All language subtitles for The Man from U.N.C.L.E. - S03E26 - The When In Rome Affair.en

And this, miei amici, is
where we stop for lunch.

I recommend the fettuccine. Mm!

Yes. We have 30 minutes.

Thirty minutes?
That's all we got?

- Well, you saw the
Borghese Gardens in 15.

At the Arch of Constantine,
we didn't even stop.

Now, don't complain, George.
We're on a very tight schedule.

We have to be at the Vatican
by 2:00. Isn't that right, Darlene?

What? Oh, yes. Yes,
that's right, Mrs. Sparks.

And in a couple of days
we'll all be home, right?

Oh, yes. In a couple of
days we'll all be home.

Sammy, come on.

Here's a place
here. Come, George.

You're not having a very
good time, are you, Darlene?

- Why do you say that?
- It's written all over your face.

- Oh, it's a very nice tour.
- A tour.

Not an adventure, right?

I guess I'm just not the kind
of girl that things happen to.

Mom, I've gotta...

Take him.

Oh, for crying
out loud, come on.

That's the kind of show I
like to see, just for the tourists.

George!

Come in, Napoleon.

I mean, Mr. Solo.

Mr. Solo?

I'm sorry, sir. Not a word.

Well, how long has it been?

He was supposed to check
in every hour on the hour.

But we haven't heard from
him since 10 this morning.

I am sure he's all right.

Mm.

I daresay Mr. Solo
can take care of himself.

I'm not worried about him.

I'm concerned about the formula.

If Thrush get their hands on it, the
prospects are too grim to contemplate.

Am I to understand, sir...

that the formula was hidden in
the bottom of a perfume atomizer?

Rather clever, don't you think?

Well, Mr. Solo must
have smelled divine.

Whatever the case, Mr. Kuryakin,
I want you to follow through.

You have your
bags packed, I hope.

I keep them packed, sir.

There's a plane leaving
for Rome within the hour.

Be on it.

Yes, sir.

All right. We'll
try it once more.

Where is it?

- I haven't got it.
- I know you haven't got it.

You passed it on
to someone. Who?

Who?

Get the electric device.

Adequate.

It doesn't compare
to a Vavin 1937.

But, of course, few wines do.

I'm sorry I don't have
your fancy tastes.

I'm not of noble birth...

but I can buy and sell
most noblemen, can't I?

I came very cheap.

Cheap?

Taking over the palazzo to
save it from the tax collector?

I'd say that was expensive.

Of course, it was
worth the price.

It's well-suited
to our purposes.

Come in.

Yes?

We tried everything.
He wouldn't crack.

- I really didn't think that he would.
- Shall I kill him?

Kill him? Vito, you'd
like that, wouldn't you?

Just let him escape.

Escape?

You don't understand, I know.

Try to think, Vito.

I know it isn't easy, but try.

What will Solo do if he escapes?

Go to whoever he
gave the formula to.

Bravo, bravo, bravo.

And we shall be right behind.

Of course.

Quite a brute, isn't he?

He has his functions,
Count Guardia.

As you do.

One man to apply force
when force is necessary...

one to use more
sophisticated methods.

One a fighter, one a lover.

You pay me a compliment, Bruno?

I pay no compliments.
I merely state facts.

You're a weak man,
Guardia. I despise weakness.

But you do have
a peculiar talent.

One which Thrush
occasionally finds useful.

Exactly.

Until you call me again,
Bruno, I shall keep in practice.

Oh. Sorry.

I could have you arrested,
you know. This is my room.

You're not supposed to be here.

I have a reservation until Thursday,
and you're supposed to be in New York.

I was assigned to get you out of
trouble. From your appearance...

ha, ha, you've been
in quite a bit of it.

Yeah, I just spent the
day as a guest of Thrush.

They finally let me escape.

- They let you?
- Yep. They went down too easily.

Unh. At the time, I couldn't
have outfought a pussycat.

Then they don't
have the formula.

No, I checked it
out on the way here.

It's currently in the hands of a
Darlene Sims of Omaha, Nebraska.

