputation
of this firm!

- You're overreacting, Leland.
- He's not overreacting.

What you did was unethical
and probably illegal.

We're talking about
one stupid little hearing.

This money's completely unearned
and it's going back!

Leland--

That money has been very earned.

For 100 grand the producers
bought themselves

over a million dollars worth
of advertising.

Arnie: This could turn
a fledgling replacement series

into a five-year hit.

Leland: This money is tainted
and as head of this firm

it's my decision
not to accept it!

As a partner, I say you
have no right to do that!

Well, it's too late.
I've already voted.

[paper rips] Ah.

Damn it, Leland!

Maybe I should give
you my resignation!

Only if you really mean it,

because that I
might not tear up.

[door opens]

[office telephone ringing]

[door slams shut]
Have you gone nuts?

Look, technically, Jack Seiling

instructed me to
bring that action.

It is not incumbent
upon the lawyer

to flush out the motives
of his client.

Oh, come on, Arnie.
You're a player in a scam here.

A completely harmless one,
where nobody gets hurt

and more importantly,
nobody gets caught.

That's not the point
and you know it!

It is the point, Michael!

Everybody's around here is
worried about

the firm's exposure.
I'm telling you, there is none.

Our concern is
the dishonesty, Arnie.

Hey, look! I could've kept
the big fee for myself,

paid the firm my hourly rate
and nobody would have been

the wiser, but I didn't.

Because fundamentally,
I'm not dishonest.

Arnie: Fundamentally, I do care
about the people around here.

I'm telling you,
this is a huge inroad

into entertainment law for us,
an entire new practice.

And I'm telling you,
that we don't want it that bad.

Thank you very much
for all of this support.

But since nobody elected
you moral guardian,

why don't you just go do
your preaching someplace else?

[door opens]

[office telephone ringing]

You really
don't get this, do you?

[Michael sighs]

[door slams]

Benny, there's someone
named Ivy here to see you.

Ivy?

What does she want?

She didn't say.

I still have a lot
of work to do here.

Benny, you have a visitor.

Nobody would mind
if you take a few minutes off.

[office telephone ringing]

[door opens]

Receptionist: Can you hold
a moment?

Hi, Benny.

What are you doing here?

I brought you some cookies.

Thank you.

Are you coming
to the center tonight?

I don't know.

I want you to.

I said, I don't know.

Um, I have to, uh,
get back to work.

Can I help?

No, you-- y-- you have to go.

Benny: I have to get back to
work well r-- right now.

- Maybe I can wait here.
- Benny: No, you can't.

[dramatic music]
I don't like you coming here.

I'm sorry.

Benny: I'm not allowed to have
people like you coming here!

Y-- you have to go!

I'll get into trouble!

You have to go! Right now!

[sighs]

Just a few questions,
Ms. Kelsey.

On direct examination
you told Mr. Debente

that the man who robbed
you wore a mustache,

neatly groomed.

Correct.

Echeverria: And
you're quite sure of that?

Ann: Positive.

Mmm.

Your husband testified yesterday

that he couldn't
remember a mustache.

Now, is it your testimony
under oath that he's...

- Mistaken?
- No.

You also told the police
that the man wore a blue blazer

and, your husband
said it was green.

It was blue.

Now, tell me, Ms. Kelsey, is it

your experience of your husband

that he is not
a very keen observer?

No.

Echeverria: Well, then
who's right and whose wrong?

Or are you talking
about two different blazers?

If you'd let me
answer the question.

Ann: First of all, you're
talking about details.

Both of us saw the same man.

Echeverria: Yes, but aren't
appearances made up of details?

Of course, but you're asking me

to characterize my husband
as incompetent.

No. No, I'm asking if the robber
wore a blue blazer.

Asked and answered!

Are you now making objections

as well as answering
the questions?

What color was the blazer,
Ms. Kelsey?

- Blue.
- Thank you.

No further questions.

Debende: Prosecution rests,
Your Honor.

The defense calls Robert Alden.

You're excused, Ms. Kelsey.

Echeverria: Mr. Alden, how
are you presently employed?

I drive the limousine.

And how long have
you being do that?

Uh, three years, sir.

I show you a gold Rolex watch

and I ask you if
you recognize it.

I do.

Now, did you ever
rob anyone at gunpoint

in order procure this watch?

God, no, no, the truth is,

I bought that watch
from a guy on the street.

Robert: I don't know
if you're familiar

with the limousine business,

but a driver
spends a lot of time

outside restaurants,
places like that.

Well, you're vulnerable
to a street people, hustlers.

A-- anyway, this guy told me he
had a Rolex watch for sale.

And you agreed to buy it?

Robert: I was sure
it was a knock-off.

He was asking $75 for it.

I know I should've known better.

