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1
00:00:01,367 --> 00:00:04,467
So, Julie, what do you
think of New York?
2
00:00:04,501 --> 00:00:07,267
Well, so far all I've seen is
the airport,
3
00:00:07,300 --> 00:00:10,234
my hotel and... Your bedroom.
4
00:00:10,267 --> 00:00:12,000
Ah, you're not missing much.
5
00:00:12,033 --> 00:00:14,534
New York's a pretty quiet town
on weekends.
6
00:00:14,567 --> 00:00:18,400
So, do I have to give you
a smooth line now,
7
00:00:18,434 --> 00:00:21,267
or can I just go in for
a kiss?
8
00:00:21,300 --> 00:00:22,934
I'd like the smooth line.
9
00:00:22,968 --> 00:00:25,934
That was the smooth line.
10
00:00:27,567 --> 00:00:29,234
[TELEPHONE RINGS]
11
00:00:29,267 --> 00:00:31,033
CHARLIE:
Leave a message.
12
00:00:31,067 --> 00:00:32,334
[BEEPS]
13
00:00:32,367 --> 00:00:35,033
Charlie, it's the mayor.
I can't sleep.
14
00:00:35,067 --> 00:00:37,934
I tried counting sheep,
but I got confused.
15
00:00:37,968 --> 00:00:40,634
What's the plural,
"sheep" or "sheeps"?
16
00:00:40,667 --> 00:00:44,934
Oh, I'll just stick to one
and have it jump up and down.
17
00:00:44,968 --> 00:00:46,400
Where are you anyway?
18
00:00:46,434 --> 00:00:48,868
Oh, I remember... you've got
that woman in town.
19
00:00:48,901 --> 00:00:52,000
What was it you called her?
Ah, damn, I can't remember.
20
00:00:52,033 --> 00:00:53,334
Well, see you tomorrow.
21
00:00:53,367 --> 00:00:57,067
"Sweetheart."
I called you "sweetheart."
22
00:00:57,100 --> 00:00:59,100
"The sure thing."
23
00:01:02,400 --> 00:01:07,334
Ah, I wish I could be you
right now.
24
00:01:34,467 --> 00:01:37,334
Okay, everyone, listen up.
We got a problem.
25
00:01:37,367 --> 00:01:38,701
The mayor's got insomnia.
26
00:01:38,734 --> 00:01:41,467
And last night he called me and
ruined my date with Julie.
27
00:01:41,501 --> 00:01:42,968
"Sure thing" Julie?
28
00:01:43,000 --> 00:01:47,667
She's been downgraded
to "sweetheart" Julie.
29
00:01:47,701 --> 00:01:49,167
Has he tried sleeping
pills?
30
00:01:49,200 --> 00:01:51,434
He can't mix them
with scotch.
31
00:01:51,467 --> 00:01:53,767
Why doesn't he
stop drinking scotch?
32
00:01:53,801 --> 00:01:57,167
I don't need you kidding around.
This is a serious issue!
33
00:01:57,200 --> 00:01:58,901
Maybe I can help.
34
00:01:58,934 --> 00:02:02,300
You know,
I suffer from insomnia.
35
00:02:02,334 --> 00:02:06,133
Staying up all night looking at
Internet porn is not insomnia.
36
00:02:06,167 --> 00:02:07,801
Oh, thank God!
37
00:02:07,834 --> 00:02:11,968
I thought I had a problem.
38
00:02:12,000 --> 00:02:14,868
You know who could put the mayor
to sleep? Carter.
39
00:02:14,901 --> 00:02:16,968
Why, because he's smarter
than all of us?
40
00:02:17,000 --> 00:02:19,367
No, 'cause he's boring.
41
00:02:19,400 --> 00:02:21,901
Carter is not available today.
He's with Spencer...
42
00:02:21,934 --> 00:02:23,901
the kid from his "little
brother" program.
43
00:02:23,934 --> 00:02:26,400
Aw, man, he's gonna
be hanging around.
44
00:02:26,434 --> 00:02:28,234
What have you got
against Spencer?
45
00:02:28,267 --> 00:02:31,367
Nothing, I never know what to say to him.
It's always so awkward.
46
00:02:31,400 --> 00:02:34,467
I don't have that problem.
Teenage boys respond to me.
47
00:02:34,501 --> 00:02:37,534
I guess they think I'm cool
and have a fun personality.
48
00:02:37,567 --> 00:02:39,334
Oh, yeah.
49
00:02:39,367 --> 00:02:43,367
That's what they're
responding to.
50
00:02:43,400 --> 00:02:45,734
Ah, Spencer's on his way up!
I'm so excited.
51
00:02:45,767 --> 00:02:48,868
His mom's out of town, so he's
staying with us for a few days.
52
00:02:48,901 --> 00:02:50,067
Which reminds me...
53
00:02:50,100 --> 00:02:52,634
tell that kid to keep
his mitts off my stuff.
