Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:10,000
[MUSIC]
2
00:00:10,001 --> 00:00:20,000
[MUSIC]
3
00:00:20,001 --> 00:00:30,000
[MUSIC]
4
00:00:30,001 --> 00:00:40,000
[MUSIC].
5
00:00:59,000 --> 00:01:09,000
[MUSIC]
6
00:01:09,001 --> 00:01:23,000
You have real talent.
7
00:01:23,001 --> 00:01:24,000
Excuse me, Mrs. Da Vinci?
8
00:01:24,001 --> 00:01:26,000
Barbara Truesdale's agent's on two.
9
00:01:27,000 --> 00:01:28,000
Uh, do you mind?
10
00:01:28,001 --> 00:01:30,000
Oh, no, go right ahead.
11
00:01:30,001 --> 00:01:32,000
She's at it again.
12
00:01:32,001 --> 00:01:35,000
Jeanette, good morning.
13
00:01:35,001 --> 00:01:36,000
Martin.
14
00:01:36,001 --> 00:01:38,000
Oh, no, no, no, no.
15
00:01:38,001 --> 00:01:39,000
I hate that Martin.
16
00:01:39,001 --> 00:01:40,000
What?
17
00:01:40,001 --> 00:01:41,000
What is it?
18
00:01:41,001 --> 00:01:42,000
Is it bad news?
19
00:01:42,001 --> 00:01:44,000
No, it's just expensive news.
20
00:01:44,001 --> 00:01:46,000
My client rejected your offer.
21
00:01:46,001 --> 00:01:50,000
We're looking for something
in the neighborhood of 250,000.
22
00:01:50,001 --> 00:01:52,000
Oh, I try to stay out of that neighborhood.
23
00:01:52,001 --> 00:01:53,000
Jeanette, come on.
24
00:01:53,001 --> 00:01:56,000
250,000?
25
00:01:56,001 --> 00:01:57,000
I think this is a shitty book.
26
00:01:57,001 --> 00:01:58,000
That's true.
27
00:01:58,001 --> 00:02:00,000
However, her last shitty
book sold half a million copies.
28
00:02:00,001 --> 00:02:04,000
Now, you paid 80 for that, and this
one is well over three times as shitty.
29
00:02:04,001 --> 00:02:05,000
Wait a second, wait a second.
30
00:02:05,001 --> 00:02:06,000
I don't think it's that shitty.
31
00:02:06,001 --> 00:02:07,000
Tell you what.
32
00:02:07,001 --> 00:02:09,000
You're willing to make it 300?
33
00:02:09,001 --> 00:02:11,000
You got yourself a two-book deal.
34
00:02:11,001 --> 00:02:12,000
Done.
35
00:02:12,001 --> 00:02:15,000
But I'm telling you, this next
one better be absolute garbage.
36
00:02:15,001 --> 00:02:16,000
Not to worry.
37
00:02:16,001 --> 00:02:19,000
I promise it will really suck.
38
00:02:19,001 --> 00:02:21,000
Aren't you going to ask me to have a book?
39
00:02:21,001 --> 00:02:23,000
Aren't you going to ask me to have dinner?
40
00:02:23,001 --> 00:02:27,000
Uh, listen, I'm probably
way out of line here, but, uh,
41
00:02:27,001 --> 00:02:31,000
would you like to have
dinner sometime tonight?
42
00:02:31,001 --> 00:02:32,000
Excuse me, Romeo?
43
00:02:32,001 --> 00:02:33,000
What?
44
00:02:33,001 --> 00:02:35,000
Filing-wise, do you want
McBeefore Ma or after Mo?
45
00:02:35,001 --> 00:02:36,000
Shh!
46
00:02:36,001 --> 00:02:39,000
Look, it's just that some
people like MC before MA.
47
00:02:39,001 --> 00:02:40,000
Why, I don't know.
48
00:02:40,001 --> 00:02:41,000
Toby, I don't care.
49
00:02:41,001 --> 00:02:44,000
Uh... Well, if you don't care.
50
00:02:44,001 --> 00:02:47,000
Uh, was that a yes?
51
00:02:47,001 --> 00:02:48,000
Yeah, yeah.
52
00:02:48,001 --> 00:02:52,000
Um, how about, uh, Cote
du Journe in the village?
53
00:02:52,001 --> 00:02:53,000
Eight o'clock?
54
00:02:53,001 --> 00:02:54,000
Oh, that's perfect.
55
00:02:54,001 --> 00:02:55,000
Perfect, huh?
56
00:02:55,001 --> 00:02:56,000
I'll see you then.
57
00:02:56,001 --> 00:02:57,000
How will I recognize you?
58
00:02:57,001 --> 00:03:01,000
Well, I'm 5'5" and I'm
wearing this kind of, um,
59
00:03:01,001 --> 00:03:04,000
white and gold business-y
thing, and I'm black.
60
00:03:04,001 --> 00:03:07,000
Well, that's one of our surprises tonight.
61
00:03:07,001 --> 00:03:09,000
And the other is this.
62
00:03:09,001 --> 00:03:11,000
Well, I'm... I'm white.
63
00:03:11,001 --> 00:03:12,000
Great.
64
00:03:12,001 --> 00:03:14,000
But I'll have no trouble picking you out.
65
00:03:14,001 --> 00:03:15,000
[Laughs]
66
00:03:15,001 --> 00:03:21,000
Okay, then this one goes
here, and this one also here.
67
00:03:21,001 --> 00:03:23,000
Okay, that's it.
68
00:03:23,001 --> 00:03:26,000
I... Hello?
69
00:03:26,001 --> 00:03:31,000
[Music]
70
00:03:31,001 --> 00:03:33,489
So you're saying just
because she wrote a
71
00:03:33,501 --> 00:03:36,000
lousy book, her husband
should leave her?
