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1
00:00:02,734 --> 00:00:03,834
Wait a minute.
2
00:00:03,869 --> 00:00:07,105
It's 10:00
and there's 9 doughnuts left.
3
00:00:07,139 --> 00:00:08,639
Where the hell is Paul?
4
00:00:08,674 --> 00:00:10,775
Ever since he won
the million dollars,
5
00:00:10,809 --> 00:00:12,577
he's having trouble
sleeping.
6
00:00:12,611 --> 00:00:15,780
That's because
it's stuffed in his mattress.
7
00:00:15,782 --> 00:00:16,981
Good morning!
8
00:00:17,015 --> 00:00:18,883
Morning, Paul.
You're late again.
9
00:00:18,917 --> 00:00:21,586
Am I late, Mike?
10
00:00:21,620 --> 00:00:26,191
Or am I...
Right on time?
11
00:00:26,225 --> 00:00:27,725
No, you're late.
12
00:00:27,759 --> 00:00:31,429
And, uh, thanks
for the free beta rental.
13
00:00:33,265 --> 00:00:34,899
What's it like
to be rich?
14
00:00:34,933 --> 00:00:36,267
You know, it's funny.
15
00:00:36,302 --> 00:00:40,138
On the way in, I was asked
the same thing by my chauffeur.
16
00:00:40,172 --> 00:00:42,507
They're called
"bus drivers," Paul.
17
00:00:42,541 --> 00:00:45,176
[ACOUSTIC GUITAR PLAYS]
18
00:01:09,335 --> 00:01:10,402
Okay, first of all,
19
00:01:10,436 --> 00:01:12,404
congratulations are in order
to James,
20
00:01:12,438 --> 00:01:14,639
who's the only New York
city hall employee
21
00:01:14,673 --> 00:01:15,874
to finish the marathon.
22
00:01:15,908 --> 00:01:17,375
What was your time?
23
00:01:17,409 --> 00:01:18,577
26 hours.
24
00:01:20,579 --> 00:01:22,213
I'd like
to remind everyone
25
00:01:22,247 --> 00:01:24,482
the mayor's expecting you
to join him on Thursday
26
00:01:24,516 --> 00:01:27,252
at his Connecticut estate
for Thanksgiving dinner.
27
00:01:27,286 --> 00:01:29,954
And, Stuart, this year,
no giggling at the words
28
00:01:29,988 --> 00:01:32,757
breast meat,
stuffing...
29
00:01:34,193 --> 00:01:36,628
...wishbone, candied yam,
30
00:01:36,662 --> 00:01:40,031
and for some reason,
gravy boat.
31
00:01:40,065 --> 00:01:42,233
[GIGGLING]
32
00:01:42,268 --> 00:01:44,902
Stop it.
33
00:01:44,937 --> 00:01:47,705
And to make this fun, we'll all
bring a different dish.
34
00:01:47,739 --> 00:01:49,240
I'll bring my famous Turkey!
35
00:01:49,275 --> 00:01:52,743
Then I'll bring
my famous stomach pump!
36
00:01:52,778 --> 00:01:54,378
When Nikki and I
were dating,
37
00:01:54,413 --> 00:01:56,614
she used to cook great meals
for me all the time.
38
00:01:56,649 --> 00:01:59,083
I got some of that
tuna casserole you love
39
00:01:59,118 --> 00:02:00,118
in the fridge.
40
00:02:00,152 --> 00:02:03,487
Anyway...
41
00:02:03,522 --> 00:02:05,223
Gravy boat.
42
00:02:05,257 --> 00:02:06,924
[GIGGLES]
43
00:02:06,959 --> 00:02:09,026
So, Paul, I saw you
on "millionaire."
44
00:02:09,061 --> 00:02:10,595
Spend any of your winnings yet?
45
00:02:10,630 --> 00:02:14,399
As a matter of fact,
I have.
46
00:02:14,433 --> 00:02:16,268
Oh. New suit?
47
00:02:16,302 --> 00:02:19,671
No, but I've had it
professionally dry-cleaned.
48
00:02:19,705 --> 00:02:20,672
Nice.
49
00:02:20,706 --> 00:02:22,106
Thank you.
50
00:02:22,141 --> 00:02:24,875
We'll see you all
Thursday.
51
00:02:24,910 --> 00:02:26,911
Thursday, it is.
52
00:02:29,181 --> 00:02:30,714
All right.
You all saw.
53
00:02:30,749 --> 00:02:32,083
She smells the money.
54
00:02:33,419 --> 00:02:36,821
She wants
a piece of Paulie pie.
55
00:02:36,855 --> 00:02:38,689
Paul, you're married!
56
00:02:38,724 --> 00:02:40,191
I can't help it.
57
00:02:40,225 --> 00:02:43,127
She's undressing me
with her eyes.
58
00:02:43,162 --> 00:02:46,331
Well, she sure left
in a hurry.
59
00:02:48,700 --> 00:02:50,901
She must've got
to the underwear.
