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1
00:00:01,333 --> 00:00:05,103
I've come up with the layout
for the mayor's Christmas card.
2
00:00:05,137 --> 00:00:07,739
We will do mayor with the dog,
mayor with the baby,
3
00:00:07,773 --> 00:00:09,207
then mayor with the tree.
4
00:00:09,241 --> 00:00:10,908
No, no...
5
00:00:10,942 --> 00:00:14,245
uh, baby... Tree... Dog.
6
00:00:14,279 --> 00:00:16,614
Well, if you're gonna put
the baby before the dog,
7
00:00:16,649 --> 00:00:18,249
then we don't even needthe tree.
8
00:00:18,284 --> 00:00:19,651
Hey, leave my tree alone.
9
00:00:22,254 --> 00:00:25,790
Ooh, somebody bought
the "kama sutra."
10
00:00:25,824 --> 00:00:29,828
You just don't like my order
because it's mine.
11
00:00:29,862 --> 00:00:31,629
I didn't like it
'cause it's incorrect.
12
00:00:31,663 --> 00:00:34,932
Yeah?
Well, you're incorrect.
13
00:00:36,502 --> 00:00:40,138
Could you possibly want her
any more?
14
00:00:40,172 --> 00:00:41,772
Carter,
to tell you the truth,
15
00:00:41,807 --> 00:00:43,975
uh, she doesn't really
do it for me.
16
00:00:44,009 --> 00:00:46,545
Please, Mike...
she almost does it for me.
17
00:00:48,213 --> 00:00:51,249
You could cut the sexual
tension in here with a knife.
18
00:00:51,283 --> 00:00:53,385
That's not sexual tension.
That's bickering.
19
00:00:54,620 --> 00:00:55,720
What I should have said is,
20
00:00:55,755 --> 00:00:57,989
"you like to be
the smartest person in the room,
21
00:00:58,023 --> 00:00:59,324
so I'll leave."
22
00:00:59,358 --> 00:01:02,494
You know, Caitlin,
they're not called "comebacks"
23
00:01:02,528 --> 00:01:05,096
because you leave
and then come back.
24
00:01:05,130 --> 00:01:07,666
Oh, yeah?
25
00:01:07,700 --> 00:01:09,901
Well...
26
00:01:09,935 --> 00:01:11,269
Ugh!
27
00:01:12,438 --> 00:01:14,238
So, are we gonna get lunch...
28
00:01:14,273 --> 00:01:16,574
Or is your stomach
still fluttery?
29
00:01:16,609 --> 00:01:18,476
Fine. Let's go.
30
00:01:18,511 --> 00:01:19,477
Uh...
31
00:01:19,512 --> 00:01:21,045
[CLEARS THROAT]
32
00:01:21,079 --> 00:01:25,383
If you think of something,
we'll be at O'Leary's.
33
00:01:25,417 --> 00:01:27,885
[ACOUSTIC GUITAR PLAYS]
34
00:01:52,411 --> 00:01:54,346
Okay, next item...
the mayor's meeting
35
00:01:54,380 --> 00:01:56,414
with a dignitary
from Stockholm tonight.
36
00:01:56,449 --> 00:01:58,082
Stuart,
I need you to prep him.
37
00:01:58,116 --> 00:01:59,817
Me?
Why do I have to do it?
38
00:01:59,851 --> 00:02:03,087
Oh, I don't know...
it's your job?
39
00:02:03,122 --> 00:02:05,523
How many times are you
gonna go to that well?
40
00:02:05,558 --> 00:02:08,093
Oh, reminder...
tonight's my big holiday party,
41
00:02:08,127 --> 00:02:10,695
so everybody come and bring
an ornament for the tree.
42
00:02:10,730 --> 00:02:13,398
And, Stuart, if it leaves
a ring in your wallet,
43
00:02:13,432 --> 00:02:14,699
it's not an ornament.
44
00:02:14,734 --> 00:02:17,101
Oh, and, everyone...
starting today,
45
00:02:17,135 --> 00:02:19,203
I will be running
the holiday clothes drive.
46
00:02:19,305 --> 00:02:20,672
My advice...
47
00:02:20,706 --> 00:02:23,141
go early
and get the good stuff.
48
00:02:23,175 --> 00:02:24,975
I'm Manning
a depression hot line
49
00:02:25,010 --> 00:02:27,545
for the people
who are feeling down.
50
00:02:27,547 --> 00:02:29,113
That's great, James.
51
00:02:29,148 --> 00:02:33,084
Nobody knows more about
being depressed than me...
52
00:02:33,118 --> 00:02:35,386
1,000 Miles from my family,
53
00:02:35,420 --> 00:02:38,356
tiny apartment,
no girlfriend,
54
00:02:38,391 --> 00:02:41,592
my best friend's my boss.
55
00:02:41,627 --> 00:02:43,995
I'm not your best friend.
