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00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:07,000
Downloaded from
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Man: Now, easy, boy.
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00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:13,000
Official YIFY movies site:
YTS.MX
4
00:00:08,342 --> 00:00:10,092
Steady. Wait, whoa!
5
00:00:10,093 --> 00:00:12,470
Fucking wings! What's going on?
6
00:00:19,019 --> 00:00:21,146
Fucking white horse!
7
00:01:28,672 --> 00:01:30,006
Man 2: It's not bad, dude.
8
00:01:30,007 --> 00:01:32,092
Don't give up your day job.
9
00:01:40,142 --> 00:01:41,977
Is he milli or vanilli?
10
00:01:43,520 --> 00:01:45,355
You are a genius.
11
00:02:04,124 --> 00:02:05,916
Eddie: Hey, Andy.
Andy: Yo, Eddie!
12
00:02:05,917 --> 00:02:07,627
Eddie: Drinks on the house!
13
00:02:28,440 --> 00:02:29,483
Whoa!
14
00:02:31,485 --> 00:02:32,778
Hey, baby!
15
00:02:42,412 --> 00:02:43,955
Hollywood.
16
00:03:07,396 --> 00:03:08,480
Hold it!
17
00:04:00,699 --> 00:04:03,243
Hold it!
18
00:04:06,538 --> 00:04:10,416
Thank you. Eddie: No problem.
19
00:04:10,417 --> 00:04:15,254
Wow, I'm in love.
You're a fox, baby.
20
00:04:15,255 --> 00:04:18,966
Not just a fox, but
the fox of foxes!
21
00:04:18,967 --> 00:04:22,428
Heh, if I was a hound dog,
you wouldn't stand a chance.
22
00:04:22,429 --> 00:04:26,724
I'd be snapping at
you day and night.
23
00:04:26,725 --> 00:04:28,268
I'm a snapper.
24
00:04:30,437 --> 00:04:31,979
Woman: Edward dash?
25
00:04:31,980 --> 00:04:33,523
That's me. Woman: Take a seat.
26
00:04:35,817 --> 00:04:37,067
Well, Mr. Dash,
27
00:04:37,068 --> 00:04:38,444
for your probation, you owe us
28
00:04:38,445 --> 00:04:41,071
100 hours of community service.
29
00:04:41,072 --> 00:04:44,116
Let's see what we've got.
30
00:04:44,117 --> 00:04:47,661
Oh, here is unique opportunity.
31
00:04:47,662 --> 00:04:50,748
The la housing facility needs
some help with breekyln.
32
00:04:50,749 --> 00:04:53,417
No laying bricks
or stuff like that.
33
00:04:53,418 --> 00:04:55,544
I don't do that lifting shit.
34
00:04:55,545 --> 00:04:58,005
Graffiti removal?
You heard what I said?
35
00:04:58,006 --> 00:05:01,635
Does that preclude you from
doing anything strenuous?
36
00:05:01,718 --> 00:05:04,303
Yes, it precludes me.
37
00:05:06,306 --> 00:05:09,642
We do have a few
less strenuous activities.
38
00:05:09,643 --> 00:05:12,311
But, uh, they involve
helping the disadvantaged
39
00:05:12,312 --> 00:05:14,688
and there are
certain requirements.
40
00:05:14,689 --> 00:05:19,026
I can have a degree here
in 24 hours. From Harvard!
41
00:05:19,027 --> 00:05:20,653
A degree isn't necessary.
42
00:05:20,654 --> 00:05:23,739
It's a matter of
Patience and kindness.
43
00:05:23,740 --> 00:05:26,033
What they're looking
for is a "people person.“
44
00:05:26,034 --> 00:05:27,619
that's me.
45
00:05:27,702 --> 00:05:30,079
Are you telling me you
are a "people person“?
46
00:05:30,080 --> 00:05:32,624
That's what I'm telling you.
47
00:05:36,878 --> 00:05:38,629
Woman: How about
spending some time
48
00:05:38,630 --> 00:05:41,715
with a voluntary patient
from the rivington clinic?
49
00:05:41,716 --> 00:05:42,800
No lifting?
50
00:05:42,801 --> 00:05:44,677
The rivington is a sanitarium.
51
00:05:44,678 --> 00:05:47,972
Your job would be to
accompany the individual
52
00:05:47,973 --> 00:05:50,850
to various therapeutic
and cultural pursuits.
53
00:05:50,851 --> 00:05:54,645
I guess that means taking a
patient to the ballet or museum.
54
00:05:54,646 --> 00:05:57,481
Museum? I know a
great one of those.
55
00:05:57,482 --> 00:06:00,193
I can handle this.
56
00:06:00,277 --> 00:06:02,361
Teddy: George, you've been ready
57
00:06:02,362 --> 00:06:04,238
for months to go
back into the world.
58
00:06:04,239 --> 00:06:06,156
But you have to feel ready.
59
00:06:06,157 --> 00:06:07,783
Do you feel ready, George?
60
00:06:07,784 --> 00:06:09,618
I don't know.
61
00:06:09,619 --> 00:06:11,120
He's not ready.
62
00:06:11,121 --> 00:06:12,955
Brad: You're scared, aren't you?
63
00:06:12,956 --> 00:06:15,374
You're scared a girl will
ask to see your Mickey.
64
00:06:15,375 --> 00:06:17,376
That's enough,
Brad. Let him talk.
65
00:06:17,377 --> 00:06:19,129
Phil: No, no, that's not it.
66
00:06:19,212 --> 00:06:22,548
He's just scared of lying.
Isn't that right, pinoc?
67
00:06:24,134 --> 00:06:26,218
And then his nose
starts growing.
68
00:06:26,219 --> 00:06:28,888
I hate when that happens, heh.
69
00:06:28,889 --> 00:06:33,309
Are you afraid, uh, you might
start to lie again, George?
70
00:06:33,310 --> 00:06:34,894
Brad: What's a pathological liar
71
00:06:34,895 --> 00:06:36,395
going to say? "Now
I'm going to lie"?
72
00:06:37,772 --> 00:06:39,648
Yesterday, you
couldn't wait to go.
73
00:06:39,649 --> 00:06:41,067
Do you remember?
74
00:06:41,151 --> 00:06:43,986
You said, "I'm
a-ready, Teddy-o!"
75
00:06:43,987 --> 00:06:46,530
What did you say yesterday?
76
00:06:46,531 --> 00:06:47,866
I'm a-ready, Teddy-o.
77
00:06:50,827 --> 00:06:55,164
George: Hit the deck! Incoming!
78
00:06:55,165 --> 00:06:56,916
Teddy: Why are
you afraid, George?
79
00:06:56,917 --> 00:07:00,002
Why can't I just stay here?
80
00:07:00,003 --> 00:07:02,171
Why do I have to
go? I like it here.
81
00:07:02,172 --> 00:07:04,298
I feel safe here. American 357.
82
00:07:04,299 --> 00:07:05,758
George: Why can't I stay?
83
00:07:05,759 --> 00:07:08,218
Definitely U.S. air.
Excellent airline.
84
00:07:08,219 --> 00:07:09,596
Flight 202 from Baltimore.
85
00:07:11,306 --> 00:07:13,933
There's a nice young
man coming here,
86
00:07:13,934 --> 00:07:17,603
uh, to take you, uh, to find
you an apartment and a job.
87
00:07:17,604 --> 00:07:19,898
You're looking forward
to that, aren't you?
88
00:07:26,780 --> 00:07:28,864
He's afraid he'll
see his girlfriend
89
00:07:28,865 --> 00:07:30,658
and won't be able to get it up.
90
00:07:30,659 --> 00:07:32,535
George: No, I'm not.
Teddy: Is that it, George?
91
00:07:33,161 --> 00:07:34,745
Anyway, she dumped me.
92
00:07:34,746 --> 00:07:36,956
She dumped you because you said
93
00:07:36,957 --> 00:07:38,624
you were a brain surgeon!
94
00:07:38,625 --> 00:07:40,250
I did not say that.
95
00:07:40,251 --> 00:07:41,460
What'd you tell her?
96
00:07:41,461 --> 00:07:43,087
A commando in the Navy seals.
97
00:07:43,088 --> 00:07:45,589
Uh-oh.
98
00:07:45,590 --> 00:07:48,217
Why do you feel you
always had to lie to her?
99
00:07:50,261 --> 00:07:52,013
She wouldn't have
looked at me twice
100
00:07:52,097 --> 00:07:55,474
if I said I was a
Volvo salesman.
101
00:07:55,475 --> 00:07:57,768
Excuse me, sir. I
hate to bother you.
102
00:07:57,769 --> 00:08:00,229
I know you're busy
with the therapy.
103
00:08:00,230 --> 00:08:01,855
I need to clear something up.
104
00:08:01,856 --> 00:08:04,900
You're not the
governor of California?
105
00:08:04,901 --> 00:08:08,655
Did you fellows know he's been
lying? I have egg on my face.
106
00:08:22,961 --> 00:08:24,503
Hello?
107
00:08:24,504 --> 00:08:27,881
Can you help me
find nurse Fletcher?
108
00:08:27,882 --> 00:08:29,174
Man: The dailies were great.
109
00:08:29,175 --> 00:08:30,509
I don't understand.
110
00:08:30,510 --> 00:08:32,136
They said the
dailies were great.
111
00:08:32,137 --> 00:08:33,554
I don't understand.
112
00:08:33,555 --> 00:08:34,805
Your brother?
113
00:08:34,806 --> 00:08:36,682
This would be a marvelous time
114
00:08:36,683 --> 00:08:39,184
to extract the
present for George.
115
00:08:39,185 --> 00:08:40,562
Very well, Mr. Spock.
116
00:08:40,645 --> 00:08:42,646
Gentlemen, set
your phasers on stun.
117
00:08:44,107 --> 00:08:47,651
George, on behalf
of my entire crew,
118
00:08:47,652 --> 00:08:49,194
Spock, bones, Scotty,
119
00:08:49,195 --> 00:08:51,405
we'd like to present
you with a gift.
120
00:08:51,406 --> 00:08:54,241
Something we
picked up on rigel iv.
121
00:08:54,242 --> 00:08:57,953
It's our way of saying good
luck out there in the world.
122
00:08:57,954 --> 00:09:01,874
Show them what you're made
of. Live long and prosper.
123
00:09:01,875 --> 00:09:05,294
Go where no man has gone before!
124
00:09:05,295 --> 00:09:07,505
Phil, will you shut
up! I think he gets it.
125
00:09:07,589 --> 00:09:10,883
I was simply saying.
I'm very touched.
126
00:09:10,884 --> 00:09:13,803
I must say, I didn't expect...
127
00:09:16,973 --> 00:09:20,476
A hat. An honest Abe hat.
128
00:09:20,477 --> 00:09:23,937
It's to house your Mickey
after a busy day of lying.
129
00:09:23,938 --> 00:09:25,564
I know it's insulting to you.
130
00:09:25,565 --> 00:09:27,566
But the fellows did craft it.
131
00:09:27,567 --> 00:09:30,486
I'm not insulted
by this. Far from it.
132
00:09:30,487 --> 00:09:32,321
I'm going to wear this hat.
133
00:09:32,322 --> 00:09:35,032
I've earned it.
134
00:09:35,033 --> 00:09:37,159
I'll treasure it.
135
00:09:37,160 --> 00:09:38,952
I'm not afraid anymore, Teddy.
136
00:09:38,953 --> 00:09:40,538
I'm ready for my new life.
137
00:09:40,622 --> 00:09:42,164
Then say it, George!
138
00:09:42,165 --> 00:09:44,374
I'm a-ready, Teddy. Go!
139
00:09:44,375 --> 00:09:47,586
Have you ever worked with the
mentally challenged, Mr. Dash?
140
00:09:47,587 --> 00:09:50,964
Well, my sister's a loony. Ah.
141
00:09:50,965 --> 00:09:52,716
What sort of work do you do?
142
00:09:52,717 --> 00:09:55,594
Well, little bit this.
Little bit of that.
143
00:09:55,595 --> 00:10:00,724
Oh, look! There
he is, with the hat.
144
00:10:00,725 --> 00:10:03,018
Can I have your Heath bars?
145
00:10:03,019 --> 00:10:06,647
Wait, uh, I got a lot of
stuff to do, you know?
146
00:10:06,648 --> 00:10:08,358
Places to go, people to meet.
147
00:10:08,441 --> 00:10:10,192
You needn't worry about George.
148
00:10:10,193 --> 00:10:12,236
He's not a lunatic.
149
00:10:12,237 --> 00:10:14,029
Come on.
150
00:10:15,824 --> 00:10:17,199
That must be him.
151
00:10:17,200 --> 00:10:19,326
If he starts having fits
152
00:10:19,327 --> 00:10:21,286
I'll be across the street.
153
00:10:21,287 --> 00:10:22,913
I don't want to be around that.
154
00:10:22,914 --> 00:10:25,624
Mr. Dash, I hope you'll
be patient with George.
155
00:10:25,625 --> 00:10:26,811
Teddy he looks like a nice man.
156
00:10:26,835 --> 00:10:28,752
I'll say hello and
bring him here.
157
00:10:28,753 --> 00:10:30,963
See you in a minute.
158
00:10:30,964 --> 00:10:32,340
Eddie.
159
00:10:34,801 --> 00:10:37,636
Eddie, hi.
160
00:10:37,637 --> 00:10:39,972
Playing games already, Eddie?
161
00:10:39,973 --> 00:10:42,266
This is Eddie, isn't it?
162
00:10:42,267 --> 00:10:44,434
George, this is Eddie dash.
163
00:10:44,435 --> 00:10:46,728
George: I knew it! Hello, Eddie.
164
00:10:47,939 --> 00:10:49,439
Don't you kiss me no more.
165
00:10:49,440 --> 00:10:51,108
I'm going to kick your ass.
166
00:10:51,109 --> 00:10:53,110
He's going to kick my ass!
167
00:10:55,029 --> 00:10:57,030
Funny.
168
00:10:57,031 --> 00:10:59,074
I want you to meet the
guys. Don't touch me.
169
00:11:03,121 --> 00:11:04,246
Come on.
170
00:11:05,748 --> 00:11:08,709
He's not a lunatic?
171
00:11:08,710 --> 00:11:11,044
Don't touch me! Ahh! Motherfu...
172
00:11:11,045 --> 00:11:13,922
Hi, everybody. This is
Eddie, my new best friend.
173
00:11:13,923 --> 00:11:17,926
Eddie, this is Teddy
and Phil and Tim.
174
00:11:17,927 --> 00:11:20,470
Appreciate it, but
we got to go, you see.
175
00:11:20,471 --> 00:11:23,891
My car's out front.
Come on, let's go!
176
00:11:23,892 --> 00:11:26,852
Ooh, Eddie says we have to
go now. I better get going.
177
00:11:26,853 --> 00:11:28,646
So long, everybody.
Goodbye, nurse.
178
00:11:28,730 --> 00:11:30,022
Goodbye, George.
179
00:11:30,023 --> 00:11:32,191
If you need anything, just call.
180
00:11:32,192 --> 00:11:34,693
See you later. Write me!
181
00:11:44,704 --> 00:11:46,872
I can't tell you how
wonderful it feels
182
00:11:46,873 --> 00:11:49,833
to be out on my own again.
183
00:11:49,834 --> 00:11:52,502
I'm not sorry about
my time at the clinic
184
00:11:52,503 --> 00:11:55,422
because they did
me a world of good.
185
00:11:55,423 --> 00:11:59,509
I don't regret any of that. I
wish I could tell you sometime.
186
00:11:59,510 --> 00:12:02,512
But I mean reading
articles, seeing newspapers
187
00:12:02,513 --> 00:12:05,891
watching life and the world
and everything on television...
188
00:12:05,892 --> 00:12:09,728
I'm just anxious to
be a part of it again.
189
00:12:09,729 --> 00:12:12,064
I understand they put
basil on everything now.
190
00:12:12,065 --> 00:12:13,691
I'm very fond of basil.
191
00:12:13,775 --> 00:12:17,194
Basil is an herb whose
time has truly come.
192
00:12:17,195 --> 00:12:19,738
I'm not letting
you talk at all, heh.
193
00:12:19,739 --> 00:12:22,658
It just occurred to me. I'm
hogging the conversation.
194
00:12:22,659 --> 00:12:25,494
I don't give you a
chance to get in there.
195
00:12:25,495 --> 00:12:27,412
Jabber, jabber, jabber...
196
00:12:27,413 --> 00:12:29,998
I'm trying to make
a good impression.
197
00:12:29,999 --> 00:12:33,043
When I want to make a good
impression, I talk and talk.
198
00:12:33,044 --> 00:12:35,671
Jabber, jabber, jabber.
Eddie: Shut the fuck up!
199
00:12:35,672 --> 00:12:36,964
George: Sorry.
200
00:12:39,384 --> 00:12:42,219
There it is!
201
00:12:42,220 --> 00:12:44,137
What? The museum!
202
00:12:44,138 --> 00:12:47,140
George: Oh, this
is going to be fun.
203
00:12:47,141 --> 00:12:49,769
You'll have a good day
and take care of your life.
204
00:12:51,562 --> 00:12:53,480
Aren't you coming with me?
205
00:12:53,481 --> 00:12:56,067
I'd love to, but I got
a church group thing.
