All language subtitles for S01E16 - Conscious Parenting and Education.en

If you're watching
this program today,

then you've probably seen the
many episodes of Missing Links.

But what you haven't seen
is all of the information

that I had to sift
through in order

to reach the point where I
created the episodes that

have become this series.

And that's what I want to
talk to you about today,

because there are facets of
this information that I think

are critical, they simply
didn't make it into the mix

when we're putting
the program together.

Education is one of those.

People all over
the world, they're

asking me about education
in one form or another,

and it means different
things to different people.

Sometimes they're
asking for themselves,

sometimes they're asking
for their children.

I'm passionate about this topic.

And that's why I do want
to address it today,

because ultimately education
is the key to solving

every problem that I've
mentioned in Missing Links,

and every problem we could
ever have in our lives.

The theme of Missing
Links, ultimately,

was the answer to a question
that I asked earlier

in the program, who are we?

Who am I as an individual?

Who are we collectively?

Our answer to that question is
the result of our education.

It's what we have been
taught to believe and accept

about ourselves.

The teaching sometimes
happens in schools,

but interestingly, a lot of
it happens when we're nowhere

near an academic situation.

It comes from our
families, from our friends,

from our neighbors,
from our society,

from our churches, our
synagogues, our religious

teachings.

And a lot of this
education is subconscious.

It comes from the subtle
cues that we pick up

from other people
and the way they

respond to their
life's challenges.

What happens when they're
diagnosed with a disease,

how do they go
about healing that?

What happens when the
family begins to break down,

how do you go
about healing that?

These subtle cues
all come into play

when we answer this question,
who am I and who are we?

So the reason I think
this is so important

is because we have been
steeped in a story.

You and I, we're
part of a population,

we're part of a global family.

We've been steeped in this
story for over 300 years,

a scientific story
that we now know

is not true that tells us that
we are based in separation

and that competition
and conflict is

the fundamental rule of
nature, and that that's

the way that we
should live our lives,

and that's the way we should
go about solving our problems.

I'm not saying we talk about
this at the breakfast table

every morning, or that
it's a common thing

to talk about at the drinking
fountain in the office

during a break at work,
but it is subconscious.

And if you think that this
is not a part of your life,

some of my most
spiritual friends,

people that say they're the most
spiritual people on the planet,

I say, oh yeah?

Tell me about this.

When you are in the
privacy of your own home

with those that know you
the best, in the most

intimate moments of
your life and somebody

pushes your button,
how do you respond?

Do you respond in a loving,
compassionate manner,

or when that button
is pushed, do

you lash out with hurtful
words and hurtful tactics

in primal survival?

Because that's how deeply
these ideas of competition

and conflict have been
programmed into us.

And when people
are honest with me,

they say, my god, I never
thought of it that way.

But they say, yes, when
I'm up against the wall,

I go to the lowest
common denominator,

and I say hurtful things I'm
often sorry about afterwards.

Today it even happens when
we're writing e-mails and texts.

We push that button
when we're angry,

we say, oh man, I wish
I hadn't have sent that.

So maybe these are
silly examples,

they speak to the point of how
deeply this conditioning runs.

So the reason I'm so
passionate about this

is that we have an
opportunity now to redefine

the way we think of ourselves.

And it's important for
our young generation.

Any solution that we apply
to any of the problems

that I've talked
about in Missing Links

or that you're having
in your life right

now, any solution
is only a Band-Aid,

it can only be
temporary until we shift

the fundamental thinking
of how we see ourselves,

how we see life in
general, and how we see

our relationship to the world.

So many people say,
well, you know,

this is an interesting
philosophical question.

I want to tell you, it
goes way beyond philosophy.

It touches every
moment of our lives.

For example, let me
just talk about this.

Those of you have
young people, you

have young people
in school right now,

they are exposed to technology
that you and I didn't have,

the internet, and
texting, and emails.

They're exposed to
bullying, a new phenomenon,

cyberbullying that's
happening right now where

their peers will say things to
them, or take pictures of them,

or make fun of them in ways
that we used to do just verbally

in the hallway to one another.

