Original subtitles

. >>> GOOD AFTERNOON, I'M DANA BASH, AND WELCOME TO INSIDE

>>> GOOD AFTERNOON, I'M DANA BASH, AND WELCOME TO INSIDE POLITICS.

BASH, AND WELCOME TO INSIDE POLITICS. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

POLITICS. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] COMING UP, WE'LL GIVE WOLF

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] COMING UP, WE'LL GIVE WOLF BLITZER AN EDIBLE AND AN HOUR TO

COMING UP, WE'LL GIVE WOLF BLITZER AN EDIBLE AND AN HOUR TO SOLVE THE MIDDLE EAST.

BLITZER AN EDIBLE AND AN HOUR TO SOLVE THE MIDDLE EAST. BUT FIRST, ON TUESDAY, PRESIDENT

SOLVE THE MIDDLE EAST. BUT FIRST, ON TUESDAY, PRESIDENT JOE BIDEN WON THE WISH PRIMARY,

BUT FIRST, ON TUESDAY, PRESIDENT JOE BIDEN WON THE WISH PRIMARY, BUT A NEW YORK TIMES POLL HAS

JOE BIDEN WON THE WISH PRIMARY, BUT A NEW YORK TIMES POLL HAS HIM DOWN FIVE POINTS, AND MANY

BUT A NEW YORK TIMES POLL HAS HIM DOWN FIVE POINTS, AND MANY VOTERS STILL HAVE CONCERNS ABOUT

HIM DOWN FIVE POINTS, AND MANY VOTERS STILL HAVE CONCERNS ABOUT HIS AGE.

VOTERS STILL HAVE CONCERNS ABOUT HIS AGE. HERE WITH ME IS GOVERNOR OF

HIS AGE. HERE WITH ME IS GOVERNOR OF CALIFORNIA AND BIDEN ADVOCATE,

HERE WITH ME IS GOVERNOR OF CALIFORNIA AND BIDEN ADVOCATE, GAVIN NEWSOM.

CALIFORNIA AND BIDEN ADVOCATE, GAVIN NEWSOM. >> GREAT TO BE WITH YOU, DANA.

GAVIN NEWSOM. >> GREAT TO BE WITH YOU, DANA. I UNDERSTAND PEOPLE CARE ABOUT

>> GREAT TO BE WITH YOU, DANA. I UNDERSTAND PEOPLE CARE ABOUT THE PRESIDENT'S AGE, BUT THEY

I UNDERSTAND PEOPLE CARE ABOUT THE PRESIDENT'S AGE, BUT THEY SHOULD CARE ABOUT HIS RECORD.

THE PRESIDENT'S AGE, BUT THEY SHOULD CARE ABOUT HIS RECORD. HE'S CREATED MORE JOBS THAN ANY

SHOULD CARE ABOUT HIS RECORD. HE'S CREATED MORE JOBS THAN ANY PRESIDENT IN HISTORY, INFLATION

HE'S CREATED MORE JOBS THAN ANY PRESIDENT IN HISTORY, INFLATION IS DOWN, THE SHAMROCK SHAKE IS

PRESIDENT IN HISTORY, INFLATION IS DOWN, THE SHAMROCK SHAKE IS BACK, AND BEYONCE HAS GONE

IS DOWN, THE SHAMROCK SHAKE IS BACK, AND BEYONCE HAS GONE COUNTRY.

BACK, AND BEYONCE HAS GONE COUNTRY. THANK YOU, JOE.

COUNTRY. THANK YOU, JOE. >> RIGHT.

THANK YOU, JOE. >> RIGHT. BUT CAN HE MAKE THAT CASE WITH

>> RIGHT. BUT CAN HE MAKE THAT CASE WITH THE SPEED AND SHARPNESS THAT

BUT CAN HE MAKE THAT CASE WITH THE SPEED AND SHARPNESS THAT SOMEONE LIKE YOU CAN?

THE SPEED AND SHARPNESS THAT SOMEONE LIKE YOU CAN? >> JOE CAN DO IT BETTER.

SOMEONE LIKE YOU CAN? >> JOE CAN DO IT BETTER. BEHIND CLOSED DOORS, JOE IS

>> JOE CAN DO IT BETTER. BEHIND CLOSED DOORS, JOE IS INCREDIBLE.

BEHIND CLOSED DOORS, JOE IS INCREDIBLE. YESTERDAY WE HAD A BIG MEETING

INCREDIBLE. YESTERDAY WE HAD A BIG MEETING ABOUT THE BORDER, AND HE HAD

YESTERDAY WE HAD A BIG MEETING ABOUT THE BORDER, AND HE HAD SUCH COMMAND.

ABOUT THE BORDER, AND HE HAD SUCH COMMAND. HE HAD CHARTS, TABLES, POWER

SUCH COMMAND. HE HAD CHARTS, TABLES, POWER POINTS, HE HAD AN INTERACTIVE AR

HE HAD CHARTS, TABLES, POWER POINTS, HE HAD AN INTERACTIVE AR DISPLAY ON THE APPLE VISION PRO

POINTS, HE HAD AN INTERACTIVE AR DISPLAY ON THE APPLE VISION PRO THAT HE PROGRAMMED HIMSELF.

DISPLAY ON THE APPLE VISION PRO THAT HE PROGRAMMED HIMSELF. THE SOFTWARE MIGHT BE IN BETA,

THAT HE PROGRAMMED HIMSELF. THE SOFTWARE MIGHT BE IN BETA, BUT THE MAN IS AN ALPHA.

THE SOFTWARE MIGHT BE IN BETA, BUT THE MAN IS AN ALPHA. >> I'M A LITTLE SKEPTICAL THIS

BUT THE MAN IS AN ALPHA. >> I'M A LITTLE SKEPTICAL THIS IS THE SAME MAN PEOPLE CALL

>> I'M A LITTLE SKEPTICAL THIS IS THE SAME MAN PEOPLE CALL SLEEPY JOE.

IS THE SAME MAN PEOPLE CALL SLEEPY JOE. >> WELL, HE HAS TO SLEEP, DANA.

SLEEPY JOE. >> WELL, HE HAS TO SLEEP, DANA. EVEN WHEN HE'S SLEEPING, HE'S

>> WELL, HE HAS TO SLEEP, DANA. EVEN WHEN HE'S SLEEPING, HE'S ON.

EVEN WHEN HE'S SLEEPING, HE'S ON. THE OTHER DAY, HE WAS TAKING A

ON. THE OTHER DAY, HE WAS TAKING A NAP, AND I WHIPPED A BASEBALL AT

THE OTHER DAY, HE WAS TAKING A NAP, AND I WHIPPED A BASEBALL AT HIM AND HE CAUGHT IT LIGHTNING

NAP, AND I WHIPPED A BASEBALL AT HIM AND HE CAUGHT IT LIGHTNING QUICK.

HIM AND HE CAUGHT IT LIGHTNING QUICK. >> LET'S GO LIVE TO WASHINGTON

QUICK. >> LET'S GO LIVE TO WASHINGTON WITH KARINE JEAN-PIERRE.

>> LET'S GO LIVE TO WASHINGTON WITH KARINE JEAN-PIERRE. >> HELLO.

WITH KARINE JEAN-PIERRE. >> HELLO. PLEASURE TO BE WITH YOU TO TALK

>> HELLO. PLEASURE TO BE WITH YOU TO TALK ABOUT THE MOST VIGOROUS MAN I'VE

PLEASURE TO BE WITH YOU TO TALK ABOUT THE MOST VIGOROUS MAN I'VE EVER KNOWN, JOE BIDEN.

ABOUT THE MOST VIGOROUS MAN I'VE EVER KNOWN, JOE BIDEN. I WAS JUST WITH HIM, AND BEHIND

EVER KNOWN, JOE BIDEN. I WAS JUST WITH HIM, AND BEHIND CLOSED DOORS, HE'S A WHIRLWIND.

I WAS JUST WITH HIM, AND BEHIND CLOSED DOORS, HE'S A WHIRLWIND. LOOK AT HIS SCHEDULE.

CLOSED DOORS, HE'S A WHIRLWIND. LOOK AT HIS SCHEDULE. 7:00 A.M., SOUL CYCLE CLASS, AND

LOOK AT HIS SCHEDULE. 7:00 A.M., SOUL CYCLE CLASS, AND HE LEADS IT.

7:00 A.M., SOUL CYCLE CLASS, AND HE LEADS IT. 8:30 A.M., PLAY SPEED CHESS IN

HE LEADS IT. 8:30 A.M., PLAY SPEED CHESS IN THE PARK.

8:30 A.M., PLAY SPEED CHESS IN THE PARK. 8:32 A.M., WINS CHESS GAME,

THE PARK. 8:32 A.M., WINS CHESS GAME, POINTS AT OPPONENT AND SAYS,

8:32 A.M., WINS CHESS GAME, POINTS AT OPPONENT AND SAYS, NEXT TIME YOUNG BLOOD.

POINTS AT OPPONENT AND SAYS, NEXT TIME YOUNG BLOOD. 9:30 A.M., MEET WITH JOINT

NEXT TIME YOUNG BLOOD. 9:30 A.M., MEET WITH JOINT CHIEFS FOR A MILITARY STRATEGY

9:30 A.M., MEET WITH JOINT CHIEFS FOR A MILITARY STRATEGY NEATING AND PUSHUP CONTEST.

CHIEFS FOR A MILITARY STRATEGY NEATING AND PUSHUP CONTEST. WINS CONTEST, POINTS AT THE HEAD

NEATING AND PUSHUP CONTEST. WINS CONTEST, POINTS AT THE HEAD OF THE JOINT CHIEFS AND SAYS,

WINS CONTEST, POINTS AT THE HEAD OF THE JOINT CHIEFS AND SAYS, NEXT TIME YOUNG BLOOD.

OF THE JOINT CHIEFS AND SAYS, NEXT TIME YOUNG BLOOD. THEN, TRAIN TIME.

NEXT TIME YOUNG BLOOD. THEN, TRAIN TIME. THAT'S ALL BEFORE A LUNCH WHERE

THEN, TRAIN TIME. THAT'S ALL BEFORE A LUNCH WHERE HE EATS FIVE WHOLE CHICKENS AND

THAT'S ALL BEFORE A LUNCH WHERE HE EATS FIVE WHOLE CHICKENS AND A RAW POTATO.

HE EATS FIVE WHOLE CHICKENS AND A RAW POTATO. >> BIDEN IS 81 YEARS OLD.

A RAW POTATO. >> BIDEN IS 81 YEARS OLD. ISN'T THAT A LITTLE CONCERNING?

>> BIDEN IS 81 YEARS OLD. ISN'T THAT A LITTLE CONCERNING? >> ONLY IF YOU'RE SCARED OF

ISN'T THAT A LITTLE CONCERNING? >> ONLY IF YOU'RE SCARED OF WISDOM.

>> ONLY IF YOU'RE SCARED OF WISDOM. JOE BIDEN WAS 34 YEARS OLD

WISDOM. JOE BIDEN WAS 34 YEARS OLD BEFORE ROE VERSUS WADE WAS

JOE BIDEN WAS 34 YEARS OLD BEFORE ROE VERSUS WADE WAS STATED, SO YOU KNOW HE WAS

BEFORE ROE VERSUS WADE WAS STATED, SO YOU KNOW HE WAS SMASHING.

STATED, SO YOU KNOW HE WAS SMASHING. HE DEALT WITH THOSE RESTRICTIONS

SMASHING. HE DEALT WITH THOSE RESTRICTIONS THEN AS A YOUNG HANDSOME MAN,

HE DEALT WITH THOSE RESTRICTIONS THEN AS A YOUNG HANDSOME MAN, AND HE CAN DEAL WITH THEM NOW AS

THEN AS A YOUNG HANDSOME MAN, AND HE CAN DEAL WITH THEM NOW AS AN OLD EVEN MORE HANDSOME MAN.

AND HE CAN DEAL WITH THEM NOW AS AN OLD EVEN MORE HANDSOME MAN. ASK ANYONE WHO WORKS WITH HIM

AN OLD EVEN MORE HANDSOME MAN. ASK ANYONE WHO WORKS WITH HIM CLOSELY.

ASK ANYONE WHO WORKS WITH HIM CLOSELY. >> WE ARE NOW JOINED BY

CLOSELY. >> WE ARE NOW JOINED BY ALEJANDRO MAYORKAS.

>> WE ARE NOW JOINED BY ALEJANDRO MAYORKAS. >> THANK YOU FOR HAVING ME.

ALEJANDRO MAYORKAS. >> THANK YOU FOR HAVING ME. I'M EXHAUSTED.

>> THANK YOU FOR HAVING ME. I'M EXHAUSTED. I WAS WITH JOE BIDEN FOR THE

I'M EXHAUSTED. I WAS WITH JOE BIDEN FOR THE PAST WEEKEND, AND HE WIPED ME

I WAS WITH JOE BIDEN FOR THE PAST WEEKEND, AND HE WIPED ME OUT.

PAST WEEKEND, AND HE WIPED ME OUT. >> SO YOU FEEL HE'S UP TO THE

OUT. >> SO YOU FEEL HE'S UP TO THE JOB?

>> SO YOU FEEL HE'S UP TO THE JOB? >> DANA, I WAS JUST WITH HIM,

JOB? >> DANA, I WAS JUST WITH HIM, AND BEHIND CLOSED DOORS, HE'S A

>> DANA, I WAS JUST WITH HIM, AND BEHIND CLOSED DOORS, HE'S A DYNAMO.

AND BEHIND CLOSED DOORS, HE'S A DYNAMO. THIS WEEKEND, WE WENT DOWN TO

DYNAMO. THIS WEEKEND, WE WENT DOWN TO THE BORDER TOWN OF BROWNSVILLE,

THIS WEEKEND, WE WENT DOWN TO THE BORDER TOWN OF BROWNSVILLE, TEXAS, AND JOE WENT TO BEAST

THE BORDER TOWN OF BROWNSVILLE, TEXAS, AND JOE WENT TO BEAST MODE.

TEXAS, AND JOE WENT TO BEAST MODE. HE SAID, WE GOT TO TIGHTEN THIS

MODE. HE SAID, WE GOT TO TIGHTEN THIS BORDER, THEN HE WENT UP TO THE

HE SAID, WE GOT TO TIGHTEN THIS BORDER, THEN HE WENT UP TO THE TOP OF THE BORDER WALL, FRONT

BORDER, THEN HE WENT UP TO THE TOP OF THE BORDER WALL, FRONT FLIPPED INTO THE RIO GRAND AND

TOP OF THE BORDER WALL, FRONT FLIPPED INTO THE RIO GRAND AND CAME BACK UP WITH A FISH IN HIS

FLIPPED INTO THE RIO GRAND AND CAME BACK UP WITH A FISH IN HIS MOUTH.

CAME BACK UP WITH A FISH IN HIS MOUTH. BUT YOU DIDN'T REPORT THAT

MOUTH. BUT YOU DIDN'T REPORT THAT BECAUSE IT DOESN'T FIT YOUR

BUT YOU DIDN'T REPORT THAT BECAUSE IT DOESN'T FIT YOUR NARRATIVE.

BECAUSE IT DOESN'T FIT YOUR NARRATIVE. >> WITH ALL DUE RESPECT, IT

NARRATIVE. >> WITH ALL DUE RESPECT, IT DOESN'T FIT REALITY.

>> WITH ALL DUE RESPECT, IT DOESN'T FIT REALITY. >> PLEASE.

DOESN'T FIT REALITY. >> PLEASE. WE WERE ALL JUST WITH HIM.

>> PLEASE. WE WERE ALL JUST WITH HIM. IF YOU DON'T BELIEVE US, ASK ONE

WE WERE ALL JUST WITH HIM. IF YOU DON'T BELIEVE US, ASK ONE OF THE NBA'S FIERCEST PLAYERS,

IF YOU DON'T BELIEVE US, ASK ONE OF THE NBA'S FIERCEST PLAYERS, DRAYMOND GREEN.

OF THE NBA'S FIERCEST PLAYERS, DRAYMOND GREEN. >> LET'S GO LIVE TO SAN

DRAYMOND GREEN. >> LET'S GO LIVE TO SAN FRANCISCO.

>> LET'S GO LIVE TO SAN FRANCISCO. HELLO, MR. GREEN.

FRANCISCO. HELLO, MR. GREEN. >> WHAT'S UP, DANA.

HELLO, MR. GREEN. >> WHAT'S UP, DANA. WE TALKING ABOUT JOE BIDEN?

>> WHAT'S UP, DANA. WE TALKING ABOUT JOE BIDEN? BECAUSE HE GOT THAT DOG IN HIM.

WE TALKING ABOUT JOE BIDEN? BECAUSE HE GOT THAT DOG IN HIM. >> YOU MET THE PRESIDENT?

BECAUSE HE GOT THAT DOG IN HIM. >> YOU MET THE PRESIDENT? >> BEHIND CLOSED DOORS, HE IS

>> YOU MET THE PRESIDENT? >> BEHIND CLOSED DOORS, HE IS STRONG.

>> BEHIND CLOSED DOORS, HE IS STRONG. THAT MAN CAN JUMP SO HIGH THAT I

STRONG. THAT MAN CAN JUMP SO HIGH THAT I SAW HIM GRAB A DOLLAR OFF THE

THAT MAN CAN JUMP SO HIGH THAT I SAW HIM GRAB A DOLLAR OFF THE BACK OF A BACK BOARD AND LEAVE

SAW HIM GRAB A DOLLAR OFF THE BACK OF A BACK BOARD AND LEAVE SOME CHANGE.

BACK OF A BACK BOARD AND LEAVE SOME CHANGE. DID YOU KNOW HE DUNKED ON ME?

SOME CHANGE. DID YOU KNOW HE DUNKED ON ME? >> HE DUNKED ON YOU?

DID YOU KNOW HE DUNKED ON ME? >> HE DUNKED ON YOU? >> YEAH, IT WAS DISRESPECTFUL

>> HE DUNKED ON YOU? >> YEAH, IT WAS DISRESPECTFUL TOO.

>> YEAH, IT WAS DISRESPECTFUL TOO. HE WIND MILLED IN MY FACE

TOO. HE WIND MILLED IN MY FACE TALKING ABOUT, YEAH, NEXT TIME

HE WIND MILLED IN MY FACE TALKING ABOUT, YEAH, NEXT TIME YOUNG BLOOD.

TALKING ABOUT, YEAH, NEXT TIME YOUNG BLOOD. I WASN'T HAVING IT SO I TRY

YOUNG BLOOD. I WASN'T HAVING IT SO I TRY TODAY PUNCH HIM IN THE NUTS AND

I WASN'T HAVING IT SO I TRY TODAY PUNCH HIM IN THE NUTS AND BROKE THREE FINGERS.

TODAY PUNCH HIM IN THE NUTS AND BROKE THREE FINGERS. YOU CAN'T MESS WITH JOE, MAN.

BROKE THREE FINGERS. YOU CAN'T MESS WITH JOE, MAN. >> GOVERNOR, I HAVE TO SAY WE

YOU CAN'T MESS WITH JOE, MAN. >> GOVERNOR, I HAVE TO SAY WE ALL KNOW THE STAKES HERE, YOU

>> GOVERNOR, I HAVE TO SAY WE ALL KNOW THE STAKES HERE, YOU DON'T HAVE TO EXAGGERATE TO MAKE

ALL KNOW THE STAKES HERE, YOU DON'T HAVE TO EXAGGERATE TO MAKE VOTERS FEEL BETTER.

DON'T HAVE TO EXAGGERATE TO MAKE VOTERS FEEL BETTER. >> I'M NOT.

VOTERS FEEL BETTER. >> I'M NOT. WHAT WE ARE SAYING ABOUT BIDEN

>> I'M NOT. WHAT WE ARE SAYING ABOUT BIDEN IS TRUE.

WHAT WE ARE SAYING ABOUT BIDEN IS TRUE. YOU WANT TO CALL HIM?

IS TRUE. YOU WANT TO CALL HIM? LET'S FACE TIME HIM.

YOU WANT TO CALL HIM? LET'S FACE TIME HIM. I'LL BET HE'S PROBABLY IN THE

LET'S FACE TIME HIM. I'LL BET HE'S PROBABLY IN THE MIDDLE OF A BIKE RIDE.

I'LL BET HE'S PROBABLY IN THE MIDDLE OF A BIKE RIDE. CAN YOU PUT MY PHONE UP ON THE

MIDDLE OF A BIKE RIDE. CAN YOU PUT MY PHONE UP ON THE SCREEN?

CAN YOU PUT MY PHONE UP ON THE SCREEN? >> HEY!

SCREEN? >> HEY! HEY, ALL RIGHT!

>> HEY! HEY, ALL RIGHT! IT'S GAVIN NEWSOM.

HEY, ALL RIGHT! IT'S GAVIN NEWSOM. >> MR. PRESIDENT?

IT'S GAVIN NEWSOM. >> MR. PRESIDENT? >> HOLD ON.

>> MR. PRESIDENT? >> HOLD ON. I'M JUST GOING TO TURN UP THE

>> HOLD ON. I'M JUST GOING TO TURN UP THE VOLUME.

I'M JUST GOING TO TURN UP THE VOLUME. JUST GOT TO FIND THE BUTTON.

VOLUME. JUST GOT TO FIND THE BUTTON. THERE WE --

JUST GOT TO FIND THE BUTTON. THERE WE -- >> WELL, LOOKS LIKE HE HUNG UP.

THERE WE -- >> WELL, LOOKS LIKE HE HUNG UP. >> WHILE THE GOVERNOR TRIES TO

>> WELL, LOOKS LIKE HE HUNG UP. >> WHILE THE GOVERNOR TRIES TO GET HIM BACK ON THE LINE, LET'S

>> WHILE THE GOVERNOR TRIES TO GET HIM BACK ON THE LINE, LET'S TAKE A BREAK, AND LIVE FROM NEW

GET HIM BACK ON THE LINE, LET'S TAKE A BREAK, AND LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT'S SATURDAY NIGHT!

TAKE A BREAK, AND LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT'S SATURDAY NIGHT! >> Announcer: IT'S "SATURDAY

YORK, IT'S SATURDAY NIGHT! >> Announcer: IT'S "SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE" WITH --

FEATURING --

A FILM BY -- PLEASE DON'T DESTROY. MUSICAL GUEST -- KACEY

DESTROY. MUSICAL GUEST -- KACEY MUSGRAVES.

MUSICAL GUEST -- KACEY MUSGRAVES. AND YOUR HOST -- SYDNEY SWEENEY.

MUSGRAVES. AND YOUR HOST -- SYDNEY SWEENEY. LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, SYDNEY

AND YOUR HOST -- SYDNEY SWEENEY. LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, SYDNEY SWEENEY!

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, SYDNEY SWEENEY! [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

>>> THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU VERY MUCH. I AM SO HAPPY TO BE HERE.

YOU VERY MUCH. I AM SO HAPPY TO BE HERE. MY NAME IS SYDNEY SWEENEY.

I AM SO HAPPY TO BE HERE. MY NAME IS SYDNEY SWEENEY. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

MY NAME IS SYDNEY SWEENEY. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] YOU MIGHT HAVE SEEN ME IN ANYONE

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] YOU MIGHT HAVE SEEN ME IN ANYONE BUT YOU OR EUPHORIA.

YOU MIGHT HAVE SEEN ME IN ANYONE BUT YOU OR EUPHORIA. YOU DEFINITELY DID NOT SEE ME IN

BUT YOU OR EUPHORIA. YOU DEFINITELY DID NOT SEE ME IN MADAM WEB.

YOU DEFINITELY DID NOT SEE ME IN MADAM WEB. BUT I DO HAVE A NEW FILM COMING

MADAM WEB. BUT I DO HAVE A NEW FILM COMING OUT CALLED IMMACULATE.

BUT I DO HAVE A NEW FILM COMING OUT CALLED IMMACULATE. I PLAY A NUN, SO IT'S PERFECT

OUT CALLED IMMACULATE. I PLAY A NUN, SO IT'S PERFECT CASTING.

I PLAY A NUN, SO IT'S PERFECT CASTING. BUT TONIGHT, I'M EXCITED FOR

CASTING. BUT TONIGHT, I'M EXCITED FOR EVERYONE TO GET TO KNOW THE REAL

BUT TONIGHT, I'M EXCITED FOR EVERYONE TO GET TO KNOW THE REAL ME.

EVERYONE TO GET TO KNOW THE REAL ME. I FEEL LIKE PEOPLE ONLY SEE ME

ME. I FEEL LIKE PEOPLE ONLY SEE ME AS THE GIRL ON TV WHO SCREAMS,

I FEEL LIKE PEOPLE ONLY SEE ME AS THE GIRL ON TV WHO SCREAMS, CRIES, AND HAS SEX.

AS THE GIRL ON TV WHO SCREAMS, CRIES, AND HAS SEX. SOMETIMES IT'S ALL THREE AT THE

CRIES, AND HAS SEX. SOMETIMES IT'S ALL THREE AT THE SAME TIME.

SOMETIMES IT'S ALL THREE AT THE SAME TIME. BUT I'M MORE THAN THAT.

SAME TIME. BUT I'M MORE THAN THAT. I'M FROM A TOWN CALLED SPOKANE

BUT I'M MORE THAN THAT. I'M FROM A TOWN CALLED SPOKANE RIGHT ON THE BORDER OF

I'M FROM A TOWN CALLED SPOKANE RIGHT ON THE BORDER OF WASHINGTON AND IDAHO.

RIGHT ON THE BORDER OF WASHINGTON AND IDAHO. I FEEL A BOND TO BOTH STATES,

WASHINGTON AND IDAHO. I FEEL A BOND TO BOTH STATES, LIKE WHEN PEOPLE ASK WHERE ARE

I FEEL A BOND TO BOTH STATES, LIKE WHEN PEOPLE ASK WHERE ARE YOU FROM, I SAY WASHINGTON.

LIKE WHEN PEOPLE ASK WHERE ARE YOU FROM, I SAY WASHINGTON. BUT WHEN PEOPLE ASK DID YOU GO

YOU FROM, I SAY WASHINGTON. BUT WHEN PEOPLE ASK DID YOU GO TO A TRUMP-THEMED PARTY FOR YOUR

BUT WHEN PEOPLE ASK DID YOU GO TO A TRUMP-THEMED PARTY FOR YOUR MOM, I SAY, IDAHO.

