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1
00:00:01,300 --> 00:00:02,501
Wow!
2
00:00:02,534 --> 00:00:04,834
Look at the flowers
Caitlin's boyfriend sent her.
3
00:00:04,868 --> 00:00:07,667
I've never seen
such beautiful arrangements.
4
00:00:07,701 --> 00:00:10,367
She must have really
given it up last night.
5
00:00:10,400 --> 00:00:11,367
Hey!
6
00:00:11,400 --> 00:00:13,734
I'm right here!
7
00:00:15,901 --> 00:00:18,167
Doesn't tom know
that women don't really care
8
00:00:18,200 --> 00:00:20,133
about silly gifts
like flowers?
9
00:00:20,167 --> 00:00:23,234
How are you single?
Tom is romantic.
10
00:00:23,267 --> 00:00:25,968
In fact, he's on his way up
with a surprise for me.
11
00:00:26,000 --> 00:00:28,868
I'm pretty sure it's those
U2 tickets I've been hinting at.
12
00:00:28,901 --> 00:00:30,033
Hi, honey!
13
00:00:30,067 --> 00:00:32,467
Hey, I see
you got the flowers.
14
00:00:32,501 --> 00:00:34,067
I've got
one more surprise for you.
15
00:00:34,100 --> 00:00:35,901
You've been
dropping hints all week
16
00:00:35,934 --> 00:00:38,400
about seeing a certain group
of irishmen?
17
00:00:38,434 --> 00:00:40,534
Tom, you didn't.
I most certainly did!
18
00:00:40,567 --> 00:00:41,934
I got us front-row seats
19
00:00:41,968 --> 00:00:45,167
to Seamus O'Reilly's epic
musical about the potato famine.
20
00:00:45,200 --> 00:00:48,968
"The sterile soil"?
21
00:00:49,000 --> 00:00:52,601
Surprise!
22
00:01:20,000 --> 00:01:22,033
Good morning, Paul.
What's that?
23
00:01:22,067 --> 00:01:25,100
My divorce
has been finalized.
24
00:01:25,133 --> 00:01:28,267
My marriage is over.
I'm gonna grow old alone.
25
00:01:28,300 --> 00:01:32,033
Why does this upset you now? You and Claudia
haven't been together for two years.
26
00:01:32,067 --> 00:01:35,234
Legally we were together.
Now my inability to keep a woman
27
00:01:35,267 --> 00:01:39,100
has been officially recognized
by the state of New York.
28
00:01:41,300 --> 00:01:44,267
You and tom got the big
potato show tonight?
29
00:01:44,300 --> 00:01:47,234
What do you wear
to something like that...
30
00:01:47,267 --> 00:01:49,100
a strapless
burlap sack?
31
00:01:49,133 --> 00:01:51,000
Tom may not take me
to cool concerts,
32
00:01:51,033 --> 00:01:52,701
but he's reliable
and stable,
33
00:01:52,734 --> 00:01:54,601
and that is what
I'm looking for.
34
00:01:54,634 --> 00:01:56,133
Caitlin, I know you.
35
00:01:56,167 --> 00:01:58,501
You think you're happy
with a 4-door buick,
36
00:01:58,534 --> 00:02:01,434
but what you really want is
the Porsche turbo convertible...
37
00:02:01,467 --> 00:02:05,434
5-speed, all leather,
jet-black finish,
38
00:02:05,467 --> 00:02:08,968
cruising on the road
on a cool summer day.
39
00:02:09,000 --> 00:02:10,300
Are we still talking
about me?
40
00:02:10,334 --> 00:02:12,968
I don't think so.
41
00:02:13,000 --> 00:02:15,634
Hello, everyone!
Oh, listen, don't forget
42
00:02:15,667 --> 00:02:20,067
I'm guest bartending tonight at the Callahan
tavern fundraiser for the playground project.
43
00:02:20,100 --> 00:02:21,934
Sir, I didn't know
you could bartend.
44
00:02:21,968 --> 00:02:23,934
How you think I paid
my way through college?
45
00:02:23,968 --> 00:02:26,367
Your dad?
Correct...
46
00:02:26,400 --> 00:02:29,567
who inherited his money
from my grandfather,
47
00:02:29,601 --> 00:02:32,501
who made a fortune
during prohibition
48
00:02:32,534 --> 00:02:36,434
bootlegging whiskey,
which is served in... Bars!
49
00:02:36,467 --> 00:02:38,033
So, go ahead.
Test me.
50
00:02:38,067 --> 00:02:39,934
Uh, what's in
a mai tai?
51
00:02:39,968 --> 00:02:42,634
A mai tai?
[SCOFFS]
52
00:02:42,667 --> 00:02:47,200
Well, it's got, uh...
It has, uh...
53
00:02:47,234 --> 00:02:50,200
What are you, a woman?
