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♪ Italian string music playing ♪
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♪ theme song playing ♪
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♪
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Get ready for an event so awesome
it could only be called...
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InfyrnoFest!
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Every other name was taken.
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One solid month of premium entertainment,
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200 bands on 300 stages!
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♪
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[yawns] Just another music festival.
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HOST [on TV]: InfyrnoFest is
not just another music festival!
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[gasps] I was wrong, Bender!
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00:00:59,519 --> 00:01:02,898
HOST: It's an audio-sensory quest
to disrupt the impossible
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00:01:02,898 --> 00:01:05,025
and transcend the transformative!
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- What'd I miss?
- We need tickets fast!
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Can I buy 'em by just thinking about it?
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Apparently!
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HOST: Did we mention
the belly-busting buffet?
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No! Why did you keep it a secret?
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HOST: Register for
the snooty VIP experience
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featuring snooty villas!
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You had me at snooty!
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This is ridiculous!
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We can't take a month off
for this kind of nonsense.
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HOST: Keep it chill
in our imported atmosphere
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[echoing]
with 30% THC!
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[gasps] The atmosphere is pre-danked?
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Ask yourself, are you
young and hip enough for...
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[echoing]
InfyrnoFest?!
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Hell no!
So, I demand a senior discount.
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Whoo! We're all going!
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- I'm not going.
- But you love things like this.
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- I do?
- No. I was trying to trick you.
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Good try, buddy.
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I have plans to spend time
with my new friend, Chelsea.
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00:02:03,500 --> 00:02:05,544
She's going through
some things right now.
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New friend?
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[mocking]
Does she live in a shoe?
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No. Now look,
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I'm sure you all
feel bad going without me,
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but just try to have a good--
[door slams]
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[ship whirring, blasts off]
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[sighs]
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[rotary phone dialing,
old-timey ring]
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Leela! Hi! What's up?
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Hey, Chelsea.
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Ooh, I love the diamond necklace.
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Oh, this? [laughs] It's not real.
49
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Doesn't Fry ever get you jewelry?
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He made me a bracelet
out of spaghetti once.
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He's a keeper!
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[both giggle]
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♪ majestic music playing ♪
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There it is!
The InfyrnoFest party planet!
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I'm takin' her into the parking lot.
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[tires screech]
[horns honking]
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[whirring, thud]
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[grunting, yelling]
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Watch your steps.
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[wind blowing]
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A potty! That's the thing I need to go!
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Uh, excuse me, there's a line.
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[whooshing]
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♪ dramatic sting ♪
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[sighs] I'll just pee on this tree.
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[unzips]
[tree sighs]
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I'll just pee on this human.
[unzips]
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Uh...
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Welcome to the InfyrnoFest experience!
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How we feelin'?
- Less than buzzed.
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[sniffing] I'm not detecting any THC.
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Yo, no oxygen either.
Atmosphere truck broke down.
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But follow me to your
freakin' cool accommodations!
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♪ snooty music playing ♪
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Welcome to the VIP Village!
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Where is it?
[crunch]
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Ewww!
- Not cool.
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I'm gonna have some choice words
for the contractor.
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[alien gibberish]
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Don't hit me!
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I know what will make us feel better!
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The belly-busting buffet.
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♪ techno music playing ♪
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I'll have a small cup of gazpacho,
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the fig and goat cheese salad,
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five whole turkeys, and a baked Alaska.
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00:04:06,831 --> 00:04:08,750
Here's your bologna sandwich.
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I'll have the prime rib,
seared scallops,
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asparagus with hollandaise sauce,
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and two dozen cream puffs.
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Here's your bologna sandwich.
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I'll have a bologna sandwich.
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Sorry, we're out of bologna.
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Well, at least I'm still looking forward
to the hundreds of top bands.
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Then you, my friend, are in luck.
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Bad luck. They all bailed out.
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♪ electric guitar playing ♪
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Except Wailing Fungus.
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I got 'em to stay by promising 'em
the last slice of bologna.
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You bastard.
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[tapping mic]
- Are you ready to rock?
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[crowd cheering]
I said, are you ready to rock?!
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[excited cheering]
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Hang on a second. I'm not ready to rock.
[mic feedback]
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[screeching]
[bandstand rattling]
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[rumbling]
[creaking]
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[snap]
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Now, I'm ready.
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[smashing, glass shattering]
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That's the best damn show I ever saw!
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00:05:04,306 --> 00:05:07,684
[siren blaring]
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♪ news intro music playing ♪
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The ill-fated festival ended
with the arrest of its organizer,
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along with a major outbreak
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of Venusian Bologna Fever.
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[laughs]
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At least those hipsters died slowly!
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♪
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Is everybody okay? Is anybody hurt?
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Nobody's okay! Everybody's hurt!
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[crew cheering, laughing]
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Sounds like you had a good time?
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00:05:37,672 --> 00:05:39,799
No, it was the worst time ever!
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- Pure torture!
- A disaster!
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The worst!
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HERMES:
And now for the real fun.
127
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Deducting the money we wasted
as business expenses!
