All language subtitles for The Man from UNCLE - S02E11 - The Virtue Affair.en

Simple Simon met a
pie man going to the fair.

Said Simple Simon
to the pie man:

"What's going on down there?"

Our friend Voegler is getting
ready to deliver a rocket booster...

and some more
guided-missile parts.

It's about time we
found out where.

Look.

That's quite a
pad for a pie man.

Let's go take a look.

Stop. Stop!

- You've got to help me.
- I'm sorry, we have important business.

You must help me get away.

I will kill you if you don't.

Oh, by all means.

Drive me to Montmercy. I
will instruct you from there.

Faster! Faster!

Lose them.

Lose them or your friend dies.

Drive.

Yes?

Papa.

Oh! Papa.

Oh, Papa. I thought I would
never see you again, never.

- My little girl.
- Papa.

Forgive me, gentlemen,
for behaving like a gangster.

My name is Raoul Dubois.

And this is my daughter Albert.

Albert?

I was named for papa's
idol, Monsieur Einstein.

My father is a physicist too.

The finest in the world. - Hm.

There is only one better.

My daughter.

But what happened to
you? Why didn't you write?

It's three long months, I
thought you were dead.

Dead? I was a prisoner.

Do you remember, Albert...

the day I received a visitor
from the French government?

He told me I was to work for
them on a guided-missile program.

That's an interesting
coincidence. Go on.

The project's code
name was three letters:

LEF.

What does LEF stand for?

That I don't know. It was all
top secret, you know. Hush-hush.

So I was taken to this place
to work with other scientists...

and there we were not allowed to
leave or even to write to our families.

They said it was for the good of
France, but, of course, it was all a lie.

It wasn't a government project?

Government project? Hm.

I was duped.

We were all duped. That's
why I escaped to warn France.

To warn France? About what?

About him.

Papa?

Papa?

Papa?

- Ah! Bonjour, monsieur.
- Bonjour.

Your accent is just awful.

Well, there he is, gentlemen.

The man in the white car.

The owner of the castle,
Monsieur Jacques Robespierre.

Robespierre. Is
that his name, really?

Well, he claims to be a direct
descendant of the famous Robespierre.

The fanatical French
revolutionary leader.

His battle cry was, "Virtue,
virtue and above all else, virtue."

And if I remember correctly...

his method of inspiring
virtue was Madame Guillotine.

You mean, he actually ran
for president of the republic?

Well, his virtue party
was only a splinter group.

Its platform was the total
prohibition of wine and whiskey.

How many votes did he get?
- Eighty-four.

I should have
demanded a recount.

- "Vineyards are
graveyards, vote for virtue."

- I beg your pardon?

"Protect our women." That
was another campaign theme.

Respect for women.

I'm afraid Robespierre has a
very exaggerated sense of gallantry.

All right, now, he's against
whiskey and he's against wine...

but he's for women.

So why is he suddenly trying to acquire
missile parts and missile scientists?

That's the question that
remains to be answered.

And so we have to
get inside his castle?

Remember this young woman?

"The Journal of
Physical Science."

Mademoiselle Albert Dubois.

Yes, she's a specialist in inertial
guidance, just as her father was.

Now that her father's dead...

Robespierre may need
someone to replace him.

Well, do you feel
she's in danger?

Yesterday, Robespierre
invited her to dinner.

Gallantly, I hope.

However, Miss Dubois
declined the invitation.

She's a strange young woman.

Ever since her father died...

she's virtually cut
herself off from the world.

Devoted herself
entirely to her work.

Well, perhaps I could
convince her to go to the party...

with me as her escort.

I've already ordered your dinner
jacket to be pressed, Mr. Solo.

What about Carl Voegler? He's
the supply sergeant in this business.

Yes.

And he'll be your
pigeon, Mr. Kuryakin.

And here's how you're
gonna shoot him down.

It's a new kind
of bow and arrow.

I didn't want to go to Robespierre's
dinner. I am not a dinner party type.

- Haven't you observed that?
- I don't believe it.

I leave that sort of
thing to other women...

Albert. I'm thinking
of your father.

I want you to help
me catch his murderer.

You... You don't
mean Robespierre?

But he was my father's friend.
I've known him since I was a child.

We believe that he
kept your father prisoner.

That he has other
scientists under lock and key.

That he invited you to
dinner for the same reason.

To enlist your help.

And all you want me to do is to
go to this dinner party with you?

