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1
00:00:01,700 --> 00:00:03,668
The press is killing me!
2
00:00:03,702 --> 00:00:06,138
They say I'm allowing
films to be shot in New York
3
00:00:06,172 --> 00:00:09,107
that are immoral, sexual,
and gratuitously violent.
4
00:00:09,142 --> 00:00:11,810
Am I?
5
00:00:11,844 --> 00:00:13,511
Last year we did
see the empire
6
00:00:13,545 --> 00:00:14,813
state building blown up,
7
00:00:14,847 --> 00:00:17,415
and wall street was taken out
by a tidal wave.
8
00:00:17,449 --> 00:00:19,651
And that movie
about the deranged cabby
9
00:00:19,685 --> 00:00:21,753
who drove
through bloomingdale's.
10
00:00:21,787 --> 00:00:24,956
They were plugging that
last night on channel 7.
11
00:00:24,991 --> 00:00:27,459
That was the news.
12
00:00:29,495 --> 00:00:31,396
Anyway, sir,
I put together a tape
13
00:00:31,430 --> 00:00:33,932
of some of the more
objectionable r-rated material
14
00:00:33,966 --> 00:00:35,700
that's been shot in New York.
15
00:00:38,470 --> 00:00:40,571
Here we go.
16
00:00:40,606 --> 00:00:43,408
[WOMAN MOANING]
17
00:00:43,442 --> 00:00:46,111
[MONOTONE]
This is an outrage.
18
00:00:46,145 --> 00:00:51,149
I almost can't bear to watch
this dirty, dirty movie.
19
00:00:51,183 --> 00:00:52,483
I-I could stop...
20
00:00:52,518 --> 00:00:53,651
no, no.
21
00:00:53,685 --> 00:00:58,390
I want to let
the outrage grow.
22
00:01:03,095 --> 00:01:05,897
Unless you want
to stop, Mike.
23
00:01:05,931 --> 00:01:06,998
Oh, no, sir.
24
00:01:07,032 --> 00:01:09,768
I can't let you suffer
alone.
25
00:01:09,802 --> 00:01:11,502
You know,
I might suffer more
26
00:01:11,536 --> 00:01:13,371
if you just lean back
a little.
27
00:01:13,405 --> 00:01:16,407
Sorry.
28
00:01:16,676 --> 00:01:20,512
[ACOUSTIC GUITAR PLAYS]
29
00:01:43,869 --> 00:01:48,072
Why did you have this high-tech
security system installed?
30
00:01:48,107 --> 00:01:50,242
I'm running for senate now.
I'm a target.
31
00:01:50,276 --> 00:01:52,977
Why, just this morning
I received a death threat!
32
00:01:53,011 --> 00:01:54,713
Well, in all fairness, sir,
33
00:01:54,747 --> 00:01:58,183
your ex-wife sends you
one of those every Tuesday.
34
00:01:58,217 --> 00:02:01,019
Caitlin thought the security
measures were necessary.
35
00:02:01,053 --> 00:02:02,153
Good morning.
36
00:02:02,187 --> 00:02:05,990
Nice work. What are you
gonna do after lunch,
37
00:02:06,024 --> 00:02:07,726
dig a moat
around Paul's office?
38
00:02:07,760 --> 00:02:09,294
Sounds great,
39
00:02:09,328 --> 00:02:11,996
but we'll need a troll
to man the drawbridge.
40
00:02:12,030 --> 00:02:13,664
Are you available?
41
00:02:13,699 --> 00:02:16,834
Ah, you two
ribbing each other...
42
00:02:16,868 --> 00:02:18,937
reminds me of my parents...
43
00:02:21,207 --> 00:02:23,408
...minus the gin...
44
00:02:23,442 --> 00:02:27,445
And the home-wrecking
au pair.
45
00:02:27,480 --> 00:02:29,046
I had the system installed
46
00:02:29,081 --> 00:02:31,449
because we're in a
national campaign now,
47
00:02:31,484 --> 00:02:34,986
and we had highly sensitive
material in this office.
48
00:02:35,020 --> 00:02:36,120
Like what?
49
00:02:36,155 --> 00:02:38,289
Yeah. Like what?
50
00:02:38,324 --> 00:02:41,259
Well, sir, there's that...
Thing we talked about.
51
00:02:41,293 --> 00:02:43,695
Oh, right, right.
52
00:02:43,729 --> 00:02:45,129
Right.
53
00:02:45,163 --> 00:02:46,797
What thing?
54
00:02:46,832 --> 00:02:48,366
The senate business
55
00:02:48,400 --> 00:02:51,236
you suggested we refer to
as "the thing"?
