Original subtitles

["Maniac" by Michael Sembello playing]

[water running]

♪ Just a steel town girl on a Saturday night ♪

♪ Looking for the fight of her life ♪

♪ In the real-time world, no one sees her at all ♪

♪ They all say she's crazy ♪

♪ It can cut you like a knife ♪

♪ If the gift becomes the fire ♪

♪ On a wire between will and what will be ♪

♪ She's a maniac ♪

♪ Maniac on the floor ♪

♪ And she's dancing like she's never danced before ♪

♪ She's a maniac... ♪

[Evan] Oh, hello.

- Oh, you're so late. - You're so beautiful.

- Aw, you're beautiful. - Call me after class.

Morning.

Let's have a seat, huh?

Jessica, tell your mom she can't send me emails like that, okay?

It's inappropriate.

Oh, this is fun.

"What up?" to you guys as well.

Oh, right... no, wait. All right.

Everyone did the reading?

You know, the kids this year, I feel like they're less woke.

- Did you notice that? They're not into being woke anymore. - Oh, I know.

- It circled back around. - It circled all the way around.

- Yes. - And now they're, like, for what they say they're against.

- Right, and they're saying the "R" word again. - Like you had that kid,

- what was he saying about the Spanish Inquisition? - He's ju...

I had to teach both sides of the Spanish Inquisition.

- This is so insane. - He got upset. He started crying.

- It was a whole thing. - And I have these kids that are showing me

A.I. porn of Oscar Wilde having sex with women.

He was gay.

[Markie] Six years at this school today,

- no Dinty Moore. - [Evan] It's Dinty Moore stew?

I can't believe they even still make that stuff.

Whenever I see it,

- I think it's a can of dog food. - Guess I'm dieting today.

- [sighs] - Which is good, by the way, 'cause all these little fuckers

- roaming around, just filming everything we do and... - [both] I know.

...sending it off to communist China.

- Well... - What are you talking about? - Let me ask you, why is,

- why is the number-one app... - We're not doing this...

- ...in the world run by America's only enemy? - No politics.

- Didn't we say "no politics"? - I did say that.

- Didn't we make a policy, no politics? - You know what? Listen.

A lot of people say they vote with their dollar.

A lot of people do vote with their dollar.

I vote with my dollar.

- [sighs] - I also vote with my vote.

Okay? And I never choose

who I'm gonna vote for till after the debates, by the way.

- That is not true. - It's 100% true.

- It is not true that you wait... - Believe it, buddy, all right?

It's called nobility of spirit. You got it, too, deep inside.

You just need a hot boyfriend to spank it out of you

- every morning. - Do not bring lunch from home.

- It's not worth it this year, man. I can't-- - [Gwendolyn] Wait, what?

- I can't be carrying this much shit! - Okay, what do you mean,

-"this year"? - They upgraded the lunch.

Look at that. Markie's got pecan pie.

- Who upgraded the lunch? - Dude, you guys got to respond

to my stock guy. He's got these new opportunities.

- No. - I don't want you guys to miss out.

Rick, I would politely ask you to stop sending us those emails,

- because those actually are spam, and that guy... - They're not opportunities.

- I think he's scamming you. - No, this guy's legit. I met him at a TED Talk.

- You went to a TED Talk? - You went to a TED Talk in person?

- [Rick] Yeah. - Or was it TEDx?

It's different? What's different?

This is why I get my paycheck in cash.

- It goes right in the safe. - [Rick] That's insane!

Are you stupid? You're losing 0.8% each year.

You pay taxes on that?

- Taxation is theft. - Right. Who is that?

[Gwendolyn] Oh, that's the new physics teacher.

- He's filling in for Jennifer, like, for the first semester... - He's cool.

...or the year, if she does well in The Amazing Race.

- I can't believe she got on that show with a hernia. - [Rick] No,

- I think it was an atopic baby. - That's not the word.

[Grant] Evan. Evan. Can I talk to you in my office?

- Now? - Yes. Come, come.

- No vaping. I can smell it. - No, you can't.

[mutters]

Oh. Okay.

- Yeah. Yeah. - [paper flips]

- Okay, yep, you're being investigated. - I'm being investigated?

- For what? - Yeah. A mom named Linda Harrison...

- Linda Harrison? Wait, I know that name. - ...alleges that you kissed

your boyfriend in front of her son and a whole class...

- Oh, my God. - ...of other high schoolers

- at the end of last school year. - You talked to me about that

- when it happened. That was nothing. - I know, but now

she's made a formal complaint, and I-I have to read this.

Wait, her kid... that-that kid graduated. He's in college now.

