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1
00:00:01,400 --> 00:00:02,834
I've got a tape
I want you to see.
2
00:00:02,868 --> 00:00:04,534
Ooh, I hope it's
that croc hunter.
3
00:00:04,567 --> 00:00:07,367
I tell you,
that guy's nuts.
4
00:00:07,400 --> 00:00:09,267
Actually, it's
from "New York one."
5
00:00:09,300 --> 00:00:11,701
Citizens are not happy about
your relationship with Claire.
6
00:00:11,734 --> 00:00:14,701
What do you think aboutthe mayor conducting an affair
7
00:00:14,734 --> 00:00:17,067
with a married womanat Gracie mansion?
8
00:00:17,100 --> 00:00:18,634
I think it's a disgrace.
9
00:00:18,667 --> 00:00:20,434
I mean, the taxpayers' moneypaid for his home.
10
00:00:20,467 --> 00:00:22,100
I think it shows no class.
11
00:00:22,133 --> 00:00:25,200
The man has no conceptof dignified behavior.
12
00:00:25,234 --> 00:00:27,334
That broad
needs to get some.
13
00:00:28,534 --> 00:00:30,400
T-that's ridiculous.
14
00:00:30,434 --> 00:00:33,033
Claire's just waiting for
her divorce to be finalized.
15
00:00:33,067 --> 00:00:34,167
I wouldn't put stock
in these.
16
00:00:34,200 --> 00:00:35,767
What kind of people
hang out in central park
17
00:00:35,801 --> 00:00:37,300
in the middle
of a workday?
18
00:00:37,334 --> 00:00:38,634
Look who we have here.
19
00:00:38,667 --> 00:00:40,300
Amy!Hey, what do you say?
20
00:00:40,334 --> 00:00:42,367
Paul, what do you think
21
00:00:42,400 --> 00:00:44,567
of the mayor bringing a marriedwoman back to Gracie mansion?
22
00:00:44,601 --> 00:00:47,200
I think it's terrible.Can you believe it?
23
00:00:47,234 --> 00:00:49,634
I mean, the guy's takinga public building,
24
00:00:49,667 --> 00:00:51,901
he's turning it intoa Roman bathhouse.
25
00:00:51,934 --> 00:00:53,934
Of course, this isoff the record.
26
00:00:53,968 --> 00:00:55,868
Actually,this is on the record.
27
00:00:55,901 --> 00:00:57,734
The camera'sright over there.
28
00:01:01,567 --> 00:01:05,033
This might be a good time to
tell you about my twin brother.
29
00:01:31,801 --> 00:01:33,100
So, how was your weekend?
30
00:01:33,133 --> 00:01:36,567
Terrible. I went on three
dates... all disasters.
31
00:01:36,601 --> 00:01:39,501
I'm starting to wonder if there are
any quality single men in this city.
32
00:01:39,534 --> 00:01:40,801
I'm single.
33
00:01:40,834 --> 00:01:42,968
Quali single men.
34
00:01:43,000 --> 00:01:45,667
I'm sorry,
I didn't hear that part.
35
00:01:47,868 --> 00:01:50,200
Why do I think
that meeting some guy
36
00:01:50,234 --> 00:01:52,167
is going to
complete my life?
37
00:01:52,200 --> 00:01:54,200
You know,
I am tired of guys.
38
00:01:54,234 --> 00:01:56,634
I say that all the time.
39
00:01:56,667 --> 00:02:01,000
Then I watch Brad pitt in
"fight club" and I'm back in.
40
00:02:01,033 --> 00:02:04,834
Caitlin, your problem is that
you don't understand men.
41
00:02:04,868 --> 00:02:07,834
All they're interested in
is sports, booze, and women.
42
00:02:07,868 --> 00:02:10,434
Wow, you even got
the order right.
43
00:02:12,934 --> 00:02:16,167
Caitlin, can I give you
a little advice?
44
00:02:16,200 --> 00:02:20,567
No. And to top it off, I have to
go to a baby shower tonight.
45
00:02:20,601 --> 00:02:22,200
What's wrong with that?
46
00:02:22,234 --> 00:02:25,801
Everyone there will be married
with a family except for me.
47
00:02:25,834 --> 00:02:29,734
I'll go with you. But I have to
be back home by 10:00.
48
00:02:29,767 --> 00:02:30,734
Why?
49
00:02:30,767 --> 00:02:33,067
"Fight club" is on.
50
00:02:34,400 --> 00:02:37,901
Every paper has a negative story
about us at the mansion.
51
00:02:37,934 --> 00:02:40,033
Don't they have anything
else to write about?
52
00:02:40,067 --> 00:02:42,367
Yeah, don't they know
that crime is up?
53
00:02:42,400 --> 00:02:44,200
Turn the page.
54
00:02:46,133 --> 00:02:49,234
There you go.
