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1
00:00:01,734 --> 00:00:03,634
Are you reading
the personals again?
2
00:00:03,667 --> 00:00:07,033
Listen to this one...
"rubenesque, vivacious siren
3
00:00:07,067 --> 00:00:10,467
seeks gallant
emissary of passion."
4
00:00:10,501 --> 00:00:13,734
Hmm, fat chick
bought a thesaurus.
5
00:00:13,767 --> 00:00:15,534
Oh, my God.
6
00:00:15,567 --> 00:00:18,200
She sounds so lame.
7
00:00:18,234 --> 00:00:21,400
[COUGHING]
8
00:00:21,434 --> 00:00:23,267
You have a girlfriend,
Stuart.
9
00:00:23,300 --> 00:00:25,267
Why are you reading
the personals?
10
00:00:25,300 --> 00:00:27,400
Sometimes I just like
to call the woman
11
00:00:27,434 --> 00:00:29,167
with the most pathetic ad
12
00:00:29,200 --> 00:00:31,033
just to give her a ray of hope.
13
00:00:31,067 --> 00:00:34,367
And they gave Gandhi
the nobel prize.
14
00:00:34,400 --> 00:00:37,367
Here we go.
"Gorgeous natural blonde,
15
00:00:37,400 --> 00:00:39,434
sexy and very single.
16
00:00:39,467 --> 00:00:41,767
If you're a man,
please call."
17
00:00:43,400 --> 00:00:45,434
I think we have a winner.
18
00:00:45,467 --> 00:00:47,367
Stuart, this is totally
immature.
19
00:00:47,400 --> 00:00:50,234
Put it on speakerphone.
20
00:00:50,267 --> 00:00:53,200
I can't believe there are women
who are that desperate.
21
00:00:53,234 --> 00:00:55,734
[CELLULAR PHONE RINGS]
22
00:00:55,767 --> 00:00:57,701
Hello.
23
00:00:57,734 --> 00:01:00,901
Caitlin?
24
00:01:03,300 --> 00:01:05,767
Stuart?
25
00:01:05,801 --> 00:01:07,267
Caitlin...
26
00:01:07,300 --> 00:01:10,734
Ooh. Um... Guys, this is
just a big mistake.
27
00:01:10,767 --> 00:01:12,267
Tell me about it.
28
00:01:12,300 --> 00:01:15,067
[CHUCKLING]
Natural blonde?
29
00:01:42,501 --> 00:01:44,634
Your mother placed a
personal ad for you?
30
00:01:44,667 --> 00:01:46,567
She does this
every few months
31
00:01:46,601 --> 00:01:48,601
because she's dying for
me to find a husband.
32
00:01:48,634 --> 00:01:50,767
But I just end up getting
calls from creepy guys.
33
00:01:50,801 --> 00:01:53,501
Why don't you just tell your
mother to butt out of your life?
34
00:01:53,534 --> 00:01:55,601
Every time I do,
I end up feeling guilty.
35
00:01:55,634 --> 00:01:58,133
She's never gonna
get off my back
36
00:01:58,167 --> 00:02:00,033
until I end up
in a relationship.
37
00:02:00,067 --> 00:02:02,534
You know what?
I will just invent a lover.
38
00:02:02,567 --> 00:02:05,067
I have some experience
with that.
39
00:02:05,100 --> 00:02:08,467
She said invent,
not inflate.
40
00:02:08,501 --> 00:02:11,000
Never mind.
41
00:02:11,033 --> 00:02:13,901
Thanks, mark.
I appreciate your endorsement.
42
00:02:13,934 --> 00:02:16,234
Say hi to britt
and the kids.
43
00:02:16,267 --> 00:02:17,868
It's great seeing you.
44
00:02:17,901 --> 00:02:20,067
God, I can't stand
that guy.
45
00:02:20,100 --> 00:02:22,067
But I'm
gonna win this election
46
00:02:22,100 --> 00:02:25,234
because I am
an endorsement machine.
47
00:02:25,267 --> 00:02:27,934
Sir, your next meeting is
with the council of rabbis,
48
00:02:27,968 --> 00:02:30,434
and after that, with
the city liquor commission.
49
00:02:30,467 --> 00:02:32,334
Gotcha.
Jews, then booze.
50
00:02:32,367 --> 00:02:35,300
Stuart, my friend got me tickets
to the hottest show in town.
51
00:02:35,334 --> 00:02:37,067
You want to go with me?
52
00:02:37,100 --> 00:02:39,234
No way.
The last time you said that,
53
00:02:39,267 --> 00:02:41,701
I wound up being pressed between
a bunch of sweaty men
54
00:02:41,734 --> 00:02:43,701
listening to
a wham! Cover band.
55
00:02:43,734 --> 00:02:47,834
Do you not have
my number?!
