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1
00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:07,000
This programme contains
strong language.
2
00:00:07,000 --> 00:00:10,040
Weapons Intelligence aren't
usually late.
3
00:00:10,040 --> 00:00:11,920
We could give it another five.
4
00:00:11,920 --> 00:00:13,240
You did ask them to come.
5
00:00:13,240 --> 00:00:16,040
Yes, I did.
And yet, WISWO came there none.
6
00:00:16,040 --> 00:00:17,080
WISWO!
7
00:00:19,760 --> 00:00:22,880
I just like the word - WISWO!
8
00:00:22,880 --> 00:00:26,480
Well, it doesn't sound like he's a
weapons intelligence guy, does it?
9
00:00:26,480 --> 00:00:28,920
Sounds like he's a wizard. Whiz!
10
00:00:28,920 --> 00:00:31,280
And he's just done something
amazing! Whoa!
11
00:00:33,120 --> 00:00:35,200
WISWO!
12
00:00:35,200 --> 00:00:37,560
Your life in his hands. Incredible.
13
00:00:37,560 --> 00:00:40,360
Right, life's too short.
I'm going down there.
14
00:00:40,360 --> 00:00:41,680
Boss on the move!
15
00:00:45,280 --> 00:00:47,240
VOICES CRACKLE OVER RADIO
16
00:00:52,960 --> 00:00:54,880
Boss. We've got some chat on ICOM.
17
00:00:54,880 --> 00:00:56,320
VOICES CRACKLE OVER RADIO
18
00:00:56,320 --> 00:00:57,520
What are they saying?
19
00:00:57,520 --> 00:01:00,600
"The donkey is walking
towards the tiger."
20
00:01:00,600 --> 00:01:01,680
What?
21
00:01:01,680 --> 00:01:03,960
Oh, shit! Boss! Boss,
get out of there!
22
00:01:08,560 --> 00:01:10,280
"The donkey runs like a girl."
23
00:01:11,640 --> 00:01:12,680
Just kidding.
24
00:01:14,480 --> 00:01:17,880
Well? They're saying the donkey was
walking towards the tiger.
25
00:01:17,880 --> 00:01:20,360
You must be the donkey, boss.
Yes, I... And the tiger is...
26
00:01:20,360 --> 00:01:24,600
The bomb! Well done for cracking
that impenetrable Taliban code(!)
27
00:01:24,600 --> 00:01:26,520
OK. So, what does this mean?
28
00:01:26,520 --> 00:01:28,360
Remote initiation? A command wire?
29
00:01:28,360 --> 00:01:30,600
Yeah. But the search team's already
had a poke about
30
00:01:30,600 --> 00:01:32,200
and didn't find anything, so...?
31
00:01:32,200 --> 00:01:33,920
It could be along a linear feature?
32
00:01:33,920 --> 00:01:38,280
A linear feature! He's learning!
Bird, linear feature.
33
00:01:38,280 --> 00:01:39,920
Get them to check again.
34
00:01:39,920 --> 00:01:43,160
Boss, my team can't stop you being
blown to bits
35
00:01:43,160 --> 00:01:45,560
by a command wire device,
36
00:01:45,560 --> 00:01:48,360
but you're not getting shot,
not on my watch.
37
00:01:49,320 --> 00:01:51,320
Thanks, Simon...comforting(!)
38
00:01:54,640 --> 00:01:56,920
The donkey is checking the time.
39
00:01:56,920 --> 00:01:59,160
The donkey!
Why can't I be the tiger?
40
00:01:59,160 --> 00:02:01,240
They go to go to all this
trouble of targeting me,
41
00:02:01,240 --> 00:02:03,480
and they can't even give me
a decent bloody codename?
42
00:02:03,480 --> 00:02:05,800
Don't shoot the messenger.
43
00:02:07,240 --> 00:02:09,760
No, seriously. Don't.
44
00:02:38,880 --> 00:02:41,040
There you go! All done.
45
00:02:41,040 --> 00:02:43,560
Let's hope our new WISWO...
WISWO!
46
00:02:45,840 --> 00:02:49,120
..can help us to... Nutsack!
