Original subtitles

[MUSIC]

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[MUSIC].

[MUSIC]

Jeremy, get dressed and nothing from the hamper.

>> All right, all right.

[KNOCKING]

>> Hello, darling.

>> Hi, Mom.

>> Are we the first?

>> Yes, yes.

>> I have a surprise for you.

>> Really?

>> Ta-da!

>> Just what I always wanted, a man in plaid pants.

Hello.

>> You remember Harry.

Of course, when you met him, we weren't an item.

>> Oh, right.

Right.

Nice to meet you.

>> Nice to meet me.

It's a real treat meeting you, Martin.

I have heard such wonderful things.

[LAUGHING]

>> Don't touch me.

>> He's a hugger.

>> He sure is.

>> Where's my favorite grandchild?

>> Hey, Grandma.

>> I want you to meet my special friend, Harry.

>> Nice to meet you.

>> Oh, what a grip.

He's like a price fritter.

>> Why don't you get Harry something to drink?

>> I'll follow you, Jeremy.

You're my guide.

>> Come here, darling.

So, what do you think?

>> Well, that grotesque clown.

He's certainly different from Dad.

>> You mean because he's good natured and pleasant.

Not moody, depressed, aggravating.

>> Maybe that's it.

>> This is sensational.

This is the best stuff I ever tasted.

What do you call this, Martin?

>> Orange soda.

>> It's very good.

>> I'll get it.

>> Watch.

>> I love it.

>> Hi, Uncle Manny.

>> I couldn't find a space.

It's impossible to park in the city.

You ever park here?

>> Uncle Manny, I'm only 13.

>> When I was 13, there were spaces

everywhere, but now -- >> Hello, hello, hello.

>> Hey.

>> Is that the face I love?

>> How are you, Aunt Cindy?

>> Oh, I'm good, good, good in you.

>> Good, good, good.

>> Oh, good, good, good.

>> How adorable.

>> Oh, terrible.

>> So, we're at the Seder.

And we get to the pub, and we open the door for the prophet Elijah.

And they open the door.

And what do you think happens?

>> The dog walks in.

>> The dog walks in.

I mean, did you ever hear anything like that?

>> No.

>> First time today.

>> Oh, yeah, Uncle Hyde.

>> Tell them the fish story.

>> Oh, the fish story.

It's Coney Island in the summertime.

The fish comes out of the water.

Has an inverted name carrying the flag in the last walk.

Nobody notices it because the fish comes out of the water.

>> You think he likes me?

>> Of course he likes you.

What's not to like?

You are the sweetest man.

>> I'm the luckiest.

>> You stay away from home.

>> Stop.

>> There you go.

>> Jeremy, I understand you're going to be missing your Aunt Ruth's surprise

party tomorrow.

>> Yeah, well, Jeremy would rather spend

the evening with his mother and Richard.

They're having dinner at the White House.

>> Don't call me crazy.

>> Congratulations.

>> What a thrill.

>> Hold it, hold it, hold it.

I just want to go on record and say, I still think having a surprise party

is a terrible idea.

>> You're already on record, Uncle Manny.

>> At 75, you don't need surprises.

When you wake up in the morning, that's surprise enough.

>> You can give me a surprise party any time.

>> I'm the sky that brings you to the sky.

Who wants coffee cake?

Who wants coffee cake?

>> I love this thing.

>> I'll get it.

>> Oh, my God.

>> What?

>> Yes, who's here?

>> It's Sarah.

>> Sarah?

>> Martin, come say hello to your little cousin Sarah.

>> Look what I got.

>> Little Sarah.

>> What a surprise.

>> You are looking fine.

>> There isn't so little anymore.

>> Hi, Martin.

>> You insane, maddening, beautiful little creature.

>> You got so big.

>> It's amazing, isn't it?

They even make me pay adult prices at the movies now.

>> Is this the little girl I carry?

>> Look, Martin, such a grown-up lady.

Look how gorgeous, how voluptuous, how alluring.

>> Stop.

>> Yep.

>> What are you doing these days?

>> I just got my master's in social work.

I'm working at this family therapy clinic in Los Angeles.

>> You want the doll?

>> No, I couldn't do it.

>> The pay is lousy, but I really, really love it.

>> That's great.

>> Sweetheart, did you come straight here from the airport?

