Original subtitles

Good morning, Mrs. Levin.

Where have you been? I was getting bubble gum.

Okay, good. Get the bag. Get the bag.

Instead of spending all that money on space travel, they could just end the war.

Alison, can we talk politics after we pack the car? Feel like I'm gonna give birth.

Marty, could you help your mother with the kitchen things?

Mom, this is a process, a scientific process, okay? I'm gonna start to pack-

Ma, what is the point of me having a plan for the backseat-

Here you go, Daddy. Come on. This is serious.

I need my record player! You can live without it for two weeks.

It's bigger than last year!

Stop it! You stop it!

Okay, okay! Knock it off! He's pushing me!

Be good to each other. Alison, move over. Give your brother some room.

Why do I always have to move? We're too crowded!

That's the beauty of the whole thing, darling.

Crowded is good. Ow!

Enough already! She started it.

There's nothing to do up there. Why do we always have to do the same stupid thing every summer?

Ow! Children, please!

That's a good question. Pearl, why do we do the same stupid thing every summer?

Because we do.

Can I have my sandwich now? Danny, one hour, eleven minutes to the Red Apple sign.

Are you paying attention? That's a record, Daddy.

Sing! Sing! Daddy!

Sing or I'm gonna crash! If you don't sing, I'm gonna crash!

Keep your eyes on the road!

- That's better. - Let's do Chuck. - No Chuck. We don't do Chuck.

You never let me do Chuck.

When you're married, you can do Chuck. Right, baby?

Ma! Hippies!

Some feckuckteh hairdos they have.

Ow! Get off!

Welcome back to Dr. Fogler's, everyone.

The Fourth of July barbecue will be held by the lake at 6:00.

At 6:00 for the Fourth of July barbecue.

Let's see how fast you can put the hoop down and get the pot inside the bungalow, ready?

On your mark, get set, go! Go. Go, go, go, go, go!

Daddy, tell me how fast we got here.

Three hours and 42 minutes with a corned beef on rye at the Red Apple.

Two hours and 23 minutes with salami and eggs at the Red Apple.

Bullshit.

One hour and 57 minutes with two hot dogs and mustard and sauerkraut at the Red Apple.

Bullshit!

Stop saying that word, Daddy. I'm sorry, Danny.

But Fogler is such a liar. Come on. An hour and 57 minutes?

Who can do it in an hour and 57 minutes? Nobody.

Let's go swimming! Let's go swimming! Let's go swimming!

Did we forget the onions? Look in the A&P bag.

I am not sharing a room with him. You're not wearing that shirt.

What's wrong with it? Just change it before you go out.

These onions are mushy. Mother, I have to have privacy.

Where's my wooden bowl? I'm not sleeping in the same room with his guns!

Cap guns, Alison. I think Joan Baez will forgive you.

Enough, enough. I'll sleep with you in the bedroom.

Daniel, you sleep in the kitchen. No!

Don't give me no. Not too much salt.

Daniel, let your sister get changed.

Get changed. Go ahead. Why did I even have to come here?

Attention, everyone. The ice cream man is on the premises.

The ice cream man is on the premises.

Can I look like that when I grow up?

You looked like that, I wouldn't be your friend.

Hi, sweetheart. Oh, my goodness, why, thank you.

How many calories in this again?

You're gorgeous, too, Pearl, but you hide your light under a bushel.

Alison! What? You asked me to change, and I changed.

- I see Alison's nipples. - Shut up!

Just make sure you're back in time for the barbecue, young lady.

I don't believe in July 4th. It's patriotic puke.

This is Daddy's last chance to be with us. He's gonna be working all week.

Well, it's not my fault he's a slave to the establishment.

Could you just for one afternoon put aside your beliefs?

It's easy for you to say, 'cause you don't have any!

I can't believe we have a teenager.

We're old. Not old. She's old.

She's almost the age I was when I had her.

I just don't want her to wind up like us.

What's wrong with us?

Marty.

This whole decade's gone by, and the most important decision I make during any week...

is whether or not to go to the A&P or Waldbaum's.

That's easy, A&P. Their Wing Dings are fresher.

Ow. I'm serious.

I know.

You're lettin' her get you crazy, Pearl.

Don't let her get you crazy.

Yeah.

Oh.

Yeah.

Attention, everyone. At 2:00 in the casino,

Bernie and Shirley Pike will be showing slides of Reuben's bar mitzvah.

That's 2:00. How does your week look?

Same as always. Anything new happening at the shop?

Nothing new happens at the shop ever.

I was just asking.

- I wish you could stay longer. - I know, so do I.

Why won't you talk with Sid? Just-

Please, don't start with that now, okay?

Just ask for a few days.

Neil gets a whole week off in August. A whole week.

Yeah, well, Neil doesn't have a boss like Sid,

and Neil doesn't have two kids to feed, all right?

Attention, everyone. The schedule for tomorrow:

10:00 a. m.- You have enough cash?

I'm fine.

Your mother's wooden bowl, the scratchy blue blanket. That's the heavy one.

We need the big thermos. And Alison wants her shampoo.

Bye, Neil.