54
00:02:52,667 --> 00:02:55,167
Every time I go to look
through my telescope
55
00:02:55,200 --> 00:02:58,167
it's pointed at the sky.
56
00:02:58,200 --> 00:03:00,834
I was afraid I wouldn't be able
to relate to today's youth,
57
00:03:00,868 --> 00:03:03,167
but as it turns out,
I'm hipper than I thought.
58
00:03:03,200 --> 00:03:04,300
Greetings,
all.
59
00:03:04,334 --> 00:03:05,634
Ah, Spencer.
60
00:03:05,667 --> 00:03:07,634
Interesting weather
we've been having.
61
00:03:07,667 --> 00:03:09,067
The mist lingering
over the city
62
00:03:09,100 --> 00:03:11,300
is reminiscent
of dickensian London.
63
00:03:11,334 --> 00:03:14,400
Kids today.
They're crazy!
64
00:03:14,434 --> 00:03:17,901
Hey, Spencer, it's really nice
to see you again.
65
00:03:20,200 --> 00:03:22,167
Come on, Spencer,
we're going to be late
66
00:03:22,200 --> 00:03:24,200
for your personal tour
of the guggenheim.
67
00:03:24,234 --> 00:03:27,734
We've got to be there, or be the product
of a number multiplied by itself.
68
00:03:27,767 --> 00:03:29,434
That would be a square...
69
00:03:29,467 --> 00:03:31,467
Ahhh!
Ahhh!
70
00:03:37,167 --> 00:03:38,934
So, did you hear
senator Davis
71
00:03:38,968 --> 00:03:41,033
is looking for a new
press secretary?
72
00:03:41,067 --> 00:03:43,067
Rumor has it
I'm on the short list.
73
00:03:43,100 --> 00:03:44,901
Why would they hire you?
74
00:03:44,934 --> 00:03:48,200
You never show up on time,
you're abrasive,
75
00:03:48,234 --> 00:03:50,434
and you steal
office supplies.
76
00:03:50,467 --> 00:03:54,934
Stuart, Stuart, Stuart...
They don't know that.
77
00:03:56,501 --> 00:03:59,033
Sir, we hear you're having a
hard time getting to sleep.
78
00:03:59,067 --> 00:04:00,434
We may be able to help you.
79
00:04:00,467 --> 00:04:04,400
One of the most common causes
of sleep disorders is anxiety.
80
00:04:04,434 --> 00:04:06,400
Why would I have anxiety?
81
00:04:06,434 --> 00:04:08,467
Well, as mayor, you have
the hopes and dreams
82
00:04:08,501 --> 00:04:11,167
of millions of people hanging
on your every decision.
83
00:04:11,200 --> 00:04:14,434
Oh, great, now I'm never
gonna get to sleep.
84
00:04:16,167 --> 00:04:18,334
I have a method that's
always worked for me.
85
00:04:18,367 --> 00:04:21,033
Tonight,
try listening to this.
86
00:04:21,067 --> 00:04:24,534
It's a tape I made of
soothing ocean sounds.
87
00:04:24,567 --> 00:04:26,167
Ocean sounds are soothing?
88
00:04:26,200 --> 00:04:31,100
Tell that to the poor bastards
in "the perfect storm."
89
00:04:31,133 --> 00:04:32,868
Sir, you don't need
these fancy tapes.
90
00:04:32,901 --> 00:04:36,033
I can put you to sleep
in three easy steps.
91
00:04:36,067 --> 00:04:38,200
First, close your eyes.
92
00:04:38,234 --> 00:04:40,501
Take a deep breath.
[INHALES]
93
00:04:40,534 --> 00:04:42,100
Second step...
94
00:04:42,133 --> 00:04:43,901
Imagine all your tensions
95
00:04:43,934 --> 00:04:46,634
draining through
your hands and feet.
96
00:04:46,667 --> 00:04:49,067
Draining...
97
00:04:49,100 --> 00:04:51,033
Draining...
98
00:04:51,067 --> 00:04:54,033
[SNORING]
99
00:05:05,200 --> 00:05:07,868
Senator Davis hasn't contacted
me about that job yet,
100
00:05:07,901 --> 00:05:10,367
and I think I have
a theory as to why.
101
00:05:10,400 --> 00:05:12,400
He's having an affair
with his secretary
102
00:05:12,434 --> 00:05:14,567
and wrote a love letter
on the back of my resume.
103
00:05:14,601 --> 00:05:17,601
Then, in an effort to conceal
all the evidence,
104
00:05:17,634 --> 00:05:21,067
he shredded it and had it buried
in a landfill in Virginia.
105
00:05:21,100 --> 00:05:25,567
Isn't it possible that they
just don't want to hire you?
106
00:05:25,601 --> 00:05:30,501
Where do you come up
with this stuff?!
107
00:05:30,534 --> 00:05:32,400
Well, I just got off
the phone with Julie.
108
00:05:32,434 --> 00:05:34,000
She's leaving town tomorrow,
109
00:05:34,033 --> 00:05:36,501
but she's agreed to give me
another chance tonight.