TO A TRUMP-THEMED PARTY FOR YOUR MOM, I SAY, IDAHO. IT WAS ALWAYS MY DREAM TO BE AN

MOM, I SAY, IDAHO. IT WAS ALWAYS MY DREAM TO BE AN ACTOR.

IT WAS ALWAYS MY DREAM TO BE AN ACTOR. WHEN I WAS YOUNGER, MY PARENTS

ACTOR. WHEN I WAS YOUNGER, MY PARENTS DROVE ME FROM SPOKANE TO LOS

WHEN I WAS YOUNGER, MY PARENTS DROVE ME FROM SPOKANE TO LOS ANGELES JUST TO AUDITION.

DROVE ME FROM SPOKANE TO LOS ANGELES JUST TO AUDITION. THAT'S A 19-HOUR DRIVE.

ANGELES JUST TO AUDITION. THAT'S A 19-HOUR DRIVE. AND I'M SO GRATEFUL TO THEM FOR

THAT'S A 19-HOUR DRIVE. AND I'M SO GRATEFUL TO THEM FOR BELIEVING IN ME.

AND I'M SO GRATEFUL TO THEM FOR BELIEVING IN ME. AND I THINK THE REASON THEY DID

BELIEVING IN ME. AND I THINK THE REASON THEY DID IS BECAUSE I PRESENTED THEM WITH

AND I THINK THE REASON THEY DID IS BECAUSE I PRESENTED THEM WITH A FIVE-POINT PLAN TO BREAK INTO

IS BECAUSE I PRESENTED THEM WITH A FIVE-POINT PLAN TO BREAK INTO ACTING.

A FIVE-POINT PLAN TO BREAK INTO ACTING. I STILL HAVE IT.

ACTING. I STILL HAVE IT. CHECK IT OUT.

I STILL HAVE IT. CHECK IT OUT. IT SAYS, AUDITION, GET AN AGENT,

CHECK IT OUT. IT SAYS, AUDITION, GET AN AGENT, DO COMMERCIALS AND SHORT FILMS,

IT SAYS, AUDITION, GET AN AGENT, DO COMMERCIALS AND SHORT FILMS, THEN GET MY SAG CARD.

DO COMMERCIALS AND SHORT FILMS, THEN GET MY SAG CARD. BUT IF THAT FAILED, I ALSO

THEN GET MY SAG CARD. BUT IF THAT FAILED, I ALSO PRESENTED THEM WITH A BACKUP

BUT IF THAT FAILED, I ALSO PRESENTED THEM WITH A BACKUP PLAN.

PRESENTED THEM WITH A BACKUP PLAN. NEXT SLIDE.

PLAN. NEXT SLIDE. WHILE I'M UP HERE, I DO WANT TO

NEXT SLIDE. WHILE I'M UP HERE, I DO WANT TO TALK ABOUT SOME STUFF I'VE SEEN

WHILE I'M UP HERE, I DO WANT TO TALK ABOUT SOME STUFF I'VE SEEN ABOUT ME ONLINE.

TALK ABOUT SOME STUFF I'VE SEEN ABOUT ME ONLINE. LIKE I ONCE SAID THAT I USED TO

ABOUT ME ONLINE. LIKE I ONCE SAID THAT I USED TO WORK AT UNIVERSAL STUDIOS, AND

LIKE I ONCE SAID THAT I USED TO WORK AT UNIVERSAL STUDIOS, AND SOMEONE ONLINE ACCUSED ME OF

WORK AT UNIVERSAL STUDIOS, AND SOMEONE ONLINE ACCUSED ME OF LYING ABOUT THAT, WHICH IS

SOMEONE ONLINE ACCUSED ME OF LYING ABOUT THAT, WHICH IS INSANE.

LYING ABOUT THAT, WHICH IS INSANE. IF I DIDN'T WORK THERE, HOW

INSANE. IF I DIDN'T WORK THERE, HOW WOULD I KNOW ALL THE UNIVERSAL

IF I DIDN'T WORK THERE, HOW WOULD I KNOW ALL THE UNIVERSAL CHARACTERS LIKE SHROK, THE

WOULD I KNOW ALL THE UNIVERSAL CHARACTERS LIKE SHROK, THE MUNIONS AND HARRY PORTER.

CHARACTERS LIKE SHROK, THE MUNIONS AND HARRY PORTER. THEN A WOMAN WENT VIRAL ON

MUNIONS AND HARRY PORTER. THEN A WOMAN WENT VIRAL ON TIKTOK BECAUSE SHE CLAIMED SHE'S

THEN A WOMAN WENT VIRAL ON TIKTOK BECAUSE SHE CLAIMED SHE'S MY NUTRITIONIST.

TIKTOK BECAUSE SHE CLAIMED SHE'S MY NUTRITIONIST. I'M IN SHAPE BECAUSE I RUN,

MY NUTRITIONIST. I'M IN SHAPE BECAUSE I RUN, AVOID SUGAR, AND DO OZEMPIC.

I'M IN SHAPE BECAUSE I RUN, AVOID SUGAR, AND DO OZEMPIC. BUT THE CRAZIEST RUMOR IS THAT I

AVOID SUGAR, AND DO OZEMPIC. BUT THE CRAZIEST RUMOR IS THAT I WAS HAVING AN AFFAIR WITH MY

BUT THE CRAZIEST RUMOR IS THAT I WAS HAVING AN AFFAIR WITH MY COSTAR GLENN POWELL.

WAS HAVING AN AFFAIR WITH MY COSTAR GLENN POWELL. THAT'S OBVIOUSLY NOT TRUE.

COSTAR GLENN POWELL. THAT'S OBVIOUSLY NOT TRUE. ME AND MY FIANCE PRODUCED THE

THAT'S OBVIOUSLY NOT TRUE. ME AND MY FIANCE PRODUCED THE MOVIE TOGETHER, AND HE WAS THERE

ME AND MY FIANCE PRODUCED THE MOVIE TOGETHER, AND HE WAS THERE THE ENTIRE SHOOT.

MOVIE TOGETHER, AND HE WAS THERE THE ENTIRE SHOOT. AND I JUST WANT TO LET EVERYONE

THE ENTIRE SHOOT. AND I JUST WANT TO LET EVERYONE KNOW THAT HE'S THE MAN OF MY

AND I JUST WANT TO LET EVERYONE KNOW THAT HE'S THE MAN OF MY DREAMS, AND WE'RE STILL TOGETHER

KNOW THAT HE'S THE MAN OF MY DREAMS, AND WE'RE STILL TOGETHER AND STRONGER THAN EVER.

DREAMS, AND WE'RE STILL TOGETHER AND STRONGER THAN EVER. HE EVEN CAME HERE TONIGHT TO

AND STRONGER THAN EVER. HE EVEN CAME HERE TONIGHT TO SUPPORT ME.

HE EVEN CAME HERE TONIGHT TO SUPPORT ME. CAN WE CUT TO HIM?

SUPPORT ME. CAN WE CUT TO HIM? [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

CAN WE CUT TO HIM? [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] THAT'S NOT MY FIANCE.

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] THAT'S NOT MY FIANCE. HE'S IN MY DRESSING ROOM!

THAT'S NOT MY FIANCE. HE'S IN MY DRESSING ROOM! WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU

HE'S IN MY DRESSING ROOM! WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU

WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU >>> ALL RIGHT.

>>> ALL RIGHT. GOOD MORNING, TEAM. IT'S MONDAY.

GOOD MORNING, TEAM. IT'S MONDAY. YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS.

IT'S MONDAY. YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS. IT'S TIME TO TOUCH BASE ON OUR

YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS. IT'S TIME TO TOUCH BASE ON OUR LOGS OF COLD CASES.

IT'S TIME TO TOUCH BASE ON OUR LOGS OF COLD CASES. FIRST WE HAVE TWO NEW INTERNS

LOGS OF COLD CASES. FIRST WE HAVE TWO NEW INTERNS HERE FOR COLLEGE CREDIT.

FIRST WE HAVE TWO NEW INTERNS HERE FOR COLLEGE CREDIT. EVERYBODY, LET'S WELCOME OLIVIA

HERE FOR COLLEGE CREDIT. EVERYBODY, LET'S WELCOME OLIVIA AND KAIA.

EVERYBODY, LET'S WELCOME OLIVIA AND KAIA. GIRLS, WHY DON'T YOU TELL US

AND KAIA. GIRLS, WHY DON'T YOU TELL US ABOUT YOURSELVES?

GIRLS, WHY DON'T YOU TELL US ABOUT YOURSELVES? >> HI.

ABOUT YOURSELVES? >> HI. >> OKAY.

>> HI. >> OKAY. ALL RIGHT.

>> OKAY. ALL RIGHT. FIRST UP, WE HAVE CASE FILE

ALL RIGHT. FIRST UP, WE HAVE CASE FILE 442 -- OH, LOOK AT THAT.

FIRST UP, WE HAVE CASE FILE 442 -- OH, LOOK AT THAT. BEAUTIFUL NAKED WOMAN'S BODY

442 -- OH, LOOK AT THAT. BEAUTIFUL NAKED WOMAN'S BODY FOUND IN THE LAKE.

BEAUTIFUL NAKED WOMAN'S BODY FOUND IN THE LAKE. >> YEAH.

FOUND IN THE LAKE. >> YEAH. THAT'S RIGHT.

>> YEAH. THAT'S RIGHT. WE SUSPECT IT WAS THE HUSBAND

THAT'S RIGHT. WE SUSPECT IT WAS THE HUSBAND AND THE MOTIVE WAS AN AFFAIR.

WE SUSPECT IT WAS THE HUSBAND AND THE MOTIVE WAS AN AFFAIR. BUT STILL DON'T HAVE THE

AND THE MOTIVE WAS AN AFFAIR. BUT STILL DON'T HAVE THE EVIDENCE TO PIN IT ON HIM.

BUT STILL DON'T HAVE THE EVIDENCE TO PIN IT ON HIM. OUR LAST LEAD WAS A PLANE TICKET

EVIDENCE TO PIN IT ON HIM. OUR LAST LEAD WAS A PLANE TICKET WE FOUND IN HIS TRASH, BUT THE

OUR LAST LEAD WAS A PLANE TICKET WE FOUND IN HIS TRASH, BUT THE TRAIL'S GONE COLD.

WE FOUND IN HIS TRASH, BUT THE TRAIL'S GONE COLD. >> FOUND HIM.

TRAIL'S GONE COLD. >> FOUND HIM. >> WHAT'S THAT?

>> FOUND HIM. >> WHAT'S THAT? >> HE'S IN DELTONA.

>> WHAT'S THAT? >> HE'S IN DELTONA. >> WHAT?

>> HE'S IN DELTONA. >> WHAT? HOW DID YOU FIND HIM?

>> WHAT? HOW DID YOU FIND HIM? >> INSTAGRAM, DUH.

HOW DID YOU FIND HIM? >> INSTAGRAM, DUH. >> YEAH.

>> INSTAGRAM, DUH. >> YEAH. IT WAS EASY.

>> YEAH. IT WAS EASY. I LOCKED INTO MY TROLL ACCOUNT

IT WAS EASY. I LOCKED INTO MY TROLL ACCOUNT AND SAW WE HAD A MUTUAL, SO I

I LOCKED INTO MY TROLL ACCOUNT AND SAW WE HAD A MUTUAL, SO I PEEPED HER IG, AND HE'S

AND SAW WE HAD A MUTUAL, SO I PEEPED HER IG, AND HE'S LITERALLY ON GRID.

PEEPED HER IG, AND HE'S LITERALLY ON GRID. THE RECEIPTS ARE ALL THERE.

LITERALLY ON GRID. THE RECEIPTS ARE ALL THERE. >> WELL, THAT'S VERY GOOD.

THE RECEIPTS ARE ALL THERE. >> WELL, THAT'S VERY GOOD. HOW DID YOU DO THAT?

>> WELL, THAT'S VERY GOOD. HOW DID YOU DO THAT? >> WE'RE 22-YEAR-OLD GIRLS IN

HOW DID YOU DO THAT? >> WE'RE 22-YEAR-OLD GIRLS IN SITUATIONSHIPS.

>> WE'RE 22-YEAR-OLD GIRLS IN SITUATIONSHIPS. WE CAN FIND OUT ANYTHING ABOUT

SITUATIONSHIPS. WE CAN FIND OUT ANYTHING ABOUT ANYONE WITH LITERALLY NO

WE CAN FIND OUT ANYTHING ABOUT ANYONE WITH LITERALLY NO INFORMATION.

ANYONE WITH LITERALLY NO INFORMATION. >> MY SCREEN TIME IS 23 HOURS A

INFORMATION. >> MY SCREEN TIME IS 23 HOURS A DAY, AND THE OTHER HOUR, I'M

>> MY SCREEN TIME IS 23 HOURS A DAY, AND THE OTHER HOUR, I'M SHOPLIFTING FROM BRANDI

DAY, AND THE OTHER HOUR, I'M SHOPLIFTING FROM BRANDI MELVILLE.

SHOPLIFTING FROM BRANDI MELVILLE. >> ALL RIGHT THEN.

MELVILLE. >> ALL RIGHT THEN. COOL, COOL, COOL.

>> ALL RIGHT THEN. COOL, COOL, COOL. CASE CLOSED.

COOL, COOL, COOL. CASE CLOSED. I GUESS WE CAN MOVE ON TO CASE

CASE CLOSED. I GUESS WE CAN MOVE ON TO CASE FILE 729.

I GUESS WE CAN MOVE ON TO CASE FILE 729. LOOK AT THAT, ANOTHER PRETTY

FILE 729. LOOK AT THAT, ANOTHER PRETTY NAKED WOMAN.

LOOK AT THAT, ANOTHER PRETTY NAKED WOMAN. THIS TIME IN THE WOODS.

NAKED WOMAN. THIS TIME IN THE WOODS. >> THAT'S RIGHT, BOSS.

THIS TIME IN THE WOODS. >> THAT'S RIGHT, BOSS. WE SUSPECT IT WAS HER HIKING

>> THAT'S RIGHT, BOSS. WE SUSPECT IT WAS HER HIKING BUDDY TONY.

WE SUSPECT IT WAS HER HIKING BUDDY TONY. HE CLAIMS HE WAS AT LUNCH WITH

BUDDY TONY. HE CLAIMS HE WAS AT LUNCH WITH HIS MOTHER AT THE TIME, BUT I

HE CLAIMS HE WAS AT LUNCH WITH HIS MOTHER AT THE TIME, BUT I BET THAT'S BS.

HIS MOTHER AT THE TIME, BUT I BET THAT'S BS. >> HOW OLD IS HE?

BET THAT'S BS. >> HOW OLD IS HE? >> HE'S 40.

>> HOW OLD IS HE? >> HE'S 40. >> SO FACEBOOK.

>> HE'S 40. >> SO FACEBOOK. >> TONY'S ON THE LAM BUT BASED

>> SO FACEBOOK. >> TONY'S ON THE LAM BUT BASED ON HIS CELL PHONE DATA, WE CAN

>> TONY'S ON THE LAM BUT BASED ON HIS CELL PHONE DATA, WE CAN LOCATE HIM TO IT, ARIZONA, AND

ON HIS CELL PHONE DATA, WE CAN LOCATE HIM TO IT, ARIZONA, AND RHODE ISLAND.

LOCATE HIM TO IT, ARIZONA, AND RHODE ISLAND. >> FOUND HIM.

RHODE ISLAND. >> FOUND HIM. HERE.

>> FOUND HIM. HERE. WE'LL SHOW YOU.

HERE. WE'LL SHOW YOU. HIS FACEBOOK IS PRIVATE, BUT HIS

WE'LL SHOW YOU. HIS FACEBOOK IS PRIVATE, BUT HIS MOM'S IS VERY MUCH PUBLIC.

HIS FACEBOOK IS PRIVATE, BUT HIS MOM'S IS VERY MUCH PUBLIC. SHE POSTS WHAT CAN ONLY BE

MOM'S IS VERY MUCH PUBLIC. SHE POSTS WHAT CAN ONLY BE DESCRIBED AS A DIARY ENTRY EVERY

SHE POSTS WHAT CAN ONLY BE DESCRIBED AS A DIARY ENTRY EVERY DAY.

DESCRIBED AS A DIARY ENTRY EVERY DAY. >> ON TUESDAY, SHE WROTE I GOT

DAY. >> ON TUESDAY, SHE WROTE I GOT LUNCH WITH MY BEAUTIFUL SON,

>> ON TUESDAY, SHE WROTE I GOT LUNCH WITH MY BEAUTIFUL SON, SPLIT THE FAJITAS, I LOVE MY

LUNCH WITH MY BEAUTIFUL SON, SPLIT THE FAJITAS, I LOVE MY SON.

SPLIT THE FAJITAS, I LOVE MY SON. >> WOW.

SON. >> WOW. WE ARE REALLY BLOWING THROUGH

>> WOW. WE ARE REALLY BLOWING THROUGH THESE.

WE ARE REALLY BLOWING THROUGH THESE. ALL RIGHT.

THESE. ALL RIGHT. CASE NUMBER 904.

ALL RIGHT. CASE NUMBER 904. ALL RIGHT.

CASE NUMBER 904. ALL RIGHT. MAN, ANOTHER GORGEOUS LADY FOUND

ALL RIGHT. MAN, ANOTHER GORGEOUS LADY FOUND DEAD INSIDE THE MALL.

MAN, ANOTHER GORGEOUS LADY FOUND DEAD INSIDE THE MALL. >> STOP CALLING THEM GORGEOUS.

DEAD INSIDE THE MALL. >> STOP CALLING THEM GORGEOUS. >> I'M SORRY.

>> STOP CALLING THEM GORGEOUS. >> I'M SORRY. CAKED UP?

>> I'M SORRY. CAKED UP? ANYWAY, WE THINK IT MIGHT BE

CAKED UP? ANYWAY, WE THINK IT MIGHT BE CONNECTED TO A BURGLARY AT THE

ANYWAY, WE THINK IT MIGHT BE CONNECTED TO A BURGLARY AT THE AUNTIE ANNIE'S.

CONNECTED TO A BURGLARY AT THE AUNTIE ANNIE'S. >> THAT'S RIGHT.

AUNTIE ANNIE'S. >> THAT'S RIGHT. I FOUND THE MANAGER'S DIGITS SO

>> THAT'S RIGHT. I FOUND THE MANAGER'S DIGITS SO I SHOT HIM A TEXT, BUT IT WASN'T

I FOUND THE MANAGER'S DIGITS SO I SHOT HIM A TEXT, BUT IT WASN'T VERY BUSSEN, CAP?

I SHOT HIM A TEXT, BUT IT WASN'T VERY BUSSEN, CAP? >> YOU DON'T GOT TO TALK LIKE

VERY BUSSEN, CAP? >> YOU DON'T GOT TO TALK LIKE THEM.

>> YOU DON'T GOT TO TALK LIKE THEM. >> GOT IT.

THEM. >> GOT IT. >> FOUND THEM.

>> GOT IT. >> FOUND THEM. SO I DID A SEARCH, AND THEN I

>> FOUND THEM. SO I DID A SEARCH, AND THEN I GOT BORED AND ORDERED A SHIRT ON

SO I DID A SEARCH, AND THEN I GOT BORED AND ORDERED A SHIRT ON DEPOP, AND THEN DOMINOS WAS

GOT BORED AND ORDERED A SHIRT ON DEPOP, AND THEN DOMINOS WAS LIKE, I MISS YOU, AND I WAS

DEPOP, AND THEN DOMINOS WAS LIKE, I MISS YOU, AND I WAS LIKE, FINE, I'LL GET A PIZZA.

LIKE, I MISS YOU, AND I WAS LIKE, FINE, I'LL GET A PIZZA. >> AND THEN FROM TUMBLER, I

LIKE, FINE, I'LL GET A PIZZA. >> AND THEN FROM TUMBLER, I FOUND HIS TWITTER -- SORRY, X --

>> AND THEN FROM TUMBLER, I FOUND HIS TWITTER -- SORRY, X -- AND THEN A TOOK A BUZZ FEED

FOUND HIS TWITTER -- SORRY, X -- AND THEN A TOOK A BUZZ FEED QUIZ.

AND THEN A TOOK A BUZZ FEED QUIZ. >> I TOOK THAT SAME BUZZ FEED

QUIZ. >> I TOOK THAT SAME BUZZ FEED QUIZ.

>> I TOOK THAT SAME BUZZ FEED QUIZ. WHY DID YOU GET ANDY COHEN?

QUIZ. WHY DID YOU GET ANDY COHEN? I AIN'T TRIPPING THOUGH.

WHY DID YOU GET ANDY COHEN? I AIN'T TRIPPING THOUGH. I LIKE A LITTLE FRUIT IN MY

I AIN'T TRIPPING THOUGH. I LIKE A LITTLE FRUIT IN MY SALAD.

I LIKE A LITTLE FRUIT IN MY SALAD. >> SO THEN I WATCHED HIS SNAP

SALAD. >> SO THEN I WATCHED HIS SNAP CHAT STORY AND IT WAS JUST HIM

>> SO THEN I WATCHED HIS SNAP CHAT STORY AND IT WAS JUST HIM WITH A BUNCH OF SOFT PRETZELS

CHAT STORY AND IT WAS JUST HIM WITH A BUNCH OF SOFT PRETZELS AND CASH.

WITH A BUNCH OF SOFT PRETZELS AND CASH. AND YEAH, I HAVE SCREEN SHOTS,

AND CASH. AND YEAH, I HAVE SCREEN SHOTS, SO YEA.

AND YEAH, I HAVE SCREEN SHOTS, SO YEA. >> WELL, I THOUGHT YOU COULDN'T

SO YEA. >> WELL, I THOUGHT YOU COULDN'T TAKE SCREEN SHOTS ON SNAP CHAT,

>> WELL, I THOUGHT YOU COULDN'T TAKE SCREEN SHOTS ON SNAP CHAT, THAT THE WHOLE POINT IS THAT YOU

TAKE SCREEN SHOTS ON SNAP CHAT, THAT THE WHOLE POINT IS THAT YOU CAN SEND WHATEVER.

THAT THE WHOLE POINT IS THAT YOU CAN SEND WHATEVER. >> NO.

CAN SEND WHATEVER. >> NO. YOU DEFINITELY CAN TAKE SCREEN

>> NO. YOU DEFINITELY CAN TAKE SCREEN SHOTS.

YOU DEFINITELY CAN TAKE SCREEN SHOTS. >> I HAVE TO GO.

SHOTS. >> I HAVE TO GO. >> WELL, WE ARE DEFINITELY GOING

>> I HAVE TO GO. >> WELL, WE ARE DEFINITELY GOING TO HAVE A MEETING FOR THAT

>> WELL, WE ARE DEFINITELY GOING TO HAVE A MEETING FOR THAT TOMORROW.

TO HAVE A MEETING FOR THAT TOMORROW. ANYWAY, ON TO THE NEXT CASE.

TOMORROW. ANYWAY, ON TO THE NEXT CASE. >> PLEASE, YOU HAVE TO HELP ME.

ANYWAY, ON TO THE NEXT CASE. >> PLEASE, YOU HAVE TO HELP ME. >> OH, MY GOD.

>> PLEASE, YOU HAVE TO HELP ME. >> OH, MY GOD. LOOK AT THIS.

>> OH, MY GOD. LOOK AT THIS. A GORGEOUS FULLY CLOTHED WOMAN.

LOOK AT THIS. A GORGEOUS FULLY CLOTHED WOMAN. >> MY HUSBAND, I THOUGHT HE WAS

A GORGEOUS FULLY CLOTHED WOMAN. >> MY HUSBAND, I THOUGHT HE WAS ON A BUSINESS TRIP, AND HE

>> MY HUSBAND, I THOUGHT HE WAS ON A BUSINESS TRIP, AND HE HASN'T COME HOME FOR SIX WEEKS.

ON A BUSINESS TRIP, AND HE HASN'T COME HOME FOR SIX WEEKS. >> FOUND HIM.

HASN'T COME HOME FOR SIX WEEKS. >> FOUND HIM. GIRL, HE'S ON LOVE IS BLIND.

>> FOUND HIM. GIRL, HE'S ON LOVE IS BLIND. >> HOW DOES THIS KEEP HAPPENING

GIRL, HE'S ON LOVE IS BLIND. >> HOW DOES THIS KEEP HAPPENING TO ME?

>> HOW DOES THIS KEEP HAPPENING TO ME? >> ALL RIGHT.

TO ME? >> ALL RIGHT. WELL, OLIVIA AND KAIA JUST

>> ALL RIGHT. WELL, OLIVIA AND KAIA JUST FINISHED ALL THE WORK WE HAD

WELL, OLIVIA AND KAIA JUST FINISHED ALL THE WORK WE HAD PLANNED FOR THE NEXT TWO YEARS,

FINISHED ALL THE WORK WE HAD PLANNED FOR THE NEXT TWO YEARS, SO Y'ALL WANT TO PLAY UNO.

PLANNED FOR THE NEXT TWO YEARS, SO Y'ALL WANT TO PLAY UNO. >> IS THIS YOUR ONLYFANS?

SO Y'ALL WANT TO PLAY UNO. >> IS THIS YOUR ONLYFANS? >> NO, IT IS NOT.

>> IS THIS YOUR ONLYFANS? >> NO, IT IS NOT. I HAVE TO GO.

>>> I JUST CAN'T BELIEVE HE'S GONE. >> MAYBE WE SHOULD JUST GO HOME.

GONE. >> MAYBE WE SHOULD JUST GO HOME. >> HEY, GUYS.

>> MAYBE WE SHOULD JUST GO HOME. >> HEY, GUYS. >> OH, HEY SYDNEY.

>> HEY, GUYS. >> OH, HEY SYDNEY. >> WHAT'S WRONG?

>> OH, HEY SYDNEY. >> WHAT'S WRONG? >> I DON'T WANT TO BURDEN YOU

>> WHAT'S WRONG? >> I DON'T WANT TO BURDEN YOU WITH THIS, BUT ONE OF OUR

>> I DON'T WANT TO BURDEN YOU WITH THIS, BUT ONE OF OUR FRIENDS JUST PASSED.

WITH THIS, BUT ONE OF OUR FRIENDS JUST PASSED. >> THAT'S HORRIBLE.

FRIENDS JUST PASSED. >> THAT'S HORRIBLE. I'M SO SORRY.

>> THAT'S HORRIBLE. I'M SO SORRY. >> YEAH.

I'M SO SORRY. >> YEAH. >> DO YOU MIND IF I ASK WHAT

>> YEAH. >> DO YOU MIND IF I ASK WHAT HAPPENED?

