All language subtitles for Shameless USA - S03E03 - May I Trim Your Hedges

For you who are too fucking busy,
this happened on Shameless.

What the fuck you looking at?

This is my home.

I am an important part of this family.

IAN: No, you're not.
You don't live here anymore.

Catch. Open it.

I sort of have a boyfriend.

-Well, I sort of have a wife.
NANDO: He's always been a problem.

[SCREAMS]

NANDO: I want her to be
an American citizen, Steve.

When Immigration comes,
you will be her husband.

Beto is out front.
He follows me wherever I go.

He's harmless.

Aah! Fuck!

[WHISPERS]
Daddy's good with babies.

Howdy, folks.
Need help with that baby?

I got a proposition for you, Sheils.
Let me stay.

You'll get eight hours of sleep a night.
I promise you that.

I know what I'm doing.

[HUMS]

DEBBIE: Are you supposed to give
Valium to a baby?

I lost a hundred dollars doing this night.
I'm just trying to better our situation.

The only way to make money
when you're poor...

...Is to steal it or scam it.

I know you want me to find Jesus.
I already found him.

I'm looking for Kev.

I'm his wife.

VERONICA:
Hey.

Hey.

You're awake.

Never fell asleep.

Just go talk to him.

Not his fault the crazy ex-wife
showed up out of nowhere.

She's not his ex, she's his wife.

And you should have seen his face
when he saw her.

This house is so quiet.

Kids, breakfast!

-Jeez, Fiona!
-This shit is all in your head, 4.

This house ain't quiet
and she is not Kev's wife. You are.

Go talk to him.

[CRYING]

-Uhn.
-Okay.

I need coffee.

-We're out of filters.
-We can use paper towels.

-We're out of paper towels.
-Diapers will work.

[CONTINUES CRYING]

-You have to go to work?
-Yeah.

-Can we just reschedule the doctor thing?
-No.

The vaccine schedule is very important.

You can't be late?

How busy can a tattoo parlor be
in the morning?

Morning to us.
Some people, it's the end of a long night.

FRANK:
Good morning.

No breakfast?

I haven't had a lot of energy
for shopping lately.

Nanny Frank to the rescue.

The Hymster and I will go on
a little field trip to the grocery store.

Just need some cash, right, buddy?

You still drunk, Frank?

Fine. Oh, damn, I gotta go.

I'll grab coffee on the way to work.

Too-doo-loo. boop.

I'm awake! Oh.

[CRYING CONTINUES]

Go catch some Z's, Sheils.

- I got the little guy.
- I can't.

Hymie has his first well-baby appointment
today at the pediatrician.

Doctor require some kind of co-pay
for this unnecessary visit?

Of course he does.

Doctors are thieves, little Hymster.

They just have degrees
to keep them out of jail.

Go on. I'll take him.

-You will? Frank.
-Yeah.

Oh, Frank. Bless you, Frank.

Bless you. Bless you.

Let me-- Here.

-Here. Here you go.
-That'll do it.

Look at that.

Wait, don't you need the address?

-Where is she?
-She's still sleeping.

She did not just show up here
because her car broke down.

-What, you think she broke it on purpose?
-She broke you on purpose.

She broke you
and I put you back together.

-Now she's here to take back what I fixed.
-4, look. Look at this.

Divorce papers.

I got them off the Internet.
This is my chance to make it official.

Why didn't you say that last night?

Because you were yelling some shit
about my face, then slept at Fiona's.

Well, I was right about your face.

[CHERYL SIGHS]

Morning.

Hey.

I made you coffee.
Super strong like you like it.

Yay. Kevy-caf. My fave.

-Kevy-caf?
-Decaf, full-caf, Kevy-caf.

For when you need a real kick in the ass.

-Can I watch some TV?
-Yeah.

[COUGHS]

KEVIN: That's how she likes it.
VERONICA: Mm.

Your bed is so comfy. I slept like a baby.

-You slept in our bed?
-I stayed in the guest room.

-I haven't smelled that smell in so long.
-What smell?

His cologne. On the pillow.

English Leather.

-Like Old Man Carlyle used to wear.
-Like Old Man Carlyle used to wear.

-Old Man Carlyle?
CHERYL: Foster home where we met.

Was the best fake dad we ever had.

You know Junior's going to prison.
Tax evasion.

Junior Carlyle? No shit?

CHERYL: No shit.
-No shit.

