Original subtitles

Over to the cab, don't look back, I'll take the briefcase.

You've made the trip for nothing.

The plans aren't in the briefcase. They're perfectly safe in my house.

In your house?

My wall safe has a 6-inch plate and an automatic alarm system.

- Quite burglar-proof. - Mm-hm.

Two U.N.C.L.E. agents meeting me at this ungodly hour.

What have I done now?

It's not what you've done, Dr. Matsu, it's what might be done to you.

All right, home, stiff.

All right, you stay here and cover the front of the house, Spike.

Your milkman certainly gives good service.

Yeah, I only hope the music doesn't wake the whole neighborhood.

Thank you.

Wow!

I'm sure Miki's still asleep.

- Gee, I hope we don't... - Have you memorized it?

It's in the den.

Wait.

Shh, shh.

You haven't answered me.

Yes, I know it all. Down to the last comma.

Very good.

I want you to put the papers back in the safe now and lock it.

Then no one will ever know that it's been opened. Not even you.

Not even me.

All right, put your hands up and don't move.

Get them up.

Let's get out of here. Come on.

How do you feel?

You're gonna have a lump on your head.

Come on, up! Come on.

And there is no doubt, Dr. Matsu, that your daughter has acted...

under the influence of some extremely deep psychic interference.

The condition still exists.

Although she is completely normal in every other respect...

she is programmed to obey automatically certain commands at a prearranged signal.

And you've been quite unable to deprogram her?

We've tried everything.

The best we can hope for is that time will be the healer.

That it will, um, erase itself of its own accord.

Oh, thank you, Dr. Eliott.

You understand, of course, Dr. Matsu the implications?

I'm afraid I do, Mr. Waverly.

My daughter has become a walking file of top-secret information.

On a project that affects the security of the entire world.

Under the circumstances, I think, uh, if you'd like my opinion...

that Miss Matsu ought to be put under lock and key.

But I have to go to school.

It would be best if you didn't, Miss Matsu.

But I have to. I'm on the debating team.

I'm afraid she debating team will have to do without you.

- For a little while anyway, Miki. - Yes, father.

Which means that while I'm gone...

you have to have a tutor as well as a bodyguard.

If you'll leave that to us, Dr. Matsu.

We have a man in this very room who fits both requirements perfectly.

Black belt in judo...

did postgraduate work at Sorbonne...

Ph.D., Cambridge.

Dead languages, wasn't it?

Quantum mechanics.

I didn't know we were colleagues.

Well, of course, I'll have to brush up on my new maths.

Yes, do that, Mr. Kuryakin.

You, Mr. Solo, will check into the matter of the school...

the Partridge Academy for Young Ladies.

Young ladies, Mr. Solo.

Somewhat younger than you're accustomed to.

I'm very flattered that you came halfway around the world to look us over.

Uh, cream or lemon, Mr. Solo?

Uh, just plain, thank you.

The Begum of Bangerpole, you are her, uh...?

Secretary. To be precise, her private, confidential secretary.

I also served the maharajah.

The final decision, of course, rests with him.

Naturally, and, uh, how old is the young lady, Mr. Solo?

The maharani has just turned 16.

Heh, heh. My, how time flies.

It seems like it was only yesterday that I took little Gigi on her first tiger hunt.

Have you ever hunted the big cat, Miss Partridge?

I must admit, never, Mr. Solo.

To be perfectly frank, the sight of blood repels me.

Oh, well, Gigi is an only child...

and I'm sure you can understand the begum's concern...

that I make a full report to her on the school...

before she makes her recommendation to the maharajah.

I would expect that, Mr. Solo.

Now, we have a visitor's cottage here.

It would be my suggestion that you would spend a few days with us...

and acquaint yourself completely with our facilities.

Mmm! Excellent thought.

Then it's settled.

I've sent for Duane to show you to your room.

Thank you.

You called, Miss Partridge?

