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1
00:00:35,720 --> 00:00:38,724
Whose fucking phone is on?
2
00:00:39,920 --> 00:00:41,060
We're going to just touch you up.
3
00:00:41,160 --> 00:00:42,889
- Okay, Mr. Dorchen?
- Hey.
4
00:00:43,560 --> 00:00:45,140
Do I need nipple rouge?
5
00:00:45,240 --> 00:00:46,580
Can we get... I don't...
6
00:00:46,680 --> 00:00:48,489
Do I need any nipple rouge?
7
00:00:48,760 --> 00:00:50,967
Yeah. Touch up his nipples, please.
8
00:00:52,120 --> 00:00:54,122
What kind of brush is that?
Is that rabbit fur?
9
00:00:54,640 --> 00:00:57,220
Lou Dorchen, the legendary lead singer
10
00:00:57,320 --> 00:00:59,243
of metal supergroup Motley Lue,
11
00:00:59,440 --> 00:01:01,920
who burst onto the world stage
out of nowhere
12
00:01:02,040 --> 00:01:04,500
to become the very definition
of a rock god.
13
00:01:04,600 --> 00:01:07,763
Livin' the dream with
high school sweetheart Kelly Dorchen.
14
00:01:07,960 --> 00:01:10,770
So how did the ultimate party
animal get the inspiration
15
00:01:10,880 --> 00:01:13,100
to build the most innovative,
forward-thinking
16
00:01:13,200 --> 00:01:14,940
tech company in the world?
17
00:01:15,040 --> 00:01:18,140
I don't have to tell you where I got
my inspiration from, first of all.
18
00:01:18,240 --> 00:01:20,860
Because that's called
"intellectual property"
19
00:01:20,960 --> 00:01:22,450
and I can copyright that shit.
20
00:01:22,560 --> 00:01:24,300
Just like I copyrighted the word "well,"
21
00:01:24,400 --> 00:01:26,687
so you can't even say "well"
without paying me money.
22
00:01:27,880 --> 00:01:29,460
- Well...
- You owe me money.
23
00:01:29,560 --> 00:01:31,620
Lou Dorchen's best friend is yet another
24
00:01:31,720 --> 00:01:34,340
American success story,
music mogul Nick Webber.
25
00:01:34,440 --> 00:01:37,091
Ever since I wrote Let's Get It Started
back in '86,
26
00:01:37,200 --> 00:01:38,247
I've been on a roll.
27
00:01:38,480 --> 00:01:41,660
MMMBop, triple platinum.
28
00:01:41,760 --> 00:01:44,500
A lot of stations still playin'
Gin and Juicey Juice.
29
00:01:44,600 --> 00:01:47,649
You Oughta Know.
Feelin' Like Teen Spirit.
30
00:01:47,800 --> 00:01:49,564
I guess you could say
I take from a lot of artists.
31
00:01:50,080 --> 00:01:52,651
Take my inspiration
from a lot of artists.
32
00:01:52,800 --> 00:01:53,801
I don't...
33
00:01:54,040 --> 00:01:56,884
I don't take their stuff.
34
00:01:57,040 --> 00:01:59,168
That's... Who would do that?
35
00:01:59,360 --> 00:02:01,860
- Yeah. Ask me anything.
- Okay.
36
00:02:01,960 --> 00:02:04,100
How's your relationship
with your father?
37
00:02:04,200 --> 00:02:05,565
I don't want to talk about that.
38
00:02:05,680 --> 00:02:07,409
Still struggling to find his own place
in the world,
39
00:02:07,520 --> 00:02:11,570
Jacob Dorchen comments on his
father's game-changing innovation.
40
00:02:11,920 --> 00:02:15,049
He didn't invent Goo... Lougle.
41
00:02:15,360 --> 00:02:17,860
He couldn't invent his way
out of a fucking paper bag.
42
00:02:17,960 --> 00:02:20,460
And that's...
That's not a turn of phrase,
43
00:02:20,560 --> 00:02:22,220
that's anecdotal evidence.
44
00:02:22,320 --> 00:02:24,971
He got caught in a giant paper
bag a couple weeks ago.
45
00:02:25,200 --> 00:02:27,407
Adam... Adam Yates.
Yes, he rounds out
46
00:02:27,880 --> 00:02:29,460
our Three Musketeerposse.
47
00:02:29,560 --> 00:02:31,460
He made it real big
with his bestselling novel,
48
00:02:31,560 --> 00:02:33,210
Jacuzzi Timelord.
49
00:02:33,520 --> 00:02:37,525
But Adam,
he's off on an experiential journey.
50
00:02:38,000 --> 00:02:39,843
I got a feeling we'll see him again.
51
00:02:42,120 --> 00:02:43,246
I got a feeling.
52
00:02:48,520 --> 00:02:49,726
Just came to me.
53
00:02:49,840 --> 00:02:51,700
One fateful ski trip in 1986
54
00:02:51,800 --> 00:02:54,140
seemed to kick-start
their lives into high gear.
55
00:02:54,240 --> 00:02:55,500
But what was it like to grow up
56
00:02:55,600 --> 00:02:57,340
alongside these future stars?
57
00:02:57,440 --> 00:02:59,620
We turned to high school pal,
Gary Winkle.
58
00:02:59,720 --> 00:03:02,081
I bet you guys didn't know that I was
supposed to go on that trip, huh?
59
00:03:02,920 --> 00:03:04,540
I stood outside all day,
60
00:03:04,640 --> 00:03:07,644
but they never showed. Left me hanging.
61
00:03:08,040 --> 00:03:09,485
You know what I got that weekend?
62
00:03:09,600 --> 00:03:11,580
Chlamydia from the batting cages.
63
00:03:11,680 --> 00:03:14,140
My best buddies go up
the mountain as regular Joes.
64
00:03:14,240 --> 00:03:17,562
Come down fucking rich.
I mean, how did that happen?
65
00:03:17,960 --> 00:03:19,380
I mean, at the end of the day,
66
00:03:19,480 --> 00:03:21,340
I'm just a simple guy like you
67
00:03:21,440 --> 00:03:23,522
who had a couple of great ideas
68
00:03:23,640 --> 00:03:26,020
that happen to make him
a bunch of money. That's it.
69
00:03:26,120 --> 00:03:28,441
I mean, how was I supposed to know
70
00:03:28,640 --> 00:03:31,860
that it would change the fabric
of our existence? I couldn't.
71
00:03:31,960 --> 00:03:35,646
You know, I couldn't,
unless I had some sort of...
72
00:04:39,840 --> 00:04:42,571
Cut! Let's reset. Do it again.
73
00:04:43,120 --> 00:04:44,610
One word, Nick. Fucking amazing...
74
00:04:44,720 --> 00:04:46,722
Don't fuck with my groove, Terry.
75
00:04:52,200 --> 00:04:53,220
- Hey, Nick.
- Youngblood.
76
00:04:53,320 --> 00:04:55,580
Rip off any pop stars lately?
77
00:04:55,680 --> 00:04:58,380
For your information,
today I recorded an original piece.
78
00:04:58,480 --> 00:04:59,460
Really?
79
00:04:59,560 --> 00:05:01,050
Okay, it was that Lisa Loeb song.
80
00:05:01,160 --> 00:05:02,764
Well, as much of it as I could remember.
81
00:05:02,880 --> 00:05:04,405
The lyrics I made up were original.
82
00:05:04,720 --> 00:05:07,540
Listen, Nick, I get it.
You don't have any natural talent.
83
00:05:07,640 --> 00:05:09,460
All I know is that hot tub
made me a king.
84
00:05:09,560 --> 00:05:11,300
It's my duty to live up to the throne.
85
00:05:11,400 --> 00:05:12,580
All right, I can't see you right now,
86
00:05:12,680 --> 00:05:15,365
but I'm gonna assume you're putting
"king" and "throne" in quotes.
87
00:05:17,280 --> 00:05:18,300
What do you want?
88
00:05:18,400 --> 00:05:21,020
Hey, Nick, I'm sorry.
I'm not trying to be a dick.
89
00:05:21,120 --> 00:05:22,167
Are you coming to Lou's party?
90
00:05:22,440 --> 00:05:25,649
I gotta talk to Courtney.
I'm... I don't know.
91
00:05:25,760 --> 00:05:27,364
- How is Courtney?
- You know.
92
00:05:27,480 --> 00:05:29,220
Oh, really? Still fighting?
93
00:05:29,320 --> 00:05:31,084
Why don't you just write her
a Josh Groban song?
94
00:05:33,400 --> 00:05:34,447
Hello?
95
00:05:35,600 --> 00:05:37,762
Oh, shit!
96
00:05:38,040 --> 00:05:39,849
Cocaine!
97
00:05:40,040 --> 00:05:41,485
Fuck me!
98
00:05:42,600 --> 00:05:44,443
Oh, God! Oh, my God!
99
00:05:44,720 --> 00:05:46,980
Don't fucking sneak up
on me like that, huh?
100
00:05:47,080 --> 00:05:48,340
Knock on something.
101
00:05:48,440 --> 00:05:50,740
You took most of the doors out
and put beads up, Lou.
102
00:05:50,840 --> 00:05:52,300
What am I supposed to fucking knock on?
103
00:05:52,400 --> 00:05:53,740
What do you want?
104
00:05:53,840 --> 00:05:56,241
Put it down!
What do you want, a round of applause?
105
00:05:59,240 --> 00:06:01,860
"Thank you, Jacob, for making sure
we don't starve to death.
106
00:06:01,960 --> 00:06:03,380
"Even though this is
completely ridiculous
107
00:06:03,480 --> 00:06:05,780
"and inappropriate, what we're doing."
You're welcome, Mom and Dad.
108
00:06:05,880 --> 00:06:07,723
I'm just happy that you guys are happy.
109
00:06:08,240 --> 00:06:09,844
The fuck are you still doing here?
110
00:06:10,160 --> 00:06:11,810
Today's my birthday, by the way.
111
00:06:12,360 --> 00:06:13,566
Happy Birthday!
112
00:06:14,040 --> 00:06:16,407
- Oh, thanks, Mom.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah!
113
00:06:16,960 --> 00:06:21,249
I got you... I got you something.
It'll be here tomorrow via FedEx.
114
00:06:21,600 --> 00:06:22,580
Right.
115
00:06:22,680 --> 00:06:24,980
Daddy's little buddy is
turning into Daddy's big buddy.
116
00:06:25,080 --> 00:06:27,260
I'm going to help you out.
It's not really my birthday.
117
00:06:27,360 --> 00:06:28,600
Do you know what day it is?
118
00:06:34,120 --> 00:06:35,260
Okay.
119
00:06:35,360 --> 00:06:36,420
Enjoy your shit.
120
00:06:36,520 --> 00:06:39,380
The sooner you choke to death on it,
the sooner I get all this.
121
00:06:39,480 --> 00:06:41,881
Any other questions,
or is this interview over?
122
00:06:44,720 --> 00:06:47,963
Don't let the lack of a door
hit you on the way out.
123
00:06:48,760 --> 00:06:50,300
He just gets me so mad.
124
00:06:50,400 --> 00:06:51,561
So, who is he?
125
00:06:51,680 --> 00:06:53,140
That's my butler.
126
00:06:53,240 --> 00:06:54,890
And our son, consequently.
127
00:06:55,840 --> 00:06:57,365
Oh, my God, right.
128
00:06:58,720 --> 00:07:00,051
Lisa Loeb?
129
00:07:00,440 --> 00:07:02,460
Oh, my God. I can't believe
Nick Webber knows
130
00:07:02,560 --> 00:07:03,846
the name of the cat wrangler.
131
00:07:04,240 --> 00:07:05,605
Yeah. Crazy, right?
132
00:07:05,920 --> 00:07:08,571
You know, I just have to tell you,
I really love this song so much.
133
00:07:08,680 --> 00:07:10,523
It feels so personal.
134
00:07:10,760 --> 00:07:12,922
It's almost... Violating.
135
00:07:15,600 --> 00:07:17,204
I'm so sorry.
136
00:07:27,560 --> 00:07:31,180
Yeah!
137
00:07:31,280 --> 00:07:32,441
Nailed it!
138
00:07:38,000 --> 00:07:39,445
All rise!
139
00:07:40,600 --> 00:07:42,921
Penis Court is now in session!
140
00:07:44,640 --> 00:07:47,484
The honorable
Judge Lou Dorchen presiding.
141
00:07:47,800 --> 00:07:49,643
Mr. Dorchen, could we get
this board meeting started?
142
00:07:49,960 --> 00:07:51,803
Yeah. Brad, do your thing.
143
00:07:52,080 --> 00:07:55,687
Ladies and gentlemen,
Lougle is at a crossroads.
144
00:07:56,040 --> 00:07:59,442
We did it, guys!
We got to the crossroads!
145
00:07:59,760 --> 00:08:02,604
Our competitors, Lycos
and GeoCities, are crushing us.
146
00:08:02,800 --> 00:08:04,700
Those guys are fucking nerds, Brad.
147
00:08:04,800 --> 00:08:06,500
What about Yahoo, huh?
Where are they?
148
00:08:06,600 --> 00:08:07,931
Yahoo? What's Yahoo?
149
00:08:08,120 --> 00:08:09,260
Exactly.
150
00:08:09,360 --> 00:08:11,460
As your head of R&D, I have to tell you
151
00:08:11,560 --> 00:08:13,688
that Lougle cannot continue
down this path.
152
00:08:13,840 --> 00:08:15,940
Well, that's why I moved us
to New Orleans, Brad,
153
00:08:16,040 --> 00:08:18,327
the Silicon Valley of the South.
154
00:08:20,840 --> 00:08:22,683
Shit! Shit! Susan, look, turn around.
155
00:08:22,840 --> 00:08:24,420
Turn around, right now!
Susan, quick, quick, quick!
156
00:08:24,520 --> 00:08:25,681
I'm not going to look, Lou.
157
00:08:25,920 --> 00:08:27,740
Susan, I promise it's not
a dick and balls this time.
158
00:08:27,840 --> 00:08:29,330
I swear to God. Look, look, look!
159
00:08:29,680 --> 00:08:33,002
Dick and balls!
You looked at a dick and balls!
160
00:08:33,120 --> 00:08:34,360
I burned you.
161
00:08:36,520 --> 00:08:39,251
I can't believe I let you talk me
into joining this sinking ship.
162
00:08:39,360 --> 00:08:41,886
I was one of Engineering
Quarterly's "30 Under 30."
163
00:08:42,080 --> 00:08:43,300
Really?
164
00:08:43,400 --> 00:08:45,100
I was on track to be "20 Under 40,"
165
00:08:45,200 --> 00:08:47,362
but now I'm "Zero Under Fuck Me"!
166
00:08:47,600 --> 00:08:48,886
You fucked me, Lou.
167
00:08:49,040 --> 00:08:50,580
You fucked my whole life.
168
00:08:50,680 --> 00:08:53,729
My brother works at the NSA
and I work for a madman.
169
00:08:53,840 --> 00:08:55,171
Mad Man is a great show.
170
00:08:55,280 --> 00:08:57,044
Sometimes I wish I could just...
171
00:08:59,640 --> 00:09:03,201
Okay, okay.
Looks like you're hungry for an idea.
172
00:09:03,560 --> 00:09:06,370
So why doesn't Uncle Lou give
you guys a little taste, huh?
173
00:09:08,120 --> 00:09:10,900
If you combine the right
amounts of nitrotrinadium
174
00:09:11,000 --> 00:09:15,020
with specifically heated water
in a specialized basin,
175
00:09:15,120 --> 00:09:18,647
you get the elements
necessary for time travel!
176
00:09:20,560 --> 00:09:23,928
Boom! Shotgun to the dick!
177
00:09:25,240 --> 00:09:27,140
I'm gonna be in the lab,
trying to save this company.
178
00:09:27,240 --> 00:09:28,571
Yeah!
179
00:09:43,240 --> 00:09:46,244
Why are all these people here?
Are we having another seance?
180
00:09:46,720 --> 00:09:47,660
Yeah.
181
00:09:47,760 --> 00:09:51,560
Every day's a seance, baby.
Every day's a seance.
182
00:09:51,920 --> 00:09:53,820
I fucking hate you so much, Lou.
183
00:09:53,920 --> 00:09:55,763
I fucking hate you, too, baby.
184
00:09:56,040 --> 00:09:57,860
Courtney, it's not a big deal.
185
00:09:57,960 --> 00:09:59,820
Well, maybe it's not a big deal to you,
186
00:09:59,920 --> 00:10:02,780
but she's my only sister,
and we never go visit her.
187
00:10:02,880 --> 00:10:05,690
- It's the Grammys.
- It's always the Grammys.
188
00:10:06,880 --> 00:10:10,965
It's not always the Grammys.
Sometimes it's the Grammys.
189
00:10:14,680 --> 00:10:17,604
Wow. Look at you.
190
00:10:17,840 --> 00:10:19,171
Every fucking year, Lou?
191
00:10:19,280 --> 00:10:21,460
Hey, enough with this dad stuff.
Call me Lou.
192
00:10:21,560 --> 00:10:23,164
Why do I have to pretend
to be your butler?
193
00:10:23,400 --> 00:10:24,380
You are my butler.
194
00:10:24,480 --> 00:10:26,500
No, Lou, just 'cause
my room's near the bar
195
00:10:26,600 --> 00:10:28,020
and I'm good at receiving guests and...
196
00:10:28,120 --> 00:10:29,849
Holy fuck, I'm your butler.
197
00:10:29,960 --> 00:10:31,740
Wait. Hey, Lou, what do you think about,
198
00:10:31,840 --> 00:10:34,810
maybe this summer, you know,
I come work with you at Lougle?
199
00:10:35,000 --> 00:10:36,540
Listen, this is what I'll do
for you, okay?
200
00:10:36,640 --> 00:10:38,580
If we ever come up with a division where
201
00:10:38,680 --> 00:10:41,620
you sit on the couch and masturbate
while playing video games,
202
00:10:41,720 --> 00:10:42,860
I'll get you an interview.
203
00:10:42,960 --> 00:10:45,100
You started
an interactive porno division.
204
00:10:45,200 --> 00:10:48,180
We have that.
Even that retarded Venn diagram
205
00:10:48,280 --> 00:10:50,123
you just mentioned, it exists.
206
00:10:50,680 --> 00:10:53,684
Listen, you are a key part
of this operation, Jacob.
207
00:10:53,840 --> 00:10:54,980
Really?
208
00:10:55,080 --> 00:10:56,844
You're my chief mixologist!
209
00:10:59,480 --> 00:11:01,164
I love you, buddy.
210
00:11:01,840 --> 00:11:05,300
Hey, Courtney. Your tits look fantastic!
211
00:11:05,400 --> 00:11:06,925
Eat shit, Lou.
212
00:11:11,040 --> 00:11:13,327
She's one of the good ones, man.
213
00:11:13,440 --> 00:11:15,329
Come on. Let's get a drink.
214
00:11:28,680 --> 00:11:30,842
Jeez. The place
is like a deathtrap, huh?
215
00:11:31,040 --> 00:11:33,327
Just lousy with statues, and the...
216
00:11:34,480 --> 00:11:37,484
Not a lot of coats, right?
Not a lot of coats.
217
00:11:37,680 --> 00:11:39,364
Can I take your jacket?
218
00:11:39,520 --> 00:11:43,525
No, no, no. I'm actually
kind of "on the job" tonight.
219
00:11:43,640 --> 00:11:45,847
It's my dad's party, he runs Lougle.
220
00:11:46,240 --> 00:11:47,241
What do you do?
221
00:11:47,400 --> 00:11:49,880
You know, I'm just
kind of a Jack-of-all-trades.
222
00:11:50,000 --> 00:11:51,809
- So you're the butler.
- No!
223
00:11:53,560 --> 00:11:56,769
Come on. Do I look like a butler to you?
224
00:11:56,880 --> 00:11:59,201
You look exactly like a butler.
225
00:12:00,040 --> 00:12:01,660
God damn, it's good to see you, man.
226
00:12:01,760 --> 00:12:02,886
You, too, buddy.
227
00:12:03,040 --> 00:12:05,611
Man. That tub, huh?
228
00:12:06,440 --> 00:12:07,820
Really turned it all around.
229
00:12:07,920 --> 00:12:09,888
It's the best thing that
ever happened to me.
230
00:12:12,640 --> 00:12:15,564
You ever wish we could
go back for one more dip?
231
00:12:15,680 --> 00:12:17,648
You know, tweak some things?
232
00:12:17,760 --> 00:12:20,411
Use time travel
for more important reasons.
233
00:12:20,880 --> 00:12:22,644
Too bad the tub is gone.
234
00:12:22,880 --> 00:12:23,961
Yeah.
235
00:12:24,480 --> 00:12:25,481
Too bad.
236
00:12:26,360 --> 00:12:27,361
Fuck.
237
00:12:29,120 --> 00:12:30,121
Sorry.
238
00:12:30,560 --> 00:12:31,686
What the fuck? Lou...
239
00:12:31,920 --> 00:12:34,500
Nick-nack-paddywhack!
Give a dog a what?
240
00:12:34,600 --> 00:12:36,500
Gary Winkle.
241
00:12:36,600 --> 00:12:39,140
Look at this.
Look, Lou spilled his drink on me
242
00:12:39,240 --> 00:12:41,322
so I don't have to talk to you.
243
00:12:41,520 --> 00:12:42,601
Good looking out.
244
00:12:43,080 --> 00:12:44,540
Okay, just laying it all out there.
245
00:12:44,640 --> 00:12:47,007
Where are me and you right now
on a scale of, like,
246
00:12:47,120 --> 00:12:50,363
"dinner and a movie"
to "tropical sex vacation"?
247
00:12:50,600 --> 00:12:52,620
We're on the
"It's never, ever going to happen"
248
00:12:52,720 --> 00:12:53,767
part of the scale.
249
00:12:53,960 --> 00:12:55,769
- So, like a 4.
- One and a half.
250
00:12:56,640 --> 00:12:58,563
Minus the half.
