All language subtitles for L.A.Law.S01E17.Beef.Jerky.1080p.HULU.WEB-DL.DDP5.1.H.264-BurCyg_track3_[eng]

[indistinct chatters]

- Morning, Floyd.
- Welcome back, Ms. Van Owen.

It's nice to be back.

[knock knock]

Gracie, come on in.

You want to see me, Bruce?

Welcome back
to day court, Gracie.

Thanks, Richard.

We were just
talking about you.

Bruce: I want you to take over
one of Dick's cases.

Fine.

Armed robbery, $100,000 theft.

Why can't you do it?

Uh, personal reasons.

Now, I've already
impaneled the jury,

so it's all set to go.

[stifle laughs]

- Am I missing something?
- Not a thing.

Bruce: It's a bit unusual
what this guy stole,

but we figured if it's
up anybody's alley,

it would have to be yours.

Richard: Because you're
the only lawyer here

who can do it
with a straight face.

You see, that's
one of the benefits

of having no sense of humor.

[both laugh]

What's the matter
with you two?

What could be so hilarious
about $100,000 theft?

Bull semen? [both laughs]

Yeah, the guy knocked
over a sperm bank.

Richard: 15 grand a pint.

Go get 'em, Gracie.

Bull semen?

[theme music]

[music continues]

[music continues]

[instrumental music]

[music continues]

Douglas: Rona versus Gradinger.

Settling.

Richardson Estates.

Yeah, we're getting some
movement on that actually.

I think the widow
is inclined to settle.

Benora versus Cromwell Aircraft.

Status quo.

Douglas: A new matter,
Glasband vs. Glasband.

A referral from Harley Hunt.

My client's husband
did Harley's last facelift.

Douglas: Which brings
us to Brophy

versus Valley Distributors, Inc.

Yeah, the trial
starts tomorrow.

Family's coming in this
morning for final prep.

Have there been any
last minute offers or...

75,000 on the wrongful
death claim for the little boy.

Leland: You decline?

I told them it would take
200,000

to settle it out of court.

Why is it you lose an eye, you
get a million-dollar verdict?

You lose your life, and it's
only worth a fraction of that.

This lawyer I know
advises his clients,

if you run somebody over,
back up and finish off the job.

Compared to maiming,
wrongful death's a bargain.

What about the emotional
distress

claim for the boy's sister?

Well, they offered
10,000. I'm looking for 100.

So you get almost as
much for witnessing a death

as you do for the death itself.

Well, her kid brother
died right before her eyes.

Victor: She has to live with
that for the rest of her life.

And they think the tax
code doesn't make sense.

Douglas: If you don't mind,
people, as we appear to be

finished with the business at
hand, I suggest we adjourn.

What are you doing for lunch?

Do you have any
plans Friday night?

I've got a date. Why?

I've gotta go to
my cousin's wedding.

Oh, I'm sorry.

It's okay. I'll figure
something else out.

Mrs. Glasband: I just want this
over with.

I'll sign anything he wants.

I just desperately need
to get away somewhere.

Arnie: Mrs. Glasband,

your husband is a big-time
plastic surgeon.

He's gotta be making
close to a million a year.

This proposed agreement
shows 35,000 in the bank.

Arnie: It doesn't pass
the smell test.

Look, he's a decent man.

Mrs. Glasband: He would never
cheat me.

Please, I don't
have the strength

to make a fight out of this.

Which is why you
hire a lawyer who does.

And my suggestion,

professionally as
well as personally,

we sniff his tracks
for a few days,

just if for no other reason,
to confirm his decency.

You don't understand.

This divorce is all
my fault, my failure.

My psychiatrist says I
need to get it behind me.

I don't want to tread
on your doctor's territory,

but my experience,
in the long run,

Arnie: you'll feel better if you
don't run away from your--

No, I can't stand
another night in that house.

Mrs. Glasband: I hear noises and
I'm scared.

You're alone for the
first time in your life.

Arnie: It's perfectly natural
to feel frightened.

