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1
00:00:01,300 --> 00:00:03,768
He's a 54-year-old
father of one.
2
00:00:03,802 --> 00:00:06,471
Originally
from Fairfield, Connecticut,
3
00:00:06,505 --> 00:00:09,407
who currently lives
at Gracie mansion.
4
00:00:09,442 --> 00:00:13,144
Randall Winston, come on down!
5
00:00:13,179 --> 00:00:15,146
[APPLAUSE]
6
00:00:15,180 --> 00:00:16,981
Nice game-show bit.
7
00:00:17,016 --> 00:00:18,617
Thank you, Mike.
8
00:00:18,651 --> 00:00:21,420
Keep that up, you'll be playing
the home version.
9
00:00:21,454 --> 00:00:24,356
Paul...
10
00:00:24,390 --> 00:00:26,991
You got a little...
Little situation.
11
00:00:27,025 --> 00:00:29,994
Shoot!
12
00:00:30,029 --> 00:00:31,863
Now that you'll be running
for the senate,
13
00:00:31,897 --> 00:00:34,198
you'll be spending more time
campaigning.
14
00:00:34,233 --> 00:00:36,134
Will the city's problems
be neglected?
15
00:00:36,168 --> 00:00:38,303
No, I have complete
confidence in my staff.
16
00:00:38,337 --> 00:00:40,605
There's no problem
these people can't solve.
17
00:00:40,640 --> 00:00:43,275
Oh, sugar!
18
00:00:43,309 --> 00:00:46,711
If you're elected to the senate,
is there anyone on your staff
19
00:00:46,746 --> 00:00:48,980
who you could see
as the next mayor?
20
00:00:49,014 --> 00:00:51,383
Showtime.
21
00:00:51,417 --> 00:00:52,717
I have an incredible staff
22
00:00:52,751 --> 00:00:55,120
full of bright and talented
individuals.
23
00:00:55,154 --> 00:00:56,854
But if you're asking,
24
00:00:56,888 --> 00:01:00,658
"is there one person
who could rise above the rest,
25
00:01:00,692 --> 00:01:04,362
grab the reins
of this great city?"
26
00:01:05,864 --> 00:01:07,698
No.
27
00:01:09,935 --> 00:01:12,604
[ACOUSTIC GUITAR PLAYS]
28
00:01:37,163 --> 00:01:39,998
I've decided what I'm gonna do
with the money I won
29
00:01:40,032 --> 00:01:42,334
on "who wants to be
a millionaire."
30
00:01:42,368 --> 00:01:44,669
I have invested
in the world's first
31
00:01:44,703 --> 00:01:46,337
politically themed restaurant.
32
00:01:46,371 --> 00:01:48,640
You wanna hear the best part?
It's called "wonk."
33
00:01:48,674 --> 00:01:49,808
Wonk?
34
00:01:49,842 --> 00:01:51,009
Wonk!
35
00:01:51,043 --> 00:01:53,044
You know,
like a policy expert.
36
00:01:53,078 --> 00:01:55,046
Well, you obviously
didn't win that money
37
00:01:55,080 --> 00:01:57,015
on "who wants to staya millionaire."
38
00:01:57,049 --> 00:01:59,317
[CHUCKLES]
39
00:01:59,351 --> 00:02:00,919
You know what would be great?
40
00:02:00,953 --> 00:02:03,688
If you and I were to go
into business together.
41
00:02:03,723 --> 00:02:05,089
Oh, wait.
42
00:02:05,124 --> 00:02:07,959
You don't havea million dollars, do you?
43
00:02:07,994 --> 00:02:09,561
Hey, Paul,
44
00:02:09,595 --> 00:02:12,397
are you absolutely, legally
bound to this?
45
00:02:12,431 --> 00:02:15,667
Is there a loophole
or escape clause of any kind?
46
00:02:15,701 --> 00:02:17,536
Why?
47
00:02:17,570 --> 00:02:20,672
Because I think
you got a real winner here.
48
00:02:20,674 --> 00:02:23,708
I hear the mayor slammed you
at the press conference.
49
00:02:23,743 --> 00:02:24,976
Can you believe that?
50
00:02:25,011 --> 00:02:26,778
One of the first rules
of management
51
00:02:26,812 --> 00:02:29,514
is you don't crush the dreams
of those who work for you.
52
00:02:29,549 --> 00:02:31,048
He didn't mention me, either.
53
00:02:31,083 --> 00:02:34,586
Like you could be mayor.
54
00:02:34,620 --> 00:02:36,388
Caitlin
set me up on a campaign swing.
55
00:02:36,422 --> 00:02:39,323
I'm gonna be out of town
for a couple of days.
