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["Maniac" by Michael Sembello
playing]
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[water running]
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♪ Just a steel town girl
on a Saturday night ♪
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♪ Looking for the fight
of her life ♪
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♪ In the real-time world,
no one sees her at all ♪
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♪ They all say she's crazy ♪
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♪ It can cut you like a knife ♪
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♪ If the gift becomes the fire ♪
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♪ On a wire between will
and what will be ♪
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♪ She's a maniac ♪
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♪ Maniac on the floor ♪
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♪ And she's dancing like
she's never danced before ♪
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♪ She's a maniac... ♪
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[Evan]
Oh, hello.
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- Oh, you're so late.
- You're so beautiful.
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- Aw, you're beautiful.
- Call me after class.
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00:01:12,846 --> 00:01:14,783
Morning.
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Let's have a seat, huh?
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00:01:16,353 --> 00:01:21,129
Jessica, tell your mom she can't
send me emails like that, okay?
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00:01:21,129 --> 00:01:23,701
It's inappropriate.
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00:01:23,701 --> 00:01:25,170
Oh, this is fun.
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"What up?" to you guys as well.
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Oh, right... no, wait.
All right.
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Everyone did the reading?
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You know, the kids this year,
I feel like they're less woke.
26
00:01:37,261 --> 00:01:39,298
- Did you notice that? They're
not into being woke anymore.
- Oh, I know.
27
00:01:39,298 --> 00:01:41,436
- It circled back around.
- It circled all the way around.
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- Yes.
- And now they're, like, for
what they say they're against.
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- Right, and they're saying
the "R" word again.
- Like you had that kid,
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- what was he saying about
the Spanish Inquisition?
- He's ju...
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I had to teach both sides
of the Spanish Inquisition.
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- This is so insane.
- He got upset.
He started crying.
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- It was a whole thing.
- And I have these kids
that are showing me
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A.I. porn of Oscar Wilde
having sex with women.
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He was gay.
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[Markie]
Six years at this school today,
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00:02:01,276 --> 00:02:03,180
- no Dinty Moore.
- [Evan] It's Dinty Moore stew?
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I can't believe they even
still make that stuff.
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Whenever I see it,
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- I think it's a can of dog food.
- Guess I'm dieting today.
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- [sighs]
- Which is good, by the way,
'cause all these little fuckers
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- roaming around, just filming
everything we do and...
- [both] I know.
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...sending it off
to communist China.
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- Well...
- What are you talking about?
- Let me ask you, why is,
45
00:02:16,339 --> 00:02:18,310
- why is the number-one app...
- We're not doing this...
46
00:02:18,310 --> 00:02:20,247
- ...in the world run
by America's only enemy?
- No politics.
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00:02:20,247 --> 00:02:21,583
- Didn't we say "no politics"?
- I did say that.
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- Didn't we make a policy,
no politics?
- You know what? Listen.
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A lot of people say they vote
with their dollar.
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A lot of people do vote
with their dollar.
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I vote with my dollar.
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- [sighs]
- I also vote with my vote.
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Okay? And I never choose
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who I'm gonna vote for till
after the debates, by the way.
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- That is not true.
- It's 100% true.
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- It is not true that you wait...
- Believe it, buddy, all right?
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It's called nobility of spirit.
You got it, too, deep inside.
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You just need a hot boyfriend
to spank it out of you
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- every morning.
- Do not bring lunch from home.
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00:02:42,726 --> 00:02:44,462
- It's not worth it
this year, man. I can't--
- [Gwendolyn] Wait, what?
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- I can't be carrying
this much shit!
- Okay, what do you mean,
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-"this year"?
- They upgraded the lunch.
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Look at that.
Markie's got pecan pie.
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- Who upgraded the lunch?
- Dude, you guys got to respond
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to my stock guy. He's got
these new opportunities.
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- No.
- I don't want
you guys to miss out.
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Rick, I would politely ask you
to stop sending us those emails,
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- because those actually
are spam, and that guy...
- They're not opportunities.
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- I think he's scamming you.
- No, this guy's legit.
I met him at a TED Talk.
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- You went to a TED Talk?
- You went to a TED Talk
in person?
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- [Rick] Yeah.
- Or was it TEDx?
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It's different?
What's different?
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This is why I get my paycheck
in cash.
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00:03:09,613 --> 00:03:11,282
- It goes right in the safe.
- [Rick] That's insane!
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00:03:11,282 --> 00:03:13,888
Are you stupid?
You're losing 0.8% each year.
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You pay taxes on that?
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- Taxation is theft.
- Right. Who is that?
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[Gwendolyn]
Oh, that's
the new physics teacher.
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00:03:18,797 --> 00:03:21,302
- He's filling in for Jennifer,
like, for the first semester...
- He's cool.
80
00:03:21,302 --> 00:03:23,541
...or the year, if she does well
in The Amazing Race.
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00:03:23,541 --> 00:03:26,346
- I can't believe she got
on that show with a hernia.
- [Rick] No,
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- I think it was an atopic baby.
- That's not the word.
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[Grant]
Evan. Evan.
Can I talk to you in my office?
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00:03:30,822 --> 00:03:32,258
- Now?
- Yes. Come, come.
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00:03:32,258 --> 00:03:34,997
- No vaping. I can smell it.
- No, you can't.
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[mutters]
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Oh. Okay.
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00:03:38,871 --> 00:03:40,575
- Yeah. Yeah.
- [paper flips]
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- Okay, yep,
you're being investigated.
- I'm being investigated?
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- For what?
- Yeah. A mom named
Linda Harrison...
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- Linda Harrison?
Wait, I know that name.
- ...alleges that you kissed
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00:03:47,421 --> 00:03:49,292
your boyfriend in front
of her son and a whole class...
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- Oh, my God.
- ...of other high schoolers
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- at the end of last school year.
- You talked to me about that
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- when it happened.
That was nothing.
- I know, but now
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she's made a formal complaint,
and I-I have to read this.
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Wait, her kid... that-that kid
graduated. He's in college now.
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00:04:00,682 --> 00:04:04,422
- Why is she doing this now?
- I don't know.
Why does anybody do anything?
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Wait a minute, Linda Harrison.