72
00:03:36,001 --> 00:03:38,000
No, no, no. See, that's not my point.
73
00:03:38,001 --> 00:03:40,000
Oh, get out of here.
74
00:03:40,001 --> 00:03:44,000
[Music]
75
00:03:44,001 --> 00:03:45,000
Get it out.
76
00:03:45,001 --> 00:03:47,000
All right.
77
00:03:47,001 --> 00:03:50,000
[Music]
78
00:03:50,001 --> 00:03:52,000
How you doing?
79
00:03:52,001 --> 00:03:53,000
Good.
80
00:03:53,001 --> 00:03:57,000
So, uh, what was your point?
81
00:03:57,001 --> 00:03:58,000
I have no idea.
82
00:03:58,001 --> 00:03:59,000
[Laughs]
83
00:03:59,001 --> 00:04:01,000
You can have some of mine.
84
00:04:01,001 --> 00:04:08,000
[Music]
85
00:04:08,001 --> 00:04:15,000
Um... You know, you...
You really... Black.
86
00:04:15,001 --> 00:04:16,000
Great.
87
00:04:16,001 --> 00:04:18,000
No, and I'm just so... White.
88
00:04:18,001 --> 00:04:20,000
Glad we could get together like this.
89
00:04:20,001 --> 00:04:21,000
Yeah, me too.
90
00:04:21,001 --> 00:04:22,000
Really?
91
00:04:22,001 --> 00:04:23,000
Mm-hmm.
92
00:04:23,001 --> 00:04:27,000
I don't... White.
93
00:04:27,001 --> 00:04:28,000
Black.
94
00:04:28,001 --> 00:04:29,000
Lily White.
95
00:04:29,001 --> 00:04:30,000
What are you thinking about?
96
00:04:30,001 --> 00:04:32,000
Uh... I can't tell you.
97
00:04:32,001 --> 00:04:33,000
Arugula.
98
00:04:33,001 --> 00:04:35,000
Arugula?
99
00:04:35,001 --> 00:04:38,000
You know, it's that... that lattacy
stuff that... It's not really lattice.
100
00:04:38,001 --> 00:04:39,000
Yeah, yeah, I know what it is.
101
00:04:39,001 --> 00:04:42,000
That just seems like a
funny thing to think about.
102
00:04:42,001 --> 00:04:47,000
[Music]
103
00:04:47,001 --> 00:04:48,000
Sorry, honey.
104
00:04:48,001 --> 00:04:49,000
I saw him first.
105
00:04:49,001 --> 00:04:53,000
[Music]
106
00:04:53,001 --> 00:04:55,000
Kind of weird, huh?
107
00:04:55,001 --> 00:04:57,000
What?
108
00:04:57,001 --> 00:05:00,000
This whole, um, Arugula thing.
109
00:05:00,001 --> 00:05:03,000
[Music]
110
00:05:03,001 --> 00:05:04,000
[Laughs]
111
00:05:04,001 --> 00:05:05,000
You mean us?
112
00:05:05,001 --> 00:05:06,000
Mm-hmm.
113
00:05:06,001 --> 00:05:07,000
No.
114
00:05:07,001 --> 00:05:08,000
No, come on.
115
00:05:08,001 --> 00:05:09,000
It's not weird.
116
00:05:09,001 --> 00:05:13,000
[Music]
117
00:05:13,001 --> 00:05:16,000
Alright, it's a little weird,
but, uh... Hey, Mom.
118
00:05:16,001 --> 00:05:19,000
I think I can be a
little... Are you sure?
119
00:05:19,001 --> 00:05:28,000
[Music]
120
00:05:28,001 --> 00:05:31,000
I'm not so set in my ways
that I cannot embrace change
121
00:05:31,001 --> 00:05:35,000
if Victor promises an
enrichment of experience.
122
00:05:35,001 --> 00:05:41,000
[Music]
123
00:05:41,001 --> 00:05:42,000
Just try it.
124
00:05:42,001 --> 00:05:43,000
No way.
125
00:05:43,001 --> 00:05:45,000
No, you call it calamari
if you want to, you know.
126
00:05:45,001 --> 00:05:47,000
To me, it's still just squid.
127
00:05:47,001 --> 00:05:48,000
But it's really good squid.
128
00:05:48,001 --> 00:05:49,000
Forget it. Forget it.
129
00:05:49,001 --> 00:05:51,000
I never eat anything cooked in its own ink.
130
00:05:51,001 --> 00:05:52,000
Oh, come on.
131
00:05:52,001 --> 00:05:54,000
Last night you made me eat a pigeon.
132
00:05:54,001 --> 00:05:56,000
It was squab and you liked it.
133
00:05:56,001 --> 00:05:58,000
Now eat the squid.
134
00:05:58,001 --> 00:05:59,000
Here.
135
00:05:59,001 --> 00:06:00,000
Eat it.
136
00:06:00,001 --> 00:06:02,000
[Music]
137
00:06:02,001 --> 00:06:03,000
Mm.
138
00:06:03,001 --> 00:06:05,000
That was very brave.
139
00:06:05,001 --> 00:06:31,000
[Music]
140
00:06:31,001 --> 00:06:36,000
Experiment, 1112, 7 A.M.
respiration instantly quickened.
141
00:06:36,001 --> 00:06:45,000
[Music]
142
00:06:45,001 --> 00:06:47,000
522, collapse.
143
00:06:47,001 --> 00:06:49,000
[Music]
144
00:06:49,001 --> 00:06:52,000
320, throwsiness, deep respiration.
