All language subtitles for L.A.Law.S01E23.Pigmalion.1080p.HULU.WEB-DL.DDP5.1.H.264-BurCyg_track3_[eng]

♪ Uncle Willard's
Animal Farm ♪

♪ Come and visit in his barn ♪

♪ Meet moo-cows,
pigs, and billy goats ♪

♪ See the ponies
eat their oats ♪

Hi, boys and girls.

Welcome to Uncle
Willard's Animal Farm.

Kids: Good morning,
Uncle Willard.

- It's further on.
- Oh.

Arlene: More, more, more.

There.

There, you see, he's
sleeping with that pig.

Arlene, are you sure
you wanna go through

the agony of a divorce over

some little fling with
a young assistant?

Not the assistant. The pig!

Arlene: I caught him in
bed with the pig.

Wait! Wait a minute.
Wait a minute. Hold it.

Are you saying that
you caught Uncle Willard

in bed with a sow?

You don't believe me, do you?

She's gotta go
three, four hundred pounds.

Fine. Fine. I'll get
another lawyer.

Calm down. Ah, if
you say you saw it,

that's good enough for me.

Arnie: But whatever, uh,

he and the... the
pig were doing,

the point is it's not

central to your-- to your case.

My husband commits
an inconceivable

act of perversion
with a barnyard animal

and it's not central to my case?

Not in California.

Uh, not under the
no-fault statutes.

Uh, short of alerting the
A.S.P.C.A.,

I-- I-- I don't know what
else we can do.

But we could expose him.

I mean, you could
go to the press.

What I'd like to do, ah,

I'd like to try a
little quiet diplomacy,

ah, with your permission,
I'd like to get

your husband's
lawyer on the phone,

and set up a meeting
for later in the week.

And then if we come
up against a brick wall,

then we can weigh in with
the private investigators,

and the big canons.

And doesn't that
make better sense?

Well, I... I suppose so.

Great. I'll, ah, let you know
when it's set up.

Ah... thank you.

- Thank you-- Oh.
- [sighs] Oh.

Ha, you tell me.

Personally, I think it's a
pigment of her imagination.

[theme music]

[music continues]

[music continues]

[music continues]

[instrumental music]

People vs. Furnald.

Ah, Victor seems
to think they'll

get to closing
arguments tomorrow.

With Victor and
Abby tied up, Douglas,

what's the status
of the litigation

Ann: related to the late sparky?

I decided enough
of my life has been

consumed by it already.

Mutual releases
have been executed,

and I'm putting it behind me.

Speaking of which...
how's the poison sumac?

The end is in sight.

Douglas: Touché.

Schulian prenuptial.

What's this matter
doing still pending?

Well, the bride-to-be's
lawyer's been ducking me.

I can't even get the
guy on the phone.

I thought we agreed
this was a no-win situation

and you were gonna farm it
out to Lester Friedman's firm.

Well, sure, and then
they tell 'em, they say,

"Hey, since we did such a
great job with the prenup,

why don't you let us take a
look at your corporate stuff,"

and the next thing you
know, Schulian's theirs.

Arnold, these people

are supposed to get
married Saturday.

I know that, Douglas.

I'm gonna take care of it.
Get off my back.

Messer verses Internal
Revenue Service.

Yeah, the court handed
down an interim ruling

that at least I get to see
the surveillance reports.

Kuzak: Messer's out running
around trying to find his

old crew members to testify that
he was not in Valparaiso

picking up cargo, and also
that there were not

certain individuals
aboard his boat.

But right now I feel
like I'm shadow boxing.

Yeah, when the Service
hammers you, you stay hammered.

Douglas: Well, I think that
concludes--

I, ah, I have, uh,
one announcement.

Later this
afternoon I'll be

going into Cedars Sinai for
surgery.

Leland: Now, if you want to
reach me for any reason,

please leave word with Iris.

Leland?
Wh-- what is it?

What's wrong with him?

Douglas: We're adjourned.

[sighs]

Leland. [door closes]

What's going on?

I'm going in
for minor surgery.

- It is nothing.
- It's not nothing.

You're pale as a ghost,
it's obvious you're in pain.

Michael! Please!

My health is no one's
concern but my own.

Outside the family,
maybe. But not inside.

