Original subtitles

(dramatic jazz music)

(Zankie screams)

(dog barks)

- Mickey! Mickey!

- Man, what a Mickey Mouse beach.

- [Speaker] But I don't want to disillusion you,

but you're gonna have ups and downs.

Loosely around the three month period...

- Come on.

Come on!

(upbeat carnival music)

- Would it be a ball to take a ride

on one of them inside. Zankie, would it?

I haven't had a ride in one of those

since I was 10, maybe...

10, 12 years old, I don't know.

I wish I had some bread, I'd take a ride.

You know something, Zankie, just sit up there.

And you feel the music, and you fly around.

You fly around. that sound good to you?

If I had one quarter I could take a ride.

But I haven't got any bread.

I haven't had any bread since

we got straight yesterday. Zankie.

I can't take it.

I just couldn't take your last piece. man.

I can't do it.

- I want you to have a ride.

- God. man. Zankie, you're too much.

I want to tell you something.

I'm so glad you didn't make that scene this afternoon

'cause you're just too much for me to lose -

- Will you get out of here?

- I can't make it without you. you know?

- Will you get out of here?

- Sure, Zankie.

Will you hold my coat 'cause I'll be right back.

(dramatic jazz music)

- Zankie!

Hey, Zankie!

(carnival music distorts)

Hey!

Hey. man. don't leave me here!

Zankie!

(crowd chatter)

- I'll tell you, there's one thing

that's a dead giveaway every time.

No matter how they try, they can't cover it up.

They give it away every single time.

They can't cover it.

- You mean the dope fiend?

- Yes, watch their eyes.

It's not so much shifty as it is.

Darting. Quick darting.

They can't hide it.

You see, the narcotic addict is like an animal.

He lives in a jungle where he can't get out.

So their eyes become fruity. darty.

- [Intercom Speaker] Will everyone please go to the theater?

The program is about to begin.

- Well. let's go.

The meeting's about to start.

- This fellow Dederich should be very interesting.

I understand he may go to jail.

Some zoning law or something.

- Oh really?

- I read it in the paper. yeah.

(tense music)

(dramatic jazz music)

- Good evening, ladies and gentlemen.

And welcome to Synanon.

The program will be brief.

And the shortest speech will be mine.

My name is Reid Kimble.

I'm on the board of directors.

And I'd like to introduce you

to our founder, Mr. Chuck Dederich.

(audience applause)

- Good evening.

Synanon is a corporation.

It's a corporation whose business

it is to cure dope addicts.

Dope addicts.

Everybody talked about them.

Nobody did anything about it.

Well we did something about it.

We did something about it.

And the answer is this building, and even more.

140 people who couldn't live without dope.

Are living here. and they're living here

without any crutches.

We drink coffee and we smoke cigarettes.

We drink a hell of a lot of coffee

and we smoke a hell of a lot of cigarettes.

But we don't shoot dope!

Besides the coffee and the cigarettes,

there's one other thing that keeps us going.

Talk.

We live on talk.

The only time anybody gets worried

around here is when someone shuts up.

Because at Synanon we talk out every big, small.

Dumb. smart. asinine thing that occurs to us.

And our talking has paid off.

Psychologists. criminologists, psychiatrists,

every kind of gist you can name.

They've all come down here to have a look at us,

and they've all gone away with one conclusion.

We cured dope addicts!

One of the people that we've kept going.

Is Betty Coleman.

The head of Women's Administration.

As a matter of fact. today is Betty's

third anniversary here at Synanon.

Happy birthday. Betty!

(audience applause)

Why don't you say a few words to the folks.

Come on.

(audience applause)

- Well of course birthdays bring back

an awful lot of memories.

And of course tonight my memories go way back.

They go back to the time when all of this was unimaginable.

I began my drug addiction for kicks.

I was what you call a swinger.

I. ah, (traffic whirring)

Paid for it by.

Prostitution.

Until.

Well until I became such a vegetable nobody wanted me.

And I didn't want myself.

And there was nothing.

The day I walked into Synanon.

I wasn't even alive except for my hate.

I guess it was my hate that made me want to go on.

I wanted to be alive so I could hate some more.

I didn't expect this.

Or that I would be standing in front of strangers

telling them I didn't hate anymore.

I am now Betty Coleman.

I'm not afraid anymore.

I have been clean for three years.

And I intend to stay clean for 300.

I'm not just some little lost soul

blaming everybody else for her own inadequacies.

Synanon has given me a reason to live.

When I was a dope fiend, none of this was possible.

Now, because of Synanon.

Everything is possible.

(audience applause)

- Any questions?

All right.

We're now gonna have some jazz music by our Synanon combo.

If you want. you can try to dance to it.

(laughs)

(audience applause)

(upbeat jazz music)

- If you just wouldn't talk so much, Harry.

And listened a little. you might learn something.

It's not at all like AA.

- I'm a hype.

I want to get inside.

- Come on in.

Would you like to sit down?

Chris. could you come out for a minute please?

There's a new guy at the desk.

Feeling pretty crummy huh?

My name is Mary.

You got a name?

- Hi.

My name is Pete and this is Chris.

What's your name?

- Zankie. Zankie Albo.

- Sounds like a pretty good name to me.

- Feeling rough, eh Zankie?

Got any stuff on you?

- Look. Zankie, if you got any smack on you,

you better give it to us because we'll find it anyway.

- No. no, honest.

- Tell you what, why don't you come up and have

a cup of coffee. make you feel better.

You had your dinner yet?

- [Zankie] No, I can't eat.

- [Pete] Maybe you'd like a good soup.

- Mary. check who is on city watch

and have them report to the living room.

- Joaney Adamic, report to the living room.

Joaney Adamic, report to the living room.

(smooth jazz music)

- How is he?

- Still quiet.

- Zankie Albo, Albo Zankie.

It's a hell of a name either way.

(Joaney laughs)

Where's he from?

- He sounds like he's from New York.

- New York dope fiend.

You're gonna see your kid next week huh?

- Yes.

- You're thinking that one little fix

would take the edge off huh?

- I'm so predictable?

- We all are.

Joaney. if you get real real nervous.

Come and see me first huh?

- Sure.

I promise.

- I can't...

- I'll leave you with your pal.

(Zankie coughs)

(groans)

- Would you like to hear a song?

- I'd like to drop you off the Empire State.

♪ Put your little foot. put your little foot ♪

♪ Put your little foot right out ♪

♪ Put your little foot ♪

- Put your little foot right out?