56
00:02:51,270 --> 00:02:54,272
Oh, the secret background checks
on my staff.
57
00:02:54,306 --> 00:02:59,510
You ordered background checks
and you didn't tell me?
58
00:02:59,544 --> 00:03:01,713
You probably shouldn't have
mentioned "the thing"
59
00:03:01,747 --> 00:03:02,747
in front of Mike.
60
00:03:03,682 --> 00:03:05,049
I demand to see my file.
61
00:03:05,084 --> 00:03:07,252
No one sees their file,
not even the mayor.
62
00:03:07,286 --> 00:03:09,253
Sir, this is
a violation of privacy.
63
00:03:09,288 --> 00:03:11,689
You can't possibly be okay
with this.
64
00:03:11,723 --> 00:03:13,924
Mike,
when it comes to my past,
65
00:03:13,959 --> 00:03:15,960
I'm on a need-to-know basis.
66
00:03:18,030 --> 00:03:21,800
Stuart, I want you and Carter
to meet me in my office at 2:15.
67
00:03:21,834 --> 00:03:24,469
2:15? What's 2:15?
68
00:03:24,503 --> 00:03:26,404
Uh, uh, 2:15...
69
00:03:26,438 --> 00:03:30,709
Is, uh, my favorite verse
in the book of John.
70
00:03:32,044 --> 00:03:34,045
"Be good, John."
71
00:03:34,079 --> 00:03:36,381
"Johnny b. Goode."
72
00:03:37,582 --> 00:03:39,884
"Go, Johnny, go."
73
00:03:39,919 --> 00:03:42,153
Amen.
Amen.
74
00:03:43,756 --> 00:03:45,824
I'm gonna run through
all the film permits
75
00:03:45,858 --> 00:03:47,325
that are being considered,
76
00:03:47,360 --> 00:03:49,427
flag anything
that seems objectionable.
77
00:03:49,461 --> 00:03:51,429
Are you aware
that when I was in college
78
00:03:51,463 --> 00:03:53,564
I made a student film?
79
00:03:53,599 --> 00:03:58,369
The Yale daily news
called it "an incoherent mess."
80
00:04:00,272 --> 00:04:03,208
Even back then,
nobody got me.
81
00:04:03,242 --> 00:04:06,477
The first one is about
a puppy lost in the city.
82
00:04:06,512 --> 00:04:07,978
It's too mainstream.
83
00:04:08,013 --> 00:04:10,581
An upper-east-side remake
of a French farce?
84
00:04:10,616 --> 00:04:13,117
Bor-ing.
85
00:04:13,319 --> 00:04:14,753
Sir, we're supposed
to be screening
86
00:04:14,787 --> 00:04:16,521
for violence
and sexual content.
87
00:04:16,555 --> 00:04:19,123
James,
this city needs a hit!
88
00:04:19,158 --> 00:04:22,593
We're still reeling
from "Godzilla."
89
00:04:22,627 --> 00:04:26,030
"Sexy singles looking for love"?
Seen it.
90
00:04:26,064 --> 00:04:27,932
"Pregnant daughter,
sick mother"?
91
00:04:27,966 --> 00:04:29,934
Chick flick.
92
00:04:29,968 --> 00:04:32,604
"A killer computer virus
downloads into humans
93
00:04:32,638 --> 00:04:34,071
and liquefies their organs."
94
00:04:34,106 --> 00:04:35,840
Hold it.
95
00:04:35,874 --> 00:04:38,609
Did you say
"killer computer virus"?
96
00:04:38,644 --> 00:04:39,977
Yeah.
97
00:04:40,012 --> 00:04:43,881
Son, let's make a picture!
98
00:04:45,551 --> 00:04:48,719
You want us to break into
the mayor's office tonight
99
00:04:48,753 --> 00:04:51,155
and copy
Caitlin's background checks?
100
00:04:51,190 --> 00:04:52,357
I know it sounds devious,
101
00:04:52,391 --> 00:04:54,525
but until we know
what she's got on us,
102
00:04:54,560 --> 00:04:57,862
we're gonna be at the mercy
of that fascist in high heels.
103
00:04:57,896 --> 00:04:59,196
Whoa.
104
00:05:01,233 --> 00:05:05,370
Vegas flashback.
105
00:05:07,572 --> 00:05:10,508
Carter, I need your help.
106
00:05:10,542 --> 00:05:11,875
Huh. I see...
107
00:05:11,910 --> 00:05:15,646
"need a break-in, get a
black man to help."
108
00:05:17,382 --> 00:05:20,585
"Black people know
all about committing crimes!"