You don't know how I feel.

Carolyn... May I
call you Carolyn?

Let me just check
some things out

so at least we're confident

that our decision
is an informed one.

I-- I-- I don't know.

Can you just humor an
overprotective attorney

for a few days?

I'm sorry.

I know that I'm not
making much sense,

but it's just that...

I-- I'm afraid to
stay home alone.

I'm afraid to go out.

I'm a mess, and I'm...

I know that you're vulnerable.

I just don't want you victimized

by one short
period of insecurity.

Now, I've asked for
a meeting for Friday.

Can you give me just
till then to review all this?

Okay.

- Yeah.
- Good.

Rox, let's confirm the
Glasband meeting for Friday.

Is 11:00 alright with
you, Mrs. Glasband?

Good-bye.

And whenever
you're in that courtroom,

I want you sitting side by side.

You'll take each other's
hand from

time to time to lend support.

Victor: Every time the jury
shoots a glance at you,

I want them to see
a close loving family.

The kids have to
be there all the time?

Yes. They remind the jury
that it wasn't just your son

who was killed in that accident.

It was also their
little brother.

I don't mean to sound cynical,
and I wouldn't be stressing this

if we didn't have to be our
best in our court tomorrow.

Now, when I introduce
the pictures of the accident

and of Anthony, I don't
want anybody looking at them.

Victor: You look straight down.

They're too painful to view.

We've seen them
100 times, Mr. Sifuentes.

Man 1: I think we can take it.

I don't want the jury to
see that you can take it.

These shots will
make them squeamish.

Victor: The last thing I want is
you people looking stoic.

When they look at you,
I want them to see hurt,

which brings me to
your testimony, Patty.

Now, in your deposition, you
were the brave little soldier

with a lot of one word answers,

but tomorrow, you've
gotta let it come out.

Victor: I want you to take your
time

and describe everything
you saw, everything you felt.

Okay? As much
detail as possible.

Is this really necessary?

Well, the emotional distress
claim won't be worth much

unless she gets up
there on the stand

and describes the horror.

You've got to tell
them how he suffered,

how you saw him suffer,
and what it did to you.

You've gotta make
that jury feel like

they were right there
in the car with you.

Victor: You think you can do
that?

I don't know.

- You gotta try.
- Mr. Sifuentes.

I know this is hard.

Believe me, I do.

But what you've gotta
keep remembering is that

Victor: they won't compensate
you for pain they can't see.

If we don't reenact that horror

and unearth
some of that grief...

Nothing is going
to compensate us

for the loss of our little boy.

I know that, ma'am,
but you've come this far.

Victor: We'll be okay.

Can you excuse us for a second?

Certainly.

I'll take her back to my office
and go over her testimony.

No. I don't want you to.

Victor, she's gonna be a
mess on that stand tomorrow.

Which is exactly
the way we want her.

I need her pain spilling out
on everyone in that courtroom.

The bigger the mess,
the bigger the judgment.

[sighs]

Now, Professor L'Hommedieu,

could you please
describe for the court

the manner in which the
sperm samples are collected?

Well, the first of the two
methods is electro-ejaculation,

L'Hommedieu: however, that's
rather an aversive

experience for the animal.

And the far more
common technique is to...

Objection to the
question, Your Honor,

and I renew my objection
as to the admissibility

Dick: of Professor L'Hommedieu's
testimony in general.

What's at issue here is
whether my clients stole it

and how much it was worth.

The manner in which
the bull expresses himself

is of no relevance whatsoever.

Tell that to the bull.

Your Honor, it's imperative
that the jury understand

the intricate process
involved here.

Come on. We all
know how it works.

It's not that simple, Judge.

They don't just send
the bull behind a hayloft

with a magazine and a baggie.

Ms. Van Owen.

It is a protracted and
expensive process, Your Honor,

one which the dairy
industry takes very seriously.

Look, I'll let him briefly
describe it, but keep it short.

Thank you, Your Honor.

