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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,734 --> 00:00:03,634 Are you reading the personals again? 2 00:00:03,667 --> 00:00:07,033 Listen to this one... "rubenesque, vivacious siren 3 00:00:07,067 --> 00:00:10,467 seeks gallant emissary of passion." 4 00:00:10,501 --> 00:00:13,734 Hmm, fat chick bought a thesaurus. 5 00:00:13,767 --> 00:00:15,534 Oh, my God. 6 00:00:15,567 --> 00:00:18,200 She sounds so lame. 7 00:00:18,234 --> 00:00:21,400 [COUGHING] 8 00:00:21,434 --> 00:00:23,267 You have a girlfriend, Stuart. 9 00:00:23,300 --> 00:00:25,267 Why are you reading the personals? 10 00:00:25,300 --> 00:00:27,400 Sometimes I just like to call the woman 11 00:00:27,434 --> 00:00:29,167 with the most pathetic ad 12 00:00:29,200 --> 00:00:31,033 just to give her a ray of hope. 13 00:00:31,067 --> 00:00:34,367 And they gave Gandhi the nobel prize. 14 00:00:34,400 --> 00:00:37,367 Here we go. "Gorgeous natural blonde, 15 00:00:37,400 --> 00:00:39,434 sexy and very single. 16 00:00:39,467 --> 00:00:41,767 If you're a man, please call." 17 00:00:43,400 --> 00:00:45,434 I think we have a winner. 18 00:00:45,467 --> 00:00:47,367 Stuart, this is totally immature. 19 00:00:47,400 --> 00:00:50,234 Put it on speakerphone. 20 00:00:50,267 --> 00:00:53,200 I can't believe there are women who are that desperate. 21 00:00:53,234 --> 00:00:55,734 [CELLULAR PHONE RINGS] 22 00:00:55,767 --> 00:00:57,701 Hello. 23 00:00:57,734 --> 00:01:00,901 Caitlin? 24 00:01:03,300 --> 00:01:05,767 Stuart? 25 00:01:05,801 --> 00:01:07,267 Caitlin... 26 00:01:07,300 --> 00:01:10,734 Ooh. Um... Guys, this is just a big mistake. 27 00:01:10,767 --> 00:01:12,267 Tell me about it. 28 00:01:12,300 --> 00:01:15,067 [CHUCKLING] Natural blonde? 29 00:01:42,501 --> 00:01:44,634 Your mother placed a personal ad for you? 30 00:01:44,667 --> 00:01:46,567 She does this every few months 31 00:01:46,601 --> 00:01:48,601 because she's dying for me to find a husband. 32 00:01:48,634 --> 00:01:50,767 But I just end up getting calls from creepy guys. 33 00:01:50,801 --> 00:01:53,501 Why don't you just tell your mother to butt out of your life? 34 00:01:53,534 --> 00:01:55,601 Every time I do, I end up feeling guilty. 35 00:01:55,634 --> 00:01:58,133 She's never gonna get off my back 36 00:01:58,167 --> 00:02:00,033 until I end up in a relationship. 37 00:02:00,067 --> 00:02:02,534 You know what? I will just invent a lover. 38 00:02:02,567 --> 00:02:05,067 I have some experience with that. 39 00:02:05,100 --> 00:02:08,467 She said invent, not inflate. 40 00:02:08,501 --> 00:02:11,000 Never mind. 41 00:02:11,033 --> 00:02:13,901 Thanks, mark. I appreciate your endorsement. 42 00:02:13,934 --> 00:02:16,234 Say hi to britt and the kids. 43 00:02:16,267 --> 00:02:17,868 It's great seeing you. 44 00:02:17,901 --> 00:02:20,067 God, I can't stand that guy. 45 00:02:20,100 --> 00:02:22,067 But I'm gonna win this election 46 00:02:22,100 --> 00:02:25,234 because I am an endorsement machine. 47 00:02:25,267 --> 00:02:27,934 Sir, your next meeting is with the council of rabbis, 48 00:02:27,968 --> 00:02:30,434 and after that, with the city liquor commission. 49 00:02:30,467 --> 00:02:32,334 Gotcha. Jews, then booze. 50 00:02:32,367 --> 00:02:35,300 Stuart, my friend got me tickets to the hottest show in town. 51 00:02:35,334 --> 00:02:37,067 You want to go with me? 52 00:02:37,100 --> 00:02:39,234 No way. The last time you said that, 53 00:02:39,267 --> 00:02:41,701 I wound up being pressed between a bunch of sweaty men 54 00:02:41,734 --> 00:02:43,701 listening to a wham! Cover band. 55 00:02:43,734 --> 00:02:47,834 Do you not have my number?! 