Original subtitles

- You're off the case! - You're kidding.

You're gonna replace Charlie Greer

at Fremont University.

Tonight on Murder, She Wrote.

Dad, it's okay.

Before we drag each other down the aisle,

Joe and me, we wanna, we wanna try things out.

What things? Blackmail.

Makes sense to me.

Now we're getting somewhere.

Back off.

Sorry, but my engine doesn't run in reverse.

Somebody wants you off the force real bad.

Jake, I'm sorry, but you're wrong.

No!

That is absolutely untrue.

You have not been put out to graze.

Yes. Yes, I'm sure you do.

Now, look, I may be flying out there in a month,

and I promise I will call you the minute that I land.

Wonderful.

Well, love to Janie. Bye.

Oh!

Jake Ballinger.

Now, there is a man to be reckoned with.

A year ago he was the pride of LA's homicide division,

and if he wasn't exactly Mr. Popularity,

he had the respect of the men that he worked with.

And then he accidentally stepped on the wrong toe,

and suddenly his life went topsy-turvy.

But I'm getting ahead of myself.

It started at a deserted beach

on a night in July, well past midnight.

A young drifter named Leo Gunderson

made his way onto the sand,

looking for a place to sleep.

You know what I want.

It's too much.

What are you doing? Stop it!

Oh, my God!

Miss?

Miss, are you all right?

And what the hell is this all about, huh?

The Gunderson kid copped a plea, Jake.

What's the matter with you? Can't you read?

That kid didn't kill that girl any more than you did.

I've been busting my butt for three weeks.

Come on, huh? The case is closed.

Not by me, it isn't.

Who's his lawyer?

Some wet-nosed kid from the PD's office?

I didn't ask you up here to argue, you know.

Oh, come on, you know this stinks.

Sit down.

I'm going over your head, Joe.

Nothing personal.

Jake, there's no place to go.

You're off the case!

Matter of fact, you've been transferred.

Effective immediately.

I must be crowding somebody pretty big, huh?

Where am I going, Joe?

Night beat in the San Pedro docks, huh?

No, as a matter of fact, you're gonna replace

Charlie Greer at Fremont University.

You're kidding.

I wish I were.

What am I, senile, Joe?

Joe, that's the last stop before oblivion.

The department has a contract

with the university to supply them

with an experienced instructor.

I am not going to start wet-nursing

a bunch of pimply-faced--

Will you listen to me?

You don't have a choice.

If you don't like it, you can quit.

That's a quote from upstairs.

If you ask me, Jake,

somebody wants you off the force real bad.

Now that I have your attention...

My name is Ballinger.

Detective lieutenant first grade.

Initial a as in Amos, j as in Jason.

Badge number 750162.

Many of you were expecting to see

captain Greer standing here this morning.

Well, I'm happy to inform you

the captain has been retired on full pension

with thanks from the department for a job well done.

Unhappily for you,

I have been selected to take his place.

Now, ladies and gentlemen,

I have it on reliable information

that criminology 240 has been a haven

for the chronically lazy.

And a swell place to knock off 40 winks

between lunch at the student union

and a 24-hour poker game

in the basement of the dormitory.

Well, my young friends,

let me inform you of the sad news.

The boondoggle is over.

Now, those of you who wish to stay enrolled

in this class

will learn a new definition of the word "work."

I will not cast upon you pearls of wisdom

accumulated over 25 years.

I will cram them down your throat,

in your ears and any other orifice

into which they will conveniently fit.

I plan to set a mean pace here.

Those who can't keep up

will be suitably rewarded with a failing grade.

Now, ladies and gentlemen, class will reconvene

tomorrow morning at 9:00 a.m.

Oh!

A few of you may decide

that there is a less demanding way

to earn three credits toward your graduation.

Please feel free to go elsewhere with my blessing.

- Dad? - Yeah, I'm in here, Janie.

Is something burning?

You're not going to eat that?

I'm starving.

I thought we had an agreement.

I don't bust pushers, you don't bake, boil or fry.

Hey, look, I lost 20 pounds. I'm in great shape.

I mean, what do you want from me?

I gotta eat.

Throw that out. I bought lamb chops.

Are you kidding? I love my eggs this way.

Yeah, the toast looks pretty appetizing, too.