56
00:02:46,165 --> 00:02:48,033
[WHIRRING]
57
00:02:48,067 --> 00:02:49,067
[GRUNTS]
58
00:02:49,101 --> 00:02:50,401
Those are the issues
59
00:02:50,435 --> 00:02:52,671
the swedish
delegate will want to discuss.
60
00:02:52,705 --> 00:02:54,939
By the way, she'll be
arriving around 8:00.
61
00:02:54,974 --> 00:02:56,541
Any questions?
62
00:02:56,575 --> 00:02:58,610
How's the chin-up bar
coming?
63
00:02:58,744 --> 00:03:01,679
Sounds like
you're up to speed.
64
00:03:01,681 --> 00:03:02,580
She's ready.
65
00:03:02,615 --> 00:03:05,349
Let me rip a couple off
for you.
66
00:03:06,985 --> 00:03:08,686
Hup!
67
00:03:13,826 --> 00:03:15,359
[EXHALES]
68
00:03:18,363 --> 00:03:22,033
Oh, you bondek...
oh, you!
69
00:03:22,068 --> 00:03:24,836
Come on, you woman!
70
00:03:26,538 --> 00:03:30,442
You gotta want it!
71
00:03:30,476 --> 00:03:32,777
Yeah, she'll hold you.
72
00:03:32,811 --> 00:03:37,281
I tell ya, being on
the campaign trail's tough.
73
00:03:37,315 --> 00:03:40,551
You gotta be strong,
stay fit...
74
00:03:40,586 --> 00:03:41,786
Be a man.
75
00:03:41,820 --> 00:03:44,054
Hand cream?
76
00:03:44,089 --> 00:03:45,356
No, thank you, sir.
77
00:03:48,160 --> 00:03:51,128
Let me show you how one
of these bad boys is done.
78
00:03:53,331 --> 00:03:55,232
[SIGHS]
79
00:03:55,267 --> 00:03:56,467
Ugh!
80
00:04:00,673 --> 00:04:03,174
Next time, sir...
81
00:04:03,208 --> 00:04:07,478
I'd do chin-ups,
then lotion.
82
00:04:07,513 --> 00:04:09,814
Jeff, I'm your
crisis-hot-line counselor.
83
00:04:09,849 --> 00:04:11,315
Listen to me.
84
00:04:11,350 --> 00:04:14,085
Just 'cause you lost your job
and your wife's cheating on you
85
00:04:14,120 --> 00:04:15,920
is no reason to be depressed.
86
00:04:15,954 --> 00:04:18,890
It's the holidays.
I want you to have a beer.
87
00:04:18,924 --> 00:04:21,359
You know what?
Have a few beers.
88
00:04:21,393 --> 00:04:24,295
Then I want you to go
somewhere quiet, like, uh...
89
00:04:24,329 --> 00:04:25,896
The Brooklyn bridge.
90
00:04:28,067 --> 00:04:31,235
I want you to look down
at the black water below
91
00:04:31,269 --> 00:04:34,238
and think about all the things
you have to live for.
92
00:04:34,273 --> 00:04:35,673
I'm sorry?
93
00:04:35,707 --> 00:04:39,744
I don't know... about 500 feet.
94
00:04:39,778 --> 00:04:42,980
Listen, call me
when you get back.
95
00:04:43,014 --> 00:04:44,849
Paul!
96
00:04:44,884 --> 00:04:47,752
You think this tie
is too loud for this shirt?
97
00:04:47,786 --> 00:04:50,654
These clothes
are for the needy.
98
00:04:50,689 --> 00:04:51,890
Ha!
99
00:04:51,924 --> 00:04:54,726
You're never gonna draw them
in with this selection.
100
00:04:54,760 --> 00:04:58,596
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God!
101
00:04:58,630 --> 00:05:02,734
John mcenroe used to wear
a headband exactly like this.
102
00:05:02,768 --> 00:05:04,736
John mcenroe is my hero!
103
00:05:04,770 --> 00:05:06,270
Look... look!
104
00:05:06,305 --> 00:05:08,673
I even have
an autographed picture of him!
105
00:05:08,708 --> 00:05:09,808
Look!
106
00:05:09,842 --> 00:05:13,077
"Dear Paul,
stop following me."
107
00:05:13,111 --> 00:05:15,546
Look at the headband!
108
00:05:15,580 --> 00:05:17,015
It's identical!
109
00:05:17,049 --> 00:05:18,416
Oh, my gosh...
110
00:05:18,450 --> 00:05:22,787
this could be the very headband
John mcenroe wore
111
00:05:22,822 --> 00:05:25,724
when he won
the '79 U.S. open.
112
00:05:25,758 --> 00:05:28,626
Or it could be just
some old random headband.
113
00:05:28,660 --> 00:05:32,330
Yeah, like,
what are the odds of that?