- Please continue, Professor.
L'Hommedieu: Certainly.

The bull is led from the
pen into a collection area.

If he's an experienced animal,
he knows what's coming,

L'Hommedieu: so he's already in
a state of excitation.

What happens next?

By this time, the technician
has tethered a stimulus.

I should add that
most of the time

a male stimulus is used

to prevent accidental
intermission.

You mean the bull will
engage with another male?

A sexually naïve animal, no,

but a mature bull will
mount almost anything.

Ms. Van Owen.

We're almost
finished, Your Honor.

After the bull mounts,

the animal technician
takes hold of his...

Can I say the P-word?

Just continue.

He takes hold of the member

and inserts it
into an artificial...

Can I say the V-word?

Counsel, in my
chambers right now.

[all laugh]

- Why don't you call Peter?
- I tried him.

Can you believe
he has a girlfriend?

To tell you the truth, my
feelings are a little hurt.

Well, you can't blame him.

You didn't give him
much encouragement.

Since when do men
need encouragement?

Whatever happened
to ardent pursuit?

You could go by
yourself, you know.

Oh, to my cousin's wedding?

Do you have any idea
how many of my aunts

and uncles are gonna be there?

They're all gonna be
whispering about my divorce,

feeling sorry for me,
and trying to fix me up.

Ann?

- How'd you do?
- No luck.

You didn't tell these people
my whole life story, did you?

No. I just said, you know,
you were a colleague of mine.

You were in a tight spot.

Not-- not one nibble?

Uh-uh, and I asked everybody.

Mike Rutenberg's got
Laker tickets that night,

but maybe he'd like to meet you,
you know, like, later in life.

Stuart: And Marty Schreiber
just got married.

You believe that? Unbelievable.

And Danny Glovis
thanked me profusely,

but he's taken a
vow of chastity.

- Oh.
Stuart: Don't ask.

What are you
telling these people?

I don't want to go
to bed with them.

I just want someone
to take me to a wedding.

That's all I said.

Oh, I give up.

It's all over for me anyway.

I'm 26 years old. I'm
terminally divorced.

On June 20, 1983,

Patricia Brophy got in her car

to drive her 11-year-old brother
Anthony to baseball practice.

They never got there.

Victor: A truck driver who had
dozed off at the wheel

ran through a red light

and smashed his six-ton
vehicle into Patty's car,

knocking it through a fence
on the other side of the road.

When the police
and firemen arrived,

they had to use the
Jaws of Life...

to pull Patty free
of the wreckage

and rush her to the hospital.

But her little brother
was not as lucky.

Victor: Anthony Brophy's life
ended in that car crash

while his family's nightmare
was just beginning.

Well, those are the
facts in this case,

and except for one small
area of disagreement,

they're indisputable.

The only issue is how we,

all of us good,
compassionate people,

assess a dollar value
on the loss of a child's life.

I know to many of you, the very
idea of this sounds offensive.

It cheapens life to say that
the loss of an 11-year-old boy

is worth a quarter
of a million dollars

or half a million dollars,
even $100 million.

Victor: The life of
Anthony Brophy...

and the loss that this
family has suffered

cannot be measured monetarily.

But, sadly, money is
the only source of redress

available to this
family under the law.

Victor: Now, the Brophys have
entrusted their case to me...

but when Mr. Pass and I
and all the other witness

that you'll be hearing
from are through,

the hardest work
of all will fall on you

Victor: as you decide how to
compensate this family

for what was so cruelly
taken away from them.

I know that you will live
up to that responsibility.

Thank you.

I show you this
vial, Mr. Lavanchy,

and I ask if you
can identify it.

It contains the
seed of my prize bull,

Champion Black Barney.

See the initials B.B.?

Now, by seed, you mean semen.

Yes, ma'am.

Grace: Mr. Lavanchy,
if you recall,

how much of Champion
Black Barney's seed

was stored in the Los Angeles
County Veterinary Center?

50 straws, over 500 CCs.