See ya, sweetie. Miss us.

Bye, Marty. I wrote it down.

Neil, what time you got? 7:35.

Set. Go. Bye, Dad.

Bye, sweetie. Give me a kiss.

Call me, okay? All right.

Six dot. Come on, Pearl. You remember what it was like.

It was never like that. What? You weren't a teenager?

For about two weeks. East.

It's the marijuana you have to watch out for.

Sooner or later, they all smoke marijuana.

You get ants in your pants. You wanna screw everything in sight.

Oh, that's beautiful. Green.

Is that supposed to comfort me? The Blouse Man is on the premises.

- Here we go. - The Blouse Man is on the premises.

This make me look too busty? There's no such thing as too busty.

Give me a bigger size.

Here's your bigger size.

Very funny. Oh!

I'm sorry.

It's just blouses. Don't worry about it.

Let me help. I got it. Can I help you find something?

No, thanks. Wait, Lillian. That's the one I wanted.

Excuse me. You got another one of these?

No, ladies. I'm sorry. I don't.

You gonna hold on to this the rest of the afternoon?

Ma'am, what's your name?

Selma.

- You want my honest opinion, Selma? - Yeah.

With those sea-green eyes, I think you're better off with a lighter color anyway.

Excuse me. Check this out.

See this?

Look. Look at that.

With that shade of green, you're practically sparklin'.

All right?

Oh, yeah. They sparkle, Selma.

Since you ladies have been such good sports about this, consider these blouses a gift.

Thank you. You're a very nice young man.

You're welcome.

Thank you, but I don't need a gift. However, this blouse is not worth more than $5.

That's cool.

- You want the hanger? - Do you need it?

No. You take it.

I hope you like the blouse.

That's a strange way of doing business.

A little promotion. It'll even out in the end.

Excuse me, mister. You got this in red?

Only in a 16. Yellow looks pretty good to me.

I'm not really a yellow kind of a girl. No?

What kind of girl are ya? How about that yellow?

What happened to the old Blouse Man?

Oh, he retired.

I bought his bus and his route.

He had more variety.

Did he? Carried a little something extra each time.

Jewelry or sunglasses.

Think so, huh?

Well, all right. Thanks for the tip.

Tadpoles!

Tadpoles over here right now. Salamanders, stop the noise.

Hurry up. Go right over here.

Tadpoles, you're behaving very, very well.

Danny! Put away the guns!

Jeffrey, would you take his guns away?

Danny, you're not supposed to bring guns to camp.

It'll just be another minute, okay?

Do orthodox girls have to wear wigs? It looks like a wig.

Hey. What's up, Myra?

This is my friend Carl. How ya doin'?

You a counselor over here? Yeah, as always.

I gotta go. Nice meetin' ya. Nice meeting you.

I gotta go too. I'll see you later. All right. I'll see ya.

Butterflies. Okay, butterflies, time to go.

Does anybody know who that little girl is over there?

Is there anybody's mother around?

What group do you have? I have the chipmunks.

What's the lifeguard's name?

Ow! Sorry. Just checking to see if it's a wig.

We didn't mean anything by it.

You shouldn't make fun of other people. I'm sorry.

Over here. Right over here.

Okay.

It's Ross Epstein. Skunks.

All right, skunks. Come on. Let's go. It's us.

Come on. Come on.

It's not a good morning, Colonel. There's a radio hidden.

A radio is against the orders of the Imperial Nipponese Army.

There is a radio in this hut.

What?

This is so boring.

I order those responsible to hand it over immediately.

Asking you just once more, where is it hidden?

Where is what hidden, sir? I know nothing about a wireless.

Then, by God, you should! I'll have you court-martialed, and it'll show on your record.

Ralph, what do you know about this? Nothing.

I just feel like we're always doing the same thing,

and all the girls are doing something different now.

So, I just think maybe I should frost it.

You ever feel trapped by your life, Rhoda?

Oh, sure. I mean, I'm stuck with it.

You know, I wonder how I would look as a redhead.

Why are you stuck with it?

What - What should I do, Pearl? Become an astronaut?

You don't have kids, and you still got a lot of freedom.

Yeah, I'm free to sit around and watch everybody else with their kids.

You know, I swear, every single time I go to Poppy's,

and I have a pickle while I'm waiting for my ice cream, Neil asks me if I'm pregnant.

I say to him, "When are you gonna get it through your thick skull?

I love pickles. You put a free bowl in front of me, I eat them."

You gonna try again? I don't know.

Then Neil and I wouldn't be able to take our annual trips to the Riviera.

Sometimes I try to picture my life...

if I hadn't had Alison so young.

Maybe my life wouldn't be that different. I don't know.

Sometimes I just wish I was a whole other person.

Yuck.

Attention, campers.

Please report to the casino for a meeting with Dr. Fogler after lunch.

All campers are to report directly to the casino after lunch.

You ready for lunch, cowboy? Yep.

Where'd you get that? What?

That licorice. The Blouse Man.

Honey, what'd I tell you about taking candy from strangers?

He's not a stranger. He's the Blouse Man.

- Is he a friend of the family? - You should have been more specific.

