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1
00:00:01,400 --> 00:00:03,501
Negotiating the firemen's
contracts. Stuart?
2
00:00:03,535 --> 00:00:05,737
I'm being tough, Mike.
3
00:00:05,771 --> 00:00:08,206
You can't play softball
with these guys.
4
00:00:08,240 --> 00:00:10,942
Actually,
we have a game this Saturday.
5
00:00:10,976 --> 00:00:12,210
Besides, this is personal.
6
00:00:12,244 --> 00:00:14,278
I lost three girlfriends
to firemen.
7
00:00:14,313 --> 00:00:16,281
Well, it just shows you
what they know.
8
00:00:16,315 --> 00:00:18,917
You take away dignity,
muscles, and courage,
9
00:00:18,951 --> 00:00:20,451
and you are a fireman.
10
00:00:20,486 --> 00:00:22,153
This negotiation
would be a lot easier
11
00:00:22,188 --> 00:00:25,289
if they weren't rescuing baby
what's-his-name from that well.
12
00:00:25,324 --> 00:00:27,191
His name is Keanu.
13
00:00:27,226 --> 00:00:30,328
And yet they let
the parents keep him.
14
00:00:30,363 --> 00:00:32,264
Mike, I thought
I'd cut out early...
15
00:00:32,298 --> 00:00:33,865
make this a long weekend.
16
00:00:33,900 --> 00:00:38,002
It's Tuesday.
17
00:00:38,037 --> 00:00:41,172
I was thinking we could go to
the well to visit baby Keanu.
18
00:00:41,207 --> 00:00:42,974
I have him booked
with interviews.
19
00:00:42,976 --> 00:00:45,276
Well, he can do those
when he gets back.
20
00:00:45,310 --> 00:00:46,811
Well, I have to brief him.
21
00:00:46,846 --> 00:00:48,012
He's a quick study.
22
00:00:48,046 --> 00:00:49,614
Ahh! You cracked my back!
23
00:00:49,648 --> 00:00:52,216
My brother and I always fought
over the remote control,
24
00:00:52,251 --> 00:00:54,552
so my mom would give him
the remote on odd days.
25
00:00:54,587 --> 00:00:56,320
I would get it
on even days.
26
00:00:56,355 --> 00:00:58,156
We used to fight
over the TV, too.
27
00:00:58,191 --> 00:01:00,491
TV? You must have
been rich.
28
00:01:00,526 --> 00:01:02,994
Anyway, maybe you two
could do that with him.
29
00:01:03,029 --> 00:01:05,430
Oh, yeah... we're really
gonna share the mayor
30
00:01:05,464 --> 00:01:06,764
like he's a remote control.
31
00:01:06,798 --> 00:01:08,366
I love the idea!
32
00:01:08,400 --> 00:01:11,769
So, to review, we're really
gonna share the mayor
33
00:01:11,803 --> 00:01:13,804
like he's a remote control.
34
00:01:13,839 --> 00:01:16,374
[ACOUSTIC GUITAR PLAYS]
35
00:01:49,842 --> 00:01:51,376
Stuart!
36
00:01:51,410 --> 00:01:54,779
Do not leave this
half-dead rodent on my desk.
37
00:01:54,881 --> 00:01:58,483
I prefer to think of him
as half-alive.
38
00:01:58,517 --> 00:02:00,852
I'm taking him
to doggie day care.
39
00:02:00,887 --> 00:02:02,153
Doggie day care?!
40
00:02:02,188 --> 00:02:04,489
Remind me
to pay you way less.
41
00:02:04,590 --> 00:02:07,325
He's lonely home alone.
Plus, he needs his exercise.
42
00:02:07,426 --> 00:02:10,561
Yeah, I've seen
how wound up he gets
43
00:02:10,596 --> 00:02:13,331
when you don't take him
for his drag.
44
00:02:13,366 --> 00:02:14,565
Hey! Everybody!
45
00:02:14,600 --> 00:02:16,468
Guess where I've been...
46
00:02:16,470 --> 00:02:17,768
"a"... the gym,
47
00:02:17,803 --> 00:02:21,639
"b"... trying out for "who wants
to be a millionaire"...
48
00:02:21,674 --> 00:02:23,942
well, we know
it's not the gym.
49
00:02:23,976 --> 00:02:26,711
Mike, take all the shots
you want now,
50
00:02:26,745 --> 00:02:30,548
'cause tomorrow, you're gonna
be insulting a millionaire.
51
00:02:30,582 --> 00:02:31,583
Wow!
52
00:02:31,617 --> 00:02:33,251
Too bad you're married...
53
00:02:33,285 --> 00:02:35,220
And you.
54
00:02:35,222 --> 00:02:37,922
Don't you have to be smartto win on that show?
55
00:02:37,957 --> 00:02:41,392
I am smart! Besides,
they give you four answers,
56
00:02:41,427 --> 00:02:43,695
so even if
you don't know something,
57
00:02:43,729 --> 00:02:46,331
you still have a 33% chance
of being right.
