Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:02,300 --> 00:00:04,167
Charlie, I can't believe
2
00:00:04,200 --> 00:00:06,634
we stayed out
until 5:00 a.m.
3
00:00:06,667 --> 00:00:09,234
Hey, what do you say
we go home
4
00:00:09,267 --> 00:00:11,133
and nap all day long?
5
00:00:11,167 --> 00:00:12,601
I'd love to,
6
00:00:12,634 --> 00:00:15,334
but I kind of have to
run New York City.
7
00:00:15,367 --> 00:00:18,801
You are so cute
when you're responsible.
8
00:00:18,834 --> 00:00:20,701
Have a good day
at work.
9
00:00:20,734 --> 00:00:21,934
Have a good day
10
00:00:21,968 --> 00:00:25,634
at taking some time off
to find yourself.
11
00:00:25,667 --> 00:00:27,200
Oh, and you really think
the sideburns work?
12
00:00:27,234 --> 00:00:29,200
Oh, yes.
13
00:00:29,234 --> 00:00:32,000
People are going
to love them.
14
00:00:34,133 --> 00:00:36,934
Whoa, direct
from Beverly hills,
15
00:00:36,968 --> 00:00:40,400
it's Luke Perry.
Ha ha ha ha.
16
00:00:40,434 --> 00:00:43,667
Hey, welcome back,
kotter.
17
00:00:45,868 --> 00:00:48,434
Hey, leave Chester a. Arthur
alone.
18
00:00:48,467 --> 00:00:50,968
[LAUGHING]
19
00:00:51,033 --> 00:00:53,300
He was the 21st president
of the United States.
20
00:00:53,334 --> 00:00:54,601
Ha ha ha ha.
21
00:00:54,634 --> 00:00:57,601
He had huge sideburns.
22
00:00:57,634 --> 00:00:59,200
You guys
are just jealous
23
00:00:59,234 --> 00:01:01,100
because unlike you,
I had fun this weekend.
24
00:01:01,133 --> 00:01:03,634
Hey, we had plenty of fun.
25
00:01:03,667 --> 00:01:06,567
Yeah? I'll bet I can guess
what every one of you did.
26
00:01:06,601 --> 00:01:07,801
Okay.
27
00:01:07,834 --> 00:01:10,767
Took a vita-bath
and listened to dido.
28
00:01:10,801 --> 00:01:12,934
Ha ha.
29
00:01:12,968 --> 00:01:15,234
The same.
30
00:01:16,801 --> 00:01:19,400
Made prank calls
telling people to come
31
00:01:19,434 --> 00:01:22,334
pick up free big-screen tvs
in Atlantic city.
32
00:01:25,667 --> 00:01:30,501
Rented a u-haul,
drove to Atlantic city.
33
00:01:30,534 --> 00:01:32,334
Good morning,
everyone.
34
00:01:32,367 --> 00:01:35,133
What do you think of
Charlie's new style?
35
00:01:35,167 --> 00:01:37,968
Well, it looks fine to me.
Thank you, sir.
36
00:01:38,000 --> 00:01:39,701
Of course,
he would look better
37
00:01:39,734 --> 00:01:41,968
if he were on the cover of
a grand funk railroad album.
38
00:01:42,000 --> 00:01:44,000
[LAUGHTER]
39
00:02:18,701 --> 00:02:21,501
[TELEPHONE RINGS]
40
00:02:21,534 --> 00:02:22,834
Hello?
41
00:02:22,868 --> 00:02:25,734
TRACY: Hey, baby.
We're on our way up.
42
00:02:25,767 --> 00:02:29,000
I hope you are so psyched
to party all night,
43
00:02:29,033 --> 00:02:31,868
because I got us vip tickets
to kaboom.
44
00:02:31,901 --> 00:02:34,767
Oh, I'm so psyched.
45
00:02:34,801 --> 00:02:36,434
I've been dying to get
into that place.
46
00:02:36,467 --> 00:02:38,667
And we are going
to party all night.
47
00:02:38,701 --> 00:02:40,567
So, are you having f...
see ya.
48
00:02:45,000 --> 00:02:46,501
Hi. Kaboom?
49
00:02:46,534 --> 00:02:48,734
This is Charlie Crawford,
deputy mayor.
50
00:02:48,767 --> 00:02:50,801
Yeah, we got
to shut you down tonight.
51
00:02:50,834 --> 00:02:54,934
Your kitchen's in violation
of a city health code.
52
00:02:54,968 --> 00:02:56,267
No kitchen?
53
00:02:56,300 --> 00:02:58,667
All right, I'm going
to level with you.
