All language subtitles for The Man from UNCLE - S02E09 - The Re-Collectors Affair.en

The moment you set foot in
Switzerland, they'd whisk the boy away.

Thrush must not have an
inkling, not the slightest inkling...

that you've come over to our side. And
this terrible intelligence you bring us...

this poison gas in your
secret plant on the coast...

I tell you that plant will be
destroyed within 12 hours. Within 12...

Return Dr. Warshowsky to his
hotel. Better leave a few aspirin too.

Keep him under 24-hour surveillance.
Under no consideration, lose him.

This was four seconds slow this
time. Perhaps the rubber is rotting.

- Who is he?
- Armand Warshowsky.

The father of that boy
genius who was in the papers.

Oh, yes.

And Thrush's California
scientist in residence.

Is he with us now?

Isn't this rather a
drastic measure?

Yes. And necessary.

Desperate men always seem to think
they can do everything by themselves.

Hmm? Oh, I wasn't in danger.

Thrush has the Warshowsky
boy in Switzerland, at school.

His father wants
him out of there.

He doesn't seem to understand
the danger of precipitous action.

But he did bring us some
fascinating information.

Yes, fascinating and terrifying.

Here's his secret plant.

We must destroy it.
You leave immediately.

- What's there?
- Enough poisonous hypnotic gas...

to put the half of southern
California to sleep, permanently.

Destroy it, Mr. Solo.
Whatever the cost.

Including me, of course.

You know, sometimes I get the
feeling I'm terribly expendable.

Oh. You are.

And you're very welcome to it.

Mr. Solo?

I would have called earlier, but
it's taken longer than I expected.

Well, be careful. You're no
longer expendable, either of you.

- Now, sir, that touches me.
- Dr. Warshowsky has skipped.

- I need you both, urgently.
- Yes, sir.

Get Kuryakin after him. The night
plane to Geneva over the pole.

- You report back here by the morning.
- Yes.

- Er, one other thing, Mr. Solo.
- Yes, sir?

- Blow up that tower immediately, please.
- Right away, sir.

Warshowsky.

Warshowsky is the only one who
could have given that information.

They could never have exploded the
plant without it. Five whole years wasted.

No, no, no. Not here,
not now, Noubar.

It's prize day, you see. We
have all the parents here.

Oh, no. As headmaster of
La Chapelle, I will not permit it.

You will not permit it?

It will put the boy in the hands
of Thrush once and for all.

And that's our
only interest, really.

Strange, the ways of providence.

To bring this brilliant mind
stumbling into our lives...

merely through the accident
of employing his father.

- Noubar, there's going to be trouble.
- Yes, I know. Isn't it exciting?

- Mr. Telemakian...
- What are you doing here?

I told you not to take your eyes off
young Warshowsky for one moment.

Do you want to spoil everything?

But... Sir, there's a report of an
U.N.C.L.E. agent in the village.

So. Perfect.

Start the model-plane competition,
Basil. I need a few sound effects.

Relax, Aristide, relax. I
have prepared for everything.

The child will be
an orphan in, uh...

In 30 minutes. Or less.

Oh, Saint Ursula. What
do you want me to do?

Get back to the boy, both of
you. And whatever you do...

keep him away from his
father. Do you understand?

Order the car.

I will take care of the
U.N.C.L.E. agent, personally.

Yes, yes, doctor. Bartlett is
brilliant. There's no doubt about it.

But I beg you to reconsider
removing your son from the school.

Well, he has all his friends here.
Why, young Basil for example.

Well, they are inseparable.

And to push him into California
Institute of Technology at the age of 13?

Oh, think what it will do to
his social personality, doctor.

See that, Dad? The trajectory was
just as I said. The computer was wrong.

Bartlett, computers are never
wrong. That's why they are computers.

Now, back to the playing
field. There's a good fellow.

Back to your little
companions. Basil...

We can't give him any
special attention or privileges.

His head is turned enough
already with all this publicity.

