Original subtitles

We're on our way to Nashville,

Been traveling quite a spell.

The road's been mighty bumpy!

Yeah, and I don't feel too well!

We've got to get to Nashville!

Yes, it's really quite a spot!

You're going to like old Nashville.

I still don't feel so hot!

It's Jamboree time!

Jamboree time!

I can hardly wait to meet up with the crowd!

It's Jamboree time!

Jamboree time!

Come on, let me hear it, clear and loud!

We're on our way! We're on our way!

We're on our way to a swinging Jamboree!

Yeah! We're on our way.

We're on our way!

We're on our way to Nashville, Tennessee, 000eeee!

Drop it!

It's okay. Sorry you got caught in the middle!

What's goin' on?

- Spies! - Spies!

That's right! Over in Acme City, and these hills.

- They're all over the place! - Let's get out of here!

Jeepers, you have to relax!

You're headed for a nervous breakdown

If you don't unwind a little bit!

Well, don't worry ma'am, they won't bother you,

Uh, unless you're carrying some secrets in this guitar!

- You entertainers? - Yes, sir.

We're on our way to Nashville. We're doin' a Jamboree there!

- Well, good luck! - Thank you.

The road's clear. You can pass on.

Thank you.

Woody, we have to do something about Jeepers!

Yeah, I know!

He's been working night and day,

And I think his nerves are on edge!

- Jeeps. - What?

Now Jeepers,

You know we appreciate what you've done for us.

We sure do, Jeep!

And, I realize you've worked awfully hard

To try to get the show lined up

So we could appear back in Nashville.

That's right! And, the show isn't

- until tomorrow night. - That's right.

And, Woody and I are going to find a nice,

Quiet, restful place for you.

We'll see that you relax.

Yeah, relax. That's what Jeepers needs, relax.

Howdy!

Hi! Thought this place was closed!

Well, it should be!

- Nobody ever comes this way! - Where are we?

- Sleepy Junction. - Sleepy Junction.

- Where are we? - Sleepy Junction.

Oh!

Hey Woody! We're in Sleepy Junction!

Sir, we're looking for a nice, quiet place to spend the night.

- Uh, a motel. - No.

- A hotel. - No.

A boarding house?

Ma'am, there just ain't nothin' around here!

What happened to this place?

Everybody moved out! Moved over to Acme City!

They got a big missile plant there,

And the people go where the work is.

Jeeps, I'm sorry buddy.

But, we'll find a place for you, so you can rest and relax.

Aw, that's okay. I feel good now.

I'm not nervous or anything.

- Thunder? - Thunder!

Yeah, it looks like a storm's coming up!

It don't look too good, does it?

Hey! I just thought of something!

There's the old Beauregard mansion!

Oh, it's quiet alright!

At least you'd get in out of the rain, and have a place to stay!

- Well, where is it? - Just follow this road.

Thank you.

Hey! Wait!

I forgot to tell 'em it's haunted!

Hurry up! That rain's going to be coming down any minute!

Wait! Listen! Listen!

Jeepers! Come on!

- You're not afraid, are you? - Oh no!

Well, come on!

What are you two waiting for?

I'm waiting for my courage to come back!

Come on, let's go!

I think my courage just left again!

Oh Jeepers! It's just a shutter that fell!

Listen, I don't like this place one little bit!

Heehaha! Heeha!

I said, put that monkey back in the cage!

- Alright, alright! - I want him to stay in the cage!

If he comes out once more, once more, I'll kill him!

Oh Anatole, you get in there, be a good boy.

Be a good boy. Ahnananana!

- Be quiet! - (GORILLA) Ohohoh! Ohohoh!

You shouldn't talk to Anatole like that! He's sensitive!

(GORILLA) Euch! Euch! Euch! Euch!

Stay away from that monkey!

Well, it's not exactly a Hilton hotel!

Oh!

Jeeps, go get the television set!

- Let's start a fire! - Okay!

Hey, I'd put the top up on the car, but I know it don't work!

Hey! This is kind of fun, you know? Sorta like camping out!

I'd like to explore this place once we get settled down!

Woody? There's something out there!

- What? - Calm down, boy.

Listen, I saw uh, uh, a thing out there!

Jeepers, you're a nervous wreck! Now you're seeing things!

- I am? - Boy, you in bad shape!

What you need is to relax!

Now, I want you to know Jeeps, no matter what happens,

That you've been one of the best

Little business managers anybody could have.

But, you need to unwind!

Come over here and sit down in this comfortable chair,

And just relax man!

That's what I'll do. I gotta relax!

Sing him a song Woody, that always relaxes him!

Alright!

Jeeps, this is one I was telling you about I wrote the other day.

Called uh,

What was the name of that? Oh, uh, 'Livin' in a Trance'.

- Yeah. - Oh yeah!

Yeah, let me begin here.

You cast a spell on me,

The first time we met.

Bewitched and enchanted at first glance.

I didn't know then,

The spell that I was in.

Now I'm living in a trance.

Living in a trance.

In a world of lost romance,

I never had a chance.

Living in a trance.

Living in a trance.