60
00:02:52,204 --> 00:02:54,772
[GRUNTS]
61
00:02:54,806 --> 00:02:57,208
[SIGHS]
62
00:02:57,243 --> 00:03:00,011
Sir, I wanted to talk
to you about...
63
00:03:00,045 --> 00:03:00,679
whoa!
64
00:03:00,780 --> 00:03:02,981
Mike.
Mike, come over here.
65
00:03:03,015 --> 00:03:04,382
Look at this paper.
66
00:03:04,417 --> 00:03:07,151
[STRAINED] Yeah, I can
see that from here, sir.
67
00:03:07,186 --> 00:03:09,888
Senator grady is retiring.
I'm running for his office.
68
00:03:09,922 --> 00:03:12,757
He still hasn't given me
his endorsement. Here, look.
69
00:03:12,791 --> 00:03:15,560
Uh...
70
00:03:15,594 --> 00:03:18,562
Yeah, sir.
That's just an outrage.
71
00:03:20,032 --> 00:03:22,199
You know what you should do?
72
00:03:22,234 --> 00:03:24,502
You should put your shoes
and socks back on,
73
00:03:24,537 --> 00:03:27,138
go down to his office,
and demand an endorsement.
74
00:03:27,172 --> 00:03:28,239
We could really use it.
75
00:03:28,274 --> 00:03:30,708
I can't talk
to that man, Mike.
76
00:03:30,742 --> 00:03:33,678
How about just putting
your shoes back on?
77
00:03:33,712 --> 00:03:34,845
I'm a man of principle,
78
00:03:34,880 --> 00:03:36,947
and what grady did
was unforgivable.
79
00:03:36,982 --> 00:03:40,051
It embodies everything that is
wrong with our political system.
80
00:03:40,085 --> 00:03:41,752
Sir, he stole your chair.
81
00:03:41,787 --> 00:03:44,088
We were at the white house
at some dinner.
82
00:03:44,122 --> 00:03:46,324
I went to the bar,
and when I came back,
83
00:03:46,359 --> 00:03:47,559
grady was in my chair,
84
00:03:47,593 --> 00:03:49,427
sitting, talking
to Bob dole.
85
00:03:49,462 --> 00:03:51,696
And the next thing you know,
he's senator
86
00:03:51,731 --> 00:03:54,065
and my political career
is down the crapper!
87
00:03:54,133 --> 00:03:56,567
Sir, you're the mayor
of New York.
88
00:03:56,602 --> 00:03:59,637
Don't remind me.
89
00:03:59,705 --> 00:04:02,707
My whole career, this man
has been upstaging me.
90
00:04:02,741 --> 00:04:05,043
I build a road,
he builds a highway.
91
00:04:05,077 --> 00:04:08,813
I take up jogging,
he wins the nobel peace prize.
92
00:04:08,848 --> 00:04:11,249
You know
what they say, sir...
93
00:04:11,283 --> 00:04:13,084
life gives you lemons...
94
00:04:13,118 --> 00:04:15,787
Put your shoes back on.
95
00:04:22,895 --> 00:04:24,362
Uh, excuse me.
96
00:04:24,397 --> 00:04:26,597
I was told senator grady
was here tonight.
97
00:04:26,631 --> 00:04:28,266
Mike...
98
00:04:28,300 --> 00:04:29,534
What are you doing here?
99
00:04:29,568 --> 00:04:30,568
I run the campaign.
100
00:04:30,603 --> 00:04:32,437
I'll handle
the grady endorsement.
101
00:04:32,471 --> 00:04:33,738
No, I'm not here for that.
102
00:04:33,772 --> 00:04:35,507
No, I just came here
to pick up...
103
00:04:36,742 --> 00:04:39,144
...sailors.
104
00:04:39,178 --> 00:04:41,079
Look, this guy
is old school, okay?
105
00:04:41,113 --> 00:04:43,214
He's not gonna respond well
to a woman.
106
00:04:43,248 --> 00:04:44,416
Just let me handle it.
107
00:04:44,450 --> 00:04:45,316
No!
108
00:04:45,350 --> 00:04:47,351
All right, Caitlin.
109
00:04:47,386 --> 00:04:49,487
I didn't want to have to play
this card,
110
00:04:49,521 --> 00:04:51,189
but there's
a very good reason
111
00:04:51,223 --> 00:04:53,491
that I need to speak
to senator grady alone.
112
00:04:53,525 --> 00:04:54,692
Why?
113
00:04:54,726 --> 00:04:57,761
He's my biological father.
114
00:04:57,796 --> 00:04:59,029
Mike!
115
00:04:59,064 --> 00:05:01,365
He's carrying a bomb.
116
00:05:01,400 --> 00:05:02,766
I'm gonna talk to him,
117
00:05:02,801 --> 00:05:04,802
and have
his endorsement in 30 seconds.
118
00:05:08,574 --> 00:05:09,840
Senator grady?
119
00:05:09,874 --> 00:05:11,909
Could you
send this back?
120
00:05:11,943 --> 00:05:13,711
Oh, I'm not a waitress.
121
00:05:13,746 --> 00:05:15,747
I work for Randall Winston.