56 00:02:47,868 --> 00:02:49,367 Suit yourself, Stuart. 57 00:02:49,400 --> 00:02:52,667 I was gonna take you to the Victoria's secret fashion show. 58 00:02:52,701 --> 00:02:55,801 Charlie, you want to go with me to the Victoria's secret... 59 00:02:55,834 --> 00:02:57,567 yes. 60 00:03:02,934 --> 00:03:05,534 You got to take me to the fashion show. 61 00:03:05,567 --> 00:03:07,300 Why is it so important? 62 00:03:07,334 --> 00:03:09,100 I have five goals in life. 63 00:03:09,133 --> 00:03:11,334 Four of them can happen there. 64 00:03:11,367 --> 00:03:14,234 I'm sorry, Stuart. I already asked Charlie. 65 00:03:14,267 --> 00:03:16,601 Oh. How'd you score tickets anyway? 66 00:03:16,634 --> 00:03:19,267 Oh, this friend of mine's kid sister has connections. 67 00:03:19,300 --> 00:03:20,734 In fact, she's on her way up now. 68 00:03:20,767 --> 00:03:22,901 She's always had a crush on me. 69 00:03:22,934 --> 00:03:25,367 Used to follow me around like a puppy dog, 70 00:03:25,400 --> 00:03:28,200 but never really had it in the looks department. 71 00:03:28,234 --> 00:03:30,767 Hi, Paul. 72 00:03:30,801 --> 00:03:33,767 Hey ya, rhea. 73 00:03:33,801 --> 00:03:36,334 Wow, you look great. 74 00:03:36,367 --> 00:03:38,367 Here we go. 75 00:03:38,400 --> 00:03:42,267 Do you have any idea who that is? 76 00:03:42,300 --> 00:03:44,601 Yeah, it's Joey durham's little sister. 77 00:03:44,634 --> 00:03:47,601 That's rhea durham... a Victoria's secret cover girl. 78 00:03:47,634 --> 00:03:50,901 She's a smoking-hot supermodel! 79 00:03:52,067 --> 00:03:53,968 I don't see it. 80 00:03:54,000 --> 00:03:55,701 Come on, rhea. 81 00:03:55,734 --> 00:03:57,934 I'll let you tag along with me to the canteen. 82 00:03:57,968 --> 00:04:00,434 But if any of my buddies are there, 83 00:04:00,467 --> 00:04:03,234 you pretend you don't know me. 84 00:04:06,167 --> 00:04:08,200 Mom? Honey! 85 00:04:08,234 --> 00:04:12,133 Oh, this is a surprise. What are you doing in town? 86 00:04:12,167 --> 00:04:14,300 Your cousin Marsha's wedding is tonight. 87 00:04:14,334 --> 00:04:16,501 Marsha's getting married? Why didn't you tell me? 88 00:04:16,534 --> 00:04:18,534 I thought it would be awkward 89 00:04:18,567 --> 00:04:21,534 since you're the last single girl in the family. 90 00:04:21,567 --> 00:04:23,601 I am not the last single girl. 91 00:04:23,634 --> 00:04:25,901 What about cousin Judy with the gland problem? 92 00:04:25,934 --> 00:04:28,501 She found someone... a doctor. 93 00:04:30,133 --> 00:04:32,701 I wanted to spare you the embarrassment, 94 00:04:32,734 --> 00:04:35,300 so I told everybody that you're in rehab. 95 00:04:35,334 --> 00:04:38,267 How could you tell people that? 96 00:04:38,300 --> 00:04:40,133 I feel so humiliated. 97 00:04:40,167 --> 00:04:41,300 What about me? 98 00:04:41,334 --> 00:04:42,567 Do you think it was easy 99 00:04:42,601 --> 00:04:45,334 pretending to put my little girl in rehab? 100 00:04:45,367 --> 00:04:48,367 I'm sorry. 101 00:04:48,400 --> 00:04:50,767 So where's this new boyfriend of yours? 102 00:04:50,801 --> 00:04:52,033 New boyfriend? 103 00:04:52,067 --> 00:04:54,100 Oh, look, mom, there's something I got to tell you. 104 00:04:54,133 --> 00:04:56,100 Not another breakup. 105 00:04:56,133 --> 00:04:58,100 Why can't you hang onto a man? 106 00:04:58,133 --> 00:05:00,534 This is just what happened with you and John Davis. 107 00:05:00,567 --> 00:05:02,634 He had such a bright future, 108 00:05:02,667 --> 00:05:05,300 but, no, you didn't know how to make him happy. 109 00:05:05,334 --> 00:05:08,868 We were 11. 110 00:05:08,901 --> 00:05:10,734 Why do you always assume the worst? 111 00:05:10,767 --> 00:05:12,467 I'll have you know, I didn't get dumped. 