145
00:06:52,001 --> 00:06:57,000
[Music]
146
00:06:57,001 --> 00:07:01,000
7 A.M., injected one cubic
centimeter of a 2% solution.
147
00:07:01,001 --> 00:07:03,000
[Music]
148
00:07:03,001 --> 00:07:05,000
705 appears normal again.
149
00:07:05,001 --> 00:07:11,000
[Music]
150
00:07:11,001 --> 00:07:13,000
8 o'clock, subject quiet.
151
00:07:13,001 --> 00:07:20,000
[Music]
152
00:07:20,001 --> 00:07:22,000
Oh my.
153
00:07:22,001 --> 00:07:24,000
You know what they say about us white guys?
154
00:07:24,001 --> 00:07:26,000
[Laughing]
155
00:07:26,001 --> 00:07:32,000
Martin, have you ever gone
out with a black woman before?
156
00:07:32,001 --> 00:07:36,000
Well, um, no. No.
157
00:07:36,001 --> 00:07:38,000
But my best friend is black.
158
00:07:38,001 --> 00:07:39,000
Oh, God.
159
00:07:39,001 --> 00:07:42,000
No, no.
Not some of my best friends are black.
160
00:07:42,001 --> 00:07:44,000
My entire best friend is black.
161
00:07:44,001 --> 00:07:45,000
You'd like him, you know?
162
00:07:45,001 --> 00:07:46,000
And not just because he's black.
163
00:07:46,001 --> 00:07:47,000
Not that there's anything
wrong with him being black.
164
00:07:47,001 --> 00:07:48,000
I mean, he's a black guy.
165
00:07:48,001 --> 00:07:50,000
It doesn't help to repeat yourself so much.
166
00:07:50,001 --> 00:07:52,000
I'm just gonna stop saying black, okay?
167
00:07:52,001 --> 00:07:54,000
Okay.
168
00:07:54,001 --> 00:07:58,000
What do you want? You, uh...
You ever been out with a white guy?
169
00:07:58,001 --> 00:07:59,000
Yeah.
170
00:07:59,001 --> 00:08:04,000
Kinda got pretty serious, but,
um, it just didn't end too well.
171
00:08:04,001 --> 00:08:05,000
Was it the racial issue?
172
00:08:05,001 --> 00:08:06,000
No.
173
00:08:06,001 --> 00:08:09,000
It was a "he fucked
everything that moved" issue.
174
00:08:09,001 --> 00:08:11,000
That's a... that's a pretty good issue.
175
00:08:11,001 --> 00:08:18,000
[Music]
176
00:08:18,001 --> 00:08:19,000
Hey, hey, that's nice.
177
00:08:19,001 --> 00:08:20,000
Very nice.
178
00:08:20,001 --> 00:08:26,000
[Music]
179
00:08:26,001 --> 00:08:27,000
And it doesn't bother you at all.
180
00:08:27,001 --> 00:08:29,000
Absolutely not.
181
00:08:29,001 --> 00:08:31,000
Where's the McGill Refile?
182
00:08:31,001 --> 00:08:32,000
Under B.
183
00:08:32,001 --> 00:08:37,000
And when you go out with her,
you don't feel at all self-conscious?
184
00:08:37,001 --> 00:08:38,000
Will you stop?
185
00:08:38,001 --> 00:08:40,000
Why? Why is it under B?
186
00:08:40,001 --> 00:08:42,000
You said you didn't care.
187
00:08:42,001 --> 00:08:45,000
You know, I know exactly
what you're going through.
188
00:08:45,001 --> 00:08:50,000
I myself was involved in
an interracial relationship.
189
00:08:50,001 --> 00:08:51,000
Were you really?
190
00:08:51,001 --> 00:08:53,000
Yes, I was.
191
00:08:53,001 --> 00:08:56,000
And everywhere we went, intolerance.
192
00:08:56,001 --> 00:08:59,000
Those icy stares, those disapproving eyes.
193
00:08:59,001 --> 00:09:01,000
Yeah, see? Not... that's it.
194
00:09:01,001 --> 00:09:03,000
Of course, he was Greek.
195
00:09:03,001 --> 00:09:08,000
Maybe it's not the same thing, but,
you know, it's... it's for nine years.
196
00:09:08,001 --> 00:09:11,000
I still can't eat so flacky.
197
00:09:11,001 --> 00:09:14,000
Well, I guess you were
just trying to be helpful.
198
00:09:14,001 --> 00:09:21,000
[Music]
199
00:09:21,001 --> 00:09:23,000
What made you think of Greek food?
200
00:09:23,001 --> 00:09:25,000
No reason.
201
00:09:25,001 --> 00:09:27,000
There's Eddie.
202
00:09:27,001 --> 00:09:29,000
Will, you meet his date.
203
00:09:29,001 --> 00:09:32,000
Hey, how you doing?
204
00:09:32,001 --> 00:09:33,000
What's up, Dad?
205
00:09:33,001 --> 00:09:34,000
Hi.
206
00:09:34,001 --> 00:09:36,000
Oh, look! You have bookshelves.
207
00:09:36,001 --> 00:09:39,000
I love bookshelves.
208
00:09:39,001 --> 00:09:42,000
All arms and legs and no head.
209
00:09:42,001 --> 00:09:44,000
I'd like you to meet Danika.
210
00:09:44,001 --> 00:09:45,000
How you doing?
211
00:09:45,001 --> 00:09:46,000
Hi.
212
00:09:46,001 --> 00:09:48,000
And this is Jeanette.
213
00:09:48,001 --> 00:09:49,000
Hello.
214
00:09:49,001 --> 00:09:50,000
Hi.
215
00:09:50,001 --> 00:09:51,000
Hey!
