Original subtitles

Where's the rest of it?

Somewhere you'll never find it.

Hi, Ben. How are you?

You can park down the road.

All right, thanks.

Hey, Joe, you comin'?

Come on, man!

Whoo!

Hey, Joe!

Incoming!

And he catches it, and the fans are going wild!

Baby!

Aah!

Where do you think you're goin', sir?

Uh, a little place called home.

Oh, no. No!

Yeah, guys, I think I'm gonna miss the, uh...

"Let's sit around, complain about women, get drunk,

and puke on each other" hump night thing, all right? I'll be up here.

It's time to party, buster brown!

Party!

Come on, guys. You guys know I hate these parties.

Look, it's time you got over that. You know what I'm sayin'?

You know what his problem is? What?

You have no vices.

What are you talking about? I got plenty of vices. I got vices.

Ha ha! Show him what a vice is!

Yes!

Now, that's a vice.

That had to have hurt.

It did, kinda.

You're a knucklehead.

Let's go...

To the hump night party!

Let's party and be merry!

I know a couple of betties

that are waitin' for you, man.

Oh. My. God!

Oh! Oh! She's checkin' you out!

She's looking at you, man.JOE: You think so?

She's definitely looking at you!

Nah, nah, nah. I think she was looking at stu.

No, she ain't looking at me, man. Them eyes is for you.

She's looking at you, man. Make the move!

Make the move!

Aw, man. Here we go.

She's not looking at me, ok? The girl's not looking at me.

Pfft. Right.

You know,

Ever since caroline dumped you, man...

The girl is not lookin' at me, okay?

You lost your balls, Joe.

First of all, let's get something straight, ok?

Caroline did not dump me, all right?

Yes, she did. Yes, she did.

No, she did not, all right?

Second of all, my name is Joseph, ok? Jo-seph.

Joseph!

Joseph!

Come on.

"Joe" is a solid, real name.

Let's say it together.

Joe!Joe!

Joseph is some social science asshole

who copped out on going to art school.

Joseph!

Face it, man, your future's written.

You're gonna scrape through college with your bullshit degree--

You're gonna get a job at K-Mart,Bullshit!

you're gonna claw your way up to manager,

you're gonna marry a sweet, but boringwife!

Boring!

You're gonna have two cute, but boringchildren!

I'm snoring.You're gonna live in the 'burbs.

So what's the point?

Go talk to her!

Now!

The one you were dreaming about last night, She's right there.

She's your salvation.STU: That's right.

Come on, Joe!Go, man!

Come on, baby!

It's up to you.

Front and center, soldier!

Go, Joe!

There he is.

Joseph! Joseph!

Joseph!

Do you have a second?

No.

Look, this isn't a come-on or anything.

I'm actually-- I'm doing a survey for my ethics class,

and I was wondering, uh...

Ok.

Ok. Uh...

Joe! Yes!

All right, let's say that you are stranded

On a desert island, ok?

And you got to choose between two guys, ok?

No, I'm not doing this.

No, no. Wait, wait.

One guy, ok, is like him.

Like a soldier!

Full of himself. He's loud, obnoxious, stupid, ok?

While the other--I pick him.

Would you give me a second, just one, please?

While the other guy, ok, is caring.

Look, I wouldn't pick the guy like you,

if that's what you're trying to ask me here.

Because a guy like him wouldn't have to use

a bullshit question like this as a come on.

He'd have enough balls to come up and ask me to dance.

I see.

He's crashing and burning.

So would you like to dance?

No.

Just gonna be over here looking for my ego.

Nice chatting with you.

Oh, no.

Aw, Joseph.

What happened, Joe?

All right, check it out.

Watch and learn.

Ooh!

Go get 'em, tiger!

Well, Joseph, I bet you feel real stupid.

Yeah, I do, actually, thank you.

Hey, what are friends for?

I'm gonna go reload.

Joe talbot?

Ha ha! What's up?

I just saw this really beautiful girl,

but she knew my name, and now she just disappeared.

What are you drinkin'?

Hi. It's mom.

You left some of your schoolbooks here sunday.

Come pick them up.

I got another parking ticket for you in the mail.

This one's for $38. You know, now, honey,

they'd be cheaper if you'd pay them right away,

and, uh, see you on sunday for dinner?