55
00:02:49,267 --> 00:02:50,601
Sir, if I may,
56
00:02:50,634 --> 00:02:53,267
maybe you and judge Simmons
should find some place
57
00:02:53,300 --> 00:02:56,033
other than Gracie mansion
to spend your couple time.
58
00:02:56,067 --> 00:02:58,767
It's the only place we can go
to get away from reporters.
59
00:02:58,801 --> 00:03:00,601
If we go to my place,
they're there...
60
00:03:00,634 --> 00:03:02,200
If we go to a restaurant,
they're there.
61
00:03:02,234 --> 00:03:04,100
People are always
chasing after us,
62
00:03:04,133 --> 00:03:05,234
just like that
poor princess.
63
00:03:05,267 --> 00:03:06,400
Diana?
64
00:03:06,434 --> 00:03:08,100
No... Leia.
65
00:03:11,734 --> 00:03:14,067
Sir, we are in the middle
of an election.
66
00:03:14,100 --> 00:03:17,567
It might be wise to take some
time off from each other.
67
00:03:17,601 --> 00:03:19,634
I don't think we should
let public opinion
68
00:03:19,667 --> 00:03:20,801
dictate our relationship.
69
00:03:20,834 --> 00:03:22,734
I mean, what's the worst
that could happen?
70
00:03:22,767 --> 00:03:24,234
The mayor could
lose the election.
71
00:03:24,267 --> 00:03:26,200
Fine... then he'd
have more time
72
00:03:26,234 --> 00:03:28,400
to focus on his
driftwood sculptures.
73
00:03:30,501 --> 00:03:33,033
Just go with it...
she digs artists.
74
00:03:36,567 --> 00:03:39,934
Randall, whatever you decide,
I'll support...
75
00:03:39,968 --> 00:03:42,834
whether you're the mayor
or a sculptor
76
00:03:42,868 --> 00:03:45,767
or even if you go back
to being a Navy seal.
77
00:03:47,968 --> 00:03:51,200
Bye.
78
00:03:53,534 --> 00:03:55,667
I've used that one.
79
00:03:57,734 --> 00:03:58,934
[CLEARS THROAT]
80
00:03:58,968 --> 00:04:02,100
So, sir, can you and Claire
spend some time apart?
81
00:04:02,133 --> 00:04:06,067
Charlie, I've waited a long time
to find a woman like that.
82
00:04:06,100 --> 00:04:09,667
The wine of my love
has been uncorked.
83
00:04:11,601 --> 00:04:13,434
I've got to let it breathe.
84
00:04:13,467 --> 00:04:16,067
Well, sometimes you
appreciate wine more
85
00:04:16,100 --> 00:04:18,434
if you haven't had
a drink for a while.
86
00:04:18,467 --> 00:04:22,534
What if she goes looking
for another vintage?
87
00:04:22,567 --> 00:04:24,901
Something more fragrant...
88
00:04:24,934 --> 00:04:26,501
With a larger penis?
89
00:04:29,767 --> 00:04:32,467
I've said too much.
90
00:04:32,501 --> 00:04:34,400
[CLEARS THROAT]
91
00:04:34,434 --> 00:04:35,801
Yeah.
92
00:04:39,000 --> 00:04:40,868
Guys, there's someone
I'd like you to meet.
93
00:04:40,901 --> 00:04:42,801
This is Shelly,
my publicist.
94
00:04:42,834 --> 00:04:44,834
You hired a publicist?
95
00:04:44,868 --> 00:04:46,701
Well, after that
"New York one" experience,
96
00:04:46,734 --> 00:04:49,400
I decided it was time
to improve my image.
97
00:04:49,434 --> 00:04:51,367
I want the public
to know the real me.
98
00:04:51,400 --> 00:04:54,834
Paul, the fact that people don't know
the real you is your strongest asset.
99
00:04:56,534 --> 00:04:59,400
Starting tomorrow,
we'll take this town by storm.
100
00:04:59,434 --> 00:05:03,868
Oh. Check out
the getaway sticks on blondie.
101
00:05:05,133 --> 00:05:07,701
Paul... I can't believe
I'm going to say this...
102
00:05:07,734 --> 00:05:10,000
you're too big
for this guy.
103
00:05:10,033 --> 00:05:11,367
Shelly's gonna make me
104
00:05:11,400 --> 00:05:13,634
one of the most
recognizable men in this city.
105
00:05:13,667 --> 00:05:14,834
How much are you paying him?
106
00:05:14,868 --> 00:05:16,300
I give him 5% of my earnings
107
00:05:16,334 --> 00:05:19,534
and I drive him
to the doctor twice a week.
108
00:05:25,868 --> 00:05:27,200
[DOOR OPENS]
109
00:05:27,234 --> 00:05:29,868
Sir, I need your signature
on this letter.