56
00:02:47,868 --> 00:02:49,367
Suit yourself, Stuart.
57
00:02:49,400 --> 00:02:52,667
I was gonna take you to the
Victoria's secret fashion show.
58
00:02:52,701 --> 00:02:55,801
Charlie, you want to go with me
to the Victoria's secret...
59
00:02:55,834 --> 00:02:57,567
yes.
60
00:03:02,934 --> 00:03:05,534
You got to take me
to the fashion show.
61
00:03:05,567 --> 00:03:07,300
Why is it so important?
62
00:03:07,334 --> 00:03:09,100
I have five goals in life.
63
00:03:09,133 --> 00:03:11,334
Four of them
can happen there.
64
00:03:11,367 --> 00:03:14,234
I'm sorry, Stuart.
I already asked Charlie.
65
00:03:14,267 --> 00:03:16,601
Oh. How'd you score
tickets anyway?
66
00:03:16,634 --> 00:03:19,267
Oh, this friend of mine's kid
sister has connections.
67
00:03:19,300 --> 00:03:20,734
In fact, she's on
her way up now.
68
00:03:20,767 --> 00:03:22,901
She's always had
a crush on me.
69
00:03:22,934 --> 00:03:25,367
Used to follow me around
like a puppy dog,
70
00:03:25,400 --> 00:03:28,200
but never really had it
in the looks department.
71
00:03:28,234 --> 00:03:30,767
Hi, Paul.
72
00:03:30,801 --> 00:03:33,767
Hey ya, rhea.
73
00:03:33,801 --> 00:03:36,334
Wow, you look great.
74
00:03:36,367 --> 00:03:38,367
Here we go.
75
00:03:38,400 --> 00:03:42,267
Do you have any idea
who that is?
76
00:03:42,300 --> 00:03:44,601
Yeah, it's Joey durham's
little sister.
77
00:03:44,634 --> 00:03:47,601
That's rhea durham... a
Victoria's secret cover girl.
78
00:03:47,634 --> 00:03:50,901
She's a smoking-hot
supermodel!
79
00:03:52,067 --> 00:03:53,968
I don't see it.
80
00:03:54,000 --> 00:03:55,701
Come on, rhea.
81
00:03:55,734 --> 00:03:57,934
I'll let you tag along
with me to the canteen.
82
00:03:57,968 --> 00:04:00,434
But if any of my
buddies are there,
83
00:04:00,467 --> 00:04:03,234
you pretend you don't
know me.
84
00:04:06,167 --> 00:04:08,200
Mom?
Honey!
85
00:04:08,234 --> 00:04:12,133
Oh, this is a surprise.
What are you doing in town?
86
00:04:12,167 --> 00:04:14,300
Your cousin Marsha's
wedding is tonight.
87
00:04:14,334 --> 00:04:16,501
Marsha's getting married?
Why didn't you tell me?
88
00:04:16,534 --> 00:04:18,534
I thought it
would be awkward
89
00:04:18,567 --> 00:04:21,534
since you're the last single
girl in the family.
90
00:04:21,567 --> 00:04:23,601
I am not the
last single girl.
91
00:04:23,634 --> 00:04:25,901
What about cousin Judy
with the gland problem?
92
00:04:25,934 --> 00:04:28,501
She found someone...
a doctor.
93
00:04:30,133 --> 00:04:32,701
I wanted to spare you
the embarrassment,
94
00:04:32,734 --> 00:04:35,300
so I told everybody
that you're in rehab.
95
00:04:35,334 --> 00:04:38,267
How could you
tell people that?
96
00:04:38,300 --> 00:04:40,133
I feel so humiliated.
97
00:04:40,167 --> 00:04:41,300
What about me?
98
00:04:41,334 --> 00:04:42,567
Do you think it was easy
99
00:04:42,601 --> 00:04:45,334
pretending to put my
little girl in rehab?
100
00:04:45,367 --> 00:04:48,367
I'm sorry.
101
00:04:48,400 --> 00:04:50,767
So where's this new
boyfriend of yours?
102
00:04:50,801 --> 00:04:52,033
New boyfriend?
103
00:04:52,067 --> 00:04:54,100
Oh, look, mom, there's
something I got to tell you.
104
00:04:54,133 --> 00:04:56,100
Not another breakup.
105
00:04:56,133 --> 00:04:58,100
Why can't you hang
onto a man?
106
00:04:58,133 --> 00:05:00,534
This is just what happened
with you and John Davis.
107
00:05:00,567 --> 00:05:02,634
He had such a bright
future,
108
00:05:02,667 --> 00:05:05,300
but, no, you didn't know
how to make him happy.
109
00:05:05,334 --> 00:05:08,868
We were 11.
110
00:05:08,901 --> 00:05:10,734
Why do you always
assume the worst?
111
00:05:10,767 --> 00:05:12,467
I'll have you know,
I didn't get dumped.