Now you spread it
across the internet,

and everyone is seeing it.

To a young person
who has been steeped

in the current ideas of
separation, competition,

conflict, and the idea that life
itself has very little value,

that life is the result of
this accident of evolution,

there's no
intentionality involved.

To a young person like
that, that criticism,

they take it to heart,
and they believe what

they're told on the one hand.

On the other hand,
the young person

who has been blessed to be in
a family that has conditioned

them, taught them rock solid
values about how precious

life is, about how powerful they
are, about how connected they

are to themselves,
to other people,

to nature, to their own bodies.

When they hear those criticisms,
it rolls off of them,

because it doesn't
have the same meaning.

The way that we think
about life itself,

when we try to save a life,
and when we try to take a life.

I mean, this comes down to war.

When does a nation march
across the boundaries,

the borders of another
nation with our armies?

When do we invade the
homes of other people?

When does a
corporation determine

how much is enough toxic
waste to dump into the ocean,

or how much radiation do we
pump into the atmosphere?

As different as they
are from one another,

every one of these things
that I'm talking about,

it all comes back to this
fundamental question, who am I,

who are we?

Because when we truly
embrace the deepest truths

of our existence, the ways
that we have lived our lives

and treated one another in
the past simply make no sense.

And they have no context
for that new information

and the way that
it is showing us

about our value and our
relationship to life.

So we have this
opportunity right now, this

is why I'm passionate
about education.

Band-aids are good, and
we need some band-aids

to address many of the problems
we have in the world today.

Ultimately, we have
this opportunity

in a time where the globe
is moving toward war

and war's being
glamorized and made

to look fun like a video
game on television,

and young people
are enticed by that.

We have this
opportunity to raise

an entire generation of young
people based on these new--

well, they're
ancient, but they're

newly recognized-- deep
truths, and instill within them

the value of life, their
own personal self worth.

How precious life is, and
the fact that although we

don't understand fully
how it has come to pass,

life is no accident.

There is an intentionality
underlying our existence,

and that we are given rare,
precious abilities given

to no other form of life.

Empathy, intuition, access
to the subconscious,

direct access to
self-healing, the opportunity

to create resilience to
life, and much, much more.

All of that belongs in
no other form of life.

When we instill these
values in a young person

and they say, my god,
I'm a powerful being,

and I'm responsible
with my power,

and I am part of the
world that I see,

I'm not separate from it.

And I can make
this a better world

through the way
that I make myself.

When we begin to instill
those kinds of values,

the world changes that's not a
Band-Aid, that is a sea change.

That is a fundamental
shift in thinking.

We've never seen
this before, and this

is the opportunity we have now,
the sweet spot of where we are.

The technologies available
to spread the word,

now we have the
opportunity to bring

honest, truthful,
factual information,

rock solid science that
tells us everything

I'm saying to you
now, that tells us

how true these things
are in our lives.

Be honest with our young
people, share with them what

we've found to be
true, and allow them--

they're very smart--

allow them to reflect on what
that means in their own lives,

and to live their own truths.

That's where we see
the world change.

Without a doubt, every event
that I do in a live public

forum, every time I do an
online broadcast, a webinar,

an interactive session with
people anywhere in the world--

not just in the United States,
not just in the Western world,

Asia, Africa, South America,
Australia, everywhere--

people say, where do
we get our information?

Where do we get our news?

What's a good source of
news and information?

That's a good question,
and the answer that I give

is often not the answer
that people are expecting,

because they're
expecting me to give them

an internet URL, a link,
or a station to dial.

The truth is that the internet
is a double edged sword.

I worked in the
industry when it was

being developed
at Cisco Systems,

and we talked about this a lot.

When we open up an avenue, a
highway, a superhighway that

allows information to
be shared, on the one

hand it means just that,
information can be shared

from anyone, and you all
know there's a lot of stuff

out there, we see it, it shows
up in our inbox every day.