110
00:05:29,901 --> 00:05:32,501
I really miss Claire.
111
00:05:32,534 --> 00:05:36,367
It's been eight hours.
112
00:05:36,400 --> 00:05:38,934
That's like
three full workdays.
113
00:05:40,634 --> 00:05:42,000
Oh, it's almost 2:00.
114
00:05:42,033 --> 00:05:45,400
RADIO D.J.: Next up,I've got a special request.
115
00:05:45,434 --> 00:05:47,934
Running a cityis a lonely job...
116
00:05:47,968 --> 00:05:49,834
especially without your lady.
117
00:05:49,868 --> 00:05:52,367
So this one's going out fromthe mayor of love town
118
00:05:52,400 --> 00:05:55,567
to judge Claire bear.
119
00:05:55,601 --> 00:05:58,901
BREAD:
* baby, I'm-a want you *
120
00:05:58,934 --> 00:06:01,434
* baby, I'm-a need you *
121
00:06:01,467 --> 00:06:06,868
* you're the only one I careenough to hurt abo * t
122
00:06:06,901 --> 00:06:09,467
nothing tugs
on your heartstrings
123
00:06:09,501 --> 00:06:12,100
like a group of men
singing like women.
124
00:06:13,801 --> 00:06:16,467
Sir, I don't want you
to be unhappy.
125
00:06:16,501 --> 00:06:18,934
If you have to see Claire,
just be discreet.
126
00:06:18,968 --> 00:06:22,100
Maybe take her out of town
or go to a friend's house.
127
00:06:22,133 --> 00:06:26,467
That's good advice, Charlie.
I feel better already.
128
00:06:26,501 --> 00:06:28,868
* ...Used to be my life was justemotions passing by *
129
00:06:28,901 --> 00:06:31,801
* emotions passing by
130
00:06:31,834 --> 00:06:33,367
I'm gonna go now, sir.
131
00:06:33,400 --> 00:06:39,100
* feeling all the while,but never really knowing why *
132
00:06:42,300 --> 00:06:45,234
mmm... Peaches and apricots.
133
00:06:45,267 --> 00:06:47,634
No, wait... peaches
and strawberries?
134
00:06:47,667 --> 00:06:48,767
Right!
135
00:06:48,801 --> 00:06:50,300
Oh, good.
136
00:06:50,334 --> 00:06:53,000
Okay. Now your turn.
137
00:06:55,934 --> 00:06:59,267
Mm! Mm! Mm!
Could be squash.
138
00:06:59,300 --> 00:07:01,434
Hmm, there's
a hint of fennel...
139
00:07:01,467 --> 00:07:04,334
With a white truffle
infusion.
140
00:07:04,367 --> 00:07:06,434
It's stewed peas.
141
00:07:06,467 --> 00:07:08,767
I was getting there.
142
00:07:08,801 --> 00:07:11,434
Okay, now let's
open the gifts.
143
00:07:11,467 --> 00:07:13,901
[BABY TALK] Look at
the little baby booties.
144
00:07:13,934 --> 00:07:16,300
Look at the little,
little...
145
00:07:16,334 --> 00:07:18,067
What happened
to my friends?
146
00:07:18,100 --> 00:07:20,601
They used to be intelligent,
independent women.
147
00:07:20,634 --> 00:07:23,567
They get near a baby and
they lose all ability to speak.
148
00:07:23,601 --> 00:07:26,100
Ooh, look at the baby booties,
booties, booties.
149
00:07:26,133 --> 00:07:27,968
Baby booties, oh.
150
00:07:28,000 --> 00:07:30,868
If I ever talk like that,
you have permission to slap me.
151
00:07:30,901 --> 00:07:32,734
I have to go to
the ladies' room.
152
00:07:32,767 --> 00:07:34,033
Can you hold Jackson?
153
00:07:34,067 --> 00:07:35,567
Oh, I don't know
if I'm comfortable...
154
00:07:35,601 --> 00:07:37,234
oh, you'll be fine.
155
00:07:39,000 --> 00:07:41,067
Oh. Oh, you know what?
156
00:07:41,100 --> 00:07:43,968
I don't think he
likes me very much.
157
00:07:44,000 --> 00:07:46,300
You want me to take him?
That's a good idea.
158
00:07:46,334 --> 00:07:47,567
Oh, whoa, whoa,
wait a minute.
159
00:07:47,601 --> 00:07:48,801
Oh, my gosh.
160
00:07:48,834 --> 00:07:50,234
You're smiling at me.
161
00:07:50,267 --> 00:07:52,100
Yes, you did!
162
00:07:52,133 --> 00:07:54,734
Yes, you did!
163
00:07:54,767 --> 00:07:57,567
Oh, what a little cutsie,
wootsie baby!
164
00:07:57,601 --> 00:07:59,534
I'll slap you when you
put the baby down.