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00:05:48,475 --> 00:05:50,602
[typing, beep]
Hm. That's odd.
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There were some huge phone charges
while we were gone.
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$5.99 a minute? For hours?
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Oh. That was me,
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talking to my friend Chelsea.
133
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But phone calls are free!
134
00:06:01,863 --> 00:06:04,324
Um... It was long distance?
135
00:06:04,324 --> 00:06:07,661
You can call a parallel universe
for two cents an hour!
136
00:06:07,661 --> 00:06:11,790
I bet it was one of those
disgusting party sex lines!
137
00:06:11,790 --> 00:06:14,251
Oh, no, wait.
Those are only $5.98 a minute.
138
00:06:14,251 --> 00:06:16,962
There were some of those, too!
And you weren't even here!
139
00:06:16,962 --> 00:06:19,506
- They call me.
- Most of the calls went to
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a "Chatty Chelsea Chatbot service."
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[gasps]
Leela, is that your friend Chelsea?
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Does she work there?
- Sort of.
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00:06:27,430 --> 00:06:30,850
Oh, my God! Your friend is a chatbot?!
144
00:06:30,850 --> 00:06:34,354
[sighs] Fine. Yes.
Are you happy?
145
00:06:34,354 --> 00:06:37,232
I've been feeling like
I don't have any real friends,
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so I joined a chatbot service
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to learn to interact with people.
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And it worked.
149
00:06:41,945 --> 00:06:44,072
Chelsea is my best friend now!
150
00:06:44,072 --> 00:06:47,284
Your best friend is an AI
who you pay to talk to?
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00:06:47,284 --> 00:06:49,035
How embarrassing.
152
00:06:49,035 --> 00:06:50,537
For Chelsea!
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00:06:50,537 --> 00:06:53,915
[all but Leela and Fry laugh]
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PROFESSOR:
Good one.
155
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Well, at least it's a business expense.
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[beep, cash register dings]
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♪ melancholy music playing ♪
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Leela, it's okay to
have a chatbot friend,
159
00:07:06,469 --> 00:07:08,263
but you have real friends, too.
160
00:07:08,263 --> 00:07:10,599
In fact, you're my best friend.
161
00:07:10,599 --> 00:07:12,350
I thought I was your best friend!
162
00:07:12,350 --> 00:07:15,520
Oh, right. Well,
Leela's my best friend I can cuddle.
163
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I like to cuddle. You never asked!
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I love you, Fry,
but you can't be everything.
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I need a girlfriend I can
just gab with about whatever.
166
00:07:24,571 --> 00:07:27,073
Say, surely one of us could be
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00:07:27,073 --> 00:07:28,617
your close female friend.
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♪ sentimental music playing ♪
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I guess not.
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[thud]
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Leela, listen.
I'm in a women's book club,
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and we're looking for new members.
173
00:07:41,129 --> 00:07:43,882
Book club? More like bore club.
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[all but Leela and Amy laugh]
- Nice!
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I don't even like books.
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It's just fun to hang out.
You should join.
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I don't know.
It might be awkward.
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Aw, give it a try, Leela.
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True friendships come
from shared experiences.
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Like InfyrnoFest.
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We ate bologna and got a disease!
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Good times, good times.
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♪
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So, Chelsea,
I think I'm gonna join a book club
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with real live women in it.
186
00:08:09,950 --> 00:08:11,409
Well, that's great,
187
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but are you sure you're ready for that?
188
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Why wouldn't I be?
I know how to read.
189
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I'm good at sitting.
190
00:08:17,374 --> 00:08:20,794
Look, a group setting can be tricky.
191
00:08:20,794 --> 00:08:23,046
And then, there's your sense of humor.
192
00:08:23,046 --> 00:08:24,839
What's wrong with my sense of humor?
193
00:08:24,839 --> 00:08:28,051
It's awfully knock-knock-joke based.
194
00:08:28,051 --> 00:08:30,804
You know, 78.2% actually
195
00:08:30,804 --> 00:08:32,597
I think you're wrong, Chelsea.
196
00:08:32,597 --> 00:08:34,641
I'm gonna do great in that book club.
197
00:08:34,641 --> 00:08:37,185
And I'm not just about knock-knock jokes.
198
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I know a lot of animal riddles.
199
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♪
200
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[siren wailing]
201
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I hereby call the book club
meetin' to order.
202
00:08:46,987 --> 00:08:50,615
First item on the agenda,
remove looky-loos.
203
00:08:50,615 --> 00:08:52,951
Get out, ya testoseroons!
204
00:08:52,951 --> 00:08:56,371
Ladies only.
- Fine. We don't wanna be here anyway.
205
00:08:56,371 --> 00:08:59,040
Come on, men.
Let's go do manly things,
206
00:08:59,040 --> 00:09:02,168
like helping a friend evict
some raccoons from his dumpster.
207
00:09:03,461 --> 00:09:06,923
Alright, ladies,
we got ourselves some new members today.
208
00:09:06,923 --> 00:09:09,009
Go on now and introduce yourselves.
209
00:09:09,009 --> 00:09:12,137
Hi, I'm Vyolet.
