Original subtitles

In a land of myth and a time of magic,

the destiny of a great kingdom rests on the shoulders of a young boy.

His name, Merlin.

Yes.

Gaius asked me to fetch a book.

The Bestiary of Gwilym of Cambria.

The Bestiary?

I haven't seen that for many years.

It'll be somewhere in the East Wing.

I have no idea where.

East is that way.

Yeah.

Great.

Boo!

Are you gonna say something or shall I?

You can speak?

You're a sharp one.

I can't tell you how good it feels to be able to do that. And that.

And this.

I have been squished and squashed inside that box for more than 50 years!

Time to have some fun. Woo-hoo!

There you go!

Have fun, quietly. It's just... Very quietly.

No! You are going to get both of us into serious trouble.

Oh, dear. What a shame. Never mind.

Right. That's it.

You are going back in that box while I work out what to do with you.

Oh. All right.

If I really must.

In.

Ha, hal.

Fooled you!

Stop messing around!

Nah. Nah. Nah!

Maybe.

Nah.

Nah.

Nah.

Got you!

No!

- Bull's-eye! - Someone's going to see you!

Really? I'm just having a little tidy up.

Look here, you want to get rid of all of this.

Nasty mess up here.

Nobody's had a brush up here for years.

Look at it. It's all old and... Right, that's enough. I'm off.

Found it.

No!

No, no, no, no.

No!

No! None here.

None under here either.

Merlin!

I really hope for your sake you have a good explanation for this.

I do have a good explanation.

I'm spring cleaning.

It isn't spring,

and it certainly isn't clean.

That's because I've only just started.

Yeah. You wait until I've finished.

You'll be able to eat your dinner off the floor.

Not that you'd want to.

What was that?

Why don't I go and see and you can make yourself comfortable.

Nearly, nearly, nearly, nearly.

Nearly, nearly, nearly.

No!

I'm really not sure it suits you, Merlin.

That's it.

Seems you have unleashed a goblin.

I know that face. It's not good, is it?

Goblins are the most mischievous of creatures.

Mischievous and dangerous.

- It didn't seem dangerous. - Believe me, Merlin,

goblins will stop at nothing to get their hands

on the one thing they value above all others.

Gold.

You're needed, Gaius, for a matter of great urgency and extreme delicacy.

What is it?

It's my father.

I should warn you. If you value your lives, do not even think about laughing.

Father?

I'm behind the screen.

Only an enchantment could cause Uther to lose his hair like that.

I've no doubt the goblin is to blame.

We must catch it before it does any real damage.

Did you see Uther's face?

Merlin, what do you think Uther will do

to the person responsible for releasing the goblin?

We need to catch it. How do we do that?

We need to set a trap. And for that, we need gold,

and plenty of it.

Who's there?

Guards!

Lovely gold.

Gaius?

- Did you see where it went? - You let it escape, you stupid boy!

And now you just stand there like a sack of potatoes! Go after it!

Go! Shoo! Shoo!

I've searched the entire palace.

There's no sign of the goblin... What happened?

It's that pesky goblin!

You let it escape and it's ransacked my premises.

You've got some cleaning up to do.

Clean, clean!

Where are you going?

I am going to the tavern.

You never go to the tavern.

Then I shall see what I've been missing.

Shall we arm-wrestle

or do you require a moment to recover what little strength you have?

Oof. You look terrible. How much did you drink last night?

You don't look so good yourself. What's your excuse?

What?

Too much talking.

I have a head like the inside of a drum, and a mouth like a badger's armpit.

Ugh. Badger's armpit?

Make yourself useful. Go to the market and fetch my breakfast.

Away! Go!

Gaius?

Yes, yes. What is it?

I couldn't sleep last night.

My healing bracelet's been stolen.

Ooh. Tragedy. Travesty.

Whoever stole it should be hanged, flogged and hanged again!

I was hoping you could give me a sleeping draught.

A sleeping draught? Can't you count sheep like everyone else?

Why are you bothering me with such things? Shoo.

I don't know why you're being like this, Gaius.

I'm the King's ward and you shall do as I ask.

Shall I now?

I can see deep into your heart.

And it's cold. Cold as stone.

You play at being Uther's loving ward, you play it so well.

You fool him, but you don't fool me.

You would see Uther dead and Camelot destroyed.

Why would you say such a thing?

Because it's the truth.

There is evil in your heart.

I don't know what's come over you.

You were always such a good friend to me.

I see the truth frightens you.

It's you that frightens me.

Do you not want your sleeping draught after all, Lady Morgana?

One moment.

Sweet dreams.

Do come back and see me any time.

Say, "Ah, ooh, ah, ooh, ah, ooh!"

He's certain to die.

I don't feel like I'm dying.

If you value your life, you won't say another word.

It could kill you instantly. Shh.