109
00:05:20,619 --> 00:05:22,120
I didn't say that.
110
00:05:22,154 --> 00:05:23,388
Don't be so sensitive.
111
00:05:23,422 --> 00:05:25,757
"Ooh,
gay man's too sensitive!"
112
00:05:25,791 --> 00:05:27,992
If it's all
so offensive to you,
113
00:05:28,026 --> 00:05:29,260
fine, don't help.
114
00:05:29,295 --> 00:05:31,896
No, no, sounds cool.
I'm in.
115
00:05:31,931 --> 00:05:33,865
Stuart, this is really...
116
00:05:33,899 --> 00:05:36,500
Mike,
you had me at "devious."
117
00:05:38,503 --> 00:05:41,172
Thanks, guys.
118
00:05:41,206 --> 00:05:43,541
She obviously wouldn't
be going to such lengths
119
00:05:43,576 --> 00:05:45,443
if she didn't have
something on me.
120
00:05:45,578 --> 00:05:46,944
You?
121
00:05:46,978 --> 00:05:49,447
My
File is gonna be thick.
122
00:05:49,481 --> 00:05:53,384
"The man" is watching me.
123
00:05:53,418 --> 00:05:56,854
"The man"
wants to bring me down.
124
00:05:56,889 --> 00:05:59,423
Carter, the only thing
"the man" wants to do
125
00:05:59,458 --> 00:06:00,825
is buy you a daiquiri.
126
00:06:03,495 --> 00:06:06,798
Our main problem is Caitlin.
She always stays late.
127
00:06:06,832 --> 00:06:08,833
Hey, I'm here
for the 2:15 meeting.
128
00:06:08,867 --> 00:06:10,568
You know what?
This is the 2:30.
129
00:06:10,602 --> 00:06:12,670
The 2:15 has been moved
to when you have
130
00:06:12,705 --> 00:06:14,739
that, uh, thing
you can't get out of.
131
00:06:14,773 --> 00:06:16,140
My 6:00 dentist appointment?
132
00:06:16,175 --> 00:06:17,375
There you go.
133
00:06:17,409 --> 00:06:19,410
Too bad.
We could have used you.
134
00:06:26,284 --> 00:06:27,785
Hey, Nikki.
135
00:06:27,819 --> 00:06:29,853
Uh, listen...
136
00:06:29,888 --> 00:06:34,492
Uh, now that you and I are
in a "holding pattern"...
137
00:06:34,526 --> 00:06:37,662
you mean "broken up
for all eternity"?
138
00:06:37,696 --> 00:06:41,832
You say "tomato,"
I say "holding pattern."
139
00:06:41,866 --> 00:06:43,701
What do you want, Mike?
140
00:06:43,736 --> 00:06:47,338
I-I was just wondering,
you know,
141
00:06:47,372 --> 00:06:49,473
with me... Gone, um...
142
00:06:49,507 --> 00:06:54,512
Do you still have your big
Tuesday girls' night out?
143
00:06:54,546 --> 00:06:55,880
No, um, actually,
144
00:06:55,914 --> 00:06:58,049
tonight I have a date
with a surgeon
145
00:06:58,083 --> 00:07:00,217
who is taking me
to the rainbow room.
146
00:07:00,252 --> 00:07:02,053
Got your three messages,
Nikki.
147
00:07:02,087 --> 00:07:03,988
We are on for
girls' night out.
148
00:07:06,158 --> 00:07:09,126
Why don't you invite...
Caitlin to come?
149
00:07:09,161 --> 00:07:13,497
Or, um, I could smear honey
all over my body
150
00:07:13,532 --> 00:07:16,200
and lie down on an anthill.
151
00:07:16,235 --> 00:07:20,137
I was with you
till the anthill.
152
00:07:20,171 --> 00:07:23,040
Caitlin is
not coming to girls' night.
153
00:07:23,074 --> 00:07:26,310
Oh, so I-I guess
that answers the question,
154
00:07:26,345 --> 00:07:28,212
"is Caitlin coming
to girls' night?"
155
00:07:28,246 --> 00:07:30,080
Girls' night?
156
00:07:30,115 --> 00:07:31,916
I-I'm sorry.
157
00:07:31,950 --> 00:07:34,351
My voice carries.
158
00:07:34,386 --> 00:07:36,220
Now she's gonna think
159
00:07:36,254 --> 00:07:38,156
you want her to come!
160
00:07:38,190 --> 00:07:40,324
Great! I'll cancel my date.
161
00:07:40,359 --> 00:07:41,692
You don't have to.
162
00:07:41,726 --> 00:07:44,729
That's okay. I am
so sick of the rainbow room.