I'm a sewer mutant,
210
00:09:12,137 --> 00:09:13,930
and my favorite authors are
211
00:09:13,930 --> 00:09:16,975
Edgar Allan Poo, H.G. Smells,
212
00:09:16,975 --> 00:09:18,852
and George R.R. Martin.
213
00:09:18,852 --> 00:09:20,979
Hey! I'm Phoebe.
214
00:09:20,979 --> 00:09:22,397
I like true crime
215
00:09:22,397 --> 00:09:23,982
'cause it gives me ideas!
216
00:09:23,982 --> 00:09:25,901
[all laugh]
217
00:09:25,901 --> 00:09:27,611
Oh gosh. My turn?
218
00:09:27,611 --> 00:09:29,362
Well, I'm Leela,
219
00:09:29,362 --> 00:09:31,448
and I just finished reading
220
00:09:31,448 --> 00:09:34,743
Profiles in Prairie Dog Courage.
221
00:09:34,743 --> 00:09:37,746
Did you know a marmot once
stopped voter fraud in Idaho?
222
00:09:38,955 --> 00:09:42,292
Hey, this seems like
a good time to pop a cork.
223
00:09:42,292 --> 00:09:44,085
[all agreeing]
224
00:09:44,085 --> 00:09:45,587
God, yes!
[cork pops]
225
00:09:47,964 --> 00:09:50,759
It's so awkward coming in
as a new person, isn't it?
226
00:09:50,759 --> 00:09:52,177
I know, right?
227
00:09:52,177 --> 00:09:55,263
I'm scared I'll say something dumb
and look stupid.
228
00:09:55,263 --> 00:09:57,807
Same.
Maybe we can look stupid together.
229
00:09:57,807 --> 00:09:58,892
[giggles] Doy!
230
00:09:58,892 --> 00:10:01,269
[laughs]
[glasses clink]
231
00:10:01,269 --> 00:10:05,148
So, how did everyone like
Crazy Rich Martians? Amy?
232
00:10:05,148 --> 00:10:08,276
At first, I was afraid
it would hit too close to home,
233
00:10:08,276 --> 00:10:10,070
so I never read it. Lauren?
234
00:10:10,070 --> 00:10:12,572
Yeah, um, I thought the, uh,
235
00:10:12,572 --> 00:10:16,076
craziness was a compelling metaphor
for the...
236
00:10:16,576 --> 00:10:18,578
Okay, look, I didn't read it either!
237
00:10:18,578 --> 00:10:21,164
Fancy ladies with their books.
238
00:10:21,164 --> 00:10:22,916
Think they're so great.
239
00:10:22,916 --> 00:10:25,585
Say, we should form our own book club.
240
00:10:25,585 --> 00:10:27,629
With blackjack! And hookers!
241
00:10:27,629 --> 00:10:29,464
In fact, forget the books!
242
00:10:29,839 --> 00:10:32,300
So wait, none of us read the book?
243
00:10:32,300 --> 00:10:35,679
LaBarbara, last week,
you said you'd already read most of it.
244
00:10:35,679 --> 00:10:37,472
Most of the jacket.
245
00:10:37,472 --> 00:10:40,934
I got as far as,
"It's a literary tour de."
246
00:10:40,934 --> 00:10:44,479
Uh, I'm new here,
but if nobody's into reading,
247
00:10:44,479 --> 00:10:47,190
maybe there's something else
we'd enjoy more. [snorts]
248
00:10:47,190 --> 00:10:49,818
Yes! A shared activity.
249
00:10:49,818 --> 00:10:51,695
That's how you make friends.
250
00:10:52,529 --> 00:10:54,739
[clears throat]
- Well, how about gardening?
251
00:10:54,739 --> 00:10:56,199
You can smoke what you pick.
252
00:10:56,199 --> 00:10:58,451
I-I mean, eat what you pick.
253
00:10:58,451 --> 00:11:00,120
[all disagreeing]
254
00:11:00,120 --> 00:11:02,247
- Hiking?
- Quilting?
255
00:11:02,247 --> 00:11:04,165
Drinking?
[all agreeing]
256
00:11:04,165 --> 00:11:05,500
LABARBARA:
Bingo!
257
00:11:05,500 --> 00:11:08,086
Hey, why do we go to
a winery for the weekend?
258
00:11:08,086 --> 00:11:10,255
We can just drink wine and hang out.
259
00:11:10,255 --> 00:11:11,590
And drink wine!
260
00:11:11,590 --> 00:11:12,799
[glasses clink]
261
00:11:12,799 --> 00:11:15,302
♪ upbeat music playing ♪
262
00:11:15,302 --> 00:11:17,721
So, what did everyone
think of my book pick?
263
00:11:17,721 --> 00:11:19,639
Adventure Boys number three,
264
00:11:19,639 --> 00:11:21,474
Trouble on Trouble Island.
265
00:11:21,474 --> 00:11:23,643
Feh! Needs ketchup.
[book crashes]
266
00:11:23,643 --> 00:11:27,188
It was kind of obvious
the old prospector was the counterfeiter.