Grace: And can you state for us
the value of those 50 straws?

- Objection.
- He knows the market value.

He can answer.

Barney's sperm,

and I apologize for
the graphic language,

Lavanchy: sold for over
$2,000 a straw.

That man stole over
$100,000 from me.

Objection.

Sustained.

The jury will disregard
that last characterization.

How much more
of Barney's sperm

do you currently have in your
possession, Mr. Lavanchy?

All of it gone
but what you see.

It's the last of my
Barney, my champion.

Why is that?

Well, he ran out of
gas about 18 months ago.

Lavanchy: Only shoots
blanks now.

I'd like to try to start
a whole new herd

with the few drops
of him I've got left.

Don't you have other
bulls, Mr. Lavanchy?

Oh, not like him.

A cattle rancher gets a bull
like Champion Black Barney

once in a lifetime, if ever.

Lavanchy: A good share of my
business is mortgaged to the

profits I'd make from
his heritage,

and now all that's gone.

No more questions.

No cross.

You may step down.

[gasp]

[dramatic music]

Victor: So you're saying,
Doctor, that it's possible

for the boy to have survived

for a few minutes after
impact, correct?

That's absolutely correct.

Thank you, Doctor.
Your witness.

Dr. Christie, given
the nature of the crash

and the severity
of the boy's injuries,

isn't is likely that
he died instantly?

It's likely, but
it's not definite.

And it's not probable that

he was ever conscious
after impact, is it?

Not probable.

Thank you, sir. That's all.

You can step
down, Dr. Christie.

Your Honor, the plaintiff calls
Patricia Brophy to the stand.

It's okay.

Victor: I call your
attention, Patty,

to the afternoon
of June 20, 1983,

and I ask you what, if anything,
unusual occurred on that date.

I was driving my
little brother Anthony

to baseball practice,

and there was an accident.

Patty, I want you
to take your time now...

and tell the jury
exactly what happened

from the moment
you got in the car.

Patty: I had just left home.

I was about a mile
or so from my house,

and I came to the
intersection...

of Rod Road and Kennedy Drive.

And then the light
was green, so I kept...

I proceeded.

Patty: And then, from the left,

this truck came at
us, straight at us.

I hit my brakes,
but it came too fast

and it knocked us off the
road and into the fence.

Do you remember
what happened next?

There was blood...
from my head.

I remember reaching up
and touching my forehead.

There was blood
coming down the side,

and I kept thinking that
this really didn't happen.

Then I... Then I
looked over at Anthony.

He...

What did you see, Patty?

[sobbing] He was looking at me.

One of the pickets
from the fence...

[sobs]

was sticking
through his shoulder.

Patty: He tried...

What did he do, Patty?

He tried to reach me.

He... he just looked at me.

[somber music]

He couldn't move his arms,

but, um... but he was
wiggling his fingers...

[sobbing]

Patty: like he was trying
to reach me.

Oh, he was so scared. [sobbing]

He was so scared.

And then he-- he said...

[music continues]

What did he say, Patty?

[crying]

He said, [cries]
don't tell Daddy.

[sobbing]

[crying]

[instrumental music]

Can I get you some
coffee or some tea?

No, I'm fine. Thank you.

Arnie, this is, uh...

I appreciate
your taking the time

to meet with me, Mr. Becker.

- Call me Arnie.
- Only after hours.

So what can I do
for you, Ms. Quintana?

Well, as I
explained in my note,

I've recently left the L.A.P.D.

Do you mind if I ask why?

Among my other
skills, Mr. Becker,

I'm a licensed pilot, a
third-degree black belt,

Quintana: I can bench
press 200 pounds,

I've climbed mountains, raced
motorcycles and quarter horses.

So let's just say pushing a
pencil down at Parker Center

wasn't my idea of
life in the fast lane.

So now you've set
up your own P.I. agency.

And I'm trying to
build a select clientele.

Well, your background
is very interesting,

and you certainly look like
a very healthy specimen.