112
00:05:12,501 --> 00:05:14,667
Well, when do I
get to meet him?
113
00:05:14,701 --> 00:05:16,400
Right now.
114
00:05:16,434 --> 00:05:18,467
Mom, this is my boyfriend.
115
00:05:18,501 --> 00:05:20,767
Whoa, whoa.
Wait a second.
116
00:05:25,067 --> 00:05:26,901
Mo-o-o-m!
117
00:05:26,934 --> 00:05:28,567
Oh.
118
00:05:33,901 --> 00:05:36,667
How was last night's meeting
with the teamsters?
119
00:05:36,701 --> 00:05:39,300
Oh, I didn't get home
till 6:30 in the morning.
120
00:05:39,334 --> 00:05:41,367
All night it was,
"you can't leave, buddy.
121
00:05:41,400 --> 00:05:43,200
Pay for another round."
122
00:05:43,234 --> 00:05:45,200
"Don't go, big guy.
Dinner's on you."
123
00:05:45,234 --> 00:05:48,701
"Stick around, chief.
Give me $100."
124
00:05:48,734 --> 00:05:50,501
Those guys love me.
125
00:05:50,534 --> 00:05:52,300
Sir, bad news.
126
00:05:52,334 --> 00:05:55,000
The teachers' union is on the
verge of endorsing Wheeler.
127
00:05:55,033 --> 00:05:57,367
If we lose them,
we're in trouble.
128
00:05:57,400 --> 00:06:00,067
Our only shot is for you to meet
with their representative
129
00:06:00,100 --> 00:06:02,367
this afternoon and get her to
change her mind.
130
00:06:02,400 --> 00:06:04,234
I'm on a roll.
Let's do it.
131
00:06:06,534 --> 00:06:09,901
Sir, you're operating
on two hours of sleep.
132
00:06:09,934 --> 00:06:13,667
That's, like, 15 hours less
than you're used to.
133
00:06:13,701 --> 00:06:16,267
Charlie, I do some of my best
work without rest.
134
00:06:16,300 --> 00:06:19,868
One time in college, I
aced my calculus final
135
00:06:19,901 --> 00:06:21,667
on one hour's sleep.
136
00:06:21,701 --> 00:06:25,434
You told me you bought the
answers from Bobby Goldstein.
137
00:06:25,467 --> 00:06:28,501
On one hour's sleep.
138
00:06:30,000 --> 00:06:33,267
And then this wave came and
ripped my bikini top off.
139
00:06:33,300 --> 00:06:35,901
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Great story.
140
00:06:35,934 --> 00:06:37,534
Listen...
141
00:06:37,567 --> 00:06:40,267
I'm really busy, rhea.
I better get back to work.
142
00:06:40,300 --> 00:06:42,667
Hey, would you
autograph this picture
143
00:06:42,701 --> 00:06:44,801
of me modeling
the miracle bra?
144
00:06:44,834 --> 00:06:47,868
Fine.
145
00:06:51,200 --> 00:06:53,300
Oh, my God.
146
00:06:53,334 --> 00:06:56,234
Oh, my God, I just realized something.
You did?
147
00:06:56,267 --> 00:06:58,501
Yeah, my "p's" look
like "r's."
148
00:06:59,868 --> 00:07:03,133
No wonder everyone at the bank
keeps calling me Raul.
149
00:07:04,667 --> 00:07:06,667
After working together
for a while,
150
00:07:06,701 --> 00:07:09,033
Charlie and I realized we were
more than friends.
151
00:07:09,067 --> 00:07:10,801
I am just crazy about him.
152
00:07:10,834 --> 00:07:12,834
Hey, guys, this is
my friend rhea.
153
00:07:12,868 --> 00:07:14,968
Charlie, she got us the
Victoria's secret tickets.
154
00:07:15,000 --> 00:07:16,701
It's going to be
so much fun.
155
00:07:16,734 --> 00:07:19,501
I'll bring you backstage and
introduce you to all the models.
156
00:07:19,534 --> 00:07:22,334
Well, that sounds... ugh!
157
00:07:22,367 --> 00:07:24,434
[VOICE STRAINED]
I can't.
158
00:07:24,467 --> 00:07:27,801
Why not?
I don't like models.
159
00:07:29,100 --> 00:07:31,634
I like Caitlin.
160
00:07:31,667 --> 00:07:34,567
Besides, Charlie's got a family
wedding to go to tonight.
161
00:07:36,067 --> 00:07:38,234
Did I forget to
mention that, honey?
162
00:07:38,267 --> 00:07:40,601
Yes, you did,
muffinhead.
163
00:07:42,334 --> 00:07:44,334
Would you excuse us
for a moment?
164
00:07:46,067 --> 00:07:47,667
Family wedding?
