All language subtitles for Top.Gear.S07E05.WEB.H264-13-NHI

CLARKSON: Tonight, we drive
the new Bugatti in Italy.

We drive the new Bugatti
in Switzerland and France.

And we drive the new Bugatti
in London.

Hello and yes,

tonight we're having one of
our biggest races ever on
Top Gear.

But first, we must hand over
to our engine correspondent,

Richard Hammond.

HAMMOND: The small-block
Chevy V8.

It is a phenomenon.

The most popular
engine of all time.

And now, this amazing
workhorse has been given
another assignment,

to help bring back a famous
British car name from dead.

This is the TSO GT2.

The badge on the front says
"Marcos."

Now if you're 22 and
your idea of an antique
is a PlayStation 1,

then that name won't mean
a damn thing to you.

But for the more mature viewer

this is, frankly,
a bit of an occasion.

For 40 years, men with pencils
behind their ears turned out

Marcos sports and race cars

until four years ago when
the company went bust
and shut up shop.

As seen in this
dramatic reconstruction.

But now, Marcos is back!

New car, new light bulbs.

So is this just a fleeting
visit? Or are they here
to stay?

Let's start with
what we've got.

The recipe for this car
couldn't be simpler.

It's the classic sports car
layout of front engine,
rear wheel drive,

long bonnet and
a sloping back.

It's textbook. It could be
straight out of the '60s.

These might catch on though,

windows that are electrical.

Inside, it's more of the same.
Sort of retro in feel,
but with modern touches.

So you've got these quite
old-fashion dials and chunky
steering wheel,

but then it's all set against
this really rather modern,
clever dash.

I like it in here.
It's a nice place to be.

All these knobs and
switches have a bespoke,
custom-made feel.

It is quite cramped though.

Even for me.

But the looks
are the easy bit.

This is a £50,000 car,

the same as a TVR Sagaris.

So, it needs to perform.

Well, one thing's for sure,

you won't be
wanting for speed.

That old warhorse up front
today is chucking out
420 brake horsepower.

And in a car that weighs
about as much as a teabag,

that means it's fast!

Nought to 60 takes
4.8 seconds.

Top speed 170 miles an hour.

And when such high speed
brings you to a corner,

it goes round it.

That is so easy.

Puts me in mind of our
old friend the Monaro.

So it's quick, looks right
and handles well.

And we could end there.
But plenty of cars have
speed and can take a corner.

But this has more.

It has a definite character.

That, I think, has something
to do with the new owner.

The optimist in question
this time is a Canadian
multi-millionaire

whose mum was
born in Lancashire.

He's Mid-Atlantic then,

a man who likes Lancashire
hotpot with maple syrup.

But that is a good thing.

Because what the Mid-Atlantic
man has made,

is a Mid-Atlantic muscle car.

That engine up front,

is part of what gives it
its distinctive character.

It's lazy, low-revving.
Most of the power comes
in at about 2,000 rpm.

From 50 miles an hour to 70
takes just two seconds.

So you get American muscle,

but it isn't pushing along
some cart-sprung American
dragster.

No, It's powering a classic,
light, British sports car.

What we have here then is
the way the world should be.

American muscle,

in the safekeeping
of British hands.

So it's a good car?

Well, it's a lot like an old
school TVR, you know,

big simple engine
in a small simple car.

What's this?

Er, that's, um...

That's a tooth-whitening kit!

It's a plant!

-It's a plant!
-It was just a theory
until a moment ago.

-Anyway, listen.
You say it's like a TVR, okay?

Yeah, it is.
It's like a TVR.

So, if it is,
did it break down?

-Oh, yes! Yes, it did.
-Really? How many times?

Oh, several. Yes. It did.

So,

is it going to be able
to do a lap of our track?

Well, let's find out,
shall we?

It's time to put it
in the hands of our
tame racing driver.

Some say he can swim
seven lengths under water,

and he has webbed buttocks.

All we know is
he's called the Stig.

HAMMOND: Okay, away he goes.
Loads of wheel spin there.

This is a simple car so no
traction control, of course,

just the precise programming
of Stig's right hind leg.

Down to the first corner,
and oh, dear, front wheel
locking under braking.

All very slithery,
lots of tyre squeal,
not a great start.

Oh, no! Almost on the grass
straight away.

And yet, Inside,
all is baroque classic car,

with a spot of
Schubert's Trout there.

Coming up to Chicago. Looking
more controlled here. Steady!

Not bad.

Oh, dear! The tail's gone
very wide on the exit, there.
Hammerhead is next.

Locking up under
braking again!

Stig did say this car really
needs better brake balance.
And you can see it here.

At least that very loose
back end kills any
chance of understeer.

Very nice. Down to
Follow Through now.

This is where the Marcos'
small-block power should help
it to make up some lost time.

With all that sideways
stuff earlier.

And yes,
it's looking very fast.

And very fast past the
tyre wall! Two corners left.

Two corners of rampant
oversteer I suspect.

Now he's wrestled it into
shape through there.
That is nice work.

Only Gambon left.

Keeping it neat.

And across the line in 1.28.2,

which is pretty good
because that means

it's actually faster
than a Dodge Viper.

So, it's better than what
the Americans can do

when they get hold of
an American engine.

Okay, the news.
And we're starting tonight

with some Christmas
present ideas that
we're not interested in.

Absolutely. Here's something
I'm not interested in.
It is a tie.

It gets worse.
It says "Skoda" on it.