122
00:05:15,781 --> 00:05:17,014
How about that.
123
00:05:17,048 --> 00:05:19,150
It just needs
a couple more minutes.
124
00:05:19,184 --> 00:05:22,287
Oh. I can't eat meat
this red either.
125
00:05:22,321 --> 00:05:25,356
Like I always say,
"rare is for coins."
126
00:05:26,691 --> 00:05:28,392
I'll take this
back to the kitchen.
127
00:05:28,427 --> 00:05:30,595
Mike, I could use
a little help here.
128
00:05:30,629 --> 00:05:32,497
I'd say about
three more minutes
129
00:05:32,531 --> 00:05:33,565
on an open flame.
130
00:05:34,567 --> 00:05:35,934
Watch and learn.
131
00:05:35,968 --> 00:05:37,936
Excuse me, senator grady.
132
00:05:37,970 --> 00:05:39,236
Leave me alone.
133
00:05:39,271 --> 00:05:42,507
You don't understand.
I'm Mike Flaherty.
134
00:05:42,541 --> 00:05:45,643
Oh. Well, in that case,
leave me alone, Mike Flaherty.
135
00:05:45,678 --> 00:05:49,747
No, I... you see, Caitlin and I
work together
136
00:05:49,782 --> 00:05:51,349
down at city hall.
137
00:05:51,383 --> 00:05:53,184
You know, back in the '70s,
138
00:05:53,218 --> 00:05:56,654
my wife, rose, and I worked
together down in city hall.
139
00:05:56,689 --> 00:05:58,990
Oh, I heard about
your wife's passing.
140
00:05:59,024 --> 00:05:59,991
Me too.
141
00:06:00,025 --> 00:06:01,092
I'm so sorry.
142
00:06:01,126 --> 00:06:02,026
I'm sorrier.
143
00:06:02,060 --> 00:06:04,128
Look at you two squabbling,
144
00:06:04,163 --> 00:06:05,663
just like rose and me.
145
00:06:05,697 --> 00:06:08,666
It warms my heart
to see young people in love.
146
00:06:08,700 --> 00:06:11,169
Uh! We're not in love.
147
00:06:11,203 --> 00:06:12,102
Oh. You're not?
148
00:06:12,137 --> 00:06:17,876
No... We're crazy in love.
149
00:06:17,910 --> 00:06:19,176
I can't help it.
150
00:06:19,211 --> 00:06:22,046
I am just nuts
about this... Little woman.
151
00:06:25,417 --> 00:06:26,984
I feel the same way.
152
00:06:27,018 --> 00:06:29,220
Whoa!
Nails, nails, nails!
153
00:06:33,392 --> 00:06:34,992
Thanks for last night.
154
00:06:35,027 --> 00:06:36,727
Thanks for this morning.
155
00:06:36,762 --> 00:06:38,462
Thanks for the elevator.
156
00:06:38,496 --> 00:06:40,130
Thanks for the hallway.
157
00:06:40,165 --> 00:06:42,500
Thanks for
the janitor's closet.
158
00:06:42,535 --> 00:06:45,436
Thank the janitor, 'cause I
peeled off at the bathroom.
159
00:06:45,470 --> 00:06:46,470
Oops.
160
00:06:46,505 --> 00:06:48,239
[LAUGHING]
161
00:06:49,708 --> 00:06:51,342
[SIGHS]
162
00:06:51,377 --> 00:06:52,844
Heh heh.
163
00:06:52,878 --> 00:06:55,446
How can you date that woman?
She's a sex-crazed idiot.
164
00:06:55,481 --> 00:06:58,248
Asked... And answered.
165
00:06:58,283 --> 00:07:00,618
What do you talk about
when you're not having sex?
166
00:07:00,652 --> 00:07:03,287
It hasn't really come up.
167
00:07:03,321 --> 00:07:04,722
Stuart forgot his lunch.
168
00:07:04,757 --> 00:07:07,058
Uh-oh. I'm gonna miss
"Jerry springer."
169
00:07:07,092 --> 00:07:09,293
That man is a genius.
170
00:07:09,327 --> 00:07:10,595
I'm just curious.
171
00:07:10,629 --> 00:07:13,064
Is there anyone
who you find dim?
172
00:07:13,098 --> 00:07:14,265
Whom.
173
00:07:14,299 --> 00:07:15,566
Excuse me?
174
00:07:15,600 --> 00:07:20,705
You improperly used the pronoun
"who" instead of "whom,"
175
00:07:20,739 --> 00:07:25,443
which makes you a person whom I
find dim. Ironic, n'est-ce pas?
176
00:07:25,477 --> 00:07:27,478
Caitlin, listen,
about Thanksgiving,
177
00:07:27,512 --> 00:07:29,247
I think I should bring
the Turkey.
178
00:07:29,249 --> 00:07:31,882
My grandmother taught me
everything she knows.
179
00:07:31,917 --> 00:07:35,086
But Nikki had her heart set
on bringing it.
180
00:07:35,120 --> 00:07:37,488
I thought of a way
of breaking it to her
181
00:07:37,523 --> 00:07:39,690
where she's not
gonna be insulted.