Yeah.

So, how was things at general hospital today?

Oh, the usual influx of broken bones,

contusions, abrasions.

How was your day, professor?

Hey, don't be smart, young lady, huh?

That bad?

Well, actually, it was okay.

I delivered a speech guaranteed

to frighten off the whole pack of them.

I bet when I show up tomorrow, there'll be nobody there.

No class, no students.

I'm not gonna have you up all night with indigestion.

Caesar!

So, Joe coming over tonight?

No, Joe's working.

Gee, he's been working three straight nights.

Anything wrong with you two guys?

Nothing a mutual night off wouldn't cure.

You know, maybe if you'd stop trying

to stash away a million bucks before you got married...

Who said we're getting married?

Oh?

Dad, it's okay.

I didn't say anything, did I?

Before we drag each other down the aisle,

Joe and me, we want to...

We want to try things out.

What things?

Look, Janie, I am not broad-minded.

I am not even moderately tolerant.

The fact of the matter is that no daughter of mine

is going to start trying things.

Hello!

Yeah, this is lieutenant Ballinger.

I'll be there in 20 minutes.

Dad, what is it?

It's Anna Gunderson.

She's in the hospital, she's critical.

She asked to see me.

- She was jaywalking. - Mm-hmm.

Oh, here it is.

Young kid who hit her is a basket case.

Yeah?

He says he didn't see her. I believe him.

- Okay, thanks. - All right.

Mrs. Gunderson?

- Lieutenant Ballinger? - Yeah.

Oh, thank God.

Look, the doctors don't want you to talk

too long now, so...

- My son. My boy, Leo. - Yes?

He writes me from the jail.

It is bad for him, very bad.

Lieutenant, he did not do what they say.

Look, Mrs. Gunderson, he pleaded guilty.

Because he was afraid. Because he did not understand.

They told him he would be killed

in the gas chamber if he did not confess.

So he confessed. But he's innocent.

He told me you believed him.

Mrs. Gunderson, I'm sorry, the case is closed.

Lieutenant, please, someone must help him.

You must help him before he dies in that place.

Jake never did have much use for departmental politics.

And when it came to a choice

between helping Anna Gunderson or bending the rule book,

well, for Jake, the decision was easy.

First thing the next morning,

he went to visit his friend Sam Kendall

at the forensics laboratory.

Kendall was an old friend

who never said no when Jake needed a favor.

You working, Sam,

or you just looking at dirty pictures?

Damn it, Jake, don't sneak up on me

like that, will you?

Here, you want to see something wild?

- Yeah. - Take a peek.

- Yuck! - Beautiful, huh?

That's a lung section taken from a guy

that was washed up on the beach Sunday,

tentatively identified

as a real estate broker by the name of Waterford.

Only it isn't.

See the lovely gobs of nicotine?

- Waterford didn't smoke, right? - Right.

Right.

You know, Sam, if I ever decide to commit murder,

I'm gonna make sure you're on vacation.

So what can I do for you?

A few weeks ago, the Gunderson case,

you made a cast of a tire tread near the murder site.

Look, Jake, that case is closed.

Yeah, well, I know, but I'm just a little curious.

What did you find?

Look, I can't help you.

The file has been sealed.

- Well, by who? - Superior court.

- Well, which Judge? - I don't know.

Oh, come on, Sam.

Look, I'm sorry.

It's my job. I can't tell you.

You have a hearing problem, Jake?

The Gunderson case is over with.

Who ordered the records sealed, huh?

I'm not getting through to you, am I?

Currently, you're on detached assignment.

Until told otherwise, you're a teacher.

So go teach.

Look, Joe, I want the name of that Judge, huh?

I don't know it, and if I did, I wouldn't give it to you.

Damn it, Jake, you're not a rookie anymore.

Guys who knew you when, old guys like me,

we're getting squeezed out by these computer types

with the alphabet soup college degrees.

Yeah, I noticed.

Then get smart.

Only got six years till your pension.

It's a lousy deal.

It's the only deal you're gonna get.

So close your eyes, hold your nose, and ride it out.

Is that what you're doing, Joe?

And I only hope I make it.

I'm sorry! I'm sorry about that.

Excuse me.

Good morning. Sir.

I guess you weren't here yesterday morning, Mr...