Duhhh, duh-deh-duh...

Shhh! He's sleeping like a baby!

Is he asleep, or is he hypnotized?

Ha, ha, ha, ha!

Who's there? Wait a minute, I'll see who it is!

Who's there? Come on, speak up, who is it?

- Nobody! - Well, come on in then!

You a ghost?

Not yet, but, you durn near scared the life out of us!

Me too!

What are you doin' here?

We were just passing by,

And we thought we heard guitar music coming from this place!

Oh! That was me! You live around here?

Just over the hill.

We figured, if it was a ghost,

It must be friendly if it plays the guitar!

What makes you think it was a ghost?

'Cause, this place is haunted!

Nobody comes near here!

Well, we've been here for quite a while,

And nothing has happened!

Huh! You're one of the lucky ones.

Oh, I don't think nothin' will happen!

Come on in and warm yourselves by the fire.

Okay?

Yup. There's all kinds of strange lights

And strange sounds always comin' on around this place.

Somebody comes in to see if they're real,

(Snaps finger) leaving just like that!

Well, let's leave, just like that!

Oh Jeepers! Don't be a baby! We haven't heard a thing!

Say! Aren't you Woody Weatherby?

I'm guilty.

I knew it! He's a big star!

Thank you very much. I'm proud you heard of me!

This is Boots Malone.

- Hi! - And, my manager, Jeeps.

Heard of you folks, too.

We play and sing a little.

How about singin' one for us?

We'd like to!

I feel like we're auditioning an act!

Well, you never know where you'll find good singers!

There is one song that we sing about this mansion,

And 'Old Tom Cat', one of the ghosts here.

Years ago, this song was made famous in these parts.

Now, old Uncle John had troubles of his own,

He had an old yellow cat that wouldn't leave home.

He tried everything he knew to keep the cat away.

He even gave it to a preacher and told him to stay,

But the cat came back... The cat came back.

I thought he was a goner, but the cat came back.

'Cause he wouldn't stay away!

Now, he gave the old cat to a man in a balloon.

He told the man to leave him with the man in the moon.

The balloon, it busted, and everybody said,

Ten miles away they picked a man up dead,

But the cat came back. The cat came back.

I thought he was a goner, but the cat came back,

'Cause he wouldn't stay away.

Bum-de-dum, bum-bum-bum-de-doo

Now the cat was a terror, and they thought it was best,

To give him to a feller that was headed out West.

The train went around a corner, and it hit a broken rail,

Not a soul aboard the train lived to tell the tale,

But the cat came back. The cat came back.

I thought it was a goner, but the cat came back.

'Cause it wouldn't stay away.

Bum, bum, bum-by-um, bum.

Now the farmer on the corner's gonna kill the cat at sight,

He loaded up his gun with nails and dynamite.

Well, he waited in the garden 'till the cat came around,

And seven little pieces of the man was all they found!

But, the cat came back! The cat came back!

I thought it was a goner, but the cat came back.

'Cause he wouldn't stay away!

Bum, bum, bum, bu-de-bum. Bum, bum, bum, bah-bum.

Rrrrrrrarr! Bum!

- Oh wonderful! - That's fine!

Really, that's good.

Can you sing any love songs?

- Sometimes. - Would you sing one tonight?

The minute you're gone, I cry.

The minute you're gone, I die.

Before you walk out of sight,

I'm like a child all alone at night.

I stare into emptiness,

I'm filled with such loneliness.

The world goes from right to wrong,

The minute you're gone.

The minute you're gone I see,

How lonely a man I'll be.

My life would be oh so-blue,

If I couldn't be with you.

The minute you're gone, I pray.

The minute you're gone, I say,

Please don't stay away too long.

The minute you're gone.

Doo-doo-doo-doo.

The minute you're gone I see,

Oh how lonely a man I'll be.

My life would be oh-so-blue,

If I couldn't be with you.

The minute you're gone, I pray.

The minute you're gone, I say,

Please don't stay away too long.

The minute you're

Gone, gone, gone.

Gone. Gone.

Oh! That was just wonderful!

(CRACKLING NOISE OF BONES AND EERIE MUSIC)

Ah!

Why! There's nothing there!

You suppose, maybe it's mass hopitism?

- That's hypnotism! - That's what I said!

Maybe we've all been working too hard!

Well, I for one, do not believe in ghosts!

And, I think we ought to investigate!

Isn't anyone coming with me?

(CREAK OF STAIRS AND EERIE MUSIC)

- Arrrrhhh! - Ahhhh!

Ahhhh!

What was it?

- Didn't you see it? - See what?

That horrible looking thing!

Are you sure you saw it?

I think so! Oh, I don't know!

I heard a sound, and I was so frightened!

Look, maybe we better get out of here while we can!

It could've been my imagination!

Well, between the three of us,

There's sure a lot of imaginating going on!

(EERIE MUSIC)

One thing for sure,

There's something funny about this house!

Well, I don't think it's so funny!

And, I'm not laughing at all!

(SOUND OF BONES KNOCKING TOGETHER)

Oh! Maybe it's an owl!