165
00:07:59,567 --> 00:08:03,534
Oh, he's such
a little angel. Oh.
166
00:08:03,567 --> 00:08:05,033
I'm back.
Thanks, Caitlin.
167
00:08:05,067 --> 00:08:06,534
No, I'm fine.
168
00:08:06,567 --> 00:08:08,033
No, really,
I'd like him back.
169
00:08:08,067 --> 00:08:10,534
Oh, you get him
all the time.
170
00:08:10,567 --> 00:08:12,367
That is a gorgeous baby.
171
00:08:12,400 --> 00:08:16,133
Thank you.
Thank you.
172
00:08:28,734 --> 00:08:32,133
And... Baseball.
173
00:08:32,167 --> 00:08:35,300
[CROWD CHEER]
174
00:08:41,734 --> 00:08:43,534
[DOORBELL RINGS]
175
00:08:50,767 --> 00:08:53,267
Sir, what are
you doing here?
176
00:08:53,300 --> 00:08:55,334
Remember when you
said Claire and I
177
00:08:55,367 --> 00:08:58,400
needed to be more discreet...
maybe go to a friend's house?
178
00:08:58,434 --> 00:09:01,434
Yeah.
179
00:09:05,300 --> 00:09:07,400
Hey, friend.
180
00:09:10,434 --> 00:09:12,033
What's rags doing here?
181
00:09:12,067 --> 00:09:14,667
I thought he was shooting
a dog-food commercial.
182
00:09:14,701 --> 00:09:16,133
Carter stormed
off the set
183
00:09:16,167 --> 00:09:19,000
over
creative differences.
184
00:09:19,033 --> 00:09:21,901
Rags isn't going
to play second fiddle
185
00:09:21,934 --> 00:09:23,934
to some...
Taco-eating chihuahua!
186
00:09:23,968 --> 00:09:26,067
You know
what rags needs?
187
00:09:26,100 --> 00:09:28,501
A good publicist.
188
00:09:28,534 --> 00:09:30,167
"Shelly hallerman...
189
00:09:30,200 --> 00:09:33,567
"for all your u.S.O. Needs.
190
00:09:33,601 --> 00:09:38,167
Our performers
will fly to Korea."
191
00:09:38,200 --> 00:09:40,033
Keep it.
192
00:09:41,400 --> 00:09:44,767
Hey, Charlie, how about
that game last night?!
193
00:09:44,801 --> 00:09:45,968
I didn't see it.
194
00:09:46,000 --> 00:09:47,801
The mayor came by
with Claire
195
00:09:47,834 --> 00:09:50,634
and "Claire bear" wanted
to watch the food network.
196
00:09:50,667 --> 00:09:52,801
But don't talk about
the game... I taped it.
197
00:09:52,834 --> 00:09:54,534
Oh, Charlie, Charlie...
198
00:09:54,567 --> 00:09:57,868
Claire and I really appreciate
you letting us hang out
199
00:09:57,901 --> 00:09:59,434
at your place last night.
200
00:09:59,467 --> 00:10:01,133
My place is your place.
201
00:10:01,167 --> 00:10:04,167
Great, 'cause
I had a key made.
202
00:10:04,200 --> 00:10:05,601
Oh, listen...
203
00:10:05,634 --> 00:10:09,467
by the way, I had your security
code changed to my birthday...
204
00:10:10,501 --> 00:10:12,434
Easier for me to remember.
205
00:10:12,467 --> 00:10:14,634
When is your
birthday, sir?
206
00:10:14,667 --> 00:10:17,400
Oh, Charlie, you don't need
to get me anything.
207
00:10:17,434 --> 00:10:19,701
I'm already staying
at your place.
208
00:10:21,067 --> 00:10:24,133
Carter, thank you for coming
to the baby shower with me.
209
00:10:24,167 --> 00:10:26,067
You didn't want to go and you
ended up having a great time.
210
00:10:26,100 --> 00:10:30,234
But it was more than that.
It really made me think.
211
00:10:30,267 --> 00:10:32,300
In fact, I've got
some big news.
212
00:10:32,334 --> 00:10:34,300
Is it bigger than
the mayor and his girlfriend
213
00:10:34,334 --> 00:10:35,701
moving into my apartment?
214
00:10:35,734 --> 00:10:37,834
I'm having a baby.
215
00:10:37,868 --> 00:10:40,000
So, yes.
216
00:10:46,200 --> 00:10:48,033
You're pregnant?
No.
217
00:10:48,067 --> 00:10:50,868
Phew!
218
00:10:50,901 --> 00:10:53,200
Why are you so relieved?
We never had sex.
219
00:10:53,234 --> 00:10:56,033
Force of habit.
220
00:10:59,234 --> 00:11:01,467
Caitlin, when did
you make this decision?