110
00:05:36,534 --> 00:05:39,267
Imagine, we were this close
to living in a world
111
00:05:39,300 --> 00:05:42,167
where Charlie Crawford goes
two days without scoring.
112
00:05:42,200 --> 00:05:45,067
Yeah. Dodged a bullet.
113
00:05:46,400 --> 00:05:48,634
The education secretary
just told me he can't
114
00:05:48,667 --> 00:05:51,033
come up with the funds
for the school initiative.
115
00:05:51,067 --> 00:05:52,200
I gotta go meet with him.
116
00:05:52,234 --> 00:05:53,901
Can you guys keep
an eye on Spencer?
117
00:05:53,934 --> 00:05:56,934
Why, is he about
to do something?
118
00:05:56,968 --> 00:06:00,767
Charlie isn't very
good with... k-I-d-s.
119
00:06:02,467 --> 00:06:06,834
He finds they can
be very a-n-n-o...
120
00:06:06,868 --> 00:06:07,968
Y.
121
00:06:08,000 --> 00:06:09,801
...y-I-n-g.
122
00:06:09,834 --> 00:06:12,367
Thanks.
123
00:06:12,400 --> 00:06:14,067
Charlie and I would love to.
124
00:06:14,100 --> 00:06:16,200
I'll see you at home later.
125
00:06:16,234 --> 00:06:18,601
I told you I'm not
good with kids!
126
00:06:18,634 --> 00:06:20,400
Just try!
Make an effort!
127
00:06:25,033 --> 00:06:28,167
So, Spencer...
128
00:06:28,200 --> 00:06:30,100
What do you think
of the Yankees?
129
00:06:30,133 --> 00:06:31,701
When referencing
the civil war,
130
00:06:31,734 --> 00:06:35,501
I prefer to use the proper
historical nomenclature.
131
00:06:35,534 --> 00:06:37,200
Unionists.
132
00:06:46,400 --> 00:06:49,601
[SURF GENTLY WHOOSHES]
133
00:06:49,634 --> 00:06:53,067
Bondek was right.This tape is relaxing.
134
00:06:53,100 --> 00:06:55,667
Like being onthe deck of my yacht,
135
00:06:55,701 --> 00:06:58,667
being fed strawberriesby Angie Dickinson.
136
00:06:58,701 --> 00:07:01,400
Young Angie Dickinson.
137
00:07:01,434 --> 00:07:04,801
Drifting back and forth.
138
00:07:04,834 --> 00:07:07,968
Drifting... Drifting...
139
00:07:08,000 --> 00:07:10,100
CARTER: Stuart,did you take my microphone?
140
00:07:10,133 --> 00:07:11,734
STUART:
I'm making a tape
141
00:07:11,767 --> 00:07:13,934
of ocean soundsfor the mayor, so shut up.
142
00:07:13,968 --> 00:07:15,534
You shut up!
143
00:07:15,567 --> 00:07:18,567
How can I record my rehearsalif I don't have my microphone?
144
00:07:18,601 --> 00:07:21,934
Fine!I'll finish later.
145
00:07:21,968 --> 00:07:24,634
Carter Heywood, c-scale,French horn.
146
00:07:24,667 --> 00:07:27,968
[FRENCH HORN MUSICPLAYS OFF-KEY]
147
00:07:28,000 --> 00:07:29,601
[MUSIC STOPS]
148
00:07:34,501 --> 00:07:37,467
So, what are you reading?
149
00:07:37,501 --> 00:07:39,634
Uh, "Moby-dick"
by melville.
150
00:07:39,667 --> 00:07:42,968
Have you read any
good books lately?
151
00:07:43,000 --> 00:07:45,501
I just read a fascinating
biography on Chamberlain.
152
00:07:45,534 --> 00:07:47,300
Oh, Neville,
the prime minister?
153
00:07:47,334 --> 00:07:49,868
Wilt, the stilt.
154
00:07:51,334 --> 00:07:53,167
Hey, Spencer,
you having a good time?
155
00:07:53,200 --> 00:07:55,300
[SIGHS]
156
00:07:57,834 --> 00:07:59,434
Why are you just
sitting there?!
157
00:07:59,467 --> 00:08:01,234
At least try to
make some connection.
158
00:08:01,267 --> 00:08:04,434
I've been trying.
Watch this.
159
00:08:04,467 --> 00:08:07,133
Hey, Spence, think fast.
160
00:08:09,834 --> 00:08:12,133
I wish you would
stop doing that.
161
00:08:15,434 --> 00:08:18,334
If I have to spend five more
minutes with that brainiac
162
00:08:18,367 --> 00:08:20,934
I'm gonna jump off
his book and kill myself.
163
00:08:20,968 --> 00:08:23,567
You shouldn't make fun of him
just because he's smart.
164
00:08:23,601 --> 00:08:26,567
Caitlin, negotiations are breaking down.
Carter needs your help.
165
00:08:26,601 --> 00:08:28,334
Have fun with the egghead.
