All language subtitles for Shameless USA - S03E06 - Cascading Failures

Don't know where you were,
but here's what you missed.

They're taking out the sewer main
and shutting water off.

-What about Aunt Ginger?
FIONA: Let me spell this out.

The city digs up some bones,
the police show up.

You buried a body
and you stole from the federal government.

You will never get out of prison.

My-dad-is-gay-for-your-brother thing.
It's on a film loop in my brain.

I'll be back for dinner. Buck up, kiddo.

No biggie, just my universe falling apart.

We are literally digging up a body.

Walk away. Yeah, why don't you go cry
to your gay dad about it?

-Hey, what did the doc say?
- I need to know the truth.

-Can I have a baby?
-What about a surrogate?

-You two will take it from me?
-Yes, Mama.

It will be our child.
It will be your grandchild.

IAN: Know the guy you beat? Wants me to sneak
into his mansion, take his crap.

-What do you see in that geriatric Viagroid?
-Isn't afraid to kiss me.

-I can take care of you.
-No, you can't.

Get in the car. Get in the car.

I love you, Debbie.

Operator, can you connect me
with Child Welfare Services?

I would like
to report a negligent situation.

Who the hell are you?

I'm Britney
from Child Protective Services.

Whoa, wait. What the hell is going on?

Department of Family Services
is taking us.

JIMMY: What? Can they do that?
-It won't last.

-What was it last time, a week?
DEBBIE: Nine days.

Twenty bucks says we're back in five.

-Can I get their placement addresses now?
-Not until intake interviews are complete.

Who reported us?

Come on, who was it?

SHEILA:
Frank!

Frank?

Frank.

Frank.

I'm off to my hypnotherapy appointment.
I need you to watch Hiram.

Kind of in the middle of something, Sheils.
Where's Jody?

He's working at the tattoo parlor.

Marking idiots with ink
so the rest of us can recognize them.

Frank, you have tattoos.

Point well taken.

And if you're doing laundry, can you
put some of Hymie's onesies in?

Might as well,
you're both covered in pee pee.

Shh.

Here you go, buddy.

I just want you to know
that my dumping you and leaving town...

...Is in no way a reflection
of my feelings toward you, Hiram.

I just gotta lay low a little bit...

...in case they find Ginger's body
in my backyard.

Shit, I got a shift in 10 minutes.

Yeah, go to your shift.
I'll take care of this.

-Wasn't sure I'd see you again.
-Yeah.

I wasn't either.

Gonna see if I can get one
of the cock-gobblers to cover my shift...

...So I can get over to the DFS,
start tracking down the kids.

You guys okay?

Oh, yeah. Ain't our first time at the rodeo.

Because Liam is still cute and little,
he'll go to some loving home with people...

...who want a family, but waited so their egg
batter rotted, so can't have their own.

Debbie and Carl will be placed together
because--

Because the state always tries
to keep siblings together.

And Lip and I can handle
whatever foster nut-jobs we end up with.

Remember that last guy with the, uh...?
Was it the fucking bathroom peephole?

IAN: Yeah.
-This time's gonna be a little different.

I've placed Liam and Carl together.

But Debbie unfortunately
has to be placed separately.

All by myself?

And Phillip and lan, you're too old to be
placed, so you're going to a group home.

-Like a whore's period, late again, bitch.
-You're wasting your talents, Patty.

You should be tweeting this crap.

You're late.

I know, I'm sorry. Look.

I have a family emergency
and was wondering if I could skip my shift.

Would you look at this?

It's filthy.

My back is filthy
because you haven't washed it.

So, uh, why should I wash yours?

Look, I need a couple hours to get
to the Department of Family Services.

They yanked my brothers and sister
from our house. Gotta find where they are.

Make sure they're safe and not
with any psychos or anything. Please.

Sorry, but, uh, you know, if you can't
get anyone to cover your shift...

You know as well I do none of those bitches
are gonna cover for me.

I still have that video of you and have
no problem sending it to your wife.

I have no problem going to DFS to tell
them you steal and show up high.