I remember that name.
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That's the mom that complained
about the assigned reading.
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-"Lewd content," yeah.
- Lewd content, right.
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00:04:14,375 --> 00:04:18,383
And do you remember what the
book was that she said was lewd?
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- The Great Gatsby.
- The Great Gatsby.
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00:04:21,356 --> 00:04:23,426
Do you know how long
that's been on the curriculum?
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00:04:23,426 --> 00:04:25,330
- Oh, my God.
- I mean,
this doesn't make sense.
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00:04:25,330 --> 00:04:26,634
This is political.
She's doing a political move.
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00:04:26,634 --> 00:04:29,405
- Yeah. Politics are real.
- You know what,
why doesn't Markie
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00:04:29,405 --> 00:04:31,309
ever get investigated
for all that shit he says?
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00:04:31,309 --> 00:04:33,013
- Who?
- Markie. Markie.
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- The gym teacher Markie.
- Oh. Markie.
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00:04:34,883 --> 00:04:36,452
Uh, he can't be investigated.
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- He has a protected victim
status...
- How do I get that?
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...because he was injured
in a car accident
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00:04:41,062 --> 00:04:42,532
in his first week
of training in the ROTC.
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00:04:42,532 --> 00:04:46,339
And he's 1/32nd Native American
and he has paper proof of that.
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00:04:46,339 --> 00:04:49,345
- This is insane.
- I mean, you kissed her s...
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you kissed a... your boyfriend
in front of her son.
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00:04:51,382 --> 00:04:54,055
- This is serious now.
- I, literally, was just like...
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00:04:54,055 --> 00:04:56,359
just like barely,
just like, "Ooh."
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I don't even know
if our lips touched.
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Do you understand?
This is homophobia.
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00:04:58,931 --> 00:05:00,233
This is what homophobia is like.
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00:05:00,233 --> 00:05:02,471
- It's insidious.
- I don't care what it is.
I'm agoraphobic.
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00:05:02,471 --> 00:05:05,444
So, what do I do? I just wait
for my fate to be decided?
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00:05:05,444 --> 00:05:08,049
I don't know.
You can do anything. [stammers]
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00:05:08,049 --> 00:05:09,418
If you hand in
your resignation letter,
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00:05:09,418 --> 00:05:12,458
you could work in a restaurant
or something or...
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00:05:12,458 --> 00:05:13,694
you know, do a short film
with your friends.
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00:05:13,694 --> 00:05:16,499
- Join Amway. Amway's very good.
- You want me to quit this job?
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00:05:16,499 --> 00:05:19,907
No, I don't want you to quit.
I don't want you to quit.
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00:05:19,907 --> 00:05:21,510
She wants you to quit.
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00:05:21,510 --> 00:05:23,413
- [basketballs bouncing]
- [sighs]
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00:05:23,413 --> 00:05:25,050
Look, what I want you to do is,
just write a statement
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00:05:25,050 --> 00:05:26,419
in defense of your position, okay?
135
00:05:26,419 --> 00:05:28,390
- And I'll submit it
to the district on your behalf.
- In defense?
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00:05:28,390 --> 00:05:30,427
- That's what I can do.
- I'm not writing a statement.
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This whole thing is bullshit.
138
00:05:32,431 --> 00:05:33,433
[whispers]
It's not bullshit.
139
00:05:33,433 --> 00:05:37,141
You're lucky
they're not suspending you.
140
00:05:37,141 --> 00:05:39,078
Grant, let me ask you something.
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Her kid? You remember that kid?
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- Yeah.
- Is he gay now?
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00:05:41,583 --> 00:05:44,556
- [grunting]
- He's in college
and he's gay now, right?
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00:05:44,556 --> 00:05:46,894
I always felt like
that kid was gay.
145
00:05:46,894 --> 00:05:48,496
J-Just-just... just stop.
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00:05:48,496 --> 00:05:49,732
- Stop. Just stop. Stop.
- I'm right? I'm right.
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00:05:49,732 --> 00:05:52,906
- She thinks
I turned her kid gay.
- Will you stop that?
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00:05:52,906 --> 00:05:53,908
This is insane!
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00:05:53,908 --> 00:05:55,444
Evan, just please take
the rest of the day off.
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00:05:55,444 --> 00:05:58,517
[Malcolm]
I mean, I guess
I have said this before.
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00:05:58,517 --> 00:06:01,557
Not to, like, whatever,
but I did quit for a reason.
152
00:06:01,557 --> 00:06:04,195
- I know you quit for a reason.
- I am, like...
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00:06:04,195 --> 00:06:05,531
I really am thriving right now.
154
00:06:05,531 --> 00:06:08,436
They're, like, giving away
tech jobs in Austin.
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00:06:08,436 --> 00:06:10,508
I worked at the job
for, what, two months now?
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00:06:10,508 --> 00:06:12,779
I've used my dental insurance
four times. Four times.
157
00:06:12,779 --> 00:06:16,119
- I'm getting braces
for, like, no reason.
- I'm not gonna quit teaching.
158
00:06:16,119 --> 00:06:17,421
I can't just work in tech.
159
00:06:17,421 --> 00:06:20,193
I need a job
that means something to me.
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00:06:20,193 --> 00:06:22,532
- Which I hate.
- Yeah, no, that-that sucks.
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00:06:22,532 --> 00:06:24,569
But, I mean, maybe if you were
in, like, a city school
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00:06:24,569 --> 00:06:26,139
here in Austin,
it'd be one thing,
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00:06:26,139 --> 00:06:28,511
but these suburbs,
they're still, like,
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00:06:28,511 --> 00:06:30,147
- very old-fashioned.
- No, but I have to stay there,
165
00:06:30,147 --> 00:06:31,583
because somewhere
bigoted like that
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00:06:31,583 --> 00:06:32,852
is where you can make
the most difference.
167
00:06:32,852 --> 00:06:35,591
- Right.
- Like, what am I doing
if I'm not trying to improve
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00:06:35,591 --> 00:06:37,161
the future for these kids
that come through that system?