Some of it's true, some of it's
partially true, some of it's

what my friends call half-baked
truth, and some of it

is absolutely not true at all.

How do we discern that?

It takes a lot of work.

Due diligence is
what I have to say.

You've got to seek out the
information that you're

going to apply in
your life, and that

makes your discoveries
meaningful to you

and your life.

And that means going
to multiple sources

and looking at what's called
peer-reviewed science,

and I talked about this a
little bit in Missing Links,

let me just mention that here.

Because anyone can
publish anything

on the internet, that is the
reason it becomes especially

important to look
at the credibility,

where does that
information come from?

It's tricky.

So we have to be really
careful when we see where

this information comes from.

Peer reviewed science,
on the other hand,

is science where an individual
or group of individuals

will come together,
they will write a paper

in a very specific format.

They'll have an
abstract, they'll

have a theory, a
hypothesis, they'll

have their methods of research,
they'll have some conclusions,

they'll have references.

They will have circulated
that within their peer group--

hence the term peer
reviewed science--

and it can take years.

It can take six, seven,
eight years for a paper

to move through that
peer review process

where other scientists will
look at it, and they'll say,

well, this is right
on, and they'll say,

this is totally wrong, and
they'll shoot holes in it.

So that the people
that wrote the paper

can go back, and
research, and amend what

it is that doesn't
work, and then

they publish in the journal,
like the journal Nature

that you can find in
your airport bookstore,

or the journal Science.

Very accessible.

They're not technical,
but they are peer

reviewed scientific papers.

When you see those, doesn't
guarantee they're 100%,

but it says the odds are really
good that what you're seeing

is what is known to be true
in that moment in time.

It might change with
the next research paper,

at that moment in time.

So I'm going to invite you,
look at the source of where

your information comes from.

See if they are credible, see
if they are peer reviewed,

and see if it's a
circular reference or not.

Or maybe it's coming from
a lot of different places.

So this is important.

Because we form our opinions,
we solve our problems.

We teach our children.

We live our lives.

We elect the representatives
that implement the laws

and the policies that
govern our lives based

on the way we answer the
question, who are we,

and way we think
about ourselves.

So all of a sudden, where
we get our information,

it's more than just
an interesting topic

of conversation, it's
vital for us and the way

we live our lives.

When we talk about
education, the academic side

is very obvious,
but I think what's

even more fundamental
is parenting.

Because this is really
where education begins

with our young people,
before they are ever

exposed to a formal education
with other children their age,

they begin to learn from
us, we are their parents.

So I think this is
fundamentally where

the educational process begins.

And the questions I'm
asking are about what's

called conscious parenting.

And what I found is
that the word conscious

means different things
to different people.

So I'm going to invite you
to take this and put it

in the language and interpret in
a way that's meaningful to you.

For me, conscious parenting
is all about awareness,

and sensitivity, and,
again, honesty, and truth.

Being aware of your
personal behavior

in the presence
of your children,

the language that you're
using, and this is a big one.

Because language is
more than just words.

Language is a program
to our subconscious.

And when we instill
values within young people

at an early age that we
live in a world of scarcity,

we live in a world of lack, it's
a dog-eat-dog world out there.

This is something
we've all heard.

That seemingly harmless comment
that we're making our children

again and again, it instills
with them values subconsciously

that show up as
lack in their lives.

As adults, these are the
ones that are asking,

why can't I find a
good relationship?

Why can't I find
abundance in my life, when

they have been
programmed subconsciously

and unintentionally
from the time

they're very young about
what a tough world this is.

Be aware of the
language that you're

using when you communicate
with other people,

with your children, and
what it says about yourself,

and the kinds of words
that you're using,

because nature is very literal.

So when we say things like, I
can't find a partner in life,

to us, we're making a comment.

But to the universe,
that is a command.

So the universe has just
heard an individual say,

I can't find a partner in
life, and the universe says,

OK, I can honor that command.

And so you can't find, and you
can't find, and you can't find.