251
00:12:58,680 --> 00:12:59,860
What are you selling, Gary?
252
00:12:59,960 --> 00:13:01,724
What? No love for Gary Winkle?
253
00:13:02,800 --> 00:13:04,420
Okay, but it is a sound
investment this time.
254
00:13:04,520 --> 00:13:05,521
I'm telling you, man.
255
00:13:05,840 --> 00:13:07,020
No, no, no. Wait, wait, wait.
256
00:13:07,120 --> 00:13:08,690
It is only 12 blocks from the river.
257
00:13:08,840 --> 00:13:12,220
Pristine lot.
You can build an office tower,
258
00:13:12,320 --> 00:13:14,780
nightclub, combo, whatever the fuck.
259
00:13:14,880 --> 00:13:15,860
I don't care.
260
00:13:15,960 --> 00:13:18,100
Okay, I get it, man, I get it.
I get it. I'm a loser.
261
00:13:18,200 --> 00:13:20,540
Okay, I'm always going to be a loser.
I'm not like you guys.
262
00:13:20,640 --> 00:13:23,380
I didn't magically turn it all around
after that ski trip.
263
00:13:23,480 --> 00:13:26,860
All I got is this piece of land,
and I know it's a piece of shit, okay?
264
00:13:26,960 --> 00:13:29,820
But it's... It can be our piece of shit.
265
00:13:29,920 --> 00:13:30,921
Not interested. Pass.
266
00:13:35,000 --> 00:13:38,243
We are live!
267
00:13:38,440 --> 00:13:41,340
Coming to you
from the heart of the Bayou.
268
00:13:41,440 --> 00:13:43,420
At the height of his career,
269
00:13:43,520 --> 00:13:47,366
worth 2.3 billion dollars,
270
00:13:47,800 --> 00:13:53,220
introducing Lou "the Violator"
271
00:13:53,320 --> 00:13:54,685
Dorchen!
272
00:14:13,520 --> 00:14:16,180
We've grown quite a bit
over the years, haven't we?
273
00:14:16,280 --> 00:14:18,442
Some of us have achieved our dreams.
274
00:14:18,760 --> 00:14:21,206
Others have found new dreams to chase.
275
00:14:21,520 --> 00:14:22,885
You know, I bet...
276
00:14:23,080 --> 00:14:25,340
I bet there's not a person
in this room who,
277
00:14:25,440 --> 00:14:27,340
given the chance
to do it all over again,
278
00:14:27,440 --> 00:14:29,340
would do it any differently. Am I right?
279
00:14:29,440 --> 00:14:30,441
Am I right?
280
00:14:35,240 --> 00:14:36,446
And if you believe that,
281
00:14:36,560 --> 00:14:40,060
if you truly believe that
in your heart of hearts,
282
00:14:40,160 --> 00:14:41,400
well, then,
283
00:14:42,840 --> 00:14:45,730
you're all a bunch of fucking morons!
284
00:14:45,920 --> 00:14:47,046
Genius.
285
00:14:47,240 --> 00:14:51,006
Life is about do-overs, okay?
286
00:14:51,320 --> 00:14:53,766
And if you see your second chance
287
00:14:53,960 --> 00:14:56,884
peeking its dick around
a corner, snatch it!
288
00:14:57,240 --> 00:14:59,322
Grab it! Take my advice.
289
00:14:59,600 --> 00:15:01,500
Look at the people
you love most in this world,
290
00:15:01,600 --> 00:15:04,046
then you tell them
to go fuck themselves.
291
00:15:04,160 --> 00:15:06,242
Because life is about number one.
292
00:15:06,360 --> 00:15:09,489
Numero Lou-no!
293
00:15:11,240 --> 00:15:13,220
So come on, it's a party, right?
294
00:15:13,320 --> 00:15:17,120
Let's all get nude and fuck!
295
00:15:31,080 --> 00:15:32,320
Move!
296
00:15:34,440 --> 00:15:37,205
About time someone manned up
and shot the bastard.
297
00:15:39,440 --> 00:15:41,140
- Holy shit, he's been shot.
- In the dick!
298
00:15:41,240 --> 00:15:43,300
Shit! It's bad!
Somebody call an ambulance!
299
00:15:43,400 --> 00:15:44,460
- Nick.
- Yeah, buddy.
300
00:15:44,560 --> 00:15:47,980
- You got your hand on my penis!
- I'm applying direct pressure!
301
00:15:48,080 --> 00:15:50,500
- You don't have to touch it that hard.
- My hand is acting as a tourniquet!
302
00:15:50,600 --> 00:15:53,500
You work his dick. Whatever. No, no!
Lou, Lou! Stay with me!
303
00:15:53,600 --> 00:15:56,161
Stay with me. Look at me. Look at me.
Who shot you?
304
00:15:57,640 --> 00:15:58,971
Chux... Zedo.
305
00:15:59,280 --> 00:16:01,282
Chuck Zito? That motherfucker!
306
00:16:01,600 --> 00:16:03,364
- I think he's saying "tuxedo".
- Tuxedo?
307
00:16:03,480 --> 00:16:04,641
God, it hurts so bad.
308
00:16:04,800 --> 00:16:05,926
Who the fuck's wearing a tuxedo?
309
00:16:08,320 --> 00:16:09,685
What? What?
310
00:16:09,960 --> 00:16:11,700
Okay, first of all, this isn't a tuxedo,
311
00:16:11,800 --> 00:16:14,220
this is a morning suit.
It's way more casual.
312
00:16:14,320 --> 00:16:15,321
Don't you watch Downton Abbey?
313
00:16:15,840 --> 00:16:18,366
I was standing right there beside you!
I didn't fuckin' shoot him!
314
00:16:18,480 --> 00:16:20,380
I want my dick back!
315
00:16:20,480 --> 00:16:21,891
Lou's gonna fuckin' die!
He's out of time!
316
00:16:22,160 --> 00:16:23,605
No, he's not.
317
00:16:24,240 --> 00:16:25,321
We'll give him more time.
318
00:16:25,480 --> 00:16:27,084
- What?
- Grab his arms.
319
00:16:27,640 --> 00:16:30,689
Oh, God, I take it back! I take it back!
320
00:16:30,960 --> 00:16:34,521
I don't want a shotgun to the dick!
It hurts so much!
321
00:16:34,840 --> 00:16:37,002
Oh, God! Oh, God!
322
00:16:38,240 --> 00:16:40,402
- What the fuck are you doing?
- Hang on. Trust me.
323
00:16:44,160 --> 00:16:45,161
Whoa.
324
00:16:55,520 --> 00:16:58,364
Holy shit.
325
00:16:59,720 --> 00:17:00,960
- I know, right?
- How?
326
00:17:01,360 --> 00:17:02,361
He stole it.
327
00:17:02,520 --> 00:17:05,364
I stole time!
I stole the whole ski lodge!
328
00:17:07,920 --> 00:17:10,540
Check it out. Pure nitrotrinadium.
329
00:17:10,640 --> 00:17:12,940
Lou got it from the Russians. He told them
he's gonna build them a bomb.
330
00:17:13,040 --> 00:17:14,041
Classic Lou.
331
00:17:14,160 --> 00:17:15,460
Yeah. They've never seen
Back to the Future.
332
00:17:15,560 --> 00:17:16,686
All right. Everybody, get in.
333
00:17:17,200 --> 00:17:18,725
A little help here.
334
00:17:19,160 --> 00:17:20,571
Come on, Lou, you got to earn it.
335
00:17:20,880 --> 00:17:22,405
Adam's trench coat?
336
00:17:22,760 --> 00:17:24,922
What the fuck is this? Is Adam here?
337
00:17:27,760 --> 00:17:29,410
Stay with me, Violator.
338
00:17:31,320 --> 00:17:33,980
Where's my hair?
It's where my power lies.
339
00:17:34,080 --> 00:17:35,460
Fuck your fucking wig.
340
00:17:35,560 --> 00:17:38,245
We gotta go back in time and stop
the killer before he shoots Lou.
341
00:17:41,120 --> 00:17:42,100
No.
342
00:17:42,200 --> 00:17:43,140
It's how it works.
343
00:17:43,240 --> 00:17:45,340
We get blackout drunk, we hallucinate,
344
00:17:45,440 --> 00:17:46,885
we wake up back in time.
345
00:17:47,000 --> 00:17:48,460
Don't mess with a winning formula, huh?
346
00:17:48,560 --> 00:17:50,210
Don't be a fuckin' pussy!
347
00:18:14,440 --> 00:18:17,523
Guys, I feel fucking great!
I think it worked.
348
00:18:52,240 --> 00:18:54,720
- Lou's not breathing.
- I think he's gone.
349
00:19:15,080 --> 00:19:16,730
Nick, Nick, Nick! Help, help, help!
350
00:19:16,840 --> 00:19:17,887
Shit.
351
00:19:20,720 --> 00:19:22,020
- Lou, Lou.
- Lou. Lou!
352
00:19:22,120 --> 00:19:24,441
Fuck, fuck, fuck.
353
00:19:28,800 --> 00:19:29,847
I guess we were too late.
354
00:19:30,960 --> 00:19:33,122
Life is fucking weird, you know?
355
00:19:33,480 --> 00:19:35,960
I spent so much time hating him.
356
00:19:36,480 --> 00:19:38,780
And now that he's gone,
I can't help but feel...
357
00:19:38,880 --> 00:19:39,860
Love.
358
00:19:39,960 --> 00:19:42,122
No. Not love. Don't be stupid.
359
00:19:42,320 --> 00:19:43,321
Respect?
360
00:19:43,560 --> 00:19:45,483
No, that's still way too strong a word.
361
00:19:45,720 --> 00:19:47,085
Admiration?
362
00:19:47,200 --> 00:19:49,300
I mean, there's nothing
admirable about him.
363
00:19:49,400 --> 00:19:51,300
Well, I mean, he's your dad.
Honor, maybe?
364
00:19:51,400 --> 00:19:54,060
Not honor. I mean, that falls kind of
with respect and admiration.
365
00:19:54,160 --> 00:19:56,766
Maybe just kind of a...
Just a general sense of...
366
00:19:56,920 --> 00:19:57,900
Missing, you miss him.
367
00:19:58,000 --> 00:19:59,100
- Yeah, I miss him.
- You miss him. Yeah, yeah.
368
00:19:59,200 --> 00:20:00,260
I motherfucking miss him.
369
00:20:00,360 --> 00:20:02,886
What're you doing? You up in heaven?
Raping angels?
370
00:20:03,000 --> 00:20:04,081
Good for you, buddy.
371
00:20:11,320 --> 00:20:12,580
- Oh, God.
- What the fuck?
372
00:20:12,680 --> 00:20:13,900
I saw this on C.S.I.
373
00:20:14,000 --> 00:20:17,891
The bowels evacuate when the body dies.
374
00:20:18,080 --> 00:20:20,367
That smells like hatred.
375
00:20:20,600 --> 00:20:21,931
This is gonna get worse
before it gets better.
376
00:20:22,160 --> 00:20:24,401
My dick! My dick!
377
00:20:25,200 --> 00:20:27,362
It worked! Holy shit! Wait, look!
378
00:20:27,640 --> 00:20:29,085
Look, look!
379
00:20:29,280 --> 00:20:31,362
That's a good-looking dick to me!
380
00:20:32,720 --> 00:20:34,927
My dick is back!
381
00:20:36,560 --> 00:20:37,641
How far back did we go?
382
00:20:41,640 --> 00:20:43,005
I don't know.
383
00:20:53,840 --> 00:20:57,083
We put a big dryer in
so we don't have to time travel naked.
384
00:20:57,240 --> 00:20:58,765
This is different.
385
00:20:59,440 --> 00:21:02,284
It's like a Scandinavian gay bar.
386
00:21:03,000 --> 00:21:04,780
Looks like a Miami IKEA.
387
00:21:04,880 --> 00:21:06,211
Dude, it looks amazing.
388
00:21:06,520 --> 00:21:08,682
I mean, look how classy it is.
It's like a museum.
389
00:21:18,680 --> 00:21:19,761
Who...
390
00:21:19,880 --> 00:21:20,881
Who is this?
391
00:21:22,480 --> 00:21:23,641
I think it's Jacob.
392
00:21:24,000 --> 00:21:25,126
Why am I bald?
393
00:21:25,440 --> 00:21:27,124
What did you do?
394
00:21:27,240 --> 00:21:28,571
I didn't... I didn't do that.
395
00:21:28,840 --> 00:21:30,410
You look like a pedophile dressed you.
396
00:21:30,640 --> 00:21:32,881
You look like a Jewish Jason Statham.
397
00:21:33,280 --> 00:21:35,740
You look like Michael Chiklis
fucked Big Daddy Warbucks,
398
00:21:35,840 --> 00:21:37,080
who fucked Lex Luthor.
399
00:21:37,680 --> 00:21:38,660
That's what it is.
400
00:21:38,760 --> 00:21:40,740
And who's the little doggie?
401
00:21:40,840 --> 00:21:43,047
What's he do...
What's he just doing there like this?
402
00:21:43,160 --> 00:21:44,820
Why aren't you fucking that doggie?
403
00:21:44,920 --> 00:21:46,460
Why would I be fucking the dog?
404
00:21:46,560 --> 00:21:47,846
Power over nature.
405
00:21:48,400 --> 00:21:49,970
Hey, you.
406
00:21:52,200 --> 00:21:53,645
Is that the coat-check girl?
407
00:21:56,800 --> 00:21:57,801
Boobs.
408
00:21:57,960 --> 00:21:59,689
Hey, how are you?
409
00:22:02,360 --> 00:22:03,566
I didn't know you had company.
410
00:22:03,800 --> 00:22:05,370
- Yeah...
- Hey, Nick.
411
00:22:05,520 --> 00:22:06,521
'Sup?
412
00:22:07,000 --> 00:22:08,331
What's he doing here?
413
00:22:08,480 --> 00:22:10,005
This is my house.
414
00:22:12,360 --> 00:22:13,771
Think that'll hold you till later?
415
00:22:14,160 --> 00:22:15,525
Yeah, I'm sure.
416
00:22:15,840 --> 00:22:17,729
- Bye, Nick.
- Bye.
417
00:22:17,920 --> 00:22:19,331
- See you at the club?
- Right.
418
00:22:22,880 --> 00:22:25,042
That coat-check girl is rude.
419
00:22:25,280 --> 00:22:26,406
I like her.
420
00:22:26,720 --> 00:22:28,940
I think it's pretty obvious
what's going on here, right.
421
00:22:29,040 --> 00:22:30,041
What?
422
00:22:30,240 --> 00:22:32,846
Alternate universe. Like Fringe.
423
00:22:33,560 --> 00:22:34,580
Nerd
424
00:22:34,680 --> 00:22:37,340
You're a fucking nerd
425
00:22:37,440 --> 00:22:38,487
Nerd
426
00:22:38,600 --> 00:22:40,940
You're a fucking nerd
427
00:22:41,040 --> 00:22:43,520
- Nerd
- And no one likes you
428
00:22:43,640 --> 00:22:44,580
Poindexter
429
00:22:44,680 --> 00:22:45,780
No one likes you
430
00:22:45,880 --> 00:22:47,900
Media preferences, Mr. Dorchen?
431
00:22:48,000 --> 00:22:49,001
Hello?
432
00:22:49,240 --> 00:22:51,925
Media preferences, Mr. Dorchen?
433
00:22:52,400 --> 00:22:54,084
Duck Dynasty?
434
00:22:54,280 --> 00:22:56,567
Media preferences, Mr. Dorchen?
435
00:22:56,760 --> 00:22:58,888
Duck Fucking Dynasty!
436
00:22:59,360 --> 00:23:01,044
Just try "the news."
437
00:23:01,200 --> 00:23:03,380
News selected.
Thank you, Mr. Dorchen.
438
00:23:03,480 --> 00:23:05,847
Tune in tomorrow
for the challenge round.
439
00:23:06,040 --> 00:23:09,123
Eat a boot? Eat your feelings.
Choozy Doozy.
440
00:23:09,320 --> 00:23:11,209
I think I may be Mr. Dorchen.
441
00:23:11,320 --> 00:23:12,780
- What? No.
- I think this is my house.
442
00:23:12,880 --> 00:23:14,644
- No way.
- I think he's right, Lou.
443
00:23:14,880 --> 00:23:15,961
- That's impossible.
- You heard it.
444
00:23:16,080 --> 00:23:17,445
It just answered me.
445
00:23:17,640 --> 00:23:19,449
March 26, 2025.
446
00:23:19,560 --> 00:23:22,460
From Comedy Central's World News
headquarters in New York.com,
447
00:23:22,560 --> 00:23:24,767
this is The Daily Show
with Jessica Williams.
448
00:23:24,920 --> 00:23:25,967
2025.
449
00:23:28,560 --> 00:23:31,860
Hey! Welcome to The Daily Show.
I'm Jessica Williams.
450
00:23:31,960 --> 00:23:34,300
Tonight's guest, Dame Jennifer Lawrence
451
00:23:34,400 --> 00:23:37,643
promoting her Meryl Streep
biopic, Streepin' It Real.
452
00:23:37,800 --> 00:23:40,485
Hey, how do they get the people
to be on this show?
453
00:23:40,800 --> 00:23:42,940
So, by now you've all seen
the NSA satellite footage
454
00:23:43,040 --> 00:23:44,420
of the road rage incident
455
00:23:44,520 --> 00:23:47,763
between two self-driving
smart cars in New Detroit.
456
00:23:47,880 --> 00:23:52,281
President Neil Patrick Harris has called
for greater regulation of the industry,
457
00:23:52,720 --> 00:23:55,660
while congressional Republicans defend
every sentient automobile's
458
00:23:55,760 --> 00:23:58,340
constitutional right
to shoot a black car
459
00:23:58,440 --> 00:23:59,726
if it's actin' funny.
460
00:24:01,600 --> 00:24:03,060
This show's still got it.
461
00:24:03,160 --> 00:24:06,846
Holy shit.
We went 10 years into the future.
462
00:24:11,440 --> 00:24:12,521
Whoa.
463
00:24:13,120 --> 00:24:15,168
I'm distinguished.
464
00:24:15,520 --> 00:24:17,761
I should shave this, right?
465
00:24:17,960 --> 00:24:19,540
Yeah, that's not a good look.
466
00:24:19,640 --> 00:24:21,369
This is so smooth,
I don't think I went bald.
467
00:24:21,480 --> 00:24:22,500
I think this is a choice,
468
00:24:22,600 --> 00:24:24,967
like Andre Agassi
or Bruce Willis or something.
469
00:24:25,120 --> 00:24:27,420
You don't look anything like
either of those two people.
470
00:24:27,520 --> 00:24:30,967
For one, they're fit and handsome
and you're neither of those things.
471
00:24:31,080 --> 00:24:32,889
You look like a turtle
crawled out of his shell.
472
00:24:33,000 --> 00:24:34,580
Fuck you for making me bald.
473
00:24:34,680 --> 00:24:37,380
You look like
an orchestra conductor for stray cats.
474
00:24:37,480 --> 00:24:39,820
You look like you give
lectures on public access.
475
00:24:39,920 --> 00:24:41,684
You look like a grown-up Gerber baby.
476
00:24:42,160 --> 00:24:44,620
You look like an egg
gave birth to another egg.
477
00:24:44,720 --> 00:24:46,210
You look like Gandalf the Poor.
478
00:24:47,320 --> 00:24:49,460
You look like
you advise Lando Calrissian.
479
00:24:49,560 --> 00:24:50,540
That's a good one.
480
00:24:50,640 --> 00:24:53,041
You look like the guy that owns the one
house that ruins the whole street.
481
00:24:53,160 --> 00:24:54,940
Have I bombed anything, you think?
482
00:24:55,040 --> 00:24:57,060
You look like
you've never made a correct decision.
483
00:24:57,160 --> 00:24:58,241
Ever.
484
00:24:58,400 --> 00:25:01,085
I have definitely given
a back-alley blowjob.
485
00:25:01,280 --> 00:25:02,441
I gotta admit I kinda like this.
486
00:25:02,680 --> 00:25:04,523
I want to hit you
into the corner pocket.
487
00:25:04,680 --> 00:25:07,420
Now I know why the coat-check
girl didn't like me.
488
00:25:07,520 --> 00:25:09,249
I look like fucking shit.
489
00:25:13,840 --> 00:25:16,340
So far so good on this future shit, huh?
490
00:25:16,440 --> 00:25:17,900
Yeah. You know what?
491
00:25:18,000 --> 00:25:20,241
I don't feel like anything
bad's going to happen.
492
00:25:21,920 --> 00:25:24,420
Hey, check it out. I found all
the gear from the painting.
493
00:25:24,520 --> 00:25:25,601
- Cool, huh?
- Whoa.
494
00:25:28,120 --> 00:25:29,770
What happened
to the bottom of your suit?
495
00:25:29,880 --> 00:25:31,291
That pesky little doggie eat it?
496
00:25:31,680 --> 00:25:33,091
It's called fashion, Lou.
497
00:25:33,520 --> 00:25:34,521
You look like...
498
00:25:34,720 --> 00:25:36,780
- Nope, not doing anymore "You look like."
- But you look like...
499
00:25:36,880 --> 00:25:37,980
I don't give a shit.
We did it on the stairs.
500
00:25:38,080 --> 00:25:40,531
We did it in front of the mirror.
It'd be tacky to do it a third time.
501
00:25:40,720 --> 00:25:42,484
Anyway, do you guys
want some fresh clothes?
502
00:25:42,600 --> 00:25:43,940
I got a whole closet full of stuff.
503
00:25:44,040 --> 00:25:46,100
I love this shirt. My shit is fly.
504
00:25:46,200 --> 00:25:48,202
Weren't you listening
to my speech, dude?
505
00:25:48,400 --> 00:25:50,641
Always pack a bag.
506
00:25:51,720 --> 00:25:53,210
Hey, is that...
507
00:25:54,480 --> 00:25:55,780
- No. It is not.
- How did you get that?