216
00:09:51,001 --> 00:09:54,000
No!
217
00:09:54,001 --> 00:09:56,000
Hot! Hot!
218
00:09:56,001 --> 00:09:57,000
Hot!
219
00:09:57,001 --> 00:09:58,000
[Laughs]
220
00:09:58,001 --> 00:10:00,000
Just stirring some flesh over here.
221
00:10:00,001 --> 00:10:08,000
Yeah, I'm sorry we're late.
My show ran over.
222
00:10:08,001 --> 00:10:10,000
What?
223
00:10:10,001 --> 00:10:12,000
Nothing.
224
00:10:12,001 --> 00:10:14,000
No, what? What? Do I have food on my face?
225
00:10:14,001 --> 00:10:19,000
No, no.
It's just that, well, I've seen your show.
226
00:10:19,001 --> 00:10:22,000
What does that mean, "I've seen your show"?
227
00:10:22,001 --> 00:10:24,000
Martin, what does that mean?
228
00:10:24,001 --> 00:10:27,000
I can't be sure, but I think it
means that she's seen your show.
229
00:10:27,001 --> 00:10:32,000
Well, it's just that I
think it's kind of silly.
230
00:10:32,001 --> 00:10:34,000
That's all. Oh, nothing personal.
231
00:10:34,001 --> 00:10:35,000
Silly.
232
00:10:35,001 --> 00:10:37,000
Now, how could I possibly
take that personally?
233
00:10:37,001 --> 00:10:41,000
I mean, after all, it is only
called the Eddie Charles Show.
234
00:10:41,001 --> 00:10:43,000
I want the people I
like to like each other.
235
00:10:43,001 --> 00:10:45,000
Glass of wine, anybody?
236
00:10:45,001 --> 00:10:46,000
What flavors do you have?
237
00:10:46,001 --> 00:10:48,000
[Laughs]
238
00:10:48,001 --> 00:10:50,000
You mean besides grape?
239
00:10:50,001 --> 00:10:51,000
Okay.
240
00:10:51,001 --> 00:10:58,000
Okay there, boys and girls. Here we go.
241
00:10:58,001 --> 00:11:02,000
Let's put this here
and... Careful with that.
242
00:11:02,001 --> 00:11:04,000
I should have told you
that Danika's a vegetarian.
243
00:11:04,001 --> 00:11:07,000
Oh, no, no.
I'll eat chicken as long as it's cooked.
244
00:11:07,001 --> 00:11:10,000
So how did you two meet?
245
00:11:10,001 --> 00:11:13,000
I was in a catalog. He ordered you.
246
00:11:13,001 --> 00:11:16,000
Danika was on my show.
Oh, excuse me, my silly show.
247
00:11:16,001 --> 00:11:19,000
Laundry models, the lies behind the lace.
248
00:11:19,001 --> 00:11:20,000
[Laughs]
249
00:11:20,001 --> 00:11:22,000
What? I don't pick the titles.
250
00:11:22,001 --> 00:11:24,000
I didn't say anything.
251
00:11:24,001 --> 00:11:27,000
Look, I think the shows actually
tackle some pretty big issues.
252
00:11:27,001 --> 00:11:30,000
Yeah, I saw the one about tits last week.
253
00:11:30,001 --> 00:11:32,000
Ooh, they were really big.
254
00:11:32,001 --> 00:11:35,000
Come on, those women are suffering.
I mean, they got back aches,
255
00:11:35,001 --> 00:11:37,000
they got bra straps
cutting in their shoulders.
256
00:11:37,001 --> 00:11:42,000
When the big swimsuit finale
was to expose the suffering.
257
00:11:42,001 --> 00:11:44,000
We're heading into a horror,
'cause it's gonna get worse.
258
00:11:44,001 --> 00:11:46,000
Who wants funny copita?
259
00:11:46,001 --> 00:11:51,000
Ooh, nobody. My sister caught that
and couldn't wear pants for a month.
260
00:11:51,001 --> 00:11:55,000
So what do you do?
261
00:11:55,001 --> 00:11:56,000
I'm a literary agent.
262
00:11:56,001 --> 00:11:57,772
She represents
Barbara Truesdale. You
263
00:11:57,784 --> 00:12:00,000
remember, she wrote,
"Torture Me With Kisses"?
264
00:12:00,001 --> 00:12:02,037
Hmm, well, with
credentials like that, you
265
00:12:02,049 --> 00:12:04,000
have every right to
make fun of my show.
266
00:12:04,001 --> 00:12:08,000
I think we'd better
separate them right away.
267
00:12:08,001 --> 00:12:09,000
Eat the food.
268
00:12:09,001 --> 00:12:13,000
Have some chicken.
269
00:12:13,001 --> 00:12:15,000
I'll take a breast.
270
00:12:15,001 --> 00:12:16,000
You would.
271
00:12:16,001 --> 00:12:17,000
Just chew.
272
00:12:17,001 --> 00:12:21,000
I mean, we don't have to talk, right?
We can just chew.
273
00:12:21,001 --> 00:12:22,000
Chew.
274
00:12:22,001 --> 00:12:34,000
Oh, shit! Red wine. Great.
275
00:12:34,001 --> 00:12:36,000
Yeah, I'm sorry.
276
00:12:36,001 --> 00:12:40,000
Uh, would you, uh,
like, uh... I'm sorry.
277
00:12:40,001 --> 00:12:47,000
You know what I like? Weather.
278
00:12:48,000 --> 00:12:49,000
(Doorbell)
279
00:12:49,001 --> 00:12:51,000
(Knocking)
280
00:12:51,001 --> 00:12:54,000
Hello.
281
00:12:54,001 --> 00:12:58,000
Look who's here.