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00:06:37,161 --> 00:06:38,296
If I just succumb
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00:06:38,296 --> 00:06:40,535
to the evil intentions
of their conservative parents,
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00:06:40,535 --> 00:06:42,973
then the kids are gonna grow up
to be exactly like them,
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00:06:42,973 --> 00:06:44,208
and then it's 1980 again.
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00:06:44,208 --> 00:06:45,578
- Or worse.
- Okay, I mean, I will just say,
174
00:06:45,578 --> 00:06:48,617
- like, I wouldn't think of
all conservatives as evil.
- I don't.
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00:06:48,617 --> 00:06:51,590
- I mean, I'm basically
a conservative at this point.
- No, you're not.
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00:06:51,590 --> 00:06:53,460
No, not about, like, everything.
I still want, like...
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00:06:53,460 --> 00:06:55,464
- You're n... You say that
because you think...
- ...social progress...
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00:06:55,464 --> 00:06:57,569
- ...it's kitschy,
but you're not actually...
- No, I'm really...
179
00:06:57,569 --> 00:06:59,639
It's like, I am against
a lot of what the left...
180
00:06:59,639 --> 00:07:02,612
I don't even know what I am
anymore. I listen to Red Scare.
181
00:07:02,612 --> 00:07:04,683
If-if my very desire to fuck
is... oh, I love this song.
182
00:07:04,683 --> 00:07:08,524
If-if my very desire to fuck
is, like, up for debate
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00:07:08,524 --> 00:07:11,262
or potentially evil to them...
184
00:07:11,262 --> 00:07:13,266
I don't know,
we-we have to do something.
185
00:07:13,266 --> 00:07:15,571
- Oh, "we." You and I?
- [chuckles] You and I.
186
00:07:15,571 --> 00:07:16,640
- Us together...
- No.
187
00:07:16,640 --> 00:07:18,176
...go talk to the school board.
188
00:07:18,176 --> 00:07:19,646
We're the ones who kissed.
189
00:07:19,646 --> 00:07:22,251
We are not even together anymore
'cause you can't commit.
190
00:07:22,251 --> 00:07:24,623
You always act like
I broke up with you,
191
00:07:24,623 --> 00:07:26,593
but I didn't break up with you.
We broke up with each other.
192
00:07:26,593 --> 00:07:29,265
I'm not going back
anywhere near that school,
193
00:07:29,265 --> 00:07:32,539
and I'm certainly not
getting involved.
194
00:07:32,539 --> 00:07:35,511
On that note,
if you are open to it,
195
00:07:35,511 --> 00:07:40,053
I would be down to hang out
today at your place.
196
00:07:40,053 --> 00:07:41,623
Okay. Wow.
197
00:07:41,623 --> 00:07:43,561
I'm supposed to take
the rest of the day off
198
00:07:43,561 --> 00:07:45,932
- to think about my actions.
- See, this is your whole thing.
199
00:07:45,932 --> 00:07:49,539
- [exhales] Oh, this is my thing.
- You create your own problems.
Like this, for example:
200
00:07:49,539 --> 00:07:51,543
what happens
if you get me pregnant?
201
00:07:51,543 --> 00:07:53,279
Like, are we gonna
keep the baby?
202
00:07:53,279 --> 00:07:55,283
I can't raise a baby...
I work in tech.
203
00:07:55,283 --> 00:07:57,589
If I get you pregnant...
204
00:07:57,589 --> 00:07:59,091
it would be a miracle.
205
00:07:59,091 --> 00:08:05,002
♪ Oh-oh, forgiving who you are
for what you stand to gain. ♪
206
00:08:09,612 --> 00:08:13,253
t...
207
00:08:13,253 --> 00:08:17,094
"encouraged if a straight couple
208
00:08:17,094 --> 00:08:19,331
"did the same.
209
00:08:19,331 --> 00:08:21,335
Homophobia..."
210
00:08:21,335 --> 00:08:23,239
[phone rings]
211
00:08:23,239 --> 00:08:24,308
Hello.
212
00:08:24,308 --> 00:08:27,247
What are you doing,
you little gay guy?
213
00:08:27,247 --> 00:08:28,617
I love when you call me that.
214
00:08:28,617 --> 00:08:30,588
Um, I'm writing
this official statement
215
00:08:30,588 --> 00:08:33,661
that I have to submit
for this investigation.
216
00:08:33,661 --> 00:08:36,332
- Hmm. What do you have so far?
-"To whom it may concern,
217
00:08:36,332 --> 00:08:38,336
"I pecked my boyfriend
on the cheek,
218
00:08:38,336 --> 00:08:40,340
"perhaps making momentary,
passing contact
219
00:08:40,340 --> 00:08:42,344
"with his lips in front of
a class of his students.
220
00:08:42,344 --> 00:08:44,215
"We were in a serious
relationship at the time,
221
00:08:44,215 --> 00:08:45,618
"and it is clear to me
222
00:08:45,618 --> 00:08:47,622
"that this behavior
would not only be tolerated
223
00:08:47,622 --> 00:08:50,360
but encouraged if
a straight couple did the same."
224
00:08:50,360 --> 00:08:52,632
That's all I have.
It feels kind of defensive.
225
00:08:52,632 --> 00:08:53,600
No, no, I think that's good.
226
00:08:53,600 --> 00:08:55,605
Like, you-you're in the right
on that.
227
00:08:55,605 --> 00:08:57,274
[mutters]
In the right, yeah.
228
00:08:57,274 --> 00:08:59,178
Did you talk to Malcolm
about it?
229
00:08:59,178 --> 00:09:01,182
We hooked up today, actually.
230
00:09:01,182 --> 00:09:02,351
Oh, my God.
231
00:09:02,351 --> 00:09:05,591
Crazy. I didn't know
you guys did that still.
232
00:09:05,591 --> 00:09:07,595
Yeah, barely. Sometimes.
233
00:09:07,595 --> 00:09:09,699
Did you guys do it
at the school?
234
00:09:09,699 --> 00:09:11,269
- In front of all the students?
- [chuckles]
235
00:09:11,269 --> 00:09:12,806
- Ha, ha, ha, ha...
- I gotcha.
236
00:09:12,806 --> 00:09:16,145
- I gotcha.
- [Nick] You want regular
or vegan?