-Your word against mine.
-Actually, the girls will back me up.

And I'm gonna want you to quit
so I don't have to pay you unemployment.

Fuck you, Bobby.

Tell you what, tickle the balls a little...

...maybe I'll write you a letter
of recommendation.

IAN: That really puts the "home"
in group home.

[LIAM MUMBLING]

LIP:
It's only gonna be a couple days, okay?

Every Gallagher can handle that, right?

-I'll take care of Liam.
-Yes, you will.

IAN:
Hey, Debs.

I'll see you soon, all right?

Hey.

Good day, gentlemen. My name is D'Andre
and this is Gunderson House...

...a level-14 boys group home, housing
underage D&D's in the Chicago system.

Is that "Dungeons and Dragons” or...?

Delinquents and deviants. Follow me.

This will be your primary residence
until we figure out which one you are.

Your wallets and cell phones
will be in my care...

...until you've proven to me
that you can follow the rules.

-So this is like prison?
D'ANDRE: It's up to you.

You will be given an opportunity to earn
back your money and cell phone privileges.

-Gee, thanks.
-You would do well to shut your mouth...

...and keep your eyes open in here.

[LIP CLEARS THROAT]

Uh, the county database
says you're available for placement...

...but, um, I'm concerned
there are too many children in your care.

I'm sure there's some kind of limit.

These ain't cats, honey, they're kids.
They need someone to take care of them.

It's why the good Lord put me here.

So I can take in all his babies
don't nobody else want.

Come here, sweetheart.

Come on, I'm not gonna bite you. Ha, ha.

You're a blessing.

Mama Kamala is truly blessed
to have you.

Yeah.

It's only for a few days. I'll be okay.

Um, this is my number.

If you have any questions...

...or, you know, if you just want to talk
about anything, call me anytime, okay?

Okey-do key.

Bye-bye, now.

Rule number one:
No sitting on the good furniture.

This is the good furniture?

Rule number two: No sass, you hear me?

Let me look inside that bag.
Give me that bag.

Make sure you ain't got nothing in there
that get you in trouble.

Why you standing there eyeballing me?
Get busy minding them kids.

Hi. I'm Debbie.

La Ronda.

-You ain't getting your bags back.
- I know.

And what's your name?

We want to be completely honest
with you, Carl.

We have been looking to adopt
a biracial baby for quite some time...

...and when they called about Liam,
we were over the moon.

And then the state told us about you.

And we want to try to keep you
two together.

-So let's give this foursome a try.
-Which one are you again?

I'm Cassius and this is Lanier.

So you guys are gay?

-Yup.
-Yes.

Does, like, shit ever get stuck
on the tip of your dick?

Uh...

BRITNEY:
Gallagher?

I was hoping to see Marilyn.

She's been our caseworker
the last couple years.

Well, uh, the turnover rate in our field
is quite high.

It's really a wonder Marilyn lasted
as long as she did.

So how can I help you?

Give me addresses
where the kids were placed.

I told you I can't give out any information
about the case until intakes are complete.

Come on, Marilyn always used to give me
the info so I know they're okay...

...and can get them stuff
like books or clothes or whatever.

That is a clear violation of policy
on Marilyn's part.

Hey, I know you think you're helping...

...but as someone who's been in and out
of the system...

...I can tell you it's a nightmare.

These kids have a big sister
and I just want to make sure they're okay.

So give me something, Britney.
I mean, break a goddamn rule.

I can tell you that I placed two together
in one foster home, and the girl in another.

And the two older boys
are in a group home.

The one on Hester?

No, they're in a level-14 on Richmond.

Thanks.

If I can find one family willing to take in all
the kids, could they be placed together?

In theory, yes.

Hey. Stella been in yet?

-What's with the bag?
-Uh, going fishing for a couple of days.

I heard Stella's pulling a long haul
up to Northern Canada.

-Hoping to hitch a ride.
-Fishing?

-Gonna use your tiny dick as a worm?
-Caught some big whales with this worm.

Yourself included there, Moby.

Hello, Stella.
How are you, sunshine?

-What the hell do you want?
-Oh, you know.