182
00:07:39,724 --> 00:07:42,459
Hey, Nik,
have you gained weight?
183
00:07:42,494 --> 00:07:44,595
What?
184
00:07:44,629 --> 00:07:46,063
Oh. I'm sorry.
185
00:07:46,097 --> 00:07:48,599
Maybe your new haircut
makes you look a little fat.
186
00:07:48,634 --> 00:07:52,069
What?!
187
00:07:52,104 --> 00:07:54,272
I'm bringing the Turkey,
not you.
188
00:07:54,306 --> 00:07:56,841
Whatever, jerk!
189
00:08:02,614 --> 00:08:04,816
Mike...
190
00:08:04,850 --> 00:08:06,050
Hi, honey.
191
00:08:06,085 --> 00:08:07,885
How was your day?
192
00:08:07,920 --> 00:08:09,654
That's not funny.
193
00:08:09,688 --> 00:08:13,590
We never laugh anymore.
194
00:08:13,625 --> 00:08:15,660
What happened to us?
195
00:08:15,694 --> 00:08:18,529
I had everything under control
last night.
196
00:08:18,563 --> 00:08:22,333
Yeah, word around the kitchen
is you're up for head waiter.
197
00:08:22,367 --> 00:08:24,368
Senator grady
obviously sees you and me
198
00:08:24,402 --> 00:08:26,104
as a younger version
of rose and him.
199
00:08:26,138 --> 00:08:27,772
So we're gonna get
the endorsement.
200
00:08:27,806 --> 00:08:30,407
We only have to pretend
we like each other for one meal.
201
00:08:30,442 --> 00:08:31,575
One meal.
202
00:08:31,610 --> 00:08:34,078
I don't think I can do it.
203
00:08:34,112 --> 00:08:36,280
So I broke down
and I called grady.
204
00:08:36,314 --> 00:08:39,350
He's gonna be joining us
for our Thanksgiving weekend.
205
00:08:39,384 --> 00:08:42,487
We're all gonna be shacking up
together in the country.
206
00:08:42,521 --> 00:08:44,088
An entire weekend?
207
00:08:44,122 --> 00:08:47,257
Your mother will
look after the kids.
208
00:08:47,292 --> 00:08:49,494
I'll tell you one thing,
this is one situation
209
00:08:49,528 --> 00:08:51,963
where that man is not going to
be able to one-up me.
210
00:08:51,997 --> 00:08:54,331
I have an exciting
senate campaign to talk about.
211
00:08:54,366 --> 00:08:56,066
What's happened
to him lately? Ha!
212
00:08:56,101 --> 00:08:58,569
Actually, sir,
his wife just died.
213
00:08:58,604 --> 00:09:01,004
I cannot catch a break!
214
00:09:10,615 --> 00:09:11,715
Oh, Caitlin, Michael.
215
00:09:11,750 --> 00:09:13,851
Did you have trouble
finding the place?
216
00:09:13,885 --> 00:09:16,754
No, sir. Your directions
were right on the money.
217
00:09:16,788 --> 00:09:18,722
It somewhere
in Connecticut.
218
00:09:18,757 --> 00:09:20,925
So, is the guest of honor
here yet?
219
00:09:20,960 --> 00:09:24,728
You mean senator spotlight-grabbing,
chair-stealing bastard?
220
00:09:24,763 --> 00:09:26,397
You know,
he prefers Joe.
221
00:09:28,067 --> 00:09:31,402
Well, if it isn't
the happy couple.
222
00:09:31,437 --> 00:09:32,803
It isn't.
223
00:09:32,838 --> 00:09:34,938
We will be as soon
as the senator gets here.
224
00:09:34,973 --> 00:09:36,107
Don't touch me.
225
00:09:36,141 --> 00:09:38,876
Sounds like a couple.
226
00:09:38,910 --> 00:09:41,712
And remember, don't anybody
tell Paul about this, okay?
227
00:09:41,747 --> 00:09:42,880
He's got a big mouth.
228
00:09:42,914 --> 00:09:44,414
Who has a big mouth?
229
00:09:44,449 --> 00:09:47,417
Tell me. I want to know.
I want to tell other people.
230
00:09:47,452 --> 00:09:48,919
Paul, where's Claudia?
231
00:09:48,954 --> 00:09:51,022
Ah, she's with her mother.
232
00:09:51,056 --> 00:09:53,323
Why?
233
00:09:53,358 --> 00:09:56,027
Why do you ask, Caitlin?
234
00:09:56,061 --> 00:09:58,629
I was curious.
235
00:09:58,663 --> 00:09:59,797
I'll bet you were.
236
00:09:59,832 --> 00:10:01,332
Hey, janelle...
237
00:10:01,366 --> 00:10:04,635
Give you 5 bucks if you go to
the bus stop and get my bag.
238
00:10:04,669 --> 00:10:07,605
I'll give you 10 if you go
and bring it in yourself
239
00:10:07,639 --> 00:10:09,006
between your bony knees.