166
00:08:30,234 --> 00:08:32,701
Ah!
167
00:08:32,734 --> 00:08:35,400
Even better
the second time.
168
00:08:35,434 --> 00:08:37,501
Did you read "Moby-dick"?
169
00:08:37,534 --> 00:08:38,934
No...
170
00:08:38,968 --> 00:08:42,033
It's about a cranky fish,
right?
171
00:08:42,067 --> 00:08:43,467
Actually,
a whale is a mammal,
172
00:08:43,501 --> 00:08:46,067
and the novel is an allegory
for man's battle with...
173
00:08:46,100 --> 00:08:48,968
don't ruin it!
174
00:08:49,000 --> 00:08:50,734
I'm sorry.
175
00:08:50,767 --> 00:08:52,701
I know you don't like
hanging out with me.
176
00:08:52,734 --> 00:08:55,200
That's not true.
You're a good kid.
177
00:08:55,234 --> 00:08:58,467
I'm sure there's something fun
we can find to do together.
178
00:08:58,501 --> 00:09:01,033
I know.
You want to go get a pizza?
179
00:09:01,067 --> 00:09:03,868
I don't really like pizza.
180
00:09:03,901 --> 00:09:06,534
Spencer, I'm trying,
but I just don't get you.
181
00:09:06,567 --> 00:09:08,534
I mean, you just read a book
182
00:09:08,567 --> 00:09:12,234
about a giant sperm whale
called "Moby-dick"...
183
00:09:12,267 --> 00:09:16,267
And you didn't giggle once.
184
00:09:16,300 --> 00:09:20,067
I... I guess I'm
just a serious person.
185
00:09:20,100 --> 00:09:22,968
I'm gonna teach you how
to loosen up a little bit.
186
00:09:23,000 --> 00:09:26,501
For starters, lose the blazer.
It makes you look old.
187
00:09:26,534 --> 00:09:28,133
Secondly...
188
00:09:28,167 --> 00:09:30,467
[TELEPHONE RINGS]
189
00:09:30,501 --> 00:09:32,100
Hello?
Oh, hey, Julie.
190
00:09:32,133 --> 00:09:35,501
Yeah, I'm... I'm really sorry.
I can't make it tonight.
191
00:09:35,534 --> 00:09:37,868
I'm stuck hanging out
with a friend.
192
00:09:37,901 --> 00:09:39,734
Really?
193
00:09:39,767 --> 00:09:42,200
How old's your friend?
194
00:09:42,234 --> 00:09:44,501
21?
195
00:09:44,534 --> 00:09:47,100
Put the blazer back on.
196
00:09:55,167 --> 00:09:59,300
Spencer, you look a little young
for a 21-year-old.
197
00:09:59,334 --> 00:10:02,167
Yeah, it's like
"the picture of Dorian gray."
198
00:10:02,200 --> 00:10:05,300
I have a hidden portrait
of myself that grows old,
199
00:10:05,334 --> 00:10:07,334
but my youth
goes on forever.
200
00:10:07,367 --> 00:10:10,634
So did that answer.
201
00:10:10,667 --> 00:10:13,868
He looks young, but he is an adult
in every sense of the word.
202
00:10:13,901 --> 00:10:16,834
Oh, cool! Beer!
203
00:10:16,868 --> 00:10:19,000
Give me that!
204
00:10:19,033 --> 00:10:21,868
So did I tell you guys I was
traveling to India this summer?
205
00:10:21,901 --> 00:10:23,234
Have either of you ever been?
206
00:10:23,267 --> 00:10:24,567
Well, not physically,
207
00:10:24,601 --> 00:10:29,334
but my homeroom did represent
India in the mock u.N.
208
00:10:29,367 --> 00:10:31,367
Can I talk to you
for a second?
209
00:10:34,667 --> 00:10:36,300
What are you doing?!
210
00:10:36,334 --> 00:10:37,801
I'm nervous.
211
00:10:37,834 --> 00:10:41,200
I've never been this close to
a fully developed woman before.
212
00:10:41,234 --> 00:10:42,968
You keep up
the "mock u.N." Rap,
213
00:10:43,000 --> 00:10:44,901
this is the closest
you'll ever get.
214
00:10:44,934 --> 00:10:46,667
Yeah, I know, I know.
215
00:10:46,701 --> 00:10:48,901
I'm just a loser
when it comes to girls.
216
00:10:48,934 --> 00:10:50,367
You're not a loser.
217
00:10:50,400 --> 00:10:52,501
And I understand
what you're going through.
218
00:10:52,534 --> 00:10:54,267
You were like me
when you were my age?
219
00:10:54,300 --> 00:10:55,834
[SIGHS]
220
00:10:55,868 --> 00:10:58,100
Not really.
221
00:10:58,133 --> 00:10:59,667
Oh, but you
had friends like me?
222
00:10:59,701 --> 00:11:02,200
No.
223
00:11:02,234 --> 00:11:06,667
But these women are a lot older,
and you are holding your own.