- Why is she doing this now? - I don't know. Why does anybody do anything?

Wait a minute, Linda Harrison. I remember that name.

That's the mom that complained about the assigned reading.

-"Lewd content," yeah. - Lewd content, right.

And do you remember what the book was that she said was lewd?

- The Great Gatsby. - The Great Gatsby.

Do you know how long that's been on the curriculum?

- Oh, my God. - I mean, this doesn't make sense.

This is political. She's doing a political move.

- Yeah. Politics are real. - You know what, why doesn't Markie

ever get investigated for all that shit he says?

- Who? - Markie. Markie.

- The gym teacher Markie. - Oh. Markie.

Uh, he can't be investigated.

- He has a protected victim status... - How do I get that?

...because he was injured in a car accident

in his first week of training in the ROTC.

And he's 1/32nd Native American and he has paper proof of that.

- This is insane. - I mean, you kissed her s...

you kissed a... your boyfriend in front of her son.

- This is serious now. - I, literally, was just like...

just like barely, just like, "Ooh."

I don't even know if our lips touched.

Do you understand? This is homophobia.

This is what homophobia is like.

- It's insidious. - I don't care what it is. I'm agoraphobic.

So, what do I do? I just wait for my fate to be decided?

I don't know. You can do anything. [stammers]

If you hand in your resignation letter,

you could work in a restaurant or something or...

you know, do a short film with your friends.

- Join Amway. Amway's very good. - You want me to quit this job?

No, I don't want you to quit. I don't want you to quit.

She wants you to quit.

- [basketballs bouncing] - [sighs]

Look, what I want you to do is, just write a statement

in defense of your position, okay?

- And I'll submit it to the district on your behalf. - In defense?

- That's what I can do. - I'm not writing a statement.

This whole thing is bullshit.

[whispers] It's not bullshit.

You're lucky they're not suspending you.

Grant, let me ask you something.

Her kid? You remember that kid?

- Yeah. - Is he gay now?

- [grunting] - He's in college and he's gay now, right?

I always felt like that kid was gay.

J-Just-just... just stop.

- Stop. Just stop. Stop. - I'm right? I'm right.

- She thinks I turned her kid gay. - Will you stop that?

This is insane!

Evan, just please take the rest of the day off.

[Malcolm] I mean, I guess I have said this before.

Not to, like, whatever, but I did quit for a reason.

- I know you quit for a reason. - I am, like...

I really am thriving right now.

They're, like, giving away tech jobs in Austin.

I worked at the job for, what, two months now?

I've used my dental insurance four times. Four times.

- I'm getting braces for, like, no reason. - I'm not gonna quit teaching.

I can't just work in tech.

I need a job that means something to me.

- Which I hate. - Yeah, no, that-that sucks.

But, I mean, maybe if you were in, like, a city school

here in Austin, it'd be one thing,

but these suburbs, they're still, like,

- very old-fashioned. - No, but I have to stay there,

because somewhere bigoted like that

is where you can make the most difference.

- Right. - Like, what am I doing if I'm not trying to improve

the future for these kids that come through that system?

If I just succumb

to the evil intentions of their conservative parents,

then the kids are gonna grow up to be exactly like them,

and then it's 1980 again.

- Or worse. - Okay, I mean, I will just say,

- like, I wouldn't think of all conservatives as evil. - I don't.

- I mean, I'm basically a conservative at this point. - No, you're not.

No, not about, like, everything. I still want, like...

- You're n... You say that because you think... - ...social progress...

- ...it's kitschy, but you're not actually... - No, I'm really...

It's like, I am against a lot of what the left...

I don't even know what I am anymore. I listen to Red Scare.

If-if my very desire to fuck is... oh, I love this song.

If-if my very desire to fuck is, like, up for debate

or potentially evil to them...

I don't know, we-we have to do something.

- Oh, "we." You and I? - [chuckles] You and I.

- Us together... - No.

...go talk to the school board.

We're the ones who kissed.

We are not even together anymore 'cause you can't commit.

You always act like I broke up with you,

but I didn't break up with you. We broke up with each other.

I'm not going back anywhere near that school,

and I'm certainly not getting involved.

On that note, if you are open to it,

I would be down to hang out today at your place.

Okay. Wow.

I'm supposed to take the rest of the day off

- to think about my actions. - See, this is your whole thing.

- [exhales] Oh, this is my thing. - You create your own problems. Like this, for example:

what happens if you get me pregnant?

Like, are we gonna keep the baby?

I can't raise a baby... I work in tech.

If I get you pregnant...

it would be a miracle.