Fucking hell!
47
00:02:49,120 --> 00:02:51,560
Nick.
48
00:02:51,560 --> 00:02:52,600
Nutsack.
49
00:02:55,000 --> 00:02:56,360
This is cosy(!)
50
00:02:56,360 --> 00:02:59,720
Isn't it? So, you're our new WISWO.
51
00:02:59,720 --> 00:03:02,120
Good. Perfect. Amazeballs!
52
00:03:02,120 --> 00:03:05,000
Believe me, mate, as much of a
surprise for me as it is for you.
53
00:03:05,000 --> 00:03:07,640
Last week I was in Chester,
scratching my arse, next thing
54
00:03:07,640 --> 00:03:11,080
I'm off to Afghan before I even get
a chance to sniff my fingers.
55
00:03:11,080 --> 00:03:15,080
Charming(!) Steve Nuttall,
Towerblock, you've already met Bird.
56
00:03:15,080 --> 00:03:19,720
Yes, she... Lance Corporal Lansley.
Close protection.
57
00:03:21,360 --> 00:03:23,960
Yeah, Bird said about a command
wire device?
58
00:03:23,960 --> 00:03:25,200
Unusual in this terrain.
59
00:03:25,200 --> 00:03:28,760
Yeah, I know it's unusual.
That's why you're here.
60
00:03:28,760 --> 00:03:31,320
Yeah, so we reckon we're dealing
with an experienced bomber
61
00:03:31,320 --> 00:03:34,040
with a working knowledge
of our existing render safe
62
00:03:34,040 --> 00:03:35,480
and forensic procedures.
63
00:03:35,480 --> 00:03:38,640
Brilliant! So you've totally read
the profile I compiled.
64
00:03:38,640 --> 00:03:41,280
Did you have any information that,
you know, I didn't give you?
65
00:03:41,280 --> 00:03:43,360
Like, who it is?
66
00:03:43,360 --> 00:03:44,480
No idea, mate.
67
00:03:44,480 --> 00:03:46,520
Well, I'm so glad you're here(!)
68
00:03:46,520 --> 00:03:48,600
It's good to know
you've got my back.
69
00:03:48,600 --> 00:03:51,840
Puts you in an ideal position to
stick a knife in it.
70
00:03:51,840 --> 00:03:55,040
Yeah, all right. Just make sure that
the rest of your team are...
71
00:03:55,040 --> 00:03:56,920
The rest of my team are fine. OK.
72
00:03:56,920 --> 00:03:59,680
Actually, you know what - the rest
of my team are better than fine.
73
00:03:59,680 --> 00:04:03,920
They're a group of highly skilled
individuals who know exactly what
they're doing. So, thank you.
74
00:04:05,840 --> 00:04:07,440
Bloody hell, Simon.
75
00:04:07,440 --> 00:04:09,600
Sorry. And in the World Willy
Waving contest,
76
00:04:09,600 --> 00:04:12,120
both Nick
and Nutsack both have nil points.
77
00:04:12,120 --> 00:04:14,520
Piss off, Bird. Seriously boss,
what was all that about?
78
00:04:14,520 --> 00:04:17,080
He said you were old mates.
Yeah, we were.
79
00:04:19,000 --> 00:04:20,840
Till he fucked my fiancee!
80
00:04:20,840 --> 00:04:23,760
Whoa! Fuck me! Of course! Marianne!
81
00:04:23,760 --> 00:04:27,040
Losing a fiancee, huh?
I feel your pain, brother.
82
00:04:28,680 --> 00:04:31,200
Come on. Let's go home.
83
00:04:39,280 --> 00:04:44,520
OK, most likely
to...get caught dogging.
84
00:04:44,520 --> 00:04:47,320
Bird! No question.
What about you, Mac?
85
00:04:47,320 --> 00:04:49,120
I wouldn't get caught, would I?
86
00:04:49,120 --> 00:04:51,240
ALL: Aaaaah!
87
00:04:51,240 --> 00:04:52,520
OK. OK. OK!
88
00:04:52,520 --> 00:04:54,200
Most likely to...