-Ooh.

It's revolting, and that's
why it's for you, Jeremy.

-Oh, you got me a present.
-Pitiful, yes.

-That's really
very unpleasant.
-Not as bad as yours.

-Oh, no. I don't want a tie
with "Skoda" on it.
-Here, have a tie.

There we are. That's got rid
of that. What have you got?

Ah, well now,
you know parking sensors?

When you can have them fitted
to the back bumpers of cars?
Have you not tried it?

It's just like a little radar,
so as you reverse up to
something, it goes

and tells you how close
you are so you don't hit it.

Well, there's now a
company that's making
an after-market version.

'Cause when you have them
fitted to a car they're like
300-400 quid, aren't they?

-Mmm-hmm.
-Well,

here's an after-market
version. This costs 15 quid!

-That's not promising.
-What are you going
to trust to that?

You see, it is a worry.
15 quid worth of plastic,
and you're trusting your car.

Not only that but I looked at
this a bit more closely,
and it turns out,

you don't attach
this to your car.

You attach this to the thing
you're parking next to.

-CLARKSON: Well, how
does that work?

Well I don't know! I presume
you sort of pull up, um,
park,

get out, stick this
on what you're parking next to

and then park.

Again.

I think it's probably, isn't
it for your garage wall

-at home, so you know
how close you are to it?
-Yeah it is,

but there's another thing.
It's battery powered,
so at some point,

you are going to come home and
the battery will be flat,

and you're going through
the wall. That's gonna happen.

-You know those mail order
catalogues, yeah?
-Yeah.

Well it was "Wave goodbye
to the misery of"
whatever it is.

You can now wave
goodbye to the misery

of putting the wrong type
of fuel into your car.

'Cause you know diesel's
really quiet now and it's easy
to forget.

Well there's a new thing,
okay? You open up your
petrol filler cap,

light gets in there,
when light hits it,
ready?

DEVICE: This vehicle runs
on diesel fuel.

HAMMOND: What? Every time
you open the fuel filler?

Every time you do it. How much
do you want this broadcasting
across a petrol forecourt?

I'm mean. I'm a tightwad.
I've got a diesel!
That'll be me.

Does it go on? It didn't even
opt for leather, it's a cheap
awful...

-Oh, that's ridiculous.

-That'd drive you insane.
-This vehicle runs
on diesel fuel.

Insert diesel fuel only.

Entertain yourselves.

I think you've made it angry.

Shut up!

Shut it! Shut up!

Does it come with the mallet?

Oh, yeah, that's part of it.

Hey, now, eminent scientists
have been busy at work,

and they've announced this
week that a cow produces
500 litres

of methane every day.

Just 'cause you've come
dressed as a farmer,
I don't see why...

Bear with me on this,
'cause I've been doing
some maths.

- What?
-Methane 23 times more
powerful than carbon dioxide,

okay? As a global
warming agent, yeah?

So that means a cow does
more global warming than
a Range Rover.

Honestly. A Range Rover,
10,000 miles a year,
produces less in a day

than a cow farting.

So something's gotta give.

Cows or cars. Gotta be cars.

Yeah.

Uh, no. I think we get rid of
the cows and we keep the cars.

No, we've got to
get rid of the cars.

-No, we're getting
rid of the cows.

No, look. Milk, I can't do
without that. Shoes, burgers.
-You get cheese, I suppose.

-Eggs.
-Not eggs, no, James.
You live in...

HAMMOND: There's a man who
lives in Hammersmith.

No, no, you're wrong.
Eggs come from the milkman.

Yeah, but the milkman
doesn't lay them.

Anyway, forget all of that.
The thing is,

if you get rid of cars, how
are you going to get to work?
You can't go to work on a cow.

You can ride a cow.

You can't ride a cow!

You can ride a cow.
Can anyone see
a flaw in my plan?

-I can!
-What?

We'll be out of a job!

-We won't, we'll just call it
Top Steer.
-Argh!

And we'll have a power board,
and we'll have all the
different cows

and how fast they can
get around our track.

The only drawback I can see
are is cattle-grids.

-Oh, yeah.
-Cattle-grids are
a problem,

and also if it's
about to rain,

they'll all lie down.
Other than that...

I can't imagine that,
the M1 just lined with
people all on their cows.

Waiting for it to brighten up
before they continue
their journey.

What can you do?
Wait until a police cow
comes along.

I think you're talking
nonsense and you've gone a
little bit mad.

I have no idea what you two
have been talking about
for at least five minutes.

Right, that's enough news.
We must now get on and answer
one of the biggest questions.

Something that's occupied
the minds of some of the
greatest thinkers in the land.

Just what is the fastest way
of getting a truffle,

like this, back from where it
grows in northern Italy,
to London?

Now obviously, we had to
find out by having a race.

Now, normally when
we have these races,

Jeremy goes in the car and
says "power!" a lot,

and Richard and I will go on a
ferry or a train or an
airliner or whatever.

But this time it's
slightly different,

because I've
been learning to fly.

So you see, the scene was set.
Okay?

It would be Captain
Captain Slow and his Hammond
hand luggage,

in a private plane.

Versus me in a car.
And we would be racing

from Alba, which is here,
just south of Turin
in northern Italy

to a restaurant on top of the
NatWest Tower here in London.

Now, sit back,
'cause this is a good one.

CLARKSON: We began
by sending a dog into a
wood to find our truffles.