Because there's no
resolution to that,

all the universe has heard
you say is, you can't find.

A more conscious way to
say something like that

would be that I choose to
find a partner in my life.

There is an amazing
resource, a man,

a dear brother, a dear
friend who I known and worked

with for years, his name
is Robert Tennyson Stevens,

who talks and has
written books about what

is called Conscious Languaging.

And if you have not checked out
Robert Tennyson Stephen's work,

I invite you to do
it, because I think

conscious languaging has to play
a role in conscious parenting.

It has to.

And that's where I'm
going with all of this.

What are we saying
to our young people,

and what are we
saying to ourselves?

Young people learn
by observation.

So the question is,
as you as a parent,

how do you solve your problems?

When you're confronted
with something that's

hurtful or difficult, or someone
says something to you that

can be hurtful or
difficult, or you're

confronted with something
that you've never

had to solve before, how
do you go about solving it?

Do you say, this can't
be done, or do you

say, there's always
a way to do it?

And do you model--

not just speak the words, but
model in life for your children

the possibilities that you would
hope to instill within them,

to empower them in life?

And so this is where
the conscious awareness

comes and of not only the
language, but the actions

as well.

Conscious parenting
begins with self awareness

of each individual parent.

This is where another
question comes up often,

because often parents
don't see eye to eye.

They don't think alike.

And so what happens
when one parent has

one idea of the way their
children or their child

should be raised, another one
may not be on board with that?

I'm going to answer that by
going to an even deeper level.

It's not just about
parenting, it's

about growing
together as a couple.

When two humans come
together as a couple, two

mature, adult humans, it is
rare that those two humans

will always track
one another when

it comes to new directions, new
interests, new explorations,

and growth and life.

We simply do not grow
at the same rate.

The partnership.

When we talk about
conscious parenting,

I believe it begins with
conscious partnership.

When we choose our partnerships,
when we invite another person

into our lives, one of the
fundamental questions I think

we must ask ourselves
is can I grow

with this person in my life?

Can I myself explore
new possibilities

and allow them the
freedom to explore theirs,

and we come together
and share what we found,

and where there's overlap
enjoy that together,

and where there's not, give one
another the freedom to do that?

That's an important question.

When it comes to parenting,
the same thing has to happen.

The agreements have to
be made with the parents

before the principles are ever
laid out before the children.

All of this comes
into self-awareness,

and that's what I think
conscious parenting is really

all about.

I was recently asked a question
about bringing children

into the world.

How I'd feel about doing it
now as opposed to other times

in history, maybe when the world
seemed a little more stable.

That's a good question,
let me tell you a story.

So I got on the plane
one day, and there

was an Air Force cadet that
was sitting next to me.

And he asked me the
usual questions,

he said, so,
business or pleasure?

I said, yes.

And he said, what do
you do for a living?

And I said, well,
how long do you have?

And he said, well,
I've got three hours.

And I said, let me
tell you what I do.

And at the end the conversation,
he asked me a question.

He said, do you and your
wife have any children?

And I said, I've
never been blessed

with a child in my life.

I said, do you
have any children?

He said, no.

He said my wife and
I made a choice,

we would never bring a
child into the world the way

it is today.

I said, really?

He said, the world is
a mess, it's unsafe,

it's falling apart.

The terrorism, the crime,
the drugs, he said,

we would never bring a
child into the world the way

it is right now.

And I said, wow,
that's interesting.

And I said, that's one
way of thinking of it.

And he said, is
there another way?

And I said, I believe there is.

I said, let me ask you a
question, why would you

ever deny a child, a
soul, the opportunity

to come into the
world right now,

when everything is up for grabs?

The whole world is
up for something new.

Everything is falling apart,
the systems are breaking down.

Why would you deny a
soul the opportunity

to come into the world now when
one heart, one soul, one mind,

a new idea can be
embraced to such a degree

that that idea could change
the whole world in a way that

is rare and precious?

Why would you ever deny
a child that opportunity?

Then our plane landed
and he disappeared,

and I didn't see them.