An owl! Doin' what? Draggin' a chain to his nest?

Look, I do not believe in ghosts!

And, there must be some explanation for all of this!

Where are you going?

To continue the search!

Look Boots, this is an old empty house.

I know there may be a few ghosts in here,

But I think we've searched long enough!

I think we ought to get out of here myself!

I'm with you!

(EERIE MUSIC)

- Wooodddyy! - What's wrong now?

- I saw a, uh, uh... - What? What?

- I don't know what it was! - Well, I'll go check the car.

Come on!

Poor Jeepers! This isn't a very relaxing place for you, is it?

No!

My dear Dr. Himmel,

We have more important things to settle

Than your concern with that monkey.

- It infuriates me! - Of course it does!

But, we've little choice in the matter!

I knew from the beginning, that it was a mistake!

That was not your decision to make!

Maximillian is my man!

Yes, of which you so consistently remind us!

From the moment we began this project.

You forget that I am the contact with Dr. Fu! Without me...

Without you, we might be much safer!

Indeed we might!

You've been warned again and again to use the secret entrance

Yet tonight, you walked right into the house

As if you were some neighbor on a social jaunt!

I saw a strange car,

And I decided to make an investigation.

Such foolish investigation endangers the whole project!

No matter what your authority,

You've no right to take such risks,

Especially since we're so close to achieving our goal!

You know perfectly well that we often have visitors

Who are curious to discover if this is really a haunted house.

The simple fact is, that if you had contacted us by radio,

We could have notified you of our visitors.

What is done, is done!

So, we are no longer safe.

You have always known this was not a safe business to be in.

But, tonight is our last night!

It's foolish to endanger the entire project!

Don't worry! Everything is going to be alright!

Bad news.

- Why? What happened? - The car won't start!

- Oh no! - Yippee!

Well, I guess we'll just spend the night here.

Jeeps, you can help me build the fire up some.

We'll bake it so it will last until morning.

And, I think we ought to stick real close together.

- Good thinking! - Boots, I want you to...

Boots?

- Boots? Boots? - Oh boys!

Here I am.

Come and see what I've found!

Where are you?

What do you mean runnin' off?

Well, I was just down this hall!

Well, we've got to stick together!

- Yeah! We got to tick together! - I'm sorry!

We don't know what's goin' on in this house!

- Anything could happen! - Okay!

Come on and see what I found!

When I open this door, you won't believe what's inside!

By now, I'd believe anything!

You're right! I don't believe it!

Isn't it beautiful?

Oh, I could spend forever right in this one little room!

It's so elegant!

Maybe this is the room of the great lady of the house,

That's been kept exactly as she left it!

Way back in the Civil War days, when she was a southern belle!

Gowns! Gowns! Beautiful gowns,

Satin, and lace from across the sea.

Gowns! Gowns! Beautiful gowns,

Bring back a precious memory.

Of summer nights,

Twinkling stars above,

A night so right

For people in love.

As we dance, dance,

I realize,

The gown I was wearing,

Hypnotized.

So I gaily

Danced through the night

In my lovely gown of white.

Loo, loo,

Loo-loo-loo.

Loo-loo-loo-loo,

Loo-loo, loo-loo.

Loo, loo,

Loo-loo-loo.

Loo-loo-loo-loo,

Loo-loo, loo-loo.

A summer night

Twinkling stars above,

A night so right,

For people in love.

As we dance, dance,

I realize,

The gown I was wearing

Hypnotized.

So, I gaily

Danced through the night,

In my lovely gown of white.

Ooh, ooh-loo-loo-loo-loo.

Loo, loo-loo-loo-loo.

Dream girl, we got to get out of here!

Oh, but it's so beautiful! I could stay here forever!

Well, let's go.

(FOOTSTEPS HEARD IN HALLWAY)

Let me in! Is someone there?

Yes Madam Wong! There are three of them.

What beautiful trespassers! Ah, who are you?

I'm Woody Weatherby, Boots Malone, and Jeepers.

Delighted! Now, tell me what are you doing in my house?

Oh! We didn't know it was your house!

I bought the Beauregard Mansion,

So that I could restore it to its original beauty.

We didn't mean to trespass!

Well, never mind. Just tell me, what are you doing here!

Well, it looked like a storm was comin' up,

And we needed a place to stay.

Come! Let us leave this room.

Of course, you cannot stay here!

Haven't my ghosts bothered you?

Well...

- Are they real ghosts? - Of course they are!

I told you we should have gotten out of here!

Ma'am, if you'll just let us spend the night.

You see, we're entertainers,

And we're on our way to Nashville, Tennessee,

To do a Jamboree there.

And, I'm afraid our car won't start.

And uh, well, we're gonna have to wait until morning.

Tell me, what kind of entertaining do you do?

I'm a singer. And, I pick a guitar.

How charming.

And, what do you do my dear?

I sing, and dance.

Ah, that's nice, nice. Are you an entertainer?

Uh, no. Not exactly.

What are you exactly?

I are exactly his business manager.

What's goin' on?

I don't know, but, it looks phony.

They seem real nice to me!