165
00:07:47,701 --> 00:07:49,667
I can't go to a family
wedding tonight.
166
00:07:49,701 --> 00:07:51,133
Why not?
167
00:07:51,167 --> 00:07:54,200
Because the models need me.
168
00:07:54,234 --> 00:07:57,000
Fine. Then you
go tell my mother.
169
00:07:57,033 --> 00:07:59,567
I will.
I'm not afraid of her.
170
00:08:03,667 --> 00:08:05,000
[DOOR OPENS]
171
00:08:08,701 --> 00:08:11,634
I have to go rent a tux.
172
00:08:12,901 --> 00:08:15,100
Pictures are at 6:00.
173
00:08:24,767 --> 00:08:28,367
I am so lucky
to be with you.
174
00:08:28,400 --> 00:08:31,734
You look really sexy
in that tux.
175
00:08:31,767 --> 00:08:33,968
I thought you might
feel that way, so...
176
00:08:34,000 --> 00:08:35,601
[CLEARS THROAT]
177
00:08:35,634 --> 00:08:37,701
...I got us
a room upstairs.
178
00:08:37,734 --> 00:08:41,501
Charlie, I'm just pretending
for my relatives.
179
00:08:41,534 --> 00:08:43,334
Me too.
180
00:08:43,367 --> 00:08:47,367
This is a pretend key to
a $400 nonrefundable suite.
181
00:08:47,400 --> 00:08:49,400
Charlie, just stay focused.
182
00:08:49,434 --> 00:08:52,667
Sorry. I'm not used to being
with a woman who's faking it.
183
00:08:52,701 --> 00:08:55,100
Keep telling yourself that.
184
00:08:55,133 --> 00:08:56,968
I need a drink.
185
00:08:57,000 --> 00:09:00,100
There's a lot at stake here.
I don't want you drinking.
186
00:09:00,133 --> 00:09:02,334
Give me that.
Give me the drink.
187
00:09:02,367 --> 00:09:03,767
Give me the scotch!
188
00:09:03,801 --> 00:09:07,567
[GASPS]
Just put it down, dear.
189
00:09:07,601 --> 00:09:11,534
You're tearing this
family apart.
190
00:09:11,567 --> 00:09:14,234
Look, I don't want to be here
any more than you do,
191
00:09:14,267 --> 00:09:16,968
so let's try and get through the
night without any incidents,
192
00:09:17,000 --> 00:09:18,901
and my mother will
be off my back.
193
00:09:18,934 --> 00:09:20,501
Hey, Caitlin.
194
00:09:20,534 --> 00:09:22,300
Who's this guy?
195
00:09:22,334 --> 00:09:24,734
Stevie, this is Charlie,
my new boyfriend.
196
00:09:24,767 --> 00:09:26,767
Charlie, this is
my cousin Stevie.
197
00:09:26,801 --> 00:09:28,801
Can I talk to you
for a second?
198
00:09:31,968 --> 00:09:33,634
Here's the deal, porkchop.
199
00:09:33,667 --> 00:09:35,467
Caitlin's my
favorite cousin.
200
00:09:35,501 --> 00:09:38,934
If you hurt her in any way,
I will hit you so hard
201
00:09:38,968 --> 00:09:41,834
it'll knock the product
out of your hair.
202
00:09:43,334 --> 00:09:45,467
You know where
I'm coming from?
203
00:09:45,501 --> 00:09:48,834
I'm guessing a small room above
your parents' garage?
204
00:09:48,868 --> 00:09:50,501
[LAUGHS]
205
00:09:56,367 --> 00:09:57,934
[CLEARS THROAT]
206
00:09:57,968 --> 00:09:59,901
Sweet kid.
207
00:09:59,934 --> 00:10:03,234
Charlie, my mother's all alone.
Go ask her to dance.
208
00:10:03,267 --> 00:10:05,334
You know I hate dancing.
209
00:10:05,367 --> 00:10:07,133
Oh, come on.
Just one.
210
00:10:07,167 --> 00:10:09,901
Yeah, I guess
I can handle this.
211
00:10:11,367 --> 00:10:13,267
May I have this dance?
212
00:10:13,300 --> 00:10:14,367
Of course.
213
00:10:16,300 --> 00:10:18,367
MAN: Okay, party animals,
let's boogie!
214
00:10:18,400 --> 00:10:19,934
[CONGA PLAYS]
215
00:10:50,801 --> 00:10:52,901
You know, I
thought being here
216
00:10:52,934 --> 00:10:55,701
would make me feel
nervous and overwhelmed,
217
00:10:55,734 --> 00:10:58,567
but I'm strangely at peace.
218
00:10:58,601 --> 00:11:02,801
I am now certain that there is
a benevolent higher being.
219
00:11:02,834 --> 00:11:05,934
I no longer fear death.
220
00:11:05,968 --> 00:11:09,167
I felt the same way
when I saw the dalai lama.