206
00:12:57,902 --> 00:13:00,570
Eddie, you can't
just leave me here.
207
00:13:00,571 --> 00:13:03,782
Oh, please, I
circled the want ads.
208
00:13:03,783 --> 00:13:04,908
I thought you
would help me find...
209
00:13:04,909 --> 00:13:07,035
Culture. There it is!
210
00:13:07,036 --> 00:13:09,204
Culture's all you
want. Right there!
211
00:13:12,959 --> 00:13:15,419
I haven't been on my
own for over three years.
212
00:13:15,420 --> 00:13:17,129
You're not alone.
213
00:13:17,130 --> 00:13:19,799
They got everything from
Dolly Parton to the pope.
214
00:13:22,260 --> 00:13:26,346
Eddie, just give me a minute
to get used to the idea, okay?
215
00:13:26,347 --> 00:13:27,974
Ready?
216
00:13:31,561 --> 00:13:34,604
No, I'm terrified!
217
00:13:34,605 --> 00:13:36,148
Don't be terrified.
218
00:13:36,149 --> 00:13:37,233
Hey, George!
219
00:13:38,609 --> 00:13:39,693
Got any money?
220
00:13:39,694 --> 00:13:41,820
I'm okay for money.
221
00:13:41,821 --> 00:13:45,532
Give me $50 and
I'll go in with you.
222
00:13:45,533 --> 00:13:47,826
Eddie: Me and you.
223
00:13:47,827 --> 00:13:48,910
George: I don't like it here.
224
00:13:48,911 --> 00:13:50,287
Eddie: Wait a minute.
225
00:13:50,288 --> 00:13:51,580
Did they only give you $50?
226
00:13:51,581 --> 00:13:54,416
No, they... hi.
How are you doing?
227
00:13:57,754 --> 00:13:58,838
Eddie: George!
228
00:14:00,965 --> 00:14:02,632
Damn you! You see
what you did to my friend,
229
00:14:02,633 --> 00:14:04,634
you big, green fuck?
230
00:14:15,229 --> 00:14:17,522
My cigar! I'm so sorry.
231
00:14:17,523 --> 00:14:19,275
You killed my cigar.
232
00:14:21,027 --> 00:14:23,612
Let me help you. Al:
You broke my cigar!
233
00:14:23,613 --> 00:14:24,738
George: It's my fault.
234
00:14:24,739 --> 00:14:26,281
I shouldn't have been running.
235
00:14:26,282 --> 00:14:29,201
Abe, it's you, heh.
236
00:14:29,202 --> 00:14:30,369
I'm not Abe.
237
00:14:30,370 --> 00:14:32,871
What do you do, disappear,
238
00:14:32,872 --> 00:14:35,082
then come back to kill me, Abe?
239
00:14:35,083 --> 00:14:37,084
You're mistaking
me for someone else.
240
00:14:37,085 --> 00:14:39,878
You mean, because
of the hat. I'm not Abe.
241
00:14:39,879 --> 00:14:43,549
You're not Abe fielding?
What is this, a joke?
242
00:14:43,633 --> 00:14:47,220
I'm not joking at all. I think
maybe you had a bad fall.
243
00:14:51,307 --> 00:14:53,183
Shit!
244
00:14:53,184 --> 00:14:55,685
You know, a lot of
people would say
245
00:14:55,686 --> 00:14:58,480
it's rude to bet
thousands of dollars
246
00:14:58,481 --> 00:15:00,440
then skip town without a trace.
247
00:15:00,441 --> 00:15:01,721
George: You're making a mistake.
248
00:15:03,319 --> 00:15:04,653
Al: I got some of it.
249
00:15:04,654 --> 00:15:07,030
What is that? Payoff of the bet.
250
00:15:07,031 --> 00:15:09,408
What bet? You won
the bet. Dallas won.
251
00:15:09,409 --> 00:15:12,702
I'm not Abe. You think
Abe won a bet from you.
252
00:15:12,703 --> 00:15:15,080
I'm in the clergy.
Really? What church?
253
00:15:17,291 --> 00:15:19,501
George: You want to give it to
someone named Abe. I'm not Abe.
254
00:15:19,502 --> 00:15:20,836
Holy shit!
255
00:15:20,837 --> 00:15:22,587
That's what I thought.
256
00:15:22,588 --> 00:15:24,257
You think it's me, but...
257
00:15:24,340 --> 00:15:26,550
I can't take that money.
258
00:15:26,551 --> 00:15:27,926
Abe!
259
00:15:27,927 --> 00:15:29,845
This is my best friend, Eddie.
260
00:15:29,846 --> 00:15:30,846
He'll tell you.
261
00:15:30,847 --> 00:15:33,056
You want to know about Abe?
262
00:15:33,057 --> 00:15:36,977
You ask me, because
Abe and I are best friends.
263
00:15:36,978 --> 00:15:40,689
Heh, not Abe fielding.
Big joke on me, right?
264
00:15:40,690 --> 00:15:43,525
8:00, shorefront cafe.
I'll have your money.
265
00:15:43,526 --> 00:15:44,860
Eddie: Abe will be there.
266
00:15:44,861 --> 00:15:46,696
He's making a terrible mistake.
267
00:15:46,779 --> 00:15:48,238
He might have a concussion.
268
00:15:48,239 --> 00:15:51,533
I hope he has it tonight.
269
00:16:05,256 --> 00:16:07,215
I don't want to do this.
270
00:16:07,216 --> 00:16:09,551
Look, the guy wants
to give you money.
271
00:16:09,552 --> 00:16:11,720
No, he wants to give
Abe fielding money.
272
00:16:11,721 --> 00:16:15,182
I'm doing all this for you.
What are you doing for me?
273
00:16:15,183 --> 00:16:17,976
But you want me to lie,
the worst thing I could do.
274
00:16:17,977 --> 00:16:21,354
What good is telling the
truth if you got nothing to say?
275
00:16:21,355 --> 00:16:24,065
I have things to say.
Yeah, about basil.
276
00:16:24,066 --> 00:16:26,776
I know I'm not the
most dynamic person.
277
00:16:26,777 --> 00:16:28,988
My ass is more dynamic, okay?
278
00:16:32,408 --> 00:16:34,993
You just be quiet. Let
me do all the talking.
279
00:16:34,994 --> 00:16:36,995
That way, you ain't lying.
280
00:16:36,996 --> 00:16:39,498
I'd feel more
comfortable like that.
281
00:16:41,209 --> 00:16:42,876
Monsieur fielding!
282
00:16:42,877 --> 00:16:44,711
How good it is to see you!
283
00:16:44,712 --> 00:16:46,296
It has been too long.
284
00:16:46,297 --> 00:16:48,173
It's been too long.
Since he's eaten!
285
00:16:48,174 --> 00:16:50,383
I'll move some people.
286
00:16:50,384 --> 00:16:53,137
You a twin or something?
287
00:16:53,221 --> 00:16:55,138
How nice to see you again!
288
00:16:55,139 --> 00:16:57,600
May I take your hat?
289
00:17:00,728 --> 00:17:03,230
How nice!
290
00:17:03,231 --> 00:17:05,525
Mr. Fielding! Long time no see.
291
00:17:07,610 --> 00:17:09,611
Eddie: You can
at least say hello.
292
00:17:09,612 --> 00:17:11,238
George: I don't
want to lie, Eddie.
293
00:17:11,239 --> 00:17:13,406
Eddie: "Hello" is not a lie.
294
00:17:13,407 --> 00:17:15,617
George: You don't want
to be around when I lie.
295
00:17:15,618 --> 00:17:17,160
All hell breaks loose.
296
00:17:17,161 --> 00:17:20,497
Believe me, I become
another person.
297
00:17:20,498 --> 00:17:23,792
When I start to lie, even
I don't know who I am.
298
00:17:23,793 --> 00:17:27,213
Monsieur fielding, how
are you this evening?
299
00:17:29,048 --> 00:17:32,050
Well, if I were Mr. Fielding
300
00:17:32,051 --> 00:17:34,803
I guess you could
say I was fine.
301
00:17:36,597 --> 00:17:38,932
This way, sir.
302
00:17:38,933 --> 00:17:40,850
May I bring the usual?
303
00:17:40,851 --> 00:17:44,062
Two usuals. You know,
we're expecting a friend.
304
00:17:44,063 --> 00:17:46,898
A little old fat guy,
uh, kind of ugly.
305
00:17:46,899 --> 00:17:48,191
He owes us a lot of money.
306
00:17:48,192 --> 00:17:50,194
I think he's at the bar.
307
00:17:51,737 --> 00:17:53,072
Thank you.
308
00:17:58,452 --> 00:18:01,496
Eddie, we have to get
out of here. This is crazy.
309
00:18:01,497 --> 00:18:04,249
You think I'm doing this for
me? Don't make me laugh.
310
00:18:04,250 --> 00:18:08,086
I'm doing it for mom.
You know, my mother.
311
00:18:08,087 --> 00:18:10,213
Wish I had a
picture to show you.
312
00:18:10,214 --> 00:18:12,716
She's got what they
call a heart thing.
313
00:18:12,717 --> 00:18:15,594
The doctors, they
call it a bum heart.
314
00:18:15,595 --> 00:18:19,264
I was going to use the money
that we get to get it fixed.
315
00:18:19,265 --> 00:18:22,100
I'm sorry to hear that.
I'd like to help you.
316
00:18:22,101 --> 00:18:25,396
But you know, Eddie,
I told you I mustn't lie.
317
00:18:25,479 --> 00:18:29,482
Okay, forget I asked
you. Just forget it!
318
00:18:29,483 --> 00:18:32,319
You can send her flowers
when she's in the hospital.
319
00:18:32,320 --> 00:18:35,739
Nice note saying, "die, bitch."
320
00:18:35,740 --> 00:18:39,618
Abe, how are you? I didn't
know you were bringing a friend.
321
00:18:39,619 --> 00:18:41,120
I'm ai sandrow.
322
00:18:44,498 --> 00:18:46,958
Not that it's any of
my business, Abe,
323
00:18:46,959 --> 00:18:49,961
where's a guy like you
disappear to for 5 months?
324
00:18:49,962 --> 00:18:52,631
That's kind of a long story, ai.
325
00:18:52,632 --> 00:18:54,133
I'm asking Abe.
326
00:18:57,637 --> 00:18:59,638
Something wrong, Abe?
327
00:18:59,639 --> 00:19:03,600
He's worried about my mother.
Mama's at death's door.
328
00:19:03,601 --> 00:19:07,604
Listen, shithead, nobody's
talking to you, okay?
329
00:19:07,605 --> 00:19:09,397
Eddie, Eddie.
330
00:19:09,398 --> 00:19:11,608
I was just trying to tell you...
331
00:19:11,609 --> 00:19:14,069
Don't tell me nothing.
I'm asking Abe!
332
00:19:14,070 --> 00:19:16,696
I don't like this.
It's not polite.
333
00:19:16,697 --> 00:19:20,200
Maybe he can't talk
about it, but I can.
334
00:19:20,201 --> 00:19:22,494
Butt out, shithead!
I'm talking to...
335
00:19:22,495 --> 00:19:25,456
I don't like it when you
call my friend a shithead.
336
00:19:25,539 --> 00:19:29,334
If you do it one more time,
I'll cut your fucking balls off!
337
00:19:29,335 --> 00:19:31,252
Ow. George:
Which I'm very good at.
338
00:19:31,253 --> 00:19:34,172
Okay? Yeah, sure, Abe.
339
00:19:34,173 --> 00:19:35,424
Say "okay."
340
00:19:45,434 --> 00:19:50,772
You trying to tell me
something? No, no! Okay, Abe.
341
00:19:50,773 --> 00:19:52,482
I don't want to be unreasonable.
342
00:19:52,483 --> 00:19:55,860
I know you came to give
us thousands of dollars...
343
00:19:55,861 --> 00:19:57,321
Listen to me.
344
00:19:59,240 --> 00:20:00,990
But!
345
00:20:00,991 --> 00:20:04,370
Don't call my friend a
shithead again, okay?
346
00:20:05,955 --> 00:20:07,747
Now you can talk!
347
00:20:07,748 --> 00:20:10,125
Shithead's okay.
348
00:20:10,126 --> 00:20:12,961
Do you have any idea what
this man has done for me?
349
00:20:12,962 --> 00:20:14,713
Huh.
350
00:20:14,714 --> 00:20:16,798
It was nothing.
351
00:20:16,799 --> 00:20:19,676
Pulling me out of that
explosion was nothing?
352
00:20:19,677 --> 00:20:21,261
What explosion?
353
00:20:21,262 --> 00:20:23,596
In the lift at lady
tushingham's.
354
00:20:23,597 --> 00:20:26,307
Look at him. Look
what it did to his brain.
355
00:20:26,308 --> 00:20:28,477
Did you see that? Look at this.
356
00:20:28,561 --> 00:20:31,230
Hello? Anybody home?
357
00:20:33,941 --> 00:20:37,026
Don't worry, he's got a
titanium plate in there.
358
00:20:37,027 --> 00:20:39,738
When I hit him in the
head, it actually feels good.
359
00:20:39,739 --> 00:20:40,905
What the fuck?
360
00:20:43,451 --> 00:20:47,620
Just don't call my friend
a shithead again, okay?
361
00:20:47,621 --> 00:20:50,457
Okay with you, ai? Okay with al.
362
00:20:50,458 --> 00:20:54,253
Maybe I had you pegged wrong,
but don't ever call him...
363
00:20:58,257 --> 00:21:00,925
I'm sorry. I didn't know, uh.
364
00:21:00,926 --> 00:21:02,927
So, uh, what
happened in the lift?
365
00:21:02,928 --> 00:21:04,179
What's a lift?
366
00:21:04,180 --> 00:21:05,972
George: What
happened in the lift?
367
00:21:05,973 --> 00:21:09,559
Lady tushingham, you
mean? I'm glad you asked.
368
00:21:09,560 --> 00:21:11,728
This is a wonderful story, ai.
369
00:21:13,856 --> 00:21:15,857
I can't wait to tell you.
370
00:21:15,858 --> 00:21:18,902
There we were, Eddie and
me, in england, mind you,
371
00:21:18,903 --> 00:21:20,988
at this swellegant party...
372
00:21:21,071 --> 00:21:24,115
Lords, ladies,
everything and uh...
373
00:21:24,116 --> 00:21:26,284
Not far from Buckingham Palace.
374
00:21:26,285 --> 00:21:30,872
And lady tushingham
walks up to me, and she says:
375
00:21:30,873 --> 00:21:32,957
"I
Challenge you to pull this finger."
376
00:21:32,958 --> 00:21:36,295
Mm-hm. Heh.
377
00:21:37,713 --> 00:21:39,005
"I challenge you
378
00:21:39,006 --> 00:21:41,299
to pull this finger."
379
00:21:41,300 --> 00:21:42,342
You say it.
380
00:21:44,386 --> 00:21:49,015
"I
Challenge you to pull this finger."
381
00:21:49,016 --> 00:21:50,600
You're going to love this.
382
00:21:50,601 --> 00:21:52,436
Yeah.
383
00:21:54,313 --> 00:21:55,730
What are you going to do?
384
00:21:55,731 --> 00:21:58,441
What do you figure?
What could happen, right?
385
00:21:58,442 --> 00:22:00,819
So I pull her finger. Hmm.
386
00:22:00,820 --> 00:22:03,446
She cuts one.
387
00:22:03,447 --> 00:22:04,989
Phew!
388
00:22:07,493 --> 00:22:09,953
A rocket to Mars doesn't
have this kind of thrust.
389
00:22:09,954 --> 00:22:11,621
And her husband
390
00:22:11,622 --> 00:22:15,041
was lighting his cigar
next to her. Kaboom.
391
00:22:15,042 --> 00:22:16,335
The place went crazy!
392
00:22:16,418 --> 00:22:18,503
They weren't calling
you shithead then.
393
00:22:18,504 --> 00:22:19,587
Eddie: Uh, them?
394
00:22:19,588 --> 00:22:21,130
They probably were.
395
00:22:21,131 --> 00:22:23,341
If you want to call me shithead
396
00:22:23,342 --> 00:22:26,427
and give me some money
and say, "Abe won this.
397
00:22:26,428 --> 00:22:28,930
Here, shithead."
You know, I'd say
398
00:22:28,931 --> 00:22:30,015
"thank you, ai."
399
00:22:32,768 --> 00:22:34,686
Man: Where the
hell have you been?
400
00:22:34,687 --> 00:22:36,646
Where have I been?
Where have you been?
401
00:22:36,647 --> 00:22:37,772
That's the question.
402
00:22:37,773 --> 00:22:39,941
Honey, Abe!
403
00:22:39,942 --> 00:22:42,402
Oh, my god!
404
00:22:42,403 --> 00:22:45,905
Hey, get your ass over
here. Give me a wet one!
405
00:22:50,035 --> 00:22:52,370
This is Fred and Ethel mertz.
406
00:22:52,371 --> 00:22:55,164
Sit down. Get a load off.
407
00:22:55,165 --> 00:22:58,376
Bartender, some drinks
over here for my friends.
408
00:22:58,377 --> 00:23:00,253
Were you expecting
somebody else?
409
00:23:00,254 --> 00:23:01,754
We were expecting you.
410
00:23:01,755 --> 00:23:03,381
He wanted to start. I said,
411
00:23:03,382 --> 00:23:05,967
"we're waiting till
you guys arrive."