Drink a beer!
54
00:02:56,634 --> 00:02:58,968
Four cold ones.
55
00:02:59,000 --> 00:03:01,434
I want you guys
to get tanked tonight.
56
00:03:01,467 --> 00:03:06,000
And remember...
it's for the kids.
57
00:03:06,033 --> 00:03:09,033
To... Our love.
58
00:03:10,701 --> 00:03:13,234
Hey, buddy!
Enjoy it while you can.
59
00:03:13,267 --> 00:03:15,834
Today you're kissin'
like lovebirds.
60
00:03:15,868 --> 00:03:19,667
Tomorrow, you're depressed
in a bar, harassing strangers.
61
00:03:19,701 --> 00:03:22,634
To your health!
62
00:03:22,667 --> 00:03:25,400
Paul, I know
what you're going through.
63
00:03:25,434 --> 00:03:26,934
I've had someone
I love leave me.
64
00:03:26,968 --> 00:03:29,567
This isn't the story about
the time your cat, tinkers,
65
00:03:29,601 --> 00:03:31,534
got run over
by an ice cream truck?
66
00:03:31,567 --> 00:03:33,033
No.
67
00:03:33,067 --> 00:03:34,501
What happened?
68
00:03:34,534 --> 00:03:35,701
I was a junior
at Harvard.
69
00:03:35,734 --> 00:03:38,067
No, no, no.
I mean with tinkers.
70
00:03:38,100 --> 00:03:40,033
Did the truck, like,
pancake him or what?
71
00:03:40,067 --> 00:03:44,434
My boyfriend and I had organized
a reception for Michael dukakis.
72
00:03:44,467 --> 00:03:48,300
I went to a party
for dukakis back in college.
73
00:03:48,334 --> 00:03:51,267
It was in New York,
not Boston.
74
00:03:51,300 --> 00:03:52,734
It's kinda hazy.
75
00:03:52,767 --> 00:03:54,334
I remember mine.
76
00:03:54,367 --> 00:03:59,000
Oh, God, that was a terrible night.
I had been planning it for months.
77
00:03:59,033 --> 00:04:02,334
As members
of the dukakis generation,
78
00:04:02,367 --> 00:04:04,334
we can change the world.
79
00:04:04,367 --> 00:04:05,934
Under his presidency,
80
00:04:05,968 --> 00:04:08,334
Americans will finally
embrace the metric system
81
00:04:08,367 --> 00:04:12,467
and will travel across country
by solar-powered monorail.
82
00:04:12,501 --> 00:04:14,133
[APPLAUE]
83
00:04:14,167 --> 00:04:18,067
Great speech, hon.
You're tops.
84
00:04:18,100 --> 00:04:19,634
Thanks, Doug.
85
00:04:19,667 --> 00:04:22,734
Now, the governor should
be here soon. When he arrives,
86
00:04:22,767 --> 00:04:25,567
we should all be discussing
his campaign proposals.
87
00:04:25,601 --> 00:04:28,701
Britney and Chad Stevens
will discuss welfare reform.
88
00:04:28,734 --> 00:04:33,534
Beth and Chad Roberts
will discuss ozone protection.
89
00:04:33,567 --> 00:04:36,901
And April and Chad mcdougal
will discuss tax reform.
90
00:04:36,934 --> 00:04:38,167
Aaaaah!
91
00:04:39,734 --> 00:04:42,267
An entire beer...
all over my new outfit!
92
00:04:42,300 --> 00:04:44,734
The guy has the nerve
to say to me, "sorry about that.
93
00:04:44,767 --> 00:04:46,434
"Why don't we go back
to my place
94
00:04:46,467 --> 00:04:48,634
BOTH: And get you out
of that sweater?"
95
00:04:51,701 --> 00:04:54,734
Maybe it was Boston.
96
00:04:54,767 --> 00:04:56,367
[GASPS]
97
00:04:59,734 --> 00:05:02,534
She digs me.
98
00:05:02,567 --> 00:05:04,367
I can't believe
that was you.
99
00:05:04,400 --> 00:05:06,300
I thought you went
to Michigan.
100
00:05:06,334 --> 00:05:08,767
I did my freshman year,
but I got kicked out.
101
00:05:08,801 --> 00:05:11,133
Then I tried Miami,
but that didn't work...
102
00:05:11,167 --> 00:05:12,567
too close to the beach.
103
00:05:14,000 --> 00:05:17,834
Next was Arizona...
Or was it Alabama?
104
00:05:19,467 --> 00:05:24,133
Paul, you need to stop
feeling sorry for yourself.
105
00:05:24,167 --> 00:05:25,834
I bet there are plenty
of women here
106
00:05:25,868 --> 00:05:27,601
who'd love to meet
a guy just like you.
107
00:05:27,634 --> 00:05:29,634
Take her,
for instance.