221
00:11:09,200 --> 00:11:11,667
Grow up.
222
00:11:11,701 --> 00:11:12,901
Hey, Paul.
223
00:11:12,934 --> 00:11:14,601
Hey ya, rhea.
224
00:11:14,634 --> 00:11:17,467
Oh, God, it's time to
get this over with.
225
00:11:17,501 --> 00:11:19,434
If you break
up with her now,
226
00:11:19,467 --> 00:11:21,901
there's gonna be a lot of
screaming and crying,
227
00:11:21,934 --> 00:11:24,567
and I don't want the models
to see me like that.
228
00:11:24,601 --> 00:11:26,734
Paul, I'm so glad you came.
229
00:11:26,767 --> 00:11:29,868
After the show, you have to
come with me to the Plaza.
230
00:11:29,901 --> 00:11:32,400
The models are having
a hot-tub party.
231
00:11:32,434 --> 00:11:36,667
Sorry.
Don't have my swimsuit.
232
00:11:36,701 --> 00:11:39,467
Look, rhea,
we have to talk.
233
00:11:39,501 --> 00:11:44,234
This thing between you and me,
it's never gonna happen.
234
00:11:44,267 --> 00:11:45,501
Why not?
235
00:11:45,534 --> 00:11:48,501
There's no razzmatazz,
no zip-a-Dee-doo-dah,
236
00:11:48,534 --> 00:11:50,367
no bing, bang, boom.
237
00:11:50,400 --> 00:11:52,400
You're saying there's
no chemistry?
238
00:11:52,434 --> 00:11:54,400
You lost me.
239
00:11:54,434 --> 00:11:55,734
Look...
240
00:11:55,767 --> 00:11:59,033
I like you as a friend,
but that's it.
241
00:11:59,067 --> 00:12:01,868
It's never gonna go
any further.
242
00:12:03,300 --> 00:12:05,234
I'm sorry.
243
00:12:05,267 --> 00:12:08,033
[STUART CRYING]
244
00:12:08,067 --> 00:12:09,801
Poor kid.
245
00:12:09,834 --> 00:12:12,200
[CRYING]
246
00:12:17,234 --> 00:12:21,767
Sir? This is Elsa kirkpatrick,
head of the teachers' union.
247
00:12:21,801 --> 00:12:23,767
Miss kirkpatrick,
mayor Winston.
248
00:12:23,801 --> 00:12:25,701
Pleased to meet you.
249
00:12:27,000 --> 00:12:28,234
Sir, are you okay?
250
00:12:28,267 --> 00:12:29,801
I'm fine. Why?
251
00:12:29,834 --> 00:12:31,601
You just shook
Stuart's hand.
252
00:12:31,634 --> 00:12:34,167
I thought that gal
had a manly grip.
253
00:12:34,200 --> 00:12:36,400
Sir, this is
a key endorsement,
254
00:12:36,434 --> 00:12:38,901
and you need to be
at the top of your game.
255
00:12:38,934 --> 00:12:41,434
Maybe we should reschedule this
for after you've had a nap.
256
00:12:41,467 --> 00:12:43,934
Nonsense.
So, where shall we begin?
257
00:12:43,968 --> 00:12:45,767
Mr. mayor, if
you want our endorsement,
258
00:12:45,801 --> 00:12:48,133
you're gonna have to listen to
my union's list of demands.
259
00:12:48,167 --> 00:12:50,133
Sounds riveting.
260
00:12:50,167 --> 00:12:52,868
[THINKING] If I stay awake,it will be a miracle.
261
00:12:52,901 --> 00:12:55,467
What we need are new textbooks,
smaller classroom sizes...
262
00:12:55,501 --> 00:12:57,000
Pay attention.
263
00:12:57,033 --> 00:12:58,901
...better-educated
teachers, and better pay.
264
00:12:58,934 --> 00:13:00,968
Maybe she's sayingsomething interesting.
265
00:13:01,000 --> 00:13:02,434
Because the
core curriculum...
266
00:13:02,467 --> 00:13:03,901
Oh, jeez.
267
00:13:03,934 --> 00:13:05,934
...better-educated
teachers, and better pay...
268
00:13:05,968 --> 00:13:07,934
I just need a3-second power nap.
269
00:13:07,968 --> 00:13:09,901
...the better their
test scores...
270
00:13:09,934 --> 00:13:12,033
I'm gonna put my handover my eyes
271
00:13:12,067 --> 00:13:14,000
and pretendI'm concentrating.
272
00:13:14,033 --> 00:13:16,634
Statistics show that the more
students read...
273
00:13:26,501 --> 00:13:28,400
...the better
their test scores
274
00:13:28,434 --> 00:13:31,434
and the greater their chance of
going on to a higher education.