89
00:04:54,200 --> 00:04:58,000
stick a Haribo up his arse to see if
he could tell which one it was
by the shape?
90
00:04:58,000 --> 00:04:59,240
Ha ha...gay!
91
00:04:59,240 --> 00:05:01,800
Well, you actually did that,
Rocket, so you.
92
00:05:01,800 --> 00:05:06,120
Ha ha! Aye, I did.
And you cannae tell.
93
00:05:06,120 --> 00:05:10,400
OK - most likely to...
come out as gay?
94
00:05:10,400 --> 00:05:14,080
ALL: Mac! Eh?!
Aw, seriously - I'm no' fucking gay!
95
00:05:14,080 --> 00:05:16,200
Ah, see! He's no' gay.
96
00:05:16,200 --> 00:05:19,200
But the thing is,
Rocket, Mac is in denial.
97
00:05:19,200 --> 00:05:23,400
No, I'm not! Mac is so keen to call
everything and everyone else gay,
98
00:05:23,400 --> 00:05:26,800
because he has certain - feelings -
99
00:05:26,800 --> 00:05:29,520
that upset and confuse him.
100
00:05:29,520 --> 00:05:32,240
Except, I don't,
because I'm no' gay!
101
00:05:32,240 --> 00:05:37,040
So, if you're completely secure
in your heterosexuality,
102
00:05:37,040 --> 00:05:39,600
you wouldn't care
how you came across,
103
00:05:39,600 --> 00:05:44,600
so you'd be happy to call everyone
"duckie" all day.
104
00:05:44,600 --> 00:05:46,440
For example. Fuck off!
105
00:05:46,440 --> 00:05:49,600
"Duckie"? Towerblock, have you ever
actually met anyone who's gay?
106
00:05:49,600 --> 00:05:51,080
I've met Mac.
107
00:05:51,080 --> 00:05:52,520
Fair enough.
108
00:05:52,520 --> 00:05:56,160
My great-uncle was gay.
But you couldnae tell.
109
00:05:56,160 --> 00:05:59,360
Until he married that guy. He never
called anyone "duckie", though.
110
00:05:59,360 --> 00:06:01,440
He just called everyone "pal".
111
00:06:01,440 --> 00:06:04,640
Let's not get bogged down
by authenticity, eh?
112
00:06:04,640 --> 00:06:08,200
"All right, pal!" That was him.
113
00:06:08,200 --> 00:06:13,560
OK, look, the only way that Mac can
prove he's not in denial
114
00:06:13,560 --> 00:06:17,280
is to call everyone on the base
"duckie" all day.
115
00:06:17,280 --> 00:06:18,680
Fuck off!
116
00:06:18,680 --> 00:06:20,800
THEY JEER
117
00:06:22,160 --> 00:06:24,200
Fuck off!
118
00:06:24,200 --> 00:06:25,520
Duckie!
119
00:06:25,520 --> 00:06:26,760
Better.
120
00:06:36,480 --> 00:06:38,520
So, as our new WISWO...
WISWO!
121
00:06:38,520 --> 00:06:41,800
..pointed out, this bomber is
specifically targeting us...
122
00:06:41,800 --> 00:06:43,520
But mainly targeting you, boss.
123
00:06:43,520 --> 00:06:47,480
Thank you, Simon - so stay sharp,
double check everything.
124
00:06:47,480 --> 00:06:49,760
Drills and skills. OK? Mary.
125
00:06:49,760 --> 00:06:52,840
OK, so I've organised another
Mary's Movies Night.
126
00:06:52,840 --> 00:06:54,360
Really? Brilliant(!)
127
00:06:54,360 --> 00:06:57,400
Look, I know that some of my film
picks have bombed -
128
00:06:57,400 --> 00:06:58,880
I mean, er, sorry...
129
00:06:58,880 --> 00:07:00,600
I quite enjoyed Three Colours Red.
130
00:07:00,600 --> 00:07:03,600
Face it, Mary,
you have no idea what the guys like.
131
00:07:03,600 --> 00:07:06,160
Just trying to broaden some
rather narrow horizons.
132
00:07:06,160 --> 00:07:08,120
And what cinematic treat do
you have for us?