And while he was doing that,

I went to get my car.

This is it.

The new £840,000

Bugatti Veyron.

It's the fastest,
most powerful,
and most expensive

road car the world
has ever seen.

So you two really think
you can beat that, do you?

-Yep.
-Well, we've got our truffles.
65 quid, that cost,

for something that looks
like a mummified testicle.

-Now we've gotta get them back
to London. So, you ready?
-Yep.

Confident men. Best of luck.
Try not to crash.

See you, uh, see you there.

-Have we really got
our own plane?
-Yup.

Fantastic! Let's go.

HAMMOND: To get to
the airport, we weren't
allowed to use a car,

so we went for a
couple of scooters.

This is fast. This is fast!

Never ever, ever experienced
anything like this.

You see, this time, because
we're using a private plane,

there's no check-in,
no queuing,
no waiting around.

So this time, we're gonna win.
And we're gonna win well!

CLARKSON: So let's have a
look at the route.

The Bugatti has got to
head north from Alba,
round Turin at rush hour,

through the Mont Blanc Tunnel
into France,

across car-hating Switzerland,

back into France, to Calais

through the Channel Tunnel
and up to London.

Meanwhile, 633 Squadron have
to ride to the local airport

and fly to England.

Yes.

CLARKSON: This car is like
nothing I've ever driven.

Nothing I've ever been in,

nothing I even sketched
as an eight-year-old
in a maths book.

I mean, it has
two 4-litre, V8 engines

pulling together to make
an 8-litre W16,

and then they gave it
four turbo-chargers!

The result is 1,000
brake horsepower.

Forward to victory!

It does 0 to 60
in two and a half seconds.

That's, er, now to now.

-Okay, that'll do.
-Go!

Sadly, they have had to limit
the top speed, to, uh,

252 miles an hour.

That's 370 feet a second.

Hammond and May,
you don't have a hope in hell.

HAMMOND: Hang on a second.
Is that it?

Well, it's a Cessna 182.

James, it's pathetic.
It looks like something a
builder would leave behind.

It's not. Honestly,
it's a good kite, this.

-Kite?
-Yeah.

-CLARKSON: Hello?

He's trying to make me go in
the sky in something you see
poking out of a skip.

What is it?
What's it called?

A Cessna 182,
whatever that is.

182 refers to the number of
quid it cost, I suspect.

HAMMOND: And that was
only the start.

What are you
actually doing now?
What's happening?

Well, you have to
do pre-flight checks.

Make sure the stuff's
all working properly.

Well, how long's...

If you're really interested,
I'm going to turn on the
battery master switch,

and I'm going to check
the landing lights, the stall
warning vane

the pitot heat and
the flap operation...

They're likely to have broken,
since it was parked?

Well, you don't know.

What, like, plane-pixies
came and nibbled away
at all the wires?

How long do these checks take?

-20 minutes? Half an hour?
-Not today, mate.

There must be a way of doing
this more quickly.

Why don't you shut up,
and go do what aeroplane
passengers do,

which is sit in the terminal,
have a cup of tea,
complain how expensive...

You don't go into 7th gear
in the Veyron until you're
going 215 miles an hour.

And at that speed, the engine
is sucking in 10,000 gallons
of air every minute.

I swear, he enjoys the checks
more than the flying.

Nice, very nice.

-HAMMOND: Hello,
how you doing?

If I tell you that I'm already
within sight of Mont Blanc...

God, we're really gonna have
to get a move on.

James, James,
I've just noticed,
the wings have come off.

Oh, no, no. They're still on.
You can tick those.
They're all right.

Yep, that's on. That's on.

These are on, look.

Tyres, are they all up?

Yes! Go.

Well, I wish this was a
late-night programme, 'cause
then I could be honest

about what this thing's like.

It's a
and it goes like a...

Heaven is a place on Earth!

Because it's been standing
overnight, you have to make
sure there's no sediment or

-water in the fuel,
which would cause...
-Is there any sediment or

-water in the fuel?
-Well you have to check it
like this. I'll show you.

-These are drain points.
You use this special cup,
-Good good.

-Oh, look, it's clean!
-Take a sample out and make
sure there's no water in it,

which you would see
as a separate layer.
See? Clear.

Good. Go. In the sky!

But there are five of
these on each side and
two under the engine.

Okay, I'm doing
80 miles an hour now,
the limit,

and I'm, according to this,

using 50-brake horsepower.

So that's 950 to go.

-Got your seat belt on,
Hammond?
-Is this more checks?

-No seat belt. Put it on.
-Yeah, it's on.

Okay.

Hello, this is Cessna 182
Golf Bravo X-ray Zulu Mike

request taxi for a VFR flight
to Lima Foxtrot Mike Hotel,
please.

MAN ON RADIO: Roger. Line up
zero-three. Report when ready.

I'm ready to go.
Are you happy in the back?

To the skies!

We're in the air, Hammond!

You love all this, don't you?

I quite like it, yeah.

James, we don't seem
to be going very fast.

Well we're doing 80 knots,
indicated air speed.

80 knots is about
85-90 miles an hour?

Yeah, it's not that simple,
'cause we're now at a pressure
altitude of nearly 7,000 feet,

so you have to consider
the true air speed.

Indicated air speed's
what you fly on.

That's the rate at which the
air is hitting the aeroplane.

But because it's thinner up
here, we're actually going
through the air faster...