114
00:05:32,364 --> 00:05:35,332
So, excited about
your big party tonight?
115
00:05:35,367 --> 00:05:38,836
Your master plan to get
Caitlin over to your place
116
00:05:38,871 --> 00:05:40,605
is coming to fruition.
117
00:05:40,639 --> 00:05:43,241
Yeah, Carter, it was
a long, difficult process,
118
00:05:43,275 --> 00:05:44,408
but let me tell you,
119
00:05:44,443 --> 00:05:46,678
inventing Christmas
was worth it.
120
00:05:46,712 --> 00:05:49,714
To tell you the truth,
I forgot to even invite her.
121
00:05:49,749 --> 00:05:51,349
Did you really forget,
122
00:05:51,383 --> 00:05:55,019
or were you distracted
by all the, uh, "bickering"?
123
00:05:55,053 --> 00:05:56,921
Don't you mean
"sexual tension"?
124
00:05:56,955 --> 00:06:01,626
Yes, but then I couldn't
have used the air quotes.
125
00:06:01,660 --> 00:06:04,662
There is no sexual tension
between Caitlin and me.
126
00:06:04,696 --> 00:06:06,631
Truth is,
it was an oversight,
127
00:06:06,665 --> 00:06:08,232
and I'm gonna correct it.
128
00:06:08,266 --> 00:06:10,167
Hey, uh, Caitlin...
129
00:06:10,201 --> 00:06:11,669
Yes, Mike?
130
00:06:11,703 --> 00:06:15,039
Um, do you have plans
for tonight?
131
00:06:15,074 --> 00:06:17,008
Because if...
132
00:06:17,042 --> 00:06:19,577
well, I was just wondering
if you wanted to come over
133
00:06:19,611 --> 00:06:21,079
t-to my place tonight.
134
00:06:21,113 --> 00:06:23,915
Sure.
135
00:06:23,949 --> 00:06:26,084
Well, great, okay.
136
00:06:26,118 --> 00:06:27,819
Great.
137
00:06:27,853 --> 00:06:28,886
I'll see you later.
138
00:06:28,920 --> 00:06:30,088
See... uh, see you.
139
00:06:30,122 --> 00:06:33,190
All right. Okay.
140
00:06:33,225 --> 00:06:36,360
See that?
No sexual tension whatsoever.
141
00:06:36,394 --> 00:06:38,696
You realize you just
asked her out on a date.
142
00:06:38,731 --> 00:06:39,730
No, I didn't.
143
00:06:39,765 --> 00:06:42,066
All I said to her was,
"you should come over,"
144
00:06:42,101 --> 00:06:44,802
and she said, "sure, great,"
and you know what?
145
00:06:44,836 --> 00:06:47,572
I have a date.
I have a date with Caitlin.
146
00:06:47,606 --> 00:06:49,607
No, you don't.
You're hosting a party.
147
00:06:49,809 --> 00:06:52,243
Yeah, you're right.
Those people are counting on me
148
00:06:52,278 --> 00:06:54,145
because this is
the only time of year
149
00:06:54,179 --> 00:06:56,281
when I get to show
my friends and co-workers
150
00:06:56,315 --> 00:06:58,149
how much
they really mean to me.
151
00:06:58,183 --> 00:07:00,484
[CLEARS THROAT]
152
00:07:00,519 --> 00:07:04,522
I left my binder here
this morning.
153
00:07:04,556 --> 00:07:06,357
Oh, sorry, yes.
154
00:07:06,391 --> 00:07:07,591
Whoops.
155
00:07:09,328 --> 00:07:10,762
Well, the party's off.
156
00:07:14,500 --> 00:07:17,202
Calm down, you're not alone.
I'm here for you.
157
00:07:17,236 --> 00:07:18,603
James...
158
00:07:18,637 --> 00:07:22,874
Please hold.
159
00:07:22,908 --> 00:07:24,909
Do you have
Mike's home address?
160
00:07:24,943 --> 00:07:26,177
Going to Mike's party?
161
00:07:26,211 --> 00:07:27,812
Party?
162
00:07:27,846 --> 00:07:31,215
Of course. That's why
I'm going to Mike's tonight...
163
00:07:31,249 --> 00:07:32,449
for a party.
164
00:07:32,484 --> 00:07:34,518
If you'll excuse me...
165
00:07:34,553 --> 00:07:37,121
Are you still on that ledge?
166
00:07:39,491 --> 00:07:40,824
Sir, are you okay?
167
00:07:40,859 --> 00:07:43,327
I don't know.
I think I need a masseuse.
168
00:07:43,361 --> 00:07:45,096
I've got a whole list.
169
00:07:45,130 --> 00:07:47,131
Good, because
my back is killing me.
170
00:07:47,166 --> 00:07:49,067
Oh, your back.