163
00:07:50,101 --> 00:07:52,336
I can't believe we're
breaking into our offices!
164
00:07:52,370 --> 00:07:55,005
Relax. It probably doesn't
even break the penal code.
165
00:07:55,040 --> 00:07:56,307
What code?
166
00:07:56,341 --> 00:08:00,544
You never listen.
I said penal... penal!
167
00:08:00,579 --> 00:08:02,013
Heh heh heh heh heh.
168
00:08:02,047 --> 00:08:04,148
I get it...
it sounds like "penis."
169
00:08:04,182 --> 00:08:06,150
Is that
what you want to hear?
170
00:08:06,184 --> 00:08:07,518
Penis! Penis!
171
00:08:10,856 --> 00:08:13,691
The next person
who shouts "penis"
172
00:08:13,726 --> 00:08:15,192
is losing theirs.
173
00:08:18,530 --> 00:08:20,898
[BEEPING]
174
00:08:20,932 --> 00:08:23,300
So, "operation
Mike, Carter, and Stuart
175
00:08:23,335 --> 00:08:25,302
"break
into the mayor's office
176
00:08:25,337 --> 00:08:28,138
to copy Caitlin's
background checks" begins.
177
00:08:28,173 --> 00:08:32,276
I give you all day,
you come up with that?
178
00:08:32,310 --> 00:08:33,978
So, Mike...
179
00:08:34,012 --> 00:08:37,115
How exactly are you supposed
to get from here...
180
00:08:37,149 --> 00:08:38,882
Into there?
181
00:08:38,917 --> 00:08:42,152
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYS]
182
00:08:43,955 --> 00:08:45,957
How cool is this?!
183
00:08:52,730 --> 00:08:55,232
You, uh, copying
the background checks?
184
00:08:55,267 --> 00:08:57,435
No, I found
Caitlin's yearbook.
185
00:08:57,469 --> 00:08:59,671
Man, I miss
high school chicks.
186
00:08:59,705 --> 00:09:02,840
To be 30 again.
187
00:09:02,874 --> 00:09:05,176
Listen, we got
a lot of copying to do.
188
00:09:05,210 --> 00:09:06,911
We don't have time
to get distracted
189
00:09:06,945 --> 00:09:09,347
by a bunch of teenage...
holy crap!
190
00:09:09,381 --> 00:09:11,783
What, did she go
to "hot high"?
191
00:09:11,817 --> 00:09:14,686
Only one page?
192
00:09:14,720 --> 00:09:18,356
Where's
all my badass activities?
193
00:09:18,390 --> 00:09:19,857
[FOOTSTEPS]
194
00:09:22,060 --> 00:09:24,929
Someone's coming!
195
00:09:24,963 --> 00:09:27,231
Quick... everybody freeze!
196
00:09:31,737 --> 00:09:34,538
I probably
should have said "hide."
197
00:09:34,573 --> 00:09:36,340
I knew something fishy
was going on
198
00:09:36,375 --> 00:09:38,542
when no one showed up
for the 6:00 meeting!
199
00:09:38,577 --> 00:09:41,211
Why do you guys
always freeze me
200
00:09:41,246 --> 00:09:44,815
out of your poker games
and your Bible groups?!
201
00:09:44,849 --> 00:09:47,918
Why don't you include me
in anything?
202
00:09:47,952 --> 00:09:50,554
We're breaking in
to copy Caitlin's files.
203
00:09:50,589 --> 00:09:52,923
We were afraid
you might freak out.
204
00:09:52,957 --> 00:09:54,358
Oh, my God!!
205
00:09:54,393 --> 00:09:56,494
You're breaking in?!
206
00:09:56,528 --> 00:10:00,063
Oh, my God,
that freaks me out!!
207
00:10:00,098 --> 00:10:02,333
Paul, security
is right downstairs!
208
00:10:02,367 --> 00:10:05,068
Security
is right downstairs!!
209
00:10:05,103 --> 00:10:06,837
Paul...
210
00:10:06,871 --> 00:10:09,873
Would it help
if I slapped you?
211
00:10:09,908 --> 00:10:11,909
No. [BREATHES HEAVILY]
212
00:10:12,744 --> 00:10:14,144
Ow!
213
00:10:17,749 --> 00:10:19,350
So...
214
00:10:19,384 --> 00:10:22,586
I'm doing a summer program
at Harvard,
215
00:10:22,621 --> 00:10:25,155
and this geek, bill,
comes to my room,
216
00:10:25,190 --> 00:10:27,658
and he says
he's starting a company.