Leland, you have a whole group

of very frightened
people out there

who deserve to
know what's going on.

I'm going in for...

hemorrhoidectomy.

Ah...

Well.

Well?

Um, I think you'd
better sit down.

Oh, God... tell me.

Hemorrhoids! You despicable rat!
Hemorrhoids!

Well, I told you it was nothing.

Well, what you told
me and how you behaved

are two different things.

My God, Leland. I
thought you were dying.

I'm sorry, but it's not the
most glamorous ailment

I could've conjured up.

Well, being
embarrassed is no excuse

for scaring me half to death.

No, it's not
embarrassment, Iris.

Iris: What, then?

- Fear.
- Of hemorrhoids?

No. No. Of surgery.

Old age.

Loss of dignity, I mean [laughs]

I'm scared, Iris.

I've never been in the hospital.

People die in hospitals.

Oh, Leland...

Oh, you'll be fine. You'll see.

We'll get you a rubber
doughnut to sit on

and you'll be back in
the office in a few days.

- You'll mind the store, hm?
- Of course.

- One thing, though.
- What?

- Am I in your will?
- Mmmm...

And how common is
post-partum psychosis, Doctor?

It affects about one
in a thousand women.

But since Mrs. Furnald
had already suffered

a mild version after the
birth of her first child,

Dr. Koenig: she had a one
in three chance

of getting hit with it again.

And it hits much much
harder the second time.

And what exactly is it?

After giving birth,
the mother's body

goes through a series
of profound changes,

and sometimes when these
changes are particularly abrupt,

the woman can suffer from
acute hormonal imbalance.

And what are the
symptoms of this imbalance?

Usually just anxiety and
depression.

Maybe a loss of sleep.

In Mrs. Furnald's case, however
she became psychotic.

And did this psychosis
impair my client's ability

to distinguish right from wrong?

Dr. Koenig: In my opinion,
Mrs. Furnald was delusional

at the time she killed her baby.

She had no idea
what she was doing.

Thank you, Dr. Koenig.

Are you telling this court
that she killed her child

because of a bout
with the baby blues?

It was more than the
baby blues, counselor.

It's a depression
that becomes so acute

it parallels schizophrenia.

Doctor, you're
talking about a disease

that the national
psychiatrist's association

refuses to even recognize.

It's recognized in England.

The fact that doctors
in this country are slow

to acknowledge
it doesn't mean it isn't real.

Don't you think it should at
least be listed in the books

before we allow people
to use it as an excuse

to commit murder?

Sifuentes: Mrs. Furnald,

what was it you thought you saw

when you looked into the crib?

He was on fire.

Flames seemed to
just, uh, engulf him.

Was the fire confined
to your son, Mrs. Furnald?

At first. Then it was
like these fire balls

were shooting all
around the room,

Mrs. Furnald: surrounding me.

What did you do?

Well, for some
reason I kept thinking

it was the oxygen
from Clinton's mouth

that was feeding the fire.

So, I, uh, I-- I
picked up a pillow

and I put it on his face.

Victor: What happened then?

I held it there.

I pushed it down just
as hard as I could,

Gina: and I held it there.

Do you know for how long?

Until the fire went away.

Until it went away for good.

I have nothing further.

Judge Pendleton: Mr. Caporale?

Ma'am, is it your testimony

Caporale: that you were crazy
when you killed your son?

I guess so.

But according to your
doctors and psychiatrists,

you're sane now, right?

Yes. It was a temporary illness.

And on the morning
of that fateful day,

you cleaned the house,
drove your husband to work,

went to the bank, went shopping.

Normal, everyday stuff. Right?

Yes.

So, what we have here is
a sane, rational person,

who suddenly takes time
out in the middle of the day

to be crazy, kills the kid,

and resumes total sanity
just in time for trial.

- Objection.
- Sustained.

That
remark is stricken.

Mrs. Furnald, isn't it true that

you complained to your
husband, your doctor,

and your neighbor, Phoebe Snell,

Caporale: that the baby was
keeping you up nights?

What is that supposed to mean?

And isn't it true that
you told Mrs. Snell

that taking care of two
kids was a real hardship?

You think I killed Clinton
to cut down on my laundry?

You never wanted this
baby in the first place.

That is not true.