221
00:11:01,501 --> 00:11:02,968
When I was holding
Jill's baby,
222
00:11:03,000 --> 00:11:04,834
it made me realize
what I'd been missing.
223
00:11:04,868 --> 00:11:06,400
Drool?
224
00:11:06,434 --> 00:11:10,167
'Cause if that's what you're
missing, just go wink at Stuart.
225
00:11:10,200 --> 00:11:13,067
So, you're planning to have
a baby by yourself?
226
00:11:13,100 --> 00:11:16,067
Why should I hold up my life
for some man I may never meet?
227
00:11:16,100 --> 00:11:17,367
There are other options.
228
00:11:17,400 --> 00:11:19,067
Yes, there are.
229
00:11:19,100 --> 00:11:23,334
And I want you to know it would
be an honor to impregnate you.
230
00:11:24,901 --> 00:11:28,534
I can assure you the experience
will be fast and efficient.
231
00:11:28,567 --> 00:11:30,367
Your pleasure
will be minimal...
232
00:11:30,400 --> 00:11:34,734
And I will only be as
excited as is necessary.
233
00:11:34,767 --> 00:11:36,167
I'm flattered.
234
00:11:36,200 --> 00:11:38,801
But it's my
responsibility as a woman
235
00:11:38,834 --> 00:11:41,200
to make sure you
never reproduce.
236
00:11:43,133 --> 00:11:44,934
Point taken.
237
00:11:44,968 --> 00:11:46,434
I think this is wonderful.
238
00:11:46,467 --> 00:11:48,968
Imagine... being responsible
for another person,
239
00:11:49,000 --> 00:11:51,033
feeding them,
cleaning up after them,
240
00:11:51,067 --> 00:11:53,133
laying their clothes out
in the morning.
241
00:11:53,167 --> 00:11:56,601
I have that now with the mayor.
It ain't that great.
242
00:11:58,634 --> 00:12:02,701
So, Carter, I'm not crazy, right?
I can do this. Absolutely.
243
00:12:02,734 --> 00:12:04,968
I've just never taken care
of anyone before.
244
00:12:05,000 --> 00:12:07,200
Why don't you take rags
for a couple of days?
245
00:12:07,234 --> 00:12:08,467
He might give you a sense
246
00:12:08,501 --> 00:12:10,267
of what it feels like
to be a parent.
247
00:12:10,300 --> 00:12:12,167
How?
248
00:12:12,200 --> 00:12:14,767
If you can take care of him,
a kid will be a breeze.
249
00:12:14,801 --> 00:12:17,167
Fine. Hand him over.
250
00:12:17,200 --> 00:12:18,634
Great!
251
00:12:18,667 --> 00:12:20,934
These are his medications.
252
00:12:20,968 --> 00:12:24,601
Now, the green one
gives him a healthy coat.
253
00:12:24,634 --> 00:12:27,133
The yellow one
is for his eyes.
254
00:12:27,167 --> 00:12:29,634
And the red one
is for his tooth.
255
00:12:34,033 --> 00:12:37,167
Shelly and I just closed
a major deal this morning.
256
00:12:37,200 --> 00:12:39,968
By this time next week,
every bus in this city
257
00:12:40,000 --> 00:12:42,767
is gonna have a 5x10-foot photo
of my face on it.
258
00:12:42,801 --> 00:12:45,100
So it'll be actual size?
259
00:12:45,133 --> 00:12:47,968
Ha ha, what, are you jealous,
Mr. small potatoes?
260
00:12:48,000 --> 00:12:49,601
You're looking
at the spokesman
261
00:12:49,634 --> 00:12:52,234
for the department of
education's new ad campaign,
262
00:12:52,267 --> 00:12:55,000
and look... This is my first check.
How much?
263
00:12:55,033 --> 00:12:59,467
I will put it in terms that you
can understand, Stuart.
264
00:12:59,501 --> 00:13:01,567
It's roughly 35 lap dances.
265
00:13:01,601 --> 00:13:04,300
$723?!
266
00:13:05,667 --> 00:13:07,300
Here comes the choo-choo.
267
00:13:07,334 --> 00:13:10,367
Chugga chugga chugga chugga,
chugga chugga chugga chugga.
268
00:13:10,400 --> 00:13:12,567
Why won't you eat?
You're acting crazy.
269
00:13:12,601 --> 00:13:15,501
Yeah, the dog's
the crazy one.
270
00:13:15,534 --> 00:13:17,000
Lower your voice.
271
00:13:17,033 --> 00:13:19,200
Why?
Rags is finicky.
272
00:13:19,234 --> 00:13:21,000
He won't eat
if there's too much noise.
273
00:13:21,033 --> 00:13:24,367
Are you kidding me?
The dog is deaf.
274
00:13:24,400 --> 00:13:27,667
Those ears are
completely decorative.
275
00:13:27,701 --> 00:13:28,834
Watch this.