108
00:05:29,667 --> 00:05:31,634
She looks nice.
109
00:05:31,667 --> 00:05:33,367
I don't know.
110
00:05:33,400 --> 00:05:34,734
Come on, Paul.
Look at you.
111
00:05:34,767 --> 00:05:36,334
You're still
wearing your ring.
112
00:05:36,367 --> 00:05:38,968
I guess I just
got used to it.
113
00:05:39,000 --> 00:05:40,334
You need to move on.
114
00:05:40,367 --> 00:05:42,667
Now, go over there
and be yourself.
115
00:05:42,701 --> 00:05:43,767
Be myself.
116
00:05:43,801 --> 00:05:45,000
Be yourself.
117
00:05:45,033 --> 00:05:47,567
Okay. All right.
Be myself.
118
00:05:47,601 --> 00:05:51,701
Hello, I'm Paul lassiter,
international restaurateur.
119
00:05:51,734 --> 00:05:53,701
Can I buy you
a drink?
120
00:05:53,734 --> 00:05:56,868
I'd like that, but I'm with
a friend who just got dumped,
121
00:05:56,901 --> 00:05:59,033
and I probably shouldn't
leave her alone,
122
00:05:59,067 --> 00:06:01,267
but the guy you're
with is kinda cute.
123
00:06:01,300 --> 00:06:03,067
Does he have
a girlfriend?
124
00:06:03,100 --> 00:06:05,100
Not likely.
125
00:06:08,000 --> 00:06:10,167
Then I got kicked out
of Syracuse.
126
00:06:10,200 --> 00:06:11,701
Then northeastern...
127
00:06:11,734 --> 00:06:15,200
which is in the same town
as Harvard.
128
00:06:15,234 --> 00:06:17,701
Where I wandered
into your party.
129
00:06:17,734 --> 00:06:19,200
Oh, lucky me.
130
00:06:19,234 --> 00:06:21,634
If memory serves,
you thought I was pretty cute.
131
00:06:21,667 --> 00:06:23,801
Oh, please!
I spent the entire night
132
00:06:23,834 --> 00:06:26,400
trying to keep you
from disrupting my party.
133
00:06:26,434 --> 00:06:27,734
You didn't belong.
134
00:06:27,767 --> 00:06:30,033
Hey, I fit in
just fine.
135
00:06:33,133 --> 00:06:36,167
Come on, come on.
Alternative energy sources.
136
00:06:36,200 --> 00:06:38,501
Chad.
Solar power.
137
00:06:38,534 --> 00:06:40,868
Britney.
Windmills.
138
00:06:40,901 --> 00:06:43,934
Already been said.
Drink.
139
00:06:43,968 --> 00:06:46,100
ALL CHANTING:
Drink! Drink! Drink!
140
00:06:48,100 --> 00:06:50,167
[CHEERING]
141
00:06:50,200 --> 00:06:51,601
What are you doing?
142
00:06:51,634 --> 00:06:54,367
Spicing up
your discussion group.
143
00:06:54,400 --> 00:06:56,501
I don't know who you are,
but this function is
144
00:06:56,534 --> 00:06:58,734
for serious supporters
of Michael dukakis.
145
00:06:58,767 --> 00:07:00,601
What makes you think
I'm not serious?
146
00:07:00,634 --> 00:07:04,133
Cold fusion. Cold fusion is not viable.
Double chug.
147
00:07:04,167 --> 00:07:07,100
ALL CHANTING:
Drink! Drink! Drink!
148
00:07:07,133 --> 00:07:08,968
I'm here because
I want to meet dukakis,
149
00:07:09,000 --> 00:07:11,067
but he's not showing up
for another hour.
150
00:07:11,100 --> 00:07:13,234
What do you say you and I
take off and shoot pool?
151
00:07:13,267 --> 00:07:15,534
I have a boyfriend,
and even if I didn't,
152
00:07:15,567 --> 00:07:18,767
I would never leave here with you.
I understand.
153
00:07:18,801 --> 00:07:23,267
You prefer straight-arrow, button-down
type guys. You're uptight.
154
00:07:23,300 --> 00:07:26,801
You want to go outside and get
a better view of the Charles?
155
00:07:26,834 --> 00:07:28,901
I don't even
know your name.
156
00:07:28,934 --> 00:07:32,067
Charles.
157
00:07:32,100 --> 00:07:33,567
I am not uptight.
158
00:07:33,601 --> 00:07:35,601
Okay. You're not.
159
00:07:35,634 --> 00:07:38,567
You remind me
of a young Geraldine ferraro.
160
00:07:38,601 --> 00:07:40,467
Really?
161
00:07:40,501 --> 00:07:42,601
Who invited you
anyway?
162
00:07:42,634 --> 00:07:43,601
Hi, honey.