133
00:07:08,120 --> 00:07:11,840
Well, I think you're going to like
it, it's a bit more soldiery.
134
00:07:11,840 --> 00:07:13,480
Atonement!
135
00:07:13,480 --> 00:07:16,160
Mary, have you actually ever met
any soldiers?
136
00:07:16,160 --> 00:07:17,680
Well, I'm a soldier...
137
00:07:17,680 --> 00:07:20,200
ALL LAUGH LOUDLY
138
00:07:20,200 --> 00:07:22,720
Can't you at least put
something popular on?
139
00:07:22,720 --> 00:07:24,840
Atonement won a BAFTA!
Always a bad sign.
140
00:07:24,840 --> 00:07:26,520
What's a BAFTA?
No, look, it's fine,
141
00:07:26,520 --> 00:07:28,880
if you want to watch mindless
Hollywood blockbusters.
142
00:07:28,880 --> 00:07:32,520
But it's my movie night,
and some people actually prefer
European cinema.
143
00:07:32,520 --> 00:07:34,680
So, tomorrow night,
we're watching Atonement,
144
00:07:34,680 --> 00:07:37,360
and there'll be lots of people
there, and that's that!
145
00:07:37,360 --> 00:07:40,520
Wait, wait, wait! Tomorrow night's
Bird's Boogie Night! Of course!
146
00:07:40,520 --> 00:07:43,040
What?
First Thursday. Bird's Boogie Night.
147
00:07:44,120 --> 00:07:46,040
How did I not know about this?
148
00:07:46,040 --> 00:07:49,520
Cos I've never invited you.
It's a soldier thing.
149
00:07:49,520 --> 00:07:52,840
Well, can you change it to
another night? Because I've told
everyone now.
150
00:07:52,840 --> 00:07:57,120
I'm not moving Bird's Boogie Night
just to avoid clashing with everyone
not watching your film.
151
00:07:57,120 --> 00:08:01,240
Yeah? And I'm not moving Mary's
Movies for an event you hadn't even
told me about.
152
00:08:01,240 --> 00:08:03,120
Mmmm. A stand off.
153
00:08:03,120 --> 00:08:07,000
No, OK - we'll have to have both and
we'll just see who comes to what.
154
00:08:07,000 --> 00:08:08,200
Fine. Fine.
155
00:08:09,760 --> 00:08:11,560
OK. So, team, anything else?
156
00:08:11,560 --> 00:08:14,480
Boss, could we run some close
protection drills?
157
00:08:14,480 --> 00:08:15,920
What with you being targeted...
158
00:08:15,920 --> 00:08:17,120
No. I'm with Mac on this one.
159
00:08:17,120 --> 00:08:21,640
Are you sure, boss? Cos if you got
killed, how's that gonna make me
look?
160
00:08:21,640 --> 00:08:23,960
Wow! OK.
161
00:08:23,960 --> 00:08:28,120
Er...boss, look, if this new
bomber's on your case, then you
and the WISWO will need to get on.
162
00:08:28,120 --> 00:08:30,280
WISWO! It's all right, Towerblock.
163
00:08:30,280 --> 00:08:31,760
No, I agree, boss.
164
00:08:31,760 --> 00:08:34,120
If you are being targeted,
you can't be thinking of
165
00:08:34,120 --> 00:08:36,240
Warrant Officer Nuttall, y'know...
166
00:08:38,040 --> 00:08:41,440
..ploughing your fiancee.
Clear the air.
167
00:08:41,440 --> 00:08:44,160
Yup! Go and see him, face to face.
168
00:08:44,160 --> 00:08:46,120
And punch his fucking lights out.
169
00:08:46,120 --> 00:08:49,880
All right, Towerblock, I know in
t'North you settle your disputes
170
00:08:49,880 --> 00:08:52,040
by glassing your mates outside t'pub,
171
00:08:52,040 --> 00:08:55,840
but in the civilised world,
we talk to each other. Using words.
172
00:08:55,840 --> 00:08:57,440
I'd punch him in the face.
173
00:08:57,440 --> 00:09:00,200
I was going to go with nuts,
but face could work.