CLARKSON: The pre-flight
checks had taken so long that

by the time they'd left
Italian tarmac,

I was leaving Italy itself.

This is the Mont Blanc tunnel,
this is where they had the

terrible fire a couple
of years ago.

So now they've got ferocious
speed rules in here,

and there's a million
speed cameras.

So I'll put it into automatic
and relax.

Should be able
to see Mont Blanc
behind you, Hammond.

-That's Mont Blanc, is it?
-Yeah.

Don't know where Jeremy is
in relation to that though.

You can't just put your foot
down in this thing whenever
the mood takes you.

Unlike any other car,
you've got to prepare for it.

You've got to think,
is there another car
within a mile of me?

Is the road smooth?

Is it straight?

Only if you get a yes to all
those can you really give
it the biff.

Take it through Switzerland,
see what they make of it!

Nein! It is too noisy,
get it out, get it out!

HAMMOND: While Jeremy
was thundering over the Alps,

James was making my life
a misery again.

James, why can I see the Med?

Because we couldn't go over
the mountains there, I didn't
tell you this,

we had to re-route towards
Nice and go along the coast a
bit, and then we'll head up.

I'm sorry, we, the ones in the
aeroplane in this race, can't
go over the mountains?

No, mate. Sorry.

So, Jeremy's car can go higher
than your aeroplane,
as well as faster.

HAMMOND: This was a major
blow, because while Jeremy had
already cleared the Mont Blanc

tunnel and was steaming
towards Switzerland,
we were heading southwest,

over the French Riviera.

And whichever way you cut it,
that's the wrong way.

CLARKSON: Yup! Car-friendly
Switzerland, and sure enough,
they'd sent a welcome party.

Come on!

-Hammond!
-HAMMOND: Hello,
how are you doing?

I'm fine, how are you?

We're going the wrong way.
We're headed southwest
towards Nice right now.

You're heading toward Nice?

We have to go
around everything.

Apparently there's a big tree
that could be a bit tricky
for us.

And, um, yeah...

But no, stop, Richard.

-Did you say you were heading
for Nice?
- Don't laugh.

-Just don't laugh.

Is your car sounding like it
might break down in the
next 10 minutes?

No. You've no idea, mate.
It's phenomenal!
It goes like a !

So, an update
on the race for you.
I'm winning. By miles.

-James, I've got no fork!
-Yeah, it's not allowed
on the flight.

Well it's just as well,
because if I had any
cutlery right now,

it'd be sticking
out of your neck.

CLARKSON: The slow Swiss A
roads gave me time to reflect

on the Veyron's
difficult birth.

When the boss of
Volkswagen turned round
one day and said,

look, we have bought Bugatti,

let's build a car that has
1,000 horsepower and does
400 kilometres an hour.

A lot of people
said he was mad.

They were faced with a
Herculean task,
and what they've created

is something spectacular.

You can't really
think of it as a car, you've
got to think of it in terms of

Concorde,
or the Saturn V rocket

or the SS Great Britain .
It's a huge,
giant leap forward!

It is an engineering
hammer-blow!

CLARKSON: Certainly the
Bugatti is more of an

engineering triumph
than James' plane.

HAMMOND:
We've got no bloody forks.

Stop whingeing about
the ruddy in-flight food, man.

And don't jig about,
'cause we're climbing.
We're struggling a bit...

I am not jigging! How rubbish
is this thing if I can't even
lift a chocolate bar

to my face without it crashing
into a mountain?

Even though there are these
huge cooling ducts here,

and the engine has
no cover at all,

that thing has 10 radiators.

Three to cool
the engine itself,

three for the intercoolers,
one to do the axle oil,

one to do the engine oil,
and one to cool the
hydraulic fluid

used to raise
that rear spoiler.

It's got more radiators
than my house!

HAMMOND: With Jeremy storming
through France,

James was preparing
yet another lump
of disappointment.

Hammond,
we have to stop for fuel.

Well, why didn't you
put more in?

Well, I filled it up.
That's as much as it takes.

So we're gonna
pull over for petrol.

MAY: Are you familiar with the
basic principles of flight?

-No.
-One of the problems is the
aeroplane is heavily loaded.

Is that we need, essentially,
more lift, so we have to fly
with the wings at

a slightly higher
angle of attack.

CLARKSON: With those two
looking for fuel, I was busy
using mine up.

That isn't so much a throttle
my right foot's on,
it's a hyperspace button!

World's going backwards!

Now we're moving.
This is fast!

Yeah, comin' at ya.

CLARKSON: Things were
looking peachy for the car.

I was storming toward Dijon
while the Wright brothers
were being refuelled in

in Saint Etienne,
150 miles behind.

Which wasn't pleasing James.

How do you say, "Stop being
such a trade unionist and get
on with it"?

One day those guys are going
to find a means of transport
that's better than a car,

but I don't think
today is that day.

Well, we shall continue
when we pick that up later on.

And that is not an excuse to
switch over and watch Sports
Personality of the Year.

-No, because
Freddie Flintoff's won that.
-Ugh!

Probably shouldn't have said
that then, like that.

Well anyway, no need to
watch it now.

Now, let's get back to
the car. Yes, actually,
getting back to this,

why is it such a massive
step forward?

OK, I'll tell you why.
Part of it is the
phenomenal speed.

I mean, you might think it's
not that much faster than
a McLaren. The F1.

The last fastest car
in the world. That did 241.

You put an F1 and this
on the line together,

you can let the McLaren get to
120 miles an hour before you
set off,

and you'll beat it to 200.