Don't be fresh. Is he a friend of the family now?

Go to your room. This is my room.

I asked you to watch out for your brother, and you just let anyone give him candy?

It wasn't anyone. It was the Blouse Man.

All right, both of you, just eat your lunch.

You shouldn't be giving candy to children.

Oh, hey. Which ones are yours?

Just keep your licorice sticks to yourself.

No, I'll try to be more conscientious.

I didn't mean any harm. I just, uh-

I quit cigarettes, you know, so I need something to help me with the craving.

Oh.

I took your advice. The, uh, shades.

Jewelry, all this stuff, goin' like hotcakes.

I made a killin' today. You're a smart lady.

Oh, well, I just figured, you know, women would buy them, and-

They did. They did. Good.

Hey, thanks. You know, I got the perfect blouse for you. Wait till you see this.

No, no, I'm not here to buy a blouse.

No, no, no, check this out. A friend of mine makes them up in Kingston.

It's a new line I'm carrying.

Yeah, it's- it's a tie-dye. It's not bad.

No one will buy these. They will if they see you in one.

Want to try it on? What do you think? Maybe the purple one.

Which one? That one.

This one? Yeah. It's not bad either. It's pretty good.

You want to try it? What have you got to lose?

All right.

Jesus Christ. Here.

Thank you.

Hey, what's your name? Pearl.

Want a beer or somethin'? A beer? No - No.

How's that fit?

My husband's gonna hate it.

Are you kiddin' me? He's gonna love you in it.

Look how sexy you look.

Check it out. Back up a little.

See? I mean, it fits really well.

Keep it a couple of days, you know? You don't like it, you give it back.

If you do, pay me later.

Or don't. I mean, you're doing me a favor just wearing it.

All right.

Wait a second. Come here.

You don't want to go around with that thing.

Okay? Yep. There you go.

Really looks good. I'm not kidding. Thank you.

When do you come back here anyway?

I mean, what's your schedule, if I wanted to return it?

My schedule? I don't have a - I don't have a schedule.

But, uh, I'll tell you what.

I'll give you my number.

I live right in town.

And, uh, call me anytime you want.

Okay.

Pinkies.

It's tie-dyed.

Stop it.

How can you not love it here? Look at this. An army barracks with lawn furniture.

This is unbelievable.

I was over at Grossingers, as I was in the lobby there. That's where I'm staying.

In the lobby at Grossingers.

They gave me a room. I walked in. There was no ceiling on the room.

I called down to the clerk. I said, "There's no ceiling on my room."

He said, "Don't worry. The fellow upstairs don't walk around much."

And now I want to invite you all up here on the floor to dance,

Do you think you could stop looking at her for a minute?

I don't know. Ahh.

That's my girl.

That's it. Get a little cozy, a little sexy here.

Come on, everybody.

I was thinking,

maybe we could do Chuck a different way.

What do you mean? I don't know.

I thought maybe we could, um, experiment.

Okay.

We don't have to. No, no, it's okay.

No, it's all right. We were doing Chuck pretty good the old way.

We are. We do. Yeah?

I just thought it might be fun.

What did you have in mind?

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

I'm sorry. I just- No. No, no.

That's all right.

Marty.

Okay, pretty lady.

There's a posse on my tail, so I ain't got much time.

Reach for the sky. Shh. Come here. You're gonna hurt yourself.

I know. They're loaded. I'll put them down.

Is that different enough?

Drive safe. I will.

I'll see ya. Hold this for me. Oh.

See ya, cowboy. Bye, Daddy.

Good-bye. Here, darling. Take your jacket.

Thank you. Drive safe. Don't speed.

Thanks.

Sh- Oh!

Hey, hop in. I'll give you a ride. What?

Get in, and I'll give you a ride.

No, thank you. I'm fine.

I'm going your way. Come on!

Well, if you're sure it's no trouble.

It's no trouble. Get out of the rain, for Christ sake. Come on.

Here. Here's a towel. Thank you.

All right? Yeah.

Oh. Here we go.

Here's another towel.

Looks like that's all she wrote.

Those things look kind of painful.

Bet it looks good curly.

Attention, the knish man is on the premises.

The knish man is on the premises.

So?

No. No?

That's what I pay you for, "no"? The cards don't lie.

Maybe they're subject to interpretation.

Selma, does this look like a vacation card?

You wanna go to Miami? Go to Miami, but-

Bubbie? Just a minute, sweetheart. I'm finishing up a reading.

Could you come now? All right.

Come back tomorrow. We'll ask the tea leaves. Don't touch that.

Coming, love.

What is it?

What is it, my shainehkuh, huh? What is it, darling?

Oh, my God.

Mazel tov.

Why'd you hit me?

It's a tradition.

My mother, your great-grandmother, Sonia- may she rest in peace-

She did the same thing to me. It's a stupid tradition.

It's the stupidest goddamn tradition.

It's true. You know what I did? I slapped her right back.

Ow! Bandeet!

What's going on in here? Pearl.

What? I got news.

Today Alison became a woman.

Oh. Oh.

How do you feel?

What kind should I get?

Well, you know, these are pretty good. What about tampons?