112 00:05:12,501 --> 00:05:14,667 Well, when do I get to meet him? 113 00:05:14,701 --> 00:05:16,400 Right now. 114 00:05:16,434 --> 00:05:18,467 Mom, this is my boyfriend. 115 00:05:18,501 --> 00:05:20,767 Whoa, whoa. Wait a second. 116 00:05:25,067 --> 00:05:26,901 Mo-o-o-m! 117 00:05:26,934 --> 00:05:28,567 Oh. 118 00:05:33,901 --> 00:05:36,667 How was last night's meeting with the teamsters? 119 00:05:36,701 --> 00:05:39,300 Oh, I didn't get home till 6:30 in the morning. 120 00:05:39,334 --> 00:05:41,367 All night it was, "you can't leave, buddy. 121 00:05:41,400 --> 00:05:43,200 Pay for another round." 122 00:05:43,234 --> 00:05:45,200 "Don't go, big guy. Dinner's on you." 123 00:05:45,234 --> 00:05:48,701 "Stick around, chief. Give me $100." 124 00:05:48,734 --> 00:05:50,501 Those guys love me. 125 00:05:50,534 --> 00:05:52,300 Sir, bad news. 126 00:05:52,334 --> 00:05:55,000 The teachers' union is on the verge of endorsing Wheeler. 127 00:05:55,033 --> 00:05:57,367 If we lose them, we're in trouble. 128 00:05:57,400 --> 00:06:00,067 Our only shot is for you to meet with their representative 129 00:06:00,100 --> 00:06:02,367 this afternoon and get her to change her mind. 130 00:06:02,400 --> 00:06:04,234 I'm on a roll. Let's do it. 131 00:06:06,534 --> 00:06:09,901 Sir, you're operating on two hours of sleep. 132 00:06:09,934 --> 00:06:13,667 That's, like, 15 hours less than you're used to. 133 00:06:13,701 --> 00:06:16,267 Charlie, I do some of my best work without rest. 134 00:06:16,300 --> 00:06:19,868 One time in college, I aced my calculus final 135 00:06:19,901 --> 00:06:21,667 on one hour's sleep. 136 00:06:21,701 --> 00:06:25,434 You told me you bought the answers from Bobby Goldstein. 137 00:06:25,467 --> 00:06:28,501 On one hour's sleep. 138 00:06:30,000 --> 00:06:33,267 And then this wave came and ripped my bikini top off. 139 00:06:33,300 --> 00:06:35,901 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Great story. 140 00:06:35,934 --> 00:06:37,534 Listen... 141 00:06:37,567 --> 00:06:40,267 I'm really busy, rhea. I better get back to work. 142 00:06:40,300 --> 00:06:42,667 Hey, would you autograph this picture 143 00:06:42,701 --> 00:06:44,801 of me modeling the miracle bra? 144 00:06:44,834 --> 00:06:47,868 Fine. 145 00:06:51,200 --> 00:06:53,300 Oh, my God. 146 00:06:53,334 --> 00:06:56,234 Oh, my God, I just realized something. You did? 147 00:06:56,267 --> 00:06:58,501 Yeah, my "p's" look like "r's." 148 00:06:59,868 --> 00:07:03,133 No wonder everyone at the bank keeps calling me Raul. 149 00:07:04,667 --> 00:07:06,667 After working together for a while, 150 00:07:06,701 --> 00:07:09,033 Charlie and I realized we were more than friends. 151 00:07:09,067 --> 00:07:10,801 I am just crazy about him. 152 00:07:10,834 --> 00:07:12,834 Hey, guys, this is my friend rhea. 153 00:07:12,868 --> 00:07:14,968 Charlie, she got us the Victoria's secret tickets. 154 00:07:15,000 --> 00:07:16,701 It's going to be so much fun. 155 00:07:16,734 --> 00:07:19,501 I'll bring you backstage and introduce you to all the models. 156 00:07:19,534 --> 00:07:22,334 Well, that sounds... ugh! 157 00:07:22,367 --> 00:07:24,434 [VOICE STRAINED] I can't. 158 00:07:24,467 --> 00:07:27,801 Why not? I don't like models. 159 00:07:29,100 --> 00:07:31,634 I like Caitlin. 160 00:07:31,667 --> 00:07:34,567 Besides, Charlie's got a family wedding to go to tonight. 161 00:07:36,067 --> 00:07:38,234 Did I forget to mention that, honey? 162 00:07:38,267 --> 00:07:40,601 Yes, you did, muffinhead. 163 00:07:42,334 --> 00:07:44,334 Would you excuse us for a moment? 164 00:07:46,067 --> 00:07:47,667 Family wedding? 165 00:07:47,701 --> 00:07:49,667 I can't go to a family wedding tonight. 