54
00:02:58,701 --> 00:03:00,534
I'm with the vice squad.
55
00:03:00,567 --> 00:03:02,434
We need to use your club
to stake out
56
00:03:02,467 --> 00:03:05,501
the seedy establishment
across the street from you.
57
00:03:05,534 --> 00:03:08,167
Yes, the Christian science
reading room.
58
00:03:08,200 --> 00:03:09,334
Charlie.
59
00:03:09,367 --> 00:03:11,434
Charlie, we're worried
about you.
60
00:03:11,467 --> 00:03:12,767
You've been out every night
this week,
61
00:03:12,801 --> 00:03:15,000
and you look exhausted.
What's going on?
62
00:03:15,033 --> 00:03:16,734
Nothing.
63
00:03:16,767 --> 00:03:18,300
I'm having a good time.
64
00:03:18,334 --> 00:03:20,634
You're obviously having
an early midlife crisis.
65
00:03:20,667 --> 00:03:22,067
I mean, I'm roughly
your age,
66
00:03:22,100 --> 00:03:24,300
and you don't see me
dating 23-year-olds.
67
00:03:24,334 --> 00:03:26,501
That's because
they're repulsed by you.
68
00:03:26,534 --> 00:03:28,000
Oh, that doesn't hold up.
69
00:03:28,033 --> 00:03:30,701
So are 50-year-olds,
and I date them.
70
00:03:30,734 --> 00:03:34,167
Charlie, as your friend,
71
00:03:34,200 --> 00:03:36,067
I feel compelled to tell you
72
00:03:36,100 --> 00:03:38,000
that those sideburns
really do come off
73
00:03:38,033 --> 00:03:40,501
as a desperate attempt
to cling to your youth.
74
00:03:40,534 --> 00:03:42,801
Kind of like the way
you shave your head
75
00:03:42,834 --> 00:03:44,834
so people won't see
your bald spot?
76
00:03:44,868 --> 00:03:46,000
Ha ha ha.
77
00:03:46,033 --> 00:03:47,567
Good one, Charlie.
78
00:03:47,601 --> 00:03:50,501
At least I don't look
like the third Duke of Hazzard.
79
00:03:50,534 --> 00:03:52,501
If you guys don't mind,
80
00:03:52,534 --> 00:03:57,167
I need to get ready
to go out.
81
00:03:57,200 --> 00:03:58,367
Charlie,
why don't you accept
82
00:03:58,400 --> 00:03:59,701
that you can't
keep up with Tracy?
83
00:03:59,734 --> 00:04:01,767
So I'm a little tired.
84
00:04:01,801 --> 00:04:04,067
That's what happens when
you're having a good time.
85
00:04:04,100 --> 00:04:06,000
You wouldn't know.
You're too busy playing bingo
86
00:04:06,033 --> 00:04:07,067
with Tracy's dad.
87
00:04:07,100 --> 00:04:09,667
Hey, bingo is very hip
these days.
88
00:04:09,701 --> 00:04:11,834
Besides,
when I close down a bar,
89
00:04:11,868 --> 00:04:14,133
at least I don't do it
over the phone.
90
00:04:14,167 --> 00:04:16,400
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
91
00:04:16,434 --> 00:04:17,634
Hey, Charlie.
92
00:04:17,667 --> 00:04:18,868
Hey, Caitlin.
93
00:04:18,901 --> 00:04:20,200
Hey.
94
00:04:20,234 --> 00:04:22,200
So, ready to go
to kaboom?
95
00:04:22,234 --> 00:04:24,033
Yes.
96
00:04:24,067 --> 00:04:25,734
You want to come?
97
00:04:25,767 --> 00:04:27,534
Really?
98
00:04:27,567 --> 00:04:29,467
Yeah, I mean,
you are dating my dad,
99
00:04:29,501 --> 00:04:31,701
and you have been trying
to get to know me better.
100
00:04:31,734 --> 00:04:33,033
All right. Let's go.
101
00:04:33,067 --> 00:04:35,534
Where are you guys going?
I want to go.
102
00:04:35,567 --> 00:04:37,834
Sorry, I can't get
any more people
103
00:04:37,868 --> 00:04:40,868
on the vip list,
and you'd have to wait in line.
104
00:04:40,901 --> 00:04:42,367
Yeah, Paul, I'm sure
you got better things to do
105
00:04:42,400 --> 00:04:44,267
than wait in the freezing cold
for six hours
106
00:04:44,300 --> 00:04:46,501
trying to convince some bouncer
you're worthy of getting in.
107
00:04:46,534 --> 00:04:50,267
Should I wear jeans?
108
00:04:59,801 --> 00:05:01,067
Oh, my God.