508
00:25:55,880 --> 00:25:57,220
- I didn't get...
- I know what it...
509
00:25:57,320 --> 00:25:58,526
I saw what it said.
510
00:25:58,760 --> 00:25:59,940
It doesn't say anything!
511
00:26:00,040 --> 00:26:01,166
Was that the Cincinnati box?
512
00:26:02,720 --> 00:26:05,246
- Don't say that out loud.
- It might hear you.
513
00:26:05,400 --> 00:26:07,402
You're really never
going to tell me what's inside that box?
514
00:26:07,720 --> 00:26:10,405
Okay, we'll tell you. We'll tell him.
515
00:26:10,800 --> 00:26:12,370
- I'm going to tell him.
- Lou.
516
00:26:12,560 --> 00:26:15,220
It's the Declaration of Independence
with a map on the back.
517
00:26:15,320 --> 00:26:17,368
- Our family's chosen.
- Yep.
518
00:26:17,680 --> 00:26:19,380
That's just the plot of that
movie National Treasure.
519
00:26:19,480 --> 00:26:20,481
It's the Ark of the Covenant.
520
00:26:20,640 --> 00:26:22,820
That's Raiders of the Lost Ark.
You're not even tryin'.
521
00:26:22,920 --> 00:26:24,740
I mean, that's not even
anything that could be in the box.
522
00:26:24,840 --> 00:26:26,500
Okay, this has gone on long enough.
523
00:26:26,600 --> 00:26:27,660
Okay.
524
00:26:27,760 --> 00:26:31,685
It's a ring that turns you invisible
and carries with it the power of evil.
525
00:26:31,800 --> 00:26:34,326
I've seen fucking movies,
you guys! I've seen movies!
526
00:26:34,440 --> 00:26:36,340
Wait, why are you alive?
527
00:26:36,440 --> 00:26:37,500
What?
528
00:26:37,600 --> 00:26:39,340
Why are you alive? We're in the future.
529
00:26:39,440 --> 00:26:41,044
Yeah, you know what? He's right.
530
00:26:41,160 --> 00:26:43,003
'Cause if we went back in time,
you'd be alive.
531
00:26:43,120 --> 00:26:44,780
But we went 10 years
in the fuckin' future.
532
00:26:44,880 --> 00:26:46,006
You should be dead.
533
00:26:46,200 --> 00:26:47,611
Yeah, what the fuck?
534
00:26:47,760 --> 00:26:49,380
What you should be
asking yourselves is,
535
00:26:49,480 --> 00:26:51,100
"When the fuck?"
536
00:26:51,200 --> 00:26:53,123
God damn it!
537
00:26:53,280 --> 00:26:54,580
This fucking guy again!
538
00:26:54,680 --> 00:26:55,681
Why do you do that?
539
00:26:55,960 --> 00:26:57,530
He's not going to tell us anything.
540
00:26:57,720 --> 00:27:00,041
Hey, why don't you make like a fuck off
and get out of here?
541
00:27:00,200 --> 00:27:04,000
Wait. So all we have to do is go back
and Lou's gonna be okay, right?
542
00:27:04,600 --> 00:27:07,126
It's not that simple, really.
543
00:27:07,240 --> 00:27:09,368
The hot tub doesn't take you
where you want to go.
544
00:27:09,480 --> 00:27:10,845
It takes you where you need to go.
545
00:27:10,960 --> 00:27:11,940
Come on!
546
00:27:12,040 --> 00:27:15,780
There are
certain calculations and innovations
547
00:27:15,880 --> 00:27:19,123
and salutations
that haven't even come to pass yet.
548
00:27:19,400 --> 00:27:21,050
What the hell does that mean?
549
00:27:21,200 --> 00:27:24,488
What it means is, at the present,
your tub here is just a tub.
550
00:27:24,600 --> 00:27:27,171
Wait, are you saying
that time travel is not even possible?
551
00:27:27,320 --> 00:27:30,005
Right on, Liz.
Give the pretty lady a flower.
552
00:27:30,160 --> 00:27:31,491
- Damn it.
- Lizzie.
553
00:27:31,640 --> 00:27:33,580
That's bullshit, okay?
554
00:27:33,680 --> 00:27:36,524
We got a whole vault
of nitro right here.
555
00:27:37,040 --> 00:27:39,168
Where'd it go? Where did it go?
556
00:27:40,320 --> 00:27:41,970
What did you do with my nitro?
557
00:27:42,200 --> 00:27:44,885
How can I take what doesn't exist yet?
558
00:27:45,040 --> 00:27:47,380
It exists in the past.
How can it not exist in the future?
559
00:27:47,480 --> 00:27:50,131
The past, the future. All very cute.
560
00:27:50,360 --> 00:27:52,420
But who's to say the past
isn't anything more
561
00:27:52,520 --> 00:27:54,841
than the future of this present?
562
00:27:55,200 --> 00:27:56,929
So, nitro is from the future?
563
00:27:58,160 --> 00:27:59,400
Like Terminator.
564
00:27:59,560 --> 00:28:00,940
- Yeah.
- Oh, my God.
565
00:28:01,040 --> 00:28:03,088
You think everything is like Terminator.
566
00:28:03,200 --> 00:28:04,804
'Cause everything is like Terminator!
567
00:28:04,960 --> 00:28:07,008
Arnold's hand gets
chopped off in the past,
568
00:28:07,120 --> 00:28:10,203
somebody finds it, reverse
engineers that shit. Boom!
569
00:28:10,320 --> 00:28:12,620
Terminators running all
around this motherfucker.
570
00:28:12,720 --> 00:28:14,006
That's how we got nitro?
571
00:28:14,480 --> 00:28:16,687
I don't know. I never saw Terminator.
572
00:28:17,000 --> 00:28:19,048
Fuck this guy and his riddles!
573
00:28:26,960 --> 00:28:28,564
Thanks for holding him down for me!
574
00:28:28,720 --> 00:28:29,700
"Hold him down"?
575
00:28:29,800 --> 00:28:31,700
So you can beat to death
the mystical time baron
576
00:28:31,800 --> 00:28:33,260
that holds the keys
to our very existence?
577
00:28:33,360 --> 00:28:34,940
That's your fucking plan here?
578
00:28:35,040 --> 00:28:36,180
Shut up.
579
00:28:36,280 --> 00:28:37,740
Tighten your shit up, Lou.
We needed him.
580
00:28:37,840 --> 00:28:39,001
Amateur hour.
581
00:28:39,760 --> 00:28:41,330
This thing is awesome.
582
00:28:41,480 --> 00:28:42,780
I probably invented it.
583
00:28:42,880 --> 00:28:44,803
"Lou Sux
584
00:28:45,040 --> 00:28:49,250
"Cox N Dix." Flip it.
585
00:28:49,880 --> 00:28:50,881
Okay.
586
00:28:51,320 --> 00:28:52,620
Try to stay with me.
587
00:28:52,720 --> 00:28:54,540
This is going to get complicated.
588
00:28:54,640 --> 00:28:56,608
This is time.
589
00:28:57,400 --> 00:28:59,540
And you're dead.
590
00:28:59,640 --> 00:29:01,540
So Lou is killed in our present,
591
00:29:01,640 --> 00:29:04,260
which means that here,
in the future, he should still be dead.
592
00:29:04,360 --> 00:29:05,500
Well, clearly, he's not fuckin' dead,
593
00:29:05,600 --> 00:29:07,523
'cause he's sittin' here,
still bothering me.
594
00:29:07,640 --> 00:29:09,060
So what that tells me is
595
00:29:09,160 --> 00:29:13,360
we're in a completely different future
on a completely different timeline.
596
00:29:13,480 --> 00:29:16,086
Jacob, I'm the Sarlacc.
597
00:29:17,440 --> 00:29:18,420
Okay.
598
00:29:18,520 --> 00:29:20,204
Anyway, the Repairman said
599
00:29:20,320 --> 00:29:24,803
that the past is actually the future
of the present we're in right now.
600
00:29:25,320 --> 00:29:29,370
So I think what that means is
the killer is from the future.
601
00:29:29,840 --> 00:29:33,162
So clearly, someone from 2025
will go back in time and shoot Lou.
602
00:29:33,440 --> 00:29:34,771
Like Looper.
603
00:29:35,000 --> 00:29:36,081
Wow!
604
00:29:36,520 --> 00:29:38,329
How about a fucking spoiler alert?
605
00:29:38,440 --> 00:29:40,500
"Hey, Lou, you want to go see Looper?"
606
00:29:40,600 --> 00:29:42,443
"Nah, I got a thing I gotta do."
607
00:29:42,600 --> 00:29:44,364
It's in my queue! That counts.
608
00:29:44,480 --> 00:29:46,369
It's the first Bruce Willis
movie we missed.
609
00:29:46,480 --> 00:29:47,970
- Is Bruce in that?
- Okay.
610
00:29:48,120 --> 00:29:51,820
Plainly, just by virtue of
Lou being here alive in 2025
611
00:29:51,920 --> 00:29:54,287
when we know that he died in 2015,
612
00:29:54,560 --> 00:29:56,180
we're here to stop his future murder.
613
00:29:56,280 --> 00:29:59,020
- Which happens in the past.
- Exactly.
614
00:29:59,120 --> 00:30:00,100
I get this shit.
615
00:30:00,200 --> 00:30:01,940
I'm bored by this shit.
616
00:30:02,040 --> 00:30:04,327
Let's go check out the future
strip club situation.
617
00:30:04,440 --> 00:30:05,441
High five.
618
00:30:05,640 --> 00:30:07,340
Did you just say "high five"
instead of high-fiving?
619
00:30:07,440 --> 00:30:08,771
- High five.
- High five.
620
00:30:09,040 --> 00:30:10,820
That is the laziest thing
I've ever heard.
621
00:30:10,920 --> 00:30:11,860
High five.
622
00:30:11,960 --> 00:30:13,530
You don't have the energy for this?
623
00:30:13,960 --> 00:30:16,220
No, no.
You guys, we can't just fuck around.
624
00:30:16,320 --> 00:30:17,540
We got to find your murderer.
625
00:30:17,640 --> 00:30:19,540
Or we don't have to do any of that
626
00:30:19,640 --> 00:30:21,529
and we go check out a strip club.
627
00:30:24,000 --> 00:30:26,100
- You flickered.
- You're flickering.
628
00:30:26,200 --> 00:30:27,780
I flickered... Why am I flickering?
629
00:30:27,880 --> 00:30:28,940
By threatening your own existence.
630
00:30:29,040 --> 00:30:30,690
Have you listened to
anything I've been saying?
631
00:30:30,840 --> 00:30:32,490
I have not listened to any of it.
632
00:30:33,200 --> 00:30:35,441
God, okay, fine! Fine.
633
00:30:35,560 --> 00:30:39,565
We'll solve my stupid murder,
which hasn't happened yet.
634
00:30:41,080 --> 00:30:43,003
Or we can just go to a strip club.
635
00:30:44,440 --> 00:30:46,727
All right, fine!
The fucking murder thing.
636
00:31:13,200 --> 00:31:14,611
Nothing's really changed.
637
00:31:14,760 --> 00:31:17,047
You'd figure after 10 years,
something would be different, right?
638
00:31:25,080 --> 00:31:27,447
That's some sexy-ass
future shit right there.
639
00:31:27,640 --> 00:31:30,220
Do you or someone you love
have a problem with
640
00:31:30,320 --> 00:31:32,780
- heroin, speed, ice...
- Yes. Yeah.
641
00:31:32,880 --> 00:31:35,340
- ...smack, whack, jack...
- Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
642
00:31:35,440 --> 00:31:37,740
...Al Michaels' Revenge or cocaine?
643
00:31:37,840 --> 00:31:38,887
First order of business,
644
00:31:39,000 --> 00:31:40,843
we get ourselves some
Al Michaels' Revenge, right?
645
00:31:40,960 --> 00:31:44,646
We can help put the "U"
back in "Reuvenate."
646
00:31:44,840 --> 00:31:47,446
We're still demonizing addiction?
Like it's some kind of sickness.
647
00:31:47,840 --> 00:31:49,380
I cannot wait for you
to hit rock bottom.
648
00:31:49,480 --> 00:31:51,005
Yeah! Yeah.
649
00:31:51,440 --> 00:31:53,340
Who in the future
would want to kill you, Lou?
650
00:31:53,440 --> 00:31:54,740
I don't know.
651
00:31:54,840 --> 00:31:56,660
The only person who's ever
had any motivation
652
00:31:56,760 --> 00:31:58,524
to kill me has been me.
653
00:31:58,640 --> 00:32:01,120
I treat everyone with the
utmost respect and kindness.
654
00:32:01,240 --> 00:32:03,322
Lou, you tried to push me
down the stairs last week.
655
00:32:03,440 --> 00:32:04,851
As a joke!
656
00:32:07,480 --> 00:32:09,289
Oh, my God, it's you.
657
00:32:09,640 --> 00:32:10,846
Jacob is the murderer.
658
00:32:11,080 --> 00:32:13,367
I'm not the murderer. Come on.
659
00:32:13,840 --> 00:32:17,060
Really? Because you seem to have
stepped right into my life.
660
00:32:17,160 --> 00:32:19,925
You always wanted to be
the one fucking that tiger!
661
00:32:20,080 --> 00:32:23,740
Lou, if I was going to fuckin' kill you,
I wouldn't use a gun, okay?
662
00:32:23,840 --> 00:32:27,820
I would spike your mid-morning cocktail
with a tasteless, but potent sedative.
663
00:32:27,920 --> 00:32:30,340
And, while you slept,
I would wait the 9 hours
664
00:32:30,440 --> 00:32:32,820
for it to fully flush out of your system,
so there's no trace.
665
00:32:32,920 --> 00:32:37,209
And I would take you out into the Gulf
and feed you to a tiger shark.
666
00:32:37,320 --> 00:32:38,685
Damn, that's cold.
667
00:32:38,840 --> 00:32:40,205
But I wouldn't use a gun.
668
00:32:40,680 --> 00:32:43,780
I'll be making my own mid-morning
cocktail from now on, thank you.
669
00:32:43,880 --> 00:32:46,281
Man, I wish Adam was here.
He'd know what to do.
670
00:32:46,400 --> 00:32:48,340
You just described my whole entire life.
671
00:32:48,440 --> 00:32:50,681
We need Adam and he's not here.
672
00:32:54,200 --> 00:32:55,565
Where the hell is he?
673
00:32:55,680 --> 00:32:57,011
Holy shit.
674
00:32:57,160 --> 00:32:59,140
When we were carrying you
after you got shot,
675
00:32:59,240 --> 00:33:00,300
I saw his trench coat
676
00:33:00,400 --> 00:33:02,402
beside the hot tub time machine.
677
00:33:06,520 --> 00:33:08,045
Adam murdered me.
678
00:33:09,280 --> 00:33:10,300
Okay, so Adam shoots Lou,
679
00:33:10,400 --> 00:33:12,540
and then uses the hot tub
to escape somewhere in time
680
00:33:12,640 --> 00:33:13,641
Textbook.
681
00:33:13,760 --> 00:33:15,740
Only in our fucked-up social circle
is that textbook.
682
00:33:15,840 --> 00:33:17,460
Why would Adam wanna shoot you?
683
00:33:17,560 --> 00:33:20,660
I don't know. I've only been
the best of friends to him.
684
00:33:20,760 --> 00:33:23,331
- You tried to fuck his wife.
- You tried to fuck his wife?
685
00:33:23,720 --> 00:33:26,420
As a joke! Come on, you guys get that.
686
00:33:26,520 --> 00:33:27,540
No.
687
00:33:27,640 --> 00:33:28,641
You get it.
688
00:33:29,800 --> 00:33:32,201
In Lougle financial news,
no surprise here,
689
00:33:32,320 --> 00:33:34,820
Lougle finished trading up
10 points today.
690
00:33:34,920 --> 00:33:37,605
Nice. Looks like
I turned the company around.
691
00:33:38,320 --> 00:33:39,810
I'll turn you around.
692
00:33:40,280 --> 00:33:42,567
Somebody's grumpy
'cause they got murdered.
693
00:33:45,600 --> 00:33:46,900
Adam! Come on out!
694
00:33:47,000 --> 00:33:48,660
It's your best friends
in the whole fucking world!
695
00:33:48,760 --> 00:33:49,900
You sure this is the right place?
696
00:33:50,000 --> 00:33:52,900
Lougle Search brought up
Adam's location and DNA.
697
00:33:53,000 --> 00:33:54,860
He's really got to fix
his privacy settings.
698
00:33:54,960 --> 00:33:57,247
If he's here,
I'm gonna kill him before he kills me.
699
00:33:57,400 --> 00:33:58,925
Hi. Can I help you?
700
00:33:59,800 --> 00:34:03,327
Oh, my God.
Jacob Dorchen and Nick Webber?
701
00:34:04,240 --> 00:34:05,241
Guilty.
702
00:34:05,600 --> 00:34:07,780
Am I on Celebrity Subpoena?
703
00:34:07,880 --> 00:34:10,724
Just tell me. Tell me,
am I on Celebrity Subpoena?
704
00:34:11,200 --> 00:34:13,362
And hello, sir. Who are you?
705
00:34:13,520 --> 00:34:15,020
- Fuck it, wrong house.
- Stop.
706
00:34:15,120 --> 00:34:16,690
Does Adam Yates live here?
707
00:34:17,240 --> 00:34:19,208
I'm Adam Yates Stedmeyer.
708
00:34:20,560 --> 00:34:24,220
Okay, so you're married to my aunt,
which makes you my uncle.
709
00:34:24,320 --> 00:34:28,848
But that means that
you and I are first cousins.
710
00:34:29,520 --> 00:34:31,300
Oh, my God, you guys. This is aws.
711
00:34:31,400 --> 00:34:33,607
He looks like a preppie Braveheart.
712
00:34:33,800 --> 00:34:36,485
I found this photo after my mother died.
713
00:34:39,480 --> 00:34:42,820
Great White Buffalo.
714
00:34:42,920 --> 00:34:45,660
- Great White Buffalo.
- Great White Buffalo.
715
00:34:45,760 --> 00:34:47,500
Great White Buffalo. Yeah.
716
00:34:47,600 --> 00:34:48,931
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
717
00:34:49,040 --> 00:34:51,980
So this is him, right? This is my dad?
718
00:34:52,080 --> 00:34:53,060
So you never met him?
719
00:34:53,160 --> 00:34:54,889
No, they broke up
before I was even born.
720
00:34:55,720 --> 00:34:58,121
But you guys can introduce us.
721
00:34:58,320 --> 00:35:01,940
Yeah. See, the thing about that is,
it's complicated.
722
00:35:02,040 --> 00:35:04,122
Do you guys ever feel like
723
00:35:04,560 --> 00:35:06,403
everything happens for a reason?
724
00:35:06,520 --> 00:35:07,646
- Yes.
- No.
725
00:35:07,920 --> 00:35:10,380
Call it destiny, or predestiny.
726
00:35:10,480 --> 00:35:12,020
I think it's "predestination."
727
00:35:12,120 --> 00:35:14,180
No, it's predestiny. I read a book.
728
00:35:14,280 --> 00:35:15,441
Was that book a dictionary?
729
00:35:15,600 --> 00:35:17,364
No, it was a book called Predestiny.
730
00:35:17,480 --> 00:35:18,970
Okay, I don't really give a shit.
731
00:35:19,080 --> 00:35:21,287
With predestiny, it dictates
732
00:35:21,480 --> 00:35:24,140
that there is a force or something
holding the strings
733
00:35:24,240 --> 00:35:25,580
and setting everything up
734
00:35:25,680 --> 00:35:28,684
just so they can be
knocked down perfectly
735
00:35:29,080 --> 00:35:30,923
into...
736
00:35:36,000 --> 00:35:36,980
Place.
737
00:35:37,080 --> 00:35:39,401
I can't! I can't do it!
I gotta go. Let's go.
738
00:35:39,600 --> 00:35:41,340
- Sorry.
- Sorry, bro, we gotta go.
739
00:35:41,440 --> 00:35:42,420
Nice skirt, by the way.
740
00:35:42,520 --> 00:35:45,000
- Thank you.
- I have the dress.
741
00:35:45,120 --> 00:35:46,580
Wait, who said anything about a dress?
742
00:35:46,680 --> 00:35:49,160
I certainly didn't say
anything about the dress.
743
00:35:50,480 --> 00:35:52,500
I'm sorry. I didn't realize
that Adam had guests.
744
00:35:52,600 --> 00:35:53,700
- Hey, babe.
- Hi.
745
00:35:53,800 --> 00:35:57,020
Guys, meet Jill. Jill, meet the guys.
746
00:35:57,120 --> 00:35:59,260
We're getting married this weekend.
747
00:35:59,360 --> 00:36:01,931
Me and Jill, not me and you guys.
748
00:36:02,160 --> 00:36:04,340
Stop it. You're gonna make milk
come out of my nose.
749
00:36:04,440 --> 00:36:06,886
- Milk? What milk?
- I had milk earlier.
750
00:36:08,800 --> 00:36:10,006
Are you Nick Webber?
751
00:36:10,120 --> 00:36:11,460
Yes. Yes, I am.
752
00:36:11,560 --> 00:36:13,961
Would you please do the Webber Strut?
753
00:36:14,120 --> 00:36:15,281
The Webber...
754
00:36:15,600 --> 00:36:17,820
Come on, you know it.
He wants us to do it.
755
00:36:17,920 --> 00:36:18,860
I think so.
756
00:36:18,960 --> 00:36:21,486
Everybody, strut, strut, strut, strut.
757
00:36:21,600 --> 00:36:23,489
- Stop that.
- Strut, strut, strut...
758
00:36:23,600 --> 00:36:26,046
Wow, they're really good at your dance.
759
00:36:26,320 --> 00:36:29,688
Your poor man's Macarena
that you are very famous for.
760
00:36:29,800 --> 00:36:30,780
Everybody do the...
761
00:36:30,880 --> 00:36:32,620
They're, like,
picking dicks out of a tree.
762
00:36:32,720 --> 00:36:34,140
It looks like dick-picking.
763
00:36:34,240 --> 00:36:37,060
And for the record,
I still like your music.
764
00:36:37,160 --> 00:36:39,208
I mean,
I know you've fallen on hard times.
765
00:36:39,320 --> 00:36:40,300
Hard times?
766
00:36:40,400 --> 00:36:42,260
You're so poor now,
but I really like you still.
767
00:36:42,360 --> 00:36:43,820
What do you mean, poor?
768
00:36:43,920 --> 00:36:45,700
- Oh, my God, that's the one.
- That's the one?
769
00:36:45,800 --> 00:36:46,900
That is the one.
770
00:36:47,000 --> 00:36:49,367
Honey, we found our mini-cake bites.
771
00:36:49,720 --> 00:36:50,780
Guys!
772
00:36:50,880 --> 00:36:52,700
We found our mini-cake bites.
773
00:36:52,800 --> 00:36:53,740
What?
774
00:36:53,840 --> 00:36:54,860
I didn't tell you.
775
00:36:54,960 --> 00:36:56,883
- Jacob is my cousin.
- No.
776
00:36:57,000 --> 00:36:59,241
- And Uncle Lou...
- Don't you ever call me that.
777
00:36:59,400 --> 00:37:01,300
- ...Is my uncle.
- What?
778
00:37:01,400 --> 00:37:04,483
And they came here in a... What was it?
779
00:37:04,760 --> 00:37:06,091
Hot tub time machine.
780
00:37:06,360 --> 00:37:07,340
That's right.
781
00:37:07,440 --> 00:37:08,420
Okay.
782
00:37:08,520 --> 00:37:11,285
So I guess you came here
in a hot tub time machine, too.
783
00:37:14,240 --> 00:37:15,241
Listen.
784
00:37:17,560 --> 00:37:19,881
- They're looking for my dad.
- What?
785
00:37:20,040 --> 00:37:21,451
You have to go with them.
786
00:37:22,200 --> 00:37:24,740
Would you guys mind?
It would be really, really great
787
00:37:24,840 --> 00:37:26,300
to have my father at the wedding.
788
00:37:26,400 --> 00:37:27,420
Fuck that. Fuck that.
789
00:37:27,520 --> 00:37:29,300
No way in hell. No way in hell.
790
00:37:29,400 --> 00:37:30,540
You gotta let Adam go.
791
00:37:30,640 --> 00:37:32,860
I mean, this is exactly the
sort of thing that he needs.
792
00:37:32,960 --> 00:37:35,780
We've been together for 10 years.
He hardly ever goes out.
793
00:37:35,880 --> 00:37:37,291
He didn't even have a bachelor party.
794
00:37:37,400 --> 00:37:38,780
Honey, you're making me
seem a little stiff.
795
00:37:38,880 --> 00:37:39,860
Right.
796
00:37:39,960 --> 00:37:43,043
All right. Well, you have fun
and make good choices.
797
00:37:43,200 --> 00:37:44,980
- You're my best choice.
- You're my best choice.
798
00:37:45,080 --> 00:37:47,460
- No, you're my best choice.
- You're my bestest choice.
799
00:37:47,560 --> 00:37:49,220
No, you're my best choice!
800
00:37:49,320 --> 00:37:50,606
You're my best choice!
801
00:37:50,720 --> 00:37:53,291
You're. My. Best. Choice.
802
00:37:53,440 --> 00:37:55,204
- The fuck?
- Yeah, seriously.
803
00:37:55,560 --> 00:37:57,220
Guys, I'll be there in one second.
804
00:37:57,320 --> 00:38:00,130
You're. My. Best. Choice.
805
00:38:00,920 --> 00:38:03,924
So you guys
are my dad's full-on bros, huh?
806
00:38:04,080 --> 00:38:05,460
I always wondered
what my dad's full-on bros
807
00:38:05,560 --> 00:38:08,450
would be like and now...
Now I totally know.
808
00:38:08,560 --> 00:38:11,086
'Cause we're getting
some serious hang-time.
809
00:38:11,360 --> 00:38:12,361
Hey.
810
00:38:13,160 --> 00:38:16,580
You know what, I feel like we are
going to have an unforgettably...
811
00:38:16,680 --> 00:38:18,540
Dude, where the fuck are we going?
812
00:38:18,640 --> 00:38:20,020
Well, my mom used to live near here,
813
00:38:20,120 --> 00:38:23,442
so I figured we'd go by her old building
and see if we can find a clue.
814
00:38:23,600 --> 00:38:27,082
Okay! Well, there's a 50-50 chance
I might murder your dad,
815
00:38:27,200 --> 00:38:29,202
so if you have a reunion speech,
keep it tight.
816
00:38:29,480 --> 00:38:31,289
Holy shit!
817
00:38:31,600 --> 00:38:32,931
Wassup, man?
818
00:38:33,120 --> 00:38:34,804
No, no, no, no, no.
819
00:38:35,680 --> 00:38:37,364
There's no one driving that car.
820
00:38:42,280 --> 00:38:43,540
Yeah, it's a smart car.
821
00:38:43,640 --> 00:38:46,246
- Yeah, I can see that.
- No, it's a smart car.
822
00:38:46,360 --> 00:38:48,488
- It's self-driving.
- What?
823
00:38:48,720 --> 00:38:49,700
That's awesome!
824
00:38:49,800 --> 00:38:51,529
Now, see, this is
that future shit I'm talking about.
825
00:38:51,640 --> 00:38:52,880
How much that set you back?
826
00:38:53,120 --> 00:38:55,009
You guys are hilarious.
827
00:38:55,120 --> 00:38:57,460
I don't own it. I mean, no one does.
828
00:38:57,560 --> 00:38:58,860
You need a car, one shows up.
829
00:38:58,960 --> 00:38:59,980
Really?
830
00:39:00,080 --> 00:39:02,651
You're a wonderful car
and I appreciate you.
831
00:39:03,400 --> 00:39:04,401
Come on.
832
00:39:04,720 --> 00:39:07,380
So, this car runs on feelings.
833
00:39:07,480 --> 00:39:09,528
Yeah, I guess a 6-year-old
would say that.
834
00:39:10,320 --> 00:39:11,340
Burn.
835
00:39:11,440 --> 00:39:13,408
Really? Would a 6-year-old say that?
836
00:39:15,480 --> 00:39:17,740
- What the fuck was that?
- Revved up on you.
837
00:39:17,840 --> 00:39:19,763
- Did he just rev up on me?
- He sure did.
838
00:39:20,000 --> 00:39:22,571
Hey! What's up?
You got a problem with me?
839
00:39:22,680 --> 00:39:25,500
You know what? I'll give you
the first punch, huh?
840
00:39:25,600 --> 00:39:26,620
Go ahead.
841
00:39:26,720 --> 00:39:28,961
Go ahead! Hit me!
842
00:39:29,200 --> 00:39:30,220
Come on!
843
00:39:30,320 --> 00:39:31,420
You're not a good car!
844
00:39:31,520 --> 00:39:35,491
You're not smart! You're just a car!
845
00:39:36,640 --> 00:39:38,740
Okay. I don't think
it actually works that way.
846
00:39:38,840 --> 00:39:40,420
Like, you can't hurt its feelings.
847
00:39:40,520 --> 00:39:41,900
You're a wonderful car
and I appreciate you.
848
00:39:42,000 --> 00:39:43,580
Yeah, well, guess what?
849
00:39:43,680 --> 00:39:45,921
You can hurt my feelings, okay?
850
00:39:46,120 --> 00:39:47,770
- What?
- I'm walking.
851
00:39:49,840 --> 00:39:52,047
- Is he always like this?
- Pretty much.
852
00:39:52,200 --> 00:39:54,140
Does he have, like, emotional problems?
853
00:39:54,240 --> 00:39:56,740
- He's got a real serious drug problem.
- He got shot last night.
854
00:39:56,840 --> 00:39:58,820
- He's got that runt ball.
- His son hates him.
855
00:39:58,920 --> 00:40:00,260
That's fair to say, right?
856
00:40:00,360 --> 00:40:02,408
Yeah, yeah. He's a monster.
857
00:40:02,840 --> 00:40:04,524
I'd like to help him.
858
00:40:12,360 --> 00:40:15,330
Hey, I'm sure you're sick of this,
859
00:40:15,800 --> 00:40:18,007
but will you sign my Dick Pad?
860
00:40:18,560 --> 00:40:20,660
You put your dick in there!
861
00:40:20,760 --> 00:40:22,020
It's a genius invention.
862
00:40:22,120 --> 00:40:23,929
I know, okay? I know.
863
00:40:24,080 --> 00:40:26,860
You put your whole mouth
inside your son's jerk-off machine.
864
00:40:26,960 --> 00:40:29,406
What does your son's penis taste like?
865
00:40:29,840 --> 00:40:30,980
Goddamn you.
866
00:40:31,080 --> 00:40:32,286
Was it delicious?
867
00:40:32,560 --> 00:40:35,180
Hey, a friend of mine's some
sort a big shot over at Lougle.
868
00:40:35,280 --> 00:40:37,009
Brad Syed? He's coming to my wedding.
869
00:40:37,440 --> 00:40:38,441
- Brad?
- Hey.
870
00:40:38,880 --> 00:40:41,884
You guys should absolutely
come to my wedding.
871
00:40:42,120 --> 00:40:43,121
No.
872
00:40:43,240 --> 00:40:45,980
Man, I wish we could, but we're doing...
873
00:40:46,080 --> 00:40:47,889
Motherfucker!
874
00:40:49,000 --> 00:40:50,764
Gary Winkle.
875
00:41:01,120 --> 00:41:03,140
Fuck him in the face.
Right in the fucking face.
876
00:41:03,240 --> 00:41:04,969
It's not about money,
it's about making money.
877
00:41:05,560 --> 00:41:06,561
Look who it...
878
00:41:07,680 --> 00:41:11,060
How are you rich, huh?
How the fuck are you rich?
879
00:41:11,160 --> 00:41:12,740
- Lou...
- You killed me!
880
00:41:12,840 --> 00:41:14,842
I'm going to kill you
before you can kill me again!
881
00:41:15,000 --> 00:41:16,620
Okay. Whoa, whoa, whoa...
882
00:41:16,720 --> 00:41:21,123
That's hilarious.
Why would I kill you? I love you, man.
883
00:41:21,560 --> 00:41:22,540
What?
884
00:41:22,640 --> 00:41:25,450
Okay, okay, okay. All right. I'm fine.
885
00:41:25,640 --> 00:41:26,740
You not buying that land
886
00:41:26,840 --> 00:41:28,922
was the best thing
that ever happened to me.
887
00:41:29,120 --> 00:41:32,740
Because when Hurricane Beth came through
and destroyed half the waterfront...
888
00:41:32,840 --> 00:41:36,367
It turned this worthless piece of dirt
into a goldmine.
889
00:41:36,600 --> 00:41:37,567
What?
890
00:41:37,680 --> 00:41:39,180
So you didn't murder me?
891
00:41:39,280 --> 00:41:42,682
What are you talking about?
I love you, man.
892
00:41:44,280 --> 00:41:45,820
So, are you boys coming up or what?
893
00:41:45,920 --> 00:41:48,491
It's not a party unless
it's a Gary Winkle party.
894
00:41:48,600 --> 00:41:50,170
At Gary Winkle's.
895
00:41:50,640 --> 00:41:51,926
The Wink.
896
00:41:52,120 --> 00:41:54,361
- What are you doing?
- It's a double wink.
897
00:41:54,560 --> 00:41:55,580
Technically, that's more of a blink.
898
00:41:55,680 --> 00:41:57,444
- That's a blink.
- You can't wink, can you?
899
00:41:57,560 --> 00:41:58,971
Of course I can wink.
900
00:41:59,120 --> 00:42:00,121
Prove it.
901
00:42:02,080 --> 00:42:03,081
Yeah.
902
00:42:03,520 --> 00:42:05,220
Let me do this. Hold on.
903
00:42:05,320 --> 00:42:07,482
Let me hold this open.
I'll hold this open.
904
00:42:07,840 --> 00:42:09,046
Now do it.
905
00:42:09,960 --> 00:42:10,900
See?
906
00:42:11,000 --> 00:42:12,081
Can we go to the fuckin' party now?
907
00:42:23,000 --> 00:42:24,525
Welcome to The Wink!
908
00:42:25,720 --> 00:42:27,848
Hey, jugglers, give my boys
anything they want...
909
00:42:28,600 --> 00:42:30,011
From that shelf down.
910
00:42:30,160 --> 00:42:32,540
- Lou, what are we doing here?
- You know.
911
00:42:32,640 --> 00:42:34,380
Winkle is not the killer. We gotta go.
912
00:42:34,480 --> 00:42:35,820
I don't care,
'cause there's cocaine right there.
913
00:42:35,920 --> 00:42:37,180
Didn't you see the cocaine?
Look, look, look.
914
00:42:37,280 --> 00:42:38,580
I see the cocaine. So what?
915
00:42:38,680 --> 00:42:40,420
Well, I'm going to do that.
So, first... And then...
916
00:42:40,520 --> 00:42:43,660
Look, I'm not flickering. Am I flickering?
You cannot say that I'm flickering.
917
00:42:43,760 --> 00:42:45,060
We're on a mission to save your life.
918
00:42:45,160 --> 00:42:46,889
You think I don't want
to roll my dick around some cocaine,
919
00:42:47,000 --> 00:42:48,100
- and get titty-slapped?
- Okay.
920
00:42:48,200 --> 00:42:50,420
Pop some bottles?
Do some crazy future shit?
921
00:42:50,520 --> 00:42:51,660
I'm trying to keep you from flickering.
922
00:42:51,760 --> 00:42:52,940
- What the fuck are you doing?
- Good talk.
923
00:42:53,040 --> 00:42:55,646
Thank you. And popping bottles,
that's old school.
924
00:42:55,760 --> 00:42:56,900
You bringing that back?
925
00:42:57,000 --> 00:42:58,140
Yeah.
926
00:42:58,240 --> 00:42:59,765
I like that. I like you.
927
00:43:02,720 --> 00:43:03,846
What are these? I don't care.
928
00:43:04,720 --> 00:43:07,564
So, Nick, listen, I was so sorry
to hear about you and Courtney.
929
00:43:07,800 --> 00:43:08,801
What do you mean?
930
00:43:10,320 --> 00:43:12,561
Gotcha. Forget I even brought it up.
931
00:43:12,680 --> 00:43:14,205
No, no, no, really, what do you mean?
932
00:43:14,360 --> 00:43:16,203
I hear you loud and clear, man.
933
00:43:16,920 --> 00:43:18,580
I don't think you hear me at all.
934
00:43:18,680 --> 00:43:19,980
Hey, Sophie!
935
00:43:20,080 --> 00:43:21,684
There you are.
936
00:43:25,640 --> 00:43:27,210
I have a surprise for you.
937
00:43:28,760 --> 00:43:31,047
Sophie has a surprise for me.
938
00:43:31,560 --> 00:43:32,641
Bye, dude!
939
00:43:34,440 --> 00:43:36,980
I'll take a room-temperature
almond milk, please.
940
00:43:37,080 --> 00:43:40,004
No, actually,
I'll get a tangerine margarita.
941
00:43:40,240 --> 00:43:41,500
No. Scratch that.
942
00:43:41,600 --> 00:43:45,580
I'll take just an apricot
sliced into fours. And a kiwi.
943
00:43:45,680 --> 00:43:48,340
Do you have kiwi?
I'll take a kiwi, sliced up.
944
00:43:48,440 --> 00:43:50,020
A banana thrown in there.
945
00:43:50,120 --> 00:43:51,740
You know what? Dealer's choice.
946
00:43:51,840 --> 00:43:53,080
Just a fruit salad.
947
00:43:57,520 --> 00:43:58,851
Should we go somewhere more private?
948
00:44:00,440 --> 00:44:02,488
Jacob Dorchen wants privacy.
949
00:44:02,680 --> 00:44:04,045
That's so 2018.
950
00:44:04,160 --> 00:44:05,161
Right, right.
951
00:44:05,640 --> 00:44:07,449
No. Get that out of here.
952
00:44:08,120 --> 00:44:10,500
I mean,
I wouldn't mind a little something.
953
00:44:10,600 --> 00:44:12,762
Remember, we agreed?
954
00:44:13,600 --> 00:44:14,860
Look at your dad.
955
00:44:14,960 --> 00:44:17,361
You're not going down
that road anymore.
956
00:44:20,800 --> 00:44:23,121
Oh, God, I'm so good at that!
957
00:44:24,040 --> 00:44:25,041
Yes!
958
00:44:25,800 --> 00:44:26,740
It's Satan.
959
00:44:26,840 --> 00:44:28,260
Like, I'll finger your dog,
I don't care.
960
00:44:28,360 --> 00:44:30,010
As a joke! As a joke!
961
00:44:30,200 --> 00:44:31,361
I have some advice for you.
962
00:44:31,480 --> 00:44:33,740
If you don't want to be
considered a sex offender,
963
00:44:33,840 --> 00:44:36,180
don't take a shit in a sandbox
964
00:44:36,280 --> 00:44:38,060
that happens to be in a playground.
965
00:44:38,160 --> 00:44:40,380
Okay? Don't do it. 'Cause guess what?
966
00:44:40,480 --> 00:44:43,324
You have two things, a record
and a fucking nickname.
967
00:44:43,480 --> 00:44:46,484
I know it's a potentially risky move...
Wedding sorbet!
968
00:44:46,840 --> 00:44:49,411
As a palate cleanser, of course.
I mean, I'm not insane.
969
00:44:49,800 --> 00:44:51,928
Oh, my God! Fuckin' A!
You're Nick Webber, man!
970
00:44:52,160 --> 00:44:54,380
Let's take a picture!
I can't believe it's you, man.
971
00:44:54,480 --> 00:44:55,420
I'm gonna send this to everyone.
972
00:44:55,520 --> 00:44:57,540
- I'm gonna get, like, a billion views!
- Okay.
973
00:44:57,640 --> 00:45:00,100
I remember when I first heard
that stupid song. I was like,
974
00:45:00,200 --> 00:45:03,010
"Man, that song is so dumb."
975
00:45:03,240 --> 00:45:04,366
Do the Strut.
976
00:45:04,480 --> 00:45:05,720
- Do the Strut.
- No, I'm good.
977
00:45:05,840 --> 00:45:06,921
You won't do the fucking song?
978
00:45:07,080 --> 00:45:09,380
- You want to see the Strut?
- Whoa, whoa, whoa...
979
00:45:09,480 --> 00:45:11,260
Hey, yo! Check this out!
980
00:45:11,360 --> 00:45:13,886
Nick Webber's in the house,
so get ready for the original
981
00:45:14,000 --> 00:45:15,889
Webber Strut!
982
00:45:19,880 --> 00:45:21,620
Before that, let's back it up.
983
00:45:21,720 --> 00:45:24,041
6 years ago, see where it all began.
984
00:45:24,600 --> 00:45:27,490
I made a lot of mistakes.
I've taken advantage.
985
00:45:27,760 --> 00:45:30,240
And now I'm ready to be original.
986
00:45:30,480 --> 00:45:33,020
This is dedicated to
those who never got to be,
987
00:45:33,120 --> 00:45:34,451
because of me.
988
00:45:36,760 --> 00:45:39,081
Strut to the time of the clock
989
00:45:39,360 --> 00:45:42,682
It's midnight
Everybody strut right now
990
00:45:43,040 --> 00:45:44,769
Nick Webber
Nick Webber
991
00:45:44,880 --> 00:45:46,609
You don't know but you think you know
992
00:45:46,800 --> 00:45:48,802
Nick Webber
Nick Webber
993
00:45:49,200 --> 00:45:50,406
You don't know, but you will
994
00:45:50,560 --> 00:45:54,531
Everybody do the
Strut, strut, strut
995
00:45:54,760 --> 00:45:58,860
Everybody do the
Strut, strut, strut
996
00:45:58,960 --> 00:46:00,166
Everybody do the
997
00:46:09,880 --> 00:46:13,521
Oh, this room is so much better
than the other room.
998
00:46:17,040 --> 00:46:18,041
What?
999
00:46:21,680 --> 00:46:22,681
No!
1000
00:46:23,520 --> 00:46:25,887
Look at him go. Chip off the old block.
1001
00:46:27,520 --> 00:46:28,660
Okay, be nice.
1002
00:46:28,760 --> 00:46:32,287
Be nice. Be nice. Be nice.
Be nice. Be nice. Be nice.
1003
00:46:33,280 --> 00:46:34,327
Son!
1004
00:46:34,840 --> 00:46:37,923
Hey! What a coincidence!
1005
00:46:38,200 --> 00:46:41,204
Wondering where you ran off to,
but here you are.
1006
00:46:41,480 --> 00:46:42,540
Who let you in here?
1007
00:46:42,640 --> 00:46:44,060
Would you go find your murderer?
1008
00:46:44,160 --> 00:46:48,020
Think your old man can get in
on a little of this action? Or...
1009
00:46:48,120 --> 00:46:49,724
This is a private party.
1010
00:46:49,840 --> 00:46:51,171
This one's mine.
1011
00:46:51,800 --> 00:46:53,325
What? Yes! See?
1012
00:46:53,480 --> 00:46:54,481
Still got it!
1013
00:46:54,880 --> 00:46:56,820
What are the house rules here?
1014
00:46:56,920 --> 00:46:57,980
I just want to know what to do.
1015
00:46:58,080 --> 00:47:01,801
I don't want to break any rules,
get chucked out right away, you know?
1016
00:47:01,920 --> 00:47:04,161
- That'd be fucked up.
- Touch me, you filthy vagrant.
1017
00:47:09,400 --> 00:47:10,660
Wait, what was that?
1018
00:47:10,760 --> 00:47:12,380
Nothing. It wasn't anything.
1019
00:47:12,480 --> 00:47:13,481
You just flickered.
1020
00:47:13,600 --> 00:47:14,900
No, I'd flickered? No, I didn't.
1021
00:47:15,000 --> 00:47:15,980
How did you do that?
1022
00:47:16,080 --> 00:47:17,500
He's threatening his own existence.
1023
00:47:17,600 --> 00:47:20,780
Lou, you can't be here,
'cause you're jeopardizing your future.
1024
00:47:20,880 --> 00:47:22,660
Would you mind
your own fucking beeswax?
1025
00:47:22,760 --> 00:47:24,340
Whatever. I'm over this.
1026
00:47:24,440 --> 00:47:26,820
No! No!
1027
00:47:26,920 --> 00:47:28,922
No, no!
1028
00:47:31,280 --> 00:47:34,820
Long story short, the caterer
did talk us into the Chateaubriand,
1029
00:47:34,920 --> 00:47:37,340
which, you know,
I'll admit, is a sexy side of beef.
1030
00:47:37,440 --> 00:47:38,380
Sounds like it.
1031
00:47:38,480 --> 00:47:40,180
And I think you know
where I'm going with this.
1032
00:47:40,280 --> 00:47:41,220
You thought wrong.
1033
00:47:41,320 --> 00:47:44,180
Horseradish station. That's right. We're
gonna have the white and the reds,
1034
00:47:44,280 --> 00:47:46,620
separate service, different intensity.
1035
00:47:46,720 --> 00:47:48,290
It's gonna be great...
1036
00:47:48,520 --> 00:47:52,206
Wait a second. Nick?
You should play our wedding.
1037
00:47:52,440 --> 00:47:54,780
People would love to see the Strut
in person.
1038
00:47:54,880 --> 00:47:56,060
I'm sure they would.
1039
00:47:56,160 --> 00:47:57,980
Hey, what do you guys
want from the party tray?
1040
00:47:58,080 --> 00:47:59,180
Me?
1041
00:47:59,280 --> 00:48:01,620
I don't know.
I'm getting married tomorrow,
1042
00:48:01,720 --> 00:48:03,484
so I'm really trying to take it easy.
1043
00:48:03,600 --> 00:48:05,020
Yeah, you're getting married
for the rest of your life,
1044
00:48:05,120 --> 00:48:07,691
so why have any fun tonight at all?
1045
00:48:09,520 --> 00:48:10,500
Yeah.
1046
00:48:10,600 --> 00:48:12,180
- Uncle Lou is right.
- Don't call me that.
1047
00:48:12,280 --> 00:48:14,044
Give me the craziest thing you got.
1048
00:48:14,160 --> 00:48:16,860
Someone sounds like he wants
the Electric Ladybug.
1049
00:48:16,960 --> 00:48:18,086
The Electric...
1050
00:48:18,280 --> 00:48:19,220
Stick it right there.
1051
00:48:19,320 --> 00:48:22,005
What... I'm sorry, what exactly is that?
1052
00:48:22,480 --> 00:48:24,260
Don't take it off for 24 hours.
1053
00:48:24,360 --> 00:48:26,931
Why can't I take it off for 24 hours?
1054
00:48:30,760 --> 00:48:32,460
Yeah. What's so funny?
1055
00:48:32,560 --> 00:48:34,881
Relax. Relax.
It's just like baby aspirin.
1056
00:48:35,000 --> 00:48:38,243
Except more of a super-high
intensity psychotropic drug trip.
1057
00:48:44,640 --> 00:48:46,085
I promise you,
1058
00:48:47,520 --> 00:48:49,045
you're not gonna like this.
1059
00:48:52,680 --> 00:48:53,681
Bye-bye.
1060
00:48:57,000 --> 00:48:58,365
Horseradish.
1061
00:49:16,000 --> 00:49:16,940
Hello.
1062
00:49:17,040 --> 00:49:18,780
I'm a god!
1063
00:49:18,880 --> 00:49:21,087
I'm a fucking god!
1064
00:50:19,480 --> 00:50:20,481
Shit.
1065
00:50:21,120 --> 00:50:24,249
Not in the dumpster.
I owe you 50 bucks.
1066
00:50:24,480 --> 00:50:26,164
Hey, lick my pussy.
1067
00:50:28,360 --> 00:50:30,761
Just kidding, guys.
I'm up here. What's up?
1068
00:50:30,960 --> 00:50:34,441
- What are you doing up there?
- Why are you down there, stupid fuck?
1069
00:50:34,640 --> 00:50:36,449
You guys, last night,
1070
00:50:36,760 --> 00:50:38,125
my eyes
1071
00:50:39,280 --> 00:50:41,044
- opened.
- Okay.
1072
00:50:41,320 --> 00:50:43,209
I'm telling you, you guys,
you got to get up here.
1073
00:50:43,640 --> 00:50:45,961
I mean, the way the sun
is just dancing off these leaves...
1074
00:50:46,080 --> 00:50:47,060
Mr. Webber.
1075
00:50:47,160 --> 00:50:48,700
Hi. I'm from Choozy Doozy.
1076
00:50:48,800 --> 00:50:51,241
- I'm here to take you to the show.
- Show?
1077
00:50:51,480 --> 00:50:52,500
Yeah.
1078
00:50:52,600 --> 00:50:53,761
How about that?
1079
00:50:53,960 --> 00:50:57,965
Nick Webber has a show in 2025.
Still got it!
1080
00:50:58,280 --> 00:51:01,170
Right, but, I mean, we can't go
because we have to solve his murder.
1081
00:51:01,280 --> 00:51:03,780
Come on! Look. Hey, not flickering.
1082
00:51:03,880 --> 00:51:05,620
Maybe it's a lead. It's a fun lead.
1083
00:51:05,720 --> 00:51:07,529
Until somebody goes back in time
and kills you.
1084
00:51:07,800 --> 00:51:08,847
I can't miss my gig.
1085
00:51:08,960 --> 00:51:12,140
Okay, Choozy Doozy is my favorite show.
1086
00:51:12,240 --> 00:51:13,380
Wait, how did you find us?
1087
00:51:13,480 --> 00:51:14,845
I just go where the cars take me.
1088
00:51:15,160 --> 00:51:16,300
Okay, I'm coming down.
1089
00:51:16,400 --> 00:51:18,340
Do you think I can make
that dumpster, guys?
1090
00:51:18,440 --> 00:51:19,820
- No.
- No.
1091
00:51:19,920 --> 00:51:22,900
- Yeah, I think I can probably make it.
- Yes, yes, yes, yes! Come on!
1092
00:51:23,000 --> 00:51:24,220
Yeah, I think so, too, Lou. Thanks.
1093
00:51:24,320 --> 00:51:25,340
- Adam, stay right there.
- Stop. Adam!
1094
00:51:25,440 --> 00:51:26,820
- Come on!
- Baby Adam!
1095
00:51:26,920 --> 00:51:27,900
You can!
1096
00:51:28,000 --> 00:51:29,100
Stop, Lou!
1097
00:51:29,200 --> 00:51:30,531
Here I go. I'm gonna jump.
1098
00:51:33,160 --> 00:51:34,161
Holy fuck...
1099
00:51:34,600 --> 00:51:35,726
Got you!
1100
00:51:37,400 --> 00:51:38,620
That was fucking awesome!
1101
00:51:38,720 --> 00:51:40,848
- Oh, my God!
- How did you even do that?
1102
00:51:41,360 --> 00:51:42,521
I'm strong as fuck.
1103
00:51:44,600 --> 00:51:47,740
Get ready for mischief, mayhem,
plenty of truths and more than one dare!
1104
00:51:47,840 --> 00:51:51,740
This is Celebrity Choozy Doozy!
1105
00:51:51,840 --> 00:51:52,860
Now, please welcome back
1106
00:51:52,960 --> 00:51:55,486
the host of the show,
Britt McShasaucey!
1107
00:52:00,920 --> 00:52:02,843
Thank you very much for that, Gill!
1108
00:52:03,360 --> 00:52:06,762
Welcome to our show!
We got a very, very exciting
1109
00:52:06,920 --> 00:52:08,524
show planned for you tonight.
1110
00:52:08,720 --> 00:52:12,930
Please help me welcome back
to the stage, musical sensation,
1111
00:52:13,200 --> 00:52:15,601
Nick Webber!
1112
00:52:23,040 --> 00:52:24,140
Hello?
1113
00:52:24,240 --> 00:52:28,086
Hey, honey,
guess where I am. Just guess.
1114
00:52:28,680 --> 00:52:30,700
Okay, shut up. I'm at Choozy Doozy.
1115
00:52:30,800 --> 00:52:32,100
Where have you been?
1116
00:52:32,200 --> 00:52:33,980
I tried to call you, like,
a hundred times.
1117
00:52:34,080 --> 00:52:36,620
What was with that crazy phone call
last night?
1118
00:52:36,720 --> 00:52:38,540
Crazy call? What do you mean?
1119
00:52:38,640 --> 00:52:42,087
You don't remember calling me
and telling me that you were a god?
1120
00:52:42,560 --> 00:52:44,688
No. Does that sound like me?
1121
00:52:45,080 --> 00:52:47,740
Listen, I had the most amazing night.
1122
00:52:47,840 --> 00:52:49,620
I did everything.
1123
00:52:49,720 --> 00:52:52,405
I punched a man in the face.
1124
00:52:52,520 --> 00:52:54,020
Just walked up to him.
1125
00:52:54,120 --> 00:52:56,180
Just punched him with my fist.
1126
00:52:56,280 --> 00:52:59,682
I felt like an ape. Like an ape.
1127
00:53:00,080 --> 00:53:03,180
I did Eskimo kisses
with this beautiful woman.
1128
00:53:03,280 --> 00:53:04,660
What are you talking about?
1129
00:53:04,760 --> 00:53:06,046
Honey, have you ever felt
1130
00:53:06,160 --> 00:53:11,220
that everything that you've experienced
and said up to this point is just a fraud?
1131
00:53:11,320 --> 00:53:12,660
Excuse me?
1132
00:53:12,760 --> 00:53:14,580
No. Okay, "fraud" is too strong a word.
1133
00:53:14,680 --> 00:53:17,968
It's more like a lie.
1134
00:53:19,240 --> 00:53:21,820
"Lie" is actually...
It's not right, either.
1135
00:53:21,920 --> 00:53:23,763
It's kind of a hard concept to...
1136
00:53:24,600 --> 00:53:26,125
Okay, bye, honey.
1137
00:53:27,520 --> 00:53:29,807
All right, that went well.
That went really well.
1138
00:53:30,120 --> 00:53:33,060
Our studio audience
will have the opportunity
1139
00:53:33,160 --> 00:53:36,420
to challenge you to specific tasks.
1140
00:53:36,520 --> 00:53:39,420
The best idea shall prevail.
1141
00:53:39,520 --> 00:53:41,460
Because this is...
1142
00:53:41,560 --> 00:53:44,769
Celebrity Choozy Doozy!
1143
00:53:45,320 --> 00:53:46,620
What is that, exactly?
1144
00:53:46,720 --> 00:53:48,220
Let me hear some ideas
from the audience.
1145
00:53:48,320 --> 00:53:51,140
- Come on! We want some new ideas!
- Eat a bunch of waffles!
1146
00:53:51,240 --> 00:53:53,220
Eat a bunch of waffles.
Very, very nice choice.
1147
00:53:53,320 --> 00:53:54,321
Juggle knives!
1148
00:53:55,000 --> 00:53:55,980
Very scary!
1149
00:53:56,080 --> 00:53:57,809
He could lose an arm!
That happened last week.
1150
00:53:58,000 --> 00:53:59,286
Swallow a watch!
1151
00:54:00,080 --> 00:54:01,445
Can you swallow a watch, Nick?
1152
00:54:01,800 --> 00:54:02,801
I hope not.
1153
00:54:03,160 --> 00:54:04,740
Fuck a dude!
1154
00:54:04,840 --> 00:54:05,900
Whoa!
1155
00:54:06,000 --> 00:54:07,047
Okay!
1156
00:54:08,640 --> 00:54:11,849
Say some more stuff!
Say something else!
1157
00:54:12,320 --> 00:54:13,401
Now, remember, folks,
1158
00:54:13,520 --> 00:54:16,330
when you see something you like,
you make your selection,
1159
00:54:16,560 --> 00:54:18,847
and it'll show up here on the board.
1160
00:54:19,920 --> 00:54:20,940
I don't want to fuck a dude.
1161
00:54:21,040 --> 00:54:22,166
You're adorable.
1162
00:54:25,040 --> 00:54:26,500
This is the best day of my life.
1163
00:54:26,600 --> 00:54:28,250
What the fuck's wrong with everybody?
1164
00:54:28,760 --> 00:54:32,446
Waffles, waffles.
It's a neck-and-neck with...
1165
00:54:33,920 --> 00:54:35,365
Well...
1166
00:54:37,360 --> 00:54:38,380
Look at that.
1167
00:54:38,480 --> 00:54:39,620
Oh, hell, no!
1168
00:54:39,720 --> 00:54:42,820
You just got very lucky, my friend,
because you were almost
1169
00:54:42,920 --> 00:54:45,100
about to have to eat
a whole bunch of waffles!
1170
00:54:45,200 --> 00:54:47,340
I'm willing to do that. I'm willing...
I'll eat the waffles.
1171
00:54:47,440 --> 00:54:48,521
Okay, now...
1172
00:54:49,160 --> 00:54:53,180
Who had the idea of this man
fornicating with a gentleman?
1173
00:54:53,280 --> 00:54:55,203
Over here! This guy!
1174
00:54:55,680 --> 00:54:56,761
What's your name, sir?
1175
00:54:57,200 --> 00:54:58,220
Lou Dorchen.
1176
00:54:58,320 --> 00:55:01,180
Well, Lou, as you know,
with Choozy Doozy...
1177
00:55:01,280 --> 00:55:04,460
You choose it, you dooze it!
1178
00:55:04,560 --> 00:55:06,722
You choose it, you dooze it.
1179
00:55:12,320 --> 00:55:13,860
I'm sorry. I dooze what now?
1180
00:55:13,960 --> 00:55:15,180
Oh, shit!
1181
00:55:15,280 --> 00:55:17,060
- Come on up here, Lou!
- This is crazy!
1182
00:55:17,160 --> 00:55:19,083
Stop smiling!
1183
00:55:21,680 --> 00:55:25,127
And, we're back with the Celebrity
Choozy Doozy challenge round.
1184
00:55:25,480 --> 00:55:28,802
We have Nick Webber along
with his pal, Lou Dorchen!
1185
00:55:29,240 --> 00:55:31,020
What exactly is this?
1186
00:55:31,120 --> 00:55:33,407
It's the number one show on TV.
1187
00:55:33,680 --> 00:55:35,842
Okay, load 'em up!
1188
00:55:40,120 --> 00:55:42,088
What the fuck?
1189
00:55:42,440 --> 00:55:43,771
I don't think this is real.
1190
00:55:46,720 --> 00:55:48,927
Yeah. It's like Lawnmower Man.
1191
00:55:49,120 --> 00:55:50,980
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.
1192
00:55:51,080 --> 00:55:52,220
Just like Lawnmower Man,
1193
00:55:52,320 --> 00:55:53,580
except, you know,
we're supposed to fuck.
1194
00:55:53,680 --> 00:55:56,331
Yeah, well, that's not going to happen.
1195
00:55:57,760 --> 00:55:58,980
Bring me the thing!
1196
00:55:59,080 --> 00:56:00,127
Well...
1197
00:56:00,520 --> 00:56:02,727
I'm glad we're on the same page.
1198
00:56:04,560 --> 00:56:05,846
What's going on? Lou!
1199
00:56:15,440 --> 00:56:16,851
Motherfucker!
1200
00:56:17,040 --> 00:56:19,780
- This is getting a little dark.
- Dark? What do you mean?
1201
00:56:19,880 --> 00:56:22,700
Okay, if this is the most popular show,
give me some of the other shows?
1202
00:56:22,800 --> 00:56:24,580
Yeah, of course.
There's Toddler In The Wild,
1203
00:56:24,680 --> 00:56:27,251
there's Mommy, I'm Drowning,
there's Daddy. Where Are You Going?
1204
00:56:27,360 --> 00:56:29,840
There's Building Explosion.
1205
00:56:30,440 --> 00:56:31,940
- Building Explosion?
- Yeah, Building Explosion.
1206
00:56:32,040 --> 00:56:34,220
It just shows big buildings
falling down, and...
1207
00:56:34,320 --> 00:56:36,780
Kids, like, trapped in the basement,
and the building falls,
1208
00:56:36,880 --> 00:56:38,460
and they're like,
"Ma, get me out of here."
1209
00:56:38,560 --> 00:56:40,820
And it shows them how
to get out in an emergency,
1210
00:56:40,920 --> 00:56:43,161
but also tells them when to give up.
1211
00:56:44,760 --> 00:56:46,649
Bing bong! What's the delay?
1212
00:56:47,600 --> 00:56:48,647
Hey.
1213
00:56:48,920 --> 00:56:52,561
Hey. There's something
trying to kill us here.
1214
00:56:53,400 --> 00:56:56,220
That's 10,000 volts of electricity
coursing through the suits
1215
00:56:56,320 --> 00:56:58,687
that you're wearing back here
in the studio!
1216
00:56:59,080 --> 00:57:01,686
Every week,
it's the same goddamn thing.
1217
00:57:02,160 --> 00:57:04,527
It's guy on guy, girl on girl.
1218
00:57:04,960 --> 00:57:07,201
Sometimes it's even guy on girl.
1219
00:57:08,680 --> 00:57:11,620
What is the big deal with the two
of you boys sleeping together?
1220
00:57:11,720 --> 00:57:14,530
You're acting like it's 2010,
for Christ's sakes.
1221
00:57:15,160 --> 00:57:18,846
Now, we got a show to do, boys!
So start fucking!
1222
00:57:19,160 --> 00:57:20,580
Dude, is there, like,
a stage manager around?
1223
00:57:20,680 --> 00:57:21,920
I mean, they're gonna kill these guys.
1224
00:57:22,040 --> 00:57:23,460
Hey, I'm sorry. Look.
1225
00:57:23,560 --> 00:57:26,100
If you're gonna sit next to me,
I need to know right now,
1226
00:57:26,200 --> 00:57:28,340
do you have a problem with this show?
1227
00:57:28,440 --> 00:57:30,260
Well, yeah, clearly I have
a problem with this show.
1228
00:57:30,360 --> 00:57:31,691
I mean, look, this is grotesque.
1229
00:57:31,800 --> 00:57:33,740
Jacob. This is a great show.
1230
00:57:33,840 --> 00:57:35,260
This is the number one show
in the nation.
1231
00:57:35,360 --> 00:57:37,340
This is a show that families enjoy.
1232
00:57:37,440 --> 00:57:39,140
- Okay?
- This is a family show?
1233
00:57:39,240 --> 00:57:41,140
- Absolutely.
- Like, it's on at, like, 8:00?
1234
00:57:41,240 --> 00:57:44,180
It's on at 7:00 on Sunday nights
against Butthole Nation.
1235
00:57:44,280 --> 00:57:45,884
And it always wins.
1236
00:57:52,480 --> 00:57:54,130
Classic Lou.
1237
00:57:59,040 --> 00:58:00,201
Okay.
1238
00:58:04,720 --> 00:58:06,085
Okay.
1239
00:58:07,560 --> 00:58:08,800
I'm sorry, Lou.
1240
00:58:08,920 --> 00:58:11,491
I know you are, buddy! I know!
1241
00:58:12,000 --> 00:58:13,260
I know. I love you, man!
1242
00:58:13,360 --> 00:58:14,500
Don't say that!
1243
00:58:14,600 --> 00:58:16,568
I don't wanna have an emotional
connection to this moment!
1244
00:58:16,720 --> 00:58:19,420
What... God forbid a couple of friends
1245
00:58:19,520 --> 00:58:21,540
can't express
their brotherly love for each other!
1246
00:58:21,640 --> 00:58:22,620
I love you.
1247
00:58:22,720 --> 00:58:24,100
I told you to stop saying that!
1248
00:58:24,200 --> 00:58:26,328
I'm so sorry!
1249
00:58:26,960 --> 00:58:28,849
So there are no more sex taboos?
1250
00:58:29,000 --> 00:58:30,340
Well, I guess bestiality.
1251
00:58:30,440 --> 00:58:33,205
But only from
a community property perspective.
1252
00:58:33,760 --> 00:58:35,250
What do you mean?
1253
00:58:35,760 --> 00:58:37,660
Oh, you don't remember
Llama v. Ferguson?
1254
00:58:37,760 --> 00:58:38,980
Guy tries to divorce a llama,
1255
00:58:39,080 --> 00:58:42,004
and the land is in dispute
because the llama needs to graze?
1256
00:58:43,320 --> 00:58:45,420
But people still eat animals, right?
1257
00:58:45,520 --> 00:58:48,603
Oh, yeah, absolutely. And animals
eat people, it's all the same.
1258
00:58:50,440 --> 00:58:53,500
You got a tuft of hair
coming out your crack.
1259
00:58:53,600 --> 00:58:55,180
Don't fuckin' worry about it, okay?
1260
00:58:55,280 --> 00:58:57,300
I'll get your grooming tips later.
1261
00:58:57,400 --> 00:58:58,460
- Are you ready?
- Yeah.
1262
00:58:58,560 --> 00:58:59,766
Okay. I love you.
1263
00:59:00,800 --> 00:59:04,180
All right! Put it in slow!
1264
00:59:04,280 --> 00:59:05,964
Really slow!
1265
00:59:06,480 --> 00:59:07,606
One...
1266
00:59:08,280 --> 00:59:09,540
Two...
1267
00:59:09,640 --> 00:59:11,244
- Take that dick.
- What the fuck?
1268
00:59:11,360 --> 00:59:12,620
Come on! It's just something I say.
1269
00:59:12,720 --> 00:59:13,926
"Take that dick"?
1270
00:59:14,960 --> 00:59:16,962
Wait, hold on! Stop, stop, stop!
1271
00:59:22,320 --> 00:59:24,607
Looks like somebody chose a lifeline!
1272
00:59:24,800 --> 00:59:26,340
Me! Me! I did it! I chose it!
1273
00:59:26,440 --> 00:59:28,442
Who will the lucky winner be?
1274
00:59:28,640 --> 00:59:29,846
What happens? Do we get waffles?
1275
00:59:30,000 --> 00:59:31,286
- What happened?
- It's a lifeline,
1276
00:59:31,400 --> 00:59:33,020
so the chooser picks a new doozer.
1277
00:59:33,120 --> 00:59:34,860
You gotta choose someone, Lou.
1278
00:59:34,960 --> 00:59:36,610
Choose waffles.
1279
00:59:37,840 --> 00:59:38,900
Okay, I get it. I get it.
1280
00:59:39,000 --> 00:59:40,570
All right. All right.
1281
00:59:40,680 --> 00:59:44,162
Yeah, I know just the guy.
He loves this show.
1282
00:59:48,160 --> 00:59:49,540
No, no, no. I'm...
1283
00:59:49,640 --> 00:59:52,291
I'm actually getting married tonight,
so I can't.
1284
00:59:53,520 --> 00:59:55,090
It's actually an issue of fidelity.
1285
00:59:55,320 --> 00:59:56,540
I cannot do this.
1286
00:59:56,640 --> 00:59:58,005
You're a monster, Lou.
1287
01:00:04,320 --> 01:00:05,321
What's up?
1288
01:00:05,640 --> 01:00:07,140
Get ready, 'cause here it comes.
1289
01:00:07,240 --> 01:00:08,287
Here what comes?
1290
01:00:12,360 --> 01:00:13,361
That's my butt!
1291
01:00:15,480 --> 01:00:18,484
Wow! That was good TV.
1292
01:00:20,720 --> 01:00:22,380
You know what, Adam,
I thought about it.
1293
01:00:22,480 --> 01:00:24,740
You can call me Uncle Lou now.
1294
01:00:24,840 --> 01:00:27,161
Holy shit! Did you see that?
1295
01:00:27,480 --> 01:00:29,140
You're a fucking lunatic!
1296
01:00:29,240 --> 01:00:31,220
- Was that the same car?
- Couldn't be.
1297
01:00:31,320 --> 01:00:32,820
That car tried to
run me down on purpose.
1298
01:00:32,920 --> 01:00:34,126
Did you see that?
1299
01:00:35,720 --> 01:00:37,370
What if that car's my murderer?
1300
01:00:37,480 --> 01:00:39,260
You were shot in the dick in the past,
remember?
1301
01:00:39,360 --> 01:00:41,300
Like that would be
the craziest fucking thing
1302
01:00:41,400 --> 01:00:43,300
that's ever happened to us.
That car's an asshole.
1303
01:00:43,400 --> 01:00:46,006
The car's not an asshole.
You're an asshole.
1304
01:00:46,680 --> 01:00:48,620
Whoa. Where'd that come from?
1305
01:00:48,720 --> 01:00:52,100
Everything is all about Lou.
No regard for anybody else.
1306
01:00:52,200 --> 01:00:54,500
I'm pretty sure that's never
been the case at all, ever.
1307
01:00:54,600 --> 01:00:56,841
Because of you, Adam just got raped.
1308
01:00:57,160 --> 01:00:58,460
Are we calling it a rape?
1309
01:00:58,560 --> 01:01:00,050
Whoa! Nobody got raped.
1310
01:01:00,200 --> 01:01:01,611
It felt like kind of a gray area.
1311
01:01:01,760 --> 01:01:03,330
You're a fucking virus, Lou.
1312
01:01:03,520 --> 01:01:05,010
You find a vulnerable host,
1313
01:01:05,480 --> 01:01:08,140
and you attach yourself
and you just fuck 'em all up.
1314
01:01:08,240 --> 01:01:09,366
Okay.
1315
01:01:09,560 --> 01:01:13,201
Okay. Someone needs
to find a chill-out tent.
1316
01:01:13,440 --> 01:01:15,500
Let's get you a comfy couch and
a video game. What do you say?
1317
01:01:15,600 --> 01:01:18,860
Where does it say in the Shitty Parent's
Handbook to treat your son like shit?
1318
01:01:18,960 --> 01:01:20,540
Well, if it's a Shitty Parent's
Handbook,
1319
01:01:20,640 --> 01:01:23,086
wouldn't it be, like,
the theme of the whole book?
1320
01:01:23,200 --> 01:01:25,043
- No, he's right. Wait.
- No, no, no.
1321
01:01:25,160 --> 01:01:27,766
It's a step-by-step guide
for how to be a shitty parent.
1322
01:01:28,240 --> 01:01:30,380
- Exactly.
- Shitty Parenting for Dummies.
1323
01:01:30,480 --> 01:01:32,420
Okay. You're right. I apologize.
1324
01:01:32,520 --> 01:01:34,260
I apologize. You were totally wrong.
1325
01:01:34,360 --> 01:01:37,060
No, why would someone write that book?
Why would that book exist?
1326
01:01:37,160 --> 01:01:38,660
Actually, Nick's idea about retitling it
1327
01:01:38,760 --> 01:01:41,020
Shitty Parenting for Dummies
is a solid idea.
1328
01:01:41,120 --> 01:01:43,060
- If you want to use the metaphor again.
- It's an impulse buy.
1329
01:01:43,160 --> 01:01:45,060
All right, you know what?
Forget it. You're right, that's fair.
1330
01:01:45,160 --> 01:01:47,020
It was a misleading title.
But the point is...
1331
01:01:47,120 --> 01:01:48,380
Fuck you!
1332
01:01:48,480 --> 01:01:50,700
If they're not gonna say it, I will.
1333
01:01:50,800 --> 01:01:54,140
I am so tired of solving your problems.
1334
01:01:54,240 --> 01:01:56,460
You wanna stop your murder,
figure it out yourself.
1335
01:01:56,560 --> 01:01:57,540
I'm going to Winkle's.
1336
01:01:57,640 --> 01:01:59,540
- Jacob, what the fuck?
- Youngblood!
1337
01:01:59,640 --> 01:02:02,020
No. You know why?
'Cause as long as we're here,
1338
01:02:02,120 --> 01:02:05,660
I'm Jacob fucking Dorchen!
And that means something.
1339
01:02:05,760 --> 01:02:07,860
Jacob, come on!
1340
01:02:07,960 --> 01:02:09,485
Youngblood, we got to figure this out.
1341
01:02:09,600 --> 01:02:12,285
You're the only one
keeping track of important stuff!
1342
01:02:13,120 --> 01:02:14,121
I mean...
1343
01:02:14,440 --> 01:02:15,487
You know what? Fuck it. Fuck it.
1344
01:02:15,600 --> 01:02:17,443
Who cares? Who needs him?
I don't need him.
1345
01:02:17,640 --> 01:02:19,340
Hey, I'm getting married today, guys.
1346
01:02:19,440 --> 01:02:21,220
What do you say we kick this day
in the pants
1347
01:02:21,320 --> 01:02:24,260
and get over there early
for some Bloody Mary-tinis?
1348
01:02:24,360 --> 01:02:25,940
I'm sorry.
Can I just get rid of this thing?
1349
01:02:26,040 --> 01:02:28,520
No! She said not to
take it off for 24 hours.
1350
01:02:28,640 --> 01:02:29,900
- Or what?
- I don't know.
1351
01:02:30,000 --> 01:02:32,140
Yeah, exactly.
If I had a dime for every time
1352
01:02:32,240 --> 01:02:34,940
I did something a cocktail waitress
told me not to do,
1353
01:02:35,040 --> 01:02:36,530
I'd be rich. Look.
1354
01:02:41,160 --> 01:02:43,322
Oh, my God,
the cocktail waitress was wrong.
1355
01:02:43,520 --> 01:02:44,460
Sorry, my mistake.
1356
01:02:44,560 --> 01:02:45,925
I should listen to you more often, Lou.
1357
01:02:46,120 --> 01:02:47,260
All right.
1358
01:02:47,360 --> 01:02:48,500
You just learned a valuable life lesson.
1359
01:02:48,600 --> 01:02:49,761
I did.
1360
01:02:52,600 --> 01:02:53,567
Guys?
1361
01:02:54,320 --> 01:02:55,481
Come on.
1362
01:03:02,760 --> 01:03:03,841
God. So...
1363
01:03:06,840 --> 01:03:09,491
- 911, right?
- Yeah.
1364
01:03:19,520 --> 01:03:21,522
Fucking disgusting, dude!
1365
01:03:21,840 --> 01:03:24,081
Okay, you're sick. You made your point.
1366
01:03:24,200 --> 01:03:26,521
Come on, Lou,
you know he can't help it.
1367
01:03:26,680 --> 01:03:27,681
You okay, buddy?
1368
01:03:28,920 --> 01:03:31,207
Okay, this is becoming
a bit of a hygiene issue.
1369
01:03:31,440 --> 01:03:33,522
All right, let's see what we have here.
1370
01:03:33,640 --> 01:03:35,483
Okay, yeah.
1371
01:03:37,040 --> 01:03:38,121
Kel.
1372
01:03:38,280 --> 01:03:39,580
Come on, really?
1373
01:03:39,680 --> 01:03:42,809
Divorced? What the fuck
are you talking about?
1374
01:03:42,920 --> 01:03:44,285
Kelly, we're soul mates.
1375
01:03:45,440 --> 01:03:46,805
Not anymore.
1376
01:03:48,040 --> 01:03:50,327
- Mommy?
- No, I'm not your mommy.
1377
01:03:51,040 --> 01:03:53,202
- Homie?
- Yeah, I'm your homie.
1378
01:03:54,360 --> 01:03:55,441
Was it something you did?
1379
01:03:55,560 --> 01:03:57,780
If so, I don't care.
I don't care. I forgive you.
1380
01:03:57,880 --> 01:03:59,370
Put this in his mouth.
1381
01:03:59,480 --> 01:04:01,700
If you don't communicate with me,
I can't fix this!
1382
01:04:01,800 --> 01:04:02,961
You can't fix anything.
1383
01:04:03,280 --> 01:04:06,140
Hey, bite down on this. Good. Okay.
1384
01:04:06,240 --> 01:04:07,321
What's going on?
1385
01:04:07,560 --> 01:04:08,561
Here we go.
1386
01:04:10,120 --> 01:04:11,246
Okay.
1387
01:04:12,240 --> 01:04:13,700
That's actually not bad.
1388
01:04:13,800 --> 01:04:15,290
You know, it's, like, kind of sweet.
1389
01:04:15,720 --> 01:04:17,131
What's happening to him?
1390
01:04:17,240 --> 01:04:18,460
This is totally normal.
1391
01:04:18,560 --> 01:04:20,164
The nanobots are attacking
the narcotics.
1392
01:04:20,640 --> 01:04:22,085
How long has he been on heroin?
1393
01:04:22,400 --> 01:04:23,401
It was a Ladybug.
1394
01:04:23,720 --> 01:04:25,563
- Wait, the sticker?
- Yeah, on the neck.
1395
01:04:26,080 --> 01:04:28,481
Yeah. We normally give Tylenol for that.
1396
01:04:28,760 --> 01:04:29,980
I just pumped him full of...
1397
01:04:30,080 --> 01:04:31,500
Narcotic-seeking nanobots?
1398
01:04:31,600 --> 01:04:32,965
- Yeah.
- Whoops.
1399
01:04:33,080 --> 01:04:34,889
You're a great listener.
I should have married you.
1400
01:04:35,080 --> 01:04:36,684
Look, Kel, I'm sorry, okay?
1401
01:04:38,240 --> 01:04:39,446
I'm sorry.
1402
01:04:40,680 --> 01:04:42,091
Can we just move on?
1403
01:04:42,200 --> 01:04:44,521
I did move on, Lou. I got clean.
1404
01:04:44,760 --> 01:04:46,762
You're the one who doesn't
have a rock bottom.
1405
01:04:47,000 --> 01:04:49,082
I just pray that
there's still hope for Jacob.
1406
01:04:51,080 --> 01:04:52,180
This ain't a circus!
1407
01:04:52,280 --> 01:04:54,601
Quit juggling
and make some fucking drinks!
1408
01:04:54,840 --> 01:04:56,205
Hey! Jake the Snake!
1409
01:04:56,920 --> 01:04:58,420
Hey, is it still day out there?
1410
01:04:58,520 --> 01:04:59,931
Who gives a shit? What can I get you?
1411
01:05:00,120 --> 01:05:01,531
I'll take everything!
1412
01:05:03,360 --> 01:05:04,340
You sure about that?
1413
01:05:04,440 --> 01:05:05,965
'Cause, remember what
happened last time?
1414
01:05:06,120 --> 01:05:07,531
Everything.
1415
01:05:08,120 --> 01:05:09,281
Okay.
1416
01:05:09,800 --> 01:05:12,420
All right!
Set Mr. Dorchen up with the usual...
1417
01:05:12,520 --> 01:05:14,807
And, you know, call security.
1418
01:05:15,280 --> 01:05:17,020
The nanobots can't find any drugs,
1419
01:05:17,120 --> 01:05:18,780
so they're traveling to
the lowest part of his body,
1420
01:05:18,880 --> 01:05:20,340
where they'll harden and expand.
1421
01:05:20,440 --> 01:05:22,700
- His feet?
- In his testicles.
1422
01:05:22,800 --> 01:05:24,802
Well, that hardly seems like
the lowest part of his body.
1423
01:05:25,880 --> 01:05:28,042
- Shit!
- What's happening?
1424
01:05:28,280 --> 01:05:29,620
Okay. It's now or never.
1425
01:05:29,720 --> 01:05:30,801
What are you doing?
1426
01:05:30,960 --> 01:05:32,700
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
1427
01:05:32,800 --> 01:05:33,780
What is that?
1428
01:05:33,880 --> 01:05:34,940
What you gonna do with that?
1429
01:05:35,040 --> 01:05:36,041
Stick him! Stick him!
1430
01:05:42,040 --> 01:05:43,166
Oh, shit!
1431
01:05:47,480 --> 01:05:48,580
That's a lot of juice!
1432
01:05:48,680 --> 01:05:50,011
Okay! Enough!
1433
01:05:50,640 --> 01:05:52,300
Now what's gonna happen,
I'm going to pull this out,
1434
01:05:52,400 --> 01:05:53,740
and there might be some leakage, okay?
1435
01:05:53,840 --> 01:05:55,460
Don't pull it out. Don't pull it out.
1436
01:05:55,560 --> 01:05:57,688
- I like it where it is.
- 1, 2, 3...
1437
01:06:03,520 --> 01:06:05,090
- Wow! Okay.
- Fuck your ball juice!
1438
01:06:06,560 --> 01:06:08,881
I walked right into that one. Literally.
1439
01:06:09,640 --> 01:06:11,642
I don't know about you guys,
but I feel way better.
1440
01:06:12,000 --> 01:06:13,684
There's definitely semen in that.
1441
01:06:14,000 --> 01:06:16,082
There's definitely fucking semen
in that.
1442
01:06:16,520 --> 01:06:19,364
Did you taste the robots?
They're gritty.
1443
01:06:23,680 --> 01:06:25,523
Fucking bottle service.
1444
01:06:26,320 --> 01:06:27,446
Hey!
1445
01:06:32,880 --> 01:06:34,530
Every fucking weekend.
1446
01:06:34,800 --> 01:06:36,131
Hey, baby.
1447
01:06:36,600 --> 01:06:38,807
You're a fuck-up, Jacob.
1448
01:06:39,440 --> 01:06:40,980
Just like your loser dad.
1449
01:06:41,080 --> 01:06:43,401
I'm not anything like my fucking dad!
1450
01:06:49,560 --> 01:06:51,562
No... No, wait, wait, wait.
1451
01:06:52,720 --> 01:06:55,087
Wait.
1452
01:06:56,080 --> 01:06:58,447
I know how this looks.
1453
01:06:59,040 --> 01:07:01,247
No. You don't.
1454
01:07:06,560 --> 01:07:09,564
You see my son? Do you know my son?
1455
01:07:10,720 --> 01:07:12,085
Jacob!
1456
01:07:12,320 --> 01:07:15,324
Has anybody seen
a grown-up Garbage Pail Kid?
1457
01:07:17,240 --> 01:07:18,241
There's Winkle.
1458
01:07:18,400 --> 01:07:20,980
I pay you girls to like me. Hey, smile!
1459
01:07:21,080 --> 01:07:22,605
Hey!
1460
01:07:23,920 --> 01:07:25,220
Electric Ladybug, huh?
1461
01:07:25,320 --> 01:07:27,084
- Fuck you, dude!
- Yeah.
1462
01:07:27,320 --> 01:07:28,300
Hey, how you doing?
1463
01:07:28,400 --> 01:07:29,970
I'm doing fucking shitty, Gary.
1464
01:07:30,160 --> 01:07:32,980
Still haven't found my killer,
and there's a car trying to run me down.
1465
01:07:33,080 --> 01:07:34,081
I hear you there, brother.
1466
01:07:34,200 --> 01:07:35,929
I had a Passat follow me
around for 3 weeks one time.
1467
01:07:36,080 --> 01:07:37,605
Had to buy it rims to make it go away.
1468
01:07:37,840 --> 01:07:39,180
You know what I'm talking about, huh?
1469
01:07:39,280 --> 01:07:40,500
Where's Jacob?
1470
01:07:40,600 --> 01:07:43,180
I had to throw him out, like I always do.
You know what I mean?
1471
01:07:43,280 --> 01:07:45,860
He said something about going
to see his family therapist,
1472
01:07:45,960 --> 01:07:47,121
whoever the fuck that is.
1473
01:07:50,800 --> 01:07:52,404
I know where he is.
1474
01:08:04,120 --> 01:08:05,804
I'm not that strong.
1475
01:08:11,960 --> 01:08:13,291
Hey, son.
1476
01:08:14,640 --> 01:08:16,165
It's Daddy.
1477
01:08:31,000 --> 01:08:33,540
It's a nice... Nice place.
1478
01:08:33,640 --> 01:08:35,220
Yeah, yeah.
1479
01:08:35,320 --> 01:08:38,324
I mean, like, as far as rooms go,
this is one of the biggest.
1480
01:08:38,560 --> 01:08:41,490
- A great room is a great room.
- I could see myself chilling here.
1481
01:08:41,760 --> 01:08:44,331
Right. Throwing some football.
1482
01:08:44,560 --> 01:08:46,403
Having a football match right
in the middle of the floor.
1483
01:08:46,680 --> 01:08:49,411
Football, basketball,
you know, just all the sports.
1484
01:08:49,680 --> 01:08:51,660
I'm so comfortable
and relaxed right now.
1485
01:08:51,760 --> 01:08:53,046
Me, too.
1486
01:08:54,160 --> 01:08:55,207
- Hey, Adam...
- Yeah.
1487
01:08:55,360 --> 01:08:56,361
...about what happened
at Choozy Doozy...
1488
01:08:56,520 --> 01:08:59,603
No, it was... You know, it was virtual.
1489
01:09:00,000 --> 01:09:02,002
Yeah. Virtual.
1490
01:09:02,280 --> 01:09:03,620
So it was just like...
1491
01:09:03,720 --> 01:09:04,740
It's in the ether.
1492
01:09:04,840 --> 01:09:06,683
- It does not exist.
- Who cares?
1493
01:09:07,000 --> 01:09:08,001
That shit happened.
1494
01:09:08,200 --> 01:09:09,660
Yeah, we should get
that show cancelled.
1495
01:09:09,760 --> 01:09:11,205
Or at least arrest someone.
1496
01:09:11,360 --> 01:09:13,124
I could've ate some goddamn waffles.
1497
01:09:13,840 --> 01:09:17,367
It's like you shoved
a fucking Buick up my butt.
1498
01:09:17,600 --> 01:09:19,682
I got a Buick dick.
1499
01:09:20,040 --> 01:09:21,371
You do.
1500
01:09:22,360 --> 01:09:24,601
Shit got bad, Lou.
1501
01:09:24,720 --> 01:09:27,100
I mean bad like the part
of Boogie Nights
1502
01:09:27,200 --> 01:09:29,726
after Mark Wahlberg jerks off
in the pickup truck.
1503
01:09:30,040 --> 01:09:32,361
I mean, here we are,
with the greatest power
1504
01:09:32,480 --> 01:09:35,051
the universe has to offer
at our fingertips
1505
01:09:35,560 --> 01:09:38,723
and we're just a bunch of fuck-ups.
1506
01:09:40,800 --> 01:09:43,380
Jacob, I know
what you're going through.
1507
01:09:43,480 --> 01:09:46,165
Yeah, I know that you do.
You're the biggest fuck-up I know.
1508
01:09:46,400 --> 01:09:47,845
Look.
1509
01:09:50,560 --> 01:09:52,420
You know, all Dorchen men
end up on a roof
1510
01:09:52,520 --> 01:09:54,329
at some point in their lives.
1511
01:09:54,560 --> 01:09:57,370
We party till we want to kill ourselves.
My dad did it.
1512
01:09:57,720 --> 01:09:59,324
And your son will do it after you.
1513
01:09:59,560 --> 01:10:01,005
Even Grandpappy Dorchen?
1514
01:10:01,720 --> 01:10:04,246
Jumped off a roof, survived,
died of syphilis.
1515
01:10:06,960 --> 01:10:09,340
Jacob, how can we expect
to find happiness
1516
01:10:09,440 --> 01:10:12,250
anywhere in time
if we're just not happy people?
1517
01:10:13,600 --> 01:10:15,602
We do the best that we can.
1518
01:10:21,080 --> 01:10:23,162
Here comes the hug monster.
1519
01:10:29,920 --> 01:10:32,844
All right. Come on.
Let's go do some more dumb shit.
1520
01:10:36,680 --> 01:10:37,940
- Whoa!
- I got you!
1521
01:10:38,040 --> 01:10:39,660
- Lou, don't drop me!
- I got you!
1522
01:10:39,760 --> 01:10:42,020
- Don't drop me!
- I'm not gonna let you fall, I promise.
1523
01:10:42,120 --> 01:10:43,360
- I trust you.
- Okay.
1524
01:10:43,600 --> 01:10:45,700
- Fuck, I'm gonna drop you!
- Don't drop me! Don't drop me!
1525
01:10:45,800 --> 01:10:46,900
I'm dropping you! You fell!
1526
01:10:47,000 --> 01:10:48,700
Fuck you!
1527
01:10:48,800 --> 01:10:50,006
No!
1528
01:10:50,960 --> 01:10:53,645
Suicide prevention activated.
1529
01:10:53,880 --> 01:10:55,882
Look at that. Force field.
1530
01:10:56,040 --> 01:10:57,100
This is a great call.
1531
01:10:57,200 --> 01:10:58,611
I must have invented that.
1532
01:10:58,800 --> 01:11:01,121
Seriously. Thank you, Dad.
1533
01:11:01,480 --> 01:11:02,811
My pleasure, son.
1534
01:11:03,120 --> 01:11:05,122
- Is it fun?
- Yeah, it's kind of fun.
1535
01:11:05,400 --> 01:11:08,131
You know what?
I'm coming down, too!
1536
01:11:10,240 --> 01:11:12,402
Guys, guys, guys, come on!
1537
01:11:12,680 --> 01:11:14,380
We got a murder to solve here, huh?
1538
01:11:14,480 --> 01:11:16,164
Let's think. It's not Winkle.
1539
01:11:16,480 --> 01:11:17,620
It's obviously not Jacob.
1540
01:11:17,720 --> 01:11:18,700
- Right?
- Hey.
1541
01:11:18,800 --> 01:11:20,220
- No? Right.
- Come on. Come on.
1542
01:11:20,320 --> 01:11:21,970
All right. Okay.
1543
01:11:23,840 --> 01:11:26,380
Some curious news out
of the tech sector today.
1544
01:11:26,480 --> 01:11:29,060
A new synthetic element
has been developed.
1545
01:11:29,160 --> 01:11:32,060
The new element invented
by Brad Syed of Lougle Labs,
1546
01:11:32,160 --> 01:11:35,323
is tentatively being
called nitrotrinadium.
1547
01:11:35,600 --> 01:11:36,601
That's it.
1548
01:11:37,520 --> 01:11:39,820
- Brad never liked me.
- No?
1549
01:11:39,920 --> 01:11:41,524
And Brad's going to Adam's wedding.
1550
01:11:41,760 --> 01:11:44,001
I keep forgetting you guys know Brad.
1551
01:11:44,680 --> 01:11:47,843
It's gonna be fun, my wedding.
I'm looking forward to it.
1552
01:11:49,520 --> 01:11:51,170
Fuck! My wedding!
1553
01:12:00,440 --> 01:12:03,205
Jill's going to kill me.
I have to go change.
1554
01:12:03,440 --> 01:12:06,046
Oh, God. I can't believe
that son of a bitch stole my idea.
1555
01:12:06,400 --> 01:12:09,260
Let's split up and find Brad on three.
One, two, three.
1556
01:12:09,360 --> 01:12:10,340
Split up and find Brad
1557
01:12:10,440 --> 01:12:12,169
before he goes back in time
and kills Lou!
1558
01:12:13,120 --> 01:12:14,260
- Wow! We are so locked in.
- Same page.
1559
01:12:14,360 --> 01:12:15,620
- We are so locked in.
- Same page.
1560
01:12:15,720 --> 01:12:16,846
- That's awesome.
- Right.
1561
01:12:17,040 --> 01:12:19,088
It's normal for men
to blow off some steam
1562
01:12:19,200 --> 01:12:20,540
before their wedding, right?
1563
01:12:20,640 --> 01:12:23,883
Adam? What'd he do,
have a light lunch and a spa day?
1564
01:12:24,200 --> 01:12:28,489
He did drugs and had sex with a man
he barely knows on national TV.
1565
01:12:28,800 --> 01:12:30,689
That doesn't sound like Adam.
1566
01:12:31,240 --> 01:12:33,940
Honey, like you said,
he's just blowing off steam.
1567
01:12:34,040 --> 01:12:36,860
Why didn't I blow off steam?
I have steam to blow off.
1568
01:12:36,960 --> 01:12:38,300
All I did was get my hair done!
1569
01:12:38,400 --> 01:12:40,562
- It looks beautiful.
- Shut up, you dumb slut.
1570
01:12:40,800 --> 01:12:42,980
You blew half of Pittsburgh
before your bachelorette party.
1571
01:12:43,080 --> 01:12:44,206
Get me some champagne.
1572
01:12:51,240 --> 01:12:52,890
I don't know what's taking Jill.
1573
01:12:54,080 --> 01:12:55,580
You think she saw Choozy Doozy?
1574
01:12:55,680 --> 01:12:56,761
Does she watch it?
1575
01:12:57,000 --> 01:12:58,060
It's her favorite show.
1576
01:12:58,160 --> 01:12:59,400
Then she probably saw it.
1577
01:12:59,760 --> 01:13:01,091
Fuck!
1578
01:13:01,400 --> 01:13:02,447
Sorry.
1579
01:13:05,600 --> 01:13:08,604
This isn't good. She's never late. Ever.
1580
01:13:08,840 --> 01:13:10,524
Do you think she and I
are gonna be okay?
1581
01:13:10,760 --> 01:13:13,286
I don't know, man.
I'm not the guy to ask about marriage.
1582
01:13:13,520 --> 01:13:15,921
- Wait, are you married?
- Yeah. Well...
1583
01:13:17,200 --> 01:13:20,283
I don't know. I hope so.
1584
01:13:20,440 --> 01:13:21,700
Okay. Well, I have to find Jill.
1585
01:13:21,800 --> 01:13:22,847
Will you cover for me?
1586
01:13:22,960 --> 01:13:24,291
No, we gotta find Brad.
1587
01:13:24,600 --> 01:13:26,762
Fuck a dude. Fuck two dudes.
1588
01:13:26,960 --> 01:13:29,611
"I'm Adam.
I get plowed by dudes on TV."
1589
01:13:31,280 --> 01:13:33,601
Eeny, meeny, miney, drunk.
1590
01:13:35,440 --> 01:13:36,646
Choozy Boozey.
1591
01:13:39,280 --> 01:13:40,441
So sorry. Wrong room.
1592
01:13:44,640 --> 01:13:46,961
Oh, shit.
1593
01:13:48,200 --> 01:13:52,380
Anybody know a Brad Syed? Report...
1594
01:13:52,480 --> 01:13:54,801
Hey, Nick Webber. Do the dance.
1595
01:13:55,040 --> 01:13:56,405
You want me to do the dance?
1596
01:13:56,560 --> 01:13:57,540
Yeah, do the dance.
1597
01:13:57,640 --> 01:13:59,100
You want me to do the fucking dance?
1598
01:13:59,200 --> 01:14:00,201
Yeah!
1599
01:14:05,480 --> 01:14:07,164
This is who I've become, isn't it?
1600
01:14:08,160 --> 01:14:09,820
The dancing clown.
1601
01:14:09,920 --> 01:14:12,100
The man who will apparently do anything
1602
01:14:12,200 --> 01:14:14,487
to keep his shitty career going.
1603
01:14:14,920 --> 01:14:16,180
Meanwhile, when's the last time
1604
01:14:16,280 --> 01:14:18,362
I shared a romantic dinner
with my wife?
1605
01:14:18,480 --> 01:14:21,370
Or just did anything,
just the two of us?
1606
01:14:21,480 --> 01:14:22,686
It's been a minute.
1607
01:14:23,840 --> 01:14:26,420
I'll bet there's a lot
of people here tonight
1608
01:14:26,520 --> 01:14:28,329
who have been taken for granted.
1609
01:14:28,440 --> 01:14:29,851
This lady right here.
1610
01:14:30,080 --> 01:14:33,420
When's the last time your man
gave you flowers, just because?
1611
01:14:33,520 --> 01:14:34,567
Fuck you, dude.
1612
01:14:34,680 --> 01:14:38,162
Right? On this special occasion,
1613
01:14:38,360 --> 01:14:40,681
be thankful for the one you're with.
1614
01:14:41,000 --> 01:14:43,207
Make each moment count.
1615
01:14:43,920 --> 01:14:46,207
Remember why you fell in love.
1616
01:14:48,200 --> 01:14:49,500
Now do the dance!
1617
01:14:49,600 --> 01:14:50,660
Yeah!
1618
01:14:50,760 --> 01:14:52,364
Do it! Do it!
1619
01:14:53,040 --> 01:14:54,883
Fuck it. D.J.!
1620
01:15:12,640 --> 01:15:13,780
- Hey, Brad.
- Hey, Jacob...
1621
01:15:13,880 --> 01:15:16,611
Whoa! Whoa, whoa, whoa...
1622
01:15:16,720 --> 01:15:19,564
Give me the nitrotrinadium, Brad!
Give me the fuckin' nitro!
1623
01:15:19,880 --> 01:15:21,041
- Okay, okay.
- Slowly.
1624
01:15:21,960 --> 01:15:22,961
Slowly.
1625
01:15:23,160 --> 01:15:26,403
Be very careful, it's my only one.
I only trust you with it.
1626
01:15:26,880 --> 01:15:28,962
You thought you had it all
figured out, didn't ya?
1627
01:15:29,080 --> 01:15:30,923
Just gonna go back in time
and kill my dad.
1628
01:15:31,160 --> 01:15:32,491
- Kill your dad?
- Yeah.
1629
01:15:32,720 --> 01:15:33,926
I know your plan, Brad.
1630
01:15:34,240 --> 01:15:35,651
Okay, sure, I thought about it.
1631
01:15:35,760 --> 01:15:37,285
A lot. When I worked for him.
1632
01:15:37,400 --> 01:15:38,401
I knew it.
1633
01:15:38,560 --> 01:15:40,340
But why would I wanna kill
the man partly responsible
1634
01:15:40,440 --> 01:15:42,807
for the greatest scientific
achievement of all time?
1635
01:15:44,680 --> 01:15:46,700
There was no such thing
as nitrotrinadium
1636
01:15:46,800 --> 01:15:49,140
when your dad gave me
the idea for it 10 years ago.
1637
01:15:49,240 --> 01:15:50,605
...for time travel!
1638
01:15:50,840 --> 01:15:52,500
He had a history of pulling great ideas
1639
01:15:52,600 --> 01:15:53,980
- out of his ass...
- Boom!
1640
01:15:54,080 --> 01:15:56,660
...and god damn it, he did it again.
1641
01:15:56,760 --> 01:15:58,922
I'm gonna be in the lab,
trying to save this company.
1642
01:15:59,200 --> 01:16:00,645
I dedicated my life's work
1643
01:16:00,760 --> 01:16:03,001
to making Lou Dorchen's
vision a reality.
1644
01:16:03,280 --> 01:16:05,931
Wait. So you are the inventor
of time travel.
1645
01:16:06,520 --> 01:16:08,443
Right? It's fucking awesome.
1646
01:16:08,600 --> 01:16:11,171
So you weren't gonna go back to 2015
and shoot him in the dick.
1647
01:16:11,280 --> 01:16:12,281
Shoot him?
1648
01:16:13,960 --> 01:16:16,804
If I was going to kill your dad,
it wouldn't be with a gun.
1649
01:16:17,040 --> 01:16:20,940
What I would do is spike his morning
cocktail with a potent sedative
1650
01:16:21,040 --> 01:16:22,780
before dragging his body
to the Gulf and...
1651
01:16:22,880 --> 01:16:24,166
Feeding it to a shark.
1652
01:16:24,480 --> 01:16:26,721
- Yeah.
- It's the perfect plan.
1653
01:16:26,960 --> 01:16:29,361
Are you having
as fantastic a time as I am?
1654
01:16:29,480 --> 01:16:31,323
Shut up! This isn't making love!
1655
01:16:31,480 --> 01:16:33,180
This is a "fuck you" to my fiance!
1656
01:16:33,280 --> 01:16:34,645
Right, right, right, right. Okay.
1657
01:16:34,880 --> 01:16:37,406
- Fuck me, Uncle Lou!
- Whoa! Whoa! Hold on!
1658
01:16:37,640 --> 01:16:38,620
Uncle by marriage!
1659
01:16:38,720 --> 01:16:40,449
I feel like that is
an important distinction to make.
1660
01:16:40,560 --> 01:16:41,891
Fuck me, Uncle Lou by marriage!
1661
01:16:42,120 --> 01:16:43,690
I can't believe I'm fucking
1662
01:16:43,800 --> 01:16:45,962
Adam's father's future daughter-in-law!
1663
01:16:46,320 --> 01:16:50,086
I can't believe I'm fucking
Adam's father's sister's husband!
1664
01:16:51,160 --> 01:16:52,810
Adam! Have you seen Lou?
1665
01:16:54,600 --> 01:16:57,900
That Jacuzzi time machine thing,
is that real?
1666
01:16:58,000 --> 01:16:59,460
- It's a hot tub.
- Whatever!
1667
01:16:59,560 --> 01:17:01,380
Listen, Adam, I'm sorry,
I gotta be a stickler on this.
1668
01:17:01,480 --> 01:17:02,900
Jacuzzi is a brand name, and...
1669
01:17:03,000 --> 01:17:04,843
Shut up! How does it work?
1670
01:17:05,840 --> 01:17:08,047
- How does it work?
- This!
1671
01:17:09,920 --> 01:17:12,220
It's the only nitrotrinadium
in the whole world!
1672
01:17:12,320 --> 01:17:16,580
10 fucking years!
It was a bitch to make, dude!
1673
01:17:16,680 --> 01:17:19,300
I know, Brad.
I didn't mean to fuckin' lose it.
1674
01:17:19,400 --> 01:17:20,970
He got the jump on me.
1675
01:17:21,080 --> 01:17:22,620
But he's so much smaller than you.
1676
01:17:22,720 --> 01:17:26,441
He had, like, super-human strength,
like that fucking baby in Superman I.
1677
01:17:26,560 --> 01:17:29,500
You mean Baby Superman?
That baby was Superman.
1678
01:17:29,600 --> 01:17:30,580
Yeah, I mean...
1679
01:17:30,680 --> 01:17:32,523
That baby was Superman, Jacob!
1680
01:17:35,400 --> 01:17:37,100
- Hey.
- Hey.
1681
01:17:37,200 --> 01:17:38,247
Any luck?
1682
01:17:38,600 --> 01:17:39,965
- Yeah.
- You found him?
1683
01:17:41,000 --> 01:17:43,480
Shit! No. Brad. No, you?
1684
01:17:43,880 --> 01:17:46,486
Nah. Dude.
1685
01:17:46,960 --> 01:17:49,620
10 years of my life.
1686
01:17:49,720 --> 01:17:50,960
Handle it.
1687
01:17:52,200 --> 01:17:54,860
Instead of linear,
think of space-time as being fluid...
1688
01:17:54,960 --> 01:17:56,450
- Hey.
- Hey, Lou.
1689
01:17:59,480 --> 01:18:00,641
America!
1690
01:18:00,880 --> 01:18:02,882
Brad was helping.
He's not the murderer.
1691
01:18:05,800 --> 01:18:07,325
- Oops.
- Then what happened?
1692
01:18:07,440 --> 01:18:10,205
Adam took the nitro.
He's going back to 2015 to kill you.
1693
01:18:10,320 --> 01:18:13,085
Adam Junior's the murderer?
Why would he do that?
1694
01:18:14,880 --> 01:18:16,245
I think...
1695
01:18:16,560 --> 01:18:18,260
You guys
are gonna think this is hilarious.
1696
01:18:18,360 --> 01:18:19,600
I may have
1697
01:18:21,240 --> 01:18:24,403
fucked his wife. A tiny bit! A tiny bit.
1698
01:18:25,240 --> 01:18:27,140
You know, in her vagina, or whatever.
1699
01:18:27,240 --> 01:18:28,220
Fuck, Lou!
1700
01:18:28,320 --> 01:18:29,810
So you just created your own killer.
1701
01:18:29,920 --> 01:18:31,843
- So I'm the bad guy now!
- Yes!
1702
01:18:31,960 --> 01:18:32,961
Yes.
1703
01:18:33,240 --> 01:18:34,401
Come on!
1704
01:18:34,640 --> 01:18:35,687
Fuck!
1705
01:18:36,080 --> 01:18:37,241
Shit.
1706
01:18:37,680 --> 01:18:39,500
Baby Adam got away.
1707
01:18:39,600 --> 01:18:41,921
Shit. Shit. Look, look, look!
1708
01:18:42,760 --> 01:18:43,740
Come on, come on, come on...
1709
01:18:43,840 --> 01:18:46,684
No, no, no, no, no!
This has got to end now.
1710
01:18:47,560 --> 01:18:48,540
Lou...
1711
01:18:48,640 --> 01:18:50,290
- Lou, what are you doing?
- Lou, get out of the road.
1712
01:18:50,440 --> 01:18:51,820
- Lou!
- I know what I'm doing!
1713
01:18:51,920 --> 01:18:52,967
Get the fuck out of the street!
1714
01:18:53,080 --> 01:18:54,605
You don't know what you're doing.
You're going to die!
1715
01:18:55,440 --> 01:18:56,420
Lou, would you come the fuck on?
1716
01:18:56,520 --> 01:18:57,760
Let me do this! I got this!
1717
01:18:58,000 --> 01:18:59,126
I got this!
1718
01:18:59,280 --> 01:19:00,327
Stop!
1719
01:19:05,520 --> 01:19:07,727
I'm sorry. Okay.
1720
01:19:09,440 --> 01:19:11,020
Okay, okay, okay! I mean it.
1721
01:19:11,120 --> 01:19:13,700
I do. I mean it.
I'm a dick. Ask my friends.
1722
01:19:13,800 --> 01:19:15,100
- He's a dick.
- Big ol' dick.
1723
01:19:15,200 --> 01:19:17,123
Look, I get you. I do.
1724
01:19:17,280 --> 01:19:19,806
I know what it's like
to feel unappreciated,
1725
01:19:19,920 --> 01:19:21,763
like just a member of the pack.
1726
01:19:22,480 --> 01:19:25,860
I just want you to know that
despite what I said before,
1727
01:19:25,960 --> 01:19:27,380
I do appreciate you.
1728
01:19:27,480 --> 01:19:29,721
And I'm appealing to your
sense of humanity right now.
1729
01:19:30,480 --> 01:19:33,140
There is a maniac trying to kill me.
1730
01:19:33,240 --> 01:19:36,801
And I'm asking you
to be the bigger car and help me out.
1731
01:19:39,400 --> 01:19:43,166
I'm just a guy looking at a car
1732
01:19:44,480 --> 01:19:46,164
and asking it to love me.
1733
01:20:04,560 --> 01:20:07,006
Listen. You can't go with me, okay?
1734
01:20:07,400 --> 01:20:08,561
Scat!
1735
01:20:12,720 --> 01:20:14,006
Hey, listen.
1736
01:20:14,120 --> 01:20:16,260
I'll be back, okay? I promise.
I'll be back.
1737
01:20:16,360 --> 01:20:19,740
We'll go all the places that
we never got to go, okay?
1738
01:20:19,840 --> 01:20:20,841
Just
1739
01:20:21,920 --> 01:20:23,763
wait for me. You
1740
01:20:24,400 --> 01:20:26,323
stay blue.
1741
01:20:35,200 --> 01:20:37,009
Shit. Shit. Shit.
1742
01:20:38,760 --> 01:20:40,649
We're too late. We just missed him.
1743
01:20:41,520 --> 01:20:44,046
I guess that's it. We're stuck here.
1744
01:20:44,520 --> 01:20:46,682
That means in a minute, Lou's going to
1745
01:20:47,680 --> 01:20:48,806
disappear.
1746
01:20:51,080 --> 01:20:52,740
No. That can't be right. Right, Jacob?
1747
01:20:52,840 --> 01:20:55,241
I mean, you got...
You got a plan or something.
1748
01:20:55,520 --> 01:20:57,204
No. We just got to...
1749
01:20:57,600 --> 01:20:59,045
What are we gonna do?
1750
01:20:59,520 --> 01:21:00,931
Fuck, I don't know.
1751
01:21:01,360 --> 01:21:02,725
I don't know.
1752
01:21:04,560 --> 01:21:05,925
Shit, Lou.
1753
01:21:21,360 --> 01:21:23,886
- I'll miss you, brother.
- I'll miss you, too.
1754
01:21:30,360 --> 01:21:32,362
Hey. Before I forget,
1755
01:21:33,040 --> 01:21:34,565
will you just keep an eye on him?
1756
01:21:36,560 --> 01:21:38,961
He's got such a big future ahead of him.
1757
01:21:39,080 --> 01:21:40,570
- Obviously.
- Yeah.
1758
01:21:46,720 --> 01:21:47,721
I got it.
1759
01:21:47,840 --> 01:21:49,001
Jacob, it's okay. Don't...
1760
01:21:49,160 --> 01:21:50,180
No, no, no.
1761
01:21:50,280 --> 01:21:53,489
Our nitro was missing
because it didn't exist yet.
1762
01:21:53,840 --> 01:21:56,650
But if Adam took the nitro to the past,
1763
01:21:56,760 --> 01:21:58,410
then it exists here in the future.
1764
01:22:01,760 --> 01:22:03,091
Holy shit!
1765
01:22:04,160 --> 01:22:05,161
There's still time.
1766
01:22:05,440 --> 01:22:07,010
- Jacob!
- Let's go!
1767
01:22:09,080 --> 01:22:11,128
We gotta go back to the past
to save the future.
1768
01:22:11,280 --> 01:22:12,327
What does this remind you of?
1769
01:22:12,440 --> 01:22:13,420
Terminator.
1770
01:22:13,520 --> 01:22:14,780
- Always Terminator.
- Always Terminator. I know.
1771
01:22:14,880 --> 01:22:16,086
Let's go save Lou's life.
1772
01:22:16,200 --> 01:22:17,440
High five.