56
00:02:39,358 --> 00:02:42,760
So you need someone on the staff
to rise above the others,
57
00:02:42,795 --> 00:02:44,996
grab the reins
of this great city?
58
00:02:45,064 --> 00:02:46,531
Easy there, mussolini.
59
00:02:47,833 --> 00:02:49,534
Here's a schedule.
60
00:02:49,569 --> 00:02:52,970
So you got
doorman's union and amc.
61
00:02:53,005 --> 00:02:54,739
What's amc?
62
00:02:54,773 --> 00:02:58,043
Uh, agricultural
m-management commission.
63
00:03:01,380 --> 00:03:03,815
Agricultural
management commission?
64
00:03:03,849 --> 00:03:06,484
"All my children."
65
00:03:09,221 --> 00:03:10,455
Hey, Nikki.
66
00:03:10,489 --> 00:03:11,656
Hmm?
67
00:03:11,691 --> 00:03:14,392
You wanna see some pictures
of me and Deirdre?
68
00:03:14,426 --> 00:03:16,294
Sure.
69
00:03:17,429 --> 00:03:20,198
Stuart, you're both naked!
70
00:03:20,232 --> 00:03:22,701
Why can't two people
in a committed relationship
71
00:03:22,735 --> 00:03:24,970
pose for some artistic
snapshots together?
72
00:03:25,004 --> 00:03:29,240
You're at the dmv.
73
00:03:29,274 --> 00:03:34,445
You know how long
they make you wait.
74
00:03:34,480 --> 00:03:35,946
Stuart!
75
00:03:35,981 --> 00:03:37,482
Hey, Deirdre.
76
00:03:37,516 --> 00:03:40,051
Are you showing naked pictures
of us around the office?
77
00:03:40,086 --> 00:03:41,786
Yes.
78
00:03:41,821 --> 00:03:44,489
Well, it's about time.
79
00:03:46,825 --> 00:03:49,327
Stuart...
80
00:03:49,361 --> 00:03:51,496
I wanted to tell you,
"good job last week
81
00:03:51,530 --> 00:03:53,598
on the mayor's
new business proposal."
82
00:03:53,632 --> 00:03:55,900
[SWEETLY]
Stuart did a good job!
83
00:03:55,935 --> 00:03:58,269
Yes, you did!
Yes, you did!
84
00:03:58,303 --> 00:04:02,106
All right, blondie, listen up,
here's the rules.
85
00:04:02,140 --> 00:04:03,708
You stay away from my man,
86
00:04:03,742 --> 00:04:06,845
or you and I are gonna be
co-starring in a little play
87
00:04:06,879 --> 00:04:10,181
I like to call
"Deirdre, the prison guard."
88
00:04:10,215 --> 00:04:13,117
No offense, but I'm not
interested in your man.
89
00:04:13,151 --> 00:04:16,153
So why don't you just march
those $12 pumps
90
00:04:16,188 --> 00:04:17,856
back to the trailer park
91
00:04:17,890 --> 00:04:22,059
and whip up some dinner
for cousin dad?
92
00:04:22,094 --> 00:04:24,796
[LAUGHS]
93
00:04:24,830 --> 00:04:26,364
Ha.
94
00:04:26,398 --> 00:04:28,032
Ha.
95
00:04:28,066 --> 00:04:29,834
Ha.
96
00:04:29,869 --> 00:04:32,737
I like her.
97
00:04:32,771 --> 00:04:35,039
But I have to be
out of that meeting by 11:00.
98
00:04:35,073 --> 00:04:37,108
Mr. mayor, I just wanted
to re-reconfirm
99
00:04:37,142 --> 00:04:39,243
that you are coming
to the opening of wonk
100
00:04:39,277 --> 00:04:41,278
like you promised
because I have, like,
101
00:04:41,313 --> 00:04:43,047
a million dollars
riding on this.
102
00:04:43,081 --> 00:04:46,384
Of course, Paul. You're a good
friend and a valued employee.
103
00:04:46,418 --> 00:04:47,485
When is it?
104
00:04:47,520 --> 00:04:48,553
Tomorrow night.
105
00:04:48,587 --> 00:04:49,687
Can't make it.
106
00:04:49,722 --> 00:04:50,989
But, sir...
107
00:04:51,057 --> 00:04:53,224
won't you let it drop,
Paul?!
108
00:04:57,530 --> 00:04:58,730
You wanted to see me?
109
00:04:58,764 --> 00:05:00,498
Yeah,
hang out for a minute.
110
00:05:00,533 --> 00:05:04,835
Professor Flaherty will give a
seminar on how to be the mayor.