171
00:07:49,101 --> 00:07:51,035
Can't help ya.
172
00:07:51,070 --> 00:07:53,571
That's okay.
I'll have janelle set one up.
173
00:07:53,605 --> 00:07:56,874
You're gonna have to take
this Stockholm meeting for me.
174
00:07:56,909 --> 00:07:59,877
I am in no condition
to talk to swedish people.
175
00:08:01,613 --> 00:08:03,848
[BUZZING]
176
00:08:03,882 --> 00:08:07,185
Stupid fly!
177
00:08:11,923 --> 00:08:13,057
Hey...
178
00:08:13,091 --> 00:08:14,692
Hey, Paul!
179
00:08:14,726 --> 00:08:17,194
Mike's looking for the press
release you promised him.
180
00:08:17,228 --> 00:08:19,263
I put it in your in-box
this morning.
181
00:08:19,297 --> 00:08:21,098
That's my out-box.
182
00:08:21,132 --> 00:08:23,701
Are you crazy?!
That's "in"!
183
00:08:23,736 --> 00:08:26,737
How can you call that "out"?
That's "in"!
184
00:08:26,772 --> 00:08:27,739
"Out."
185
00:08:27,773 --> 00:08:29,740
You cannot be serious!
186
00:08:29,775 --> 00:08:31,608
That is clearly "in"!
187
00:08:31,643 --> 00:08:34,078
How incompetent can you be?!
188
00:08:36,447 --> 00:08:40,417
Okay, let's find you a hat.
189
00:08:40,452 --> 00:08:42,921
Oh, here's one.
How's this?
190
00:08:43,055 --> 00:08:47,058
I want that headband.
191
00:08:47,126 --> 00:08:50,428
Sorry.
This one isn't available.
192
00:08:50,462 --> 00:08:52,530
Yes, it is.
It was in the box.
193
00:08:52,564 --> 00:08:54,698
Fork it over.
You're not needy.
194
00:08:54,733 --> 00:08:58,002
It looks like you haven't
missed a meal in years.
195
00:09:00,205 --> 00:09:01,406
Oh, please.
196
00:09:01,440 --> 00:09:03,774
It's just gonna go wasted
on you.
197
00:09:03,809 --> 00:09:06,144
You'll use it
to stave off frostbite.
198
00:09:10,382 --> 00:09:12,750
Damn it!
199
00:09:12,784 --> 00:09:15,119
Language warning.
200
00:09:19,924 --> 00:09:21,859
[MARVIN GAYE'S"LET'S GET IT ON" PLAYS]
201
00:09:21,894 --> 00:09:27,364
♪ I've been really tryin',baby ♪
202
00:09:27,399 --> 00:09:33,871
♪ tryin' to hold backthis feelin' for so long♪
203
00:09:33,906 --> 00:09:36,540
♪ and if you feel ♪
204
00:09:36,575 --> 00:09:38,376
♪ Like I feel, baby ♪
205
00:09:38,410 --> 00:09:40,678
♪ Then come on ♪
206
00:09:40,712 --> 00:09:42,880
♪ Oh, come on ♪
207
00:09:42,914 --> 00:09:44,582
[DOORBELL RINGS]
208
00:09:44,616 --> 00:09:46,550
♪ Let's get it on ♪
209
00:09:46,585 --> 00:09:48,719
♪ Oh, babe ♪
210
00:09:48,753 --> 00:09:52,056
♪ Let's get it on... ♪
211
00:09:52,090 --> 00:09:54,759
[FRENCH ACCENT]
Duck à l'orange.
212
00:09:54,761 --> 00:09:58,229
Duck à l'orange.
213
00:09:58,263 --> 00:10:01,398
Duck à l'orange?
214
00:10:01,432 --> 00:10:03,333
Hi, Mike.
215
00:10:03,368 --> 00:10:05,002
[NORMAL VOICE] Hi.
216
00:10:05,036 --> 00:10:07,071
Mmm.
What smells so good?
217
00:10:07,105 --> 00:10:10,107
Duck l'orange.
218
00:10:10,142 --> 00:10:11,341
You, uh...
219
00:10:11,376 --> 00:10:13,443
y-you look terrific.
220
00:10:13,478 --> 00:10:15,512
Oh, thanks.
221
00:10:15,546 --> 00:10:19,016
Wow... an actual date.
222
00:10:19,050 --> 00:10:22,387
Hey, sweetie,
I parked the car.
223
00:10:22,421 --> 00:10:25,489
...and such a large
and attractive one.
224
00:10:33,932 --> 00:10:37,368
♪ There's nothin' wrong ♪
225
00:10:37,402 --> 00:10:41,706
♪ With me lovin' you ♪
226
00:10:41,740 --> 00:10:43,841
♪ Baby, no, no ♪
227
00:10:43,876 --> 00:10:48,646
♪ And givin' your love to mecould never be wrong.♪.