163
00:07:43,634 --> 00:07:45,734
I don't believe we've met.
164
00:07:45,767 --> 00:07:47,934
I'm Caitlin's boyfriend,
Doug smuckers.
165
00:07:47,968 --> 00:07:50,834
Schmuckers?
Smuckers.
166
00:07:52,834 --> 00:07:55,667
The dress code requires
a sport coat. You should leave.
167
00:07:55,701 --> 00:07:57,534
Okay. Fine.
168
00:07:57,567 --> 00:08:01,367
Let me tell you something,
Doug, I'm gonna miss you.
169
00:08:03,501 --> 00:08:05,667
Hey! Is
hydroelectric power good?
170
00:08:05,701 --> 00:08:08,601
Yeah,
but you pointed. Drink!
171
00:08:08,634 --> 00:08:11,033
ALL CHANTING:
Drink! Drink! Drink!
172
00:08:12,734 --> 00:08:14,534
Let me guess
what happened.
173
00:08:14,567 --> 00:08:16,133
You both agreed
to meet later
174
00:08:16,167 --> 00:08:18,167
on top of the
empire state building.
175
00:08:18,200 --> 00:08:20,634
Sir, that's
"an affair to remember."
176
00:08:20,667 --> 00:08:23,367
Ah. It was very entertaining.
177
00:08:23,400 --> 00:08:27,934
You might think of spicing up
your story a bit.
178
00:08:27,968 --> 00:08:31,801
So that just
leaves Everest and k2,
179
00:08:31,834 --> 00:08:37,467
and I will have climbed
the world's seven tallest peaks.
180
00:08:37,501 --> 00:08:39,767
Wow. That is amazing.
181
00:08:39,801 --> 00:08:43,367
Ah! You just need
a good sherpa.
182
00:08:43,400 --> 00:08:47,133
Uh, so, Debbie,
what are you into?
183
00:08:47,167 --> 00:08:50,501
Tall, handsome men
who shave their head.
184
00:08:52,434 --> 00:08:54,734
Paul, let's go get
some drinks.
185
00:08:54,767 --> 00:08:57,067
But it's their round.
Paul.
186
00:08:58,834 --> 00:09:01,334
Two white wines.
187
00:09:01,367 --> 00:09:03,200
You didn't tell her
I was gay, did you?
188
00:09:03,234 --> 00:09:05,367
I don't like
to label people.
189
00:09:05,400 --> 00:09:07,701
Well, I've got
to tell her.
190
00:09:07,734 --> 00:09:10,033
Things are going really well
with me and Tiffany.
191
00:09:10,067 --> 00:09:12,501
If you tell Debbie you're gay,
they're gonna go home.
192
00:09:12,534 --> 00:09:15,234
You're the one who wanted to
help me get over this divorce.
193
00:09:15,267 --> 00:09:18,734
Fine. But I'm not
happy about this.
194
00:09:18,767 --> 00:09:20,501
Here we go, ladies.
195
00:09:20,534 --> 00:09:22,534
Thank you.
Thank you.
196
00:09:22,567 --> 00:09:24,601
So, Carter...
197
00:09:24,634 --> 00:09:26,701
We've heard a lot
about Paul.
198
00:09:26,734 --> 00:09:28,234
What are your interests?
199
00:09:28,267 --> 00:09:30,367
I like the theater,
the ballet.
200
00:09:30,400 --> 00:09:31,567
[CLEARS THROAT]
201
00:09:31,601 --> 00:09:35,968
Football, beer, cars,
breasts.
202
00:09:38,767 --> 00:09:40,501
So what did happen next?
203
00:09:40,534 --> 00:09:43,000
Dukakis was due
to arrive any minute.
204
00:09:43,033 --> 00:09:44,701
I was poised,
as usual.
205
00:09:44,734 --> 00:09:47,400
Good evening,
governor dukakis.
206
00:09:47,434 --> 00:09:50,801
Oh. Too formal.
207
00:09:50,834 --> 00:09:54,000
[SEDUCTIVE VOICE]
Hello, Michael.
208
00:09:54,033 --> 00:09:56,901
Too sexy.
209
00:09:56,934 --> 00:09:59,100
[COCKNEY ACCENT]
'Ello, guvna.
210
00:09:59,133 --> 00:10:00,968
Too British.
211
00:10:01,000 --> 00:10:04,701
I need someone to help me
set out more wine.
212
00:10:04,734 --> 00:10:07,934
Um... Excuse me.
Are you available?
213
00:10:10,501 --> 00:10:11,701
I knew you'd come around.
214
00:10:11,734 --> 00:10:14,033
I thought we asked you
to leave.
215
00:10:14,067 --> 00:10:15,267
I'm wearing a sport coat.
216
00:10:15,300 --> 00:10:17,300
A century 21 jacket?