174
00:09:00,200 --> 00:09:01,960
Good meeting, everyone!
175
00:09:08,320 --> 00:09:11,160
Knock, knock -
Corporal Bird, Private MacDowell.
176
00:09:11,160 --> 00:09:12,520
Sir. Sir.
177
00:09:12,520 --> 00:09:15,160
Everything in hand
for Bird's Boogie Night?
178
00:09:15,160 --> 00:09:17,800
We're just putting together
the playlist, sir. Good-oh!
179
00:09:17,800 --> 00:09:19,920
Make sure there's a bit of
Sugababes on there.
180
00:09:19,920 --> 00:09:22,400
Guaranteed floor filler. Sir.
181
00:09:22,400 --> 00:09:25,000
Pity about the clash with
the padre's film night.
182
00:09:25,000 --> 00:09:27,440
Still, her hit rate's pretty dismal.
183
00:09:27,440 --> 00:09:30,320
What's she gone for this time?
The Kite Runner?
184
00:09:30,320 --> 00:09:32,480
Documentary about Venezuelan
feminists?
185
00:09:32,480 --> 00:09:36,280
Atonement. Oof! Really?
Still, could be worse.
186
00:09:37,280 --> 00:09:40,320
Could be The King's Speech.
That was bobbins.
187
00:09:40,320 --> 00:09:43,400
Always a bad sign, BAFTAs.
Don't you think, Mac?
188
00:09:43,400 --> 00:09:44,520
Aye. You're right...
189
00:09:46,720 --> 00:09:49,440
..duckie. Carry on...
190
00:09:49,440 --> 00:09:50,840
precious.
191
00:09:52,320 --> 00:09:55,280
# If you're ready for me,
boy, you better...
192
00:09:57,120 --> 00:10:00,760
# Push the button,
let me know before I
193
00:10:00,760 --> 00:10:03,400
# Get the wrong idea and go... #
194
00:10:05,000 --> 00:10:06,800
I've got the forensics
from this morning.
195
00:10:06,800 --> 00:10:09,120
"The donkey is entering
the cookhouse."
196
00:10:10,760 --> 00:10:15,440
Yeah, and I just wanted to, um,
clear the air.
197
00:10:15,440 --> 00:10:17,880
I know we've had our differences,
but it's time to move on,
198
00:10:17,880 --> 00:10:21,800
focus on the matter in hand.
So. This bomber...
199
00:10:21,800 --> 00:10:24,320
Hey, it's so good to hear you
say that!
200
00:10:24,320 --> 00:10:27,920
Seven years is too long not to
speak to each other.
201
00:10:27,920 --> 00:10:31,400
And I'm sure Marianne would
want to say hi.
202
00:10:31,400 --> 00:10:34,200
Would she? OK.
Well, as long as she's...
203
00:10:34,200 --> 00:10:36,760
all right. So, the wire...
204
00:10:36,760 --> 00:10:39,680
She's all right. As all right as you
can be with twins on the way!
205
00:10:39,680 --> 00:10:41,240
That'll be five.
206
00:10:41,240 --> 00:10:43,080
Five kids!
207
00:10:43,080 --> 00:10:45,600
Wow!
208
00:10:45,600 --> 00:10:50,160
So, the wire - well, it feels like
he wants us to know it's him.
209
00:10:50,160 --> 00:10:52,080
Feels like he's trying to
fuck with my head.
210
00:10:52,080 --> 00:10:54,760
Or maybe he's just
got a load of orange wire.
211
00:10:54,760 --> 00:10:58,480
Look, I'm just made up that you
want to...you want to move on.
212
00:11:00,240 --> 00:11:01,480
You were my best mate.
213
00:11:02,640 --> 00:11:03,960
"Best mate?"
214
00:11:03,960 --> 00:11:07,120
You were screwing Marianne
behind my back for six months!
215
00:11:07,120 --> 00:11:10,720
Oh, so it's...all in the past
now then, is it?
216
00:11:12,960 --> 00:11:15,000
Come on, Nick! Nicky boy -
217
00:11:15,000 --> 00:11:18,400
we're part of the most incestuous
trade in the whole fucking army...