276
00:13:30,100 --> 00:13:32,701
Aaaaaaaaaaaahh!
277
00:13:32,734 --> 00:13:35,434
[SILENCE]
278
00:13:38,300 --> 00:13:41,934
Stop it! You don't know what
I've been through with this dog.
279
00:13:41,968 --> 00:13:44,234
He wouldn't take his bath,
he won't take his pills,
280
00:13:44,267 --> 00:13:47,000
and now I can't get him to eat.
Eat, rags, eat.
281
00:13:47,033 --> 00:13:49,033
Keep it up... he won't call you
when he gets to college.
282
00:13:49,067 --> 00:13:50,467
It's not so easy.
283
00:13:50,501 --> 00:13:52,534
You try getting him
to do something.
284
00:13:52,567 --> 00:13:55,767
I'm sorry I'm not being
that understanding.
285
00:13:55,801 --> 00:13:59,434
Thanks to the mayor,
I haven't slept in two nights.
286
00:13:59,467 --> 00:14:01,000
The guy is totally
in my space.
287
00:14:01,033 --> 00:14:04,767
Charlie, you have to talk to him
before it gets out of control.
288
00:14:04,801 --> 00:14:07,133
It's the first time the guy's
been happy in years.
289
00:14:07,167 --> 00:14:09,601
Do you want me to crush him
in the middle of an election?
290
00:14:09,634 --> 00:14:11,234
[PAGER CHIMES]
291
00:14:11,267 --> 00:14:12,934
That's probably him
paging me.
292
00:14:12,968 --> 00:14:15,200
I got a meeting to go to.
293
00:14:15,234 --> 00:14:16,767
Where's my pager?
294
00:14:16,801 --> 00:14:20,033
Oh, it was on
the table next to rags.
295
00:14:22,767 --> 00:14:25,300
[PAGER CHIMES]
296
00:14:28,267 --> 00:14:31,801
I've got an emergency.
My dog just swallowed a pager.
297
00:14:31,834 --> 00:14:33,601
Are you sure?
298
00:14:38,934 --> 00:14:42,367
[PAGER CHIMES]
299
00:14:42,400 --> 00:14:44,100
I'll get a doctor.
300
00:14:45,968 --> 00:14:49,300
Oh, God, please be okay.
What happened?
301
00:14:49,334 --> 00:14:52,000
Oh, well, I had three horrible
dates last weekend,
302
00:14:52,033 --> 00:14:54,133
and I went to this baby shower
with my friend Carter,
303
00:14:54,167 --> 00:14:56,501
and I thought I wanted a baby,
so I took rags,
304
00:14:56,534 --> 00:14:58,901
and Charlie screamed at him,
and then he ate a pager,
305
00:14:58,934 --> 00:15:00,667
and now I'm never going to be
a mother!
306
00:15:00,701 --> 00:15:02,801
Dogs swallow
things all the time.
307
00:15:02,834 --> 00:15:04,534
Doctors will get
that out in minutes.
308
00:15:04,567 --> 00:15:07,000
Now, just take
some deep breaths.
309
00:15:10,467 --> 00:15:11,734
That helps.
310
00:15:11,767 --> 00:15:13,567
When I was in law school,
311
00:15:13,601 --> 00:15:16,868
this guy ate the passenger
seat to my v.W. Rabbit.
312
00:15:16,901 --> 00:15:18,534
Really?
313
00:15:18,567 --> 00:15:20,801
So you're a lawyer.
314
00:15:24,901 --> 00:15:27,167
That restaurant was great,
Charlie.
315
00:15:27,200 --> 00:15:28,934
Well,
the night isn't over.
316
00:15:28,968 --> 00:15:33,400
Are you interested in some soft
music and a little wine?
317
00:15:33,434 --> 00:15:37,868
No, but I'd like
to fool around.
318
00:15:37,901 --> 00:15:39,734
Let's go with yours.
319
00:15:41,667 --> 00:15:43,133
CLAIRE:
Hey, Charlie.
320
00:15:43,167 --> 00:15:45,167
You're just in time for
some cheese fondue.
321
00:15:45,200 --> 00:15:47,367
It's a lot of fun.
322
00:15:47,400 --> 00:15:49,634
But what a mess, huh?
See?
323
00:15:51,033 --> 00:15:52,634
That keeps happening.
324
00:15:52,667 --> 00:15:54,801
Charlie, I have
to get up early.
325
00:15:54,834 --> 00:15:58,634
Why don't I go and you stay here
and hang out with your parents?
326
00:15:58,667 --> 00:16:00,901
They're not my parents.
327
00:16:00,934 --> 00:16:02,634
Good night,
Mr. and Mrs. Crawford.
328
00:16:02,667 --> 00:16:03,934
[DOOR CLOSES]
329
00:16:03,968 --> 00:16:07,501
Hey, pull up a seat...
we'll start a new jenga.