You were wearing an I.U.D.
at the time of conception!

Caporale: You told your friends
that this baby was an accident.

Objection, your honor!

This is badgering and it is
totally irrelevant.

Your honor, I'm
just trying to show

that she never
wanted this child.

Not before he was
born, and not after.

I loved that boy
with all my heart.

Judge Pendleton: Sit down,
Mrs. Furnald.

Gina: He was my son, for
God's sake.

- My son. I nursed him--
- You killed him.

- Objection.
Gina: I fed him, I bathed him!

I sang him to sleep every
single night of his life.

What tune were you
humming when you

put him to sleep with a pillow?

- Stop it!
- Objection, your honor!

- Order!
- He was my baby.

My little baby. I loved him.
He was my little baby.

[crying]

Gentlemen, I'm District
Director Crotchfield.

I have to tell ya, the I.R.S has

a little egg on its
face this morning.

Crotchfield: It seems as though
the D.E.A. had a boat named

"The Jack of Diamonds"
under surveillance.

By the time we got a hold of it

the name had become
"the Jack of Hearts."

Bingo. Your guy's boat.

Simple case of
mistaken identity.

Simple as that, was it?

Your client certainly
has our regrets

over any inconvenience
this might have caused.

Things sometimes
do go a bit awry.

So, now what?

[sigh] We void the assessment

and release your client's boat.

The marshalls at the
dock will be alerted

that the levy has been lifted.

And all he has to
do is show up, right?

All he has to do is show up.

- Let's go.
Kuzak: Wait a minute.

You had us come
to your office...

so you could tell us
that you made a mistake?

Our policy is to conduct
all business in our offices.

Your policy is to come
on like a Panzer division.

You have created a
nation of furtive cheats.

That hasn't been
my experience, sir.

Take a look at this case.

You go after an innocent man,

he has his whole life
turned upside-down,

and after the damage has been
done, after you find out

that the whole thing
is your own foul-up, you extend

Kuzak: some half-assed regrets
for the inconvenience.

Well, this is not inconvenience.

This is a train wreck.

And this man can't even
get his car fare

back for going to the
courthouse.

Can he?!

Mike. Let's go.

We got what we came for.

Stuart: Mike. Come on.

Come on.

[scoffs]

Mr. Furnald, you
were at your office

on the day your baby
died, is that correct?

I got home, I guess it was 6:45.

And what happened at that time?

Gil: Gina met me at the door
and she had this

strange expression, and I asked
her if she was okay,

and she said in this
dead, flat voice,

that Clinton had been on fire.

But she had saved him.

What did you do, Mr. Furnald?

Gil: I said, "where is he?"

And she lead me into his room,

and the way he was just
lying there in his crib,

I... I knew.

Mr. Furnald, did you
have any indication,

prior to this that something
might be wrong with your wife?

Well, from the time the baby was
born she just wasn't herself.

She was very nervous all the
time, and she cried a lot.

Victor: What, if anything,
did you do about this?

I told her she ought to
talk to her obstetrician.

He... and he told her that
what she was going through

Gil: was very normal
and that she

should just try
and get more sleep.

And what happened after that?

Well, things
seemed to get worse.

A few days before Clinton died,

Gil: I came home from work and
she's lying in bed, sobbing.

She said she-- she was in agony,

and that there had to be
someone who could help her.

And I... she asked me if
I thought

she should see a psychiatrist.

What'd you say?

Gil: I said that with all the
expenses from the baby,

and without her paycheck anymore
we just couldn't afford it.

Thank you, sir.

I have nothing further.

Mr. Furnald, when
the police arrived,

didn't you tell them, quote,

"My wife killed our baby.

Get her out of here before
I kill her?"

Audibly, please,
for the record.

Yes.

You said that because you were

understandably angry
at her, weren't you?

Because you wanted her punished

for the terrible
thing that she'd done.

Maybe I felt that way then,
but that was a long time ago.

The truth is, the only one
I'm still blaming here is me.

Nothing... nothing further.

Why do you blame
yourself, Mr. Furnald?

Because I didn't pay
enough attention

to what she was going through.

Gil: If I had let her see the
psychiatrist like she wanted to,

they would have helped her.

Our baby would still be alive.

Forgive me, Gina.

I'm sorry.