♪ Oh-oh, forgiving who you are for what you stand to gain. ♪

t...

"encouraged if a straight couple

"did the same.

Homophobia..."

[phone rings]

Hello.

What are you doing, you little gay guy?

I love when you call me that.

Um, I'm writing this official statement

that I have to submit for this investigation.

- Hmm. What do you have so far? -"To whom it may concern,

"I pecked my boyfriend on the cheek,

"perhaps making momentary, passing contact

"with his lips in front of a class of his students.

"We were in a serious relationship at the time,

"and it is clear to me

"that this behavior would not only be tolerated

but encouraged if a straight couple did the same."

That's all I have. It feels kind of defensive.

No, no, I think that's good.

Like, you-you're in the right on that.

[mutters] In the right, yeah.

Did you talk to Malcolm about it?

We hooked up today, actually.

Oh, my God.

Crazy. I didn't know you guys did that still.

Yeah, barely. Sometimes.

Did you guys do it at the school?

- In front of all the students? - [chuckles]

- Ha, ha, ha, ha... - I gotcha.

- I gotcha. - [Nick] You want regular or vegan?

The vegan one.

Sorry, Nick's making dinner and he's just basically been

trying to busy himself since he lost the job.

- Mm. - He's been making, like,

those HelloFresh meals that are too salty.

Tell him I love him.

Evan says he loves you.

Aw, he loves you, too.

- Mm. - Okay, I got to...

I got to go. I love you so much.

Okay, love you. Bye.

♪ Did it ever cross your mind? ♪

- [sighs] - ♪ That they're lost and we're not ♪

♪ And I'm with you a thousand times ♪

♪ Ooh, you got me right in nirvana ♪

♪ So fast ♪

♪ You're the best part of a sad song ♪

♪ You got me all out of breath ♪

♪ Too fast ♪

♪ And I miss you when I'm going home ♪

♪ And I've been running in circles ♪

♪ Again ♪

♪ But I swear that I can feel the end ♪

♪ If I'm not in nirvana ♪

♪ You're not out of my head ♪

♪ I've been out there running like a lonely soul on fire ♪

♪ Everybody's talking and I can't get through the night ♪

♪ Somewhere in the middle, did it ever cross your mind? ♪

♪ They're lost and we're not and I'm with you ♪

♪ A thousand times ♪

♪ Ooh... ♪

- [song stops abruptly] - Ow, Jesus!

Think fast, Marquez. Come on, man.

You can't just throw a ball at me

and then say "Think fast."

I can't anticipate a ball that just appears out of nowhere.

Working on your defense statement, I see.

I-I'm not allowed to...

God, that's a piece of shit. I can tell already.

How do you know I even have to write a defense statement?

Because I know things, man.

I got my ear to the grindstone.

You know it's "nose to the grindstone"

or "ear to the ground"?

No, it can be whatever you want.

I got my finger on the pulse. Okay?

- That's correct. - Okay. Put this in there.

"I am being targeted for harassment

because I..." you... "I am a proud gay man."

I'm not that proud.

You got to fight fire with fire these days, Marquez.

Life's not a fucking poem.

- It's a full-contact sport. - Ow, Jesus.

I'm just saying, man, like, these-these kids,

they just want the power they feel

when they get you in trouble.

They're the inmates who want to run the asylum.

It's not a bad point, but the thing is,

the kid is not trying to get power in this situation.

It's his mother.

Wait, wait, wait, wait.

Linda Harrison?

Oh, God, I'm not supposed to tell you who it is.

It's her son? He took your class, and she's...

Holy shit, dude.

She's saying because her son's gay, right?

- I didn't turn her son gay. - I'm not...

Well, did... You sure about that?

It doesn't work that way, Markie.

- You can't turn people gay. - I'm not saying

you did it on purpose, but, look,

he sees you being you and thinks,

"That's how I want to be."

It's how I felt the first time I saw José Canseco in person.

- Who is José Canseco-- - Whoop! There he is.

Eric Not-So-Speedy Gonzales.

17:51. Wow!

ook

and the idea of people being spied on 24-7 is bullshit.

- Don't curse. - This is book club.

It's fine. It's not actual class, Mr. Marquez.

- It's still technically school. - [Frank] And this is

coming from our teacher who's being investigated?

How do you know that?

Come on. Everybody knows this.

You kissed your little boyfriend in front of the students.

Well, whatever I did or didn't do,

I'm not gonna talk about it with you guys.

[Hartman] Just claim that they're attacking you

because you're Hispanic and they have, like,

- a racist agenda. - Yeah, but that has nothing to do with it.