I have decided that, uh, you may stay, at least for tonight.

- Well, fine! - Let me warn you.

Stay in that room. You'll be much safer.

We'll stay right by the fireplace.

Good!

We sure do, hey, they've gone!

- Where'd they go? - They didn't go out that door!

You think, maybe she was a ghost too?

Sure seemed real to me!

Well anyway, she was nice

Letting us stay here and all tonight.

Well, let's settle down and try to get some rest.

All right.

(THUNDER)

(EERIE MUSIC)

Woody? Hey Woody!

- Hmmmm. - You asleep?

Eyeah!

Boots? Boots?

Hmmm? What's wrong?

I can't sleep!

Oh, for heaven's sake! Well, let us sleep anyway!

- For crying out loud, Jeeps! - Watch T.V. or something!

Yes Sir, Ladies and Gentlemen, for a terrific used car buy,

Hurry on down right now to Acme City Sales!

And now, for a full hour of country and western music,

Here's Merle Haggard!

I played a brand new record on the juke box.

And, I scarcely could believe the song I heard.

It told of how you left me for another.

It was almost like I'd written every word.

Someone told my story in a song.

The lyrics told that happiness had gone.

They told of how you done me wrong.

Someone told my story in a song.

The writer must have seen the way you left me,

For he told it all and never missed a line.

He told of swinging doors and a juke box.

He even knew I almost lost my mind.

Someone told my story in a song.

The lyrics told of happiness that's gone.

Then it told of how you'd done me wrong.

Someone told my story in a song.

Now, we give you Jim Kent.

Hi there shoes,

Are you the ones she wore last night?

Was she with him?

Did he hug and hold her tight?

Or, was she just out walking

Like she said,

Down by the sea.

Tell me shoes,

Was she stepping out on me?

Oh say there telephone,

Did he call here and talk to her?

Did he say, he'd meet her

- at their rendezvous. - Woody?

Woody! Boots?

Did you hear her say,

She couldn't wait

To be with him.

Is that why she wasn't here

To answer you?

Hi there pretty dress.

Are you the one that she would choose?

While I called here,

Were you out with one or with two?

Did he put his arms around you,

As he held her tenderly.

Tell me dress, was she stepping out on me?

Woody? Woody wake up! Boots!

- Boots! - What's going on?

For crying out loud, Jeeps!

Look at the T.V.! Look at the television!

That's very nice, Jeepers.

Yeah, he picks a mean guitar. Now, let's go back to sleep!

No! I saw these two weird faces on the television.

Ah hell, you're watchin' the late, late, show!

What late, late show?

Listen, I saw that Chinese lady and her friend!

- Well, so did I! - I mean on the television!

Jeepers, you're in bad shape! You need a long, long, rest!

If you don't stop seeing things,

You're going to end up in the 'funny farm'!

Well, I saw something! And, it looked like 'em!

(RATTLING AND WIND)

Now, I'm hearing things!

They are entertainers.

- Oh really! - Of course they are!

You take their word unconditionally?

They were carrying guitars, weren't they Matt?

Yeah! Two or three of them!

Anyone can play a guitar! That doesn't make entertainers!

In fact, it could well be a cover disguise!

I believe, they're from the master organization

To halt enemy resistance!

M.

O.

T.

H.

E.

R.

Oh!

- He's right! - Oh come now!

They are not 'Mother' agents.

I'll take care of them!

The torture wheel!

The rack! Hehehehe!

And, the iron maiden!

Effective, but primitive!

We have other methods. Quicker and surer!

No! We must not waste time eliminating three,

Who are obviously nothing more than what they appear!

Then you still think that they're entertainers?

You don't want us even to question them?

I thought we had resolved that problem!

Well, I suppose we must bow to her judgment in this matter.

As long as I am in charge, you must!

I wish I could be as sure of them as you are.

Dr. Himmel will continue to observe them,

While I attempt to contact headquarters.

- Yes? - Who are you?

Agent Ming Toy.

Thirty-eight, twenty-four, thirty-six.

Oh! Let me speak to the Chief.

One moment, please.

Good evening, Dr. Fu.

Kreagar, have you the rest of the formula?

No, but Maximillian is leaving

Almost immediately with Madame Wong.

Let him make contact tonight

With the agent at the Acme City Missile Plant,

At which time they'll receive the balance of the formula.

Excellent.

When we receive the balance of the formula,

We'll report back to you at once.

I will be expecting your call.

Meantime, may I suggest

That you have everything in readiness for the test.

Of course.

Well, now it's up to you.

I suggest that you keep in close radio contact with us.

We will. Come Max.

Anatole, I've got it!

He, he, he.

- Max! - Huh?

Don't you realize we have important business?

- Yeah. - Gentlemen! Gentlemen!

Gentlemen! This is no time for disagreement.

Max, here's your laboratory smock, your identification card,

- and your badge. Good luck. - Yeah.

Woo! Woo!

Hi there! Working kind of late, aren't you?

Yeah.

You scientists really work hard.

Yeah, that's right.

Hey, you're new here, aren't you?

Yeah, sure.

I thought so. I didn't recognize your face. What project you on?