You gotta be nuts!

(groans)

- [Ben] What are you so happy about?

- I don't know.

I've been clean three weeks.

- [Ben] (chuckles) I've been clean three years.

You don't hear me whistling.

- Hey, you've got it made.

- [Ben] Don't tell me that!

- But after three years?

- Three years here. kid.

I'm still in no hurry to make it on the street.

- Okay. so I think I've got it made.

- [Reid] You've got it made again. Joe?

- I'm just saying I feel good.

(Reid chuckles)

- He feels good.

Guy stays here six months. gets some money from mommy,

shoots it up in a month and comes begging back.

And he feels good.

Look, I shot dope for 17 years.

I've been clean for five.

Five whole years.

And you know what?

- What?

- I feel good.

- Five years.

You know Reid. it's five years today that my wife died?

20 years old.

A warden gave me the news.

I looked at him like he was giving me

a World Series box score. you know, I was so tough.

Then I went out into the yard.

And I hit the first guy I saw.

Had a good cry when they put me in the hole.

I cried for six days.

- You mean for five years.

(upbeat jazz music)

(bright jazz music)

- How's it going. fella?

- All right.

- What's that noise?

- That "noise" is our band.

- Your band?

- Mmhm.

We're very proud of them.

We're very proud of a lot of things we have here.

- How long have I been here?

- Three nights and two whole days.

You must be hungry.

You haven't had a thing to eat.

- What's your name?

- Joaney.

And yours is Zankie Albo.

You're from New York, you've got a friend

named Hopper, and you swear a lot.

What else would you like to know?

- Shot off my mouth huh?

- You expressed a vague dissatisfaction with life.

How about a peanut butter sandwich?

- I remember you now.

You got a warped brain.

What the hell was that lousy song you tried to sing?

(Joaney giggles)

♪ Put your little foot ♪

- And now it's peanut butter sandwiches?

- There are two kinds of dope fiends.

Those who like peanut butter sandwiches,

and those that don't.

And those that don't never make it here.

- What are you, my nurse?

- Nope.

Just another dope fiend.

Only I've been clean 10 months.

Now how about that peanut butter sandwich?

- A peanut butter sandwich isn't gonna help me.

What about something to help?

Do you have any pills?

- Coffee. cigarettes, peanut butter sandwiches,

a little understanding.

No pills. no lying, no fighting. and no dope.

- I guess I'm hungry.

- Come on.

(Zankie chuckles)

What's the joke?

- One of my old school buddies.

- You mean Ben?

- I mean Ben.

We did time together.

Much time.

- Albo.

- You smell something?

- Zankie, I'm gonna tell you straight.

Forget everything from before.

- Can we take that sandwich back to the other room?

- Wait a minute.

You'll eat it here with everybody else, like everybody else.

- We've got a rat in the house.

Yes. Senator.

No. Senator.

Yes sir.

Well yes sir. we tried. but...

(sighs) Yes sir.

All right. I appreciate it.

We'll get the money somehow.

Thank you very much.

Goodbye sir.

Well he says if we want to open a new chapter in San Diego

it would be. let me use his word. "splendid".

But he doesn't say "I fixed it with

"the parole board so you don't have

"to send those kids back out in the streets."

He doesn't say "Chuck, you don't have

"to give up Synanon or go to jail."

He doesn't say a damn thing that would help us out right now!

Betty. are you listening?

- It's time for Albo's indoctrination.

- Tell Reid to bring Albo in, will you?

- [Mary] Okay. Chuck.

Oh, and Chuck, somebody donated 40 passes to Disneyland.

What should I do with them?

- Disneyland?

Dope fiends in Disneyland?

We'll use them.

Say, how would you like a trip to Disneyland?

- I thought this was Disneyland.

(laughs)

(Reid knocks)

- Yeah, come on in!

Have a seat.

Zankie Albo?

Sounds like some sort of acrobatic act in the circus huh?

(chuckles)

"Presenting Zankie Albo!"

All right. son.

What can we do to help you?

- I don't think he's going to tell us.

- What are you hooked on?

- Heroin.

- [Chuck] How long?

- A few years.

- [Chuck] And you want to stop?

- Yes.

- Why do you want to stop?

- Why?

- Answer the question.

Why do you want to stop?

- Because!

- Write that down will you. Betty?

That's one of the most brilliant answers I ever heard.

"Because."

- [Zankie] I was sick and -

- You were sick.

You decided to get sick here instead of in jail.

You probably heard some dumb rumors about this place.

A bright guy like you could kick. get some food and sleep,

and walk out cured until the next time.

- This isn't a hospital.

- And it isn't a jail.

- So why did you come here?

- I need help.

- Good.

Very good.

You want our help?

You've got it.

All right, you've got a job with our corporation.

- Ever have a job?

- Once or twice.

- [Reid] What kind of a job?

- I don't remember.

- Maybe you don't want to remember.

- What are you ashamed of?

Did you mug old ladies?

- I never touched anybody.

I.

I sold ties door to door.

- Remarkable.

- And I worked in a factory.

Not long.

- All right. you were never able to keep any job.

If you stay here, all that's gotta change.

First of all. you start at the bottom.

We are your bosses.

You do what we say.

- I'll do anything.

- [Reid] No matter who tells you.

- Look. I'm ready to take anything you dish out.

I'm used to it.

- Good.

We'll start by shaving off that dumb looking mustache.

- What?

Why my mustache?

- Yeah, why that mustache?

- I like it!

- [Reid] That mustache can't help you make a new life.

Well of course not. but why in the hell

does it have to come off?

- Look. I'm starting to get angry

and you don't want that to happen!

Relax.

Nobody's gonna touch you.

That's the first rule around here.

If you stay.

No physical violence.

All right.

Are you gonna shave off that mustache?

- I can't see any sense to it.

I've had this thing for three years.

- And you've been a dope fiend for longer than that!

I'll ask you once more.

- No!

Nobody's gonna make me take this mustache off.

- Ooh. I see.

I see.

"Nobody tells me what to do."

Get out of that car and shut up!

Stand over there!

Put your hands against the wall!

Get in that cell and stay there!

"But nobody tells me what to do."

They just have!

All of your life.

- I don't care. Shave it off.

- Send in a couple of coordinators.

- And that's not all.

You get a nice clean haircut too.

- Why don't you tattoo junkie on my forehead.

That oughta be kicks.

- Look Zankie.

This isn't funny.

If you just go through a few of the motions.

You might be able to become a man.

You might actually do something

with all that energy of yours.