>> DO YOU MIND IF I ASK WHAT HAPPENED? >> SURE.

HAPPENED? >> SURE. GOD, HE WAS ON VACATION IN

>> SURE. GOD, HE WAS ON VACATION IN ARIZONA, AND -- THIS IS GOING TO

GOD, HE WAS ON VACATION IN ARIZONA, AND -- THIS IS GOING TO SOUND LIKE A JOKE -- BUT A

ARIZONA, AND -- THIS IS GOING TO SOUND LIKE A JOKE -- BUT A DONKEY KICKED HIM IN THE NUTS SO

SOUND LIKE A JOKE -- BUT A DONKEY KICKED HIM IN THE NUTS SO HARD HE FELL INTO THE GRAND

DONKEY KICKED HIM IN THE NUTS SO HARD HE FELL INTO THE GRAND CANYON.

HARD HE FELL INTO THE GRAND CANYON. >> WHAT?

CANYON. >> WHAT? >> MAYBE LET'S NOT LAUGH ABOUT

>> WHAT? >> MAYBE LET'S NOT LAUGH ABOUT OUR FRIEND WHO JUST DIED.

>> MAYBE LET'S NOT LAUGH ABOUT OUR FRIEND WHO JUST DIED. >> WAIT, YOU'RE BEING SERIOUS?

OUR FRIEND WHO JUST DIED. >> WAIT, YOU'RE BEING SERIOUS? >> YEAH.

>> WAIT, YOU'RE BEING SERIOUS? >> YEAH. BUT THE IMPACT DIDN'T KILL HIM

>> YEAH. BUT THE IMPACT DIDN'T KILL HIM BECAUSE -- AND I KNOW THIS

BUT THE IMPACT DIDN'T KILL HIM BECAUSE -- AND I KNOW THIS SOUNDS SILLY, BUT HE WAS ON

BECAUSE -- AND I KNOW THIS SOUNDS SILLY, BUT HE WAS ON ROLLER SKATES.

SOUNDS SILLY, BUT HE WAS ON ROLLER SKATES. >> SO HE --

ROLLER SKATES. >> SO HE -- >> SHREDDED THE GRAND CANYON

>> SO HE -- >> SHREDDED THE GRAND CANYON LIKE A HALF PIPE, YEAH.

>> SHREDDED THE GRAND CANYON LIKE A HALF PIPE, YEAH. >> WOW, THAT'S --

LIKE A HALF PIPE, YEAH. >> WOW, THAT'S -- >> BUT WHEN HE LANDED ON THE

>> WOW, THAT'S -- >> BUT WHEN HE LANDED ON THE OTHER SIDE -- AND I KNOW THIS IS

>> BUT WHEN HE LANDED ON THE OTHER SIDE -- AND I KNOW THIS IS GOING TO SOUND CARTOONISH, BUT

OTHER SIDE -- AND I KNOW THIS IS GOING TO SOUND CARTOONISH, BUT HE SKADOOSH'D OFF A FAT GUY'S

GOING TO SOUND CARTOONISH, BUT HE SKADOOSH'D OFF A FAT GUY'S STOMACH LIKE KUNG FU PANDA AND

HE SKADOOSH'D OFF A FAT GUY'S STOMACH LIKE KUNG FU PANDA AND EXPLODED ON SITE.

STOMACH LIKE KUNG FU PANDA AND EXPLODED ON SITE. >> YOU GUYS AREN'T MESSING WITH

EXPLODED ON SITE. >> YOU GUYS AREN'T MESSING WITH ME?

>> YOU GUYS AREN'T MESSING WITH ME? >> NO.

ME? >> NO. >> WHAT WAS HIS NAME?

>> NO. >> WHAT WAS HIS NAME? >> REVEREND BUTT CHEEK P.

>> WHAT WAS HIS NAME? >> REVEREND BUTT CHEEK P. ROSENTHAL.

>> REVEREND BUTT CHEEK P. ROSENTHAL. >> HE WAS SUCH AN AMAZING GUY.

ROSENTHAL. >> HE WAS SUCH AN AMAZING GUY. HE WAS 4'3", AND -- THIS IS

>> HE WAS SUCH AN AMAZING GUY. HE WAS 4'3", AND -- THIS IS GOING TO SOUND IMPROBABLE, BUT

HE WAS 4'3", AND -- THIS IS GOING TO SOUND IMPROBABLE, BUT 1,500 POUNDS.

GOING TO SOUND IMPROBABLE, BUT 1,500 POUNDS. >> HIS DAD'S IN SHOW BUSINESS.

1,500 POUNDS. >> HIS DAD'S IN SHOW BUSINESS. >> WHO WAS HIS DAD?

>> HIS DAD'S IN SHOW BUSINESS. >> WHO WAS HIS DAD? >> CHEF BOYARDEE.

>> WHO WAS HIS DAD? >> CHEF BOYARDEE. >> I DON'T KNOW WHAT THIS IS,

>> CHEF BOYARDEE. >> I DON'T KNOW WHAT THIS IS, BUT IT'S NOT OKAY TO LIE ABOUT

>> I DON'T KNOW WHAT THIS IS, BUT IT'S NOT OKAY TO LIE ABOUT THIS KIND OF STUFF.

BUT IT'S NOT OKAY TO LIE ABOUT THIS KIND OF STUFF. >> IF YOU REALLY DON'T BELIEVE

THIS KIND OF STUFF. >> IF YOU REALLY DON'T BELIEVE US, THERE'S A VIDEO OF THE

>> IF YOU REALLY DON'T BELIEVE US, THERE'S A VIDEO OF THE INCIDENT.

US, THERE'S A VIDEO OF THE INCIDENT. IT'S REALLY HARD TO WATCH.

INCIDENT. IT'S REALLY HARD TO WATCH. >> HEY, GET A VIDEO OF ME WITH

IT'S REALLY HARD TO WATCH. >> HEY, GET A VIDEO OF ME WITH THIS DONKEY.

>> HEY, GET A VIDEO OF ME WITH THIS DONKEY. >> BUTT CHEEK, GET AWAY FROM THE

THIS DONKEY. >> BUTT CHEEK, GET AWAY FROM THE EDGE.

>> BUTT CHEEK, GET AWAY FROM THE EDGE. >> OW, MY NUTS!

EDGE. >> OW, MY NUTS! I'M DOING IT, I'M SHREDDING THE

>> OW, MY NUTS! I'M DOING IT, I'M SHREDDING THE GRAND CANYON!

I'M DOING IT, I'M SHREDDING THE GRAND CANYON! I'M DOING IT!

GRAND CANYON! I'M DOING IT! I'M SHREDDING THE GRAND CANYON!

I'M DOING IT! I'M SHREDDING THE GRAND CANYON! >> YEAH.

I'M SHREDDING THE GRAND CANYON! >> YEAH. >> I'M SO SORRY, YOU GUYS.

>> YEAH. >> I'M SO SORRY, YOU GUYS. SO IT WAS ALL TRUE.

>> I'M SO SORRY, YOU GUYS. SO IT WAS ALL TRUE. >> YEAH.

SO IT WAS ALL TRUE. >> YEAH. >> ALL OF IT.

>> YEAH. >> ALL OF IT. >> MR. BOYARDEE.

>> ALL OF IT. >> MR. BOYARDEE. >> FOR LIFE'S TOUGHEST MOMENTS,

>> MR. BOYARDEE. >> FOR LIFE'S TOUGHEST MOMENTS, CHEF BOYARDEE.

>>> THANK GOD YOU'RE BACK FROM VACATION ROCHELLE. THE CHEER SQUAD WAS A DISASTER

VACATION ROCHELLE. THE CHEER SQUAD WAS A DISASTER WITHOUT YOU.

THE CHEER SQUAD WAS A DISASTER WITHOUT YOU. >> WE WERE TRASH WITHOUT YOU.

WITHOUT YOU. >> WE WERE TRASH WITHOUT YOU. >> I KNOW.

>> WE WERE TRASH WITHOUT YOU. >> I KNOW. SO HOW WAS THE GAME?

>> I KNOW. SO HOW WAS THE GAME? >> OKAY.

SO HOW WAS THE GAME? >> OKAY. WE WERE LOSING BAD, BUT THEN THE

>> OKAY. WE WERE LOSING BAD, BUT THEN THE COACH SUBBED IN A NEW PLAYER,

WE WERE LOSING BAD, BUT THEN THE COACH SUBBED IN A NEW PLAYER, AND HE WAS FIRE.

COACH SUBBED IN A NEW PLAYER, AND HE WAS FIRE. THE OTHER TEAM COMPLAINED, BUT

AND HE WAS FIRE. THE OTHER TEAM COMPLAINED, BUT THERE WAS NO RULES SAYING HE

THE OTHER TEAM COMPLAINED, BUT THERE WAS NO RULES SAYING HE COULDN'T PLAY.

THERE WAS NO RULES SAYING HE COULDN'T PLAY. >> HE TOTALLY TURNED THE GAME

COULDN'T PLAY. >> HE TOTALLY TURNED THE GAME AROUND.

>> HE TOTALLY TURNED THE GAME AROUND. EVERYONE WAS ON THEIR FEET

AROUND. EVERYONE WAS ON THEIR FEET CHEERING, AND HE WAS SO CUTE.

EVERYONE WAS ON THEIR FEET CHEERING, AND HE WAS SO CUTE. >> WAIT, THERE'S A NEW STAR

CHEERING, AND HE WAS SO CUTE. >> WAIT, THERE'S A NEW STAR BASKETBALL PLAYER, AND I'M NOT

>> WAIT, THERE'S A NEW STAR BASKETBALL PLAYER, AND I'M NOT DATING HIM?

BASKETBALL PLAYER, AND I'M NOT DATING HIM? WHAT'S HIS NAME?

DATING HIM? WHAT'S HIS NAME? >> AIR BUD.

WHAT'S HIS NAME? >> AIR BUD. >> STEP ASIDE, LADIES.

>> AIR BUD. >> STEP ASIDE, LADIES. THIS ONE IS MINE.

>> STEP ASIDE, LADIES. THIS ONE IS MINE. >> OH, HEY, WHAT'S UP ROCHELLE?

THIS ONE IS MINE. >> OH, HEY, WHAT'S UP ROCHELLE? >> MOVE.

>> OH, HEY, WHAT'S UP ROCHELLE? >> MOVE. HEY.

>> MOVE. HEY. YOU'RE BUD, RIGHT?

HEY. YOU'RE BUD, RIGHT? I'M ROCHELLE, HEAD CHEERLEADER.

YOU'RE BUD, RIGHT? I'M ROCHELLE, HEAD CHEERLEADER. THAT'S A COOL TONGUE.

I'M ROCHELLE, HEAD CHEERLEADER. THAT'S A COOL TONGUE. GOD, YOU'RE SO HAIRY.

THAT'S A COOL TONGUE. GOD, YOU'RE SO HAIRY. I LOVE THAT.

GOD, YOU'RE SO HAIRY. I LOVE THAT. ARE YOU ITALIAN?

I LOVE THAT. ARE YOU ITALIAN? SO I HEARD YOU HAD QUITE THE

ARE YOU ITALIAN? SO I HEARD YOU HAD QUITE THE GAME ON FRIDAY.

SO I HEARD YOU HAD QUITE THE GAME ON FRIDAY. I'M SO SORRY I MISSED THAT.

GAME ON FRIDAY. I'M SO SORRY I MISSED THAT. I WAS ON VACATION IN THE VIRGIN

I'M SO SORRY I MISSED THAT. I WAS ON VACATION IN THE VIRGIN ISLANDS WEARING A BIKINI.

I WAS ON VACATION IN THE VIRGIN ISLANDS WEARING A BIKINI. SHUT UP!

ISLANDS WEARING A BIKINI. SHUT UP! I'M NOT EVEN THAT TAN!

SHUT UP! I'M NOT EVEN THAT TAN! OH, MY GOD, WAIT, I LOVE YOUR

I'M NOT EVEN THAT TAN! OH, MY GOD, WAIT, I LOVE YOUR NECKLACE.

OH, MY GOD, WAIT, I LOVE YOUR NECKLACE. I AM MICRO CHIPPED.

NECKLACE. I AM MICRO CHIPPED. OH, MY GOD, THAT'S SO BEAUTIFUL.

I AM MICRO CHIPPED. OH, MY GOD, THAT'S SO BEAUTIFUL. I'M INTO POETRY TOO.

OH, MY GOD, THAT'S SO BEAUTIFUL. I'M INTO POETRY TOO. >> HEY, ROCHELLE, HE'S A DOG.

I'M INTO POETRY TOO. >> HEY, ROCHELLE, HE'S A DOG. >> WHATEVER, TYLER.

>> HEY, ROCHELLE, HE'S A DOG. >> WHATEVER, TYLER. YOU HAD YOUR SHOT WITH ME AND

>> WHATEVER, TYLER. YOU HAD YOUR SHOT WITH ME AND YOU BLEW IT.

YOU HAD YOUR SHOT WITH ME AND YOU BLEW IT. I GAVE YOU A CHANCE TO CHANGE

YOU BLEW IT. I GAVE YOU A CHANCE TO CHANGE AND YOU REFUSED.

I GAVE YOU A CHANCE TO CHANGE AND YOU REFUSED. >> HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO GET

AND YOU REFUSED. >> HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO GET TALLER?

>> HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO GET TALLER? >> IF YOU CARED ABOUT ME, YOU

TALLER? >> IF YOU CARED ABOUT ME, YOU WOULD HAVE FIGURED IT OUT.

>> IF YOU CARED ABOUT ME, YOU WOULD HAVE FIGURED IT OUT. >> WHATEVER.

WOULD HAVE FIGURED IT OUT. >> WHATEVER. HEY, BUD, YOU WANT MY SANDWICH?

>> WHATEVER. HEY, BUD, YOU WANT MY SANDWICH? >> SOMEONE IS HUNGRY!

HEY, BUD, YOU WANT MY SANDWICH? >> SOMEONE IS HUNGRY! YOU'RE EATING SO FAST AND JUST

>> SOMEONE IS HUNGRY! YOU'RE EATING SO FAST AND JUST WITH YOUR MOUTH.

YOU'RE EATING SO FAST AND JUST WITH YOUR MOUTH. WAIT, AREN'T YOU EMBARRASSED TO

WITH YOUR MOUTH. WAIT, AREN'T YOU EMBARRASSED TO BE EATING LIKE THAT IN FRONT OF

WAIT, AREN'T YOU EMBARRASSED TO BE EATING LIKE THAT IN FRONT OF A GIRL?

BE EATING LIKE THAT IN FRONT OF A GIRL? I GUESS NOT.

A GIRL? I GUESS NOT. YOU DON'T CARE AT ALL, WHICH OF

I GUESS NOT. YOU DON'T CARE AT ALL, WHICH OF COURSE ONLY MAKES YOU HOTTER.

YOU DON'T CARE AT ALL, WHICH OF COURSE ONLY MAKES YOU HOTTER. >> ROCHELLE, ARE YOU SO BLINDED

COURSE ONLY MAKES YOU HOTTER. >> ROCHELLE, ARE YOU SO BLINDED BY THE NEED TO BE POPULAR, YOU

>> ROCHELLE, ARE YOU SO BLINDED BY THE NEED TO BE POPULAR, YOU CAN'T TELL THAT THAT'S A DOG?

BY THE NEED TO BE POPULAR, YOU CAN'T TELL THAT THAT'S A DOG? >> WHATEVER, TRENT.

CAN'T TELL THAT THAT'S A DOG? >> WHATEVER, TRENT. YOU HAD YOUR SHOT WITH ME AND

>> WHATEVER, TRENT. YOU HAD YOUR SHOT WITH ME AND YOU BLEW IT.

YOU HAD YOUR SHOT WITH ME AND YOU BLEW IT. YOU COULDN'T BE WHAT I NEEDED

YOU BLEW IT. YOU COULDN'T BE WHAT I NEEDED YOU TO BE.

YOU COULDN'T BE WHAT I NEEDED YOU TO BE. >> I'M SORRY MY FAMILY ISN'T

YOU TO BE. >> I'M SORRY MY FAMILY ISN'T RICH.

>> I'M SORRY MY FAMILY ISN'T RICH. >> SO WAS I.

RICH. >> SO WAS I. >> HEY, BUD, READY FOR YOUR

>> SO WAS I. >> HEY, BUD, READY FOR YOUR WALK?

>> HEY, BUD, READY FOR YOUR WALK? I GOT YOUR LITTLE GIRLFRIEND

WALK? I GOT YOUR LITTLE GIRLFRIEND OUTSIDE.

I GOT YOUR LITTLE GIRLFRIEND OUTSIDE. >> WAIT, YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?

OUTSIDE. >> WAIT, YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND? WERE YOU EVER GONNA TELL ME

>> WAIT, YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND? WERE YOU EVER GONNA TELL ME ABOUT HER?

WERE YOU EVER GONNA TELL ME ABOUT HER? ARE YOU JUST GOING TO SIT THERE

ABOUT HER? ARE YOU JUST GOING TO SIT THERE AND LET ME THROW MYSELF AT YOU

ARE YOU JUST GOING TO SIT THERE AND LET ME THROW MYSELF AT YOU LIKE AN IDIOT?

AND LET ME THROW MYSELF AT YOU LIKE AN IDIOT? OH, SO NOW YOU'RE NOT GOING TO

LIKE AN IDIOT? OH, SO NOW YOU'RE NOT GOING TO TALK TO ME?

OH, SO NOW YOU'RE NOT GOING TO TALK TO ME? FINE.

TALK TO ME? FINE. I HOPE YOU AND THAT SLUT ARE

FINE. I HOPE YOU AND THAT SLUT ARE HAPPY BY THE WAY.

I HOPE YOU AND THAT SLUT ARE HAPPY BY THE WAY. I HEARD SHE EATS GRASS, BARFS,

HAPPY BY THE WAY. I HEARD SHE EATS GRASS, BARFS, AND THEN EATS HER OWN BARF.

I HEARD SHE EATS GRASS, BARFS, AND THEN EATS HER OWN BARF. YOU KNOW, I'VE NEVER DONE ANY OF

AND THEN EATS HER OWN BARF. YOU KNOW, I'VE NEVER DONE ANY OF THOSE THINGS.

YOU KNOW, I'VE NEVER DONE ANY OF THOSE THINGS. JUST SO YOU KNOW, I'M NOT STRICT

THOSE THINGS. JUST SO YOU KNOW, I'M NOT STRICT ABOUT CONDOMS.

JUST SO YOU KNOW, I'M NOT STRICT ABOUT CONDOMS. IF YOU DON'T HAVE ONE, I'LL JUST

ABOUT CONDOMS. IF YOU DON'T HAVE ONE, I'LL JUST SAY, BE CAREFUL, K, AND STILL GO

IF YOU DON'T HAVE ONE, I'LL JUST SAY, BE CAREFUL, K, AND STILL GO ALONG WITH IT.

SAY, BE CAREFUL, K, AND STILL GO ALONG WITH IT. NOT THAT YOU'LL EVER BENEFIT

ALONG WITH IT. NOT THAT YOU'LL EVER BENEFIT FROM IT.

NOT THAT YOU'LL EVER BENEFIT FROM IT. >> ROCHELLE, HE'S A DOG.

FROM IT. >> ROCHELLE, HE'S A DOG. >> YOU CAN SAY THAT AGAIN.

>> ROCHELLE, HE'S A DOG. >> YOU CAN SAY THAT AGAIN. BYE, BUD.

>> YOU CAN SAY THAT AGAIN. BYE, BUD. >> WOW.

BYE, BUD. >> WOW. I'VE NEVER SEEN ROCHELLE GET

>> WOW. I'VE NEVER SEEN ROCHELLE GET JEALOUS.

I'VE NEVER SEEN ROCHELLE GET JEALOUS. HEY, I'M CANDICE.

JEALOUS. HEY, I'M CANDICE. AND JUST SO YOU KNOW, I AM

HEY, I'M CANDICE. AND JUST SO YOU KNOW, I AM STRICT ABOUT CONDOMS.

AND JUST SO YOU KNOW, I AM STRICT ABOUT CONDOMS. I NEVER LET GUYS WEAR ONE.

>>> IN JUDGE KARLOTTA'S COURT, IF YOU DON'T FESS UP, YOU'RE GOING TO GET MESSED UP.

IF YOU DON'T FESS UP, YOU'RE GOING TO GET MESSED UP. AND THE ONLY THING TOUGHER THAN

GOING TO GET MESSED UP. AND THE ONLY THING TOUGHER THAN ONE JUDGE ON THE CASE IS THREE.

AND THE ONLY THING TOUGHER THAN ONE JUDGE ON THE CASE IS THREE. AND THE ONLY THING TOUGHER THAN

ONE JUDGE ON THE CASE IS THREE. AND THE ONLY THING TOUGHER THAN THREE JUDGES IS TEN.

AND THE ONLY THING TOUGHER THAN THREE JUDGES IS TEN. BUT WHY STOP AT TEN WHEN YOU CAN

THREE JUDGES IS TEN. BUT WHY STOP AT TEN WHEN YOU CAN HAVE 17?

BUT WHY STOP AT TEN WHEN YOU CAN HAVE 17? YOU'RE WATCHING BIG BENCH.

HAVE 17? YOU'RE WATCHING BIG BENCH. >> ALL RISE FOR THE HONORABLE

YOU'RE WATCHING BIG BENCH. >> ALL RISE FOR THE HONORABLE EVERYBODY.

>> ALL RISE FOR THE HONORABLE EVERYBODY. >> THANK YOU, BAILIFF.

EVERYBODY. >> THANK YOU, BAILIFF. COURT IS NOW IN SESSION.

>> THANK YOU, BAILIFF. COURT IS NOW IN SESSION. OKAY.

COURT IS NOW IN SESSION. OKAY. OKAY.

OKAY. OKAY. HEY, WE DON'T ALL NEED TO BANG

OKAY. HEY, WE DON'T ALL NEED TO BANG OUR GAVELS.

HEY, WE DON'T ALL NEED TO BANG OUR GAVELS. THEY HEAR IT.

OUR GAVELS. THEY HEAR IT. WE GOT A LOT OF CASES AND EVEN

THEY HEAR IT. WE GOT A LOT OF CASES AND EVEN MORE JUDGES.

WE GOT A LOT OF CASES AND EVEN MORE JUDGES. SO LET'S START.

MORE JUDGES. SO LET'S START. PLAINTIFF, PLEASE STATE YOUR

SO LET'S START. PLAINTIFF, PLEASE STATE YOUR NAME.

PLAINTIFF, PLEASE STATE YOUR NAME. >> THANK YOU, YOUR HONOR.

NAME. >> THANK YOU, YOUR HONOR. MY NAME IS ASHLEY JOURNS AND I'M

>> THANK YOU, YOUR HONOR. MY NAME IS ASHLEY JOURNS AND I'M HERE TO SAY ONE THING AND ONE

MY NAME IS ASHLEY JOURNS AND I'M HERE TO SAY ONE THING AND ONE THING ONLY, THAT MAN IS A THIEF.

HERE TO SAY ONE THING AND ONE THING ONLY, THAT MAN IS A THIEF. >> WHY WOULD I STEAL FROM HER?

THING ONLY, THAT MAN IS A THIEF. >> WHY WOULD I STEAL FROM HER? SHE'S BROKE AS HELL.

>> WHY WOULD I STEAL FROM HER? SHE'S BROKE AS HELL. >> HEY, THIS IS NOT A CIRCUS.

SHE'S BROKE AS HELL. >> HEY, THIS IS NOT A CIRCUS. THIS IS A 17-JUDGE COURTROOM.

>> HEY, THIS IS NOT A CIRCUS. THIS IS A 17-JUDGE COURTROOM. OKAY?

THIS IS A 17-JUDGE COURTROOM. OKAY? AND IF YOU WANT TO WIN TODAY,

OKAY? AND IF YOU WANT TO WIN TODAY, YOU GOT TO GET A UNANIMOUS

AND IF YOU WANT TO WIN TODAY, YOU GOT TO GET A UNANIMOUS DECISION FROM EVERY JUDGE UP

YOU GOT TO GET A UNANIMOUS DECISION FROM EVERY JUDGE UP HERE.

DECISION FROM EVERY JUDGE UP HERE. I'M JUDGE CARLOTTA.

HERE. I'M JUDGE CARLOTTA. JUDGE TONKIN IS THE CRANKY ONE.

I'M JUDGE CARLOTTA. JUDGE TONKIN IS THE CRANKY ONE. >> I DON'T GOT TIME FOR THIS.

JUDGE TONKIN IS THE CRANKY ONE. >> I DON'T GOT TIME FOR THIS. >> JUDGE HUNK IS THE CUTE ONE.

>> I DON'T GOT TIME FOR THIS. >> JUDGE HUNK IS THE CUTE ONE. >> I AM?

>> JUDGE HUNK IS THE CUTE ONE. >> I AM? GOSH.

>> I AM? GOSH. >> JUDGE ALEJANDRO IS CUTE AND

GOSH. >> JUDGE ALEJANDRO IS CUTE AND LATIN.

>> JUDGE ALEJANDRO IS CUTE AND LATIN. >> [ SPEAKING SPANISH ].

LATIN. >> [ SPEAKING SPANISH ]. >> AND JUDGE BEN, WELL, HE'S

>> [ SPEAKING SPANISH ]. >> AND JUDGE BEN, WELL, HE'S GAY.

>> AND JUDGE BEN, WELL, HE'S GAY. >> IMAGINE THAT, A GAY JUDGE.

GAY. >> IMAGINE THAT, A GAY JUDGE. >> EXACTLY.

>> IMAGINE THAT, A GAY JUDGE. >> EXACTLY. NOW LET'S GET ON WITH IT.

>> EXACTLY. NOW LET'S GET ON WITH IT. MS. JOURNS, YOU SAID THIS MAN

NOW LET'S GET ON WITH IT. MS. JOURNS, YOU SAID THIS MAN STOLE SOMETHING FROM YOU.

MS. JOURNS, YOU SAID THIS MAN STOLE SOMETHING FROM YOU. WHAT DID HE STEAL?

STOLE SOMETHING FROM YOU. WHAT DID HE STEAL? >> MY HEART, MY CAR, AND MY

WHAT DID HE STEAL? >> MY HEART, MY CAR, AND MY DISCOVERY CARD, BUT MOSTLY MY

>> MY HEART, MY CAR, AND MY DISCOVERY CARD, BUT MOSTLY MY HEART.