228
00:10:48,681 --> 00:10:51,615
Are we the first ones here?
229
00:10:51,650 --> 00:10:53,551
Uh, yes...
230
00:10:53,585 --> 00:10:57,154
You're the first of many...
To my party.
231
00:10:57,188 --> 00:10:59,456
I have to make a call.
232
00:10:59,491 --> 00:11:03,528
Um, you two...
you just, uh... Mingle.
233
00:11:04,530 --> 00:11:08,298
[CELLULAR PHONE RINGS]
234
00:11:08,333 --> 00:11:10,100
Hello?
235
00:11:10,135 --> 00:11:11,502
Carter, it's... it's Mike.
236
00:11:11,537 --> 00:11:13,404
Listen, uh,
the party's back on.
237
00:11:13,438 --> 00:11:15,873
Yeah? What happened
to your date?
238
00:11:15,907 --> 00:11:17,441
It's not a date, okay?
239
00:11:17,476 --> 00:11:19,310
Now... now, call the staff.
240
00:11:19,344 --> 00:11:21,879
Get everybody over here
right now.
241
00:11:21,913 --> 00:11:24,748
Maybe I'm busy.
Heh heh.
242
00:11:26,785 --> 00:11:30,788
Carter, do you have a dog
on your chest right now?
243
00:11:30,822 --> 00:11:33,023
I'll see you in 10 minutes.
244
00:11:35,293 --> 00:11:36,928
[RINGS]
245
00:11:36,962 --> 00:11:39,563
Crisis hot line.
Don't do it.
246
00:11:39,598 --> 00:11:40,565
James, it's Caitlin.
247
00:11:40,599 --> 00:11:42,567
I'm at Mike's,
and there's no party.
248
00:11:42,601 --> 00:11:44,435
Life can't always be
a party, Caitlin.
249
00:11:44,469 --> 00:11:46,604
That's no reason
to get down on yourself.
250
00:11:46,638 --> 00:11:47,938
I am not down on myself.
251
00:11:47,972 --> 00:11:50,274
Why did you say
Mike was having a party?
252
00:11:50,309 --> 00:11:51,842
He was,
but he canceled it.
253
00:11:51,877 --> 00:11:54,178
I think he's playing
basketball instead.
254
00:11:54,212 --> 00:11:56,514
He said something
about a slam-dunk.
255
00:11:56,548 --> 00:11:57,648
Oh, he did, did he?
256
00:11:57,683 --> 00:11:59,884
I cannot believe
how arrogant that...
257
00:11:59,918 --> 00:12:00,918
[RINGS]
258
00:12:00,953 --> 00:12:03,153
Hold on.
I've got another call.
259
00:12:03,188 --> 00:12:05,790
Crisis hot line.
Think about your kids.
260
00:12:05,824 --> 00:12:07,525
James, there's a number
on my desk.
261
00:12:07,559 --> 00:12:09,460
I want you to call it.
Uncancel my order.
262
00:12:09,494 --> 00:12:11,695
I had a case of red wine,
a case of white wine,
263
00:12:11,730 --> 00:12:13,464
six cases of beer,
and some liquor.
264
00:12:13,498 --> 00:12:16,033
Have them send it over
to my apartment right away.
265
00:12:16,067 --> 00:12:19,536
Listen, Mike,
alcohol is not the answer.
266
00:12:19,571 --> 00:12:21,272
All right, well, uh,
267
00:12:21,306 --> 00:12:24,141
let's, uh... let's get
this party rolling.
268
00:12:24,175 --> 00:12:26,911
Since you guys
are the first ones here,
269
00:12:26,945 --> 00:12:30,314
you get the first crack
at my famous party mix.
270
00:12:32,417 --> 00:12:35,686
Froot loops and croutons?
271
00:12:35,720 --> 00:12:40,291
Yeah. You know, my mom used to
call them, uh... Fruitons.
272
00:12:42,294 --> 00:12:44,695
B-but I like to call them, uh...
273
00:12:44,729 --> 00:12:48,966
Uh, crout loops.
274
00:12:49,001 --> 00:12:50,534
Mike, if this is a party,
275
00:12:50,568 --> 00:12:53,370
why are there only
two dinners on the table?
276
00:12:53,405 --> 00:12:57,675
Oh, these...
well, these, uh...
277
00:12:57,709 --> 00:13:01,879
These are, uh...
These are for the party mix.
278
00:13:04,716 --> 00:13:08,252
Well, fruit loops without duck
is just nasty.
279
00:13:08,287 --> 00:13:10,387
Okay...
280
00:13:10,422 --> 00:13:14,826
The capital of Sweden
is Stockholm...
281
00:13:14,860 --> 00:13:17,128
population 692,954.
282
00:13:17,162 --> 00:13:19,130
Chief export...