217
00:10:17,334 --> 00:10:20,534
Yeah. Any interest
in selling this place?
218
00:10:22,334 --> 00:10:24,467
Any interest in going out
with me tomorrow night?
219
00:10:24,501 --> 00:10:25,667
Are you kidding?
220
00:10:25,701 --> 00:10:28,167
No, that's cool.
A girl like you
221
00:10:28,200 --> 00:10:31,033
would never want to go
to an aerosmith concert anyways.
222
00:10:31,067 --> 00:10:33,000
Aerosmith?
I love them.
223
00:10:33,033 --> 00:10:34,767
Really? You?
224
00:10:34,801 --> 00:10:40,167
Yes! Despite what you might
think, I-I... Often rock.
225
00:10:40,200 --> 00:10:42,067
I don't know what
you're still doing here,
226
00:10:42,100 --> 00:10:44,467
but the governor's going
to be here any moment.
227
00:10:44,501 --> 00:10:46,434
Why don't you and I
step outside?
228
00:10:46,467 --> 00:10:49,734
I don't know, Doug.
It is cold and flu season.
229
00:10:49,767 --> 00:10:51,300
Oh, that's it.
230
00:10:55,133 --> 00:10:56,534
My God!
231
00:10:56,567 --> 00:10:58,968
Dukakis is here!
232
00:11:07,701 --> 00:11:09,367
So dukakis got punched.
Big deal.
233
00:11:09,400 --> 00:11:12,267
How much damage
could Dougie have caused?
234
00:11:12,300 --> 00:11:15,133
Yeah, it's broken.
235
00:11:16,734 --> 00:11:19,234
This is bad.
236
00:11:19,267 --> 00:11:22,467
Word gets out the governor got punched
by a kid, he'll look like a wimp.
237
00:11:22,501 --> 00:11:25,167
Now, we'll need a way
to toughen up his image.
238
00:11:25,200 --> 00:11:28,367
Excuse me. Isn't governor dukakis
going to an army base tomorrow?
239
00:11:28,400 --> 00:11:32,567
Yes. Why don't you get a
picture of him riding a tank?
240
00:11:32,601 --> 00:11:34,167
That's brilliant!
241
00:11:35,167 --> 00:11:36,334
Let's go.
242
00:11:36,367 --> 00:11:38,434
Wait, you have
the wrong man!
243
00:11:38,467 --> 00:11:39,901
Caitlin, do something!
244
00:11:43,100 --> 00:11:45,334
I hope you're happy.
245
00:11:45,367 --> 00:11:47,534
I have been planning
this party for six months,
246
00:11:47,567 --> 00:11:48,701
and now it's ruined!
247
00:11:48,734 --> 00:11:49,868
The party's not ruined.
248
00:11:49,901 --> 00:11:52,467
We've still got
drinks and music
249
00:11:52,501 --> 00:11:54,701
and a healthy
male/female ratio.
250
00:11:54,734 --> 00:11:57,133
Excuse me, but the answer
to every problem
251
00:11:57,167 --> 00:11:58,701
is not drinking
and sex.
252
00:11:58,734 --> 00:12:01,133
So why don't you take
your "animal house" act
253
00:12:01,167 --> 00:12:03,767
over to pine oak college,
where the girls are easy?
254
00:12:03,801 --> 00:12:06,067
First of all,
don't judge me.
255
00:12:06,100 --> 00:12:08,767
And secondly,
is pine oak on the green line?
256
00:12:08,801 --> 00:12:11,701
Wait. Wait, I'm telling you
we can have a good time here.
257
00:12:11,734 --> 00:12:15,167
A young democrat society is not
interested in your kind of fun.
258
00:12:15,200 --> 00:12:16,901
Attention, everyone!
259
00:12:16,934 --> 00:12:20,567
Who wants to hand out
campaign leaflets in the square?
260
00:12:20,601 --> 00:12:22,300
And who wants to stay here
261
00:12:22,334 --> 00:12:24,567
and drink and dance
and try to hook up?
262
00:12:28,033 --> 00:12:30,267
I win.
263
00:12:30,300 --> 00:12:32,033
I can't believe you ruined
264
00:12:32,067 --> 00:12:34,767
the most important night
of my college life!
265
00:12:34,801 --> 00:12:36,801
It wasn't my fault.
266
00:12:36,834 --> 00:12:40,167
Settle down, you two.
Here. Have a drink.
267
00:12:41,667 --> 00:12:44,868
Mmm! Oh!
It's a little strong.
268
00:12:44,901 --> 00:12:47,968
I poured for three seconds
just like the book says.
269
00:12:48,000 --> 00:12:49,100
Here. Watch.
270
00:12:49,133 --> 00:12:51,534
One... Two...
271
00:12:51,567 --> 00:12:54,033
Mr. mayor? Where'd
you put the olives?