240
00:10:09,041 --> 00:10:11,008
It's a deal!
241
00:10:11,043 --> 00:10:13,310
Ah, there's
my favorite couple.
242
00:10:13,344 --> 00:10:15,980
Senator grady,
glad you could make it.
243
00:10:16,014 --> 00:10:17,347
Here, have a seat.
244
00:10:22,921 --> 00:10:25,723
He took my chair again.
245
00:10:25,757 --> 00:10:27,257
Let it go, sir.
246
00:10:27,292 --> 00:10:30,828
Remember, he just lost
his wife of 30 years.
247
00:10:30,862 --> 00:10:33,564
That helps a little.
248
00:10:35,366 --> 00:10:37,668
So, how are you,
senator grady?
249
00:10:37,703 --> 00:10:41,138
It's my first Thanksgiving
without rose.
250
00:10:41,173 --> 00:10:44,775
Hundreds of seemingly
insignificant things
251
00:10:44,810 --> 00:10:46,677
trigger waves of grief
252
00:10:46,712 --> 00:10:50,581
that stab at my blackened heart
like daggers.
253
00:10:52,117 --> 00:10:54,818
So, like, medium?
254
00:10:58,190 --> 00:10:59,623
Sorry we're late.
255
00:10:59,657 --> 00:11:03,026
We stopped at an antique shop
to copulate.
256
00:11:03,061 --> 00:11:05,095
That means "have sex."
257
00:11:05,129 --> 00:11:06,630
I know what it means.
258
00:11:06,665 --> 00:11:09,467
And unlike you,
I didn't learn about it
259
00:11:09,501 --> 00:11:11,401
from my word-a-day vibrator.
260
00:11:11,436 --> 00:11:13,604
He's just upset
because I'm smarter than he is.
261
00:11:13,638 --> 00:11:14,939
No, you are not.
262
00:11:14,973 --> 00:11:17,641
Care to prove that with
a friendly game of strip chess?
263
00:11:17,676 --> 00:11:20,644
Uh, honey, we have a house
full of rooms to christen,
264
00:11:20,679 --> 00:11:22,713
and we were gonna play
dirty clue.
265
00:11:22,747 --> 00:11:25,783
I have a feeling the culprit
is gonna be major Johnson
266
00:11:25,817 --> 00:11:27,852
in the library
with the handcuffs.
267
00:11:27,886 --> 00:11:29,553
[LAUGHING]
268
00:11:29,588 --> 00:11:30,554
Yeah.
269
00:11:30,589 --> 00:11:33,457
Whoo!
270
00:11:33,492 --> 00:11:35,026
I have nothing
to prove here.
271
00:11:35,060 --> 00:11:37,128
If it makes you feel better,
by all means,
272
00:11:37,162 --> 00:11:38,796
believe you're smarter
than me.
273
00:11:38,830 --> 00:11:40,564
Smarter than i.
274
00:11:40,598 --> 00:11:42,233
I'll see you
on the chessboard.
275
00:11:46,404 --> 00:11:47,504
James, what's that?
276
00:11:47,539 --> 00:11:49,807
The Turkey.
It's farm-fresh.
277
00:11:49,841 --> 00:11:53,110
James, it's farm breathing.
278
00:11:53,145 --> 00:11:54,712
He's adorable.
I named him sparky.
279
00:11:54,746 --> 00:11:56,681
Come on.
Let's wring that sexy neck.
280
00:11:56,715 --> 00:11:58,349
Wait!
281
00:11:58,383 --> 00:11:59,517
How can you do that?
282
00:11:59,551 --> 00:12:01,486
The key is to get
a firm grip on the beak.
283
00:12:01,520 --> 00:12:03,387
You can really
work up some torque.
284
00:12:03,422 --> 00:12:04,422
Come on!
285
00:12:06,057 --> 00:12:09,894
Michael, Caitlin was just
telling me how you two met.
286
00:12:09,928 --> 00:12:13,797
Oh, right.
Well, I'll never forget that.
287
00:12:13,832 --> 00:12:17,034
Rose and I could never agree
on how we met.
288
00:12:17,069 --> 00:12:20,872
I bet you have two completely
different stories, too.
289
00:12:20,906 --> 00:12:25,509
Come on, Mike.
Tell me yours.
290
00:12:25,543 --> 00:12:28,112
Oh, well, uh, uh...
yeah, well, we met,
291
00:12:28,146 --> 00:12:29,680
uh, in, uh...
292
00:12:29,714 --> 00:12:31,448
Cassis, France.
293
00:12:31,482 --> 00:12:32,816
No help.
294
00:12:32,851 --> 00:12:35,920
It was.
It was in cassis,
295
00:12:35,954 --> 00:12:39,189
as unnecessarily hard to believe
as that may sound.
296
00:12:39,224 --> 00:12:42,559
Uh, I was vacationing.
297
00:12:42,594 --> 00:12:45,396
She said you were there
for your grandmother's funeral.
298
00:12:47,465 --> 00:12:51,001
Yeah, it was a package deal,
you know?
299
00:12:51,036 --> 00:12:51,936
Six days...