And I went to baggage
to get my luggage,

and he was dashing out the door.

And I wanted to say thank
you for the conversation, I

said, you're in a big
hurry, where are you going?

And he said, are you kidding?

He said, after that conversation
I'm going home right

now to make a baby.

And I thought, great.

So I'm sharing this
story for a reason.

It's all about perspective
and how we see the world.

Is the world volatile?

Absolutely.

Is the world dangerous?

It can be.

It doesn't have to
be, but it can be.

And it's also, everything I
said to that Air Force cadet,

this is a time when the
upheaval and the uncertainty

creates an opening that
is actually very rare.

When everything is working and
all the systems are buttoned

up, and they're locked
down, and everything

is working like clockwork,
there's no need for change.

And change is hard.

When things are
falling apart, that's

when there's an opening for
new ideas, new concepts,

new innovations, new inventions,
new ways of governing,

new ways of thinking.

Energy, food, finances,
economics, healing, everything.

That's where we are right now.

So when it comes to bringing
a child into this world,

I can't think of a
better time to do it.

The other side of this coin
is that I believe strongly

coming from the family and the
background that I've done this

it should only happen
when two people are deeply

committed to making the time--

not just finding spare
time when it's available--

but creating the time to
intentionally and consciously

bring the child into the world,
bring a new soul into this

world, and give them the
tools early in their life--

consciously, subconsciously,
visually, all the tools--

even before they're in
school, before they're even

in kindergarten, that help them
to realize that they're safe,

that they are part of the world
rather than separate from it,

that they live in the
world of connection

rather than
separation, that nature

is based upon cooperation
rather than competition.

And those fundamental
tools will inform them

in every situation
that will ever

come to their doorstep, that
will ever cross their paths.

And if that agreement, if
that commitment can be made,

I think it's a
perfect time to bring

a new life into this world.

So a question that comes
to me so frequently today

after the books were written
about the Indigo Children

back in the '80s and '90s
is, what do we do as parents?

If we have maybe not indigo
in the sense of the way

the book was
written, but children

that are especially
sensitive in the way

that they process information,
in their intuitive abilities,

in their psychic abilities,
that are having a hard time,

but don't really fit into the
world and educational system

as we see it today.

And I think is a good question.

And it's a good
question because we're

seeing more and more of
these kinds of young people.

Now, I don't think
there's a pat answer,

I don't think there
is any one answer,

because every young
person is different.

So I cannot give one answer
that's going to be one size

fits all for every young
person, I can say in general.

My experience, and I have
very close friends that

are in this
situation, and I have

been in communities
where I've seen

different approaches taken.

What I've found does not work is
to isolate these very sensitive

young people and artificially
make the world easy for them

because of their sensitivities.

It does not work, the parents
will do that thinking they're

protecting the children.

And they are on
one hand, they're

protecting them from the
very culture and the skills

that they need to function in
a meaningful way in the world

that they're going to
find themselves in.

So I think it's about
finding a balance of honoring

those sensitivities, because we
all have them to some degree.

Deep intuition, access to
the subconscious, empathy,

sympathy, compassion, we all
have these to some degree.

Many of the young
people that are

coming in now, these
abilities have at birth

seemed to be developed
to a very high degree.

So it's about honoring those and
helping those young people find

where that fits into the world
that they have arrived in.

This is where they will
find their strength.

If they cannot
function in the world,

the abilities become a curse.

But if they can
function in the world

and apply the abilities
throughout their lives,

then they become a gift.

It's a double edged sword.

So I think it is finding this
middle ground of encouraging

these abilities, but
maybe not touting them.

So what I mean by that is young
people who are highly empathic,

for example.

So that means they're
feeling what other people are

feeling all the time.

The key is to help those
young people know what's them

and what's the other person.

Where are they
picking up those, how

do they know when those
feelings are their own, how

do they know when they're
coming from someone else?

And to help them discern--
not to judge, but discern--

what that is.

So encouraging them to do that.