272
00:12:54,067 --> 00:12:55,334
Uh, next to the vermouth.
273
00:12:55,367 --> 00:12:56,601
Thanks.
274
00:12:56,634 --> 00:12:58,634
No problem.
And three.
275
00:13:00,467 --> 00:13:02,701
God, it's so great
to meet normal guys.
276
00:13:02,734 --> 00:13:03,934
Don't you think so,
Deb?
277
00:13:03,968 --> 00:13:06,801
I totally agree.
278
00:13:06,834 --> 00:13:09,234
It's so hard to find a decent,
single man in this city.
279
00:13:09,267 --> 00:13:10,934
[CHUCKLES]
Tell me about it.
280
00:13:10,968 --> 00:13:12,133
I mean...
281
00:13:12,167 --> 00:13:14,667
Tell me about it.
282
00:13:14,701 --> 00:13:16,200
Paul, can I get you
another beer?
283
00:13:16,234 --> 00:13:17,467
Can I bring back
something?
284
00:13:17,501 --> 00:13:19,701
I'll tell you what you
can bring back...
285
00:13:19,734 --> 00:13:21,133
that sweet behind
of yours.
286
00:13:21,167 --> 00:13:22,567
Ha ha!
You got it goin' on, baby.
287
00:13:22,601 --> 00:13:24,300
You got it up top,
you got it down below.
288
00:13:24,334 --> 00:13:26,834
You gotta get me
the hell out of here.
289
00:13:26,868 --> 00:13:28,467
What's the problem?
290
00:13:28,501 --> 00:13:31,734
The problem, Paul, is she wants
to do me like homework.
291
00:13:31,767 --> 00:13:35,100
Just give me 15 more minutes,
then you can tell her.
292
00:13:35,133 --> 00:13:36,801
15 minutes!
293
00:13:36,834 --> 00:13:38,167
Just stick
to small talk.
294
00:13:38,200 --> 00:13:40,934
Don't give her any
opening to make a move.
295
00:13:40,968 --> 00:13:43,634
All right. I'll try.
We're back!
296
00:13:43,667 --> 00:13:47,300
Oh, does anything taste better
than a gin and tonic?
297
00:13:47,334 --> 00:13:49,534
How about this?
298
00:13:51,868 --> 00:13:55,634
Anyway, you ever been
to the himalayas?
299
00:13:55,667 --> 00:13:57,033
Terrific Mountain.
300
00:13:57,067 --> 00:13:59,634
Keep going with your story.
I'm on the edge of my seat.
301
00:13:59,667 --> 00:14:02,834
If I'm gonna keep telling
this story, I'll need a drink.
302
00:14:02,868 --> 00:14:04,100
Give me a Cosmopolitan.
303
00:14:04,133 --> 00:14:06,601
Cosmopolitan?
That has, uh...
304
00:14:06,634 --> 00:14:11,467
What are you, a woman?
Have a beer!
305
00:14:11,501 --> 00:14:14,734
After Doug was kicked out, I
decided to have a few cocktails
306
00:14:14,767 --> 00:14:16,367
to cheer me up.
307
00:14:16,400 --> 00:14:18,868
Great party, Caitlin.
308
00:14:18,901 --> 00:14:20,100
Shut up!
309
00:14:25,400 --> 00:14:26,868
You want some help
with that?
310
00:14:26,901 --> 00:14:30,934
Why? Do you have some fancy,
frat-boy way to open it?
311
00:14:34,534 --> 00:14:36,133
You think you're so cool
312
00:14:36,167 --> 00:14:40,667
with your spiky jacket
and your leather hair.
313
00:14:40,701 --> 00:14:42,968
But guys like you
have no idea
314
00:14:43,000 --> 00:14:47,767
what they want to do with their lives,
and there is nothing cool about that.
315
00:14:47,801 --> 00:14:50,534
And I suppose you have
everything all figured out?
316
00:14:50,567 --> 00:14:52,868
As a matter of fact,
I do.
317
00:14:52,901 --> 00:14:54,167
After graduating,
318
00:14:54,200 --> 00:14:57,767
I'll marry Doug, we'll both work
in the white house
319
00:14:57,801 --> 00:15:02,000
for president dukakis, we'll
have one son... Douglas Jr...
320
00:15:02,033 --> 00:15:03,601
he'll be
an accomplished pianist,
321
00:15:03,634 --> 00:15:06,334
captain of the debate team. You
know what else he'll be doing?
322
00:15:06,367 --> 00:15:09,067
My son's homework?
323
00:15:09,100 --> 00:15:12,667
You're just jealous
because you have no future.
324
00:15:12,701 --> 00:15:14,801
I may not have my future
all figured out,
325
00:15:14,834 --> 00:15:17,234
but at least I'm not wasting
the best years of my life.
326
00:15:17,267 --> 00:15:19,367
What are you
talking about?