Berndlestein.

Oh, yes, Sir, I was here.

That's "steen," Sir.

The what?

"Berndlesteen," not "berndlestine."

Most everybody just calls me Bernie.

- Do they? - Mm-hmm.

Ah.

- Good morning. - Good morning, lieutenant.

Elizabeth mills; I was here yesterday as well.

You do know that this is criminology 240.

I believe that's spelled out on the card.

Yeah, well, forgive me if I seem ungallant,

miss mills...

that's Mrs.

Oh, Mrs. Mills.

What I was about to say was that I am a little surprised

to see a lady of your...

maturity attending an undergraduate course.

When I should be home diapering the babies

and getting the old man's dinner on the table?

Look, lieutenant, suppose we understand

each other right from the start.

I have no children,

my husband and I were divorced five years ago.

At the moment, I'm the assistant

to the chief claims investigator

for a major life insurance company.

My boss, poor man,

either through heredity or environment,

has been turned by life into a narrow-minded,

male macho stuffed shirt

who is totally ill-equipped to do his job.

I give him another six months

before management starts looking around

for his replacement, and when they do,

I want them to look my way.

Now, I hope that satisfies you

as to my reasons for being here

and you won't continue to look upon me

as just another pretty face.

Honey, that's one mistake I'll probably never make again.

Good.

Well, now that we have that settled,

shall we get started?

Suppose you begin by telling us what text we'll be using.

Text?

No, no, no. I...

I'm not much for textbooks or classrooms.

You see, this is gonna be more like a lab course,

with lots of practical application.

Actually, what I really wanted to be was a cop

like my dad and my uncle Marvin,

only my eyes weren't really too good, so...

I used to eat ten carrots a day. It didn't really help much.

Will you keep up, Mrs. Mills? We can't take all day here.

Next time, I will dress for the occasion.

I'm wearing contact lenses. You probably didn't notice.

Yeah, it slipped right past me.

Well, anyway, for the time being,

I'm driving a cab, you know,

until I get my business established.

- What kind of business is that? - I'm a pi.

Yeah, I'm a private investigator.

I mean, I will be as soon as I get my license.

As soon as I pass this course, that is.

If I pass this course, that is, Sir.

All right, here we are, scene of the crime.

I didn't know this included a course in calisthenics.

If you can't keep up, Mrs. Mills,

there's always home economics.

You just talk as fast as you like, lieutenant.

I'm terrific at shorthand. All us girls are.

It's hereditary.

Okay.

About four months ago,

a young girl by the name of Janet Carr

was killed on this beach.

It was early morning, about 1:00 a.m.

Now, the medical examiner says

that she struggled with her assailant,

she fell, she struck her head on a jagged rock,

and she died instantly.

They arrested a young guy by the name of Leo Gunderson

at the scene of the crime.

Oh, yeah, I think I read about that.

Yeah, well, you also read that

he pleaded guilty to manslaughter.

Excuse me if I seem dense, lieutenant,

but what's the point?

The point is, Mrs. Mills, that Leo Gunderson is innocent.

Which is why he confessed?

He confessed because he had the stuffing scared out of him

by some assistant DA.

So now he's doing five to ten for involuntary manslaughter

while the killer of Janet Carr walks around free.

Oh, I get it.

You're gonna get the guy, right?

Me?

No, no, no, not me, Mr. Berndlestein.

You see, these days I'm a teacher,

not a homicide detective.

However,

there's nothing that says that an actual case

cannot be used as a class project.

And if my students, in their pursuit of knowledge,

just happen to unearth some evidence

of justice gone awry,

well, isn't that what the educational process

is all about?

I had no idea you'd need an office, lieutenant.

I'm afraid this is all we have left.

I'll get maintenance up here right away.

If you had let me know earlier...

Well, I'm also gonna need a phone,

preferably two phones.

Well, yes, I suppose.

And a secretary, huh?

Oh, dear me. I'm not sure about that.

You're not...

Look, Dean,

when the boys downtown

first offered me this assignment,

I mean, I jumped at it.

And you know why?

Because I saw an opportunity to mold minds,

to instill in our young people

a respect for the American justice system.

No matter how big the workload, Dean,

I'm with you, huh?