Here, my hand.
Hang on to my... Here.

- Open Channel D.
- Come in, Mr. Kuryakin.

Plan H has failed. I was
too late. Warshowsky is dead.

We activate Plan G.

Return at once.

Maud Muller, on a summer's day,
Raked the meadow sweet with hay.

Or words to that eff...

You're a dropout.

Your attention,
please, Mr. Solo?

Your cover this time is as representative
of the Oneida Trick and Novelty Company.

Only ginger beer. But we can
use anything, except nerve gas.

That seems to rot the rubber.

Rubber pheasant's eggs.

They lay down an
impenetrable smoke screen.

Sneezing powder.
What's this for, Sarah?

- Instant emphysema.
- Ah, yes.

All guaranteed not only to protect you but
to arouse the interest of a teenage boy.

They will also appear transparently
innocent to the casual observer.

Ah, we're picking up the matinee
at the Radio City Music Hall.

Marvelous for penitentiaries.

Stone walls do
not a prison make.

It's a family of geniuses.

But this boy is the
most brilliant of them all.

Although he's only 13, his IQ is already
too high to be measured meaningfully.

Well, how did Warshowsky
get involved with Thrush?

You remember all that publicity
about the boy? Caltech's test?

Thrush was determined
to get him early.

As the twig is bent.
Hmm? You know?

They offered his father a
job and education for the boy.

And I'm to get young
Warshowsky away from Thrush.

Oh, he's one of the
great minds of our century.

Our government regards young Bartlett as
one of the most important national assets.

The future may well depend on
what you do during the next few days.

Who has custody of him now?

Ah, that's the problem.

The nearest living relative is
the actress Elfie van Donck.

Mm.

That's another reason why you'll find
Mr. Kuryakin on the plane with you tonight.

What? Why?

Insurance.

Just in the event the lady
doesn't, possibly, respond to you.

Thank you.

- Oh! Oh, I beg your pardon.
- Ha-ha. Oh.

- Oh, I've ruined your newspaper.
- No, that's all right.

It's only Novaya Zarya.

Do you read
Russian? How exciting.

You know, I can't even put a
sentence together properly in English.

Really? With everything
else so nicely put together...

it doesn't really matter,
does it? Ha-ha-ha.

Now, seriously. The parts of
speech have always bewildered me.

Can you tell me the difference
between who and whom and me and I?

Why don't you sit here?

And I'll start by pointing out the
difference between his and hers.

Ooh. Ha-ha.

- Hot or cold cereal,
Mr. Solo? JOANNA: Mm.

Oh. Uh...

Is it that time already?

Oh! Don't look. Don't look.

Stewardess, get my hairdresser.
He's back in tourist, 12-B.

And don't you dare even peek until I've
got my face and my breakfast diamonds on.

- Your what?
- My breakfast diamonds.

You don't know what a lift it gives a girl
to change her diamonds before coffee.

- Oh. You got my case by mistake.
- Oh...

Russian. And now this.
What are you? A foreign spy?

No, I'm Napoleon Solo and I sell tricks and
novelties and various things, wholesale.

Here's something new.
One of our hottest items.

It's for the girl who wants to know
if someone is following behind her.

Oh, really? Oh, marvy.

I can see behind me.

Good morning, Kuryakin.
Comb me out, please?

Don't drop anything.

Elfie, mon chou.

Noubar, schnookieputzie.

Oh, Miss van Donck, when are you going to
do another of your glorious film romances?

Miss, is it true you are secretly
married to the Aga Khan's cousin?

Darlings, I'm returned from
wonderful trip to Outer Mongolia.

First of all, I'm going to this marvelous
place where they push up complexion...

back into shape with
wet sheets. Is heaven.

Then I'm going to do very exciting
thing. Free-fall parachute jump...

over Amsterdam, from
an airplane in August.

But first of all, and this
most important thing...

I'm here to see little nephew.
Genius nephew, he is.

Oh, such a tragic accident.

Elfie. ELFIE: Joanna, darling.