She's staying at the
Grinaldo Inn, Room 1 14.

She doesn't know she has it?

She probably knows she
has the atomizer by now...

but I can't go to her. I
know they're following me.

As soon as I make contact, I'd give
her away and then they moved in.

But I can go to her.

You show an astonishing
grasp of the situation.

I suggest you don't use the
hallway. May be full of Thrushies.

Oh.

Are you ready for dinner?

I'm really not very hungry, Mrs.
Sparks. I think I'll just go to bed.

Now, what kind of
talk is that? Up, up, up.

Oh.

- Come on.
- Mm.

- My, that's a lovely dress.
- Thank you.

But nobody is going to
see it here in your room.

Now put on your
lips and let's go.

Oh, did I have a time getting
Sammy settled down for the night.

Ah, but then, he's
at that difficult age.

Come to think of it,
he always has been.

- Where did this come from?
- What?

This perfume. It's not
mine. How'd it get in here?

Oh, you probably
found it somewhere.

- Mm! That's nice.
- Mm.

- You wanna try some?
- Ooh.

Tonight, honey.
Tonight, we live.

I would like to see Miss
Sims. Uh, Room 114.

Yes, sir. Oh, oh. She is
not in her room right now.

She is in the dining room. I saw
her going in there a little while ago.

Well, I've never seen Miss Sims.
Could you point her out to me?

Well, she's wearing a yellow
chiffon dress, and she's about 24.

- You cannot miss her.
- Thank you.

Open Channel D.
Napoleon Solo, please.

Solo here.

I found the girl.
She's not alone now.

How long do you
think she'll be tied up?

Apparently, they're
just starting dinner.

- Keep an eye on her.
- No, I have a better idea.

The perfume atomizer
is no doubt in her room.

Well, I think I
can get in, right?

Right.

Who cares who she is?

She must have saved
for three years for this tour.

Three years. For what?

Three weeks of escape
from the drabness of her life.

Enough.

We should be
hearing from him soon.

You a cat burglar?

Then why are you going
into Darlene's room?

- Business.
- If I holler, everybody's gonna hear me.

Well, I do wish you
wouldn't do that.

I don't think you're a burglar.

You look like a nice guy.

You her boyfriend?

Sonny. SAMMY: Sammy.

Okay.

I won't yell if you sit
with me till I go to sleep.

I'm afraid I couldn't
possibly do that.

I'm lonesome.

You ever done any babysitting?

Yes, but not right now.

Why don't you go to bed like a
nice, well-behaved young man.

I can yell real loud.

Some other time, Sam...

Some other time, Sammy.

If you don't sit with
me, I'm warning you...

It's just till I go to sleep.

How long do you
think that might take?

I'll try to hurry.

Okay.

Prego. Prego.

- How's that, huh?
- Well, that's very nice, George.

But you're supposed to say
"grazie." He says "prego."

Oh. Well, a couple more days
won't make any difference anyway.

Say, I know what I've
been smelling all night.

You wearing some
new kind of perfume?

- Do you like it?
- Eh, it's all right, I guess.

Doesn't it bring out
the beast in you?

Huh?

Um, forget it.

I hope you have
better luck than I did.

Here's looking at you. - Ha.

"But Rob was not to be fooled.

He pointed his
space gun at Marko...

and in a voice that did not
reflect the fear within him, said:

'In the name of the Junior
Terrestrial Rangers...

I hereby place
you under arrest.'"

Oh.

Sweet innocent youth.

Signor Bruno.

- You have it?
- No. I have something...

You made a complete search?

I didn't search at all.

Someone did it for me.
Someone from U.N.C.L.E.

- Solo?
- No.

Uh, Kuryakin.

That's what his papers said.

He must be the one that
was in the room with Solo.

I don't think he'll
trouble us anymore.

Good, Vito. Very good.

And he didn't have the formula?

No. I watched him search.

He's, uh, professional.

It would follow, Count Guardia,
that she must have it in her purse...

wouldn't you say?

By process of elimination.

I can get it. I can grab it now.

And if anybody
gives me any trouble...