I love you. Bye-bye.

Hey, Joe!

Yeah, we got that party tonight. Starts at 9:00.

Should get good around midnight.

You gonna be there, right?

We gonna be looking for you.

Joe, I know you're there. Don't scream.

Pick up the phone. Pick up the phone.

No, don't pick up the phone.

Just get your ass down here.

Girls are gettin' cold, beer's gettin' warm,

And you're missin' it.

I'm dreaming.

Don't be afraid.

Wait a second.

I saw you at the party.

Shh, shh.

There must be a god.

My window!

Listen, all right, this is a little freaky for me, ok?

You're a very beautiful woman, though,

But you're gonna have to leave, ok? I'm not into this, really.

Oh, my god.

What the hell was that? What the hell was that?

Oh, my god, please don't shoot me, man. I swear I didn't touch her.

I didn't lay a hand on her, I swear!

Come with me, or you're dead.

Move!

Come on. We gotta move fast.

Why is he after you?

He's not after me. He's after you.

Me?

Hey, give me the keys. Give me the keys!

Come on.

Ok, get in. Go in.

Ok, number one, who were the goons, all right?

Number two, what's up with MR. Ed from hell outside my door?

It's some sort of spatial rift.

A cassinian dissonance could have caused it,

but I don't know why.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, right. Spatial rift.

Will you make some fucking sense?

You are Joe talbot, aren't you?

Yes.

Well, your life's in danger.

You just take me to the police, ok?

We'll make it their problem.

I think this one's out of their jurisdiction.

Hey, look, why don't you just give me the keys, ok?

Forget I mentioned the cops.

We'll call it even, huh?

No one is playing around here.

You want to stay alive?

Then stick with me.

This shouldn't be here.

This definitely shouldn't be here.

A.T.?

A.T.!

Laura?

You can stay for coffee if you promise not to talk.

I need your help.

Oops. You talked.

Good-bye.

Will you just listen for a second?

I'm out of the help business.

I was sent by the council and the queen.

All right, that's it.

Get the hell out of here

And take your boyfriend with you.

Did you say-- wait a second.

I don't know what you're talking about, man. I just met this girl.

I'm out of here.

Oh, no, no, no. No, no, no.

Not without introductions.

A.T., I want you to meet Joe talbot.

Ha. Trust me. That's not him.

So what's that?

You didn't touch it, did you?

Did you?Why?

'Cause they can home in on you.

You're supposed to know this stuff.

Who is "they"?

They followed me back to his home.

That's all that happened.

What are you up to?

Yeah, I would like to know that, too.

Stay out of this.

Where'd you get that?

My father gave it to me.

You sure don't look like your dad.

I care.

I don't like it. I guess we have a mission.

We better get going.

You're coming, too.

Can't do this without you.

Uh, I don't think so.

What, you got better things to do?

Yeah, uh, like living.

It's safer if you stay with us.

You might live long enough to learn something.

Just for the record, I think this is a bad idea.

W-what's a bad idea?

Shut up.

Are you guys spies or something, huh?

Yeah, we're spies.

This whole thing stinks.

I think we should get out of here now.

I have my orders.

You've got shit for brains.

Fine. You stay out here as lookout,

and Joe and I'll take care of it.

Actually, uh,

I think I'll wait out here with A.T.

Give me the crystal.

That's not a good idea.

Well, then, you two ladies stay out here.

I'm going in.

"Ladies"?

Who's she calling "ladies"?

So you knew my dad, huh?

Why don't you just shut up and watch?

Too many eyes around here.

You see them?

Oh, no.

What's she doing in there anyway, huh?

There's something wrong here.

Look, I'm gonna go inside, all right?

Tell her to hurry up.

Did you see it?WOMAN 2: I did.

Hey. A.T. Reckons it's time to go, and I think he's right.

Well, I'm not leaving without the scepter.

The what?

It's the scepter of Dyrrachion.

It's the crosier staff of King Jeram IV.

I know that it's here.

Start looking at that end of the hall, Joe.

Work your way back towards me.

Name's Joseph, ok?

Joseph.

[MUTTERING÷} Scepter schmepter.

Excuse me.

Excuse me.I'm sorry.

Do you work here?Uh, yes, I do.