That is how quick it is, okay?

And then there's the fuel
consumption. The trivia's
just amazing,

but the fuel consumption
is my favourite bit.

Flat out, it's got
a 100 litre tank.
That's £100 to fill it up.

-Flat out,
it's all gone in 12 minutes.
-HAMMOND: Whoa.

-Twelve minutes!
-See, you said the
aeroplane was thirsty.

No, and then you've got
the brakes, on it, okay?

You can pull it up to a
dead stop from 250 miles
an hour in 10 seconds!

Mind you, you're still
gonna cover some
distance in those 10 seconds.

Oh, yeah, you start braking in
Hampshire, you'll be through
Dorset before you stop...

It is actually five
football pitches to stop.

I'm surprised it can't fly!

You're the pilot, you should
understand, that's the real
genius of it,

is how you keep it
on the ground at
250 miles an hour.

I mean,
a jumbo is up and off at 150.

This is still down.
It actually changes shape
the faster you go.

For how long can you actually
rave on about this car?

Weeks. Leave me alone.
I will talk for the whole show
about this stuff.

Well, you can't, you've got to
stop. We will pick it up
later on

because you've got to
meet the guest.

You're right, actually.
You may remember last week
we had Ellen MacArthur here

and she went to the
top of our leader board.
Well okay.

There's a chap, gave us a
call, said he'd pay us a
flying visit

to see if he could beat it,
and he probably can,

because he was the Formula 1
world champion

and the American Indycar
champion, at the same time.

And he was also Britain's
highest-paid sportsman.

And he achieved all this
despite being born
with a moustache.

Ladies and gentlemen,
Nigel Mansell!

How are you?

-I'm very well. How are you?
-Have a seat.

Now, hey.

Nigel, Nigel.

What's happened to your face?

It fell off.

It just fell off?

It's a go faster stripe.

'Cause I always thought it was
interchangeable with your
eyebrows.

-You're back! You're back
in a racing car.
-This is awesome.

-That's what? 650...
-About 650 horsepower,
upwards of 200 miles an hour.

-So, it's pretty impressive.
-Pretty slow compared
to the Bugatti, but not bad

-for a race car...
-I'll take you on.

-Actually, all right.
- Not in a
straight line though.

Not in a straight line.
I was going to say, I can
think of a really long runway,

and it's goodbye, Mr Mansell,
in that Bugatti.
No, I'll have that.

This is the master's thing,
yeah?

And the idea is that it's like
these Tennis Grand Masters
things isn't it?

-A bit quicker, but yeah.
-But you get the older guys
who used to be on the circuit

-a few years ago,
you know what I mean.

So, it's you and
Emerson Fittipaldi,
and...

Well, you've got Jan Lammers,
we got Derek Warwick,

Riccardo Patrese,

Andrea de Cesaris.

So, it's the whole team.
Does the smell of Ralgex
hang in the air?

What's that?

You know exactly what it is.

I'm not quite
there yet with Viagra either.

I'm surprised you're not
sponsored by Viagra!

So you've done one race so far
which is in South Africa,

which, of course, you won.

-Which we fluked, yeah.
-Yeah, you fluked that one.

And what's gonna happen next?
Is it going to be a proper
series next year?

Yeah, we sincerely hope
it's going to kick off
in Qatar in March,

and then finishing in
South Africa again.

-And you've got to
be how old to do it?
-Forty-five and over...

-I'm there!
-But we're gonna have
guest appearances,

-I'm there!
-I'm offering you, today,
in front of all this crowd...

-Yes! Count me in
for some of that.
-You'd like to have a go?

-Only if I can use
a Bugatti, though.

Please let me use that
Bugatti, and then I'll
cream the lot of you.

Oh, I don't think so.

Well, obviously you've
had an immense career,

but tonight is the
big one, isn't it?
Frankly.

Out on our track.
Should we have a look
at the actual lap? Yeah?

-AUDIENCE: Yeah!
-Okay, play the tape.
Here we go.

CLARKSON: Aggressive start.

-Come on, let's go!

Okay, here we go.
Coming up to the
first corner now.

We've had a few Formula 1
drivers down here before.

They had a different
line though.

Yours is the same as the Stig.
Is that the quickest way
round that corner?

-I hope so!
-Yeah, because the others go
wide and then cut that...

That's very smooth.

CLARKSON: You're still a
competitive man, aren't you?
MANSELL: Well, you have to be,

-that's the problem.
-CLARKSON: Even here.

MANSELL: Easing it off there
and just keeping it
nice and straight.

-CLARKSON: Concentrate, man!
This is important.

MANSELL: I was happy I managed
to change gear!

CLARKSON: You can't just take
your hands off the wheel
for the fearsome Hammerhead,

-and you kept it in
the lines there.
-HAMMOND: Oh, look at that!

CLARKSON: I know.
I was hoping to mock you, but
this is actually quite good.

Come on. Go, go, go!

CLARKSON:
Right, did you lift here?
I'm suspecting probably not.

-Oh, that's...
-MANSELL: There's a bit of
grass coming up, I think.

-Which is...
-CLARKSON: Are you
gonna cut this one?

Ooh! That's cutting it a lot!

-No!
-That's cutting it, I'll let
you off, since you're here.

And that's cut the lip,
but that's all right as well.

And into Gambon. Ooh,
it's looking a bit wobbly!

And across the line.

Now...

Obviously,
those who've raced in F1

aren't allowed on our proper
power-board, 'cause it's just
not fair.

So, we have a special
power-board here for F1.

-Where do you think
you've come?

I have to tell you,
Damon was in the dry.
1.46.3

Mark Webber came down.
He did 1.47.1 but it was
pouring with rain there.

I've no idea!

I think it was probably close
to Damon's, if not a bit
quicker, maybe, hopefully.

-You were nowhere near
Damon's time.
-Oh, in that case, then...

-You were a hell
of a lot faster.

You did it in 1.44.6.

I can't believe that!

Thank you.

I genuinely cannot
believe that time, 'cause

the Stig has always told us
that track would give a 1.44
in that car,

and I've always thought,
I don't think...

You look at Damon
and think, I'm not sure.

And he's only about half a
second quicker than
Ellen MacArthur last week.

-Oh yeah, but Isn't she a
wonderful person?
-She's a goddess, that girl.

-She is.
-She's a wonderful lady.

There was a security guard
at the BBC, soon as I pulled
up and he went,

"A woman! A woman!"

I'm so glad you came, Nigel.
It's been great fun
having you here.

Thanks ever so much.
Ladies and gentlemen,
Nigel Mansell!

That is awesome.

Now this is our favourite
sports car, the Porsche 911,

but now there is a
completely new version.
The four-wheel drive one.

As you can see,
they look exactly the same.

So, to find out which is best,

I took them to a
stadium full of the Welsh.

This is the Millennium Stadium
in Cardiff.

Now, normally it's host to
great Welsh events,

such as rugby
or Charlotte Church concerts.

But today we'll see
something a bit more melodic.

MAY: You see, this year,
the 75,000 capacity arena

was turned into a special
stage for the British leg of
the World Rally Championship.

Drivers were timed
over a 1 kilometre circuit

constructed on the pitch.

And it also provided the
perfect level playing field

on which to answer a question
of global importance.

You see, some Porsche bores
are now saying that the
ordinary 911 Carrera

is so good, that the new,
four-wheel drive 911 Carrera 4

is completely pointless.

MAY: However, there are
others who insist that
four-wheel drive is essential

to get the best out of a car
that's always had its engine
hanging over the back.

So, we're going to settle this
once and for all.

And by pitching them
head-to-head, around this
amazing indoor rally stage.

But to do that, we need an
independent adjudicator.

MAY: Yes,
who else could it be?

And first off, he's taking out
the two-wheel drive 911.

According to the Stig,
the Carrera 2 felt light,
agile and easy to steer.

Its party piece was to change
direction superbly

in tight turns like
this hairpin.

Overall, a very,
very easy car to drive.

Right, that's one minute 12,
dead.

That's the time
the Carrera 4 has to beat.

Come on, Stig.

MAY: The Carrera 4 was
a different animal.

It was heavier and more
ponderous through the
tight corners.

But on the plus-side,
it was fantastic at putting
its power down,

and getting away
out of the bends.

So, swings and roundabouts
it is then, but which one
is the fastest?

Well, now,

I'm dying to know the verdict,

but first,
something more important.

Your hat!
What were you thinking?

You looked like the dog car
out of Dumb And Dumber!

Listen, that hat is
haute couture in
rallying circles.

Yeah, right.
Either way, the thing is

was the Carrera 4 fastest?

Yes it was, half a second!

But the Stig says,
and I agree with him,

that the two-wheel
drive car is still
the nicer one to drive.

Yes, yes, yes, can we get back
to the Bugatti?

-Oh, God.
-No, no, please let me
get back to the Bugatti

because you see
the thing is, you might not
need four-wheel drive

with a puny
350 brake horsepower,

but trust me, you do need
four-wheel drive when you've
got 1,000 horsepower.

Okay, now just think how hard
it is to get 1,000 horsepower
onto the road.

Imagine how strong
the gearbox has got to be.

This was built and designed
by a British company, okay?

And I've watched the
man who ran the project,
become an old man,

in, like, five years.
I'm not kidding.
I said to him, "Look,

"you've done Formula 1
gearboxes." And he went,
"Yes, but,

"this is way faster than any
Formula 1 car."

And a Formula 1 car
doesn't have anything like
this much power.

And the gearbox in an F1
car has only got to last
two races.

Like, what? Four hours!

The gearbox in this has got
to last 10 or 20 years.

And it can't weigh
more than a bag of flour.

This is so much more than
any car you've ever seen.

And it's as easy to drive
as a normal car, but it goes
like a bullet.

And then when you're going
down a mountain road,
it handles like a Lotus Elite.

Which is why in the race
we're having tonight,
I am just creaming it!

And breathe!

-Yes.

Anyway, yes, the race.
We are taking our two truffles

from the north of Italy here,
and we're heading for a
restaurant

at the top of the NatWest
Tower in London, here.

So, we rejoin the action
with James and me
in the private plane,

which is like a sort of
toaster with wings on it,
down here.

And Jeremy in his amazing
bullet car, about here.
150 miles ahead.

How do they think
they're gonna beat this?

-Look at that sky above us,
it's fantastic!
-This is a race!

And we're winning, overall.

I've the sense that we're
several hours behind
Jeremy and his car.

CLARKSON: I was feeling
so cocky I was dreaming up
games to amuse myself.

Just had an idea.

I'm ringing an insurance
company to see how much
it would cost...

...to insure this car for me.

-MAN ON PHONE: Hello?
-Yeah, hi. Are you the people
that can quote me happy?

What is your car?

It's a Bugatti Veyron.

Is it a car?

It is a car, yes.

May I know your last name?

Clarkson.

C-L-A-R-K-S-O-N.

Yes. B-U-G-A-T-T-I.

-You said it's a Rover?
-No, it's not a Rover,
it's a Bugatti.

He thinks it's a Rover.

No, sir, we don't
insure this car.

You don't insure it?

-No.
-So I've been through
all that and, okay. Thank you.

You spend half an hour talking
to a man, telling him where
you were born,

how many children you've got,
where you live, what your post
code is,

and then he says,
"Is a Bugatti a Rover?"

Well, they quoted
me miserable there.

CLARKSON: But at least
I didn't have the same
problem as Richard.

Hammond. I ought to tell you,
I've only actually done two
and a half hours

on this type of aircraft.

Right. So you're not
entirely familiar.

I know what the major
knobs and things do.

I have to say this is no
harder to drive or more
tiring than a Golf.

Or even a golf cart!

And the interior
is such a nice place to be.

I mean, these stalks here
are made from magnesium
and aluminium.

And they cost £4,500 each!

The only thing that's
wrong at the moment
really is the smell.

The smell of my
pharaoh's testicle here.

I don't imagine that Hamster
and Slow are going to be

having a refreshing cup of
hot brown, wherever they are.

I don't think light aircraft
have tea and coffee
making facilities on them

I'm guessing.

CLARKSON:
My smugness, however,
was about to take a blow.

CLARKSON: Hello?

-Jeremy, it's Richard.
How are you doing?
-Hamster, how are you going?

Well, we were in
real trouble, but we've
had a stroke of luck.

French air traffic control
let us take a slight shortcut.

Which meant we could cut
really quite a sizable corner

and that's brought us
back in the game.

So, we're over mid-ish France.

No, come on. Tell me.
Where are you?

Keep looking overhead, mate!

This is it then,
our final leg.
We are on the way.

Next stop, presumably, UK.

Yup.

CLARKSON: This was a disaster.

All my fannying about with
coffee stops and calls to
insurance companies,

meant that Maverick and Iceman
were right behind me.

They are gonna overtake me.
Oh, this is torture.

We have a ground speed
of nearly 145 knots.

-That's about what?
150 miles an hour?
-Corking speed.

Captain Slow is up there
in his washing machine.

I will not be beaten
by a washing machine.

CLARKSON:
It was time to unleash the
Bugatti's secret weapon.

At the moment I'm in DEFCON 3.

I'm in handling mode
with that rear spoiler up,

which is pushing the back of
the car into the road to give
me grip in the corners.

But I am on a motorway
and there are no corners.

CLARKSON:
So all the spoiler's doing is
causing drag, slowing me down.

I therefore needed to
pull over and lower it.

To make sure you don't put it
down accidentally,

you have to use the ignition
key in this slot here.

So that now,
when you get cracking,
the spoiler doesn't come up.

And the whole car hunkers
down on the road. Makes it
very slippery,

and you can get
to the top speed.

But before you can do that,
Volkswagen say you have
to do some checks.

No idea what these
checks might be, so...

Seems fine.

I am now at DEFCON 4.

At this point, your big
advantage about flying
does start to pay off,

because we are in the sky,
there's nothing is in the way,
we're going direct.

HAMMOND: Jeremy was flying.

But 5,000 feet above him,
we were flying faster.

We were about to take
the lead, but then,
guess what?

James delivered
yet more bad news.

There is one thing I need to
tell you about, Hammond.

What?

-This idea about England,
here we come.
-That's the idea.

Well, the thing is,
because we were a bit delayed,

it's, um, it's gonna get dark
while we're still in northern
France.

We've got lights.
Turn them on.

No, but I'm not allowed
to fly this thing in the dark.

-What?
-I'm not qualified.
I'm really sorry, Hammond.

Right.
So what do we do?

Uh, we land.

-Hamster, are you really
hammering along now?

We do have problems.

James has just told me that he
hasn't done the test that

allows him to drive
the plane at night.

So, we're gonna have to land.
And I quote,
"Somewhere. Maybe Lille."

CLARKSON: He really hasn't
thought this through, has he?

He's gone.

CLARKSON: The news enabled
me to switch back to DEFCON 3

and reflect some more
on the joys of driving.

Perhaps the most marvellous
thing, really, about the car

is that when it starts
to go dark, you don't
have to park.

You just put your lights on
and keep right on going.

HAMMOND: If we could
make Lille before night fell,
we were in with a chance

of catching the Eurostar
to London, and staying in
the race.

They're 100 miles south
of Lille. I'm 90 miles south
of Lille.

I'm going to see
them any minute!

-Are we still all
right for light?
-Yeah I've got to land before

the sun goes down.
Ten minutes before it goes
down, strictly speaking.

This is gonna be so close!

Please carry on flying, now.
Just drive the plane.

I can't let this,
not the best car ever made,

be beaten by James'
flying washing machine.

MAY:
...final, runway 18.

That's probably the wrong
order, but it's roughly right.

You all right, Hammond?

Oh, yes. Just land.

It's tricky, man, it's windy.

HAMMOND: We landed in Lille
with moments to spare.

-CLARKSON: Hamster, where are
you? Are you down?

-You must be down by now.
-We're down, yeah.
Where are you?

Well, I'm about
70 miles from Calais.

Right! Okay! That's good.

Come on.

-The train's fast.
-The good thing is

is this is going to
be seriously close.

Oh, you're dis... He's gone.

Never mind. I don't really
care. It's not that way,
it's this way.

-MAY: I'm running!
-Yes, you're running!

Go, just don't try
and fly this, will you.

-Train station.
What's the name?
-Train station, TGV...

HAMMOND: We'd so nearly
caught Jeremy up in the plane.

But now we were on a bus,
going to the railway station.

His lead was increasing
by the moment.

Now, train station.

Right. Eurostar. That's us.

This bit of northern France
isn't half dull.

When you're not in a Bugatti,
that is.

These things are
getting worse.

It's like a dead dog in a bag.

Yes! This is a good thing.

Well, here we are.
I've made it to Calais. Yes!

I don't want to lower the tone
or anything,

but I haven't been to the loo
since Italy, and I'm begging
for it.

The ones that way are out of
order, and there's 42 British
coaches through there,

and they all want
my autograph.

Avez-vous le beer?

CLARKSON: Oh!

Oh, yeah!

CLARKSON: I'd arrived back
in Britain half an hour
in front of Ginger and Algy.

But, they were gaining fast.

CLARKSON: Hamster,
how are you?

We're on our train and we're
doing quite nicely. We're 35
minutes from Waterloo.

HAMMOND:
It is down to the wire, again.

Any minute now,
we'll see your headlights
sweep past the window.

CLARKSON:
May the best man win.

The race actually starts, now.

Blackwall Tunnel.
Is that good?

I don't know,
I just know time is tight.

This is the longest I've been
stationary in 13 hours.

-We've gotta run now,
hadn't we?
-Yes.

-Where do you get
these night buses?
-Right outside.

Can you pay them in truffles?

Way out!

Come on.

MAY: This is it! This is it!

HAMMOND: Excellent.

Go. Drive.

Ooh, I see bits of London
that I recognise.

It's Canary Wharf.

Yes!

-This is what public transport
is about. Waiting.
-Drive! Drive!

He's got a Bugatti,
we've got a bus.

All those tunnels I've been in
today. Smooth, neat and big.

This one looks like
a public convenience.

Whatever comes up behind
us could be a Bugatti.

That was the Aldwych. Yes.

This is the city.

-There it is! There it is!
We're minutes away!
-Let's get our bags.

Go. go. go.

Another red light.

-James!
-Yeah, I'm coming.

-That's it!

This is it. It's the NatWest
Tower! I'm here!
Are they here?

Come on!

Oh, trouble, trouble.

CLARKSON: The tower was a
maze with no direct lift from
the bottom to the finish line

on the 42nd floor.

HAMMOND: B to 21...

21 transfer to something
to go to 42.

Yeah, that makes sense, look.

-B.
-In.

Transfer to lift group D.

Why don't they
just have a lift?

Go! Arrows! This way!

Right. No, hang on.

-That's not it.
-Oh!

Excuse me.
Do you know how to get to 42?

41. As high as you
can go in the lift.

-41 and walk? Okay, thanks
ever so much. Bye.
-Yeah.

What a stupid building!

-34, 35, 36...
-35, 36...

Go!

-Stairs!
-Oh, mate, I'm terrified!

-But this it, Hammond.
-This is it!

BOTH: Good evening.

Um, I don't know.
I'm confused. Does that mean
we've won? Where is he?

Well, I would say we've won.
We're here and he's not.

-That's a shadow, in the
window, of a ghostly figure!

Surely not!

That's horrible!

You unbearable man!
I can't stand it!

-Ugh! Yes.
-Dignity.

-Have you got your truffle?
-Yes.

Well unfortunately
they've already got one.

So, I'm afraid you're
65 quid out of pocket.

CLARKSON: Oh, marvellous.
Pasta with my truffle on it.
HAMMOND: Oh, truffle. Good.

It's quite a hollow victory.

-Is it?
-Mmm.

Because I've now got to go
for the rest of my life,

knowing that I'll
never own that car.

I'll never experience
that power again.

And that is a really
sad feeling.

Like the end of an
era in an odd way.

HAMMOND: The beginning of
something new, but...

Now, this, is it.

It's unbelievable.

So, James, tiring is it,
driving a plane?

Yeah. I was dead.

You've no idea how
close he came to really
being dead.

You've no idea
what an irritating
airline passenger you are.

-Oh, come on!
-No, I would have
had you sedated

-and strapped to the seat,
like one of those drunkards.
-I wish I had been sedated.

Just please, stop bickering.
Because I've got this question
to ask, okay?

How much do you think
it cost Volkswagen to
actually make this car?

No idea.

5,000,000 quid.

-What? Each car?
-Each car?

-So they're making a
huge loss on each one?
-Yeah.

Making a huge loss. They did
it as a technical exercise
to see if it could be done.

And what worries me, is that
in the current climate,
you know,

with shareholders and
everyone twittering on
about global warming,

-nobody's gonna do it again.
-No, we've had our
Concorde moment.

Exactly. This is Concorde.
Not just the best car that's
ever been made,

but, very possibly,
the best car we'll see
in our lifetime.

And on that rather sad
bombshell, it's time to
end the show.

We're not here next week
'cause some men are coming
playing billiards, I think.

-Something, yeah.
-Something like that.

So, we'll be back on
December 27th.
We'll see you then. Goodnight.