Eddie Charles, ladies and gentlemen.
282
00:12:58,001 --> 00:13:01,000
Here it is. All cleaned.
283
00:13:01,001 --> 00:13:03,000
Great. You can hang it over there.
284
00:13:03,001 --> 00:13:06,000
Oh, can I?
Well, I'll just take that as a thank you.
285
00:13:06,001 --> 00:13:09,000
Look, I told you you didn't
have to have it cleaned.
286
00:13:09,001 --> 00:13:11,000
You're welcome.
287
00:13:11,001 --> 00:13:13,000
Anyway, see ya.
288
00:13:13,001 --> 00:13:15,000
Hey, hey, wait.
289
00:13:15,001 --> 00:13:16,000
What?
290
00:13:16,001 --> 00:13:17,000
There's still a stain.
291
00:13:17,001 --> 00:13:18,000
What are you talking about?
292
00:13:18,001 --> 00:13:20,000
There's a stain right here.
293
00:13:20,001 --> 00:13:21,000
Where?
294
00:13:21,001 --> 00:13:22,000
Come look in the light.
295
00:13:22,001 --> 00:13:26,000
I don't see any stain.
296
00:13:26,001 --> 00:13:27,000
Right here.
297
00:13:27,001 --> 00:13:30,000
That's not where the stain was.
The stain was on this side.
298
00:13:30,001 --> 00:13:33,000
Oh, my God, you're right.
This is a new stain.
299
00:13:33,001 --> 00:13:34,000
What kind of a clean is the Yuko do?
300
00:13:34,001 --> 00:13:35,000
They're good.
301
00:13:35,001 --> 00:13:37,000
Oh, yeah, they're great.
And by 10, stain by five.
302
00:13:37,001 --> 00:13:38,000
Well, give it to me.
I'll still give it back.
303
00:13:38,001 --> 00:13:40,000
Oh, so they don't have another crack at it?
There's nothing on the back yet.
304
00:13:40,001 --> 00:13:42,000
Boy, you just don't give
me a break, will you?
305
00:13:42,001 --> 00:13:44,000
Well, you don't give me a reason to.
306
00:13:44,001 --> 00:13:45,000
Oh, no.
307
00:13:45,001 --> 00:13:46,000
Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
308
00:13:46,001 --> 00:13:47,000
This is bad.
309
00:13:47,001 --> 00:13:48,000
Oh, this is very, very bad.
310
00:13:48,001 --> 00:13:49,000
I mean, Martin.
311
00:13:49,001 --> 00:13:50,000
Martin's a great guy.
312
00:13:50,001 --> 00:13:51,000
He's a great guy.
313
00:13:51,001 --> 00:13:53,000
Oh, I haven't known him long,
and I know he's a great guy.
314
00:13:53,001 --> 00:13:54,000
He's a good guy.
315
00:13:54,001 --> 00:13:55,000
Oh, he's a good guy.
316
00:13:55,001 --> 00:13:56,000
This is not good.
317
00:13:56,001 --> 00:13:57,000
Uh-uh.
318
00:13:57,001 --> 00:13:58,000
Thank you.
319
00:13:58,001 --> 00:13:59,000
Oh, no.
320
00:13:59,001 --> 00:14:00,000
Oh, no, no, no, no.
321
00:14:00,001 --> 00:14:01,000
This is bad.
322
00:14:01,001 --> 00:14:02,000
Oh, this is very, very bad.
323
00:14:02,001 --> 00:14:03,000
I mean, Martin.
324
00:14:03,001 --> 00:14:04,000
Martin's a great guy.
325
00:14:04,001 --> 00:14:05,000
He's a great guy.
326
00:14:05,001 --> 00:14:08,000
Oh, I haven't known him long,
and I know he's a great guy.
327
00:14:08,001 --> 00:14:09,000
He's a good guy.
328
00:14:09,001 --> 00:14:10,000
Oh, he's a good guy.
329
00:14:10,001 --> 00:14:11,000
This is not good.
330
00:14:11,001 --> 00:14:14,000
Uh-uh.
331
00:14:14,001 --> 00:14:17,000
[music playing]
332
00:14:17,001 --> 00:14:23,000
Uh, no, no.
333
00:14:23,001 --> 00:14:26,000
Just-- just tell her I called to say hi.
334
00:14:26,001 --> 00:14:27,000
Again.
335
00:14:27,001 --> 00:14:34,000
[knocking]
336
00:14:34,001 --> 00:14:37,000
Just a minute.
337
00:14:37,001 --> 00:14:40,000
It's Eddie Charles, ladies and gentlemen.
338
00:14:40,001 --> 00:14:41,000
You always do that?
339
00:14:41,001 --> 00:14:42,000
Martin.
340
00:14:42,001 --> 00:14:43,000
You got a minute?
341
00:14:43,001 --> 00:14:45,000
Uh, well, actually-- This whole
Jeanette thing, you know?
342
00:14:45,001 --> 00:14:46,989
Uh, what-- Well, she
wouldn't see me last
343
00:14:47,001 --> 00:14:49,000
night, and she blew
me off again tonight.
344
00:14:49,001 --> 00:14:50,000
Uh-huh.
345
00:14:50,001 --> 00:14:52,000
Oh, man, don't be so paranoid, you know.
346
00:14:52,001 --> 00:14:54,000
Uh, I'm sure it's just a coincidence.
347
00:14:54,001 --> 00:14:55,000
I don't know, man.
348
00:14:55,001 --> 00:14:57,000
But she didn't even return my calls today.
349
00:14:57,001 --> 00:14:58,000
Yeah.
350
00:14:58,001 --> 00:15:03,000
Well, um, maybe she was just,
uh, busy at work or something.