[indistinct chatter]

Um, is there any word?

Yeah. Iris just called.

Leland's out of surgery.

- How is he?
- Oh, he's doing just fine.

In fact, they're about
to wheel him back

to his room anytime now.

Um, did Gracie call?

No.

[phone rings]

Arnie. Excuse me.

Marshall Schulian's
left messages

up and down my call sheet.

The wedding's Saturday.

Give me a break, here, Douglas.

I got a lot on my plate. Okay?

Nothing on that plate
should be as important

as our million-dollar client.

Schulian prenuptial.
Robertson vs. Robertson.

Sabrett vs. Sabrett.

This nut-ball is
convinced that her

husband's having
an affair with a pig.

So, I'm not just sitting on
my hands. Okay, Douglas?

I don't wanna have to
call Leland in the hospital

to say we're on the brink
of losing a major client.

I will get it
signed. Believe me.

Tomorrow afternoon no
one gets out of the office

until the agreement is executed.

See that they don't.

[door closes]

Hi.

[kisses]

Um, not that I'm complaining
or anything, but, ah,

what was that all about?

I have very good news
from my dermatologist.

No. You mean you're cured?

I'm not itching anymore.

I'm not contagious anymore.

And as of tomorrow, I'm not
out of commission anymore.

You really think one day's
gonna make that much...

- Tomorrow.
- Tomorrow.

Okay, okay, Tomorrow.

Well, then, um,
let's do it up right.

- What do you say?
- Okay.

Romantic dinner and,
ah, a little dancing?

Mm-hmm.

Who knows where
things might lead?

Who knows?

Ladies. Gentlemen.

Our job as trial attorneys

is to get you to
identify with our client.

Abby: So you can see and feel
what she must have felt.

But there is nothing
we could ever do or say...

that will make you empathize,
or even begin to comprehend

what was going through
Gina Furnald's mind

when she took the life of
her three-month-old son.

In truth, the only thing
I can really tell you...

is the one thing
that you have known

from the moment
this trial began.

That this woman had
to be very, very sick.

Abby: The taking of a life...

goes against
every decent human impulse.

I know.

And particularly
when that life is so tiny,

and so helpless, it
is easy and natural

to want to assess blame.

But before the District
Attorney gets up here

and asks you to do exactly that,

I beg you to remember...
that this man,

the father of their little boy,

by his own testimony
does not condemn her.

Do you really think that
he could love and support

the woman who took
his only son...

if he were not convinced
that she was insane at the time?

Ladies and
gentlemen of the jury,

the man who knows her better

than anyone else
in the whole world...

Her husband... believes
with all his heart...

that she was acting
outside herself.

That she was sick, and
that she is a loving wife,

and a devoted mother
to their little girl.

And even if we cannot
get you to see this tragedy

through her eyes when you
go back to that jury room,

Abby: please, before you
think of destroying

what is left of this family,

I beg you to try and take
a look at it through his.

Thank you.

Post-partum psychosis.

You know what that is, folks?

That's a theory.

And for every doctor the
defense brought up here

to say that it's a real disease,

I called up one to say it isn't.

Caporale: And at best,
at the very best,

the most we can
say about this theory

is the question is still open.

But you know what's
not open, people?

The suggestion that
this theory can be

used to justify murder.

Let's close the door
on that one real fast.

No matter how bad her mood was,

she had to know that what
she was doing was not right.

And you should be offended
at what they've

tried to get you to do.

They've asked you not
only to embrace a diagnosis

that the majority of
doctors refuse to recognize,

but also to use it to excuse
the cold-blooded killing...

of an innocent little baby.

Now, I'm no doctor, folks.

Maybe this post-partum thing is
a condition. Maybe it isn't.

If she breaks a
few dishes, okay.

If she shouts an obscenity
or two, I can live with it.

But when she takes a pillow,

and she squeezes life
out of a helpless infant,

uh-uh.

Give this thing any
medical definition you want.

But in layman's
terms, it's still murder.

Judge Pendleton: We're in recess
until tomorrow, 9:00 A.M.

At which time the jury
will begin its deliberation.

[instrumental music]

I just have a few minor
problems,

uh, with the agreement.

I've highlighted the
specific areas in pink.

[scoffs] I gotta tell ya,

this is really sleazy, Breinan.