I believed he had a broken rib.

A broken rib that's become infected with a most severe and terrifying infection

that can only be treated by this remedy.

Alas, it's very expensive.

We do not have any money to spare.

In that case your husband will die

and you'll spend the rest of your life in poverty and misery

before dying a lonely, cold death, which is no less than you deserve.

What can I do for you?

It is more a question of what I can do for you.

Ah. It seems you are developing the symptoms already.

Symptoms for what?

The most severe and terrifying infection

that is sweeping through Camelot like a plague.

I haven't heard anything about an infection.

That's because those who catch it are immediately struck dumb.

Fortunately I have developed a very effective cure.

Which is yours in exchange for a gold coin.

Very funny.

Is it? I don't hear anyone laughing.

You've never charged me for remedies before.

Then I've clearly been a fool.

Do you wish for a cure,

or do you wish to walk around with a face covered in boils

and your nose dripping with snot?

Boils?

Big, pussy boils.

Bigger than you've ever seen.

I'll fetch a coin.

Come on. Come on. I haven't got all day.

A most wise decision.

You're sure this treatment will work, Gaius?

I am quite certain of it, my lord.

Is it really necessary to slap my head like that?

Completely and utterly necessary.

We must restore the circulation to the scalp.

You wish your hair to grow back, my lord?

Get on with it then.

You're the goblin!

Have you lost your mind?

No, but you have. Or at least it's been taken over.

Don't be ridiculous.

I know Gaius as well as I know myself and you're not him.

Ah! You've got me.

How do you like my new body?

It's a bit old and creaky, but it's ever so much fun.

It's not your body, it's Gaius'. What have you done with him?

He's still in here somewhere.

Gaius has done you no harm.

Leave him.

All right, you've convinced me.

On second thoughts,

I think I'll stay where I am. I like it in here.

The freedom. The gold. The beer.

Did I mention the gold?

If you hurt Gaius...

I will kill you.

You'd be killing him!

You see the problem? I'm him. He's me. We're all jumbled up in here.

There have been instances of vandalism around the palace

as well as a number of thefts.

I myself was a victim.

Unfortunately, the thief managed to elude me.

Double the guard.

I want the perpetrator found.

Yes, my lord.

The council is dismissed!

Now!

Gaius, is there anything you can do to treat this?

Tell me you didn't think that was funny.

Not even a little bit?

Just a teeny, weeny bit?

If you carry on like this, you're going to get Gaius killed.

Well, then you underestimate me.

I have cured Uther of his farting and his baldness.

He is, he tells me, forever in my debt. I am a genius.

This has to stop.

I see no reason why.

Now if you're quite finished, I'm going to the tavern.

Well, well, well.

So you have a secret of your own, Merlin.

Leave his body,

or you will regret it.

Your magic may be powerful, but I have an advantage.

- What's that? - I can hurt you.

Whereas you cannot hurt me without hurting Gaius.

I won't rest until I've found a way to force you out of Gaius' body.

Ah, Gaius. I've been meaning to come and see you.

I've got this terrible pain in my leg.

It is hardly surprising when it has to support that enormous gut.

Lose some weight, fatty.

Arthur?

Arthur, I have to talk to you.

- Arrest him. - What?

Arthur, what are you doing?

Is it true that you are responsible

for the afflictions that I and other members of the court have suffered?

What?

No.

- Gaius. - I found this in your room.

It's a book of spells and enchantments.

He's lying.

That's not Gaius.

What are you talking about?

He's been possessed by a goblin.

The boy is reduced to making the most desperate and ridiculous accusations.

You seriously expect me to believe that Gaius is a goblin?

It's controlling him.

Gaius is still in there... somewhere.

Do you have any proof of these accusations?

No!

I fear that magic has corrupted you.

It pains me more than I can tell you.

I really doubt that.

My lord, I have been harboring a sorcerer.

For that, I offer the most sincere apology.

You were not to know, Gaius.

He's fooled us all.

- It's not me that's fooling you. - Silence!

You've been found guilty of using magic and enchantments.

In accordance with our laws, you will pay with your life. Take him away.

You clumsy oaf!

Gaius, I will pretend that I didn't hear that.

Are you deaf as well as stupid?

I'm a knight of Camelot, and you will show me some respect.

You are a fool and I will show you none.

You will learn some manners, or I will teach you some.

You may be old, but I cannot let this pass.

Arm yourself.

I'm just a foolish old man who's had far too much to drink.

Please accept my apologies.

A flagon of ale for my friends!

Then I accept your apology.

Gaius.

My apologies again. I don't know what came over me.

It is forgotten.

Merlin has escaped.

It seems he somehow managed to obtain a set of keys.

Escaped? How was this allowed to happen? Incompetence!

I didn't mean to speak out of turn, my lord.

Gaius is right.