All I want from you, Dean, right now, in return,

is just a little support, okay?

Well, perhaps one of our undergraduates on scholarship.

They're always looking for part-time work.

That's great, thank you so much.

If I need anything else, I'll let you know, huh?

Thank you. Thanks.

Thanks.

Thanks!

George, it's Liz mills. How are you?

Listen, George, I need a favor.

I'm taking a course in criminology

at the university...

Yeah, yeah, it's loads of laughs,

but it's going to look very, very good on my resume.

Anyway, our first big assignment

is to investigate a young woman named Janet Carr.

Her last known address was 4029 lankershim.

Carr, c-a-r-r.

She died about four months ago. You might have read about it.

Anyway, George, it occurred to me

that she may have a policy, we didn't carry it.

Neither did prudential or mutual.

I don't know if a claim was filed

or even if there was such a policy.

George, would you be a sweetheart?

Just punch it into your computer,

see if you come up with anything?

Oh, thank you, I'll hold.

Madge, call Neil.

Cancel me out of lunch, I'm gonna be working in.

Have the Deli send me up corned beef on rye.

Yes, ma'am.

Yes, George?

Oh, terrific!

Her real name's what?

Could you spell that?

And what address do you have?

That's no good.

She moved out of that place a year ago.

Well, who's the beneficiary on the policy?

Come on, George, this involves a murder.

I mean, where's your sense of civic duty?

Good fellow. Okay.

And what address do you have for the beneficiary?

George, George, I love you!

Next time you're in the neighborhood,

you call me and I'll take you to lunch, okay?

Bye-bye.

Hello, Mrs. Summerfield?

- Yes. - My name is Elizabeth mills.

I'm from coastland insurance,

and I wondered if I could have a word with your husband.

Oh, I'm sorry, he's out of town on business.

Oh, I see.

He's not expected back until Friday.

Is there something I can do for you?

No, I don't think so, thanks.

I hope you're not here to sell us any more coverage.

I'm afraid Carl and I have more than we need already.

- Carl? - Yes, my husband.

Gee, that's funny.

I was given the name Jeremy Summerfield.

Who did you say you were?

Elizabeth mills, coastland insurance.

I'm sorry.

I don't have anything to do with our insurance,

and I'm really very busy now.

Come here.

Mrs. Summerfield, I'm sorry.

I didn't mean to upset you.

I just wanted to ask you a few questions.

That's all we've had for a year now, is questions.

They never end.

When are you people going to stop?

Hello.

Well, good afternoon, Mrs. Mills.

Thank you for calling me this afternoon.

I wouldn't want to be left out of this investigation of yours.

Well, thank you. I knew you'd be grateful.

At the risk of being obvious,

may I point out to you that I am the detective

on this case, huh?

Lieutenant, if we're gonna stand on ceremony,

we're never gonna get anywhere.

Now, this is what I have in a nutshell.

Mrs. Summerfield wasn't much help,

but the neighbors love to chat.

If you ever decide to commit murder,

don't do it on that block.

If I ever decide to commit murder,

you'll be the first to know.

Yes, lieutenant,

that poor young girl was with us for several weeks.

I'm afraid that's all I can tell you.

Our girls are promised total anonymity.

I really must respect that.

Well, I understand, sister,

but these are special circumstances.

I mean, you know, Janet Carr is dead.

So I've just learned.

We knew her by her real name, Jeanette Cardini.

In any case, it doesn't make any difference.

Sister, we know Janet was pregnant

when she came here, and that the son was adopted

by a family named Summerfield.

How did you learn that?

How Mrs. Mills accidentally stumbled

upon that piece of information is irrelevant, sister.

But this is the first real link

we've been able to establish with Janet's past.

Sister, could you give us the name of the child's father?

I can't.

Jeanette never revealed his identity.

I'm sorry.

Yeah, I'm sorry, too.

But sister...

sister, did she ever receive any mail

or write to anybody on a regular basis?

No. She was a very private person.

What about phone calls?

Oh, a few, I suppose.

We really don't have any way to check.

Not even long distance?

Oh, my!

Yes.

She did make one phone call.

Upstate somewhere.

The night before the child was born.

Yes, here we are.

The child was born on the eighth,

and the phone call was made the evening of the seventh.

Here it is. Area code 916.