Six frozen OJs for the price of five.

Twenty percent off mac and cheese.
And I have four of these.

-One coupon per customer.
-It doesn't say that.

-Doesn't have to, it's implied.
-Tina, it's time for break.

Why don't you have Kim
take over your station?

Oh, my God, is that snot?

Sorry. Kids, summer colds.

- I have four coupons.
- I told you, one per customer.

-Watch your tone.
-I'll watch my tone...

-...when you teach your kids to use Kleenex.
- I have four coupons.

I dug through the neighbor's trash
to get them.

Tina. Break time. Let's go.

You know what? Fine. Take it.
Take all it. Take it for free.

I don't give a shit! You hear me?

I don't give a shit! Take your own break.
And you can keep my last paycheck.

I won't be coming back.

Keep taking this shit if you want to,
but I'm out, bitches. Out!

Why don't we just talk for a sec here, Tina?
Okay.

I shouldn't have pushed hard
on the coupon thing.

Just stay here and bag the groceries.

We didn't pay.

She said we could have them.

Excuse me.

Excuse me.

-Are you the manager?
-Yes.

I'm sorry you had to hear that language
with your children present.

If you'd follow me to my office, I'd be happy
to give you a coupon for a free ham.

That'd be great. But it seems
like she kind of quit back there...

...So I was thinking
there might be a job opening?

-Hm. What's your name?
-Fiona Gallagher.

You know what?
Why don't you follow me, Fiona Gallagher?

So right place, right time, huh?

Hope so. I'm responsible,
and a really hard worker.

-You ever work as a cashier?
-Sure, absolutely.

So tell me, Fiona.

How do you feel about deli meats?

Deli meats?

I'm not big on olive loaf,
barfed it up once when I was a kid.

-But mostly I like them.
-Good. That's good.

I ask because, you know...

...If you're gonna work here,
I gotta see how you handle the meat.

We sell franks and beans too. We sell...

...hot dogs.

Corn dogs. Three bean salad.

Cream cheese.

Ha. Wow. You're saying that if I blow you,
I can have a job?

No. I would never say that.
That would be inappropriate and illegal.

If you wanted to blow me...

...you'd have to be a consenting adult.

Morning, Frank.
Who's your handsome friend?

You hear that, Hymie? That's Kate.

Kate's got good taste.

Give me a shot of JB, a pickled egg...

...and a thumbtack.

Thumbtack?

And a Band-Aid.

[FRANK BLOWING RASPBERRIES]

There you go...

...and mumps begone. Oh.

[HYMIE WAILING]

Yes, yes, yes.

It's all over, little buddy.
There you go. There you go.

I'm gonna need another one of these.

I'm-- I think I'm--

Yeah, I'm calling the police
and reporting child abuse.

Pbbt. AIDS didn't come
from the homos, Kate.

The gays may have helped to spread it
with their bloody anal passions...

...but it originated in vaccines
made from the blood of African monkeys.

Interestingly enough,
heterosexual monkeys.

-It was homos, Frank.
-Ha-ha.

He needs his shots, Frank.

Jesus Christ, Kate,
kid's already a half-wit.

You want to give him autism too.

Now close your mouth
before somebody considers it an invitation.

And pour me a goddamn drink.

[OVER TV] The stars came out for
the Wishing Lane Foundation last night.

Adam Foster, 10 years old and living with
a rare form of leukemia, had only one wish:

To meet his heroes, the Bulls.

They did better, giving him court side seats
and a ball signed by the entire team.

Holy shit. The whole team?
What do you think that'd go for on eBay?

KATE:
Couple grand at least.

That kid's just got cancer.

Hymie's mentally deficient.
That's a permanent condition.

You should know, Frank.

[LAUGHS]

[BLOWS RASPBERRIES]

That would be an awesome job.
Discounts on groceries?

Could help with summer day care costs.

I'm not getting that job. Not gonna happen,
so let's just drop it. Okay, Debs?

Debs?

Are you kidding me?

Get out of here, you piece of shit.

You better run, you sick bastard.

You okay, Debs?

Listen, you shouldn't have had
to see that.

-Can you describe the perp?
-Red.

-Really, really red.
-Like sunburned?

-She's talking about his--
-The guy, Debs.

What did the guy look like? His face.

How are you supposed to see his face
behind that giant, red, one-eyed--?

Got it. Okay.

-You did great. Thank you.
-Okay, come on, Debs.