237
00:09:16,145 --> 00:09:17,749
The vegan one.
238
00:09:17,749 --> 00:09:19,719
Sorry, Nick's making dinner
and he's just basically been
239
00:09:19,719 --> 00:09:22,257
trying to busy himself
since he lost the job.
240
00:09:22,257 --> 00:09:23,694
- Mm.
- He's been making, like,
241
00:09:23,694 --> 00:09:27,602
those HelloFresh meals
that are too salty.
242
00:09:27,602 --> 00:09:29,104
Tell him I love him.
243
00:09:29,104 --> 00:09:31,309
Evan says he loves you.
244
00:09:31,309 --> 00:09:32,712
Aw, he loves you, too.
245
00:09:32,712 --> 00:09:35,183
- Mm.
- Okay, I got to...
246
00:09:35,183 --> 00:09:37,087
I got to go. I love you so much.
247
00:09:37,087 --> 00:09:38,657
Okay, love you. Bye.
248
00:09:38,657 --> 00:09:40,628
♪ Did it ever cross your mind? ♪
249
00:09:40,628 --> 00:09:43,701
- [sighs]
- ♪ That they're lost
and we're not ♪
250
00:09:43,701 --> 00:09:47,709
♪ And I'm with you
a thousand times ♪
251
00:09:47,709 --> 00:09:50,715
♪ Ooh, you got me
right in nirvana ♪
252
00:09:50,715 --> 00:09:51,817
♪ So fast ♪
253
00:09:51,817 --> 00:09:55,658
♪ You're the best part
of a sad song ♪
254
00:09:55,658 --> 00:09:57,729
♪ You got me all out of breath ♪
255
00:09:57,729 --> 00:09:59,766
♪ Too fast ♪
256
00:09:59,766 --> 00:10:01,803
♪ And I miss you
when I'm going home ♪
257
00:10:01,803 --> 00:10:05,210
♪ And I've been
running in circles ♪
258
00:10:05,210 --> 00:10:06,747
♪ Again ♪
259
00:10:06,747 --> 00:10:09,285
♪ But I swear
that I can feel the end ♪
260
00:10:09,285 --> 00:10:12,992
♪ If I'm not in nirvana ♪
261
00:10:13,460 --> 00:10:16,064
♪ You're not out of my head ♪
262
00:10:21,475 --> 00:10:27,120
♪ I've been out there running
like a lonely soul on fire ♪
263
00:10:27,989 --> 00:10:34,836
♪ Everybody's talking and I
can't get through the night ♪
264
00:10:35,772 --> 00:10:41,916
♪ Somewhere in the middle,
did it ever cross your mind? ♪
265
00:10:43,352 --> 00:10:46,259
♪ They're lost and we're not
and I'm with you ♪
266
00:10:46,259 --> 00:10:48,296
♪ A thousand times ♪
267
00:10:48,296 --> 00:10:49,431
♪ Ooh... ♪
268
00:10:49,431 --> 00:10:50,835
- [song stops abruptly]
- Ow, Jesus!
269
00:10:50,835 --> 00:10:52,805
Think fast, Marquez.
Come on, man.
270
00:10:52,805 --> 00:10:54,408
You can't just
throw a ball at me
271
00:10:54,408 --> 00:10:55,644
and then say "Think fast."
272
00:10:55,644 --> 00:10:58,784
I can't anticipate a ball that
just appears out of nowhere.
273
00:10:58,784 --> 00:11:00,253
Working on your
defense statement, I see.
274
00:11:00,253 --> 00:11:01,489
I-I'm not allowed to...
275
00:11:01,489 --> 00:11:02,725
God, that's a piece of shit.
I can tell already.
276
00:11:02,725 --> 00:11:04,763
How do you know I even have
to write a defense statement?
277
00:11:04,763 --> 00:11:05,865
Because I know things, man.
278
00:11:05,865 --> 00:11:07,702
I got my ear to the grindstone.
279
00:11:07,702 --> 00:11:09,305
You know it's
"nose to the grindstone"
280
00:11:09,305 --> 00:11:10,440
or "ear to the ground"?
281
00:11:10,440 --> 00:11:11,810
No, it can be whatever you want.
282
00:11:11,810 --> 00:11:13,714
I got my finger
on the pulse. Okay?
283
00:11:13,714 --> 00:11:15,450
- That's correct.
- Okay. Put this in there.
284
00:11:15,450 --> 00:11:17,487
"I am being targeted
for harassment
285
00:11:17,487 --> 00:11:21,462
because I..." you...
"I am a proud gay man."
286
00:11:21,462 --> 00:11:22,832
I'm not that proud.
287
00:11:22,832 --> 00:11:25,805
You got to fight fire with fire
these days, Marquez.
288
00:11:25,805 --> 00:11:27,508
Life's not a fucking poem.
289
00:11:27,508 --> 00:11:29,813
- It's a full-contact sport.
- Ow, Jesus.
290
00:11:29,813 --> 00:11:31,750
I'm just saying, man, like,
these-these kids,
291
00:11:31,750 --> 00:11:33,453
they just want
the power they feel
292
00:11:33,453 --> 00:11:34,889
when they get you in trouble.
293
00:11:34,889 --> 00:11:36,459
They're the inmates
who want to run the asylum.
294
00:11:36,459 --> 00:11:37,595
It's not a bad point,
but the thing is,
295
00:11:37,595 --> 00:11:41,235
the kid is not trying
to get power in this situation.
296
00:11:41,235 --> 00:11:42,304
It's his mother.
297
00:11:42,304 --> 00:11:44,275
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
298
00:11:44,275 --> 00:11:45,745
Linda Harrison?
299
00:11:45,745 --> 00:11:47,815
Oh, God, I'm not supposed
to tell you who it is.
300
00:11:47,815 --> 00:11:50,387
It's her son?
He took your class, and she's...
301
00:11:50,387 --> 00:11:51,790
Holy shit, dude.
302
00:11:51,790 --> 00:11:52,725
She's saying
because her son's gay, right?
303
00:11:52,725 --> 00:11:54,796
- I didn't turn her son gay.
- I'm not...
304
00:11:54,796 --> 00:11:56,365
Well, did...
You sure about that?
305
00:11:56,365 --> 00:11:57,535
It doesn't work
that way, Markie.
306
00:11:57,535 --> 00:12:00,407
- You can't turn people gay.
- I'm not saying
307
00:12:00,407 --> 00:12:01,543
you did it on purpose,
but, look,
308
00:12:01,543 --> 00:12:03,346
he sees you being you
and thinks,
309
00:12:03,346 --> 00:12:04,616
"That's how I want to be."
310
00:12:04,616 --> 00:12:08,322
It's how I felt the first time
I saw José Canseco in person.
311
00:12:08,791 --> 00:12:10,828
- Who is José Canseco--
- Whoop! There he is.
312
00:12:10,828 --> 00:12:13,534
Eric Not-So-Speedy Gonzales.
313
00:12:13,534 --> 00:12:16,171
17:51. Wow!
314
00:12:19,846 --> 00:12:21,883
ook
315
00:12:21,883 --> 00:12:23,419
and the idea of people
being spied on 24-7 is bullshit.
316
00:12:23,419 --> 00:12:24,889
- Don't curse.
- This is book club.
317
00:12:24,889 --> 00:12:26,560
It's fine. It's not
actual class, Mr. Marquez.
318
00:12:26,560 --> 00:12:28,530
- It's still technically school.
- [Frank] And this is
319
00:12:28,530 --> 00:12:32,070
coming from our teacher
who's being investigated?
320
00:12:32,605 --> 00:12:33,273
How do you know that?
321
00:12:33,273 --> 00:12:35,544
Come on. Everybody knows this.
322
00:12:35,544 --> 00:12:38,416
You kissed your little boyfriend
in front of the students.
323
00:12:38,416 --> 00:12:39,853
Well, whatever I did
or didn't do,
324
00:12:39,853 --> 00:12:41,556
I'm not gonna talk about it
with you guys.
325
00:12:41,556 --> 00:12:43,560
[Hartman]
Just claim that
they're attacking you
326
00:12:43,560 --> 00:12:44,862
because you're Hispanic
and they have, like,
327
00:12:44,862 --> 00:12:46,867
- a racist agenda.
- Yeah, but that has nothing
to do with it.
328
00:12:46,867 --> 00:12:48,570
Hispanic would never work anyway
because they can do, like,
329
00:12:48,570 --> 00:12:50,841
one of those DNA tests
and disprove it.
330
00:12:50,841 --> 00:12:52,845
[Frank]
Oh, my God, Becca,
he is Hispanic.
331
00:12:52,845 --> 00:12:55,417
- In what way?
- His mom's from Colombia.
332
00:12:55,417 --> 00:12:56,452
[Becca]
That's not Hispanic.
333
00:12:56,452 --> 00:12:57,889
Hispanic means Mexican.
334
00:12:57,889 --> 00:12:59,258
- [students murmuring]
- I'm calling the cops.
335
00:12:59,258 --> 00:13:00,928
- You're bullying me.
- You're bullying me
'cause I told you
336
00:13:00,928 --> 00:13:02,598
- not to talk to me.
- [Frank] Look, Mr. Marquez,
337
00:13:02,598 --> 00:13:03,867
you're gay, you're Hispanic.
338
00:13:03,867 --> 00:13:05,604
This is a slam dunk here.
339
00:13:05,604 --> 00:13:06,873
I'm telling you,
gay doesn't count anymore,
340
00:13:06,873 --> 00:13:08,911
and he talks like
a straight white guy.
341
00:13:08,911 --> 00:13:09,879
I think your voice is
a little gay.
342
00:13:09,879 --> 00:13:11,917
- Actually, really gay.
- Oh, thanks.
343
00:13:11,917 --> 00:13:13,887
If they're gonna get you,
they're gonna get you.
344
00:13:13,887 --> 00:13:14,889
There's nothing
you can do about it.
345
00:13:14,889 --> 00:13:16,893
They got me, and I had
everything going for me.
346
00:13:16,893 --> 00:13:19,632
Jeff, they got you for selling
Molly at the junior prom.
347
00:13:19,632 --> 00:13:21,035
- [students laugh]
- I was doing it as a bit.
348
00:13:21,035 --> 00:13:22,605
- [chuckles]
- And they've all been trying
to get me
349
00:13:22,605 --> 00:13:25,544
since the first time I wore
those camo overalls.
350
00:13:25,544 --> 00:13:26,580
[class murmuring]
351
00:13:26,580 --> 00:13:27,915
Which I was also doing as a bit.
352
00:13:27,915 --> 00:13:29,050
[Evan]
Jeff, what do you mean by "bit"?
353
00:13:29,050 --> 00:13:32,558
Just, like, something I'm doing
and I really mean it.
354
00:13:32,558 --> 00:13:33,894
- That's not right.
- [Hartman] Why would you
355
00:13:33,894 --> 00:13:34,963
want to stay at a job
where they're
356
00:13:34,963 --> 00:13:36,600
- treating you like this?
- Exactly.
357
00:13:36,600 --> 00:13:38,570
Because this job is
important to me, you know?
358
00:13:38,570 --> 00:13:41,910
I like watching young kids
bloom and grow.
359
00:13:41,910 --> 00:13:43,580
Don't say that at your trial,
okay? It sounds creepy.
360
00:13:43,580 --> 00:13:45,584
There's not gonna be
a trial, okay?
361
00:13:45,584 --> 00:13:46,953
You guys are fuck--
362
00:13:46,953 --> 00:13:48,657
- [students murmuring]
- You're freaking me out.
363
00:13:48,657 --> 00:13:50,928
- You just said the "F" word.
- No cursing at school.
364
00:13:50,928 --> 00:13:52,665
[Evan]
Okay. That's our time.
365
00:13:52,665 --> 00:13:54,669
Hopefully we can be
more productive next week
366
00:13:54,669 --> 00:13:56,472
when your essays are due.
367
00:13:56,472 --> 00:13:58,911
- Thank you.
- [Frank] Mr. Marquez.
368
00:13:58,911 --> 00:14:00,915
Look. We're on your side, okay?
369
00:14:00,915 --> 00:14:04,388
Fuck those people who don't like
little gay kisses.
370
00:14:04,388 --> 00:14:06,158
You know?
371
00:14:13,372 --> 00:14:14,174
Look.
372
00:14:14,174 --> 00:14:15,945
The new physics teacher
hasn't learned
373
00:14:15,945 --> 00:14:17,047
to not eat the nachos yet.
374
00:14:17,047 --> 00:14:19,284
[Gwendolyn]
Oh, he's gonna find out
soon enough.
375
00:14:19,284 --> 00:14:19,953
In the bathroom.
376
00:14:20,387 --> 00:14:22,992
I heard... Oh, God.
There is bone in that.
377
00:14:22,992 --> 00:14:25,564
I heard he won, like,
best teacher in the state
378
00:14:25,564 --> 00:14:27,233
or something in Louisiana.
379
00:14:30,439 --> 00:14:32,210
[gags]
380
00:14:33,445 --> 00:14:34,949
[panting]
381
00:14:34,949 --> 00:14:37,622
Hey, Froot Loop! Froot Loop!
382
00:14:37,622 --> 00:14:38,724
You can't call me
Froot Loop, Markie.
383
00:14:38,724 --> 00:14:40,995
Come on, man, it's just the name
of a cereal, buddy.
384
00:14:40,995 --> 00:14:42,698
Then why don't you say Cheerios?
385
00:14:42,698 --> 00:14:43,766
'Cause there ain't nothing gay
about Cheerios. Listen.
386
00:14:43,766 --> 00:14:46,038
- Evan, listen, Evan, listen.
- What, Markie, what?
387
00:14:46,038 --> 00:14:47,642
Listen. Listen. You're never
gonna believe this, okay?
388
00:14:47,642 --> 00:14:50,013
My students, they want me
to explain nonbinary.
389
00:14:50,013 --> 00:14:51,583
What does have to do with me?
390
00:14:51,583 --> 00:14:52,985
'Cause you're gonna
give the speech.
391
00:14:52,985 --> 00:14:53,987
- It's your lucky day, man.
- No, I'm not.
392
00:14:53,987 --> 00:14:55,724
Oh, come on.
You know you want this.
393
00:14:55,724 --> 00:14:56,993
- No.
- I think this is
your hero moment.
394
00:14:56,993 --> 00:14:57,961
- Come on, buddy.
- Markie...
395
00:14:57,961 --> 00:15:01,068
Opportunity knocks.
Who's home? Evan's home.
396
00:15:01,068 --> 00:15:02,638
- I'm not doing this.
- Evan, Evan, Evan.
Please, Evan. Evan.
397
00:15:02,638 --> 00:15:03,707
You're gonna ask me
three more times.
398
00:15:03,707 --> 00:15:04,809
- It's not happening.
- No, no. Listen.
399
00:15:04,809 --> 00:15:07,047
All right, everyone, listen up.
This is Mr. Marquez.
400
00:15:07,047 --> 00:15:09,986
He is here to teach you all
about nonbinary.
401
00:15:09,986 --> 00:15:12,558
He is our very special
gay guest.
402
00:15:12,558 --> 00:15:13,994
Clap. Clap for him.
403
00:15:13,994 --> 00:15:16,065
Now, everyone. Clap.
404
00:15:16,065 --> 00:15:18,604
- Gwen, what are you doing here?
- Supervising. I'm covering.
405
00:15:18,604 --> 00:15:19,906
- Don't you have a class?
- No, no.
406
00:15:19,906 --> 00:15:22,010
- Why don't you just
teach it to them?
- You're the expert.
407
00:15:22,010 --> 00:15:24,682
I'm the expert?
I'm-I'm not... I'm binary.
408
00:15:24,682 --> 00:15:26,118
What?
409
00:15:26,118 --> 00:15:28,757
- That doesn't mean
what you think it means.
- You are losing 'em, dude.
410
00:15:28,757 --> 00:15:31,028
Okay. Hello, class.
My name is Mr. Marquez.
411
00:15:31,028 --> 00:15:34,034
I am a teacher here at school
that many of you know.
412
00:15:34,034 --> 00:15:37,073
And I'm here to talk to you
today about a subject
413
00:15:37,073 --> 00:15:39,044
that I think you all,
like, know about already
414
00:15:39,044 --> 00:15:41,015
- because you're all on Tumblr--
- [student] Tumblr's dead.
415
00:15:41,015 --> 00:15:43,052
You're all on the Internet,
and you're on TikTok
416
00:15:43,052 --> 00:15:44,756
and Instagram,
and you know this stuff,
417
00:15:44,756 --> 00:15:47,093
so I don't even know why
you're asking me to explain it.
418
00:15:47,093 --> 00:15:49,164
But a nonbinary person, right?
Is just somebody who does not
419
00:15:49,164 --> 00:15:52,738
- identify as male or female.
- Oh, like, a hermaphrodite.
420
00:15:52,738 --> 00:15:54,107
- No.
- Yes.
421
00:15:54,107 --> 00:15:55,511
Not at all.
And that word is not in use
422
00:15:55,511 --> 00:15:56,713
- anymore, is it?
- I...
423
00:15:56,713 --> 00:15:57,715
Is it?
424
00:15:57,715 --> 00:15:59,586
I don't know. I...
425
00:15:59,586 --> 00:16:00,721
It-It's very simple, okay?
426
00:16:00,721 --> 00:16:02,090
Your teachers this year,
we all had to
427
00:16:02,090 --> 00:16:04,127
state our pronouns
before class, right?
428
00:16:04,127 --> 00:16:06,600
- We know all this.
- Then why did you ask me
to explain it to you?
429
00:16:06,600 --> 00:16:07,802
You have been set up, 100%.
430
00:16:07,802 --> 00:16:10,741
Yeah, like, we-we've been
recording you this entire time.
431
00:16:10,741 --> 00:16:12,712
You see, you were supposed
to fail at explaining it
432
00:16:12,712 --> 00:16:14,081
'cause you're, like,
horrible with words,
433
00:16:14,081 --> 00:16:15,751
so that was finna go
everywhere online.
434
00:16:15,751 --> 00:16:16,920
- [huffs]
- Oh, my God.
435
00:16:16,920 --> 00:16:19,057
They just wanted to fucking
film you talking about it.
436
00:16:19,057 --> 00:16:22,097
- [scoffs] That is so...
- [Evan] That is very nefarious.
437
00:16:22,097 --> 00:16:24,101
This isn't right.
Please don't film your teachers
438
00:16:24,101 --> 00:16:25,738
doing things like this,
him or me.
439
00:16:25,738 --> 00:16:27,073
I know he's worse than me,
440
00:16:27,073 --> 00:16:29,144
but I don't need this
on the Internet.
441
00:16:29,144 --> 00:16:31,115
- Please don't put that on--
- [student] I feel attacked
right now.
442
00:16:31,115 --> 00:16:33,754
- You feel like what?
- I feel attacked right now.
443
00:16:33,754 --> 00:16:35,389
I feel attacked!
444
00:16:39,665 --> 00:16:41,068
Here's my statement.
445
00:16:41,068 --> 00:16:42,070
I also want to say,
in conjunction with this,
446
00:16:42,070 --> 00:16:44,041
that this whole thing is
very messed up, okay?
447
00:16:44,041 --> 00:16:45,711
This has messed up
the beginning of my year--
448
00:16:45,711 --> 00:16:47,080
What's this?
What's this in regards to?
449
00:16:47,080 --> 00:16:49,117
What's it in...?
The-the investigation
450
00:16:49,117 --> 00:16:52,090
- into this completely
innocuous thing.
- Oh, Evan--
451
00:16:52,090 --> 00:16:54,629
Expressing love to my,
to my life partner at the time.
452
00:16:54,629 --> 00:16:56,065
Evan, the investigation is over.
453
00:16:56,065 --> 00:16:57,735
I'm sorry, I forgot to tell you.
454
00:16:57,735 --> 00:17:00,205
I forgot to tell you.
455
00:17:01,074 --> 00:17:03,112
What the fuck
are you talking about?
456
00:17:03,112 --> 00:17:05,618
The mom dropped the whole case.
The whole thing.
457
00:17:05,618 --> 00:17:08,122
- Done. Gone.
- What?
458
00:17:08,122 --> 00:17:09,759
Well, she...
well, apparently Markie,
459
00:17:09,759 --> 00:17:11,095
Markie talked to her.
460
00:17:11,095 --> 00:17:12,130
- Markie talked to her?
- Yeah.
461
00:17:12,130 --> 00:17:15,537
They're close.
I don't know how, but, yeah.
462
00:17:15,537 --> 00:17:16,640
He talked some sense into her.
463
00:17:16,640 --> 00:17:18,744
It's just...
464
00:17:18,744 --> 00:17:21,515
Done. Yeah.
465
00:17:23,452 --> 00:17:24,789
Oh, my God.
466
00:17:24,789 --> 00:17:26,793
Um, no, but there is one thing.
467
00:17:26,793 --> 00:17:28,697
- [sighs]
- The district did say,
468
00:17:28,697 --> 00:17:30,701
did say one thing--
let me find it.
469
00:17:30,701 --> 00:17:31,870
[groans]
There. There.
470
00:17:31,870 --> 00:17:35,844
That, uh, you are strictly
forbidden from dating fa...
471
00:17:35,844 --> 00:17:38,784
that you are strictly...
that you are strictly forbidden
472
00:17:38,784 --> 00:17:41,155
from dating faculty from now on.
473
00:17:41,155 --> 00:17:43,860
Hmm? You'll be fired otherwise.
474
00:17:43,860 --> 00:17:45,731
But you're okay
with that, right?
475
00:17:45,731 --> 00:17:47,702
Yeah.
476
00:17:47,702 --> 00:17:49,171
Oh.
477
00:17:49,171 --> 00:17:51,643
You should read my statement.
I spent all week on it.
478
00:17:51,643 --> 00:17:52,645
It's really good.
479
00:17:52,645 --> 00:17:55,382
Oh. Uh, sure. Yeah.
480
00:17:56,285 --> 00:17:58,122
Oh. "To whom it may concern..."
481
00:17:58,122 --> 00:17:59,257
"Gestapo" usually...
482
00:17:59,257 --> 00:18:03,466
comes with a, a-a capital,
but otherwise really good.
483
00:18:03,466 --> 00:18:04,669
Really good.
484
00:18:04,669 --> 00:18:08,408
[shredder whirring]
485
00:18:10,580 --> 00:18:12,183
Markie. Markie.
486
00:18:12,183 --> 00:18:14,187
You talked to the mom.
This is incredible.
487
00:18:14,187 --> 00:18:15,891
Oh, dude, yeah.
Don't even sweat that.
488
00:18:15,891 --> 00:18:17,862
I've actually known
Loudmouth Harrison for years.
489
00:18:17,862 --> 00:18:18,830
We used, we used
to call her Bass Mouth.
490
00:18:18,830 --> 00:18:20,868
You want to get
a hook in there, don't you?
491
00:18:20,868 --> 00:18:22,070
This is phenomenal. Oh, my God.
492
00:18:22,070 --> 00:18:24,842
- The relief I am feeling.
- Not a problem. Not a problem.
493
00:18:24,842 --> 00:18:26,145
- You help me, I help you.
- What happened?
494
00:18:26,145 --> 00:18:27,247
What'd you say to her?
495
00:18:27,247 --> 00:18:28,850
I walked into the country club
where she frequents,
496
00:18:28,850 --> 00:18:31,856
caught her three martinis in,
and said,
497
00:18:31,856 --> 00:18:32,924
"Hey, back off,
498
00:18:32,924 --> 00:18:35,563
or I'm-a tell everyone here
that your son is gay."
499
00:18:37,200 --> 00:18:38,837
- You what?
- I mean, he is gay.
500
00:18:38,837 --> 00:18:40,173
It's not lying.
You know, I was just
501
00:18:40,173 --> 00:18:41,241
hitting her with the truth, man.
502
00:18:41,241 --> 00:18:42,912
Some people can't handle
that shit.
503
00:18:42,912 --> 00:18:45,884
No. You can't use homophobia
to fight homophobia.
504
00:18:45,884 --> 00:18:48,255
- We work with the tools we have.
- No.
505
00:18:48,255 --> 00:18:51,228
What's the big deal? I did you
a... Come on. What? Are you mad?
506
00:18:51,228 --> 00:18:52,932
The big deal is, I wanted
to win this for real, Markie,
507
00:18:52,932 --> 00:18:55,203
- not with threats from you.
- It's not a threat.
508
00:18:55,203 --> 00:18:56,171
They're all gonna
find out eventually.
509
00:18:56,171 --> 00:18:57,908
I just offered
to expedite the process.
510
00:18:57,908 --> 00:19:00,246
I-I... This is about
principles, Markie.
511
00:19:00,246 --> 00:19:05,256
This is about my right to exist
as a man in the modern world
512
00:19:05,256 --> 00:19:07,260
without being harassed
by women like this.
513
00:19:07,260 --> 00:19:10,868
This is about ethics
and-and ideals.
514
00:19:10,868 --> 00:19:12,337
Wake up, Evan!
515
00:19:12,337 --> 00:19:15,878
No one gives a shit about
your highfalutin ideals, bro.
516
00:19:15,878 --> 00:19:16,946
Okay?
517
00:19:16,946 --> 00:19:18,950
Seriously.
Life is a football game.
518
00:19:18,950 --> 00:19:21,823
And you keep showing up
in a goddamn tutu, all right?
519
00:19:21,823 --> 00:19:22,958
We were down.
520
00:19:22,958 --> 00:19:24,929
Fourth and one.
I called the play.
521
00:19:24,929 --> 00:19:27,267
Quarterback sneak.
Now we got a new set of downs,
522
00:19:27,267 --> 00:19:29,605
and you can go stand behind
the bent-over dude again.
523
00:19:29,605 --> 00:19:30,607
All right?
524
00:19:31,141 --> 00:19:33,914
- [sighs]
- I saved your job, man.
525
00:19:33,914 --> 00:19:34,916
'Cause you're a friend.
526
00:19:34,916 --> 00:19:37,922
That's what friends do.
We help each other out.
527
00:19:37,922 --> 00:19:40,928
If that's not part
of your fucking code,
528
00:19:40,928 --> 00:19:45,369
then... I don't know
what else to say to you, dude.
529
00:19:52,016 --> 00:19:55,523
I don't understand the
football stuff you were saying.
530
00:19:56,692 --> 00:19:58,395
But...
531
00:19:59,131 --> 00:20:00,032
Thanks. Thank you.
532
00:20:00,032 --> 00:20:02,805
- Wait, hold-hold on.
- [video game chimes]
533
00:20:02,805 --> 00:20:03,940
All right.
534
00:20:03,940 --> 00:20:05,978
Hey. Anytime.
535
00:20:05,978 --> 00:20:07,915
See? Anytime.
536
00:20:07,915 --> 00:20:09,952
I got you.
537
00:20:09,952 --> 00:20:11,790
Froot Loop.
538
00:20:11,790 --> 00:20:14,227
♪ Well, you seem happy ♪
539
00:20:14,962 --> 00:20:18,335
♪ But you're a liar
if you say that you're fine ♪
540
00:20:18,335 --> 00:20:19,939
♪ Bet you wonder... ♪
541
00:20:19,939 --> 00:20:21,041
[Rick]
Evan!
542
00:20:21,041 --> 00:20:23,814
- [Evan] What up?
- Have you met Harry,
the new guy?
543
00:20:23,814 --> 00:20:25,283
He's looking for
some dry erasers.
544
00:20:25,283 --> 00:20:27,320
Kids keep drawing bubble butts
on his board.
545
00:20:27,320 --> 00:20:28,890
This guy hoards everything.
546
00:20:28,890 --> 00:20:30,761
[laughs]
547
00:20:30,761 --> 00:20:31,963
I do have an extra eraser.
548
00:20:31,963 --> 00:20:33,733
Hey, I-I actually forgot
to introduce myself.
549
00:20:33,733 --> 00:20:34,601
I'm Evan Marquez.
550
00:20:34,601 --> 00:20:36,873
- Hi. Harry Daughtler. Hi.
- Oh, nice.
551
00:20:36,873 --> 00:20:38,810
Gwen said you're from Louisiana.
552
00:20:38,810 --> 00:20:40,981
Yeah. Um, my home got destroyed
553
00:20:40,981 --> 00:20:43,319
- in the storm, so...
- Oh, wow.
554
00:20:43,319 --> 00:20:45,289
I'm trying to build
a new home here.
555
00:20:45,289 --> 00:20:46,860
- You know.
- That's great.
556
00:20:46,860 --> 00:20:48,329
I'm-I'm so sorry about that.
557
00:20:48,329 --> 00:20:50,299
It's not great.
I'm sorry about the storm.
558
00:20:50,299 --> 00:20:51,836
It sucked. [chuckles]
559
00:20:51,836 --> 00:20:53,573
[chuckles softly]
560
00:20:54,207 --> 00:20:56,444
I like your shirt.
561
00:20:57,180 --> 00:20:58,617
This white shirt?
562
00:20:58,617 --> 00:20:59,519
Yeah.
563
00:20:59,519 --> 00:21:01,722
♪ But I think I'm going crazy ♪
564
00:21:03,392 --> 00:21:06,765
♪ You and I ♪
565
00:21:07,634 --> 00:21:09,004
♪ You don't want to talk
about it ♪
566
00:21:09,004 --> 00:21:11,341
♪ You don't want to talk about ♪
567
00:21:11,341 --> 00:21:14,715
♪ You and I ♪
568
00:21:15,784 --> 00:21:17,353
♪ We don't ever talk about it ♪
569
00:21:17,353 --> 00:21:19,992
♪ But in my head, oh, you say ♪
570
00:21:19,992 --> 00:21:22,363
♪ Say you still want it ♪
571
00:21:22,363 --> 00:21:27,006
♪ That you're done with
being lonely now ♪
572
00:21:27,006 --> 00:21:31,048
♪ It's you and I ♪
573
00:21:31,048 --> 00:21:34,822
♪ You and I. ♪
574
00:21:34,822 --> 00:21:57,868
♪ ♪
44011
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