111
00:05:04,870 --> 00:05:06,971
James, you wanna send in
the doormen?
112
00:05:07,006 --> 00:05:10,008
Thanks, Jerry.
113
00:05:10,042 --> 00:05:12,010
Thanks, Bob.
114
00:05:12,044 --> 00:05:13,177
Sure thing, Frank.
115
00:05:13,211 --> 00:05:14,712
You have a good day now.
116
00:05:14,747 --> 00:05:18,249
You too, Bob.
117
00:05:18,283 --> 00:05:20,484
Gentlemen,
please have a seat.
118
00:05:20,519 --> 00:05:22,286
I have to tell you,
I'm disappointed.
119
00:05:22,321 --> 00:05:23,654
We're very busy here,
120
00:05:23,689 --> 00:05:26,657
and you can't keep running
to the mayor for arbitration
121
00:05:26,692 --> 00:05:29,460
every time your negotiations
reach an impasse.
122
00:05:29,494 --> 00:05:32,130
Who are you?
123
00:05:32,164 --> 00:05:34,398
I'll have you know
I am the interim mayor.
124
00:05:34,433 --> 00:05:36,133
You're an intern?
125
00:05:38,270 --> 00:05:39,771
Interim.
126
00:05:39,805 --> 00:05:43,340
So you don't get paid.
127
00:05:43,375 --> 00:05:44,542
Of course I get paid.
128
00:05:44,577 --> 00:05:47,512
You go back to college
in the fall.
129
00:05:47,546 --> 00:05:49,681
No, I am the interim mayor.
130
00:05:49,715 --> 00:05:53,718
I am totally in charge
until the mayor gets back.
131
00:05:53,752 --> 00:05:55,319
Fine,
then we'll come back later.
132
00:05:55,353 --> 00:05:56,988
We're having the meeting now.
133
00:05:57,022 --> 00:05:58,389
I am the interim mayor!
134
00:05:58,423 --> 00:06:01,092
You're gettin'
a little worked up here.
135
00:06:01,126 --> 00:06:03,695
How 'bout if we just talk
to the deputy mayor?
136
00:06:03,729 --> 00:06:06,830
That's me,
I'm the deputy mayor!
137
00:06:06,865 --> 00:06:09,067
Sure you are.
138
00:06:09,101 --> 00:06:11,102
Carter,
you wanna tell 'em?
139
00:06:11,137 --> 00:06:15,139
He told me
he was a Professor.
140
00:06:16,808 --> 00:06:19,644
So the mayor can't make it.
What's the big deal?
141
00:06:19,678 --> 00:06:22,013
It's a politically themed
restaurant.
142
00:06:22,047 --> 00:06:25,483
It would be like opening Hooters
with flat-chested women.
143
00:06:29,054 --> 00:06:30,755
Don't even joke about that.
144
00:06:38,831 --> 00:06:41,365
Paul, the mayor will come
some other night.
145
00:06:41,399 --> 00:06:43,667
I have been
in the restaurant business
146
00:06:43,702 --> 00:06:45,269
for well over three days now,
147
00:06:45,303 --> 00:06:47,905
and there's a couple of things
I've learned.
148
00:06:47,940 --> 00:06:49,607
Number one...
149
00:06:49,641 --> 00:06:52,009
there are tremendous bargains
to be had
150
00:06:52,044 --> 00:06:53,711
at government meat auctions.
151
00:06:53,745 --> 00:06:55,412
And two... in New York,
152
00:06:55,447 --> 00:06:58,015
if a restaurant
doesn't open big,
153
00:06:58,050 --> 00:07:00,618
it doesn't open at all.
154
00:07:00,652 --> 00:07:03,955
Paul, the army is here
with your meat.
155
00:07:05,691 --> 00:07:07,925
The mayor
never had a problem
156
00:07:07,960 --> 00:07:10,528
in giving us
our standard 5% bump.
157
00:07:10,562 --> 00:07:12,964
You're not dealing
with the mayor.
158
00:07:12,998 --> 00:07:15,600
Do we have to
go through this again?
159
00:07:19,938 --> 00:07:24,943
You fellas got quite a list
of demands here.
160
00:07:24,977 --> 00:07:28,279
Every year we deadlock
with the landlords' association.
161
00:07:28,314 --> 00:07:30,081
The mayor rubber-stamps this.
162
00:07:30,115 --> 00:07:33,751
We want increased medical
coverage and longer breaks.
163
00:07:33,785 --> 00:07:35,553
Longer breaks.
164
00:07:35,587 --> 00:07:38,122
You open doors.