283
00:13:19,164 --> 00:13:21,765
[SPEAKS SWEDISH]
284
00:13:21,800 --> 00:13:24,835
...babes.
285
00:13:24,870 --> 00:13:26,470
I'm here for the mayor.
286
00:13:26,504 --> 00:13:27,972
Right.
287
00:13:28,006 --> 00:13:29,372
I'm Stuart bondek.
288
00:13:29,407 --> 00:13:33,677
The mayor had an emergency,
so I'll be taking his place.
289
00:13:33,712 --> 00:13:34,912
Ja?
290
00:13:34,947 --> 00:13:36,714
We are very honored...
291
00:13:38,350 --> 00:13:40,851
...to have you.
292
00:13:40,886 --> 00:13:42,620
Ja.
293
00:13:42,654 --> 00:13:44,755
Now, uh, would you like
to begin
294
00:13:44,789 --> 00:13:47,758
by hearing about our
cultural-exchange program
295
00:13:47,792 --> 00:13:51,328
or my discussing our upcoming
joint press conference?
296
00:13:51,362 --> 00:13:55,165
Would you not like to start
by taking off your clothes?
297
00:13:59,671 --> 00:14:02,072
Ja.
298
00:14:09,414 --> 00:14:11,515
[SIGHS DEEPLY]
299
00:14:15,654 --> 00:14:16,987
[SPEAKS SWEDISH]
300
00:14:17,021 --> 00:14:18,388
Oh, great!
You're here!
301
00:14:18,423 --> 00:14:20,491
Thank you for meeting
with me, Mr. mayor.
302
00:14:20,525 --> 00:14:24,227
No, no, thank you.
Did you forget your table?
303
00:14:24,262 --> 00:14:25,428
Sorry?
304
00:14:25,463 --> 00:14:28,766
It's quite all right.
We can use the floor.
305
00:14:28,800 --> 00:14:30,268
How much time do we have?
306
00:14:30,302 --> 00:14:32,669
You just keep going
till I fall asleep.
307
00:14:32,704 --> 00:14:34,605
I will just
get ready, then.
308
00:14:34,639 --> 00:14:38,275
Me too.
309
00:14:38,309 --> 00:14:40,978
So... Where shall we begin?
310
00:14:41,013 --> 00:14:42,679
How about my ass?
311
00:14:45,450 --> 00:14:47,317
As deputy mayor
I have a lot of power,
312
00:14:47,352 --> 00:14:48,719
but what keeps me going
313
00:14:48,754 --> 00:14:51,188
is knowing I make
a difference in people's lives.
314
00:14:51,222 --> 00:14:53,357
What do you do, rob?
315
00:14:53,391 --> 00:14:55,593
I'm a heart surgeon.
316
00:14:55,627 --> 00:14:58,495
I work mostly with kids.
317
00:15:00,365 --> 00:15:03,300
So you're in it
for the money.
318
00:15:03,334 --> 00:15:05,936
Mike, I brought the people
from the crisis center.
319
00:15:10,842 --> 00:15:12,275
The more the merrier.
320
00:15:12,310 --> 00:15:13,711
[DOORBELL RINGS]
321
00:15:13,745 --> 00:15:15,278
Ah, see?
There you go.
322
00:15:15,313 --> 00:15:18,148
All my friends don't show up
at 8:00 on the dot.
323
00:15:18,182 --> 00:15:19,783
This is a late-night crowd,
324
00:15:19,818 --> 00:15:22,319
and they, uh...
they party very hard.
325
00:15:25,023 --> 00:15:28,425
Of course,
that takes its toll.
326
00:15:28,459 --> 00:15:30,794
Uh, Mike, I'd like you to meet
my grandma.
327
00:15:30,829 --> 00:15:32,696
Yeah, who I asked Nikki
to bring
328
00:15:32,731 --> 00:15:34,898
because she's...
she's a fortuneteller.
329
00:15:34,933 --> 00:15:36,900
The woman
is positively psychic.
330
00:15:36,935 --> 00:15:39,103
Is that the bathroom?
331
00:15:39,137 --> 00:15:41,972
See that? Freaky.
332
00:15:42,007 --> 00:15:44,108
Save something for the guests,
okay, gram?
333
00:15:46,111 --> 00:15:48,278
Okay, Mike...
334
00:15:48,312 --> 00:15:50,614
Not that watching you squirm
isn't fun,
335
00:15:50,649 --> 00:15:52,049
but just admit it...
336
00:15:52,083 --> 00:15:54,618
you weren't planning on having
a party tonight.
337
00:15:54,653 --> 00:15:57,587
Come on. This soiree
has been months in the making.
338
00:16:00,225 --> 00:16:02,025
What was so important
339
00:16:02,060 --> 00:16:05,329
you needed to page me
at the dojo?
340
00:16:05,363 --> 00:16:08,265
Every year...
janelle and her costumes.
