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1
00:00:03,069 --> 00:00:04,570
CATHERINE:
Air force officials
2
00:00:04,571 --> 00:00:06,072
said documents
were accidentally destroyed,
3
00:00:06,072 --> 00:00:07,073
but a full inquiry is ongoing.
Bill?
4
00:00:07,073 --> 00:00:08,074
Thanks, Catherine.
5
00:00:08,074 --> 00:00:10,576
9:35 on a Wednesday morning,
6
00:00:10,577 --> 00:00:11,578
the 15th of November,
7
00:00:11,578 --> 00:00:13,580
which is--
unless I'm mistaken--
8
00:00:13,580 --> 00:00:15,582
A notoriously busy day
on the expressways.
9
00:00:15,582 --> 00:00:17,083
That's right?
10
00:00:17,083 --> 00:00:18,084
Our own Catherine Duke's
birthday.
11
00:00:18,084 --> 00:00:19,585
Happy birthday, Cathy.
12
00:00:19,586 --> 00:00:20,587
Thank you, Bill.
13
00:00:20,587 --> 00:00:22,088
And speaking
of traffic--
14
00:00:22,088 --> 00:00:23,089
Not so fast, Cathy.
15
00:00:23,089 --> 00:00:25,091
From all of us here
at the station,
16
00:00:25,091 --> 00:00:26,092
and everyone listening
out there,
17
00:00:26,092 --> 00:00:27,593
I'd just like to say...
18
00:00:27,594 --> 00:00:28,595
best wishes.
19
00:00:28,595 --> 00:00:29,596
Thank you.
20
00:00:29,596 --> 00:00:34,100
Here's to 36 more
wonderful years!
21
00:00:34,100 --> 00:00:36,102
Major Deegan Expressway
backed up--
22
00:00:36,102 --> 00:00:38,604
The big 3-6. Wow.
23
00:00:38,605 --> 00:00:40,607
Major Deegan Expressway
backed up
24
00:00:40,607 --> 00:00:42,609
due to an overturned
big rig
25
00:00:42,609 --> 00:00:44,110
just outside
the Riverside Toll Plaza.
26
00:00:44,110 --> 00:00:47,113
Also, steer clear of
the West Side Highway.
27
00:00:47,113 --> 00:00:51,117
This is Catherine Duke,
WNYX Newsradio.
28
00:00:54,120 --> 00:00:56,122
Ahem... Catherine--
29
00:00:56,122 --> 00:00:58,624
No.
30
00:00:58,625 --> 00:01:01,628
If you ever
broadcast my age over the air again,
31
00:01:01,628 --> 00:01:06,633
I will beat you to death
with your own microphone.
32
00:01:06,633 --> 00:01:08,134
You may be 36,
33
00:01:08,134 --> 00:01:11,137
but you still have
all the spark and sass
34
00:01:11,137 --> 00:01:12,638
of a 35-year-old.
35
00:01:12,639 --> 00:01:14,140
Catherine, can I--
36
00:01:14,140 --> 00:01:16,642
Matthew, I'm in the middle
of something here.
37
00:01:16,643 --> 00:01:19,646
Now, how would you feel if
everyone knew how old you are?
38
00:01:19,646 --> 00:01:20,647
Hmm...
39
00:01:20,647 --> 00:01:22,148
I can't say
it would bother me.
40
00:01:22,148 --> 00:01:23,649
Then how old are you?
41
00:01:23,650 --> 00:01:25,652
I don't see how that's
relevant to this conversation.
42
00:01:27,153 --> 00:01:28,654
When's your birthday?
43
00:01:28,655 --> 00:01:32,158
That's getting
a little personal, isn't it?
44
00:01:34,160 --> 00:01:35,161
Okay, Catherine--
45
00:01:35,161 --> 00:01:36,162
What, Matthew?
46
00:01:36,162 --> 00:01:37,663
What is it?
47
00:01:37,664 --> 00:01:40,166
Oh, I'm sorry.
If--if you're...
48
00:01:40,166 --> 00:01:41,667
No, I'm sorry.
49
00:01:41,668 --> 00:01:43,670
What is it
that you want, sweetie?
50
00:01:43,670 --> 00:01:45,672
Here's something
that might cheer you up.
51
00:01:45,672 --> 00:01:48,675
First of all...
52
00:01:48,675 --> 00:01:49,676
and secondly...
53
00:01:49,676 --> 00:01:50,677
Ahem...
54
00:01:50,677 --> 00:01:53,680
Hap--
55
00:02:25,211 --> 00:02:26,712
Good morning, Dave.
56
00:02:26,713 --> 00:02:27,714
Oh, hey, Catherine,
how are you doing?
57
00:02:27,714 --> 00:02:28,715
Fine. And you?
58
00:02:28,715 --> 00:02:30,717
What, uh,
what can I do for you?
59
00:02:30,717 --> 00:02:33,219
I was wondering
if you could tell me
60
00:02:33,219 --> 00:02:34,720
when Bill's birthday is.
61
00:02:34,721 --> 00:02:36,222
Yeah,
I should be able to do that.
62
00:02:36,222 --> 00:02:37,723
Why do you need to know?
63
00:02:37,724 --> 00:02:39,225
Oh, no special reason.
64
00:02:39,225 --> 00:02:40,226
It's just that he's always
65
00:02:40,226 --> 00:02:42,728
so super sweet to me
on my birthday,
66
00:02:42,729 --> 00:02:44,230
and I want to do something
67
00:02:44,230 --> 00:02:47,733
super-duper sweet
for him on his.