330
00:16:07,534 --> 00:16:09,868
No, I think I'll just
go to my room
331
00:16:09,901 --> 00:16:12,467
and watch the tape
of last night's game.
332
00:16:12,501 --> 00:16:15,801
Was that labeled "yankees/
Red Sox, do not erase"?
333
00:16:15,834 --> 00:16:19,334
Yes, it was. Why?
334
00:16:19,367 --> 00:16:22,334
Well, we accidentally
taped over it.
335
00:16:22,367 --> 00:16:25,367
But if you want to watch "Dawson's"
later, you're good to go.
336
00:16:25,400 --> 00:16:28,167
Get out.
What?
337
00:16:28,200 --> 00:16:33,033
Get your stuff, get your fondue,
get your jenga, get out.
338
00:16:33,067 --> 00:16:34,868
Charlie, it was just
a baseball game.
339
00:16:34,901 --> 00:16:38,200
It's not just the game.
It's my apartment.
340
00:16:38,234 --> 00:16:42,701
This isn't city hall.
This is my home.
341
00:16:42,734 --> 00:16:45,567
I've got hot cheese.
342
00:16:45,601 --> 00:16:47,567
Put the cheese down, Claire.
We're leaving.
343
00:16:47,601 --> 00:16:49,300
All right.
344
00:16:51,901 --> 00:16:53,634
You can have
your keys back.
345
00:16:53,667 --> 00:16:55,734
I won't be bothering
you anymore.
346
00:16:59,200 --> 00:17:01,400
[DOOR CLOSES]
347
00:17:04,400 --> 00:17:06,067
I feel like
such a failure.
348
00:17:06,100 --> 00:17:08,767
All I had to do was take care
of rags for one day,
349
00:17:08,801 --> 00:17:09,901
and I couldn't do it.
350
00:17:09,934 --> 00:17:12,100
Who am I kidding?
I am not ready for this.
351
00:17:12,133 --> 00:17:13,534
Don't give up so easily.
352
00:17:13,567 --> 00:17:15,234
You had one crisis.
You handled it well.
353
00:17:15,267 --> 00:17:17,834
When I was at the hospital,
I was freaking out and...
354
00:17:17,868 --> 00:17:20,667
and there was this really nice
guy that helped me through it,
355
00:17:20,701 --> 00:17:22,968
and it made me realize
that when I have a baby,
356
00:17:23,000 --> 00:17:24,234
I don't want to do it alone.
357
00:17:24,267 --> 00:17:27,234
Okay. No, I-I-it makes...
it makes sense.
358
00:17:27,267 --> 00:17:28,901
What's wrong?
359
00:17:28,934 --> 00:17:31,100
I got to admit...
360
00:17:31,133 --> 00:17:34,000
I'm a little disappointed.
361
00:17:34,033 --> 00:17:36,901
I thought if you
had a child,
362
00:17:36,934 --> 00:17:41,000
I could do everything
that a father does, you know...
363
00:17:41,033 --> 00:17:45,701
Take the kid to the salon...
364
00:17:45,734 --> 00:17:48,334
Dance class, shopping...
365
00:17:48,367 --> 00:17:51,767
And if it was a girl,
I could learn.
366
00:17:51,801 --> 00:17:55,467
Carter, have you ever thought
about having a baby yourself?
367
00:17:55,501 --> 00:17:58,334
It's crossed my mind.
But it would never work.
368
00:17:58,367 --> 00:18:00,767
I mean, I'm single,
I have a career.
369
00:18:00,801 --> 00:18:04,100
Besides, do you know how hard it
is for a gay man to adopt?
370
00:18:04,133 --> 00:18:06,968
Those are just excuses.
You're a born nurturer.
371
00:18:07,000 --> 00:18:09,000
Right now there is
a kid out there
372
00:18:09,033 --> 00:18:11,634
who would be so lucky
to have you as their dad.
373
00:18:11,667 --> 00:18:13,334
You really think so?
374
00:18:13,367 --> 00:18:15,667
Of course.
You've had enough practice.
375
00:18:15,701 --> 00:18:17,000
You treat that dog
as if it were a child.
376
00:18:17,033 --> 00:18:19,901
One time, I made him
little pants.
377
00:18:24,667 --> 00:18:28,601
Hello, Charlie. I want to apologize
on behalf of both of us.
378
00:18:28,634 --> 00:18:30,701
Sometimes Randall can be
a little insensitive.
379
00:18:30,734 --> 00:18:32,100
Hear! Hear!
380
00:18:32,133 --> 00:18:36,133
He grew up with a silver spoon,
and quite frankly,
381
00:18:36,167 --> 00:18:37,701
he can be selfish.
382
00:18:37,734 --> 00:18:39,000
Guilty as charged.
383
00:18:39,033 --> 00:18:41,100
People give, he takes.