218
00:11:18,400 --> 00:11:20,000
Speak for yourself!
219
00:11:20,000 --> 00:11:23,080
Hang about -
you shagged Marianne's sister!
220
00:11:23,080 --> 00:11:25,880
Yeah! But only afterwards!
221
00:11:25,880 --> 00:11:27,520
And I didn't enjoy it.
222
00:11:27,520 --> 00:11:28,640
Much.
223
00:11:40,960 --> 00:11:42,200
Oh, what?
224
00:11:45,320 --> 00:11:47,000
Bird, you utter bitch!
225
00:11:48,400 --> 00:11:49,880
Well, I'm sorry but she is.
226
00:11:54,080 --> 00:11:57,000
Well, hold it up
so everyone can see.
227
00:11:58,840 --> 00:12:01,880
So, Bird,
how come you've got gay porn?
228
00:12:01,880 --> 00:12:04,360
Does that mean you're gay? No.
229
00:12:04,360 --> 00:12:07,600
Cos if you were gay you'd have
porn with girls in it.
230
00:12:07,600 --> 00:12:10,680
But that's straight porn. So...
I just prefer it, all right?
231
00:12:10,680 --> 00:12:14,200
It's the real deal.
Just plain old naked men fucking.
232
00:12:14,200 --> 00:12:15,760
Fair dos.
233
00:12:15,760 --> 00:12:19,560
Bad news, chaps.
Film night is cancelled.
234
00:12:19,560 --> 00:12:23,680
Oh! Brilliant!
..because the projector has
mysteriously gone missing.
235
00:12:23,680 --> 00:12:26,840
Jesus'll know where it is. Ask him.
236
00:12:26,840 --> 00:12:30,800
So unless whoever's "borrowed" it,
decides to return it,
then it's all off.
237
00:12:30,800 --> 00:12:33,360
Which is such a shame as I've got
a job lot of Pepperami
238
00:12:33,360 --> 00:12:35,320
coming from a padre in Bastion.
239
00:12:35,320 --> 00:12:37,000
Can we have the Pepperami anyway?
240
00:12:37,000 --> 00:12:39,880
No. I just think it's sad
that someone would...
241
00:12:39,880 --> 00:12:43,400
I haven't taken your fucking
projector, all right...
242
00:12:43,400 --> 00:12:45,120
Ma'am. I'm not saying anything.
243
00:12:45,120 --> 00:12:47,360
Just whoever it is...
It wasn't me, though!
244
00:12:47,360 --> 00:12:50,720
Yes, but whoever it is...
Can you stop looking at me
when you say "whoever it is"!
245
00:12:50,720 --> 00:12:54,120
If whoever has it can bring it
back... It wasn't fucking me,
all right!
246
00:12:54,120 --> 00:12:57,280
Has anyone else got
an erection right now?
247
00:12:57,280 --> 00:12:59,600
Apart from that guy, obviously.
Yes, thank you, Nick.
248
00:12:59,600 --> 00:13:01,040
Wow!
249
00:13:01,040 --> 00:13:03,360
Anyway... Whoever has it,
should just return it to me,
250
00:13:03,360 --> 00:13:06,000
no questions asked, and I won't
take things any further...
251
00:13:07,040 --> 00:13:08,280
..with her.
252
00:13:22,000 --> 00:13:24,960
RESA has completed a search
for command wires, boss. Nothing.
253
00:13:24,960 --> 00:13:27,800
Oh, well, we're unlikely to see two
on the same day anyway.
254
00:13:27,800 --> 00:13:30,480
Sounds like you're relying on
the law of averages there, mate.
255
00:13:30,480 --> 00:13:33,480
Er...he's right, boss. You did say
we should double check everything.
256
00:13:33,480 --> 00:13:36,560
There you go, listen to your number
two, and... Then you two get a room
257
00:13:36,560 --> 00:13:39,880
and you can fuck him like you
fucked my fiancee. How about that?
258
00:13:41,720 --> 00:13:43,760
Jesus! Sorry, boss.
259
00:13:45,080 --> 00:13:48,120
I was watching - vigilance.