You've already had a big enough shock. Just get these-

Hey, girls. Hi.

Hi.

What? What was that? Nothing.

How are you?

Attention, everyone.

Will the person who took Eleanor Gelfand's thongs, please return them to the main house?

She's been hiding away for an hour.

She didn't even eat any supper.

I bet she has cramps. Poor thing.

Whoa.

I have... my first date.

What?

Ross is taking me to Fun Fair, the go-carts.

Go-carts?

Mother, this is the most exciting night of my life. You're not gonna ruin it for me.

No! Of course not. I was just worried. Maybe you weren't feeling up to it.

I'm fine.

You look so... womanly.

You see, my shainehkuh. You become a woman, the world looks brighter.

Don't tell Daddy I got my period.

Long-distance telephone call for Alison Kantrowitz.

It's your father! You're a woman now, Alison.

Mazel tov, darling.

And may you be blessed with a happy marriage and many, many beautiful children.

Sometime today. How long are we gonna wait here?

I'll be right with you, Bill.

Oh, Marty. The whole weekend's shot.

Everybody and their brother wants their TV to be working so they can watch the moon landing.

Sid, I am depending on you. I have to see the man on the moon.

Sid's even gonna keep the shop open on Sunday.

There's shmuts all over the wire!

Honey, we were counting on you.

I know, sweetie. I'm so sorry. I really am. It's Sanka.

I forgot I put it on top of the set.

I'll be thinking of you while I'm watching. I'll be thinking of you too.

- I wanna talk to him. - You explain this to Danny.

Okay. Hey, cowboy. Daddy.

Why can't you come?

Danny, I gotta work, okay? I'm sorry. You watch your mom for me?

I wanted you to come. ¶ Summertime ¶

Four dot.

Hello?

Hello. Can I talk with the man who sells the blouses?

Who's this? Pearl.

Hey! How ya doin', Pearl?

I wasn't sure if you'd remember who- who I was.

I remember who you are. Hey, that tie-dye work out all right?

Oh, um- He liked it, didn't he?

Yeah.

What's up? I- I was wondering-

I wondered if you had plans for watching the, um, the moon walk.

Fogler, you outdid yourself. Terrific. It's a masterpiece.

Hi, hon.

Can I go to a concert?

Which ones look better with this?

- The black ones. - Yeah?

It's near White Lake. All the counselors are getting tickets.

- Is it cool out? - Medium.

Here.

It was supposed to be in Woodstock, and they changed it,

and now it's so close by.

Nobody ever liked this dress.

So can I? When is it again?

August 15 through 17. People are gonna camp out.

What?

Everyone's gonna be there. Alison.

You're 14 years old. You're not camping out.

Why are you getting all dressed up to watch some stupid guys walk on the moon?

It's not stupid. It's important.

Please, Mom. I mean, I have to go!

Honey, I'm sorry. You're not old enough.

First, everyone tells me I'm a woman now.

Then I'm not old enough?

I hate you!

Lights on.

Down two and a half. Give me some.

Forward. Forward.

Come on. Give me some. Shh!

Three feet down, two and a half. Pickin' up some dust.

Three feet, two and a half down.

Faint shadow. Four forward.

Four forward. Drifting to the right a little.

Six, down a half. Thirty seconds.

Contact light. Okay, engines stop.

A.P.A. out of descent.

Command override off. Engine arm off.

Houston, uh, Tranquility Base here.

- The Eagle has landed. - Yes!

Unbelievable.

It will be several hours before the astronauts don their space suits...

and Neil Armstrong takes his first step.

Are they walking on the moon yet?

Not yet, sweetheart. Shh. Sweetheart.

Lillian, I've got such a headache.

I need to get some air, or maybe I should lie down.

You're gonna miss the best part.

I knew this one guy who worked in Moishe's Butcher Shop.

He cut the tip of his finger off on purpose.

I thought I'd get myself into a car accident.

Just burn your draft card.

And go to jail?

Joan Baez's husband didn't cut off his fingertip.

Oh!

It's a French kiss. You have to open your mouth.

Where are we?

Come on in back. I wanna show you something.

I never saw one so small.

It's cool, isn't it?

My kid brother picked it up over in Asia.

What was he doing over there?

Killin' people. Oh.

Is he still over there?

I don't know.

Maybe.

He's been missing for four years.

Oh, I'm sorry. I-

I should tell my husband about these. He fixes TVs.

Usually he's here on the weekends,

but he had to fix a lot of sets.

No one wanted to miss the, um-

the, uh-

moon landing.

I wish they'd step outside already.

Want me to stop, Pearl?

Oh, God.

What is your name? Walker.

Is that your last name?

My last name is Jerome.

You're backwards.

It seems to me I'm exactly where I should be.

I have to sit down.

That's one small step for man,

one giant leap for mankind.

What are you doing?

Are you sure you want-

One, two.

Three.

Concentrate.

What happened to Pearl last night? She had a headache.

You got a chair right next to the house.

What chair? What house?

Are you allowed to kiss guys?

Guys I can kiss. Bacon is a different story.

Did you ever tongue kiss?

That's disgusting.

It wasn't.

You and Ross?

Yeah!

Did you do anything else?

Not yet.

Attention, ladies. The Blouse Man is on the premises.

The Blouse Man is on the premises.

How are you doing? You want to try this one? It looked good last week.

I'll try it. It'll look good this week too.

Take your time. I'm waiting.

How about you, Mrs. Kantrowitz?

Can I help you find something?

I'm not sure.

That looks nice.

How about this? Try this on.

Attention, ladies.

Will everyone who signed up for the mah-jongg tournament please report to the casino now?

All right. Let's go. Let's save a little money. We begin in five minutes.

That's five minutes, ladies.

The count of three. No way!

Come on, Pearl! Fly! Come on!

Pearl?

Pearl. Get up.

We're goin' blueberry pickin'.

Come.

Pearl?

You believe in fate?

I'm not sure what that means.

It means that there are certain things that no matter what you do that they're meant to happen.

They're in the stars.

They're bashert, destined.

But even if they're in the stars,

a person, a grown-up responsible person, a mensch,

can make a different choice.

They can make the right choice.

You're shtupping someone.

What?

The Blouse Man.

I am not.

You're shtupping the goddamn Blouse Man, Pearl. How could you do such a thing?

Are you gonna tell Marty?

So it's true.

I'm right. I'm always right.

It's- It's a curse.

Why, Pearly?

Have you forgotten who you married?

When your husband was 12 years old, you know what he dreamed of being? A scientist.

So he entered the school science fair...

in the hopes of winning a microscope.

Such a doorbell he made, I don't even want to tell you about it.

It not only rang, it lit up.

It chopped liver. It made matzo balls.

First prize.

He was so proud, Pearl.

And when that son-of-a-bitch husband of mine ran out on us,

you know what my boy did?

Came to me with $10.

And he says to me, "Mama, you don't ever have to worry.

I will take care of you."

Sold the microscope.

I never heard that story.

Something else you didn't know.

The summer that you two met, summer he was waiting on tables at Kramer's.

Kramer knew that Marty and I didn't have two nickels to rub together,

so he offered to pay for Marty to go to college.

But when he got a girl pregnant-

no less a guest at the hotel-

good-for-nothing Kramer slammed the door in our face.

He- He turned his back on my boy.

What?

You think you're the only one with dreams that didn't come true?

What time are we playing tomorrow?

I wondered where you were.

I can't do this.

I'm married.

I have children.

I understand.

Hey, Marty. How ya doin'? Hey, Joe!

Daddy! Hey, cowboy!

- How long did it take you this time? - Two hours and 41 minutes,

not including the six minutes it took me to put my shorts on.

Neil said it took him two, 20.

What'd I tell you about Neil? He's a stinkin' liar.

That's right.

Yuck!

You guys, don't use up all the hot water!

Eighteen days in quarantine.

What? The astronauts. God, I hope they like each other.

Here you go.

Mmm!

Ooh. That's strong, Marty.

Mm-hmm.

I have waited all week for this moment.

Hey, hey, hey. Where you goin'?

Out!

- Where's my kiss? - I have a date, Daddy.

A date?

Ross is taking me to the Pines. There's a rock band there.

- Ro- Who's Ross? - I'm late!

Who's Ross? I miss one week and already there's a Ross?

He's a nice boy.

How old is he? Sixteen, I think.

Pearl, oh, God, Pearl!

There is no such thing as a nice 16-year-old boy.

You can't keep her locked in the bungalow all summer long.

No, I can't. That's your job, darling. Oh.

Besides, it's the principle of the thing.

I mean, if we can't go out on dates, she shouldn't be able to either.

So take me on a date, Marty.

So who's at the Brickman? Hmm, Sandy Solo.

Shirley Bassey is playing at the Concord.

Honey, now see, this is something I would climb a fence to go see.

Shh. What?

Listen.

What do you hear? Nothing.

Exactly.

No kids. No Bubbie.

Mmm. Just you and me, Pearl.

Ain't it great?

Ow. Oh, shit. Ow. What?

My leg. I gotta- I'll get it, honey.

Don't- Yeah. I'm okay. I'm okay.

I think I'm getting too old for this. Ooh!

At least it went down. Come here.

You all right? I'm good. I'm good.

Aah. All right. It's the steering wheel.

You wanna get in the back? Yeah.

You okay?

No.

You wanna go home?

No.

Do you want me to do a John Wayne?

Maybe.

All right. We'll miss you, sonny.

Okay. Bye, sweetheart. Drive safe.

I will. Tell Neil 7:28.

Bye-bye, love! Bye, Daddy! Bye!

Attention, everyone. The ice cream man is on the premises.

The ice cream man is on the premise.

Alison.

Alison.

How will you know if your kids are drowning?

Great legs, man!

What the hell is this? Hey! Hey! Come on. Get out of the water.

Come out of the water. Come on!

Go away!

There are children here.

Get away! Come on. Come on. Come on. Get over here.

Get away from this lake! It's a private lake!

This is private property! Get out!

Everybody, out of the lake.

Everyone, get out of the lake!