But you've gotta stop trying to rationalize

every stupid act and grow up.

Do you understand?

No you don't.

You just think you do.

- How do you feel?

- Better.

Thank you.

- You'll get a medical examination tomorrow.

- Yeah, Chuck?

- Give this guy a haircut and chop off that dumb mustache.

- [Pete] Okay. Come on, Zankie.

(dramatic jazz music)

- You know, that wasn't a bad looking mustache.

(Chuck laughs)

- You can see all this after a while.

Come on.

Where you going?

- Now don't chicken out, Zankie.

He's a very good barber.

- But why?

I mean I don't get it.

I still don't understand why -

- Yeah, we know.

We found that out upstairs.

- Nobody loves me!

- You came here because you don't understand.

- And that's because you don't have an understanding.

- [Barber] Looks like we got a real hippy dippy here huh?

- [Ben] A hippy dippy!

- [Pete] Pretty much walking the last mile.

- [Reid] Jay. you got a customer here.

- Sit down and shut up.

- You don't have to be pretty here.

- Zankie. if a guy goofs after he's been

around here a while, he gets it all shaved off.

You know, skinhead.

- Hope you guys all got tickets.

- Rare, medium, or well done?

- Oh I don't know.

Let's start by cleaning his head up.

- And chop off that brush.

- Yeah.

- How about a manicure?

- Oh Jay. book a manicure for Zankie next week.

(laughing)

- Somebody call the governor.

(laughing)

(laughter and applause)

- Okay handsome, get a broom and clean up the mess.

- Hey Craig.

- [Zankie] Are you satisfied?

- Nothing you do can satisfy me right now.

- Boy. you guys got it made.

Chop off Zankie's hair. 10 guys leap to it.

Empty the garbage. Done!

And what the hell do you do?

- I tell guys like you what to do.

- And Dederich, who elected him God?

- You did when you came in here.

- All right, all right.

What do you want?

- Well after you clean up this mess.

I want you to go to the kitchen and use both your hands.

I want you to do the best job you know how

and to gripe all the time you're doing it.

- I can't cook.

- That's not what I had in mind.

(dramatic jazz music)

(dramatic jazz music)

- You want to play penitentiary?

- Oh!

Oh. I'm sorry.

- Look Zankie, you pull all the dumb tricks you want.

I'm not playing.

- You played okay when you had that army behind you.

- I've changed.

- Changed?

(chuckles) You look the same to me.

The same hurt expression like you're.

(chuckles) Like you're not understood.

- Well Zankie, you better understand right now.

I'm through fighting idiots and beating up tough guys.

It doesn't make me feel good anymore.

You see Zankie, from now on I am chicken.

Go ahead, you call me chicken.

Or yellow.

Anything you want.

I'm acting now.

Not reacting.

- Well what's with you?

- I just had some sweat with the garbage man.

- Oh?

What about?

- Well. you know when we did time together?

- Yeah.

- Well you know how the joint is.

You either do it to somebody or you get done.

This time it happened to be Albo.

- What did happen with Albo?

- We had some H.

Somebody finked.

I hid the stuff in Albo's cell.

They found it and he did an extra year because of it.

First six weeks in solitary.

But he asked for it.

I mean every day he shot off

his big mouth and he asked for it.

- So. what now?

- So now he wants revenge.

He's making me nervous, Reid.

- Look. Ben, so you're nervous.

But just remember, you're three years

less nervous than he is.

- I promise you. I won't do anything.

- This isn't the joint, Ben.

- Oh.

No. this isn't the joint.

(funky jazz music)

- Where you been all day?

- I was over at Synanon Two.

- What's that?

- Well that's where some of the girls

who have children stay.

You look all.

Clean.

- Yeah. well...

Hey Joaney, I'd like to talk to you for a minute.

Could we...

- Sure.

Well talk.

- Yeah, well, I'm supposed to go to a Synanon tonight.

- So?

- Well I don't know what to do.

(Joaney chuckles)

What's so funny?

- I'm sorry.

Zankie. all you have to do

is be honest and say what you think.

- Well I do that anyway.

- You are a liar.

- I'll prove it to you.

I want to go to bed with you.

- Thank you.

- What do you mean thank you?

You know what I mean don't you?

- I know what you mean better than you know what you mean.

- You mean you're saying no?

- I'm saying yes. but I'm not doing yes.

- Look. I dig you.

I could make you happy.

We could make each other happy.

Look, I'm a great lover.

- (giggles) You're an egomaniac.

- You're a chick.

You smell like a chick.

You act like a chick.

And.

I'll bet you taste like a chick.

- [Intercom Speaker] In the men's dorm.

Arline. Joe Mann, Joaney, Pruddy, Mary Dragna,

Jim Middleton, Zankie Albo. Candy. Vince.

- Hey Mary, how long does it take to make a cup of coffee?

- Why don't you sit down until we get this Synano started.

- Whoa. what's the hurry?

- No hurry. dear.

Sit down. We're having a Synanon.

Don't you remember?

- Oh no kidding. what's bugging you?

- [Ben] Is there anything bugging you?

- Hey Ben!

Ben, why don't you guys cool it?

Don't you pick up on anyone in here?

- Yeah Joaney. why are you so nervous?

Are you nervous about this new dingbat over here?

- Look. I don't want to talk about Zankie.

He's only got one problem.

He's totally insane.

Naturally. he's just moved into our little bug house.

(laughing)

And all we got invested in him is a peanut butter sandwich,

but we got 10 months invested in Joaney.

So let's try and find out what qualifies Joaney

for being the little mother to this slop.

(laughing)

Joaney.

When's your kid coming?

- [Joaney] Next week.

- Next week huh?

You made any decisions?

- I don't want to talk about it.

- Oh.

Don't want to talk about it?

When do you want to talk about it?

- When I got time.

- When you got time.

You got time for being Florence Nightingale.

- Come on Joaney, let's talk it out huh?

- Oh she'd rather stare at the floor.

She'd rather go out and get a little high

so she can avoid those things that upset her.

Isn't that right. Joaney?

Isn't that what you're thinking about right now?

I've seen you taking care of this dope fiend.

Boy. you are the queen mother.

Romeo and Juliet.

(laughing)

Maybe I should introduce you properly to this punk gangster.

I think you ought to meet your great benefactor.

I think you ought to hear the story of Joaney.

Because it's a blistering testament against society.

(laughing)

- What do you want to bring that up again for?

Everybody's heard it 200 times already.