58
00:02:46,365 --> 00:02:48,266
Well,
congratulations, Paul.
59
00:02:48,300 --> 00:02:50,168
I'd say
don't get a big head,
60
00:02:50,202 --> 00:02:52,904
but that ship sailed
when you were about 5.
61
00:02:53,072 --> 00:02:55,072
I'm not gonna quit
just because I win.
62
00:02:55,107 --> 00:02:57,008
Even millionaires
need free coffee,
63
00:02:57,042 --> 00:02:59,043
long distance,
and office furniture.
64
00:02:59,077 --> 00:03:01,813
I'm rich! I'm rich!
I'm rich!
65
00:03:01,847 --> 00:03:04,615
So am I! So am I!
So am I!
66
00:03:04,650 --> 00:03:06,450
Sir, we got to get
to the well.
67
00:03:06,485 --> 00:03:07,685
Today's a Caitlin day.
68
00:03:07,719 --> 00:03:10,255
Well, it is, but she wanted
to catch up on her drinking.
69
00:03:16,829 --> 00:03:19,130
MIKE: Hey, I thought
there'd be more people here.
70
00:03:19,165 --> 00:03:20,431
This doesn't look good.
71
00:03:20,465 --> 00:03:22,600
Is there anything
you need me to do, Mike?
72
00:03:22,635 --> 00:03:26,270
Because as deputy deputy mayor,
I'd take a bullet for you.
73
00:03:26,304 --> 00:03:27,905
Maybe after lunch.
74
00:03:27,940 --> 00:03:31,709
Excuse me, we're looking for
the well with the kid in it.
75
00:03:31,743 --> 00:03:34,879
Well, that's the well.
We just rescued Keanu.
76
00:03:34,913 --> 00:03:37,048
I called and said
the mayor was gonna be here.
77
00:03:37,082 --> 00:03:38,950
Would 20 extra minutes
have killed him?
78
00:03:38,985 --> 00:03:40,518
Very possibly.
79
00:03:40,552 --> 00:03:42,453
Well, then...
80
00:03:42,487 --> 00:03:45,189
Obviously,
you did the right thing.
81
00:03:45,224 --> 00:03:47,858
So, how did
they get him out, Mike?
82
00:03:47,893 --> 00:03:50,261
Well, sir,
if this is the well,
83
00:03:50,296 --> 00:03:52,997
then in the direction
you're heading,
84
00:03:53,032 --> 00:03:54,398
they must have dug
85
00:03:54,433 --> 00:03:56,834
some sort
of parallel rescue...
86
00:03:56,869 --> 00:03:58,469
Pit.
87
00:04:01,006 --> 00:04:03,508
All right, sir,
listen, I can't help you here.
88
00:04:03,542 --> 00:04:05,877
I'm gonna go back
to city hall, come for you,
89
00:04:05,911 --> 00:04:07,412
and organize a rescue party.
90
00:04:07,446 --> 00:04:10,848
James, wait here and make sure
nobody finds out about this.
91
00:04:10,882 --> 00:04:12,950
I'll wait here
better than anyone, Mike.
92
00:04:12,985 --> 00:04:14,752
MAYOR WINSTON:
What am I supposed to do?!
93
00:04:14,787 --> 00:04:16,253
Pretend
you're bugs bunny?
94
00:04:16,288 --> 00:04:17,956
That's not a good idea.
95
00:04:17,990 --> 00:04:20,258
[IMITATING ELMER FUDD]
It's rabbit season.
96
00:04:20,292 --> 00:04:21,626
[LAUGHS]
97
00:04:26,498 --> 00:04:29,234
What's the dog's name?
98
00:04:29,268 --> 00:04:31,402
Uh, rags Heywood.
99
00:04:31,437 --> 00:04:32,570
Age?
100
00:04:32,605 --> 00:04:33,838
35.
101
00:04:33,873 --> 00:04:36,875
No, I mean in people years.
102
00:04:36,909 --> 00:04:40,244
35.
103
00:04:40,279 --> 00:04:41,846
I assume he's neutered?
104
00:04:41,881 --> 00:04:44,515
Uh, not technically.
105
00:04:44,550 --> 00:04:48,385
10 years ago...
Something fell off.
106
00:04:48,420 --> 00:04:51,622
I'm sorry. We only accept
neutered males.
107
00:04:51,657 --> 00:04:53,424
Oh, please...
look at him.
108
00:04:55,928 --> 00:04:57,795
I see your point.
109
00:04:57,830 --> 00:04:59,363
Oh, all right.
110
00:04:59,398 --> 00:05:00,864
You won't be sorry.
111
00:05:00,899 --> 00:05:02,300
I can assure you,
112
00:05:02,334 --> 00:05:05,036
rags will be
a perfect gentleman.
113
00:05:05,070 --> 00:05:06,237
Bye-bye.
114
00:05:06,271 --> 00:05:08,273
Take care, now.
115
00:05:22,354 --> 00:05:24,188
We need to cut some fat.