But the truth is I already
have several investigators

who are more than
adequate to my needs.

Well, with all due regard
to those other individuals...

And I do know and
respect most of them...

I'm better.

Really?

Really.

O-- okay. Let me ask you
this, hypothetically, of course.

Let's say I have a client who's
married to a successful

physician, leaves her, files for
divorce, and cries poverty.

What are you going to do for
me between now and Friday

that my other
investigators can't?

Well, judging from the
little that you're telling me,

he's either stolen
it, gambled it away,

put it up his nose, or
found another woman,

or all of the above.

What kind of doctor?

Plastic surgeon.

I guess it's another woman.

And since most
doctors are too busy

and too cheap for a hotel...

Quintana: Office
in Century City?

Mm-hmm.

They're probably
doing it in his office.

I'll get you a videotape.

The people I already
have on this case

tell me that's impossible.

Shouldn't be,

not for somebody with
professional expertise

and long lens video surveillance

and a nice working relationship

with a Century City
window washing service.

I don't know.

No disrespect intended, Ms.
Quintana, but I find it

a little hard to
believe everything you say.

Like what?

Bench press 200 pounds?

That's gotta be nearly
twice your body weight.

If I can take you down...

Quintana: will you give me this
divorce case of yours?

What do I get if I win?

Anything you want.

Victor? Vic?

Do you mind waiting for
me in the witness room?

200 for the boy,
150 for the girl,

and let's get the
hell out of here.

Come on, Victor.

She's getting a buck
and a half for a scratch,

and he lived a few
seconds at most.

That's the best I can do.

I went to the mat for it.

Alright. Let me
talk to them, Harry.

I'll tell the judge you
want to trail to tomorrow.

They have just
upped their offer to 350.

350,000?

Take it. Settle.

What do you think?

It's an acceptable offer.

Man 2: But you think
we can do better?

My God, do you think
any amount of

money will make things better?

Woman 1: What are we
supposed to do with it,

buy a swimming
pool, go to Europe?

Man 2: You think I give a
damn about the money?

I am pushing this so
at least

something good comes
out of this mess.

You're pushing this
because you're afraid

to put Anthony's
death behind us.

I don't think this is
the time or the place...

Woman 1: To hell with the trial.

Take whatever they're offering,

and let's get on with our life.

What life? I lost my son.

He was my son, too.

If you hadn't been too damn lazy
to drive him yourself,

Man 2: he'd probably
still be alive.

Woman 1: You think if I'd been
behind the wheel,

it would have
been any different?

It was a senseless,
meaningless accident,

and you have taken
it out on me...

with your coldness, your looks,

your accusations, your silence,

like it was some
sort of conspiracy

to rob you of your son.

Well, it wasn't. It
was an accident.

And maybe if you
could have forgiven then,

this family could
have gotten past it.

Man 2: How can I ever forgive?

Somebody has to pay.

We are all
paying, you bastard.

Don't you swear
at your father.

Mother, I am 20
years old going on 16.

Patty: I don't have a life.

You should have been helping me,

and instead, you've
been punishing me

for something
that is not my fault.

Be quiet right now.

No, I will not be quiet.

We have been quiet too long.

I am the one who goes to
bed at night and sees him,

Patty: sees the blood on him,
sees him pinned to the car seat.

And I can't come to breakfast in
the morning unless I'm smiling?

I am sorry I killed him, okay?
[somber music]

I wish it was me
instead, alright?

Patty: I'm sorry, Daddy.

[crying]

I'm sorry.

[crying] I'm sorry.

None of the stolen merchandise

has been directly
connected to my client,

with the exception
of the one vial

that was found in an apartment

shared by my client with
three other roommates.

None of the stolen samples

can be linked to
Mr. Bower in any way,

and I would respectfully
request this jury

to return a verdict,

the only verdict
consistent with that fact,

and that's not guilty.

Thank you.

When I was 22 years
old, I got called for jury duty,

and I remember being
so excited about it.