Arnie: Coming in with this two
days before the wedding,

thinking that you can strong-arm
us into wholesale concessions

just for the sake of
getting an agreement signed.

Are you imputing bad faith?

All I'm doing is trying
to protect my client.

Protect him? From what?

From being exploited.

Are you going to let him
talk that way to me, Marshall?

I think that was uncalled-for.

Kimberly: How did this happen
to us, Marshall?

I thought we loved each other.

We trusted each other.

Everything was
perfect until you...

until you talked to him.

Kimberly, honey. Don't cry.

[phone ringing]

He talked you
into this, didn't he?

I can't right now.

Just tell me it wasn't you

who thought you needed
to protect yourself from me.

Lawyers worry about
everything, Kimberly.

- I'm not worried.
- Arnie.

Kimberly: So what do we
need this paper for?

I mean, we already have
the caterer lined up...

- Marshall, for God's sakes...
- Arnie.

- I can't! Not now!
- You've got to!

Kimberly: My whole family's
here from Chicago.

[oinking]

Arlene: I did it.

I got her.

Arlene. No.

Well, now I couldn't get the
vet's appointment until

tomorrow, but he'll examine her,

and then prove everything
I've been saying.

Arlene, you can't take
that thing into my office.

But he'll be looking
for her at my place.

Marshall,
what's going on here?

Oh, this is very classy.

Some great law firm
you hired, Marshall.

[oinking]

Marshall, where are you going?

Tell him.

This is the woman I'm going
to be with the rest of my life,

and I don't wanna spend any more
time anticipating the worst.

[oinking]

Oh, God.

Now, she will eat
almost anything,

but she's allergic
to wheat and dairy.

Arlene: Sit.

[laughter]

There. Now, I'm leaving.

I need to get my hair done
before the settlement meeting.

- Arlene.
- Oh, don't worry about it.

She'll probably sleep
the rest of the afternoon.

[oinks]

Elizabeth: Michael. Michael.

Ron Messer's been arrested.

What?

Yeah, the bank
foreclosed on his boat,

and he, uh, he punched
out the repo man.

Mommy, when are
we gonna go home?

Gina: Pretty soon, honey.

Pretty soon.

Anything?

They're still out.

Oh, God.
Oh, God. It's been two hours.

You said if they were gonna
acquit, they'd do it fast.

We can't tell, Gina.

Honey, I can't I-- I--
I can't stand this.

Listen how-- how much
longer is this gonna take?

I still think that
they will be back

before the day's out.

Mommy. I don't wanna stay here.
I'm hungry.

Elizabeth, please. Just...

Gina: I gotta get outta
here. I'm gonna go for a walk.

- You can't.
- Why?

They can come back at any minute
and you have to be here.

Well I-- I-- I'm trapped!
I'm just-- I got to--

Look, honey. Can we just go
outside and stand on the steps?

Elizabeth: Mommy, I
wanna go home.

Gina: Elizabeth, please.

I wanna go home now.

Co-- could you ju-- just take
her. Please. I just...

Gina: Please.

Honey, Lizzy. Come here.
Come here. That's enough.

No, no. You stay.

I'll take her. Come on.

Gina: They're gonna
convict me. I can tell.

Gina, there's no use getting
all worked up about this.

You said it yourself, uh...

The longer it takes
them to deliberate,

the worse our chances are.

And he also said
anything can happen.

Elizabeth: Mommy.

Maybe we could, ah-- can we--

can-- can we bargain
for the manslaughter?

- Gina: I mean, maybe we could--
- It's a little late for that.

Elizabeth: Mommy.

Well, I can't-- I
can't-- I can't just

sit in here anymore!

I've got-- What?

I wanna go.

Gil: Hey, hey, hey, hey.

Gina: Stop it! Stop it! Stop it!

Gina, Gina. That's
it. Stop it. Stop it.

Come here. Come here.
It's okay. It's okay.

Gil: Gina, for God's sake,
honey. [Elizabeth crying]

Take it easy.

The jury's back, Mr. Sifuentes.

It's okay. It's okay. It's okay.

[crying]

We should go.

Come on. Let's go. Come on.
It's alright. That's alright.

It's alright, baby. It's okay.
It's okay. It's okay.