275
00:13:34,868 --> 00:13:37,334
He certainly seems to like
what you're saying.
276
00:13:41,200 --> 00:13:44,734
Okay, your Uncle Fred just
pulled me into a conga line.
277
00:13:44,767 --> 00:13:48,234
He's a sweet man. I don't know why
he never settled down with a woman.
278
00:13:48,267 --> 00:13:51,067
I do.
279
00:13:51,100 --> 00:13:53,234
MAN: Hey, we got time
for one more song.
280
00:13:53,267 --> 00:13:55,400
How 'bout we get Caitlin's
new boyfriend out here
281
00:13:55,434 --> 00:13:58,334
to lead us in
the chicken dance?!
282
00:13:58,367 --> 00:14:01,067
That's it.
I'm out of here.
283
00:14:01,100 --> 00:14:02,968
Charlie, the wedding's
almost over.
284
00:14:03,000 --> 00:14:05,434
Let me leave with one
shred of dignity.
285
00:14:05,467 --> 00:14:07,467
Don't make me
chicken dance!
286
00:14:07,501 --> 00:14:09,300
Did you just raise
your voice to her?
287
00:14:09,334 --> 00:14:11,634
Because maybe if you need
more volume,
288
00:14:11,667 --> 00:14:13,834
you should speak
into the microphone.
289
00:14:13,868 --> 00:14:15,434
I don't want to fight.
290
00:14:15,467 --> 00:14:17,968
I don't blame you.
You know why?
291
00:14:18,000 --> 00:14:19,834
I'm crazy.
292
00:14:19,868 --> 00:14:22,534
Really?
You hide it well.
293
00:14:25,801 --> 00:14:28,033
This is getting ridiculous.
Tell your mother the truth.
294
00:14:28,067 --> 00:14:30,667
It's working perfectly.
We're almost in the clear.
295
00:14:30,701 --> 00:14:32,534
Unless you're open
and honest with her,
296
00:14:32,567 --> 00:14:34,534
you'll never have a decent
relationship.
297
00:14:34,567 --> 00:14:36,868
Please. The last time you
talked to your parents,
298
00:14:36,901 --> 00:14:38,601
you were in a holding cell.
299
00:14:38,634 --> 00:14:40,467
I had one call.
300
00:14:40,501 --> 00:14:42,067
I chose them.
301
00:14:42,100 --> 00:14:43,634
That's love.
302
00:14:44,868 --> 00:14:46,567
There's my boy.
303
00:14:46,601 --> 00:14:50,133
Charlie, be a lamb and get me
a diet coke the way I like it.
304
00:14:50,167 --> 00:14:52,267
With vodka
and no diet coke?
305
00:14:52,300 --> 00:14:54,767
[LAUGHS]
Yes.
306
00:14:56,467 --> 00:14:59,234
Caitlin, it makes me so happy
to see you with Charlie.
307
00:14:59,267 --> 00:15:01,868
Now I can go home and not
worry about you.
308
00:15:01,901 --> 00:15:04,300
Mom, you never had
to worry about me.
309
00:15:04,334 --> 00:15:06,634
You had nothing.
You were alone.
310
00:15:06,667 --> 00:15:09,300
And let's face it...
not getting any younger.
311
00:15:09,334 --> 00:15:12,067
But now you have Charlie.
312
00:15:12,100 --> 00:15:13,968
Mom, wait.
313
00:15:14,000 --> 00:15:16,467
There's something I have to
tell you about Charlie.
314
00:15:16,501 --> 00:15:19,400
Don't tell me you're blowing
it with him, too.
315
00:15:19,434 --> 00:15:21,801
Why can't you get
your life together?
316
00:15:21,834 --> 00:15:23,300
That's it.
317
00:15:23,334 --> 00:15:25,200
I am sick of you
putting me down!
318
00:15:25,234 --> 00:15:28,801
I like my life, and I am not
gonna lie about it anymore!
319
00:15:28,834 --> 00:15:31,968
I was never dating Charlie.
I'm single.
320
00:15:32,000 --> 00:15:34,467
You hear that everyone?
Single!
321
00:15:34,501 --> 00:15:36,901
I haven't had sex
in 8 months.
322
00:15:36,934 --> 00:15:38,634
Motorcycle injury.
323
00:15:38,667 --> 00:15:40,300
[CLEARS THROAT]
324
00:15:40,334 --> 00:15:43,467
Should be good to go
by Christmas.
325
00:15:43,501 --> 00:15:45,667
This is not the time
or the place.
326
00:15:45,701 --> 00:15:47,000
I don't care.
327
00:15:47,033 --> 00:15:49,601
It's time for this family to
stop lying about everything.
328
00:15:49,634 --> 00:15:52,934
Mom, you told everyone
dad was sick, but admit it...
329
00:15:52,968 --> 00:15:56,634
he's in Vegas blowing the rest
of grandpa's money.