It's top secret. No comment.

Ooooh, that's alright, I know all about them.

I been workin' here for five years.

The things I know, and the things I've heard,

You wouldn't believe!

I tell you one thing, if anybody wanted to be a spy,

The thing to do is become a janitor.

Janitor knows everything that goes on.

I ain't got time for conversation,

- now, let me by will ya? - Sure. Sure.

I see you're cleared for top secret.

- Yeah, that's right. - Hey, that's pretty good.

Of course, I'm cleared for top secret too.

Janitors have to be.

Well, I told you I ain't got time for conversation!

Now, let me by, will ya?

Locked out, huh?

It looks like it.

That's okay. Don't worry, I've got the key.

As long as you're cleared with security.

- Huh, huh, thanks a lot. - Glad to help.

Hey, uh, ain't you forgettin' something?

Oh, that. Thank ya.

- Are you George? - Yes.

- Do you have the formula? - Yes.

Give it to me!

If you'd betray your country, you'd betray us.

Augh!

Oooooh! Owuoh!

Oooh!

No, no, don't try to say anything.

I'll, I'll get help for you.

Yeah, Chief? This is Jim. My partner's just been shot.

Yeah. You'd better get an ambulance over here right away.

No, he hasn't said anything yet.

I'll follow through. You'd better hurry! Okay, will do.

- Now don't try to say anything. - Ooh!

- Ooh! - Take it easy.

The old Beauregard mansion. Ooh!

The mission is completed.

- Do you have the formula? - Yes.

That's what we've been waiting for.

I'll be glad to get out of this cold, damp cellar!

We both need a vacation, Kreagar.

- Um-hum, Florida. - The Caribbean.

- Wait a minute. Um, Mexico. - Puerto Vallarta.

Ah, marvelous! Come on. Let's call the Chief!

Just to let him know our mission was successful,

And we'll be calling with the formula soon.

I don't believe in ghosts.

I don't believe in ghosts. I don't believe in ghosts.

I don't believe in ghosts.

I forgot about that door.

It looks as though he's waiting for someone.

Or, he may be initiating an investigation,

Whatever Madame may think.

Madame is not always right.

We may be making a grave mistake.

I don't think they're entertainers.

- They're not in costume. - True. Quite true.

Yes?

It looks like we are being followed.

- Can you lose them? - Of course we can.

- Are you alright? - We lost them.

Imagination, that's probably what it was.

I wonder, perhaps we should question one of our visitors.

Hmmm?

(ANATOLE MAKES NOISES)

What'd you say?

- You awake? - Awake!

How do expect me to sleep,

With you rollin' around half the night?

Sorry about that chief.

It's a bad sign, Jeeps. What were you talkin' about?

I don't know. That's the first time I heard it.

Well, when you figure it out, tell me all about it,

When I'm wide awake.

I'm telling you,

There's something goin' on in this house.

Sure, it's your uh...

Well, I can't be imaginating all of this!

I don't know. You've been doin' pretty good at it.

- Now, go back to sleep. - I can't go to sleep!

(MUFFLED CRIES FROM BOOTS)

You hear that?

That all depends on what it sounds like.

It sounds like somebody's moaning or somethin'.

- Yeah, the wind. - Oh.

- What's that? - I don't know. Let me see.

- Shutters? - I don't think so.

Maybe nothin', huh.

It may be the branches

Hittin' up against the side of the house.

Yeah.

Help! Help me!

Naw, that sounds like somethin'.

- Imagination. - No, that sounded like...

Boots?

- She's gone! Well, don't panic! - I'm not! I'm not!

Don't panic! We would have heard the door by the way it squeaks.

Let's try the hall!

Boots?

Boots?

Where are you, Boots? Check the closet.

Anything in there?

Just a wierdwolf. A wierdwolf!

- Wait a minute. - Well, what?

- We can't forget Boots. - Oh, yeah.

What am I running for? I didn't see anything! Come on.

That stupid gorilla!

- (GORILLA MAKES NOISES) - Oh shut up!

Don't pick on poor old Anatole all the time!

He's not so bad.

Don't you remember, I said just now that

We ought to question one of our visitors?

Yes.

Well, he must have heard us talking and he wants to help us.

The only smart thing he's ever done.

Huh, ha, ha, ha.

Jeeps, we've got to separate.

I'll go upstairs. You go outside and look around.

Okay.

- Say, Woody? - Yeah.

You know, after really thinking about it

For three or four seconds,

Don't you think we ought to stick together?

You're not afraid, are you?

Well, I never won any bravery contest.

Why don't you take that hat off. It might be bad luck.

Oh, okay.

And, I thought the front was bad!

Man, it's spooky out here!

Boots? Ooh! Boots!

Hey, honey. Boots, where are you?

Well, she's not out here.

- Let's go back in. - Hold it.

I don't see anything.

Me neither, let's go back!

- They're getting too close! - Then do something!

Did you hear something?

- Must be wind. - Yeah, I guess so.

Move the ghost a little closer.

Alright.

Jeeps, I think something's behind us.

- You sure? - I think so.