Hispanic would never work anyway because they can do, like,

one of those DNA tests and disprove it.

[Frank] Oh, my God, Becca, he is Hispanic.

- In what way? - His mom's from Colombia.

[Becca] That's not Hispanic.

Hispanic means Mexican.

- [students murmuring] - I'm calling the cops.

- You're bullying me. - You're bullying me 'cause I told you

- not to talk to me. - [Frank] Look, Mr. Marquez,

you're gay, you're Hispanic.

This is a slam dunk here.

I'm telling you, gay doesn't count anymore,

and he talks like a straight white guy.

I think your voice is a little gay.

- Actually, really gay. - Oh, thanks.

If they're gonna get you, they're gonna get you.

There's nothing you can do about it.

They got me, and I had everything going for me.

Jeff, they got you for selling Molly at the junior prom.

- [students laugh] - I was doing it as a bit.

- [chuckles] - And they've all been trying to get me

since the first time I wore those camo overalls.

[class murmuring]

Which I was also doing as a bit.

[Evan] Jeff, what do you mean by "bit"?

Just, like, something I'm doing and I really mean it.

- That's not right. - [Hartman] Why would you

want to stay at a job where they're

- treating you like this? - Exactly.

Because this job is important to me, you know?

I like watching young kids bloom and grow.

Don't say that at your trial, okay? It sounds creepy.

There's not gonna be a trial, okay?

You guys are fuck--

- [students murmuring] - You're freaking me out.

- You just said the "F" word. - No cursing at school.

[Evan] Okay. That's our time.

Hopefully we can be more productive next week

when your essays are due.

- Thank you. - [Frank] Mr. Marquez.

Look. We're on your side, okay?

Fuck those people who don't like little gay kisses.

You know?

Look.

The new physics teacher hasn't learned

to not eat the nachos yet.

[Gwendolyn] Oh, he's gonna find out soon enough.

In the bathroom.

I heard... Oh, God. There is bone in that.

I heard he won, like, best teacher in the state

or something in Louisiana.

[gags]

[panting]

Hey, Froot Loop! Froot Loop!

You can't call me Froot Loop, Markie.

Come on, man, it's just the name of a cereal, buddy.

Then why don't you say Cheerios?

'Cause there ain't nothing gay about Cheerios. Listen.

- Evan, listen, Evan, listen. - What, Markie, what?

Listen. Listen. You're never gonna believe this, okay?

My students, they want me to explain nonbinary.

What does have to do with me?

'Cause you're gonna give the speech.

- It's your lucky day, man. - No, I'm not.

Oh, come on. You know you want this.

- No. - I think this is your hero moment.

- Come on, buddy. - Markie...

Opportunity knocks. Who's home? Evan's home.

- I'm not doing this. - Evan, Evan, Evan. Please, Evan. Evan.

You're gonna ask me three more times.

- It's not happening. - No, no. Listen.

All right, everyone, listen up. This is Mr. Marquez.

He is here to teach you all about nonbinary.

He is our very special gay guest.

Clap. Clap for him.

Now, everyone. Clap.

- Gwen, what are you doing here? - Supervising. I'm covering.

- Don't you have a class? - No, no.

- Why don't you just teach it to them? - You're the expert.

I'm the expert? I'm-I'm not... I'm binary.

What?

- That doesn't mean what you think it means. - You are losing 'em, dude.

Okay. Hello, class. My name is Mr. Marquez.

I am a teacher here at school that many of you know.

And I'm here to talk to you today about a subject

that I think you all, like, know about already

- because you're all on Tumblr-- - [student] Tumblr's dead.

You're all on the Internet, and you're on TikTok

and Instagram, and you know this stuff,

so I don't even know why you're asking me to explain it.

But a nonbinary person, right? Is just somebody who does not

- identify as male or female. - Oh, like, a hermaphrodite.

- No. - Yes.

Not at all. And that word is not in use

- anymore, is it? - I...

Is it?

I don't know. I...

It-It's very simple, okay?

Your teachers this year, we all had to

state our pronouns before class, right?

- We know all this. - Then why did you ask me to explain it to you?

You have been set up, 100%.

Yeah, like, we-we've been recording you this entire time.

You see, you were supposed to fail at explaining it

'cause you're, like, horrible with words,

so that was finna go everywhere online.

- [huffs] - Oh, my God.

They just wanted to fucking film you talking about it.

- [scoffs] That is so... - [Evan] That is very nefarious.

This isn't right. Please don't film your teachers

doing things like this, him or me.

I know he's worse than me,

but I don't need this on the Internet.