217
00:10:27,693 --> 00:10:29,427
I just made $500 modeling,
218
00:10:29,461 --> 00:10:30,861
and I gave it to him.
219
00:10:30,895 --> 00:10:32,463
Two years later, boom...
220
00:10:32,497 --> 00:10:35,366
I'm a founding shareholder
in Microsoft.
221
00:10:35,400 --> 00:10:36,567
So, yes,
222
00:10:36,602 --> 00:10:40,404
to answer your question,
I have been to Seattle.
223
00:10:40,439 --> 00:10:43,107
So, who needs another drink?
224
00:10:54,687 --> 00:10:57,055
Okay, Paul,
225
00:10:57,089 --> 00:11:00,191
if we take off the gag,
will you scream?
226
00:11:03,028 --> 00:11:04,628
Can I help you
with anything, Mike?
227
00:11:04,662 --> 00:11:07,631
Yeah, Stuart. Why don't you
beat me with a stick
228
00:11:07,665 --> 00:11:09,866
and see if candy
flies out my butt?
229
00:11:11,904 --> 00:11:14,271
All right, mission accomplished.
Lift me up!
230
00:11:14,306 --> 00:11:17,875
Wheeeeee!
231
00:11:19,445 --> 00:11:20,745
Paul!
232
00:11:20,779 --> 00:11:23,681
I got it under control.
I don't need this thing anymore.
233
00:11:50,875 --> 00:11:52,776
Ohhhhh!
234
00:11:52,811 --> 00:11:55,112
[ALARM BLARES]
235
00:11:58,383 --> 00:12:00,084
Oh, my God, sir!
What happened?
236
00:12:00,119 --> 00:12:03,354
There was a break-in, Mike.
But how could you tell?
237
00:12:03,388 --> 00:12:05,923
It's your face, sir.
238
00:12:05,958 --> 00:12:09,293
There was an innocence there
that's... that's...
239
00:12:09,328 --> 00:12:12,096
Lost.
240
00:12:12,130 --> 00:12:14,131
D-d-d-don't touch
anything.
241
00:12:14,166 --> 00:12:16,467
The police will be here
in an hour to dust for prints.
242
00:12:16,501 --> 00:12:18,135
An hour?
243
00:12:18,170 --> 00:12:21,939
Well, sir, the, uh, place
could be contaminated by then.
244
00:12:21,973 --> 00:12:25,242
You know
what I'm gonna do?
245
00:12:25,277 --> 00:12:28,645
I'm gonna call them...
246
00:12:28,680 --> 00:12:31,014
And I'm gonna give them...
247
00:12:31,049 --> 00:12:32,849
A piece of my mind.
248
00:12:32,884 --> 00:12:35,586
W-w-what did they take
anyway?
249
00:12:35,620 --> 00:12:37,821
Nothing, but my files
were rearranged,
250
00:12:37,855 --> 00:12:40,324
and the evidence
indicates an inside j ob.
251
00:12:40,358 --> 00:12:42,259
Or...
252
00:12:42,293 --> 00:12:46,330
Is that what they want you
to think?
253
00:12:46,364 --> 00:12:48,665
To review,
254
00:12:48,700 --> 00:12:51,568
let's eliminate insiders
as suspects
255
00:12:51,602 --> 00:12:54,604
and narrow our search...
256
00:12:57,608 --> 00:13:00,677
...to everybody else.
257
00:13:00,712 --> 00:13:02,012
÷ Mike...
258
00:13:02,047 --> 00:13:03,880
All due respect,
but you're ranting
259
00:13:03,915 --> 00:13:05,849
like an idiot
in search of a village.
260
00:13:05,884 --> 00:13:08,619
But I do think
we should keep this quiet.
261
00:13:08,653 --> 00:13:11,288
I'll lead
the investigation.
262
00:13:11,323 --> 00:13:13,290
You? No, no, you...
no, no, you...
263
00:13:13,325 --> 00:13:15,792
you're in the middle
of a whole refiling nightmare.
264
00:13:15,827 --> 00:13:18,595
No, no, sir, I'll carry
the ball on this one.
265
00:13:18,630 --> 00:13:20,998
You find
this backstabbing layabout!
266
00:13:21,033 --> 00:13:22,766
I want him behind bars,
267
00:13:22,800 --> 00:13:26,103
where bad things
will happen to him!
268
00:13:26,138 --> 00:13:29,173
Wow, sir,
when that innocence goes,
269
00:13:29,207 --> 00:13:31,142
it, uh, really goes.
270
00:13:38,183 --> 00:13:39,684
Stuart,
I hope you don't mind,
271
00:13:39,718 --> 00:13:41,819
but I'll be joining Mike
in his investigation.