Yeah, I see it, I see it.

916 is Sacramento.

She talked for almost 30 minutes.

Sister, do you mind?

I'm dying of curiosity.

Go right ahead.

The usual procedure, Mrs. Mills,

is to verify through the phone company.

Why? This is so much faster.

Hello. I beg your pardon?

Oh, I'm terribly sorry.

I must have dialed the wrong number.

Is this 5594?

Oh, 5595.

I do apologize.

Now shall we try it my way?

Why, lieutenant?

I didn't dial the wrong number at all.

I just wanted to make sure I had the right number.

5595.

That was the home of state senator

Andrew Grainger.

Nothing made Jake Ballinger happier

than to learn that state senator Andrew Grainger

was on the other end of that phone call

from Janet Carr.

Now at least he knew

where the political pressure was coming from,

why he had been shipped off to Coventry,

and who had managed to get the court records sealed.

Hey, buddy, you want to move it?

We're trying to work here.

- Good morning, Sir. - Good morning, Berndlestein.

Watch your feet, old-timer.

Okay, up against the wall. Watch your end.

Moira, this is lieutenant Ballinger.

Oh, the teach! Hello, how are you?

I'm Moira McShane.

- It's nice to meet you. - Nice to meet you.

The Dean sent me up. I'm your new secretary.

My shorthand's fantastic, my typing's not bad.

I can give you three, maybe four hours a day.

We'll work around my schedule.

Fine.

I made a list of what you'll need, starting with phones.

That usually takes about a week.

Everything else takes longer,

unless you know which buttons to press.

And I know.

If anyone tries to push you around,

you just refer them to me.

Why don't you take your jacket off?

We're gonna need some help moving the bookcase.

Why not?

So, Berndlestein, did you get in touch

with senator Grainger yet?

No, Sir.

I mean, I-- I called Sacramento,

but he's not there, Sir.

- Yeah? - The legislature's in recess.

He's down here working out of his local office

for the next couple of weeks.

I thought you said your name was "berndlesteen."

I answer to anything.

I am always delighted

to meet a member of the academic community.

Welcome.

- Please, sit down. - Thanks.

Is it doctor or professor or...

Well, lieutenant will be just fine.

- Lieutenant? - Yeah.

I'm sorry, I...

Ballinger, LAPD.

I'm currently assigned to Fremont University,

teaching criminology.

Sorry about the ruse, senator, but I--

I thought if you really knew who I was,

you wouldn't want to see me.

But I have the greatest respect

for law enforcement, lieutenant Ballinger.

Look, senator,

you're a busy man, and I'm a busy man.

Suppose we cut to the Chase, huh?

Tell me what you know about Janet Carr.

Janet Carr...

No, I'm sorry.

Also known as Jeanette Cardini.

Well, is she a constituent?

Well, not exactly. She's dead.

Senator.

Oh, excuse me.

No, no, Colin.

This is Colin Hale, my administrative assistant.

This is lieutenant Ballinger.

He's with the police.

Police?

Oh, I thought that you were...

Oh, it's a long story.

He was just asking me about a woman

by the name of Janet Carr.

I'm afraid I wasn't much help.

When it comes to names, Colin's my encyclopedia.

Ring a bell?

Janet Carr-- no, not offhand.

Must be a missing page in the c volume, then,

because, you see,

last year miss Carr gave birth to a baby boy.

The night before the birth, she made a phone call

to your home in Sacramento, senator.

You must be mistaken.

No, I don't think so.

I'm quite sure

that I never spoke with that woman.

Well, maybe you didn't.

Oh. Your son, senator, hmm?

Douglas?

I understand he's a medical student.

You seem to know quite a bit about my family.

Well, I was always good at homework.

Senator, on the night of June the seventh,

last year,

was your son visiting or living with you in Sacramento?

I don't remember.

And in any case, it's none of your business.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a very busy morning.

Fine.

Maybe I can catch Douglas between classes

at Fremont University.

Lieutenant.

You are a very hard man to get through to.

Meaning what?

Do I have to pull out a road map?

You're not teaching at the school by choice.

Do yourself a favor. Back off.

Sorry, but my engine doesn't run in reverse.

Have a good day.

I'm sorry, senator.

If I had known it was that Ballinger...