412
00:23:05,968 --> 00:23:09,804
So, what did we hear? That
you were in South America?
413
00:23:09,805 --> 00:23:11,598
El Salvador.
414
00:23:11,599 --> 00:23:14,476
My god, what were
you doing there?
415
00:23:14,560 --> 00:23:16,895
George: Dropping
live oxen from 30,000 feet
416
00:23:16,896 --> 00:23:19,147
on the guerrilla forces.
417
00:23:19,148 --> 00:23:21,900
Man: Live oxen?
418
00:23:21,901 --> 00:23:23,610
Why live oxen?
419
00:23:23,611 --> 00:23:26,321
Because it hurts like hell
when they land on you!
420
00:23:27,990 --> 00:23:29,741
Eddie: Ah, he was
just kidding about
421
00:23:29,742 --> 00:23:32,952
dropping oxen from
30,000 feet out of the plane.
422
00:23:32,953 --> 00:23:34,579
George: Oh, sure.
423
00:23:34,580 --> 00:23:36,373
As if you weren't
with me in the cockpit
424
00:23:36,457 --> 00:23:37,875
when the missile went through.
425
00:23:39,418 --> 00:23:42,003
Oh! I forgot.
426
00:23:42,004 --> 00:23:43,463
It slipped my mind.
427
00:23:43,464 --> 00:23:45,924
I can never tell
when you're serious.
428
00:23:52,598 --> 00:23:53,806
I'm in a plane
429
00:23:53,807 --> 00:23:55,934
with a dead pilot
430
00:23:55,935 --> 00:23:59,354
and the cockpit
thermometer says 30,000 feet
431
00:23:59,355 --> 00:24:01,440
and you think I'm making jokes?
432
00:24:03,567 --> 00:24:05,109
What's the matter with him?
433
00:24:05,110 --> 00:24:06,570
Is he pulling my leg?
434
00:24:20,167 --> 00:24:22,585
So what happened
to lady tushingham?
435
00:24:23,837 --> 00:24:26,130
Will you fuck lady tushingham?
436
00:24:26,131 --> 00:24:28,967
What's the matter with you?
I'm telling you the real stuff!
437
00:24:28,968 --> 00:24:31,803
Forty thousand feet. A
terrorist burst through the door
438
00:24:31,804 --> 00:24:34,180
put the gun to my
head and he says...
439
00:24:40,062 --> 00:24:41,479
How'd you like that, al?
440
00:24:41,480 --> 00:24:43,606
Holy shit!
441
00:24:43,607 --> 00:24:46,110
Do you understand
what I'm saying?
442
00:24:48,821 --> 00:24:50,531
Jesus!
443
00:25:26,525 --> 00:25:29,444
What was I to do? Then
they tore out their knives.
444
00:25:29,445 --> 00:25:31,029
And started swearing...
445
00:25:31,030 --> 00:25:32,655
We don't know
what they're saying.
446
00:25:32,656 --> 00:25:34,741
And Eddie says, "talk English."
447
00:25:34,742 --> 00:25:37,535
Good thing we didn't
know the language.
448
00:25:37,536 --> 00:25:39,704
"You don't talk English,
we're going home."
449
00:25:39,705 --> 00:25:42,832
Mr. Fielding.
450
00:25:42,833 --> 00:25:45,710
That really is an amazing story.
451
00:25:45,711 --> 00:25:50,590
We talked about the
money that al owed Abe.
452
00:25:50,591 --> 00:25:53,677
You know what I mean?
Didn't we talk about that?
453
00:25:53,761 --> 00:25:56,888
We were talking
about all the money
454
00:25:56,889 --> 00:26:00,558
that maybe Abe won gambling
from this, uh, fat man.
455
00:26:00,559 --> 00:26:01,976
Al: I'm not the fat man
456
00:26:01,977 --> 00:26:05,063
like you're not the
shithead, okay?
457
00:26:05,064 --> 00:26:07,648
I'm not trying to offend,
but I'm not a shithead.
458
00:26:07,649 --> 00:26:09,734
But you're definitely
pudgy. What?
459
00:26:09,735 --> 00:26:12,153
Al's a little sensitive
about his tummy.
460
00:26:12,154 --> 00:26:14,030
It's been 20 years
since he had a tum...
461
00:26:14,031 --> 00:26:15,323
Oh, my god!
462
00:26:26,710 --> 00:26:28,295
It's ruined.
463
00:26:30,130 --> 00:26:32,590
Abe, it's your wife.
464
00:26:32,591 --> 00:26:34,008
My what?
465
00:26:34,009 --> 00:26:35,301
Man: You're right.
466
00:26:35,302 --> 00:26:37,345
It's Elaine!
467
00:26:37,346 --> 00:26:39,055
Eddie, I'm married.
468
00:26:39,056 --> 00:26:40,473
Congratulations.
469
00:26:40,474 --> 00:26:42,767
What am I going to do?
470
00:26:42,768 --> 00:26:44,269
You son of a bitch!
471
00:26:46,605 --> 00:26:48,106
Hello, darling.
472
00:26:48,107 --> 00:26:50,483
You are not my husband.
473
00:26:50,484 --> 00:26:52,777
I think I could explain...
474
00:26:52,778 --> 00:26:56,739
You are an inconsiderate child.
475
00:26:56,740 --> 00:27:00,034
You are an insect.
You are a piece of dust.
476
00:27:00,035 --> 00:27:03,663
How dare you humiliate me
this way in front of our friends.
477
00:27:03,664 --> 00:27:06,207
I'm very disappointed
in you, Gail.
478
00:27:06,208 --> 00:27:08,042
You could've told
me he was back.
479
00:27:08,043 --> 00:27:10,294
I didn't even know he was gone.
480
00:27:10,295 --> 00:27:12,381
Oh, like hell you didn't.
481
00:27:12,464 --> 00:27:14,465
What have you got
to say for yourself?
482
00:27:14,466 --> 00:27:16,092
I missed you, dear.
483
00:27:16,093 --> 00:27:17,927
Come on. Where are we going?
484
00:27:17,928 --> 00:27:19,762
You've got some
explaining to do.
485
00:27:19,763 --> 00:27:21,640
George: The money!
486
00:27:32,818 --> 00:27:35,570
You're the most beautiful
woman I've ever seen.
487
00:27:35,571 --> 00:27:39,365
I can't think of a single
reason for us to stay together.
488
00:27:39,366 --> 00:27:43,995
I can think of one darn good
reason. How about the kids, huh?
489
00:27:43,996 --> 00:27:47,665
Is it fair to them to make them
the innocent victims of this?
490
00:27:47,666 --> 00:27:49,250
What kids?
491
00:27:49,251 --> 00:27:51,586
We don't have kids?
492
00:27:51,587 --> 00:27:52,962
Bear with me.
493
00:27:52,963 --> 00:27:54,422
I'm a little...
494
00:27:54,423 --> 00:27:56,424
I had a cocktail
at the restaurant.
495
00:27:56,425 --> 00:27:59,386
Elaine: You are really
starting to drive me crazy.
496
00:27:59,469 --> 00:28:00,803
George: Honestly,
497
00:28:00,804 --> 00:28:02,972
I think you've made
an awfully big mistake.
498
00:28:02,973 --> 00:28:05,266
Elaine: The big
mistake was marrying you.
499
00:28:05,267 --> 00:28:06,601
George: I mean a mistake
500
00:28:06,602 --> 00:28:08,603
that you think I'm someone else
501
00:28:08,604 --> 00:28:10,188
than who I really am.
502
00:28:10,189 --> 00:28:12,690
Elaine: What you
are is a lying bastard.
503
00:28:12,691 --> 00:28:15,401
Get your hand off my knee.
504
00:28:15,402 --> 00:28:17,361
George: I don't think
I lie that much anymore.
505
00:28:17,362 --> 00:28:18,822
I lied a bit tonight,
506
00:28:18,906 --> 00:28:20,615
but I was under
a lot of pressure.
507
00:28:20,616 --> 00:28:23,326
Considering that this
was my first night out.
508
00:28:23,327 --> 00:28:27,705
Otherwise, I think I've made
a lot of progress. I really do.
509
00:28:27,706 --> 00:28:29,957
Just what did you
catch this time?
510
00:28:29,958 --> 00:28:32,251
I didn't catch anything.
511
00:28:32,252 --> 00:28:35,713
You went fishing for 5 months
and you didn't catch anything?
512
00:28:35,714 --> 00:28:37,506
I guess I used the wrong bait.
513
00:28:37,507 --> 00:28:39,508
Elaine: Used the wrong bait?
514
00:28:39,509 --> 00:28:42,053
Will you please not
insult my intelligence?
515
00:28:42,054 --> 00:28:44,431
I happen to know you
were with Angela Davenport
516
00:28:44,514 --> 00:28:45,723
the entire time.
517
00:28:45,724 --> 00:28:47,851
Will you close the door, please?
518
00:28:51,230 --> 00:28:52,730
And don't deny it.
519
00:28:52,731 --> 00:28:54,732
Don't even try,
because I got it right
520
00:28:54,733 --> 00:28:56,525
from the horse's mouth.
521
00:28:56,526 --> 00:28:57,777
You mean Angela told you?
522
00:28:57,778 --> 00:29:00,196
No, Angela's husband told me.
523
00:29:00,197 --> 00:29:02,031
Oh, gee.
524
00:29:02,032 --> 00:29:03,449
What on earth have you got
525
00:29:03,450 --> 00:29:05,534
in that foolish-looking
little bag?
526
00:29:05,535 --> 00:29:07,746
My raincoat and rubbers.
527
00:29:09,164 --> 00:29:11,374
He also told me
when he found you
528
00:29:11,375 --> 00:29:15,127
he would cut you up into
infinitesimally small pieces.
529
00:29:15,128 --> 00:29:17,172
Too bad he was bluffing.
530
00:29:20,759 --> 00:29:23,262
George: I've been murdered.
531
00:29:27,224 --> 00:29:29,309
Oh, my god.
532
00:29:33,647 --> 00:29:35,439
George: Oh, little doggie.
533
00:29:35,440 --> 00:29:36,400
Cute little doggie.
534
00:29:36,401 --> 00:29:40,278
Oh. Oh. Nice doggie.
535
00:29:41,571 --> 00:29:42,948
Yes, sit.
536
00:29:46,076 --> 00:29:47,369
Be a good boy.
537
00:29:49,329 --> 00:29:50,664
Nice doggie.
538
00:30:04,803 --> 00:30:06,429
Sit! Be a good doggie.
539
00:30:06,430 --> 00:30:08,014
Elaine.
540
00:30:08,015 --> 00:30:10,516
I think something terrible
may have happened.
541
00:30:10,517 --> 00:30:13,144
What? Hmm, uh.
542
00:30:13,145 --> 00:30:14,395
What?
543
00:30:14,396 --> 00:30:16,439
I have to... I have to...
544
00:30:16,440 --> 00:30:18,274
What?
545
00:30:18,275 --> 00:30:19,942
I have to... I have to...
546
00:30:19,943 --> 00:30:21,277
What?
547
00:30:21,278 --> 00:30:22,404
I have to... I have to...
548
00:30:22,487 --> 00:30:24,238
What?
549
00:30:24,239 --> 00:30:26,824
I'm honor breast, to
tell you the tittie hooth.
550
00:30:26,825 --> 00:30:29,535
Angela didn't forewarn
you about her implants,
551
00:30:29,536 --> 00:30:31,245
did she?
552
00:30:31,246 --> 00:30:32,872
Honest truth.
553
00:30:32,873 --> 00:30:34,832
Did you find out in bed?
554
00:30:34,833 --> 00:30:37,836
Or did they rattle
when you danced?
555
00:30:40,839 --> 00:30:43,382
It's very difficult for me
to be honest with you
556
00:30:43,383 --> 00:30:45,260
at a time like this.
557
00:30:47,512 --> 00:30:49,014
Give it a whirl, Abe.
558
00:30:50,599 --> 00:30:54,144
Well, I like... I want to...
559
00:30:55,687 --> 00:30:57,229
Want to say something to me?
560
00:30:57,230 --> 00:30:59,774
Yes. I want to be
completely honest
561
00:30:59,775 --> 00:31:02,985
and get this off your chest. I
mean, get this on your breast.
562
00:31:02,986 --> 00:31:06,864
I mean, my breast.
Uh, get this off my chest.
563
00:31:06,865 --> 00:31:09,367
Well, give it a try.
Give it your best shot.
564
00:31:09,368 --> 00:31:11,869
The truth, Abe, let's hear it.
565
00:31:11,870 --> 00:31:15,998
Ah, Elaine, I am
not your husband.
566
00:31:15,999 --> 00:31:18,209
I am a Volvo salesman.
567
00:31:25,300 --> 00:31:31,390
You are really beginning to
fray the edges of my Patience.
568
00:31:40,023 --> 00:31:43,776
George: I've never
been to yosemite.
569
00:32:11,430 --> 00:32:13,097
Oh, man.
570
00:32:13,098 --> 00:32:17,351
Hey, I'm landing in
tall cotton. Hey, baby!
571
00:32:17,352 --> 00:32:20,187
Holy shit, this is great!
572
00:32:20,188 --> 00:32:22,941
They don't have this much
acreage in the projects.
573
00:32:40,959 --> 00:32:45,754
Oh, man! Are you kidding me?
574
00:32:45,755 --> 00:32:51,594
Holy shit! Huh? Kiss my ass!
575
00:33:00,729 --> 00:33:02,272
Coochie-coochie?
576
00:33:03,690 --> 00:33:05,900
Come here, little puppy.
577
00:33:06,985 --> 00:33:08,778
Come here. Suck your dick?
578
00:33:11,990 --> 00:33:13,240
Oh, ho!
579
00:33:13,241 --> 00:33:15,701
Is this 1145 stone ranch?
580
00:33:15,702 --> 00:33:17,328
Got some candy for you.
581
00:33:17,329 --> 00:33:20,080
Goddamn it, you bit my...
582
00:33:20,081 --> 00:33:22,666
Nice baby. Good fellow.
583
00:33:25,420 --> 00:33:27,755
Hey, Abe!
584
00:33:27,756 --> 00:33:30,633
Jesus. Abe!
585
00:33:30,634 --> 00:33:33,010
Holy shit! Eh?
586
00:33:39,559 --> 00:33:42,061
Abe!
587
00:33:42,062 --> 00:33:44,313
How you doing, Abe?
588
00:33:44,314 --> 00:33:46,815
What, you eating breakfast?
589
00:33:46,816 --> 00:33:48,317
Hey, another chair?
590
00:33:48,318 --> 00:33:50,570
Hey, this yours?
591
00:33:53,823 --> 00:33:55,825
You don't need this.
592
00:34:02,207 --> 00:34:05,460
Oh, Abe!
593
00:34:19,182 --> 00:34:20,432
Eddie: Yo!
594
00:34:20,433 --> 00:34:21,642
I knew you'd find me.
595
00:34:21,643 --> 00:34:23,894
Don't touch me, Abe.
596
00:34:23,895 --> 00:34:25,604
Just a little, let
me hold your hand.
597
00:34:25,605 --> 00:34:27,648
Hey, don't touch me!
598
00:34:27,649 --> 00:34:29,233
How did you find me?
599
00:34:29,234 --> 00:34:31,402
You're in the phone
book under Abe fielding.
600
00:34:31,403 --> 00:34:33,862
That was smart! Hey!
601
00:34:33,863 --> 00:34:37,241
Can I call you Abe? You
know my name is George.
602
00:34:37,242 --> 00:34:39,286
George, right. Your
name is George.
603
00:34:40,954 --> 00:34:43,205
Yo, Abe. I mean, George.
604
00:34:43,206 --> 00:34:45,624
How many acres
we got here? None.
605
00:34:45,625 --> 00:34:48,711
Eddie: None? It looks
like more than that to me.
606
00:34:48,712 --> 00:34:51,380
George: That's because you
think I'm Abe fielding, but I'm not.
607
00:34:51,381 --> 00:34:53,382
I don't even know Abe fielding.
608
00:34:53,383 --> 00:34:55,801
But I think he was
cut up into pieces
609
00:34:55,802 --> 00:34:58,012
by somebody's jealous husband.
610
00:34:58,013 --> 00:34:59,722
What the hell you talking about?
611
00:34:59,723 --> 00:35:03,226
You don't believe me.
I'm not Abe fielding.
612
00:35:03,310 --> 00:35:05,269
Hey, you're at the pearly
gates. Don't choose hell.
613
00:35:05,270 --> 00:35:06,770
What will you say?
614
00:35:06,771 --> 00:35:08,480
That I don't have
a place to stay
615
00:35:08,481 --> 00:35:09,940
and I'm staying
with you for a while.
616
00:35:09,941 --> 00:35:12,109
Maybe you'll ask her for me.
617
00:35:12,110 --> 00:35:16,655
Hello, dear. Mrs. Honeybun.
618
00:35:16,656 --> 00:35:19,241
Yes? Um, Eddie wants to know
619
00:35:19,242 --> 00:35:21,160
if he can live
with us for a while.
620
00:35:21,161 --> 00:35:23,537
You know, just
for a little while.
621
00:35:23,538 --> 00:35:27,125
Till my mom gets better.
Couple years, tops.