I thought maybe it
would be a bank robbery

or one of those
socialite murders

or even a government scandal.

Grace: Turned out to be a
grocery clerk

who assaulted a checkout girl
with a cantaloupe. [all laugh]

I felt kind of cheated.

And now I look at you.

I mean, you come down here.

You get the big
speech about civil duty,

your obligation to uphold the
law and serve your community,

and all you get for your
trouble is bull semen.

[jurors chuckle]

And everybody
here, including me,

has given birth to at least one
smirk since this thing began.

But believe it or not,

I was glad to see you
people laugh from time to time.

It was Mark Twain who said

show me a person
who knows what's funny...

and I'll show you somebody
who knows what's not.

And it's funny to think

that the product of an
animal's sexual expression

could be the object
of a criminal trial.

It's probably
even funny to think

that people make careers

out of freezing little test
tubes of a bull's heritage.

But what's not funny
is that the defendant

Grace: broke into a building in
the middle of the night,

bound and gagged a
night watchmen at gunpoint,

and stole property
valued at over $100,000.

What's not funny
is that the defendant

deprived Mr. Lavanchy
and his family...

of everything they worked
so hard to accomplish.

What's not funny is that a very
real crime was committed here

with a very real victim.

You've got an eyewitness

who saw the defendant
leave the building.

You have a
positive identification

from the night watchmen.

A vial of the semen
was found in his house.

Now, I don't expect you to
ignore your sense of humor.

Nor do I expect
you to let it hinder...

your ability to do
what's right here.

So go ahead and
giggle your way to justice

if you are so inclined,

just as long as you get there.

Thank you.

[indistinct chatter]

It's been 64 minutes. Excuse me.

A case like this, if
they're not back with guilty

in the first hour,
it's a hung jury.

Yeah. 10 bucks says
you were so eloquent

that the only thing
they're arguing

is whether they
can give the guy life.

Kuzak: I'll collect after my
basketball game.

Victor?

I'm pretty whipped and I gotta
get up early in the morning.

They'll want to
cross-examine Patty, won't they?

Yeah, probably
a whole day of it.

Victor: So I think I'm
gonna head home.

No way. You need this.

Hey, a little half court,

Kuzak: tripping, gouging,
flying elbows.

This will relax you, Victor.

Yeah, you're probably right.

Ladies.

- Good night.
Abby: Good night, Victor.

Good night.

Call me if your jury comes in.

Thanks.

Oh, I hate to lose.

Who doesn't?

Grace: Oh, but this one,

this had to be the
silliest trial I've ever had.

People's Exhibit E,

a full-size photo of Barney
in all his tumescent glory.

[all laugh]

Okay, I'm a city girl.

Are we talking bigger
than a breadbox?

Oh, well, I'll say
that if I were a cow,

I wouldn't be wasting my time
hanging around the salt lick.

[all laugh]

Well, too bad he's
out of commission.

I could have asked
him out for Friday night.

What?

Cousin's wedding, your basic
suitable escort drama.

Now, what I don't
understand is that

there used to be
single men in this town.

Now, you two got the
last two good ones,

Abby: and there aren't any left.

Oh, come on.

There are plenty
of guys out there.

Really? You
want to tell me again

what it was like before Stuart?

Oh, God, what if she's right?

That is ridiculous.

I mean, what about Victor?

- He's, um...
- Yes, he is.

Mm-hmm.

I already asked
him, and he said no.

He didn't say no.
He said he was busy.

Well, what do you say when you

don't want
to go out with someone?

You say I'm busy.

Or when I'm
busy I say I'm busy.

You see, a genuine,
certified, great single man

just walked into this bar.

No, no, no, no.
What are you doing?

I won't be obvious, I promise.

[chuckles]

This is so embarrassing.

Don't be silly.

Now, it's hard to get
back into circulation.

Would you stop?
[laughs]

Abby, I want you to
meet an old friend of mine.

Abigail Perkins, meet
George Handeman.

Oh, boy.

What?