330
00:15:56,667 --> 00:15:59,000
And cousin Marsha,
you're a beautiful bride,
331
00:15:59,033 --> 00:16:01,000
but we all know
you're pregnant.
332
00:16:03,834 --> 00:16:08,567
And Uncle Fred... you're not fooling
anyone with Jeffrey, your live-in chef.
333
00:16:11,300 --> 00:16:13,701
Here's your diet coke.
334
00:16:13,734 --> 00:16:16,701
That... Is vodka.
335
00:16:23,367 --> 00:16:25,634
I have never been so insulted
in my entire life.
336
00:16:25,667 --> 00:16:27,234
This man is fast asleep.
337
00:16:27,267 --> 00:16:30,701
No, he's not.
He's deep in thought.
338
00:16:30,734 --> 00:16:33,534
Uh, he's deciding how big a
raise to give your union.
339
00:16:33,567 --> 00:16:35,968
[SNORES]
340
00:16:36,000 --> 00:16:40,067
You heard him...3%.
341
00:16:40,100 --> 00:16:42,567
This is ridiculous,
and I'm leaving.
342
00:16:42,601 --> 00:16:44,501
Ohh. There goes the election.
343
00:16:44,534 --> 00:16:46,501
Well, good day,
gentlemen.
344
00:16:46,534 --> 00:16:48,901
Looks like we'll be giving
our support to Wheeler.
345
00:16:48,934 --> 00:16:50,601
Wait.
346
00:16:50,634 --> 00:16:53,100
Miss kirkpatrick,
I have something to say.
347
00:16:54,267 --> 00:16:57,033
When my great-grandfather
came to New York,
348
00:16:57,067 --> 00:16:59,901
he was an immigrant
with two simple dreams...
349
00:16:59,934 --> 00:17:03,167
to educate his children
and to live on fifth Avenue.
350
00:17:04,634 --> 00:17:07,567
As it turns out,
he bought on park, but...
351
00:17:07,601 --> 00:17:09,901
His other dream came true,
352
00:17:09,934 --> 00:17:12,667
because the quality of the
public schools in this city
353
00:17:12,701 --> 00:17:14,367
was the best in the world.
354
00:17:14,400 --> 00:17:16,033
And it can be again.
355
00:17:16,067 --> 00:17:19,067
Well, that's a nice story, but
what are you proposing to do?
356
00:17:19,100 --> 00:17:21,367
I know the average class size
is 34 students.
357
00:17:21,400 --> 00:17:23,133
We're gonna lower it
to 25.
358
00:17:23,167 --> 00:17:26,834
And I know that you've had
the same textbooks since 1986.
359
00:17:26,868 --> 00:17:29,167
We're gonna get you
some new ones.
360
00:17:29,200 --> 00:17:32,701
And I know that the meatloaf
that they serve on Tuesdays
361
00:17:32,734 --> 00:17:36,133
can be a little dry.
362
00:17:36,167 --> 00:17:39,133
We're gonna get you gravy.
363
00:17:39,167 --> 00:17:41,701
I am impressed.
364
00:17:41,734 --> 00:17:45,033
Not with the gravy, but with
all the other proposals.
365
00:17:45,067 --> 00:17:47,701
Mayor Winston,
you have our endorsement.
366
00:17:47,734 --> 00:17:50,033
I look forward
to working with you.
367
00:17:51,634 --> 00:17:53,534
Sir!
Sir, that was amazing.
368
00:17:53,567 --> 00:17:56,300
Yeah, you really had us
worried for a second.
369
00:17:56,334 --> 00:17:59,801
Well, guys, this old pro is
still on top of his game.
370
00:17:59,834 --> 00:18:03,434
Just wait till you see me
with the teachers' union.
371
00:18:08,033 --> 00:18:11,601
Charlie...
372
00:18:11,634 --> 00:18:13,567
I'm sorry I put you
through this.
373
00:18:13,601 --> 00:18:15,968
Is there any way I
can make it up to you?
374
00:18:23,767 --> 00:18:25,934
Your hotel room.
375
00:18:25,968 --> 00:18:30,167
Does it have
a nice, big shower?
376
00:18:30,200 --> 00:18:32,167
Yes, it does.
377
00:18:32,200 --> 00:18:34,033
Great.
378
00:18:34,067 --> 00:18:36,467
Then go take a cold one.
379
00:18:37,868 --> 00:18:39,267
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
380
00:18:44,534 --> 00:18:48,133
No one leaves this room until I
get an explanation. [DOOR OPENS]
381
00:18:48,167 --> 00:18:50,200
Charlie, can you come out
here for a second?
382
00:18:51,667 --> 00:18:53,801
Well, I'd love to stay
and help solve this,
383
00:18:53,834 --> 00:18:56,133
but this sounds
like official city business.