68
00:02:47,734 --> 00:02:50,737
Oh... that's nice.
69
00:02:50,737 --> 00:02:52,238
Let's see...
70
00:02:52,238 --> 00:02:53,739
I got his W-2 here,
71
00:02:53,740 --> 00:02:56,242
but, uh,
the date of birth is blank.
72
00:02:56,242 --> 00:02:58,744
Check his I-9.
73
00:02:58,745 --> 00:03:00,246
No. Blank too.
74
00:03:00,246 --> 00:03:01,747
Hey, Catherine, happy--
75
00:03:01,748 --> 00:03:02,749
Happy New Year.
76
00:03:02,749 --> 00:03:05,752
Just wanted to get that
out of the way early.
77
00:03:05,752 --> 00:03:08,755
Here, Dave,
Lisa wanted me to give you this.
78
00:03:08,755 --> 00:03:10,256
Okay. Just a sec--
79
00:03:10,256 --> 00:03:11,257
Oh, Lisa...
80
00:03:11,257 --> 00:03:12,758
Lis-- Lisa?
81
00:03:12,759 --> 00:03:13,760
Lisa, I--
82
00:03:13,760 --> 00:03:14,761
[SLAMS DOOR]
83
00:03:14,761 --> 00:03:17,263
Did you and Lisa
have a fight?
84
00:03:17,263 --> 00:03:19,265
We had a little bit
of a disagreement last night.
85
00:03:19,265 --> 00:03:20,766
You mean a fight.
86
00:03:20,767 --> 00:03:21,768
Okay, we had a fight.
87
00:03:21,768 --> 00:03:22,769
Well, what happened?
88
00:03:22,769 --> 00:03:23,770
We had a fight.
89
00:03:23,770 --> 00:03:25,271
Get to the good part, Dave.
90
00:03:25,271 --> 00:03:26,772
All right,
it got a little bit heated,
91
00:03:26,773 --> 00:03:28,274
and something
popped out of my mouth.
92
00:03:28,274 --> 00:03:29,775
You threw up on her?
93
00:03:29,776 --> 00:03:33,780
No. I accidentally
called her a name.
94
00:03:33,780 --> 00:03:34,781
Which one?
95
00:03:34,781 --> 00:03:36,783
It doesn't really
matter, does it? But I regret it.
96
00:03:36,783 --> 00:03:38,284
Which one?
97
00:03:38,284 --> 00:03:39,785
The one that starts with "B".
98
00:03:39,786 --> 00:03:41,788
Not the...
99
00:03:41,788 --> 00:03:42,789
Yes, the "B" word.
100
00:03:42,789 --> 00:03:45,792
Dave, you do not seem
like the kind of guy
101
00:03:45,792 --> 00:03:47,794
who would use
the "B" word.
102
00:03:47,794 --> 00:03:49,295
I'm not.
103
00:03:49,295 --> 00:03:51,297
We are talking
about "bitch," right?
104
00:03:51,297 --> 00:03:52,298
Yeah, "bitch."
105
00:03:52,298 --> 00:03:54,300
I'm sure
she'll get over it,
106
00:03:54,300 --> 00:03:55,801
unless she decides
to be a total--
107
00:03:55,802 --> 00:03:57,804
No, she's not going
to get over it.
108
00:03:57,804 --> 00:04:00,306
She asked for her
apartment keys back.
109
00:04:00,306 --> 00:04:02,808
Oh, I'm sorry.
Am I interrupting?
110
00:04:02,809 --> 00:04:04,310
Oh, no. No, no.
111
00:04:04,310 --> 00:04:05,811
Just doing some work.
112
00:04:05,812 --> 00:04:08,314
Um, I just wanted to ask--
113
00:04:08,314 --> 00:04:09,315
What?
114
00:04:09,315 --> 00:04:12,318
Are you and Lisa
mad at each other?
115
00:04:12,318 --> 00:04:13,319
No.
116
00:04:13,319 --> 00:04:14,820
Because this morning,
117
00:04:14,821 --> 00:04:17,323
when you and me and Lisa
were riding up in the elevator,
118
00:04:17,323 --> 00:04:19,825
there was this--
this icy silence.
119
00:04:19,826 --> 00:04:21,828
I don't remember that.
120
00:04:21,828 --> 00:04:26,332
Don't you? It was horrible.
It was like...
121
00:04:26,332 --> 00:04:27,333
Like that.
122
00:04:29,335 --> 00:04:30,336
I'm thinking that...
123
00:04:30,336 --> 00:04:34,840
maybe Lisa likes you.
124
00:04:34,841 --> 00:04:35,842
Hmm?
125
00:04:35,842 --> 00:04:38,344
Maybe you
like Lisa too.
126
00:04:38,344 --> 00:04:40,846
So there's
all this sexual tension--
127
00:04:40,847 --> 00:04:42,849
Get real, Matthew.
They just work together.
128
00:04:42,849 --> 00:04:45,351
I know. That's why
there's the tension--
129
00:04:45,351 --> 00:04:46,352
because it's taboo.
130
00:04:48,855 --> 00:04:50,857
Think about it... Taboo.
131
00:04:52,859 --> 00:04:54,360
Okay. Later on today...
132
00:04:54,360 --> 00:04:55,861
Tell Matthew...
133
00:04:55,862 --> 00:04:57,864
Tell Matthew that
I'm a bit down because...
134
00:04:57,864 --> 00:04:59,866
my taxes
are being audited.