Get outta here!

The police have been notified.

Put your clothes on, and you get out of this lake now. It's a private lake.

I can't go to Woodstock.

It's on Shabbes. We'll leave before Shabbes.

I won't be able to touch money. I'll buy things for you.

I can't rip toilet paper. I'll rip it for you!

That's all I have to do, right?

I thought you weren't allowed to go. So?

My mother says that you're corrupting me. That's what friends are for.

"On this hook, he had a book.

On this book was how to cook."

Telephone call for Pearl Kantrowitz.

Telephone call for Pearl Kantrowitz. It's for you, Mom.

It's like a parking lot. I heard they're gonna close the thruway.

Are you gonna try again tomorrow?

No, it's just gonna get worse. They'll be coming up to this Woodstock thing all weekend.

Geez, I never knew there was so many hippies, Pearl.

Look, I'm gonna head back. I'm sorry. Tell Danny and Alison I said good night.

Okay, bye.

Oh.

Pearl?

Don't do it, Pearly.

Oy veh.

- Hello. - We were in Swan Lake and you said to me-

Hello, Ma, how are you? You said to me, "Ma,

- me and Arnie and Stewie, we're going swimming." - Ma, is everything all right?

Suddenly- You saw Stewie drowning,

so you told us not to go swimming under any circumstances.

Right. Did you listen? No.

- And what happened? - Stewie was swimming underwater...

and he hit his head on a rock but I saved him.

And why did you save him? Because I was extra careful.

- And why were you extra careful? - Because of your vision.

And why is your cousin Stewie alive today?

Because I saved him. No!

Because of your vision.

Correct.

All right, Ma, who's going to drown?

You are.

I promise I won't go swimming, okay?

Get your tuchis up here, Marty. I don't care what you got to do.

What's goin' on, Ma?

Good morning! What we have in mind...

is breakfast in bed for 400,000.

We're all feeding each other.

We must be in heaven, man!

There's always a little bit of heaven in a disaster area.

My God!

We apologize for the noise of the choppity-choppity,

but there are a few cars blocking the road.

So we're flying everybody in.

Give me that.

Alison?

Alison- Come on, Alison.

Alison!

- Alison, what's wrong?

What happened back there?

We can't have a party now. You can't walk all the way to Woodridge.

Watch!

What's that spell? What's that spell?

Attention Irv Gelfand.

Could you please remember to bring the pickled herring to the casino tonight?

Marty.

How did you get up here?

Uh, 13 hours and 26 minutes.

That was with the back roads.

Where were you?

I thought you weren't coming.

What the hell is going on, Pearl?

I went to Woodstock.

You went to Woodstock?

Um-

Was it groovy?

Was it far-out? Out-of-sight?

Yeah.

Tell me something, Pearl.

Are you screwing someone?

We'll talk about this when you're not upset.

I'm not that upset yet. If you tell me you're screwing someone, then I'll be upset.

So... are you?

Yes.

Who is he?

You don't know him.

What's his name?

Walker.

What's his first name? That is his first name.

What's his last name?

Jerome.

Walker Jerome. That's his name?

Does he realize it's backwards?

- Where'd you meet him? - He's a salesman.

Truff! This is great.

It's like a Johnny Yune routine.

So is he a traveling salesman?

Sort of. What's he sell?

Blouses.

Blouses.

He's the Blouse Man. You're screwing the Blouse Man.

Jesus, Pearl, why didn't you screw the Dress Man?

At least that way you get a whole outfit, you know?

What the fuck were you thinking, huh?

What are you doing, Pearl?

Did you think about this for even a- a second?

Did it ever occur to you what this might do to us?

What - What this might do to Danny? What it might do to Alison?

I want to know what you think about that. Did it cross your fuckin' mind?

Tell me. I want to know if you fuckin' thought about it!

Tell me, Pearl, I want to know. I want to know if you thought about it.

Tell me.

I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.

You're sorry?

- You're sorry. - Yeah.

What am I supposed to say to you, Pearl?

Am I supposed to say I forgive you? Is that what you want?

Tell me. I wanna say what you want me to say right here.

'Cause right now I don't know what the fuck I'm doin'.

I don't know- I don't know what to-

Okay.

So, uh- What are your plans?

You and the Blouse Man.

- I don't know. - What the hell is that supposed to mean?

It means I don't know.

You don't know?

Okay. Okay.

Well, I'll tell you what.

You take all the time you need.

It doesn't matter.

'Cause, to me,

you don't exist anymore.

Hi. Uh-

Hey! Hey! Hey!

Hey!

Hey, hey, hey. What is that?

You out of your fuckin' mind?

You all right? Do you believe that?

Calm down. Calm down.

What was he thinking?

Marty. You okay? Oh, my God.

Marty?

I love you, darling.

You went away.

I'm sorry. I didn't mean to worry you.

I wasn't worried. Bubbie let me have Cocoa Puffs for dinner. Yeah?

I want Cocoa Puffs for dinner. Mmm.

How come no one's yelled at me yet?

Because I didn't tell anybody that you went.

That's for you to do.

Katzileh, do me a favor.