- You think we ought to look? - I'm almost afraid to.

I'll count to three, then we'll both turn and look.

One, two,

Two and-a-half.

Three. Heahhh!

Come on Jeeps, hurry!

Jeeps!

- Jeeps, where'd you go? - Woody! Help!

What're you doin' down there?

Well, I ain't lookin' for new talent!

They seem thoroughly frightened.

You should get rid of them once and for all.

If it doesn't work, we'll have to take drastic measures.

Should we question the girl now?

Let's wait, at least until Madame returns.

Are you afraid of her?

We're all dependent on each other in this operation.

Hmmm, we could still question her.

George, my dear friend, without Madame Wong,

We get no payment for our services.

I think it's imperative that we wait until she returns.

We could start questioning.

I have no intention

Of jeopardizing our position with Madame.

I suspect she'll be angry enough when she sees the young lady.

- It's not our fault! - Yeah, I know, the gorilla.

Hey Woody. Man, I'm putting this hat back on!

I wonder where she went to.

Stand right where you are.

I suggest you raise your hands.

Very high. Higher!

(FOOTSTEPS ON STAIRS)

(ANATOLE MAKES NOISES)

- You idiot! - The gorilla did it!

I told you to leave them alone.

Never-the-less, I decided that we should question one of them.

Perhaps you are right. Hmmm.

Do not scream, dear.

Maximillian has a nervous finger.

Perhaps you'd better answer a few questions!

We don't have time to answer questions.

Our girl singer is missing.

How long have you been contact agents?

The only agents we know get ten percent.

What does that mean?

That means, we're entertainers.

Now look, I've got to find my girl singer.

Hold it! What proof do you have that you're an entertainer?

My guitar?

Play!

Look, that girl may be in trouble!

If you're an entertainer, you can play any time, now go on!

Well, perhaps you are entertainers.

Now, would you mind telling' me what's happening?

Have you ever heard of M.O.T.H.E.R.?

M.O.T.H.E.R., that spells mother!

I know 'Mother McCree', and some other songs about mother.

M.O.T.H.E.R. is,

Master Organization To Halt Enemy Resistance.

'Mother', hey that's clever, huh?

My name's Jim Meadows.

'Mother' agent number thirty.

We're after an organization whose sole purpose

Is espionage and counter-espionage.

They will contact and sell to anyone.

I thought that you were contact agents.

We wouldn't know a contact agent if we saw one!

Tell me one thing. How did you get here?

Well, it's a long story.

Yesterday, we were driving down the highway

On our way to Nashville.

Alright, let's begin. What's your name?

- Boots Malone. - Boots Malone.

Her name is Boots Malone.

Is that all the information you got from her?

- That's all we asked. - I'll kill her.

Oh Max, shut up!

It's my opinion that Boots Malone is a code name.

Quite possible.

- Boots. Boots. - What could that mean?

I don't know. Ahhh, Malone!

- Ma-lone. - Ma, ma, that's it!

Ma is a colloquialism for 'Mother'!

She's a 'Mother' agent, just as we thought!

Now, lone,

Lone, I, o, n, e.

Got it! L-1.

She is 'Mother' agent L-1!

What are you talking about? My mother's in Las Vegas!

You leave the interrogation to us.

You go make contact with headquarters.

And, Max give them the formula.

We have been waiting.

We have the balance of the formula.

Dr. Himmel will read it to you.

C-three, H-five, radical, 0-number-three.

- Is that all? - No. There's more.

It would be much simpler if you'd talk.

Talk! Talk about what?

Four, immedasoli-bi-tholomaine.

Beta-ameno-thexalaine.

Could you repeat that please?

We have ways of making people talk.

H-five-radical, 0-number-three.

- Four... - Come on.

Immedasoli-bi-tholomaine.

Beta-amenothexalaine.

Heh, heh, he, huh-huh. We have waited so long for someone.

- Heh, heh, hee. - Help me! Somebody!

I don't know any of this. Aaaaahh!

Aaaaahhhhh!

Aaaahhhh!

Aaaaahhhh!

Aaahhh!

Now, I think perhaps you had better answer a few questions!

- Alright! - Did 'Mother' send you?

I told you, my mother's in Las Vegas!

This is the bedroom of the lady that lives here.

Nobody lives here! This place has been for sale for years!

Well, there is somebody living here.

Maybe it's a ghost.

I'll have to see that before I believe it.

That's where we saw that wierdwolf, over there.

- In that closet there. - I want to take a look.

Here's your werewolf. Come take a look.

Here he is!

Well, that's sure going to a lot of trouble just to scare a guy.

This whole house is rigged!

We've got to get out of here. Let's go find that girl.

Put her in there. That'll make her talk!

Oh! Oh! No! Oh! Ahgh!

Help! Help! Help!

Help!

Help!

Help! Help!

We may have some trouble relocating all this

Equipment on our new assignment.

Well, let's start dismantling it.

No, we'd better wait until we get a report from Dr. Fu.

We should have heard from him by now.

There's no need to be anxious.

It'll take some time to put the formula through.

There are some elaborate tests to be made.