300
00:12:51,970 --> 00:12:54,238
Seven nights...
301
00:12:54,273 --> 00:12:56,039
One funeral.
302
00:12:57,008 --> 00:12:58,909
So, there I was.
303
00:12:58,944 --> 00:13:03,848
I'm on the beach,
and I'm in my black speedo,
304
00:13:03,882 --> 00:13:06,516
out of respect for Nana,
305
00:13:06,551 --> 00:13:11,121
when Caitlin goes...
goes parasailing by.
306
00:13:11,156 --> 00:13:14,058
She said you met
in an emergency room.
307
00:13:14,092 --> 00:13:16,660
Yeah, see,
that's where we went
308
00:13:16,695 --> 00:13:19,429
after she slammed
into the hotel.
309
00:13:19,464 --> 00:13:22,166
Hard to believe,
two years later,
310
00:13:22,200 --> 00:13:23,333
here we are.
311
00:13:23,368 --> 00:13:25,669
She said
you met six weeks ago.
312
00:13:25,703 --> 00:13:29,573
See? Well, there you go.
313
00:13:29,607 --> 00:13:33,110
Two completely different
stories.
314
00:13:35,480 --> 00:13:37,915
Still playing
strip chess?
315
00:13:37,949 --> 00:13:39,516
Where you been?
316
00:13:39,550 --> 00:13:40,651
The pantry.
317
00:13:40,685 --> 00:13:43,754
And that's the last room
I do alone.
318
00:13:43,788 --> 00:13:47,390
You walked
right into my trap.
319
00:13:47,425 --> 00:13:50,061
Your pawn is now mine.
320
00:13:50,095 --> 00:13:51,195
Ha ha ha ha ha.
321
00:13:51,229 --> 00:13:53,030
Finally.
322
00:13:53,064 --> 00:13:54,431
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
323
00:13:54,465 --> 00:13:55,866
Start with a shoe.
324
00:13:55,900 --> 00:13:58,268
Foot fetish.
325
00:13:58,302 --> 00:14:00,204
I like it.
326
00:14:00,238 --> 00:14:01,438
Where were we?
327
00:14:01,472 --> 00:14:03,974
Oh, that's right.
Checkmate.
328
00:14:04,009 --> 00:14:05,809
Oh, my God!
329
00:14:05,844 --> 00:14:08,846
Nude up, dum-dum.
330
00:14:08,880 --> 00:14:11,782
You may be smarter
than me...
331
00:14:11,816 --> 00:14:13,317
But I'm bigger.
332
00:14:13,352 --> 00:14:14,585
Come on!
333
00:14:14,619 --> 00:14:16,253
[TURKEY GOBBLING]
334
00:14:16,288 --> 00:14:19,056
You wanna bring it on?!
335
00:14:19,090 --> 00:14:22,392
I'm gonna like this.
336
00:14:22,426 --> 00:14:24,995
Okay, run, run!
Be free! Be free!
337
00:14:25,030 --> 00:14:27,364
Carpe diem,you stupid bird.
338
00:14:27,398 --> 00:14:28,999
Oh, he's not stupid.
339
00:14:29,034 --> 00:14:32,403
He just knows he'll freeze
to death out there.
340
00:14:32,437 --> 00:14:36,306
What we need to do is we need
to find him a hiding place
341
00:14:36,341 --> 00:14:39,176
and just keep him there
until... Spring.
342
00:14:39,211 --> 00:14:41,478
Oh, my God.
He's coming. He's coming.
343
00:14:41,512 --> 00:14:43,080
Uh, uh, okay!
344
00:14:43,114 --> 00:14:46,917
Sparky, this way!
Come on, sparky!
345
00:14:54,226 --> 00:14:56,493
You guys know
where sparky is?
346
00:14:56,527 --> 00:14:57,694
Haven't seen him.
347
00:14:57,729 --> 00:14:58,695
Me either.
348
00:14:58,730 --> 00:15:01,198
Hello.
349
00:15:01,233 --> 00:15:02,933
If you do see him,
be careful.
350
00:15:02,968 --> 00:15:04,935
When turkeys get cornered,
they freak out.
351
00:15:04,970 --> 00:15:07,371
They start pecking
at anything that moves.
352
00:15:07,406 --> 00:15:09,473
Sorry, sparks,
you're on your own.
353
00:15:14,346 --> 00:15:18,715
Oh, senator, here,
have a seat.
354
00:15:18,750 --> 00:15:21,252
Thank you, Randall.
355
00:15:21,286 --> 00:15:24,288
He took my chair again.
356
00:15:24,322 --> 00:15:26,857
Sir, you gotta ask yourself
what's more important...
357
00:15:26,892 --> 00:15:28,292
being a senator for six years
358
00:15:28,326 --> 00:15:30,294
or sitting in that chair
for one hour.
359
00:15:30,328 --> 00:15:31,762
You're right, Mike.
360
00:15:31,796 --> 00:15:34,965
Okay, Buster [WHISTLES]
scoot.
361
00:15:36,835 --> 00:15:40,237
Paul, you have some crumbs
on your sleeve.