272
00:13:41,853 --> 00:13:43,554
Sweet.
273
00:13:43,589 --> 00:13:46,224
Be thorough.
274
00:13:46,258 --> 00:13:48,859
I'm crafty.
275
00:13:52,964 --> 00:13:55,299
Stuart, sit down.
276
00:13:55,333 --> 00:13:58,802
All right, where were you
last night at 9:00?
277
00:13:58,836 --> 00:14:00,871
Cooking dinner
with Carter.
278
00:14:00,905 --> 00:14:04,341
We made flautas.
279
00:14:04,376 --> 00:14:06,510
What exactly is a flauta?
280
00:14:06,545 --> 00:14:09,280
It's a delicious
Mexican entree
281
00:14:09,314 --> 00:14:13,984
consisting of chicken
baked in a light flour shell.
282
00:14:14,019 --> 00:14:17,621
And I suppose Carter
will corroborate your story?
283
00:14:17,655 --> 00:14:20,057
It's a delicious
Mexican entree
284
00:14:20,091 --> 00:14:24,395
consisting of chicken
baked in a light flour shell.
285
00:14:24,429 --> 00:14:26,263
All right, then what?
286
00:14:26,297 --> 00:14:28,766
We did the dishes.
It was 9:44.
287
00:14:28,800 --> 00:14:30,901
I remember the time
288
00:14:30,936 --> 00:14:34,004
because Carter
looked at the clock and said,
289
00:14:34,038 --> 00:14:36,340
"hey, it's 9:44."
290
00:14:37,809 --> 00:14:40,043
"That number
always gives me the creeps."
291
00:14:40,078 --> 00:14:43,347
Why does 944
always give me the creeps?
292
00:14:43,381 --> 00:14:45,249
Well, it reminds me
293
00:14:45,283 --> 00:14:48,952
of my tragic experience
aboard flight 944.
294
00:14:51,022 --> 00:14:53,357
What happened
up there, Carter?
295
00:14:53,391 --> 00:14:55,692
They lost my luggage.
296
00:14:55,726 --> 00:14:59,229
I spent a whole week
in Glasgow
297
00:14:59,264 --> 00:15:02,232
with one pair of underwear.
298
00:15:02,267 --> 00:15:04,702
Why didn't he just buy
another pair of underwear?
299
00:15:04,736 --> 00:15:06,771
Well, it turns out...
300
00:15:06,805 --> 00:15:11,341
You cannot get Calvin klein
in all of Scotland!
301
00:15:11,376 --> 00:15:13,043
Thank you, Carter.
302
00:15:13,077 --> 00:15:16,213
Sorry to make you
relive that nightmare.
303
00:15:18,116 --> 00:15:21,352
Well, throw some astronauts
into that alibi
304
00:15:21,386 --> 00:15:24,121
and launch that baby
into space,
305
00:15:24,155 --> 00:15:26,023
'cause it is airtight!
306
00:15:26,057 --> 00:15:27,958
Well, Michael,
if you ask me,
307
00:15:27,993 --> 00:15:29,826
it was a little
too airtight,
308
00:15:29,861 --> 00:15:31,495
a little rehearsed.
309
00:15:31,529 --> 00:15:34,764
Maybe what's rehearsed
is your guilt.
310
00:15:34,799 --> 00:15:37,401
Right, Michael, I snuck away
from Nikki and janelle
311
00:15:37,435 --> 00:15:39,536
and broke in to my
own file cabinet
312
00:15:39,571 --> 00:15:41,872
and took documents
that I can look at any time.
313
00:15:41,906 --> 00:15:44,775
Must feel good
to get that off your chest.
314
00:15:46,010 --> 00:15:47,378
Look, you're the director,
315
00:15:47,412 --> 00:15:50,681
and we all respect your vision
for "serialkiller.Com."
316
00:15:50,715 --> 00:15:53,684
All we're asking
is that you cut 6 eye-gougings,
317
00:15:53,718 --> 00:15:56,220
8 dismemberments,
and 42 decapitations.
318
00:15:56,254 --> 00:15:58,989
Oh, and lose
the Kenny loggins theme song.
319
00:15:59,023 --> 00:16:02,726
Guys, the posters
are already printed...
320
00:16:02,760 --> 00:16:04,928
"death downloads
this Christmas."
321
00:16:04,962 --> 00:16:06,863
Death!
322
00:16:06,898 --> 00:16:08,332
I speak for the mayor
when I say
323
00:16:08,366 --> 00:16:10,334
he won't let this city
serve as a backdrop
324
00:16:10,369 --> 00:16:12,035
for your gratuitous filth.