I've already had the pleasure.

Oh. Well, I
started to tell George

that you have a
wedding to go on...

I don't think
he'd be interested.

Sure, that'd be fine.

Hey, Grace, your
jury's coming in.

Great. Well...
have a good time.

So how about them Lakers?

Judge: Has the jury
reached a verdict?

We have.

In the matter of
the People versus

Leonard Bower, how say you?

On counts one and two of
criminal complaint number 4276,

Woman 2: we, the jury, find the
defendant Leonard Bower, guilty.

Judge: Sentencing to take
place two weeks from today.

I once again thank
you, members of the jury,

and this court is adjourned.

Good luck, Mr. Lavanchy.

Man 3: Ms. Van Owen?

Are you pleased with the
jury's decision, Ms. Van Owen?

It's a great victory.

Are the bulls of America
going to sleep

better tonight because of this
verdict?

At least their owners will,
as well as all citizens

concerned with the
enforcement of justice

sure, swift, and
certain in this country.

Are you saying that this
case has national significance?

I'd say it's seminal.

[all laugh]

Hello, Victor, Abby.

Good morning.

Where's Patty?

Well, we've talked it over.

If it's still on the
table, we'd like to

accept their
offer and settle the case.

I'm sure the
offer's still good,

but before I talk to
them, are you sure?

We've spent a
long night with it.

Yes, we're sure.

Look, folks,

I've been thinking
a lot about this, too,

and I hope the way that
I've conducted this case

Victor: isn't forcing you
into a decision

that you're going
to regret later on.

It won't.

What you forced us to do

was to take a long
hard look at ourselves.

Yesterday, last night,

was the first time
since Anthony was killed

that we actually
talked to each other.

The truth is, Victor,

we owe you more
than you'll ever know.

Morning, people.

Why don't you two go
grab a quick cup of coffee.

Let me do my thing with
the opposing counsel,

and maybe we can all
put this one behind us.

Do I sense here a
meeting of the minds?

[phone rings]

She's here.

Sorry I'm late. I got held up.

How you doing?

Awful. I just want
to get this over with.

Mrs. Glasband: Why aren't they
here?

I pushed the meeting
back a half an hour.

I thought you might want
to know

what I found out before I spring
it on your husband.

- What are you talking about?
- He's buried assets.

He's raped your joint accounts.

No, I didn't authorize this.

You did. I told you
what I was gonna do.

No, no, no. I don't
want to know about it.

Well, alright, Carolyn.

If you want to go into this
meeting and accept

the crumbs
off your husband's table,

that's totally your decision.

Arnie: But I would be remiss
if I didn't advise you

of the fact that he
has systematically,

and with obvious forethought,
lied to you, stolen from you...

Stop it. I don't
want to hear about it.

- Cheated on you.
- Why are you doing this to me?

I'm not doing it
to you, Carolyn.

- Your husband is.
- Fine.

If he wants the
money, he can have it.

I just want to
have this over with.

If it were only the money,
that would be one thing.

But it's not.

What is that?

Your husband is involved
with another woman.

Arnie: That's where the money's
gone, Carolyn, building up

hidden accounts so he can dump
you and go off with her.

You're lying, trying to
turn me against a man

who has never done
anything to hurt me.

Unfortunately, this
videotape doesn't lie.

Then show it to me.

- It'll hurt you.
- I want to see it.

- I'd advise against it.
- Damn it, you work for me.

Oh, my God, no.

Sleazy, disgusting,
lying piece of dirt.

- Carolyn.
- You slept with my sister!

Hey, what have
you been telling her?

My own sister. How
could you do that to me?

- I'll kill the both of you.
Arnie: Sit down.

I'll kill her. I will
kill that little bitch.

I will kill the both of you.

I don't know what
you're talking about.

She's talking about this
tape of you and your lover

Arnie: in your office engaged in
an X-rated game of doctor.

Whether he and the lady
formed an emotional attachment

is of no relevance
to this proceeding.