622
00:35:28,460 --> 00:35:30,961
No.
623
00:35:30,962 --> 00:35:32,630
No? What do you mean, no?
624
00:35:32,631 --> 00:35:34,006
Come on, peaches.
625
00:35:34,007 --> 00:35:36,216
Peaches?
626
00:35:36,217 --> 00:35:37,635
Abe has something to say.
627
00:35:37,636 --> 00:35:38,886
Just hear him out.
628
00:35:38,887 --> 00:35:42,182
All right. What is it?
629
00:35:46,269 --> 00:35:51,316
Uh, Elaine, Eddie isn't
who you think he is.
630
00:35:52,651 --> 00:35:54,777
Who is he?
631
00:35:54,778 --> 00:35:57,071
Did you ever hear
of a prizefighter
632
00:35:57,072 --> 00:35:58,448
by the name of Joe Frazier?
633
00:36:00,158 --> 00:36:01,867
You mean the
"thriller from Manila"?
634
00:36:01,868 --> 00:36:04,578
That's it. The
thriller from Manila!
635
00:36:04,579 --> 00:36:05,913
Whoa!
636
00:36:05,914 --> 00:36:07,081
Right after that fight
637
00:36:07,082 --> 00:36:09,041
with Ali in the Philippines,
638
00:36:09,042 --> 00:36:10,501
Joe Frazier got malaria.
639
00:36:10,502 --> 00:36:13,337
And he lost a lot
of weight. Whoa!
640
00:36:15,340 --> 00:36:19,468
I mean, a lot of weight.
He even shrunk a little bit.
641
00:36:19,469 --> 00:36:23,139
And, um, even after
they got it under control
642
00:36:23,223 --> 00:36:26,350
he thought if anyone
ever saw him like that
643
00:36:26,351 --> 00:36:28,769
his career as a
prizefighter would be over.
644
00:36:28,770 --> 00:36:30,930
George: No one would ever
give him a shot at the title.
645
00:36:32,524 --> 00:36:34,274
He decided he'd better change
646
00:36:34,275 --> 00:36:36,610
his name and his identity
647
00:36:36,611 --> 00:36:39,446
till he could sort of work
his way back into shape.
648
00:36:39,447 --> 00:36:41,782
It's been a rough road
back, right, champ?
649
00:36:41,783 --> 00:36:44,201
Hey, I'm not complaining.
650
00:36:44,202 --> 00:36:46,871
I just want another
crack at the title.
651
00:36:46,955 --> 00:36:49,081
Save them. Save them, pal.
652
00:36:49,082 --> 00:36:52,459
I'll help you, Joe.
I mean, Eddie.
653
00:36:52,460 --> 00:36:54,878
Sorry, champ. I
won't slip again.
654
00:36:56,631 --> 00:36:58,215
You know, uh, Elaine,
655
00:36:58,216 --> 00:36:59,800
he's the best friend I got.
656
00:36:59,801 --> 00:37:01,241
He just needs a
place where he can...
657
00:37:02,595 --> 00:37:05,723
Lick his wounds for a while,
658
00:37:05,724 --> 00:37:11,396
uh, and put about maybe
50, 60 pounds back on.
659
00:37:18,403 --> 00:37:23,157
That is an amazing story.
660
00:37:23,158 --> 00:37:24,867
I was very rude to
you a minute ago.
661
00:37:24,868 --> 00:37:27,494
I'm awfully sorry.
662
00:37:27,495 --> 00:37:29,788
I want you to stay.
Really. Please do.
663
00:37:29,789 --> 00:37:31,832
I feel so exposed.
664
00:37:31,833 --> 00:37:33,459
Please, uh, let me see
665
00:37:33,460 --> 00:37:37,337
if! Can get the, uh,
guest bedroom made up.
666
00:37:37,338 --> 00:37:38,673
I'll be right back.
667
00:37:43,136 --> 00:37:45,722
Oh, shit, man!
668
00:37:46,890 --> 00:37:49,433
Ahem, before I met you
669
00:37:49,434 --> 00:37:52,352
the term "bullshit artist"
was an empty phrase.
670
00:37:52,353 --> 00:37:55,898
But working with you
has made me a better liar.
671
00:37:55,899 --> 00:37:59,694
You're just describing
everything I don't want to be.
672
00:38:16,795 --> 00:38:19,881
This is a rolex. This is money.
673
00:38:21,591 --> 00:38:23,550
Full of rings! My god!
674
00:38:23,551 --> 00:38:27,054
What are you doing in here?
675
00:38:27,055 --> 00:38:28,806
You said you were taking a walk.
676
00:38:28,807 --> 00:38:29,848
I was looking all over for you.
677
00:38:29,849 --> 00:38:31,809
I was looking around
678
00:38:31,810 --> 00:38:33,310
in some of fielding's stuff.
679
00:38:33,311 --> 00:38:35,020
I was doing a little research,
680
00:38:35,021 --> 00:38:37,314
you know what I
mean? Like, this pipe.
681
00:38:37,315 --> 00:38:39,233
You put this pipe in your mouth
682
00:38:39,234 --> 00:38:41,027
and you'll feel like fielding.
683
00:38:41,110 --> 00:38:45,072
And a dash of his Cologne.
Mm, put on some of this.
684
00:38:45,073 --> 00:38:47,241
Smell like Abe.
Before you do the thing.
685
00:38:47,242 --> 00:38:49,034
Before I do what thing?
686
00:38:49,035 --> 00:38:51,203
Hey, the woman hasn't
seen you in five months.
687
00:38:51,204 --> 00:38:52,663
She's expecting something.
688
00:38:52,664 --> 00:38:55,249
You got to give her
what she expects.
689
00:38:55,250 --> 00:38:56,667
A little padumph, padumph.
690
00:38:56,668 --> 00:38:58,752
Eddie.
691
00:38:58,753 --> 00:39:01,713
I can't do "padumph."
692
00:39:01,714 --> 00:39:04,133
Uh, uh, that would be
under false pretenses.
693
00:39:04,217 --> 00:39:05,342
What false pretenses?
694
00:39:05,343 --> 00:39:06,885
She thinks you're her husband.
695
00:39:06,886 --> 00:39:08,262
She'll turn the TV on.
696
00:39:16,354 --> 00:39:18,438
What are you
going to say to her?
697
00:39:18,439 --> 00:39:22,359
Well, I'll say,
"oh, gosh, Elaine.
698
00:39:22,360 --> 00:39:25,028
You look lovely
tonight.“ Hold it.
699
00:39:25,029 --> 00:39:27,489
That's what boy
scouts say on a trip,
700
00:39:27,490 --> 00:39:29,032
trying to sell cookies.
701
00:39:29,033 --> 00:39:30,158
I'm not going to be crude.
702
00:39:30,159 --> 00:39:31,910
Nobody's talking crude.
703
00:39:31,911 --> 00:39:34,872
I'm talking you be
suave, debonair.
704
00:39:34,873 --> 00:39:36,290
You got to be Cary Grant.
705
00:39:36,291 --> 00:39:37,458
Cary Grant?
706
00:39:37,542 --> 00:39:39,084
What, Cary Grant, on a date,
707
00:39:39,085 --> 00:39:42,045
he wants to do his thing
and he says to her...
708
00:39:42,046 --> 00:39:44,131
No, no. I hope not.
709
00:39:44,132 --> 00:39:46,049
No! Cary Grant's
smooth, debonair.
710
00:39:46,050 --> 00:39:49,136
He says something
like, "Judy, Judy, Judy,
711
00:39:49,137 --> 00:39:51,054
you want to padumph, padumph?"
712
00:39:51,055 --> 00:39:52,556
That's what he would say?
713
00:39:52,557 --> 00:39:54,224
Hey, either that or,
"you want to fuck?"
714
00:39:54,225 --> 00:39:55,684
Oh, no, heh!
715
00:39:58,730 --> 00:40:00,689
This is your
night. I can't do it.
716
00:40:00,690 --> 00:40:02,190
Let's see.
717
00:40:02,191 --> 00:40:03,609
I'm nervous.
718
00:40:03,610 --> 00:40:04,985
This woman has a thing for you.
719
00:40:04,986 --> 00:40:06,778
I saw it in her eyes.
720
00:40:06,779 --> 00:40:08,099
Put some of this
on. There you go.
721
00:40:08,990 --> 00:40:11,658
Not bad, is it? Mm.
722
00:40:11,659 --> 00:40:15,746
Look. You go in there
and you think "Cary Grant."
723
00:40:15,747 --> 00:40:16,915
Uh-huh.
724
00:40:16,998 --> 00:40:19,124
Come on. Judy, Judy.
725
00:40:24,589 --> 00:40:26,465
Man couldn't get laid
in a woman's prison
726
00:40:26,466 --> 00:40:28,300
with a pound of pot.
727
00:40:28,301 --> 00:40:31,720
All right, girls. Now,
this is your last chance.
728
00:40:31,721 --> 00:40:34,806
If one piece of
candy gets past you
729
00:40:34,807 --> 00:40:38,143
and into the packing room
unwrapped, you're fired!
730
00:40:38,144 --> 00:40:40,145
Let her roll!
731
00:40:40,146 --> 00:40:41,146
What are you doing?
732
00:40:41,147 --> 00:40:43,982
Judy, Judy.
733
00:40:43,983 --> 00:40:47,152
Could I interest you in a
little padumph, padumph?
734
00:40:47,153 --> 00:40:49,030
Uh, who are you talking to?
735
00:40:51,115 --> 00:40:53,450
You.
736
00:40:53,451 --> 00:40:58,205
I want to know if you'd like
to have a little padumph.
737
00:40:58,206 --> 00:41:00,832
Oh, gosh, Elaine,
738
00:41:00,833 --> 00:41:03,168
do you know how long it's
been since I've done the thing?
739
00:41:03,169 --> 00:41:05,337
Are you for real?
740
00:41:05,338 --> 00:41:06,464
You...
741
00:41:09,842 --> 00:41:11,969
Elaine: Who could that be?
742
00:41:13,638 --> 00:41:16,640
Look, Abe, there's a car
coming up the driveway.
743
00:41:16,641 --> 00:41:20,477
I don't know who else but you'd
come barreling up at this hour.
744
00:41:20,478 --> 00:41:22,229
My god. It must be Abe.
745
00:41:22,230 --> 00:41:25,649
Oh! Will you please
not do that anymore?
746
00:41:25,650 --> 00:41:28,194
I'm sorry. I mean it must be me.
747
00:41:33,908 --> 00:41:37,662
Would you go see who it
is? I'll be down in a minute.
748
00:41:50,049 --> 00:41:52,509
Oh. Oh, hi!
749
00:41:52,510 --> 00:41:54,344
Hey, there's someone
at the front door.
750
00:41:56,514 --> 00:41:58,348
I'd like you to come with me.
751
00:41:58,349 --> 00:42:00,017
Oh!
752
00:42:00,018 --> 00:42:01,685
What's this stuff?
753
00:42:01,686 --> 00:42:04,187
This is stuff that I'm
taking to get cleaned.
754
00:42:04,188 --> 00:42:06,941
Oh, yeah. Looks pretty dirty.
755
00:42:20,788 --> 00:42:23,248
I'd like you to
answer it. Would you?
756
00:42:23,249 --> 00:42:25,334
Hey, you're the maestro.
757
00:42:33,259 --> 00:42:37,262
Well, if it ain't
Mr. "finger on the bell."
758
00:42:37,263 --> 00:42:41,266
How dare you! Open
this door. Open it!
759
00:42:41,267 --> 00:42:43,018
Just who the hell are you?
760
00:42:43,019 --> 00:42:45,896
I demand to know, and I
mean now, mister. Right now!
761
00:42:45,897 --> 00:42:47,314
Who the hell are you?
762
00:42:47,315 --> 00:42:49,775
Man 1: Elaine, you all right?
763
00:42:49,776 --> 00:42:53,070
Hey, I'm Abe fielding's
best friend, asshole.
764
00:42:55,114 --> 00:42:56,865
You think you can come in
and talk to me like I'm shit?
765
00:42:56,866 --> 00:42:58,951
Oh, please,
766
00:42:59,035 --> 00:43:01,036
you wouldn't know Abe
fielding if you were talking to him.
767
00:43:01,037 --> 00:43:03,997
Wait a minute. You Abe
fielding? No, I'm not. Elaine!
768
00:43:03,998 --> 00:43:07,959
My name is Rupert dibbs. I
run Abe fielding's business.
769
00:43:07,960 --> 00:43:11,213
Dibbsy! Abe? Abe!
770
00:43:11,214 --> 00:43:14,174
You old duffer! How's the boy?
771
00:43:14,175 --> 00:43:15,759
My god, you're back!
772
00:43:15,760 --> 00:43:17,803
Long time no see, pal.
773
00:43:17,804 --> 00:43:20,722
I bet you thought that
was fielding for a while.
774
00:43:20,723 --> 00:43:22,599
Eddie: It's kind
of dark in here.
775
00:43:22,600 --> 00:43:25,394
You know how I knew
it wasn't Abe fielding?
776
00:43:25,478 --> 00:43:27,354
Because I'm Abe fielding!
777
00:43:27,355 --> 00:43:28,480
Oh!
778
00:43:28,481 --> 00:43:29,898
George: Remember?
779
00:43:29,899 --> 00:43:31,483
Eddie: How you
doing, you old duffer?
780
00:43:31,484 --> 00:43:34,111
Fine! Hey, dibbsy.
781
00:43:34,112 --> 00:43:35,195
Give me a wet one. Awhat?
782
00:43:35,196 --> 00:43:36,738
Ah, come on, come on!
783
00:43:39,867 --> 00:43:41,743
Have you lost your
mind? Look at that tie.
784
00:43:41,744 --> 00:43:44,497
Not even a phone
call in five months.
785
00:43:44,580 --> 00:43:46,540
Rupert: I'm not saying
you didn't deserve...
786
00:43:46,541 --> 00:43:48,375
Everybody deserves a vacation.
787
00:43:48,376 --> 00:43:50,877
No lectures, no lectures.
788
00:43:50,878 --> 00:43:53,421
But how am I supposed
to run a business...
789
00:43:53,422 --> 00:43:54,965
Brandy still your drink?
790
00:43:54,966 --> 00:43:56,007
Ahem, I don't drink.
791
00:43:56,008 --> 00:43:57,759
Still can't get him to drink.
792
00:43:57,760 --> 00:43:59,344
This is my best friend, Eddie.
793
00:43:59,345 --> 00:44:00,720
Elaine! No, Eddie.
794
00:44:00,721 --> 00:44:03,182
Rupert. What are you doing here?
795
00:44:03,266 --> 00:44:05,559
Rupert: Um, I have some
papers that need power of attorney.
796
00:44:05,560 --> 00:44:08,311
But you can sign them.
797
00:44:08,312 --> 00:44:10,230
I just need your signature.
798
00:44:10,231 --> 00:44:11,857
You want my
"fielding"? Heh, sure.
799
00:44:11,858 --> 00:44:13,567
You bet! I want it right there,
800
00:44:13,568 --> 00:44:15,652
and there.
801
00:44:15,653 --> 00:44:17,154
How are you fixed for cash?
802
00:44:17,155 --> 00:44:19,406
Wow! We're a little short.
803
00:44:19,407 --> 00:44:21,199
We? We got some things
804
00:44:21,200 --> 00:44:22,618
to do downtown.
805
00:44:22,702 --> 00:44:25,745
Uh-huh, I understand.
806
00:44:25,746 --> 00:44:27,906
There you go. I think that
should take care of it, heh.
807
00:44:29,542 --> 00:44:31,751
Uh, Abe, why don't you tell him
808
00:44:31,752 --> 00:44:33,211
about the credit cards you lost?
809
00:44:33,212 --> 00:44:35,672
Uh-huh, well...
810
00:44:35,673 --> 00:44:36,798
I don't know what
I did with them.
811
00:44:36,799 --> 00:44:38,758
This should take care of that.
812
00:44:38,759 --> 00:44:40,594
Look at that!
Dibbsy to the rescue.
813
00:44:40,595 --> 00:44:42,054
Just like the old days, huh?
814
00:44:42,138 --> 00:44:43,471
George: What a guy!
815
00:44:43,472 --> 00:44:44,390
Rupert: Looking in the pink.
816
00:44:44,391 --> 00:44:46,057
That's my color, pal.
817
00:44:46,058 --> 00:44:47,893
Heh, you back for a while?
818
00:44:47,894 --> 00:44:50,604
You better ask the
little lady about that.
819
00:44:50,605 --> 00:44:52,772
Elaine: Going to be
sticking around for a while.
820
00:44:52,773 --> 00:44:56,151
Credit cards. Money!
821
00:44:56,152 --> 00:44:58,278
Pussy!
822
00:44:58,279 --> 00:45:00,947
You bet your boots.
Elaine, you look great.
823
00:45:00,948 --> 00:45:02,658
I'll see you soon, Abe.
824
00:45:02,742 --> 00:45:04,075
Welcome home.
Nice to see you again.
825
00:45:04,076 --> 00:45:05,994
Uh, mister,
826
00:45:05,995 --> 00:45:07,996
it was a pleasure. Maybe
I'll see you again, huh.
827
00:45:07,997 --> 00:45:10,166
Hey, you can bank on it.
828
00:45:11,250 --> 00:45:13,001
Abe. Hmm?
829
00:45:13,002 --> 00:45:16,880
Ahem, who is that bum?
Why don't you get rid of him?
830
00:45:16,881 --> 00:45:19,925
You know, dibbsy, you're
my business manager
831
00:45:19,926 --> 00:45:24,221
and I respect you for that
832
00:45:24,222 --> 00:45:26,640
but don't ever call my
friend a shithead again!
833
00:45:26,641 --> 00:45:28,059
I said no such thi...
834
00:45:31,896 --> 00:45:32,896
Okay? Hmm.
835
00:45:32,897 --> 00:45:34,856
Hmm? Good.
836
00:45:34,857 --> 00:45:37,902
Okay, good night. See you soon.
837
00:45:39,904 --> 00:45:42,281
Eddie: Hey, dibbsy!
838
00:45:45,993 --> 00:45:50,038
Ready to turn in,
sweetheart? That was so rude!
839
00:45:50,039 --> 00:45:51,373
What do you mean?
840
00:45:51,374 --> 00:45:52,749
Elaine: Heh, I can't believe
841
00:45:52,750 --> 00:45:55,293
you'd talk to Rupert that way.
842
00:45:55,294 --> 00:45:57,045
After everything
he's done for you!
843
00:45:57,046 --> 00:45:59,256
I didn't mean to be rude.
844
00:45:59,257 --> 00:46:01,633
I was just... stop.
Don't try and explain.
845
00:46:01,634 --> 00:46:04,511
I'm going to bed alone.
846
00:46:05,846 --> 00:46:08,307
Eddie, hey?
847
00:46:43,134 --> 00:46:45,302
Elaine: What?
848
00:46:45,303 --> 00:46:48,138
Can I sayjust one
thing to you? What?
849
00:46:48,139 --> 00:46:49,932
Goodbye forever, dear.
850
00:46:56,105 --> 00:46:58,440
Where are you going? I
can't stay in this house.
851
00:46:58,441 --> 00:47:00,150
I mustn't be here
alone with you.
852
00:47:00,151 --> 00:47:01,985
What's the problem?
Eddie's coming back.
853
00:47:01,986 --> 00:47:03,737
Look at me! I can't.
854
00:47:03,738 --> 00:47:05,989
If I do, I'm a goner.
I'll never leave.
855
00:47:05,990 --> 00:47:08,908
You remind me of a
girl I was in love with.
856
00:47:08,909 --> 00:47:11,036
I thought I was in
love till I met you.
857
00:47:11,037 --> 00:47:13,496
I got her to love me
by lying, and I must not!
858
00:47:13,497 --> 00:47:14,873
I mustn't do that again!
859
00:47:14,874 --> 00:47:16,584
Look at me!
860
00:47:16,667 --> 00:47:17,418
Are you leaving me?
861
00:47:17,419 --> 00:47:19,044
I'm not Abe!
862
00:47:19,045 --> 00:47:20,962
I'm not married
to you! I'm George!
863
00:47:20,963 --> 00:47:23,548
I'm a Volvo salesman
for Horst Mueller!
864
00:47:23,549 --> 00:47:25,342
Elaine: Look at me!
865
00:47:25,343 --> 00:47:27,135
Oh, taxi! Wait, wait.
866
00:47:27,136 --> 00:47:28,636
Just give me a kiss goodbye.
867
00:47:28,637 --> 00:47:31,139
A kiss? One little kiss.
868
00:47:35,978 --> 00:47:37,312
Oh!
869
00:47:37,313 --> 00:47:40,774
Taxi! Oh, taxi!
870
00:47:40,775 --> 00:47:43,068
Abe!
871
00:47:43,069 --> 00:47:47,197
George, if what you say is
true, I find that admirable.
872
00:47:47,198 --> 00:47:49,074
You were honest with her.
873
00:47:49,075 --> 00:47:51,743
You left the woman you
loved rather than lie to her.
874
00:47:51,744 --> 00:47:53,328
How do you feel?
875
00:47:53,329 --> 00:47:54,662
Who took my red?
876
00:47:54,663 --> 00:47:56,164
I'm asking you...
877
00:47:56,165 --> 00:47:58,042
I'll answer you, but
who took my red?
878
00:47:59,293 --> 00:48:02,004
Hey! Hey!
879
00:48:03,464 --> 00:48:05,173
I can't believe I had the red
880
00:48:05,174 --> 00:48:06,466
at the exact moment
881
00:48:06,467 --> 00:48:08,885
that you wanted it.
882
00:48:08,886 --> 00:48:10,595
I should be stripped naked
883
00:48:10,596 --> 00:48:12,013
and have scalding soup
884
00:48:12,014 --> 00:48:14,599
ladled over my
genitals by Dolly Parton.
885
00:48:14,600 --> 00:48:16,434
Philip, put a clam
on it, will you?
886
00:48:16,435 --> 00:48:17,727
Sorry.
887
00:48:17,728 --> 00:48:19,396
George,
888
00:48:19,397 --> 00:48:21,565
how does it feel to
be an honest person?
889
00:48:21,649 --> 00:48:23,441
Where's my green?
890
00:48:23,442 --> 00:48:24,734
Man 2: Did you pump up your, uh,
891
00:48:24,735 --> 00:48:26,486
Mickey before you
showed it to her?
892
00:48:26,487 --> 00:48:27,904
Who has the green?
893
00:48:27,905 --> 00:48:29,989
Sometimes a patient's first day,
894
00:48:29,990 --> 00:48:32,492
uh, away from the
clinic can be stressful.
895
00:48:32,493 --> 00:48:33,743
Man 3: Is it, uh, possible
896
00:48:33,744 --> 00:48:35,161
there was no Mrs. Fielding?
897
00:48:35,162 --> 00:48:36,788
Wait a minute!
898
00:48:36,789 --> 00:48:38,457
Maybe he is Abe fielding,
899
00:48:38,541 --> 00:48:40,708
and he was lying
to us about that too.
900
00:48:40,709 --> 00:48:42,378
Man 4: What do you think? Huh?
901
00:48:44,088 --> 00:48:45,839
Just a theory.
902
00:48:45,840 --> 00:48:48,508
Poor Mrs. Fielding...
903
00:48:48,509 --> 00:48:50,052
I bet she's crying her eyes out.
904
00:48:56,183 --> 00:48:58,226
That's enough. Stop it!
905
00:48:58,227 --> 00:49:00,353
I'm not saying
906
00:49:00,354 --> 00:49:02,730
that you don't have
some limited acting ability.
907
00:49:02,731 --> 00:49:05,024
Limited acting ability?
908
00:49:05,025 --> 00:49:07,652
Listen, bud, these
are real tears here.
909
00:49:07,653 --> 00:49:09,404
When I hired you,
910
00:49:09,405 --> 00:49:11,656
you told me you were
a professional actress.
911
00:49:11,657 --> 00:49:13,491
I am! Sort of.
912
00:49:13,492 --> 00:49:17,036
All right, I'm
basically a vocalist,
913
00:49:17,037 --> 00:49:19,999
but I am studying acting.
I'm told by my teacher
914
00:49:20,082 --> 00:49:22,083
that I'm remarkably
naturalistic.
915
00:49:22,084 --> 00:49:23,751
That's not quite
916
00:49:23,752 --> 00:49:25,879
what you told me two
Abe Fieldings ago, is it?
917
00:49:25,880 --> 00:49:28,756
Excuse me, they both believed
I was Mrs. Abe fielding.
918
00:49:28,757 --> 00:49:30,175
And let me also add this.
919
00:49:30,176 --> 00:49:33,595
I think that my accent
was impeccable.
920
00:49:33,596 --> 00:49:36,681
Despite your impeccable
accent, they both chose to leave.
921
00:49:36,682 --> 00:49:38,516
That's not my fault.
922
00:49:38,517 --> 00:49:42,645
You can't take any nut and
convince him he's Abe fielding.
923
00:49:42,646 --> 00:49:44,315
That was not the job!
924
00:49:44,398 --> 00:49:45,815
I don't care if they think
925
00:49:45,816 --> 00:49:47,275
they are Abe fielding.
926
00:49:47,276 --> 00:49:51,446
The job was simply
to entice him. Hmm?
927
00:49:51,447 --> 00:49:54,157
To make them want
to be Abe fielding.
928
00:49:54,158 --> 00:49:55,992
But they're running
from you like the plague.
929
00:49:55,993 --> 00:49:58,995
I will not be handled.
930
00:49:58,996 --> 00:50:01,998
I told you that
when I took the job.
931
00:50:01,999 --> 00:50:05,001
And if that's changed, I
don't want the job anyway.
932
00:50:05,002 --> 00:50:06,753
Well, that is just fine!
933
00:50:06,754 --> 00:50:09,882
Oh, um, give my regards
to the unemployment office,
934
00:50:09,965 --> 00:50:12,675
miss Mimi kravitz,
"professional actress," heh.
935
00:50:12,676 --> 00:50:15,012
You'll be spending
a lot of time there.
936
00:50:17,806 --> 00:50:21,267
You've got an unerring
instinct for the jugular.
937
00:50:21,268 --> 00:50:23,603
I'd like that last
fielding back.
938
00:50:23,604 --> 00:50:25,438
Uh-huh, the liar.
939
00:50:25,439 --> 00:50:27,106
The liar is perfect.
940
00:50:27,107 --> 00:50:29,025
No, not him.
941
00:50:29,026 --> 00:50:32,028
Come on, I felt kind
of sorry for that guy.
942
00:50:32,029 --> 00:50:34,739
Heh, why on earth would
you feel sorry for him?
943
00:50:34,740 --> 00:50:36,783
Nothing bad will happen to him.
944
00:50:36,784 --> 00:50:38,117
Would you like a cappuccino?
945
00:50:38,118 --> 00:50:41,455
All right. But not
that poor chump.
946
00:50:41,539 --> 00:50:43,581
I think he was a
little soft on me.
947
00:50:43,582 --> 00:50:45,333
Oh, why wouldn't
he be soft on you?
948
00:50:45,334 --> 00:50:47,044
You're a beautiful girl.
949
00:50:49,463 --> 00:50:50,506
Sit down.
950
00:50:54,468 --> 00:50:56,053
Ah, here.
951
00:50:58,097 --> 00:51:02,141
What say you take another
crack at that role? Huh?
952
00:51:02,142 --> 00:51:04,269
He won't come back
without his friend.
953
00:51:04,270 --> 00:51:06,271
Oh! Don't worry about him.
954
00:51:06,272 --> 00:51:08,147
His friend is mine
for bail money.
955
00:51:08,148 --> 00:51:09,399
He's in jail?
956
00:51:09,400 --> 00:51:10,984
I had him arrested.
957
00:51:10,985 --> 00:51:12,986
The schmuck stole
Abe's credit cards.
958
00:51:12,987 --> 00:51:14,779
Bail money?
959
00:51:14,780 --> 00:51:17,740
You want me to work your
rinky-dink scam for bail money?
960
00:51:17,741 --> 00:51:21,370
Shh! Uh, no one is trying
to get you to run anything.
961
00:51:21,453 --> 00:51:23,955
I just want you to bring your
friend back for one week.
962
00:51:23,956 --> 00:51:25,999
Unless you want to stay in here,
963
00:51:26,000 --> 00:51:30,086
I suggest you do as I ask.
964
00:51:30,087 --> 00:51:33,172
Tell me, is this
a sink or a toilet?
965
00:51:33,173 --> 00:51:35,133
Stick your head in and find out.
966
00:51:35,134 --> 00:51:38,845
Let me explain something.
I don't work with amateurs.
967
00:51:38,846 --> 00:51:40,805
Like singers and actors.
968
00:51:40,806 --> 00:51:42,682
There's only one
singer involved,
969
00:51:42,683 --> 00:51:43,808
and that's Mimi kravitz.
970
00:51:43,809 --> 00:51:44,893
The rest of these people
971
00:51:44,977 --> 00:51:47,395
happen to be damn fine actors.
972
00:51:47,396 --> 00:51:48,771
I cast them myself.
973
00:51:48,772 --> 00:51:50,231
That's, uh,
974
00:51:50,232 --> 00:51:53,484
Jerome handy as,
um, "ai the bookie."
975
00:51:53,485 --> 00:51:56,988
Did you see his man of
la mancha last season
976
00:51:56,989 --> 00:51:58,114
at the Pasadena playhouse?
977
00:51:58,115 --> 00:51:59,574
I'm afraid I missed that.
978
00:51:59,575 --> 00:52:01,909
It was super.
979
00:52:01,910 --> 00:52:05,330
You've never run a professional
scam in your life, have you?
980
00:52:05,331 --> 00:52:09,835
No, of course not. I'm a
legitimate businessman.
981
00:52:09,918 --> 00:52:11,461
I run Abe's business.
982
00:52:11,462 --> 00:52:13,046
I thought so.
983
00:52:13,047 --> 00:52:16,257
A professional would
never use amateurs.
984
00:52:16,258 --> 00:52:18,134
They crack out of turn.
985
00:52:18,135 --> 00:52:19,802
I don't know what that means.
986
00:52:19,803 --> 00:52:22,639
It means that I'm a
professional con man.
987
00:52:22,640 --> 00:52:25,475
This is what I do for a living.
988
00:52:25,476 --> 00:52:28,227
What you got here is
not a professional con.
989
00:52:28,228 --> 00:52:32,899
What I got here is $10,000.
990
00:52:32,900 --> 00:52:34,610
And it's for you
991
00:52:34,693 --> 00:52:37,487
if you just bring your
friend back for one week.
992
00:52:38,739 --> 00:52:40,281
You have to tell me more.
993
00:52:40,282 --> 00:52:41,949
I will, in due time... ah!
994
00:52:41,950 --> 00:52:44,160
Excuse me!
995
00:52:44,161 --> 00:52:47,497
Oh, please!
996
00:52:47,498 --> 00:52:51,209
Just take five grand now
as a down payment, okay?
997
00:52:51,210 --> 00:52:54,462
I don't usually
work with amateurs.
998
00:52:54,463 --> 00:52:59,176
But you've caught
me at the right time.
999
00:53:04,598 --> 00:53:06,891
Wish me luck! Wait a minute.
1000
00:53:06,892 --> 00:53:09,394
What? Nothing.
1001
00:53:09,395 --> 00:53:11,813
I've just got to pave
the way for you.
1002
00:53:11,814 --> 00:53:15,483
What do you mean? I
talked to a psychiatrist.
1003
00:53:15,484 --> 00:53:17,527
You've got to take
it slow and easy
1004
00:53:17,528 --> 00:53:19,362
with this "George" shit.
1005
00:53:19,363 --> 00:53:22,573
She still thinks you're Abe.
1006
00:53:22,574 --> 00:53:24,742
All right? She's in denial.
1007
00:53:24,743 --> 00:53:29,664
She's got what they call,
medically speaking, a bum head.
1008
00:53:29,665 --> 00:53:31,333
Oh, dear!
1009
00:53:31,417 --> 00:53:32,959
After I talk to her,
you can come up
1010
00:53:32,960 --> 00:53:36,295
and do your stuff, okay?
1011
00:53:36,296 --> 00:53:37,381
Don't be long.
1012
00:53:41,927 --> 00:53:44,053
Eh, am I interrupting?
1013
00:53:44,054 --> 00:53:46,597
It's the "thriller from Manila!"
1014
00:53:46,598 --> 00:53:50,560
That's me. Woof, woof!
1015
00:53:50,561 --> 00:53:53,271
Fourteen rounds, you know.
1016
00:53:53,272 --> 00:53:54,814
I was scared to go 15.
1017
00:53:54,815 --> 00:53:56,399
Oh, yeah.
1018
00:53:56,400 --> 00:53:57,734
Did dibbs tell you I'm in?
1019
00:53:57,735 --> 00:54:01,529
Yes, he told me.
1020
00:54:01,530 --> 00:54:04,866
Uh, zeppo, could you
leave us for a minute?
1021
00:54:04,867 --> 00:54:06,827
Yeah, I'll take over from here.
1022
00:54:06,910 --> 00:54:09,495
Heh, what do you want?
1023
00:54:09,496 --> 00:54:12,248
To tell you I think the
guy's in love with you.
1024
00:54:12,249 --> 00:54:13,250
He's downstairs.
1025
00:54:20,716 --> 00:54:23,634
Eddie. Eddie.
1026
00:54:23,635 --> 00:54:27,263
Eddie. Eddie. Eddie.
1027
00:54:27,264 --> 00:54:29,724
Hey, Duane, give
the man a break!
1028
00:54:29,725 --> 00:54:31,726
Come on.
1029
00:54:33,061 --> 00:54:34,021
I'll let you hump my leg.
1030
00:54:34,022 --> 00:54:35,646
Come on, baby.
1031
00:54:35,647 --> 00:54:37,774
Hey, it's all right. You
can come out now.
1032
00:54:40,652 --> 00:54:42,780
Good boy!
1033
00:54:42,863 --> 00:54:47,158
Hello. Guess who's here?
1034
00:54:47,159 --> 00:54:49,410
Oh, honey!
1035
00:54:49,411 --> 00:54:51,287
I'm hom e!
1036
00:54:51,288 --> 00:54:53,623
And I'm ready for love!
1037
00:54:53,624 --> 00:54:55,666
Oh, boy!
1038
00:54:55,667 --> 00:55:00,588
Honey, it's me. Eddie, hi.