- So they'll hear it once more.

Now what about your kid. Joaney?

You were married. you had a husband.

Some college boy or something.

But you got bored with him.

So you decided to have a baby.

Then you got bored with the baby.

The one you love so much.

And you brought it over to your mother's house.

Now Joaney is free to swing a little

with a new dope fiend boyfriend.

But you have one great problem.

Your husband doesn't make enough money to support

both your habits. you and your boyfriend.

So you go into business.

What kind of business. Joaney?

Then one day. a friend of your husband's.

Is a client of yours.

Suddenly no business. no husband.

The best thing to do is to swallow a lot of pills huh?

And you failed at that too.

So you go back on the streets.

And find yourself some new friends.

What about the baby?

You didn't even think about the baby!

That one you love so much!

You were too busy living it up

in Los Angeles with some dope fiend!

And by the time you get back here you're so sick

you don't even remember your name!

And you give some wild story about

how you were forced to take dope.

You were attacked on the way home from school.

(laughing)

Boy. you had a story and a half.

- I never hurt that kid though.

I always took care of him.

- You shoved him off onto anybody who'd take him.

What happened to him, Joaney?

What happened to that kid when you

were out walking the streets?

- I don't care, he's mine!

I'm his mother!

- You gave birth, and after that you didn't do a damn thing.

Did you?

Well did you?

- No I didn't. okay?

I didn't, I didn't!

- It's the same old pattern, isn't it Joaney?

Joaney has to make decisions, so she clams up.

Becomes the great healer.

She thinks her kid wandered in here.

A week early.

With a mustache.

(laughing)

- [Jim] Hey wait a minute.

I think Joaney's here to change herself

or else she wouldn't be here.

- I think so.

- [Jim] Why so quiet, Zankie?

- Hey baby, tell us something about yourself.

- Don't you have any feelings?

- Come on. Zankie, aren't you gonna talk?

- [Jim] How do you feel about Joaney?

Do you dig her?

- Do you dig girls?

- Yeah. we'd like to know you a little better.

- I think he's so cute, he don't have to talk.

- [Jim] He's cute?

(laughing)

- You think this is some sort of game?

Hmm?

We're trying to save your life, Zankie.

But you never did talk straight did you?

You've never said one word from your gut.

- Ben!

- [Pete] All right, let's break this thing up!

- Knock it off!

- You're always the smart guy!

Well I'm telling you -

- Knock it off. man!

- Forget that junkie brain you love so much.

And open your big mouth and talk.

- [Pete] Knock it off!

- [Ben] It's the only chance you've got, you fink!

- Come on Ben, let's go on and have a cup of coffee.

- Sounds like a good idea.

- Come on, everybody.

(dramatic jazz music)

- You coming. Joaney?

- Be there in a minute.

- [Zankie] So that was a Synanon huh?

- That's how it works.

- Well I think it's cruel.

- It is at times.

That's a strange word coming from you.

- What?

- Cruel.

I thought you were one of those real hard guys.

Didn't move for anything.

- I move.

I move for you.

- Better watch out for yourself.

Didn't you hear what Reid said about me?

It's all true. Zankie.

Every word is true.

- So why do they have to yell it at you?

- 'Cause I forget.

I really forget.

- Stay loose, man.

- Stay loose, man.

- Your motto?

- I'm not in the mood for your jokes.

Beat it.

- I only came down to get some hairpins.

Know something?

- No.

- You're full of it.

You pretend more than anybody in this place,

but you're not about to get

emotionally involved with anybody.

- I don't want to get cozy with any chick

if that's what you mean.

- (chuckles) Who'd want to compete with your dead wife?

- Shut up.

- It's true.

You're so afraid of chicks you can't stand it.

But you give yourself away with little kind acts.

- Every chick in this place is a whore.

- And your darling wife was pure.

A pure junkie!

- I'm warning you to shut up, Betty.

Don't mention her.

- Go ahead, Ben. hit me!

Why don't you hit me?

Maybe then you'll show some real feelings.

- Look, Betty, I don't make any scenes with chicks

because I got other things on my mind.

Now go psychoanalyze somebody else would you?

(Betty giggles)

- You better get somebody to talk to.

- I'm doing fine without some idiot broad!

(Betty laughs)

(upbeat percussion music)

- Hey wait a minute.

- I'm late.

- Just a moment.

- Hey Albo. come on!

- I'll be right there!

You look ravishing.

- Thank you.

- Why have you been avoiding me?

- I haven't.

- [Zankie] Did they tell you to?

- Maybe it's best for both of us.

- Not anymore.

I've kicked my nasty habit and am now a fine.

Upstanding. respectable. red-blooded American boy.

- In one week?

Well look, I'd love to stand here

and discuss your miraculous recovery.

But right now I gotta go pick up my kid.

- Hey Albo!

- All right, all right.

(gentle orchestra music)

- Hi!

- [Barbara] Hi! Hi. Joaney.

- This is Timmy.

This is Barbara.

- [Barbara] Hello. Isn't he cute?

- Come on.

- [Arline] Hey Joaney.

- This is Arline.

- Hi. Timmy.

Betty. Joaney's back!

- Hello!

- Betty. this is Timmy.

- Hello Timmy.

Welcome.

Would you like to come in?

(upbeat orchestra music)

(lullaby music)

(upbeat orchestra music)

(dramatic jazz music)

- Probation?

Probation for what?

- Chuck, we're gonna appeal.

- Look, Vince. would you stop this lawyer

mumbo jumbo and tell me exactly what it means?

- You have only so many days to comply with the law.

Otherwise you'll go to jail.

- [Reid] And we don't want that.

- Yeah. it means that you have to -

Chuck. it means that they want Synanon some place else.

- [Betty] Some place else? Where?

- Some place where you can't keep violating

the California Health and Safety Code.

- Some place like Alaska.

- Oh Chuck, Mrs. Burrow called.

She's bringing eight people to the open house tonight.

- Fine, I hope she does and bring money.

Betty, how much we got in the bank?

- As of last night we should've been closed since yesterday.

- The more I try to calm myself. the madder I get.

We got over a hundred addicts living clean.

And they bring up idiotic technicalities.

What the hell are we gonna do?

I know what I'm gonna do.

I'm going to jail.

For the first time in my life I'm going to jail.

(chuckles)

I spent over 10 years staggering up and down these streets.

The number one drunk in all the world.

Nobody bothered me.

Now I'm the champion ex-drunk of all time

and I'm going to jail.

All because of you lousy dope fiends.