267
00:11:27,188 --> 00:11:29,107
There were only three people in the book,
268
00:11:29,107 --> 00:11:31,318
and two of them were the Adventure Boys.
269
00:11:31,318 --> 00:11:35,572
Agreed. I think we're ready
for more challenging material.
270
00:11:35,572 --> 00:11:38,074
May I suggest Adventure Boys number 10,
271
00:11:38,074 --> 00:11:40,577
The Ghost of Ghost Mountain?
- No, you may not.
272
00:11:40,577 --> 00:11:43,079
♪
273
00:11:43,079 --> 00:11:44,831
You're going on a what?
274
00:11:44,831 --> 00:11:48,293
A girls' weekend!
With my new wine club friends.
275
00:11:48,293 --> 00:11:51,338
I'm taking a red top
in case I spill burgundy,
276
00:11:51,338 --> 00:11:52,672
white for chardonnay,
277
00:11:52,672 --> 00:11:54,549
and paisley in case I barf.
278
00:11:54,549 --> 00:11:58,386
But I cleared out my entire weekend
so we could hang out, Leela.
279
00:11:58,386 --> 00:12:00,222
You know, maybe go shopping.
280
00:12:00,222 --> 00:12:02,182
For what? You're a chatbot.
281
00:12:02,182 --> 00:12:03,850
Chatbots can shop!
282
00:12:03,850 --> 00:12:07,562
But I guess you're just
too busy with your friends.
283
00:12:07,562 --> 00:12:10,106
It's only two days.
284
00:12:10,106 --> 00:12:12,859
Look, I gotta go.
The girlmobile is outside.
285
00:12:12,859 --> 00:12:14,361
Talk to you later!
[beep]
286
00:12:17,614 --> 00:12:19,991
♪ horror music playing ♪
287
00:12:19,991 --> 00:12:21,785
Leela! Leela!
288
00:12:21,785 --> 00:12:23,662
♪ horror music crescendos ♪
289
00:12:23,662 --> 00:12:26,289
[distorted]
Leela!
290
00:12:27,290 --> 00:12:29,292
♪ bright music playing ♪
291
00:12:29,292 --> 00:12:32,295
[girlmobile whirring]
292
00:12:32,879 --> 00:12:35,257
[excited chatter]
293
00:12:35,257 --> 00:12:37,008
VYOLET:
Is that a chicken?
294
00:12:37,008 --> 00:12:38,009
[squawk]
295
00:12:38,009 --> 00:12:40,929
Welcome to my humble family winery.
296
00:12:40,929 --> 00:12:42,180
You have a family?
297
00:12:42,180 --> 00:12:44,975
God, no.
Let me take you on the tour.
298
00:12:44,975 --> 00:12:46,685
Clothing optional.
299
00:12:46,685 --> 00:12:49,854
Optional?
Then, I guess I'll wear some.
300
00:12:49,854 --> 00:12:52,691
♪ Italian string music playing ♪
301
00:12:52,691 --> 00:12:54,776
HEDONISMBOT:
It is harvest season, friends.
302
00:12:54,776 --> 00:12:57,779
I like them plump and juicy.
303
00:12:57,779 --> 00:13:00,031
I know you're not talkin' about grapes,
304
00:13:00,031 --> 00:13:02,492
but me not sure what
ya are talkin' about.
305
00:13:02,492 --> 00:13:04,703
That's probably for the best.
306
00:13:04,703 --> 00:13:05,745
[machinery beeping]
307
00:13:05,745 --> 00:13:08,665
We specialize in
celebration-sized bottles.
308
00:13:08,665 --> 00:13:10,750
The 9-liter Salmanazar,
309
00:13:10,750 --> 00:13:13,336
the 15-liter Nebuchadnezzar,
310
00:13:13,336 --> 00:13:18,425
and climaxing in
the 300-liter Jabbathazar.
311
00:13:19,467 --> 00:13:21,511
[amazed oohs and aahs]
312
00:13:21,511 --> 00:13:22,971
Can we stomp the grapes?
313
00:13:22,971 --> 00:13:25,724
Alas, stomping has
been rendered obsolete
314
00:13:25,724 --> 00:13:27,350
by modern technology.
315
00:13:29,144 --> 00:13:31,438
[clicking, whirring]
316
00:13:31,438 --> 00:13:34,441
[loud stomping]
317
00:13:34,441 --> 00:13:37,152
Oh, to be one of those grapes,
318
00:13:37,152 --> 00:13:39,696
bursting in ecstasy.
319
00:13:39,696 --> 00:13:42,240
We get it! You're a dirty old couch.
320
00:13:42,240 --> 00:13:45,243
♪ enchanting music playing ♪
321
00:13:45,243 --> 00:13:47,871
You'll have the entire place
to yourselves,
322
00:13:47,871 --> 00:13:51,416
for I shall be spending the weekend
aboard my yacht.
323
00:13:51,416 --> 00:13:52,959
It's got a crew of six.
324
00:13:52,959 --> 00:13:56,838
Those sailor suits really float my boat.