I'd like you to escort Mr. Solo to the guest house.

- He's staying with us for a few days. - Yes, ma'am.

I'll take it. That's my job. - I'm sorry.

Just make yourself at home, Mr. Solo.

We're completely at your disposal.

Thank you.

Out of bounds!

Here, set it up. Ow.

Hey! Gee...

Hey, who's the stranger?

He's not bad-looking, if you like the type.

I like the type.

Would you look what he's got on his head? Wild.

I wonder what he's hunting for here.

Girls, I hope.

All right, that'll be enough of that.

- Oh, Miss Burgoyne. - Yes?

This is Mr. Solo. He's going to spend a couple of days with us.

- Hello, I'm Verity Burgoyne. - How do you do?

Miss Burgoyne is head of the Physical Culture Department.

Well, I can certainly see she meets all the requirements.

Well, how about introducing us?

Get back to the game, girls.

The game, Kish.

You see, Duane is the only male on the campus.

You're a new rooster in the henhouse, Mr. Solo.

Well, I've certainly been in worse barnyards, Miss Burgoyne.

Well, that's quite an entrance, who is it?

That's Mr. Sutro.

Jason Sutro, the grapefruit king.

Ah, Miss Partridge, good morning.

How are you, my dear? Good to see you.

Mr. Sutro appears to be another rooster.

Not really. The girls are fond of him because he always brings presents.

The Pied Piper of Partridge.

Mr. Sutro has also endowed the school with a new gymnasium and library.

He's really very sweet.

Ah, how are you today? Here you are.

That little Japanese girl...

I have something special for her, where is she?

You mean Miki? SUTRO: Yes.

She's home.

Dr. Matsu took her out of school for a few weeks.

Oh, indeed. PARTRIDGE: Yes.

Mr. Solo, why don't you and Miss Burgoyne join us?

Thank you. Shall we, Miss Burgoyne?

Oh, lovely SUTRO: There you are. There you go.

Ah, Miss Burgoyne, I have something special for you too.

My favorite perfume. Thank you.

Mr. Sutro, I'd like to present Mr. Solo.

Ah, delighted. Are you the father of one of these girls?

Am I the...? Ha, oh, uh, no. No, I don't...

Uh, actually I'm just an admirer of all of them.

Mr. Solo is the secretary to the Begum of Bangerpole.

Perhaps her daughter will be a pupil here.

Oh, marvelous!

He controls quite a bit of oil, doesn't he?

Oh, yes, sir. Yes.

Mr. Solo is staying with us for a few days.

Oh, wonderful. If you're staying in the guest cottage...

my chauffeur would be delighted to take you there.

- Gratz! SOLO: Please, don't go to any...

Something wrong, Mr. Solo?

No, no, not a thing. Everything is just, uh...

Actually, it's fine. Heh...

A beautifully executed dive, my dear.

Thanks, Mr. Sutro.

There you are.

You don't see much of that in Bangerpole, do you, Mr. Solo?

Uh, no. I haven't seen anything like that.

Uh...

Do you come here often, Mr. Sutro?

Well, as often as my business will permit.

You see, I enjoy beauty and youth and learning, Mr. Solo...

and I find them all right here.

I understand, uh, you've been very generous to the Partridge Academy.

Gymnasium, library...

Well, I'm a very rich man.

I have no objection to paying for value received.

You pay very well, Mr. Sutro.

I'm well-known for that.

As a matter of fact, I'm very open-handed with my employees.

Oh, uh, that's from your, uh, what, uh...?

Grapefruit business?

Yes, and among other things.

This is the age of diversification, Mr. Solo.

I see.

See, I pay well because it is my policy to employ only the best.

Matter of fact, I'm always on the lookout...

for, uh, a man just like yourself, Mr. Solo.

Thank you.

Of course, I realize that you're engaged right now.

I wouldn't dream of trying to lure you away from a maharajah.

But if the time should come...