109
00:05:01,100 --> 00:05:02,367
That's Martin Davis.
110
00:05:02,400 --> 00:05:04,434
He's the biggest art dealer
in the city.
111
00:05:04,467 --> 00:05:06,400
I'm guessing
he's also gay.
112
00:05:06,434 --> 00:05:08,567
Why, just because
he's dressed well?
113
00:05:08,601 --> 00:05:12,167
No, because you're
sucking in your stomach.
114
00:05:12,200 --> 00:05:14,634
I'll admit it's true.
115
00:05:14,667 --> 00:05:16,801
I've had a little crush on him
for quite some time.
116
00:05:16,834 --> 00:05:18,467
He just looks like
one of those
117
00:05:18,501 --> 00:05:20,834
stuffy, pretentious,
high-society snobs.
118
00:05:20,868 --> 00:05:22,834
I know. He's perfect.
119
00:05:26,200 --> 00:05:28,534
Sir, what was
Martin Davis doing here?
120
00:05:28,567 --> 00:05:30,501
He invited me to a fund-raiser
he's throwing tonight.
121
00:05:30,534 --> 00:05:32,501
I bought a few seats,
but I'm not going to go.
122
00:05:32,534 --> 00:05:34,167
It's for
predominantly gay men.
123
00:05:34,200 --> 00:05:35,634
I don't think I fit in.
124
00:05:35,667 --> 00:05:37,834
Sir, you were the grand marshal
at the gay pride parade.
125
00:05:37,868 --> 00:05:38,934
You seemed comfortable.
126
00:05:38,968 --> 00:05:41,434
Yeah, but I was
high above the crowd
127
00:05:41,467 --> 00:05:43,934
in that leaning tower
of pisa float.
128
00:05:43,968 --> 00:05:45,767
That wasn't
the leaning tower of pisa.
129
00:05:45,801 --> 00:05:48,801
That was a giant...
no.
130
00:05:48,834 --> 00:05:49,934
Sir...
131
00:05:49,968 --> 00:05:52,400
I think it's very important
that you attend.
132
00:05:52,434 --> 00:05:54,634
Martin Davis could be
a very influential supporter
133
00:05:54,667 --> 00:05:55,834
of your administration.
134
00:05:55,868 --> 00:05:57,901
Well, that's certainly true.
135
00:05:57,934 --> 00:05:59,501
Tell you what...
I'll go along to help out.
136
00:05:59,534 --> 00:06:03,234
That's an excellent idea,
Carter. It's a date.
137
00:06:03,267 --> 00:06:04,834
Wait, if people
see us together,
138
00:06:04,868 --> 00:06:06,834
they may get
the wrong idea.
139
00:06:06,868 --> 00:06:10,000
Stuart, why don't you come?
Oh, I'd love to, sir.
140
00:06:10,033 --> 00:06:13,400
Great. It's a threesome.
Nothing gay about that.
141
00:06:17,367 --> 00:06:20,534
You're really gonna go?
Why wouldn't I?
142
00:06:20,567 --> 00:06:22,667
Because it's going to be populated
by the gay elite of this city.
143
00:06:22,701 --> 00:06:23,834
You don't belong.
144
00:06:23,868 --> 00:06:25,534
I take you to
straight events.
145
00:06:25,567 --> 00:06:28,200
That's because you know women love gay men.
You use me as bait.
146
00:06:28,234 --> 00:06:29,901
Oh, you figured that out?
147
00:06:29,934 --> 00:06:31,801
I don't care what you say.
I'm going.
148
00:06:31,834 --> 00:06:35,334
Going where? Where are you guys
going? I want to go.
149
00:06:35,367 --> 00:06:38,934
It's a fund-raiser. The mayor can
only put 2 people on his guest list.
150
00:06:38,968 --> 00:06:40,934
Aw, come on.
I never get included.
151
00:06:40,968 --> 00:06:42,334
I wanna be on the list,
152
00:06:42,367 --> 00:06:44,367
and I don't want
any lame excuses.
153
00:06:44,400 --> 00:06:46,667
Well, the truth is,
due to the building codes
154
00:06:46,701 --> 00:06:49,334
and the way the chandeliers
are hung in the ballroom,
155
00:06:49,367 --> 00:06:51,934
they're only allowing a
certain number of guests in
156
00:06:51,968 --> 00:06:53,200
with your... Height.
157
00:06:53,234 --> 00:06:55,901
Well, can't get around
safety.
158
00:06:55,934 --> 00:06:57,601
Thanks anyway, buddy.