327
00:15:19,400 --> 00:15:22,367
Have you ever thought of doing
something without a plan?
328
00:15:22,400 --> 00:15:24,701
Like blowing off class
and going to the beach?
329
00:15:24,734 --> 00:15:26,934
Or jumping in your car
and driving all night,
330
00:15:26,968 --> 00:15:28,434
not knowing
where you're going?
331
00:15:28,467 --> 00:15:30,133
You're gonna wake up
one day
332
00:15:30,167 --> 00:15:32,334
in your perfect house
with your perfect life,
333
00:15:32,367 --> 00:15:34,801
and you're gonna realize
that you never lived at all.
334
00:15:34,834 --> 00:15:38,200
So I guess this is where I'm
supposed to say you're right,
335
00:15:38,234 --> 00:15:40,601
and how desperately
I wish that just once
336
00:15:40,634 --> 00:15:43,067
I could let my hair down
and do something crazy.
337
00:15:43,100 --> 00:15:45,033
No, I was just saying
that...
338
00:15:48,434 --> 00:15:51,434
Awesome!
339
00:15:51,467 --> 00:15:53,634
I'm not done.
340
00:15:56,267 --> 00:15:57,467
Caitlin!
341
00:15:57,501 --> 00:15:59,334
Doug!
342
00:15:59,367 --> 00:16:01,067
Crawford!
343
00:16:01,100 --> 00:16:03,501
Schmuckers.
344
00:16:05,868 --> 00:16:07,300
Doug.
345
00:16:15,834 --> 00:16:18,601
So that's the story.
You happy?
346
00:16:18,634 --> 00:16:23,234
It's your fault
Doug dumped me.
347
00:16:23,267 --> 00:16:25,367
What did I miss?
348
00:16:25,400 --> 00:16:29,200
I was gonna ask you
the same thing.
349
00:16:29,234 --> 00:16:31,534
Why don't we get out of here
and go back to my place?
350
00:16:31,567 --> 00:16:33,167
My roommate's out of town.
351
00:16:33,200 --> 00:16:34,801
Uh, I-I'm sorry.
352
00:16:34,834 --> 00:16:37,334
I really have to
tell you something.
353
00:16:37,367 --> 00:16:41,667
Oh, God. I'm coming on
too strong, aren't I?
354
00:16:41,701 --> 00:16:44,634
It's just that my boyfriend
left me for a guy.
355
00:16:44,667 --> 00:16:46,000
He did?
356
00:16:46,033 --> 00:16:47,133
Yes!
357
00:16:47,167 --> 00:16:50,000
He was gay the whole time
and lied about it.
358
00:16:50,033 --> 00:16:51,901
Every time I think about it,
359
00:16:51,934 --> 00:16:54,868
I just want to hunt him down
and strangle him!
360
00:16:54,901 --> 00:16:57,334
Would you excuse me
for just a second?
361
00:16:59,534 --> 00:17:00,767
Paul!
362
00:17:00,801 --> 00:17:02,467
Pardon me.
363
00:17:02,501 --> 00:17:06,534
Listen, I think I'm gonna
take a pass on Tiffany.
364
00:17:06,567 --> 00:17:08,334
She's not floatin'
my boat.
365
00:17:08,367 --> 00:17:11,367
We're just not clickin'
like you and Debbie.
366
00:17:11,400 --> 00:17:13,534
Not clicking? You wanna know
what was clicking?
367
00:17:13,567 --> 00:17:16,234
Debbie's tongue
against the roof of my mouth!
368
00:17:16,267 --> 00:17:18,868
I can't believe I
did this for nothing!
369
00:17:18,901 --> 00:17:21,000
You didn't do this
for nothing.
370
00:17:21,033 --> 00:17:23,667
Tiffany may not be
the right girl for me,
371
00:17:23,701 --> 00:17:26,868
but I got back out there.
That's what I needed.
372
00:17:26,901 --> 00:17:28,400
I owe that all
to you.
373
00:17:28,434 --> 00:17:30,234
Thanks, Paul.
374
00:17:30,267 --> 00:17:34,100
Hey! I guess I won't be
needing this anymore.
375
00:17:34,133 --> 00:17:36,234
Well, good for y...
376
00:17:36,267 --> 00:17:39,534
hey, can I borrow that
for a second?
377
00:17:39,567 --> 00:17:42,200
Yeah.
378
00:17:43,901 --> 00:17:46,634
Debbie, I, uh...
379
00:17:46,667 --> 00:17:51,868
I don't know how to say this,
but, um... Well...
380
00:17:51,901 --> 00:17:53,067
You're married?
381
00:17:53,100 --> 00:17:54,934
Yes.
382
00:17:54,968 --> 00:17:57,067
So you're cheating
on your wife?