If anybody gives you any trouble,
Vito, they will give us all trouble.

There are too many people.
Police station less than a block away.

Somebody screams, somebody
runs to a telephone and, uh... Bah.

No.

I think this is a problem
for Count Guardia.

Oh? And how is that?

We have to get
Miss Sims out of here.

Who's better equipped to
lure her away than Casanova?

And then I rob her?

No, thank you, Bruno.

I do have certain flaws
in my character, yes.

But I'm not a common
purse snatcher.

Vito and I will take care of that.
You get her out of here. We'll follow.

But that hardly makes sense.

I don't make requests
more than once.

All right.

And don't be so
unhappy, Guardia.

Perhaps you may enjoy
the young lady's company.

Oh, like I say: You've seen one
cathedral, you've seen them all.

Shh.

Excuse me. Signorina?

I beg your pardon?

No, it is I who must beg yours.

For the past hour, I've been
staring at you shamelessly...

from across the room.

- Can you forgive me?
- Wh...

Permit me, I am Count Guardia.

Cesare, if you will be so kind.

Darlene. Darlene Sims.

Nice meeting you.

Illya?

Illya, come in.

It seems strange, Darlene...
I'm sorry, Miss Sims.

Please, please, Darlene.

Thank you, Darlene.

It seems strange,
but here we are.

Two people of altogether different
cultures, different background.

We've known each
other now, for what?

All of 10 minutes.

And yet I feel that
I've known you always.

That's a very...

A very nice thing
to say, Ce... Cesare.

No, these words
don't come very easily.

I've never said them before.

Uh, Darlene, uh, you'll
have to excuse George and I.

We have to go write
some postcards.

- We do?
- We do.

Oh! Oh, we do. Oh,
let me get the check.

Oh, please, allow me.

We couldn't do that.

I insist.

Nobility still has some
privileges, you know.

Well, thanks a lot, count.

If you're ever in Santa Monica,
maybe we can buy you a dinner.

You are most kind.

- Goodbye, we'll see you later.
- Good night, Mrs. Sparks.

- Good night.
- Good evening.

Good night, Mr. Sparks.

May I propose that
we leave too now?

Not to write postcards though.

- Where...?
- Grazie.

Where do you want to go?

For a ride, through the night.

It is a beautiful night
and a beautiful city.

- Room 114. Which way?
- Uh, that way, sir.

But, uh, the lady who
occupies it is, uh...

Illya?

- What...? ILLYA:
It's a broom closet.

What time is it?

It's a little after 10.

Unh! Same night?

You all right?

Somebody tried to strangle me.

I pretended to be dead.

Afraid I was a
little too convincing.

They got the formula?

It wasn't in her room.
She must have it with her.

Well, she's still
not in her room.

Then she must be
in the restaurant.

- There she goes.
- Mm.

That one. He's the one
that worked me over.

You know, Cesare...

I've always told myself
that someday it'll happen.

All of a sudden.

The place would be romantic and
the man would be handsome and dark.

And maybe the corners of his
eyes would crinkle when he laughs...

like in the magazine stories.

I guess every girl expects it.

Of course, not every girl
thinks in terms of a count.

But all the time I was...

dreaming...

I never stopped to ask
myself one question.

I guess I was afraid to.

But a man like that...

what would he want with me?

Darlene, why do you say...?
- No, really.

I'm not rich. I'm not
sophisticated. I'm not wise.

And no one has ever said,
"Hey, wow, she's beautiful."

That doesn't speak well
for the men you have known.

Well, I've only...

I haven't known too many.

I have known a great
number of women.

Some were of noble
birth. Some actresses.

Two or three were...

Well, let's not go into that.

On the surface, you
would call them beautiful.

But the warmth, the inner
glow, the excitement wasn't there.

You have it, Darlene.

Thank you.

Thank you.

For reawakening
the faith of a cynic.

Come, let me show
you the lights of the city.

That is the Palatine.

The Tiber is down there.

And that is my palazzo.

It's been in the family
since the 15th century.

Are you all right?

Of course I'm all right.

I'm always all right.