Yeah, my friend and I, we're trying to find something.

Well, what exactly are you looking for? Maybe I can help.

Thank you.

The scepter of Dyrrachion is, in fact,

a very, very recent addition to our collection.

It was only excavated earlier this year

from beneath an 11th century Albanian church.

Now, as often happens with these things,

there are many, many legends attached to it.

Some refer to its powers--

That it was some sort of weapon used by mystics,

or possibly it was some kind of magical key to another world.

If you look closely here... You see the small hollow spot?

Now, that once held a crystal,

which apparently was the source of the scepter's power.

Now, what the legend would have you believe

is that at some point, the scepter and the crystal were separated.

In other words, the magic of it was dismantled

in order to make the world safe again.

Well, it all sounds very silly, I know, but, uh...

What you have to remember is that back then,

people believed in things like magic,

certainly believed in it enough to make it...

Real.

So the scepter has been found, but the crystal, unfortunately,

remains lost.

Laura?

Laura?

Oh, shit. What now?

So what do you think?

You think the crystal's already been found?

Perhaps you already have it.

She doesn't know where it is, ok?

Oh, I think she does.

I think you'd like to help me, wouldn't you?

Yes.

Where is it?

Where have you hidden it?

Oh, thanks.

I think we should leave right now.

This way.

Let's try the other way.

Thanks.

Hey, anytime.

A.T., Don't!

Oh, shut up.

Duck!

This place is history.

You want me to jump in there?

Are you crazy?

Do you want to stay here?

Guys? Guys, you want to help me out with something?

'Cause I'm having a really, really strange feeling

That I just landed in the ocean!

Now, what the hell was that?

What is that?

That's a fair question, Laura.

Why the hell did you lead us into a trap?

We could have got out of there without you using that scepter.

Really? Do you know who that was in the museum?

If we'd done it your way, we'd be standing around drinking coffee.

Hey! Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!

Are you guys listening to me, huh?

I've had it, all right? I'm sick of this!

I'm sick of your-- I'm sick of your scepters, ok?

I'm sick of your horses!

I'm sick of your crystals, all right? I'm sick!

I'm sick of it!

Who signed off on your mission?

The queen.

She would never do that, Not on a mission like this.

Hey! Hey, hey, hey!

You guys want to clue me in here, huh?

I'm a little in the dark!

I think I deserve some answers.

Now, what the hell is going on?

We're soldiers from another dimension.

We're the good guys. They're the bad guys.

We have this. They want this real bad.

Now, if we don't get it to a safe place fast,

we're in big trouble. That's it.

That's it? That's not it.

What does that mean, "that's it"?

Shh.

Wait!

What is it?

Hang on!

Oh, man.

I guess we're still on earth.

Sure don't look like locals.

Did you say, "still on earth"?

As opposed to what?

I think this belongs to you.

I guess this all seems strange, huh?

Nah.

Nah. It, uh...

Seems pretty cool, actually.

I'm really happy about it.

Good. Let's go.

All right.

You guys know how to steal a car?

How did we get here, anyway?

Oh, come on, guys. We're not in enough trouble?

Locked?

Locked.

Wait. Come on.

Will you wait a second, please?

I know I--I think I remember some kind...

Um, on earth...

we call them keys.

Sit in the back.

Yeah, thanks, but I've had enough fun for today. Really.

Your dad would know what to do.

Ha. You know, your jedi mind-tricks Aren't gonna work on me, ok?

My dad's got nothing to do with this!

Ok. You want to stay? Stay here.

I'm not gonna talk you into this.

Joseph...

we need you to come.

Please.

It'll be over soon.

Come on, princess.

We're leaving.

Ok.

And no more stupid questions.

I still don't see What the big deal is about the scepter.

You want to know what it is? Ok.

It's a cosmic chain saw.

It cuts holes in our reality,

tears the boundaries between dimensions.

Boundaries are good. We need them.

They keep things separate and clear.

Now, here's the problem:

As long as the crystal is inside the scepter,

those boundaries can melt.

Now, the guy Ferris...

The man at the museum.

He wants all of the above,

because he only wants one world,

One reality-- His.

Capisce?

Yeah...

I think.

Good.

Well, then buckle up.

Clock's ticking.

So...

Which house is yours?

What is he doing?

Stand on either side of me.

When the wind stops,

you can turn around.

I think I'm gonna puke.

Don't puke around here. You'll turn inside out.

Come on, Joseph. We only have to make it across the valley.

So this is where you live?

No. This is the way to my dimension.

There's a portal up in the rocks ahead.

From here, you can go anywhere.

Picture a house with different rooms,

and each room is a different dimension

connected by a hallway here at crossworlds.

How many dimensions are there?

Don't get hung up on numbers, Joe.

That's it.

I'm done. Put a fork in me.

Don't lose it now.

Ok?

What do we do now?

Try not to die.

Son of a bitch.

Laura?

Oh, no. Not you again.

Who is it?

Police.

Open up.

How you doing?I'm all right.

Are you, uh-- you Joe talbot?

Maybe.

Maybe, huh?

Well, you're maybe under arrest.

They came looking for you last night.

Hit-and-run's a big deal evidently.

Last night? Why didn't you tell me?I couldn't find you.

What are you talking about? We were at the party.

Dude, the party was on Wednesday.

Today's not Thursday?

Sorry.

What the hell happened to Thursday?

Um, have you been eating mushrooms, man?

Where you been, man? Damn, you look like shit.

Thanks. All right, look, I can explain. All right?

Look, this girl came over the other night,

All right? She had a knife, ok?

And then I open the door,

and this guy's on a horse, all right? Then he's got a gun--

I don't know if it was her boyfriend or whatever.

Ok, but he starts shooting up the place, and look, he shot up my--

See, it couldn't have been me, guys.

You guys got the wrong guy. No hit-and-run here. Not a scratch on my car.

That's a good excuse.I'm buying it.

All right, look, I'm gonna...

I'm gonna level with you guys, ok?

There was two guys, all right? They both had guns, all right?

The part about the girl is true,

except I wasn't driving the car, she was, all right?

It all has to do with this crys--

Crystal.

It sounds pretty crazy, doesn't it?

No. It's just we've already heard this story

about 20 times today.

Now get in the car before I break your legs.

Don't worry about it, Joe. I'm gonna put all your stuff in boxes.

Yeah, it's gonna be ok, man. I'm gonna call your mom.

No! Don't call my mom!

We'll call his mom.

Do notcall my mom!

Thanks, Mom.

That was quite a story you told the police in there.

Now, suppose you tell me what really happened?

Look, I didn't want to say anything to them,

but I think somebody put drugs in my beer.

Oh, you're drinking? Well, well.

Studying business has certainly had a stabilizing effect on your life.

Bad things happen to art majors, too, ok, Mom?

Mom, listen...

Is there anything that you didn't tell me about the crystal dad left for me?

What do you mean?

Is that what this is all about?

Look, mom, I need to know--

You didn't lose it.

No.

Oh, I shouldn't have given it to you.

I told you when you found it in my room,

that you could have it as long as you didn't--

As long as I promised not to lose it.

It was very important to your father!

And no matter how you feel about him now,

it willbe important to you.

I don't--I don't have time for this. I have to go.

Mom, I need to know more about this. How did he get it?

I don't know.

I've told you everything.

I'm leaving. I love you.

Mom!

Call me later, Joseph!

Joseph talbot?

It's ok.

I'm a friend.

We need your help. The whole mission's in jeopardy.

Very funny.

Very funny, guys! Ha ha!

Shh. Shh. Keep your voice down.

We may have been followed.

Oh, I'm sorry.

We don't have time to joke around.

Oh, that's right. I forgot.

Saving the world's a full-time job for you guys.

If you won't help me, at least tell me where I can find A.T.

What did you just say?

A.T.

I think you know the guy.

Come here.

Who in the hell told you about A.T., Huh?

I don't know what your problem is, pal, but we're on the same side!

Aren't we?

Get out of here. I'm not in the mood.

Ok.

Here's the deal.

Ferris has Laura and the crystal,

and he's gonna kill her If he doesn't get the scepter.

All that really happened.

Of course it happened. What'd you think?

I don't understand, though. what about my car, my apartment?

They fixed it.

They fixed everything.

Pretty good at coverups, huh?

Is she ok?

She's still alive, but who knows for how long?

Do you know where the scepter is? No.

Then we gotta find A.T. You know where he is?No.

Do you know where he lives?

Yes. No.

Yes? No? What is it?

Look, I don't know, all right? I went to his place, and it was gone.

All right? It was gone!

Then you must've done something wrong.

We'll go there together. Come on, let's go!

Come on!

No. Not this again.

Come on, kid.

Ooh!

Joe! What took you so long?

Me? Where the hell have you been?

I've been waiting for you. You want some coffee?

No, I don't want any god damned coffee.

Do you have any idea what's going on?

No. Why don't you tell me?

Ferris has Laura and the crystal.

Who told you? Some guy named Rebo.

Rebo?Yeah.

And we were on our way over here, and these other guys showed up,

and they shot him! Right in front of me.

Look at you. You don't care.

You're just hanging out here, drinking coffee?

We gotta do something.

I'm doing something.

I've got the scepter. I've got a plan.

Now, what do you suggest we do?

I don't know, ok?

All I know is we gotta save Laura and get to Ferris somehow.

I think that can be arranged.

Well, well.

Mr. A.T.

So we meet again.

Nice work, kid.

Couldn't have done it without you.

But you're dead. I saw the...

Smoke and mirrors.

You son of a bitch!

Joe, I don't think so.

Good advice, old man.

Now, unless you want the top of this kid's head blown off,

I suggest you hand over the scepter right now.

Look, why don't you skip the tough guy routine

and take us to Ferris?

This isn't what I had in mind.

Feeling pretty good?

Yeah.

Yeah. It's a good feeling.

Makes you learn things about yourself.

Yeah, like what, that I'm a complete and total failure?

Yeah.

Sir, line 2.

It's your call from Bombay about the body parts.

No. I dohave the stingers available.

Good morning, MR. Rebo.

Morning, Alice. Any messages?

Um, no.

Coffee?

Uh, yes, please.

Ice cappuccino would be nice.

What is it with you guys and your rooms?

Hey!

You're lucky.

Hi.

Hey.

You ok?

Yeah.

I'm fine. You?

I've had better days.

How did you get caught?

Is this seat taken?

We, um...

We came here to rescue you.

I knew I could count on you.

Anytime.

I'm sorry.

Look, it's not your fault, ok?

Yeah, it is.

I wasn't asked to get the crystal.

I was supposed to bring back the scepter,

but I thought that the crystal might be in jeopardy--Hey, Laura, come on.

It's ok, all right? It's ok.

I mean, Thisisn't ok,

but it's gonna be fine.

Thanks.

You got it.

A.T.!

How good to see you.

Come in.

Make yourself comfortable, hmm?

Yes?

Please.

Where do you get your help these days?

Well, probably from exactly the same place

that I found you.

It must've been my asshole period.

We all have them.

Really? I must've missed mine.

Your, uh, apprentices seem to show a lot of promise.

Please sit down.

I'm retired. You know that.

No. I didn't know.

I'm confused.

If you're retired, what are you doing here?

Oh, you're not working for the resistance again, are you?

They're too organized.

Too many secrets.

Well, we all have hidden agendas.

My only agenda is the truth.

It's a pity.

You're very good.

I mean, not as good as me, but, uh, very good.

I've never felt better.

Really?

Really.

Tsk tsk tsk tsk.

Look, I'll tell you where the scepter is

if you let the kids go.

Actually, I was rather hoping

that we might be able to work together again,

Like old times.

I'm not that sentimental.

You don't still think of me as evil, do you?

You and your warlords

have already taken over one dimension.

You eliminated half the people.

You forced the rest into slavery. I think it qualifies.

A few simple rules, that's all.

We just brought some order to the chaos.

Nobody asked for your "simple rules."

Why don't you let people screw up their own lives?

It belongs to them.

I'd rather see the world go to hell

than hand it over to a self-important little punk like you.

Aah!

Then let's watch the world go to hell together.

One soul at a time.

A.T., You ok?

It's not easy doing business with morons.

Aah!

You want more, old man?

See what I mean?

Ooh!Enough!

I think he broke my nose.

It would seem that my old friend A.T.

is very concerned about your welfare.

I think he's afraid that I'm gonna kill you once I get the scepter,

so what I've decided to do is remove this obstacle from our negotiations

and kill you now.