165
00:07:38,157 --> 00:07:39,390
Keep pushin' it, Flaherty.
166
00:07:39,424 --> 00:07:41,425
You're gonna have a strike
on your hands.
167
00:07:41,459 --> 00:07:43,094
A doorman's strike?
168
00:07:43,128 --> 00:07:46,964
Who'll wear the funny
uniforms and not do anything?
169
00:07:46,998 --> 00:07:49,467
That's it.
We're outta here.
170
00:07:49,501 --> 00:07:52,070
Let me get that for you.
171
00:07:52,104 --> 00:07:53,537
Wait a minute.
172
00:07:53,572 --> 00:07:57,308
How does
one of these bad boys work?
173
00:08:00,312 --> 00:08:01,912
There you go!
174
00:08:09,788 --> 00:08:12,489
This whole thing has made me
realize I could be mayor.
175
00:08:12,524 --> 00:08:14,792
I'm not a backup guy,
I'm a lead singer.
176
00:08:14,826 --> 00:08:17,728
I should be up front,
tight pants,
177
00:08:17,762 --> 00:08:20,097
gyrating my hips
as the crowd goes wild.
178
00:08:20,131 --> 00:08:21,599
If that's all it takes,
179
00:08:21,633 --> 00:08:24,969
there's a bar in my neighborhood
where I was mayor last night.
180
00:08:25,003 --> 00:08:27,471
Talk to the mayor
and get his endorsement.
181
00:08:27,505 --> 00:08:29,106
I don't need an endorsement.
182
00:08:29,140 --> 00:08:31,776
All I gotta do
is float a rumor then deny it.
183
00:08:31,810 --> 00:08:33,210
What good would that do?
184
00:08:33,244 --> 00:08:34,912
That's how politics works.
185
00:08:34,946 --> 00:08:36,981
James, did you hear
186
00:08:37,016 --> 00:08:39,350
Carter is having an affair
with ed in the mailroom?
187
00:08:39,385 --> 00:08:40,251
Really?
188
00:08:40,286 --> 00:08:41,952
No, it's not true.
189
00:08:41,987 --> 00:08:43,421
What's not true?
190
00:08:43,455 --> 00:08:46,624
Carter's getting it on
with ed from the mailroom.
191
00:08:46,658 --> 00:08:48,092
No, I'm not.
192
00:08:48,127 --> 00:08:51,462
Yeah, he's getting it on
with ed in the mailroom.
193
00:08:51,496 --> 00:08:55,933
Why do you think they call
it "the mailroom"? [MALE]
194
00:08:55,967 --> 00:08:59,904
For your information, I happen
to have a serious boyfriend.
195
00:08:59,939 --> 00:09:03,041
We know... Slut.
196
00:09:03,075 --> 00:09:04,508
You know what?
197
00:09:04,543 --> 00:09:07,511
You... And you...
198
00:09:07,546 --> 00:09:08,913
Virgin!
199
00:09:08,948 --> 00:09:11,916
Stuart...
200
00:09:11,950 --> 00:09:14,718
Your girlfriend sent me
a candle as a peace offering.
201
00:09:14,753 --> 00:09:15,987
You got the gift?!
202
00:09:16,021 --> 00:09:18,256
Please tell me
it's not the blue candle.
203
00:09:18,290 --> 00:09:20,091
No, it's pink.
204
00:09:20,125 --> 00:09:25,263
Pink! I can't remember
what pink means, but it's bad.
205
00:09:25,297 --> 00:09:28,732
You have such low self-esteem
that you can't grasp the fact
206
00:09:28,767 --> 00:09:31,502
that sometimes people
treat each other nicely
207
00:09:31,536 --> 00:09:34,038
not out of spite,
but out of respect.
208
00:09:38,877 --> 00:09:41,479
I just remembered
what pink means.
209
00:09:44,649 --> 00:09:49,620
This is so cool.
210
00:09:49,654 --> 00:09:51,522
Before I answer any questions,
211
00:09:51,556 --> 00:09:54,558
I'd just like to clear the air
about something.
212
00:09:54,592 --> 00:09:56,627
Despite what you may have heard,
213
00:09:56,661 --> 00:09:59,696
if... when the mayor
is elected to the senate,
214
00:09:59,731 --> 00:10:03,301
I will not, I repeat,
I will not be running
215
00:10:03,335 --> 00:10:05,937
for mayor of New York.
216
00:10:05,971 --> 00:10:10,074
Do you have any comment on
the citywide doorman strike?
217
00:10:10,108 --> 00:10:12,109
People, please.
218
00:10:12,144 --> 00:10:15,546
I can read between the lines.