224
00:11:06,701 --> 00:11:08,000
Really?
225
00:11:08,033 --> 00:11:09,400
Yeah.
You just need a few tips.
226
00:11:09,434 --> 00:11:11,734
Women are into guys who
have a little mystery,
227
00:11:11,767 --> 00:11:16,067
so when they're talking, just
listen, tilt your chin up,
228
00:11:16,100 --> 00:11:18,767
squint your eyes,
and go, "yeah."
229
00:11:18,801 --> 00:11:21,567
Doesn't that seem
a little shallow?
230
00:11:21,601 --> 00:11:24,801
You're catching on.
231
00:11:27,300 --> 00:11:30,601
You know, I heard this place was
a speak-easy during prohibition.
232
00:11:30,634 --> 00:11:34,367
If I could have lived during
any decade, it'd be the '20s.
233
00:11:34,400 --> 00:11:37,300
Yeah.
234
00:11:37,334 --> 00:11:40,100
I just saw a great
documentary about the '20s.
235
00:11:40,133 --> 00:11:43,434
I think that's the purest
form of filmmaking.
236
00:11:43,467 --> 00:11:45,734
Yeah.
237
00:11:47,467 --> 00:11:51,734
You guys want to go
somewhere else for dessert?
238
00:11:51,767 --> 00:11:54,601
Yeah.Yeah.
239
00:11:58,834 --> 00:12:02,968
So, sir... How were the
soothing sounds of the ocean?
240
00:12:03,000 --> 00:12:04,801
Not so soothing.
241
00:12:04,834 --> 00:12:07,667
About five minutes in,
I heard a man shout,
242
00:12:07,701 --> 00:12:12,000
"put that horn down,
you talentless hack!"
243
00:12:12,033 --> 00:12:16,234
Followed by a violent struggle
and glass breaking.
244
00:12:16,267 --> 00:12:20,234
The ocean's
a mysterious place.
245
00:12:20,267 --> 00:12:22,934
Sir, you gotta do something
about this insomnia.
246
00:12:22,968 --> 00:12:25,701
There's gotta be a reason
that you're not sleeping.
247
00:12:25,734 --> 00:12:28,167
Are you sure that there's
nothing bothering you?
248
00:12:28,200 --> 00:12:30,300
Absolutely.
249
00:12:30,334 --> 00:12:32,601
Fine.
250
00:12:32,634 --> 00:12:34,501
Paul got offered a job
with senator Davis
251
00:12:34,534 --> 00:12:36,634
and I didn't tell him.
252
00:12:36,667 --> 00:12:40,334
There! You broke me!
What are you talking about?
253
00:12:40,367 --> 00:12:43,501
The senator asked for my
permission to offer Paul a job,
254
00:12:43,534 --> 00:12:45,634
and I told him Paul
wasn't interested.
255
00:12:45,667 --> 00:12:47,000
I lied.
256
00:12:47,033 --> 00:12:49,501
This is obviously the
reason you're not sleeping.
257
00:12:49,534 --> 00:12:50,868
You gotta tell him.
258
00:12:50,901 --> 00:12:52,501
If I tell him
he could take the job,
259
00:12:52,534 --> 00:12:54,000
and that would mean
no more Paul.
260
00:12:55,767 --> 00:12:57,934
You gotta tell him.
261
00:13:04,501 --> 00:13:05,968
Aw... Damn.
He's not with you.
262
00:13:06,000 --> 00:13:07,000
What's wrong?
263
00:13:07,033 --> 00:13:08,267
Spencer's gone.
264
00:13:08,300 --> 00:13:10,033
I woke up this morning,
he wasn't there.
265
00:13:10,067 --> 00:13:12,033
I've been looking all over.
I'm worried.
266
00:13:12,067 --> 00:13:15,033
I haven't seen him since I dropped
him off at your place last night.
267
00:13:15,067 --> 00:13:16,868
I hope he hasn't
done anything crazy.
268
00:13:16,901 --> 00:13:20,367
What would he do?
Carjack a bookmobile? [LAUGHS]
269
00:13:22,901 --> 00:13:24,534
Grow up, Charlie!
270
00:13:24,567 --> 00:13:26,567
What did you guys
do last night?
271
00:13:26,601 --> 00:13:28,133
We had a blast.
272
00:13:28,167 --> 00:13:29,534
Julie called.
273
00:13:29,567 --> 00:13:32,000
Turns out she had a
21-year-old friend,
274
00:13:32,033 --> 00:13:34,968
so I lied about Spencer's age
and gave him a few tips
275
00:13:35,000 --> 00:13:36,634
on picking up an older woman,
276
00:13:36,667 --> 00:13:41,033
and he had the best time...
why is no one else smiling?
277
00:13:41,067 --> 00:13:45,400
You took a 16-year-old
on a double date?
278
00:13:45,434 --> 00:13:47,534
Is that bad?
279
00:13:47,567 --> 00:13:50,601
That siren probably lured
Spencer back to her place
280
00:13:50,634 --> 00:13:53,434
and took from him
that which he holds most dear.