116
00:05:24,223 --> 00:05:26,257
Last year, you people filed
117
00:05:26,291 --> 00:05:28,693
three times as many
smoke-inhalation claims
118
00:05:28,727 --> 00:05:31,028
as the teachers
and garbagemen combined.
119
00:05:31,063 --> 00:05:33,898
We're firemen.
120
00:05:33,932 --> 00:05:37,001
That line may work
with my girlfriends...
121
00:05:37,035 --> 00:05:38,602
not with me.
122
00:05:38,637 --> 00:05:41,005
Dude, is that my sweater?
123
00:05:42,541 --> 00:05:45,109
We're gonna have to
reschedule that,
124
00:05:45,144 --> 00:05:48,546
'cause the mayor's gonna be,
uh... Holed up all day.
125
00:05:48,580 --> 00:05:50,180
[STATIC]
126
00:05:50,215 --> 00:05:53,618
MAYOR WINSTON: Mike, could you
bring back some magazines?
127
00:05:53,652 --> 00:05:56,420
Uh, sir, listen,
I'm at city hall right now,
128
00:05:56,455 --> 00:05:58,922
so we probably
shouldn't use these.
129
00:05:58,957 --> 00:06:00,391
Sir?
130
00:06:00,425 --> 00:06:02,527
You didn't say "over."
131
00:06:02,561 --> 00:06:03,928
Sorry. Over.
132
00:06:03,962 --> 00:06:06,831
I just don't want anyone
to get suspicious.
133
00:06:06,866 --> 00:06:09,366
You can't talk
after you say "over."
134
00:06:09,401 --> 00:06:12,102
Yeah, I-I'll try
and remember that, sir.
135
00:06:12,137 --> 00:06:14,071
It's just that we really...
136
00:06:14,106 --> 00:06:17,508
or before I say "over."
137
00:06:17,542 --> 00:06:20,444
Sir, I'm, uh,
heading into a tunnel.
138
00:06:20,478 --> 00:06:21,980
[IMITATES STATIC]
139
00:06:22,014 --> 00:06:23,013
What's that?
140
00:06:23,048 --> 00:06:24,148
Uh, what, this?
141
00:06:24,182 --> 00:06:27,785
This would be a...
this is a cell phone...
142
00:06:27,819 --> 00:06:29,520
From 1983.
143
00:06:29,555 --> 00:06:32,256
Have you seen the mayor?
He's late for an interview.
144
00:06:32,291 --> 00:06:33,591
Caitlin, it's your day,
145
00:06:33,593 --> 00:06:35,459
if you lost him,
that's your problem.
146
00:06:35,494 --> 00:06:36,961
I am watching you.
147
00:06:36,995 --> 00:06:38,363
Yeah, I know.
148
00:06:38,397 --> 00:06:40,365
This body is a curse.
149
00:06:42,467 --> 00:06:43,668
Stuart!
150
00:06:43,702 --> 00:06:44,869
Yeah?
151
00:06:44,904 --> 00:06:46,737
The mayor
is stuck in a well.
152
00:06:46,772 --> 00:06:49,440
Okay. And?
153
00:06:49,474 --> 00:06:51,976
An we're gonna need
these firemen on our side
154
00:06:52,010 --> 00:06:54,178
if we're gonna
keep the rescue a secret.
155
00:06:54,212 --> 00:06:55,045
Hold on.
156
00:06:55,080 --> 00:06:56,613
Show of hands...
157
00:06:56,648 --> 00:07:01,052
when I called you chili-eating,
hose-fondling closet pyros,
158
00:07:01,086 --> 00:07:03,087
who didn't know I was jokin'?
159
00:07:04,823 --> 00:07:07,958
Gimme a sec.
160
00:07:07,993 --> 00:07:10,528
Tomorrow...
161
00:07:10,562 --> 00:07:13,931
These crumb cakes are mine.
162
00:07:13,966 --> 00:07:17,434
Hey, millionaire, you still owe
3 bucks to the coffee fund.
163
00:07:17,469 --> 00:07:19,536
Oh, please!
The rich are above the law.
164
00:07:19,571 --> 00:07:20,738
Which reminds me...
165
00:07:20,772 --> 00:07:24,275
I get to ask one friend
for help on an answer.
166
00:07:24,309 --> 00:07:26,243
So, Carter, you're my man
if the question
167
00:07:26,277 --> 00:07:28,746
has to do with history,
politics, music, or art.
168
00:07:28,781 --> 00:07:31,716
Janelle,
you're ballet and fashion.
169
00:07:31,750 --> 00:07:35,286
Actually, Carter,
you take fashion, too.
170
00:07:35,321 --> 00:07:39,023
This outfit is straight
from the pages of vogue!
171
00:07:39,057 --> 00:07:40,424
Tell him, Carter.
172
00:07:40,459 --> 00:07:42,760
Fashion... got it.
173
00:07:46,165 --> 00:07:48,199
Nikki, you're on math.