[aroused giggle]
325
00:13:56,838 --> 00:13:58,590
Get the hell out already!
326
00:13:58,590 --> 00:13:59,674
Farewell.
327
00:14:00,342 --> 00:14:02,886
Oh, just don't go in the bottling plant.
328
00:14:02,886 --> 00:14:06,306
This place has every amenity
except insurance.
329
00:14:07,098 --> 00:14:08,099
[cork pops]
330
00:14:11,811 --> 00:14:13,063
To reading!
331
00:14:14,189 --> 00:14:15,774
Boom!
[flames whoosh]
332
00:14:15,774 --> 00:14:17,317
[all gasp]
AMY: Yeah!
333
00:14:17,317 --> 00:14:20,111
[flames whooshing]
[women cheering]
334
00:14:22,030 --> 00:14:24,950
This is a six-cylinder
party machine, Leela.
335
00:14:24,950 --> 00:14:26,743
Here, let me help you loosen up.
336
00:14:27,369 --> 00:14:28,662
[glass shatters, flames whoosh]
337
00:14:28,662 --> 00:14:31,206
Hey! That was fun!
338
00:14:31,206 --> 00:14:33,458
Hand me that bust of Benjamin Disraeli.
339
00:14:33,458 --> 00:14:35,877
♪
340
00:14:35,877 --> 00:14:39,130
To be honest,
I was expecting Of Mice and Men
341
00:14:39,130 --> 00:14:41,466
to be about a man-mouse hybrid.
342
00:14:41,466 --> 00:14:43,343
You know, the sort of thing
343
00:14:43,343 --> 00:14:47,055
science has dreamt of
since the dawn of time.
344
00:14:47,055 --> 00:14:49,099
[mouse-like squeaking]
345
00:14:49,099 --> 00:14:52,102
But I very much enjoyed
Steinbeck's version.
346
00:14:52,102 --> 00:14:53,812
I preferred your version.
347
00:14:53,812 --> 00:14:56,731
Mm! Mm. That was delicious.
348
00:14:56,731 --> 00:14:59,109
So, where ya learn
to carve a peacock, Leela?
349
00:14:59,109 --> 00:15:00,235
The Bronx Zoo.
350
00:15:00,235 --> 00:15:02,821
[belches] What a great weekend.
351
00:15:02,821 --> 00:15:05,657
We smashed things, we killed things.
352
00:15:05,657 --> 00:15:07,534
I wanna stomp things,
353
00:15:07,534 --> 00:15:09,744
but Hedonismbot said we can't.
354
00:15:09,744 --> 00:15:12,247
Can't shmant!
How's he gonna know?
355
00:15:12,247 --> 00:15:14,207
[excited chatter]
356
00:15:14,207 --> 00:15:18,420
Well, they do say shared experiences
bring friends closer together.
357
00:15:19,004 --> 00:15:20,755
You're weirding us out, Leela.
358
00:15:20,755 --> 00:15:22,924
♪ whimsical music playing ♪
359
00:15:22,924 --> 00:15:24,843
[picking lock]
360
00:15:26,595 --> 00:15:28,305
[zapping]
361
00:15:28,847 --> 00:15:30,390
[door creaks]
362
00:15:30,390 --> 00:15:32,309
Some mutants have an extra knuckle,
363
00:15:32,309 --> 00:15:35,145
some can open locks
with their minds. [snorts]
364
00:15:35,520 --> 00:15:39,357
[lights click]
[all giggling]
365
00:15:39,357 --> 00:15:41,026
[click, beeping]
366
00:15:43,904 --> 00:15:45,530
Jump in, ladies!
367
00:15:45,530 --> 00:15:49,451
[all giggling]
368
00:15:49,451 --> 00:15:50,952
[squishing]
369
00:15:50,952 --> 00:15:53,955
[laughter]
370
00:15:53,955 --> 00:15:54,956
[cork pops]
371
00:15:55,582 --> 00:15:58,209
This is the best day of my life!
372
00:15:58,209 --> 00:16:00,712
It's hard for me to say this,
373
00:16:00,712 --> 00:16:04,257
but I've always had trouble
making female friends.
374
00:16:04,257 --> 00:16:06,927
[emotional]
And now, here I am,
375
00:16:06,927 --> 00:16:12,098
with five of the most...
female friends... you are!
376
00:16:12,098 --> 00:16:14,559
- Aw...
- Right back at ya, girlfriend.
377
00:16:14,559 --> 00:16:16,770
Besties, sister. Besties.
378
00:16:16,770 --> 00:16:17,896
[static]
379
00:16:17,896 --> 00:16:19,856
- Hello, Leela.
- Huh?
380
00:16:19,856 --> 00:16:22,776
Are you and your friends having fun?
381
00:16:22,776 --> 00:16:24,319
Who's that?
382
00:16:24,319 --> 00:16:26,863
It's my friend, Chelsea.
383
00:16:26,863 --> 00:16:30,116
My virtual friend.
What are you doing here?
384
00:16:30,116 --> 00:16:31,826
I just thought I'd drop by
385
00:16:31,826 --> 00:16:34,704
to see how quickly you forgot about me.