A-- a-- and I feel terrible
that I played any part

in these people's misfortune.

This man. Had you
ever seen him before?

Robert: Never, nor since.

Echeverria: And
what happened next?

Well, I, uh, I wore the watch

for a couple of days.

And, um, one of the guys
at the garage saw it

and told me it looked
like a real Rolex,

that I should have it apprised.

He sent me over
to a friend of his.

- And that would be Mr. Webb?
- Right.

And Mr. Webb told me how
valuable the watch was.

So, all of a sudden
I'm standing there

with this incredibly
valuable time piece,

and Mr. Webb asks me
if I'd take $3,500 for it.

[chuckles] He could've knocked
me flat at that point.

Did it ever occur
to you that you might

be trafficking
in stolen merchandise?

No, sir.

Not until the cops came

to the garage and arrested me.

I-- I know I exercised
bad judgment,

but I am not a criminal.

I-- I-- I've never been
in trouble in my life.

[door opens] Maybe I could have
done little better

if you hadn't laid
such a poor foundation.

Oh, it's my fault, I see.

Let's just say you
didn't help the situation.

And you did.

I didn't say that.

- Let's just drop it, okay?
- Me?

You're the one
who brought it up.

I said, I'd rather
not discuss it.

Alright.

Thank you.

Knows how to dish it out
but doesn't know how to take it.

- What's that supposed to mean?
- Nothing.

[door shuts]

[soft music]

Jamie: I mean, what's the point
of giving it back?

- What's it prove?
- Exactly.

It'll just go back
in the corporate coffer.

Exactly.

And with the publicity
we're getting,

it's a drop in the ocean.

If you're think you're
getting publicity now,

just wait till I put
Jack Seiling on the stand.

Front page?

It's a good shot.

You play your part,
and he plays his.

There's no way this stays in
the entertainment section.

By the way,
it's not true, is it?

What?

That the you two of you
had an affair,

it went sour
and you paid him back

by putting him in a dress
and a pair of pantyhose.

Are you kidding?

You know, I'd never get involved
with an actor.

Money aside, Arnie,
I really am in your debt.

And if we're finished here now,

I'd like to discuss a payment
schedule on the ride home.

[soft music continues]

Let me make a quick trip
to the little boy's room.

[kisses] I'll be back in a sec.

- Hi.
- Hi.

[zipper]

[sighs]

- Arnold Becker?
- Yes.

I'm Special Investigator Hamel,
this is Detective Miller.

We're attached to
the Entertainment Fraud Division

of the
District Attorney's Office.

- You're under arrest.
- What?

You have the right
to remain silent.

You have the right
to an attorney.

Well, hold on. Hold on.

There must be some
sort of mistake here.

What are the charges?

Pertaining to your action

Seiling versus
Steinmetz-Needham Productions,

fraudulent use of legal process.

Conspiracy to commit fraud
against California State Court.

Oh, God.

You're gonna have
to come with us, sir.

Assume the position.

- Hey, come on, I--
- Assume the position!

Lighten up, Leo. Let the guy zip
his pants up for god sake.

Guys, please just...
give me this one break here.

I mean, w-- where am I going?

I-- I'll surrender myself
tomorrow. I swear. Just...

If you let me walk out
of here right now...

I'll owe you forever.

- Can't do it, Ace.
- Just hold it. Leo, hold it.

You're like a well-known
divorce attorney, right?

Right.

I don't know, Leo. Maybe
this guy could help me out.

- Are you getting a divorce?
- Yeah.

Look, I could handle this
for you. I'll bury her.

Arnie: She'll never know
what hit her.

Don't cuff him, Leo.
This guy is gonna save my bacon.

Look, we let you go tonight,

you present yourself
tomorrow morning,

11:00 a.m. sharp, at the office

of the Special Investigations.

- You be there.
- I swear!

Leo: I don't like it.

Come on, Leo,
where else am I gonna find

a shark like this
to handle my divorce?

Leo: Okay. But I'm doing this
for you. Not this creep.

God bless you.
God bless you both.

Tomorrow, 11:00 sharp, be there.

- Or I swear--
- I will! Yeah, I will! I will!

Okay, counselor.

I don't expect you
to understand this.

[tap water running]

But my life has
just turned to crap.

[breathes deeply]

[door opens]

[office telephone ringing]

[door slams]

What's going on?

Tell him, Arnold.

Last night two cops working
at the D.A.'s office

tried to arrest me.

What for?

Fraudulent use of process,
conspiracy to commit a fraud.

Arnie: They found out the whole
story about Jack Seiling

and "Consenting Adults."

Michael, I've got to surrender
myself at 11 o'clock

this morning.
You go to go down there with me.

Yeah, yeah, sure.
I'll go with you.