351
00:15:03,001 --> 00:15:05,000
Power surge.
352
00:15:05,001 --> 00:15:08,000
Neighbors must be done vacuuming.
353
00:15:08,001 --> 00:15:09,000
Everything was going so great.
354
00:15:09,001 --> 00:15:12,000
You know, I mean, we'd already
gotten past the whole black-white thing,
355
00:15:12,001 --> 00:15:15,000
you know, and I don't get it.
356
00:15:15,001 --> 00:15:16,000
And maybe you never will.
357
00:15:16,001 --> 00:15:19,000
Well, I have an early
call tomorrow-- [knocking]
358
00:15:19,001 --> 00:15:23,000
--which isn't to say that I don't
feel bad about you and Jeanette.
359
00:15:23,001 --> 00:15:25,000
Because you know I do.
360
00:15:25,001 --> 00:15:27,000
[knocking]
361
00:15:27,001 --> 00:15:29,000
You gonna get the door?
362
00:15:29,001 --> 00:15:31,000
I guess I'll have to.
363
00:15:38,000 --> 00:15:40,000
[panting]
364
00:15:40,001 --> 00:15:41,000
Pizza guy.
365
00:15:41,001 --> 00:15:42,000
Pizza guy!
366
00:15:42,001 --> 00:15:44,000
Oh, God, am I glad to see you.
367
00:15:44,001 --> 00:15:46,000
Hey, easy pal, it's just pizza.
368
00:15:46,001 --> 00:15:47,000
Ah, 1180.
369
00:15:47,001 --> 00:15:48,000
Yeah, I'll get my wallet.
370
00:15:48,001 --> 00:15:51,000
Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, I got it here.
371
00:15:51,001 --> 00:15:53,000
Here, keep the change.
372
00:15:53,001 --> 00:15:54,000
Thanks.
373
00:15:54,001 --> 00:15:55,000
It's an $8 tip.
374
00:15:55,001 --> 00:15:58,000
A20, thanks.
375
00:15:58,001 --> 00:16:00,000
Oh, great, the pizza's here.
376
00:16:00,001 --> 00:16:04,000
Oh, and Martin's here too.
377
00:16:04,001 --> 00:16:05,000
Oh!
378
00:16:05,001 --> 00:16:06,000
[laughing]
379
00:16:06,001 --> 00:16:09,000
Hey, come on, how did you know I was here?
380
00:16:09,001 --> 00:16:10,000
I didn't.
381
00:16:10,001 --> 00:16:11,000
Well, what?
382
00:16:11,001 --> 00:16:12,000
What are you doing here?
383
00:16:12,001 --> 00:16:15,000
Um, I'm here for pizza.
384
00:16:15,001 --> 00:16:18,000
[laughing]
385
00:16:18,001 --> 00:16:21,000
Come on, how did you know
there was gonna be pizza here?
386
00:16:21,001 --> 00:16:23,000
[laughing]
387
00:16:23,001 --> 00:16:30,000
I have just had a great
mental illumination.
388
00:16:30,001 --> 00:16:31,000
Wait a minute.
389
00:16:31,001 --> 00:16:34,000
Wait a minute, wait a minute.
390
00:16:34,001 --> 00:16:37,000
Oh, you poor stupid fool.
391
00:16:37,001 --> 00:16:40,000
You big stupid jerk.
392
00:16:40,001 --> 00:16:43,000
Stupid, insubordinate jackass.
393
00:16:43,001 --> 00:16:45,000
I don't fucking believe this.
394
00:16:45,001 --> 00:16:46,000
Martin, I'm sorry, man.
395
00:16:46,001 --> 00:16:48,000
We didn't know how to tell you.
396
00:16:48,001 --> 00:16:49,000
Oh, really? Really?
397
00:16:49,001 --> 00:16:50,000
Well, this was a creative way.
398
00:16:50,001 --> 00:16:53,000
How could you-- you
two can't stand each other.
399
00:16:53,001 --> 00:16:55,000
Come on, you have
absolutely nothing in common.
400
00:16:55,001 --> 00:16:56,000
Still black, I guess.
401
00:16:56,001 --> 00:16:57,000
Eh?
402
00:16:57,001 --> 00:17:00,000
Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait.
403
00:17:00,001 --> 00:17:01,000
I get it.
404
00:17:01,001 --> 00:17:03,000
You just like him better 'cause he's black.
405
00:17:03,001 --> 00:17:05,000
No, Martin, no.
406
00:17:05,001 --> 00:17:07,000
I just like him better.
407
00:17:07,001 --> 00:17:12,000
Okay.
408
00:17:12,001 --> 00:17:16,000
Look, I don't care who he is,
409
00:17:16,001 --> 00:17:19,000
ain't nobody gonna make a fool
out of me and get away with it.
410
00:17:19,001 --> 00:17:22,000
Okay, you and me.
411
00:17:22,001 --> 00:17:23,000
Right here, right now.
412
00:17:23,001 --> 00:17:25,000
Martin, come on, you're acting like a jerk.
413
00:17:25,001 --> 00:17:26,000
Oh, oh really? I'm a jerk.
414
00:17:26,001 --> 00:17:28,000
You're sleeping with my
girlfriend and I'm a jerk.
415
00:17:28,001 --> 00:17:30,000
Martin, we didn't sleep together.
416
00:17:30,001 --> 00:17:32,000
Oh.
417
00:17:33,000 --> 00:17:35,000
Are you going to?
418
00:17:35,001 --> 00:17:39,000
No, no, no, Martin, Martin, no, no.
419
00:17:39,001 --> 00:17:41,000
If you're mad at me, you're not mad at him.
420
00:17:41,001 --> 00:17:42,000
No, no, no, no.