If you're gonna kill us, kill us.

Don't bore us to death.

I'm not bluffing. Give me the scepter.

Kiss my ass.

I don't think so.

Look, guys, I think there's definitely--ahem--

another solution here, ok? We can work this out.

I'm sorry, Joseph.

Dying for a lost cause seems to run in your family, hmm?

Aah!

Ciao, baby.

Where'd you put 'em?

Somewhere safe.

How do I know you didn't zap them straight to hell?

Because I keep my promises.

Well, I don't.

Ok. Do it.

Ooh.

Mom?

I didn't know where else to take you.

Why didn't you tell me, mom?

You weren't ready.

When was I gonna be ready, huh?

When they killed me?

Your father thought it best--

Not to tell you I'm not asking about my father.

until you were mature enough to handle it,

and you weren't.

You never showed me you were ready.

Sometimes I wondered if you ever would be.

We have to go back.

I'm fighting a war that my people have fought for thousands of years.

We lost.

And all that we have left is a resistance to fight back however we can

to get our world back.

I need your help, Joseph.

I know you're ready.

Ok.

Ok.

This time, we're definitely taking the elevator down.

I'll check this way.

Hey, where are you going?

Thanks.

Anytime.

Glad you could stop by.

Where's the crystal?

All right.

Let's get out of here.

This strike anyone as weird?

No. Let's go.

Think this is too easy?

Maybe we just got lucky.

I don't believe in luck.

This is not like Ferris. He's better than this.

Yeah, well, maybe we're just better than him, huh?

That's more like it.

Whatever happens now, it's not real.

It doesn't exist.

It isn't real.

It's not real.Ok.

It's not real. It's not real.

Holy shit!

Joseph.

Don't look down.

That looked real.

The floor is holding you.

Believe in the floor.

But that looked very real.

Believe in the floor.

Believe in the floor?

Yeah.

I believe in the floor.

I believe in the floor.

Don't look down.

Oh, my god.

I'll help you.

No!

Don't move!

Just concentrate on the elevator.

Keep your feet right there.

Laura!

I'm gonna try swinging you up to A.T., Ok?

Don't drop me.

I didn't want to mention this before,

but if you're not up here By the time we hit the ground floor,

you'll be crushed under the elevator.

Climb up me.

Seven.

Six!

Hurry up!

Your hand. Come on.

That was not so bad.

You feeling better, huh?

Yeah, just great.

So you're saying my dad did all this stuff, too?

No. Things were different back then,

easier.

What was he like?

He was a good man.

He died to keep you and your mom safe.

I hope you respect that.

He was a lot like you.

You didn't turn out so bad.

So he got you to switch sides, huh?

Yeah, well, there was a woman.

Ok, guys, let's get moving along.

Where is it?

It's right here.

You turned it into a car.

Wow.

It's in the trunk.

Well, let me--

I-I'd better do that.

Shh.

Did you hear that?

Yeah.

Where did it come from?

Damn. You can't take a piss these days without them knowing about it.

Here.

Take this and this

and get the hell out of here.

What about you?

I'll catch up with you.

No. I don't think that's a good idea. We should stick together.

Yeah, I think so, too.

Well, that's nice.

Get out of here.

Let's go.

I knew this was getting too easy.

Hi. How's the--

Where's the scepter?

It's locked.

The scepter...Mm-hmm.

is in the trunk.

Well, open it.

No.

You open it.

Hey, you want to explain to me why this thing isn't working?

Oh, shit.

A.T. Oh, no, no, it's too late. Come on.

No.There's nothing you can do.

Let's go. Come on.

What are you doing in the god damned road you stupid son of a bitch?

Look, we're sorry, ok, but we need your car.

I'm driving.

Look, he knew what he was doing, all right?

Let's just finish what we started

and get this thing back where it belongs.

I can't find it.

I thought you knew where it was.

No.

Well, then, how'd you get here?

Someone helped me through on my world.

This is great.

We are never gonna find this.

I feel like a complete idiot.

This is great. Dammit.

Dammit!

Ha!

Come here.

I did it.

We wait for the wind, right?

What's that?Oh, shit.

Come on, come on. Come on.Come on, come on.

We're not gonna make it.

Which way do we go?

Toward those rocks.

You gonna be ok?