Don't sneak out on your Bubbie like that again.

I'm sorry. Okay.

Marty, easy!

What is it, darling? Sonny, what is it?

Marty!

What is it, love?

Marty, don't! Come on, Daniel. Let's go. Wake up. Here we go, kiddo.

Come on. Let's go. What are you doing?

Marty. Please, son! Marty.

Stop, Daddy! Let go of him!

What are you doing? It's okay.

Marty, let him go. Marty, please, let him go. Don't do this.

Don't do it! Get in the car. Stop it!

You're coming too. No, no - Let go of me!

- Wanna be free, Pearl? - Let her go!

- Wanna be free? Okay. - No. No. - Don't do this, Marty.

No kids, no husband, no family. You're free. Go! Be free! Alison.

- Come back here! - No!

Alison! Alison!

- Marty, stop it! - Hold on to me. Hold on.

Okay. All right!

It's okay, Pearl. You stay - You stay and be a whore.

I'll go. You're not going anywhere. Give me those keys!

Give me those keys, sonny. You're not going anywhere-

Mom, get off the car! Stay out of it! It's too dangerous.

Goddamn it, son. Goddamn it.

Ross? Ross.

I hate Daddy. Shh, shh, shh.

He's just upset, honey. He's mad at Mommy.

He wanted you with him because he loves you so much.

Why is he mad at you? Oh-

Sometimes grown-ups have fights just the way kids do.

And sometimes they have to...

think things over before they can make up.

Do you understand, huh?

Good.

What's a "whore"?

Everything is fucked up.

I hate it here. I hate it.

I hate them so much. It's okay.

I just want to be away from them. It's okay.

Make them go away.

I want to do it. What?

Let's go all the way. Alison.

Don't you want to? I don't know.

Y- You don't want me. No- No, that's not it.

Alison, I mean it would be great but-

Alison, please. Please.

Forget it. Alison, I didn't say that.

Just - Just forget the whole thing! Alison. Alison!

Fuck.

I'm sorry about what happened with Daddy.

Forget it.

Where were you?

It's none of your business.

- Alison. - You don't always tell us where you are.

I'm a grown-up.

Are you?

What's that supposed to mean?

I went all the way with Ross.

You are to be in this bungalow by 9:00 p. m.,

every night between now and Labor Day.

- You hear me? - Fuck you.

What? Fuck you.

I never have to listen to you ever again.

I saw you.

I was there. You should have seen yourself!

You looked disgusting!

I'm the teenager, not you! You had your chance.

- No. I didn't. - Well, then why do the rest of us...

have to suffer just because you fucked up your life?

I did not fuck up my life, Alison!

Things happen. Things happen that you don't plan for.

Do you know how old I was when I got pregnant with you, huh?

I was 17, just three years older than you are right now, honey.

Do you know how many boyfriends I had before I met your father?

None.

Do you know how many times I slept with your father before I got pregnant with you?

Once. That's all it takes, Alison.

- I was an accident. - Oh. Honey.

Don't think that.

Listen to me. That doesn't mean we don't love you.

We love you so much. We loved you from the moment we saw you.

Are you and Daddy going to get a divorce?

I don't know.

You love the Blouse Man more than all of us? No!

Sometimes it's easier...

to be different with a different person.

Can't you just try and be different but still stay with us?

Oh, baby.

Daddy's just a big square, you know that.

But, I mean, he's Daddy. How could you leave him?

I thought you hated us.

I do. But that doesn't mean anything.

Alison-

When you went all the way with Ross,

did you use any protection?

We didn't-

We didn't go all the way.

We've only gone to first base.

Ohh.

Save the home run for somebody really special, okay?

What's going to happen?

I don't know. I don't know.

Hello.

Hi. Did you get home all right?

- Yeah. - I was worried.

Marty?

We have to talk.

How am I supposed to talk to you, Pearl?

I thought you were my family.

I got to go to work.

I'm sorry.

A lot of maps.

Been to all these places?

Not all of them.

Not yet.

You ever been out West, Pearl?

No.

You want to go with me?

We don't have to wait. We- We- We can just- pack up the bus.

Um, we'll just - We'll just camp out all the way across the country,

and we'll sleep under the stars every night.

Come on.

Take your kids?

What do you think?

Uhh-

I think-

I need you to take me home.

Attention Pearl Kantrowitz.

Return to your bungalow immediately.

Pearl Kantrowitz, please return to your bungalow immediately!

Pearl, stop! Stop the bus!

Hey! Hey!

Stop!

Pearl. Pearl, it's Daniel. He's been stung by wasps.

What? What? He's in the kitchen. Go!

What happened to him?

No! These hurt!

Tateleh, Grandma has to pull out the stings.

There's Mama. There's your mama.

Mommy! Mommy's here, honey. You're going to be all right.

Wait, ma'am, don't do that. You don't want to break off the stingers.

I need some, uh, kind of card.

You got some playing cards? Get that and I need, uh, Yeah.

meat tenderizer. Well, what is he, a pot roast?

You're going to be all right, honey. Alison - Help him. Help him!

Take.

Give me some warm water. Put it in a bowl. Mommy's here.