- Coffee, Vince?

- No thanks.

(phone rings)

- Yeah.

Yeah?

Huh?

All right.

Reid, there's hell of a crisis in the commissary.

They're out of peanut butter.

Would you handle it?

- Sure, Chuck.

- Imagine that, I'm going to jail

and they're screaming about peanut butter.

Dope fiends!

Ex-dope fiends.

(funky jazz music)

- [Walter] Yes sir?

- I'd like to see Joaney Adamic.

- [Walter] Who's calling please?

- I'm Bob Adamic, her ex-husband.

- [Walter] Just a second. I'll call Chuck.

- Thank you.

- I'm sorry, Mr. Adamic.

She told me the boy was supposed to be back tomorrow.

- She knew when he was due.

I was worried sick.

- Where's Timmy now?

Joaney!

- He's on the beach with Ben.

- You knew he was supposed to be back two days ago.

- I thought I had more time.

It's a hard decision to make.

- Well you've had a year.

I'm sorry, Joaney, you know all about it.

She didn't even write to tell me that she was keeping him.

- I didn't mean to keep him longer.

- Joaney.

I said you could see him.

If you sign the paper, it'll be better for him.

He has a happy home with us.

He's happy.

- He seems to be.

I'm sorry.

- I'm sorry too.

If I had known. he'd have been back in time.

Joaney hasn't pulled anything like this for a long while.

- I'm not trying to be cruel.

- I know. but you remember how it was.

- They have their own selfish world.

They rationalize to hell 'til everything fits.

She figured two days won't hurt anything.

- But she forgot to think you might be worried.

- Well what about the paper?

Is she gonna sign it?

- That's between you and Joaney.

- Timmy's on the beach. Take him.

- Will you sign?

- Give her another week.

For her sake.

- If you say so, okay.

But one more week isn't gonna change anything.

Goodbye. Joaney.

Don't you want to say goodbye to Timmy?

(lounge music)

- [Bob] Timmy!

Timmy, come on. son.

(upbeat fanciful music)

- Zankie.

I want you.

- [Chris] You are excused.

- Oh good. I'm tired.

- [Chris] Goodnight, Joaney.

- Goodnight.

(electric guitar melody)

(orchestral accompaniment)

(music intensifies)

- Well?

- You want me to say thank you?

- It's not what I want you to say.

It's what you want me to say.

- What are you getting at?

- I'm getting at what you want me to get at.

Love.

- (chuckles) You're out of your mind.

Love.

- Go ahead and laugh.

You know damn well you want me to say I love you.

We just made love.

- We did?

(giggles)

- What's so funny?

- Zankie.

I don't need you to say you love me.

We're getting away with something in the bushes.

And we're taking more than we give.

At least we're not lying to each other.

Maybe there's hope for us.

Are you asking me to love you?

- I want you.

- That's not what I asked.

- Could you?

- Hey Zankie. we just got high.

It's the same as if we just had a fix.

Just like using dope, only we used each other.

- You're crazy.

- Come on, let's go.

- What's the panic?

- Don't you understand?

- Now you're mad at me.

Joaney.

- Let's go back.

- Nice little motel.

Not luxury style, but nice.

I'll order some breakfast.

Hello. room service?

It's Mr. Albo.

My wife and I - we better let them think the best.

My wife and I would like to order some breakfast.

Two fillet mignons, a bottle of champagne.

What?

Oh no no no no no. no heroin.

We're not doing that anymore.

We're taking sex instead.

(dramatic jazz music)

- You two don't have enough trouble.

You have to sneak off and play house.

And don't give me any of that stuff about love.

You aren't old enough.

- There's no harm done.

Nobody saw us.

- You saw yourselves.

- And they had to break into a lifeguard tower.

- Great lovers.

All those words of passion in the lifeguard tower.

They didn't even have brains enough to find a bed!

- It's very romantic.

Can't you recognize true love when you see it?

- I recognize two naughty children who had

to sneak off and feed each other's sickness.

Well, what are we gonna do to help them?

- I think a 9 o'clock curfew might be good.

- I want more from these two.

Much more.

I want them to work a little.

And get their minds, their childish minds, off themselves.

One more thing.

I don't want to see you two within 10 feet of each other.

And don't try to send any tender messages, get it?

One more diversion from either of you and you're both out.

Do you understand?

- Chuck. I'm sorry.

- Look. I'm sick of you apologizing

every time you feel sorry for yourself.

Go on. go out of here, both of you.

- Joaney.

Joaney, I...

Joaney. I'm sorry.

I had to do it.

You made a mistake.

I caught you. and you know I just couldn't let it go by.

Look Joaney. we can't afford to sneak off and cheat.

We can't afford to lie.

- Oh what do you want huh?

A pat on the back?

Ever since he came here you've been

looking for some reason to get him.

- That isn't true.

- What the hell are you afraid of?

- Come on in.

Well, what is it?

You want me to thank you?

- No. no. don't thank me.

Please don't thank me.

- I have no intention of thanking you.

I'm gonna congratulate you.

You didn't rat on those two nuts, Ben.

That's street code nonsense.

What you did was to protect our whole family.

Maybe help two sick children.

Is there anything else on your mind?

- No.

- By the way. Ben. I got another letter

from the Department of Corrections.

They think you parolees are corrupting us

with your criminal minds.

They want you out.

We're fighting them.

But the point is. if you're gonna blow your top do it now.

Not when you're back in the streets.

Okay?

(Hopper claps)

- What's shaking, baby?

I've been looking around here for days trying to find you.

- So you found me.

- Zankie, you look...

Great. Just great.

- Well you look awful.

Just awful.

- I'm cool, man.

I'm so cool. I wish you were.

- You got any stuff on you?

- No. Zankie, I just went through my last cap.

- You're lying to me.

You're lying to your best friend.

- I'm telling you the truth, man.

I wouldn't lie to you, you know me better than that.

I'm tapped. That's it.

- Yeah, and I suppose you're broke too huh?

- Oh, Zankie. I stole a typewriter yesterday.

But I lost it on the beach.

I put it down for a second.

I went, I couldn't find -

- Listen. Hopper. I want you to get

some loot and get me a couple of caps.

- You do?

- Zankie, if you've got them in here -

- Look. I just want them to have.

Now get out of here.

I'll meet you here tomorrow.

- Tomorrow?

Come here, come here.

What if I don't score by then?

What am I gonna do?

- Well I'm here every day.

When you score. come here.

- You sure?

- Look man, just get it for me okay?