166 00:07:49,701 --> 00:07:51,133 Why not? 167 00:07:51,167 --> 00:07:54,200 Because the models need me. 168 00:07:54,234 --> 00:07:57,000 Fine. Then you go tell my mother. 169 00:07:57,033 --> 00:07:59,567 I will. I'm not afraid of her. 170 00:08:03,667 --> 00:08:05,000 [DOOR OPENS] 171 00:08:08,701 --> 00:08:11,634 I have to go rent a tux. 172 00:08:12,901 --> 00:08:15,100 Pictures are at 6:00. 173 00:08:24,767 --> 00:08:28,367 I am so lucky to be with you. 174 00:08:28,400 --> 00:08:31,734 You look really sexy in that tux. 175 00:08:31,767 --> 00:08:33,968 I thought you might feel that way, so... 176 00:08:34,000 --> 00:08:35,601 [CLEARS THROAT] 177 00:08:35,634 --> 00:08:37,701 ...I got us a room upstairs. 178 00:08:37,734 --> 00:08:41,501 Charlie, I'm just pretending for my relatives. 179 00:08:41,534 --> 00:08:43,334 Me too. 180 00:08:43,367 --> 00:08:47,367 This is a pretend key to a $400 nonrefundable suite. 181 00:08:47,400 --> 00:08:49,400 Charlie, just stay focused. 182 00:08:49,434 --> 00:08:52,667 Sorry. I'm not used to being with a woman who's faking it. 183 00:08:52,701 --> 00:08:55,100 Keep telling yourself that. 184 00:08:55,133 --> 00:08:56,968 I need a drink. 185 00:08:57,000 --> 00:09:00,100 There's a lot at stake here. I don't want you drinking. 186 00:09:00,133 --> 00:09:02,334 Give me that. Give me the drink. 187 00:09:02,367 --> 00:09:03,767 Give me the scotch! 188 00:09:03,801 --> 00:09:07,567 [GASPS] Just put it down, dear. 189 00:09:07,601 --> 00:09:11,534 You're tearing this family apart. 190 00:09:11,567 --> 00:09:14,234 Look, I don't want to be here any more than you do, 191 00:09:14,267 --> 00:09:16,968 so let's try and get through the night without any incidents, 192 00:09:17,000 --> 00:09:18,901 and my mother will be off my back. 193 00:09:18,934 --> 00:09:20,501 Hey, Caitlin. 194 00:09:20,534 --> 00:09:22,300 Who's this guy? 195 00:09:22,334 --> 00:09:24,734 Stevie, this is Charlie, my new boyfriend. 196 00:09:24,767 --> 00:09:26,767 Charlie, this is my cousin Stevie. 197 00:09:26,801 --> 00:09:28,801 Can I talk to you for a second? 198 00:09:31,968 --> 00:09:33,634 Here's the deal, porkchop. 199 00:09:33,667 --> 00:09:35,467 Caitlin's my favorite cousin. 200 00:09:35,501 --> 00:09:38,934 If you hurt her in any way, I will hit you so hard 201 00:09:38,968 --> 00:09:41,834 it'll knock the product out of your hair. 202 00:09:43,334 --> 00:09:45,467 You know where I'm coming from? 203 00:09:45,501 --> 00:09:48,834 I'm guessing a small room above your parents' garage? 204 00:09:48,868 --> 00:09:50,501 [LAUGHS] 205 00:09:56,367 --> 00:09:57,934 [CLEARS THROAT] 206 00:09:57,968 --> 00:09:59,901 Sweet kid. 207 00:09:59,934 --> 00:10:03,234 Charlie, my mother's all alone. Go ask her to dance. 208 00:10:03,267 --> 00:10:05,334 You know I hate dancing. 209 00:10:05,367 --> 00:10:07,133 Oh, come on. Just one. 210 00:10:07,167 --> 00:10:09,901 Yeah, I guess I can handle this. 211 00:10:11,367 --> 00:10:13,267 May I have this dance? 212 00:10:13,300 --> 00:10:14,367 Of course. 213 00:10:16,300 --> 00:10:18,367 MAN: Okay, party animals, let's boogie! 214 00:10:18,400 --> 00:10:19,934 [CONGA PLAYS] 215 00:10:50,801 --> 00:10:52,901 You know, I thought being here 216 00:10:52,934 --> 00:10:55,701 would make me feel nervous and overwhelmed, 217 00:10:55,734 --> 00:10:58,567 but I'm strangely at peace. 218 00:10:58,601 --> 00:11:02,801 I am now certain that there is a benevolent higher being. 219 00:11:02,834 --> 00:11:05,934 I no longer fear death. 220 00:11:05,968 --> 00:11:09,167 I felt the same way when I saw the dalai lama. 221 00:11:09,200 --> 00:11:11,667 Grow up. 222 00:11:11,701 --> 00:11:12,901 Hey, Paul. 223 00:11:12,934 --> 00:11:14,601 Hey ya, rhea. 224 00:11:14,634 --> 00:11:17,467 Oh, God, it's time to get this over with. 225 00:11:17,501 --> 00:11:19,434 If you break up with her now, 226 00:11:19,467 --> 00:11:21,901 there's gonna be a lot of screaming and crying, 227 00:11:21,934 --> 00:11:24,567 and I don't want the models to see me like that. 228 00:11:24,601 --> 00:11:26,734 Paul, I'm so glad you came. 229 00:11:26,767 --> 00:11:29,868 After the show, you have to come with me to the Plaza. 230 00:11:29,901 --> 00:11:32,400 The models are having a hot-tub party. 231 00:11:32,434 --> 00:11:36,667 Sorry. Don't have my swimsuit. 232 00:11:36,701 --> 00:11:39,467 Look, rhea, we have to talk. 233 00:11:39,501 --> 00:11:44,234 This thing between you and me, it's never gonna happen. 234 00:11:44,267 --> 00:11:45,501 Why not? 235 00:11:45,534 --> 00:11:48,501 There's no razzmatazz, no zip-a-Dee-doo-dah, 236 00:11:48,534 --> 00:11:50,367 no bing, bang, boom. 237 00:11:50,400 --> 00:11:52,400 You're saying there's no chemistry? 238 00:11:52,434 --> 00:11:54,400 You lost me. 239 00:11:54,434 --> 00:11:55,734 Look... 240 00:11:55,767 --> 00:11:59,033 I like you as a friend, but that's it. 241 00:11:59,067 --> 00:12:01,868 It's never gonna go any further. 242 00:12:03,300 --> 00:12:05,234 I'm sorry. 243 00:12:05,267 --> 00:12:08,033 [STUART CRYING] 244 00:12:08,067 --> 00:12:09,801 Poor kid. 245 00:12:09,834 --> 00:12:12,200 [CRYING] 246 00:12:17,234 --> 00:12:21,767 Sir? This is Elsa kirkpatrick, head of the teachers' union. 247 00:12:21,801 --> 00:12:23,767 Miss kirkpatrick, mayor Winston. 248 00:12:23,801 --> 00:12:25,701 Pleased to meet you. 249 00:12:27,000 --> 00:12:28,234 Sir, are you okay? 250 00:12:28,267 --> 00:12:29,801 I'm fine. Why? 251 00:12:29,834 --> 00:12:31,601 You just shook Stuart's hand. 252 00:12:31,634 --> 00:12:34,167 I thought that gal had a manly grip. 253 00:12:34,200 --> 00:12:36,400 Sir, this is a key endorsement, 254 00:12:36,434 --> 00:12:38,901 and you need to be at the top of your game. 255 00:12:38,934 --> 00:12:41,434 Maybe we should reschedule this for after you've had a nap. 256 00:12:41,467 --> 00:12:43,934 Nonsense. So, where shall we begin? 257 00:12:43,968 --> 00:12:45,767 Mr. mayor, if you want our endorsement, 258 00:12:45,801 --> 00:12:48,133 you're gonna have to listen to my union's list of demands. 259 00:12:48,167 --> 00:12:50,133 Sounds riveting. 260 00:12:50,167 --> 00:12:52,868 [THINKING] If I stay awake, it will be a miracle. 261 00:12:52,901 --> 00:12:55,467 What we need are new textbooks, smaller classroom sizes... 262 00:12:55,501 --> 00:12:57,000 Pay attention. 263 00:12:57,033 --> 00:12:58,901 ...better-educated teachers, and better pay. 264 00:12:58,934 --> 00:13:00,968 Maybe she's saying something interesting. 265 00:13:01,000 --> 00:13:02,434 Because the core curriculum... 266 00:13:02,467 --> 00:13:03,901 Oh, jeez. 267 00:13:03,934 --> 00:13:05,934 ...better-educated teachers, and better pay... 268 00:13:05,968 --> 00:13:07,934 I just need a 3-second power nap. 269 00:13:07,968 --> 00:13:09,901 ...the better their test scores... 270 00:13:09,934 --> 00:13:12,033 I'm gonna put my hand over my eyes 271 00:13:12,067 --> 00:13:14,000 and pretend I'm concentrating. 272 00:13:14,033 --> 00:13:16,634 Statistics show that the more students read... 273 00:13:26,501 --> 00:13:28,400 ...the better their test scores 274 00:13:28,434 --> 00:13:31,434 and the greater their chance of going on to a higher education. 275 00:13:34,868 --> 00:13:37,334 He certainly seems to like what you're saying. 276 00:13:41,200 --> 00:13:44,734 Okay, your Uncle Fred just pulled me into a conga line. 277 00:13:44,767 --> 00:13:48,234 He's a sweet man. I don't know why he never settled down with a woman. 