159
00:07:31,334 --> 00:07:32,801
Hey, Charlie,
160
00:07:32,834 --> 00:07:35,734
I think we're gonna head over
to house of noise now.
161
00:07:35,767 --> 00:07:37,133
Is it open this late?
162
00:07:37,167 --> 00:07:39,100
Are you kidding?
Things at house of noise
163
00:07:39,133 --> 00:07:41,801
don't even get started
till 1:00.
164
00:07:41,834 --> 00:07:44,267
Charlie, you were right.
This is really fun.
165
00:07:44,300 --> 00:07:46,501
Oh, you don't
have to tell me.
166
00:07:46,534 --> 00:07:49,067
I've been doing this...
12 nights in a row.
167
00:07:50,934 --> 00:07:52,801
I've got kamikaze shots.
168
00:07:52,834 --> 00:07:53,834
Yeah!
169
00:07:53,868 --> 00:07:54,834
Yeah!
170
00:07:54,868 --> 00:07:55,834
Yeah!
171
00:07:55,868 --> 00:07:58,901
[UNENTHUSED]
Yeah.
172
00:07:58,934 --> 00:08:00,234
On the count of 3...
173
00:08:00,267 --> 00:08:01,801
1, 2, 3.
174
00:08:07,901 --> 00:08:10,033
Ah.
175
00:08:10,067 --> 00:08:11,834
I'm going to go
crowd surf.
176
00:08:11,868 --> 00:08:13,200
All right.
177
00:08:15,400 --> 00:08:18,133
Incoming!
178
00:08:18,167 --> 00:08:20,801
Whoo! Yeah!
179
00:08:20,834 --> 00:08:23,100
Whoo-hoo! Whoo!
180
00:08:23,133 --> 00:08:24,934
Charlie,
this is not fun.
181
00:08:24,968 --> 00:08:27,200
Just admit you'd rather be
at home sleeping right now.
182
00:08:27,234 --> 00:08:30,334
And miss partying
with my woman? No way.
183
00:08:30,367 --> 00:08:32,267
It's so loud you can't even
talk to your woman.
184
00:08:32,300 --> 00:08:35,501
Say these words.
"I'd rather be in bed."
185
00:08:35,534 --> 00:08:38,300
Would a guy
who'd rather be in bed do this?
186
00:08:41,734 --> 00:08:44,000
Incoming!
187
00:08:44,033 --> 00:08:45,033
[THUD]
188
00:09:04,234 --> 00:09:05,534
Carter.
189
00:09:05,567 --> 00:09:08,734
I'm ready to go
mingle with the gays.
190
00:09:08,767 --> 00:09:10,501
Any tips for me?
191
00:09:10,534 --> 00:09:12,634
Okay, tip number one...
192
00:09:12,667 --> 00:09:15,534
don't use the term
"the gays."
193
00:09:15,567 --> 00:09:17,567
Sir, you're a very witty
and interesting man.
194
00:09:17,601 --> 00:09:19,734
Just be yourself. I'm sure
you'll charm their pants off.
195
00:09:19,767 --> 00:09:23,567
I don't want
their pants off.
196
00:09:23,601 --> 00:09:26,367
Hey. So, you making any headway
with Martin?
197
00:09:26,400 --> 00:09:28,934
It's going well,
but every time I get on a roll,
198
00:09:28,968 --> 00:09:31,033
his friend interrupts.
199
00:09:31,067 --> 00:09:33,067
Do me a favor.
Strike up a conversation
200
00:09:33,100 --> 00:09:34,767
with the friend
so he's out of my way.
201
00:09:34,801 --> 00:09:37,701
Are you asking me
to be your gay wingman?
202
00:09:37,734 --> 00:09:40,267
Can we not point out the depth
to which I'm sinking?
203
00:09:40,300 --> 00:09:41,868
Look, I wouldn't know
what to say.
204
00:09:41,901 --> 00:09:43,534
Just talk to them
like you talk to me.
205
00:09:43,567 --> 00:09:45,300
I'm gay. You've lived
with me for six years.
206
00:09:45,334 --> 00:09:47,434
All right,
I'll try it.
207
00:09:51,067 --> 00:09:54,300
Hi. I'm Stuart.
208
00:09:54,334 --> 00:09:55,734
Martin.
209
00:09:55,767 --> 00:09:57,033
Some turnout, huh?
210
00:09:57,067 --> 00:09:59,934
Oh, yes, we had
over 200 rsvps.
211
00:09:59,968 --> 00:10:02,267
Wow. What did you do,
212
00:10:02,300 --> 00:10:05,701
tell them you were going
to raffle off a pink miata?