This is unacceptable. The guards should be punished.

I'll see to it personally.

Search the town. I want Merlin found.

Yes, sire.

We need to force the goblin out of Gaius.

And how do we do that?

I don't know.

I'll try to sneak back to Gaius' chambers,

maybe I can find something in one of his books.

What can I do?

We need to convince Arthur.

Maybe if you speak to him he might listen to you.

- No, I can't. - Why?

After what happened in the Council yesterday

I'll never be able to look Arthur in the face again.

I know, it's embarrassing.

It's more than embarrassing, Merlin.

I cannot face him, ever.

Come on, Gwen. It's not that bad. All girls do it, don't they?

Not in public, and certainly not in front of the man

they have feelings for.

You still have feelings for Arthur?

Not that it matters now,

because he will never be able to look at me in the same way again.

Gwen, if Arthur likes you, he likes you.

Warts and farts and all.

Merlin, I haven't got any warts!

Then you'll talk to him?

Ah, Gaius. Come in.

I believe you wanted to see me.

I wanted to thank you in person.

It can't have been easy for you, exposing Merlin like that.

My loyalty to Camelot and your father comes first.

It is much appreciated.

I should also thank you for ridding me of the most incompetent,

rude and lazy servant Camelot has ever known.

I'm just sorry that you had to suffer his ineptitude for so long.

When we catch him, you'll see him hang.

Ah. I shall look forward to that.

Is something wrong?

The Gaius I know would never look forward to seeing Merlin hang,

no matter what he'd done.

Merlin was telling the truth.

Arthur?

Arthur, it's Guinevere. Can I come in?

Arthur?

Arthur?

What's happened to you?

Did Gaius do this to you?

He's a goblin.

You poor thing.

Sorry.

Merlin's working on a plan.

We'll figure out what to do.

Stay here.

Arthur's a donkey?

He has the ears of a donkey,

and the voice.

He's braying.

He's braying? Wow.

It's not funny, Merlin.

No, no, of course not. Arthur with the ears of a donkey.

What's funny about that?

He just looked so pitiful.

I've never seen Arthur look like that.

Did you find anything?

I think so.

If the host body dies, the goblin dies with it.

So if Gaius is dying, the goblin will be forced to leave him.

You want to kill Gaius?

Just briefly.

Once the goblin's out of Gaius we have to trap it in a box lined with lead,

it's the only container that will hold it.

Where do we get a box lined with lead?

Leave that to me.

It is the same for all of us who were in the tavern last night.

That is most unfortunate.

Please. Can you treat it?

The infection has no cure.

The itching will become almost unbearable.

Itching? There is no itching.

There will be soon enough.

Itching so severe it has been known to drive men to madness.

Gaius, please. There must be some remedy.

We will pay whatever it takes.

Hurry up!

I'm doing my best. Gaius normally deals with anything to do with poisons.

As soon as the goblin's out of Gaius, you must give him the antidote.

We only have a few seconds or Gaius will, you know, die.

He's coming!

Now...

Ugh, that's disgusting!

You've poisoned me!

You've poisoned Gaius!

Leave his body while you still can.

Give him the antidote!

Back in the box.

You'll have to catch me first!

Let me out. I promise I won't do it again.

I don't know which one's the antidote. Which one is it?

I don't know.

He's dying!

I think it's this one.

This one!

Are you sure that was the antidote?

No.

Gaius!

Come on!

Please, come on, you stubborn old goat!

Who are you calling an old goat?

You mean to tell me it was you who was responsible

for the baldness, the flatulence, the boils and Arthur's donkey ears?

I fear I was, my lord.

Or at least the goblin was, while I was possessed by it.

Magic has the power to corrupt even the most honorable of men.

Indeed. Though I must assure you that Merlin was entirely innocent.

Then he is pardoned.

May I suggest it is kept where no one will ever open it.

See that it's placed in the vaults.

Gaius.

Do you know who was responsible for releasing the goblin in the first place?

I'm afraid I've no idea, my lord.

Now.

Secure it now.

- My lord. - Guinevere.

The events of the last few days, I...

I think it would be best if we

never spoke of them.

I don't even know what events you're referring to.

Quite.

It's been entirely uneventful.

I need to train my men.

I must see to these sheets.

I see you've been busy undoing the goblin's magic.

As usual, I'll get no thanks for it whatsoever.

Since releasing the goblin was entirely your fault, Merlin,

I am not sure you deserve any thanks.

Arthur doesn't know that.

For your sake, you better hope it stays that way.

Merlin.

Just one more day.

It's too good.

Merlin.

The melee is the ultimate test of strength and courage.

Are you sure we're talking about the same thing?

I'm Gwaine.

The man saved my life, Gaius.

That serving boy is on to us.

Merlin should be back by now.

I think they mean to Kill Arthur in the melee.