And mix that stuff in there. Let's see. Got of lot of them.

Mommy, it hurts! I know. You're going to be fine.

Here. Thank you.

I hate wasps! I know, honey.

Look how much they like you, huh?

- They covered you with kisses. - Take a deep breath.

Take a deep breath. All right. Let it out.

He's doing okay.

Gave you so many kisses. You're Daniel, right?

Beep, beep, beep, beep.

Here, katzi.

Daddy!

Hey, cowboy!

How's my big boy, huh? Got stung by wasps!

I know, your Bubbie called me.

She told me she couldn't find your mommy.

Look, I brought you calamine lotion.

The Blouse Man fixed me up with Adolf's.

Adolf's, huh?

You put meat tenderizer on him?

It's the - There's a protein compound in it, uh...

neutralizes the venom.

- You tweeze out the stingers? - The Blouse Man said that would make it worse.

He scraped the stingers out with Bubbie's cards.

Oh, yeah? Is that what he said?

Well, I guess that's how it is then, huh?

How long did it take you to get here?

You're not going to believe this, Danny.

One hour and 38 minutes.

Wow! That's the fastest ever!

You know, my cowboy was in trouble, so-

Thank you.

Are you still mad at me, Daddy?

I'm not mad at you, Danny. I could never be mad at you.

You know that, right?

No, no, no, no!

No, what? Could I do Chuck?

Sure!

He's asleep.

It wasn't you, Marty.

It was me.

There were things I wanted to do with my life.

I don't even remember what some of them were.

Somewhere along the line,

I disappeared.

I stopped being the person you fell in love with.

And I wanted-

I wanted to be that way again with you.

But I couldn't.

I wanted things too, Pearl.

Think I like fixin' TVs?

Think I said, "Gee, that's what I want to be when I grow up"?

I mean, who knows what I could've been if I had a chance to go to college.

But I didn't.

And you know what?

I was okay.

Because I figured no matter what I screwed up in my life,

no matted what I felt gypped out of,

I had the most important thing right.

I had you.

Now, I don't.

But I still have one question, Pearl.

Who stopped you?

Who stopped you from doing these things?

Did I stop you? I mean, did-did-

Did you ever once come to me and say, "Marty, I want to make a change in my life"?

And did I say, "No, Pearl, you can't"?

Marty, it's not that simple.

I tried. I couldn't always find the right words, you know, but I-

Y- You- You didn't hear me.

You make jokes.

It's true. I'm a bad listener.

Not such a good talker, either.

And I make jokes.

But who stopped you, Pearl?

Hey.

Mommy told me I was an accident.

She told you that? She didn't mean to.

It just kind of happened.

Huh.

Man. Well-

That's what I told your Bubbie when your mommy got pregnant.

Alison.

When I met your mother at the Kramer,

she was the most gorgeous thing I'd ever seen.

I couldn't believe she liked me.

She laughed at my jokes. She laughed in the dining room...

at what a lousy waiter I was, and I was a lousy waiter.

Anyway, we, uh-

We decided to take a drive.

It was a gorgeous, clear August night.

Pearl wanted to go see this meteor shower.

Alison, it was incredible.

It was like fireworks but no noise.

That was the night we made you.

Maybe it was an accident. I don't know.

But, to me, it was and still is...

the most important moment in my life.

Okay?

Okay?

How could you just break up then?

If it was so important to you,

doesn't that make you want to stay with her?

Yeah.

You know what? You know, sweetie?

Sometimes things happen between people...

that make it impossible for them to stay together.

I'm sorry, baby. I'm so sorry about this.

Hi.

How's Daniel?

He's better. He's okay.

I can't go.

I saw.

You going to fix it or you're going to kill it? What's that?

How the hell should I know?

The pitch. It'll be a base hit...

as it remains fair down the third baseline.

Ryan holds up at first base.

We'll start the new inning at the top of the Mets' batting order.

This capacity crowd at Shea is starting to come to life.

Come on. Strike him out!

Haven't seen him in years.

I can jump higher.

Are you breaking up with me?

Were we going steady?

- Why are you mad at me? - I just feel stupid.

The other night and Woodstock.

I feel like you saw me dancing without a shirt.

That wouldn't be so bad, would it?

Look, I'm not going to tell anyone anything.

I know you want me to be a pacifist, but I told Fogler...

if he blabbed his big metal mouth I'd beat the shit out of him.

Okay?

Yeah.

Attention. The knish man is on the premises.

The knish man is on the premises.

Sonny.

Marty.

So, Mr. Hershel comes into the shop and he says,

"I only get good reception if Mrs. Hershel stands...

diagonally in front of the television set."

The only problem is...

Mrs. Hershel, she doesn't want to stand diagonally in front of the television set.

She's- She's got better things to do with her life.

"Mr. Hershel," I say,

"you need an antenna or a marriage counselor?"

Thank you.

You wanted me to tell you what was new at the shop, so-

Thank you.

I'm sorry I hurt you.

You didn't deserve to get hurt.

Can I ask you one question?

Did I want a microscope?

Once.

Dance with me.

I'm not very good at this.

Me neither.