Same as you.
Free pussy and a life on the road.

-Could I hitch a ride?
-Where you headed?

Anywhere but here.

-Kill somebody?
-No, no. But I did bury her.

Could always use some company.

I'll meet you here
before I pick up my load.

Couple boilermakers to take the edge
off a long haul, eh?

I don't drink before I drive.

I end up ramming Smart Cars
in the ass for shits and giggles.

[BOTH LAUGHING]

FIONA: 4?
VERONICA: Upstairs.

Making a video for one of those
do-it-yourself websites online.

Pays $150. This one's on a high colonic.

Next week, I bleach my exit ramp.

-DFS took the kids this morning.
-Oh, shit.

Think you could talk to your
caseworker about taking them?

-Five Gallaghers in my house?
-Just for a couple days. A week.

Lip and lan got placed
in a level-14 group home.

-Level-147?
-For kids that light their parents on fire...

...or stab them in the face
while they're napping.

You're over 21.
Can't they release them to you?

I'd have to file for guardianship.

Five Gallaghers. I'm gonna be
the lone black dot on a map of Ireland.

You've been in a group home before.

It's always like this?

No, last place I was in
was an actual home.

This is more like a fucking labor camp.

Give me your cash.

-What?
-Give me your cash.

Now. Come on.

Hey, Salvador, check it out,
it's that chick from the movie Brave.

-He your boyfriend?
-No. Brother.

I'm Lip. This is lan.

Uh, we don't want any trouble, all right?

-Just passing through.
-Long as you show respect, gonna be fine.

You're like a fucking cockroach,
able to live anywhere and feed off anything.

Lemonade, man.

[SOBBING]

-Jimmy?
-Darker.

Hey. Talk to your caseworker?

Unfortunately, yeah.

Two reasons
why we can't take in your brood.

One: The fact that you had a foster child
in your home...

...that ran away
under your "supervision."

Two: Technically, the investigation is still
pending as to the quality of your care.

The quality of my care?
Her running away is my fault?

Oh, you know what? Do not get all up
in my grill, sister-girl, okay?

Well, it was worth a shot.

Now what?

Gotta kick it into high gear.

Figure out where the kids are staying,
get the house ready for home inspection.

They're gonna require a fit parent
to get the kids back.

I'm hoping to find Monica
so I don't have to deal with Frank.

Why does it always come down to Frank?

Carl, it's dinner time.

Carl!

Where is that boy?

MAN [ON VIDEO]: Yeah.
Oh, that fucker's going up your ass.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Why don't you get those pants off
so I can get in your fucking hole?

-Why do they all have mustaches?
-Out. Now.

That was an invasion of our privacy
and we won't have it.

You are not to touch things
that don't belong to you.

Now sit down.

-Am I allowed to touch the chair?
-Don't be smart.

What the hell is this?

Kale, brown rice and tofu.

Your body is a temple, Carl, and you only
want to put things in it that are natural.

Like fists?

I saw it in that movie.

[GROANS]

JIMMY:
Holes in your backyard have been filled.

Hey, Grandma, it's Fiona.

Gallagher.

Yeah. Yeah, it's been a while.

Yeah, I was just wondering if you, by any
chance, know where my mom might be?

Your daughter.

Monica.

Yeah. Yeah.
I figured, but I just thought I'd try.

Okay, thanks.

-Now what?
-With no Monica, kind of have no choice.

I gotta find Frank.

Get him sober and ready
to appear in court.

He's like my sad-ass Obi-Wan Kenobi.

I can help you with that.

That's a pretty nice offer considering how
much of a dick I was to you about your dad.

You're always a dick.

Seriously, I don't mean to be an asshole,
it's just...

...genetic.

You're not wrong.

I need to suck it up
about my dad being gay.

And a liar.

Yeah, I need to get over it. And I am.

I'm good.

Silver lining?

Huh?

Finally have the house to ourselves.

Sorry, I'm just not feeling it.

You mind if we just lay here?

Yeah. Yeah. Sounds nice.

-What is this stuff?
-It's pus from your mother's monkey.