Let's go get you a Bomb Pop
or something, huh?

-Why didn't you stab him?
-Stab him? With what?

You ride the city bus without a knife?

He was about 30. Tallish.

Long hair, long beard, small dick.

You know, because guys with big ones
don't need to jerk it at little girls.

Okay. Uh...

-I'll file a report, but--
-But what?

Nobody cares about a pervert on a bus?

We'll let the ITC know.

-They'll keep an eye out for the guy.
-Thanks.

You did the right thing calling.

Here's my direct line, if you need...

...anything else.

-What?
-"You did the right thing.

-Here's my direct line."
-Please.

You have less to worry about from him
than from the manager at the grocery store.

Am I supposed to find comfort
in that sentence?

Dude wanted a blow
in exchange for a job.

-Giving new meaning to "blow job."
-Wow?

You grow up in this house, you think that
nothing can shock you anymore, and then--

What is it with men and their Johnsons?

Shaking them on buses, using them
to blackmail potential employees.

You know, that was probably a good job
too. Benefits. Discounts on groceries.

You know what?
He doesn't get away with this shit.

-I'm going back over there.
-Want me to come with you?

-No, but can you watch Liam?
-Oh, shit. Sorry, can't.

-You just offered to come.
- I knew you'd say no.

I got a checkup.

Kick ass, take names.

Don't blow anyone.

You let her sleep in our bed?
You said she's a crazy bitch.

She is. And not a crazy bitch
like you're a crazy bitch, like:

"Oh, bitch, you so crazy." No.

She tried to beat me with a frozen fish
because I asked if there was more broccoli.

You never know
what's gonna set her off.

-What are you doing? Put that back on.
-I'm changing.

[CELL PHONE RINGS]

-Teresa will be here at 2:00.
-Who's that?

Notary public gets her hair done
at Mom's salon.

So you have until 2:00
to get the divorce papers signed...

...or I'll show her who's a crazy bitch.
CHERYL: Hey.

Put your shirt on. Put your shirt on!

Hey! I'm changing.
Then I'm gonna go take a look at your car.

-Okay.
-On that foot?

I can handle it.

If you can handle it,
maybe you can handle the dripping faucet.

How'd you do that anyway?

Shooting hoop. Snapped my Achilles
posting up some local kid.

He's huge. He's probably gonna go
in the NBA draft next year.

He snapped it falling in the bathtub
like an old Florida Jew.

Which was right after the game.
It was a delayed reaction.

FIONA: 4, you have that camera
you use for titty shots?

I need help with a scumbag
at the grocery store.

CHERYL: Hey, I'm--
- I know who you are.

Ha, ha. 4, why don't you go help Fiona
at the store?

While you're there,
see if there's some more broccoli?

Fine. Come on.

Teresa, here, 2:00.

MANDY:
Holy shit.

Lot of red dots.

All those red dots are sex offenders
in our neighborhood?

Wait, check this out.
Child rapist, three blocks over.

Did five years and out on probation.

-How does a child rapist get five years?
-He doesn't.

He gets five years
plus the beating of his life. Let's go.

-We were gonna fix the pool.
-No, grab the bat.

CARL: Awesome.
MANDY: You want help?

-My dad loves a good posse.
-We're forgetting about the guy on the bus?

Hell no. I'm gonna teach you self-defense,
Milkovich style.

-Come on.
LIP: Yeah, let's go.

Yo, we're going to jump a pedophile.
You wanna come?

Oh. Sounds great, but I can't.

You're acting cagey, okay?

There's been an Escalade
parked across the street...

...for longer than makes sense.
What's going on?

I don't want to know?

Because if you told me,
I'd have to tell Fiona...

...which would upset the delicate peace
we've recently established?

-Right.
-Have fun wailing on the pedophile.

Is there any way not to?

-Thank you.
-No, thank you, Marta. Thank you.

Now, you stay strong.

Hello. May I help you?

I hope so. I'm Frank Gallagher.

And may I start by saying thank you
for all you do for our suffering little ones.

Thank you, Mr. Gallagher.

This is my son, Hymie.

He was born with an extra chromosome
through no fault of his own.

Down Syndrome.
It's a lifelong condition.

It's irreversible.

He's a beautiful boy.

Aren't you, Hymie? Yes, you are.

And believe it or not, he is already,
at such a young age, an avid sports fan.

Is that so?

He can watch a ball
dribble up and down a court for hours.

Endlessly fascinated.
His little face just lights up with joy.

It would be so wonderful if he could
see it all happen in real life.

I'm sorry, Mr. Gallagher.
I think you may be confused.

Our organization works
with dying children.

Not children with Downs.

Of course.

Of course. I know that.

It's my other child that's dying.

GAYLE:
Oh, I'm so--

Thank you.

[BLOWS NOSE THEN WHIMPERS]

Drive.

[MAN CHUCKLING]

The fuck you want?

Convicted child rapist
just moved in down the street.

Let's get the boys.

MAN:
The fuck is this little parade?

Kid fucker, next block.

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

-May I help you?
-We're looking for Blake Collins.

[SIGHS]

I'm Blake Collins.

Oh, shit.

You're the eighth-grade teacher
who screwed her student, right?

You were on TV.

I didn't screw William. I loved him.

And I did my time. I paid for my mistake.

If love can be called a mistake.

I'm sure there are real criminals you can
beat up if you have the inclination.

Now, please, may I close the door?

Yeah. Yeah.

Shit. Let's go find a camel jockey.

LIP:
Help Carl get home, all right?

Shit, we should still do something.

-Thinking gang bang?
-No, but she fucks little kids.

-It was one kid. And he wasn't that little.
-Look, he was 14, she was his teacher.

We want a pedophile
living in the neighborhood?

Shit, if I was 14 and had a teacher who
looked like that and wanted it?

Damn, I'm getting wood
just thinking about that.

Yo, Angie.

-Yeah?
-You wanna fuck?

ANGIE:
Sure.

-Now, see, I thought you two were--?
-Shut up.

Hope you're using a raincoat.

You were having sex at 14.

I was having sex with a 14-year-old at 14.

-You think Kash should have gone to jail?
- I do.

Almost called the cops a hundred times.
Creepy Arab fucking my brother.

I was 15. I was old enough
to make my own decisions.

-You were a kid. He was a man.
-Says you.

You want this chick in the neighborhood?
Think about Carl.

Carl should be so lucky.

What if it was Debbie
and a 30-year-old dude?

-It's different.
-Bullshit, it's different.

She's not hanging around the park
with lollipops.

-She fell in love.
-It's got nothing to do with love.

This chick is a standard-issue pedophile
and I'm gonna prove it.

[ESTEFANIA YELLING IN PORTUGUESE]

-Sorry I'm late.
ESTEFANIA: I hate this INS bullshit.

America is supposed to be
free country, no?

[LIAM BABBLING]

Hey! That's a nice outfit.

-It's not an outfit. It's a perv trap.
KEVIN: Is that like a bear trap?

Your titties clamp around the wrist
and they have to gnaw off their paws?

KEVIN & CHERYL: Ha-ha-ha.
-Two o'clock.

- I got it.
CHERYL: Hmm.

Tsk. She hates me, doesn't she?

No. She just don't know you yet.

I mean, I get it.
I would hate me too if I were her.

I mean, I show up here with my kid in tow.

And you haven't seen me in years.

It's almost like I'm trying
to get you back or something.

But honestly, Kev,
I don't even know if Kyle's yours.

I was really getting around back then,
so 4 has nothing to worry about.

What? What I say?

You think Kyle could be mine?

You didn't do that math?

Shit. Sorry.

Cancer?

How did I get cancer?

You must have caught it
from Grammy, son.

If she had known
she had the contagious kind...

...I don't think she would have spent
so much time with you cooking meth.

Am I going to die?

I hope not.

But right now,
we have to fight and fight hard.

You ready to fight with me, Carl?

[WHIRRING]

Why do we have to shave it?

Didn't you ever see any shows
about cancer?

Cancer people are always bald.

-Grammy wasn't bald.
-Grammy hated life. She wanted to die.

But you love life.

And one of the most important ways
you can fight cancer...

...Is to let the sun rays
in through your skull.

-Why are you shaving Carl's head?
FRANK: Lice.

Since when do you...

-...parent?
-Since you dropped the ball.

The vermin were literally
jumping off his scalp.

LIP: Make sure you wash his sheets too,
okay?

I look like a woman?

-I have lice too?
-Yes.

-Yes, you do.
-Fiona's gonna freak out.

No, Fiona is not going to freak out
because Fiona is not going to know.

You're a man now, Carl.
The cancer makes you a man.

And as a man...

...it's your job to keep secrets
from the women who love you.

Jeez. I'm gonna look like a penis.

I'll get you a hat.

I'll get you a hat.

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

-Yes?
-Hi.

How you doing? I'm Lip.

Short for Phillip.
I just live right over on 64th.

I'm gonna be a sophomore next year
at Lincoln.

I was walking by your yard,
and it looks pretty overgrown.

I was wondering...

...can I trim your hedges?

Like, five bucks an hour?

-"May I trim your hedges."
-Oh.

Right. Yeah. Sorry.

May I trim your hedges?

JIMMY:
Yeah.

Yeah. It's good. It's good. We're good.

-No!
-We're taking fake wedding pictures...

-...for the INS. No one's gonna see the dress.
-The INS will see me.

And if I look like cow,
they will know it fake.

And I will get deported because of this.

And you will go to prison.

[SPEAKS IN PORTUGUESE]

-She's your wife.
-No.

-You married her before God, no?
-No. I married her before her father...

...who had a gun pointed at my nuts.
It's different somehow.

[BELL JINGLES]

Buy something.

Eighty-nine cents.

-I don't get it.
-Take the cup out of the trash.

Oh, the stuff's in it. Okay.

Just get out.

You need whatever brain cells
you got left.

-Why you gotta mess with my business?
-Why do your business in my store?

-Ain't your store. It's towel head's store.
-Whatever.

Get smarter customers.
Because I'm not going down for this shit.

MICKEY:
Oh, okay.

So, what you going down for then, huh?

Hey, did you really fuck
Angie Zahgo today?

Yeah, I fucked Angie.
Everybody fucks Angie.

You don't fuck Angie?

-No.
-Huh.

Wanna fuck Angie?
I could call, get her down here.

No.

[GRUNTING]

KYLE:
Hey.

Ow! Uhn.

Who are you?

-Kyle.
-What's your business here?

I may or may not be related
to your neighbor Kevin.

Oh.

Okay. Sorry. I'm Debbie Gallagher.

Any idea where I can get a smoke?

-Finished already?
-Yeah, not quite. I'm just...

...really hot.

Um...

Could I bother you
for something to drink?

Juice box?

Yes, please.

Just wait here.

Hi.

- I told you to wait out there.
-Yeah, so sorry. I just--

I wondered if I could bother you
for a sandwich too.

I ain't had lunch.

You haven't had lunch.

-"Ain't" isn't a word, Phillip.
-Right.

Hey, are you a teacher?

I... I used to be.

Oh. Bet you were a good one.

-What kind of sandwich?
-PB and J?

With the crusts cut off?

Yes, please.

VERONICA:
And you should've heard her going on...

...about Kev's cologne and old man Johnson.

Anything that I wouldn't know about.

You know what you're doing?

Do I know how to make a man ask me
for a hummer? Wait here.

Mm. He was born March, 2001.

-Weren't we together?
-No. Remember, we split up that year?

-Got back together after 9/11.
-Why'd we break up again?

Oh, yeah.
You tried to run me over with your car.

[LAUGHS]

Yeah, I don't remember that being funny.
It was fucking scary.

Well, as it turns out,
it was the pregnancy hormones.

You were knocked up?

So he is mine.

Tsk. I don't know, Kev.
We were off and on that year.

There were other guys.

When you left me,
I didn't think I could raise him on my own.

So I gave him to my sister Crystal
because she always wanted a kid.

Now she's going through some shit,
needed me to take him.

And we thought it was time
he knew the truth.

You thought it was time.
You didn't think it might've been time...

...at any point in the 12 years
this kid has been alive?

-I'm really sorry.
-You're sorry?

-Twelve years, Cheryl.
-You left me.

If there was a chance he could've been
mine, you should have told me about him.

Did I tell you she called her coffee
"Kevy-caf'? Like a pet name.

Like they have some language
that I don't speak.

-4, what happened?
-Oh. Corn dogs, cream cheese...

-...I got it all on tape. He's nasty.
-Right?

Go, he's waiting on you.

I want day shifts. Home by 6.

Couldn't help but notice your wedding ring,
Bobby.

-You want your wife to see this tape?
-Fine. Days.

Just fill this out.

And we'll be taking some veal cutlets
for our troubles.

Actual veal cutlets.
None of your skanky deli meats.

[ESTEFANIA LAUGHING]

Go, go, go.

[SPEAKING IN PORTUGUESE]

That is terrible ugly dress.

Your friend,
she must not like you very much.

JIMMY:
Let's go. Let's go. Go.

LIP:
Mm.

Um... You have a little...

-Mm. Ahem.
-Oh. Mm.

No, the other... The other...

Did I get it?

No.

Mm... Can you help me?

-How old are you really, Phillip?
-Sixteen.

Almost.

But I've always felt like an old soul.

Oh! Aah.

-You mustn't tell anyone.
-No, I won't, I won't. I promise you.

You're such a good teacher.
I feel like I got so much to learn from you.

"Have." You have so much to learn.

-I do.
-You do.

- I gotta go.
-Go?

-Yeah, homework. Mm.
-In the summer?

-Shit.
-Don't go, Phillip.

I have more to teach you.
Come with me, Phillip.

...-
-Shh. Don't worry. Don't be scared.

Okay? I'll teach you.

[SIGHS]

-Are you coming, Phillip?
-Yeah. Yes. Coming.

Bring the peanut butter.

Nice place you got here.

What are you doing here?

I was hungry.

So you drove all the way to the South side
for a bag of chips?

Well, a bag of chips and a ginger snap,
I'm hoping.

-Keep the change.
-I'm working.

[CASH REGISTER WHIRRING]

Well, maybe later.
Happy hour at the Fountain.

Yeah. Okay.

Okay.

You got a receipt?

[CASH REGISTER WHIRRING]

-That your grandpa?
-No. Just a guy I've been seeing.

Oh. That's a guy you've been seeing.

You guys, like, picnic together?

Or gonna get a little dog
with a fucking sweater?

No. We don't picnic. We mostly just fuck.

Like you and Angie.

DEBBIE: That image.
It's, like, scorched behind my eyes...

...like a fire breathing, one-eyed dragon.

You don't have to smoke, you know.
It's cooler if you don't.

-Really?
-Everyone smokes.

You're only a rebel if you don't.

Have you ever seen one in real life?

Like on a grown-up? When it's...

...like that?

Yeah. I watch lots of porn.

DEBBIE: It's way different in real life
than those sketches...

...they show you in health class, right?

What's Kev like?

Is he cool or is he bat shit
like everyone else in my family?

No, Kev's cool. Nice. Like you.

I think I may become a nun.
Nuns don't have sex, right?

You're pretty.

Too pretty to be a nun.

Hey, T. What's up, girl? You look skinny.

Don't sweet talk me, 4,
I've been sitting here for almost an hour.

-What? Kev never showed up?
-No.

Nobody's here to sign anything,
nobody's here to pay me...

...and I sure as shit didn't cart my ass
all the way down here for free.

Hey, you, kid. Where's your mother?

She and Kev went to go get a drink.

-He was freaking about the whole kid thing.
-What whole kid thing?

About how I may be Kev's kid?

FIONA: Debs, be home for dinner.
DEBBIE: I will.

FIONA:
4?

TERESA:
Veronica. Where's my $407?

Here, here. I got it. Here you go.

Hi.

Am I--? Am I gonna get as sick as them?

[CHILD COUGHING]

Only time will tell.

The good news is
the cancer's in your brain...

...and you never were much of a thinker,
so it probably won't affect you that much.

-Oh, God. Oh, God!
-Wait. Wait.

You need to learn to wait, Phillip.
Hold it back.

-I'll get hard again.
-It gets better if you delay gratification.

The joy, it's even bigger. Just wait, okay?

Okay, that's... Wow.

That's really fucking good.

What is that? What is that that tingles?

What is that,
some kind of sex cream or something?

It's so...

God, I don't think I can wait.

No, no, no. You can do it, Phillip.
You're my A-plus student.

-Okay? Breath deeper.
-Mm.

Slowly.

-Mm-hm.
-Slowly. Slow.

Okay?

-Okay.
-Good.

What's--? What's that? Ah.
That's weird.

[BLAKE CHUCKLES]

That's cold. What is that?

You trimmed my hedges.
Now I am trimming yours.

Wait, what--? What is that? Fucking Nair?

Fresh and clean now,
just like a baby, Phillip.

-Ha-ha.
-Wait, no. Wha--?

Oh, shit.

You said you catered to dying children.

[HYMIE WAILING]

Sir, the Bulls only give us
SO many packages per season...

-...and it takes months.
-What the fuck, Frank?

That's going on all day, every day.

My son is suffering. Have you no soul?

If you fill out an application now...

-...I can almost guarantee that for next year--
-He doesn't have a year.

Oh.

There's a camp.

All the spots are full,
but there's a quadriplegic.

He won't get much out of it.
I can bump him for Carl.

-Camp?
-Like summer camp?

It's beautiful. On a lake.

A wonderful place for children
to feel normal one last time.

What the hell am I supposed to do
with a trip to cancer camp?

I've never been to camp.

[HYMIE WAILING]

Jimmy.

Come sit with me.
I want to show you something.

[SILVER MEDALLION'S "STARS”
PLAYING OVER CAR STEREO]

Come.

-Hey.
-All of this romantic pretending...

[SPEAKS IN PORTUGUESE]

...it make me so hot.

And wet.

JIMMY: Ow. Ow.
-Feel.

We should not put all that water to waste,
no?

-No?
-No.

No, este, este, este, listen.

|- |-
-Yes?

I can't.

|- |-
-Yes?

-I can't.
-Yes?

-No. I can't.
-Aah!

I-- No, I can't.

-Yes! Yes!
-Oh, fuck. No.

All right, what are we gonna do?
Whose ass am I kicking first?

There's no ass to kick.

Kev's a little boy
with a white-picket-fence fantasy...

...and in walks his wife with his son.

We don't know that.
First thing we do is get a paternity test.

It's not about blood to Kev.

There's a woman he grew up with
and married saying her son is his.

-That's stupid.
-It's not. Look at you.

You're a mother to your kids,
doesn't matter you didn't push them out.

Kev's the first good man I've ever loved,
you know?

My first love was named Apollo.
Enough said.

-Then there was Spider.
-Spider?

You can't make that shit up.

No, I-- I can't fight for Kev.

Asking him to pick me over them...

...Is asking him to change the thing
about him that I love the most.

-Screw that.
-Fi.

-No. Screw that.
-Fiona.

Fi.

KEVIN:
Good catch.

FIONA:
Kev! What the fuck?

-There's kids.
-Think they haven't heard it before?

-What are you, drunk?
-No, I'm not drunk.

I'm out of my mind because you and 4
are the only things that made sense...

...in this fucked up world.
If you can't make it...

...Jimmy and I should just quit
right now.

- I swear to God, if you leave 4--
-Who's leaving 4?

-You're leaving 4?
-No. Fiona, what the hell?

The notary, Kev? The divorce papers?

Oh...

Shit. I had some drinks.
And Cheryl dropped this kid bomb and...

CHERYL: Hey.
KEVIN: I forgot.

CHERYL: You're interrupting.
FIONA: Excuse me?

CHERYL:
Kev's trying to get to know his son.

Give my boys their time.

-Your boys?
-No, no. Fiona, it's not what you think.

Look, Cheryl and I have history, that's it.

She's not trying to steal me away from 4.
She just wants me to meet my son.

I know school was never your thing,
but you've never been dumb.

If you don't see what's happening here,
just plain dumb.

Come on, Debs, dinnertime.

DEBBIE: Can Kyle come?
-No.

JIMMY:
Al right.

You know, my mother,
she reminds me very much of your Fiona.

Beautiful. Raised six kids.
Never complained.

A saint. My father, he was a...

[SPEAKS IN PORTUGUESE]

-A rolling stone.
-She put my hand there.

I didn't even move it.

That is something exactly like
my father would have say.

-Did that fatty actually cop a feel?
-He totally copped a feel.

You gotta be kidding me.
I mean, what's up with that?

Shit, Mickey.
What the hell are you doing here?

Oh. From the store, right?

Come on, lan, don't be rude.

Invite your boyfriend back to my place.
I mean, the more the merrier, right?

-I'm sorry, what did you call me?
-What?

-Jesus, Mickey.
-Faggot.

-What the fuck you call me, faggot?
-Enough.

[GRUNTING]

[HORN HONKING]

MICKEY: What the fuck, Gallagher?
IAN: They're gonna call the cops.

-Are you okay?
MICKEY: Come on.

-Sorry.
-Gallagher!

Sorry. I'll text you.

Oh, shit.

What the fuck is wrong with you?

[LAUGHING]

Where'd you learn this?

Nowhere. Just relax and enjoy.

You been watching porn without me?
You know I consider that cheating.

No. I haven't. Although I do consider
that rule pretty unrealistic.

I just thought it up.

It's hot, right?