There they are.

It's not here.

I'm truly sorry about the purse.

If there was anything
of value in it, I'd be...

You've given me an
evening I'll never forget.

And you think I'm
worried about a silly purse?

It was a wonderful
evening, wasn't it?

I'll see you tomorrow?

I mean, later today.

Yes, I'll phone you.

Only phone?

I'll phone you early, that is.

And we'll decide on how to
spend your last day in Rome. Hmm?

And after that?

That too, we shall discuss.

Good night, Cesare.

Good night, Darlene.

Good night.

Good night.

- Darlene?
- Mrs. Sparks?

- I waited up for you.
- Come on in.

Not that I was worried, I just
want to hear all the details.

I mean, all you wanna tell.

Well, it's gonna take a little
while to sort everything out.

- Where'd you go?
- Oh, everywhere.

First, he took me dancing to a
place where the jet set hangs out.

- I mean, no tourist.
- Oh, wow.

And then, we went to a cabaret
where they had a wonderful revue.

And then, we went to a place
on the Via Veneto where...

Mm, and then we, um...

We just, uh, looked
down at the city.

Mrs. Sparks, he says
he's in love with me.

- Is that possible?
- Well, I certainly don't see why not.

How do you feel about it?

Well, the same.

Darlene, the plane
leaves tomorrow night.

By tomorrow night,
I'll know if I'll take it.

I'm very happy for you.

I... I still don't believe it.

I told him it was the perfume.

Oh, speaking of that.

Thank you very much
for giving it to me.

It might have had some effect on the
count, but didn't do a thing for George.

Ha, ha. I still love him anyway.

Good night, honey.
See you tomorrow.

Maybe she lost it.

She could have
dropped it some place.

Possible but not likely.

We cannot work
on that assumption.

The hotel safe. She
might put it in there.

Why, my dear Vito, would a woman put a
cheap bottle of perfume into a hotel safe?

- What if it was an expensive bottle?
- Don't be a fool.

The girl, she must
have it somewhere.

Yes?

Send him in.

- The count?
- Yes.

Vito, I think we shall impress
him into service once again.

Come in, Guardia.

Oh, excuse me.

Count Guardia.

I gather you found the young
lady's company pleasant?

It was an assignment.

One which you pursued
with pleasure, huh?

You were told to get
her away from the hotel...

not to take her on an
all-night tour of Rome.

She was lonely.

And obviously,
she was quite taken.

With you. As is every woman.

Sure.

In any event, I thought
it could do no harm.

You did get the
purse, after all.

The purse, yes, if only briefly.

The formula, no.

- It wasn't there?
- It wasn't there.

Pity. Well, I fulfilled
my functions and...

It would appear that you've developed
quite a fondness for this young lady.

It's strange.

Uh, didn't think
she was your type.

Tell me, Guardia, do
you plan to see her again?

No.

Ah, but you will. First
thing in the morning.

You will invite her
to your palazzo.

I'm sure she'd enjoy that.

Leave her alone, Bruno.

Obviously, she doesn't
have the formula.

We shall determine that.
Vito and I will be at the palazzo.

Your task is merely
to bring her to us.

No.

- I beg your pardon?
- I won't do it.

You are aware
of the alternative?

My family lost the palazzo
five times in 300 years.

I can bear to lose it again.

That alternative I
never even dreamed.

Vito?

All right, Bruno.
I'll go to her.

I told you once before that
you're a weakling, Guardia.

You still are. Accept it.

Tsk.

- Miss Sims?
- Yes.

I believe this is yours.

Where did you find this?

Well, it's rather a long story.
We'd like to tell you about it.

- May we come in?
- Of course.

Thank you.

Stick them up.

We are representatives
of, um, U.N.C.L.E.

Yes, I've heard of that.

My name is Napoleon Solo.
This is my associate, Mr. Kuryakin.

How do you do?

I've seen you somewhere
before. I'm sure of it.

It was in that little sidewalk
cafe, you were having lunch...

and we sort of,
um, met in passing.

My friend is given
over to illusions, miss...