281
00:13:53,467 --> 00:13:56,300
His calculator-watch?
282
00:13:57,434 --> 00:13:59,100
Sex.
I'm talking about sex!
283
00:13:59,133 --> 00:14:00,868
You have nothing
to worry about.
284
00:14:00,901 --> 00:14:02,234
This is a kid who can't even
285
00:14:02,267 --> 00:14:04,167
look me in the eye
without blushing.
286
00:14:04,200 --> 00:14:05,234
[DOOR OPENS]
287
00:14:05,267 --> 00:14:08,701
Hey, gorgeous.
288
00:14:08,734 --> 00:14:12,000
He got some.
289
00:14:13,400 --> 00:14:14,701
How could you do this?
290
00:14:14,734 --> 00:14:16,534
He shouldn't be out
carousing with you.
291
00:14:16,567 --> 00:14:18,033
He should be
with people like me
292
00:14:18,067 --> 00:14:20,534
who can appreciate
his superior intellect.
293
00:14:20,567 --> 00:14:23,567
It was wonderful. Just like
"the age of innocence."
294
00:14:23,601 --> 00:14:26,067
Two lovers drawn
together by fate...
295
00:14:26,100 --> 00:14:27,968
oh, cut the literary crap,
Einstein!
296
00:14:28,000 --> 00:14:30,367
I'm responsible for you!
297
00:14:30,400 --> 00:14:31,901
Hey, what's the big deal?
298
00:14:31,934 --> 00:14:34,100
It's a rite of passage
every man goes through.
299
00:14:34,133 --> 00:14:36,300
There's no reason to overreact.
300
00:14:36,334 --> 00:14:39,133
Besides, I'm in love.
What, are you crazy?!
301
00:14:40,601 --> 00:14:41,834
Carrie lives in Boston,
302
00:14:41,868 --> 00:14:44,234
a long-distance relationship
is out of the question.
303
00:14:44,267 --> 00:14:45,868
Oh, thank God!
304
00:14:45,901 --> 00:14:49,501
Which is why I'm dropping out of
high school and moving in with her.
305
00:14:49,534 --> 00:14:51,167
This is just great.
306
00:14:51,200 --> 00:14:54,734
You know, Charlie,
you're the only adult I know
307
00:14:54,767 --> 00:14:57,934
who would actually encourage
this type of behavior.
308
00:14:57,968 --> 00:14:59,834
[LAUGHING]
309
00:15:02,234 --> 00:15:04,968
[CHEERING]
310
00:15:09,367 --> 00:15:11,000
Sir, I heard you
wanted to talk to me?
311
00:15:11,033 --> 00:15:12,501
Yeah, Paul, come in.
Take a seat.
312
00:15:12,534 --> 00:15:15,300
I had an interesting phone call
about you the other day.
313
00:15:15,334 --> 00:15:17,834
Sir, if this is about
the Christmas party,
314
00:15:17,868 --> 00:15:20,334
I had a lot to drink,
my bonus was subpar,
315
00:15:20,367 --> 00:15:22,601
and in a momentary
lapse of judgment,
316
00:15:22,634 --> 00:15:25,767
I may have scratched "suck it"
on the hood of your limo.
317
00:15:25,801 --> 00:15:27,868
No, that's not what
this is about, Paul.
318
00:15:27,901 --> 00:15:32,634
Oh.
You were saying.
319
00:15:32,667 --> 00:15:35,701
Paul, I have a
confession to make.
320
00:15:35,734 --> 00:15:38,033
Senator Davis called
me the other day.
321
00:15:38,067 --> 00:15:41,334
He wanted to offer you the job
as his new press secretary...
322
00:15:41,367 --> 00:15:44,267
But I told him you
weren't interested.
323
00:15:44,300 --> 00:15:47,701
Sir, how could you do that
without talking to me first?
324
00:15:49,701 --> 00:15:51,634
The truth is, though
we give you a hard time
325
00:15:51,667 --> 00:15:55,567
about being lazy, abrasive,
absent-minded, self-absorbed...
326
00:15:55,601 --> 00:15:58,400
get to the point, sir.
327
00:15:58,434 --> 00:16:00,367
I need you, Paul.
328
00:16:00,400 --> 00:16:02,534
If something goes
wrong around here,
329
00:16:02,567 --> 00:16:04,934
you're right there
to protect me.
330
00:16:04,968 --> 00:16:07,934
And if you can't,
you're standing by my side,
331
00:16:07,968 --> 00:16:11,167
taking a hit.
I love that about you.
332
00:16:11,200 --> 00:16:14,968
So... I'm... I'm not
gonna stand in your way.
333
00:16:15,000 --> 00:16:17,534
[TELEPHONE DIALS]
334
00:16:17,567 --> 00:16:19,033
WOMAN:
Senator Davis' office.
335
00:16:19,067 --> 00:16:21,067
Randall Winston
for senator Davis.
336
00:16:21,100 --> 00:16:23,701
Wait, sir... sir...
