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>> Libby, I know you put a lot of work into this one, but I'm afraid that-

>> Come on, Marty, it's a great book.

>> There's some really good work in there, you know?

>> How about the scene where Mr.

Faggioli makes love to Lillian right there in the butcher shop, huh?

>> Yeah, but->> What's the matter?

It didn't get to you?

The smell of the sawdust, her naked body pressed against the wax paper,

the rib roast on special.

>> I'm sorry, Libby, I just don't think this one is right for us.

>> All right, I'll make you a deal.

You publish my book, and I'll give you the best blowjob you ever had.

What do you say?

[MUSIC]

>> Bye-bye, Libby.

>> You don't know what you're missing, Marty?

I used to play the trumpet.

>> Well, it's my loss, so bye-bye, now you take it easy.

>> Watch that traffic out there.

Is the week over?

Is it Friday?

Is it almost five o'clock?

>> What, were you in a car accident?

Yeah, it's Friday, and as soon as Fenton

drops off the book, we're out of here.

>> Cape COD, here I come.

>> You know, me and my sister Gina went to Cape COD once.

She slept with the Kennedy.

>> Which Kennedy?

>> Is there a Leonard?

>> I'll be in my office.

>> Marty, where's my book?

Where's my big bestseller?

>> Getting harder than algebra, just thinking about it.

>> [LAUGH]

Well, actually, Fenton hasn't brought it in yet.

>> Jesus Christ, Marty.

It goes to the printers on Monday.

>> It'll be there on Monday.

Lucky, he's a little behind schedule,

okay, he's going through a rough divorce.

But I talked to him this morning, and the book is finished, really.

>> [SOUND]

>> Everything's gonna be fine.

I'm not worried, don't you be worried.

[SOUND]

I promise you, his book will be on your desk first thing Monday.

[SOUND]

>> Very good, Marty, very good.

Of course, if it's not on my desk first

thing Monday morning, I'm gonna take your

balls, paint them pretty colors, toss them in a basket, and

ship them off to the Easter Bunny.

>> Why not shoot a little Easter Bunny?

>> Have a nice weekend.

>> You too.

[MUSIC]

>> Looks pretty bad, doesn't it?

>> Worse than that.

>> My God.

>> Here comes Peter Cottontail.

>> I'm sorry, I'm really sorry.

>> Wait a minute, wait a minute, Fenton.

You must have coffees.

>> No, this is it.

>> You've got it on disk, right?

>> She microwaved it.

>> Someone's coming down the bunny trail.

>> Hard drive?

>> In the dishwasher.

I guess she's got a lot of anger.

>> And too many appliances.

>> Well, I'm fucked.

I'm totally fucked.

>> I love Easter.

It's my favorite holiday.

>> Do you wanna hit me?

Go ahead, it'll make you feel better.

>> Fenton.

>> Ow. >> Toby.

>> Well, you weren't gonna do it.

>> Matthew.

>> Ariel.

>> Cape COD.

>> Yes, yes, Cape COD, soon.

Soon, Cape COD.

Have a seat.

All right, all right now.

There must be something we can do.

>> Why don't you tell Gibby the truth?

I'm sure he'll understand.

>> I just killed myself sometimes.

>> An apartment for you, you got a dress on, I'll bust you in the nose.

>> No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

I'll tell you what we're gonna do.

We're gonna put this back together.

We are?

>> Why not?

We can still read the words.

We'll do it piece by piece.

>> Shh.

If you listen, you can hear pigs flying.

>> Okay, we got 62 hours fit and I'm gonna need you all weekend.

>> Okay, I don't have a toothbrush, but of course I understand.

>> Where do you think you're going?

>> Forget it.

I gotta see my aunt this weekend.

She's in the hospital, dying.

She could go any minute.

>> I'll pay you double golden time and kick in two vacation days.

>> She's in God's hands.

I'll get the tape.

>> We'll use the conference room.

You better put on a fresh pot of coffee.

We can do this.

I know we can do this.

>> Cape COD.

>> Huh?

>> Oh.

Oh, Ariel.

I'm sorry.

Some other weekend, Cape COD, okay?

This weekend book.

>> No Cape COD?

>> No.

No Cape COD.

>> Oh, did you call me?

Oh.

I am your-- >> Go to fuck, Marthy.

[ Music ]

>> When do they go to the hotel?

Why?

>> That's the Waterford, Chapter 8.

>> Isn't this how Stalin tortured his political prisoners?

>> Why don't you think of this as a game, okay?

Sort of like a Jigsaw puzzle.

>> More like 318 Jigsaw puzzles.

>> Well, maybe that's 318 times the fun.

>> If I was to smack him upside the head, which side would that be exactly?

>> Enough, Toby.

What I need from you is a little less complaining and a lot more work.

Look at my pile.

Look at Fenton's pile.

Your piles were our piles.

We're an hour ago.

>> There.

Now I'm ahead of you.

Wake me when you catch up.

[ Music ]

>> So, Fenton, what does a guy got to do

to make a woman do something like this?

I mean, this is not exactly a cap off the toothpaste kind of thing.

>> No, it was nothing like that.