362
00:15:40,271 --> 00:15:41,572
Thank you.
363
00:15:41,606 --> 00:15:44,742
Help me out.
She's all over me.
364
00:15:44,776 --> 00:15:46,610
I'm startin' to weaken.
365
00:15:46,645 --> 00:15:48,178
Paul, just think
of your wife.
366
00:15:48,213 --> 00:15:51,481
I am, but she doesn't
look anything like that!
367
00:15:51,516 --> 00:15:52,950
JAMES: Chow time!
368
00:15:52,984 --> 00:15:54,351
NIKKI: Ohh!
369
00:15:54,386 --> 00:15:55,886
I watched sparky
run and play.
370
00:15:55,920 --> 00:15:58,556
I don't think I can bear to see
him on that serving dish.
371
00:15:58,590 --> 00:16:01,491
Actually, I have
a little confession to make.
372
00:16:01,525 --> 00:16:04,261
Growing up on a farm
slaughtering animals
373
00:16:04,295 --> 00:16:05,796
never bothered me before,
374
00:16:05,830 --> 00:16:08,531
but maybe it was something
you said, Nikki,
375
00:16:08,566 --> 00:16:11,701
maybe it was the glint
in sparky's eyes.
376
00:16:11,736 --> 00:16:13,670
Anyway, the bottom line is
377
00:16:13,704 --> 00:16:17,107
we're having tuna casserole
for dinner, okay?
378
00:16:17,142 --> 00:16:18,976
James, that is so sweet.
379
00:16:19,010 --> 00:16:20,811
I'm kidding!
Dig in!
380
00:16:23,782 --> 00:16:26,083
I just want to make sure
our stories are consistent.
381
00:16:26,117 --> 00:16:27,751
You never know
what he's gonna ask.
382
00:16:27,785 --> 00:16:31,655
What? Like, uh, what first
attracted you to me?
383
00:16:31,689 --> 00:16:34,324
Can we start
with an easier one?
384
00:16:34,359 --> 00:16:37,294
Like when do we plan
to get married?
385
00:16:37,328 --> 00:16:38,962
Whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa.
386
00:16:38,997 --> 00:16:41,231
We've been in this fake
relationship a few days.
387
00:16:41,266 --> 00:16:42,900
You're already
fake smothering me.
388
00:16:42,934 --> 00:16:47,271
Fine. Then when did
we first have sex?
389
00:16:47,305 --> 00:16:48,172
First date.
390
00:16:48,206 --> 00:16:49,173
We did not!
391
00:16:49,207 --> 00:16:51,442
I wait until the third date.
392
00:16:51,476 --> 00:16:53,043
Not with me, you didn't.
393
00:16:55,279 --> 00:16:57,448
Here he comes!
We're on.
394
00:16:57,482 --> 00:16:59,283
You know, Caitlin,
395
00:16:59,317 --> 00:17:01,218
this pie is the same color
as that sweater
396
00:17:01,252 --> 00:17:03,520
you got for your birthday
last August 4th
397
00:17:03,554 --> 00:17:05,055
from your aunt Ida, age 62.
398
00:17:06,257 --> 00:17:08,459
You are right,
Michael Patrick Flaherty.
399
00:17:08,493 --> 00:17:11,462
And didn't I wear it to your
favorite movie, "Chinatown"?
400
00:17:11,496 --> 00:17:15,699
Bet your size 6 1/2 shoes.
401
00:17:15,734 --> 00:17:18,101
That was our first date.
402
00:17:18,136 --> 00:17:20,871
We had sex that night.
403
00:17:22,573 --> 00:17:25,042
Yes, Mike, who could forget
404
00:17:25,076 --> 00:17:28,078
those three
fantastic minutes?
405
00:17:28,112 --> 00:17:30,714
You guys are just too cute.
406
00:17:30,749 --> 00:17:32,883
And we're deeply,
deeply in love.
407
00:17:32,918 --> 00:17:35,052
So, how about
that endorsement?
408
00:17:35,086 --> 00:17:38,289
Who could say no
to such an adorable couple?
409
00:17:38,323 --> 00:17:41,425
Couple?
They're not a couple.
410
00:17:41,459 --> 00:17:44,295
Paul, they're puttin'
the pies out.
411
00:17:44,329 --> 00:17:47,298
She's just cozyin' up to Mike
to make me jealous.
412
00:17:47,332 --> 00:17:49,433
Uh, Paul, we really
a a couple.
413
00:17:49,467 --> 00:17:53,203
Caitlin... I'm flattered...
414
00:17:53,238 --> 00:17:55,272
But I'm also married.
415
00:17:55,307 --> 00:17:59,443
We can never be an us.
416
00:17:59,477 --> 00:18:00,810
No, no, no.
417
00:18:00,845 --> 00:18:03,913
Shh, shh, shh,
shh, shh, shh.
418
00:18:03,948 --> 00:18:06,484
Don't betray the moment
with words.
419
00:18:06,518 --> 00:18:09,352
Shh.
420
00:18:09,387 --> 00:18:12,256
Shh.