213
00:10:05,734 --> 00:10:07,901
[LAUGHING]
214
00:10:14,501 --> 00:10:16,100
So...
215
00:10:16,133 --> 00:10:18,033
You're having fun?
216
00:10:18,067 --> 00:10:19,534
A blast.
217
00:10:19,567 --> 00:10:21,267
How much longer
do you think it'll be?
218
00:10:21,300 --> 00:10:23,067
Not long.
219
00:10:31,200 --> 00:10:32,701
That's cool,
220
00:10:32,734 --> 00:10:34,934
'cause things don't even
get started here until 2:00.
221
00:10:34,968 --> 00:10:36,834
Tracy, I've had
a great time,
222
00:10:36,868 --> 00:10:38,434
but I think I'm going
to head home.
223
00:10:38,467 --> 00:10:39,734
I'm glad you came out.
224
00:10:39,767 --> 00:10:42,100
I'm heading home.
Want to share a cab?
225
00:10:42,133 --> 00:10:44,200
And miss hearing
more techno remixes
226
00:10:44,234 --> 00:10:46,734
of last year's
Latin hits?
227
00:10:46,767 --> 00:10:48,100
Not a chance.
228
00:10:48,133 --> 00:10:50,934
Charlie, your lips
are blue.
229
00:10:50,968 --> 00:10:53,334
Blue with fun.
230
00:10:53,367 --> 00:10:56,467
Besides, things here don't even
get started until 2:00.
231
00:10:56,501 --> 00:10:58,167
You heard bungee.
232
00:10:58,200 --> 00:11:02,968
Fine. Knock yourself out.
233
00:11:03,000 --> 00:11:04,300
Hey, Charlie.
Hey, Paul.
234
00:11:04,334 --> 00:11:05,834
Where have you been?
235
00:11:05,868 --> 00:11:07,567
I stood on the wrong line
for six hours.
236
00:11:07,601 --> 00:11:09,033
Long story short,
237
00:11:09,067 --> 00:11:12,434
who's up for "lord of the dance"
next Tuesday?
238
00:11:12,467 --> 00:11:15,200
Hey, since we're going
to be here for a while,
239
00:11:15,234 --> 00:11:17,167
why don't we
spark it up?
240
00:11:17,200 --> 00:11:19,367
Give me that.
241
00:11:19,400 --> 00:11:22,467
Relax. Charlie,
it's just a joint.
242
00:11:22,501 --> 00:11:24,968
Yeah, well, it happens
to be a controlled substance.
243
00:11:25,033 --> 00:11:26,334
Hey, guys, news flash...
244
00:11:26,367 --> 00:11:28,133
I'm the deputy mayor.
245
00:11:28,167 --> 00:11:31,000
I can't be seen
with this stuff.
246
00:11:31,033 --> 00:11:33,000
MaN: You there
with the sideburns...
247
00:11:33,033 --> 00:11:36,033
Put your hands in the air.
248
00:11:36,067 --> 00:11:38,901
Just the old guy.
249
00:11:51,367 --> 00:11:53,767
All right,
what's going on here?
250
00:11:53,801 --> 00:11:55,801
Hi. Charlie Crawford,
deputy mayor.
251
00:11:55,834 --> 00:11:57,834
I go to various nightclubs
around town
252
00:11:57,868 --> 00:11:59,701
teaching kids
that drugs are bad.
253
00:11:59,734 --> 00:12:01,100
Is that right?
254
00:12:01,133 --> 00:12:03,100
Yeah. Let me just
wrap up this seminar.
255
00:12:03,133 --> 00:12:04,767
Kids...
256
00:12:04,801 --> 00:12:07,767
Drugs are bad.
257
00:12:07,801 --> 00:12:12,067
Thanks, mister.
We've learned our lesson.
258
00:12:12,100 --> 00:12:14,534
Hey, you wouldn't mind if I took a
look in his backpack, would you?
259
00:12:14,567 --> 00:12:17,834
Sure. We got
nothing to hide.
260
00:12:24,400 --> 00:12:26,868
Okay, part two
of our seminar...
261
00:12:26,901 --> 00:12:30,901
introduction to the inside
of a squad car.
262
00:12:38,033 --> 00:12:40,868
The first lady says, "you've
seen one, you've seen them all."
263
00:12:40,901 --> 00:12:43,567
The second lady says, "yeah, but
this one's eating my popcorn."
264
00:12:43,601 --> 00:12:46,467
[LAUGHING]
265
00:12:46,501 --> 00:12:47,801
Hey.
266
00:12:47,834 --> 00:12:50,267
If you were
a "sex and the city" character,
267
00:12:50,300 --> 00:12:53,400
which one would you be?