1039
00:55:00,589 --> 00:55:03,508
Remember me from in the
car downstairs a little while ago?
1040
00:55:03,509 --> 00:55:07,512
Ha, ha, I made a joke, Eddie.
Am I interrupting something?
1041
00:55:07,513 --> 00:55:10,681
No, we're just talking
and... never mind.
1042
00:55:10,682 --> 00:55:13,268
You two keep
talking. Get together.
1043
00:55:13,352 --> 00:55:15,228
See you later.
You're damn right.
1044
00:55:21,193 --> 00:55:24,654
So, long time no see.
What are you doing here?
1045
00:55:24,655 --> 00:55:27,615
I brought you some
candy and some flowers
1046
00:55:27,616 --> 00:55:30,243
and to tell you that you
and I had something.
1047
00:55:30,244 --> 00:55:32,912
I saw it in your eyes,
and Eddie saw it too.
1048
00:55:32,913 --> 00:55:34,080
Don't deny it.
1049
00:55:34,081 --> 00:55:35,122
What are you saying?
1050
00:55:35,123 --> 00:55:36,500
That you'd like to stay?
1051
00:55:36,583 --> 00:55:39,335
George: Would I like
to stay here with you?
1052
00:55:39,336 --> 00:55:40,837
Are you kidding?
1053
00:55:40,838 --> 00:55:42,755
Whoa! Hey!
1054
00:55:42,756 --> 00:55:45,466
Huh! If I could stay
here with you, I'd climb...
1055
00:55:45,467 --> 00:55:47,093
I would swim...
1056
00:55:47,094 --> 00:55:49,887
I would make myself into a...
1057
00:55:49,888 --> 00:55:52,014
I would stay forever
if you'd let me.
1058
00:55:52,015 --> 00:55:54,684
Uh, let's just see if we
can get along, okay, doll?
1059
00:55:54,685 --> 00:55:56,143
For a week or so.
1060
00:55:56,144 --> 00:55:58,397
Oh, I want much more than that.
1061
00:55:58,480 --> 00:56:00,022
I want to know all about you.
1062
00:56:00,023 --> 00:56:02,650
I'd like you to know
all about me too.
1063
00:56:02,651 --> 00:56:05,903
We mightjust find out
we have a lot in common.
1064
00:56:05,904 --> 00:56:09,574
What could we have in common?
1065
00:56:09,575 --> 00:56:12,201
I love basil. You like basil?
1066
00:56:12,202 --> 00:56:13,911
It doesn't sweep me off my feet.
1067
00:56:13,912 --> 00:56:16,205
My favorite color's brown.
1068
00:56:16,206 --> 00:56:18,499
I get reader's
digest. I love yodeling.
1069
00:56:18,500 --> 00:56:21,752
My favorite food
is wiener schnitzel.
1070
00:56:21,753 --> 00:56:24,882
Do you like wiener
schnitzel? You do!
1071
00:56:24,965 --> 00:56:27,300
I hit a bone! I hit a nerve!
1072
00:56:27,301 --> 00:56:29,886
I hit something. I can
see it in your eyes.
1073
00:56:29,887 --> 00:56:32,930
I'm going to win you over.
I'm going to romance you.
1074
00:56:32,931 --> 00:56:34,932
I'll wine you and I'll dine you.
1075
00:56:34,933 --> 00:56:37,101
One day, you're
going to feel about me
1076
00:56:37,102 --> 00:56:39,395
the way I feel about you.
1077
00:56:50,574 --> 00:56:52,241
Wow!
1078
00:56:52,242 --> 00:56:54,285
Eddie: You look really familiar.
1079
00:56:54,286 --> 00:56:56,287
How you doing, legs?
1080
00:56:56,288 --> 00:56:58,873
The name is Gloria not "legs."
1081
00:56:58,874 --> 00:57:01,417
You!
1082
00:57:01,418 --> 00:57:03,502
I've been dreaming about
you. Why are you here?
1083
00:57:03,503 --> 00:57:04,795
I'm here to see dibbs.
1084
00:57:04,796 --> 00:57:07,256
I got an important appointment.
1085
00:57:07,257 --> 00:57:09,926
Yeah, right.
1086
00:57:09,927 --> 00:57:12,596
Uh, this report... Eddie.
1087
00:57:12,679 --> 00:57:14,764
Dibbsy. How's the boy?
1088
00:57:14,765 --> 00:57:17,141
I'm glad you could
make it. This can wait.
1089
00:57:17,142 --> 00:57:19,185
Ever been to a brewery before?
1090
00:57:19,186 --> 00:57:21,437
How about a little
tour? That'd be great.
1091
00:57:21,438 --> 00:57:23,773
Listen, you busy Saturday night?
1092
00:57:23,774 --> 00:57:26,817
Uh, maybe, maybe not.
1093
00:57:26,818 --> 00:57:29,528
Heh, that's nice. I like that.
1094
00:57:29,529 --> 00:57:31,322
I'll see you
Saturday night, okay?
1095
00:57:31,323 --> 00:57:32,782
You paying?
1096
00:57:32,783 --> 00:57:34,284
That's cute.
1097
00:57:34,368 --> 00:57:36,995
Fine thing, heh.
1098
00:57:39,748 --> 00:57:41,582
Rupert: When
Abe fielding, sr., died,
1099
00:57:41,583 --> 00:57:44,293
everyone assumed
I'd inherit the brewery.
1100
00:57:44,294 --> 00:57:45,962
It turns out he has a son.
1101
00:57:45,963 --> 00:57:47,463
Eddie: Can we talk about Gloria?
1102
00:57:47,464 --> 00:57:49,548
Rupert: Later.
So as I was saying,
1103
00:57:49,549 --> 00:57:52,259
we finally track
down this Abe Jr.
1104
00:57:52,260 --> 00:57:54,178
10 minutes after
an ugly accident
1105
00:57:54,179 --> 00:57:56,055
during a dance of death.
1106
00:57:56,056 --> 00:57:57,807
The guy had gone off to Tibet.
1107
00:57:57,808 --> 00:57:59,226
Eddie: Could we
talk about Gloria?
1108
00:57:59,309 --> 00:58:01,227
Rupert: Do you mind? Eddie: Oh!
1109
00:58:01,228 --> 00:58:04,063
Rupert: Anyway, the only way
to keep the estate out of probate
1110
00:58:04,064 --> 00:58:06,857
was to convince
someone to be Abe Jr.
1111
00:58:06,858 --> 00:58:09,402
We found George in the
loony bin. A liar. Get it?
1112
00:58:09,403 --> 00:58:11,529
We doctored up a photo,
1113
00:58:11,530 --> 00:58:13,614
hired a couple of
actors, and here we are.
1114
00:58:13,615 --> 00:58:15,700
Eddie: Does she
always look that good?
1115
00:58:15,701 --> 00:58:17,702
Eddie: Sorry, I
think I'll find out
1116
00:58:17,703 --> 00:58:20,038
for myself Saturday night.
1117
00:58:44,354 --> 00:58:46,897
Maybe we could go
and do a little padumph.
1118
00:58:46,898 --> 00:58:48,315
Padumph? Yeah.
1119
00:58:48,316 --> 00:58:50,151
Um, I've done that before.
1120
00:58:50,152 --> 00:58:51,820
I think you'll enjoy it.
1121
00:58:56,658 --> 00:58:58,117
See that guy over there?
1122
00:58:58,118 --> 00:59:00,161
Man 5: He's one of
the best sax players
1123
00:59:00,162 --> 00:59:01,287
I've ever heard.
1124
00:59:01,288 --> 00:59:03,123
What's his name?
1125
00:59:05,709 --> 00:59:09,086
Eddie dash, right?
1126
00:59:09,087 --> 00:59:10,881
Yeah, amazing.
1127
00:59:15,552 --> 00:59:18,054
Ladies and gentlemen,
1128
00:59:18,055 --> 00:59:20,389
we have someone
very special here tonight.
1129
00:59:20,390 --> 00:59:23,476
One of the greatest
sax players around.
1130
00:59:23,477 --> 00:59:27,063
The one and only,
Mr. Eddie dash!
1131
00:59:27,064 --> 00:59:28,564
Yeah, oh, no!
1132
00:59:33,737 --> 00:59:35,029
Come on, man.
1133
00:59:35,030 --> 00:59:38,199
Eddie: Oh, god, no!
1134
00:59:38,200 --> 00:59:41,078
Huh? Oh!
1135
00:59:42,120 --> 00:59:45,749
Just go. Just go?
1136
00:59:53,090 --> 00:59:54,591
Uh, wait!
1137
00:59:56,885 --> 00:59:58,385
What will it be?
1138
00:59:58,386 --> 01:00:01,055
Uh, it really doesn't matter.
1139
01:00:01,056 --> 01:00:03,016
The guy's a pro.
1140
01:00:25,038 --> 01:00:28,082
Woman: Aw! Whoo!
1141
01:00:44,224 --> 01:00:45,642
Uh, it's interpretation.
1142
01:00:49,146 --> 01:00:50,396
Everybody!
1143
01:01:02,784 --> 01:01:04,369
Oh, my god.
1144
01:01:18,842 --> 01:01:20,426
Elaine: You know
a lot of people here.
1145
01:01:20,427 --> 01:01:22,429
George: I used to
come here all the time.
1146
01:01:24,097 --> 01:01:25,472
This is us, honey.
1147
01:01:25,473 --> 01:01:27,600
This is your table.
1148
01:01:32,731 --> 01:01:35,149
Would you excuse
me for a minute?
1149
01:01:35,150 --> 01:01:36,985
Yes.
1150
01:01:40,113 --> 01:01:42,449
Here's the music.
1151
01:01:51,499 --> 01:01:53,210
Good evening, honey.
1152
01:01:55,378 --> 01:01:59,506
Um, you know,
1153
01:01:59,507 --> 01:02:01,717
as we look towards the east
1154
01:02:01,718 --> 01:02:03,844
and see a united deutschland
1155
01:02:03,845 --> 01:02:06,180
it behooves us to stop and think
1156
01:02:06,181 --> 01:02:08,307
about what walls can do.
1157
01:02:08,308 --> 01:02:10,351
Walls between nations.
1158
01:02:11,770 --> 01:02:15,898
Walls between peoples.
1159
01:02:15,899 --> 01:02:19,568
Walls between
you and me, Elaine.
1160
01:02:22,697 --> 01:02:25,282
But if that darned wall in
Berlin town can come down
1161
01:02:25,283 --> 01:02:27,534
then maybe it's not
too much to expect
1162
01:02:27,535 --> 01:02:30,329
the wall between
us to come down too.
1163
01:02:30,330 --> 01:02:31,956
Who knows?
1164
01:02:31,957 --> 01:02:34,541
Maybe it just takes a dance.
1165
01:02:34,542 --> 01:02:37,294
Or a glance.
1166
01:02:37,295 --> 01:02:39,631
Or a chance
1167
01:02:40,882 --> 01:02:43,634
to sing a song.
1168
01:02:43,635 --> 01:02:47,054
I call this "yodelaine."
1169
01:02:50,225 --> 01:02:53,269
Man: Get off the stage!
1170
01:02:53,270 --> 01:02:56,647
J' yo-del j“
1171
01:02:56,648 --> 01:02:59,900
j' Elaine j'
1172
01:02:59,901 --> 01:03:02,486
j“ my heart's aflame j“
1173
01:03:02,487 --> 01:03:08,826
j“ yodelaine j“
1174
01:03:08,827 --> 01:03:11,788
j“ I'm not insane j“
1175
01:03:11,871 --> 01:03:15,332
j“ yodelaine j“
1176
01:03:20,088 --> 01:03:22,673
J“ yodelaine j“
1177
01:03:22,674 --> 01:03:24,925
I you screwed my brain j'
1178
01:03:29,139 --> 01:03:31,515
J' my Elaine j'
1179
01:03:31,516 --> 01:03:33,934
j' I love you I
1180
01:03:55,957 --> 01:03:58,542
Oh, my god!
1181
01:03:58,543 --> 01:04:00,627
It's Mimi kravitz!
1182
01:04:36,039 --> 01:04:40,626
Heh, don't tell
anybody about this.
1183
01:04:55,475 --> 01:04:57,393
J“ I'm in the mood for love j“
1184
01:04:57,394 --> 01:05:00,062
damn!
1185
01:05:11,950 --> 01:05:14,284
Hey, what are you
doing up there?
1186
01:05:14,285 --> 01:05:15,619
Heh.
1187
01:05:15,620 --> 01:05:16,954
I know you're in
the swing of things
1188
01:05:16,955 --> 01:05:18,330
but we got business
to take care of.
1189
01:05:18,331 --> 01:05:20,290
What business?
1190
01:05:20,291 --> 01:05:23,377
We got to check him into
the dentist as Abe fielding.
1191
01:05:23,378 --> 01:05:24,586
Why?
1192
01:05:24,587 --> 01:05:26,923
Dibbs wants to see
his dental charts.
1193
01:05:29,342 --> 01:05:31,218
Bye-bye.
1194
01:05:35,473 --> 01:05:36,974
Dentist: Mr. Fielding?
1195
01:05:36,975 --> 01:05:38,684
Are you still
feeling the effects?
1196
01:05:38,685 --> 01:05:40,394
Nurse: Can you say something,
1197
01:05:40,395 --> 01:05:42,020
Mr. Fielding?
1198
01:05:42,021 --> 01:05:45,399
Don't call my friend a shithead.
1199
01:05:47,235 --> 01:05:48,944
Of course he has.
1200
01:05:48,945 --> 01:05:50,779
Well, okay.
1201
01:05:50,780 --> 01:05:53,490
Now, Mr. Fielding,
1202
01:05:53,491 --> 01:05:55,827
you just have one cavity.
1203
01:05:55,910 --> 01:05:58,871
So all you will hear is
the sound of the drill.
1204
01:05:58,872 --> 01:06:02,958
Tsk, tsk, tsk, tragic. Hmm.
1205
01:06:02,959 --> 01:06:04,334
Were there any survivors?
1206
01:06:04,335 --> 01:06:06,503
No one. The thing blew up!
1207
01:06:06,504 --> 01:06:08,589
Ah, how awful.
1208
01:06:08,590 --> 01:06:12,968
Says here that the bodies
were charred beyond recognition.
1209
01:06:12,969 --> 01:06:14,636
Oh, my god!
1210
01:06:14,637 --> 01:06:17,514
At least they'll know
who they're burying.
1211
01:06:17,515 --> 01:06:19,766
How? How will they know?
1212
01:06:19,767 --> 01:06:21,811
From the dental records.
1213
01:06:21,895 --> 01:06:23,770
They'll check the
dental records.
1214
01:06:23,771 --> 01:06:27,275
Oh, yeah, you're right.
1215
01:06:31,321 --> 01:06:34,990
George? George? Abe?
1216
01:06:34,991 --> 01:06:36,992
Abe fielding. What
cubicle is he in?
1217
01:06:36,993 --> 01:06:40,078
Who? You don't know him?
1218
01:06:40,079 --> 01:06:42,206
It's not what you think.
1219
01:06:42,207 --> 01:06:44,082
Then why does dibbs
want the dental charts?
1220
01:06:44,083 --> 01:06:46,001
I'll make a deal with George.
1221
01:06:46,002 --> 01:06:47,920
He'll hang out till
the end of the week
1222
01:06:47,921 --> 01:06:50,005
and then I get my money.
1223
01:06:50,006 --> 01:06:52,967
George, honey?
1224
01:06:53,051 --> 01:06:55,385
Abe?
1225
01:06:55,386 --> 01:06:58,388
But getting killed was
not part of the deal.
1226
01:06:58,389 --> 01:07:01,017
Dibbs would never kill
anyone. It's not in him.
1227
01:07:03,269 --> 01:07:04,895
Nurse: Excuse me.
1228
01:07:07,023 --> 01:07:09,149
Sweetheart, we're
getting out of here.
1229
01:07:09,150 --> 01:07:12,402
We got to go.
1230
01:07:12,403 --> 01:07:14,613
Dibbs wants you dead, all right?
1231
01:07:14,614 --> 01:07:16,615
Get this. Listen carefully.
1232
01:07:16,616 --> 01:07:18,408
He wants you dead
1233
01:07:18,409 --> 01:07:22,287
so he can Bury you as
fielding and inherit the company.
1234
01:07:22,288 --> 01:07:24,122
Dentist: Excuse me.
This is a dental office.
1235
01:07:26,918 --> 01:07:28,961
You must all leave! No, no.
1236
01:07:28,962 --> 01:07:30,712
No, she leaves,
1237
01:07:30,713 --> 01:07:33,257
I leave, he stays.
1238
01:07:33,258 --> 01:07:36,593
No, no. I leave,
you leave, he leaves.
1239
01:07:36,594 --> 01:07:38,595
No, he must stay!
1240
01:07:38,596 --> 01:07:40,597
He has a cavity.
1241
01:07:40,598 --> 01:07:43,684
You leave! What about him?
1242
01:07:43,685 --> 01:07:45,060
Show us the cavity.
1243
01:07:45,061 --> 01:07:46,646
Nurse: I have no idea.
1244
01:07:53,570 --> 01:07:56,364
Oh, you got a
rise, Mr. Fielding!
1245
01:07:57,824 --> 01:08:00,076
Ride 'em, cowboy!