She said I left my passions on the page.

>> No kidding.

You seem like a pretty feisty guy to me.

>> Do you think we could keep the chit chat to a minimum?

Some of us are aware of our deadline here.

>> But she's really taking you to the cleaners, huh?

>> Well, so far it looks like I'm going to be able to keep my car

and my Indian arrowhead collection.

>> Oh, you're really making out like a bandits.

>> Does the word lollygagging mean anything to anyone?

>> Shut up.

Would you please shut up?

We have been in this room for 14 hours breathing the same air.

I've got paper cuts and tape goo all over my hands.

We're working and we're exhausted and

we do not want to hear about lollyg agging

or dilly-dallying or visiting with our neighbors.

So would you please just shut up before I kill you?

>> Okay, I think we're ready for a 15-minute break.

Please don't leave the building.

>> You should give him a hard time.

>> When you got a gift.

So, Fenton, what'd you do when you found all this?

>> Well, to be honest, I got pretty steamed.

>> Yeah, and?

>> And I told her I would appreciate it if she didn't do it again.

>> Well, jump back.

Fenton, the woman hacked the year of your life into pieces.

Now, what are you going to do about it?

>> Well, I'll probably get over it.

>> Ow! You keep hitting me.

>> Well, you got to learn to hit back.

>> Really, I don't know if this is such a good idea.

>> Are you scared? Of course you're scared.

So use it. Make your fear work for you.

The mongoose bites most fiercely when it's cornered.

>> She dislocated my shoulder once.

>> It's a bone, Fenton. It's a bone.

Okay, feel free to call her names.

Make fun of body parts. Threats are good.

Helen, it's me. I have some... What? I'm at Whitestone.

Uh, Carol has him.

Of course the cat likes her.

Well, I'm sorry, but... >> Remember the mongoose!

>> But that is not why I called.

I just wanted you to know that I'm rather...

I am very, very upset about what you did to my book.

I don't care about your anger, okay?

No! You shut up!

My feelings have just as much validity as your feelings.

That is something you never understood, did you?

That's why you are gonna grow old alone.

A very lonely old woman with no friends, no love, no pets.

I'm glad it's over.

Goodbye, Helen. Goodbye.

Wow.

That was incredible.

She was really surprised, too.

This is great. Who else can I call?

My mother. No.

My sixth grade math teacher, Mrs. Alsuite.

She was such a bitch.

Easy, easy. Slow down.

You've got to savor it like a fine wine.

Oh, this is great. Thank you, Toby.

No problem.

Toby! Fenton!

What are you two doing?

Our break was over two minutes ago.

We're already six pages behind schedule.

What are you graining at?

I'm a mongoose.

You people are a mess.

Okay, people.

We have to have this on Gibby's desk in 29 hours and 56 minutes.

Now, I think it's time to review our goal.

Get a procedure on the knob on the cleared path through the minefields.

Then cut west as far as you can go to our Texas 2.

All right. Why don't we start with "Why are we here?"

The book. We're here to do the book.

Not to make phone calls to our ex-wives.

Not to complain about the working conditions.

Not to put funny signs on people's backs.

It's just this kind of counterproductive... Are you okay?

I'm fine.

My back!

I'll call 911.

No, no, no, no, the book.

I've got to finish the book.

Someone just bring me my pile. I'll work on it from here.

Where's the tape?

Shit!

I got some pills I take from my shoulder. Do you want one?

No, thanks.

I'm not a big believer in medication.

Please, Doug.

Oh, the pill. Fenton, give me the fucking pill.

I'm not going to take a break.

Toby, get back here.

Come and get me.

Give me it.

Oh!

Toby, your page looks really great.

Well, you wrote it.

You know what would be good?

A book about ducks.

Ducks?

Everybody does books about people.

When was the last time you read a good duck book?

It just might work.

We clean up.

Do I?

I like ducks.

I like the word duck.

Duck.

Duck.

Think like happy ducks.

Uh, Martin, no more pills. You've had like three or four already.

Oh, come on, come on, just one more.

I still got a little twin.

Twin.

Twin.

Twin.

Well, you ain't talking good since, Granny.

Where you going?

I'm just going into the corridor.

Corridor.

(music)

Wow.

This is amazing.

It's some view.

Huh? Yeah, I should sit up here more often.

Hey, there's Brooklyn.

Oh, and the great big bridge.

All those unbelievably tall buildings.

People look just like ants.

Hi.

Wake up!

What?

Last page.

I think you should do it.

No, I think you should do it.

Let's do it together.

(music)

Tommy! Fun time!

I'm out.

Ariel? What are you doing here?

I thought you were mad at me.

Jesus!

No underwear.

All right, boys, this is where we get on.

Oh, no, Ariel, no.

I've got to do the work.

Howdy. I'm fantasy.

I know.

Where's she goes?

Oh.

Oh, Ariel.

Ow.

Oh.

Oh.

Hey, Marty.

What did I tell you?

Huh? Great.

Huh?

(screams)

(screams)

(screams).

Where's my book, Marty?

Give it.

Where's my book, Marty?

Where's my book?