Well, you could introduce
me as your fiancé.

- But I can't go. I can't.
- Why not?

Well, I... I just remembered
I haven't got a thing to wear.

Albert, you're learning to
become a woman very fast.

Mr. Solo, did you say that
your first name was Napoleon?

- That's right, yes.
- What a cruel prank by your parents.

I thought the French people
were proud of Napoleon.

Bonaparte was a drunkard and a
libertine, why should I be proud of him?

And you, my dear, Albert.

How are you bearing
your burden of grief?

- I have my work, monsieur.
- Of course.

Your father was
a great scientist.

How fortunate that his
greatness lives on in you.

You know much about inertial
guidance, Monsieur Robespierre?

Only that it allows the missile to
steer itself using the stars to navigate.

Beyond that, my poor brain cannot
comprehend such complexities.

Personally, my interests
lie more to architecture.

Magnificent old
fireplace, isn't it?

The whole chateau
is magnificent.

Somebody certainly sold
you a lot of white paint.

White is the color of virtue.

Hmm. And ambulances.

The castle's history dates
back to Charlemagne.

It has 117 rooms.

And this fireplace is rumored to
have led to an underground dungeon.

Hmm.

You know, it's not very plebeian of you,
Monsieur Robespierre, to live in a castle.

Perhaps that's why
you lost the election.

I wonder if you would excuse Miss
Dubois and myself for a few minutes...

we have some
business to discuss.

Of course.

Make yourself at
home. Read a book.

Mm-hm. I've read one, thank you.

Open Channel F,
Solo to Kuryakin.

- Kuryakin here.
- Illya, I'm here in Robespierre's castle.

And I am near Voegler's
hunting preserve.

The host was very anxious to
have me investigate a fireplace.

It's in the living
room, just in case.

Very good. Is there anything else,
because I have a lot of work to do...

before tomorrow morning.

What's the matter? Did
you lose your little comforter?

Good night, Napoleon.

Good night, Illya.

Stand back. Who are you?

So This is how you
obey our leader?

- But I...
- Come on, let's have it.

It's, uh, only cough medicine.

Oui.

Oui, your cough sounds bad.

Here. I have just
the thing for it.

Break the capsule
in half. Sniff it.

Your cough will vanish.

I knew you couldn't resist
that sign, Monsieur Solo.

All right, bring them both.

- Carl Voegler.
- I will not tolerate any further delay.

I want the equipment
delivered to me here, today.

Out of the question. I'm
sure I'm being watched.

I cannot guarantee a
safe delivery right now.

I warn you, Voegler,
do not try my patience.

Leave that arrow alone.

- It's my arrow.
- No, you are wrong, my friend.

The shot was mine. See the shaft?
Orange and blue, my hunting colors.

Oh, I'm sorry, I was mistaken.

No, it's quite all
right, quite all right.

What, uh...? What kind
of a gadget is that, huh?

Oh, it's a new kind of bow.

It could not be
very accurate, huh?

I never miss, Mr...?

Voegler. Carl Voegler.

- I prefer target shooting myself.
- Oh?

Well, I won the Swiss Intermediate
Target Championship three years ago.

Well, that's a long time ago.
We all get a little rusty, don't we?

I could still outshoot
you and that slingshot.

- For what stakes?
- Name them.

- Ten thousand francs?
- Done.

I have that much
with me, do you?

In my chateau.

We will go there after
the match. Agreed?

If you insist.

Do you see the O in "no"? Huh?

Do you see the I?

I'll dot it.

Heinrich.

Here, catch.

Hold it up.

Is he gonna put it on his head?

I want him to
hold it in his hand.

Ah?

Heinrich.

Heinrich, take out one
of the matches, huh?

The young lady first.

This how you show
your respect for women?

That I do. I do not intend
to harm a hair of her head...

even though she has given
me the greatest provocation.

No, no, you needn't
worry, Monsieur Solo.

The lady is not for burning.

I have reserved
that privilege for you.

No, you can't do this.

- You know how to stop it, my dear.
- What does he want you to do?

He's getting the parts of
an inertial guidance system.

He wants me to assemble it.

Prepare our patient.

He did kill Papa, Napoleon.
I can't help him to kill more.

Your turn, doctor.

No, you can't do
this. It's medieval.

You think I'm medieval?

You think this is
medieval, my dear?

It is a very modern device, the
product of our so-called civilization.

And what is your
target, Robespierre?

My target is the
vineyard, Monsieur Solo.

The vineyard which is the
graveyard of our national strength.

The missile will release deadly
radioactive matter upon explosion.

It will contaminate the soil
for the next hundred years.

It will be aimed at
the Champagne...

Bordeaux, Chablis, and
other districts of France.

And what about the people?

There are thousands of people
who work in those vineyards.

They'll all be killed.

I won't help you. I won't.

Very well. Doctor.

LEF.

I suddenly know what
it means, Robespierre.

- Do you?
- Yes.

The motto of France
since the revolution.

Liberty. Equality. Fraternity.

Stop it. Stop it.

I'll do what you want.

- Only don't hurt him.
- That's very noble of you.

Release him.

You see what I mean
about women, Monsieur Solo.

Noble creatures, who
sacrifice their own for men.

Even for unworthy men.

Mm.

And what happens to unworthy me?

You will remain here as
my guest, safe and sound...

as long as Miss
Dubois cooperates.

Is that understood?

To the victor.

Thank you.

And now, my friend, I
believe I am in your debt.

Ten thousand francs, was it not?

Oh, by the way...

did you get that new
bow from U.N.C.L.E.?

U.N.C.L.E.?

What's that?

Wrong answer, my friend.

Any other man would
have said, "Who is that?"

But you know that U.N.C.L.E. is
a what and not a who, don't you?

Ah! Careful, my friend.

I am pretty good with a bow,
but I am perfect with a gun.

You underestimated
my sharp eyes.

I saw you in the rearview
mirror of my car that day...

and I never forget a face.

Don't be rash, Voegler. U.N.C.L.E.
knows exactly where I am.

Well, then they won't be surprised
when you have a hunting accident.

No, no, don't worry.

We are all sportsmen here.

We would not kill you
without a sporting chance.

Now, Ludwig, get the paint.

Beautiful.

You will make a fine
moving target, my friend.

This is what you call
a sporting chance?

You will have as much
chance as any hunted animal.

Even more so, because
you have intelligence...

but not too much, I am afraid.

Give him a few minutes head start
and then get me a fresh quiver, huh?

Herr Voegler.

This is a Code 7 call.
Mr. Kuryakin for Mr. Waverly.

Yes, Mr. Kuryakin. Go ahead.

Don't worry about Robespierre's
missile. I have the guidance system.

- Have you heard anything from Napoleon?
- Don't worry about Mr. Solo.

Your job is to get that equipment
back to headquarters at once.

Yes, sir, as soon as I
have washed my shirt.

Soon as you what?

Are you Voegler?

No. I'm Mr. Voegler's engineer.

- This is the material, right?
- Yeah.

Robespierre wants it now.

But it's not assembled yet.

- We have people who can fix that.
- Not this system.

There are only two people in
the world who can fix this system.

Which two people?

One of them is Bruno von Schlüffenkopf
but he's in Munich. Fendtstraße.

The other one is me.

So this equipment is no good to
you unless you take me along with it.

All right.

Uh, a moment, bitte.

Danke.

Here he is, sir.
Voegler's engineer.

Well, I never knew that
Voegler was so thorough.

- Is that the equipment?
- Yes, that's it.

You guarantee that it will work?

Your money will be
refunded if it doesn't.

Will you be able to have
your life refunded, young man?

Very well. Let's find out how
much you know, Mr. Engineer.

Take him below
to the laboratory.

You really gotta hand
it to old Robespierre.

He knows how to do things right.

Got a nice cell here. Comfortable
bed. Running water, electric light.

If you ask me, I have it
better off than you do, Bernard.

Perhaps you would
like to change places.

That's a great idea. Why
don't you give me your keys...?

Bright fellow.

And what was this
poor man's crime?

Stupidity.

Yes, you can see he's the stupid sort.
The way the eyes are set so close together.

We electronic
engineers can always tell.

Oh, must be visitor's day.

There you are, my dear.

I told you Monsieur
Solo is alive and well.

Napoleon, I was so worried.

They've got the guidance equipment.
One of Voegler's engineers brought it.

Yes, one of his top engineers
from Kuryakin College.

I'm sure you'll notice that.

Very well, my dear.
Your visit's over.

- Napoleon, I...
- You heard Monsieur Robespierre.

Pig!

I have warned you. Never
lay a hand on a woman.

I will have respect here.

Do you understand?

Are you all right, my dear?

Yes, I'm fine, thank you.

Are you sure you don't wanna
change places with me, Bernie?