- Ah, good girl.
- You've gone blond.

Oh, is tragic accident. The
yak-butter shampoo, it backfired. Ha-ha!

- Elfie, uh...?
- Van Donck.

You see me on
the late, late show?

Oh, yeah, constantly.
Yes, indeed.

- Where you find such comely men?
- Mm.

I've been surrounded with
nothing but yaks for six weeks.

- Sit down, darling. Will you behave?
- Touring Army bases with that comedian?

Gobi Desert, darling.
Where are you off to?

I am first of all going to La
Chapelle to see my nephew.

Then I have mud pack
treatment. You come with me?

- Oh, I have terrible problems.
- Men again?

Oh, if only it were. I
don't have the time.

Is my hair.

You know, five week on safari
in desert, it is like camel whiskers.

I think your hair is beautiful.

Only to another camel, darling.

You still have that traveling hairdresser
you had before? Rachmaninov?

Oh, Rockie went into
the catering business.

Too many egg shampoo? It
was bound to end up in an omelet.

Mm-hm.

- But Illya here seems promising.
- Oh.

Shall I give him
a trial run for you?

How would you like to make mass
of golden spit curl by cocktail time?

"Solo, Napoleon."

U.N.C.L.E. agent.

Plan 13-G.

- Elfie, my darling.
- Noubar.

My friend, Joanna Lydecker.
- Enchanté.

- We all come in the car with you?
- Well, I'm afraid...

Why don't you come
with us, Miss van Donck?

I have a car waiting. It
should be outside now.

Darling, I adore it.

You take Miss Lydecker and
her luggage to the hotel, Noubar?

- But of course.
- Grand.

Oh, such a charming,
clean-cut, young man.

So unlike Outer Mongolians.
- Mm.

And have you ever lived on yak
butter for six weeks? Ugh. I tell you.

Oh, thank you, darling.
To the left, a little.

Oh, you've heard about
this tragic accident?

Hey.

Illya.

Hey, you. You,
you, you, stop that.

Oh, Mr. Solo, what
have you got into?

I think it's essence
of aardvark.

Ugh. Ecch.

Oh, it is regrettable
that your suit was ruined.

But is aardvark spring time in
Kenya. And they are not adjusted.

Oh, yes. Well, what I'd like
to know, Miss van Donck, is...

- Call me Elfie.
- Elfie, yes.

What I'd like to know, Elfie, is, why is
it you were jumping out of an airplane...

with a parachute over
Amsterdam with aardvarks.

For money, darling.
Advertisement for nylon.

You see, aardvark is very
sedentary little animal, never runs.

So Aardvaark nylon.

With glamorous picture of me,
with little creatures, in mid-air.

You think this will
really appeal to the boy?

Trick water tumbler.

Oh! Ha-ha-ha.

Well, we sell everything
with a guarantee.

Is marvelous.

Not that there would ever
be any thought of charging.

I'm just interested in seeing how a
boy of his intellect would react to things.

You know, in our business,
we have to keep up.

Oh, if only I had
kept up with him.

But always I'm on safari or
I'm making submarine movie.

Or I'm on hunting
trip in Gobi Desert.

To him, Aunt Elfie is only glamorous
movie star he see on late, late show.

- Well, don't worry, Elfie.
- Oh, no, call me schnookieputz.

- Schnookieputz?
- Yes.

Don't worry, schnookieputz.
I'll see you through.

Frau Elfie van Donck and
escort, by appointment.

- Why is this school so heavily guarded?
- Oh, this very necessary, they tell me.

They have the president's son
and the prime minister's son.

A lot of princes and nobles.

But, you know, I agree with you. I
think it make me very nervous, this place.

I'm very relieved that we are
taking Bartlett away from here.

Oh?

Where exactly?

Noubar tell me it is
criminal to take brilliant

child to cultural desert
like United States.

Brilliant genius
deserve best education.

And Noubar know of
this little school in the

Near East that specialize
in nuclear fission.