260
00:13:48,120 --> 00:13:51,680
Yeah, we're just working on some new
close protection procedures.
261
00:13:51,680 --> 00:13:53,840
Very close, as it turns out.
262
00:13:56,240 --> 00:13:57,280
WISWO!
263
00:14:00,080 --> 00:14:01,920
Yeah?
264
00:14:01,920 --> 00:14:03,520
Er...
265
00:14:05,280 --> 00:14:06,320
Nothing.
266
00:14:42,000 --> 00:14:43,320
Padre.
267
00:14:51,120 --> 00:14:55,120
Right! Tatty Bye!
268
00:14:55,120 --> 00:14:57,400
Boss on the move!
269
00:15:01,200 --> 00:15:03,720
The snake is crawling
towards the mango.
270
00:15:03,720 --> 00:15:05,520
Shit. Boss. Get back!
271
00:15:12,440 --> 00:15:13,640
You are shitting me.
272
00:15:13,640 --> 00:15:15,640
The snake is crawling
towards the mango.
273
00:15:15,640 --> 00:15:16,800
Bird, find Sergeant Hogg
274
00:15:16,800 --> 00:15:19,240
and tell him to do another
search for command wires! Sure.
275
00:15:19,240 --> 00:15:21,440
With a side order of
"fucking find it this time!"
276
00:15:21,440 --> 00:15:23,840
I'll see if they got that.
277
00:15:23,840 --> 00:15:25,320
Well, this is gonna take an hour!
278
00:15:31,720 --> 00:15:36,680
So, I'm a snake now, am I?
How peachy!
279
00:15:36,680 --> 00:15:38,160
Did I say snake?
280
00:15:39,400 --> 00:15:43,800
Sorry, a better translation
would be worm.
281
00:15:43,800 --> 00:15:46,600
The worm is crawling towards
the mango.
282
00:15:56,280 --> 00:15:57,320
KNOCK AT DOOR
283
00:16:02,360 --> 00:16:04,120
Is there something
I can help you with?
284
00:16:04,120 --> 00:16:08,520
Yeah. Where's my fucking
stereo...Ma'am?
285
00:16:08,520 --> 00:16:13,400
Well, where's my f...actual
projector, Bird? Corporal?
286
00:16:13,400 --> 00:16:16,160
Ah, padre, Bird. Missing something?
287
00:16:16,160 --> 00:16:18,440
Yes! I... No, I just...
288
00:16:18,440 --> 00:16:20,680
Your projector? Sorry, padre.
289
00:16:20,680 --> 00:16:23,760
Had to borrow it in a hurry for a
Powerpoint thingy back at the FOB.
290
00:16:23,760 --> 00:16:26,680
Theirs was broken. Knew you wanted
it back for film night.
291
00:16:26,680 --> 00:16:28,120
Yes. Thank you, sir.
292
00:16:28,120 --> 00:16:31,560
No problem. I think
the DVD's still in the box.
293
00:16:31,560 --> 00:16:34,200
Oh, no. This is a different one.
294
00:16:34,200 --> 00:16:38,320
Transformers: Revenge Of The Fallen.
And Atonement seems to be missing.
295
00:16:39,480 --> 00:16:42,560
I can't show that. That's not what
Mary's Movies is all about.
296
00:16:42,560 --> 00:16:45,520
I thought you two were
competing for an audience.
297
00:16:45,520 --> 00:16:48,120
I'd go with Transformers. Fine.
298
00:16:48,120 --> 00:16:50,600
# Robots in disguise! #
299
00:16:50,600 --> 00:16:54,960
Not a very good disguise
though, most of the time. Shame.
300
00:17:01,000 --> 00:17:04,680
Bird! You stop! It's not in here.
301
00:17:05,840 --> 00:17:07,480
Look,
302
00:17:07,480 --> 00:17:11,040
why don't I see if I can find out
who stole your stereo,
303
00:17:11,040 --> 00:17:14,400
and get him to put it back,
no questions asked?
304
00:17:14,400 --> 00:17:19,520
Or HER. Get HER to put it back,
Ma'am.
305
00:17:25,120 --> 00:17:26,240
All right, benders?