I'm definitely Miranda.
268
00:12:53,434 --> 00:12:56,200
I'm Charlotte.
I'm so Carrie.
269
00:12:56,234 --> 00:12:58,834
As Carter was talking,
I had to wonder...
270
00:12:58,868 --> 00:13:01,667
could these three guys
be any gayer?
271
00:13:02,901 --> 00:13:03,868
Heh heh.
272
00:13:03,901 --> 00:13:05,868
Hey, siegfried,
273
00:13:05,901 --> 00:13:07,334
I hate to tear you
away from Roy,
274
00:13:07,367 --> 00:13:08,834
but you want to skip over
to the bar
275
00:13:08,868 --> 00:13:11,367
and pick up something fruity,
or maybe a drink?
276
00:13:11,400 --> 00:13:13,667
I love this guy.
277
00:13:16,367 --> 00:13:18,901
Carter.
278
00:13:18,934 --> 00:13:19,901
Uh...
279
00:13:19,934 --> 00:13:21,033
I was, uh,
280
00:13:21,067 --> 00:13:22,734
waiting for the two of us
to be alone.
281
00:13:22,767 --> 00:13:24,334
I had a feeling.
282
00:13:24,367 --> 00:13:26,334
There's something
that I want to ask you.
283
00:13:26,367 --> 00:13:28,300
There's, uh, something
I want to ask you, too,
284
00:13:28,334 --> 00:13:29,334
but you first.
285
00:13:29,367 --> 00:13:30,567
Okay.
286
00:13:30,601 --> 00:13:33,000
Um, is Stuart
seeing anyone?
287
00:13:33,033 --> 00:13:35,267
I would love to. What?
288
00:13:35,300 --> 00:13:37,868
Oh, I'm sorry.
Are the two of you an item?
289
00:13:37,901 --> 00:13:38,901
No.
290
00:13:38,934 --> 00:13:40,434
It's just...
291
00:13:40,467 --> 00:13:42,901
His honesty
is so refreshing.
292
00:13:42,934 --> 00:13:45,701
He's delightfully vulgar.
293
00:13:45,734 --> 00:13:47,868
He's unlike any gay man
I've ever met.
294
00:13:47,901 --> 00:13:50,100
That's truer
than you know.
295
00:13:50,133 --> 00:13:52,534
Would you let him know
I'm interested,
296
00:13:52,567 --> 00:13:54,033
be my wingman?
297
00:13:54,067 --> 00:13:57,400
Yeah. Why not?
298
00:13:57,434 --> 00:13:59,567
So, what's your
favorite musical?
299
00:13:59,601 --> 00:14:01,334
I hate musicals.
300
00:14:01,367 --> 00:14:03,467
Good one, stuey.
301
00:14:03,501 --> 00:14:05,701
Ha ha ha ha ha ha!
302
00:14:05,734 --> 00:14:08,400
Hey, who's the wingman
of the year?
303
00:14:08,434 --> 00:14:10,033
You idiot.
304
00:14:10,067 --> 00:14:11,267
Martin wants you.
305
00:14:11,300 --> 00:14:13,501
He finds your vulgarity
refreshing.
306
00:14:13,534 --> 00:14:16,133
Finally,
someone gets me.
307
00:14:16,167 --> 00:14:17,834
This is serious.
308
00:14:17,868 --> 00:14:19,334
He asked me to come over here
and set you up with him.
309
00:14:19,367 --> 00:14:21,267
Ha ha ha.
310
00:14:21,300 --> 00:14:22,300
What's so funny?
311
00:14:22,334 --> 00:14:24,734
* he likes me better
than you *
312
00:14:24,767 --> 00:14:27,634
what's the big deal?
313
00:14:27,667 --> 00:14:29,434
I'll just tell him
I'm not gay.
314
00:14:29,467 --> 00:14:32,100
You can't tell him you're straight.
That would only humiliate him.
315
00:14:32,133 --> 00:14:33,567
Hey, what's going on?
316
00:14:33,601 --> 00:14:35,100
Martin has the hots
for Stuart.
317
00:14:35,133 --> 00:14:38,334
Hey, congratulations,
buddy.
318
00:14:38,367 --> 00:14:39,801
Look, I'll just leave.
319
00:14:39,834 --> 00:14:41,000
Whoa, no, no, no.
320
00:14:41,033 --> 00:14:43,067
You can't leave.
That would be rude.
321
00:14:43,100 --> 00:14:44,801
Martin Davis is
a very important man.
322
00:14:44,834 --> 00:14:46,667
I can't risk
offending him.
323
00:14:46,701 --> 00:14:47,934
Sir, what are you saying?