341
00:16:08,299 --> 00:16:10,668
I... I love it.
Come on in.
342
00:16:10,702 --> 00:16:14,171
Give it up. You don't even know
half these people's names.
343
00:16:14,205 --> 00:16:16,406
Oh, you don't know
what you're talking about.
344
00:16:16,440 --> 00:16:17,541
I know everybody here.
345
00:16:17,575 --> 00:16:18,942
Hey, chief, how's it going?
346
00:16:18,977 --> 00:16:21,211
Sporto.
347
00:16:21,245 --> 00:16:23,513
See you brought the big guy.
348
00:16:23,548 --> 00:16:25,949
And there's candles
and the music.
349
00:16:25,984 --> 00:16:28,952
You thought
this was gonna be a date.
350
00:16:29,021 --> 00:16:31,088
That's the most ridiculous
thing I ever heard.
351
00:16:31,122 --> 00:16:34,424
Huh? What do you think,
sporto?
352
00:16:34,459 --> 00:16:36,593
That's chief.
353
00:16:36,628 --> 00:16:39,930
All right, all right,
I admit it.
354
00:16:39,964 --> 00:16:41,631
I...Thought it was a date.
355
00:16:41,666 --> 00:16:44,068
There. Isn't it better
to be honest
356
00:16:44,102 --> 00:16:45,836
instead of playing games?
357
00:16:45,871 --> 00:16:49,373
I don't know if it's better.
358
00:16:49,407 --> 00:16:51,575
It's different.
359
00:16:51,609 --> 00:16:53,878
Mike, I'm making
some more crout loops.
360
00:16:53,912 --> 00:16:55,479
Where do you keep the duck?
361
00:16:57,716 --> 00:17:00,951
Spare change!
Spare change!
362
00:17:00,985 --> 00:17:03,854
Give me spare change!
363
00:17:03,888 --> 00:17:05,156
Spare change.
364
00:17:05,190 --> 00:17:07,024
Thank you very much.
365
00:17:07,059 --> 00:17:08,259
Merry Christmas.
366
00:17:08,293 --> 00:17:09,993
[PANTING]
367
00:17:10,028 --> 00:17:12,296
Spare change.
Spare change.
368
00:17:12,330 --> 00:17:13,797
Spare change.
369
00:17:13,831 --> 00:17:16,333
Ha! Got it! Ha ha!
370
00:17:16,368 --> 00:17:18,069
So long, sucker!
371
00:17:18,103 --> 00:17:20,904
Ow! Ow!
Ow, ow, ow, ow!
372
00:17:20,939 --> 00:17:23,907
Worth it!
Ow, ow, ow, ow!
373
00:17:23,942 --> 00:17:27,344
Yes! Yahtzee!
In your face!
374
00:17:27,379 --> 00:17:29,046
[SOBBING]
375
00:17:29,080 --> 00:17:30,914
No, no, no.
I take it back.
376
00:17:30,948 --> 00:17:32,849
I take it back.
No yahtzee.
377
00:17:32,884 --> 00:17:34,919
So, what are you
gonna do now?
378
00:17:34,953 --> 00:17:37,588
It's her move.
But I'll tell you this...
379
00:17:37,622 --> 00:17:38,856
nothing's gonna happen
380
00:17:38,890 --> 00:17:40,757
as long as she's dating
Dr. third-wheel.
381
00:17:40,792 --> 00:17:42,125
Him?
382
00:17:42,160 --> 00:17:44,294
He's a bartender.
383
00:17:44,329 --> 00:17:45,562
What?
384
00:17:45,596 --> 00:17:47,965
When Caitlin took me
to lunch yesterday,
385
00:17:47,999 --> 00:17:50,633
I'm pretty sure
he's the guy behind the bar.
386
00:17:50,668 --> 00:17:52,669
Why would she bring
some bartender
387
00:17:52,703 --> 00:17:54,804
she doesn't even know
to my party?
388
00:17:54,839 --> 00:17:57,440
Maybe she had to scare up
a date at the last minute.
389
00:17:57,475 --> 00:18:00,911
Maybe she thought
it was a date, too.
390
00:18:00,945 --> 00:18:06,317
"You shouldn't play games, Mike.
We should be honest, Mike.
391
00:18:06,351 --> 00:18:11,155
We should eat Sushi off
the small of my back, Mike."
392
00:18:11,189 --> 00:18:13,557
She never said that.
393
00:18:13,592 --> 00:18:16,227
It was implied.
394
00:18:16,261 --> 00:18:17,228
James, what's wrong?
395
00:18:17,262 --> 00:18:19,430
I've been talking
to depressed people
396
00:18:19,464 --> 00:18:20,965
for five hours straight.
397
00:18:20,999 --> 00:18:23,667
They all want to know
what they have to live for.