I can explain it.

We had a minus in the pen.

I need two more eggs for my basket.

Where am I going to find two more eggs?

(laughs)

(screams)

What happened?

You had a real rough night, bud.

(crying)

I don't understand it.

Where is everybody?

Yes, sir, Mr. Lebrand. It's all finished.

Oh, my God.

Toby?

Benton?

Toby?

Benton!

Toby?

Benton?

Toby?

I can't believe you guys did this.

Get that book off!

We were meant to be here, to see what we have seen.

The Earth itself doesn't want us to know these things.

Yeah!

Toby.

What?

Oh, boy!

Okay.

Yeah, boy!

Well, uh... I'm going to take a shower, so I'll be in Gibby's office.

I guess I know where you'll be.

So I'll just leave the book out here in case you want to read it.

Seriously, duh.

(screams)

(screams)

(screams)

Easy.

(screams)

(screams)

(screams).

What?

Huh?

Hey!

By tomorrow, all our problems will be over.

It's going to be a brand new day.

Faton?

Faton?

Everything will be okay.

Faton?

Hey, hey, hey.

Faton?

Helen.

There you are.

I've been wandering around this place for the last 20 minutes.

Look, I'm unarmed, but I'm not afraid of you.

You're not, are you?

Ever since that call yesterday, I haven't

been able to stop thinking about you.

You had such fire, such animal passion.

That's close enough. Stay on that side of the desk.

Honey, I'm serious.

Everything you said was true.

I have been selfish.

I just wanted you to know how sorry I am about your book and your car.

Wait a minute.

What did you do to my car?

Well, you'll find out when you get home.

The important thing is, if you're willing, I'd like to work this out.

Faton, please come back.

Hey, look what I... Oh, boy.

You fuck! You fucking fuck!

Helen, look!

I hate you!

I'm going to destroy everything you've ever owned!

Helen, don't!

You pig.

Look, lady, you lay another finger on this man, and you wish your parents

had not been born.

Helen, Helen, Helen, no!

No!

No! You don't want to do that.

Watch me.

Oh, my God. What kind of publishing house is this?

Helen. Helen, come on.

This is so silly.

Put the book down.

We're all your friends here.

Stay back.

Okay, okay, Dave. Now look.

Thank you, Martin.

But I can stand up for myself.

Helen, give me the goddamn book now.

Oops. There goes the title page.

Back time for anger, Fenton. No more anger.

But you said... I know what I said, but groveling is also effective.

Helen, please. Please, don't do this.

I'm sure you could work out your problem with Fenton.

After he's been with that slut. Hey!

There go the acknowledgements.

Make love to her.

What?

That she will understand.

What about me? Would you like to go out with me?

You could have dinner.

Pathetic.

Do you like the theater?

You know what? You're all pathetic.

I've had enough of this.

Stop!

Father, help me.

Don't let this happen to me again.

Thank you.

Here's your stupid book.

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[♪♪♪]

Don't go away, will you? Just go away.

He always talks that way when he's suicidal.

Everything's over.

There's nothing left to do.

Is it worth it?

Huh?

Is it really worth it?

Martin, why don't we go downstairs away from the ledge?

[screaming]

Why don't we do it?

Beating ourselves into the ground for something that costs $4.95

that some jerk is gonna leave on the subway.

Martin, you're just tired.

Why don't we all just go home and get some rest, huh?

Should we carry him down?

I'm not gonna touch him. He's naked.

Every day, it's the same thing.

At a comma, con a comma, move a comma, even though books are the same.

That's not true.

Oh, come on, Fenton.

Murder in January, murder in February. What's the difference?

You just take one book and you-- Anybody need a diagram?

Here we go. Murder in August.

Replace August with September.

Fine. Done. Okay. Chapter one.

Janet loved Paris. Right up until the moment,

Professor Breod put a bullet between her bright blue eyes.

Uh, okay. Janet becomes Susan.

Zorba.

Bob.

Okay, but we're gonna have to do something

about his womanly bosom in chapter three.

Uh, and then Paris becomes-- Bensonhurst.

Venice.

Fine, Venice. Right up until the moment,

his gay lover Armando put a hand grenade between two slices of toast.

But I was just getting creative.

I should be here longer than I thought.

327 pages.

Here, let me rub them for you.

This building has dandruff.

Morning, all.

Martin, you look like shit.

You all look like shit.

Hello, Gibby. I hope you had a pleasant weekend.

Bloody marvelous. Didn't do a damn thing, actually.

Just lay about the house, yank in my wanker. How about you?

Just about the same.

I, uh-- Did you get a chance to look at Fenton's book?

First thing Monday morning. Just like I promised.

Yeah, just thumb through it.

And I must say, bloody great job.

Looks like another Fenton Harley bestseller.

Exactly like your last one, of course.

We all remember what a big hit that was.

Sure, sure we do. Didn't I tell you?

Don't let your head get too big for your hat, Marty.

We've got the Maxwell Graham book due next Monday.

Hippity-hop.

Here we go again.

[HORN HONKING]

Coming up next, actor Bernie Mac and music by Beth Orton.

In The Late Show.

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