Hm?

Gentlemen, allow me to introduce to
you Mr. Kuryakin, who will explain to us...

the operation of the Blaine
Wilson Inertial Guidance System.

Now.

As you all know, the idea of
an inertial guidance system...

is to guide. Inertially.

This part is designed to work in
conjunction with the other parts.

Clear?

Now, if this piece does not
work as it is designed to do...

every single piece of the
mechanism will not work.

Monsieur, does this system
employ a cryogenic rotor...

with frictionless bearings?

- Of course. SCIENTIST
1: Mr. Kuryakin.

To what tolerances
are the parts machined?

What would you guess?

Well, 50 millionths of an inch.

Absolutely correct. Next.

What is the degree of torque?

Must I tell you everything?

Gentlemen.

Gentlemen, I am an engineer.

I leave science to you.

Take that man.

Hey, Robespierre.

- Those fools are making a big mistake.
- No, no. No mistake, my friend.

Murderer. You
killed Carl Voegler.

And in my new France, you shall
have Old Testament judgment.

A life for a life.

Careful, get back.

If I drop this, you might as
well scrap your entire project.

The part is irreplaceable.
Let him go, Robespierre.

I am willing to make a
deal, Monsieur Kuryakin.

- Make it.
- Julius.

Go to Monsieur Solo's cell and
empty your gun into Monsieur Solo.

- Wait.
- Ahh.

You see the terms of my deal.

You give me the part, you
can have all of Monsieur Solo.

All right then. Take it then.

After him!

Give me that. Don't you know
these things are dangerous?

The natives are restless today.

Those are drums I hear?

Quiet down and let me sleep.

Pleasant dreams.

Kind of a funny way they
chop wood around here.

It is not wood they are
chopping this morning.

It is your friend's neck.

Bernard, how would like to earn
a crisp thousand-dollar bill, huh?

- You are trying to bribe me?
- But of course.

But I know you do
not have any money.

You were searched.

No, no. They
overlooked something.

You see, I have in my heel
here a thousand-dollar bill.

Now, it's yours if you
get me out of here.

You must think I
am pretty stupid.

What do you mean?

I can get that thousand
dollars without letting you go.

Darn, of course.

You are not so bright
after all, my friend.

I will see you
in a little while.

Bring out the prisoner.

Bernard!

Bernard!

Prisoner...

you have been condemned to
death for the murder of Carl Voegler.

You are a liar, Solo.

There was not any
thousand-dollar bill.

Of course there was. One of the
other guards must have taken it.

This place is full of thieves.

Well, maybe it
dropped out somewhere.

- You think so?
- Yeah, turn on that light out there.

- Oh, wait, what's that there?
- Where?

Test the blade.

Illya, look out!

Get him.

- Don't just kneel there, do something.
- Look out!

Never mind me. Robespierre's
gone back into the castle.

- He can't do any harm.
- That's what you think.

He's got the guidance system, he
can fire that missile any time he wants to.

- Did Robespierre get away?
- Is the missile ready?

- I had to do it.
- Where's the control room?

I don't know, he didn't
show me where it was.

Great. That means we only have
117 rooms to search. Come on.

All right, stand back.

It's no use. We'll
never find him.

We've got to. I want my
children to drink champagne.

You never told me
you were married.

Well, they're my
imaginary children.

Thank goodness.

We only have 60 seconds.

We've got one chance.

Trace the wire from the speaker.

Storage closet?

Ah!

Come in, Monsieur Solo.

You are just in time
to see the bird fly.

I don't recognize you without
your pretty white suit, Robespierre.

I've been mourning for
the innocent who must die...

so that virtue may triumph.

Wait, can't you at least warn
them, give them a chance to get out...

to save themselves?

It is too late now.

The die is cast,
nothing can stop it now.

- Leave the switch alone.
- Not even if you kill me.

That red button. That's the abort switch.
It's the only way to stop the missile.

Solo. Not another step.

Don't make me do this.

I don't want to hurt you.

I shall have to kill you.

Kill a woman, Robespierre?

Oh. Illya.

What took you so long?

We realized you might be getting
hungry so we brought some bread.

And cheese. SOLO: And wine.

And what did you bring
for me, a bowl of milk?

I'd sort of gotten used
to seeing you that way.

You know something,
I am a little hungry.

Being guillotined always
gives me a great appetite.

Oh, you know, we
forgot something.

- What's that?
- The knife.

Uh-uh.

Go.