And where, I told her, the boy will have
every possible educational advantage.

Including computers
and reactors to play with...

and, if necessary,
his own Van Allen belt.

You would take the boy to
the heart of Thrush itself?

My dear colleague, this boy's
brain is so far in advance...

of every other brain of his generation,
that if we seize the initiative now...

within 15 years, the child
Bartlett Warshowsky...

may very well be Thrush.

All right, pay attention
now and I'll show you.

If Thrush is to survive,
we must take the long view.

Fifteen years is only a glance.

But when he finds out
we killed his father...

But this is not
an ordinary mind.

On consideration, he will appreciate that
if he is to become the head of Thrush...

some small sacrifice
has to be made.

And this, gnädige Frau, is your nephew's
closest and best... How you say in English?

- Buddy.
- Yes, yes, buddy. So expressive.

Yes, it is. It's rather
onomatopoetic, like biff, zam, wowie.

- Oh, no, Mr. Solo. He is called...
- Basil Raul Georg Reverditti.

- Cream or lemon, gnädige Frau?
- Oh, nothing for me, thank you.

You certainly fill out your
uniform very handsomely.

He is a member of our Jugend
organization, our elite. He is a prefect.

Oh.

Of course. He is so mature.

The outdoor life, dear
Elfie, it develops them.

We do so much more outdoor
living here than they do in the States.

There, they are locked up night
and day, in ill-ventilated classrooms.

No windows, no
cultural opportunities.

And too many girls.

Oh...

Bartlett, here's something interesting if
you like conch shells. Come over here.

Put this up to your ear and
you can reputedly hear the sea.

- In the Alps, Mr. Solo?
- Mm-hm. Go ahead and try it.

I am Napoleon Solo. I
come from the U.N.C.L.E.

You have friends in the United States
who are anxious for you to return home.

- See?
- You can hear the sea, darling?

Vividly.

Something else, Bartlett. If you
like birds, take a look through that.

See, there's the
yellow-bellied thrush.

I'm not going back to
the States, Mr. Solo.

Stay away from me.

Keep out of this.

Illya?

- You rang, madam?
- Yes. Have you seen my hairdresser?

The beauty salon is
downstairs, madam.

My own hairdresser, secretary,
companion. A sweet-looking man named Illya.

He's all of those
things? Formidable.

I see the gentleman leave the
back entrance, two minutes ago.

He's now, madam, headed toward
the mountain, with alpenstock...

- and rucksack and...
- And?

- And a girl.
- A girl?

I think they go to celebrate
the vernal equinox.

Not on my time.

If anyone's going to celebrate
the vernal equinox with Illya, it's me.

- Where is she?
- Madam?

- Your paramour. That chambermaid.
- Chamber...?

Now, don't try to deny it. I saw you
coming into the woods with her myself.

- At the hotel?
- At the hotel, exactly.

Girl with the mass of red curls.
Probably from the dye pot too.

I was only asking directions.

Well, I've heard it called a lot
of things before but never that.

- In any event, Kuryakin, as my employee...
- Madam, please.

- Any directions you may require...
- I beg you, be quiet.

Don't tell me to be quiet.

If anybody around here's gonna
tell anyone else to be quiet...

Mm! Mm. Mm...

Madam.

Illya, please call me Joanna.

Joanna, please, put your
arms above your head.

Yes, darling.

And please, climb this tree.

Entrez.

Ah, Napoleon.

Oh, thank you, thank
you. Just call me Nappy.

Nappy, yes. Would
you like a martini?

- Yes, I'd like...
- Where is dear Joanna?

Now, dear Joanna
has disappeared.

Oh, dear boy. Nobody disappear in
Switzerland. Far too many tourists.

With her hairdresser.

She's romancing that nice boy.

No, no, I don't think
that's it, you see.

I think that he has a very
definite criminal face. Thank you.

- Did you ever get a look at his ears?
- His ears?

- Yes. Mm-hm.
- No.