135
00:04:59,866 --> 00:05:01,367
And say Lisa's down--
136
00:05:01,367 --> 00:05:02,868
just make something
up for Lisa, okay?
137
00:05:02,869 --> 00:05:04,871
Okay, Dave, I will
tell the lies,
138
00:05:04,871 --> 00:05:07,373
but I will not make them up.
139
00:05:07,373 --> 00:05:08,874
Okay. Try PMS.
140
00:05:08,875 --> 00:05:10,376
All right, fine,
141
00:05:10,376 --> 00:05:12,378
but that'll be the fifth time
I've used it this month.
142
00:05:12,378 --> 00:05:15,381
What?
The keys to Lisa's apartment.
143
00:05:15,381 --> 00:05:16,882
Oh, right.
144
00:05:19,385 --> 00:05:20,886
What's in your hand?
145
00:05:22,889 --> 00:05:23,890
What hand?
146
00:05:23,890 --> 00:05:28,394
Your left hand.
What are you hiding?
147
00:05:28,394 --> 00:05:31,897
Wow. Secret keys.
148
00:05:35,902 --> 00:05:38,905
Okay, later in the day,
tell Bill
149
00:05:38,905 --> 00:05:40,907
that I was giving you
the keys because...
150
00:05:40,907 --> 00:05:42,408
I don't know.
151
00:05:42,408 --> 00:05:44,410
All right.
I can't do this anymore.
152
00:05:44,410 --> 00:05:46,912
Because... I'm watering
the plants in your apartment.
153
00:05:46,913 --> 00:05:50,917
Jeez, I'm starting to feel
like I work for Keyser Soze.
154
00:05:50,917 --> 00:05:52,919
Who?
155
00:05:54,420 --> 00:05:56,922
Here are your keys,
by the way.
156
00:05:59,926 --> 00:06:01,928
What was that?
157
00:06:02,929 --> 00:06:04,430
What was what?
158
00:06:04,430 --> 00:06:05,931
Beth gave you something,
159
00:06:05,932 --> 00:06:07,934
then you tried to hide it
from me. What was it?
160
00:06:09,435 --> 00:06:11,437
A girl thing.
161
00:06:11,437 --> 00:06:12,438
Okay.
162
00:06:15,441 --> 00:06:16,442
So...
163
00:06:16,442 --> 00:06:18,444
How you doing
today, bitch?
164
00:06:21,948 --> 00:06:23,449
He told you?
165
00:06:23,449 --> 00:06:25,951
Well, I had to drag it
out of him, but yes.
166
00:06:25,952 --> 00:06:26,953
It's not funny.
167
00:06:26,953 --> 00:06:28,955
What happened?
168
00:06:28,955 --> 00:06:30,456
We went to
the movies last night,
169
00:06:30,456 --> 00:06:32,458
and Dave bumped into Joe
in the bathroom.
170
00:06:32,458 --> 00:06:35,461
Since Dave couldn't
tell Joe that he was there with me,
171
00:06:35,461 --> 00:06:37,463
he watched the rest
of the movie with Joe,
172
00:06:37,463 --> 00:06:38,964
then went to a bar
with him afterwards.
173
00:06:38,965 --> 00:06:40,466
I had no idea
where he was,
174
00:06:40,466 --> 00:06:42,468
then he finally
called me at 2:00 in the morning.
175
00:06:42,468 --> 00:06:46,472
Did it ever occur to you
that would be a lot easier if you and Dave would just--
176
00:06:46,472 --> 00:06:48,474
Tell the staff
we're dating. I know.
177
00:06:48,474 --> 00:06:49,975
But that's not
going to be possible--
178
00:06:49,976 --> 00:06:51,978
At this point in time.
179
00:06:51,978 --> 00:06:54,981
I would appreciate it
if you would just give Dave back
180
00:06:54,981 --> 00:06:56,983
the stuff he left
in my apartment.
181
00:07:03,489 --> 00:07:05,491
What was that?
182
00:07:05,491 --> 00:07:06,992
What was what?
183
00:07:06,993 --> 00:07:10,496
A white sock
in a plastic bag. Oh.
184
00:07:10,496 --> 00:07:11,997
Okay.
185
00:07:16,002 --> 00:07:18,504
Listen, if Bill asks later,
just tell him-- tell him--
186
00:07:18,504 --> 00:07:19,505
Hey, Dave.
187
00:07:19,505 --> 00:07:21,507
Lisa, can we talk a second?
188
00:07:21,507 --> 00:07:23,509
Come on, Lisa, please.
189
00:07:23,509 --> 00:07:26,512
Dave, you know, I think
she's well on her way to getting over this one.
190
00:07:26,512 --> 00:07:27,513
You really think so?
191
00:07:27,513 --> 00:07:30,516
Look, she packed you
a lunch.
192
00:07:33,019 --> 00:07:34,520
[TOILET FLUSHES]
193
00:07:38,524 --> 00:07:39,525
Ahh.
194
00:07:39,525 --> 00:07:40,526
Hey, Dave.
195
00:07:40,526 --> 00:07:42,027
Hey, Mr. James.
196
00:07:42,028 --> 00:07:43,529
Something
troubling you?
197
00:07:43,529 --> 00:07:44,530
Yeah.
198
00:07:44,530 --> 00:07:46,031
Work related?
No.
199
00:07:46,032 --> 00:07:47,033
Girl?
Yeah.
200
00:07:47,033 --> 00:07:48,034
Lisa?
Yes.
201
00:07:48,034 --> 00:07:49,535
Between you and me?
Yeah.