- Yeah, I'm fine. - Just lead the way.

We're almost there.

Not quite.

Why are you people always in such a hurry?

Give me the scepter, Joseph.

I don't think so.

War's over, my friends. What's the point of making trouble now?

I don't know.

Just to piss you off, maybe.

Give it to me.

Run, Joe.

Now you just ran out of friends

and ran out of time.

How'd that happen?

Hey, you, hold it right there.

Glad you could make it.

My pleasure. Anytime.

Rebo, you're such an embarrassment.

I tried to kill him, and I did.

I mean, look, I just blew myself up

trying to kill him.

I know, I know, I know.

You try so hard, but...

You're fired.

You can't fire me.

Now, where was I?

You were about to die.

Wait, wait, wait.

I think you'll find it'll work a lot better with this.

You didn't actually think I'd let you escape

with the real crystal, did you?

The whole purpose of my causing all this disruption and chaos

was to bring the two things together.

You know, get one to find the other.

I think you'll find things will move a lot faster now,

which is a good thing, because I'm not a patient man.

You need to work on that.

Joseph, you have to get the scepter out of here.

Are you crazy? I'm not leaving without you.

I can do this, Joseph. Go.

If Ferris gets the scepter, it's over for your world.

You can do it.

It's up to you.

You want to play, Joseph?

All right, let's play.

Don't you just love it when worlds fall apart, Joseph?

You want to talk now?

Just the two of us?

What should I do, huh?

I can't do this alone.

Why not?

Why not?

Look.

Take this.

I cannot do it for you.

And this.

You got everything you need.

You're the weapon.

Find the will.

I think you're gonna need more than that, Joseph.

I don't understand why you can't lose gracefully like your friends.

I mean, they're getting to be very good at it.

Give me the scepter, Joseph.

It's all yours.

Missed.

You're not real.

Of course I'm real, Joseph. It's all real.

I mean, that felt real, didn't it?

You want to know something, Joseph?

I like you. I really do.

I think it's because I see a lot of myself in you.

Charm, perseverance.

I mean, the only reason that you're not already dead

is that, as you can see, we appear to have an opening,

and I was wondering if you'd like to come and work for me.

No, thanks.

We could make a wonderful team together, you and I.

Tell you what. Why don't you sleep on it?

Does this room seem familiar to you, Joseph?

Vision from the past, perhaps?

Maybe the future.

A glimpse of your own death.

Oh, you're not quick enough for this game.

Nice punch.

Your anger tastes very good, Joseph.

You got any more?

I killed someone else in here a long time ago

to get the scepter.

He thought he was a hero, too.

Well, you try me.

Angry.

Finally got angry.

Very good.

It was a long time coming.

I was really rather hoping

that we might be able to win you over to our side,

but it looks like I'm just gonna have to settle

for the scepter and the crystal and all the dimensions.

It's a pity, though.

You put up a much better fight than your father...

only to die just as badly.

Guess again.

Now I bet that reallyhurts,

Doesn't it?

Joseph.

You're all right.

Yeah.

And it's Joe,

Just plain Joe.

Well...

boys and girls, don't we have to get this thing somewhere?

Well, I'm glad I got to meet you, Joe.

That sounds like good-bye.

It probably is.

You can't be in that much trouble. It's not like we lost.

We've missed you.

We have, have we?

Your mission was unauthorized and foolish to the point of jeopardizing

the entire resistance.

Look, excuse me, miss...

Queen.

Ok, it is her fault, but look...

try not to be so hard on her, all right?

I mean, you probably would have done the same thing.

I don't think so.

However...

you did a good job.

Your father would be proud.

As for the crystal...

it's best if it's kept in your world.

We could use someone like you there.

You fought bravely, Joe.

It was nothing.

And, Alex... are you gonna be around?

The truth is, I'm here...

to stay.

Good.

Alex?

I guess I must be missing something, because, um...

we won, right?

Forget about winning. We only won because you chose to fight.

The fight never stops.

Yeah, but you quit.

I was wrong.

You did good, Joe.

So you gotta stay here, huh?

Yeah. This is my home.

So what are you gonna do?

Transdimensional warrior.

Do we get weekends off?

Yes, we do.

I think we're being watched.

Yep.

I think they're onto us.