324
00:14:47,968 --> 00:14:49,801
Well, I'm saying
you led him on,
325
00:14:49,834 --> 00:14:52,501
he fell for you,
find a way to make it work.
326
00:14:55,167 --> 00:14:58,968
Maybe we're overreacting.
Maybe he's not that into me.
327
00:14:59,000 --> 00:15:01,701
Stuart, I just requested
a slow song.
328
00:15:01,734 --> 00:15:05,000
Would you care to join me
out on the dance floor?
329
00:15:20,767 --> 00:15:22,801
Okay, guys, wake up.
330
00:15:22,834 --> 00:15:23,968
I talked to the police.
331
00:15:24,000 --> 00:15:26,133
They're going to let you
all off the hook
332
00:15:26,167 --> 00:15:29,000
'cause this is a first-time offense,
but it's going to be on your record.
333
00:15:29,033 --> 00:15:33,033
And you... your father and I
are very disappointed,
334
00:15:33,067 --> 00:15:35,300
so take a good look
at your friends,
335
00:15:35,334 --> 00:15:37,367
because you are grounded,
mister.
336
00:15:37,400 --> 00:15:39,300
I don't need this
right now.
337
00:15:39,334 --> 00:15:40,968
Look, if it makes you
feel any better,
338
00:15:41,000 --> 00:15:42,534
I couldn't handle
last night, either,
339
00:15:42,567 --> 00:15:43,834
especially
all those shots.
340
00:15:43,868 --> 00:15:46,000
Those were brutal
going down.
341
00:15:46,033 --> 00:15:48,133
I was throwing them
over my shoulder.
342
00:15:48,167 --> 00:15:50,667
Me too.
343
00:15:50,701 --> 00:15:51,767
Are you finally ready
to start acting
344
00:15:51,801 --> 00:15:53,734
like a normal guy
your age?
345
00:15:53,767 --> 00:15:57,133
No, because
I'm not a normal guy.
346
00:15:57,167 --> 00:15:58,501
I'm the wild guy,
347
00:15:58,534 --> 00:16:00,701
the fun guy,
the guy who's up for anything.
348
00:16:00,734 --> 00:16:03,834
I'm not accepting this.
349
00:16:03,868 --> 00:16:05,300
I am the same guy
I've always been,
350
00:16:05,334 --> 00:16:07,067
and that's never
going to change.
351
00:16:07,100 --> 00:16:08,968
Charlie,
it has changed.
352
00:16:09,000 --> 00:16:11,167
You have to accept that
you're not a kid anymore.
353
00:16:11,200 --> 00:16:12,434
I don't believe that.
354
00:16:12,467 --> 00:16:15,000
Hey, Charlie,
it's only 5:00.
355
00:16:15,033 --> 00:16:18,701
We could still make it to Jack's
for a rock-'n'-roll breakfast.
356
00:16:18,734 --> 00:16:21,033
At Jack's, breakfast doesn't
even start till...
357
00:16:21,067 --> 00:16:22,901
stop saying that.
358
00:16:22,934 --> 00:16:24,601
I'll tell you
what's started.
359
00:16:24,634 --> 00:16:27,334
Tuesday,
five hours ago.
360
00:16:27,367 --> 00:16:29,300
What is wrong with you?
361
00:16:29,334 --> 00:16:31,434
I thought you liked
to party.
362
00:16:31,467 --> 00:16:34,100
Yes, Tracy,
I liked to party.
363
00:16:34,133 --> 00:16:35,834
In fact,
I partied for so long
364
00:16:35,868 --> 00:16:38,367
that now,
I like to sleep.
365
00:16:40,133 --> 00:16:42,801
The thing is,
I've done all this.
366
00:16:42,834 --> 00:16:44,901
I've bar hopped,
I've crowd surfed,
367
00:16:44,934 --> 00:16:47,734
I've partied
all night long.
368
00:16:47,767 --> 00:16:50,400
And you want to know what a real
rock-'n'-roll breakfast is?
369
00:16:50,434 --> 00:16:53,434
A shot and an egg
with Keith Richards.
370
00:16:53,467 --> 00:16:55,434
Who's Keith Richards?
371
00:16:55,467 --> 00:16:57,634
Oh, God.
372
00:16:57,667 --> 00:16:59,667
You're right.
373
00:16:59,701 --> 00:17:02,801
I'm 1,000 years old.
374
00:17:11,667 --> 00:17:12,701
I can't believe it.
375
00:17:12,734 --> 00:17:14,000
Oh, me either.
376
00:17:14,033 --> 00:17:16,934
They're like a regular
Fred Astaire and...