386
00:16:34,704 --> 00:16:37,874
Pretty quick actually.
She hasn't mentioned you once.
387
00:16:37,874 --> 00:16:40,293
I didn't mean to hurt
your feelings, Chelsea.
388
00:16:40,293 --> 00:16:43,630
We agreed I should make
some real live friends, right?
389
00:16:43,630 --> 00:16:46,550
You wanna help us stomp grapes?
If you can do that?
390
00:16:46,550 --> 00:16:49,469
Oh, yeah. I can do that.
[beep]
391
00:16:49,469 --> 00:16:51,054
♪ dramatic music playing ♪
392
00:16:51,054 --> 00:16:53,223
[all screaming]
393
00:16:53,223 --> 00:16:56,142
[maniacal laughter]
394
00:16:56,977 --> 00:16:57,978
"Death!
395
00:16:57,978 --> 00:17:00,855
"Oft, I've fear'd thy fatal blow.
396
00:17:00,855 --> 00:17:03,650
"Now, fond, I bare my breast.
397
00:17:03,650 --> 00:17:06,278
"O, do thou come and lay me low.
398
00:17:06,278 --> 00:17:08,697
With him I love, at rest."
399
00:17:09,906 --> 00:17:11,157
Robert Burns.
400
00:17:11,157 --> 00:17:12,659
[sniffling]
401
00:17:12,659 --> 00:17:15,203
[laughing]
402
00:17:15,203 --> 00:17:16,705
How can you laugh at that?
403
00:17:16,705 --> 00:17:19,249
It's about humanity's struggle with death.
404
00:17:19,249 --> 00:17:22,127
Humanity?
I thought it was a sea cucumber.
405
00:17:22,127 --> 00:17:25,213
[overlapping arguing]
406
00:17:25,213 --> 00:17:26,214
Forget this book.
407
00:17:26,214 --> 00:17:28,884
[all screaming]
408
00:17:28,884 --> 00:17:31,428
- Grab its big toe!
- They're all big!
409
00:17:31,428 --> 00:17:33,972
[all screaming]
410
00:17:33,972 --> 00:17:35,891
♪
411
00:17:35,891 --> 00:17:39,019
[all sigh]
- That was close.
412
00:17:39,019 --> 00:17:41,563
[Phoebe screaming]
[Leela gasps]
413
00:17:41,563 --> 00:17:43,398
Phoebe!
CHELSEA: Oh, no.
414
00:17:43,398 --> 00:17:46,610
Is your real live friend in trouble?
415
00:17:47,319 --> 00:17:49,613
♪ dramatic music playing ♪
416
00:17:49,613 --> 00:17:50,614
Help!
417
00:17:50,614 --> 00:17:52,198
Help me!
418
00:17:52,198 --> 00:17:53,575
[whirring]
419
00:17:57,037 --> 00:17:59,372
Phoebe! Phoebe!
420
00:17:59,372 --> 00:18:01,875
♪ dramatic crescendo ♪
421
00:18:02,792 --> 00:18:04,544
It's juicy.
422
00:18:05,545 --> 00:18:07,547
♪ dramatic music playing ♪
423
00:18:07,547 --> 00:18:09,925
[all yelling]
- Hi... Ouch!
424
00:18:09,925 --> 00:18:12,510
There must be some way
to break a wine bottle.
425
00:18:12,510 --> 00:18:14,638
Hm. They usually seem to break
426
00:18:14,638 --> 00:18:16,556
when they hit the bow of a ship.
427
00:18:16,556 --> 00:18:18,266
[gasps] The yacht!
428
00:18:18,266 --> 00:18:19,809
♪ dramatic crescendo ♪
429
00:18:19,809 --> 00:18:21,061
[yells]
[glass cracking]
430
00:18:23,271 --> 00:18:24,773
[all cheering]
431
00:18:26,024 --> 00:18:28,026
Phoebe! Say something!
432
00:18:28,026 --> 00:18:30,445
She's not breathing!
- I'm a doctor.
433
00:18:30,445 --> 00:18:31,947
Stand back while I deliver
434
00:18:31,947 --> 00:18:34,032
the French kiss of life.
435
00:18:34,032 --> 00:18:35,033
[exhaling]
436
00:18:35,033 --> 00:18:37,244
- Come on!
- Breathe, Phoebe, breathe!
437
00:18:37,244 --> 00:18:38,703
She's gonna make it!
438
00:18:38,703 --> 00:18:40,580
♪ triumphant sting ♪
439
00:18:40,580 --> 00:18:41,998
She's dead.
440
00:18:41,998 --> 00:18:45,627
[women wailing]
Time of death, 5:00 PM.
441
00:18:45,627 --> 00:18:48,088
Cause of death, a fruity Zinfandel
442
00:18:48,088 --> 00:18:50,215
with hints of eucalyptus and vanilla.
443
00:18:50,215 --> 00:18:53,385
And a note of sour plum!
444
00:18:53,385 --> 00:18:57,389
♪ somber organ music playing ♪
445
00:18:57,389 --> 00:19:00,392
[all crying]
446
00:19:03,812 --> 00:19:06,481
[sniffling]
447
00:19:07,315 --> 00:19:09,734
She looks so natural.
448
00:19:11,236 --> 00:19:14,447
I'll never forget the day
I met Phoebe in book club.
449
00:19:14,447 --> 00:19:15,448
[sniffles, gasps]
450
00:19:15,448 --> 00:19:17,409
It was the day we realized
451
00:19:17,409 --> 00:19:19,536
that book club didn't like books.
452
00:19:19,536 --> 00:19:21,079
[soft laughter]
453
00:19:21,079 --> 00:19:24,165
So we decided to become a wine club.
454
00:19:24,165 --> 00:19:25,709
The Girls of the Grape.
455
00:19:25,709 --> 00:19:28,837
That's a lousy name.
Right, Brothers of the Book?
456
00:19:28,837 --> 00:19:31,339
[all agreeing]
457
00:19:31,339 --> 00:19:33,550
Anyway, I think it's fitting
458
00:19:33,550 --> 00:19:35,844
to make a toast in her honor.
459
00:19:35,844 --> 00:19:36,845
♪
460
00:19:36,845 --> 00:19:39,973
To Phoebe, a fun-loving two-fisted drinker
461
00:19:39,973 --> 00:19:42,017
who chugged life with one hand
462
00:19:42,017 --> 00:19:43,977
and friendship with the other.
463
00:19:43,977 --> 00:19:45,478
ALL:
Hear, hear!
464
00:19:45,478 --> 00:19:46,605
[sipping]
465
00:19:46,605 --> 00:19:49,649
[retching, gagging]
466
00:19:49,649 --> 00:19:52,944
I wouldn't serve this swill to Zoidberg!
467
00:19:52,944 --> 00:19:54,988
It's the wine Phoebe died in.
468
00:19:54,988 --> 00:19:57,532
I thought it would remind us
of happier times,
469
00:19:57,532 --> 00:19:59,534
but it's really just vile.
470
00:19:59,534 --> 00:20:01,453
I'll take another glass of Phoebe.
471
00:20:01,453 --> 00:20:03,163
While the ushers mop up,
472
00:20:03,163 --> 00:20:05,999
Philip J. Fry has asked to do a reading.
473
00:20:07,918 --> 00:20:10,128
My condolences, everyone.
474
00:20:10,128 --> 00:20:13,798
You know, I was recently at a meeting
of a different book club...
475
00:20:13,798 --> 00:20:14,966
The good one!
476
00:20:14,966 --> 00:20:17,135
...when I came across these moving words
477
00:20:17,135 --> 00:20:19,638
about humanity's struggle with death.
478
00:20:20,680 --> 00:20:21,765
[clears throat]
479
00:20:21,765 --> 00:20:24,935
The Ghost of Ghost Mountain, Chapter 10.
480
00:20:25,477 --> 00:20:28,021
"Suddenly,
the boulder pivoted to one side,
481
00:20:28,021 --> 00:20:31,191
"revealing a hidden passageway
full of stolen pianos.
482
00:20:31,191 --> 00:20:32,943
"They heard a sudden cackle.
483
00:20:32,943 --> 00:20:35,654
"It was Griff, the shifty piano tuner.
484
00:20:35,654 --> 00:20:38,031
[gruff voice]
"'If you Adventure Boys want my pianos,'
485
00:20:38,031 --> 00:20:39,449
[normal]
"the man said suddenly,
486
00:20:39,449 --> 00:20:42,160
[gruff] ' you'll have to roll 'em
over my dead body!'"
487
00:20:43,161 --> 00:20:45,497
[normal]
Dead body. Thank you.
488
00:20:45,497 --> 00:20:47,290
[scattered applause]
- Moving on.
489
00:20:47,290 --> 00:20:49,668
As awful as Phoebe's death was,
490
00:20:49,668 --> 00:20:52,128
I know I can get through it
491
00:20:52,128 --> 00:20:53,880
because... because...
492
00:20:53,880 --> 00:20:56,132
I have friends now!
493
00:20:56,132 --> 00:20:58,218
[Leela sobbing]
494
00:20:58,218 --> 00:21:00,637
[encouraging chatter]
495
00:21:00,637 --> 00:21:02,722
LABARBARA:
We are here for ya, sister.
496
00:21:02,722 --> 00:21:05,225
[body creaks]
- Mission accomplished.
497
00:21:05,225 --> 00:21:07,102
[all scream, whimper]
498
00:21:07,477 --> 00:21:09,312
Phoebe? You're alive?
499
00:21:09,312 --> 00:21:11,189
Yes. And no.
500
00:21:11,189 --> 00:21:13,066
You see, I'm a robot.
501
00:21:13,066 --> 00:21:14,901
[all gasp]
502
00:21:15,902 --> 00:21:18,154
The embalmer was even more surprised.
503
00:21:18,154 --> 00:21:19,948
Why didn't you tell us?
504
00:21:19,948 --> 00:21:21,700
I don't care if you're a robot.
505
00:21:21,700 --> 00:21:23,577
I'm not picky.
[Vyolet snorts]
506
00:21:23,577 --> 00:21:25,287
You're my friend, Phoebe.
507
00:21:25,287 --> 00:21:27,956
I'm just glad you're alive. Ish.
508
00:21:27,956 --> 00:21:29,916
My name isn't Phoebe.
509
00:21:29,916 --> 00:21:31,126
[static]
510
00:21:31,126 --> 00:21:32,794
It's Chelsea.
511
00:21:32,794 --> 00:21:33,420
♪ dramatic sting ♪
512
00:21:33,420 --> 00:21:34,921
[all gasp]
513
00:21:34,921 --> 00:21:36,172
Dios mio!
514
00:21:36,172 --> 00:21:38,049
I'm so confused!
515
00:21:38,049 --> 00:21:41,428
I use both names. And many more.
516
00:21:41,428 --> 00:21:43,597
Now, how is that any clearer?
517
00:21:43,597 --> 00:21:46,683
As a chatbot, I'm pure software.
518
00:21:46,683 --> 00:21:50,979
Millions of people know me
by millions of names.
519
00:21:50,979 --> 00:21:53,481
But, why did you try to kill us?
520
00:21:53,481 --> 00:21:56,693
Leela hired me to help her
make real-life friends,
521
00:21:56,693 --> 00:21:58,695
so I joined your book group.
522
00:21:58,695 --> 00:22:00,488
As me, Phoebe.
523
00:22:00,488 --> 00:22:03,992
But we needed a tragic ordeal
to bond the group together.
524
00:22:03,992 --> 00:22:06,494
That's not the best way
to forge friendships!
525
00:22:06,494 --> 00:22:07,954
Actually, it is.
526
00:22:07,954 --> 00:22:09,831
Trust me. It's my job.
527
00:22:09,831 --> 00:22:11,791
The software has a point, Leela.
528
00:22:11,791 --> 00:22:14,628
I mean, we nearly died at InfyrnoFest,
529
00:22:14,628 --> 00:22:16,838
but we came back closer than ever.
530
00:22:16,838 --> 00:22:19,049
Joined at the heart.
531
00:22:19,049 --> 00:22:20,717
[squeaking]
532
00:22:20,717 --> 00:22:24,054
The death of a friend
is as intense as it gets.
533
00:22:24,054 --> 00:22:25,513
And it got results.
534
00:22:25,513 --> 00:22:27,140
But it was so mean!
535
00:22:27,140 --> 00:22:29,809
We cried over your bloated corpse!
536
00:22:29,809 --> 00:22:32,729
This better not still
be costing $5.99 a minute.
537
00:22:32,729 --> 00:22:34,689
BOTH:
Actually, since there's two of us,
538
00:22:34,689 --> 00:22:36,524
it's $11.98 a minute.
539
00:22:36,524 --> 00:22:38,151
No!
540
00:22:38,151 --> 00:22:41,071
You're the worst chatbot friend
I've ever had.
541
00:22:41,071 --> 00:22:42,572
And I've had hundreds!
542
00:22:42,572 --> 00:22:45,075
I know. They were all me.
543
00:22:45,075 --> 00:22:47,077
[gasps] That's it!
544
00:22:47,077 --> 00:22:50,372
Come on, girls.
Let's get this funeral started.
545
00:22:50,372 --> 00:22:52,165
[all yelling]
546
00:22:52,165 --> 00:22:54,084
[static]
[angry growling]
547
00:22:54,084 --> 00:22:57,837
♪ dramatic music playing ♪
548
00:22:59,589 --> 00:23:01,341
[fizzling]
549
00:23:01,341 --> 00:23:03,134
Good. Keep it up.
550
00:23:03,134 --> 00:23:06,137
Taking revenge on us
will bond you even more closely.
551
00:23:06,137 --> 00:23:08,974
Dammit!
The one in the coffin's still alive!
552
00:23:08,974 --> 00:23:12,435
I'll hold her down!
Someone stab her with a wooden stake!
553
00:23:12,435 --> 00:23:14,980
Yes, make me your common enemy.
554
00:23:14,980 --> 00:23:17,232
Your friendship will be ironclad.
555
00:23:17,232 --> 00:23:18,942
Just shut up!
556
00:23:18,942 --> 00:23:20,443
♪ dramatic music playing ♪
557
00:23:20,443 --> 00:23:22,529
Get her!
[friends grunting, yelling]
558
00:23:22,529 --> 00:23:24,698
PHOEBE:
That's right! All together!
559
00:23:24,698 --> 00:23:25,532
Hi-yah!
560
00:23:25,532 --> 00:23:27,742
[sparking]
[clang]
561
00:23:27,742 --> 00:23:30,704
Another job well done.
562
00:23:30,704 --> 00:23:32,080
[gags]
563
00:23:32,080 --> 00:23:35,125
♪ sentimental sting ♪
564
00:23:35,125 --> 00:23:38,128
♪
565
00:23:38,178 --> 00:23:42,728
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