174
00:07:48,233 --> 00:07:50,134
Paul, what's in it for us?
175
00:07:50,168 --> 00:07:53,571
.001% of my million dollars.
176
00:07:53,605 --> 00:07:55,707
100 bucks?
177
00:07:55,741 --> 00:07:57,141
Keep dreamin', sister.
178
00:07:57,175 --> 00:07:59,110
It's 10.
And you're off math.
179
00:08:00,412 --> 00:08:01,646
No, no!
180
00:08:01,680 --> 00:08:04,348
J-James, don't you dare buy him
a super big gulp!
181
00:08:04,382 --> 00:08:06,117
All right,
get back to the well.
182
00:08:06,151 --> 00:08:07,685
I'll be there
in five minutes.
183
00:08:07,719 --> 00:08:08,619
Hey, Mike!
184
00:08:08,653 --> 00:08:09,787
Paul, not now...
185
00:08:09,821 --> 00:08:11,222
not ever!
186
00:08:11,256 --> 00:08:12,923
It's only
gonna take a second.
187
00:08:12,957 --> 00:08:14,258
I'm assigning topics.
188
00:08:14,293 --> 00:08:16,260
I need to know
your area of expertise.
189
00:08:16,295 --> 00:08:18,496
How much I don't want to
have this conversation.
190
00:08:18,530 --> 00:08:20,197
Here's what's still open...
191
00:08:20,231 --> 00:08:22,567
cars, dinosaurs, hygiene,
192
00:08:22,601 --> 00:08:25,236
human massacres,
food-borne diseases...
193
00:08:25,270 --> 00:08:26,571
stop, stop!
194
00:08:26,605 --> 00:08:28,406
Here it is, okay?
195
00:08:28,440 --> 00:08:32,143
Stanley cup m.V.P.S
between 1964...
196
00:08:32,177 --> 00:08:34,112
And 1964.
197
00:08:34,146 --> 00:08:35,780
You're a good friend.
198
00:08:35,814 --> 00:08:38,149
All right, Mike!
199
00:08:38,183 --> 00:08:41,719
Five people saw you leave
with the mayor.
200
00:08:41,753 --> 00:08:42,920
Where is he?
201
00:08:42,955 --> 00:08:45,689
Uh, well,
I-if you must know,
202
00:08:45,723 --> 00:08:48,426
h-he went
to the hospital...
203
00:08:48,494 --> 00:08:51,229
To visit
his favorite aunt...
204
00:08:51,263 --> 00:08:53,964
Who is just
very, very ill.
205
00:08:53,999 --> 00:08:55,700
You took him to that well,
didn't you?
206
00:08:55,734 --> 00:08:56,734
No.
207
00:08:56,768 --> 00:08:58,502
And frankly, I'm offended.
208
00:08:58,537 --> 00:09:00,170
What could be more cynical
209
00:09:00,205 --> 00:09:03,474
than to believe someone
could use a dying relative
210
00:09:03,509 --> 00:09:05,242
as a cheap cover story?
211
00:09:05,277 --> 00:09:07,545
TV: Randall Winston,the mayor of New York,
212
00:09:07,579 --> 00:09:09,179
trapped 30 feet below grou,
213
00:09:09,214 --> 00:09:11,715
as the entire cityholds its collective breat.
214
00:09:11,750 --> 00:09:13,751
We'll be backwith more live coverage
215
00:09:13,785 --> 00:09:15,686
of "Winston in the well."
216
00:09:17,289 --> 00:09:19,891
I mean, other than
actually doing it.
217
00:09:31,737 --> 00:09:35,439
You print that, you won't
set foot in city hall again!
218
00:09:35,474 --> 00:09:38,443
There is a perfectlylogical explanation.
219
00:09:38,477 --> 00:09:41,312
I just can't give it to you
right now.
220
00:09:41,346 --> 00:09:45,015
Well, is there anything
available in the mezzanine?
221
00:09:45,050 --> 00:09:46,484
They're sending
a camera down.
222
00:09:46,518 --> 00:09:47,985
CAITLIN: Oh, perfect!
223
00:09:48,020 --> 00:09:51,222
This is exactly the image I want
my candidate to project...
224
00:09:51,256 --> 00:09:52,623
a mud-covered boob.
225
00:09:52,657 --> 00:09:55,226
You talking about that
wrestling place in Jersey?
226
00:09:56,428 --> 00:09:58,862
MAYOR WINSTON:
Hello, people of New York.
227
00:09:58,897 --> 00:10:01,232
First of all,I want to assure you
228
00:10:01,266 --> 00:10:02,633
that I'm fine.
229
00:10:02,668 --> 00:10:05,837
And if you're going to worryabout anyone,
230
00:10:05,871 --> 00:10:07,505
make it little Keanu,
231
00:10:07,539 --> 00:10:10,540
because he had no wayof understanding
232
00:10:10,575 --> 00:10:13,343
that he was going to beall right.
233
00:10:13,378 --> 00:10:15,013
I do.