421
00:17:42,001 --> 00:17:44,000
My mad at you is nothing
compared to my mad at him.
422
00:17:44,001 --> 00:17:45,000
Excuse me.
423
00:17:45,001 --> 00:17:46,000
Come on.
424
00:17:46,001 --> 00:17:47,000
Come on, come on.
425
00:17:47,001 --> 00:17:54,000
Oh, boy, come on.
426
00:17:54,001 --> 00:17:56,000
You always do this to me.
427
00:17:56,001 --> 00:17:57,000
When?
428
00:17:57,001 --> 00:17:59,000
Seventh grade, Carl Rosner.
429
00:17:59,001 --> 00:18:01,000
Man, you wouldn't even ask her to dance.
430
00:18:01,001 --> 00:18:02,000
Not on a slow serve.
431
00:18:02,001 --> 00:18:05,000
Man, Martin, that was 20 years ago.
432
00:18:05,001 --> 00:18:06,000
Oh.
433
00:18:06,001 --> 00:18:09,000
Well?
434
00:18:09,001 --> 00:18:13,000
All right, let go.
435
00:18:13,001 --> 00:18:15,000
Okay, okay, I'll let go if you let go.
436
00:18:15,001 --> 00:18:17,000
All right, the count of three.
437
00:18:17,001 --> 00:18:20,000
One, two, three.
438
00:18:20,001 --> 00:18:22,000
You didn't let go.
439
00:18:22,001 --> 00:18:23,000
Because I knew you wouldn't let go.
440
00:18:23,001 --> 00:18:24,000
All right.
441
00:18:24,001 --> 00:18:26,000
One-- No, no, no,
no, no, no. I'll count.
442
00:18:26,001 --> 00:18:28,000
One, two, three.
443
00:18:28,001 --> 00:18:29,000
One, two, three.
444
00:18:29,001 --> 00:18:32,000
All right.
445
00:18:32,001 --> 00:18:33,000
All right.
446
00:18:33,001 --> 00:18:34,000
You feel better?
447
00:18:34,001 --> 00:18:35,000
No.
448
00:18:35,001 --> 00:18:36,000
Now, come on.
449
00:18:36,001 --> 00:18:37,000
Come on.
450
00:18:37,001 --> 00:18:38,000
Come on.
451
00:18:38,001 --> 00:18:41,000
Boom.
452
00:18:41,001 --> 00:18:45,000
I can't believe you hit me.
453
00:18:45,001 --> 00:18:47,000
Oh, God, Martin, man, I'm sorry.
454
00:18:47,001 --> 00:18:49,000
Fuck you, Eddie.
455
00:18:49,001 --> 00:18:57,000
And I'm taking my pizza.
456
00:18:58,000 --> 00:18:58,000
(
457
00:18:58,001 --> 00:19:01,000
"Morton" plays )
458
00:19:01,001 --> 00:19:05,000
Martin!
459
00:19:05,001 --> 00:19:06,000
Martin!
460
00:19:06,001 --> 00:19:13,000
Come on, Martin.
461
00:19:13,001 --> 00:19:15,000
This is stupid.
462
00:19:15,001 --> 00:19:17,000
Look, man, I'm sorry.
463
00:19:17,001 --> 00:19:20,000
I know you're in there.
464
00:19:20,001 --> 00:19:25,000
Come on, pal, open up.
465
00:19:25,001 --> 00:19:27,000
( "Morton" plays )
466
00:19:27,001 --> 00:19:33,000
You know what kills me, Stan?
467
00:19:33,001 --> 00:19:36,000
The whole time, I'm worried.
They're not getting along.
468
00:19:36,001 --> 00:19:38,000
Here, meet Eddie.
469
00:19:38,001 --> 00:19:39,000
You know what?
470
00:19:39,001 --> 00:19:40,000
No, no, really, really.
471
00:19:40,001 --> 00:19:41,000
He's a great guy.
472
00:19:41,001 --> 00:19:43,000
I want us all to be friends.
473
00:19:43,001 --> 00:19:44,000
Oh, God.
474
00:19:44,001 --> 00:19:50,000
I feel like such a--
I'm such a-- Shmuck.
475
00:19:51,000 --> 00:19:53,000
( "Morton" plays )
476
00:19:53,001 --> 00:20:00,000
Martin.
477
00:20:00,001 --> 00:20:03,000
You!
478
00:20:03,001 --> 00:20:06,000
I thought I heard a voice.
479
00:20:06,001 --> 00:20:07,000
Could have been my friend, Eddie,
480
00:20:07,001 --> 00:20:09,000
but then, of course, I don't
have a friend named Eddie.
481
00:20:09,001 --> 00:20:11,000
Come on, man, give me a break.
You haven't talked to me in a week.
482
00:20:11,001 --> 00:20:13,000
What do you want from me?
I'm fresh out of women.
483
00:20:13,001 --> 00:20:14,000
I said I was sorry.
484
00:20:14,001 --> 00:20:16,000
That don't make no difference.
485
00:20:16,001 --> 00:20:17,470
Well, gee, you know,
I have a lot of work
486
00:20:17,482 --> 00:20:19,000
to do, so could you
just fuck off, please?
487
00:20:19,001 --> 00:20:23,000
It's just I'd never felt this way
about a woman before, and, uh...
488
00:20:23,001 --> 00:20:25,000
I don't know. I'm crazy about her.
489
00:20:25,001 --> 00:20:26,000
Oh, really?
490
00:20:26,001 --> 00:20:28,000
Well, I was pretty crazy about her, too.
491
00:20:28,001 --> 00:20:29,000
Oh, come on. You weren't in love with her.