278 00:13:48,267 --> 00:13:51,067 I do. 279 00:13:51,100 --> 00:13:53,234 MAN: Hey, we got time for one more song. 280 00:13:53,267 --> 00:13:55,400 How 'bout we get Caitlin's new boyfriend out here 281 00:13:55,434 --> 00:13:58,334 to lead us in the chicken dance?! 282 00:13:58,367 --> 00:14:01,067 That's it. I'm out of here. 283 00:14:01,100 --> 00:14:02,968 Charlie, the wedding's almost over. 284 00:14:03,000 --> 00:14:05,434 Let me leave with one shred of dignity. 285 00:14:05,467 --> 00:14:07,467 Don't make me chicken dance! 286 00:14:07,501 --> 00:14:09,300 Did you just raise your voice to her? 287 00:14:09,334 --> 00:14:11,634 Because maybe if you need more volume, 288 00:14:11,667 --> 00:14:13,834 you should speak into the microphone. 289 00:14:13,868 --> 00:14:15,434 I don't want to fight. 290 00:14:15,467 --> 00:14:17,968 I don't blame you. You know why? 291 00:14:18,000 --> 00:14:19,834 I'm crazy. 292 00:14:19,868 --> 00:14:22,534 Really? You hide it well. 293 00:14:25,801 --> 00:14:28,033 This is getting ridiculous. Tell your mother the truth. 294 00:14:28,067 --> 00:14:30,667 It's working perfectly. We're almost in the clear. 295 00:14:30,701 --> 00:14:32,534 Unless you're open and honest with her, 296 00:14:32,567 --> 00:14:34,534 you'll never have a decent relationship. 297 00:14:34,567 --> 00:14:36,868 Please. The last time you talked to your parents, 298 00:14:36,901 --> 00:14:38,601 you were in a holding cell. 299 00:14:38,634 --> 00:14:40,467 I had one call. 300 00:14:40,501 --> 00:14:42,067 I chose them. 301 00:14:42,100 --> 00:14:43,634 That's love. 302 00:14:44,868 --> 00:14:46,567 There's my boy. 303 00:14:46,601 --> 00:14:50,133 Charlie, be a lamb and get me a diet coke the way I like it. 304 00:14:50,167 --> 00:14:52,267 With vodka and no diet coke? 305 00:14:52,300 --> 00:14:54,767 [LAUGHS] Yes. 306 00:14:56,467 --> 00:14:59,234 Caitlin, it makes me so happy to see you with Charlie. 307 00:14:59,267 --> 00:15:01,868 Now I can go home and not worry about you. 308 00:15:01,901 --> 00:15:04,300 Mom, you never had to worry about me. 309 00:15:04,334 --> 00:15:06,634 You had nothing. You were alone. 310 00:15:06,667 --> 00:15:09,300 And let's face it... not getting any younger. 311 00:15:09,334 --> 00:15:12,067 But now you have Charlie. 312 00:15:12,100 --> 00:15:13,968 Mom, wait. 313 00:15:14,000 --> 00:15:16,467 There's something I have to tell you about Charlie. 314 00:15:16,501 --> 00:15:19,400 Don't tell me you're blowing it with him, too. 315 00:15:19,434 --> 00:15:21,801 Why can't you get your life together? 316 00:15:21,834 --> 00:15:23,300 That's it. 317 00:15:23,334 --> 00:15:25,200 I am sick of you putting me down! 318 00:15:25,234 --> 00:15:28,801 I like my life, and I am not gonna lie about it anymore! 319 00:15:28,834 --> 00:15:31,968 I was never dating Charlie. I'm single. 320 00:15:32,000 --> 00:15:34,467 You hear that everyone? Single! 321 00:15:34,501 --> 00:15:36,901 I haven't had sex in 8 months. 322 00:15:36,934 --> 00:15:38,634 Motorcycle injury. 323 00:15:38,667 --> 00:15:40,300 [CLEARS THROAT] 324 00:15:40,334 --> 00:15:43,467 Should be good to go by Christmas. 325 00:15:43,501 --> 00:15:45,667 This is not the time or the place. 326 00:15:45,701 --> 00:15:47,000 I don't care. 327 00:15:47,033 --> 00:15:49,601 It's time for this family to stop lying about everything. 328 00:15:49,634 --> 00:15:52,934 Mom, you told everyone dad was sick, but admit it... 329 00:15:52,968 --> 00:15:56,634 he's in Vegas blowing the rest of grandpa's money. 330 00:15:56,667 --> 00:15:59,000 And cousin Marsha, you're a beautiful bride, 331 00:15:59,033 --> 00:16:01,000 but we all know you're pregnant. 