398
00:18:23,701 --> 00:18:25,235
I gotta be honest with you.
399
00:18:25,270 --> 00:18:27,337
That guy over there...
nothing.
400
00:18:28,940 --> 00:18:32,642
Oh, you're just burnt out.
I'll take over for a while.
401
00:18:35,547 --> 00:18:38,949
So... How's it going?
402
00:18:38,983 --> 00:18:41,985
Terrible.
Women just don't like me...
403
00:18:42,020 --> 00:18:45,722
Not that I blame them.
I have nothing to offer.
404
00:18:45,756 --> 00:18:46,957
That's not true.
405
00:18:46,991 --> 00:18:49,626
You're interesting,
you're attractive.
406
00:18:49,660 --> 00:18:52,429
I'm not into redheads.
407
00:18:55,233 --> 00:18:57,634
Uh, rob, can you settle a bet
for Carter and me?
408
00:18:57,668 --> 00:19:00,070
How many bones are there
in the human body?
409
00:19:00,104 --> 00:19:02,439
Mike, he's a heart surgeon.
410
00:19:02,473 --> 00:19:04,274
Oh, right. Sorry.
411
00:19:04,309 --> 00:19:07,044
How many hearts?
412
00:19:07,078 --> 00:19:08,912
You don't have to
answer that.
413
00:19:08,947 --> 00:19:11,248
But I know this one.
414
00:19:11,282 --> 00:19:13,783
Could you make me
a Martini?
415
00:19:13,818 --> 00:19:15,986
Dry or wet?
Dry.
416
00:19:16,020 --> 00:19:17,620
Over or up?
Up.
417
00:19:17,655 --> 00:19:20,023
Olive or onion?
Just go!
418
00:19:22,426 --> 00:19:25,495
You know, my... my mom
wanted me to be a doctor,
419
00:19:25,529 --> 00:19:28,498
but, uh, I couldn't stand
the sight of gin.
420
00:19:30,568 --> 00:19:34,338
All right, I guess you've
got this all figured out,
421
00:19:34,372 --> 00:19:36,874
so I might as well
come clean.
422
00:19:36,908 --> 00:19:39,542
Rob lost a guy
on the table today.
423
00:19:39,577 --> 00:19:41,678
His head's really messed up.
424
00:19:47,519 --> 00:19:51,188
CAITLIN: So, how'd the rest
of the party go?
425
00:19:51,223 --> 00:19:52,389
Oh, fine.
426
00:19:52,424 --> 00:19:55,692
Uh... Nikki's grandmother
hooked up with chief...
427
00:19:57,329 --> 00:19:59,496
...whom she says
is actually the big guy.
428
00:20:04,436 --> 00:20:05,836
You know, I was thinking,
429
00:20:05,870 --> 00:20:08,272
we both thought last night
was a date...
430
00:20:08,306 --> 00:20:09,473
Yeah?
431
00:20:09,507 --> 00:20:11,775
...and we both seem
okay with that.
432
00:20:11,809 --> 00:20:13,277
Yeah?
433
00:20:13,311 --> 00:20:15,879
Well, since you were
so eager to accept...
434
00:20:15,913 --> 00:20:19,049
eager? I just accepted
to be polite.
435
00:20:19,083 --> 00:20:21,552
I was just inviting you
to a party,
436
00:20:21,586 --> 00:20:24,355
but it was very polite
of you to want me.
437
00:20:24,389 --> 00:20:25,989
Please!
438
00:20:26,023 --> 00:20:28,392
You are the one who was
just about to ask me out.
439
00:20:28,426 --> 00:20:29,526
You always go there.
440
00:20:29,560 --> 00:20:32,062
Why don't you just admit
you want me to ask you out?
441
00:20:32,096 --> 00:20:33,530
Pff!
442
00:20:33,564 --> 00:20:34,698
Don't... don't "pff" me.
443
00:20:34,766 --> 00:20:36,900
You know what I say
to your "pff"? I say, "ehh."
444
00:20:36,934 --> 00:20:38,835
What is "ehh"?
445
00:20:38,870 --> 00:20:41,939
"Ehh" is the smart man's
"pff."
446
00:20:41,973 --> 00:20:43,506
Get a room!
447
00:20:52,884 --> 00:20:55,119
[BREATHING HEAVILY]
448
00:20:55,121 --> 00:20:57,554
Uh!
449
00:20:59,423 --> 00:21:01,858
Ahhhhh!
450
00:21:01,892 --> 00:21:05,695
Hey...[PANTING]
How many is that?
451
00:21:05,730 --> 00:21:07,931
One.
452
00:21:07,966 --> 00:21:13,270
19 more...
And you owe me 10 bucks.
453
00:21:17,475 --> 00:21:20,076
MAN: Sit, ubu, sit.
Good dog.
454
00:21:20,111 --> 00:21:21,178
(BARKING)31580
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