325
00:16:12,070 --> 00:16:13,770
How would you
like a part in my film?
326
00:16:13,804 --> 00:16:16,507
I'm in.
327
00:16:16,541 --> 00:16:18,976
That's the last night we ever
spend with Caitlin.
328
00:16:19,010 --> 00:16:20,143
Yeah.
329
00:16:20,178 --> 00:16:23,046
She even takes the fun
out of drinking.
330
00:16:23,081 --> 00:16:25,015
Oh, there you are!
331
00:16:25,050 --> 00:16:27,050
I am so sorry
about last night.
332
00:16:27,084 --> 00:16:29,119
I'm not very good
at bonding with women.
333
00:16:29,154 --> 00:16:31,121
Maybe I spend so much time
with men,
334
00:16:31,156 --> 00:16:32,889
I'm starting
to act like one.
335
00:16:32,923 --> 00:16:35,992
Anyway, I got you flowers.
336
00:16:36,027 --> 00:16:38,596
Oh, that's okay, Caitlin.
We just didn't hit it off.
337
00:16:38,630 --> 00:16:41,031
Everyone doesn't have to
hang out with everyone.
338
00:16:41,066 --> 00:16:43,633
I'm doing it again...
I'm trying to smooth things over
339
00:16:43,668 --> 00:16:46,103
with flowers and a weekend
on my friend's yacht. Ohh!
340
00:16:46,137 --> 00:16:49,106
Hold up. Yacht?
341
00:16:49,140 --> 00:16:50,941
I know...
I am just making it worse!
342
00:16:50,975 --> 00:16:53,344
It's so pathetic... like
that would make you like me.
343
00:16:53,378 --> 00:16:55,145
Forget I said anything.
344
00:16:58,416 --> 00:17:00,518
Wow! Can you believe her?
345
00:17:00,552 --> 00:17:02,386
Thinking she can buy us
with gifts.
346
00:17:02,420 --> 00:17:04,254
I'm gonna go put these
in water.
347
00:17:04,289 --> 00:17:06,090
Why bother?
348
00:17:06,124 --> 00:17:09,493
They're just gonna die
when we're on that yacht.
349
00:17:09,527 --> 00:17:11,128
Oh, Caitlin!
350
00:17:13,031 --> 00:17:15,098
Caitlin knows?!
351
00:17:15,133 --> 00:17:17,034
You said "corn tortilla,"
didn't you?
352
00:17:17,068 --> 00:17:19,503
You're the one
with an incentive to get caught!
353
00:17:19,537 --> 00:17:21,872
Prison is like summer camp
for you people!
354
00:17:23,775 --> 00:17:27,378
Please. Come on, guys.
Let's keep it together, okay?
355
00:17:27,412 --> 00:17:30,614
A chain is only as strong
as its weakest link...
356
00:17:30,649 --> 00:17:32,650
Which brings us to Paul.
357
00:17:32,684 --> 00:17:33,951
I'm gonna crack, Mike.
358
00:17:33,985 --> 00:17:35,886
I'm gonna sing
like a canary.
359
00:17:35,920 --> 00:17:37,954
I'm telling you...
I can feel it!
360
00:17:40,325 --> 00:17:42,793
Relax! I'm gonna be asking you
all the questions.
361
00:17:42,827 --> 00:17:44,461
What if you trip me up?
362
00:17:44,496 --> 00:17:46,764
I'm not gonna trip you up
...I'm in it with you!
363
00:17:46,798 --> 00:17:49,633
Aw, you're talking
in circles!
364
00:17:49,668 --> 00:17:51,568
I can't take the mind games!
365
00:17:51,603 --> 00:17:54,405
I did it!
Me! You! Stuart! Carter!
366
00:17:54,439 --> 00:17:57,107
I did it!
I did it!
367
00:17:57,141 --> 00:18:00,277
Paul, are you ready?
368
00:18:00,312 --> 00:18:03,280
Yeah. Yeah.
369
00:18:03,314 --> 00:18:05,382
Are you okay, Paul?
You look a little flushed.
370
00:18:05,417 --> 00:18:06,884
Come on...
give the guy a break.
371
00:18:08,920 --> 00:18:11,355
He is cool as a cucumber.
372
00:18:16,560 --> 00:18:19,396
All right, Paul,
let's get straight to it...
373
00:18:19,430 --> 00:18:21,765
where were you at 9:00
when you're usually home
374
00:18:21,800 --> 00:18:24,301
with your wife watching the news
and then going to bed?
375
00:18:24,336 --> 00:18:28,238
I was watching the news...