>> Yes, I'm staying at the Knickerbocker.

>> That's via traffic.

>> That's a dump.

We can't let you do that.

>> Who has room for Sarah?

>> No, please, really.

>> If Sadie and I are at the park Lane, maybe they could ring in a cut.

>> Sure.

>> I wouldn't want to impose.

>> Oh, you're the only one.

>> Martin, why doesn't Sarah stay right here?

>> What an all-fired horrible idea that is.

>> I'd love to.

I'd love to, but we really don't have the room.

>> Don't have the room?

>> This place is a palace.

>> Speak when you're supposed to go around here.

>> Well, you know, with Jeremy here.

>> Oh, my mom's tonight.

>> Perfect.

The Blumberg cousins will have a slumber party.

What could be sweeter?

>> You got me.

>> I thought they'd never leave.

>> You know our family.

Why let an organ be a rage on for two

hours when you can let it rage on for six?

>> It's just a surprise party, you know?

It's not like they're planning the whole Normandy.

>> She's driving me crazy.

>> Do you know, I think the last time that

I saw you was our big monopoly tournament.

>> That's right.

Let's go to the bedroom.

>> You took advantage of me.

>> I did?

>> You were such a cheater.

Every time I came back from the bathroom, you had six more hotels.

I'm still on LA time.

You probably want to go to bed.

>> Yes, yes.

>> No, no.

I'm way too weak.

>> Yeah?

>> What do you want to do?

>> Monopoly.

>> Okay.

>> Your cousin?

>> Oh, that's disgusting.

>> Eddie, come on.

Who are you, Jerry Lee Lewis?

I'm just saying she's terrific.

You know what I mean?

She's bright and she's funny.

We just have a lot in common.

>> Yeah, grandmother.

So you're not going to do anything, are you?

>> No, no, of course not.

No, it's just a little weird.

>> You're not going to do anything, are you?

>> No, no, of course not.

It's just a little weird.

>> You're not going to do anything, are you?

>> No, no, of course not.

>> You're not going to do anything.

>> You're not going to do anything.

>> No, no, of course not.

It's just a little weird, you know?

I'm sure these feelings are normal.

>> No, you're sick.

I did a show on this.

I didn't want to touch those people.

>> Would you stop?

You've done everything with women.

You've been with triplets.

>> Yeah, but they were related to each other, not me.

Oh, this is sick.

I can't eat.

[ Music ]

[ Laughter ]

>> I could find a parking place.

If it's right parking in the city, it's a nightmare.

How are you?

>> I'm having a big half a pair.

>> I'm having a round of applause.

>> Hi, sir.

>> What's that?

>> Hello, sweetheart.

How are you?

>> Martin, what a snazzy dresser.

Look at it with the jacket and the tie.

>> Doris, look at your son.

He's a regular diplomat.

[ Laughter ]

>> You see, mister, when you're talking to me.

>> Hello, Harry.

>> Hi.

>> Oh, what a spread.

>> Oh, Sharky is gorgeous.

>> As a family therapist, I cannot condone physical violence.

>> These plates can't be paper.

Paper.

>> On the other hand, it may be therapeutic.

[ Music ]

>> This is your dish.

Take it.

It's all for you.

>> Ah, yes.

[ Music ]

>> You can't do this.

You haven't got the right.

>> I should get the dip.

>> She's coming.

She's coming.

Oh, everybody hide.

>> We never talk about hiding.

>> If we don't hide, we can't jump out.

>> Hey, what's happening?

I'm hiding enough.

>> Fine.

Jump out at a 75-year-old woman.

Why don't you just shoot her as she comes down the hall?

>> Okay, forget about it.

We won't jump out.

I hope you're happy.

>> You'll thank me for it later.

>> You're wrong.

>> I'm not wrong, Doris.

I'm right.

>> I found the corner.

>> Shh.

>> Surprise!

>> Oh!

>> This is wonderful.

>> Hi, Doris.

>> Hi, Doris.

>> Hi, Doris.

>> Were you surprised?

Did we get you?

I was completely shocked.

>> Oh, my God.

No.

>> Please, I don't know if you can do this.

>> No, I'm sorry.

>> I'm sorry.

>> Oh, I'm sorry.

>> No, I'm sorry.