332 00:16:03,834 --> 00:16:08,567 And Uncle Fred... you're not fooling anyone with Jeffrey, your live-in chef. 333 00:16:11,300 --> 00:16:13,701 Here's your diet coke. 334 00:16:13,734 --> 00:16:16,701 That... Is vodka. 335 00:16:23,367 --> 00:16:25,634 I have never been so insulted in my entire life. 336 00:16:25,667 --> 00:16:27,234 This man is fast asleep. 337 00:16:27,267 --> 00:16:30,701 No, he's not. He's deep in thought. 338 00:16:30,734 --> 00:16:33,534 Uh, he's deciding how big a raise to give your union. 339 00:16:33,567 --> 00:16:35,968 [SNORES] 340 00:16:36,000 --> 00:16:40,067 You heard him...3%. 341 00:16:40,100 --> 00:16:42,567 This is ridiculous, and I'm leaving. 342 00:16:42,601 --> 00:16:44,501 Ohh. There goes the election. 343 00:16:44,534 --> 00:16:46,501 Well, good day, gentlemen. 344 00:16:46,534 --> 00:16:48,901 Looks like we'll be giving our support to Wheeler. 345 00:16:48,934 --> 00:16:50,601 Wait. 346 00:16:50,634 --> 00:16:53,100 Miss kirkpatrick, I have something to say. 347 00:16:54,267 --> 00:16:57,033 When my great-grandfather came to New York, 348 00:16:57,067 --> 00:16:59,901 he was an immigrant with two simple dreams... 349 00:16:59,934 --> 00:17:03,167 to educate his children and to live on fifth Avenue. 350 00:17:04,634 --> 00:17:07,567 As it turns out, he bought on park, but... 351 00:17:07,601 --> 00:17:09,901 His other dream came true, 352 00:17:09,934 --> 00:17:12,667 because the quality of the public schools in this city 353 00:17:12,701 --> 00:17:14,367 was the best in the world. 354 00:17:14,400 --> 00:17:16,033 And it can be again. 355 00:17:16,067 --> 00:17:19,067 Well, that's a nice story, but what are you proposing to do? 356 00:17:19,100 --> 00:17:21,367 I know the average class size is 34 students. 357 00:17:21,400 --> 00:17:23,133 We're gonna lower it to 25. 358 00:17:23,167 --> 00:17:26,834 And I know that you've had the same textbooks since 1986. 359 00:17:26,868 --> 00:17:29,167 We're gonna get you some new ones. 360 00:17:29,200 --> 00:17:32,701 And I know that the meatloaf that they serve on Tuesdays 361 00:17:32,734 --> 00:17:36,133 can be a little dry. 362 00:17:36,167 --> 00:17:39,133 We're gonna get you gravy. 363 00:17:39,167 --> 00:17:41,701 I am impressed. 364 00:17:41,734 --> 00:17:45,033 Not with the gravy, but with all the other proposals. 365 00:17:45,067 --> 00:17:47,701 Mayor Winston, you have our endorsement. 366 00:17:47,734 --> 00:17:50,033 I look forward to working with you. 367 00:17:51,634 --> 00:17:53,534 Sir! Sir, that was amazing. 368 00:17:53,567 --> 00:17:56,300 Yeah, you really had us worried for a second. 369 00:17:56,334 --> 00:17:59,801 Well, guys, this old pro is still on top of his game. 370 00:17:59,834 --> 00:18:03,434 Just wait till you see me with the teachers' union. 371 00:18:08,033 --> 00:18:11,601 Charlie... 372 00:18:11,634 --> 00:18:13,567 I'm sorry I put you through this. 373 00:18:13,601 --> 00:18:15,968 Is there any way I can make it up to you? 374 00:18:23,767 --> 00:18:25,934 Your hotel room. 375 00:18:25,968 --> 00:18:30,167 Does it have a nice, big shower? 376 00:18:30,200 --> 00:18:32,167 Yes, it does. 377 00:18:32,200 --> 00:18:34,033 Great. 378 00:18:34,067 --> 00:18:36,467 Then go take a cold one. 379 00:18:37,868 --> 00:18:39,267 [KNOCK ON DOOR] 380 00:18:44,534 --> 00:18:48,133 No one leaves this room until I get an explanation. [DOOR OPENS] 381 00:18:48,167 --> 00:18:50,200 Charlie, can you come out here for a second? 382 00:18:51,667 --> 00:18:53,801 Well, I'd love to stay and help solve this, 383 00:18:53,834 --> 00:18:56,133 but this sounds like official city business. 384 00:18:56,167 --> 00:18:58,067 Mr. bondek, what's the problem? 385 00:18:58,100 --> 00:19:01,000 We're checking out underwear models on the Internet. 386 00:19:02,901 --> 00:19:05,267 I better look into that. 387 00:19:09,033 --> 00:19:11,334 Did you have to air out dirty laundry 388 00:19:11,367 --> 00:19:13,200 in front of the entire family? 389 00:19:13,234 --> 00:19:15,100 Face it, mom. 390 00:19:15,133 --> 00:19:17,834 We had a lot of skeletons in the closet... And one Uncle. 391 00:19:17,868 --> 00:19:19,834 Well, you humiliated me. 392 00:19:19,868 --> 00:19:22,400 Look, I'm sorry I did it at Marsha's wedding, 393 00:19:22,434 --> 00:19:24,434 but I'm not sorry about what I said. 394 00:19:24,467 --> 00:19:26,534 I want you to accept me for who I am. 395 00:19:26,567 --> 00:19:27,968 I want the same from you. 396 00:19:28,000 --> 00:19:29,200 What are you talking about? 397 00:19:29,234 --> 00:19:31,067 Oh, come on, Caitlin. 398 00:19:31,100 --> 00:19:33,167 We both know that you don't approve of me. 399 00:19:33,200 --> 00:19:35,334 Everything you've done in your life 400 00:19:35,367 --> 00:19:37,300 has been to reject who I am. 401 00:19:37,334 --> 00:19:39,534 That's not true. 402 00:19:39,567 --> 00:19:41,300 Oh, please. 403 00:19:41,334 --> 00:19:44,734 I married young, I didn't have a career, 404 00:19:44,767 --> 00:19:47,033 I never lived on my own. 405 00:19:47,067 --> 00:19:50,767 I know you don't respect the way I've lived my life. 406 00:19:50,801 --> 00:19:52,701 Mom, I think your life is great, 407 00:19:52,734 --> 00:19:54,701 and I'm doing the best I can with mine. 408 00:19:54,734 --> 00:19:56,934 But if we're gonna have any kind of relationship, 409 00:19:56,968 --> 00:19:59,300 we both have to accept that we're different people. 410 00:19:59,334 --> 00:20:00,601 And that's okay. 411 00:20:00,634 --> 00:20:04,567 You know, I'm not very good at expressing myself, 412 00:20:04,601 --> 00:20:07,267 but after you left the wedding, 413 00:20:07,300 --> 00:20:10,167 I wrote down how I feel about you. 414 00:20:14,267 --> 00:20:16,801 "Successful, intelligent, 415 00:20:16,834 --> 00:20:19,901 "independent, beautiful woman 416 00:20:19,934 --> 00:20:24,400 who loves traveling, homemade pasta, and yoga." 417 00:20:24,434 --> 00:20:27,334 Mom, this sounds like a personal ad. 418 00:20:27,367 --> 00:20:30,467 I hope so. It's running in the post tomorrow. 419 00:20:30,501 --> 00:20:34,534 You know, it's too bad you and Charlie aren't dating. 420 00:20:34,567 --> 00:20:36,868 You know, I have excellent instincts, 421 00:20:36,901 --> 00:20:39,634 and... He's a real keeper. 422 00:20:41,067 --> 00:20:42,868 Stuart, move your head. 423 00:20:42,901 --> 00:20:44,567 [LAUGHING] 424 00:20:47,133 --> 00:20:49,767 I can't see the boobs! 425 00:20:49,801 --> 00:20:51,367 [LAUGHING] 426 00:20:51,400 --> 00:20:52,634 Let's go this way. 427 00:20:58,968 --> 00:21:01,501 Hey, Paul, we're watching the Victoria's secret fashion show. 428 00:21:01,534 --> 00:21:03,968 Whoa, who's the girl in the sexy Teddy? 429 00:21:04,000 --> 00:21:06,801 Paul, that's rhea. That's the girl you rejected. 430 00:21:06,834 --> 00:21:08,501 You're kidding? 431 00:21:08,534 --> 00:21:10,334 I turned down a supermodel? 432 00:21:10,367 --> 00:21:12,667 Oh, my gosh, how many guys can say that? 433 00:21:12,701 --> 00:21:16,400 Yeah! I win! I am the winner! 434 00:21:16,434 --> 00:21:17,567 Yeah! 435 00:21:17,601 --> 00:21:19,167 Wait for it. 436 00:21:19,200 --> 00:21:21,801 Oh-h-h, God! 437 00:21:23,934 --> 00:21:25,133 Sit, ubu, sit. Good dog. 438 00:21:25,167 --> 00:21:26,367 (BARKING) 439 00:21:26,400 --> 00:21:28,868 Moo.32185

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