With my wife,
376
00:18:28,272 --> 00:18:31,775
and then
I-I went straight to bed.
377
00:18:33,778 --> 00:18:36,446
So nothing
out of the ordinary happened?
378
00:18:36,481 --> 00:18:42,118
Well, actually...
Claudia and I made love.
379
00:18:44,922 --> 00:18:47,524
And how long
does that take?
380
00:18:47,559 --> 00:18:49,292
I don't know.
381
00:18:49,327 --> 00:18:51,829
How long
is "the Hollywood minute"?
382
00:18:54,165 --> 00:18:56,066
All right,
well, I'm satisfied...
383
00:18:56,100 --> 00:18:58,536
Claudia probably less so.
384
00:18:58,570 --> 00:19:00,938
Thanks for coming by.
385
00:19:00,972 --> 00:19:02,740
[CHUCKLING]
It was my pleasure.
386
00:19:02,774 --> 00:19:04,675
I almost enjoyed it.
387
00:19:04,709 --> 00:19:06,209
Paul, one last thing...
388
00:19:10,181 --> 00:19:11,882
Was Mike heavy to lift?
389
00:19:11,916 --> 00:19:13,350
Oh, I don't know.
390
00:19:13,385 --> 00:19:15,719
Carter and Stuart
did all the lifting.
391
00:19:18,590 --> 00:19:19,989
Thanks.
392
00:19:20,024 --> 00:19:21,391
You betcha.
393
00:19:23,327 --> 00:19:25,128
Brilliant
investigation.
394
00:19:25,162 --> 00:19:26,830
So tell me...
395
00:19:26,865 --> 00:19:29,065
when did you first suspect
it might be you?
396
00:19:29,100 --> 00:19:30,934
All right.
You win.
397
00:19:30,968 --> 00:19:33,002
You got what you wanted.
398
00:19:33,037 --> 00:19:34,605
What are you talking about?
399
00:19:34,639 --> 00:19:37,374
Oh, please! We know you
ordered those background checks
400
00:19:37,408 --> 00:19:40,044
so you could get something on me
because I threaten you.
401
00:19:40,078 --> 00:19:41,811
Mike, believe it or not,
402
00:19:41,846 --> 00:19:44,848
the whole universe
does not revolve around ÷ you.
403
00:19:48,319 --> 00:19:50,520
Are you calling my mom
a liar?
404
00:19:56,628 --> 00:19:59,730
The truth is, I am not the
least bit threatened by you.
405
00:19:59,764 --> 00:20:02,499
Well, then you're nuts,
406
00:20:02,533 --> 00:20:04,468
because I am brilliant.
407
00:20:04,502 --> 00:20:06,436
You know, I-I am ruthless.
408
00:20:06,471 --> 00:20:09,306
I'm like
some kind of evil genius.
409
00:20:09,340 --> 00:20:12,309
I should have
an underground lair.
410
00:20:12,343 --> 00:20:14,311
Michael, I am not gonna
turn you in.
411
00:20:14,379 --> 00:20:15,913
What...
412
00:20:15,947 --> 00:20:17,147
y-you're not?
413
00:20:17,181 --> 00:20:20,551
The mayor doesn't need
his staff in turmoil.
414
00:20:20,585 --> 00:20:22,653
Besides, you crack me up!
415
00:20:24,388 --> 00:20:25,856
I mean, look at you...
416
00:20:25,890 --> 00:20:29,259
getting all worked up
over how threatening you are.
417
00:20:29,293 --> 00:20:31,528
Ooh,
who's my evil genius?!
418
00:20:36,434 --> 00:20:41,505
Someone will be receiving
many pizzas she did not order.
419
00:20:44,842 --> 00:20:48,011
You're afraid, but that's where
your courage comes from.
420
00:20:49,848 --> 00:20:52,916
Got it.
421
00:20:54,886 --> 00:20:57,955
This wa-a-a-a-y...
422
00:20:57,989 --> 00:21:01,224
[IMITATING JIMMY STEWART]
Well, this... d-d-d-d...
423
00:21:01,258 --> 00:21:03,293
well, this way?
424
00:21:03,327 --> 00:21:07,931
[FRENCH ACCENT]
Psst! This way!
425
00:21:07,966 --> 00:21:09,867
Ha ha ha!
426
00:21:09,901 --> 00:21:13,403
This...
427
00:21:13,437 --> 00:21:15,672
Line.
428
00:21:15,706 --> 00:21:18,241
MAN: Sit, ubu, sit.
Good dog.
429
00:21:18,276 --> 00:21:19,075
(BARKING)30545
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