Never mind, Colin, never mind.

The case is supposed to be closed.

It is, Sir, it is.

Judge Riker had the court records sealed last week.

Then what's he doing here?

Look, Douglas did not kill that woman

any more than I did.

And I will not have his future destroyed

by one fleeting, ill-considered relationship.

Now, I want this case closed, Colin.

Now!

What the hell is all this about?

I went ahead and ordered and everything

'cause I'm in something of a hurry.

Pull up a chair.

My secretary took this charming message.

"Tell Mrs. Mills to get her fanny

over to Julio's cafe by 12:30."

Yeah, well, after that, it gets a little crowded.

This place has fantastic jalapeno burgers.

It just so happens that I had a luncheon engagement today

with a polished, witty...

- Sophisticated gentleman. - Yeah?

He was going to take me to Spago's.

Oh! Great. Oh, boy.

Look, senator Grainger has a kid by the name of Douglas.

Second-year med student.

Now, my nose tells me that this kid's a party animal

and the father of Janet Carr's kid.

And maybe he even killed her, for reasons unknown.

That's an interesting theory, but life with criminology 240

is not a 24-hour-a-day career with me.

Yeah, well,

somebody's got to talk to the kid.

You know, me, he'll be expecting.

So what this needs is really somebody

a little prettier, a little subtler...

Berndlestein!

Young Dr. Grainger has some class

between 2:00 and 4:00,

so probably you can catch him coming out, huh?

Thanks for the advice. Anything else?

No, that's all. You can go to your lunch now.

- It's been canceled. - Oh, that's too bad.

Well, how do you feel about jalapeno burgers?

At the moment, about the same way

I feel about over-opinionated,

over-cholesteroled police lieutenants.

I'll be in touch.

Joe, I'm not pressuring you,

and I'm not demanding a commitment.

If you want to share an apartment with me

in Westwood, that's fine.

Right, 50-50, right down the middle.

Rent, utilities.

One bedroom is no problem.

What do you mean, what'll my father think?

Believe it or not,

my father's not some old-fashioned fuddy-duddy.

Oh, no, I'm not old-fashioned. I'm not a fuddy-duddy, no.

Can we discuss this tomorrow? Fine.

I'll call you.

I love you, too. Bye.

I cannot believe this man.

He thinks, just because I love him,

that I want to marry him.

Gee, what an old-fashioned concept, huh?

Dad, you're not going to get all stuffy, are you?

Who, me? You kidding?

I can't stand my roommate.

I can't afford another place on my own.

Joe and I are in the same boat.

Look, sweetheart, if your mother were alive today,

you two would have worked this out

long before I knew about it.

And she would have come to me, talked me into it.

Let's just say that we're skipping the middleman, huh?

Okay.

When's the last time I told you what a terrific dad you are?

Oh, I don't know, about a month ago,

but who's keeping track, huh?

If that's Joe, he broke the sound barrier,

I'll tell you that.

I'm sorry to barge in on you, lieutenant.

Did I catch you at a bad time?

Oh, no, no. I...

I'm sorry, I was just helping my daughter

prepare some dinner.

I just got through with Douglas Grainger.

I thought you might like to know.

Oh... oh, I'm sorry.

This is my daughter, Janie.

Mrs. Mills, one of my students.

- Hello. - Hi, would you like to come in?

- Yeah, please, come on in. - Thanks.

Would you like to stay for dinner?

We have plenty.

Oh, no, thanks, I really can't.

I just need to talk to your father

for a moment or two.

Oh, sure. Excuse me.

I'm really sorry to intrude, lieutenant.

Well, come on and sit down.

No, thanks, I can't stay, really.

It's just as we thought.

The senator's son was involved with Janet Carr, intimately.

He told you that?

No, he denied it categorically.

That's why I knew he was lying.

Oh, you did?

Lieutenant, I have been an insurance investigator

for almost 12 years.

I have no difficulty identifying horse puckey.

Besides, I managed to chat with a few of his friends.

They filled in the gaps.

Such as?

A couple of years ago,

he was seeing a model named Janet.

They don't know the last name, but the description fits.

Okay, what else?

One mean-spirited young lady, a jilted ex-lover, I think,

said that he was having problems with Janet

after they broke up.

Money problems.

Blackmail.

Makes sense to me.

Now we're getting somewhere.

Maybe not.

On July 19th, the day Janet was killed,

Douglas Grainger was in Hawaii

playing in a golf tournament with his father.

They came in third.

"Thus high, by thy advice,"

"and thy assistance, is King Richard seated:"

"but shall we wear these honors for a day?"

"Or shall they last, and we rejoice in them?"

Eh?

"Still live they, and for ever may they last!"

"Oh! Buckingham," now do I play the touch,

"to try if thou be current gold indeed:"

"young Edward lives:"

"think now what I would say."

"Say on, my loving Lord."

"But Edward lives."

"A true, Noble prince."

"'True, Noble prince!'"

"Cousin, thou were not wont to be so dull:"

"shall I be plain?"

"I wish the bastards dead."

Excuse me, Sir, but what the hell was that?

That is Richard III, my young gal.

Shakespeare.

Not a bad writer for an old guy, huh?

Well, I don't care for his language.

You see, Buckingham was slow,

so Richard had to spell it out for him.

Let me tell you something.

There is nothing slow about Colin Hale.

What are you saying, lieutenant?

That Andrew Grainger hinted around to Hale

that he wanted Janet Carr dead?

I don't know if he hinted at it

or if he came right out and said it.

But what the King wants, he usually gets.

And when he has a groveling little toady

at his side, doing his bidding...

Excuse me, Sir, but we don't actually know.

I mean, not for sure.

But, Berndlestein,

let me point out some facts to you, huh?

Facts that I gathered this morning

while you were busy hustling tourists at lax.

Fact.

Colin Hale seldom, if ever, leaves senator Grainger's side.

Yet when Grainger and his son flew to Hawaii

for that fundraiser golf tournament,

Colin Hale flew to Los Angeles instead.

He stayed at the Concord Plaza Inn,

one night at the airport.

It was the same night Janet Carr was killed.

Now, he also rented a car.

Now, there's no indication of where he went,

but if you want an educated guess,

I'd be willing to bet

that he went to Janet Carr's house

on the pretext of paying her off,

drove her to the beach...

Lieutenant, that's a great deal of supposition.

It's hardly a case.

Well, no, not yet. But it soon will be.

- Berndlestein? - Sir?

I have an assignment for which you and only you

are uniquely qualified.

Colin Hale's rental car.

I want you to identify it and rent it.

Not a clone, not a look-alike,

but the exact same car.

Yes, Sir.

But how do I find out which one? I mean, who do I talk to?

Berndlestein, you're a reasonably

attractive young man.

Not to me,

but certainly to one of those nubile young things

who toss that frozen smile at you

from across the car rental counter, huh?

Come on, use your imagination.

I want you to drive it posthaste to this address.

Yes, Sir.

- What about me? - You?

You go to the hardware store.

So? What am I, chopped liver?

Look, McShane, these people do this for nothing.

You, I have to pay.

Lieutenant, how much longer do I have to keep doing this?

Until it's ready.

You wouldn't like to change jobs, would you?

Didn't think so.

I got it, Sir. This is the baby.

You're sure this is the car, now?

- Oh, this is it, all right. - No question?

No question.

Sweet little gal behind the counter, Betty Lou...

- Yeah? - It was just like you told me--

I couldn't believe it.

She even gave me this computer printout

from the night of the murder.

Model identification number, right here.

I popped the hood and I checked it

before I drove out.

Nice work, Mr. Berndlestein.

Thank you, Sir.

Okay, now, get behind the wheel.

Mrs. Mills, you're finished.

Thank you so much.

Okay, come on, come ahead, now.

A little over... whoa, whoa, go, go.

Come, come, come, come, come, come.

Come, come, easy, come.

Come, come, come, whoa!

Now, back off nice and easy.

Back off, back off, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead.

Go ahead. Whoa!

It's a work of art, a work of art.

Excuse me, lieutenant, if I seem dense,

but what are we doing here?

We're making a cast of this tire track.

Believe it or not, this much I grasp.

Why?

Mrs. Mills, you are aware that a cast of a tire tread

was made at the scene

of Janet Carr's murder, aren't you?

Yes.

I'm also aware that the cast,

along with all the other evidence,

has been sealed by the court.