383
00:17:57,100 --> 00:17:59,167
While she's home
baking cookies,
384
00:17:59,200 --> 00:18:02,067
you're here trying to ignite
some tawdry love affair?
385
00:18:02,100 --> 00:18:04,067
I'm afraid so.
386
00:18:04,100 --> 00:18:06,501
That is such
a turn-on!
387
00:18:15,334 --> 00:18:17,267
How can you still
be mad at me
388
00:18:17,300 --> 00:18:19,601
for something that happened
14 years ago?
389
00:18:19,634 --> 00:18:22,534
I've managed to put
that night behind me.
390
00:18:22,567 --> 00:18:24,868
That's because
you can't remember it.
391
00:18:24,901 --> 00:18:27,767
That does help.
392
00:18:27,801 --> 00:18:29,367
I'm not mad at you.
393
00:18:29,400 --> 00:18:32,400
Reliving that night
made me realize
394
00:18:32,434 --> 00:18:34,133
that you were right.
395
00:18:34,167 --> 00:18:36,534
Doug wasn't
the guy for me.
396
00:18:36,567 --> 00:18:39,801
And I kissed you because I
was looking for a way out.
397
00:18:39,834 --> 00:18:42,801
You dated a stiff 14 years ago.
It's all in the past.
398
00:18:42,834 --> 00:18:46,200
No, no, no. I have repeated this
pattern my whole life.
399
00:18:46,234 --> 00:18:49,234
I've always gone for guys
who are safe and reliable,
400
00:18:49,267 --> 00:18:51,300
even when I knew
I wanted more.
401
00:18:51,334 --> 00:18:52,467
I'm pathetic.
402
00:18:52,501 --> 00:18:54,467
You're pathetic?
403
00:18:54,501 --> 00:18:56,000
I've hit on you
in three decades,
404
00:18:56,033 --> 00:18:58,133
and all I've gotten
is two kisses.
405
00:18:58,167 --> 00:18:59,133
No, I'm serious.
406
00:18:59,167 --> 00:19:01,167
I'm afraid I'm
with tom right now
407
00:19:01,200 --> 00:19:03,467
for the same reasons
I was with Doug.
408
00:19:03,501 --> 00:19:05,934
Tom is a solid guy.
409
00:19:05,968 --> 00:19:09,100
If I was critical of him earlier,
it's because I was a little jealous.
410
00:19:09,133 --> 00:19:12,067
The only two guys that aren't
going to kiss a girl tonight
411
00:19:12,100 --> 00:19:13,534
are me and Carter.
412
00:19:18,200 --> 00:19:21,667
Strike that.
413
00:19:21,701 --> 00:19:23,467
You know what, Charlie?
414
00:19:23,501 --> 00:19:27,934
For three decades of work,
you get a kiss.
415
00:19:27,968 --> 00:19:30,834
All those years and all I get
is a peck on the cheek?
416
00:19:36,901 --> 00:19:40,601
Thanks.
Have fun with tom tonight.
417
00:19:40,634 --> 00:19:43,501
I will.
418
00:19:56,000 --> 00:19:58,567
Caitlin?
Uh... Tom!
419
00:19:58,601 --> 00:20:01,501
Charlie.
Schmuckers. Tom.
420
00:20:03,033 --> 00:20:04,734
We gotta hustle
to make our show.
421
00:20:04,767 --> 00:20:08,300
By the way...
Change of plans.
422
00:20:08,334 --> 00:20:11,267
Oh, my God!
U2 tickets!
423
00:20:12,834 --> 00:20:16,534
You didn't really think I was gonna
take you to that play, did you?
424
00:20:16,567 --> 00:20:18,300
We gotta hurry.
I'll get us a cab.
425
00:20:25,834 --> 00:20:27,267
See you Monday.
426
00:20:27,300 --> 00:20:30,701
Yeah. See ya.
427
00:20:35,400 --> 00:20:36,968
[SIGHS]
428
00:20:37,000 --> 00:20:39,167
Sir. I need a beer.
429
00:20:39,200 --> 00:20:41,234
A beer?
What are you, a...
430
00:20:41,267 --> 00:20:42,734
wait, I know that one.
431
00:20:48,934 --> 00:20:51,634
Well, Mike, I like
the minimum wage increase
432
00:20:51,667 --> 00:20:53,767
and the paid
family leave program,
433
00:20:53,801 --> 00:20:56,667
but your idea
for inner-city tax credits
434
00:20:56,701 --> 00:20:59,100
has already been said.
Drink!
435
00:21:02,567 --> 00:21:07,567
ALL CHANTING:
Drink! Drink! Drink!
436
00:21:08,367 --> 00:21:13,267
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
437
00:21:13,300 --> 00:21:15,734
- [MAN] Sit, ubu, sit. Good dog.
- [BARKING]
438
00:21:15,767 --> 00:21:18,234
Moo.32015
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