If he's capable of
deceiving her on this scale,

we believe he'd deceive
her about anything.

You scum. You monster.

Look, we came down
here to sign an agreement.

Not this one,
sir. This is trash.

How could you do that to me
after the family weekends

that we spent together
in Palm Springs?

Oh, for God's sake, Carolyn.

What do you want from me?

Dr. Glasband: I work
like a mule.

If I take what little
consolation life has to offer me

in the arms of a woman who
isn't afraid of her own shadow,

a woman who isn't
afraid to express a little...

That's not another
woman, that's my sister!

Oh, the two of you must
have had fun laughing at me.

What, did you do it in
our house, in our bed?

How could I, Carolyn?
You were never out of it.

Oh, you malignant bastard.

I hate you.

[gunshot] Carolyn, no!

She shot me!

D.A. George: Damn it, I'm a
lawyer and she shot me.

Somebody get me
a doctor, please.

She shot me. Aah!

[soft music]

[indistinct chatter]

Look, let me talk to him.

I'll make sure he gets
down to the station, alright?

Officer: Okay.

- How is he?
- He'll survive.

It missed the main artery.

[music continues]

They want you to
go to the police station

and make a statement.

I think you better tell me
exactly what happened.

It's my fault. That's
what happened.

It's all my fault.

You can say
that one more time,

and then it's the last
time I ever want to

hear that come out
of your mouth.

I should have picked it up the
minute she walked in here, Mike.

She was a basket case.

- They all are during a divorce.
- No, this was different.

I mean, there were
signs all over the place,

but all I could see was
the damn settlement

that her husband was
trying to gaslight her into.

Which is why she came
to you in the first place.

The husband
is doing the sister,

and I put the damn picture
right on the TV set for her.

Porno movies.

Did you force her to watch?

No. No, she wanted to do it,
but I shouldn't have let her.

She was under a
psychiatrist's care.

How many distraught wives

have you represented in your
career...

Yeah, okay, I know,
I know, I know, I know.

You didn't do anything
illegal here, Arnie.

Oh, great. Great.

So I don't go to jail
for the next five years,

but I still gotta
live with myself.

You can't be responsible
for the one client in hundreds

who comes in here and
goes off the deep end.

Here, here, put your coat on.

I'll drive you to the station.

Abby: Here's the number
of the restaurant

where we'll be
after the ceremony.

If there's an emergency, his
pediatrician's

number is right
over the telephone.

Don't worry. We'll do great.

Okay, honey, let's
settle down, okay?

[doorbell chimes]

- Hi.
- Hi. Come on in.

- Pow!
- Eric, enough.

Who's he?

This is Mr. Handeman.

- And who are you?
- I'm He-Man.

- Can I get you anything?
- No, I'm fine.

Thanks again
for bailing me out.

My pleasure.

Okay, Eric, it's
time to go to bed.

- No.
- Eric.

- What's that?
- Where?

Sticking out of your ear.

How could you hear anything?
You had a quarter in there.

Let me see the other one.

How did you do that?

It's magic. And watch this.

Do it again.

Well, maybe next time
'cause you gotta go to bed now.

Okay, honey, come on.

Let's say good night
to Mr. Handeman.

I want more magic.

Come on.

- Do you mind?
- Be my guest.

It's right through there.

You know, I have a
son who's almost six,

and he's a big fan of G.I. Joe.

Does he live with you?

Well, sometimes with me
and sometimes with his mom.

Here, scoot over there.

Now, one more trick,
and then lights out. Deal?

- Okay.
- Okay.

Watch this.

Keep your eyes
on the dollar bill.

Hey.

Go ahead. Take it.

Good night, Eric.

Good night.

Good night, sweetheart.

- Night.
- Oh, wait a minute.

Now, I'm gonna
take this dollar bill,

and I'm gonna put
it on your bookcase.

But don't spend it,

because it's a
magic dollar bill.

That was fantastic. Thank you.

It's my pleasure.

[laughs]

[theme music]