492
00:20:29,001 --> 00:20:31,000
Oh, oh, and you are?
493
00:20:31,001 --> 00:20:32,000
Yes.
494
00:20:32,001 --> 00:20:33,000
Bullshit! This is me you're talking to.
495
00:20:33,001 --> 00:20:35,000
Martin, I asked her to marry me.
496
00:20:35,001 --> 00:20:40,000
You'll do anything, won't you?
497
00:20:48,000 --> 00:20:49,000
You didn't.
498
00:20:49,001 --> 00:20:50,000
I did.
499
00:20:50,001 --> 00:20:51,000
You didn't?
500
00:20:51,001 --> 00:20:52,000
I did.
501
00:20:52,001 --> 00:20:53,000
Why, it's ridiculous.
502
00:20:53,001 --> 00:20:54,000
But you just met her. You don't do that.
503
00:20:54,001 --> 00:20:56,000
You can't go around
just asking people that.
504
00:20:56,001 --> 00:20:58,000
Martin, I've been with
thousands of women, and this is it.
505
00:20:58,001 --> 00:21:00,000
She's the one.
506
00:21:00,001 --> 00:21:02,000
Really?
507
00:21:02,001 --> 00:21:03,000
Thousands?
508
00:21:03,001 --> 00:21:04,000
Martin.
509
00:21:04,001 --> 00:21:09,000
Okay, I'm sorry. I'm sorry,
I've... What does she say?
510
00:21:09,001 --> 00:21:13,000
She said... yes.
511
00:21:16,000 --> 00:21:18,000
Wow.
512
00:21:18,001 --> 00:21:20,000
Yeah.
513
00:21:20,001 --> 00:21:23,000
Congratulations.
514
00:21:23,001 --> 00:21:25,000
Thank you.
515
00:21:25,001 --> 00:21:29,000
I think you're acting very noble.
516
00:21:29,001 --> 00:21:31,000
Well, this isn't at all unexpected.
517
00:21:31,001 --> 00:21:33,000
The expected never happens.
518
00:21:33,001 --> 00:21:34,000
Unbelievable.
519
00:21:34,001 --> 00:21:36,000
I mean, you're really
getting married, aren't you?
520
00:21:36,001 --> 00:21:37,000
Yeah.
521
00:21:37,001 --> 00:21:39,000
Yeah.
522
00:21:39,001 --> 00:21:40,000
You're a lucky guy, you know?
523
00:21:40,001 --> 00:21:41,000
She's really great.
524
00:21:41,001 --> 00:21:43,000
Hey, watch it.
525
00:21:43,001 --> 00:21:44,001
What?
526
00:21:45,000 --> 00:21:47,000
I didn't mean it that way.
527
00:21:47,001 --> 00:21:49,000
Jeez.
528
00:21:49,001 --> 00:21:50,000
She is really great.
529
00:21:50,001 --> 00:21:52,000
Man, come on, I'm kidding.
530
00:21:52,001 --> 00:21:57,000
You okay? Get up.
531
00:21:57,001 --> 00:22:04,000
Sports writer Jeff McGregor joins
Letterman at the Ed Sullivan Theatre.
532
00:22:04,001 --> 00:22:06,000
Next.
533
00:22:07,000 --> 00:22:09,000
(MUSIC PLAYING).
534
00:22:10,000 --> 00:22:12,000
(MUSIC PLAYING).
535
00:22:13,000 --> 00:22:15,000
(MUSIC PLAYING).
536
00:22:16,000 --> 00:22:18,000
(MUSIC PLAYING)
537
00:22:18,001 --> 00:22:20,000
(MUSIC PLAYING)
538
00:22:20,001 --> 00:22:22,000
(MUSIC PLAYING)
539
00:22:22,001 --> 00:22:24,000
(MUSIC PLAYING)
540
00:22:24,001 --> 00:22:26,000
(MUSIC PLAYING)
541
00:22:26,001 --> 00:22:28,000
(MUSIC PLAYING)
542
00:22:28,001 --> 00:22:30,000
(MUSIC PLAYING)
543
00:22:30,001 --> 00:22:32,000
(MUSIC PLAYING)
544
00:22:32,001 --> 00:22:34,000
(MUSIC PLAYING)
545
00:22:34,001 --> 00:22:36,000
(MUSIC PLAYING).
546
00:22:37,000 --> 00:22:39,000
(MUSIC PLAYING)
547
00:22:39,001 --> 00:22:41,000
(MUSIC PLAYING)
548
00:22:41,001 --> 00:22:43,000
(MUSIC PLAYING)
549
00:22:43,001 --> 00:22:45,000
(MUSIC PLAYING)
550
00:22:45,001 --> 00:22:47,000
(MUSIC PLAYING)
551
00:22:47,001 --> 00:22:49,000
(MUSIC PLAYING)
552
00:22:49,001 --> 00:22:51,000
(MUSIC PLAYING)
553
00:22:51,001 --> 00:22:53,000
(MUSIC PLAYING)
554
00:22:53,001 --> 00:22:55,000
(MUSIC PLAYING).
555
00:22:56,000 --> 00:22:58,000
(MUSIC PLAYING).
556
00:22:59,000 --> 00:23:01,000
(MUSIC PLAYING).
557
00:23:02,000 --> 00:23:04,000
(MUSIC PLAYING)
558
00:23:04,001 --> 00:23:06,000
(MUSIC PLAYING)
559
00:23:06,001 --> 00:23:08,000
(MUSIC PLAYING).
560
00:23:09,000 --> 00:23:11,000
(MUSIC PLAYING)
561
00:23:11,001 --> 00:23:14,000
(upbeat music)
562
00:23:14,001 --> 00:23:24,000
[MUSIC].
36134
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof