Original subtitles

"WHY WOULD I HAVE A JOB?

I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR SHIT LIKE THAT AND YOU'LL MISS OUT ON ALL THE FUN STUFF."

CLARK OLOFSSON

BASED ON TRUTHS AND LIES

- [keys jangling] - [heavy locks turning]

[door slamming]

[Clark] Norrköping, the asshole of Sweden.

With a real dump of a prison.

[inmate coughs]

[Clark sighs]

The whole point of locking you up

must be that you should think about all the crimes you've committed

and all the troubles you've caused,

learn from your mistakes, regret them and become a better person.

That's how the state reasons.

[fly unzipping]

But, truth be told,

there is only one single thing on your mind.

["Insidan Av Ditt Lår" playing]

That's right, the pussy.

Our whole existence revolves around the pussy,

and there's nothing more beautiful than the pussy.

All girls should be proud of their pussies.

The pussy is simply, well...

It's life itself.

Snatch, muff, vulva,

minge, muffin, sheath,

beaver, coochie.

Yep, this fish taco's got many names,

and there are as many kinds of pussies as there are women on earth.

Bushy, shaven,

sparse or with peach fuzz,

round, flat,

light or dark,

smooth, tight,

large, wet or dry.

But I love and respect all kinds.

[water gushing]

The most beautiful pussy I've ever seen was probably Eva's.

No, hold on, Gunilla's.

No, when I think about it, Britta's pussy was the best.

No! What am I saying? Silly me.

It was definitely...

Maria's.

The queen of pussies.

[Maria moaning]

[Clark slurping]

Dammit, the guard is staring.

Huh?

Oh, that's just Börje. Ignore him.

[Maria clears throat]

- Clark! - Hmm? Hmm?

[sighs] Clark, we have to talk about my mother.

"Mother"?

Sh-she's putting on a play with the Pallisad Theater.

It's called Dandelion Kids.

She wants you to be in it.

- As an actor, I mean. - Huh?

She says that with your life experience, you would be perfect for the role.

- Yeah, of course. - Mm.

- [sighs] - Pretty please?

Well, that could be... That could be great.

- Mm? - Yeah.

He's gone. [chuckles]

[Maria laughs and moans]

[Clark] Now I was supposed to become an actor as well.

How hard could it be?

The enemy will not be defeated by itself.

There she is, Maria's godforsaken hippie mom.

She had convinced the authorities that it would be both community service

and rehabilitation for me to take part in this theater spectacle.

...a revolution is an uproar,

an act of violence where one class overthrows another.

[male actor] Mm-hmm.

What a lot of bullshit.

But I got quite a few days off to practice,

and that opened up a lot of new doors, if you catch my drift.

I'm a revolutionary!

But the mother was a fucking nightmare,

with a granny-like mustache over her lip, and full of Leninist quotes.

More Maoist!

[actors jeering]

[psychedelic rock music playing]

[goat bleating]

[jeering continues]

[jeering and music stops]

[snaps fingers]

Clark?

[Clark] To act on stage is nothing special.

I've been acting my whole life. Piece of cake.

But I can't freakin' stand it when people tell me what to do.

Especially not that old hag.

Say your line.

[monotone] A crime, a revolution.

[male actor] Oh, for God's sake, Clark.

Okay, uh...

Remember that you represent all the imperialists in the world.

You're speaking to the entire planet, right?

And they have to hear you.

You've got to feel it in your sexual organ!

[mimics explosion]

And her breath smelled like a tuna sandwich.

- Understand? - Oh.

- You have the power. - Mm.

Now, make contact with your sex,

and then... [mimics explosion]

[male actor]...drama school for this.

[monotone] A crime, a revolution.

- Good, good. That's great. - [applause]

Great stuff. God, th-that's powerful.

Super. Huh?

[sighs] Let's take five.

- Good. - [goat bleats]

[Clark] Of course, the premiere was sold out.

Everyone was there to see me.

PREMIERE

I'm not sure this theater stuff is my thing.

But now it was time to leave.

Stop it.

It's your first premiere and you're the star.

Your acting is fantastic.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I-I know.

It's just premiere jitters.

[bell ringing]

No.

Isn't the whole point to make real change?

Right?

And not just stand on some theater stage and just pretend.

We should be out there in the real world, Maria, and start a revolution for real.

What do you mean, "real world"? You're in jail.

Well, officially...

I'm sick of pretending. I want to take action.

And it's thanks to you.

You've convinced and taught me.

W-we could leave right now.

And we could make a real difference.

What, now?

Yeah. Yeah, before they lock me up again.

Today.

But... the play...

W-what will my mom say?

[bell ringing]

Maria...

I know that it's tough.

But no revolution has ever started by doing what your mom says.

[Maria sighs softly]

- [pats hand] - We've got to give it all we got.

Come on. It's us against the world.

["Speedy Gonzales" playing]

- Okay. - Okay?

- Mm-hmm. - [laughs]

[tires squeal]

[Clark] Yee-haw!

On the road again, honey! Huh?

- Yes! - [laughs]

- Freedom! I love freedom! - [suspension squeaking]

Where the hell is he? Clark?

Has anyone seen Maria, then? Where the hell is everyone?

- Where's Maria? - [male actor] I think she left.

Well, then, don't just sit there! [groans]

Vive la révolution! Here we go, baby!

Go to hell, Clark Olofsson!

Off to Denmark! [laughs]

Yee-haw!

SWEDEN STOCKHOLM

[engine revving]

CLASS AGAINST CLASS THE COMMUNIST PARTY

DENMARK COPENHAGEN

[Clark] As I've always said, escaping from jail is a human right.

Clark, what are we gonna do now?

Actually, it's your duty.

[Clark] Huh?

- What are we gonna do? - Keep calm, honey.

- [grunts] Just trust me. [chuckles] - [coins jangling]

I mean, we have my student allowance.