Maybe if I was licking it off you.

-I'm hungry. Trade places.
-No.

No?
Since when do you turn down a B.J.?

Your dick's not even hard.

What? I did a little manscaping.

Shit. It's not my fault, okay?

What? She's a pedophile!
Look, it was a sting operation.

-Look, I took a picture for the cops.
-Fuck the cops. They had their chance.

Shit.

LIP: Smells good.
-What's with Mandy?

Something she wanted to do.
Where's Jimmy?

No idea.

-What happened to your head, Carl?
-Lice.

-Again?
-Yeah, Frank shaved it.

Yeah, he got me into a summer camp.

-What? Why would he do that?
CARL: I don't know. But it's cool, right?

Yeah, that's awesome, Carl.

[SIGHS]

[DOOR OPENS]

[DOOR CLOSES]

I'm gonna know my kid.

I gonna know my kid
and you can't have a problem with that.

Look, I... I don't care about Cheryl, 4.

I used to,
but she's nothing but a memory to me now.

And I'm sorry I didn't go see the notary.

But I would never leave you. Ever.

You gotta know that.

After everything we've been through...

...you kind of just have to know that.

[SOBBING]

Whoa. You just snot-ted the whole table.

[FIONA & VERONICA LAUGHING]

CHERYL:
Kev?

Kev.

[LAUGHING CONTINUES]

What the fuck? Are they laughing at me?

-No.
-Yes.

KEVIN: Fiona.
-Fuck you.

-Excuse you?
KEVIN: Cheryl, listen.

No, I'm done listening.
Kyle, go pack our shit now.

-Would you listen to me?
-You could've had this and you want that?

She's some kind of nympho.
Has three drawers full of dildos.

-What you doing going through my shit?
-What's a dildo?

KEVIN: Cheryl, listen--
-You're as thick as the day I met you.

KEVIN: I get that you're mad,
but I wanna be a father to Kyle.

-I'll get you a place nearby--
-He's not yours, Kev. He isn't even mine.

He's my sister's, you stupid piece of shit.

What did she say?

-What did you say?
-What the fuck, bitch?

[CHERYL SCREAMING]

-Should we stop them, or...?
-What, you wanna lose an eye?

VERONICA:
You crazy bitch.

Crazy bitch. You come into my house
and make up some shit like that?

CHERYL: Get your hands off me,
you dirty, barren whore!

VERONICA:
Barren?

LIP: Shit, the TV!
-No!

Not the TV!

Get the divorce papers, Kev.
This bitch is about to sign.

-I'm not signing shit!
LIP: This way, this way, this way!

[CONTINUES SCREAMING]

You wanna walk away with four limbs?
You're gonna sign. The papers!

-Fuck you!
-You're signing.

[SCREAMING]

The papers!

VERONICA:
Sign it!

If you could initial that too.

[GRUNTING]

Uh-uh. Not one word, just drive away.

LIP: Get the fuck out of here!
KEVIN: Bitch, you so crazy.

Hell yeah!

-Damn right, baby.
FIONA: Yay! Whoo!

LIP: Yeah!
FIONA: Here we go!

VERONICA:
Hell yeah!

[CHATTERING]

You're still here.

You think I'm getting in a car
with that psycho?

Hey, can I borrow your phone?
I need to call my mom. My other mom.

Sure.

-You wanna eat dinner first?
-Sure.

Cool.

[POUNDING ON DOOR]

-You Blake?
-Yes?

You're moving now, Blake.
You're moving tonight.

-Excuse me?
- I don't excuse you, you sick bitch.

I don't excuse you because you're hot...

...because you're blond or because
of what you got between your legs.

Come take a look.

You see that?
They're digging your grave.

And you wanna be gone
before they get down to 6 feet.

-How's it going, boys?
IGGY: Good.

We dug the Berlanti grave in what,
two hours?

But this dirt is nice and soft.
Going a lot faster.

Tick-Tock, kid fucker.

[JIMMY SIGHS]

-Hey.
-Hey.

-You look stressed.
-I do?

-How was your day?
-Good.

-How'd it go at the doctor?
-Good.

It's healing.

Hey, hey, hey.

[CRYING]

The world's messed up.
So much ugly shit happens.

I don't know, Kev and 4 and...

I trust you.

That's bigger to me than I love you.
It's a bigger deal.

I trust you.

Two hundred?

No reason to waste
a perfectly good grave.