- Excuse me.
- What... What happened was he dropped...

Hello?

Cesare?

But, of course. I'd love to.

Oh, I'm just thrilled.

I'll be ready as
soon as you get here.

Ciao. Uh, did I say that right?

Ciao.

Oh, excuse me.

That was a personal
call. From a count.

A count?

Cesare Guardia. Perhaps
you've heard of him.

As I was saying, miss...

uh, my friend Napoleon here had occasion
to drop a perfume atomizer into your purse.

So that's where that came from.

It contained something of
considerable importance.

- So if you would give it back to us.
- I threw it away.

What?

Well, it was empty,
but it's right here.

Uh, what is your name, sir. Huh?

That is a double bed
beginning the night of the 14th.

You don't want a private bath?

Oh, all Americans
want private bath.

Ha, very well, sir. Thank you.

Uh, scusi, uh...

- The trash.
- What?

The trash. Where do you keep it?

"Keep it"? We do not
keep it. We dispose of it.

No, where is it picked up?

At the rear of the hotel.
Where else? Uh, wait, wait.

If you are looking for
something in the trash...

the truck picked up
just a moment ago.

And where does it take it?

Uh, to the dump.

And where might that be?

Ha, ha. I never thought
to ask, you know.

There's not a taxi in sight.

I told you we should
have rented another car.

Can you drive a tour bus?

Get in.

- Yes, sir.
- Mr. Solo.

We've just been in contact with
the Rome Sanitation Department.

You say the trash was
picked up at the Grinaldo Inn.

That's right, sir.
WAVERLY Well...

Well, that would be in the
8th Rubbish Disposal District.

Which means that it would be taken to
the dump at the end of the Via Cavella.

Do you know where that is?
- I think so.

We're not far away
at all. Thank you.

One other thing.
Just on a hunch...

you might check on a
Count Cesare Guardia.

Guardia. G-U-A-R-D-I-A.

We'll get back to you
as soon as possible.

Oh, and tell Mr. Kuryakin
to drive carefully.

All right.

The Via Cavella.

That should be the
next block. Turn right.

It shouldn't be more
than a block or two.

There it is. Straight ahead.

We could pick through the debris,
sir, but it would be hopeless I'm afraid.

Well, at least we can take
consolation in the fact...

that Thrush won't get
their hands on the formula.

- Yes. We're grateful for...
- But not for very much.

We seem to have bungled
very badly, Mr. Solo.

Failure to appropriate something
from Thrush is one thing.

To lose that which we
had in our possession...

is a very grave matter indeed.

Do you think now is the time
to tell him we wrecked the car?

You may as well
wind up your affairs...

Oh.

I, uh...

I have that information you
requested on Count Guardia.

Well, that's, uh, sooner
than I expected, sir.

Some of our departments
operate with efficiency, Mr. Solo.

His title is legitimate.

His family background
is impeccable.

But he seems to have bumped up
against some financial difficulties lately.

It's reported, not confirmed,
that he's gone to work for Thrush.

I suppose the matter at
this juncture is academic.

I'm afraid not, sir.

It means that Miss Sims
is in very great danger.

Over and out.

It's very imposing.

We don't have many
places like this in Omaha.

No? Ha, no, I imagine you don't.

Aren't we going to go in?

Oh, yes. Yes, of course.

Uh, but I was just
thinking, darling.

It's such a beautiful day.

It seems a shame to spend it
indoors in a gloomy old house.

A gloomy old house?

Oh.

Besides, the servants have the
day off. I'm sorry I forgot all about that.

I'm afraid I wouldn't be
able to entertain you properly.

I have an idea.

Why don't we just
go for a drive instead?

We can come back
later. Perhaps after lunch.

But we're here now.

There's no reason why we
can't go inside the house now...

and then go someplace later.

Unless there's some reason
you don't want me to see it.

Miss Sims?

Welcome to the Palazzo Guardia.

Is it my fault that someone
has stolen the bus?

I ask you, is it my fault?

What do we gotta do,
stand here all morning?

- George, it's not his fault.
- I don't care who's fault it is.