DISCOVERY CARD, BUT MOSTLY MY HEART. >> OKAY.

HEART. >> OKAY. OKAY.

>> OKAY. OKAY. THIS IS JUICY.

OKAY. THIS IS JUICY. NOW YOU GOT MY ATTENTION.

THIS IS JUICY. NOW YOU GOT MY ATTENTION. >> WHAT CAN I SAY, YOUR HONOR,

NOW YOU GOT MY ATTENTION. >> WHAT CAN I SAY, YOUR HONOR, I'M A BAD BOY.

>> WHAT CAN I SAY, YOUR HONOR, I'M A BAD BOY. >> OKAY, MR. PALEST ARMS ON

I'M A BAD BOY. >> OKAY, MR. PALEST ARMS ON EARTH.

>> OKAY, MR. PALEST ARMS ON EARTH. LET US BE THE JUDGE OF THAT.

EARTH. LET US BE THE JUDGE OF THAT. >> PLUS HER CAR IS WHACK AND HER

LET US BE THE JUDGE OF THAT. >> PLUS HER CAR IS WHACK AND HER DISCOVER CARD IS MAXED.

>> PLUS HER CAR IS WHACK AND HER DISCOVER CARD IS MAXED. THIS IS VERY UNFAIR.

DISCOVER CARD IS MAXED. THIS IS VERY UNFAIR. >> WHATEVER INJUSTICE YOU MAY

THIS IS VERY UNFAIR. >> WHATEVER INJUSTICE YOU MAY FEEL THINK ABOUT WHAT I'VE GONE

>> WHATEVER INJUSTICE YOU MAY FEEL THINK ABOUT WHAT I'VE GONE THROUGH AS A JUDGE WHO IS ALSO A

FEEL THINK ABOUT WHAT I'VE GONE THROUGH AS A JUDGE WHO IS ALSO A GAY MAN.

THROUGH AS A JUDGE WHO IS ALSO A GAY MAN. >> YOU'RE FINE.

GAY MAN. >> YOU'RE FINE. SO MS. JOURNS, WHERE DID YOU

>> YOU'RE FINE. SO MS. JOURNS, WHERE DID YOU MEET THIS MAN?

SO MS. JOURNS, WHERE DID YOU MEET THIS MAN? >> I MET HIM AT MY SISTER'S

MEET THIS MAN? >> I MET HIM AT MY SISTER'S WEDDING WHERE HE WAS MARRYING MY

>> I MET HIM AT MY SISTER'S WEDDING WHERE HE WAS MARRYING MY SISTER.

WEDDING WHERE HE WAS MARRYING MY SISTER. >> THIS IS JUICY AS HELL.

SISTER. >> THIS IS JUICY AS HELL. HOW DOES YOUR SISTER FEEL ABOUT

>> THIS IS JUICY AS HELL. HOW DOES YOUR SISTER FEEL ABOUT THAT?

HOW DOES YOUR SISTER FEEL ABOUT THAT? >> ASK HER YOURSELF.

THAT? >> ASK HER YOURSELF. I BROUGHT HER WITH ME TODAY.

>> ASK HER YOURSELF. I BROUGHT HER WITH ME TODAY. >> I TOLD HER TO GO FOR IT.

I BROUGHT HER WITH ME TODAY. >> I TOLD HER TO GO FOR IT. I JUST WANTED HIS ASS OUT OF THE

>> I TOLD HER TO GO FOR IT. I JUST WANTED HIS ASS OUT OF THE HOUSE.

I JUST WANTED HIS ASS OUT OF THE HOUSE. >> HANG ON.

HOUSE. >> HANG ON. MA'AM, YOU CANNOT SMOKE IN HERE.

>> HANG ON. MA'AM, YOU CANNOT SMOKE IN HERE. >> OH, I'M SO SORRY.

MA'AM, YOU CANNOT SMOKE IN HERE. >> OH, I'M SO SORRY. >> OKAY.

>> OH, I'M SO SORRY. >> OKAY. THESE PEOPLE ARE THE CRAZIEST

>> OKAY. THESE PEOPLE ARE THE CRAZIEST PEOPLE I'VE EVER SEEN, BUT I GOT

THESE PEOPLE ARE THE CRAZIEST PEOPLE I'VE EVER SEEN, BUT I GOT TO INTRODUCE SOME MORE JUDGES.

PEOPLE I'VE EVER SEEN, BUT I GOT TO INTRODUCE SOME MORE JUDGES. JUST BELOW ME IS JUDGE SHINER,

TO INTRODUCE SOME MORE JUDGES. JUST BELOW ME IS JUDGE SHINER, OUR SWEET SIMPLE PERVERT.

JUST BELOW ME IS JUDGE SHINER, OUR SWEET SIMPLE PERVERT. >> MAYBE EVERYBODY SHOULD JUST

OUR SWEET SIMPLE PERVERT. >> MAYBE EVERYBODY SHOULD JUST KISS.

>> MAYBE EVERYBODY SHOULD JUST KISS. >> NEXT TO HIM IS JUDGE TOOTIE,

KISS. >> NEXT TO HIM IS JUDGE TOOTIE, WHO WE HAD TO HIRE BECAUSE SHE'S

>> NEXT TO HIM IS JUDGE TOOTIE, WHO WE HAD TO HIRE BECAUSE SHE'S JUDGE JUDY'S NIECE.

WHO WE HAD TO HIRE BECAUSE SHE'S JUDGE JUDY'S NIECE. >> HEY, DON'T TALK TO ME LIKE

JUDGE JUDY'S NIECE. >> HEY, DON'T TALK TO ME LIKE THAT.

>> HEY, DON'T TALK TO ME LIKE THAT. DO YOU KNOW WHO MY AUNT IS?

THAT. DO YOU KNOW WHO MY AUNT IS? >> AND THAT'S JUDGE WANDA WHO

DO YOU KNOW WHO MY AUNT IS? >> AND THAT'S JUDGE WANDA WHO GOT HIT ON THE HEAD AND NOW

>> AND THAT'S JUDGE WANDA WHO GOT HIT ON THE HEAD AND NOW THINKS SHE'S ON SHARK TANK.

GOT HIT ON THE HEAD AND NOW THINKS SHE'S ON SHARK TANK. >> THE MARKET DOESN'T NEED

THINKS SHE'S ON SHARK TANK. >> THE MARKET DOESN'T NEED ANOTHER HARD SELTZER, AND FOR

>> THE MARKET DOESN'T NEED ANOTHER HARD SELTZER, AND FOR THAT REASON, I'M OUT.

ANOTHER HARD SELTZER, AND FOR THAT REASON, I'M OUT. >> DID I MENTION JUDGE BEN IS

THAT REASON, I'M OUT. >> DID I MENTION JUDGE BEN IS GAY?

>> DID I MENTION JUDGE BEN IS GAY? >> A GAY JUDGE?

GAY? >> A GAY JUDGE? WHAT'S NEXT, A DOG JUDGE?

>> A GAY JUDGE? WHAT'S NEXT, A DOG JUDGE? >> WHY, YES, THAT IS NEXT.

WHAT'S NEXT, A DOG JUDGE? >> WHY, YES, THAT IS NEXT. HOW YOU DOING, JUDGE WOOF?

>> WHY, YES, THAT IS NEXT. HOW YOU DOING, JUDGE WOOF? ALL RIGHT.

HOW YOU DOING, JUDGE WOOF? ALL RIGHT. MS. JOURNS, WE'RE READY FOR YOUR

ALL RIGHT. MS. JOURNS, WE'RE READY FOR YOUR FINAL STATEMENT.

MS. JOURNS, WE'RE READY FOR YOUR FINAL STATEMENT. >> WOW.

FINAL STATEMENT. >> WOW. WHAT JUDGE WOOF JUST SAID JUST

>> WOW. WHAT JUDGE WOOF JUST SAID JUST STRUCK ME DEEP.

WHAT JUDGE WOOF JUST SAID JUST STRUCK ME DEEP. I REALIZED NOBODY'S PERFECT.

STRUCK ME DEEP. I REALIZED NOBODY'S PERFECT. NOT EVEN ME.

I REALIZED NOBODY'S PERFECT. NOT EVEN ME. I'M GOING TO DROP THE CASE.

NOT EVEN ME. I'M GOING TO DROP THE CASE. >> WELL, THAT'S MAYBE THE NICEST

I'M GOING TO DROP THE CASE. >> WELL, THAT'S MAYBE THE NICEST THING ANYONE'S EVER DONE FOR ME.

>> WELL, THAT'S MAYBE THE NICEST THING ANYONE'S EVER DONE FOR ME. >> NOW KISS?

THING ANYONE'S EVER DONE FOR ME. >> NOW KISS? >> NO, NO, NO.

>> NOW KISS? >> NO, NO, NO. I THINK WE'RE READY TO RULE.

>> NO, NO, NO. I THINK WE'RE READY TO RULE. >> GUILTY.

I THINK WE'RE READY TO RULE. >> GUILTY. >> GUILTY.

>> GUILTY. >> GUILTY. >> CHIPOTLE.

>> GUILTY. >> CHIPOTLE. >> PANERA.

>> CHIPOTLE. >> PANERA. >> OKAY.

>> PANERA. >> OKAY. I THINK WE ORDERING LUNCH NOW.

>> OKAY. I THINK WE ORDERING LUNCH NOW. >> HAMBURGER MARY'S.

I THINK WE ORDERING LUNCH NOW. >> HAMBURGER MARY'S. >> AND PANERA IT IS.

>> HAMBURGER MARY'S. >> AND PANERA IT IS. NOW WE END THE SHOW LIKE WE

>> AND PANERA IT IS. NOW WE END THE SHOW LIKE WE ALWAYS DO, WITH THE WAVE.

NOW WE END THE SHOW LIKE WE ALWAYS DO, WITH THE WAVE. >> WHOO!

ALWAYS DO, WITH THE WAVE. >> WHOO! >> COURT'S DISMISSED.

>> WHOO! >> COURT'S DISMISSED. GO ON AND SHOW THE LOGO.

>> COURT'S DISMISSED. GO ON AND SHOW THE LOGO. >> BIG BENCH.

>>> OKAY. CAN I TELL YOU GUYS SOMETHING SUPER EMBARRASSING?

CAN I TELL YOU GUYS SOMETHING SUPER EMBARRASSING? I HAVE LIKE AN ITSY BITSY CRUSH

SUPER EMBARRASSING? I HAVE LIKE AN ITSY BITSY CRUSH ON SOMEONE HERE I THINK.

I HAVE LIKE AN ITSY BITSY CRUSH ON SOMEONE HERE I THINK. >> WHAT?

ON SOMEONE HERE I THINK. >> WHAT? >> WHO?

>> WHAT? >> WHO? LENNY PICKET?

>> WHO? LENNY PICKET? >> NO.

LENNY PICKET? >> NO. BOWEN.

>> NO. BOWEN. >> LIKE, BOYGENIUS, Y'ALL ARE

BOWEN. >> LIKE, BOYGENIUS, Y'ALL ARE GIVING GIRL DUMB ASS.

>> LIKE, BOYGENIUS, Y'ALL ARE GIVING GIRL DUMB ASS. >> HE'S SO FUNNY AND HE'S SWEET.

GIVING GIRL DUMB ASS. >> HE'S SO FUNNY AND HE'S SWEET. OBVIOUSLY IT CAN'T BE ANYTHING.

>> HE'S SO FUNNY AND HE'S SWEET. OBVIOUSLY IT CAN'T BE ANYTHING. >> GIRL, YOU SHOULD ABSOLUTELY

OBVIOUSLY IT CAN'T BE ANYTHING. >> GIRL, YOU SHOULD ABSOLUTELY GO FOR IT.

>> GIRL, YOU SHOULD ABSOLUTELY GO FOR IT. >> BUT ISN'T HE -- ISN'T HE GAY?

GO FOR IT. >> BUT ISN'T HE -- ISN'T HE GAY? >> GAY?

>> BUT ISN'T HE -- ISN'T HE GAY? >> GAY? NO, BOWEN'S STRAIGHT.

>> GAY? NO, BOWEN'S STRAIGHT. >> YEAH, STRAIGHT AS THEY

NO, BOWEN'S STRAIGHT. >> YEAH, STRAIGHT AS THEY BOWEN JUST PLAYS GAY ON THE SHOW

>> YEAH, STRAIGHT AS THEY BOWEN JUST PLAYS GAY ON THE SHOW BECAUSE IT'S A SHORT CUT TO

BOWEN JUST PLAYS GAY ON THE SHOW BECAUSE IT'S A SHORT CUT TO LAUGHS.

BECAUSE IT'S A SHORT CUT TO LAUGHS. >> SO HE HOOKS UP WITH GIRLS?

LAUGHS. >> SO HE HOOKS UP WITH GIRLS? >> OH, YEAH, HOT GIRLS TOO.

>> SO HE HOOKS UP WITH GIRLS? >> OH, YEAH, HOT GIRLS TOO. BOWEN PULLS.

>> OH, YEAH, HOT GIRLS TOO. BOWEN PULLS. >> I HAD NO IDEA.

BOWEN PULLS. >> I HAD NO IDEA. >> HEY, HEY.

>> I HAD NO IDEA. >> HEY, HEY. >> BABY, I'VE MISSED YOU SO

>> HEY, HEY. >> BABY, I'VE MISSED YOU SO MUCH.

>> BABY, I'VE MISSED YOU SO MUCH. >> GINA, WHEN I'M AT WORK, GOT

MUCH. >> GINA, WHEN I'M AT WORK, GOT TO CUT OUT THE BABE STUFF.

>> GINA, WHEN I'M AT WORK, GOT TO CUT OUT THE BABE STUFF. >> IS THAT GINA GERSHON?

TO CUT OUT THE BABE STUFF. >> IS THAT GINA GERSHON? >> ANYWAY, THE IDEA IS SYDNEY

>> IS THAT GINA GERSHON? >> ANYWAY, THE IDEA IS SYDNEY SWEENEY TODD, THE TALE OF SYDNEY

>> ANYWAY, THE IDEA IS SYDNEY SWEENEY TODD, THE TALE OF SYDNEY SWEENEY TODD.

SWEENEY TODD, THE TALE OF SYDNEY SWEENEY TODD. >> OH, MY GOD.

SWEENEY TODD. >> OH, MY GOD. >> YEAH, THAT SOUNDS AWESOME.

>> OH, MY GOD. >> YEAH, THAT SOUNDS AWESOME. >> IT'LL BE FUNNY WHEN WE DO IT.

>> YEAH, THAT SOUNDS AWESOME. >> IT'LL BE FUNNY WHEN WE DO IT. >> HEY, BABY GIRL.

>> IT'LL BE FUNNY WHEN WE DO IT. >> HEY, BABY GIRL. WHERE'S MY SMILE?

>> HEY, BABY GIRL. WHERE'S MY SMILE? >> BOWEN, I DIDN'T KNOW YOU WERE

WHERE'S MY SMILE? >> BOWEN, I DIDN'T KNOW YOU WERE STRAIGHT.

>> BOWEN, I DIDN'T KNOW YOU WERE STRAIGHT. >> OH, YEAH.

STRAIGHT. >> OH, YEAH. I'M FULL HETERO.

>> OH, YEAH. I'M FULL HETERO. THAT'S BETTER.

I'M FULL HETERO. THAT'S BETTER. >> SO, WHAT'S YOUR TYPE?

THAT'S BETTER. >> SO, WHAT'S YOUR TYPE? >> OH, YOU KNOW, BLOND, SMART,

>> SO, WHAT'S YOUR TYPE? >> OH, YOU KNOW, BLOND, SMART, HEAVY NATURALS.

>> OH, YOU KNOW, BLOND, SMART, HEAVY NATURALS. >> OH, YEAH?

HEAVY NATURALS. >> OH, YEAH? >> WHAT'S YOURS?

>> OH, YEAH? >> WHAT'S YOURS? >> ASIAN PODCASTERS.

>> WHAT'S YOURS? >> ASIAN PODCASTERS. >> I KNOW A FEW OF THOSE.

>> ASIAN PODCASTERS. >> I KNOW A FEW OF THOSE. >> HEY, SYDNEY, ARE YOU COMING

>> I KNOW A FEW OF THOSE. >> HEY, SYDNEY, ARE YOU COMING TO SET?

>> HEY, SYDNEY, ARE YOU COMING TO SET? >> YEAH, I'LL BE RIGHT THERE.

TO SET? >> YEAH, I'LL BE RIGHT THERE. >> WHEN YOU'RE TIRED OF LAUGHING

>> YEAH, I'LL BE RIGHT THERE. >> WHEN YOU'RE TIRED OF LAUGHING WITH THE LITTLE BOYS, LET ME

>> WHEN YOU'RE TIRED OF LAUGHING WITH THE LITTLE BOYS, LET ME KNOW.

WITH THE LITTLE BOYS, LET ME KNOW. >> SWEEN!

KNOW. >> SWEEN! >> YOU'RE SO [ BLEEP ] NOT!

>> SWEEN! >> YOU'RE SO [ BLEEP ] NOT! WAIT!

>> YOU'RE SO [ BLEEP ] NOT! WAIT! DO WE NEED PROTECTION?

WAIT! DO WE NEED PROTECTION? >> IT'S FINE.

DO WE NEED PROTECTION? >> IT'S FINE. I'M ON PREP.

>> IT'S FINE. I'M ON PREP. >> THAT WAS AMAZING.

I'M ON PREP. >> THAT WAS AMAZING. HEY, I WOULD REALLY LOVE TO SEE

>> THAT WAS AMAZING. HEY, I WOULD REALLY LOVE TO SEE YOU AGAIN.

HEY, I WOULD REALLY LOVE TO SEE YOU AGAIN. >> OH.

YOU AGAIN. >> OH. YEAH, I HAVE A LOT GOING ON.

>> OH. YEAH, I HAVE A LOT GOING ON. >> RIGHT.

YEAH, I HAVE A LOT GOING ON. >> RIGHT. TOTALLY.

>> RIGHT. TOTALLY. >> PLUS I GOT TO KEEP UP

TOTALLY. >> PLUS I GOT TO KEEP UP APPEARANCES WITH THE WHOLE GAY

>> PLUS I GOT TO KEEP UP APPEARANCES WITH THE WHOLE GAY THING.

APPEARANCES WITH THE WHOLE GAY THING. IT'S SORT OF MY MEAL TICKET.

THING. IT'S SORT OF MY MEAL TICKET. >> WAIT.

IT'S SORT OF MY MEAL TICKET. >> WAIT. CAN'T YOU JUST BE STRAIGHT?

>> WAIT. CAN'T YOU JUST BE STRAIGHT? >> YOU DON'T GET IT, OKAY?

CAN'T YOU JUST BE STRAIGHT? >> YOU DON'T GET IT, OKAY? I DON'T WANT THIS.

>> YOU DON'T GET IT, OKAY? I DON'T WANT THIS. I DON'T WANT YOUR LIFE.

I DON'T WANT THIS. I DON'T WANT YOUR LIFE. >> WHAT THE HELL DOES THAT MEAN?

I DON'T WANT YOUR LIFE. >> WHAT THE HELL DOES THAT MEAN? >> IT MEANS GET OFF MY BACK.

>> WHAT THE HELL DOES THAT MEAN? >> IT MEANS GET OFF MY BACK. WHATEVER.

>> IT MEANS GET OFF MY BACK. WHATEVER. I'M GOING TO PARIS.

WHATEVER. I'M GOING TO PARIS. >> I GOT PLAYED BY BOWEN YANG.

I'M GOING TO PARIS. >> I GOT PLAYED BY BOWEN YANG. >> WELCOME TO THE CLUB, MAMA.

>> I GOT PLAYED BY BOWEN YANG. >> WELCOME TO THE CLUB, MAMA. >> WHY DIDN'T YOU WARN ME ABOUT

>> WELCOME TO THE CLUB, MAMA. >> WHY DIDN'T YOU WARN ME ABOUT HIM?

>> WHY DIDN'T YOU WARN ME ABOUT HIM? >> SOME LESSONS YOU GOT TO LEARN

HIM? >> SOME LESSONS YOU GOT TO LEARN FOR YOURSELF.

>> SOME LESSONS YOU GOT TO LEARN FOR YOURSELF. >> I'M NEVER GOING TO FIND LOVE.

FOR YOURSELF. >> I'M NEVER GOING TO FIND LOVE. >> NEVER SAY NEVER.

>> I'M NEVER GOING TO FIND LOVE. >> NEVER SAY NEVER. >> NO THANK YOU.

>> NEVER SAY NEVER. >> NO THANK YOU. >> GET OUT!

>>> OH, YES! >> IT'S YOUR WEDDING DAY, WE GONNA PARTY LIKE IT'S YOUR

>> IT'S YOUR WEDDING DAY, WE GONNA PARTY LIKE IT'S YOUR WEDDING DAY!

GONNA PARTY LIKE IT'S YOUR WEDDING DAY! >> OKAY, DOLL FACE.

WEDDING DAY! >> OKAY, DOLL FACE. YOU READY TO SEE YOUR MAKEUP?

>> OKAY, DOLL FACE. YOU READY TO SEE YOUR MAKEUP? >> YOU KNOW I AM.

YOU READY TO SEE YOUR MAKEUP? >> YOU KNOW I AM. >> ALL RIGHT.

>> YOU KNOW I AM. >> ALL RIGHT. BIG REVEAL IN THREE, TWO, ONE.

>> ALL RIGHT. BIG REVEAL IN THREE, TWO, ONE. >> OH, MY GOD!

BIG REVEAL IN THREE, TWO, ONE. >> OH, MY GOD! >> THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT I

>> OH, MY GOD! >> THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT I WANTED, ANG AND TRYST, YOU ARE

>> THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT I WANTED, ANG AND TRYST, YOU ARE MAGICIANS.

WANTED, ANG AND TRYST, YOU ARE MAGICIANS. >> WELL, WE HAD AN AMAZING

MAGICIANS. >> WELL, WE HAD AN AMAZING CANVAS.

>> WELL, WE HAD AN AMAZING CANVAS. YOU LOOK LIKE PRINCESS DI --

CANVAS. YOU LOOK LIKE PRINCESS DI -- BEFORE!

YOU LOOK LIKE PRINCESS DI -- BEFORE! >> YOU'RE HILARIOUS.

BEFORE! >> YOU'RE HILARIOUS. CAN WE GET TWO MORE BRIDESMAID

>> YOU'RE HILARIOUS. CAN WE GET TWO MORE BRIDESMAID DRESSES IN HERE?

CAN WE GET TWO MORE BRIDESMAID DRESSES IN HERE? >> YEAH.

DRESSES IN HERE? >> YEAH. TWO DRESSES FOR ME PLEASE TO FIT

>> YEAH. TWO DRESSES FOR ME PLEASE TO FIT MY FAT ASS INTO.

TWO DRESSES FOR ME PLEASE TO FIT MY FAT ASS INTO. >> JULES, CAN I TALK TO YOU

MY FAT ASS INTO. >> JULES, CAN I TALK TO YOU REALLY QUICKLY?

>> JULES, CAN I TALK TO YOU REALLY QUICKLY? OUTSIDE, ALONE.

REALLY QUICKLY? OUTSIDE, ALONE. >> WAIT, WHAT?

OUTSIDE, ALONE. >> WAIT, WHAT? ARE YOU DOING A BIT RIGHT NOW?

>> WAIT, WHAT? ARE YOU DOING A BIT RIGHT NOW? >> NO.

ARE YOU DOING A BIT RIGHT NOW? >> NO. I JUST NEED TO TELL YOU

>> NO. I JUST NEED TO TELL YOU SOMETHING.

I JUST NEED TO TELL YOU SOMETHING. LET'S GO OUT IN THE HALL.

SOMETHING. LET'S GO OUT IN THE HALL. >> OKAY.

LET'S GO OUT IN THE HALL. >> OKAY. YOU'RE BEING SO WEIRD, KATE.

>> OKAY. YOU'RE BEING SO WEIRD, KATE. JUST SAY WHAT YOU WANT TO SAY.

YOU'RE BEING SO WEIRD, KATE. JUST SAY WHAT YOU WANT TO SAY. >> GAVIN LEFT.

JUST SAY WHAT YOU WANT TO SAY. >> GAVIN LEFT. >> WAIT, WHAT DO YOU MEAN HE

>> GAVIN LEFT. >> WAIT, WHAT DO YOU MEAN HE LEFT?

>> WAIT, WHAT DO YOU MEAN HE LEFT? >> AND HE WROTE YOU A NOTE.

LEFT? >> AND HE WROTE YOU A NOTE. >> I REALIZED I DON'T LOVE YOU.

>> AND HE WROTE YOU A NOTE. >> I REALIZED I DON'T LOVE YOU. I CAN'T DO THIS.

>> I REALIZED I DON'T LOVE YOU. I CAN'T DO THIS. >> I'M SO SORRY, JULES.

I CAN'T DO THIS. >> I'M SO SORRY, JULES. >> OH, MY GOD.

>> I'M SO SORRY, JULES. >> OH, MY GOD. >> SHOOT.

>> OH, MY GOD. >> SHOOT. SHOOT.

>> SHOOT. SHOOT. SHOOT.

SHOOT. SHOOT. >> I HATE THIS.

SHOOT. >> I HATE THIS. >> THIS IS SO TOUGH.

>> I HATE THIS. >> THIS IS SO TOUGH. THIS IS SO TOUGH.

>> THIS IS SO TOUGH. THIS IS SO TOUGH. JUST, UM, SHOOT.

THIS IS SO TOUGH. JUST, UM, SHOOT. SHOOT, SHOOT, SHOOT.

JUST, UM, SHOOT. SHOOT, SHOOT, SHOOT. JUST, UM, WHENEVER YOU GET THE

SHOOT, SHOOT, SHOOT. JUST, UM, WHENEVER YOU GET THE CHANCE, IF YOU COULD JUST VENMO

JUST, UM, WHENEVER YOU GET THE CHANCE, IF YOU COULD JUST VENMO US.

CHANCE, IF YOU COULD JUST VENMO US. >> WHAT?

US. >> WHAT? >> I KNOW THIS IS TOUGH.