219
00:10:15,580 --> 00:10:18,082
Now, uh, I will not,
220
00:10:18,116 --> 00:10:23,488
repeat, not be launching
a mayoral campaign.
221
00:10:23,522 --> 00:10:25,223
What about the doorman's strike,
222
00:10:25,257 --> 00:10:27,558
which has backed up
all package deliveries
223
00:10:27,592 --> 00:10:28,959
and gridlocked the city?
224
00:10:31,930 --> 00:10:34,598
Do you know
that Carter's getting it on
225
00:10:34,633 --> 00:10:36,434
with ed in the mailroom?
226
00:10:51,049 --> 00:10:53,016
Let me guess, Carter.
227
00:10:53,051 --> 00:10:56,887
You got drunk last night
and logged on to Prada.Com.
228
00:10:56,922 --> 00:10:58,923
[SARCASTICALLY]
Yeah, Mike,
229
00:10:58,957 --> 00:11:01,191
just because I'm gay,
I love Prada.
230
00:11:01,226 --> 00:11:02,827
They have a web site?
231
00:11:04,163 --> 00:11:06,864
The doormen are having
all of the packages
232
00:11:06,899 --> 00:11:09,801
delivered to their buildings
forwarded to you.
233
00:11:09,835 --> 00:11:12,003
Do you want me to get
the doormen back?
234
00:11:12,037 --> 00:11:15,539
If they think a few packages
are gonna cause me to back down,
235
00:11:15,808 --> 00:11:17,074
they are sadly mistaken.
236
00:11:20,645 --> 00:11:25,449
See, this isn't gonna interrupt
my daily routine at all.
237
00:11:25,483 --> 00:11:27,751
So, what's first
on the schedule, James?
238
00:11:27,786 --> 00:11:30,321
Well, at 9:00,
you're meeting
239
00:11:30,355 --> 00:11:34,191
with the society
for claustrophobia awareness.
240
00:11:35,226 --> 00:11:37,728
We're gonna have to
reschedule that.
241
00:12:10,261 --> 00:12:13,597
Listen, I'm flattered
you wanna be like me.
242
00:12:13,631 --> 00:12:16,600
And I'm flattered
that you wanna be like me.
243
00:12:16,634 --> 00:12:17,634
No, I am me.
244
00:12:17,668 --> 00:12:19,804
You're just dressing
and acting like me.
245
00:12:19,838 --> 00:12:22,873
I'm gonna have to ask you
to change back to who you are.
246
00:12:22,908 --> 00:12:25,609
You change.
247
00:12:25,643 --> 00:12:26,844
Me change?
248
00:12:26,878 --> 00:12:28,846
Okay, you're dating Stuart.
249
00:12:28,880 --> 00:12:31,749
I assume you do things
for money.
250
00:12:31,783 --> 00:12:33,651
What's it gonna take?
251
00:12:33,685 --> 00:12:37,888
I think you're just jealous
because I'm...
252
00:12:37,922 --> 00:12:40,324
A better version of you.
253
00:12:40,358 --> 00:12:43,460
You're not gonna get away
with this.
254
00:12:43,495 --> 00:12:44,361
Mm-hmm.
255
00:12:44,395 --> 00:12:48,565
Caitlin,
lookin' good, sweetheart.
256
00:12:50,601 --> 00:12:52,036
Hey, Carter,
257
00:12:52,070 --> 00:12:54,571
Paul asked me to perform
at the opening of wonk.
258
00:12:54,605 --> 00:12:55,773
Check this out.
259
00:12:55,807 --> 00:12:59,110
I'm a master
of political impressions.
260
00:12:59,144 --> 00:13:03,613
[NORMAL VOICE] Ask not what
your country can do for you...
261
00:13:03,648 --> 00:13:06,583
Ask what you can do
for your country.
262
00:13:06,618 --> 00:13:09,954
Carter, who am I?
263
00:13:09,988 --> 00:13:11,222
John f. Kennedy.
264
00:13:11,256 --> 00:13:13,156
Yes!
265
00:13:13,191 --> 00:13:15,358
James, that's not really
an impression.
266
00:13:15,393 --> 00:13:16,660
It's more of a quote.
267
00:13:16,695 --> 00:13:18,963
An impression
is when you replicate
268
00:13:18,997 --> 00:13:20,864
someone's voice and mannerisms.
269
00:13:20,899 --> 00:13:22,332
For example...
270
00:13:22,366 --> 00:13:25,402
[DEEP VOICE] Float like
a butterfly, sting like a bee!
271
00:13:25,436 --> 00:13:29,440
Amelia earhart.