All I wanna know is
if we're gonna have...

Hey, here it comes now!

Thieves. Bandits.

You should be executed.
Where you been with my bus?

Well, it's rather a
long story but, uh...

He was my babysitter.

- That should more than pay you for...
- Grazie, signor. Thank you very much.

All right, everybody on.
First stop, Castel Sant'Angelo.

Sammy, what are you
saying about that man?

He was my
babysitter. Last night.

He read me to sleep.

Sammy, how many times I gotta
tell you? Don't make up stories.

It's no story. It's true.

Now, George, what's wrong with
the boy having a vivid imagination?

She left with Guardia.
The clerk saw her go.

And he had no idea
where they went.

Where who went?

The lady in the room next
to yours, Sammy. Miss Sims.

Oh, yeah. I know where
she went. She told us.

She was going with
some man to his pal...

Pal...

- Pal...
- Palazzo?

Uh-huh. Palazzo.

Sammy, get in the bus.

Bandits! Thieves! Come
back here with my bus.

Come back!

And I believed it.

The warmth, the inner
glow, the excitement.

"Oh, Darlene, you have it."

And I believed it.

Darlene, at the beginning,
it was a part I was playing.

It's just as well that you found
out the truth when you did.

You hardly could have been happy
with a man like that, could you?

To business. That perfume
atomizer, where is it?

I told you, it was
empty. I threw it away.

She's telling the truth,
Bruno. Can't you see?

We'll soon find out. Come,
let's adjourn to the tower.

Vito, you and one of
your men stay down here...

in case we have
unexpected visitors.

Come along, Count Guardia.
Don't you want to be with your love?

Think we should go to
the front door and knock?

No.

Neither do I.

Truth serum.

Perhaps we should give
you some, Count Guardia.

To find out how
far we can trust you.

We should have stayed in the
bus. That's what Mr. Kuryakin said.

You can go if you want.
There's one thing I can't do.

That's sit in a bus that ain't
going anywhere. Now hold it.

We can proceed now.

Miss Sims. DARLENE: Yes.

I have one question.

The perfume atomizer you discovered
in your bag yesterday, where is it?

Perfume atomizer?

Yes.

There was only a
little bit of perfume.

It ran out.

So I threw it away.

I guess the maid must have
taken it out with the trash.

I told she was telling the
truth. Let her go, Bruno.

She'll be on a plane tonight.

I thought I told you
to stay downstairs.

I don't think we'll have to
any more, Signor Bruno.

The two U.N.C.L.E. agents?
They've been taken care of.

They came here? What
have you done with them?

I thought you might want to
dispose of them in your own way.

They're in the dungeon.

I'm proud of you,
Vito. I'm truly proud.

Now, we can eliminate Miss Sims and
the U.N.C.L.E. men at the same time.

- She has the formula?
- No, she's telling the truth.

But we can hardly
free her now, can we?

You realize that if you move
your feet, my head gets cut off?

You're not thinking
of moving, are you?

Well, I don't know how much
longer I can hang on here.

My feet are killing me.

Well, you can
hang on. Can't you?

- Napoleon?
- Shh.

Wait, somebody's coming.

Who is it?

Don't move!

I can wait.

Guardia.

Killing us is one
thing, but the girl...

Can we do without
killing anybody?

Nobody is going to die.

Darlene!

Cesare.

Sammy?

Cesare?

Sammy.

- Are you all right, son?
- Sure, Dad.

It's very seldom that we
give a medal for heroism...

to an erstwhile Thrush
functionary, Count Guardia.

But I must say this gives me
a very great pleasure indeed.

Thank you, Mr. Waverly.

I've spoken to our
transportation people.

They've already arranged
for your flight back to Rome.

Um, I'm not going back
to Rome quite yet, sir.

Oh, you are not?

We're going to Omaha.

Cesare is going
to meet my parents.

I've never met a
girl's parents before.

- You don't mean...?
- Are we to assume...?

Well, nothing is definite yet but,
uh, we thought maybe in the fall.

Cesare.

Yes, my love?

Do you suppose they'll
live happily ever after?