Yeah, that's the way it seemed the last time we looked.

Yeah, I think you can expect pretty solid support

from the northern counties, senator.

The big question marks are San Diego and Los Angeles.

And the speaker.

Without his support,

there's no sense in making the run.

Oh, excuse me for busting in, gentlemen.

I'm sorry, senator.

He passed me before I could stop him.

That's all right, Ruth, I'll call security.

Yeah, you do that, Mr. Hale.

And while you're at it, call the LAPD

and tell them to bring a Paddy wagon for two, huh?

Now, what is that supposed to mean?

It means, sweet prince, that the play is over.

It's time for the last curtain call

before they cart you away to your next engagement,

ten to 20 in San Quentin for aiding and abetting a felon,

not to mention conspiracy to obstruct justice.

What the hell are you talking about, Ballinger?

I'm talking about murder.

The cold-blooded, premeditated murder

of a girl named Janet Carr on a beach

a few months ago.

A murder committed by you...

with the full knowledge and consent

of the man you work for.

Are you out of your mind? Colin, call security.

That night, you rented a car from the Campbell rent-a-car,

engine number 36548798.

The police lab made a plaster cast

of a tire tread found at the scene of the crime.

Where did you get that? Those records were sealed.

Why?

You were afraid that the trail would lead

right back to you, huh--

And the senator.

Yeah, I guess it could get a little messy,

couldn't it, huh?

Gubernatorial election coming up.

Colin, what's he talking about?

I really don't know, Sir. I don't know.

You're wasting my time, Mr. Hale.

Your signature was all over that car rental agreement.

You even took out extra insurance.

Now, you shouldn't have done that, you know.

That's really a rip-off. And then there is this.

The plaster cast of a tire tread from that car.

A fact that I will happily,

very happily, swear to at your trial.

Colin, is this the truth?

Colin!

Somebody had to stop her.

I mean, you know what she was doing.

She was blackmailing your son.

I mean, if that had come out during the election...

you killed that girl? You murdered that girl?

Yes! Yes, I killed her! I had the guts to do it!

While you were wringing your hands,

hands you didn't want to get dirty, remember, senator?

You know, nine years ago, when I put in with you,

I thought we were going somewhere.

And then when you finally decide to make your move,

your son screwed up everything!

I should have known. I should have known.

You're a loser, Grainger.

You've always been a loser, you know that?

Hello, honey? Better call in security.

Tell them they've got some-- Some trash to haul away.

Yeah, come on.

Congratulations and welcome back.

You did it. I don't know how you did it.

- Good to see you. - Thanks.

I just left Leo Gunderson and his mother.

Oh, really? How is she?

Oh, no, she's fine, she's fine,

now that Leo's been cleared, you know.

Well, you ready to go to work?

Huh?

You know me, Joe.

Rawlings.

Yeah, he's here. Just a second.

- It's for you. - For me?

Thanks, Joe. Yeah, Ballinger here.

What?

What?

What?

Excuse me, but didn't you get the message?

Class is suspended indefinitely

until the department can appoint my replacement.

We don't want a replacement, lieutenant.

We intend to learn from you.

Well, I don't intend to teach you anything,

I mean, even if I could, which I doubt.

Yes, we understand

that you're not a professionally trained educator,

but we're willing to overlook your shortcomings,

at least for a while.

Berndlestein, don't you have anything better to do, huh?

No, Sir.

Look, folks, look. I just don't have the time.

Of course you do.

Three hours a week, a little lecture now and then,

a minimum of homework.

Besides, what other detective on the force

has three legpersons working for him for free?

Free?

For secretarial work, I charge a minimum wage.

Anything else, I throw in 'cause I got a big heart.

Now, look, folks...

you should also know, lieutenant,

that in the event you decide to ignore

your previously-agreed-to commitment to this class

and abrogate the implied contract

that existed ipso facto between you,

as a representative of Fremont University,

and us as students, we intend to take legal action

to obtain redress and enforce compliance.

What, are you a lawyer, too?

I have my degree, lieutenant.

But don't let that intimidate you.

Okay, folks. You want an education?

I'm gonna give you one.

But if things get too tough, you just say the word, huh?

Funny, lieutenant, that word just leapt to mind.

But I'm too much of a lady to use it in mixed company.