I-- I mean, I know, I know that
I brought this on myself.

Yeah, you sure hell did.
You brought it on all of us.

I know, I know, and I'm sorry
but can we do down there

and explain it away
as mistake in judgment?

We'll say th-- that I've
been under stress,

th-- that I've been
taking pain killers--

I'll get into therapy.
Michael, I'll do anything.

Oh, why don't we wait to see
what we're up against first?

Yeah, truthfully, I think

you're overreacting
just a little a bit.

- Do you think so?
- Oh, absolutely.

I mean, hey, what's
the worst case scenario here?

[nervously chuckles]
I don't know.

- Uh, a year.
- A ye-- a year?

Minimum security, full library,

visiting privileges, the works.

[stammering]

You're saying that they
could jail me for a year?

Oh, wait a minute.
That's the worst case scenario.

The truth is, well, I think
that payment of a fine

and permanent disbarment would
be more than enough for them.

[stammering]
What am I gonna do?

I mean, I've just screwed up
my entire life then.

Wait a minute. Did Hamel
tell you to bring a toothbrush?

No. He didn't tell me
to take a--

How did you know
that his name was Hamel?

[laughing]

Oh, you bastard.

This was a practical joke?

[laughing]
And flawlessly executed.

And you let me
sweat this all night?

Michael, take a loot at my eyes,
they are totally puffed.

Plus which, do you know
what this

kind of stress
does to my system?

Five days from now I'll
be looking at a high colonic.

Arnie: Leland, where you
in on this?

No. No, I wasn't.

And I don't personally
think is a fit topic for jokes.

[clears throat]

[Arnie chuckles]
Well, at least

thank God it's over.

Leland: Not quite yet.

What time are you due in court?

[sighs]

[sighs]

Excuse me, can I get--

I'm sorry.

Alright, let's get on with it.

Mr. Becker, will you
get your guy up here

and I am warning everybody,
no more outbursts.

Your Honor, this time
I move to withdraw

the plaintiff's application

for a temporary
restraining order.

[all gasping]

[all murmuring]

After a closer scrutiny

of the facts
and legal precedents,

I cannot represent in good faith
to the court

that the circumstances
justify prior restraint.

Are you kidding?

After two days of
honking like a goose,

now you say "never mind?"

I don't think a
TRO is warranted, Judge,

and I see no reason
to take additional court time

with my client's testimony.

Judge McGrath:
I don't believe this.

Well, since you readily admit
that your motion is untenable,

I'm ordering your client
to pay defendant's attorney fees

in this matter, and I'm
assessing court costs

against your firm
in the amount of $5,000.

Maybe that will encourage you

to take a closer
scrutiny of the facts

before wasting
two days of my time.

That's all!

I got a question.

- Mr. Becker.
- Mr. Becker!

Mr. Becker!

[man coughs]

Counsel waive closing arguments?

- So waived.
- Yes, Your Honor.

Judge Lyne: Mr. Alden, based on
the shaky witness identification

presented in this case,

I did not find
the evidence exists

to support the people's case
of armed robbery.

With regard to the lesser charge
of receiving stolen property,

I'm afraid I'm gonna have
to find you guilty.

Sentencing date
set two weeks hence.

I will tell you, sir,
to put you at ease,

assuming a clean
probation report,

I doubt if you would
be doing any jail time.

Robert: Thank you, Your Honor.

Judge Lyne: Just don't buy
any more stolen watches.

We're adjourned!

[sighs]

Just handed her the notes.

[elevated dings]

Stuart. Ann.

Ah, look, I just
wanted to say, uh...

No hard feelings.

That's really big of you.

Hey, wait a minute, look, I know

what you're thinking,
but this is not about

hurting anybody, okay?

It's about economic privation.

- Come on, Ann.
- Well, wait a minute.

Look, you got something
to say with us?

Then tell us what you did
with my wife's engagement ring?

Shh.

You read my mind or something?

Come here.

I know that ring has lot
of sentimental value to you,

but, ah, the truth is, diamonds
are a depreciating asset.

I'd be surprised
if I can get half

of what you people paid for it.

Great. Give it back.

Oh, I'd be delighted to.

But I need certain
considerations.

You want me to buy back
the ring you stole from us?

Robert: Either that
or, ah, work out a swap.

What kind of swap?

The gold Rolex.

He wants the watch.

- Stuart: Forget it.
- Stuart.

Come on, Ann.

I don't want to do business
with this grease ball.

Stuart, I want my ring back.

You remember where
the watch came from.

Um... okay.

Good for you, Stuart.

A happy ending.

[chuckles]

I'll call you
to work out a swap.

[door opens]

[office telephone ringing]

- Gracie.
- Hi.

What are you doing here?

I've been doing things domestic.

Huh, such as?