234
00:10:15,047 --> 00:10:18,449
He's so brave.
235
00:10:18,484 --> 00:10:21,319
And I think thatboth of our rescue effors
236
00:10:21,353 --> 00:10:24,021
have proventhat humankind's true desty
237
00:10:24,055 --> 00:10:27,391
is to minister to ourselsand to our fellow man.
238
00:10:27,426 --> 00:10:29,227
Thank you.
239
00:10:29,261 --> 00:10:30,861
And, kids, stay in school..
240
00:10:32,864 --> 00:10:35,766
...and watch your step.
241
00:10:35,801 --> 00:10:38,802
Heroic wordsfrom a heroic man.
242
00:10:38,837 --> 00:10:41,171
You know,
the mayor gets more eloquent
243
00:10:41,206 --> 00:10:43,608
the closer he gets
to the earth's core.
244
00:10:43,642 --> 00:10:46,110
So, it's two hours
until he's out of there?
245
00:10:46,144 --> 00:10:48,846
Well, they're estimating.
Three could be safer.
246
00:10:48,880 --> 00:10:50,481
And fourwould put his rescue
247
00:10:50,515 --> 00:10:52,950
smack in the middle
of the evening news.
248
00:10:52,984 --> 00:10:54,952
We keep him down there
all night,
249
00:10:54,987 --> 00:10:56,687
he could be on
"good morning America."
250
00:10:56,722 --> 00:10:59,623
You're not serious?!
The man's buried alive!
251
00:10:59,657 --> 00:11:01,893
People get so caught up
in the "buried" part,
252
00:11:01,927 --> 00:11:04,061
they lose sight
of the "alive."
253
00:11:09,534 --> 00:11:11,468
I'm terribly sorry.
I'm very sor...
254
00:11:11,503 --> 00:11:13,403
I don't care
what you think you saw!
255
00:11:13,438 --> 00:11:15,706
I'm telling you,
it simply isn't possible!
256
00:11:15,740 --> 00:11:18,041
Rags hasn't been interested
in sex for 20 years!
257
00:11:18,076 --> 00:11:21,145
Well, he certainly
made up for it today!
258
00:11:21,179 --> 00:11:24,081
I suppose
I shouldn't be surprised.
259
00:11:24,116 --> 00:11:29,019
Oh! I see! It's always the gay,
black man with the horny dog!
260
00:11:29,054 --> 00:11:31,088
Just take him and go!
261
00:11:31,123 --> 00:11:32,290
No, I don't think so!
262
00:11:32,292 --> 00:11:34,224
I'm not gonna let you
scapegoat rags
263
00:11:34,259 --> 00:11:36,626
for something
he couldn't possibly have...
264
00:11:39,998 --> 00:11:42,199
[LAUGHS]
265
00:11:42,233 --> 00:11:44,135
Well, once he's through,
266
00:11:44,169 --> 00:11:46,704
we'll... we'll be
on our way.
267
00:11:46,738 --> 00:11:48,339
Ooh!
268
00:11:48,373 --> 00:11:53,777
And finally, the city will erect
a statue in central park
269
00:11:53,812 --> 00:11:56,314
honoring your bravery,
courage,
270
00:11:56,348 --> 00:11:58,248
and ability to aim a hose.
271
00:11:58,283 --> 00:12:00,584
Well,
I think we have a deal.
272
00:12:00,619 --> 00:12:04,121
We'll get the mayor
out of that well in no time.
273
00:12:04,155 --> 00:12:05,122
Stuart!
274
00:12:05,156 --> 00:12:06,957
[CLEARS THROAT]
275
00:12:06,991 --> 00:12:09,260
This thing is turning into
a publicity bonanza!
276
00:12:09,294 --> 00:12:11,529
We're gonna keep the mayor in
a little longer.
277
00:12:11,563 --> 00:12:13,531
So you think you can
slow things down?
278
00:12:13,565 --> 00:12:16,500
Got it.
279
00:12:16,534 --> 00:12:18,035
You know...
280
00:12:18,069 --> 00:12:21,005
I once wanted
to be a fireman, too...
281
00:12:25,510 --> 00:12:28,111
...but then I turned 10.
282
00:12:33,752 --> 00:12:36,587
["WHO WANTS TO BEA MILLIONAIRE" THEME PLAY]
283
00:12:39,725 --> 00:12:42,994
So, Paul, congratulations on
beating the other contestants.
284
00:12:43,028 --> 00:12:45,229
I understand
you work for the mayor.
285
00:12:45,263 --> 00:12:47,765
Is he doing okay
down there in that well?
286
00:12:47,799 --> 00:12:49,233
Yeah, yeah, he's fine.
287
00:12:49,267 --> 00:12:51,569
Look, are we
gonna play the game?
288
00:12:51,603 --> 00:12:54,005
Okay, all right.
Sure, let's get started.
289
00:12:54,039 --> 00:12:56,807
You're 15 questions away
from winning $1 million.
290
00:12:56,842 --> 00:12:59,176
You got all
your three lifelines left...
291
00:12:59,210 --> 00:13:01,746
50:50, ask the audience,
phone a friend.
292
00:13:01,780 --> 00:13:03,180
So if you're ready, Paul,
293
00:13:03,214 --> 00:13:05,649
let's play "who wants to be
a millionaire"!
294
00:13:05,683 --> 00:13:08,019
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
295
00:13:10,222 --> 00:13:12,322
Here we go.
For $100...
296
00:13:22,100 --> 00:13:26,604
I'd like to use a lifeline...
the 50:50.
297
00:13:26,638 --> 00:13:28,705
Computer,
would you please take away
298
00:13:28,740 --> 00:13:30,440
two of the incorrect answers?
299
00:13:30,475 --> 00:13:31,509
There we go.
300
00:13:31,543 --> 00:13:33,644
I'd like
to ask the audience.
301
00:13:33,678 --> 00:13:34,845
How you holding up, sir?
302
00:13:34,880 --> 00:13:36,313
MAYOR WINSTON:
I'm all right.
303
00:13:36,347 --> 00:13:37,948
What makes this bearable
304
00:13:37,982 --> 00:13:40,851
is knowing my closest advisors
are up there suffering with me.
305
00:13:40,886 --> 00:13:42,452
Well, it's the least
we could do.
306
00:13:42,487 --> 00:13:43,721
Ooh, I had the mochacino.
307
00:13:43,755 --> 00:13:45,890
This is perfect.
All three networks are here.
308
00:13:45,924 --> 00:13:48,526
The whole nation's gonna see him
come out of that well.
309
00:13:48,560 --> 00:13:50,461
He's covered in dirt,
his suit is torn,
310
00:13:50,495 --> 00:13:52,729
and there might even be
a little blood.
311
00:13:52,764 --> 00:13:53,731
Yes!
312
00:13:55,666 --> 00:13:57,334
Ooh, brainstorm...
313
00:13:57,369 --> 00:14:01,005
a week before the election...
lost at sea.
314
00:14:01,039 --> 00:14:03,807
You know,
when the mayor's not around,
315
00:14:03,842 --> 00:14:06,277
we actually get along
all right.
316
00:14:06,311 --> 00:14:08,345
After he comes out,
we could work together
317
00:14:08,379 --> 00:14:10,113
in mutual understanding
and respect.
318
00:14:10,148 --> 00:14:13,216
[LAUGHS]
[LAUGHS]
319
00:14:13,251 --> 00:14:15,118
I almost didn't get it out!
320
00:14:15,153 --> 00:14:16,853
[SIGHS]
321
00:14:16,888 --> 00:14:19,590
I came as soon as I heard.
Is there anything we can do?
322
00:14:19,624 --> 00:14:22,659
Oh, no, Carter.
All our ducks are in a row.
323
00:14:22,694 --> 00:14:24,695
Could you clear something up?
324
00:14:24,730 --> 00:14:27,798
I know how a 2-year-old
can fall in the well.
325
00:14:27,833 --> 00:14:29,633
What's the mayor's excuse?
326
00:14:29,667 --> 00:14:33,537
Caitlin,
you want to take this one?
327
00:14:36,708 --> 00:14:38,075
What are you doing?!
328
00:14:38,109 --> 00:14:40,478
Watching Paul on
"who wants to be a millionaire."
329
00:14:40,512 --> 00:14:43,013
He's up to
the $500,000 question.
330
00:14:43,047 --> 00:14:46,116
I want to make sure that hole
doesn't cave in on the mayor.
331
00:14:46,150 --> 00:14:50,154
Janelle, if it does, you know
they'll interrupt "millionaire."
332
00:14:50,188 --> 00:14:52,356
That's true.
333
00:14:54,893 --> 00:14:57,161
[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAY]
334
00:14:57,195 --> 00:14:59,062
Is that your final answer?
335
00:15:02,834 --> 00:15:04,535
Yes. "D"... yes.
336
00:15:08,239 --> 00:15:10,608
The answer is "d"...
337
00:15:10,642 --> 00:15:13,444
Karl ditters Von dittersdorf!
338
00:15:13,478 --> 00:15:14,845
Yeah! Yeah!
339
00:15:14,879 --> 00:15:16,046
Yeah!
340
00:15:16,081 --> 00:15:18,182
Aaaaah!
Aaaaah!
341
00:15:18,216 --> 00:15:20,685
You've won $500,000!
342
00:15:22,420 --> 00:15:25,122
You're on fire, Paul!
What's your secret?
343
00:15:25,157 --> 00:15:27,758
I'm guessing!
344
00:15:27,792 --> 00:15:30,861
Before we go on to the final
question, take a look at this...
345
00:15:30,895 --> 00:15:32,529
a check for
a half-million dollars!
346
00:15:32,563 --> 00:15:34,498
What do you think of that?
347
00:15:34,532 --> 00:15:35,833
Uhh uhh uhh...
348
00:15:35,867 --> 00:15:36,701
Paul?
349
00:15:36,735 --> 00:15:40,204
Can't... Breathe!
350
00:15:42,474 --> 00:15:45,609
Come on, Carter, if the mayor
comes out of that well
351
00:15:45,643 --> 00:15:48,479
holding the dog
that he went down to rescue,
352
00:15:48,513 --> 00:15:49,513
then he's a hero.
353
00:15:49,547 --> 00:15:51,015
Rag will be a hero!
354
00:15:51,049 --> 00:15:52,383
Yeah, a dead hero!
355
00:15:52,417 --> 00:15:54,318
He got through
the great depression!
356
00:15:54,353 --> 00:15:55,652
He will get through this!
357
00:15:55,687 --> 00:15:57,855
Fine, fine, fine!
358
00:15:57,889 --> 00:16:00,224
[SIRENS WAILING]
359
00:16:00,258 --> 00:16:01,625
Get ready, sir.
360
00:16:01,660 --> 00:16:04,228
We're going to cause
a little distraction,
361
00:16:04,262 --> 00:16:05,762
then we'll send rags down.
362
00:16:05,796 --> 00:16:07,164
James, take the bullet!
363
00:16:08,900 --> 00:16:10,401
Hey, mom.
364
00:16:15,640 --> 00:16:17,174
Feeling better?
365
00:16:19,477 --> 00:16:22,279
It's a blood-sugar thing.
366
00:16:22,314 --> 00:16:25,916
Well, you can stop right now
with the $500,000,
367
00:16:25,951 --> 00:16:29,119
or you could try to answer
the big $1 million question.
368
00:16:29,154 --> 00:16:31,621
Miss that, and you'll go back
down to $32,000.
369
00:16:31,656 --> 00:16:33,991
I can't go back, Regis.
370
00:16:34,025 --> 00:16:37,327
I've gotten
used to the money.
371
00:16:37,362 --> 00:16:40,264
Okay, then.
For $1 million...
372
00:16:45,003 --> 00:16:47,371
Is it "a"...
373
00:16:47,405 --> 00:16:49,139
ah-ah-ah-ah!
374
00:16:49,173 --> 00:16:51,174
Reege...
375
00:16:51,208 --> 00:16:53,343
You can stop right there.
376
00:16:53,377 --> 00:16:55,946
I'd like
to phone a friend.
377
00:16:55,981 --> 00:16:57,781
[CELLULAR PHONE RINGS]
378
00:16:57,815 --> 00:16:59,650
Yeah, Mike Flaherty.
379
00:16:59,684 --> 00:17:02,853
Hello, Mike.
Regis philbin here from abc.
380
00:17:02,887 --> 00:17:04,521
R-Regis, for the last time,
381
00:17:04,556 --> 00:17:07,791
we're not renaming 10th Avenue
"Regis philbin way."
382
00:17:07,826 --> 00:17:09,827
I-I don't know
what you're talking about.
383
00:17:09,861 --> 00:17:12,162
I'm calling from "who wants
to be a millionaire."
384
00:17:12,197 --> 00:17:14,331
Your friend Paul lassiter
needs some help.
385
00:17:14,365 --> 00:17:16,333
The next voice you hear
will be his.
386
00:17:16,367 --> 00:17:19,803
And, Paul, your 30 seconds
starts right now.
387
00:17:19,838 --> 00:17:21,839
Hey, Mike? Listen...
388
00:17:21,873 --> 00:17:24,942
which Canadian
hockey player...
389
00:17:24,976 --> 00:17:26,343
okay, guys...
390
00:17:26,378 --> 00:17:28,011
let's start bringing him up!
391
00:17:28,045 --> 00:17:29,312
Paul, I gotta go!
392
00:17:29,347 --> 00:17:33,250
[DIAL TONE]
393
00:17:33,284 --> 00:17:36,720
I'm sorry, Paul.
Tough break.
394
00:17:36,755 --> 00:17:39,422
What do you mean? He hung up.
I got another call.
395
00:17:39,457 --> 00:17:41,091
No, I'm afraid not.
396
00:17:41,126 --> 00:17:43,994
We'll see about that.
397
00:17:44,029 --> 00:17:46,197
Paul, you really can't
use that.
398
00:17:46,231 --> 00:17:48,332
You're right.
399
00:17:48,366 --> 00:17:51,401
It's not the weekend.
400
00:17:51,435 --> 00:17:55,005
So, um... Do you have
an answer for us?
401
00:17:55,107 --> 00:17:57,107
[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAY]
402
00:17:57,141 --> 00:17:59,309
Come on, Paul!
Say somethin!
403
00:17:59,343 --> 00:18:02,145
Just take the money.
I could learn to love you.
404
00:18:02,179 --> 00:18:04,047
[MUSIC CONTINUES]
405
00:18:04,081 --> 00:18:06,316
Paul... I need an answer.
406
00:18:08,486 --> 00:18:09,986
All right.
407
00:18:10,020 --> 00:18:12,822
I'm gonna go with "b."
408
00:18:12,857 --> 00:18:15,125
"B"? Huh.
409
00:18:15,160 --> 00:18:18,228
Okay, wait... "a."
410
00:18:18,262 --> 00:18:20,697
"A"? Really?
411
00:18:20,732 --> 00:18:22,699
No, no, okay, okay!
No... "c."
412
00:18:23,801 --> 00:18:25,702
"D"... "d."
413
00:18:25,737 --> 00:18:26,604
You're sure?
414
00:18:26,638 --> 00:18:29,006
Yes... "d."
415
00:18:29,040 --> 00:18:30,407
"B."
416
00:18:30,442 --> 00:18:32,576
"B" is your final answer.
417
00:18:32,644 --> 00:18:34,578
"A"! "D"! "D"! "B"!
418
00:18:34,613 --> 00:18:36,580
"C"! "A"! "A"! "D"!
419
00:18:36,614 --> 00:18:38,482
"D"! "B"! "A"! "B"!
420
00:18:38,516 --> 00:18:40,618
"D"! "D"! "B"!
421
00:18:40,652 --> 00:18:43,420
"C"! "C"!
422
00:18:43,455 --> 00:18:45,289
"C"!
423
00:18:45,323 --> 00:18:47,725
If you're not sure,
maybe you shouldn't play.
424
00:18:47,759 --> 00:18:49,760
You're right.
You're absolutely right.
425
00:18:49,794 --> 00:18:51,528
I shouldn't play.
I'm gonna stop.
426
00:18:51,563 --> 00:18:52,529
I'm playing!
427
00:18:52,564 --> 00:18:54,265
I'm stopping!
I'm playing!
428
00:18:54,299 --> 00:18:56,233
I'm playing!
I'm gonna play!
429
00:18:56,268 --> 00:18:57,901
Oh, you're cruel, Regis!
430
00:18:57,935 --> 00:18:59,970
So, what's your answer?
431
00:19:02,106 --> 00:19:03,641
"D."
432
00:19:03,675 --> 00:19:04,908
Confident?
433
00:19:04,942 --> 00:19:06,343
No, I'm not confident!
434
00:19:06,378 --> 00:19:07,778
I'm an ulcerous wreck!
435
00:19:07,812 --> 00:19:10,214
Is that what
you want to hear?! Huh?!
436
00:19:10,248 --> 00:19:11,882
Does that make you happy?!
437
00:19:11,916 --> 00:19:13,917
So "d"
is your final answer?
438
00:19:15,586 --> 00:19:18,855
Yeah... "d."
439
00:19:18,889 --> 00:19:21,859
Well, Paul...
440
00:19:21,893 --> 00:19:23,059
I'm sorry.
441
00:19:23,061 --> 00:19:24,828
But "d"...
442
00:19:24,862 --> 00:19:26,996
Is absolutely...
443
00:19:27,031 --> 00:19:29,833
Not the right answer...
444
00:19:29,868 --> 00:19:31,235
To a different question...
445
00:19:31,269 --> 00:19:32,569
But also...
446
00:19:32,603 --> 00:19:35,906
oh, for God's sakes, Regis!!
Do you think you're cute?!
447
00:19:35,940 --> 00:19:39,276
You think they're laughing?!
Well, they're not!
448
00:19:39,310 --> 00:19:41,077
Tell me! Tell me!
449
00:19:41,112 --> 00:19:43,913
For God's sakes,
tell me... now!
450
00:19:43,948 --> 00:19:45,182
We'll be right back.
451
00:19:45,216 --> 00:19:46,883
Oh, no!
452
00:19:46,917 --> 00:19:51,154
["WHO WANTS TO BEA MILLIONAIRE" THEME PLAY]
453
00:19:51,188 --> 00:19:53,423
He looks alert.
454
00:19:53,458 --> 00:19:55,392
[APPLAUSE]
455
00:19:55,426 --> 00:20:00,430
And he seems to have rescued
some sort of rat.
456
00:20:00,465 --> 00:20:01,998
It's a dog!
457
00:20:04,435 --> 00:20:05,902
Our mayor...
458
00:20:05,937 --> 00:20:08,238
animal lover... hero.
459
00:20:08,272 --> 00:20:09,940
We're back.
460
00:20:09,974 --> 00:20:12,876
And, Paul...
461
00:20:12,910 --> 00:20:14,811
The answer... Is "d"!
462
00:20:14,846 --> 00:20:16,713
You've won $1 million!
463
00:20:16,748 --> 00:20:18,882
Oh, no!
464
00:20:18,916 --> 00:20:20,817
Yeah!
465
00:20:20,852 --> 00:20:22,453
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
466
00:20:47,178 --> 00:20:49,179
[DISCO MUSIC PLAYS]
467
00:21:17,541 --> 00:21:20,143
MAN: Sit, ubu, sit.
Good dog.
468
00:21:20,177 --> 00:21:21,311
(BARKING)32879
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