>> WHAT? >> I KNOW THIS IS TOUGH. IT'S JUST, IN OUR EXPERIENCE, IF

>> I KNOW THIS IS TOUGH. IT'S JUST, IN OUR EXPERIENCE, IF WE DON'T GET PAID BEFORE WE

IT'S JUST, IN OUR EXPERIENCE, IF WE DON'T GET PAID BEFORE WE LEAVE, THEN WE WON'T EVER GET

WE DON'T GET PAID BEFORE WE LEAVE, THEN WE WON'T EVER GET PAID.

LEAVE, THEN WE WON'T EVER GET PAID. >> WAIT, DIDN'T WE PAY YOU

PAID. >> WAIT, DIDN'T WE PAY YOU ALREADY?

>> WAIT, DIDN'T WE PAY YOU ALREADY? >> SHOOT.

ALREADY? >> SHOOT. SHOOT, I'M EMBARRASSED.

>> SHOOT. SHOOT, I'M EMBARRASSED. >> YEAH.

SHOOT, I'M EMBARRASSED. >> YEAH. YOU'RE SO RIGHT.

>> YEAH. YOU'RE SO RIGHT. >> GAVIN JUST TEXTED.

YOU'RE SO RIGHT. >> GAVIN JUST TEXTED. DAMN IT, I KNEW IT.

>> GAVIN JUST TEXTED. DAMN IT, I KNEW IT. HE WANTS TO EXPLORE THINGS

DAMN IT, I KNEW IT. HE WANTS TO EXPLORE THINGS FURTHER WITH HIS COWORKER SASHA.

HE WANTS TO EXPLORE THINGS FURTHER WITH HIS COWORKER SASHA. >> OH, MY GOD.

FURTHER WITH HIS COWORKER SASHA. >> OH, MY GOD. ARE YOU SERIOUS?

>> OH, MY GOD. ARE YOU SERIOUS? >> BUCK TOOTH SASHA?

ARE YOU SERIOUS? >> BUCK TOOTH SASHA? >> THIS ISN'T RIGHT.

>> BUCK TOOTH SASHA? >> THIS ISN'T RIGHT. >> MEN ARE DOGS.

>> THIS ISN'T RIGHT. >> MEN ARE DOGS. >> SHOOT.

>> MEN ARE DOGS. >> SHOOT. THIS IS BRUTAL.

>> SHOOT. THIS IS BRUTAL. >> YEAH.

THIS IS BRUTAL. >> YEAH. JUST -- SHOOT.

>> YEAH. JUST -- SHOOT. WHENEVER -- WHENEVER YOU GET THE

JUST -- SHOOT. WHENEVER -- WHENEVER YOU GET THE CHANCE --

WHENEVER -- WHENEVER YOU GET THE CHANCE -- >> AND NO RUSH -- AND NO RUSH.

CHANCE -- >> AND NO RUSH -- AND NO RUSH. >> IF YOU COULD JUST LEAVE A

>> AND NO RUSH -- AND NO RUSH. >> IF YOU COULD JUST LEAVE A REVIEW ON OUR YELP.

>> IF YOU COULD JUST LEAVE A REVIEW ON OUR YELP. >> RIGHT NOW?

REVIEW ON OUR YELP. >> RIGHT NOW? >> IN OUR EXPERIENCE, IF YOU

>> RIGHT NOW? >> IN OUR EXPERIENCE, IF YOU DON'T GET THE REVIEW BEFORE YOU

>> IN OUR EXPERIENCE, IF YOU DON'T GET THE REVIEW BEFORE YOU LEAVE, YOU NEVER GET IT.

DON'T GET THE REVIEW BEFORE YOU LEAVE, YOU NEVER GET IT. >> WRITE WHATEVER, LIKE MAYBE IF

LEAVE, YOU NEVER GET IT. >> WRITE WHATEVER, LIKE MAYBE IF MY FIANCE SAW MY GORGEOUS FACE,

>> WRITE WHATEVER, LIKE MAYBE IF MY FIANCE SAW MY GORGEOUS FACE, HE NEVER WOULD HAVE LEFT.

MY FIANCE SAW MY GORGEOUS FACE, HE NEVER WOULD HAVE LEFT. >> ENOUGH.

HE NEVER WOULD HAVE LEFT. >> ENOUGH. HE HAVE FIANCE JUST LEFT.

>> ENOUGH. HE HAVE FIANCE JUST LEFT. >> I DIDN'T WANT TO TELL

HE HAVE FIANCE JUST LEFT. >> I DIDN'T WANT TO TELL ANYBODY, BUT --

>> I DIDN'T WANT TO TELL ANYBODY, BUT -- >> WHAT IS IT?

ANYBODY, BUT -- >> WHAT IS IT? >> I'M TWO MONTHS PREGNANT.

>> WHAT IS IT? >> I'M TWO MONTHS PREGNANT. MY BABY WON'T EVEN HAVE A

>> I'M TWO MONTHS PREGNANT. MY BABY WON'T EVEN HAVE A FATHER.

MY BABY WON'T EVEN HAVE A FATHER. >> SHOOT, SHOOT.

FATHER. >> SHOOT, SHOOT. HONEY, HONEY, OKAY.

>> SHOOT, SHOOT. HONEY, HONEY, OKAY. I DON'T WANT YOU TO CRY.

HONEY, HONEY, OKAY. I DON'T WANT YOU TO CRY. I DON'T WANT YOU TO CRY.

I DON'T WANT YOU TO CRY. I DON'T WANT YOU TO CRY. >> I KNOW.

I DON'T WANT YOU TO CRY. >> I KNOW. I NEED TO BE STRONG.

>> I KNOW. I NEED TO BE STRONG. >> BECAUSE WE -- WE STILL NEED A

I NEED TO BE STRONG. >> BECAUSE WE -- WE STILL NEED A PIC FOR OUR WEBSITE.

>> BECAUSE WE -- WE STILL NEED A PIC FOR OUR WEBSITE. >> YEAH.

PIC FOR OUR WEBSITE. >> YEAH. YEAH.

>> YEAH. YEAH. WE GOT -- SMILE INTO THE iPAD.

YEAH. WE GOT -- SMILE INTO THE iPAD. WE GOT KICKED OFF INSTAGRAM FOR

WE GOT -- SMILE INTO THE iPAD. WE GOT KICKED OFF INSTAGRAM FOR COMMENTING SNITCH ON ALL OF LEAH

WE GOT KICKED OFF INSTAGRAM FOR COMMENTING SNITCH ON ALL OF LEAH REMINI'S POSTS.

COMMENTING SNITCH ON ALL OF LEAH REMINI'S POSTS. >> I FEEL LIKE I WANT TO KILL

REMINI'S POSTS. >> I FEEL LIKE I WANT TO KILL YOU.

>> I FEEL LIKE I WANT TO KILL YOU. >> MAYBE IT'S MY FAULT FOR

YOU. >> MAYBE IT'S MY FAULT FOR RUSHING THE WEDDING.

>> MAYBE IT'S MY FAULT FOR RUSHING THE WEDDING. I JUST WANTED TO GET MARRIED

RUSHING THE WEDDING. I JUST WANTED TO GET MARRIED WHILE MY GRANDMA WAS STILL

I JUST WANTED TO GET MARRIED WHILE MY GRANDMA WAS STILL ALIVE, AND OF COURSE SHE PASSED

WHILE MY GRANDMA WAS STILL ALIVE, AND OF COURSE SHE PASSED AWAY TWO WEEKS AGO.

ALIVE, AND OF COURSE SHE PASSED AWAY TWO WEEKS AGO. >> SHOOT, SHOOT.

AWAY TWO WEEKS AGO. >> SHOOT, SHOOT. IS THERE ANY SHELL FISH IN THIS

>> SHOOT, SHOOT. IS THERE ANY SHELL FISH IN THIS CAKE?

IS THERE ANY SHELL FISH IN THIS CAKE? >> NO.

CAKE? >> NO. IT'S A CAKE.

>> NO. IT'S A CAKE. PLEASE LEAVE.

IT'S A CAKE. PLEASE LEAVE. >> SHOOT.

PLEASE LEAVE. >> SHOOT. YOU KNOW, I WOULD BE KICKING

>> SHOOT. YOU KNOW, I WOULD BE KICKING MYSELF IF I DIDN'T MENTION IT,

YOU KNOW, I WOULD BE KICKING MYSELF IF I DIDN'T MENTION IT, BUT MY BROTHER'S SINGLE.

MYSELF IF I DIDN'T MENTION IT, BUT MY BROTHER'S SINGLE. >> HE'S HILARIOUS.

BUT MY BROTHER'S SINGLE. >> HE'S HILARIOUS. >> AND HE GETS OUT OF HIS

>> HE'S HILARIOUS. >> AND HE GETS OUT OF HIS HALFWAY HOUSE IN APRIL, SO.

>> AND HE GETS OUT OF HIS HALFWAY HOUSE IN APRIL, SO. >> REALLY?

HALFWAY HOUSE IN APRIL, SO. >> REALLY? I MEAN, I GUESS IT'S NICE TO

>> REALLY? I MEAN, I GUESS IT'S NICE TO IMAGINE DATING AGAIN.

I MEAN, I GUESS IT'S NICE TO IMAGINE DATING AGAIN. >> SHOOT.

IMAGINE DATING AGAIN. >> SHOOT. >> I JUST REMEMBERED HE HATES

>> SHOOT. >> I JUST REMEMBERED HE HATES PREGNANT WOMEN.

>> I JUST REMEMBERED HE HATES PREGNANT WOMEN. >> SHOOT!

>>> LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, KACEY MUSGRAVES! [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

MUSGRAVES! [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] ♪♪

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] ♪♪ ♪ MY SATURN HAS RETURNED

♪♪ ♪ MY SATURN HAS RETURNED WHEN I TURNED TWENTY-SEVEN

♪ MY SATURN HAS RETURNED WHEN I TURNED TWENTY-SEVEN EVERYTHING

WHEN I TURNED TWENTY-SEVEN EVERYTHING STARTED TO CHANGE ♪

EVERYTHING STARTED TO CHANGE ♪ ♪ TOOK A LONG TIME

STARTED TO CHANGE ♪ ♪ TOOK A LONG TIME BUT I LEARNED

♪ TOOK A LONG TIME BUT I LEARNED THERE'S TWO KINDS OF PEOPLE ♪

BUT I LEARNED THERE'S TWO KINDS OF PEOPLE ♪ ♪ ONE IS A GIVER

THERE'S TWO KINDS OF PEOPLE ♪ ♪ ONE IS A GIVER AND ONE'S

♪ ONE IS A GIVER AND ONE'S ALWAYS TRYIN' TO TAKE

AND ONE'S ALWAYS TRYIN' TO TAKE ALL THEY CAN TAKE ♪

ALWAYS TRYIN' TO TAKE ALL THEY CAN TAKE ♪ ♪ SO I'M SAYIN' GOODBYE

ALL THEY CAN TAKE ♪ ♪ SO I'M SAYIN' GOODBYE TO THE PEOPLE THAT I FEEL

♪ SO I'M SAYIN' GOODBYE TO THE PEOPLE THAT I FEEL ARE REAL GOOD

TO THE PEOPLE THAT I FEEL ARE REAL GOOD AT WASTIN' MY TIME ♪

ARE REAL GOOD AT WASTIN' MY TIME ♪ ♪ NO REGRETS BABY

AT WASTIN' MY TIME ♪ ♪ NO REGRETS BABY I JUST THINK THAT MAYBE

♪ NO REGRETS BABY I JUST THINK THAT MAYBE YOU GO YOUR WAY

I JUST THINK THAT MAYBE YOU GO YOUR WAY AND I'LL GO MINE ♪

YOU GO YOUR WAY AND I'LL GO MINE ♪ ♪ IT'S BEEN

AND I'LL GO MINE ♪ ♪ IT'S BEEN A REAL GOOD TIME ♪

♪ IT'S BEEN A REAL GOOD TIME ♪ ♪ BUT YOU GOT DARK ENERGY

A REAL GOOD TIME ♪ ♪ BUT YOU GOT DARK ENERGY SOMETHIN' I CAN'T UNSEE

♪ BUT YOU GOT DARK ENERGY SOMETHIN' I CAN'T UNSEE AND I'VE GOT TO

SOMETHIN' I CAN'T UNSEE AND I'VE GOT TO TAKE CARE OF MYSELF ♪

AND I'VE GOT TO TAKE CARE OF MYSELF ♪ ♪ I FOUND A DEEPER WELL ♪

TAKE CARE OF MYSELF ♪ ♪ I FOUND A DEEPER WELL ♪ ♪♪

♪ I FOUND A DEEPER WELL ♪ ♪♪ ♪ I USED TO WAKE AND BAKE

♪♪ ♪ I USED TO WAKE AND BAKE ROLL OUT OF BED

♪ I USED TO WAKE AND BAKE ROLL OUT OF BED HIT THE GRAVITY BONG

ROLL OUT OF BED HIT THE GRAVITY BONG THAT I MADE ♪

HIT THE GRAVITY BONG THAT I MADE ♪ ♪ AND START THE DAY ♪

THAT I MADE ♪ ♪ AND START THE DAY ♪ ♪ FOR A WHILE IT GOT ME BY

♪ AND START THE DAY ♪ ♪ FOR A WHILE IT GOT ME BY EVERYTHING I DID

♪ FOR A WHILE IT GOT ME BY EVERYTHING I DID SEEMED BETTER WHEN I WAS HIGH

EVERYTHING I DID SEEMED BETTER WHEN I WAS HIGH I DON'T KNOW WHY ♪

SEEMED BETTER WHEN I WAS HIGH I DON'T KNOW WHY ♪ ♪ SO I'M GETTIN' RID

I DON'T KNOW WHY ♪ ♪ SO I'M GETTIN' RID OF THE HABITS THAT I FEEL

♪ SO I'M GETTIN' RID OF THE HABITS THAT I FEEL ARE REAL GOOD

OF THE HABITS THAT I FEEL ARE REAL GOOD AT WASTIN' MY TIME ♪

ARE REAL GOOD AT WASTIN' MY TIME ♪ ♪ NO REGRETS BABY

AT WASTIN' MY TIME ♪ ♪ NO REGRETS BABY I JUST THINK THAT MAYBE

♪ NO REGRETS BABY I JUST THINK THAT MAYBE IT'S NATURAL WHEN THINGS

I JUST THINK THAT MAYBE IT'S NATURAL WHEN THINGS LOSE THEIR SHINE ♪

IT'S NATURAL WHEN THINGS LOSE THEIR SHINE ♪ ♪ SO OTHER THINGS CAN GLOW

LOSE THEIR SHINE ♪ ♪ SO OTHER THINGS CAN GLOW I'VE GOTTEN OLDER NOW

♪ SO OTHER THINGS CAN GLOW I'VE GOTTEN OLDER NOW I KNOW ♪

I'VE GOTTEN OLDER NOW I KNOW ♪ ♪ HOW TO TAKE CARE OF MYSELF

I KNOW ♪ ♪ HOW TO TAKE CARE OF MYSELF I FOUND A DEEPER WELL ♪

♪ HOW TO TAKE CARE OF MYSELF I FOUND A DEEPER WELL ♪ ♪♪

I FOUND A DEEPER WELL ♪ ♪♪ ♪♪

♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪

♪♪ ♪♪ ♪ WHEN I WAS GROWING UP

♪♪ ♪ WHEN I WAS GROWING UP WE HAD WHAT WE NEEDED

♪ WHEN I WAS GROWING UP WE HAD WHAT WE NEEDED SHOES ON OUR FEET ♪

WE HAD WHAT WE NEEDED SHOES ON OUR FEET ♪ ♪ BUT THE WORLD

SHOES ON OUR FEET ♪ ♪ BUT THE WORLD WAS AS FLAT AS A PLATE

♪ BUT THE WORLD WAS AS FLAT AS A PLATE AND THAT'S OKAY ♪

WAS AS FLAT AS A PLATE AND THAT'S OKAY ♪ ♪ THE THINGS I WAS TAUGHT

AND THAT'S OKAY ♪ ♪ THE THINGS I WAS TAUGHT ONLY TOOK ME SO FAR

♪ THE THINGS I WAS TAUGHT ONLY TOOK ME SO FAR HAD TO FIGURE

ONLY TOOK ME SO FAR HAD TO FIGURE THE REST OUT MYSELF ♪

HAD TO FIGURE THE REST OUT MYSELF ♪ ♪ AND THEN I FOUND

THE REST OUT MYSELF ♪ ♪ AND THEN I FOUND I FOUND A DEEPER WELL ♪

♪ AND THEN I FOUND I FOUND A DEEPER WELL ♪ ♪♪

I FOUND A DEEPER WELL ♪ ♪♪ ♪ MM-MM

♪♪ ♪ MM-MM MM

♪ MM-MM MM ♪♪

MM ♪♪ [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

>> Announcer: IT'S "WEEKEND UPDATE" WITH COLIN JOST AND MICHAEL CHE.

UPDATE" WITH COLIN JOST AND MICHAEL CHE. >>> GOOD EVENING, EVERYONE.

MICHAEL CHE. >>> GOOD EVENING, EVERYONE. >> WELCOME TO "WEEKEND UPDATE."

>>> GOOD EVENING, EVERYONE. >> WELCOME TO "WEEKEND UPDATE." I'M MICHAEL CHE.

>> WELCOME TO "WEEKEND UPDATE." I'M MICHAEL CHE. >> I'M COLIN JOST.

I'M MICHAEL CHE. >> I'M COLIN JOST. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

>> I'M COLIN JOST. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] PRESIDENT BIDEN VISITED THE

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] PRESIDENT BIDEN VISITED THE SOUTHERN BORDER ON THURSDAY AND

PRESIDENT BIDEN VISITED THE SOUTHERN BORDER ON THURSDAY AND WAS HORRIFIED TO DISCOVER IT IS

SOUTHERN BORDER ON THURSDAY AND WAS HORRIFIED TO DISCOVER IT IS BEING SWARMED BY CRIMINALS AND

WAS HORRIFIED TO DISCOVER IT IS BEING SWARMED BY CRIMINALS AND RAPISTS.

BEING SWARMED BY CRIMINALS AND RAPISTS. THAT'S RIGHT, BOTH BIDEN AND

RAPISTS. THAT'S RIGHT, BOTH BIDEN AND TRUMP COINCIDENTALLY VISITED THE

THAT'S RIGHT, BOTH BIDEN AND TRUMP COINCIDENTALLY VISITED THE BORDER ON THE SAME DAY, WHICH

TRUMP COINCIDENTALLY VISITED THE BORDER ON THE SAME DAY, WHICH SOUNDS LIKE THE SETUP FOR THE

BORDER ON THE SAME DAY, WHICH SOUNDS LIKE THE SETUP FOR THE WEIRDEST ROM COM OF ALL TIME.

SOUNDS LIKE THE SETUP FOR THE WEIRDEST ROM COM OF ALL TIME. MY FAVORITE PART OF THE VISIT

WEIRDEST ROM COM OF ALL TIME. MY FAVORITE PART OF THE VISIT WAS WHEN TRUMP, WHO LOOKS GOOD

MY FAVORITE PART OF THE VISIT WAS WHEN TRUMP, WHO LOOKS GOOD BEHIND BARS BY THE WAY, FINALLY

WAS WHEN TRUMP, WHO LOOKS GOOD BEHIND BARS BY THE WAY, FINALLY CAME FACE TO FACE WITH HIS SWORN

BEHIND BARS BY THE WAY, FINALLY CAME FACE TO FACE WITH HIS SWORN ENEMIES, THE MIGRANTS, AND HE

CAME FACE TO FACE WITH HIS SWORN ENEMIES, THE MIGRANTS, AND HE HAD A PRETTY HARSH MESSAGE FOR

ENEMIES, THE MIGRANTS, AND HE HAD A PRETTY HARSH MESSAGE FOR THEM.

HAD A PRETTY HARSH MESSAGE FOR THEM. TAKE A LOOK.

THEM. TAKE A LOOK. >> THEY LIKE TRUMP, CAN YOU

TAKE A LOOK. >> THEY LIKE TRUMP, CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?

>> THEY LIKE TRUMP, CAN YOU BELIEVE IT? >> NO, I CAN'T BELIEVE IT.

BELIEVE IT? >> NO, I CAN'T BELIEVE IT. THE MIGRANTS DON'T LIKE YOU.

>> NO, I CAN'T BELIEVE IT. THE MIGRANTS DON'T LIKE YOU. THEY JUST WALKED A THOUSAND

THE MIGRANTS DON'T LIKE YOU. THEY JUST WALKED A THOUSAND MILES TO GET TO THE EDGE OF THIS

THEY JUST WALKED A THOUSAND MILES TO GET TO THE EDGE OF THIS RIVER, AND THEY'RE PROBABLY

MILES TO GET TO THE EDGE OF THIS RIVER, AND THEY'RE PROBABLY THINKING IS THAT GUY IN A TRUMP

RIVER, AND THEY'RE PROBABLY THINKING IS THAT GUY IN A TRUMP COSTUME WAVING US INTO THE

THINKING IS THAT GUY IN A TRUMP COSTUME WAVING US INTO THE COUNTRY?

COSTUME WAVING US INTO THE COUNTRY? >> MITCH McCONNELL SEEN HERE

COUNTRY? >> MITCH McCONNELL SEEN HERE CATCHING UP ON NEWS FROM THE

>> MITCH McCONNELL SEEN HERE CATCHING UP ON NEWS FROM THE MIDDLE EAST, ANNOUNCED HE WILL

CATCHING UP ON NEWS FROM THE MIDDLE EAST, ANNOUNCED HE WILL STEP DOWN AS THE REPUBLICAN

MIDDLE EAST, ANNOUNCED HE WILL STEP DOWN AS THE REPUBLICAN LEADER IN THE SENATE.

STEP DOWN AS THE REPUBLICAN LEADER IN THE SENATE. McCONNELL HAS LEADER FOR ALMOST

LEADER IN THE SENATE. McCONNELL HAS LEADER FOR ALMOST 20 YEARS, BUT HE FIRST GOT

McCONNELL HAS LEADER FOR ALMOST 20 YEARS, BUT HE FIRST GOT INVOLVED IN POLITICS BACK IN

20 YEARS, BUT HE FIRST GOT INVOLVED IN POLITICS BACK IN 1968 WHEN HE LOST A FIDDLE

INVOLVED IN POLITICS BACK IN 1968 WHEN HE LOST A FIDDLE CONTEST TO THE DEVIL.

1968 WHEN HE LOST A FIDDLE CONTEST TO THE DEVIL. MANY ARE SAYING HE IS LEAVING

CONTEST TO THE DEVIL. MANY ARE SAYING HE IS LEAVING BECAUSE OF HIS BAD RELATIONSHIP

MANY ARE SAYING HE IS LEAVING BECAUSE OF HIS BAD RELATIONSHIP WITH DONALD TRUMP.

BECAUSE OF HIS BAD RELATIONSHIP WITH DONALD TRUMP. COME ON, JUST BECAUSE YOU HATE

WITH DONALD TRUMP. COME ON, JUST BECAUSE YOU HATE SOMEBODY DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN'T

COME ON, JUST BECAUSE YOU HATE SOMEBODY DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN'T STILL HAVE A VERY SUCCESSFUL

SOMEBODY DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN'T STILL HAVE A VERY SUCCESSFUL WORKING RELATIONSHIP WITH THEM.

STILL HAVE A VERY SUCCESSFUL WORKING RELATIONSHIP WITH THEM. [ LAUGHTER ]

WORKING RELATIONSHIP WITH THEM. [ LAUGHTER ] >> I ALMOST FEEL LIKE THAT WAS

[ LAUGHTER ] >> I ALMOST FEEL LIKE THAT WAS ABOUT ME.

>> I ALMOST FEEL LIKE THAT WAS ABOUT ME. MITCH McCONNELL, SEEN HERE

ABOUT ME. MITCH McCONNELL, SEEN HERE WALKING OUT OF A THEATER AFTER

MITCH McCONNELL, SEEN HERE WALKING OUT OF A THEATER AFTER WATCHING 12 YEARS A SLAVE --

WALKING OUT OF A THEATER AFTER WATCHING 12 YEARS A SLAVE -- [ LAUGHTER ]

WATCHING 12 YEARS A SLAVE -- [ LAUGHTER ] -- ANNOUNCED HE WILL STEP DOWN

[ LAUGHTER ] -- ANNOUNCED HE WILL STEP DOWN IN NOVEMBER.

-- ANNOUNCED HE WILL STEP DOWN IN NOVEMBER. HE'LL BE REPLACE TD BY THE

IN NOVEMBER. HE'LL BE REPLACE TD BY THE CURRENT NUMBER TWO REPUBLICAN IN

HE'LL BE REPLACE TD BY THE CURRENT NUMBER TWO REPUBLICAN IN THE SENATE, A FROZEN EMBRYO

CURRENT NUMBER TWO REPUBLICAN IN THE SENATE, A FROZEN EMBRYO HOLDING AN ASSAULT RIFLE.

THE SENATE, A FROZEN EMBRYO HOLDING AN ASSAULT RIFLE. MITCH McCONNELL, SEEN HERE AFTER

HOLDING AN ASSAULT RIFLE. MITCH McCONNELL, SEEN HERE AFTER REARRANGING A BLIND WOMAN'S

MITCH McCONNELL, SEEN HERE AFTER REARRANGING A BLIND WOMAN'S FURNITURE --

REARRANGING A BLIND WOMAN'S FURNITURE -- [ LAUGHTER ]

FURNITURE -- [ LAUGHTER ] -- GAVE A MOVING SPEECH ON THE

[ LAUGHTER ] -- GAVE A MOVING SPEECH ON THE SENATE FLOOR ANNOUNCING HIS

-- GAVE A MOVING SPEECH ON THE SENATE FLOOR ANNOUNCING HIS RETIREMENT, WHICH MADE ME START

SENATE FLOOR ANNOUNCING HIS RETIREMENT, WHICH MADE ME START TO ADMIRE MITCH McCONNELL, SEEN

RETIREMENT, WHICH MADE ME START TO ADMIRE MITCH McCONNELL, SEEN HERE WATCHING A SINGLE MOTHER

TO ADMIRE MITCH McCONNELL, SEEN HERE WATCHING A SINGLE MOTHER SELL HER BLOOD FOR DIAPER MONEY.

HERE WATCHING A SINGLE MOTHER SELL HER BLOOD FOR DIAPER MONEY. >> MISSISSIPPI REPUBLICAN

SELL HER BLOOD FOR DIAPER MONEY. >> MISSISSIPPI REPUBLICAN SENATOR CINDY HYDE SMITH BLOCKED

>> MISSISSIPPI REPUBLICAN SENATOR CINDY HYDE SMITH BLOCKED A BILL THAT WOULD PROTECT ACCESS

SENATOR CINDY HYDE SMITH BLOCKED A BILL THAT WOULD PROTECT ACCESS TO IN VITRO VERTLIZATION BECAUSE

A BILL THAT WOULD PROTECT ACCESS TO IN VITRO VERTLIZATION BECAUSE AS THEY SAY IN MISSISSIPPI, IF

TO IN VITRO VERTLIZATION BECAUSE AS THEY SAY IN MISSISSIPPI, IF YOU'RE HAVING TROUBLE

AS THEY SAY IN MISSISSIPPI, IF YOU'RE HAVING TROUBLE CONCEIVING, JUST TRY WITH A

YOU'RE HAVING TROUBLE CONCEIVING, JUST TRY WITH A DIFFERENT COUSIN.

CONCEIVING, JUST TRY WITH A DIFFERENT COUSIN. AFTER NIKKI HALEY'S POOR SHOWING

DIFFERENT COUSIN. AFTER NIKKI HALEY'S POOR SHOWING IN MICHIGAN, PRESSURE IS

AFTER NIKKI HALEY'S POOR SHOWING IN MICHIGAN, PRESSURE IS MOUNTING FOR HER TO DROP OUT OF

IN MICHIGAN, PRESSURE IS MOUNTING FOR HER TO DROP OUT OF THE RACE, BUT MOSTLY BECAUSE THE

MOUNTING FOR HER TO DROP OUT OF THE RACE, BUT MOSTLY BECAUSE THE DISHES ARE PILING UP AT HOME.

THE RACE, BUT MOSTLY BECAUSE THE DISHES ARE PILING UP AT HOME. THANK YOU.

DISHES ARE PILING UP AT HOME. THANK YOU. THANK YOU.

THANK YOU. THANK YOU. >> PRESIDENT BIDEN WENT TO

THANK YOU. >> PRESIDENT BIDEN WENT TO WALTER REID MEDICAL CENTER FOR

>> PRESIDENT BIDEN WENT TO WALTER REID MEDICAL CENTER FOR HIS ANNUAL PHYSICAL.

WALTER REID MEDICAL CENTER FOR HIS ANNUAL PHYSICAL. DOCTORS SAID BIDEN WAS FIT AS A

HIS ANNUAL PHYSICAL. DOCTORS SAID BIDEN WAS FIT AS A FIDDLE IN THAT HE'S OLD-TIMEY

DOCTORS SAID BIDEN WAS FIT AS A FIDDLE IN THAT HE'S OLD-TIMEY AND HELD TOGETHER BY STRINGS.

FIDDLE IN THAT HE'S OLD-TIMEY AND HELD TOGETHER BY STRINGS. >> IN AN INTERVIEW, SENATOR MITT

AND HELD TOGETHER BY STRINGS. >> IN AN INTERVIEW, SENATOR MITT ROMNEY SAID HE WILL NOT VOTE FOR

>> IN AN INTERVIEW, SENATOR MITT ROMNEY SAID HE WILL NOT VOTE FOR DONALD TRUMP OVER JOE BIDEN.

ROMNEY SAID HE WILL NOT VOTE FOR DONALD TRUMP OVER JOE BIDEN. SOME OF YOU MAY REMEMBER MITT

DONALD TRUMP OVER JOE BIDEN. SOME OF YOU MAY REMEMBER MITT ROMNEY.

SOME OF YOU MAY REMEMBER MITT ROMNEY. [ LAUGHTER ]

ROMNEY. [ LAUGHTER ] >> WELL, GUYS, MY PRAYERS HAVE

[ LAUGHTER ] >> WELL, GUYS, MY PRAYERS HAVE BEEN ANSWERED.

>> WELL, GUYS, MY PRAYERS HAVE BEEN ANSWERED. ABC HAS OFFICIALLY ANNOUNCED

BEEN ANSWERED. ABC HAS OFFICIALLY ANNOUNCED THEY'LL BE MAKING A SEASON OF

ABC HAS OFFICIALLY ANNOUNCED THEY'LL BE MAKING A SEASON OF THE GOLDEN BACHELORETTE.

THEY'LL BE MAKING A SEASON OF THE GOLDEN BACHELORETTE. HERE TO PROVIDE TIPS ON HAVING

THE GOLDEN BACHELORETTE. HERE TO PROVIDE TIPS ON HAVING CONFIDENCE AT ANY AGE IS A WOMAN

HERE TO PROVIDE TIPS ON HAVING CONFIDENCE AT ANY AGE IS A WOMAN THAT'S AGING GRACEFULLY.

CONFIDENCE AT ANY AGE IS A WOMAN THAT'S AGING GRACEFULLY. >> YEAH.

THAT'S AGING GRACEFULLY. >> YEAH. ALL RIGHT.

>> YEAH. ALL RIGHT. THAT'S RIGHT, COLIN.

ALL RIGHT. THAT'S RIGHT, COLIN. I'M NOT AFRAID TO SAY I'M A

THAT'S RIGHT, COLIN. I'M NOT AFRAID TO SAY I'M A LITTLE OLDER, A LITTLE WISER,

I'M NOT AFRAID TO SAY I'M A LITTLE OLDER, A LITTLE WISER, AND I'VE NEVER FELT BETTER.

LITTLE OLDER, A LITTLE WISER, AND I'VE NEVER FELT BETTER. GUESS MY AGE.

AND I'VE NEVER FELT BETTER. GUESS MY AGE. GO AHEAD, GUESS MY AGE.

GUESS MY AGE. GO AHEAD, GUESS MY AGE. >> NO THANK YOU.

GO AHEAD, GUESS MY AGE. >> NO THANK YOU. >> GREAT.

>> NO THANK YOU. >> GREAT. BECAUSE I ALWAYS SAY A WOMAN'S

>> GREAT. BECAUSE I ALWAYS SAY A WOMAN'S AGE IS LIKE A SPEED LIMIT,

BECAUSE I ALWAYS SAY A WOMAN'S AGE IS LIKE A SPEED LIMIT, IGNORE IT UNLESS YOU'RE IN A

AGE IS LIKE A SPEED LIMIT, IGNORE IT UNLESS YOU'RE IN A SCHOOL ZONE.

IGNORE IT UNLESS YOU'RE IN A SCHOOL ZONE. >> WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

SCHOOL ZONE. >> WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? ANYWAY, YOU'RE HERE TO SHARE

>> WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? ANYWAY, YOU'RE HERE TO SHARE TIPS FOR WOMEN TO FEEL CONFIDENT

ANYWAY, YOU'RE HERE TO SHARE TIPS FOR WOMEN TO FEEL CONFIDENT AT ANY AGE?

TIPS FOR WOMEN TO FEEL CONFIDENT AT ANY AGE? >> YEAH.

AT ANY AGE? >> YEAH. IT'S ALL ABOUT WORKING WITH WHAT

>> YEAH. IT'S ALL ABOUT WORKING WITH WHAT YOU GOT.

IT'S ALL ABOUT WORKING WITH WHAT YOU GOT. YOU KNOW, SOME OF THESE GIRLS

YOU GOT. YOU KNOW, SOME OF THESE GIRLS TODAY HAVE HAD SO MUCH WORK

YOU KNOW, SOME OF THESE GIRLS TODAY HAVE HAD SO MUCH WORK DONE.

TODAY HAVE HAD SO MUCH WORK DONE. I'M LIKE, WHAT ARE YOU?

DONE. I'M LIKE, WHAT ARE YOU? MY CONDO?

I'M LIKE, WHAT ARE YOU? MY CONDO? >> RIGHT.

MY CONDO? >> RIGHT. BECAUSE YOU'RE AGING GRACEFULLY.

>> RIGHT. BECAUSE YOU'RE AGING GRACEFULLY. >> EXACTLY.

BECAUSE YOU'RE AGING GRACEFULLY. >> EXACTLY. THAT'S WHY I JUST DO THE LITTLE

>> EXACTLY. THAT'S WHY I JUST DO THE LITTLE STUFF, LITTLE BOTOX HERE, LITTLE

THAT'S WHY I JUST DO THE LITTLE STUFF, LITTLE BOTOX HERE, LITTLE JUVEDERM HERE, MY EARS HAVE BEEN

STUFF, LITTLE BOTOX HERE, LITTLE JUVEDERM HERE, MY EARS HAVE BEEN LOWERED, AND MY BROWS ARE MY

JUVEDERM HERE, MY EARS HAVE BEEN LOWERED, AND MY BROWS ARE MY PUBES.

LOWERED, AND MY BROWS ARE MY PUBES. >> OH, MY GOD.

PUBES. >> OH, MY GOD. >> YOU DON'T GET IT.

>> OH, MY GOD. >> YOU DON'T GET IT. YOU'RE NOT A WOMAN.

>> YOU DON'T GET IT. YOU'RE NOT A WOMAN. >> I DON'T THINK I WANT TO GET

YOU'RE NOT A WOMAN. >> I DON'T THINK I WANT TO GET IT.

>> I DON'T THINK I WANT TO GET IT. WITH THE NEW SEASON OF THE SHOW

IT. WITH THE NEW SEASON OF THE SHOW COMING OUT, WHAT WOULD YOUR

WITH THE NEW SEASON OF THE SHOW COMING OUT, WHAT WOULD YOUR ADVICE BE FOR THE NEW GOLDEN

COMING OUT, WHAT WOULD YOUR ADVICE BE FOR THE NEW GOLDEN BACHELORETTE.

ADVICE BE FOR THE NEW GOLDEN BACHELORETTE. >> I ALWAYS SAY KEEP THEIR

BACHELORETTE. >> I ALWAYS SAY KEEP THEIR BELLIES FULL, THE GAME ON, AND

>> I ALWAYS SAY KEEP THEIR BELLIES FULL, THE GAME ON, AND DON'T WHINE.

BELLIES FULL, THE GAME ON, AND DON'T WHINE. >> THAT'S TERRIBLE ADVICE.

DON'T WHINE. >> THAT'S TERRIBLE ADVICE. >> AND IF YOU'RE GOING TO GET

>> THAT'S TERRIBLE ADVICE. >> AND IF YOU'RE GOING TO GET WORK DONE, BE LIKE MY CONDO,

>> AND IF YOU'RE GOING TO GET WORK DONE, BE LIKE MY CONDO, JUST OWN IT.

WORK DONE, BE LIKE MY CONDO, JUST OWN IT. SHOUTOUT TO MY CONDO.

JUST OWN IT. SHOUTOUT TO MY CONDO. SO WHEN I GET TWEAKS, I ADMIT

SHOUTOUT TO MY CONDO. SO WHEN I GET TWEAKS, I ADMIT IT.

SO WHEN I GET TWEAKS, I ADMIT IT. I'LL ADMIT, I'VE HAD THE JURY

IT. I'LL ADMIT, I'VE HAD THE JURY SEN TAKE A LITTLE OFF MY ASS AND

I'LL ADMIT, I'VE HAD THE JURY SEN TAKE A LITTLE OFF MY ASS AND PUT IT IN MY LIPS.

SEN TAKE A LITTLE OFF MY ASS AND PUT IT IN MY LIPS. BUT HE PROMISED IF I TAKE CRAP,

PUT IT IN MY LIPS. BUT HE PROMISED IF I TAKE CRAP, HE'LL PUT IT BACK.

BUT HE PROMISED IF I TAKE CRAP, HE'LL PUT IT BACK. SO FAR, NO CRAP.

HE'LL PUT IT BACK. SO FAR, NO CRAP. >> THAT'S GENUINELY DISGUSTING.

SO FAR, NO CRAP. >> THAT'S GENUINELY DISGUSTING. >> YOU DON'T GET IT.

>> THAT'S GENUINELY DISGUSTING. >> YOU DON'T GET IT. YOU'RE NOT A WOMAN.

>> YOU DON'T GET IT. YOU'RE NOT A WOMAN. PLASTIC SURGERY IS LIKE A JENGA

YOU'RE NOT A WOMAN. PLASTIC SURGERY IS LIKE A JENGA TOWER.

PLASTIC SURGERY IS LIKE A JENGA TOWER. TAKE A LITTLE OFF THE TOP, PUT

TOWER. TAKE A LITTLE OFF THE TOP, PUT IT ON THE BOTTOM SQUP IT ALL

TAKE A LITTLE OFF THE TOP, PUT IT ON THE BOTTOM SQUP IT ALL FALLS APART.

IT ON THE BOTTOM SQUP IT ALL FALLS APART. WHEN IT COMES TO MEN, JUST

FALLS APART. WHEN IT COMES TO MEN, JUST REMEMBER THESE TEN THINGS.

WHEN IT COMES TO MEN, JUST REMEMBER THESE TEN THINGS. KEEP THE FRIDGE STOCKED, FRIDGE

REMEMBER THESE TEN THINGS. KEEP THE FRIDGE STOCKED, FRIDGE FULL, LAUGH AT HIS JOKES, DON'T

KEEP THE FRIDGE STOCKED, FRIDGE FULL, LAUGH AT HIS JOKES, DON'T VOTE, MAKE LUNCH, AND TAKE IT

FULL, LAUGH AT HIS JOKES, DON'T VOTE, MAKE LUNCH, AND TAKE IT FROM ME, DON'T SLEEP WITH HIS

VOTE, MAKE LUNCH, AND TAKE IT FROM ME, DON'T SLEEP WITH HIS SON.

FROM ME, DON'T SLEEP WITH HIS SON. >> DID YOU SLEEP WITH SOMEONE'S

SON. >> DID YOU SLEEP WITH SOMEONE'S SON?

>> DID YOU SLEEP WITH SOMEONE'S SON? >> IT'S SO SAD.

SON? >> IT'S SO SAD. SOME OF THESE GIRLS ARE FLYING

>> IT'S SO SAD. SOME OF THESE GIRLS ARE FLYING ALL THE WAY TO BRAZIL TO GET A

SOME OF THESE GIRLS ARE FLYING ALL THE WAY TO BRAZIL TO GET A NEW BOOTY WHEN YOU CAN DRIVE 20

ALL THE WAY TO BRAZIL TO GET A NEW BOOTY WHEN YOU CAN DRIVE 20 MINUTES TO THE MECHANIC FOR A

NEW BOOTY WHEN YOU CAN DRIVE 20 MINUTES TO THE MECHANIC FOR A NIPPLE REPLACEMENT.

MINUTES TO THE MECHANIC FOR A NIPPLE REPLACEMENT. >> I'M SORRY, A NIPPLE

NIPPLE REPLACEMENT. >> I'M SORRY, A NIPPLE REPLACEMENT?

>> I'M SORRY, A NIPPLE REPLACEMENT? >> THAT'S RIGHT.

REPLACEMENT? >> THAT'S RIGHT. AND THEY CAME FROM A GUY, SO

>> THAT'S RIGHT. AND THEY CAME FROM A GUY, SO NOW, I CAN SHOW MY RACK ON TV.

AND THEY CAME FROM A GUY, SO NOW, I CAN SHOW MY RACK ON TV. >> PLEASE LEAVE YOUR SHIRT ON.

NOW, I CAN SHOW MY RACK ON TV. >> PLEASE LEAVE YOUR SHIRT ON. I HAVE TO SAY FOR SOMEONE WHO'S

>> PLEASE LEAVE YOUR SHIRT ON. I HAVE TO SAY FOR SOMEONE WHO'S AGING GRACEFULLY, YOU'VE HAD A

I HAVE TO SAY FOR SOMEONE WHO'S AGING GRACEFULLY, YOU'VE HAD A LOT OF WORK DONE.

AGING GRACEFULLY, YOU'VE HAD A LOT OF WORK DONE. >> IT'S NOT WORK IF IT'S

LOT OF WORK DONE. >> IT'S NOT WORK IF IT'S WORKING.

>> IT'S NOT WORK IF IT'S WORKING. SHOUTOUT TO MY CONDO.

WORKING. SHOUTOUT TO MY CONDO. ALL RIGHT.

SHOUTOUT TO MY CONDO. ALL RIGHT. BY THE WAY, THESE ARE DONOR

ALL RIGHT. BY THE WAY, THESE ARE DONOR EYES.

BY THE WAY, THESE ARE DONOR EYES. >> THEY'RE DONOR EYES?

EYES. >> THEY'RE DONOR EYES? >> I KNOW, RIGHT?

>> THEY'RE DONOR EYES? >> I KNOW, RIGHT? WHEN IT COMES TO GUYS, JUST

>> I KNOW, RIGHT? WHEN IT COMES TO GUYS, JUST REMEMBER THESE 40 THINGS.

WHEN IT COMES TO GUYS, JUST REMEMBER THESE 40 THINGS. TV IN THE BED BEDROOM, BEER

REMEMBER THESE 40 THINGS. TV IN THE BED BEDROOM, BEER FRIDGE IN THE BATHROOM, AND IF

TV IN THE BED BEDROOM, BEER FRIDGE IN THE BATHROOM, AND IF YOU'RE GOING TO SLEEP WITH HIS

FRIDGE IN THE BATHROOM, AND IF YOU'RE GOING TO SLEEP WITH HIS SON, DON'T FALL IN LOVE.

YOU'RE GOING TO SLEEP WITH HIS SON, DON'T FALL IN LOVE. GUESS MY AGE.

SON, DON'T FALL IN LOVE. GUESS MY AGE. >> I DON'T KNOW.

GUESS MY AGE. >> I DON'T KNOW. 63.

>> I DON'T KNOW. 63. >> FLIP THE NUMBERS AND ADD A 0.

63. >> FLIP THE NUMBERS AND ADD A 0. >> SO 360?

>> FLIP THE NUMBERS AND ADD A 0. >> SO 360? >> OH, A 360?

>> SO 360? >> OH, A 360? I THOUGHT YOU WOULD NEVER ASK.

>> OH, A 360? I THOUGHT YOU WOULD NEVER ASK. >> OH, MY GOD.

I THOUGHT YOU WOULD NEVER ASK. >> OH, MY GOD. ARE THOSE BINDER CLIPS?

>> OH, MY GOD. ARE THOSE BINDER CLIPS? >> OH, YOU KNOW WHAT?

ARE THOSE BINDER CLIPS? >> OH, YOU KNOW WHAT? MY PLASTIC SURGEON WORKS AT

>> OH, YOU KNOW WHAT? MY PLASTIC SURGEON WORKS AT OFFICE MAX.

MY PLASTIC SURGEON WORKS AT OFFICE MAX. >> A WOMAN AGING GRACEFULLY,

OFFICE MAX. >> A WOMAN AGING GRACEFULLY, EVERYONE.

>> A WOMAN AGING GRACEFULLY, EVERYONE. >> I LIED.

EVERYONE. >> I LIED. I RENT MY CONDO.

>> I LIED. I RENT MY CONDO. >> A NEW REPORT SHOWS THAT SOUTH

I RENT MY CONDO. >> A NEW REPORT SHOWS THAT SOUTH KOREA NOW HAS THE WORLD'S LOWEST

>> A NEW REPORT SHOWS THAT SOUTH KOREA NOW HAS THE WORLD'S LOWEST BIRTH RATE, DESPITE THE EFFORTS

KOREA NOW HAS THE WORLD'S LOWEST BIRTH RATE, DESPITE THE EFFORTS OF SOUTH KOREAN ENTERTAINER,

BIRTH RATE, DESPITE THE EFFORTS OF SOUTH KOREAN ENTERTAINER, NICK CANN UN.

OF SOUTH KOREAN ENTERTAINER, NICK CANN UN. NICK CANN UN.

NICK CANN UN. NICK CANN UN. >> I HEARD YOU.

NICK CANN UN. >> I HEARD YOU. A NEW TREND AMONG PARENTS IS TO

>> I HEARD YOU. A NEW TREND AMONG PARENTS IS TO CHOOSE BABY NAMES THAT SOUND

A NEW TREND AMONG PARENTS IS TO CHOOSE BABY NAMES THAT SOUND COOL AS TIKTOK HANDLES.

CHOOSE BABY NAMES THAT SOUND COOL AS TIKTOK HANDLES. GREAT NEWS FOR LITTLE BABY TRICK

COOL AS TIKTOK HANDLES. GREAT NEWS FOR LITTLE BABY TRICK SHOT COVID HOAX.

GREAT NEWS FOR LITTLE BABY TRICK SHOT COVID HOAX. FLACO, THE BELOVED OWL THAT

SHOT COVID HOAX. FLACO, THE BELOVED OWL THAT ESCAPED FROM THE CENTRAL PARK

FLACO, THE BELOVED OWL THAT ESCAPED FROM THE CENTRAL PARK ZOO DIED LAST WEEK AFTER HE FLEW

ESCAPED FROM THE CENTRAL PARK ZOO DIED LAST WEEK AFTER HE FLEW INTO A BUILDING.

ZOO DIED LAST WEEK AFTER HE FLEW INTO A BUILDING. FLACO WILL BE REMEMBERED FOR HIS

INTO A BUILDING. FLACO WILL BE REMEMBERED FOR HIS FAMOUS LAST WORDS, OH, COOL,

FLACO WILL BE REMEMBERED FOR HIS FAMOUS LAST WORDS, OH, COOL, ANOTHER OWL.

FAMOUS LAST WORDS, OH, COOL, ANOTHER OWL. >> STATEN ISLAND OFFICIALS ARE

ANOTHER OWL. >> STATEN ISLAND OFFICIALS ARE HOLDING A SEPARATE ST. PATRICK'S

>> STATEN ISLAND OFFICIALS ARE HOLDING A SEPARATE ST. PATRICK'S DAY PARADE THAT WILL WELCOME

HOLDING A SEPARATE ST. PATRICK'S DAY PARADE THAT WILL WELCOME LBGTQ GROUPS WHO WERE BANNED

DAY PARADE THAT WILL WELCOME LBGTQ GROUPS WHO WERE BANNED FROM THE OFFICIAL PARADE.

LBGTQ GROUPS WHO WERE BANNED FROM THE OFFICIAL PARADE. SADLY ON STATEN ISLAND, LBGTQ

FROM THE OFFICIAL PARADE. SADLY ON STATEN ISLAND, LBGTQ STANDS FOR LET'S GO BULLY THE

SADLY ON STATEN ISLAND, LBGTQ STANDS FOR LET'S GO BULLY THE QUEERS.

STANDS FOR LET'S GO BULLY THE QUEERS. I KNOW.

QUEERS. I KNOW. THAT'S A -- THAT'S NOT WHAT IT

I KNOW. THAT'S A -- THAT'S NOT WHAT IT SHOULD STAND FOR.

THAT'S A -- THAT'S NOT WHAT IT SHOULD STAND FOR. >> I FEEL ATTACKED.

SHOULD STAND FOR. >> I FEEL ATTACKED. A NEW STUDY CLAIMS FREMONT,

>> I FEEL ATTACKED. A NEW STUDY CLAIMS FREMONT, CALIFORNIA IS THE HAPPIEST CITY

A NEW STUDY CLAIMS FREMONT, CALIFORNIA IS THE HAPPIEST CITY IN AMERICA, WHILE THE SADDEST

CALIFORNIA IS THE HAPPIEST CITY IN AMERICA, WHILE THE SADDEST CITY IN AMERICA IS ONCE AGAIN

IN AMERICA, WHILE THE SADDEST CITY IN AMERICA IS ONCE AGAIN PUPPY GRAVE, INDIANA.

CITY IN AMERICA IS ONCE AGAIN PUPPY GRAVE, INDIANA. WHICH INCIDENTALLY IS THE

PUPPY GRAVE, INDIANA. WHICH INCIDENTALLY IS THE FAVORITE VACATION SPOT OF MITCH

WHICH INCIDENTALLY IS THE FAVORITE VACATION SPOT OF MITCH McCONNELL.

FAVORITE VACATION SPOT OF MITCH McCONNELL. >> MARCH IS WOMEN'S HISTORY

McCONNELL. >> MARCH IS WOMEN'S HISTORY MONTH, WHICH IS --

>> MARCH IS WOMEN'S HISTORY MONTH, WHICH IS -- [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

MONTH, WHICH IS -- [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] -- WHICH IS ALWAYS NICE, EXCEPT

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] -- WHICH IS ALWAYS NICE, EXCEPT FOR THAT ONE WEEK WHERE IT'S A

-- WHICH IS ALWAYS NICE, EXCEPT FOR THAT ONE WEEK WHERE IT'S A HUGE BITCH.

FOR THAT ONE WEEK WHERE IT'S A HUGE BITCH. >> REMEMBER WHEN YOU CHEERED FOR

HUGE BITCH. >> REMEMBER WHEN YOU CHEERED FOR THE BEGINNING?

>> REMEMBER WHEN YOU CHEERED FOR THE BEGINNING? KFC HAS INTRODUCED A NEW ITEM

THE BEGINNING? KFC HAS INTRODUCED A NEW ITEM THAT'S A COMBO OF FRIED CHICKEN

KFC HAS INTRODUCED A NEW ITEM THAT'S A COMBO OF FRIED CHICKEN AND PIZZA CALLED CHEETZA THOUGH

THAT'S A COMBO OF FRIED CHICKEN AND PIZZA CALLED CHEETZA THOUGH THEY WARN IT COULD CAUSE A

AND PIZZA CALLED CHEETZA THOUGH THEY WARN IT COULD CAUSE A REACTION CALLED VOMIRRHEA.

THEY WARN IT COULD CAUSE A REACTION CALLED VOMIRRHEA. >> CHARLOTTE, A ROUND STING RAY

REACTION CALLED VOMIRRHEA. >> CHARLOTTE, A ROUND STING RAY THAT'S LIVED FOR YEARS WITHOUT A

>> CHARLOTTE, A ROUND STING RAY THAT'S LIVED FOR YEARS WITHOUT A MALE COMPANION IS PREGNANT

THAT'S LIVED FOR YEARS WITHOUT A MALE COMPANION IS PREGNANT MAKING PEOPLE WONDER WHO'S THE

MALE COMPANION IS PREGNANT MAKING PEOPLE WONDER WHO'S THE FATHER AND HOW DID THIS HAPPEN.

MAKING PEOPLE WONDER WHO'S THE FATHER AND HOW DID THIS HAPPEN. HERE TO COMMENT IS CHARLOTTE,

FATHER AND HOW DID THIS HAPPEN. HERE TO COMMENT IS CHARLOTTE, THE PREGNANT STING RAY.

HERE TO COMMENT IS CHARLOTTE, THE PREGNANT STING RAY. >> MICHAEL, MICHAEL, MICHAEL,

THE PREGNANT STING RAY. >> MICHAEL, MICHAEL, MICHAEL, BOY DO I HAVE SOME NEWS FOR YOU.

>> MICHAEL, MICHAEL, MICHAEL, BOY DO I HAVE SOME NEWS FOR YOU. YOU GON' BE A DADDY!

BOY DO I HAVE SOME NEWS FOR YOU. YOU GON' BE A DADDY! >> WHAT?

YOU GON' BE A DADDY! >> WHAT? STOP PLAYING.

>> WHAT? STOP PLAYING. >> NO, YOU STOP PLAYING.

STOP PLAYING. >> NO, YOU STOP PLAYING. I'M A LITTLE ON EDGE RIGHT NOW.

>> NO, YOU STOP PLAYING. I'M A LITTLE ON EDGE RIGHT NOW. ALL THIS ATTENTION IS A LOT FOR

I'M A LITTLE ON EDGE RIGHT NOW. ALL THIS ATTENTION IS A LOT FOR ME.

ALL THIS ATTENTION IS A LOT FOR ME. MAYBE THIS FAME STUFF IS NORMAL

ME. MAYBE THIS FAME STUFF IS NORMAL FOR YOU, BUT YOU DO NOT WANT TO

MAYBE THIS FAME STUFF IS NORMAL FOR YOU, BUT YOU DO NOT WANT TO BE A FAMOUS ANIMAL.

FOR YOU, BUT YOU DO NOT WANT TO BE A FAMOUS ANIMAL. YOU SEEN HOW THEY DID HARAMBAY

BE A FAMOUS ANIMAL. YOU SEEN HOW THEY DID HARAMBAY RIGHT?

YOU SEEN HOW THEY DID HARAMBAY RIGHT? >> PEOPLE ARE CONFUSED HOW YOU

RIGHT? >> PEOPLE ARE CONFUSED HOW YOU GOT PREGNANT.

>> PEOPLE ARE CONFUSED HOW YOU GOT PREGNANT. >> DO YOU KNOW HOW INSULTING IT

GOT PREGNANT. >> DO YOU KNOW HOW INSULTING IT IS TO HAVE SOMEONE LOOK AT YOU

>> DO YOU KNOW HOW INSULTING IT IS TO HAVE SOMEONE LOOK AT YOU AND SAY WHO GOT YOU PREGNANT?

IS TO HAVE SOMEONE LOOK AT YOU AND SAY WHO GOT YOU PREGNANT? I'LL TELL YOU WHO, MR. "WEEKEND

AND SAY WHO GOT YOU PREGNANT? I'LL TELL YOU WHO, MR. "WEEKEND UPDATE" AND HIS LATEX ALLERGY.

I'LL TELL YOU WHO, MR. "WEEKEND UPDATE" AND HIS LATEX ALLERGY. >> WE'RE GOING TO STOP WITH

UPDATE" AND HIS LATEX ALLERGY. >> WE'RE GOING TO STOP WITH THAT, OKAY?

>> WE'RE GOING TO STOP WITH THAT, OKAY? SOME PEOPLE THINK THAT YOU GOT

THAT, OKAY? SOME PEOPLE THINK THAT YOU GOT PREGNANT VIA IMMACULATE

SOME PEOPLE THINK THAT YOU GOT PREGNANT VIA IMMACULATE CONCEPTION.

PREGNANT VIA IMMACULATE CONCEPTION. >> YEAH, IT WAS IMMACULATE IN

CONCEPTION. >> YEAH, IT WAS IMMACULATE IN THAT YOU IMMACK LATED, THEN I

>> YEAH, IT WAS IMMACULATE IN THAT YOU IMMACK LATED, THEN I IMMACK LATED THREE TIMES BACK TO

THAT YOU IMMACK LATED, THEN I IMMACK LATED THREE TIMES BACK TO BACK.

IMMACK LATED THREE TIMES BACK TO BACK. I WOULD SAY YOU BROKE MY BACK,

BACK. I WOULD SAY YOU BROKE MY BACK, BUT I AIN'T GOT NO BONES.

I WOULD SAY YOU BROKE MY BACK, BUT I AIN'T GOT NO BONES. >> I DON'T LIKE THIS.

BUT I AIN'T GOT NO BONES. >> I DON'T LIKE THIS. SO THIS IS A VIRGIN CONCEPTION?

>> I DON'T LIKE THIS. SO THIS IS A VIRGIN CONCEPTION? >> MICHAEL, I AIN'T BEEN A

SO THIS IS A VIRGIN CONCEPTION? >> MICHAEL, I AIN'T BEEN A VIRGIN SINCE I WAS TWO, AND

>> MICHAEL, I AIN'T BEEN A VIRGIN SINCE I WAS TWO, AND THAT'S LATE FOR A STING RAY.

VIRGIN SINCE I WAS TWO, AND THAT'S LATE FOR A STING RAY. IF YOU MUST KNOW, I GOT A

THAT'S LATE FOR A STING RAY. IF YOU MUST KNOW, I GOT A FOUR-DIGIT BODY COUNT.

IF YOU MUST KNOW, I GOT A FOUR-DIGIT BODY COUNT. >> HOLD ON.

FOUR-DIGIT BODY COUNT. >> HOLD ON. FOUR DIGITS?

>> HOLD ON. FOUR DIGITS? >> SO YOU JEALOUS?

FOUR DIGITS? >> SO YOU JEALOUS? YOU DON'T NEED TO BE INSECURE,

>> SO YOU JEALOUS? YOU DON'T NEED TO BE INSECURE, BOO.

YOU DON'T NEED TO BE INSECURE, BOO. YOU PUT IT DOWN BETTER THAN ALL

BOO. YOU PUT IT DOWN BETTER THAN ALL THEM FISH.

YOU PUT IT DOWN BETTER THAN ALL THEM FISH. AFTER YOU SWUNG BY MY TANK,

THEM FISH. AFTER YOU SWUNG BY MY TANK, LET'S JUST SAY A BITCH COULDN'T

AFTER YOU SWUNG BY MY TANK, LET'S JUST SAY A BITCH COULDN'T SWIM STRAIGHT FOR WEEKS.

LET'S JUST SAY A BITCH COULDN'T SWIM STRAIGHT FOR WEEKS. >> CHARLOTTE, HAVE YOU BEEN NEAR

SWIM STRAIGHT FOR WEEKS. >> CHARLOTTE, HAVE YOU BEEN NEAR A MAIL STING RAY?

>> CHARLOTTE, HAVE YOU BEEN NEAR A MAIL STING RAY? >> OH, I'VE BEEN NEAR MALES, BUT

A MAIL STING RAY? >> OH, I'VE BEEN NEAR MALES, BUT NONE OF THEM BEEN MEN.

>> OH, I'VE BEEN NEAR MALES, BUT NONE OF THEM BEEN MEN. NONE OF THEM BEEN MR. MICHAEL

NONE OF THEM BEEN MEN. NONE OF THEM BEEN MR. MICHAEL CHE.

NONE OF THEM BEEN MR. MICHAEL CHE. >> CHARLOTTE, RELAX.

CHE. >> CHARLOTTE, RELAX. DON'T FEMALE STING RAYS MATE

>> CHARLOTTE, RELAX. DON'T FEMALE STING RAYS MATE WITH MULTIPLE MALES AND IN THE

DON'T FEMALE STING RAYS MATE WITH MULTIPLE MALES AND IN THE SPRING --

WITH MULTIPLE MALES AND IN THE SPRING -- >> OKAY, NAT GEO, THAT IS NOT

SPRING -- >> OKAY, NAT GEO, THAT IS NOT YOUR BUSINESS.

>> OKAY, NAT GEO, THAT IS NOT YOUR BUSINESS. MULTIPLE MALES.

YOUR BUSINESS. MULTIPLE MALES. YOU NOT ABOUT TO HAVE ME ON TV

MULTIPLE MALES. YOU NOT ABOUT TO HAVE ME ON TV LOOKING LIKE A HO.

YOU NOT ABOUT TO HAVE ME ON TV LOOKING LIKE A HO. YOU TALKING REAL CRAZY SITTING

LOOKING LIKE A HO. YOU TALKING REAL CRAZY SITTING NEXT TO A STING RAY YOU KNOCKED

YOU TALKING REAL CRAZY SITTING NEXT TO A STING RAY YOU KNOCKED UP.

NEXT TO A STING RAY YOU KNOCKED UP. YOU LUCKY I'M KEEPING IT.

UP. YOU LUCKY I'M KEEPING IT. I WAS LIKE, DAMN, GUESS I'M

YOU LUCKY I'M KEEPING IT. I WAS LIKE, DAMN, GUESS I'M HAVING A LITTLE CHE RAY.

I WAS LIKE, DAMN, GUESS I'M HAVING A LITTLE CHE RAY. >> WELL, YOU'RE NOT JUST

HAVING A LITTLE CHE RAY. >> WELL, YOU'RE NOT JUST PREGNANT WITH ONE.

>> WELL, YOU'RE NOT JUST PREGNANT WITH ONE. I HEARD YOU'RE HAVING

PREGNANT WITH ONE. I HEARD YOU'RE HAVING QUADRUPLETS.

I HEARD YOU'RE HAVING QUADRUPLETS. >> WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH

QUADRUPLETS. >> WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH FOUR OF YOUR BABIES?

>> WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH FOUR OF YOUR BABIES? THERE'S NO WAY YOU CAN SUPPORT

FOUR OF YOUR BABIES? THERE'S NO WAY YOU CAN SUPPORT FOUR BABIES.

THERE'S NO WAY YOU CAN SUPPORT FOUR BABIES. YOU WORK ONE DAY A WEEK.

FOUR BABIES. YOU WORK ONE DAY A WEEK. QUESTION.

YOU WORK ONE DAY A WEEK. QUESTION. WHO'S THE BEST ABORTION DOCTOR?

QUESTION. WHO'S THE BEST ABORTION DOCTOR? I KNOW YOU THE

>>> OKAY. LET'S SEE WHAT I MADE IN TIPS TODAY.

LET'S SEE WHAT I MADE IN TIPS TODAY. 40, 41, 42 BUCKS.

TODAY. 40, 41, 42 BUCKS. NOT BAD.

40, 41, 42 BUCKS. NOT BAD. >> DAMN, I MADE 39.

NOT BAD. >> DAMN, I MADE 39. SO CLOSE.

>> DAMN, I MADE 39. SO CLOSE. >> WELL, LOOKS LIKE I'M THE TIP

SO CLOSE. >> WELL, LOOKS LIKE I'M THE TIP QUEEN TONIGHT.

>> WELL, LOOKS LIKE I'M THE TIP QUEEN TONIGHT. HOW ABOUT YOU, NEW GIRL?

QUEEN TONIGHT. HOW ABOUT YOU, NEW GIRL? >> OH.

HOW ABOUT YOU, NEW GIRL? >> OH. LET ME SEE.

>> OH. LET ME SEE. >> YEAH.

LET ME SEE. >> YEAH. HOW MUCH TIPS DID YOU MAKE?

>> YEAH. HOW MUCH TIPS DID YOU MAKE? >> 31, 32, $36,000.

HOW MUCH TIPS DID YOU MAKE? >> 31, 32, $36,000. >> JESUS.

>> 31, 32, $36,000. >> JESUS. >> WHAT?

>> JESUS. >> WHAT? >> IS THAT LOW?

>> WHAT? >> IS THAT LOW? >> I WOULDN'T SAY LOW.

>> IS THAT LOW? >> I WOULDN'T SAY LOW. >> YEAH.

>> I WOULDN'T SAY LOW. >> YEAH. THAT'S PRETTY GOOD, TINA.

>> YEAH. THAT'S PRETTY GOOD, TINA. >> WELL, ANOTHER BAD DAY FOR

THAT'S PRETTY GOOD, TINA. >> WELL, ANOTHER BAD DAY FOR DENNIS.

>> WELL, ANOTHER BAD DAY FOR DENNIS. ALL I GOT IN TIPS WAS 12 CENTS

DENNIS. ALL I GOT IN TIPS WAS 12 CENTS AND THIS NOTE THAT SAID, YOU

ALL I GOT IN TIPS WAS 12 CENTS AND THIS NOTE THAT SAID, YOU RUINED MY DAY.

AND THIS NOTE THAT SAID, YOU RUINED MY DAY. >> WELL, THAT'S THE JOB.

RUINED MY DAY. >> WELL, THAT'S THE JOB. IT'S UP AND IT'S DOWN SOMETIMES.

>> WELL, THAT'S THE JOB. IT'S UP AND IT'S DOWN SOMETIMES. >> YEAH.

IT'S UP AND IT'S DOWN SOMETIMES. >> YEAH. TABLE SIX STIFFED ME.

>> YEAH. TABLE SIX STIFFED ME. >> YEAH.

TABLE SIX STIFFED ME. >> YEAH. THAT'S GONNA HAPPEN.

>> YEAH. THAT'S GONNA HAPPEN. >> I'M SO SORRY.

THAT'S GONNA HAPPEN. >> I'M SO SORRY. I HAD TO RUN TO THE BANK.

>> I'M SO SORRY. I HAD TO RUN TO THE BANK. HERE'S YOUR TIP, NEW GIRL.

I HAD TO RUN TO THE BANK. HERE'S YOUR TIP, NEW GIRL. DAMN SHE FINE.

HERE'S YOUR TIP, NEW GIRL. DAMN SHE FINE. >> THAT IS INSANE.

DAMN SHE FINE. >> THAT IS INSANE. I SERVED THAT GUY LAST WEEK.

>> THAT IS INSANE. I SERVED THAT GUY LAST WEEK. WHEN I BROUGHT THE CHECK, HE

I SERVED THAT GUY LAST WEEK. WHEN I BROUGHT THE CHECK, HE PATTED HIS POCKETS AND SAID,

WHEN I BROUGHT THE CHECK, HE PATTED HIS POCKETS AND SAID, SORRY, I JUST GOT LAID OFF.

PATTED HIS POCKETS AND SAID, SORRY, I JUST GOT LAID OFF. >> WHEN I SERVED HIM, HE SAID

SORRY, I JUST GOT LAID OFF. >> WHEN I SERVED HIM, HE SAID ARE THERE ANY LADIES WHO WORK

>> WHEN I SERVED HIM, HE SAID ARE THERE ANY LADIES WHO WORK HERE?

ARE THERE ANY LADIES WHO WORK HERE? >> OKAY, GUYS, RAZZ THE NEW

HERE? >> OKAY, GUYS, RAZZ THE NEW GIRL.

>> OKAY, GUYS, RAZZ THE NEW GIRL. BUT HONESTLY, I THINK IT'S JUST

GIRL. BUT HONESTLY, I THINK IT'S JUST ABOUT GREAT SERVICE.

BUT HONESTLY, I THINK IT'S JUST ABOUT GREAT SERVICE. WATCH.

ABOUT GREAT SERVICE. WATCH. I'M GOING TO GO DEAL WITH TABLE

WATCH. I'M GOING TO GO DEAL WITH TABLE EIGHT.

I'M GOING TO GO DEAL WITH TABLE EIGHT. HI, BOYS.

EIGHT. HI, BOYS. WHO WANTS A REFILL?

HI, BOYS. WHO WANTS A REFILL? >> US, US, WE DO!

WHO WANTS A REFILL? >> US, US, WE DO! >> COMING RIGHT UP.

>> US, US, WE DO! >> COMING RIGHT UP. OH, MY GOSH.

>> COMING RIGHT UP. OH, MY GOSH. I AM SUCH A KLUTZ.

OH, MY GOSH. I AM SUCH A KLUTZ. I AM SO SORRY.

I AM SUCH A KLUTZ. I AM SO SORRY. >> IT'S OKAY.

I AM SO SORRY. >> IT'S OKAY. ANYTHING YOU DO IS OKAY.

>> IT'S OKAY. ANYTHING YOU DO IS OKAY. >> OH, IT LOOKS LIKE THERE'S A

ANYTHING YOU DO IS OKAY. >> OH, IT LOOKS LIKE THERE'S A LITTLE BEER LEFT IN THE PITCHER.

>> OH, IT LOOKS LIKE THERE'S A LITTLE BEER LEFT IN THE PITCHER. WHO WANTS SOME?

LITTLE BEER LEFT IN THE PITCHER. WHO WANTS SOME? YOU?

WHO WANTS SOME? YOU? >> OH, WHAT THE HECK.

YOU? >> OH, WHAT THE HECK. SURE.

>> OH, WHAT THE HECK. SURE. >> OKAY.

SURE. >> OKAY. >> OH, AWESOME.

>> OKAY. >> OH, AWESOME. THE BEST PART IS I'VE BEEN SOBER

>> OH, AWESOME. THE BEST PART IS I'VE BEEN SOBER FOR 22 YEARS, AND THAT'S OVER

THE BEST PART IS I'VE BEEN SOBER FOR 22 YEARS, AND THAT'S OVER NOW.

FOR 22 YEARS, AND THAT'S OVER NOW. >> HEY, CAN WE BUY YOU A CAR OR

NOW. >> HEY, CAN WE BUY YOU A CAR OR SOMETHING?

>> HEY, CAN WE BUY YOU A CAR OR SOMETHING? >> YOU GUYS ARE HILARIOUS.

SOMETHING? >> YOU GUYS ARE HILARIOUS. SEE.

>> YOU GUYS ARE HILARIOUS. SEE. WAS THAT SO HARD?

SEE. WAS THAT SO HARD? >> YOU SPILLED ALL OVER THEM AND

WAS THAT SO HARD? >> YOU SPILLED ALL OVER THEM AND MADE ONE GUY RELAPSE.

>> YOU SPILLED ALL OVER THEM AND MADE ONE GUY RELAPSE. >> THEY JUST LIKE YOU.

MADE ONE GUY RELAPSE. >> THEY JUST LIKE YOU. WATCH.

>> THEY JUST LIKE YOU. WATCH. HEY, GUYS, I JUST WANTED TO

WATCH. HEY, GUYS, I JUST WANTED TO OFFER YOU A FREE ROUND.

HEY, GUYS, I JUST WANTED TO OFFER YOU A FREE ROUND. >> I'M GOING TO STOP YOU RIGHT

OFFER YOU A FREE ROUND. >> I'M GOING TO STOP YOU RIGHT THERE.

>> I'M GOING TO STOP YOU RIGHT THERE. I DON'T WANT TO SEE YOU.

THERE. I DON'T WANT TO SEE YOU. I DON'T WANT TO KNOW YOU.

I DON'T WANT TO SEE YOU. I DON'T WANT TO KNOW YOU. I WANT OTHER GIRL.

I DON'T WANT TO KNOW YOU. I WANT OTHER GIRL. >> AND I'LL TAKE THAT.

I WANT OTHER GIRL. >> AND I'LL TAKE THAT. >> GREAT.

>> AND I'LL TAKE THAT. >> GREAT. SO, YEAH, IT WAS A LITTLE

>> GREAT. SO, YEAH, IT WAS A LITTLE DIFFERENT FOR ME.

SO, YEAH, IT WAS A LITTLE DIFFERENT FOR ME. >> YEAH.

DIFFERENT FOR ME. >> YEAH. EXACTLY.

>> YEAH. EXACTLY. WATCH THIS.

EXACTLY. WATCH THIS. HELLO, MY GUYS.

WATCH THIS. HELLO, MY GUYS. >> NO!

HELLO, MY GUYS. >> NO! >> OF COURSE.

>> NO! >> OF COURSE. >> SEE.

>> OF COURSE. >> SEE. NO OFFENSE, TINA, BUT YOU'RE

>> SEE. NO OFFENSE, TINA, BUT YOU'RE MAKING US FEEL BAD AND YOU'RE

NO OFFENSE, TINA, BUT YOU'RE MAKING US FEEL BAD AND YOU'RE TAKING ALL OUR TIPS.

MAKING US FEEL BAD AND YOU'RE TAKING ALL OUR TIPS. >> YEAH.

TAKING ALL OUR TIPS. >> YEAH.

>> YEAH.

MAYBE HOOTERS ISN'T THE RIGHT

MAYBE HOOTERS ISN'T THE RIGHT PLACE FOR YOU.

MAYBE HOOTERS ISN'T THE RIGHT PLACE FOR YOU. >> OH.

PLACE FOR YOU. >> OH. YOU KNOW, I ALWAYS THOUGHT THAT

>> OH. YOU KNOW, I ALWAYS THOUGHT THAT THIS PLACE WAS THE ONE PLACE I

YOU KNOW, I ALWAYS THOUGHT THAT THIS PLACE WAS THE ONE PLACE I WOULD FEEL AT HOME.

THIS PLACE WAS THE ONE PLACE I WOULD FEEL AT HOME. I'VE TRIED TO WORK AT OTHER

WOULD FEEL AT HOME. I'VE TRIED TO WORK AT OTHER JOBS, AND I CAN'T.

I'VE TRIED TO WORK AT OTHER JOBS, AND I CAN'T. I WORKED AT AN AIRPORT, NO

JOBS, AND I CAN'T. I WORKED AT AN AIRPORT, NO PLANES TOOK OFF.

I WORKED AT AN AIRPORT, NO PLANES TOOK OFF. I WAS A CROSSING GUARD,

PLANES TOOK OFF. I WAS A CROSSING GUARD, THOUSANDS DIED.

I WAS A CROSSING GUARD, THOUSANDS DIED. BUT IF YOU DON'T THINK I BELONG

THOUSANDS DIED. BUT IF YOU DON'T THINK I BELONG AT HOOTERS, I'LL GO.

BUT IF YOU DON'T THINK I BELONG AT HOOTERS, I'LL GO. >> WAIT!

AT HOOTERS, I'LL GO. >> WAIT! >> OH, MY GOD, HOOTERS MASCOT

>> WAIT! >> OH, MY GOD, HOOTERS MASCOT HOOTER THE OWL?

>> OH, MY GOD, HOOTERS MASCOT HOOTER THE OWL? >> THAT'S ME.

HOOTER THE OWL? >> THAT'S ME. AND I CAME TO SAY YOU CAN'T

>> THAT'S ME. AND I CAME TO SAY YOU CAN'T LEAVE.

AND I CAME TO SAY YOU CAN'T LEAVE. YOU ARE MY HARRY POTTER, AND

LEAVE. YOU ARE MY HARRY POTTER, AND THIS IS YOUR HOGWARTS.

YOU ARE MY HARRY POTTER, AND THIS IS YOUR HOGWARTS. SO PLEASE STAY.

THIS IS YOUR HOGWARTS. SO PLEASE STAY. >> IF YOU REALLY WANT ME TO.

SO PLEASE STAY. >> IF YOU REALLY WANT ME TO. OKAY.

>> IF YOU REALLY WANT ME TO. OKAY. >> THANK YOU.

OKAY. >> THANK YOU. >> AND WHAT ABOUT US?

>> THANK YOU. >> AND WHAT ABOUT US? >> I DON'T CARE.

>> AND WHAT ABOUT US? >> I DON'T CARE. NOW, I MUST GO.

>> I DON'T CARE. NOW, I MUST GO. I HAVE A FUNERAL TO ATTEND.

NOW, I MUST GO. I HAVE A FUNERAL TO ATTEND. MY FRIEND FLACO FLEW INTO A

I HAVE A FUNERAL TO ATTEND. MY FRIEND FLACO FLEW INTO A BUILDING.

MY FRIEND FLACO FLEW INTO A BUILDING. I'M VERY SAD.

BUILDING. I'M VERY SAD. SO IF SOMEONE COULD SHOW ME

I'M VERY SAD. SO IF SOMEONE COULD SHOW ME THEIR BREASTS.

SO IF SOMEONE COULD SHOW ME THEIR BREASTS. >> I'LL DO IT.

THEIR BREASTS. >> I'LL DO IT. >> I'LL JUST LEAVE.

>> I'LL DO IT. >> I'LL JUST LEAVE. >> GOOD-BYE, HOOTER THE OWL!