- Well.

Well.

- Thanks Hopper. I'll see you soon.

Hey Hopper!

Don't goof.

(car honks)

- Who was that?

- Hey man, you must be the police chief around here.

- He looked like a junkie.

- Oh he was my broker.

My stocks ain't doing too well.

- Come on. Zankie, don't push me.

I want to know what you were doing with him.

- Relax, chief!

We weren't doing nothing.

- Okay.

(funky jazz music)

- Help! Police!

Help! Police!

Police! Help!

Help! Police!

(police siren wailing)

(dramatic jazz music)

(tense music)

- Love that cough medicine.

(laughs)

True blue Pete.

Baby it's a pleasure to find another rat in this place.

Getting your little kicks, Pete?

(laughs)

- This is my first bottle.

I haven't done this before.

- And you. one of the big shots

putting me down all the time.

- It's not like I'm cheating.

- No, you got a prescription because of a nasty cold.

- Wait a minute! Somebody will find that!

- I want some more.

Now you get it for me.

- I have to be careful.

Can't get but a bottle at a time.

- (chuckles) From now on. we are gonna be sharesies.

Man have I fallen for a crock.

How many others of you "angels" have been making it?

- Just me.

- [Zankie] Reid?

- No.

- And Chuck. does he juice it up at night?

- No no, you're wrong. Zankie.

- Oh sure, we mustn't put down the exalted one.

- See you at dinner.

We'll have to be careful.

They see us coming up here together

they'll suspect something.

- Relax.

I'll tell them you're my spiritual leader.

Pete is helping that rotten dope fiend find himself.

(chuckles) You're beautiful.

All right. Pete.

Tomorrow we'll come up here separately.

You come up first. and you drink half.

And when I say half, that's what I mean.

Because Zankie wants the other half.

And if he doesn't get it, he's gonna tell everybody

what a thorough rat Pete is.

Hey. where do you get the loot?

- When I buy the milk for Synanon Number Two

I buy two less quarts than I'm supposed to.

- Stealing the milk from the kiddies?

Peter, I love you.

We're two of a kind.

- We better get going.

- Sure. Pete.

Just remember what I said.

(lounge music)

- That must be the life.

- 'Cause this isn't.

- Swimming around all day. kind of lazy.

- Must be tiring.

- I always wanted to be a fish.

You see that one right there?

He's the one I want to be.

You know what he's saying?

- "Kiss me. kiss me, kiss me."

- No. he's saying "Why, why, why?"

See. he's a junkie fish.

He's been misunderstood.

(Joaney chuckles)

- Hey honey, would you scratch my back?

Little higher.

That's good, thank you.

Cheers.

(music stops)

- Hey!

I was listening to that!

- Well. man, it's nowhere.

- Why don't you choose something that's somewhere?

- There isn't a record in here that I dig!

Hey man, you want to hear some groovy music?

There's a little joint not too far from here called

The Zanzibar with the hippest jukebox you ever heard.

We could have a little drink.

Come on, let's go, huh?

Some hip music.

- I'm not hip

- (accent) Hip?

(laughs)

(accent) Hey, did anyone ever tell you you talk funny?

(laughing)

- Oh boy.

- These are completed inventories for the last two months.

But they don't include two sides of beef donated by -

(Pete knocks)

- Yeah, come in!

- Chuck.

- What is it. Pete?

- Chuck, I've been juicing.

Me and Zankie.

Cough syrup.

- Where?

- In the house.

- In the house?

Here?

Pete, are you telling me that you've been

making liars out of all of us?

I've been screaming how clean we are

to every damn psychiatrist. every senator. I...

We've all been yelling and pleading and...

Get me Albo.

You sit down. Pete.

- Hey Albo!

Chuck wants to see you.

- I'm busy, Chief. the lunch garbage is almost due.

Tell him I'll come up when I have a minute.

- You have a minute now.

- What's it - what is it?

- You'll find out. Come on.

(dramatic jazz music)

- Look. I want you to stay away from Joaney.

I see you all over her all the time.

Well she happens to be my girl,

and it doesn't matter what Chuck says.

She just doesn't want to hurt your feelings,

but she prefers that you keep your hands to yourself.

And I'm telling you so that you really know.

- Boy, you've been batting a thousand haven't you?

First Joaney. Now Pete.

- What do you mean?

- I mean that...

I mean that you and Pete have been juicing cough syrup.

I mean that everything you touch around here turns rotten.

- Don't be nuts, Pete was in his scene

before I ever even heard about Synanon.

He's been juicing for months.

I'm helping him to cut down.

What's your crutch?

- Let's go huh?

- I'm going.

But I'm not going up to any office.

- Now wait a minute.

You're thinking about splitting?

- I'm gone.

Man, I'm gone.

And I'm taking Joaney with me.

And you know she'll go.

(chuckles) You wouldn't want her to split would you?

- I don't want you to go either.

I'm begging you to stay.

- Rotten me?

I've been juicing cough medicine!

You don't want me around here!

- That's exactly why I want you to stay.

Because you have to have that cough syrup.

Because you're gonna have to have something else.

Zankie.

I don't want you to die.

Honest.

- I'm through with the hard stuff.

- (mocks) "I'm through with the hard stuff."

Man, you can't live without it!

You can't make it here at Synanon,

how the hell do you expect to make it on the street?

- I made it here!

I made every Mickey Mouse scene. including you

on my back with all that goody goody stuff!

- Well forget me!

Do something for yourself!

Go see Chuck!

Look Zankie, for once in your life. act like a man.

- A man?

Yeah.

Yeah.

That's the thing I want to talk about.

Go see Chuck?

You go see Chuck!

You ask him if Ben isn't so wound up he can't see straight.

Ask him if Ben can't stand to be near a chick.

Ask him to talk to Joaney for you!

A man?

You talk to me about being a man?

- I want you to stay.

- Sure, you want me to stay.

You want me to stay so you can get next to Joaney.

(chuckles)

Big brother.

Who's dying to get her in the sack.

Okay, okay.

You want her?

Fight me for her.

Come on! Fight me for her.

Come on. Fight me for her.

Come on. you big creep!

Fight me for her!

- Chuck!

I warned you. I warned you.

You leave Joaney be.

(tense music)

(Zankie groans)

Zankie!

- I sent you down to get Zankie. not to send him away.

What kind of errand boy are you?

What happened?

- I beat him up.

- Of course!

You stomped him good.

You got all the muscles for it.

You got all the animal instincts.