272
00:13:29,474 --> 00:13:31,341
[NORMAL VOICEe]
It's Muhammad Ali.
273
00:13:31,376 --> 00:13:32,709
[SNICKERS]
274
00:13:32,744 --> 00:13:35,145
You're really good
at impressions.
275
00:13:35,179 --> 00:13:39,249
Ladies and gentlemen,
my problems are solved!
276
00:13:39,283 --> 00:13:41,485
You got the mayor
to come to your opening.
277
00:13:41,520 --> 00:13:43,854
No, but I got
the next best thing.
278
00:13:43,888 --> 00:13:46,023
The city's top
Randall Winston impersonator.
279
00:13:46,058 --> 00:13:47,658
Come on out, Phil.
280
00:13:47,692 --> 00:13:49,493
Ha ha ha ha!
Look at him...
281
00:13:49,528 --> 00:13:51,328
same height, same weight,
everything.
282
00:13:51,363 --> 00:13:54,165
He comes to the opening tonight,
no one will be the wiser.
283
00:13:54,199 --> 00:13:55,632
It's tonight?
284
00:13:55,667 --> 00:13:57,367
I can't make it.
285
00:13:57,402 --> 00:13:59,203
But you just said...
286
00:13:59,237 --> 00:14:01,806
will you let it drop, Paul?!
287
00:14:03,541 --> 00:14:05,976
No, the sewer workers
are not striking
288
00:14:06,010 --> 00:14:07,978
in sympathy with the doormen.
289
00:14:08,012 --> 00:14:09,580
Then why are they?
290
00:14:09,614 --> 00:14:12,616
Here's a shot in the dark...
291
00:14:12,650 --> 00:14:15,152
they work in the sewer.
292
00:14:15,186 --> 00:14:17,688
The class with
the perfect attendance record
293
00:14:17,722 --> 00:14:19,023
is here for their photo op.
294
00:14:19,057 --> 00:14:20,924
This is the third photo op
today.
295
00:14:20,959 --> 00:14:22,693
I got a lot of work
to do here.
296
00:14:22,727 --> 00:14:24,028
Can we just cancel it?
297
00:14:24,062 --> 00:14:26,063
Sure thing, Mike.
298
00:14:26,098 --> 00:14:27,664
He's ready for you!
299
00:14:27,699 --> 00:14:28,766
[KIDS SHOUTING]
300
00:14:28,834 --> 00:14:31,435
Hey, come on, come on.
301
00:14:31,469 --> 00:14:33,237
Cut that out.
302
00:14:33,271 --> 00:14:36,907
You're not the real mayor.
303
00:14:36,942 --> 00:14:39,310
Hey, do you guys
wanna see the...
304
00:14:39,344 --> 00:14:41,212
Witch that lives in my desk?
305
00:14:43,248 --> 00:14:44,081
Aaaah!
306
00:14:44,115 --> 00:14:45,316
Aah!
307
00:14:45,350 --> 00:14:46,784
[SHOUTING]
308
00:14:50,122 --> 00:14:52,923
Wow. First you sock it
to the friendly doormen,
309
00:14:52,957 --> 00:14:56,160
and now you're cracking down
on cute little children.
310
00:14:56,194 --> 00:14:59,930
Well, kids have had it
too easy for too long.
311
00:14:59,964 --> 00:15:03,734
Look, Mike, I know you're having
a lot of trouble here,
312
00:15:03,769 --> 00:15:06,003
so if you need any help,
just ask.
313
00:15:07,172 --> 00:15:09,173
All right...
I've made a career
314
00:15:09,207 --> 00:15:11,608
of helping politicians
project the right image,
315
00:15:11,643 --> 00:15:13,210
but if you
don't want my advice,
316
00:15:13,245 --> 00:15:15,312
I certainly don't need
to give it to you.
317
00:15:16,781 --> 00:15:19,516
Here's your problem.
318
00:15:19,550 --> 00:15:21,886
You think you're smarter
than everybody.
319
00:15:21,920 --> 00:15:24,321
I'm sorry I had to drag that
out of you.
320
00:15:24,355 --> 00:15:26,356
It's not that hard
321
00:15:26,390 --> 00:15:29,060
to make people
feel good about themselves.
322
00:15:29,094 --> 00:15:31,362
Mike, you are so charming,
323
00:15:31,396 --> 00:15:35,933
and one of the smartest people
I've ever worked with.
324
00:15:35,967 --> 00:15:39,770
Well, hey, thank you.
325
00:15:39,804 --> 00:15:42,272
See?
You lie right to their face.
326
00:15:44,676 --> 00:15:46,877
Nice blouse, janelle!