384
00:18:56,167 --> 00:18:58,067
Mr. bondek, what's
the problem?
385
00:18:58,100 --> 00:19:01,000
We're checking out underwear
models on the Internet.
386
00:19:02,901 --> 00:19:05,267
I better look into that.
387
00:19:09,033 --> 00:19:11,334
Did you have
to air out dirty laundry
388
00:19:11,367 --> 00:19:13,200
in front of
the entire family?
389
00:19:13,234 --> 00:19:15,100
Face it, mom.
390
00:19:15,133 --> 00:19:17,834
We had a lot of skeletons
in the closet... And one Uncle.
391
00:19:17,868 --> 00:19:19,834
Well, you humiliated me.
392
00:19:19,868 --> 00:19:22,400
Look, I'm sorry I did it
at Marsha's wedding,
393
00:19:22,434 --> 00:19:24,434
but I'm not sorry
about what I said.
394
00:19:24,467 --> 00:19:26,534
I want you to accept me
for who I am.
395
00:19:26,567 --> 00:19:27,968
I want the same from you.
396
00:19:28,000 --> 00:19:29,200
What are you talking about?
397
00:19:29,234 --> 00:19:31,067
Oh, come on, Caitlin.
398
00:19:31,100 --> 00:19:33,167
We both know that
you don't approve of me.
399
00:19:33,200 --> 00:19:35,334
Everything you've done
in your life
400
00:19:35,367 --> 00:19:37,300
has been to
reject who I am.
401
00:19:37,334 --> 00:19:39,534
That's not true.
402
00:19:39,567 --> 00:19:41,300
Oh, please.
403
00:19:41,334 --> 00:19:44,734
I married young,
I didn't have a career,
404
00:19:44,767 --> 00:19:47,033
I never lived on my own.
405
00:19:47,067 --> 00:19:50,767
I know you don't respect the way
I've lived my life.
406
00:19:50,801 --> 00:19:52,701
Mom, I think your life
is great,
407
00:19:52,734 --> 00:19:54,701
and I'm doing the best
I can with mine.
408
00:19:54,734 --> 00:19:56,934
But if we're gonna have
any kind of relationship,
409
00:19:56,968 --> 00:19:59,300
we both have to accept
that we're different people.
410
00:19:59,334 --> 00:20:00,601
And that's okay.
411
00:20:00,634 --> 00:20:04,567
You know, I'm not very
good at expressing myself,
412
00:20:04,601 --> 00:20:07,267
but after you
left the wedding,
413
00:20:07,300 --> 00:20:10,167
I wrote down
how I feel about you.
414
00:20:14,267 --> 00:20:16,801
"Successful, intelligent,
415
00:20:16,834 --> 00:20:19,901
"independent,
beautiful woman
416
00:20:19,934 --> 00:20:24,400
who loves traveling,
homemade pasta, and yoga."
417
00:20:24,434 --> 00:20:27,334
Mom, this sounds
like a personal ad.
418
00:20:27,367 --> 00:20:30,467
I hope so. It's running
in the post tomorrow.
419
00:20:30,501 --> 00:20:34,534
You know, it's too bad you and
Charlie aren't dating.
420
00:20:34,567 --> 00:20:36,868
You know, I have excellent
instincts,
421
00:20:36,901 --> 00:20:39,634
and... He's a real keeper.
422
00:20:41,067 --> 00:20:42,868
Stuart, move your head.
423
00:20:42,901 --> 00:20:44,567
[LAUGHING]
424
00:20:47,133 --> 00:20:49,767
I can't see the boobs!
425
00:20:49,801 --> 00:20:51,367
[LAUGHING]
426
00:20:51,400 --> 00:20:52,634
Let's go this way.
427
00:20:58,968 --> 00:21:01,501
Hey, Paul, we're watching the
Victoria's secret fashion show.
428
00:21:01,534 --> 00:21:03,968
Whoa, who's the girl
in the sexy Teddy?
429
00:21:04,000 --> 00:21:06,801
Paul, that's rhea.
That's the girl you rejected.
430
00:21:06,834 --> 00:21:08,501
You're kidding?
431
00:21:08,534 --> 00:21:10,334
I turned down a supermodel?
432
00:21:10,367 --> 00:21:12,667
Oh, my gosh, how many guys
can say that?
433
00:21:12,701 --> 00:21:16,400
Yeah! I win!
I am the winner!
434
00:21:16,434 --> 00:21:17,567
Yeah!
435
00:21:17,601 --> 00:21:19,167
Wait for it.
436
00:21:19,200 --> 00:21:21,801
Oh-h-h, God!
437
00:21:23,934 --> 00:21:25,133
Sit, ubu, sit.Good dog.
438
00:21:25,167 --> 00:21:26,367
(BARKING)
439
00:21:26,400 --> 00:21:28,868
Moo.32185
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