And, there are two parts to the formula.

Could you determine what the ingredients were?

No. Of course, I didn't have time to examine, it carefully.

There's some strange and unusual components.

Maybe something entirely new in atomic research.

Hmmm, let's see.

No. There's nothing here I recognize.

Do you think that maybe we should split up?

Well, alright.

Why don't you take upstairs. I'll take the outside.

- What about me? - Why don't you go with him?

Oh by the way, what does she look like?

Blonde, blue eyes, very beautiful.

You have been tricked!

This formula is a fake!

You gave me the formula for

Nitroglycerin and an antihistamine!

- How can that be? - Are you certain?

We are certain!

Our contact must have been a 'Mother' agent!

It is too dangerous to stay there.

Move quickly to your next assignment!

Well, what about the girl?

Poor Max! How you would love to dispose of the girl!

- The girl can identify us. - We can leave her here.

No one will ever find her. No one will even hear her!

Help! Help!

Our next assignment is in Allamagoridore.

Oh! I'm looking forward to that!

The dry climate will be wonderful for my sinuses!

- But, I'll miss this house. - It has been fun, hasn't it?

Perhaps, we could create another haunted house.

No!

Could we try the ghost just once more?

- No! - Oh! Just once more!

We'll find something else that will be just as fulfilling.

Max, go check the car.

Kreagar and Dr. Himmel will take care of the others upstairs.

Come, we'll take the passageway.

Now, wouldn't you say that was some trick?

Boy, I'd say that was some trick.

Boy, isn't it! You sure it's a trick?

Why sure it's a trick! What else could it be?

- Well, it could be a ghost! - Naw.

It sure does look real! Don't it?

Yeah. Go away! You don't scare us!

Leave my house!

You are intruders!

Leave my house!

Leave my house!

Don't move!

- Now, they look real, enough. - So do the guns!

After them!

Help! Let me out!

Help! Let me out!

- Are you alright? - I think so.

Boy, am I glad to see a friendly face!

- Who are you? - I'll explain later.

- Where'd they go? - I don't know.

That gorilla must be playing games again!

- We'll stop him. - This time I'll kill him!

Give yourself up! Give yourself up!

Leave my house! You are intruders in my house!

But, you're not one of ours!

A ghost! A ghost, a real one!

You fool! There are no ghosts!

- But, I saw him! - Oh!

Get the gun, Woody!

Quit playin' around and get the gun!

Come on! Woody!

Come on! Woody!

Get over there! Face the wall! Both of you!

Yes Ma'am.

It's that nice, friendly, Chinese lady.

Not very friendly right now! Go on.

(ANATOLE GROWLS AND SOUNDS OF SCUFFLE)

You! Augh! Augh!

Augh!

Oh, you know, I really enjoyed that!

I didn't like him at all!

You have intruded.

You have taken my name and my house.

You have disturbed the dead!

Is that a promise? You will look me up in Nashville.

When I make a promise,

Especially to a beautiful girl like you,

- I don't break it. - Thank you.

'Mother' is very grateful.

- Thank you. Glad we could help. - You'll get a medal for this.

Glad to help. Just mail the medal to Nashville!

We're on our way. We're on our way.

We're on our way to a swinging Jamboree.

Yeah! We're on our way.

We're on our way.

We're on our way to Nashville, Tennessee.

Oueee. Oueee. Oueee.

We're livin' it up tonight!

Ladies and Gentlemen, we travel,

That is most of the entertainers in the Country Music field,

I'd say, better than a hundred thousand miles a year.

A lot of shows we work,

We're not lucky enough to have women on them.

Tonight, we're real fortunate.

Here's another beautiful blonde, dressed in a beautiful blue.

Marcella Wright!

Now we're strangers,

Completely strangers.

When we meet, you turn and look the other way.

How can we be strangers, completely strangers,

When we were so in love just yesterday.

On the night that we met,

It was true love at first sight.

You held me in your arms,

And your arms felt oh so right.

Our love seemed to blossom,

As the days grew windy, dear.

And, you went away and filled my heart with fear.

And now, we're strangers,

Completely strangers.

I just can't believe you'd take your love from me.

Now, we're strangers,

Completely strangers,

And, I'm alone with just a memory.

Now we're strangers,

Completely strangers.

When we meet, you turn and look the other way.

How can we be strangers,

Completely strangers,

When we were so in love just yesterday.

When we were so in love just yesterday.

Ladies and Gentlemen, one of my favorite singers,

One of my favorite people, Mr. Merle Haggard! Merle

This old smoke-filled bar is something I'm not used to.

But, I gave up my home to keep you satisfied.

I just called to let you know where I'll be living.

It's not much, but, I feel welcome here inside.

I've got swinging doors,

And a juke box, and a barstool.

My new home has a flashing neon sign.

Stop by and see me anytime you want to.

'Cause I'm always here at home 'till closing time.

I've got everything I need,

To drive me crazy.

I've got everything it takes to lose my mind.

And in here, the atmosphere's just right for heartaches.

Thanks to you I'm always here 'till closing time.

Now I've got swinging doors,

A jukebox, and a barstool.