1773
01:22:17,680 --> 01:22:18,761
High five.
1774
01:22:25,960 --> 01:22:28,020
This is my favorite part!
1775
01:22:28,120 --> 01:22:29,451
Here we go! Here we go!
1776
01:22:44,120 --> 01:22:46,122
- I think we made it!
- Let's go!
1777
01:22:46,360 --> 01:22:47,486
- Let's go!
- Okay.
1778
01:22:53,120 --> 01:22:54,804
It's the party. And there's still time!
1779
01:22:55,040 --> 01:22:57,247
He's gotta be around here somewhere!
1780
01:22:57,880 --> 01:23:00,360
We are live!
1781
01:23:00,960 --> 01:23:03,167
From Lougle Mansion.
1782
01:23:03,640 --> 01:23:08,328
Worth 2.3 billion dollars, introducing
1783
01:23:09,000 --> 01:23:12,900
Lou "the Violator"
1784
01:23:13,000 --> 01:23:14,650
Dorchen!
1785
01:23:25,240 --> 01:23:26,765
- Hey, everybody.
- Lou!
1786
01:23:30,600 --> 01:23:31,660
Lou, I found him.
1787
01:23:31,760 --> 01:23:33,250
I'm going to shoot you in the dick
1788
01:23:33,360 --> 01:23:35,460
so you can't fuck anyone else's wife!
1789
01:23:35,560 --> 01:23:36,820
Technically, you all aren't married yet,
1790
01:23:36,920 --> 01:23:38,740
- so she's not your wife.
- Yes, she is!
1791
01:23:38,840 --> 01:23:40,980
Adam, I hate to be a stickler,
but you guys haven't met yet.
1792
01:23:41,080 --> 01:23:42,100
- It's 2015.
- Shut the fuck up!
1793
01:23:42,200 --> 01:23:43,281
- Mazel tov!
- Congratulations!
1794
01:23:47,520 --> 01:23:49,841
What are you doing?
What are you doing?
1795
01:23:50,200 --> 01:23:52,202
It's probably pretty hard
to shoot a man, right?
1796
01:23:52,680 --> 01:23:53,660
Don't.
1797
01:23:53,760 --> 01:23:56,206
It's okay. It's okay. Watch.
1798
01:23:57,040 --> 01:23:59,805
I'm just gonna make it
easier on you. Look.
1799
01:24:02,880 --> 01:24:05,281
- Shotgun to the dick.
- His destiny.
1800
01:24:05,720 --> 01:24:07,722
I turned you into a murderer.
1801
01:24:08,360 --> 01:24:09,500
I've just ruined my own life.
1802
01:24:09,600 --> 01:24:12,460
I have so much fuckin' poison in me
that I've ruined yours, too.
1803
01:24:12,560 --> 01:24:13,891
Jacob was right.
1804
01:24:14,200 --> 01:24:15,725
I'm a virus.
1805
01:24:16,720 --> 01:24:19,564
This is your revenge to take. Okay?
1806
01:24:20,560 --> 01:24:21,800
Please.
1807
01:24:25,320 --> 01:24:26,651
I've seen my future.
1808
01:24:26,880 --> 01:24:28,564
You saw it. I'm a disaster.
1809
01:24:29,560 --> 01:24:30,561
It's okay.
1810
01:24:30,880 --> 01:24:33,980
Just kill me
and put us both out of our misery?
1811
01:24:34,080 --> 01:24:35,241
Please.
1812
01:24:35,400 --> 01:24:38,165
I can't. I can't do it.
1813
01:24:38,320 --> 01:24:40,607
Jesus Christ,
do I have to fucking do everything?
1814
01:24:41,480 --> 01:24:42,481
Lou...
1815
01:24:43,240 --> 01:24:44,241
No!
1816
01:24:48,800 --> 01:24:50,131
You okay?
1817
01:24:52,920 --> 01:24:54,684
You're fucking crazy, Lou.
1818
01:25:02,840 --> 01:25:04,490
I'm sorry, I may have shit my pants.
1819
01:25:04,600 --> 01:25:06,340
That's all right.
It was a stressful situation.
1820
01:25:06,440 --> 01:25:08,522
It was really stressful. I'm exhausted.
1821
01:25:09,760 --> 01:25:11,125
- I'm so sorry.
- I'm sorry.
1822
01:25:11,760 --> 01:25:12,807
Jill?
1823
01:25:12,920 --> 01:25:14,410
How did you know my...
1824
01:25:15,280 --> 01:25:16,220
My nametag.
1825
01:25:16,320 --> 01:25:18,004
No, no, it's because you're my...
1826
01:25:20,040 --> 01:25:22,805
I'm sorry. This is just...
This is weird.
1827
01:25:23,280 --> 01:25:26,648
Up until yesterday,
I thought I had a normal life.
1828
01:25:26,880 --> 01:25:28,340
I know what you mean. I...
1829
01:25:28,440 --> 01:25:31,700
Have you ever felt like
your entire life was a fraud?
1830
01:25:31,800 --> 01:25:33,802
I'm sorry. "Fraud"
is the wrong word. "Lie"?
1831
01:25:37,480 --> 01:25:38,460
I'm Adam.
1832
01:25:38,560 --> 01:25:40,847
- I'm...
- Jill. I know.
1833
01:25:41,360 --> 01:25:42,805
Lovely tuxedo you're wearing.
1834
01:25:43,000 --> 01:25:45,207
Thank you. Well, it's for our...
1835
01:25:50,800 --> 01:25:51,881
Forgot what I was going to say.
1836
01:26:00,160 --> 01:26:02,140
Well, that was exciting.
1837
01:26:02,240 --> 01:26:04,481
I guess it's not a Lougle party
until somebody gets shot at.
1838
01:26:04,760 --> 01:26:05,820
I don't want to go to the Grammys.
1839
01:26:05,920 --> 01:26:06,940
No?
1840
01:26:07,040 --> 01:26:08,530
I don't wanna go
to your sister's either.
1841
01:26:08,680 --> 01:26:10,330
I just want to go somewhere,
just you and me.
1842
01:26:11,680 --> 01:26:13,045
Start making things right.
1843
01:26:14,360 --> 01:26:16,408
I like that. Okay.
1844
01:26:16,720 --> 01:26:18,165
And I want to get out of this shirt.
1845
01:26:18,400 --> 01:26:20,846
I've been in it for, like, 3 days,
and it's really loud.
1846
01:26:22,280 --> 01:26:23,620
Come here.
1847
01:26:23,720 --> 01:26:25,882
Put your arms up for a sec, like that.
1848
01:26:26,880 --> 01:26:29,565
Is this a dance or something?
1849
01:26:29,840 --> 01:26:31,842
Something like that. More of a strut.
1850
01:26:32,240 --> 01:26:33,571
I'm coming in.
1851
01:26:33,680 --> 01:26:34,841
Okay.
1852
01:26:35,560 --> 01:26:37,927
- There it is. Yeah.
- Okay.
1853
01:26:38,800 --> 01:26:40,220
This is some stupid shit.
1854
01:26:40,320 --> 01:26:42,084
You have no idea.
1855
01:26:43,520 --> 01:26:45,020
Did I just hear fireworks?
1856
01:26:45,120 --> 01:26:47,521
Because fireworks make me want
to puke, and you know that.
1857
01:27:01,080 --> 01:27:02,570
Why are you more handsome?
1858
01:27:03,560 --> 01:27:05,300
I'm a bald person.
1859
01:27:05,400 --> 01:27:06,380
Hey.
1860
01:27:06,480 --> 01:27:08,960
What do you think about doing
a 12-step program with me?
1861
01:27:09,920 --> 01:27:12,620
You know, like, go to an awesome rehab
1862
01:27:12,720 --> 01:27:16,441
with good food and a pool
and classy people.
1863
01:27:18,480 --> 01:27:19,641
What do you think?
1864
01:27:20,960 --> 01:27:22,450
- Okay.
- Yeah?
1865
01:27:23,120 --> 01:27:24,610
I fucking hate you, Lou.
1866
01:27:24,920 --> 01:27:26,285
I fucking hate you, Kelly.
1867
01:27:30,280 --> 01:27:32,487
Sophie! Hey! Where are you going?
1868
01:27:32,600 --> 01:27:35,580
People are shooting each other.
I'm getting out of here.
1869
01:27:35,680 --> 01:27:36,700
Okay. Here's the thing, Soph,
1870
01:27:36,800 --> 01:27:38,820
I've seen our future together
and I will be the first person
1871
01:27:38,920 --> 01:27:40,922
to admit that it is fucking insane.
1872
01:27:41,080 --> 01:27:42,740
The drugs, the constant partying.
1873
01:27:42,840 --> 01:27:45,127
It's enough to make anybody ask,
"When is enough enough?"
1874
01:27:45,280 --> 01:27:46,327
What are you talking about?
1875
01:27:46,440 --> 01:27:47,540
Just stay with me here.
Just stay with me.
1876
01:27:47,640 --> 01:27:48,971
Did you change?
1877
01:27:49,080 --> 01:27:52,220
Yeah, in so many ways. But, listen,
right in the middle of that future
1878
01:27:52,320 --> 01:27:55,324
is this toxic power couple
named you and me.
1879
01:27:55,440 --> 01:27:57,180
And does it all end in tragedy and tears
1880
01:27:57,280 --> 01:27:59,408
and a murder mystery?
Yes, of course it does.
1881
01:27:59,600 --> 01:28:00,965
But I don't care.
1882
01:28:01,160 --> 01:28:02,924
I just got one question, Sophie.
1883
01:28:03,960 --> 01:28:05,644
Are you ready for the ride
of your fucking life?
1884
01:28:20,280 --> 01:28:23,171
- What's that in your pocket?
- My dick.
1885
01:28:24,600 --> 01:28:25,681
The other thing.
1886
01:28:26,680 --> 01:28:29,160
A billion fucking dollars.
1887
01:28:31,640 --> 01:28:34,041
Hey, I just met my future wife in there.
1888
01:28:34,320 --> 01:28:36,971
Yeah, man. Hang out with us,
that kind of shit happens all the time.
1889
01:28:37,160 --> 01:28:39,162
Yeah. A lot of highs and lows here.
1890
01:28:39,360 --> 01:28:40,850
- Yeah.
- You know, when you think about it,
1891
01:28:40,960 --> 01:28:43,122
Lou had to fuck your wife in the future,
1892
01:28:43,240 --> 01:28:44,571
so you could meet her in the past.
1893
01:28:45,040 --> 01:28:47,122
- Well...
- Yeah. But, hey...
1894
01:28:47,680 --> 01:28:48,920
That's what uncles do, right?
1895
01:28:50,840 --> 01:28:51,841
Not really.
1896
01:28:52,800 --> 01:28:53,780
Hey, just think of it this way.
1897
01:28:53,880 --> 01:28:55,370
Since it happened in the future,
1898
01:28:55,480 --> 01:28:57,084
it technically hasn't happened at all.
1899
01:28:57,400 --> 01:28:59,060
It's cyclical.
1900
01:28:59,160 --> 01:29:01,220
Yeah. And even though
I didn't meet my dad,
1901
01:29:01,320 --> 01:29:03,060
I met some friends for life.
1902
01:29:03,160 --> 01:29:04,161
Yeah? Who?
1903
01:29:04,440 --> 01:29:06,761
- Hey, Lou?
- Uncle Lou.
1904
01:29:07,760 --> 01:29:09,000
Uncle Lou.
1905
01:29:09,760 --> 01:29:12,580
No harm, no foul,
but did you ejaculate in her?
1906
01:29:12,680 --> 01:29:14,682
Hey. That doesn't matter.
1907
01:29:15,120 --> 01:29:17,122
I ejaculated inside of you.
1908
01:29:17,360 --> 01:29:18,600
And that doesn't matter either.
1909
01:29:18,720 --> 01:29:21,500
Because those are
both just hypothetical future scenarios.
1910
01:29:21,600 --> 01:29:23,807
No one ejaculated inside
of anything, really.
1911
01:29:23,920 --> 01:29:25,046
No one's ejaculated.
1912
01:29:25,200 --> 01:29:26,180
Yeah, I did.
1913
01:29:26,280 --> 01:29:27,281
You know what?
1914
01:29:27,600 --> 01:29:29,204
I had this moment earlier.
1915
01:29:31,120 --> 01:29:33,441
I think it was when my nephew
from the future
1916
01:29:33,560 --> 01:29:36,281
had a shotgun pointed at my dick
that I'd helped him place there.
1917
01:29:37,600 --> 01:29:38,931
That was me.
1918
01:29:39,120 --> 01:29:42,966
But in that moment,
everything became clear to me.
1919
01:29:43,120 --> 01:29:45,122
We need to change people's lives.
1920
01:29:45,280 --> 01:29:47,123
Make the world a better place.
1921
01:29:47,760 --> 01:29:50,001
All we have to do is...
1922
01:29:54,960 --> 01:29:56,291
Lou!
1923
01:29:56,880 --> 01:29:58,370
Don't listen to anything he says.
1924
01:29:58,680 --> 01:29:59,727
Adam?
1925
01:29:59,960 --> 01:30:01,803
What the fuck? You shot Lou!
1926
01:30:01,920 --> 01:30:03,524
Dad?
1927
01:30:03,960 --> 01:30:04,961
What's going on?
1928
01:30:05,320 --> 01:30:07,100
No time to explain. Follow me.
1929
01:30:07,200 --> 01:30:08,725
To where?
1930
01:30:09,480 --> 01:30:10,527
Cincinnati.
1931
01:30:10,840 --> 01:30:12,285
No, no, Dad, wait!
1932
01:30:13,360 --> 01:30:15,283
Why did my dad just kill Lou?
1933
01:30:18,640 --> 01:30:20,847
- He probably had an okay reason.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa.
1934
01:30:21,000 --> 01:30:22,843
Wait! Don't go with Adam!
1935
01:30:27,080 --> 01:30:28,140
Patriot Lou.
1936
01:30:28,240 --> 01:30:29,420
Are those wooden teeth?
1937
01:30:29,520 --> 01:30:32,171
He looks like Cap'n Crunch
fucked Paul Revere.
1938
01:30:32,280 --> 01:30:33,900
His hair's breathtaking.
1939
01:30:34,000 --> 01:30:35,206
It's beautiful.
1940
01:30:36,320 --> 01:30:38,260
- Don't listen to him.
- Why?
1941
01:30:38,360 --> 01:30:40,060
It's a long story.
1942
01:30:40,160 --> 01:30:41,580
Believe me, he did us all a favor.
1943
01:30:41,680 --> 01:30:43,260
This one was bad.
1944
01:30:43,360 --> 01:30:45,100
Okay. The bigger question is, how...
1945
01:30:45,200 --> 01:30:47,060
That's not the only me.
You think you're the only you?
1946
01:30:47,160 --> 01:30:48,889
There's a ton of yous out there.
1947
01:30:49,080 --> 01:30:51,180
Look, you're gonna like this me
a lot better.
1948
01:30:51,280 --> 01:30:52,930
This me is great. Take it from me.
1949
01:30:53,160 --> 01:30:54,321
Holy shit.
1950
01:30:55,480 --> 01:30:57,005
I mean, you guys get it, right?
1951
01:30:57,760 --> 01:31:00,161
Multiple universes, like Fringe.
1952
01:31:02,720 --> 01:31:03,780
Nerd
1953
01:31:03,880 --> 01:31:06,780
You're a fucking nerd
1954
01:31:06,880 --> 01:31:08,041
Poindexter
1955
01:31:08,200 --> 01:31:10,407
You're a fucking nerd
1956
01:31:10,560 --> 01:31:12,100
And no one likes you
1957
01:31:12,200 --> 01:31:13,201
You're a nerd
You're a nerd...
1958
01:31:13,320 --> 01:31:14,460
And no one likes you
1959
01:31:14,560 --> 01:31:16,020
You suck each other's dicks
1960
01:31:16,120 --> 01:31:17,220
- Whoa!
- What?
1961
01:31:17,320 --> 01:31:18,300
Let's...
1962
01:31:18,400 --> 01:31:19,731
I'm sorry.
1963
01:31:20,040 --> 01:31:22,180
Obviously not the direction
of the song, right?
1964
01:31:22,280 --> 01:31:25,170
I totally misread that song.
My apologies.
1965
01:31:25,720 --> 01:31:27,085
Okay, so what now?
1966
01:31:27,480 --> 01:31:28,811
Yeah. You guys gotta come with me.
1967
01:31:28,920 --> 01:31:30,081
To where?
1968
01:31:32,160 --> 01:31:34,481
We gotta make America happen, bro.
1969
01:31:37,360 --> 01:31:38,660
Ready for another dip?
1970
01:31:38,760 --> 01:31:40,100
You know, you're not gonna
be super welcome there,
1971
01:31:40,200 --> 01:31:41,660
- but we should totally go.
- I know.
1972
01:31:41,760 --> 01:31:43,000
- Are we going?
- Yeah.
1973
01:31:59,520 --> 01:32:00,980
Adam saved Lincoln!
1974
01:32:01,080 --> 01:32:04,260
That parade was the single
greatest moment of my life.
1975
01:32:04,360 --> 01:32:05,420
More so than saving Lincoln?
1976
01:32:05,520 --> 01:32:06,851
No, that was the third
greatest moment of my life.
1977
01:32:07,200 --> 01:32:08,140
What was the second?
1978
01:32:08,240 --> 01:32:09,810
A parade I attended as a child.
1979
01:32:14,760 --> 01:32:15,780
Shit, you guys.
1980
01:32:15,880 --> 01:32:17,689
I left my phone back in the 1800s.
1981
01:32:17,880 --> 01:32:19,370
I fed some gum to a dinosaur.
1982
01:32:19,520 --> 01:32:21,363
As long as we're coming clean,
I fucked Marilyn Monroe.
1983
01:32:22,800 --> 01:32:24,643
Yeah. Sure you did, buddy.
1984
01:32:28,560 --> 01:32:30,562
Who's a nerd now, motherfuckers, huh?
1985
01:32:30,720 --> 01:32:31,960
I'm Arthur Miller.
1986
01:32:33,240 --> 01:32:34,446
Come... Come on!
1987
01:32:40,560 --> 01:32:41,500
You look like...
1988
01:32:41,600 --> 01:32:43,260
- Come on, baby. You got this.
- Let him do it.
1989
01:32:43,360 --> 01:32:44,900
- Let him do it.
- We'll let him do it.
1990
01:32:45,000 --> 01:32:46,780
Come on. Something fucked
something to make it happen.
1991
01:32:46,880 --> 01:32:49,140
It's easy. You just mash
two things up together
1992
01:32:49,240 --> 01:32:50,180
and then you nail him with it.
1993
01:32:50,280 --> 01:32:52,965
You look like... Kevin Yardley!
1994
01:32:53,080 --> 01:32:54,491
Who the fuck is Kevin Yardley?
1995
01:32:54,680 --> 01:32:56,900
A guy I went to high school with.
Yeah, he looks just like him.
1996
01:32:57,000 --> 01:32:59,651
Boo! You suck at this!
1997
01:33:04,800 --> 01:33:06,900
I just get sick of explaining it to him.
1998
01:33:07,000 --> 01:33:08,740
How hard is it
to understand time travel?
1999
01:33:08,840 --> 01:33:11,300
I mean, we get it. E equals MC squared.
2000
01:33:11,400 --> 01:33:12,940
Einstein's a stupid fucking idiot.
2001
01:33:13,040 --> 01:33:14,041
- Right?
- Yeah.
2002
01:33:17,600 --> 01:33:19,887
Ladies and gentlemen, the Beatles!
2003
01:33:23,520 --> 01:33:25,180
You're fucking Ringo!
2004
01:33:25,280 --> 01:33:26,281
Damn it.
2005
01:33:29,680 --> 01:33:33,048
Apple is going to reinvent the phone.
2006
01:33:36,560 --> 01:33:37,540
Explain yourself.
2007
01:33:37,640 --> 01:33:38,971
I will not.
2008
01:33:39,800 --> 01:33:40,801
I'm Nick Webber.
2009
01:33:40,920 --> 01:33:41,900
I'm Jacob Dorchen.
2010
01:33:42,000 --> 01:33:43,420
I'm Adam Yates Stedmeyer.
2011
01:33:43,520 --> 01:33:44,660
I'm Lou Dorchen.
2012
01:33:44,760 --> 01:33:49,084
All that and one less minute
tonight on 59 Minutes.
2013
01:33:55,040 --> 01:33:57,202
- Yes!
- The moon!
2014
01:33:57,400 --> 01:33:59,482
First man to save a President
and go into space.
2015
01:33:59,600 --> 01:34:01,500
It was just a soundstage in New Mexico.
2016
01:34:01,600 --> 01:34:03,125
It wasn't real.
2017
01:34:11,240 --> 01:34:12,660
You knew that was gonna happen!
2018
01:34:12,760 --> 01:34:14,380
What did I keep saying?
Protect the ears.
2019
01:34:14,480 --> 01:34:15,811
He was beating the shit out of me!
2020
01:34:16,480 --> 01:34:18,244
Dorchen does it again!
2021
01:34:19,400 --> 01:34:20,970
Unbelievable!
2022
01:34:22,280 --> 01:34:24,726
Nothing but net. Nothing but net.
2023
01:34:24,840 --> 01:34:26,922
- You're just gonna keep saying...
- Nothing but net!
2024
01:34:31,920 --> 01:34:34,526
You're a fucking nerd
2025
01:34:34,920 --> 01:34:37,082
Come on. No way!
I had sex with Marilyn Monroe!
2026
01:34:37,320 --> 01:34:38,924
- You're a fucking nerd
- You're a nerd You're a nerd
2027
01:34:39,160 --> 01:34:40,366
Stop singing the song!
2028
01:34:40,520 --> 01:34:41,851
- Nobody likes you
- Poindexter
2029
01:34:42,000 --> 01:34:44,082
I won't listen to this song
one more fuckin' time!
2030
01:34:44,400 --> 01:34:45,401
No, no!217745
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