One of the ways, the specifics
to go about doing this,

and this is why I shared
what I did in Missing Links.

There are a couple of episodes
of Missing Links where

I refer to this deep
connection between the heart

and the brain.

Two separate
organs, but they can

be harmonized into a single,
functional, powerful, potent

system that gives us the
ability for deep intuition

and triggering, the self-healing
and the self-triggering

of a strong immune system
and anti-aging hormones.

When we learn to do
that intentionally,

a byproduct of
harmonizing the heart

and the brain, which is
actually a natural state

of being that we've
been conditioned out of.

So when we can help our young
people to be in this state,

it balances, it
grounds them internally

with their special
skills so that when

they go into the
world they don't

feel like such an
oddity on the one hand.

On the other hand, they
don't have to tout,

they don't have to show off.

For example, a lot
of people are taught

to display these skills
among peers in school that

can't do the same thing.

And for young
people who are going

through the building
of identity,

this can be a very
vulnerable time.

The Kogi indigenous people
in South America, when

their young people
are born, they're

born very sensitive as well.

They do something
very different than we

do with our young
people, and I'm not

suggesting that
you do this per se,

but I'm using this to
illustrate an example.

Our young people are
born and conditioned

to see the world
through their mind

and through their
visual senses primarily.

The Kogi children
are isolated and kept

in relative darkness
for the first year or so

of their lives.

Now to us, that sounds
like a cruel thing to do.

It's all about how it's done.

They are nurtured,
they are loved,

they are taught to see the
world not through their mind,

but through their heart.

Now we know why.

Because modern
science is telling us,

and I shared it
in Missing Links.

40,000 specialized cells in the
human heart, sensory neurites.

They're like brain cells,
but they're in the heart.

They think, they feel,
they learn independently

of the brain in the head.

So what has been
happening for millennia

is that the Kogi are
teaching their young people

to interpret the world
through their heart first,

and then to begin
to balance that

through the visual input in
the mental and the logic senses

later.

We teach our young people
to interpret the world

through their visual senses
and through their mind first,

and if they're lucky
as adults, they maybe

get to explore their
heart a little bit.

But it is this balance
that helps young people

to feel grounded,
because they're

honoring their gifts rather
than trying to hide them,

or having them in a situation
where they're not understood.

One of the ways that parents
I'm seeing do this especially

in rural communities is
they're home schooling longer.

So in the home
schooling environment,

the parents can create
this balance of academia

and emotional
sensitivity, blend it,

harmonize it during
the formative years

so that when the young
people are finished with home

schooling and they go into the
universities, they are equipped

and they typically will
excel when they do this.

And I've seen this in
intentional communities,

Damanhur in Italy, for example.

An intentional community
has been there since 1970s.

It was founded in the 1970s.

They have about 600
people living together,

and they're a community,
they have their own currency,

they have their own
way of growing food,

they have their own way of
educating their young people.

And their young people are very
sensitive, and I've met them.

And when they leave the
Damanhur community--

and I'm just using
this as an example--

and they go into
the public schools,

they are lightyears
ahead of typically

where the public schools
have led their peers.

They excel in
everything because they

have had the benefit of
blending and honoring

their intuitive gifts with
the concrete knowledge

that they need to
make it in the world.

So I think this is where
education is going.

Because this is
our true is nature,

we all have these gifts.

It's just that the young
people coming in now, I think,

have a greater access
to them sooner in life,

and we as adults
are being forced now

to make place for
that in the way

that we teach our young people.

So when I think about
everything that we talk about

in this episode,
and particularly

when it comes to education,
conscious education, parenting,

conscious parenting, I had
to sum it all up in one word.

For me, that were be
the word honoring.

It's about honoring what is.

We are living in a time
of extremes in our world.

And we are asked
to be in the world

by embracing the deepest
truths of our existence

rather than denying
our sensitivity,

or denying the sensitivity
of our young people.

Honor those and find a way to
integrate those sensitivities

in a meaningful, and honest,
and truthful way, concrete way

in our everyday lives.