377
00:17:16,968 --> 00:17:18,834
Fred Astaire.
378
00:17:18,868 --> 00:17:20,601
The problem is,
sooner or later,
379
00:17:20,634 --> 00:17:21,901
Martin's going
to figure out
380
00:17:21,934 --> 00:17:23,300
that Stuart's not gay.
381
00:17:23,334 --> 00:17:25,901
Not necessarily.
He can string him along
382
00:17:25,934 --> 00:17:28,167
for a couple of years
without sex.
383
00:17:28,200 --> 00:17:29,601
Worked for my ex-wife.
384
00:17:29,634 --> 00:17:31,701
I know what to do.
385
00:17:31,734 --> 00:17:32,801
I'll go over there
and ask to cut in,
386
00:17:32,834 --> 00:17:34,667
and when I'm dancing
with Martin,
387
00:17:34,701 --> 00:17:35,968
I'll turn on
the old Heywood charm
388
00:17:36,000 --> 00:17:37,467
and steal that man
away from Stuart.
389
00:17:41,133 --> 00:17:44,901
Ah, the best damn party
I've been to in months.
390
00:17:46,634 --> 00:17:48,801
Excuse me.
May I cut in?
391
00:17:49,968 --> 00:17:55,200
Okay.
392
00:17:55,234 --> 00:17:57,033
What the hell
are you doing?
393
00:17:57,067 --> 00:17:59,167
I don't know. I thought
you came to save me.
394
00:17:59,200 --> 00:18:01,734
I did,
by dancing with Martin.
395
00:18:01,767 --> 00:18:04,801
It's not my fault if I get
Martin's engine running.
396
00:18:04,834 --> 00:18:06,834
Oh, please.
397
00:18:06,868 --> 00:18:08,567
You might be good
for a one-night stand,
398
00:18:08,601 --> 00:18:10,801
but you could never hold on
to a man like that.
399
00:18:10,834 --> 00:18:12,901
Carter, calm down.
400
00:18:12,934 --> 00:18:15,367
Why are you getting so crazy
about one guy?
401
00:18:15,400 --> 00:18:18,067
'Cause I haven't
met anybody in a long time,
402
00:18:18,100 --> 00:18:20,501
and when I finally do,
you screw it up.
403
00:18:20,534 --> 00:18:21,934
I'm sorry.
404
00:18:21,968 --> 00:18:24,033
But you got
nothing to worry about.
405
00:18:24,067 --> 00:18:25,434
You're a catch.
406
00:18:25,467 --> 00:18:27,200
Oh, you're just
saying that.
407
00:18:27,234 --> 00:18:29,000
Oh, hey, look at me.
408
00:18:29,033 --> 00:18:31,300
I could get any guy here...
409
00:18:31,334 --> 00:18:33,767
And I'm dancing with you.
410
00:18:42,534 --> 00:18:45,534
I'm sorry things didn't
work out for you and Tracy.
411
00:18:45,567 --> 00:18:46,667
That's okay.
412
00:18:46,701 --> 00:18:48,968
It wasn't going
to last, anyway.
413
00:18:49,000 --> 00:18:52,100
She just got cast
on "the real world Chicago."
414
00:18:52,133 --> 00:18:54,234
It's probably
for the best.
415
00:18:54,267 --> 00:18:55,501
I guess.
416
00:18:55,534 --> 00:18:58,167
Whenever we went out,
Tracy would have a blast,
417
00:18:58,200 --> 00:19:01,167
and I just wanted to go home
and watch "sportscenter."
418
00:19:01,200 --> 00:19:02,467
That's never happened
419
00:19:02,501 --> 00:19:05,367
in my 20 years
of dating 23-year-olds.
420
00:19:05,400 --> 00:19:06,968
You know, Charlie,
421
00:19:07,000 --> 00:19:09,300
just 'cause you don't want
to stay out till dawn
422
00:19:09,334 --> 00:19:11,501
doesn't mean you don't know
how to have fun.
423
00:19:11,534 --> 00:19:12,901
You're right.
424
00:19:12,934 --> 00:19:14,734
I shouldn't be
so hard on myself.
425
00:19:14,767 --> 00:19:18,300
I'm basically the same hip,
cool guy I've always been.
426
00:19:18,334 --> 00:19:20,901
MAN: G-46.
427
00:19:20,934 --> 00:19:24,000
Bingo.
428
00:19:53,234 --> 00:19:54,901
[MAN] Sit, ubu, sit.Good dog.
429
00:19:54,934 --> 00:19:56,734
[BARKING]
430
00:19:56,767 --> 00:19:59,234
Moo.30332
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof