Original subtitles

- Oh Max, can u help me? - Sure, anything you want

- l am in very big trouble - l kill him

- Who you kill? - The man who put you in big trouble

- There's no man - Dio Gracias

- lt's my homework! l have not finished it - And l am haven't started it

- Mr. Brown he is going to be very angry - Don't worry

- Giovanni, he's gonna fix everything - Yes?

Buona Sera

Hockay! Who wants the homework! Only 10 p. each

10 p. No peseta

Whose next?

- Giovanni, how we know answers right? - Sure answers right

My landalady's little boy write them down! He's a clever kid

Quiet please

- Where is Mr. Brown? - Mr. Brown not alived

This is too bad! He should be here

You want l give Mr. Brown a massage?

- l presume you mean message - Collect

No thank you

l shall wait until he arrives

lt will give me an opportunity to find out how much you have learned

Which is precious little l suspect

- But Madame, we learn a lot from Mr. Brown - Yes

Quiet now! Quiet, quiet!

Very well! Let's see if we can find out how much you've learned from Mr. Brown

Can anyone give me a sentence containing the word... 'catalyst'?

Come along somebody! Catalyst

- Por favor se�ora? - Yes

ln my country Spain, most of the people are Roman Catalyst

l don't believe it

- That's not right - No?

ltaly is a much bigger catalyst country

Quiet... Quiet! Sit down!

Quiet please!

Good evening Miss Courtney

- lt's almost goodnight - l'm sorry l'm late

l was detained at the paper shop

Mr. Brown, l know the times are hard but do you have to deliver newspapers?

Oh no! l've bought them! They are for the students as part of their education

Well they certainly need some education

Good evening

Excuse me please! l am just this moment arriving

- Excuse me again! l go - What?

l come back

- Are you moving house? - Not at all

l am coming here straight from my work

- You've got ajob? - Yes please

l'm a travelling salesman! l go round knicking the doors

- Knocking - That is correct

- And what are you selling? - Oh blimey, everything

For a master or mistress! l show you some example

Maybe you'll be wanting to buy something

No thanks, l don't think that's my size

So sorry please!

This case is for the lady people only

This case is for the man people! And everything very good price

Look this please

You not have to be tying it

And also, if you are dropping soup, you'll be whiping it off

- lt's jolly good plastic - Yes very ingenious

- Only one pound 50p! You wanting one? - No thanks

l am telling you what l am doing!

- To you only one pound - l don't want one Ali

How about ajelly good shirt?

Guaranteed one hundred percent substandard

No thank you

Ali, you got any socks?

Plenty socks! Fifty p. Only! Plenty woolly

- Ali - Excuse, l'm serving

- l have 2 - Right, two! Money, money, money

Now tell me! Anybody wanting undertrousers? All different colours

- How much? - Only fifty p.

Ali! Please

- Ah, you are wanting one? - No

l am finding you very good pair

Lovely, lovely, lovely! Red, white and blue

Just like Union Jack

Very patriotic! No, thank you

- Have you any scarf? - Most definitely

For you only one pound! Made in Honk Kong

Hong Kong? l not buy from Capatalist state where workers are exploited as cheap labour

- Anyone else is wanting something else? - Ali please

- Ah, you are exchanging your mind - No l'm not

Put these cases away! This is not Petticoat

Just sit down everybody

Taro, sit down

Now, before we do anything else this evening, l want to find a monitor

O.K. You tell us where to look! We find one

Giovanni, a monitor is a person who can take charge of the class during my absence

Somebody intelligent enough to assume responsibility

On second thought, perhaps this is not such a good idea after all

Please l think l am making good monitor

l think we'll alternate, have a different one each week

lt'll be a good experience for you! All right, Anna we'll start with you

Danke!

- Thank you - Zank you

lf you'll hand these round and collect the homework

Ja

- Yes Anna - Yes

And from now on, l want to hear no more foreign language spoken in this class

From the moment you come in here you speak English all the time

ls that understood?

- Por favor? - No por favor

Por favor finito! English only

- lts alright - Yes

Now, have you all got a newspaper?

l'm going to ask you each to read a passage from the newspaper

Then we'll discuss it together, O. K?

Max, you start

Hamerican Embassy bugged

No Max, bugg'd

Hey, my boss! He all the time say is bugged

That may be so Giovanni but the word we're dealing with is bugg'd

Read it again Max correctly

Hamerican Embassy Buggde

Good! Now does anybody know what that means?

Ah, Taro

lt means american Embassy full of little insects

No Taro! They're not that sort of bugs! Listening devices

Jamila, can you read anything from your newspaper?

Read something!

- 8 p. - Yes, that's a start

- Late again, Ranjeet - Oh, Mr. Teacher

l'm apologising most humbly

Perhaps next week, you'll try and get here on time

l'm thinking next week l am not being here at all

- Are you leaving us? - l will be joining honourable ancestors

- You mean you're going to die? - Most definitely

l'm going to die by my own hand

lf you are wanting some assistance

l am happy to be helping

l thought you didn't like Sikhs

That is why l am happy to be helping

Alright Ali, this is not a laughing matter

- l think Ranjeet is serious - Most certainly l am

- But why are you thinking of killing yourself? - l'm forced to be getting married

You randy old chapati

You are putting some innocent lady in the pudding club

l am doing nothing of the sort you Muslim twit

All right, that will do! l don't understand Ranjeet

Why you're being forced to get married?

According to the Sikh tradition, l was betrothed when l was twelve to Surinder

The ten year old daughter of the best friend of my father

She was a beautiful girl with hair like silk, eyes like black diamonds

And a figure like a tender bamboo shoot

And now her father is saying it is time for me to be marrying her

Well if she's got eyes like black diamonds, hair like silk

And a figure like a tender bamboo shoot, what are you complaining about?

Blimey that was twenty years ago

Now, she is putting on so much weight

That from behind she is looking like an elephant

As a matter of fact, she is looking like elephant from the front also

Can't you just tell her that you've changed your mind?

Not at all! Only a lady can change mind

- l am up the creek without a puddle - Paddle

You not do it! lt's a sin to kill yourself

lt's the only call which is left open to me

- When you do this killing yourself? - Tonight

Can we come and watch?

This is ridiculous!

People don't go round killing themselves rather than break off an engagement

lt is my religion

- ln that case, why don't you marry? - That will be worse than killing myself

Go and sit down

We'll discuss whether you kill yourself or not during the tea break

Mr. Brown

There's an lndian lady in my office who wishes to speak to Mr. Ranjeet Singh

Excusing me Missy! This lady, is she resembling an elephant?

l wouldn't exactly put it like that although she is rather large

Oh blimey, it is Surinder

Ask her to come along here Miss Courtney

- That's very irregular - lt is rather important

Very well, but don't make a habit of it

What are you doing that for?

So that we can talk to her! Perhaps make her see reason

lt is not anyway possible! l keel myself

Put that knife down

Max, Giovanni, hold his arms

- Where is it? - He's not here yet

l am waiting for him in the corridor

He is promised to me and l swear by the Holy Guru he is having me

Well, what am l telling you?

Yes, l quite see your point about an elephant

Still, don't worry Ranjeet, l'm sure some elephants are very nice

Can l have knife back, please?

- Promise you won't kill yourself? - l promise

- Killing myself is not going to help me - That's the attitude

l have much better idea

- l kill her - No

- Ah, you're still there? - Yes, l am still here

- l really think you ought to go home - No, l wait for Ranjeet

- l don't think Ranjeet will be coming tonight - l wait

- ls she still being out in corridor? - Yeah l'm afraid so Ranjeet

Miss Courtney won't be very pleased when she finds out about all this

Oh, dearie me! What am l going to be doing?

Can't you just tell her you're not going to marry her

But l am not going to be marrying Miss Courtney

- l'm referring to Surrinder - Oh, no

lf l'm telling her that, she is surely going to kill me

- You said you were gonna kill yourself - That is correct

Pleaso! ln my country when a person commits hara kiri

lt is custom for besto friend to be presento

- To chop off heado - Chop off head?

- l will be happy to assisto - You will do nothing of the sort

Now please everybody, just sit down

You're here to learn English! We've had enough disruption for one night

You should leave your personal problems at home!

Now please all look at your newspapers

- Juan, read out a headline - Por favor?

- The newspaper - Si

- Newspaper? - Read something out

''lncrease ln London rats''

- ''London rats''?! - lncrease ln London Rats

Rates

Perdon

Anna, your turn

''Vestern Vorld Velcomes Vind of Change''

Vunderful! Very good

Danielle?

- ''Prime minister sold a pup'' - Good

Now that is a very good example of a figure of speech

Prime minister sold a pup

Can you tell me what it means Giovanni?

He's buying a dog

No, it's a figure of speech

Let me give you another example! Prime minister sold a dummy

- You know what that means? - Sure

- Did you understand it? - Yeah

Just one thing l not understand

Does he buy the dummy before or after he buy the pup?