I think that he was taking
her jewels. She caught him.

He ran and then she pursued him.

- Nappy.
- Yes.

He was last seen going into
the woods at La Chapelle.

And she was following him.

To the school? But it is
completely surrounded by guards.

After all, the prime minister's
son is there, the grand vizier's boy.

- How could they get in?
- Criminals have their ways.

I'm very concerned about Miss Lydecker.
Anything could happen to her, you know.

Nappy, you're frightening me.

We must get on the
grounds and search for her.

- I'll call the headmaster.
- That won't do. That'll cause a scandal.

- No one must know.
- Oh, God.

Because you could
be right, you see.

He might be a hair-curling Casanova trying
to embroil her in some sort of romance.

- Yes, he's very attractive.
- Oh, you think so?

- Well, why?
- Oh, those bangs.

But you are right. We must rescue
her from herself... From him with herself.

- But how we get around the guards?
- You can get past the guards.

They wouldn't think
of stopping you.

No, you're quite right. Of course,
I'm famous for my flashing smile.

We're freezing to death. That's
what we're doing, freezing to death.

And it's all your fault.

Playing the Don Juan, enticing
poor chambermaids into the woods.

Just when you were supposed
to be giving me a finger wave.

Very artistic smash-up.

If people come, we say we have little
accident and we've gone for help, no?

Ah.

Hairpin. The question
is, is it Joanna's hairpin?

No, I think it's a professional
hairpin belonging to that hairdresser.

Like Hansel and Gretel,
huh? Dropping crumbs.

Except this time, Mr. Solo, I
think it is crumb dropping hairpin.

Follow me, please.

As you are as eager to get to the Near
East as we are to have you, dear boy...

I can drop you off there tonight,
personally, before I go on to Istanbul.

My plane is actually
warming up now.

- But Aunt Elfie.
- Why disturb dear, charming Elfie?

She's tired. She's
been on safari.

And you don't need her to
settle in where you are going.

Nuclear fission is hardly
her cup of tea, huh?

No.

- Oh. Something happened here, look.
- Yeah, they were here, all right.

Inside.

Yeah, Illya was here
because the boy is up there.

- All right, you wait for me.
- Wait for you?

I'm not Eagle Scout,
Amsterdam division, for nothing.

Alley-oop.

We reach Athens by dawn.

Listen to me. You have no
legal right to take that boy.

You should wait for his aunt.

You involve the school in
something questionable, you destroy it.

For this boy, I would
destroy not only the school...

but everything in
it, including yourself.

- Aunt Elfie!
- Shh.

Are you going
with us, after all?

- Going? Going where?
- That's why you're here, isn't it?

No, we are searching for a
runaway hairdresser. Where is he?

You are all packed.
You are running too?

I'm leaving tonight with Mr. Telemakian.
For the Near East and that famous school.

No, don't be so imaginative,
darling. You are not going anywhere.

Because when you do go, I'm going to
take you there myself, in Noubar's plane.

I'm going to fly you in that marvelous
new machine that I've been practicing in...

which goes round and round.
What do you call it? It goes: buzz...

Pretty lady, possibly
of the cinema?

Mr. Solo, there are two times when
a sense of humor is not in place.

One is when I'm talking
with my darling nephew.

- And the other?
- When I am talking, period.

Now, it is I who decide
when and where you go.

Not Noubar Telemakian, darling.

Thattagirl, don't take
anything from men.

Oh, nobody know what
actresses go through...

to become great international stars
of screen, radio, television, et cetera.

Except you, Mr. Solo. You know,
darling, you are a very understanding man.

And you too, sweet Bartlett.
You have heart of gold.

I think I let you
perhaps go to Caltech.

You mustn't, Aunt Elfie. I
must go with him, I want to.

Oh, darling boy, nobody
want to go with Noubar.

I know because I've worked for
him. I make movies for his company.

He's very nice. He
gives me furs and

beautiful jewelry. But
you see, basically...

Noubar is schnook.