202
00:07:49,535 --> 00:07:50,536
Yes.
203
00:07:50,536 --> 00:07:51,537
Problem?
Big fight.
204
00:07:51,537 --> 00:07:52,538
Issue?
Temper.
205
00:07:52,538 --> 00:07:54,039
Hers?
Mine.
206
00:07:54,040 --> 00:07:55,541
Hit her?
No.
207
00:07:55,541 --> 00:07:57,042
Throw something?
No.
208
00:07:57,043 --> 00:07:58,544
Call her a name?
Yes.
209
00:07:58,544 --> 00:08:00,045
What?
"B" word.
210
00:08:00,046 --> 00:08:01,047
Bitch?
Yes.
211
00:08:01,047 --> 00:08:02,548
Oh, now you're talking.
212
00:08:02,548 --> 00:08:04,550
You know what
you need to do...
213
00:08:04,550 --> 00:08:05,551
Apologize?
214
00:08:05,551 --> 00:08:08,554
No. That's not going to
make her feel any better.
215
00:08:08,554 --> 00:08:11,557
What she needs is
to see you suffer.
216
00:08:11,557 --> 00:08:13,559
Well, how do I
arrange that?
217
00:08:13,559 --> 00:08:15,060
Lisa will think
of something. She always does.
218
00:08:15,061 --> 00:08:16,562
Besides, she'll probably
219
00:08:16,562 --> 00:08:19,064
just tell all her friends
what you did,
220
00:08:19,065 --> 00:08:21,067
and you will feel
very, very ashamed.
221
00:08:21,067 --> 00:08:23,069
Yeah, except none of
our friends even know we're dating,
222
00:08:23,069 --> 00:08:24,570
so she can't
really tell anyone.
223
00:08:24,570 --> 00:08:27,573
Oh. Then you're screwed.
224
00:08:27,573 --> 00:08:29,575
She give you
this sock back?
225
00:08:29,575 --> 00:08:30,576
Yeah.
226
00:08:30,576 --> 00:08:32,077
Ohh-ho-ho.
227
00:08:38,584 --> 00:08:41,587
Listen, we should at least
sing "Happy Birthday" to her.
228
00:08:41,587 --> 00:08:42,588
No.
229
00:08:42,588 --> 00:08:44,590
Come on, you guys.
What do you think? Lisa?
230
00:08:44,590 --> 00:08:46,091
I don't care.
231
00:08:46,092 --> 00:08:47,593
Dave?
Ditto.
232
00:08:47,593 --> 00:08:50,095
What's the creepy vibes
from you two?
233
00:08:50,096 --> 00:08:52,098
Did you guys get drunk
and make out
234
00:08:52,098 --> 00:08:53,099
at the Christmas party
or something?
235
00:08:54,600 --> 00:08:55,601
No.
No.
236
00:08:55,601 --> 00:08:58,103
Um, actually, I think
what's happening is
237
00:08:58,104 --> 00:09:00,606
that Lisa's down
about her tax audit,
238
00:09:00,606 --> 00:09:02,107
and Dave's mom's sick,
239
00:09:02,108 --> 00:09:06,112
which-- but their two bad moods
are completely unrelated.
240
00:09:06,112 --> 00:09:07,613
Wait, you told me
241
00:09:07,613 --> 00:09:09,114
Dave was getting
audited,
242
00:09:09,115 --> 00:09:13,119
and you had
female disorders.
243
00:09:13,119 --> 00:09:15,621
No, I-- I'm sorry.
Lisa's fine menstrually.
244
00:09:15,621 --> 00:09:17,122
I just get...
245
00:09:17,123 --> 00:09:20,626
I got mixed up.
I don't know what I was saying.
246
00:09:20,626 --> 00:09:22,127
Sorry about
your mom, man.
247
00:09:22,128 --> 00:09:23,129
Oh, thanks, Joe.
248
00:09:23,129 --> 00:09:24,630
What's she have?
Hmm?
249
00:09:24,630 --> 00:09:26,632
What's the matter
with her?
250
00:09:30,136 --> 00:09:32,138
Beth, what's wrong
with my mom?
251
00:09:32,138 --> 00:09:34,140
MATTHEW: You don't
even remember?
252
00:09:34,140 --> 00:09:35,641
No. It has a very
technical name--
253
00:09:35,641 --> 00:09:38,644
She has a cold.
254
00:09:38,644 --> 00:09:41,146
And, uh, what was
your problem again?
255
00:09:41,147 --> 00:09:42,648
Mm, tax audit.
256
00:09:42,648 --> 00:09:45,150
Which is really bad
because she cheated--
257
00:09:45,151 --> 00:09:47,653
I don't cheat
on my taxes.
258
00:09:47,653 --> 00:09:48,654
You know what?
259
00:09:48,654 --> 00:09:51,156
I don't want
to do this anymore.
260
00:09:51,157 --> 00:09:53,159
You guys figure it out
yourselves.
261
00:09:54,660 --> 00:09:56,662
I'm really sorry, you guys.
I just can't take it anymore.
262
00:09:56,662 --> 00:09:58,664
I'm starting to hate myself.
263
00:09:58,664 --> 00:10:00,165
Hate yourself
for what?
264
00:10:00,166 --> 00:10:02,668
For lying to my closest friends
on a daily basis.
265
00:10:02,668 --> 00:10:05,170
I mean, I know it's
for a good cause and everything, but--
266
00:10:05,171 --> 00:10:07,173
So I'm standing there,
and the usher goes,
267
00:10:07,173 --> 00:10:08,674
"Do you have the ticket?"