-Thought you liked the taste of that.
-What is your problem, dude?

D'ANDRE:
Nick, Salvador, find another table.

Come on, chop-chop.

Proof of employment came through,
SO you go to work.

I need your employer to sign this.
Times in and out, you understand?

I'm actually pretty excited to get out there,
start looking for work.

Nice try, you have court-mandated
community service hours you owe.

Only a few.
Then I can start looking for work...

...So I can become a contributing member
of our great capitalistic society.

You think you're better
than everyone here, don't you?

Oh, that's...

That's rhetorical, right? I mean,
you don't want me to answer that, do you?

See, I could smack you across the face,
but I think it's better I get out your way...

...let life bend you over instead.

Dude thinks he's in an episode
of Scared Straight!

-Ethel really fucked up our kid credit.
-Yep.

Now we can't even get a foster kid.

-Anybody can get a foster kid.
- I think it's a sign.

Jerry Sandusky
could probably get a foster kid.

Need to step it up
in the surrogate department.

We did the baster thing with your mom.
See if it works.

Mama pukes the morning after
she gets knocked up.

It was like watching someone take ipecac.
Could set your watch by it.

-My super-spermatozoa too much for her?
-Spermatozoa.

I don't think it worked.
We need to try something else.

Frank?

Goddamn it, did you sleep here last night?

Guilty.

Stella here yet?

Oh, come on. I'm not helping you up.
Get up.

As of right now,
you are officially on the wagon.

DFS made a surprise appearance,
the kids got pulled.

-Time for your father-of-the-year act.
-Oh, my God. They all right?

Tell you what, meet back at the house
and we'll get this all settled.

Looks heavy. Why don't I carry this
back to the house?

But I need it for some errands
I'm going to run in a little--

Back at the house now
or you'll lose your kids...

...and the welfare checks
that come with them.

I go to the house, the city
finds Ginger's body, I'm toast.

I found Ginger and I tossed her bones.

You're safe.

Oh.

-That's great.
-Not for you.

You don't do exactly as I say...

...I'll rat you out about Ginger's checks
and your fake disability.

You don't have the balls.

Jesus Christ, I need you to do this.
Can you just do this?

I'm sorry, did you just say
you need me?

Yes. I need you to get your shit together
and get the kids back.

Well, seeing as how you need something
from me...

...maybe I need something from you.

For starters, I'd like to be shown
the respect which I deserve.

I believe I'm already doing that.

And this one is non-negotiable,
I want free roam of my own house.

Fine.

We're gonna go visit Lip and lan
in the group home.

God knows what they've been dealing with
in that shithole. Then we find your lawyer.

He has a lawyer?

Don't worry, soon as I steal enough stuff
from these guys, we're out of here.

FRANK:
Oh, yeah. I spent some time here...

...that summer Mom was sent away
for knifing a poodle.

Hey, I missed you guys.

-How you holding up?
-We're fine. Place is a joke.

-Still serving that rotten porridge?
-He already on the wagon?

-Why do you say that?
-As of right now. You out on furlough?

I've gotta work.
He's gotta finish parole hours.

-Guys want a lift?
-Gotta get our passes signed by the driver.

-You find Debs and the boys?
-Not yet, but I will.

-You need anything? Cash? Clothes?
LIP: No, no, no. Look.

Don't worry about us. We're fine.

Worry about him.

Where's my hug?

[FIONA CHUCKLES]

I'll wash, you dry.

[LARONDA SNEEZES]

Grab a cup of Kool-Aid from the table.

KAMALA: Hey, Strawberry Shortcake,
get on in here and cut my toenails!

[GROANS]

Okay, take over.

Come on, come on.

I mean, there's just no privacy. If I wanna
jack off, I gotta do it in the bathroom.

Can't even begin to imagine
what a pussy you'd be in juvie.

[MICKEY CHUCKLES]

You fuck anyone in there yet?

God, no.

Wise choice.

Even if you're propositioned,
it's probably a setup.

Guys find out if you're gay and pound
the shit out of you. Not in a good way.