It's alright. It's alright.

Take it easy. Okay.
You're alright.

Clerk: This court is
now in session.

All rise.

Be seated.

Will the defendant please rise.

Clerk: In the matter of
People vs. Gina Furnald,

we the jury find
the defendant...

not guilty by reason
of temporary insanity.

- Thank you.
- Oh, honey. [laughter]

Since there is no indication

that the, uh, defendant
currently suffers

from any mental
defect or disease,

Judge Pendleton: this court
makes no recommendation

for treatment or confinement.

The defendant is
ordered to undergo

a psychiatric
evaluation, however,

after which I'll
make a final ruling

with respect to disposition.

This court's adjourned.

[indistinct chatters]

How the hell did
the bank expect me

to come up with
$7,900 on my boat

if the government
won't let me make a living?

Ron, I understand
your frustration.

But what good does it
do to punch the guy out?

Maybe none. But I'll
tell ya something.

For the first time in
this whole nightmare,

something makes sense to me.

Hell, they finally nailed
me for something I really did.

Now, look. I gotta
get outta here.

I got things to
pick up off the boat

before they auction it.

[sigh] Look, I can probably

get you out of
here within the hour,

but you might do
better to stay

in here for a day and cool off.

I mean, you got enough problems
without having

three or four felonies hanging
over your head.

I-- I'm not gonna
hit anybody else.

Hell, I'm sorry I hit this guy.
He was just there.

Don't make me sit in jail
any longer, Mr. Kuzak. Okay?!

Thank you.

So... you and
Marilyn Feldman....

could this be an item?

Could be. We've had a couple of
very nice, very normal...

[laughs]

Dinners.

What about you
and Mr. Handleman?

It's complicated.

Um, two kids. Two divorces.

Four households... no privacy.

But, um, so far it's working.

That's good, Abby.
I'm happy for you.

Look, Victor.

I have to tell you something
that happened to me a while ago.

What?

I knocked my son down.

In anger.
Um, I'd had a lousy day.

And his father
brought him home late.

He wouldn't turn off the TV.

He wouldn't go to bed.

And one word lead to
another, and then he spit at me.

He's five years old.
Can you believe that?

I mean, where did he learn that?

Anyway, I guess that he knew
he'd gone way over the line,

because he tried to run away,
but I grabbed him by the arm.

And I smacked his bottom so hard

that I actually
knocked him off his feet.

I appreciate what
you're telling me, Abby,

but you didn't kill a baby.

All I'm saying
is that parents...

occasionally
smack their children.

Now, I'm not making
excuses for it.

It's wrong. And I'd cut off my
hand before I'd do it again.

But it happens to a lot of us.

Under a lot less stress
than she was under.

Victor, 12 jurors
found her innocent

by reason of temporary insanity.

And what you saw today...
take it from a parent...

Abby: does not mean that
they were wrong.

Where's Heather? Where's my pig?

There, you see? That proves it.

I mean, that is all
he cares about.

That four-legged slut.

For God's sake, Arlene,

I have two tapings
this afternoon.

We're onto you, you sicko.

You know, I've told
him all about it.

Oh, please, Arlene. Don't
embarrass yourself.

She's been under
a doctor's care.

Arlene: Are you going
to sit there

and deny that I walked in on you

in bed with that sow?

You went off your
medication again, didn't you?

You're in love with her.
Now come on, admit it.

I don't deny that I
adore that little animal.

Uncle Willard: It's my business.

I've raised 'em, I train 'em.

Even with the TV Show and
all the success it's brought us,

I'm still just an
old son of a farmer.

You're a pig-loving pervert.

It's been especially
hard on her.

You won't get away with this,
you know. I'll talk.

Arlene: I'll tell the
world about you.

Advise her if she goes
anywhere with that story

Klein: we'll slap a
slander suit on her

so fast her head will spin.

Well? Don't just sit there.

Defend me.

[knocking]

Oh, God.

Excuse me a minute.

Arlene: You know
the craziest thing?

I don't even blame you.

For your information,

Marshall Schulian just called.

He's fired us.

Oh, God.

We'll just have to wait and see
what the aftershocks will be.

Um... uh...

I'll... I'll-- I'll call.
I'll-- I'll apologize.

Don't go near the situation.