But you haven't got any brains.

You're a muscle head. that's what you are.

"I beat him up."

You know, you said that like you were

accepting the Nobel Prize.

Such simplicity, such humility.

Ben beats up his little brother.

An idiot child, and now he feels contrite.

You hit me.

You hit everybody in this place.

And you regressed to that prison that you hate so much.

And you committed a sin against the ideals of Synanon.

Why do you think we have such a rule. stupid?

Because bullies like you would smash

this place to bits if we let you.

You'd take over all the Synanons!

And we'd end up with a house full of idiots!

The biggest guy wins. great!

But!

What happens if somebody bigger than you comes along huh?

Then what happens?

Look at you now.

You're not so tough now. buster.

- I know.

- And you were just beginning to learn to think.

But you didn't think.

All right, Ben.

Why did you fight him?

- Chuck, he hit me!

I lost control.

- Yeah.

You put yourself in a position to lose control.

- [Mary] Chuck, Wayne Todd

of the parole board is on the phone.

- Yes, Mr. Todd?

Tomorrow?

Mr. Todd, the parolees living here are clean.

No I don't understand, but we'll comply.

All right. thank you.

When you get back on the streets you'll have

lots of opportunities to lose control.

What are you going to do?

- I'm gonna stay loose. Chuck.

I'm gonna try.

- I think you will.

Okay.

You can go, I got things to do.

- Where are you going?

- I'm going to find him.

- Why?

He doesn't give a damn about you.

You think you had a boyfriend?

(chuckles) You're wrong.

You had another little kid.

And now you're trying to make up

for all the things you did to little Timmy.

- Look. I didn't do anything to Timmy.

He's got nothing to do with this.

- You love Zankie?

- Yes.

I need him.

- You need him like you need a fix.

Look, do yourself a favor.

Why don't you stay just one more night?

You're upset now.

Give it one more night.

- One more night isn't gonna make any difference.

- About three years ago I had a crisis.

- Look. I am tired of your sad. lurid little speech!

Why don't you just save it for the squares

on Saturday night when it makes money.

- All right.

Then I'll just tell it to myself.

(chuckles)

For the hundredth time.

It isn't good here until things get really bad.

Because when things get bad, that's when you

really begin to know about yourself.

When it hits the fan and there you are.

All alone.

And everything yells get out.

That's when you can use Synanon.

That's when you really know you're here.

And why you're here.

If you stay now. you'll remember this day

as the day Joaney Adamic began to live.

- End of sermon?

- I'm finished.

(upbeat jazz music)

Excuse me.

- [Bartender] Yeah?

- I'm looking for a friend of mine, Zankie Albo.

He says he comes in here all the time.

He's about six feet tall and dark -

- [Bartender] Lady. we sell drinks.

Nothing else.

Do you want one?

- I'll have a Coke.

- Allow me, little lady.

- Oh. thanks.

- Traveling light?

That's my style too.

Look, well if you're not doing anything tonight -

- No.

No.

No.

(cars honking)

- Where's Chris?

- He's saying goodbye to Mary.

- He's gonna be late for work if he doesn't hurry.

- Oh, come on.

Here's a little something until

that first paycheck comes in.

I want it spent on food and shelter.

Now you've all been around here long enough

to know that it's not gonna be easy.

Make up your minds right now that it's

gonna be rough. and be ready for it.

You know you can't be seen around here.

So. well. you're on your own.

Goodbye.

Tony.

- Reid.

- So long. Ben.

(dramatic music)

Stay loose.

(Chris laughs)

- [Ben] What's so funny?

- That's Zankie's hip bar.

I'll bet you 10 to one that in

this moment he's out of his mind.

(upbeat jazz music)

- [Barfly] Maybe a little drink would help huh?

- Maybe it would.

- Chuck. I've got the mess with

the schedule straightened out,

so that's all I have to report.

- Good.

Well, I guess we've covered everything.

I'll see you people in the morning huh?

- Okay.

- All right.

- [Chuck] Goodnight.

- Goodnight.

- See you tomorrow. Chuck.

- [Chuck] Right. goodnight, thank you.

7 AM.

What a lousy time for jail to start.

- [Reid] You want to say goodbye to the kids in the morning?

- No. I'll just sneak off.

(coughs) Business as usual.

- Okay.

You want to be alone?

- Hell no.

I'll have plenty of that.

- Don't worry, there'll be lots

of other criminals you can talk to.

(Chuck laughs)

- Yeah.

God it's all so stupid. Reid.

They think if they chop off the head of the snake it dies.

You've gotta show 'em they're wrong.

- Right.

- If only I didn't have to go now.

I left you with an awful mess.

- Who are you feeling sorry for?

You or me?

- Me I guess.

I think I'm getting a cold.

I can feel it in my throat.

- They have doctors.

- It isn't that bad, but I was wondering.

Do they have Kleenex?

(Reid laughs)

What's so funny?

I hope I haven't forgotten anything.

Betty. you called those meat fellas didn't you?

- [Betty] Yes. the beef is on its way.

- Wouldn't you know it?

The day I go to jail we score

with a thousand pounds of steak.

Pete!

By the time I get out you'll be beautiful again.

I can't think of anything else.

- Well we've covered everything,

including hurricanes and floods.

- Well.

- Don't worry, Chuck.

We here at Synanon can do very well without you.

But we'd rather not.

- Just in case.

- Thanks Betty.

(car starts)

Come on. let's get the hell out of here, will you?

(dramatic jazz music)

(upbeat jazz music)

- Man, you drink ladies drinks.

- Of course, you silly, I'm part lady.

I just can't stand the taste of liquor, Zankie.

- Oh boy, you were a bad guy

to keep me waiting all that time.

- Sorry. man.

I made effort. didn't I?

They were too fast for me.

- Too fast for you?

You were so stone you could hardly move.

- I'm certainly feeling good.

(Zankie laughs)

- [Zankie] Hey come on. tell me how you did it again.

Tell me how it happened.

- No. I'm not gonna go through that scene again.

- [Zankie] Come on!

- It's a drag, I don't want to tell you.

(sighs)

You really want to hear it?

- Hey. I can't wait.

- All right.

I walk into the record store and there's nobody

in there but me and this cat behind the counter. right?

But he's busy, he's doing his nails or something silly.

Sprucing up.

So I say to him "Sir, could you please

"tell me where the Lawrence Welk albums are?

"I just love Welk." I tell him.

He says "My goodness."

He says "They're over there."

Now this cat figures anybody who asks

for Welk is not about to steal. right?