I think we can manage if we're careful.

Oh, yeah, sure. That would be great.

[bell rings]

[both cheering]

- Ah! - Oh, Kurre the Fox!

You remember this guy, right?

[projector whirring]

Him and that goddamn annoying rat,

Bengan.

[both laugh]

- Hey there, Slarken! - Hi there.

- How's it going? - Everything's fine. Maria, this is Kurre.

- Hi. - Maria, it's a pleasure. I'm Kurre.

- He's gonna help us out down here. - Yeah, sure thing. You bet.

- Just hop on the wagon here. - Okay.

- Let's go right away. - [Clark grunts]

It's so great to have you here!

On to Sherwood Forest! Whoo!

COPENHAGEN

[children cheering]

["Förälskad i Köpenhamn" playing]

[horse nickers]

[train horn bellows]

PORN SUPERMARKET

[Clark] The anarchist city of Christiania.

No laws, no cops,

sex orgies everywhere and loads of drugs.

And, yep, it really existed.

[instruments playing]

[pony whinnies and nickers]

I mean, don't get me wrong, I hate Denmark.

But even a broken clock and all that, right?

[children yelling]

[goat bleating]

[chickens clucking]

[Clark and Kurre laugh]

[Kurre] Well, this is the end of the line.

Welcome to your new home.

[Clark] What is this place?

- Get ready for paradise. - [Clark] What the...?

This way. Up the stairs. [sighs]

- [Clark] My God, it stinks. - [Kurre] It's piss and other stuff.

[man] How are you, Kurre?

- [Kurre] Hey. - [in Danish] Shut up.

Be careful, Clark. Remember that you're wanted.

Yeah. Don't worry so much.

- Come on. Kurre? - Yeah, follow me.

The most important thing is that we start fighting now.

We need armed operations here in Copenhagen.

Something that will get everyone's attention.

The Rote Armee Fraktion needs the funds

to entertain our training premises in Faizabad.

So you think we should abandon our Kurdish comrades?

- We can't do that. - What's this?

Yeah, I know. They're always going on and on.

Shit! Who the fuck are you, man? Who the fuck are you, man?

Huh? You got that CIA stank all over you. What are you, narc...

- Hey, hey, hey! - Don't touch me, you dumbass!

Nobody puts their hands on Clark Olofsson! You got that?!

Holy smokes, man. Did he just say Clark Olofsson?

I think that's what he said.

- The bank robber? - [Clark] Yeah.

[man] What the fuck?

That's what he said.

[indistinct chattering]

- But we don't use violence in this house. - [woman] Yeah, exactly.

Forgive Lafayette.

He's having a hard time after what the imperialists made him do in Vietnam.

The damn bastards.

Is that why he's so stupid?

We want to keep it peaceful and friendly in this house.

Maybe you need a hug.

- Hmm? - Mm. Yeah.

- Hmm. - Mm.

Mm.

[chuckles] Mm.

Welcome to Christiania. My name is Bente.

[bell dings]

[red-blazered man] Wait a minute. A bank robber?

He's come here to save the revolution!

We need the money,

a-and Clark can rob a bank in the name of the revolution.

- [man] Yes, goddamn it, you're right. - Clark Olofsson... our savior!

[red-blazered man] Bloody hell, yes.

Hare Krishna.

Clark, my man...

you are a hero!

- [Clark] Yeah. - [woman] Clark Olofsson.

- [instrument playing] - [laughter]

Wow! Wow!

All right, yeah.

- [Lafayette] All right? - Okay.

[Clark] Politics was as easy as acting on stage.

I had barely set foot in their home before I was elected the Danish Che Guevara,

sent forth by a group of spaced-out weirdos

and the Nordic farmers to relieve Danske Bank of their money.

- Got any food around here? - Yes.

[laughter]

- Then a party. - Yes, yes.

[laughter]

[sighs] I don't like this, Clark.

What? What don't you like?

Th-they asked me to help them.

This is what we talked about.

Revolution, for real.

[Clark] Hmm?

Get over here, dammit.

[Clark inhales deeply]

[Clark grunts]

[Clark moans]

[Clark sighs]

Come on.

[both moaning]

[Clark chuckles]

Hey, Clark...

[Maria sighs]

A bank robbery?

[Clark sighs]

You're not doing that anymore.

Yeah. No.

No, I don't, b-but, damn it, this is different.

This is political.

It's entirely different.

Come on, now.

[moans] There.

[both moaning]

[both sighing]

Oh, come on! It's not like I want to do it.

I'm doing it f-for them.

Th-they need the money to be able to fight, uh, cannibalism.

Capitalism.

Yeah, that's what I said.

Yeah. [sighs]

Okay, I guess so. It's for a good cause, right?

It's for a good cause. [chuckles]

But you have to promise to be careful.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Now, hurry up, so we can finish already.

[both moaning]

[Clark grunts]

Here we go. Watch your step right there, brother.

Yeah. Alright, hey, listen. We got off on the wrong foot.

I know it. I just didn't know who the fuck you were.

Now that I do, I got a little something for you.

Ah, let's see here.

I was gonna use this for the US embassy, but...

I'll let you borrow it.

What the hell is that?

It's a bomb.

I know what the hell a bomb is. What the hell would I need it for?

I'm a goddamn pro.

- I can rob a bank with a soda bottle. - Alright, alright.

I ain't saying you need to blow a motherfucker up.

I'm just saying show it to them.

They'll cream their pants and give you all the money you need.

[chuckles] All right.

Just make sure you bring this back to me in one piece.

And stay away from that switch, 'cause, uh...

[whispers] Boom!

I'll give it to Kurre.

Yeah.

- [woman screams] - You guessed it, everybody!

This here is a robbery!

It's a robbery!

And this here is a bomb!

It's a bomb!

If you touch it, it will explode.

- Boom! - If you get in our way, it will explode!

If you fuck with us in any way, it will explode!

Fuck with us!

All the money in the bags, please.

Hurry, hurry, hurry!

The bags are for them!

In the bags!

All the money in the bags! Go, go, go!

In the bags!

Don't fuck with us!

Hurry! The bomb!

- Boom! - [Clark] All the money in the bags!

- Hurry up! - [Kurre] Do as the man says! In the bags!

A special thank you to you.

[Kurre] In the bags!

Come on, now, you freakin' Danes!

- Kurre, let's go. - For Christ's sake, don't say my name.

[in Danish] They were Swedish.

[man, in Danish] That was Clark Olofsson.

[chattering in Danish]

Why are you wearing a stocking? Then nobody will know it's you.

You'll never be famous. Think about your image.

But we did great, right?

Yeah, nice and easy. Uh, did you get the bomb?

Huh?

[chattering in Danish]

[screaming]

Damn it!

[alarm ringing]

[screaming]

[victims groaning]

[wailing sirens approaching]

[man coughs]

POLICE

[policeman speaking Danish]

Here you go. You're welcome. Don't mention it.

[chuckling]

[Kurre] Yeah, loads of money.

[Clark] It'll be great for the revolution.

Is that all there is?

- Yeah, that's quite a lot. - Yeah, that's a lot of bacon right there.

[laughs] Scheisse, that's not enough for a revolution.

The Palestinians will be so bloody disappointed.

Uh, it is what it is, so I think we should be grateful.

- Yeah, I think so too. - [Lafayette] This is some bullshit!

Now, where's my bomb?

The bomb? [inhales sharply] Well, that's Kurre's fault.

Y-yeah.

Well, you know, um, something happened, um...

- It blew up. - [Kurre gasps]

TELEPHONE

- [line beeps] - [in Danish] Operator. May I help you?

I'd like to make a, uh...

I'd like to make a collect call to Stockholm, Sweden, please.

[vinyl crackling]

[psychedelic rock music playing]

[lighter clatters]

[exhales]

[footsteps]

Everyone's so freakin' ungrateful.

It's not my fault the banks don't have money in this third-world country.

Thanks.

[Maria's mother] Maria, are you all right?

I'm sorry we left like that. It wasn't fair to you, but...

- Where are you? - Clark needed to get away.

The prison was sucking the life out of him.

He'd never be able to reach his full potential there.

Hi there.

Uh, where is... Where is Maria?

She's not here.

Just us two.

I know that most people see him as an irredeemable criminal,

but I also know that he is so much more than that,

and a really good person.

I'm just a bit surprised, Clark. I didn't think Maria was your type.

I thought you were more into real women.

[inhales] I am.

What we have is special.

There's no end to our love.

I don't really have a certain type.

Do I have to choose?

I love everyone.

He kind of has this... power...

...an aura.

I'll be damned. [chuckles]

Mom, I have to believe in him...

[fly unzips]

- Because if I don't, then who will? - I really need this.

He won't let me down. He promised me.

[Clark moans]

You don't know him.

[Clark moaning]

What the fuck are you doing?!

- [record scratches] - [music stops]

Hi, Maria. Uh...

Uh...

No, Bente was just giving me a massage. I got a stiff muscle.

Especially one.

- Well, especially one muscle, yeah. - [Bente laughs]

No, shit. Hey. Damn it.

Maria, wait!

Let's, uh, continue this later.

- I'd really like that. - [chuckles]

Damn it, Maria. Mari... Maria.

- Maria, wait. - [grunts]

- Let me go! - What the hell are you doing?

What I'm doing? What the hell are you doing?

It was just a massage. She's really ugly.

Stop it, Clark.

It's not about that.

No? What's it about, then?

- I don't know what I'm doing here. - What?

You say we're here for the revolution and to make things better,

but it sure doesn't feel like it.

Everything's always on your terms,

and now you're even fooling around with that damn chick in there!

- But you told me that it wasn't about... - But it's not about that!

- [chickens clucking] - [pigs grunting]

Okay.

You don't even get it.

I gave up everything for you, Clark.

For us.

Yeah.

But if you continue like this, I will leave you.

It will end with everyone leaving you.

You won't have anyone left. Is that what you want?

[Clark inhales deeply]

[sighs] No. No.

Of course I don't want that.

Damn it, Maria.

I-I'm sorry.

[Clark sighs]

I... I love you.

And I know that I'm a goddamn maniac...

and that things sometimes go wrong,

you know, get out of hand when it comes to me,

b-but I try.

Well, it's...

Y-you... [sighs]

You're good.

You're... And you're good for me.

You... You make me better.

A-and I want to be better.

Better for you.

Okay?

From now on, you'll always know where I stand.

No more lies. I promise.

You promise?

Hell yes!

- [chuckles] - I promise.

Maria... look at me.

You and me against the world.

[chuckles] You're beautiful when you're angry.

[Clark chuckles]

[chickens clucking]

PUPPETRY

[children playing]

BOMBING DURING BANK ROBBERY: ONE HUNDRED THOUSAND STOLEN

[Clark] Hey, you darn kids!

- What's up? [chuckles] - [typewriter keys clacking]

Good morning, you spaced-out weirdos.

Where the hell have you been, Slarken?

I almost thought the cops had got you.

Not a chance. I'm the one deciding when I get caught.

You know that.

Refill?

Ladies?

[Bente sighs]

Or not.

Well... [sighs]

Uh... Why are you all so goddamn grumpy?

Where's our motherfucking money, motherfucker?

What money?

Have you hidden the money from us?

No.

What?

Yeah. What?

"Yeah. Yeah, what?" What do you mean by "what"?

How do you explain this?

[Clark laughs]

You see, Kurre? No stocking. World-famous in Denmark too.

[chuckles] Yeah.

No, you can't believe that. Don't believe everything in the papers.

It's bullshit.

What kind of revolutionary are you? This is not how we save the world.

Just tell us the truth. Where is the money, Clark?

We're short 87,449 crowns and halvfjerds ører.

- Halvfjerds right back at you. - [scoffs]

How can anybody understand what she just said?

- [Kurre laughs] - You motherfucker!

I done told you, I need the bomb for the damn embassy!

- Fuck you! - Don't you touch me!

[all yelling]

[glass shatters]

Clark!

[yelling continues]

Clark!

Clark!

[yelling stops]

- Calm down. - I told you not to touch me!

Your boyfriend stole our money.

And he blew up a bank.

He fucked up the revolution!

Is all of this true, Clark?

No, of course not.

[Clark panting]

[Clark scoffs]

[running footsteps]

They're coming! They're coming!

Th-the police!

[male anarchist] I have a bomb!

What the hell? I thought this was a free zone, without cops and shit.

You blew up a bank, for God's sake.

[Kurre] Slarken! Slarken!

- Damn cops. - [Kurre] We've got to go!

[siren wailing]

- Okay, Maria, let's go. - [Kurre yells]

Maria?

We've got to leave.

Honey, come on. Let's go. The cops are coming.

- [banging] - [police yelling in Danish]

Maria...

[approaching footsteps and voices]

[in Danish] Police!

- Goddamn it. - [in Danish] It's Clark!

- [grunts] - [whistle blowing]

[policeman, in Danish] Police!

[yelling in Danish]

[policeman, in Danish] Shit!

- Where's Clark Olofsson? - You're under arrest.

[pony whinnies]

[woman screams]

[yelling in Danish]

[Clark] Out of my way!

[whimpers]

Shit! Come here!

[woman laughs]

[in Danish] Where the hell is Clark Olofsson?

[in Danish] What the hell are you doing?

Kurre! Have you got the money?

[both laugh]

- Let's go. - Uh... We'll take this.

Okay.

Come on, Kurre! Hurry up!

It's unlocked.

Yeah, but this is more fun.

[engine starting]

I'm innocent!

[yelling]

[Kurre] Slarken!

[Clark laughs]

[Kurre] On to Sherwood Forest!

[in Danish] I'll go that way. You, there.

[in German] Shit!

Leave me alone, goddamn it!

I'm innocent!

Fuck you, Clark!

[all yelling] Clark!

[grunts]

- [Kurre laughs] - [horn blaring]

[Clark] Move, you Danish bastards!

[sharp whistle]

Clark's a dumbass.

Clark! You can kiss my...

What the hell, Clark?!

[all] What the hell, Clark?!

[Clark cackles]

[tires squeal]

[Clark grunts] Ow!

- What are you doing? Drive! - There's a red light.

Oh, come on! Drive!

[brakes screech]

Oh, come on!

[Kurre grunts]

Hurry up a notch, old lady!

- [Kurre] Come on, old bag. - Here come the cops.

Oh, shit.

Hey, there's Bente.

[inaudible] Go to hell, Clark.

[Clark] Well, damn it, I didn't give a damn about politics. I knew that.

- God, she's grumpy. - [both laugh]

I have no freakin' time to save the world.

I have my own problems and myself to take care of.

And what goddamn revolution can be more important than yourself?

But it was hard leaving Maria.

I'd never felt like that before.

I really thought it would be her and me, with kids, a family and all that crap.

Well, until I and the circumstances broke it all up.

Because I was the one that left her.

No, she didn't leave me. No way.

I-I've never been good with goodbyes.

Speaking of goodbyes...

[young Clark] Mom! No!

When I was 12 years old, Mom was forced into the loony bin.

- No! - No!

Let her go! No!

Mom!

Clark!

Clark!

No! Mom!

- No! Let me go! - Mom! Mom!

- No! - No!

Clark!

Nobody thought it important to tell me what happened to Mom.

They just removed her and didn't care about me.

[Kurre] Get trekking, grandma!

[walker wheels squeaking]

[Clark] Kurre, let the cops leave first.

[descending whistle] And the beat goes on, dum-da-dum-dum-dum.

But who the hell cares anyway?

- [Clark] Move it, you Danish bastards! - [Kurre] Kurre and Slarken!

- Cheers, damn it! - Cheers!

[both laugh]

- [Kurre] What a freakin' life! - [laughs]

[Clark] This is the good life.

SPAIN

[tires squeal]

[donkey brays]

["Y Viva España" playing]

[Clark] God, it felt good to get away from all that hippie crap.

[both] Cheers, dammit!

No, it was time for a bit of luxury.

I had deserved that.

[Clark sighs]

This is freedom.

[both chuckle]

- Doesn't get any better than this. - No, it certainly doesn't.

Yeah. Ooh!

- [in Spanish] Your oysters, gentlemen. - [Kurre] Well, it just did.

- She's pretty hot. - Yeah, in some way.

- What the hell is this? - Uh, that's an oyster.

- Are you supposed to eat them? - Of course.

The pussy of the sea.

Delicious. And it gets you horny too.

[Clark chuckles]

Well, in that case... [chuckles]

[Clark laughs]

[grunts] Are they meant to be this hard?

[Clark laughs]

Uh, well, damn it... Forget it.

I'll take this. Now we're talking. This one I recognize.

Señorita, more champagne!

- Damn, she is hot. - Hey, Slarken...

- [in Spanish] Champagne, sir? - Hello, darling.

[in Spanish] Thank you so much.

- You're so nice. - Slarken, please, uh...

You know that thing with Maria and all that stuff?

I get if you feel, uh...

- How should I put this? - [grunts] I'm getting a boat.

Huh?

I'm getting a boat.

[chuckles] Oh, that sounds great. But just so you know that...

A sailing boat.

The ultimate sense of freedom.

- Out on the high seas. - All right.

[ice cubes rattling]

So may I propose a toast to the captain?

- Yes, you may. - Cheers to Captain Clark!

- All hands on deck! - [laughs]

[Clark] My entire life, I had dreamed of sailing on the open seas.

It was time to make that dream come true.

Well, Kurre, how do you like this little pearl?

- Like it. - Then we'll take her.

And I had always been a boat person.

- Whoa! Captain... - [grunts]

The first thing you do is give your boat a name.

So, henceforth, you shall be named...

"The Pearl."

- [cheers] - [laughs]

[Clark] Out to sea!

["Y Viva España" continues]

[Clark yelling] Freedom! Yes!

Goddamn, this feels good!

[Kurre laughs] Yeah.

Ship o'Boy, Captain Clark!

Ship o'Boy!

May I tempt you with a rum and Coke?

- Yes, you may. Cheers, old boy. - [laughs] Cheers!

You salty old seadog!

[laughs] No.

[both laugh]

[Kurre] Mm!

[sighs] Damn, I needed this.

I feel you.

But, uh...

you, uh... you've done this before, right?

What?

Well, sail out on the open sea and all that crap,

and paddled ashore and, uh...

Hell yeah. I'm a goddamn natural. [chuckles]

[inhales sharply] You just have to be at one with nature.

Now, the wind is blowing...

from over there.

And then I'll turn the boat, with the wind, this way.

I mean, how hard can it be?

[Kurre] Oh, I'm with you.

You know everything, Clark.

It's as simple as that.

But if we want to go that way, then what do we do?

[Clark] Why? That's where we came from.

- The wind tells us to go that way. - [wind gusting]

- Watch out! - Fuck!

- What the hell was that?! - That's the boom.

- It has a life of its own. - [mutters] Oh, shit.

You never know when it's gonna do stuff like that.

I guess you could say that it's the cock of the boat.

- You can never trust it. - Okay.

[Clark laughs]

Now, we're gonna have some fun, you and me.

["En gång jag seglar i hamn" playing]

ROME

- Kurre, I'm fishing. - Hey, Captain Haddock!

[Clark yells]

Slarken, check out the cock!

- Can I trust you? - You can always trust me, Kurre.

[Kurre laughs]

- Ah! - Freebies taste the best.

- Are you ready? - Pull!

[Kurre] Fore!

[both yell]

Here you go.

[feigning orgasms]

Damn, we got to find some babes.

- [cork pops] - [cheering]

[cheering]

No way!

Ahoy, everybody!

- No. Money first. - [reporter] Oh, of course.

[both gasp]

We have a lot of ravioli downstairs. Yeah.

- [gunshot] - [cheering]

CLARK STARTS OVER

WINE, WOMEN, MUSIC

Whoa!

- [gasps] - No, no, no! Don't drop it!

[Kurre] How will we ever get home again?

[yelling]

[Kurre] Nice to have a boat, uh, you know?

[Clark] The best thing about seafaring is that nobody can tell you what to do.

And as captain of your own ship, you live by your own rules.

Whoa! You hit it! Without looking!

The Mediterranean Sea was too small for me.

Goddamn paddling pool.

I wanted to get out on the big seas.

The Atlantic Ocean.

[yelling]

[cheering]

[yelling] What a freakin' life!

MADRID SPAIN

THREE MONTHS LATER THE ATLANTIC OCEAN...

[Kurre] ♪ To sea! To sea! ♪

♪ To sea! To sea! ♪

- [Kurre chuckles] Yeah! - [urinating and farting]

[humming]

Hey there, girls.

Tempt that Kurre on the high seas... [trails off]

[thunder rumbling]

- What the f...? - [thunder crashes]

Clark...

[muttering] Goddamn. What's happening?

- Slarken! - [yelling] Yeah?

Uh, we have a situation here.

It's not so nice weather.

You'd better come up and take the wheel now.

Yeah, I'll be right up!

- [thunder crashes] - [wind gusting]

[thunder rumbles]

Captain Kurre doesn't like this.

- Slarken, the wind is getting stronger! - I'm wiping my ass here!

Dammit, Slarken. Come on.

[rumbling continues]

- [thunder crashes] - Slarken!

I'm coming!

Get the map up here!

- Where the hell is it? - Over there!

[Clark] People go on and on about the forces of nature and shit like that...

I-I-I think you have to hurry. There's a breeze on its way.

...how vast and dangerous the ocean is...

Forget the goddamn map.

...and how small that makes you feel.

For me, it's the opposite.

I become powerful, and I feel strong.

It's definitely a storm!

I feel freakin' free.

- [thunder crashing] - [Clark laughs]

I'm Clark freakin' Olofsson!

Clark!

Nature can go suck my dick!

- [wind gusting] - [grunts]

No goddamn weather's gonna bring me down!

Clark!

What the hell?!

Okay! Okay!

You want to fight?! Huh?!

Because I want to fight!

I fucking long for a fight!

[screams]

You piece of shit, Olsson!

- [laughs] - Clark, we're gonna die!

[roars]

Come on!

Here I am!

Flesh and blood!

Come on and get me, if you dare!

Clark!

Not now, Kurre!

Clark, we're gonna die!

- [whimpers] - Not now, Kurre!

[Kurre whimpers]

Just stay down there.

- Okay! - It's all good.

I'll stay down here!

I don't want to die!

Come on, then!

I can do this all freakin' night!

Hammarby!

[Clark] Goddamn it!

Ow!

[groans]

[yelling] I love you, Clark!

I've put up with crap all my life!

I've been abandoned many times!

This is nothing... to me!

- Let me go! - Mom! Mom!

Yeah!

[yelling]

[thunder crashes]

Yah! Yah! Yah!

[yelling savagely]

[screams]

Maria!

- Yes! - [bottle smashes]

Here I am!

Do you know who you're messing with, huh?!

[grunts] Do you know who I am?!

[Clark yells wildly]

[yells and cackles]

[roars]

Clark!

Momma!

[thunder crashing]

I'm ready for you! [laughs]

[cackles wildly]

[screams]

[waves gently lapping]

[grunt]

Slarken...

Slarken?

Slarken...

Slarken.

Goddamn, the world is ugly.

The world is ugly.

[groans]

Anyone but Slarken! Take me instead!

Why are you bawling, Kurre? [grunts]

[gasps]

Slarken?!

[Clark groans]

[Kurre sighs]

Kurre, get me a Bacardi Coke, will you?

You bet your ass, Captain.

I'll be as fast as greased lightning!

My God, you scared me.

[Clark grunting]

- Look, Clarken! - Huh?

[seagulls squawking]

- [ship horn bellows] - [Kurre] Land ahoy! [laughs]

[Clark] Oh, yeah. [chuckles]

[Kurre sighs]

I told you... that I could sail a boat.

Yeah, you did.

A piece of cake.

- Yeah. - [laughs]

[Clark] I felt that I had had enough of life at sea.

Nature and the ocean are so goddamn overrated.

[Clark laughs]

[Clark coughing]

Bacardi Coke.

Ostend!

Huh? "Tender"?

[Clark] I felt like going back to work again.

Or, not a real job... Well, you get it.

That's the name of this shithole. We're in Belgium.

I just wanted to move on...

but I had to talk to Kurre first.

That's so great!

Belgium...

Clark and Kurre on new adventures.

- So, what do we do now, Captain? - Uh, well, we have to have a little chat.

Huh?

This is the end of our journey.

[Kurre scoffs]

I mean, you've been a great first mate, Kurre.

But I have to sort some stuff out, and I have to do it alone.

But, hey...

The Pearl is yours.

But I don't know anything about boats.

I thought we were a team, Slarken.

Ah, hell. You can be my eyes and ears.

But from afar.

Ah, you get it. [chuckles]

Well, are you gonna meet someone else here in...

in Belgium?

Some Belgian guy?

If it's my fault, I can change if that's the case. I can be whoever...

You're not hearing me, Kurre!

I don't need you anymore.

You get it?

There is no more Clark and Kurre.

See you around.

- Slarken... - See ya!

- I didn't mean what I said. I'm sorry. - The Pearl is yours!

- Slarken, please! - Go shit yourself!

I'm sorry, Slarken.

- Goodbye. - O'boy, Captain!

[Clark] As I said, it was time to move on.

- [whistle blows] - [horn bellows]

[man on PA] Bon voyage.

The train to Brussels is on platform 3...

[steam hissing]

[train tracks rumbling]

- [conductor, in French] Tickets. - Shit. Goddamn.

- [knocking] - [conductor, in French] Tickets.

[in French] Good evening.

- [in English] Are you traveling all alone? - [woman] Yes.

[in French] Very well. Good night, miss.

[door slides shut]

[door shuts]

Thank you.

Thank you for what?

Uh, for not telling the conductor I was, uh, hiding in there.

I didn't even know you were in there.

[Clark exhales sharply]

What's your name?

[switch clicks]

Marijke. [sighs]

[bell dings]

[Clark chuckles]

What's your name?

Clar...

Clark.

[both chuckle]

[chuckles] Clark?

Like Clark Gable?

Yes.

Exactly like, uh, Cark Gable.

I'm on my way to, uh... to Brussels.

Yeah, me too. I live there. You live there too?

[softly] Yeah.

- Hmm? - No.

- No? - No, no, no, no, no.

I don't really live anywhere.

- Oh. - I'm a free soul.

I just got back from a very long journey at sea.

Okay.

All the way from the middle of Mediterranean to here.

Hmm. Wow!

A small boat. Three months.

It's been, uh... very...

lonely.

Three months.

It's a long time.

Yeah.

And, uh... what do you miss the most?

Do you... really want to know?

Yeah.

- [laughs] - Maybe I can show you.

- Yeah? Yeah? - Yeah.

Yeah?

[Clark laughs]

[man speaking French]

- [in French] I told you! - Goddamn it.

[in French] Look at this! Who are these people?

Hello, hello.

- Top bunk is mine. - [Marijke laughs]

[in French] To spend a night like this!

[Clark chuckles]

To be continued.

[train whistle blowing]

[panting and moaning]

["Kärleksmaskinen" playing]

[moaning continues]

- [speaks French] - [Clark] I'm almost done!

[moaning and laughter continues]

[Clark] So, that's how I met Marijke.

And from that moment, we were always together.

We just couldn't be apart.

["Kärleksmaskinen" continues playing]

Oh, it's very cool!

[Marijke laughs]

[Marijke screams]

[Marijke] Whoo!

[Clark] Yeah!

[Clark] We wanted to be together forever and have it all.

A family, a house, a Volvo and a dog. For real this time.

[moaning]

BLANKENBERGE, BELGIUM 1976

What a beautiful house.

FOR SALE

If my woman wants this house, I'll, uh, give her this house.

But we can't afford it.

- What's the matter? - Um...

[clears throat] It's just, uh...

I want this for you.

And, um...

I... I want you to have e-everything you want.

And I can get th-the money

for the house, but it's not really...

Clark Olofsson...

I love you.

We'll find a way.

Don't worry.

- Okay? - Okay.

[Clark] Yeah, life with Marijke wasn't exactly cheap.

I had to bring home some dough to the family.

[Clark] Hmm.

- [tires squeal] - [engine revving]

So I went back to work.

PK BANKEN GOTHENBURG

[tires screech]

WHERE IS CLARK OLOFSSON?

Here I am, you stupid assholes.

But, yes, it's new times too...

400,000? That's a lot of money.

Hi there!

Excuse me...

Oh, no worries.

I think you took a wrong turn, sir. Please go to the teller and...

- Olofsson's the name. - Oh. A pleasure to meet you...

- Yes, indeed. - Which one of you two idiots is in charge?

[scoffs] You can't just barge in here in the middle of an important meeting.

You just can't do that.

Well, you'll have to excuse us,

but we're very busy, as you can see, so, uh...

[gasps] No, hey... What the hell? He's got a rifle.

The Russians are invading. I told you they would. [gasps]

You talk way too much, both of you.

Listen up.

My name is Clark Olofsson,

and I'm a bank robber.

You've probably already heard of me.

- Uh-huh. - Here's the thing.

I need some, uh... start-up money for a business idea I'm working on.

[man wheezing]

So I thought that, today, I'd pay your bank a visit.

- You should consider it an honor. - No, no, no.

This is completely unacceptable.

I know. It is terrible.

[retching]

- No, but... - [weakly] My arm...

- We have to call an ambulance. - Yes...

Forget about him for a second. Here's what you're gonna do.

You're gonna pick up the phone from your fancy mahogany table,

and then you're gonna call up that cute cashier downstairs

and tell her that you want one million Swedish crowns, in used bills.

- Pressure here... - Shut the fuck up! I'm talking here.

In used bills, in a bag, up here in your fancy office.

It radiates towards my arm!

She's got ten minutes before I shoot the both of you.

I feel strange. I'd like to go to the toilet.

- [fart] - I'm sorry.

Well, you at least. The fatso probably won't last that long.

- I had measles in November... - Come on, get on with it.

[groaning continues]

- Birgitta? - Mr. Enhagen?

Could you, uh...

Would you kindly come up to my office

with, uh, one million crowns?

An aspirin would be nice.

- [manager] In a bag. - Must be something new...

Sir, I don't quite understand.

Tell Birgitta I say hi.

It's, uh, Clark Olofsson.

He says hi.

- One million? - [man] Oh, my God!

Tell Mr. Olofsson

that I don't know if we have that much cash.

Birgitta says that she isn't sure we have that much, uh, cash.

My, oh, my.

That's too bad.

[weakly] Hello? Hello?

I thought you could go over to my bank, if we want...

If you want some more cash, we can pick it up there.

Yes, that's... It's just across the street.

Yeah, that sounds like an excellent plan.

- [laughs nervously] - Well done, fatso.

- [groans] - That's what we'll do.

Yes, that's...

- Did you hear that, Birgitta? - Sure.

You have ten minutes. Then he'll shoot us.

- Uh, I'm on my way. - Good.

- Y-yes, she's running over. - Could I have some whiskey?

[Clark] I knew that this bank would provide excellent customer service.

They were very accommodating.

Just as they should be when you're carrying out your banking affairs.

Martinsson?

[Birgitta whimpering]

- [horn blares] - [gasps]

[Birgitta panting]

I'll take that.

Yeah. Thank you very much.

- Gentlemen... - Uh...

Thank you for your excellent service and kindness.

Thank you.

Half would have been enough. [chuckles]

[glass thuds]

Miss Birgitta...

Mr. Olofsson.

[sighs]

[gasps] Martinsson!

["Just idag är jag stark" playing]

[engine starts]

[singing along in Swedish] ♪ Waited so long for this day to arrive ♪

♪ And I'm glad That it's finally here now ♪

♪ Waited so long for this day to arrive ♪

♪ I feel good, 'cause it's here now ♪

♪ I watch women walk by ♪

Yes, I sure do.

♪ And I trust in myself and my power ♪

♪ I have waited so long For this day to arrive ♪

♪ And I'm glad That it's finally here now ♪

My efforts had paid off.

Cash, a new love, and freedom.

The only thing missing was some Swedish grub.

[tires screech]

Potato pancakes? Oh, hell yeah.

And I was freakin' starving.

[car door shuts]

RESTAURANT LILLA FRÖJDEN

[humming "Just idag är jag stark"]

POLICE

[muttering] Fucking cops.

[indistinct chattering]

Do you see who it is?

Huh? Who you mean?

Clark Olofsson, the bank robber.

[scoffs]

They were just talking about him on the radio.

Yeah, of course I know who he is, but...

[scoffs] No.

- I'm telling you. - No.

I'm sure.

[chef] For table 13.

He robbed a bank in Gothenburg this morning and got away with a million.

Then maybe he'll give us a good tip.

There you go.

[Clark] Nice.

I hope the potato pancake will be to your liking...

Mr. Olofsson...

Well, thank you.

It's him.

[tuts] Damn it. [sighs]

What are we gonna do?

[sighs]

I guess we wake up the neighbors.

Huh?

[whirring]

[telephone ringing]

[beeping]

Trosa Police Department.

Clark Olofsson!

Well, I'll be darned! Larsson!

[frenetic munching]

[sighs]

- We can't just barge in, right? - No, no, no. It might not even be him.

No.

W-well, I'll... I-I'll go check.

Yeah, that's good.

Oh, shit! It's him.

- H-he's sitting in there. - No.

Go and see for yourself.

- It's... It's not him. - No, it is.

No. Let's forget this. Let's go back.

We can't just forget it.

It's freakin' Clark Olofsson sitting in there.

[breathing heavily] So, what are we gonna do?

Well, w-we...

We'll, uh...

Uh...

- Call Stockholm. - Ah, good.

This is wild, right?

[telephone ringing]

Tommy Lindström, Special Investigations.

Excuse me, what did you say?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm coming.

I'm going to Trosa!

- What? - It's freakin' Clark!

- Come on! Benke, come with me! - Okay, sure.

We're going to Trosa, dammit!

[man] What the hell, Tommy?!

- Drive! - [engine starts]

[tires screech]

Let's go!