268
00:10:08,674 --> 00:10:09,675
And I did have ticket, right?
269
00:10:09,675 --> 00:10:11,176
But I couldn't tell him
I had the ticket,
270
00:10:11,177 --> 00:10:12,178
so I'm just
standing there, right,
271
00:10:12,178 --> 00:10:14,180
with this date from hell,
with these tickets,
272
00:10:14,180 --> 00:10:15,681
not knowing
exactly what to say--
273
00:10:15,681 --> 00:10:18,183
Oh, my God,
I can't take the pressure!
274
00:10:19,685 --> 00:10:22,187
Oh, God, Beth.
Beth, I'm sorry.
275
00:10:22,188 --> 00:10:23,689
I'm sorry, Beth,
276
00:10:23,689 --> 00:10:27,192
Look, you know,
this isn't easy on us either.
277
00:10:27,193 --> 00:10:31,197
Exactly. Which is why
you should just tell the staff you're dating.
278
00:10:34,700 --> 00:10:36,201
Beth, we will
tell everyone.
279
00:10:36,202 --> 00:10:37,703
Yes, eventually.
280
00:10:37,703 --> 00:10:39,204
When the time's right.
281
00:10:39,205 --> 00:10:41,707
La-la-la-la-la.
282
00:10:41,707 --> 00:10:44,209
Let me tell you something,
the time better get right real soon,
283
00:10:44,210 --> 00:10:45,711
because I'm going to crack,
284
00:10:45,711 --> 00:10:48,714
and I'm going to blurt
your little secret out to the whole staff.
285
00:10:48,714 --> 00:10:50,215
Oh, no, you won't.
286
00:10:50,216 --> 00:10:51,717
Oh, yes, I did.
287
00:10:54,220 --> 00:10:55,721
No, You mean, "Yes, I will."
288
00:10:55,721 --> 00:10:59,224
Yeah, first person singular.
Future tense.
289
00:10:59,225 --> 00:11:02,728
I mean, "Yes, I did."
Past tense. Last week.
290
00:11:02,728 --> 00:11:04,730
They're just pretending
not to know.
291
00:11:04,730 --> 00:11:06,231
Third person plural.
Period. Class dismissed.
292
00:11:14,240 --> 00:11:15,741
Bill...
293
00:11:15,741 --> 00:11:18,243
Honey, I'm sorry
I got angry at you
294
00:11:18,244 --> 00:11:20,746
about announcing
my birthday.
295
00:11:20,746 --> 00:11:21,747
That's okay.
296
00:11:21,747 --> 00:11:23,248
You're a Scorpio.
297
00:11:23,249 --> 00:11:27,253
I've become accustomed
to your sting.
298
00:11:27,253 --> 00:11:28,754
Well, I'm really sorry.
299
00:11:28,754 --> 00:11:30,255
No hard feelings?
300
00:11:30,256 --> 00:11:31,757
None at all.
301
00:11:36,262 --> 00:11:38,264
Oh, and by the way,
302
00:11:38,264 --> 00:11:40,766
if the reason
you just picked my pocket
303
00:11:40,766 --> 00:11:42,768
was to get my birth date
off my driver's license...
304
00:11:43,769 --> 00:11:46,271
I don't keep it
in my wallet.
305
00:11:46,272 --> 00:11:47,773
Where is it?
306
00:11:47,773 --> 00:11:50,275
It's somewhere safe, my dear.
307
00:11:50,276 --> 00:11:51,277
Somewhere safe.
308
00:12:00,286 --> 00:12:01,787
Everyone...
Uh, everybody...
309
00:12:01,787 --> 00:12:03,789
Could you come here
a second?
310
00:12:03,789 --> 00:12:04,790
What up?
311
00:12:04,790 --> 00:12:06,792
TOGETHER: Um...
312
00:12:06,792 --> 00:12:08,794
Well, uh...
313
00:12:08,794 --> 00:12:12,798
Dave and I would just like
to apologize to you...
314
00:12:12,798 --> 00:12:13,799
For lying...
315
00:12:13,799 --> 00:12:15,300
About our affair here.
316
00:12:15,301 --> 00:12:16,302
Our romance.
317
00:12:19,805 --> 00:12:21,807
Our re...lationship.
318
00:12:23,809 --> 00:12:26,812
Wh... what relationship?
319
00:12:28,314 --> 00:12:30,816
Wait a minute,
you guys are doing it?
320
00:12:32,818 --> 00:12:38,323
Beth, can we see you
in my office for a minute?
321
00:12:38,324 --> 00:12:39,825
LISA: Now!
322
00:12:42,328 --> 00:12:45,831
Oh, my,
this is delicious.
323
00:12:50,336 --> 00:12:54,340
Hey, what's up,
you guys?
324
00:12:54,340 --> 00:12:55,341
[SIGHS]
325
00:12:55,341 --> 00:12:56,842
Okay, okay, I'm sorry.
326
00:12:56,842 --> 00:12:58,844
But I really do think
it's going to be better
327
00:12:58,844 --> 00:13:00,345
for both of you.
328
00:13:00,346 --> 00:13:01,847
Beth, you lied to us.
329
00:13:01,847 --> 00:13:04,850
I know, and I couldn't
have pulled it off as well as I did
330
00:13:04,850 --> 00:13:06,852
if I hadn't had
so much good practice from you,
331
00:13:06,852 --> 00:13:09,354
and I want
to thank you for that.
332
00:13:09,355 --> 00:13:11,357
You know,
I actually feel better.