Shopping.

We're eating
dinner home tonight.

A bottle of Chardonnay.

Mm, Trefethen, 1985.

That's right.

Two salmon fillets,
a little Angel hair pasta,

a little fresh pesto,
tapered candles...

It's the perfect
yuppie dinner for two.

Oh, Gracie, I love you so much.

Dessert comes
after dinner, buddy.

[Michael laughs]
Michael, no kidding,

I've had the best day
doing nothing.

Sleeping late,
window shopping, thinking.

Thinking!
[chuckles]

And don't let this get
around but I even waxed

the kitchen floor
and loved every minute of it.

Oh, no, should I
call the doctor?

No, no.

I mean... I mean, maybe tomorrow
or next week,

or next month, I will be
bored out of my skull,

but right now, the thought
of living under your roof,

cooking your dinner,
being there for you

when you get home,
and listening to your problems,

instead of my own,
is very appealing.

I might even take up laundry.

Uh-huh. Be still my heart.

No. You have to work.

No. No. Stay.

What time will you be home?

[kisses] I don't know.

7:00, 7:30. Something like that.

Okay.

Don't be late.

I love you, Kuzak.

I love you.

Bye.

[door shuts]

[door opens]

What the hell was that
in court today, Becker?

I owe you an explanation.

Jamie: You owe me
more than that.

You pulled the plug
before the payoff.

Come on, Jamie, the plan worked.

The show's been in the
newspapers every day for a week.

What about the lovers' quarrel
in open court?

Barring war or assassination,

we had the lead story
on the evening news

coast to coast.

Jamie: We were in line to do
a 35 rating with a 50 share.

So instead, you'll do a 25
rating with a 40 share.

You're writing off 10
of my rating points

so that you can be a boy scout?

That's nearly 9 million
viewing households.

What I was doing was wrong.

I was ready to be splayed naked

across every checkout counter
and supermarket

in America for the good
of this show!

All I can think of
right now is you cost me

the cover of People Magazine.

I'm sorry, Jamie.

But whatever else I am,
I have to be legitimate.

[door squeaks]

[door slams]

Benny, I would like
to talk to you about

what happened yesterday.

Are you mad at me?

I'm pretty disappointed in you.

- What about?
- Ivy.

She came here
to see you yesterday,

and you hurt her feelings.

You said I wouldn't like
everybody I went on date with.

Not liking somebody doesn't
mean you can hurt them.

She doesn't
understand about things.

What things?

Things.

She's not as smart as I am.

You don't treat people decently
because they're smart, Benny.

You do it because
they're people.

Abby: Benny, I want you
to think about something

and I want you
to think about it very hard.

Remember those kids who snatched
your cap on the bus?

Yeah.

They called you dummy.

Abby: They called you retard.

They said to themselves that you
weren't as smart

as they were, so it was okay
to be cruel

to you and was okay
to make you cry.

They were wrong, Benny.

It wasn't okay, was it?

[soft music]

No.

- Ann: He's late.
- He'll show up.

I'm freezing.

Stuart, Ann, hi.
Sorry, I'm late.

[clicks lips]

Robert: Well, uh,
shall we do it?

Here's the ring.
You got the watch?

Freeze!

- You're busted.
- What?

You got the right
to remain silent.

- You've right to an attorney.
- I know my rights.

For God's sake, I went to
law school, you can't do this.

- Jeopardy's attached.
- Then try again, smart ass.

- Try perjury.
- What?

Ann: You lied at your trial.

That's a two-year hitch.

Oh, I'm very disappointed.

I trusted you people.

[sighs]

Michael: Are we okay?

Yeah.

Yeah, we're okay.

You know, you're too good
a lawyer to go squandering

your talents on cheap theatrics.

You're too good
a practical joker

to be squandering
your talent on law.

You got me. Hey, want to have
dinner with me and Gracie?

- I can give her a call.
- No. No, thanks.

I, uh, I got a date.

See you tomorrow.

[clanking]

Benny, what are
you still doing here?

Tidying up.

But the building has
people to do that.

I just thought
I'd help out so...

They don't have to stay so late.

[sighs]

You have a good heart, Benny.

Thanks, Arnie.

So...

How's the love life?

I don't have one, Arnie.

I don't understand girls.

Tell me about it.

Well, they want stuff,

but they don't tell you what.

Benny: You have to guess at it.

Sounds like you
understand them just fine.

[sighs]

D-- do you know what they want?

Everything.

Love, attention, lots of money.

Sex.

Girls scare me, Arnie.

They're different from us.

[sighs]

Vive la difference, mon frere.

Benny?

If you're about done in here,
how about you and me

go get a little bite to eat?

[laughs]
Great.

[soft music]

[Benny chuckles]

[theme music]