Listen, you're making a
mistake, Miss van Donck.

Now, both of us know
who these people are...

but your aunt, she
doesn't quite understand.

Thrush is one of the worst
conspiracies of modern times.

Thrush? Thrush, what is
this little bird? Beep, beep?

No, no, no. It's an
omnivorous vulture...

that's going to gobble up
the brain of your nephew here.

And Noubar is very
high in its councils.

You must realize these
people murdered your father.

Murd... Oh, Mr. Solo.

I know. Why do you
think I'm going with them?

Why? To get even?

I'll make them sorry, Mr. Solo.
I'll make them very sorry.

Listen to me, time is short.

Now, Noubar murdered your brother-in-law
and he may very well murder us.

Also Miss Lydecker and Illya.

Now, perhaps we aren't
important, but the boy is.

You mean, my darling
nephew, he could get killed? Oh!

Sweetheart, what I
have done to you?

Now, to revenge yourself on
these people would take many years.

Now, you're a
young man, Bartlett.

The revenge will be all the more
complete this way. Will it not?

Oh... Stop talking to
this trick and novelty

manufacturer. Talk
to your Aunt Elfie.

Miss van Donck, one of my tricks is the
fact that I'm not always what I seem to be.

Look, we come here to search
for the hairdresser and Joanna.

The vultures have them
somewhere in the house.

You see, I misled you
in order to get in here.

Illya is also not
always he seems.

But you told me that
he was the criminal type.

Yes, and if we don't rescue him immediately
he'll probably wind up the defunct type.

And also the girl. Now, come on.

Wait, wait, wait,
my darling. Here.

Now I know what you are. You're
not a professional Romeo at all.

You're a professional
cat burglar.

We both have certain
things in common.

They're always slipping
out of second-floor windows.

Oh. Ah...

It's too cold.

Here.

I am a teacher,
not a... A thuggee.

You cannot ask me to murder
that man and that girl in cold blood.

After three or four hours in the
cold storage room, what else, huh?

Leave them there for a week or
so and the problem will solve itself.

Freezing them to death.
Oh, my poor Joanna.

With her hot-blooded nature,
heaven knows how long that will take.

- Where is the cold room?
- The frozen meat locker, I guess.

All right, now, we've got to get
them out. You've got to help us.

- Oh, it's locked.
- What else?

Well, break it down.

All right, if you won't, I will.

Hey, I need that. I'm cold.

You will be warm in one minute.

It goes down like that.

Do you mind?

Camp fires at a time like this.

- What are you trying to be, a Boy Scout?
- It's an admirable organization.

Now, if you'll put your
fingers in your ears

and take refuge behind
that haunch of beef.

My aunt gave me that
scarf on her deathbed.

I wonder what she
would say if she knew.

If I made a mistake, we may well
find out from the lady in person.

Something has exploded.

You told me Basil never
takes his eye off the boy.

But he doesn't. He
watches him every minute.

Then what do you call this?
Spying on us, he's been.

The boy's aware of everything.

Come on.

There they are. Oh,
Joanna, run. We must get out.

- Well, the question is, where?
- Oh, I don't know. That way, here.

What's there?

- Noubar's plane.
- And, of course, you can fly it.

Under present circumstances,
I could fly glorified box kite.

All right.

Stop them.

Don't breathe. It's gas.

Get to the copter.

That Noubar, what a two-faced
man. I should have shot him.

Don't worry, Miss van Donck.
The police will take care of him.

The police?

Yes. I told them the
school was overrun...

by a band of international jewel
thieves, headed by Kuryakin.

Me? SOLO: Mm-hm.

And I placed Miss Lydecker's
breakfast diamonds on Mr. Telemakian.

My diamonds?

Ah, Mr. Solo. You are a
man of many surprises.

After we get Bartlett
here back in school...

how would you like to accompany
me on a small safari to Arabia?

- I'd be delighted.
- Would you mind bringing your own camel?

One hump or two?

Ah, you kill me.