333
00:13:11,357 --> 00:13:12,858
I do, I do.
334
00:13:12,858 --> 00:13:15,360
Now, you know,
every time I walk in here,
335
00:13:15,361 --> 00:13:17,363
people are going to think
that we're making out.
336
00:13:17,363 --> 00:13:18,864
That's because
you usually are.
337
00:13:18,864 --> 00:13:21,366
Except now you don't
have to hide it, right?
338
00:13:21,367 --> 00:13:23,369
No more sneaking around,
no more lying.
339
00:13:23,369 --> 00:13:24,870
Don't you feel good?
340
00:13:24,870 --> 00:13:25,871
Hmm?
341
00:13:25,871 --> 00:13:28,874
Yeah, come on.
Let's go for lunch.
342
00:13:28,874 --> 00:13:31,877
Okay, go ahead.
I'll meet you down there in 10 minutes.
343
00:13:31,877 --> 00:13:34,379
No, no, no.
Come on, let's go together.
344
00:13:34,380 --> 00:13:37,383
We can do that now.
345
00:13:37,383 --> 00:13:38,884
No, I know, I know.
346
00:13:38,884 --> 00:13:40,886
It might feel strange,
even dirty, right,
347
00:13:40,886 --> 00:13:42,888
but just give it
a whirl.
348
00:13:47,393 --> 00:13:49,395
Oh, this is
so excruciating.
349
00:13:49,395 --> 00:13:50,896
Yeah, yeah, okay.
350
00:13:50,896 --> 00:13:51,897
I know. I know.
351
00:13:51,897 --> 00:13:53,899
Dave, maybe you hold
Lisa's hand, right,
352
00:13:53,899 --> 00:13:55,901
because now you're
allowed to do that.
353
00:13:55,901 --> 00:13:57,402
Ah...
354
00:13:57,403 --> 00:13:58,904
That looks
really queer.
355
00:13:58,904 --> 00:14:00,405
Okay....
356
00:14:00,406 --> 00:14:02,908
let's just go
one day at a time on that.
357
00:14:07,913 --> 00:14:12,918
Hey, where are
you two off to?
358
00:14:12,918 --> 00:14:14,419
I'm going to lunch.
Me too.
359
00:14:16,422 --> 00:14:19,425
Yes, Dave and I are
going to lunch together.
360
00:14:19,425 --> 00:14:20,926
Okay? All right?
361
00:14:20,926 --> 00:14:22,427
Okay, okay, big whoop.
362
00:14:34,440 --> 00:14:36,442
[CATCALLS AND CHEERING]
363
00:15:00,966 --> 00:15:01,967
What was that?
364
00:15:01,967 --> 00:15:03,468
It was nothing,
It was just a sign.
365
00:15:03,469 --> 00:15:04,970
What'd it say?
366
00:15:04,970 --> 00:15:09,474
"If this office is rockin',
don't come a-knockin'."
367
00:15:16,982 --> 00:15:17,983
Oh.
368
00:15:17,983 --> 00:15:19,985
Hi, Mr. James.
369
00:15:19,985 --> 00:15:21,987
Hey, kids. The office
wasn't a-rockin',
370
00:15:21,987 --> 00:15:24,489
so I let myself in.
371
00:15:24,490 --> 00:15:25,491
Have a seat.
372
00:15:28,494 --> 00:15:29,995
So, so, so, so.
373
00:15:29,995 --> 00:15:32,998
It's all out
in the open, huh?
374
00:15:32,998 --> 00:15:33,999
Yes, sir.
375
00:15:33,999 --> 00:15:36,001
Good. Which one of you's
going to quit first?
376
00:15:36,001 --> 00:15:37,502
Well, sir, with
all due respect,
377
00:15:37,503 --> 00:15:40,005
you can't really ask
either of us to quit
378
00:15:40,005 --> 00:15:41,506
just because
we're dating.
379
00:15:41,507 --> 00:15:45,010
Of course not,
and I'd hate to lose either one of you.
380
00:15:45,010 --> 00:15:48,013
But if you think
keeping a secret was hard,
381
00:15:48,013 --> 00:15:49,514
wait till you feel the pressure
382
00:15:49,515 --> 00:15:51,016
of the entire staff
scrutinizing your every move.
383
00:15:52,518 --> 00:15:54,520
I give it
about three months.
384
00:15:54,520 --> 00:15:56,522
Mr. James,
I really don't think
385
00:15:56,522 --> 00:15:59,024
the staff cares
as much about this
386
00:15:59,024 --> 00:16:00,525
as you think they do.
387
00:16:04,530 --> 00:16:05,531
Maybe not.
388
00:16:11,036 --> 00:16:12,037
Make that two months.
389
00:16:16,041 --> 00:16:20,045
So all we're asking for
is a little respect, okay?
390
00:16:20,045 --> 00:16:23,048
Yeah, we're just asking
you guys as friends
391
00:16:23,048 --> 00:16:24,549
to please give us
some privacy.
392
00:16:24,550 --> 00:16:26,051
Yeah. Because this is
very hard for us.
393
00:16:26,051 --> 00:16:27,552
I think we hear
what you're saying.
394
00:16:27,553 --> 00:16:30,055
You'd like us
to leave the room
395
00:16:30,055 --> 00:16:34,059
so you can do it
right now?
396
00:16:34,059 --> 00:16:35,560
Aw, come on, you guys.
397
00:16:35,561 --> 00:16:37,062
Now, let's
take it seriously,
398
00:16:37,062 --> 00:16:39,064
because Dave and Lisa
have been honest,
399
00:16:39,064 --> 00:16:41,066
and I think
we should respect that.
400
00:16:41,066 --> 00:16:42,567
Thank you, Beth.
401
00:16:42,568 --> 00:16:45,070
I mean, this is a really,
really rocky time
402
00:16:45,070 --> 00:16:46,571
in their relationship.
403
00:16:46,572 --> 00:16:48,574
Thank you, Beth.
404
00:16:48,574 --> 00:16:50,075
Why is it so rocky?
405
00:16:50,075 --> 00:16:52,577
Well, they had a terrible
argument last night.
406
00:16:52,578 --> 00:16:53,579
About what?
407
00:16:53,579 --> 00:16:54,580
Lisa got--
408
00:16:54,580 --> 00:16:56,582
Beth, I really think
that this is something
409
00:16:56,582 --> 00:16:58,083
we'd rather keep between
the two of us.
410
00:16:58,083 --> 00:17:00,085
Oh, actually, Dave,
411
00:17:00,085 --> 00:17:01,586
I think that this
412
00:17:01,587 --> 00:17:06,091
should be dealt with
openly and honestly.
413
00:17:06,091 --> 00:17:07,092
Beth?
414
00:17:07,092 --> 00:17:08,093
Good point.
415
00:17:08,093 --> 00:17:10,595
As I was saying,
416
00:17:10,596 --> 00:17:12,097
Dave called
Lisa a name.
417
00:17:12,097 --> 00:17:13,098
What name?
418
00:17:13,098 --> 00:17:15,100
Well, what name
really isn't important.
419
00:17:15,100 --> 00:17:18,603
I mean, the relevant issue here
is that it's hard enough for us
420
00:17:18,604 --> 00:17:22,608
without being under
your constant scrutiny,
421
00:17:22,608 --> 00:17:25,110
so if you could just
help us out a little, we'd appreciate it.
422
00:17:25,110 --> 00:17:26,111
What name?
423
00:17:26,111 --> 00:17:27,112
Dave...
424
00:17:27,112 --> 00:17:29,114
Mm-hmm.
425
00:17:29,114 --> 00:17:30,615
I think Bill deserves
426
00:17:30,616 --> 00:17:32,618
an honest answer
to his question.
427
00:17:32,618 --> 00:17:36,121
[CHUCKLES]
428
00:17:36,121 --> 00:17:37,622
Okay, all right, look.
429
00:17:37,623 --> 00:17:40,626
All that happened was
we had a fight.
430
00:17:40,626 --> 00:17:45,130
Things got a little heated,
and I called her a bitch.
431
00:17:45,130 --> 00:17:46,631
I just--
432
00:17:46,632 --> 00:17:49,134
I called her a bitch.
I mean...
433
00:17:49,134 --> 00:17:52,137
[WHISTLES]
434
00:17:52,137 --> 00:17:54,139
Sorry. I was just joking.
435
00:17:54,139 --> 00:17:56,141
I didn't know things
were going so bad between you two.
436
00:17:56,141 --> 00:17:59,144
If you need to talk,
I'm here.
437
00:17:59,144 --> 00:18:01,646
Look, here's the number
of a therapist.
438
00:18:01,647 --> 00:18:03,649
He specializes
in rage management.
439
00:18:03,649 --> 00:18:08,153
I got this from a friend,
but I hear he's very good.
440
00:18:08,153 --> 00:18:09,154
My friend told me.
441
00:18:10,656 --> 00:18:14,159
You know, I really like
this new honesty policy.
442
00:18:14,159 --> 00:18:15,660
Mm-hmm. Me too.
443
00:18:15,661 --> 00:18:17,162
I'm thinking of a word
right now.
444
00:18:17,162 --> 00:18:19,164
Can either of you
guess what it is?
445
00:18:20,666 --> 00:18:22,668
Does it start
with a "B"?
446
00:18:22,668 --> 00:18:25,170
No. I think we're a little
beyond that at this point.
447
00:18:32,678 --> 00:18:35,180
Okay, everybody, listen up.
When Catherine comes out of the booth,
448
00:18:35,180 --> 00:18:36,181
I want everybody
to yell "Surprise."
449
00:18:36,181 --> 00:18:38,183
Can I ask you
a question? Yeah.
450
00:18:38,183 --> 00:18:40,185
Why are you
so obsessed with her birthday?
451
00:18:40,185 --> 00:18:42,687
Because last week
it was my birthday.
452
00:18:42,688 --> 00:18:45,190
Nobody remembered,
and it really hurt.
453
00:18:46,692 --> 00:18:49,194
Okay, this is going to be fun.
Here comes Catherine.
454
00:18:51,196 --> 00:18:53,698
Surprise!
Go to hell.
455
00:18:55,701 --> 00:18:59,204
Okay, but first,
don't you want to open your present?
456
00:18:59,204 --> 00:19:00,705
No.
457
00:19:00,706 --> 00:19:03,208
Catherine, you're going
to want to. Come on.
458
00:19:03,208 --> 00:19:04,709
Please, open it.
459
00:19:04,710 --> 00:19:07,212
Open it, open it,
open it,
460
00:19:07,212 --> 00:19:10,715
Open it, open it,
ope--
461
00:19:10,716 --> 00:19:12,217
Seriously, though,
open it.
462
00:19:12,217 --> 00:19:15,220
I put a lot
of work into this.
463
00:19:15,220 --> 00:19:17,222
Look, you just
have to--
464
00:19:17,222 --> 00:19:18,723
Fine. Fine, fine.
465
00:19:21,727 --> 00:19:24,229
I love this trick.
466
00:19:24,229 --> 00:19:25,730
Where is it? Hah-hah.
467
00:19:25,731 --> 00:19:28,233
She thought it was
something big,
468
00:19:28,233 --> 00:19:29,234
but it's really...
469
00:19:31,737 --> 00:19:34,740
Oh, my God.
470
00:19:34,740 --> 00:19:35,741
How did you...
471
00:19:35,741 --> 00:19:38,243
What is it?
What is it?
472
00:19:41,747 --> 00:19:45,751
It's a copy of Bill McNeal's
birth certificate.
473
00:19:47,252 --> 00:19:49,754
Even his mom wouldn't give me
his birth date or place,
474
00:19:49,755 --> 00:19:53,258
but I found out what hospital
he was born at,
475
00:19:53,258 --> 00:19:55,260
and then the rest
was easy.
476
00:19:55,260 --> 00:19:57,762
Oh, thank you, Matthew.
Thank you, thank you.
477
00:19:57,763 --> 00:19:58,764
You're welcome.
478
00:19:58,764 --> 00:20:01,266
This is going to come in
very handy on a...
479
00:20:01,266 --> 00:20:02,767
"June 19th."
480
00:20:02,768 --> 00:20:04,770
And if you'll see,
481
00:20:04,770 --> 00:20:06,772
Bill's actually
the middle name.
482
00:20:06,772 --> 00:20:08,273
His first name is...
483
00:20:08,273 --> 00:20:09,274
See it right there?
484
00:20:09,274 --> 00:20:13,778
Oh, my God!
485
00:20:13,779 --> 00:20:16,281
Everybody,
drinks are on me tonight!
486
00:20:16,281 --> 00:20:17,782
Drinks on you?
Excellent.
487
00:20:17,783 --> 00:20:19,284
Where are we going?
488
00:20:19,284 --> 00:20:21,286
[SINISTER LAUGH]
489
00:20:26,792 --> 00:20:28,794
Oh, this is so weird.
490
00:20:28,794 --> 00:20:30,295
What's weird, Matthew?
491
00:20:30,295 --> 00:20:33,298
Well, seeing you two
together like this,
492
00:20:33,298 --> 00:20:37,302
like a couple.
493
00:20:37,302 --> 00:20:39,304
Just keep wondering...
494
00:20:39,304 --> 00:20:44,309
Did you guys ever do it
on my desk?
495
00:20:44,309 --> 00:20:46,311
Very funny, Matthew.
496
00:20:46,311 --> 00:20:47,312
Thanks.
497
00:20:47,312 --> 00:20:50,815
But, seriously, did you?
498
00:20:50,816 --> 00:20:54,319
No, Matthew, we never
did it on your desk.
499
00:20:54,319 --> 00:20:56,321
LISA: Okay, does anybody else
have any questions
500
00:20:56,321 --> 00:20:57,822
about our dirty
little affair?
501
00:20:57,823 --> 00:20:59,324
because now
would be the time.
502
00:20:59,324 --> 00:21:00,825
We could just get it
all out. Go ahead.
503
00:21:00,826 --> 00:21:02,327
Well, I don't know
about anybody else,
504
00:21:02,327 --> 00:21:04,329
but I don't really care
what you guys do.
505
00:21:04,329 --> 00:21:05,330
We do have
our own lives.
506
00:21:05,330 --> 00:21:08,333
Today, we just needed
a chance to, you know...
507
00:21:08,333 --> 00:21:12,337
Shake out the sillies.
508
00:21:12,337 --> 00:21:15,840
Please don't finish
my sentences for me.
509
00:21:15,841 --> 00:21:18,343
You know, it is getting
kind of late.
510
00:21:18,343 --> 00:21:20,845
Yeah. I'm kind
of tired too.
511
00:21:20,846 --> 00:21:22,848
Yes, we are leaving...
512
00:21:22,848 --> 00:21:23,849
Mm-hmm.
513
00:21:23,849 --> 00:21:25,350
Dave and I, together.
514
00:21:25,350 --> 00:21:27,852
We're going back to my--
515
00:21:27,853 --> 00:21:30,355
Yeah, yeah, yeah,
whatever.
516
00:21:30,355 --> 00:21:32,857
Anyone see the Cowboys/Bears
game last night?
517
00:21:32,858 --> 00:21:34,860
Oh, I missed the fourth
quarter. What happened?
518
00:21:34,860 --> 00:21:37,863
Oh, you missed that
interception in the first half?
519
00:21:37,863 --> 00:21:40,866
Oh, it was
unbelievable.
520
00:21:40,866 --> 00:21:42,868
Okay, they're gone.
521
00:21:42,868 --> 00:21:43,869
Why'd he call her that?
522
00:21:43,869 --> 00:21:45,370
Maybe she called him
a name first.
523
00:21:45,370 --> 00:21:48,373
Even if she did,
there are certain lines you just don't cross.
524
00:21:48,373 --> 00:21:49,874
It's just a word.
Words can't hurt.
525
00:21:49,875 --> 00:21:51,376
What if I called
you a name?
526
00:21:51,376 --> 00:21:52,877
Go ahead. Who cares?
527
00:21:52,878 --> 00:21:54,880
Okay, Evelyn.
528
00:22:02,888 --> 00:22:06,391
First of all,
it's pronounced "Eve-lyn."
529
00:22:11,396 --> 00:22:13,398
[♪]
36084
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