I don't want the job.
337
00:16:23,734 --> 00:16:25,767
Why?
You need me.
338
00:16:25,801 --> 00:16:27,300
You people, you're like family.
339
00:16:27,334 --> 00:16:29,234
That's more important
than any job.
340
00:16:29,267 --> 00:16:30,667
Are you sure?
341
00:16:30,701 --> 00:16:32,834
Besides,
between you and me,
342
00:16:32,868 --> 00:16:35,734
that senator Davis
is kind of a tool.
343
00:16:35,767 --> 00:16:39,234
I was paired with him at a
charity tennis-tournament.
344
00:16:39,267 --> 00:16:41,634
That lardass
couldn't move ten feet
345
00:16:41,667 --> 00:16:43,834
without taking
a doughnut break!
346
00:16:43,868 --> 00:16:46,200
Don't get me started on
that obnoxious wife of his.
347
00:16:46,234 --> 00:16:47,934
Oh, my gosh!
348
00:16:47,968 --> 00:16:51,934
MAN: Guys? I've been
on the whole time.
349
00:16:56,467 --> 00:16:57,801
[HANGS UP]
350
00:16:59,267 --> 00:17:01,534
That was close.
Hmm.
351
00:17:01,567 --> 00:17:04,133
You know, Paul,
I really respect you.
352
00:17:04,167 --> 00:17:08,868
Not many men would pass up the
opportunity to triple their salary.
353
00:17:13,634 --> 00:17:15,200
I hope you're happy.
354
00:17:15,234 --> 00:17:17,434
As we speak, Spencer's
on the phone with Carrie,
355
00:17:17,467 --> 00:17:20,100
telling her he's quitting
school and moving to Boston.
356
00:17:20,133 --> 00:17:21,467
No way this
woman is gonna want
357
00:17:21,501 --> 00:17:23,367
a relationship with a
high-school kid.
358
00:17:23,400 --> 00:17:25,634
You have nothing
to worry about.
359
00:17:25,667 --> 00:17:28,200
I'm not moving to Boston.
She doesn't love me.
360
00:17:28,234 --> 00:17:30,267
I'm a loser.
I hate myself.
361
00:17:30,300 --> 00:17:31,767
[DOOR SLAMS]
362
00:17:31,801 --> 00:17:33,200
See?
363
00:17:33,234 --> 00:17:37,000
Everything worked out.
364
00:17:37,033 --> 00:17:39,300
You took a kid, you put
him in an adult situation,
365
00:17:39,334 --> 00:17:40,434
and now he's crushed.
366
00:17:40,467 --> 00:17:42,000
We've got to go
talk to him.
367
00:17:42,033 --> 00:17:43,334
I agree.
368
00:17:43,367 --> 00:17:46,167
Right now this kid
needs wisdom, understanding,
369
00:17:46,200 --> 00:17:47,701
and a shoulder to cry on.
370
00:17:47,734 --> 00:17:49,567
Let me know how
it works out.
371
00:17:49,601 --> 00:17:52,200
Oh, no, no, no.
You're coming in, too.
372
00:17:52,234 --> 00:17:55,300
You made this bed...
And Spencer got lucky in it.
373
00:17:55,334 --> 00:17:58,801
Hey, Spence.
How you doing?
374
00:17:58,834 --> 00:18:01,734
I know the pain I'm
feeling is emotional,
375
00:18:01,767 --> 00:18:05,033
but I physically ache.
376
00:18:05,067 --> 00:18:07,100
I'll never meet
someone like her again.
377
00:18:07,133 --> 00:18:10,033
Spencer, I know it
seems hard right now,
378
00:18:10,067 --> 00:18:12,300
but we've all had a
first love that we...
379
00:18:12,334 --> 00:18:14,100
we thought we'd never
get over.
380
00:18:14,133 --> 00:18:15,300
You got over yours?
381
00:18:15,334 --> 00:18:17,834
Kevin mahoney?
Ah! I'm way past him.
382
00:18:17,868 --> 00:18:20,501
I ran into him the
other day at Tiffany's
383
00:18:20,534 --> 00:18:23,667
buying a diamond necklace
for his little wife Megan.
384
00:18:23,701 --> 00:18:25,968
And as he slipped
into his Jaguar,
385
00:18:26,000 --> 00:18:29,033
I trudged through the cold
on the way to the subway,
386
00:18:29,067 --> 00:18:30,501
and I thought to myself,
387
00:18:30,534 --> 00:18:33,167
"happiness isn't measured
by immense wealth,
388
00:18:33,200 --> 00:18:35,767
a loving marriage,
and beautiful children."
389
00:18:35,801 --> 00:18:38,067
That bitch stole my life!!
390
00:18:41,000 --> 00:18:45,234
Spencer, what Caitlin's
trying to say,
391
00:18:45,267 --> 00:18:49,701
albeit with a touch
of psychotic rage...
392
00:18:49,734 --> 00:18:54,634
Is that it may hurt now,
but it's gonna pass.