I would see that, uh, your rewards would commensurate with your abilities.

Well, thank you very much, but, uh, I'm satisfied where I am.

Pity.

Next on the program will be an exhibition of rhythmic exercises.

The participants will please take their positions.

It's a remarkable collection of youngsters, Mr. Solo.

In this group before us...

there are the daughters of two cabinet members...

the daughter of a prime minister, and a crown princess.

All right, you can start the music now, Miss Burgoyne.

Never mind, girls, it's the wrong music!

I'm sorry.

I don't know how this tape got mixed up in here.

All right, describe as briefly as possible...

the social and economic factors...

that lead to the outbreak of the Second Punic War.

Well, it was an outgrowth of commercial rivalry...

between Rome and Carthage, which was caused...

Put them up.

Miki, we are supposed to be attentive at lessons...

and we do not play around with loaded guns.

- Give it to me. - I'm not playing.

I want you to open that door and let me out.

I've been in this house so long I'm going stir-crazy.

- Miki... - If you don't, I'm going to shoot.

Bang! Right between the eyes.

Please give me the gun.

If I do, will you take me to a nightclub tonight?

Absolutely not.

- A movie? - That's out too.

A walk?

You'd take a dog for a walk.

I'm sorry, not even a walk.

Then no gun.

Maybe I won't shoot. I'll just call up your boss, that Mr. Waverly.

Mr. Waverly, listen, what kind of an agent did you send out to protect me?

He's the one who needs protection. I'm holding his own gun on him right now.

Miki, if you do have to fire a gun...

please remember you have to take the safety catch off first.

You're cute.

Mmm, maybe.

Kuryakin here.

I'm here at the Partridge Academy.

I haven't been able to check the whole room for bugs yet...

but I want you to listen very carefully.

I'm only gonna say this once.

I'm onto something.

Do you recall that music coming from the milk truck?

Certainly, it was the "Brahms' Lullaby."

I want you to play it for Miki and let me know what happens.

Just a moment.

Do you have a copy...

of the "Brahms' Lullaby" in your record collection?

Nonetheless, it was done by Herman and the Hermits.

Shouldn't be any trouble to get it.

Just buy it...

and put it on your expense account.

I haven't been reimbursed for the money I paid out last month.

I'll do it, but this is absolutely the last time.

Chintzy, aren't you?

A penny for your thoughts.

Hmm?

A nickel?

That how the expression goes?

To be honest, Mr. Solo, I wasn't thinking at all.

I was just relaxing a little.

Then relax.

How long have you been here?

Almost two years.

Two very happy years.

That speaks very well for the school and Miss Partridge.

She's one of the finest women I know.

I have the feeling, uh, there's more than meets the eye...

between Miss Partridge and Mr. Sutro.

In what way, Mr. Solo?

Could it be a little romance?

I thought I detected a gleam in her eye.

Mmm. It was probably because she was thinking of a new dormitory...

that Mr. Sutro's promised.

- Oh. - Heh.

Check.

Saved by the bell.

It'll be the delivery boy with the record.

Don't forget. You're supposed to tip him.

All right, who is it?

Delivery. Package for Mr. Kuryakin.

Two dollars and 90 cents, COD.

- Okay, sign here. - Thank you.

Illya!

- Are you all right? - Yeah, thank you.

Uh, get the record.

I think it's broken.

You're out $3.

Come on. Come on.

What are you doing in my room?

Miss Burgoyne, this happens to be my room.

You just tried to kill me with an axe.

See?

Kill you?

Shh!

You wanna wake up the whole house?

Quiet!

All right? Now calm down. Okay.

Hold it here just a second.

I keep this with me just for emergencies, and I consider this an emergency.

Here, take it. Easy, easy.

Okay?

I must have been walking in my sleep. - Yeah.

It's never happened before. I... I don't know.

Okay, all right.

Shh.

Get this over you.

Come on.

Miss Partridge, now, before you jump to any conclusions, please let me explain.

I may be gullible, Mr. Solo, but I'm not stupid.

I'm afraid it will take a great deal more than an explanation.

Miss Partridge.

There's nothing here to interest you, girls. Get back to your rooms, at once.

Tell them Miss Burgoyne thought she saw a prowler.

Yes, ma'am.

Mr. Solo had nothing to do with this, Miss Partridge. It was all...

Mr. Solo, a scandal has never touched my school.

I shall not call the police.

I expect you to be packed and gone by morning.

You may go to your room, Miss Burgoyne.

We will discuss this in the morning.

In the morning, Mr. Solo.

Now, try and concentrate.

If you ask my opinion, I think the whole thing is ridiculous.

What am I supposed to do when I hear "Brahms' Lullaby"?

I don't know, that's why we're playing it.

Anything happening?

Yes, I'm getting sleepy.

Why don't you tell me to do something? Maybe that'll do it.

Something drastic, like jumping off a cliff.

We don't have any cliffs. Why not try the balcony?

Really, Mr. Kuryakin.

Miki?

Something happening?

You're putting me on.

You cared! I really had you worried.

You thought I was gonna do it.

Of all the childish, stupid...

Miki. Miki, this is no joke.

Miki, will you stop it? Serious.

I can't. I'm under a spell.

Miki, I will give you a good spanking in a minute.

Supposing Taka came in and found us?

Oh, I'd just say that you were attacking me.

That does it.

Kuryakin here.

Well, I haven't heard from you in a while, so I thought I'd give you a jingle.

Did you play the record?

Yeah, it had no effect on her whatsoever.

How are things at the school?

Well, as a matter of fact, I just got kicked out bag and baggage...

for entertaining a member of the faculty in my room.

I presume she was female.

Very. Yes.

She tried to kill me with a fire axe.

Illya, the answer is here. I'm sure of it.

Someone's coming. I'll have to talk to you later.

- Hey, come here. - Mr. Solo.

We heard that you left this morning.

- For India. - Yeah, yeah, I was supposed to.

Actually, I have a very good reason for staying.

As a matter of fact, I'm looking for a place to roost.

The boathouse. It's on the lake about two miles from here.

No, it's too far.

- How about the attic? - Oh, that's too risky.

- I'll take it. - You really wanna be near her, don't you?

Uh, I'm sorry. I beg your pardon?

You don't have to hide it, Mr. Solo. It's written all over you.

Oh, yeah? Why don't read it back to me, huh?

Miss Burgoyne. I mean, you're in love with her, aren't you?

Oh, right!

- We'll keep your secret, Mr. Solo. SOLO: All five of you?

No, about 20 altogether, but we're very trustworthy.

Well, that certainly takes a load off my mind.

Chickie!

Well, I see the girls are doing right well by you, Mr. Solo.

We better go now, girls.

I think that's an excellent idea, Suzy.

Be gentle with her, Mr. Solo.

Gentle.

Be gentle with me, Mr. Solo?

Well, I think under the circumstances, you could at least call me Napoleon.

You owe me an explanation, making the girls think there's something between us.

- Of all the... - Isn't there?

I mean, besides, I really couldn't disappointed them.

All the world loves a lover, and you know...?

Anyway, I did need a place to stay.

Who are you?

Uh, I'm a...

Look, have you ever heard of an organization...

with the initials U.N.C.L.E.?

Some kind of security organization?

Yeah, that's right. I work for it.

What does U.N.C.L.E. have to do with the Partridge Academy?

Uh...

Listen, why don't you sit down here?

Okay?

I want you to try and remember...

everything that happened last night after you left me.

I went directly to my room.

- Had a cup of coffee. - Yeah?

- Put on my nightie... My nightgown. - Right.

And went to bed.

That's all I remember until...

That's all right. Now, think hard. Think very hard.

Do you remember hearing any music earlier?

Now that you mention it...

- "Brahms' Lullaby," wasn't it? - Right.

What's that got to do with what happened?

Well, you see, you were programmed to respond to that piece of music.

And when you were in a trance, you were given a command to kill me.

But why?

Well, uh, we have reason to believe...

that the school is infiltrated by, uh, certain evil forces.

And that the pupils here have been conditioned just as you were.

I don't understand.

Well, the girls here, the pupils, are daughters of important people.

And therefore, they have access to equally important information.

I see.

But who's behind it, Mr. Solo?

I think the original tape of "Brahms' Lullaby" will supply the answers.

And there's only one person who can help me get it.

You.

What do you want me to do, Mr. Solo?

Napoleon.

Napoleon. SOLO: All right.

Ahmed...

I think there's something I should tell you. I...

Why don't you ever kiss me like that?

Why doesn't anybody ever kiss me like that?

All right, where is it?

Hello?

May I speak to Miss Miki Matsu, please? This is Miss Partridge.

Just a moment.

It's Miss Partridge. She wants to have a word with you.

Hello, Miss Partridge.

I'm calling to find out how you're feeling, my dear.

Oh, I'm fine, thank you, now.

I am so glad.

When are you coming back to school?

I don't know. Next week, I hope.

Don't change your voice or your expression...

just listen to me carefully.

I'm going to tell you what you have to do.

Yes, I understand, Miss Partridge.

Thank you for calling. Goodbye.

What did she want?

Just to know how I was feeling and when I was coming back to school...

and to say how much everybody misses me.

Is everything all right?

Yeah, I'm just tired.

I think I'll go to bed.

You'll, uh, lock the windows?

Don't I always?

And don't worry, I've, uh, bugged your room...

so there's nothing to worry about.

But if you even think there's something wrong, just yell.

Don't worry, I will.

Good night.

Miki?

Miki!

All right...

Come in, my dear.

I feel like Mata Hari. - Good.

- Where'd you find it? - Miss Partridge's safe.

She gave me the combination last year...

when she went to a teacher's conference in England.

I hope you're wrong about this.

We'll find out in just a minute.

All right.

How do you feel?

I want you to tell me what you want me to do.

Hmm.

Come on, snap out of it.

Come on.

- All right. - What happened?

Just as I suspected. It's very clever.

You take a tune that everybody knows and give it a music-box arrangement. Hmm.

And you take it from there.

I still can't believe that Miss Partridge could have anything to do with this.

Solo here.

I'm in a bit of a mess.

I was hit on the head last night and they took Miki.

Last night? Why didn't you contact me earlier?

I only just came to.

I was booked by a very conscientious policeman on a drunk charge...

and illegal possession of firearms.

Does Mr. Waverly know about this?

I certainly do, Mr. Solo.

And now I have the unpleasant task of calling Dr. Matsu...

and telling him that his daughter...

SOLO: Just a moment.

What is it, Mr. Solo?

It's Jason Sutro's car. It's just pulling into the driveway.

They got Miki with them. You'd better get moving, and fast.

Okay. Now, you stay here. I'm going...

You're both going, Mr. Solo. Up.

Two barrels. You can take your pick.

She'll get what's left.

Now, get moving.

Just a minute.

Come on.

Go ahead.

I told you, you should've left the tape with me! What are we gonna do?

There's only one person who could've taken it.

For your sake, my dear Hester, I hope you're right.

Have I ever failed you?

All right. Over there.

I found them in the attic with this.

My most abject apologies, my dear. Please forgive me.

Watch them closely.

You should've accepted my offer, Mr. Solo.

Well, the party isn't over yet.

Indeed, how right you are. The entertainment is just about to begin.

Are you ready?

Indeed I am, Mr. Sutro.

I want you to relax.

There's nothing troubling you.

It's so good to relax.

Relax.

That's very good.

You're a good girl, Miki. A very good girl.

Good girl.

Do you remember the papers in your father's safe, my dear?

The ones you took out and memorized?

Yes.

I want you to recite them to me.

Do you think you could do that?

Yes.

All right, you can start now, Miki.

Matsu Five.

Top-secret.

Part one.

This project is based on the data...

accumulated during my research on the effects of gamma radiation.

The findings, we feel, are of an enormous import.

The developments likely to emerge...

can serve as a powerful force for good or for evil.

- During my research... - All right, I wouldn't, Sutro.

Drop it. Put it down.

We feel...

Turn it off. Turn it off!

The developments likely to emerge...

Come on, Verity, get her out of here. Verity.

Can serve as a powerful force for good or evil.

Verity, snap out of it.

Come on, get Miki.

- Snap out of it, Miki. - Verity.

Come on. MIKI: Verity.

All right, now, I will shoot the first one who follows.

Get back.

Come on!

He fired both barrels. He's out of ammunition.

Stop!

I don't want the girl hurt. Both of you, wait outside.

I have a better way.

What are you waiting for? Do you want them to get away?

Oh, have no fear. They won't escape us.

Hi, Mr. Solo.

Hey, Miki.

Where are you all going?

PARTRIDGE: Miki. Miki Matsu.

Get away from Mr. Solo. Run, Miki.

Do you understand me? Run.

- Miss Burgoyne. - Miki, come back!

Attention, Miss Burgoyne. Mr. Solo means to harm you.

You have reason to hate him.

You will kill him.

Attention all girls on the playing fields.

Attention all girls on the playing fields.

This is Miss Partridge.

Mr. Solo is our enemy.

He wants to hurt Miki and Miss Burgoyne.

I want you to stop him.

Open Channel D.

- Come in, Mr. Solo. - I'm running out of time, sir.

We're doing the best we can, Mr. Solo, but it is the morning rush hour, you know.

I'm going to resume where we left off, Miki.

- Is that clear? - Yes.

We have found that by combining the two elements...

the end result will be an explosive force...

which will be able to unleash all the power within in the solar rays.

The other element...

There he is! Kill him!

Quick, he's going under!

Get him! Kill him!

Conclusions. One:

That the force field thus created is of a degree heretofore...

The girls, call them off.

There he is. Kill him!

What I did, it was...

It was for the school. Can you believe that?

Attention all girls.

This is Miss Partridge. Stop now.

I repeat, I want... I want you to stop now.

Go back to your classes.

And remember you did what I asked you to do.

And I'm very, very proud...

of all of you.

Mr. Solo, what were you doing in the pool with all your clothes on?

You sure there won't be any aftereffects...

on any of the girls, Mr. Waverly?

I have the unqualified statement...

of the two foremost experts in the field, Dr. Matsu.

There's nothing to fear on that score.

What's going to happen to the school?

Miss Partridge left it in her will to Miss Burgoyne.

She was very fond of Miss Burgoyne.

Why, that's wonderful!

Thank you, Miki.

I still don't know what to think about Miss Partridge.

All the contradictions.

She really cared for her school.

She was very fond of her pupils.

When she found she was likely to lose both...

Along came Jason Sutro, bearing gifts.

Indeed. There's a moral in all that.

Well, I'll have to get to other matters.

I'd like propose that we all have dinner together this evening.

Oh, well, I... I'm sorry, sir.

Miss Burgoyne and I will have to beg off.

Oh, forgive me, Mr. Solo. I should have known.

Uh, well, just the four of us, then.

Illya and I have an engagement too, Mr. Waverly.

- We do? - After all, we were cooped up for so long.

I thought we might go to the Sayonara a Go-Go.

Is that all right, father?

Well, is it all right, Mr. Kuryakin?

The Sayonara a Go-Go?

Well, I suppose so.

That leaves just you and me, Dr. Matsu. Shall we make it 7:00?

Why don't we go to my place?

My old housekeeper makes the best corned beef and cabbage...

this side of Boston.