- Tommy, I'm trying. - Drive!

[tires squealing]

Where is he?

- In there. - In there.

And you're absolutely sure?

- Yeah. - Oh, yes. A hundred percent.

So why haven't you arrested him?

- Uh... - Well...

- Because, uh... - What?

- Uh, well, because he's Clark Olofsson. - Yes.

[Tommy sighs]

[muttering] Damn airheads.

- Fuck... - He couldn't have meant we should have...

No, I don't know.

[policeman] It's on your right. Yeah, there.

- Dammit, we called. - Exactly. We guarded the entrance.

Yeah. [sniffles]

Clark.

Timmy.

Tommy.

Yeah, that's it.

- [Clark slurps beer] - [man] Okay, let's... let's go.

Come on. We're leaving, darling.

You've been busy today.

[sighs] Oh, yeah.

Where's the money?

What money?

One million crowns.

The money from the robbery, from Gothenburg.

Where did you hide them?

[sighs] Tommy, Tommy, Tommy...

[gulping beer]

I like you.

But you have no imagination.

None whatsoever.

Everything's just one single boring goddamn way for you.

Huh?

I can't even imagine what it must be like in your head.

It must be like, uh, some damn...

Like some damn...?

[burps]

Cheers, old boy.

[Clark] Well done, Tommy.

But it was about time to go back to the hotel and rest a bit anyway.

You have to get caught sometimes so you can escape again.

You can never be truly free if you're not locked up now and again.

Well, you get it.

- [crowd clamoring] - I highly recommend the potato pancake.

CLARK OLOFSSON ARRESTED

[Clark] They found 200,000 crowns in the bag.

Where the rest went?

[laughs] Well, Tommy will never know.

Goddamn it!

[Clark laughs]

Check this out.

[glitchy, reversed audio]

Put it like this, it's always good to have retirement funds.

You never know what's gonna happen.

The court finds the defendant guilty and, uh...

[camera clicks] ...sentences him to...

[laughter]

...four years in prison.

I got four years for the robbery in Gothenburg,

plus the two years I had left when I escaped last time.

[camera shutter clicking]

[door slams]

They sent me to the high-security prison Kumla,

the toughest goddamn prison in Sweden.

[buzzer]

[keys jangling]

[door creaks]

[chuckles] Oh! Did I get the suite? Lovely.

[door creaks]

- [lock turns] - Ah, finally. Home at last.

Peace and quiet.

A lot of time to myself

and time to plan my future.

I deserved that.

[sighs]

- [footsteps] - [door opening]

Olofsson, rise and shine. You have a visitor.

[Clark grunts]

Hey there, Bosse. How's the wife?

- Are you getting any action? - No.

No?

- Not yet. - Hang in there.

[buzzer]

[door slams]

[keys jangling]

[lock turning]

Uh...

Hi.

[chuckles] Hey there.

I...

I didn't know you were, uh... What are you doing here?

I needed to talk to you. Sit.

I thought Marijke was special...

Yes...

...but I guess she was like everybody else.

As soon as things got a little bumpy, they couldn't handle me.

I understood why she was there.

This is hard. Um...

If you wanted to say that it was over, you could have just called on the phone.

Shh, shh, shh.

Um... Stupid.

Um...

Clark, let's make a deal.

[Marijke inhales sharply]

You can come and go as you please,

do whatever you like, but just with one condition.

Whatever you do out there to support us,

you never, ever bring it back home.

Okay?

Uh... [hesitates]

Of course.

- Of course. Yes. - And two more things.

One, do you want to marry me?

And...

two, I'm pregnant.

Yeah, o-of course I want to!

That's fantastic!

I love kids! I have two!

She was freakin' perfect!

I love you!

I love you too!

I got to be myself. No more pretending.

I had never met anyone like her.

She was the new love of my life.

["Jailhouse Rock" playing]

[strong Swedish accent] ♪ Warden threw a party in county jail ♪

♪ The prison band was there And they began to wail ♪

♪ The band Dodiam Badodiam Began to swing ♪

♪ You should have heard The rows-clinking-on jailbirds sing ♪

♪ Let's rock, mm ♪

♪ Let's rock, mm ♪

♪ Everybody whole cell block ♪

♪ Was dancin' to the Jailhouse Rock ♪

♪ Number 47 said to number three ♪

♪ You're the cutest jailbird I ever did see ♪

♪ I'm sure he delighted company ♪

♪ Come and do the Jailhouse Rock with me ♪

♪ Let's rock, mm ♪

♪ Let's rock, mm ♪

♪ Everybody whole cell block ♪

♪ Was dancing to the Jailhouse Rock ♪

[instrumental, guitar solo playing]

♪ Sad Sack was sittin' on a stone ♪

♪ Way over corner, weepin' all alone ♪

♪ The warden, hey, button no squares ♪

♪ If you find a partner Wooden chair, let's rock ♪

♪ Mm ♪

♪ Let's rock ♪

♪ Mm ♪

♪ Everybody whole cell block ♪

♪ Was dancing to the Jailhouse Rock ♪

♪ Shifty Henry to the Bugs For Heaven's sake ♪

♪ No one looking Now's our chance make break ♪

♪ Bugs turns to Shifts And he said nix nix ♪

♪ I wanna stick around a while And get my kicks ♪

♪ Let's rock, mm ♪

♪ Let's rock, mm ♪

♪ Everybody whole cell block ♪

♪ Was dancing to the Jailhouse Rock ♪

♪ Was dancing to the Jailhouse Rock ♪

♪ Was dancing to the Jailhouse Rock ♪

♪ Was dancing to the Jailhouse Rock ♪

POTATO PANCAKE: 2 DL FLOUR, 4 DL MILK, 2 EGGS

POTATO PANCAKE: 1/2 TSP SALT, 900 G POTATO, 2 TBSP BUTTER