My new home has a flashing neon sign.

Stop by and see me anytime you want to.

'Cause I'm always here at home 'till closing time.

I'm always here at home 'till closing time.

Thank you, very much.

Now, I'd like to introduce somebody to ya,

That I've known for a few years. As a matter of fact,

We worked together when she was about eleven years old,

Out in California.

She was real cute then, now, she's even more beautiful.

Let's make her welcome, Miss Molly Bee.

Heartbreak U.S.A.

The harbor's empty.

My love has gone.

With aching heart I face

The cold and lonely dawn.

Until the trade winds

Bring him home to stay,

I'll live in heartbreak U.S.A.

Don't let those geisha girls

Get your heart in a whirl.

And, if you meet some sweet frauline,

Remember, you're mine.

Don't forget your sweetheart

While you're away.

Back home in heartbreak U.S.A.

U.S.A.

Sometimes I'm lonely,

And time stands still.

And, I wonder if you feel,

The way I always will.

So darling write me,

Letters every day.

In care of, heartbreak U.S.A.

Don't forget your sweetheart

While you're away,

Back home in heartbreak U.S.A.

In heartbreak U.S.A.

Back stage while ago,

Cricket Stone and myself were talkin' about

Singers and all that, and we tried our best

To get this next fellow to sing a song.

We finally talked him into it.

Make him welcome, the good Jeepers!

And they got into the wrong house again last night.

I bought myself a house a few months back.

And, it's a darlin' little house, that's a fact.

How-some-ever, there's a certain seven others there that's exact.

And, would you believe, I got in the wrong one again, last night!

My neighbor's got a dog about two feet high.

Cutest little dog, wouldn't hurt a fly.

One day, I stumbled in their house by mistake,

This mornin' about five.

And, that cute little, stupid dog nearly ate me alive!

I came in last night, and felt like I had two heads.

And, I was sneakin' in the house,

When this sweet voice yelled out and said,

Oooh Bill darlin',

Put out the kitty cat, and come to bed.

And I said, Oooh, surprise, my name's Fred.

I went to the next house, and knocked on the bell.

And, this guy about eleven feet tall answered the door and said,

What the... And, I said, well I was just sorta in the area,

And I thought maybe you'd like to chit-chat for a spell.

But, he threw me out the back door, and called me some names.

So I went to sleep in the next house,

And I saw it looked about the same.

I woke up this morning with my arms around a great dane.

Some silly kid lookin' in the door, yellin' Gravy Train.

And, I got into to the wrong house again, last night.

Sure am glad I'm me!

Ladies and Gentlemen,

Here's somebody that needs no introduction,

But, I'm going to introduce her anyhow.

My part time lover, Boots Malone!

- Kill them baby. - Thank you.

Well now, on Monday I'm your darlin',

On Tuesday I'm your baby,

But on Wednesday you don't get around to me.

I don't want a part time lover.

Can't take a part time lover.

Won't have a part time lover, no siree!

I need your huggin', I need your kissin'.

It's your huggin' and your kissin' I've been missin'.

Now, if I'm not your one and only,

I'd rather go on feelin' lonely,

'Till the day the right one comes my way.

I must refuse a part time lover.

Can't use a part time lover.

Got to have a full time lover every day.

- I need your huggin'. - Need your huggin'.

- I need your kissin'. - Need your kissin'.

It's your huggin' and your kissin' I've been missin'.

Now, if I'm not your one and only,

I'd rather go on feelin' lonely,

'Till the day the right comes my way.

I must refuse a part time lover.

Can't use a part time lover.

Got to have a full time lover

- everyday. - Everyday.

Got to have a full time lover

- everyday. - Everyday.

Got to have a full time lover

Everyday!

Well, huh, huh,

Fellows, are you ready to cross one of these bridges with me?

Okay Red, take it off.

That's the one bridge I have never crossed.

Everyone I ever loved, I always lost.

For a true love, I'd gladly pay the cost.

But, that's the one bridge I have never crossed.

All my life I have traveled over the country.

I've even flown and sailed across the sea.

Name a famous bridge, I'll bet you that I've crossed it.

And, all the women that I've loved have all crossed me.

That's the one bridge I have never crossed.

Everyone I ever loved I always lost.

For a true love, I'd gladly pay the cost.

But, that's the one bridge I have never crossed.

I've made a lot of money in my lifetime.

I've got a million friends, and I know some enemies.

But, nobody knows how bad I need affection.

And, how I long to find a love that won't cross me.

That's the one bridge I have never crossed.

Everyone I ever loved, I always lost.

For a true love, I'd gladly pay the cost.

But, that's the one bridge I have never crossed.

That's the one bridge I have never crossed.

Everyone I ever loved, I always lost.

For a true love, I'd gladly pay the cost.

But, that's the one bridge I have never crossed.

Yes, that's the one bridge I have never crossed.

Everyone I ever loved, I always lost.

For a true love, I'd gladly pay the cost.

But, that's the one bridge I have never crossed.

That's the one bridge I have never crossed.

It's Jamboree time in Nashville, Tennessee.

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