421
00:18:14,192 --> 00:18:16,293
What does he mean
you aren't a couple?
422
00:18:16,327 --> 00:18:17,294
Are you two faking?
423
00:18:17,328 --> 00:18:19,829
Faking?
Of course not.
424
00:18:19,864 --> 00:18:23,166
How could you fake
passion like this?
425
00:18:31,009 --> 00:18:32,675
Whoa, was that
an earthquake?
426
00:18:35,280 --> 00:18:36,947
Cait... cait...
oh, there you are.
427
00:18:36,981 --> 00:18:39,182
Listen, we can still
turn this thing around.
428
00:18:39,217 --> 00:18:41,318
Mike, he's in the room
next door packing.
429
00:18:41,352 --> 00:18:42,119
It's over.
430
00:18:42,153 --> 00:18:43,220
No. No. It's not over.
431
00:18:43,254 --> 00:18:45,689
There must be something
we can do.
432
00:18:45,724 --> 00:18:47,858
[SQUEAKING]
433
00:18:47,893 --> 00:18:49,993
We can have sex.
434
00:18:50,028 --> 00:18:52,396
How's that gonna help?
435
00:18:52,430 --> 00:18:53,163
Wait a minute.
436
00:18:53,198 --> 00:18:55,532
Let me rephrase
the question.
437
00:18:55,567 --> 00:18:57,368
Yeah.
438
00:18:57,402 --> 00:18:59,536
No, I mean, fake sex.
He's in the room next door,
439
00:18:59,571 --> 00:19:01,071
so all we have to do
is make it...
440
00:19:01,105 --> 00:19:03,474
[SQUEAKING]
441
00:19:03,508 --> 00:19:05,309
...sound real.
442
00:19:05,343 --> 00:19:07,811
He'll believe us,
we'll get the endorsement.
443
00:19:07,845 --> 00:19:09,012
That's good thinking.
444
00:19:09,046 --> 00:19:10,647
He's gonna leave.
Now, come on.
445
00:19:10,681 --> 00:19:13,684
[UNENTHUSIASTICALLY]
Oh, Mike.
446
00:19:13,718 --> 00:19:14,785
Oh, Mike.
447
00:19:14,819 --> 00:19:17,654
I'm better than that.
448
00:19:17,688 --> 00:19:20,690
Oh, Mike!
449
00:19:20,725 --> 00:19:22,826
Oh, Mike!
450
00:19:22,860 --> 00:19:24,361
There you go.
451
00:19:24,395 --> 00:19:25,829
Oh, Caitlin.
452
00:19:25,863 --> 00:19:27,197
Oh, Caitlin!
453
00:19:27,231 --> 00:19:29,399
Oh, Mike.
Oh, Mike.
454
00:19:29,434 --> 00:19:31,201
It feels so good.
455
00:19:31,235 --> 00:19:33,971
Yeah, you like that,
huh?!
456
00:19:34,005 --> 00:19:36,373
Yes! Yes!
Don't stop!
457
00:19:36,407 --> 00:19:38,642
Oh, I won't, officer!
458
00:19:38,676 --> 00:19:39,743
What?
459
00:19:39,777 --> 00:19:41,311
Nothin'.
460
00:19:41,346 --> 00:19:43,347
Oh, Caitlin!
461
00:19:43,381 --> 00:19:44,748
Oh, Caitlin!
462
00:19:44,783 --> 00:19:45,916
Oh, Mike!
463
00:19:45,950 --> 00:19:47,050
Oh, Mike!
464
00:19:47,084 --> 00:19:49,453
Who's your deputy mayor?
465
00:19:49,487 --> 00:19:51,955
Yes! Oh, yes!
466
00:19:54,492 --> 00:19:57,961
Oh, yes!
Oh, yes!
467
00:19:57,995 --> 00:20:00,130
[SIGHS]
468
00:20:08,506 --> 00:20:12,876
So, you two
aren't a couple.
469
00:20:12,910 --> 00:20:15,312
No, and we feel terrible.
470
00:20:15,346 --> 00:20:17,981
Please accept our apologies.
471
00:20:18,016 --> 00:20:20,050
Why did you come in here
anyway, senator?
472
00:20:20,084 --> 00:20:26,857
Well, rose and I
used to... Swing.
473
00:20:26,891 --> 00:20:30,693
This may not have turned out
the way we wanted,
474
00:20:30,728 --> 00:20:34,398
but, uh, you gotta admit,
it was pretty amazing.
475
00:20:34,432 --> 00:20:37,801
Mike, I was faking.
476
00:20:40,739 --> 00:20:42,439
Sure you were.
477
00:20:47,812 --> 00:20:50,247
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYS]
478
00:20:58,390 --> 00:20:59,389
[DOOR SLAMS]
479
00:21:13,705 --> 00:21:16,139
He-e-e-e-e-re's jamesy.
480
00:21:17,509 --> 00:21:20,144
MAN: Sit, ubu, sit.
Good dog.
481
00:21:20,178 --> 00:21:21,378
(BARKING)32894
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