Great.

Hey, my dad took my brothers
on a run out of town for a couple of days.

You wanna ditch that dump
and crash at my place, you can.

-Was I just invited to a sleepover?
-Fuck you, is what you were invited to.

[LAUGHS]

Fiona here? She's not home.

Are you okay?
Did your foster parents hurt you?

No. We ran away.

You can't stay.
The police will come looking for you.

We're with these gay guys and they keep
talking about how they wanna swipe Liam.

You gotta go back. I know what it's like
to have a foster kid run away.

-Come on.
-But what if they really keep Liam?

Only reason they would keep him
is if they want him. Be sure they don't.

Be creative.

-Can you at least hold some of my stuff?
-What stuff?

Jesus, Lou.

-When did that happen?
LOU: It's not mine.

-Get to the point, Frank.
-Who's this?

My daughter. And her girlfriend.

-Who's in trouble?
-DFS snatched my kids.

-I need you to get them back.
-Catch?

I have no money and no promise
of any coming my way anytime soon.

Okay.

First order of business:

You need to get your ass to DFS
and file a petition to reinstate custody.

You're going to need to dig up that wife.

It's always better to have signatures
from two instead of one.

-What if we can't find her?
-Find someone that looks like her.

You're going to need her
to take parenting classes.

I'm going to go ahead and get the case file
and I will see you at the hearing.

In the meantime, no drugs, no booze,
no poppy seed bagels.

I need your piss clean
and your eyes white.

Thanks for the phone call.

You know how hard it is
to find a public phone?

Ian managed. Then I had to track
your ass through the city.

Sorry, I've been busy.

Molly's mom showed up at my house.

-She's still alive?
-Turns out Molly's a runner.

-What, you just let her take her?
-Oh, I was supposed to stop her?

If she ran, it was probably
for a good reason, no?

Or not. I used to run away all the time
when I was little.

My point exactly.

My dad's out of town for a few days
and I told Mickey he could have the place.

Can I stay with you?

I got to play it straight
at this group home for a bit.

Maybe I can sneak you in tonight, though?

Promise I won't get gang raped?

Nope.

Whatever, I'm in.

Why are you eating candy before dinner?

Because it says here that dark chocolate...

...has an amino acid
that doubles your sperm count.

I didn't read that one, but Mama says
asparagus and garlic does the trick, so ta-da.

If I eat all that,
my piss is going to stink.

And Mama's bringing over oysters.

But we got to think of a better
delivery system than the turkey baster.

Squirt gun.

-Kind of messy.
-What about a straw? Silly straw.

D'ANDRE: Jacobs.
JACOBS: Here.

And Weston.

-Weston!
WESTON: Here.

All right, good night you shits of Chicago,
pricks of Illinois. Ha, ha.

Have fun.

How'd you get the private room?

I made some friends.

This what it's gonna be like
when you sneak me into your dorm?

Little different. Guessing my dorm mates
will be literate.

You are out of your mind.
Have you seen that fucking ponytail?

It's a powerful ponytail, man.
That's bullshit.

Seagal could totally kick Van Damme's ass.

Unless, unless
it's Double Impact Van Damme.

Because that's some Van Double Damme.

[BOTH LAUGH]

Fuck Van Damme.

[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING ON TV]

Are you out of your fucking mind?

Kev is just going to lie with you
for procreation, not sex.

-What is the difference?
-It's clinical so no one enjoys it.

Millions of sperm died
in that turkey baster.

This will deliver the biggest batch.
The bigger the batch, the better the chance.

Uh-uh. No, honey, this is an express bus
to The Maury Povich Show.

I want nothing more than to be able
to give you the baby that I know you want...

...and the grand baby that you deserve.

But I can't. And it kills me.

Please, just give it a go
while you're still ovulating.

[GROANS]

What kind of hard liquor you got
and how much?

Damn, it's hot up here.

That's because heat rises.

Then how come space is so cold?

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

I got it.

Who's at the door?

JODY: Hey, uh...
SHEILA: Who's at the door?

-No, Frank, no.
-Wait.