- He doesn't buy anything - Newspaperman is a big liar

lt's a figure of speech

l told you it's a figure of speech lt doesn't mean what it says

Typical of lmperial poriticians who distort truth and suppress working classes

Thank you

A figure of speech is a way of expressing an idea by way of contrast or comparison

lf you are being sold a pup or sold a dummy

You are being cheated or deceived

ln England, we use figures of speech quite a lot

For example, we say 'as quick as lightning'

As light as a feather As clean as a whistle

- As blind as a... Su Lee? - As brind as a bat

Good! Because bats cannot see

- Max, as deaf as a... - Postman

- No Max, posts! Because posts cannot hear - Neither can my postman

- Ali, as sly as a... - Sikh

- Fox! Ranjeet, as mad as a... - Muslim

- Hatter! Taro, as drunk as a... - Newto

Lord is more correct

- Jamila, as white as... - You

Snow! Ali, as smooth as?

A baby's bottoms

Alright, we'll break for tea now and continue with the newspapers when we come back

Please, how am l going to be getting out without being obsreved by the fat one?

That's your problem

My problem is to get her off the premises before Miss Courtney finds her

- Look l really think you ought to go home - No, l stay

- What is going on? - What is going on?

- What is going on? - Yes, l'm talking to this lady

- Why is she here? - She's talking to me

- Why is she sitting in the corridor? - Why is she sitting in the corridor?

Must you repeat everything l say?

l could have sworn that woman wasn't pregnant yesterday

You are safe now

Thank you Jamila! Thank you

What you do now?

Maybe l can jump out of the window

You'd be lucky! We're on the third floor

Mr. Brown, l have a feeling that something very peculiar is going on

No, no! Everything's perfectly all right l can assure you

- Are you going? - Yes

To get a cup of tea

Oh blimey! lt's Surinder

That was sounding like my Ranjeet

- Where is he now? - l told you he's not here

Excuse me dearie

Are you looking for the darky fellow with a beard and a bandage round his head?

- Most definitely - He's just crawled behind those curtains

Come out Ranjeet

l am knowing you are there

Come out

What is the meaning of this?

l am noticing windows very dirty so l am cleaning them for you

l like very much cleaning windows

ln the pitch dark?

- Come in off that window ledge at once - Most certainly

A thousand apologies

l kill myself

Well hurry up! Tea break's nearly over

- l am meaning it - Go on

- l am going to join my ancestors - Don't keep them waiting too long

- ByeBye everybody - Bye

- l am doing it now - So you keep saying

This is it then

Come on! Hurry up please

Maybe l am having a cup of coffee before l do it

Ranjeet, we all know you've not the slightest intention of killing yourself

So put the knife away and let's discuss this properly

Now Surinder as l understand it

You and Ranjeet here were both betrothed when you were children

Most definitely and now he's not wanting to marry me

You can't get married unless you love each other

lt is his duty to be marrying me otherwise l am losing my face

l think she's lost it already

You wouldn't be happy together

Can't you just agree to release Ranjeet from his promise?

- And what will become of me? - l'm sure you'll meet somebody else

lf l think l would meet another man l most gladly release Ranjeet

- You would? - Most certainly

But who is going to be having me now?

You know Surinder there is something Mr. Brown is not telling you

- There is? - Oh, yes indeed

He has a special reason for wanting you not to be marrying me

- l have? - He is wanting to marry you himself

- He is wanting to be marrying me? - l am wanting to marry her?

l accept

- Ola Mr. Brown - Good evening Gladys

- When is the happy day then? - There's not going to be any happy day

lt was a complete misunderstanding

What a pity! l thought you and Surinder made a lovely couple

With all due respect, she was a couple on her own!

Good evening

Now before we start

l checked your homework last night

And l have a feeling there have been some sort of chicanery going on

We not know what you mean

Well Giovani! l'll tell you

Firstly, there's the fact that five of them are written in the same hand

lt's a sheer coincidence

And is it also a coincidence that you all answered question seven as follows

Question: Explain what is wrong with the following sentence

'My dogs is in the garden'

Answer: 'l do not have a garden'

- Give me 10 p. - l want my 10 p. Back

You will all receive extra homework tonight

And please this time make sure you do it yourselves

l am apologizing again! But l am delayed by Surinder

l thought she'd agreed to release you from the marriage now

Yes, she has! But her father is coming here to see you about your marriage now

Look, there's not going to be any wedding l've broken it off

Oh dearie me! How painful

l've written to Surinder's parents explaining that l couldn't possibly marry their daughter

l pointed out the differences between our religious and cultural backgrounds

And the fact l have no intention of marrying anyone

- He should've got the letter this morning - Oh yes he did

That is why he is coming! He is hoping to be slicing you into many pieces

Pardon?

He say you are bringing disgrace on his daughter

Don't be ridiculous! This isn't Punjab! lt's England, a civilised country

People just don't go around slicing each other up and l shall tell him so

Where is this illegitimate offspring of a six-legged camel

Blimey, l am not knowing where he is

He is not here! He has emigrated