- Please don't put that on-- - [student] I feel attacked right now.

- You feel like what? - I feel attacked right now.

I feel attacked!

Here's my statement.

I also want to say, in conjunction with this,

that this whole thing is very messed up, okay?

This has messed up the beginning of my year--

What's this? What's this in regards to?

What's it in...? The-the investigation

- into this completely innocuous thing. - Oh, Evan--

Expressing love to my, to my life partner at the time.

Evan, the investigation is over.

I'm sorry, I forgot to tell you.

I forgot to tell you.

What the fuck are you talking about?

The mom dropped the whole case. The whole thing.

- Done. Gone. - What?

Well, she... well, apparently Markie,

Markie talked to her.

- Markie talked to her? - Yeah.

They're close. I don't know how, but, yeah.

He talked some sense into her.

It's just...

Done. Yeah.

Oh, my God.

Um, no, but there is one thing.

- [sighs] - The district did say,

did say one thing-- let me find it.

[groans] There. There.

That, uh, you are strictly forbidden from dating fa...

that you are strictly... that you are strictly forbidden

from dating faculty from now on.

Hmm? You'll be fired otherwise.

But you're okay with that, right?

Yeah.

Oh.

You should read my statement. I spent all week on it.

It's really good.

Oh. Uh, sure. Yeah.

Oh. "To whom it may concern..."

"Gestapo" usually...

comes with a, a-a capital, but otherwise really good.

Really good.

[shredder whirring]

Markie. Markie.

You talked to the mom. This is incredible.

Oh, dude, yeah. Don't even sweat that.

I've actually known Loudmouth Harrison for years.

We used, we used to call her Bass Mouth.

You want to get a hook in there, don't you?

This is phenomenal. Oh, my God.

- The relief I am feeling. - Not a problem. Not a problem.

- You help me, I help you. - What happened?

What'd you say to her?

I walked into the country club where she frequents,

caught her three martinis in, and said,

"Hey, back off,

or I'm-a tell everyone here that your son is gay."

- You what? - I mean, he is gay.

It's not lying. You know, I was just

hitting her with the truth, man.

Some people can't handle that shit.

No. You can't use homophobia to fight homophobia.

- We work with the tools we have. - No.

What's the big deal? I did you a... Come on. What? Are you mad?

The big deal is, I wanted to win this for real, Markie,

- not with threats from you. - It's not a threat.

They're all gonna find out eventually.

I just offered to expedite the process.

I-I... This is about principles, Markie.

This is about my right to exist as a man in the modern world

without being harassed by women like this.

This is about ethics and-and ideals.

Wake up, Evan!

No one gives a shit about your highfalutin ideals, bro.

Okay?

Seriously. Life is a football game.

And you keep showing up in a goddamn tutu, all right?

We were down.

Fourth and one. I called the play.

Quarterback sneak. Now we got a new set of downs,

and you can go stand behind the bent-over dude again.

All right?

- [sighs] - I saved your job, man.

'Cause you're a friend.

That's what friends do. We help each other out.

If that's not part of your fucking code,

then... I don't know what else to say to you, dude.

I don't understand the football stuff you were saying.

But...

Thanks. Thank you.

- Wait, hold-hold on. - [video game chimes]

All right.

Hey. Anytime.

See? Anytime.

I got you.

Froot Loop.

♪ Well, you seem happy ♪

♪ But you're a liar if you say that you're fine ♪

♪ Bet you wonder... ♪

[Rick] Evan!

- [Evan] What up? - Have you met Harry, the new guy?

He's looking for some dry erasers.

Kids keep drawing bubble butts on his board.

This guy hoards everything.

[laughs]

I do have an extra eraser.

Hey, I-I actually forgot to introduce myself.

I'm Evan Marquez.

- Hi. Harry Daughtler. Hi. - Oh, nice.

Gwen said you're from Louisiana.

Yeah. Um, my home got destroyed

- in the storm, so... - Oh, wow.

I'm trying to build a new home here.

- You know. - That's great.

I'm-I'm so sorry about that.

It's not great. I'm sorry about the storm.

It sucked. [chuckles]

[chuckles softly]

I like your shirt.

This white shirt?

Yeah.

♪ But I think I'm going crazy ♪

♪ You and I ♪

♪ You don't want to talk about it ♪

♪ You don't want to talk about ♪

♪ You and I ♪

♪ We don't ever talk about it ♪

♪ But in my head, oh, you say ♪

♪ Say you still want it ♪

♪ That you're done with being lonely now ♪

♪ It's you and I ♪

♪ You and I. ♪

♪ ♪