No, just to cinch his confidence I threw in a...

Guy Lombardo. and a Wayne King.

And he goes back to his nails.

Now I am in the booth, and I'm actually

playing all this funny music.

Every time I go out to get a new record I pass by

the hip stuff and under my coat they go -

Zankie, I had the wildest records under my coat.

I had Miles. I had Ray Charles, Lady Day, I had everybody.

I go back in the booth and I turn off Welk.

I pretend that I'm listening.

I send the cat a smile every once in a while.

He smiles back.

And that's when it happened.

The music started to come from under my coat.

And it went into my skin.

(Zankie laughs)

No. man. I was hearing Bassey through my skin.

- Beautiful.

- I say split. man, cool it before you flip.

Well this cat pins me and I'm in there. I'm stuck.

I'm jumping in time with the music.

And he says "Yeah!"

I think he says yeah.

And I figured that he heard the music

that was oozing out of me, so I explain

to him that I was a human record player.

(Zankie laughs)

- Oh man, that's beautiful.

- He thinks it over. leans in real close.

I said "What would you like to hear. baby?"

He says. "What do you got?"

So I open my coat to show him my wild selection.

Wig out.

He flips and he yells for the police.

And I split right into the cops.

The music stopped.

And they threw me in jail.

- You're lucky to have your old man.

- Yeah. was he happy I didn't have any H on me.

Of course he hit me when we got into the car.

- I bet it makes him feel good when he hits you.

Come on. Hopper. he doesn't hit you hard does he?

I mean it doesn't really hurt does it?

- No. I kind of like it when he gets mad.

He gets all puffed up.

- (chuckles) Man, you're too much.

(upbeat jazz music)

- Hey.

Hopper, meet my friend Joaney.

- Hello there.

- Hi.

- What'd you do? Escape?

- I've been looking for you for two days.

I've been half crazy.

Zankie, are you all right?

- Yeah.

Hey.

Hopper and me got a little pad across the street.

It's nice and quiet there.

Would it be okay?

- Yes.

- Later.

- Very nice to meet you. ma'am.

(Zankie hums a tune)

(Zankie hums a tune)

- There.

See how nice and quiet it is here?

Nobody on your back every second.

♪ Put your little arm ♪

♪ Put your little arm ♪

♪ Put your little arm right ♪

♪ Out ♪

- [Zankie] Won't you join me?

- You first.

- Okay.

(hums a tune)

(dramatic jazz music)

I'm feeling too nice.

I don't want to feel nicer.

I want to see your eyes.

(sighs)

(upbeat jazz music)

- Aren't you a friend of Zankie Albo's?

- Yeah.

I don't know. Who?

- I want to get in touch.

You know where I can find him?

- No, I'm sorry, I don't think...

- Now look, you creep.

I want you to take me to Zankie right now.

You understand?

- Why not?

You look like a decent fella.

- Let's go.

- This is real good stuff.

My friend Hopper got it for me this morning.

He gets me the best so I can go to the best places.

So.

So.

We can go to the best places.

This is the soft handkerchief for tears and for fears.

And for anything you want.

I want you to be where I am.

Joaney.

I love you.

Ooh!

- What is it?

- It's alright.

(dramatic sting)

Damn it!

Help me.

Help me pick it up.

(snorts)

(coughs)

(tense music)

Hey. don't look at me like that.

You're looking at me like you're one of them.

You're a hype.

- I know it.

- Well then don't act so superior.

- I'm afraid.

- You're afraid of being yourself thinking

you're so full of junk about facing reality?

Nobody else faces reality.

Why should we?

You didn't come out to be with me.

You came out to shoot dope.

Didn't you?

(glass shatters)

Shoot some. damn you!

Shut up and shoot some dope!

(coughs)

You'll have to cook your own.

I don't feel good.

(groans)

Hey.

Hey.

Don't take too much.

(groans)

- [Ben] Joaney, what is it?

- [Joaney] Zankie!

- Oh.

Hey, what's happening, Zankie?

Huh?

Hey man.

He's stoned.

That's way out H.

What a mess.

- Did you shoot any?

Joaney, did you shoot any?

He's dead.

- Dead?

He's sleeping.

He's dreaming.

Hey Zankie?

Wake up. man.

These squares think you're dead.

What did you do to him?

- [Ben] Come on.

- Zankie?

(door slams)

Zankie.

Say one word.

- Leave me alone!

- Do you understand?

He's dead!

- I'm gonna love him!

I'm gonna take care of him!

- Damn it. Joaney. he's dead!

- You did it.

You killed him.

You beat him up and sent him out here.

You killed him!

You killed him!

- No Joaney, he killed himself.

It wasn't me and it wasn't you.

For five years I've been blaming me because

my stupid dope fiend wife killed herself.

Well that's what he did.

And that is exactly what you're

gonna do if you don't go back.

- But what do I care?

I'm through caring about everything.

From now on it's Joaney!

Joaney. Joaney. Joaney!

- Shut up.

- What do you want?

(laughs)

Hey. I turned a trick last night.

Paid my rent.

Now I need some more loot to get high.

You want to be number two. Ben?

Ooh. I bet you're just dying for it.

It's been so long.

Hey, you know. 10 bucks and we're both swinging.

You don't even have 10 bucks.

(laughs)

All you've got is just great big eyes.

Hey, do us both a favor and just leave me alone huh?

(upbeat piano music)

(electric guitar melody)

(orchestral accompaniment)

♪ To the tables down at Mory's ♪

♪ To the place where Louie dwells ♪

- [Joaney] Check me in, Walter.

♪ To the dear old Temple Bar we love so well ♪

♪ Sing the Whiffenpoofs assembled ♪

♪ With their glasses raised on high ♪

♪ And the magic of their singing casts a spell ♪

♪ Yes. the magic of their singing ♪

♪ Of the songs we love so well ♪

♪ "Shall I Wasting" and "Mavourneen" and the rest ♪

♪ We will serenade our Louie ♪

♪ While life and voice shall last ♪

♪ Then we'll pass and be forgotten with the rest ♪

♪ We're poor little lambs who have lost our way ♪

♪ Baa, baa. baa ♪

♪ We're little black sheep who have gone astray ♪

♪ Baa, baa. baa ♪

♪ Gentlemen songsters off on a spree ♪

♪ Doomed from here to eternity ♪

♪ Lord have mercy on such as we ♪

♪ Baa, baa. baa ♪

(group cheers and applause)

(dramatic jazz music)