You've done quite
enough already.

You oughta be committed.

Klein: Maybe you're not aware of
the gravity of this situation.

That animal is worth over
$30,000.

We have reason to
believe that your client

is involved in a major theft.

If you are withholding
information with respect

to that pig's whereabouts,
we are prepared

to name you as an accessory.

The pig is here. I'll
have her brought out.

Arlene: Who's
payroll are you on?

- Arnie: Arlene.
- That's it. You are fired.

You know something?

You can keep your precious pig.

I hope you have years
of happiness together.

My client would like
to see his pig now.

[oinks]

Heel.

[oinks]

There's my sweetheart.

There's my little girl. [laughs]

I hope it was okay to lock
her up in the janitor's closet.

Oh! Oh! Did you miss me?

Uncle Willard: I bet you did.
My little girl.

Did you miss me? Oh.
Yes you did. [laughs]

Now, tell the truth.
Is she a doll, or what?

[oinking]

Uncle Willard: [laughing] Oh...

[truck revs]

That's it, huh?

Jack of Hearts.

I guess the new owners'll name
it something else.

Hell, if I'd named her something
else she'd still be mine.

You believe that?

Here.

- What's this?
- $7,900.

Your money.

- My money.
- I can't take charity.

I start that now, I
just crack right up.

It's not charity.

You take it off the
top of the award

you're gonna get from
your lawsuit with the IRS.

Forget it. That'll take years.

Look, Ron, I wanna tell you
something about lawyers, okay?

We take on a case,
we argue passionately

for whoever happens
to be paying the bills.

Win, lose, or draw,
we walk away.

Except every once in a while...

you wanna put your
money where your mouth is.

- Mr. Kuzak--
- Look. This is important to me.

Now, if you want we
can draw up papers

figure out a payment schedule.

But think of it
as an investment.

If you wanted to
make an investment,

you could do a hell of
a lot better than this.

[scoffs] Alright, don't
think of it as an investment.

Take it for what it is.

Okay. I will.

Don't call me Mr. Kuzak
anymore, alright?

My name's Mike.

Okay, Mike.

So, we'll go fishing
sometime, huh?

Stuart, I wanna say something.

What?

I don't know if I
know how to say this.

What is it, Ann?

Stuart, do you know anything
about humpback whales?

Humpback whales
spend their entire lives

searching the seas,
singing sad whale songs,

looking for their
one true mate.

The thought of that
always used to make me cry.

I guess...

because I kind
of felt like that.

The only thing is,

I never thought I'd find mine in
this... huge, huge sea.

You crying, Ann?

Stuart, I'm so happy.

I never thought that I
could love anyone so much,

or be so happy in
my whole life. [crying]

You know what today is?

It's our six-month anniversary.

[exhales] Really?

Mm-hmm.

Um...

Oh, Stuart. I didn't
get you anything.

That's okay. Open it up.

Oh, Stuart! It's beautiful.

Will you marry me?

M-- marry you?

Yes.

Here put it on.

Oh, Stuart, this
is so exciting. [laughs]

We'll have to set a date.

How 'bout tonight?

- Tonight?
- Yeah, fly to Las Vegas.

- Las Vegas?
- Uh-huh.

Well, you said I got to pick
the next vacation, right?

[laughs]

Oh, Stuart, c'mon,
you can't just run off

and do these... you have
to plan these things.

No, you don't.

You gotta feel these things.

You love me.

God knows I love you.

I don't wanna
wait! I wanna do it.

I just don't wanna
give you a chance to

plan yourself
out of it, ya know?

Stuart, this is crazy.

Yeah. Let's be crazy.
Come on. Come on.

Oh, boy. [laughs]

You know when your mommy
gives you a great big cold...

Arnie: Hi, Candy.
It's Arnie. Uh...

No message. Just that I
was thinking about you.

If you come in in the next half
hour, give me a call.

I'm at work. Maybe we'll have
some dinner or something.

Bye-bye.
[Uncle Willard laughing]

Uncle Willard: Anybody know what
kind of a sound the cow makes?

Kid 1: Moo.
Arnie: Moo.

Uncle Willard: Isn't
she a pretty little thing?

Oh, hi, Rox.

Hi. Are you okay?

Oh, sure. Sure. Great.