>> Oh, Doris, I'm sorry.

This is not healthy.

>> This is not legal, I mean, you know, except maybe in Utah.

>> Well, obviously, we're not going to do anything about it.

>> Tell me why not.

>> Right, right.

>> But it's good.

We're talking about it.

>> Oh, yeah, yeah, I mean, you have to talk about these things.

I mean, I'm sure as a family therapist, you come across this kind of thing

just all the time.

>> Actually, never.

But I just started.

>> Well, look, the important thing is we

both know what's going on here, right?

And we can deal with this in a mature adult way.

>> Absolutely.

>> I'm glad we talked.

>> Me too.

>> It was like, eh, eh, eh, eh.

>> Phew.

>> Come here, Cass.

>> Why is the fire?

>> Yeah.

What's this over here?

Whoa.

Here's a Zindian barns I owed you.

>> Ow, ow, ow.

>> Hi.

>> Oh, no.

>> Hey, Ruth.

>> It's not what you think.

>> No, no, no, no.

I was just showing her the thing from the movie, from the, you know, from

the movie, from the play.

>> There was this television show.

>> Right, right.

>> I just came in to get the scissors.

>> Great.

>> Here you go.

>> I'm going to open my presents now.

>> Okay.

>> You have fun now, okay?

Okay, take it easy.

>> Oh, my God, she's going to tell my mother.

>> We'll deny it.

It's our word against hers and she's old.

She's old and no one will believe it.

>> Oh, my God.

>> Okay, okay, okay.

This kind of thing happens all the time.

>> Maybe in French movies.

>> It's okay.

It's okay.

Come on.

It's going to be fine.

>> Really?

>> It's not a big deal, right?

It's not a tragedy.

>> Right.

>> Come on.

Let's go to a party.

>> Okay.

[ Background noise ]

>> Does anyone know VCR?

>> You've killed it.

>> Come on.

>> Don't worry.

It'll be all right.

>> Manny was right.

The surprise was too much for her.

It's all my fault.

>> Doris, it's not your fault.

>> It's all our fault.

>> It's not my fault.

>> Come on, everybody.

Let's just go to the hospital.

Come on.

>> All right, let's go.

I don't know when we're going to park.

>> Oh, God, God, God.

I just -- we killed her.

>> No, Martin, she's not dead.

>> No, no, not yet.

>> Martin -- >> We sinned against God.

He was trying to strike us down, and he missed him.

He hit our roof.

>> Martin, don't do this to yourself.

It was just something that happened.

>> No, but this never would have happened if you hadn't brought it up.

>> I beg your pardon.

I was under the distinct impression you were feeling the same way.

>> Well, I was prepared not to deal with it.

And frankly, I think we'd all be a hell of a lot better off if --

if everybody ignored everything just all the time.

>> Oh, well, that's healthy.

>> I wanted to do the dip.

I should have been doing the dip if I'd been doing the dip.

This -- this -- this never would have happened.

>> You already did the dip.

The dip was done.

There was no more dip to do.

>> The ambulance is leaving.

[ Music ]

>> It's nothing.

It's a minor heart attack.

The doctor says you're going to be fine.

>> Absolutely.

>> You know, I never cared about turning 75 because I never felt 75.

Today I feel 75.

Today I feel 105.

>> Oh, no.

>> You never looked better.

>> Ruth, you haven't touched your Salisbury steak.

It looks delicious.

>> You haven't.

Where's Manny?

>> Oh, it's Martin and Sarah.

>> How are you feeling, Aunt Ruth?

>> Fine, fine.

I'm fine.

For someone with cardiac arrest.

>> These vegetables are wonderful.

So fresh.

Martin?

>> I never knew how easy it would be to kill a man.

>> I'll pass.

>> Aunt Ruth, do you need anything?

>> Is there anything we can do?

>> Please, darlings.

You've done enough already.

>> Oh.

Oh.

This jello is fantastic.

>> I'm sure it's great, Harry, but -- >> Here, go ahead.

Try some.

Come on.

Open the mouth, please.

Is that something?

I tell you in my life, I never had anything so wonderful.

>> It's just jello, Harry.

It's always the same.

I mean, there's a ceiling on how good jello can be.

You know, it can be green or red or orange, but it's just jello.

>> Martin?