-You-- First of all, get out. Get out!
-Just hear me out.

-You are not allowed in here. Get out.
-DFS pinched my kids.

I need you to pretend to be Monica
to help me get them back.

What? No, no.
Why should I do anything for you?

-You left Hiram all alone.
-I am begging you.

As someone who knows what it feels like
to lose a kid. Karen ran away.

Can you imagine what it must feel like
to have them taken from you?

This isn't for Frank, okay?
It's for Debbie and Carl and Liam.

Maybe you should do it, Shelly Bear.
For the kids.

Give it up, Kev.

You can't make it dark enough
to deny what's about to happen in here.

I wish I was drunk as you.

No, I can't risk the whiskey dick.
Okay, let's get this going.

CAROL: Ha, ha.
-Shh. Knock it off, Mama.

Wait, wait, wait.
What's with the KKK costume?

I saw them use something like this at that
super Jew-y wedding I went to last year.

It keeps the skin from touching, a barrier.

CAROL:
I feel like a ghost prostitute.

You know, like that Jennifer Love Hewitt
show, you seen that?

Where she's, like, a call girl for ghosts
or some shit.

-That's two different shows.
-You two ready?

Get me get the hell out of here first.
I can't watch this part.

CAROL.:
You okay out there?

Yeah, I'm fine. How are you?

-You need any help?
-No, I'm fine. I'm done.

Thank you for asking, though.

CAROL:
Why she didn't cut me a mouth hole?

How am I supposed to--?
Whoa, hello! Ooh, ooh!

Looks like I got a visitor down there. Ha, ha.

KEVIN:
Damn it!

CAROL: Ding, dong, ditch.
Somebody rang my bell, then ran away.

Feel like I'm fucking Casper.

Hey, you know, it's-- It's--

It's getting seriously hard
to breathe under here.

-Can I take this off my face?
-No! No.

Can you dump Frank at DFS?

I gotta drop some stuff off for Carl.

Not a problem.

Let's go, Frank. Showtime.

Been a while since I've been in.
Maybe I need a new picture.

We had a bad meth run last year and
you know what that stuff can do to you.

They've got a website and everything.

Well, now that you've filed your petition
to reinstate custody...

...we'll need you
to sign up for parenting classes.

-Parenting classes?
-Good.

Also, there may be
some random drug tests...

...and we'll need to set up a home visit
prior to the possible release of the children.

So I will get the class registration.
I'll be right back.

Fucking big brother.

I don't want any
goddamn parenting class.

What are they?

You sit in a room and they lecture you
on how to be Ozzie and Harriet.

I was thinking maybe I could figure out
where I went wrong with Karen.

Kids come pre-wired.
It has nothing to do with your parenting.

I pretty much like being a blond.

I feel like cotton candy.

Hi, uh, my name's Fiona Gallagher.
I'm here to visit Debbie.

-She here?
-You her mother?

Sister. I just want to say hi.
May I see her?

I just want to talk to her.

Hey!

KAMALA:
Do all your talking out here.

I'm gonna need her back in 15 for chores.

You okay?

Yeah, I'm fine.

There a million kids in there?

Just a few, but they're really nice.

And Kamala's not so bad.

Bed's pretty comfortable
and there's hot water.

I brought you some books and clothes.

-Do you need any money?
-Nope, I'm good.

When do you think
we can go back home?

Soon. Real soon.

I brought you some Hershey's Kisses too.

These were like gold
when I was in my first foster home.

Thanks.

Hey, I got your brother's
working papers for today.

-Great, I'll give them to him. Thanks.
-Where is he?

Uh, latrine. He's been there
most of the night.

Turns out eating diarrhea
can actually give you diarrhea, so...

Signed. In and out.
And I better see him at lights out.

That's it, Liam. Big circles.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

CASSIUS:
Please, come in.

-Carl, Liam! You have a visitor.
LANIER: Hi there. I'm Lanier.

-Hey, Fiona Gallagher.
CARL: Fiona.

Hey, look at you two. Hey.

Wow, you look so clean.

Yeah, they make us take baths every night.
They have this toilet that cleans your bits.

A bidet.

Sometimes in the summer
we use a wacky lawn sprinkler for that.

But we got to watch the spinning arms.
We got to watch the spinning arms.

Please, come. Have a seat.

It's nice to see that the boys
have someone who loves them.

We're glad you came.

But just to make it clear,
we have filed the paperwork to adopt Liam.

LANIER: And we're seriously considering
adopting Carl too.

But know that we would love for you
to stay in contact and visit often.

We think it's important for the boys
to know where they come from.

Why is my seat wet?
Oh, no, Liam.

Did you pee on the couch again?
Was that you?

-And the wall too?
CASSIUS: Liam, that is a matte finish!

-How the hell are we going to get that out?
-It's paint, I can touch it up.

Now, which color is that now,
Summer Shadow?

CARL: He's just a baby. He didn't mean it.
Babies are just so messy.

[LIAM MUMBLES]

-Did you do that? Did you do that?
LIAM: I did it.

IAN:
All right, I got to get to work.

MICKEY:
All right, just give me a minute, okay?

Want to do the honors?

-Is that a rosary for giants?
-No.

No, man, they're-- They're Ben Wa beads.

You shove them in my ass
and you pull them out real slow.

-How is that fun for me?
-Come on.

All right, okay.
Just easy on the injured cheek.

IAN: I'll go on the other one, all right? Relax.
-Yeah.

IAN: Shit!
-What the fuck?

MICKEY:
Dad, Dad, hold on. Hold on.

Mandy wasn't enough for you?

You sick piece of shit.

[ALL SHOUTING AND GRUNTING]

MICKEY:
Get the fuck off him!

No son of mine is going to be
a goddamn AIDS monkey.

Sit your ass down, fucking ass-digger.

MICKEY:
Jeez.

It's Terry. Send over the Russian.

MAN:
Okay, role play. All right.

Monica, Frank.

Okay, Monica, you play
the teenage daughter.

And Frank, you be the father disciplining
her for staying out after curfew.

Um, where the hell were you so late?

I was fucking Mom's boyfriend.
What do you care?

You're nothing but a little tramp.
Just like your mother.

You know what?
If you weren't stealing from her--

Bitch gave me herpes. As far
as I'm concerned, I deserve every dime.

She fucking well did too.

How was that?

That one.

She's going to fuck the faggot
out of you, kid.

Ride him till he likes it, suka.

And you're goddamn gonna watch.

[MICKEY GRUNTING]

[GIRL GRUNTING]

-How many more times?
-Until we complete the mission.

Now, come on, baby.
You're Luke Skywalker...

...and it's up to you to shoot one in
and destroy the Death Star.

Okay. Where's the sheet?

No. No, I couldn't breathe last time.

Well, we got to put
a Guantanamo hood on her.

- I don't know why I can't drink.
-Shut up.

It's hard for all of us,
so both of you shut up.

Now, everyone, get in your positions.

Come on, man.
Don't do this, you piece of shit.

You get hard when you smell pork chops.

VERONICA:
Yelling at it is not gonna help. Come here.

-Come on, you piece of shit!
-Ow, ow, ow! Baby, you can't do that.

You're gonna build calluses,
I won't feel dick.

-Right now no one's feeling dick.
-You think this is easy?

It's all my fault.

You can't make the little soldier salute
if he doesn't see an officer in the room.

I've lost all my stripes.

Mama, this is not about you
losing anything.

It's really me.
I'm under a lot of pressure.

-It's all me, Mama.
- I haven't had a date in months.

I'm old and fat and unattractive...

...and I'm gonna die alone.

No, you're not.

Well, this is not helping me get hard.

It's like when a plane goes down,
what do they call that?

JIMMY:
Shitty?

No, it's never just one thing that causes it.
It's a chain reaction.

Cascading failures.
That's what this feels like.

Losing my job, losing the kids,
dealing with Frank.

Someone recently told me...

...to stop whining
and feeling sorry for myself.

She sounds like a bitch.

Well, she has her moments.