>>> ONCE AGAIN, KACEY MUSGRAVES! [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] ♪♪

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] ♪♪ ♪♪

♪♪ ♪♪ ♪ MADE SOME BREAKFAST

♪♪ ♪ MADE SOME BREAKFAST MADE SOME LOVE

♪ MADE SOME BREAKFAST MADE SOME LOVE THIS IS WHAT DREAMS

MADE SOME LOVE THIS IS WHAT DREAMS ARE MADE OF ♪

THIS IS WHAT DREAMS ARE MADE OF ♪ ♪ ON A CLOUDY

ARE MADE OF ♪ ♪ ON A CLOUDY MONDAY MORNING ♪

♪ ON A CLOUDY MONDAY MORNING ♪ ♪ SUMMER'S GONE

MONDAY MORNING ♪ ♪ SUMMER'S GONE AND YOU'RE STILL HERE

♪ SUMMER'S GONE AND YOU'RE STILL HERE FOR BOTH OF US

AND YOU'RE STILL HERE FOR BOTH OF US IT'S BEEN A YEAR ♪

FOR BOTH OF US IT'S BEEN A YEAR ♪ ♪ A TIDAL WAVE

IT'S BEEN A YEAR ♪ ♪ A TIDAL WAVE WITHOUT A WARNING ♪

♪ A TIDAL WAVE WITHOUT A WARNING ♪ ♪ PLEASE DON'T

WITHOUT A WARNING ♪ ♪ PLEASE DON'T MAKE ME REGRET ♪

♪ PLEASE DON'T MAKE ME REGRET ♪ ♪ OPENIN' UP

MAKE ME REGRET ♪ ♪ OPENIN' UP THAT PART OF MYSELF

♪ OPENIN' UP THAT PART OF MYSELF THAT I'VE BEEN SCARED

THAT PART OF MYSELF THAT I'VE BEEN SCARED TO GIVE AGAIN ♪

THAT I'VE BEEN SCARED TO GIVE AGAIN ♪ ♪ BE GOOD TO ME

TO GIVE AGAIN ♪ ♪ BE GOOD TO ME AND I'LL BE GOOD TO YOU

♪ BE GOOD TO ME AND I'LL BE GOOD TO YOU BUT PLEASE DON'T BE

AND I'LL BE GOOD TO YOU BUT PLEASE DON'T BE TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE ♪

BUT PLEASE DON'T BE TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE ♪ ♪ IN MY MIND

TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE ♪ ♪ IN MY MIND WE'RE IN NEW YORK

♪ IN MY MIND WE'RE IN NEW YORK YOU HAD NEVER BEEN BEFORE ♪

WE'RE IN NEW YORK YOU HAD NEVER BEEN BEFORE ♪ ♪ BUT BABY

YOU HAD NEVER BEEN BEFORE ♪ ♪ BUT BABY NOW IT'S OUR TOWN ♪

♪ BUT BABY NOW IT'S OUR TOWN ♪ ♪ I'LL ADMIT

NOW IT'S OUR TOWN ♪ ♪ I'LL ADMIT THAT I'M IN DEEP

♪ I'LL ADMIT THAT I'M IN DEEP THAT I DON'T KNOW

THAT I'M IN DEEP THAT I DON'T KNOW HOW ELSE TO BE ♪

THAT I DON'T KNOW HOW ELSE TO BE ♪ ♪ AND I DON'T WANNA

HOW ELSE TO BE ♪ ♪ AND I DON'T WANNA SLOW DOWN ♪

♪ AND I DON'T WANNA SLOW DOWN ♪ ♪ PLEASE DON'T

SLOW DOWN ♪ ♪ PLEASE DON'T MAKE ME REGRET ♪

♪ PLEASE DON'T MAKE ME REGRET ♪ ♪ OPENIN' UP

MAKE ME REGRET ♪ ♪ OPENIN' UP THAT PART OF MYSELF

♪ OPENIN' UP THAT PART OF MYSELF THAT I'VE BEEN SCARED

THAT PART OF MYSELF THAT I'VE BEEN SCARED TO GIVE AGAIN ♪

THAT I'VE BEEN SCARED TO GIVE AGAIN ♪ ♪ BE GOOD TO ME

TO GIVE AGAIN ♪ ♪ BE GOOD TO ME AND I'LL BE GOOD TO YOU

♪ BE GOOD TO ME AND I'LL BE GOOD TO YOU BUT PLEASE DON'T BE

AND I'LL BE GOOD TO YOU BUT PLEASE DON'T BE TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE ♪

BUT PLEASE DON'T BE TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE ♪ ♪♪

TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE ♪ ♪♪ ♪ OH

♪♪ ♪ OH MM-MM

♪ OH MM-MM OH-OH

MM-MM OH-OH MM-MM ♪

OH-OH MM-MM ♪ ♪♪

MM-MM ♪ ♪♪ ♪ MADE SOME BREAKFAST

♪♪ ♪ MADE SOME BREAKFAST MADE SOME LOVE

♪ MADE SOME BREAKFAST MADE SOME LOVE IF THIS IS WHAT DREAMS

MADE SOME LOVE IF THIS IS WHAT DREAMS ARE MADE OF ♪

IF THIS IS WHAT DREAMS ARE MADE OF ♪ ♪ PLEASE DON'T WAKE ME ♪

ARE MADE OF ♪ ♪ PLEASE DON'T WAKE ME ♪ [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

>>> BLAND. >> GENERIC. >> DOWN RIGHT UNINVITING.

>> GENERIC. >> DOWN RIGHT UNINVITING. >> IF THESE ARE THE VIBES YOU'RE

>> DOWN RIGHT UNINVITING. >> IF THESE ARE THE VIBES YOU'RE GOING FOR, THEN WE'RE YOUR

>> IF THESE ARE THE VIBES YOU'RE GOING FOR, THEN WE'RE YOUR GIRLS.

GOING FOR, THEN WE'RE YOUR GIRLS. >> BECAUSE WE'RE THE NATION'S

GIRLS. >> BECAUSE WE'RE THE NATION'S NUMBER ONE INTERIOR DESIGNERS

>> BECAUSE WE'RE THE NATION'S NUMBER ONE INTERIOR DESIGNERS FOR -- AIRBNBs.

NUMBER ONE INTERIOR DESIGNERS FOR -- AIRBNBs. ♪♪

FOR -- AIRBNBs. ♪♪ >> I'M CHANEL.

♪♪ >> I'M CHANEL. >> AND I'M CHANNEL.

>> I'M CHANEL. >> AND I'M CHANNEL. >> AND TOGETHER, WE CAN MAKE

>> AND I'M CHANNEL. >> AND TOGETHER, WE CAN MAKE YOUR RENTALS POP WITH PLAIN

>> AND TOGETHER, WE CAN MAKE YOUR RENTALS POP WITH PLAIN FURNITURE AND ART FOR NOBODY.

YOUR RENTALS POP WITH PLAIN FURNITURE AND ART FOR NOBODY. >> ART PIECES LIKE --

FURNITURE AND ART FOR NOBODY. >> ART PIECES LIKE -- >> ALBERT EINSTEIN WITH HIS

>> ART PIECES LIKE -- >> ALBERT EINSTEIN WITH HIS TONGUE OUT.

>> ALBERT EINSTEIN WITH HIS TONGUE OUT. >> BLACK AND WHITE CHILD HOLDING

TONGUE OUT. >> BLACK AND WHITE CHILD HOLDING RED BALLOON.

>> BLACK AND WHITE CHILD HOLDING RED BALLOON. AND OF COURSE, A SINGLE

RED BALLOON. AND OF COURSE, A SINGLE UNSETTLING PHOTO OF THE FAMILY

AND OF COURSE, A SINGLE UNSETTLING PHOTO OF THE FAMILY THAT ACTUALLY LIVES HERE.

UNSETTLING PHOTO OF THE FAMILY THAT ACTUALLY LIVES HERE. WHY STAY IN A HOTEL WHEN FOR

THAT ACTUALLY LIVES HERE. WHY STAY IN A HOTEL WHEN FOR BASICALLY THE SAME AMOUNT OF

WHY STAY IN A HOTEL WHEN FOR BASICALLY THE SAME AMOUNT OF MONEY YOU CAN STAY IN A PLACE

BASICALLY THE SAME AMOUNT OF MONEY YOU CAN STAY IN A PLACE WITH WORSE SHEETS AND A CAMERA

MONEY YOU CAN STAY IN A PLACE WITH WORSE SHEETS AND A CAMERA IN THE TOILET.

WITH WORSE SHEETS AND A CAMERA IN THE TOILET. >> HI.

IN THE TOILET. >> HI. >> BUT OUR DESIGNS AREN'T JUST

>> HI. >> BUT OUR DESIGNS AREN'T JUST BEAUTIFUL BUT ALSO FUNCTIONAL.

>> BUT OUR DESIGNS AREN'T JUST BEAUTIFUL BUT ALSO FUNCTIONAL. >> THAT'S WHY WE'LL MAKE SURE

BEAUTIFUL BUT ALSO FUNCTIONAL. >> THAT'S WHY WE'LL MAKE SURE YOUR LISTING HAS -- AN

>> THAT'S WHY WE'LL MAKE SURE YOUR LISTING HAS -- AN IMPOSSIBLY COMPLICATED LOCK BOX,

YOUR LISTING HAS -- AN IMPOSSIBLY COMPLICATED LOCK BOX, 700 K CUPS.

IMPOSSIBLY COMPLICATED LOCK BOX, 700 K CUPS. >> 12-PAGE PACKET ON HOW TO TAKE

700 K CUPS. >> 12-PAGE PACKET ON HOW TO TAKE OUT THE GARBAGE.

>> 12-PAGE PACKET ON HOW TO TAKE OUT THE GARBAGE. >> POLITICALLY AMBIGUOUS ART

OUT THE GARBAGE. >> POLITICALLY AMBIGUOUS ART WORK, AND OF COURSE A BOAR

>> POLITICALLY AMBIGUOUS ART WORK, AND OF COURSE A BOAR BODING CLOSE ET LABELED OWNER'S

WORK, AND OF COURSE A BOAR BODING CLOSE ET LABELED OWNER'S STUFF, DO NOT TOUCH.

BODING CLOSE ET LABELED OWNER'S STUFF, DO NOT TOUCH. >> STILL NOT SOLD?

STUFF, DO NOT TOUCH. >> STILL NOT SOLD? JUST LISTEN TO ONE OF OUR

>> STILL NOT SOLD? JUST LISTEN TO ONE OF OUR SATISFIED CUSTOMERS.

JUST LISTEN TO ONE OF OUR SATISFIED CUSTOMERS. >> BEFORE CHANEL AND CHANNEL

SATISFIED CUSTOMERS. >> BEFORE CHANEL AND CHANNEL DECORATED BY AIRBNB, IT WAS A

>> BEFORE CHANEL AND CHANNEL DECORATED BY AIRBNB, IT WAS A LITTLE DRAB, BUT NOW THERE'S SO

DECORATED BY AIRBNB, IT WAS A LITTLE DRAB, BUT NOW THERE'S SO WRITING ON THE WALL.

LITTLE DRAB, BUT NOW THERE'S SO WRITING ON THE WALL. >> YOU MAY KNOW OUR WORK FROM

WRITING ON THE WALL. >> YOU MAY KNOW OUR WORK FROM COZY CASITA STEPS.

>> YOU MAY KNOW OUR WORK FROM COZY CASITA STEPS. >> AND THE WONKA IN GLASGOW.

COZY CASITA STEPS. >> AND THE WONKA IN GLASGOW. STILL DON'T BELIEVE US?

>> AND THE WONKA IN GLASGOW. STILL DON'T BELIEVE US? JUST LISTEN TO ONE OF OUR

STILL DON'T BELIEVE US? JUST LISTEN TO ONE OF OUR SATISFIED CUSTOMERS.

JUST LISTEN TO ONE OF OUR SATISFIED CUSTOMERS. >> WHAT?

SATISFIED CUSTOMERS. >> WHAT? >> HI.

>> WHAT? >> HI. >> YOU ALREADY DID ME.

>> HI. >> YOU ALREADY DID ME. >> OH.

>> YOU ALREADY DID ME. >> OH. >> SO COME ENJOY OUR CLASSIC

>> OH. >> SO COME ENJOY OUR CLASSIC DESIGNS WITH THE UTMOST PRIVACY.

>> SO COME ENJOY OUR CLASSIC DESIGNS WITH THE UTMOST PRIVACY. BYE.

DESIGNS WITH THE UTMOST PRIVACY. BYE. >> CHANEL AND CHANNEL

>>> OKAY. TABLE FOR TWO RIGHT HERE. >> THANK YOU.

TABLE FOR TWO RIGHT HERE. >> THANK YOU. >> THANKS.

>> THANK YOU. >> THANKS. >> ENJOY.

>> THANKS. >> ENJOY. >> WOW, HONEY, THIS PLACE IS

>> ENJOY. >> WOW, HONEY, THIS PLACE IS NICE.

>> WOW, HONEY, THIS PLACE IS NICE. >> YEAH.

NICE. >> YEAH. I'M GLAD WE'RE DOING THIS.

>> YEAH. I'M GLAD WE'RE DOING THIS. IT'S BEEN TOO LONG SINCE WE'VE

I'M GLAD WE'RE DOING THIS. IT'S BEEN TOO LONG SINCE WE'VE HAD A DATE NIGHT.

IT'S BEEN TOO LONG SINCE WE'VE HAD A DATE NIGHT. >> THAT'S CRAZY!

HAD A DATE NIGHT. >> THAT'S CRAZY! >> I SWEAR THIS CHICK, TOTAL

>> THAT'S CRAZY! >> I SWEAR THIS CHICK, TOTAL TEN, POPS OUT A FULL SET OF

>> I SWEAR THIS CHICK, TOTAL TEN, POPS OUT A FULL SET OF DENTURES.

TEN, POPS OUT A FULL SET OF DENTURES. >> GNARLY!

DENTURES. >> GNARLY! DUDE, DUDE.

>> GNARLY! DUDE, DUDE. >> THESE GUYS ARE SO LOUD.

DUDE, DUDE. >> THESE GUYS ARE SO LOUD. >> YOU WANT ME TO GO SAY

>> THESE GUYS ARE SO LOUD. >> YOU WANT ME TO GO SAY SOMETHING?

>> YOU WANT ME TO GO SAY SOMETHING? >> YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO THAT.

SOMETHING? >> YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO THAT. >> DUDES, DID YOU GUYS WATCH THE

>> YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO THAT. >> DUDES, DID YOU GUYS WATCH THE GAME LAST NIGHT?

>> DUDES, DID YOU GUYS WATCH THE GAME LAST NIGHT? >> YO, LeBRON WENT OFF!

GAME LAST NIGHT? >> YO, LeBRON WENT OFF! >> LeBRON JAMES!

>> YO, LeBRON WENT OFF! >> LeBRON JAMES! >> THAT'S IT.

>> LeBRON JAMES! >> THAT'S IT. I'M GOING TO GO SAY SOMETHING.

>> THAT'S IT. I'M GOING TO GO SAY SOMETHING. IT'S OUR DATE NIGHT.

I'M GOING TO GO SAY SOMETHING. IT'S OUR DATE NIGHT. I'M GOING TO TELL THEM TO JUST

IT'S OUR DATE NIGHT. I'M GOING TO TELL THEM TO JUST KEEP IT DOWN.

I'M GOING TO TELL THEM TO JUST KEEP IT DOWN. HEY!

KEEP IT DOWN. HEY! >> CAN WE HELP YOU?

HEY! >> CAN WE HELP YOU? >> YEAH.

>> CAN WE HELP YOU? >> YEAH. I JUST WANTED TO SAY YOU GUYS

>> YEAH. I JUST WANTED TO SAY YOU GUYS SEEM LIKE REALLY CLOSE FRIENDS.

I JUST WANTED TO SAY YOU GUYS SEEM LIKE REALLY CLOSE FRIENDS. THAT'S SPECIAL.

SEEM LIKE REALLY CLOSE FRIENDS. THAT'S SPECIAL. HOPE YOU GUYS TREASURE THAT.

THAT'S SPECIAL. HOPE YOU GUYS TREASURE THAT. WISH I HAD A GROUP OF GUYS LIKE

HOPE YOU GUYS TREASURE THAT. WISH I HAD A GROUP OF GUYS LIKE THIS.

WISH I HAD A GROUP OF GUYS LIKE THIS. YOU MUST REALLY LOVE EACH OTHER.

THIS. YOU MUST REALLY LOVE EACH OTHER. >> YEAH, I GUESS I LOVE THEM.

YOU MUST REALLY LOVE EACH OTHER. >> YEAH, I GUESS I LOVE THEM. >> DON'T SAY IT TO ME.

>> YEAH, I GUESS I LOVE THEM. >> DON'T SAY IT TO ME. SAY IT TO THEM.

>> DON'T SAY IT TO ME. SAY IT TO THEM. >> OH.

SAY IT TO THEM. >> OH. YEAH, I LOVE YOU GUYS.

>> OH. YEAH, I LOVE YOU GUYS. >> COOL.

YEAH, I LOVE YOU GUYS. >> COOL. >> THANKS, MAN.

>> COOL. >> THANKS, MAN. >> YEAH.

>> THANKS, MAN. >> YEAH. DEFINITELY.

>> YEAH. DEFINITELY. >> NICE.

DEFINITELY. >> NICE. ANYWAY, YOU FELLAS ENJOY

>> NICE. ANYWAY, YOU FELLAS ENJOY YOURSELVES.

ANYWAY, YOU FELLAS ENJOY YOURSELVES. WELL, I DON'T THINK WE'LL BE

YOURSELVES. WELL, I DON'T THINK WE'LL BE HEARING FROM THEM ANYMORE.

WELL, I DON'T THINK WE'LL BE HEARING FROM THEM ANYMORE. >> BABE, WHAT WAS THAT?

HEARING FROM THEM ANYMORE. >> BABE, WHAT WAS THAT? I THOUGHT YOU WERE GOING TO TELL

>> BABE, WHAT WAS THAT? I THOUGHT YOU WERE GOING TO TELL THEM TO BE QUIET.

I THOUGHT YOU WERE GOING TO TELL THEM TO BE QUIET. >> OH, THEY'LL BE QUIET NOW.

THEM TO BE QUIET. >> OH, THEY'LL BE QUIET NOW. YOU SEE, NOTHING SHUTS UP A

>> OH, THEY'LL BE QUIET NOW. YOU SEE, NOTHING SHUTS UP A GROUP OF GUYS LIKE AN EARNEST

YOU SEE, NOTHING SHUTS UP A GROUP OF GUYS LIKE AN EARNEST EXPRESSION OF HOW MUCH THEY MEAN

GROUP OF GUYS LIKE AN EARNEST EXPRESSION OF HOW MUCH THEY MEAN TO EACH OTHER.

EXPRESSION OF HOW MUCH THEY MEAN TO EACH OTHER. >> SERIOUSLY?

TO EACH OTHER. >> SERIOUSLY? THAT WORKS?

>> SERIOUSLY? THAT WORKS? >> SEE FOR YOURSELF.

THAT WORKS? >> SEE FOR YOURSELF. >> HOW'S YOUR STEAK?

>> SEE FOR YOURSELF. >> HOW'S YOUR STEAK? >> LOOKS GOOD.

>> HOW'S YOUR STEAK? >> LOOKS GOOD. >> COOL.

>> LOOKS GOOD. >> COOL. >> THAT'S CRAZY.

>> COOL. >> THAT'S CRAZY. >> OH, YEAH.

>> THAT'S CRAZY. >> OH, YEAH. ONE TIME AT A SLEEPOVER IN

>> OH, YEAH. ONE TIME AT A SLEEPOVER IN MIDDLE SCHOOL, I TOLD MY FRIENDS

ONE TIME AT A SLEEPOVER IN MIDDLE SCHOOL, I TOLD MY FRIENDS THAT LAUGHING WITH THEM WAS THE

MIDDLE SCHOOL, I TOLD MY FRIENDS THAT LAUGHING WITH THEM WAS THE HIGHLIGHT OF MY DAY.

THAT LAUGHING WITH THEM WAS THE HIGHLIGHT OF MY DAY. HAVEN'T SPOKEN TO THEM SINCE.

HIGHLIGHT OF MY DAY. HAVEN'T SPOKEN TO THEM SINCE. ANYWAY, NOW THAT WE HAVE SOME

HAVEN'T SPOKEN TO THEM SINCE. ANYWAY, NOW THAT WE HAVE SOME QUIET, TELL ME ABOUT YOUR DAY.

ANYWAY, NOW THAT WE HAVE SOME QUIET, TELL ME ABOUT YOUR DAY. >> OKAY.

QUIET, TELL ME ABOUT YOUR DAY. >> OKAY. WELL, TODAY AT WORK --

>> OKAY. WELL, TODAY AT WORK -- >> AND THAT'S WHEN I SAID TO

WELL, TODAY AT WORK -- >> AND THAT'S WHEN I SAID TO HIM, I DON'T CHASE, I ATTRACT!

>> AND THAT'S WHEN I SAID TO HIM, I DON'T CHASE, I ATTRACT! >> ANOTHER NOISY GROUP.

HIM, I DON'T CHASE, I ATTRACT! >> ANOTHER NOISY GROUP. IT'S FINE.

>> ANOTHER NOISY GROUP. IT'S FINE. I GOT THIS.

IT'S FINE. I GOT THIS. EXCUSE ME.

I GOT THIS. EXCUSE ME. >> SORRY.

EXCUSE ME. >> SORRY. IS THERE A PROBLEM?

>> SORRY. IS THERE A PROBLEM? >> YEAH.

IS THERE A PROBLEM? >> YEAH. I JUST WANTED TO SAY DO YOU EVER

>> YEAH. I JUST WANTED TO SAY DO YOU EVER THINK ABOUT HOW YOUR MOM IS JUST

I JUST WANTED TO SAY DO YOU EVER THINK ABOUT HOW YOUR MOM IS JUST A GIRL TOO?

THINK ABOUT HOW YOUR MOM IS JUST A GIRL TOO? JUST A GIRL LIVING LIFE FOR THE

A GIRL TOO? JUST A GIRL LIVING LIFE FOR THE FIRST TIME JUST LIKE YOU.

JUST A GIRL LIVING LIFE FOR THE FIRST TIME JUST LIKE YOU. YOU KNOW, THIS IS STUPID, BUT I

FIRST TIME JUST LIKE YOU. YOU KNOW, THIS IS STUPID, BUT I ACTUALLY HAVE THIS PHOTO OF MY

YOU KNOW, THIS IS STUPID, BUT I ACTUALLY HAVE THIS PHOTO OF MY MOM PAINTING MY NURSERY WHILE

ACTUALLY HAVE THIS PHOTO OF MY MOM PAINTING MY NURSERY WHILE SHE WAS PREGNANT WITH ME IF

MOM PAINTING MY NURSERY WHILE SHE WAS PREGNANT WITH ME IF Y'ALL WANT TO LOOK AT IT AND

SHE WAS PREGNANT WITH ME IF Y'ALL WANT TO LOOK AT IT AND THINK ABOUT YOUR MOMS, YOU CAN

Y'ALL WANT TO LOOK AT IT AND THINK ABOUT YOUR MOMS, YOU CAN TOO.

THINK ABOUT YOUR MOMS, YOU CAN TOO. >> SHE CALLED ME YESTERDAY, AND

TOO. >> SHE CALLED ME YESTERDAY, AND I LET IT GO TO VOICE MAIL.

>> SHE CALLED ME YESTERDAY, AND I LET IT GO TO VOICE MAIL. >> WHEN I WAS 15, I TOOK HER CAR

I LET IT GO TO VOICE MAIL. >> WHEN I WAS 15, I TOOK HER CAR AND SMOKED A FULL PACK OF

>> WHEN I WAS 15, I TOOK HER CAR AND SMOKED A FULL PACK OF CIGARETTES IN IT AND THEN BARFED

AND SMOKED A FULL PACK OF CIGARETTES IN IT AND THEN BARFED IN THE FRONT SEAT.

CIGARETTES IN IT AND THEN BARFED IN THE FRONT SEAT. THE SMELL NEVER LEFT.

IN THE FRONT SEAT. THE SMELL NEVER LEFT. >> ONE TIME, I THREW A SUITCASE

THE SMELL NEVER LEFT. >> ONE TIME, I THREW A SUITCASE AT MY MOM BECAUSE SHE WOULDN'T

>> ONE TIME, I THREW A SUITCASE AT MY MOM BECAUSE SHE WOULDN'T LET ME SHAVE MY HEAD.

AT MY MOM BECAUSE SHE WOULDN'T LET ME SHAVE MY HEAD. I REALLY REGRET THAT.

LET ME SHAVE MY HEAD. I REALLY REGRET THAT. >> YEAH.

I REALLY REGRET THAT. >> YEAH. ANYWAY, I'M SORRY TO BOTHER YOU.

>> YEAH. ANYWAY, I'M SORRY TO BOTHER YOU. ENJOY YOUR MEAL.

ANYWAY, I'M SORRY TO BOTHER YOU. ENJOY YOUR MEAL. WELL, THAT OUGHT TO TAKE CARE OF

ENJOY YOUR MEAL. WELL, THAT OUGHT TO TAKE CARE OF THAT.

WELL, THAT OUGHT TO TAKE CARE OF THAT. >> WOW.

THAT. >> WOW. THAT SURE WAS SOMETHING.

>> WOW. THAT SURE WAS SOMETHING. >> YEP.

THAT SURE WAS SOMETHING. >> YEP. NOTHING QUIETS UP A GROUP OF

>> YEP. NOTHING QUIETS UP A GROUP OF WOMEN QUITE LIKE A REMINDER OF

NOTHING QUIETS UP A GROUP OF WOMEN QUITE LIKE A REMINDER OF THEIR MOTHER'S HUMANITY.

WOMEN QUITE LIKE A REMINDER OF THEIR MOTHER'S HUMANITY. >> NICE JOB, HONEY.

THEIR MOTHER'S HUMANITY. >> NICE JOB, HONEY. NOW WE CAN GET BACK TO DATE

>> NICE JOB, HONEY. NOW WE CAN GET BACK TO DATE NIGHT.

NOW WE CAN GET BACK TO DATE NIGHT. YOU SAID SOMETHING HAPPENED AT

NIGHT. YOU SAID SOMETHING HAPPENED AT WORK TODAY?

YOU SAID SOMETHING HAPPENED AT WORK TODAY? >> YEAH.

WORK TODAY? >> YEAH. I CHEATED ON YOU WITH MY BOSS,

>> YEAH. I CHEATED ON YOU WITH MY BOSS, AND I THINK WE SHOULD BREAK UP.

I CHEATED ON YOU WITH MY BOSS, AND I THINK WE SHOULD BREAK UP. >> HEY, BABY CAKES, WANT TO GET

AND I THINK WE SHOULD BREAK UP. >> HEY, BABY CAKES, WANT TO GET OUT OF HERE?

>> HEY, BABY CAKES, WANT TO GET OUT OF HERE? >> YEAH.

OUT OF HERE? >> YEAH. SORRY.

>> YEAH. SORRY. >> AW, MAN.

SORRY. >> AW, MAN. >> HEY, MAN, ARE YOU OKAY?

>> AW, MAN. >> HEY, MAN, ARE YOU OKAY? >> I'LL BE ALL RIGHT.

>> HEY, MAN, ARE YOU OKAY? >> I'LL BE ALL RIGHT. THANKS FOR CHECKING IN ON ME,

>> I'LL BE ALL RIGHT. THANKS FOR CHECKING IN ON ME, GUYS.

THANKS FOR CHECKING IN ON ME, GUYS. IT REALLY MEANS A LOT THAT YOU

GUYS. IT REALLY MEANS A LOT THAT YOU CARE SO MUCH ABOUT ME.

IT REALLY MEANS A LOT THAT YOU CARE SO MUCH ABOUT ME. OH, THEY'RE GONE.

CARE SO MUCH ABOUT ME. OH, THEY'RE GONE. GOD, I GOT TO STOP DOING THAT.

>>> THANK YOU, EVERYONE FOR TONIGHT. THIS HAS BEEN SUCH AN AMAZING

TONIGHT. THIS HAS BEEN SUCH AN AMAZING WEEK.

THIS HAS BEEN SUCH AN AMAZING WEEK. THANK YOU LORNE, THANK YOU TO

WEEK. THANK YOU LORNE, THANK YOU TO THE AMAZING CAST.

THANK YOU LORNE, THANK YOU TO THE AMAZING CAST. THANK YOU, KACEY AND GLENN.

THE AMAZING CAST. THANK YOU, KACEY AND GLENN. THIS HAS BEEN SO WONDERFUL.

THANK YOU, KACEY AND GLENN. THIS HAS BEEN SO WONDERFUL. AH, SUCH A GREAT TIME!

THIS HAS BEEN SO WONDERFUL. AH, SUCH A GREAT TIME! THANK YOU!