>> Yes.

>> Sorry.

>> What's the matter with you?

>> Oh, it's no big deal to her, is she?

He's probably a pudding guy.

Excuse me.

>> He's important to me.

Why'd you have to yell at him?

>> Mom.

>> Harry!

Harry!

>> Maybe we should all go, Aunt Ruth, and let you get your rest.

>> Yes.

Yes, definitely.

>> No, you stay.

Everybody else, leave.

I want to talk to Martin and Sarah.

>> Oh, okay.

>> I found a parking space.

We have two free hours, and it's right in front of the building.

>> We're leaving.

>> Like what?

>> I said we're leaving.

>> I just parked the car.

>> Do I have to draw you out?

>> I've been driving the car around the block for a hour and a half.

Aunt Ruth, we are so, so sorry.

>> You're so terrible.

>> Look, I didn't get a heart attack because of what I saw you two doing.

Of course it didn't help, but it did cause me a certain amount of stress.

But I'm old.

Old people get heart attacks, and I could have one sometime.

Maybe not today or next year.

>> Aunt Ruth, it will never happen again.

>> Never.

Never.

Absolutely.

Never.

>> Listen, kids.

This thing that's happening, these feelings, you think you're the thing.

You think you're the first ones to have these feelings?

>> And I thought I was being profoundly original.

>> I used to think your Uncle Manny was such a good looker.

>> Uncle Manny?

>> Sure.

In his day, he was like a Jewish Tyrone Power.

But do you know who really took my breath away?

>> Uncle Hi?

>> You, Martin.

When you were 17, 18.

The way you filled out those jeans.

I wanted to grab your little tush.

>> Sick, mother.

Sick.

>> So you see, everybody has those feelings.

It's normal.

You just don't act on them.

>> Right.

>> Absolutely.

>> I'm glad you straightened us out on that.

>> You did it.

>> Thank you.

>> This is a sin against nature.

We're going to go blind and grow hair on our palms.

>> That's the wrong sin.

>> Aren't you at all worried about your family?

>> No.

>> No.

>> You're going to be in therapy our whole lives, of course.

I'm a therapist, so I'll probably get a deal.

>> My kids are going to look like Toulouselets, Frank.

>> We're not having kids.

We're having sex.

>> It's even worse.

At least if we were having kids, we'd be

accepted in some Appalachian culture.

>> Our whole attack wasn't good enough,

and we'll be happy until we kill somebody.

>> There goes Uncle Manny.

Okay.

Okay.

Let's take out the whole family.

[Crying]

>> Wait a minute.

Wait a minute.

Something just occurred to me.

>> What?

What?

>> We have the same feet.

>> Excuse me?

>> We have the same feet.

Look.

Look.

You see the way the next to the small toes sort of curls in like that, you

know, and we're both fond of it.

>> We have my mother's feet.

>> Right, right, the Blumberg feet.

Remember when we were kids at Uncle Manny's pool and we'd leave footprints

in the concrete there, right?

And, well, we all had the same feet.

Oh, my God.

[Music]

>> You want to play Monopoly?

>> I'd love to.

>> Okay.

I'll be the racing car.

>> I want to be the racing car.

>> You were the racing car last time, okay, N >> I'm fine.

Go back to Florida.

>> Goodbye, sweetheart.

I'll call you.

>> Harry, I'm really glad my mother found you.

You know, you make her very, very happy.

And I apologize if I've been anything less than hospitable, you know, but

your natural exuberance can be a little overwhelming.

>> I understand.

Yes, I can be that way.

>> But let me just say one thing.

That is the kindest thing anybody has ever said to me.

Doris, did you hear your son, the speech maker?

He's such eloquent, such warm.

>> Time to go, Harry.

>> Can I have this back?

>> Goodbye, sweetheart.

>> You are eloquent and you are warm.

You're wonderful.

>> Yes, say goodbye.

>> Yes, bye.

>> Sorry I missed your party, Andrew.

>> Oh, you didn't miss much.

Come here, you.

Give your aunt a big hug.

>> Look at that face.

Look at that face.

If I were 50 years younger, I'd grab it.

>> Okay, visiting hours are over.

Got her on.

It's great seeing you out, Ruth.

Wave goodbye, Jeremy.

Take care.

>> We always was a very close family.