327
00:15:46,911 --> 00:15:48,712
JANELLE: Thanks!
328
00:15:57,856 --> 00:16:02,659
[PIANO MUSIC PLAYS]
329
00:16:02,693 --> 00:16:06,596
Hello, and welcome to wonk,
where politics is delicious.
330
00:16:06,631 --> 00:16:08,299
Would you like a table?
331
00:16:08,333 --> 00:16:09,499
Right this way.
332
00:16:09,534 --> 00:16:11,701
Oh, you happen to be in luck.
333
00:16:11,736 --> 00:16:15,773
We have space
at the "John wilkes" booth.
334
00:16:18,709 --> 00:16:21,945
Good evening,
ladies and gentlemen.
335
00:16:21,980 --> 00:16:24,948
That's a little something
I like to call
336
00:16:24,983 --> 00:16:28,819
"let's filibust a move."
337
00:16:28,853 --> 00:16:32,689
And I bet you didn't know
I could rap.
338
00:16:32,723 --> 00:16:35,926
Do you know you suck?!
339
00:16:35,960 --> 00:16:38,095
No, but if you get me
the sheet music,
340
00:16:38,129 --> 00:16:40,431
I'll have it for my next set.
I gotcha!
341
00:16:40,465 --> 00:16:43,800
I'm gonna give myself
a little tip on that one.
342
00:16:48,773 --> 00:16:50,207
[SIGHS]
343
00:16:50,242 --> 00:16:52,476
Welcome to wonk.
344
00:16:52,510 --> 00:16:56,146
I'm Martha,
your "first lady" of service.
345
00:16:56,180 --> 00:16:58,815
We have some "amendments"
to the menu,
346
00:16:58,850 --> 00:17:01,685
but first, can I offer you
a "dawn's early light" beer?
347
00:17:01,720 --> 00:17:04,688
Or you can dodge the "draft"...
oh, screw it.
348
00:17:04,723 --> 00:17:06,123
Do you want a drink?
349
00:17:08,293 --> 00:17:10,461
How'd Paul
get you to do this?
350
00:17:10,495 --> 00:17:12,596
I'd do anything
for a friend.
351
00:17:12,630 --> 00:17:13,831
Well, in that case...
352
00:17:17,435 --> 00:17:21,071
I just thought I'd save us both
a little time.
353
00:17:21,106 --> 00:17:24,775
Paul, I think somebody's
getting food poisoning
354
00:17:24,809 --> 00:17:27,277
from
the Barney Frank 'n' beans.
355
00:17:27,312 --> 00:17:29,279
Damn government meat!
356
00:17:29,314 --> 00:17:31,515
Oh, this is a disaster.
357
00:17:31,550 --> 00:17:34,618
The wheels are fallin' off.
358
00:17:34,652 --> 00:17:36,119
Come again!
359
00:17:36,154 --> 00:17:38,389
Tell your friends!
360
00:17:38,423 --> 00:17:40,391
We can re-serve those fries.
361
00:17:42,127 --> 00:17:45,362
Listen, guys, I just want
to apologize for the other day,
362
00:17:45,396 --> 00:17:46,563
and to tell you...
363
00:17:46,597 --> 00:17:47,931
tell us what, Flaherty?
364
00:17:47,966 --> 00:17:50,600
[THINKING]
I can't believe I'm negotiating
365
00:17:50,634 --> 00:17:53,237
with a guywho looks like cap'n crunc.
366
00:17:55,874 --> 00:17:57,841
You got something to say,
Flaherty?
367
00:17:57,876 --> 00:17:59,910
Yes, I do.
368
00:17:59,944 --> 00:18:02,946
Come on,give these guys a complime.
369
00:18:02,981 --> 00:18:05,382
Pick something nice and say it.
370
00:18:06,684 --> 00:18:09,986
"Hey,look at those bedroom eyes"
371
00:18:10,020 --> 00:18:12,589
that sends the wrong messa.
372
00:18:12,623 --> 00:18:14,457
Okay, listen, you know,
373
00:18:14,492 --> 00:18:17,594
sometimes I'll
come up to a door,
374
00:18:17,628 --> 00:18:20,530
and it'll say "push,"
and I'll pull.
375
00:18:20,564 --> 00:18:22,766
And it's at moments like that
376
00:18:22,800 --> 00:18:26,270
that I wish I had
one of you guys around.
377
00:18:28,173 --> 00:18:31,608
What the hell was that?
378
00:18:31,642 --> 00:18:34,478
Thanks, Flaherty.
We appreciate it.
379
00:18:34,512 --> 00:18:36,246
They bought that?
380
00:18:36,280 --> 00:18:38,114
Caitlin was right.