393
00:18:54,667 --> 00:18:57,334
She's not even smart!
394
00:18:58,667 --> 00:19:01,868
I never want to feel like
this again, you know?
395
00:19:01,901 --> 00:19:06,334
I just want to go from girl to
girl and have fun. Like Charlie.
396
00:19:06,367 --> 00:19:08,367
No, Spence, you don't
want to be like me.
397
00:19:08,400 --> 00:19:11,167
Why not?!
You have the perfect life.
398
00:19:11,200 --> 00:19:12,934
No, I don't.
399
00:19:12,968 --> 00:19:15,067
You know that girl
I was with last night?
400
00:19:15,100 --> 00:19:17,667
Sure, we had a good time,
but I'll never see her again.
401
00:19:17,701 --> 00:19:21,133
I'm gonna go home tonight, and
my apartment's gonna be empty,
402
00:19:21,167 --> 00:19:23,100
and I'm gonna wish,
once again,
403
00:19:23,133 --> 00:19:25,567
that I'd committed
to that special someone
404
00:19:25,601 --> 00:19:28,434
who'd be waiting for me
with a "how was your day?"
405
00:19:28,467 --> 00:19:29,801
And a kiss on my cheek.
406
00:19:29,834 --> 00:19:34,434
[SOBBING] Oh, Kevin!
407
00:19:34,467 --> 00:19:38,567
Now, Spence, do you
really want to be like me?
408
00:19:38,601 --> 00:19:41,300
I guess I need a little more
experience with love
409
00:19:41,334 --> 00:19:42,667
before I give up on it.
410
00:19:42,701 --> 00:19:45,100
[SOBBING]
411
00:19:45,133 --> 00:19:47,601
Maybe we should
get you some water.
412
00:19:47,634 --> 00:19:49,868
[CRYING]
That would be nice.
413
00:19:49,901 --> 00:19:52,200
[SNIFFLING]
414
00:19:52,234 --> 00:19:53,767
[DOOR CLOSES]
415
00:19:53,801 --> 00:19:55,767
Thanks for setting him
straight.
416
00:19:55,801 --> 00:19:57,234
It was brilliant...
417
00:19:57,267 --> 00:19:59,701
the way you talked him
out of your lifestyle.
418
00:19:59,734 --> 00:20:02,033
Heh... You really
want that special person
419
00:20:02,067 --> 00:20:04,400
waiting at home with
a kiss on the cheek?
420
00:20:04,434 --> 00:20:09,000
Yeah.
421
00:20:11,767 --> 00:20:17,367
Listen, I... I want to apologize
if I overreacted earlier.
422
00:20:17,400 --> 00:20:21,634
It's just that teenagers
are so complicated.
423
00:20:21,667 --> 00:20:23,567
In the course of one night,
424
00:20:23,601 --> 00:20:26,801
I watched Spencer grow
from a geeky little boy
425
00:20:26,834 --> 00:20:30,801
to a... Geeky little man.
426
00:20:30,834 --> 00:20:32,734
It was gonna happen
sooner or later.
427
00:20:32,767 --> 00:20:33,934
I know.
428
00:20:33,968 --> 00:20:35,801
I guess I worry
that as he gets older,
429
00:20:35,834 --> 00:20:39,234
I might not be equipped to help
him with all his problems.
430
00:20:39,267 --> 00:20:40,734
Just be there for him.
431
00:20:40,767 --> 00:20:43,234
That's the thing
he wants the most.
432
00:20:43,267 --> 00:20:46,467
Well, second-most
after last night.
433
00:20:46,501 --> 00:20:50,667
Well, anyway, I'm glad you
and Spencer have become friends.
434
00:20:50,701 --> 00:20:54,501
And I want you to know I
completely trust you with him.
435
00:20:54,534 --> 00:20:56,667
Well, I'm heading home.
436
00:20:56,701 --> 00:20:59,033
Maybe I'll take Spencer out
for a bite to eat.
437
00:20:59,067 --> 00:21:00,868
Not without me
you're not.
438
00:21:04,400 --> 00:21:07,234
Triple my salary...
439
00:21:07,267 --> 00:21:10,567
Three times what I make...
440
00:21:10,601 --> 00:21:12,801
Thrice...
441
00:21:12,834 --> 00:21:15,734
Thrice...
442
00:21:15,767 --> 00:21:18,868
CARTER: Hey, Stuart, listen.I figured out "Tequila."
443
00:21:18,901 --> 00:21:20,501
[FRENCH HORN MUSIC PLAYSOFF-KEY]
444
00:21:20,534 --> 00:21:23,667
STUART: Stop it!I can't take it anymore!
445
00:21:23,701 --> 00:21:27,934
Oh! What do I have to do to getsome respect around here?!
446
00:21:27,968 --> 00:21:29,667
It's my art form!
447
00:21:29,701 --> 00:21:32,133
Sit, ubu, sit. Good dog.
[BARKING]
448
00:21:32,167 --> 00:21:34,334
Moo.33747
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