1246
01:08:03,663 --> 01:08:07,708
Of all the gall!
1247
01:08:07,709 --> 01:08:11,712
Did I ever say that anything
bad was going to happen to him?
1248
01:08:11,713 --> 01:08:15,716
You never said it to me.
He never said it to me.
1249
01:08:15,717 --> 01:08:18,635
Why did we take him to all
those doctors and dentists?
1250
01:08:18,636 --> 01:08:20,429
Wait a minute.
1251
01:08:20,430 --> 01:08:22,848
It was to establish that
he was Abe fielding, right?
1252
01:08:22,849 --> 01:08:25,601
Yes, that is right.
And that is because
1253
01:08:25,602 --> 01:08:28,604
there are certain financial
transactions I can't make
1254
01:08:28,605 --> 01:08:31,356
unless Abe fielding
is alive. He's right.
1255
01:08:31,357 --> 01:08:33,735
Rupert: I want to
tell you something.
1256
01:08:33,818 --> 01:08:35,319
Quite frankly, I expected
1257
01:08:35,320 --> 01:08:37,696
more support out of
you, more gratitude.
1258
01:08:37,697 --> 01:08:40,699
For the money I'm paying, I
could've hired a real actress.
1259
01:08:40,700 --> 01:08:42,618
Oh, that's it.
That's the button.
1260
01:08:42,619 --> 01:08:45,120
You pushed it. I'm
out of here! Sayonara!
1261
01:08:45,121 --> 01:08:47,539
I'm going back to my
old job. What's that?
1262
01:08:47,540 --> 01:08:49,249
Yodeling in a
hillbilly nightclub?
1263
01:08:49,250 --> 01:08:51,126
Just what does that pay?
1264
01:08:51,127 --> 01:08:53,128
The man is just
trying to reassure you.
1265
01:08:53,129 --> 01:08:54,881
Rupert: By the way,
1266
01:08:54,964 --> 01:08:57,549
what business is it of
yours what happens to him?
1267
01:08:57,550 --> 01:08:59,843
I'm making it my business, okay?
1268
01:08:59,844 --> 01:09:03,889
Oh, have we fallen in
love with the lunatic, hmm?
1269
01:09:03,890 --> 01:09:06,933
Oh, no, hey, the lady's
not in love with him.
1270
01:09:06,934 --> 01:09:09,770
She don't want to get
involved in a murder rap thing.
1271
01:09:09,771 --> 01:09:11,313
Murder.
1272
01:09:11,314 --> 01:09:13,315
Wait for me in the car.
1273
01:09:13,316 --> 01:09:15,692
You got his guarantee that
there ain't going to be no hit.
1274
01:09:15,693 --> 01:09:18,154
There better not be.
1275
01:09:22,158 --> 01:09:23,867
Actresses, you know.
1276
01:09:23,868 --> 01:09:26,078
Can't live with them
and can't kill them.
1277
01:09:26,079 --> 01:09:28,038
Everything's okay, right?
1278
01:09:28,039 --> 01:09:30,040
I mean, it looks cool to me.
1279
01:09:30,041 --> 01:09:31,917
Well, not quite.
1280
01:09:31,918 --> 01:09:33,336
Sit down.
1281
01:09:36,422 --> 01:09:39,174
There's one more
thing I need you to do.
1282
01:09:39,175 --> 01:09:40,592
Yeah, what?
1283
01:09:40,593 --> 01:09:43,553
I need you to
dispose of the lunatic.
1284
01:09:43,554 --> 01:09:45,014
Ice George?
1285
01:09:46,599 --> 01:09:48,518
I need Abe fielding
dead and buried.
1286
01:09:49,644 --> 01:09:52,354
Ice George.
1287
01:09:52,355 --> 01:09:54,356
Rupert: Now,
please. Don't tell me that
1288
01:09:54,357 --> 01:09:58,026
you're, uh, above
this sort of thing, huh.
1289
01:09:58,027 --> 01:10:01,697
I never iced anyone in my life.
I'm a con man, not a hit man.
1290
01:10:01,698 --> 01:10:05,283
Rupert: I think you have
two qualities that are...
1291
01:10:05,284 --> 01:10:06,993
Don't touch me. Rupert: Okay.
1292
01:10:06,994 --> 01:10:08,704
First, you love money.
1293
01:10:08,705 --> 01:10:11,331
And second,
1294
01:10:11,332 --> 01:10:13,709
you have absolutely
no moral character, huh?
1295
01:10:13,710 --> 01:10:15,378
What do you say?
1296
01:10:20,675 --> 01:10:23,552
How much money we
talking? Name your price.
1297
01:10:23,553 --> 01:10:25,637
Look, Eddie.
1298
01:10:25,638 --> 01:10:29,224
Write down any figure you
consider, uh, reasonable.
1299
01:10:29,225 --> 01:10:31,101
I'll pay you that
amount in cash.
1300
01:10:31,102 --> 01:10:32,142
Go on, knock yourself out.
1301
01:10:40,486 --> 01:10:43,029
Eddie: Come on, we
got to go. We're late.
1302
01:10:43,030 --> 01:10:44,239
I want to kiss her goodbye.
1303
01:10:44,240 --> 01:10:45,657
She can't know about this.
1304
01:10:45,658 --> 01:10:47,785
I won't wake her. Just one kiss.
1305
01:10:53,958 --> 01:10:57,043
Look at that face.
Isn't she cute?
1306
01:10:57,044 --> 01:10:58,420
Eddie: Don't wake her up.
1307
01:10:58,421 --> 01:10:59,755
Let's go. What's that?
1308
01:10:59,756 --> 01:11:01,548
This is your gun. I
could never shoot...
1309
01:11:01,549 --> 01:11:03,633
Eddie: Yeah.
1310
01:11:04,969 --> 01:11:07,305
Holy shit!
1311
01:11:12,727 --> 01:11:15,270
Elaine: What
happened? You all right?
1312
01:11:15,271 --> 01:11:17,355
Sorry, honey. Fucking lunatic!
1313
01:11:28,701 --> 01:11:30,869
George: I've never
been in the woods before.
1314
01:11:30,870 --> 01:11:32,746
Eddie: What? George: The woods!
1315
01:11:32,747 --> 01:11:34,623
I've never been in
the woods before.
1316
01:11:34,624 --> 01:11:36,374
Eddie: Oh, the
most important thing
1317
01:11:36,375 --> 01:11:38,627
you need to know
1318
01:11:38,628 --> 01:11:40,378
is if you see anything
that looks like poison Ivy,
1319
01:11:40,379 --> 01:11:42,548
don't wipe your ass with it.
1320
01:11:46,302 --> 01:11:47,844
Heh.
1321
01:11:47,845 --> 01:11:49,054
You old duck hunter!
1322
01:11:50,306 --> 01:11:52,516
How's it going? Fine. You?
1323
01:11:52,517 --> 01:11:54,559
Wouldn't miss it for the world!
1324
01:11:54,560 --> 01:11:57,020
Damn ducks! What the hell
we need those ducks for?
1325
01:11:57,021 --> 01:11:58,313
Bam, bam, bam.
1326
01:11:58,314 --> 01:12:01,441
Rupert: What a
day to kill a duck, huh?
1327
01:12:01,442 --> 01:12:04,528
Maybe after the hunt
we can shoot billiards.
1328
01:12:04,529 --> 01:12:06,280
What do you say? Here.
1329
01:12:06,364 --> 01:12:08,532
I picked this out
for you myself.
1330
01:12:08,533 --> 01:12:10,700
What's this? This is
your hunting jacket.
1331
01:12:10,701 --> 01:12:14,329
Hey, that is great!
1332
01:12:14,330 --> 01:12:16,331
Thanks, dibbsy.
Eddie: It looks wonderful.
1333
01:12:16,332 --> 01:12:17,707
You know who you look like? Who?
1334
01:12:17,708 --> 01:12:18,917
Ernest Hemingway.
1335
01:12:18,918 --> 01:12:20,085
Honest? Rupert: Doesn't he?
1336
01:12:20,086 --> 01:12:21,419
Oh, yeah.
1337
01:12:21,420 --> 01:12:24,756
Ah, look, I hate to rush
1338
01:12:24,757 --> 01:12:27,218
something unexpected
came up. I can't go with you.
1339
01:12:27,301 --> 01:12:29,719
George: Why not?
Business. That's life, huh?
1340
01:12:29,720 --> 01:12:31,847
Emergency at the plant.
1341
01:12:31,848 --> 01:12:34,474
The ducks won't wait. They
don't care about business.
1342
01:12:34,475 --> 01:12:35,934
Come on. Let's go.
1343
01:12:35,935 --> 01:12:37,435
Did you shoot
all these yourself?
1344
01:12:37,436 --> 01:12:39,271
You did, heh.
1345
01:12:39,272 --> 01:12:40,897
And all the
Fieldings before you.
1346
01:12:40,898 --> 01:12:43,900
Ducks for dinner
tonight! Happy hunting!
1347
01:12:43,901 --> 01:12:46,027
Eddie: Wait in the truck. I
got to go to the bathroom.
1348
01:12:46,028 --> 01:12:47,321
Okie-doke.
1349
01:12:47,405 --> 01:12:50,699
Happy hunting! I
got to talk to you.
1350
01:12:50,700 --> 01:12:52,200
What?
1351
01:12:52,201 --> 01:12:54,119
You were supposed
to come with us.
1352
01:12:54,120 --> 01:12:55,787
What the fuck's going on?
1353
01:12:55,788 --> 01:12:59,124
Relax, will you? Just
get him in the duck blind.
1354
01:12:59,125 --> 01:13:00,584
Blast a couple of ducks
1355
01:13:00,585 --> 01:13:02,502
and then you yell, "look out!
1356
01:13:02,503 --> 01:13:04,087
There's a bear!
Run for your life!"
1357
01:13:04,088 --> 01:13:05,463
Then you blast him.
1358
01:13:05,464 --> 01:13:07,592
There are no bears
in a duck blind.
1359
01:13:07,675 --> 01:13:10,093
It doesn't matter if
there are bears or not!
1360
01:13:10,094 --> 01:13:11,595
Just yell, "there's a bear!"
1361
01:13:11,596 --> 01:13:13,513
It'll all be over
before he knows it.
1362
01:13:13,514 --> 01:13:17,142
I want the other
half of my money
1363
01:13:17,143 --> 01:13:20,103
before people find out
we're not burying fielding.
1364
01:13:20,104 --> 01:13:21,521
There's no chance of that.
1365
01:13:21,522 --> 01:13:23,648
I have all the documents
I need to prove
1366
01:13:23,649 --> 01:13:25,442
that he is Abe fielding.
1367
01:13:25,443 --> 01:13:28,486
You don't have
to worry about it.
1368
01:13:28,487 --> 01:13:30,448
Come on!
1369
01:13:30,531 --> 01:13:32,991
This is a nice
jacket he gave me.
1370
01:13:32,992 --> 01:13:35,785
It must've cost
him a pretty penny.
1371
01:13:35,786 --> 01:13:37,913
You got to put the collar
up. You got to be cool.
1372
01:13:37,914 --> 01:13:39,080
How do you mean?
1373
01:13:39,081 --> 01:13:41,625
Eddie: Oh, classy. I like that.
1374
01:13:41,626 --> 01:13:43,418
- Cool?
- George: Cool.
1375
01:13:43,419 --> 01:13:45,003
Cool, man. Like you?
1376
01:13:45,004 --> 01:13:46,589
I look like Eddie.
1377
01:13:48,215 --> 01:13:50,593
Heh, very nice. Ducks!
1378
01:14:05,441 --> 01:14:06,775
Eddie: Not now.
1379
01:14:06,776 --> 01:14:09,194
Take it easy.
1380
01:14:11,238 --> 01:14:13,448
Easy.
1381
01:14:13,449 --> 01:14:15,992
Now. Keep flying! Go home!
1382
01:14:15,993 --> 01:14:17,452
There's people
down here with guns!
1383
01:14:17,453 --> 01:14:18,912
Get out of here!
1384
01:14:18,913 --> 01:14:20,246
Go back to your families!
1385
01:14:20,247 --> 01:14:22,123
Get out! Get out! Get out!
1386
01:14:22,124 --> 01:14:23,668
Why'd you do that?
1387
01:14:23,751 --> 01:14:26,544
To keep an innocent
creature from being killed.
1388
01:14:26,545 --> 01:14:29,673
To save you from a lifetime
of heartache and guilt.
1389
01:14:29,674 --> 01:14:31,925
They're just ducks!
They're not just ducks!
1390
01:14:31,926 --> 01:14:34,302
They're alive! They're
like you and me!
1391
01:14:34,303 --> 01:14:35,804
They're not like you and me.
1392
01:14:35,805 --> 01:14:38,474
They fly around and
they shit on people.
1393
01:14:40,017 --> 01:14:41,935
George: Be kind
1394
01:14:41,936 --> 01:14:44,229
to your web-footed friends
1395
01:14:44,230 --> 01:14:46,690
cause a duck could be...
1396
01:14:46,691 --> 01:14:50,193
Could you freeze on the
"web-footed friends" shit?
1397
01:14:50,194 --> 01:14:53,196
Sorry, I couldn't help think
about those poor ducks.
1398
01:14:53,197 --> 01:14:55,657
What was that? What was what?
1399
01:14:55,658 --> 01:14:57,492
I heard something. What?
1400
01:14:58,703 --> 01:14:59,953
Bird? It was a bear!
1401
01:14:59,954 --> 01:15:01,497
A bear!
1402
01:15:04,125 --> 01:15:06,501
Where? I'm going to get it.
1403
01:15:06,502 --> 01:15:09,295
George: Do you see it?
1404
01:15:09,296 --> 01:15:10,380
Eddie: No, but it's a bear.
1405
01:15:10,381 --> 01:15:11,715
Where is it now?
1406
01:15:11,716 --> 01:15:14,884
It's a brown bear.
A big brown bear?
1407
01:15:16,303 --> 01:15:18,430
Eddie. You were right.
1408
01:15:18,431 --> 01:15:19,764
I see it.
1409
01:15:19,765 --> 01:15:21,266
You put one of these.
1410
01:15:21,267 --> 01:15:23,394
George: Oh, my god.
1411
01:15:24,520 --> 01:15:25,895
He's huge!
1412
01:15:25,896 --> 01:15:28,189
He's a great giant bear!
1413
01:15:28,190 --> 01:15:31,609
Oh!
1414
01:15:31,610 --> 01:15:33,653
Don't worry, Eddie.
1415
01:15:33,654 --> 01:15:34,821
Don't worry.
1416
01:15:34,822 --> 01:15:36,031
Sit.
1417
01:15:36,032 --> 01:15:37,324
Sit, baby.
1418
01:15:39,535 --> 01:15:41,077
Eddie: He's going
to rip off your dick!
1419
01:15:41,078 --> 01:15:43,079
Hello there.
1420
01:15:43,080 --> 01:15:46,458
Say, you're a big
fellow, aren't you?
1421
01:15:48,002 --> 01:15:50,170
If you understand
what I'm saying
1422
01:15:50,171 --> 01:15:52,255
raise your left hand.
1423
01:15:52,256 --> 01:15:54,924
Good. Now both
of them. Very good!
1424
01:15:54,925 --> 01:15:56,594
What the fuck are you doing?
1425
01:15:58,137 --> 01:16:02,808
We want to express love for you.
1426
01:16:04,351 --> 01:16:08,104
Eddie and I come in peace.
1427
01:16:08,105 --> 01:16:11,900
Well, I see what you mean.
You make a good point.
1428
01:16:11,901 --> 01:16:13,610
Yes.
1429
01:16:13,611 --> 01:16:15,904
We saw your friends
mounted on the wall
1430
01:16:15,905 --> 01:16:17,906
at the lodge we just came from.
1431
01:16:17,907 --> 01:16:20,867
Tell you the truth Eddie
and I found it disgusting.
1432
01:16:20,868 --> 01:16:22,243
Didn't we?
1433
01:16:22,244 --> 01:16:24,245
Eddie: Get the
fuck out of the way!
1434
01:16:24,246 --> 01:16:25,914
I'm going to shoot it!
1435
01:16:25,915 --> 01:16:27,792
No, Eddie, don't shoot.
1436
01:16:27,875 --> 01:16:29,042
Don't shoot!
1437
01:16:39,470 --> 01:16:42,847
Well, kids,
1438
01:16:42,848 --> 01:16:45,058
it's time to ring
down the curtain
1439
01:16:45,059 --> 01:16:48,478
on this little production
of ours, huh?
1440
01:16:48,479 --> 01:16:51,773
I think we made
a hit, don't you?
1441
01:16:51,774 --> 01:16:56,861
Leticia, I prophesy a big
career for you. I mean that.
1442
01:16:56,862 --> 01:17:00,031
The memorial service will
be in the fielding chapel
1443
01:17:00,032 --> 01:17:02,033
which is just
adjoining the brewery.
1444
01:17:02,034 --> 01:17:04,661
Heh, brewery!
1445
01:17:04,662 --> 01:17:07,622
I will be expecting the
three of you to attend.
1446
01:17:07,623 --> 01:17:10,709
Just think of it
as a curtain call.
1447
01:17:10,793 --> 01:17:12,961
So you're saying
that we're burying him
1448
01:17:12,962 --> 01:17:15,171
as fielding, even
though he wasn't fielding.