381
00:18:38,149 --> 00:18:42,185
People don't knowI think they're idiots!
382
00:18:42,220 --> 00:18:45,588
By the way, we know
you think we're idiots.
383
00:18:45,623 --> 00:18:48,392
We're gonna need
that apology again,
384
00:18:48,426 --> 00:18:50,360
this time on your knees.
385
00:18:50,395 --> 00:18:56,400
Yeah, right, I'm gonna get on my
knees in front of these morons.
386
00:18:56,434 --> 00:18:59,003
Did I just say that out lo?
387
00:19:00,805 --> 00:19:02,139
Here you go, Carter.
388
00:19:02,173 --> 00:19:04,274
I know you ordered
regular scotch,
389
00:19:04,308 --> 00:19:05,876
but I got you some chivas.
390
00:19:05,911 --> 00:19:07,077
Oh, thanks, Paul.
391
00:19:07,112 --> 00:19:08,979
It's gonna cost you
a lot more...
392
00:19:09,013 --> 00:19:10,713
And that's
not really chivas.
393
00:19:10,748 --> 00:19:12,082
Paul!
394
00:19:12,117 --> 00:19:13,883
I'm losin' my shirt here,
Carter!
395
00:19:13,918 --> 00:19:16,353
Is it gonna kill you
to spend an extra 15 bucks?
396
00:19:18,122 --> 00:19:20,857
Paul, I can make it after all!
When are you opening?
397
00:19:20,891 --> 00:19:22,359
We are open, sir,
398
00:19:22,393 --> 00:19:26,163
but nobody came because nobody
thought you'd be coming,
399
00:19:26,197 --> 00:19:27,864
so I'll lose
my million dollars,
400
00:19:27,898 --> 00:19:30,000
which means
I still need my job,
401
00:19:30,034 --> 00:19:32,936
which means I shouldn't be
yelling at my boss...
402
00:19:32,971 --> 00:19:34,537
can I get you a chivas?!
403
00:19:34,572 --> 00:19:38,675
Sir, you finally made it
after all, huh?
404
00:19:38,709 --> 00:19:41,345
What are you eatin' there?
405
00:19:41,379 --> 00:19:44,147
The Barney Frank 'n' beans.
406
00:19:44,182 --> 00:19:45,949
It's delicious!
407
00:19:48,086 --> 00:19:49,819
How'd it go with the doormen?
408
00:19:49,854 --> 00:19:51,555
Oh, you didn't see the news?
409
00:19:51,589 --> 00:19:52,623
No.
410
00:19:52,657 --> 00:19:55,158
Went great.
411
00:19:55,193 --> 00:20:00,263
Actually, sir, the past 24 hours
have been a nightmare.
412
00:20:00,298 --> 00:20:02,866
The job requires
so much patience, diplomacy,
413
00:20:02,900 --> 00:20:04,234
people skills.
414
00:20:04,268 --> 00:20:06,670
I just have
a newfound respect...
415
00:20:06,705 --> 00:20:08,672
[STOMACH RUMBLES]
416
00:20:08,707 --> 00:20:10,907
...for who you are
as a politician...
417
00:20:10,942 --> 00:20:13,510
[STOMACH RUMBLES]
418
00:20:13,545 --> 00:20:15,078
...and as a man.
419
00:20:15,112 --> 00:20:18,482
I just... I don't wanna get
emotional, sir,
420
00:20:18,516 --> 00:20:21,418
but I just...
I really admire...
421
00:20:21,453 --> 00:20:23,654
And well, love you.
422
00:20:23,688 --> 00:20:27,524
[VOICE BREAKING]
Oh, Mike!
423
00:20:27,559 --> 00:20:31,194
It's all right, sir.
I know.
424
00:20:31,229 --> 00:20:33,997
[WHIMPERS]
425
00:20:41,973 --> 00:20:45,576
Thank you so much!
Thank you!
426
00:20:45,610 --> 00:20:47,277
[LAUGHING]
427
00:20:47,312 --> 00:20:51,415
Ahhhhh! Ha ha ha!
428
00:20:51,449 --> 00:20:53,317
Ahhh!
429
00:20:53,351 --> 00:20:56,420
This is a dream!
430
00:21:01,559 --> 00:21:04,260
That was a dream.
431
00:21:04,295 --> 00:21:07,230
Where do you want the meat?
432
00:21:12,170 --> 00:21:14,504
I'll push it home.
433
00:21:17,508 --> 00:21:20,143
MAN: Sit, ubu, sit.
Good dog.
434
00:21:20,177 --> 00:21:21,378
(BARKING)30900
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