384
00:18:41,133 --> 00:18:43,734
And takes... And takes...
And ta...
385
00:18:43,767 --> 00:18:45,400
let's wrap this up.
386
00:18:46,868 --> 00:18:48,968
Charlie, I really am sorry.
387
00:18:53,200 --> 00:18:58,033
Charlie, I really meant...
Everything that Claire said.
388
00:18:58,067 --> 00:19:01,100
I guess I should
apologize, too.
389
00:19:01,133 --> 00:19:03,634
I did overreact last night.
390
00:19:03,667 --> 00:19:07,234
If I was bothering you, why
didn't you just say something?
391
00:19:07,267 --> 00:19:08,834
I mean, you of all people
392
00:19:08,868 --> 00:19:11,834
know how oblivious I am
to other people's suffering.
393
00:19:11,868 --> 00:19:14,634
It's not my style
to complain...
394
00:19:14,667 --> 00:19:16,434
especially to my boss.
395
00:19:16,467 --> 00:19:18,934
I'm not just your boss,
I'm your friend.
396
00:19:18,968 --> 00:19:22,133
And friends should be able
to tell each other anything...
397
00:19:22,167 --> 00:19:23,367
even if it's bad.
398
00:19:23,400 --> 00:19:26,300
Now, come... come on.
399
00:19:26,334 --> 00:19:30,000
Tell me something
I don't want to hear.
400
00:19:30,033 --> 00:19:33,367
Let's not go
down this path.
401
00:19:33,400 --> 00:19:36,667
I'll go first. Um...
[Clears throat]
402
00:19:36,701 --> 00:19:41,033
Charlie, sometimes you go
a little nuts with the hair gel.
403
00:19:41,067 --> 00:19:43,367
Okay.
404
00:19:43,400 --> 00:19:46,267
See? Ha ha.
405
00:19:46,300 --> 00:19:47,934
Sir?
406
00:19:47,968 --> 00:19:49,234
Uh-huh?
407
00:19:49,267 --> 00:19:52,067
"Furthertheless"
is not a word.
408
00:19:53,601 --> 00:19:55,400
Stop using it.
409
00:19:55,434 --> 00:19:59,534
You breathe too loud.
410
00:19:59,567 --> 00:20:03,901
I don't like it when you
talk to me at the urinal.
411
00:20:03,934 --> 00:20:06,534
You come in late every day.
412
00:20:06,567 --> 00:20:09,234
That's you.
413
00:20:09,267 --> 00:20:12,200
Oh, yeah.
414
00:20:12,234 --> 00:20:13,934
I don't think
this is helping.
415
00:20:13,968 --> 00:20:16,267
No, this is good... as mayor,
I'm constantly surrounded
416
00:20:16,300 --> 00:20:18,501
by people who tell me
what I want to hear.
417
00:20:18,534 --> 00:20:20,868
I've got a million friends...
418
00:20:20,901 --> 00:20:23,434
But not a lot
of close friends.
419
00:20:25,133 --> 00:20:27,467
I was hoping you could
be one, Charlie.
420
00:20:27,501 --> 00:20:29,901
I'd be honored.
421
00:20:29,934 --> 00:20:33,267
And I'll try
to be one, too.
422
00:20:33,300 --> 00:20:34,667
Hey, buddy.
423
00:20:37,801 --> 00:20:39,033
Tell you what...
424
00:20:39,067 --> 00:20:41,634
I'll buy you a drink
at my favorite cigar bar.
425
00:20:41,667 --> 00:20:45,300
Uh, to be honest, sir,
cigar bars are pretty lame.
426
00:20:45,334 --> 00:20:46,701
Crawford, I'm your boss.
427
00:20:46,734 --> 00:20:49,100
I'll see you at
the Cuban room in 20 minutes.
428
00:20:50,868 --> 00:20:54,367
Charlie,
Carter has big news.
429
00:20:54,400 --> 00:20:57,033
Is it bigger than the mayor
and Claire leaving my apartment?
430
00:20:57,067 --> 00:20:59,701
I'm gonna have a baby.
431
00:20:59,734 --> 00:21:01,400
I gotta stop asking
that question.
432
00:21:08,767 --> 00:21:10,767
Oh, what is with
the hat?
433
00:21:10,801 --> 00:21:14,133
I'm incognito.
Why?
434
00:21:14,167 --> 00:21:17,601
When the buses with my face
on it hit the streets,
435
00:21:17,634 --> 00:21:19,434
I'm gonna be
an instant celebrity.
436
00:21:19,467 --> 00:21:22,467
You're gonna wish
you were me.
437
00:21:29,834 --> 00:21:31,000
Sit, ubu, sit.Good dog.
438
00:21:31,033 --> 00:21:32,234
(BARKING)
439
00:21:32,267 --> 00:21:34,734
Moo.32813
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