1449
01:17:15,172 --> 01:17:16,714
Rupert: Yes,
1450
01:17:16,715 --> 01:17:18,883
I feel it's the least we can do.
1451
01:17:18,884 --> 01:17:21,261
You know, the poor guy
had no family, no friends.
1452
01:17:21,262 --> 01:17:25,224
It's a terrible tragedy,
but accidents happen.
1453
01:17:26,475 --> 01:17:29,102
Don't they, Eddie?
1454
01:17:29,103 --> 01:17:30,520
It was an accident.
1455
01:17:30,521 --> 01:17:32,313
Of course it was.
1456
01:17:32,314 --> 01:17:36,776
No one is saying it
wasn't. Nobody blames you.
1457
01:17:36,777 --> 01:17:39,737
How do we play this?
Like we knew him as Abe?
1458
01:17:39,738 --> 01:17:44,200
Of course, Jerome. That's
the whole point, isn't it?
1459
01:17:44,201 --> 01:17:46,161
Play it sad, but not morose.
1460
01:17:46,162 --> 01:17:48,664
Upset, but, please,
no tears, huh?
1461
01:17:49,832 --> 01:17:52,542
Poor guy. I feel awful.
1462
01:17:52,543 --> 01:17:54,377
Well, you use that, Eleanor.
1463
01:17:54,378 --> 01:17:56,212
Save it for later and use it.
1464
01:17:56,213 --> 01:17:58,089
That's called "method acting."
1465
01:17:58,090 --> 01:18:01,384
Look, everybody, I just
want to express my gratitude
1466
01:18:01,385 --> 01:18:04,387
to a very talented
ensemble of thespians.
1467
01:18:04,388 --> 01:18:06,849
Bravo! Bravissimo!
1468
01:18:35,461 --> 01:18:38,046
Oh, for Pete's sake! If
we knew you were Abe
1469
01:18:38,047 --> 01:18:40,048
we might have been
able to help you!
1470
01:18:40,049 --> 01:18:41,884
George.
1471
01:18:46,722 --> 01:18:49,224
Now, that is a beautiful suit.
1472
01:18:49,225 --> 01:18:52,894
And that tie matches perfectly.
But you need a handkerchief.
1473
01:18:52,895 --> 01:18:55,939
Can I get a handkerchief?
Enough is enough!
1474
01:18:55,940 --> 01:18:58,733
Sit down in the pew,
shut up and be good.
1475
01:18:58,734 --> 01:19:00,152
I always said you
were full of shit.
1476
01:19:05,866 --> 01:19:08,911
We hardly knew you.
1477
01:19:10,079 --> 01:19:11,579
We knew your dad, though.
1478
01:19:11,580 --> 01:19:13,998
Many of us remember
putting to rest
1479
01:19:13,999 --> 01:19:19,128
rather, preserving the great
man right here, not so long ago.
1480
01:19:19,129 --> 01:19:23,509
And now father and son
can freeze in peace together.
1481
01:19:26,387 --> 01:19:29,931
Um, Abe's best friend,
Mr. Eddie dash, is here.
1482
01:19:29,932 --> 01:19:32,141
Uh, he's going to
say a few words.
1483
01:19:32,142 --> 01:19:35,062
Eddie, come and say a few words.
1484
01:19:37,773 --> 01:19:39,691
Gloria: Uh, Mr. Dibbs? What?
1485
01:19:39,692 --> 01:19:41,234
There's an extremely
urgent phone call for you.
1486
01:19:41,235 --> 01:19:43,529
Urgent? Yes.
1487
01:19:47,199 --> 01:19:49,952
Hey, hands off!
1488
01:19:52,454 --> 01:19:56,582
Abe was a nice man.
1489
01:19:56,583 --> 01:19:59,711
Yes, he was. Good man, Abe.
1490
01:19:59,712 --> 01:20:02,880
Uh, he, um, he liked basil.
1491
01:20:02,881 --> 01:20:05,425
He loved basil.
1492
01:20:05,426 --> 01:20:08,846
He used to say basil was a
herb whose time had come.
1493
01:20:13,392 --> 01:20:14,976
Unfortunately, Abe,
1494
01:20:14,977 --> 01:20:17,729
it was you whose time had come.
1495
01:20:17,730 --> 01:20:21,024
We used to smoke basil together.
1496
01:20:21,025 --> 01:20:23,818
And you know, we'd
get a natural high.
1497
01:20:23,819 --> 01:20:26,029
Smoked a lot too.
1498
01:20:26,030 --> 01:20:29,824
And he loved to yodel.
Yodeling and magic,
1499
01:20:29,825 --> 01:20:31,409
that was his thing.
1500
01:20:31,410 --> 01:20:34,454
He always said if he
could combine the two
1501
01:20:34,455 --> 01:20:39,167
he would yodel from his
grave. I know that's impossible.
1502
01:20:39,168 --> 01:20:40,461
Ah.
1503
01:20:54,266 --> 01:20:55,392
It's a miracle!
1504
01:21:20,376 --> 01:21:22,251
Hi, everybody.
1505
01:21:22,252 --> 01:21:25,546
I'm very touched that
you all came to my funeral.
1506
01:21:25,547 --> 01:21:27,465
I know this must be a...
1507
01:21:27,466 --> 01:21:30,551
Honey! Honey.
1508
01:21:30,552 --> 01:21:32,220
What happened?
1509
01:21:32,221 --> 01:21:33,638
What's the matter, sweetheart?
1510
01:21:33,639 --> 01:21:35,473
What the hell is going on?
1511
01:21:35,474 --> 01:21:37,809
You tell me. Did we
rehearse this scene?
1512
01:21:37,810 --> 01:21:39,019
No. No.
1513
01:21:48,195 --> 01:21:50,696
Oh. What are you doing, huh?
1514
01:21:50,697 --> 01:21:53,699
Have you completely
lost your tiny mind?
1515
01:21:53,700 --> 01:21:56,411
You forget, we're
playing my game now.
1516
01:21:56,412 --> 01:21:58,413
Oh, really? I've got
news for you, pal.
1517
01:21:58,414 --> 01:22:00,415
I'm the one holding
all the cards.
1518
01:22:00,416 --> 01:22:02,083
I can prove you're a murderer.
1519
01:22:02,084 --> 01:22:05,044
I've got the whole
ugly business on tape.
1520
01:22:05,045 --> 01:22:07,505
Au contraire. There
was no murder.
1521
01:22:07,506 --> 01:22:10,508
But there was a conspiracy to
murder, which I have on tape.
1522
01:22:10,509 --> 01:22:12,761
George: Honey.
1523
01:22:12,845 --> 01:22:14,930
Honey, can you hear me?
1524
01:22:17,266 --> 01:22:18,766
Everything's
going to be all right.
1525
01:22:18,767 --> 01:22:20,309
Eddie said that shot you.
1526
01:22:20,310 --> 01:22:23,688
That was part of the plan.
He was supposed to tell you.
1527
01:22:23,689 --> 01:22:26,065
We worked it out on
the way to the lodge.
1528
01:22:26,066 --> 01:22:31,028
This is our first meeting,
our second meeting.
1529
01:22:31,029 --> 01:22:33,656
Here's something for
you. Johnny Mathis.
1530
01:22:33,657 --> 01:22:35,200
To help you make
it through the night.
1531
01:22:37,786 --> 01:22:39,954
And this file
1532
01:22:39,955 --> 01:22:43,332
proves that my
man is Abe fielding.
1533
01:22:43,333 --> 01:22:45,418
Your man is dead!
1534
01:22:45,419 --> 01:22:47,545
Wrong again, dibbsy.
1535
01:22:50,299 --> 01:22:52,967
What does that mean?
What does "bogazine" mean?
1536
01:22:58,390 --> 01:23:00,017
We got to get out of here!
1537
01:23:02,561 --> 01:23:04,645
But I saw him
lying in the morgue!
1538
01:23:04,646 --> 01:23:06,355
Eddie's got connections.
1539
01:23:06,356 --> 01:23:08,524
The morgue attendant
owed him a favor. Right?
1540
01:23:08,525 --> 01:23:09,984
That's right.
1541
01:23:09,985 --> 01:23:12,028
Hello, everybody.
1542
01:23:12,029 --> 01:23:15,364
I know you must be confused
about what's going on.
1543
01:23:15,365 --> 01:23:19,577
The important thing is
that I'm back at the brewery
1544
01:23:19,578 --> 01:23:23,122
and you're all in for
a five-percent raise.
1545
01:23:25,918 --> 01:23:28,504
Don't listen. He's full of shit!
1546
01:23:28,587 --> 01:23:31,923
All: Oh!
1547
01:23:31,924 --> 01:23:34,383
You all right? Get me up!
1548
01:23:34,384 --> 01:23:36,135
Rupert: Get me up right now!
1549
01:23:36,136 --> 01:23:38,012
You can't say we didn't try.
1550
01:23:38,013 --> 01:23:39,680
Cut him loose.
1551
01:23:39,681 --> 01:23:41,433
That man is an impostor!
1552
01:23:43,018 --> 01:23:45,144
Cut me out of this!
1553
01:23:45,145 --> 01:23:46,812
He's not Abe fielding.
1554
01:23:46,813 --> 01:23:48,689
I knew Abe fielding.
1555
01:23:48,690 --> 01:23:51,150
Abe fielding was
a friend of mine.
1556
01:23:51,151 --> 01:23:54,153
And this man is
not Abe fielding.
1557
01:23:54,154 --> 01:23:56,239
But, Mr. Dibbs, you
just eulogized him.
1558
01:23:56,240 --> 01:23:58,199
You said: "Abe, we
hardly knew you..."
1559
01:23:58,200 --> 01:24:00,493
Shut up. Sit down.
1560
01:24:00,494 --> 01:24:02,411
You! You!
1561
01:24:02,412 --> 01:24:06,291
Did you or did you not treat
this man in your lunatic asylum?
1562
01:24:06,375 --> 01:24:08,918
Sanitarium! You told
us he was Abe fielding.
1563
01:24:08,919 --> 01:24:10,670
Right, but he's not!
1564
01:24:10,671 --> 01:24:14,173
I challenge anyone to
say that he's Abe fielding.
1565
01:24:14,174 --> 01:24:17,343
He's Abe fielding! I've
been his bookie for years.
1566
01:24:17,344 --> 01:24:19,262
Shut up!
1567
01:24:19,263 --> 01:24:21,764
He's one of our best friends.
Isn't that right, honey?
1568
01:24:21,765 --> 01:24:23,808
Not now, you idiot! Wait.
1569
01:24:23,809 --> 01:24:25,434
I don't remember this scene.
1570
01:24:25,435 --> 01:24:28,271
Ladies and gentlemen, these
people are merely actors.
1571
01:24:28,272 --> 01:24:30,023
Merely actors?
1572
01:24:30,107 --> 01:24:31,649
And not very good ones at that.
1573
01:24:31,650 --> 01:24:34,527
They're playing roles.
They're being paid.
1574
01:24:41,660 --> 01:24:42,744
Point of order!
1575
01:24:44,580 --> 01:24:47,373
Help.
1576
01:24:47,374 --> 01:24:50,419
Ronald Reagan
was merely an actor!
1577
01:24:55,382 --> 01:24:57,466
All right. Fine!
1578
01:24:57,467 --> 01:25:00,261
Are you the equity deputy?
1579
01:25:00,262 --> 01:25:03,639
Um, I don't know what to say.
1580
01:25:03,640 --> 01:25:06,684
I feel like such a
fool. I'm sorry. I am.
1581
01:25:06,685 --> 01:25:08,436
I lost, you won.
1582
01:25:08,437 --> 01:25:09,979
Come on!
1583
01:25:09,980 --> 01:25:11,647
Let's Bury the hatchet over
1584
01:25:11,648 --> 01:25:14,275
a Stein of fielding in
my... your office, huh?
1585
01:25:14,276 --> 01:25:16,902
No, I don't... don't
be a spoilsport!
1586
01:25:16,903 --> 01:25:20,657
We don't have time. Abe
or George, whatever...
1587
01:25:20,741 --> 01:25:22,618
Listen, George...
1588
01:25:25,912 --> 01:25:28,373
Run! Run!
1589
01:25:29,791 --> 01:25:32,168
He's going to kill him!
1590
01:25:32,169 --> 01:25:33,794
Bring the casket
down here quick!
1591
01:25:33,795 --> 01:25:35,130
Come on, this way!
1592
01:25:42,137 --> 01:25:43,387
Onward!
1593
01:26:26,390 --> 01:26:28,015
This is my brewery.
1594
01:26:28,016 --> 01:26:30,768
I earned it! You
wanted to be in beer?
1595
01:26:30,769 --> 01:26:32,228
Welcome to the beer business.
1596
01:26:32,229 --> 01:26:34,188
Dibbsy, I won't tell the police
1597
01:26:34,189 --> 01:26:36,190
you tried to kill me!
1598
01:26:36,191 --> 01:26:37,608
The name is Mr. Dibbs!
1599
01:26:41,321 --> 01:26:44,199
Help! Help!
1600
01:26:47,077 --> 01:26:49,204
Eddie, I'm down here!
1601
01:26:51,498 --> 01:26:54,083
Oh, god!
1602
01:27:07,514 --> 01:27:09,807
Ahh! Shh.
1603
01:27:21,111 --> 01:27:23,071
Get the valve! George?
1604
01:27:45,886 --> 01:27:49,431
Will somebody please
tell me what's going on?
1605
01:28:01,777 --> 01:28:04,320
Boy, that was good beer!
1606
01:28:04,321 --> 01:28:05,946
Oh, honey!
1607
01:28:05,947 --> 01:28:07,866
Ow.
1608
01:28:09,117 --> 01:28:10,618
Where's dibbsy?
1609
01:28:10,619 --> 01:28:11,953
Eddie: Guard!
1610
01:28:13,330 --> 01:28:14,830
Get him out.
1611
01:28:18,794 --> 01:28:20,628
He's not fielding.
1612
01:28:20,629 --> 01:28:23,298
He's a liar. The man's a liar.
1613
01:28:24,299 --> 01:28:25,841
If you lie about this
1614
01:28:25,842 --> 01:28:27,426
you'll be lying for
the rest of your life!
1615
01:28:27,427 --> 01:28:31,180
Liar! Liar! Liar!
1616
01:28:31,181 --> 01:28:34,058
Liar! Liar!
1617
01:28:34,059 --> 01:28:35,726
Honey,
1618
01:28:35,727 --> 01:28:38,437
if I don't tell the
truth right now,
1619
01:28:38,438 --> 01:28:40,106
will you ever believe me again?
1620
01:28:42,025 --> 01:28:43,818
I love you, George.
1621
01:28:43,819 --> 01:28:46,821
George.
1622
01:28:46,822 --> 01:28:48,740
Walk like a man, George.
1623
01:28:51,326 --> 01:28:53,494
Eddie: Don't do anything stupid!
1624
01:28:53,495 --> 01:28:55,372
We're pissing in tall cotton.
1625
01:28:58,375 --> 01:29:01,126
Sorry, everybody.
1626
01:29:01,127 --> 01:29:02,711
I want to tell you something.
1627
01:29:02,712 --> 01:29:07,132
Mr. Dibbs was telling
the truth a little while ago.
1628
01:29:07,133 --> 01:29:09,635
I am a pathological liar.
1629
01:29:09,636 --> 01:29:13,013
I spent the last three years
of my life in a sanitarium.
1630
01:29:13,014 --> 01:29:14,890
Shit, I'm broke.
1631
01:29:14,891 --> 01:29:20,187
I'm a Volvo dealer, and my
name happens to be George.
1632
01:29:20,188 --> 01:29:22,356
This fielding's a beaut.
1633
01:29:22,357 --> 01:29:24,650
George. Get used to George.
1634
01:29:24,651 --> 01:29:27,904
George Washington,
as a matter of fact.
1635
01:29:27,988 --> 01:29:30,239
Eddie: Hey, everybody!
1636
01:29:30,240 --> 01:29:32,199
Take the rest of the day off.
1637
01:29:32,200 --> 01:29:34,910
And forget about
that five-percent raise
1638
01:29:34,911 --> 01:29:36,078
when you come back.
1639
01:29:36,079 --> 01:29:38,372
It'll be a ten-percent raise.
1640
01:29:55,932 --> 01:29:59,143
Stop fucking
around! Okay, smile.
1641
01:29:59,144 --> 01:30:02,980
A little more. Great!
1642
01:30:13,867 --> 01:30:15,910
Can I have that card?
1643
01:30:15,911 --> 01:30:17,995
Thank you. And I
need your lipstick.
1644
01:30:17,996 --> 01:30:22,625
I don't want to take a
picture with no lipstick!
1645
01:30:22,626 --> 01:30:25,669
You'll like this one. I
don't want no lipstick.
1646
01:30:25,670 --> 01:30:29,841
They'll put me in a magazine.
They'll take pictures.
1647
01:30:33,762 --> 01:30:36,430
Hey, what are you doing?
1648
01:30:36,431 --> 01:30:38,265
I don't like to be touched!
1649
01:30:38,266 --> 01:30:40,351
Just keep your hands off!
1650
01:30:40,352 --> 01:30:42,771
What's wrong with you?
1651
01:34:28,538 --> 01:34:31,207
Don't ever call my friend
a shithead again, okay?
108986
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