MAN: Legally and morally there are acceptable
methods of punishment for children...

...versus unacceptable methods.

Uh, I'm sorry.

Um, just hypothetically,
if one's teenage daughter gave birth...

...to a baby with Down syndrome
and then took off...

...relieving her of all responsibility,
if and when she should come back...

...would you recommend grounding...

...or in that instance
would a firm spanking be more...

You know, before we take any more
questions, let's just go over some of...

Give me a Valium.

No, I only have one
and it's my safety net...

...in case my hypnotherapy
doesn't work.

Hypnotherapy is just paying to nap
in someone's office. Give me the pill.

-It'll show up in your urine test.
-Give me the goddamn pill.

What's the matter with you?

Okay, come on.

SHEILA:
Here. Christ.

How is she still ovulating?
What, is she part bovine?

Shh. Focus on me.

Now, you're gonna pretend like
you're in high school...

...and you're going to come quickly
like a rabbit, okay?

-Yeah.
-No, not that quick.

Mama, get in here!

-Not there, honey, no.
-Sorry, sorry, sorry.

-You got a shoehorn or something?
-Can you not talk, please? Don't say a word.

[CAROL SOBBING]

Are you crying? Oh, God, she's crying.

Please don't cry. I'm sorry, okay?
I'm sorry, Mama.

Okay! We're gonna do this shit,
and we're gonna be done with it.

Kev, get that dick hard.
Mama, wipe your tears and focus.

We need to give those little sperms
someplace happy to swim to. Lay down.

Mama, get on it.

[KEVIN MOANING]

[VERONICA MOANING]

[CAROL PANTING]

Hi.

I'm Monica. What's your name?

Frank, wasn't the last time
I had to pee in a cup...

...when I was pregnant with Liam?

Remember that? It was just like yesterday.

Oh.

Uh, sorry, the shower ran out of hot water.

Mama, you want Kevin to take you home?

He can't drive with that leg.

No, but he can get you home in a taxi.
It's the least we can do.

Let me get my bag.

-Hey, Carol.
CAROL: Hey, Fiona.

Any work at the salon?

Uh, not right now, baby,
but I'll keep you in mind.

Thanks.

-What was she doing here so early?
-She slept over after she and Kevin had sex.

-What?
-Mama's the best surrogate we got.

Turkey baster didn't work,
we had to do it the old-fashioned way.

Jesus, 4, I'm so wrapped up
in my own pity party...

...I had no idea what kind of biblical shit
you had going on here.

-You okay?
-If it works, I'll be fine.

-How's Frank doing in rehab?
-So far he seems to be holding it together.

Heading over to DFS now,
make sure he got all the paperwork in.

What's with the asparagus?

Know how Popeye gets all big and strong
when he eats his spinach?

That's what asparagus does for sperm.

Hmm.

-You again.
-Me again.

Just wanted to make sure Frank showed up
and all our paperwork was good.

He did. He passed his urine test
with flying colors.

And, yes, your paperwork is all set.

So now we just wait for a hearing?

You've done good, Fiona.

You are a great sister
and those kids are lucky to have you.

How did we show up on DFS radar?

It was an anonymous phone call, actually.

Bet it was that bitch we turned away
from daycare because her kid stunk.

Um, no.

-It was a man, actually.
-A man?

It's never a man.
Men don't give a shit.

How is it fair that someone can make a call
and completely ruin our lives...

...and they get to be anonymous?

I have to go to the restroom.

I'd appreciate it if you didn't click
on this file while I'm gone.

FRANK [ON RECORDING]: Yes, hello,
I would like to report a negligent situation.

2119 North Wallace.
Gallagher.

WOMAN [ON RECORDING]:
And what's the situation?

FRANK: Six kids living in squalor.
No parental supervision.

When the father is there, he's drunk.
He hits them.

Not that they don't deserve it.
They're all criminals, delinquents, vile--

WOMAN: Excuse me, sir.
Could you give me your name, please?

FRANK:
I would like to remain anonymous.

WOMAN:
Thanks for bringing this to our attention.

FRANK:
No, thank you, and God bless you.