In one day, I've lost a
million-dollar client,

plus the farmer's wife fired me,

plus I'm still a raw
nerve ending over Lucinda,

Arnie: and for the last half
hour I've been thinking

about suicide,
but other than that, fine.

- Oh, Arnie.
- Don't worry.

Windows don't open, anyway.

Would it help to talk about it?

I was just gonna go home,
but if you want, I could stay.

Where's Leon tonight?

He's in Chicago on business.

Do you remember that night
I came over to your house

and we had tomato soup and we
snuggled up and we watched TV?

- Yeah.
- Well? How about it?

We could stop off at 7-11 and

pick up a big box of
Graham crackers...

and maybe some ice cream.

I don't think so, Arnie.

Leon's supposed to call.

I don't think so.

You're right.

I guess that was
kind of neurotic.

Not to mention fattening.

[laughs]

I should get going.

Are you gonna be alright?

Yeah. Yeah.

I still got a load of, uh,

of paperwork I
might as well finish up.

Have a good weekend.

Thanks, Rox.

You too.

[kisses]

[laughs]

[soft music]

Uncle Willard: Milk from cows.

You know when your
mommy gives you

a great big cold frosty
glass of milk?

Well, that's where
it comes from.

Oh, and delicious ice cream.

Uncle Willard: Mmm... mmm-mm...

Good evening, Wedding Chapel.

I'm sorry Reverend Sivle's
performing a wedding right now.

Tonya: No, the Reverend can't
go to your hotel room.

You have to come in.

- Man 2: Bye.
- Thank you.

Reverend Sivle will be
with you any minute now.

You'll be in and out
by midnight. I swear.

Stuart: That's great. Thanks.

Soon.

Stuart, you know,
maybe this wasn't

such a hot idea after all.

I mean it didn't sound so bad
in a Beverly Hills restaurant

with a half a bottle
of champagne inside me.

But, here. I mean...
look at this place.

It's not exactly
the Bel Air Hotel.

Ann, you-- you wanna
have a second ceremony

at the Bel Air Hotel?

Actually, what I was thinking,

what do we need a
ceremony for anyway?

Because we love each other.

And we wanna be
committed to each other.

Well, I don't need a piece
of paper for that, Stuart.

Ann.

This has gotta be
something we both wanna do.

If you don't wanna do--

It's not that I don't
wanna do it, Stuart.

It's just... Stuart,
this is terrifying.

By midnight,

if I don't get outta here first,

I'm gonna be
Mrs. Stuart Markowitz

for the rest of my life.

It's pretty terrifying, huh?

Look would you
settle for 50 years

with a renewable
option for another 25?

Alright, but what's the rush?

This is supposed to
be the most important

moment of our lives.

I want the ceremony to
be beautiful and moving.

Something we'll always remember.

Reverend Sivle:
Mr. Moskowitz? Ma'am?

It's, uh, Markow...
My good friends.

We are here on
this happy occasion

to unite these
fine, young people

in a state of holy matrimony.

But before we do,

I have just a few pieces of
advice for the happy couple.

In the words of the
king, "Don't be cruel."

Now, he's stuck on
you now, pretty lady.

But if you treat
him like a hound dog,

it's return to sender.

And you. You love her tender.
You understand?

You bring that burning love home

every night to this good woman,

or sure as the King had hits,

you'll find yourself all
alone in heartbreak hotel.

Now, if you'll just take
this lovely lady's hand

in your hand, Mr. Moskowitz.

[instrumental music]

♪ One night with you ♪

♪ Is what I'm now praying for ♪

♪ The things that
we two could share ♪ [laughs]

♪ Would make my
dream come true ♪

♪ Always lived ♪

♪ Very quiet life ♪

I can't do it.

[laughs]

♪ Now I know ♪

♪ Life without you ♪

♪ Has been too lonely too long ♪

[footsteps]

Hi.

Hi.

I'm back.

[scoffs]

So I see.

Grace: I figured I'd
find you here.

Are you back for good?

Yes.

With me?

If you'll have me.

I haven't figured
everything out yet,

except being away from you...

wasn't the answer.

I love you so much, Mickey.

I won't ever wanna be
away from you again,

okay?

[kisses]

[soft romantic music]
Oh, Gracie...

[theme music]