306
00:17:29,240 --> 00:17:32,640
Oh, dear. You have
let yourself down there, Mac.
307
00:17:32,640 --> 00:17:35,120
Aw, what? Are you still on that?
308
00:17:35,120 --> 00:17:36,400
We didn't want to be, but...
309
00:17:36,400 --> 00:17:39,480
Casual homophobia is
a definite sign of denial.
310
00:17:39,480 --> 00:17:41,280
Fuck off.
311
00:17:41,280 --> 00:17:43,360
I've already proved
I'm very comfortable
312
00:17:43,360 --> 00:17:46,160
with a whole range of gay
activities. Ah-huh!
313
00:17:46,160 --> 00:17:48,480
We could get him to dress
as one of the Village People.
314
00:17:48,480 --> 00:17:50,960
The Red Indian! He was the best one!
315
00:17:50,960 --> 00:17:52,920
Might look a bit racist.
316
00:17:52,920 --> 00:17:55,320
Yeah, it would be a
shame to look a bit racist
317
00:17:55,320 --> 00:17:58,760
when you've made such an effort to
give a balanced view of gay culture.
318
00:17:58,760 --> 00:18:01,000
Hmm. Maybe the construction
worker then?
319
00:18:02,440 --> 00:18:03,480
HE LAUGHS
320
00:18:04,520 --> 00:18:08,840
I mean, I know I'm no saint, but
come on, he was shagging my fiancee.
321
00:18:08,840 --> 00:18:10,840
Nick, you just have to forgive him.
322
00:18:10,840 --> 00:18:14,480
Is that what they taught you at
Sandhurst while we were all learning
about fighting?
323
00:18:14,480 --> 00:18:17,640
You just look him in the eye
and you say, "I forgive you".
324
00:18:18,760 --> 00:18:22,520
Wow. I really must write
some of this down.
325
00:18:22,520 --> 00:18:26,280
Otherwise, how will I remember
the finer details? Cheers, padre.
326
00:18:30,360 --> 00:18:31,560
Boss!
327
00:18:31,560 --> 00:18:34,600
Without knowing it, you are already
part of a close protection drill.
328
00:18:34,600 --> 00:18:37,360
I've primed Mac and Rocket
to launch a surprise attack
329
00:18:37,360 --> 00:18:39,480
when we least expect it.
330
00:18:39,480 --> 00:18:42,440
Bloody hell! Jesus! Not yet!
331
00:18:42,440 --> 00:18:43,840
You said you wanted a surprise!
332
00:18:43,840 --> 00:18:45,160
Yes, but... Surprise!
333
00:18:45,160 --> 00:18:49,960
OK, Simon. I think the key here
is 360 degree visibility, yeah?
334
00:18:49,960 --> 00:18:52,040
OK, great, so why don't you get up
that sangar,
335
00:18:52,040 --> 00:18:57,640
and see what the 360 degree
atmospheric visibility profile is
336
00:18:57,640 --> 00:18:58,760
on me, Mac and Rocket?
337
00:18:58,760 --> 00:19:01,400
Great idea! Boom!
Good work, soldier!
338
00:19:01,400 --> 00:19:04,080
Right, coffee? Aye. Brilliant.
339
00:19:09,320 --> 00:19:11,280
Boss?
340
00:19:11,280 --> 00:19:15,160
Boss! I've lost visibility!
341
00:19:23,240 --> 00:19:24,280
Cover that.
342
00:19:25,360 --> 00:19:28,200
Right, the search team have gone
over every inch for command wires
343
00:19:28,200 --> 00:19:29,560
twice, boss, and nothing.
344
00:19:29,560 --> 00:19:31,440
Well, you had two command
wires yesterday.
345
00:19:31,440 --> 00:19:33,400
Hey, someone write this guy
up for a medal!
346
00:19:33,400 --> 00:19:36,360
He totally remembers something
that happened yesterday!
347
00:19:37,960 --> 00:19:39,080
Simon?
348
00:19:39,080 --> 00:19:41,080
Following this morning's exercise,
349
00:19:41,080 --> 00:19:45,840
I wondered about that 360 degree
vis on that ridge up there?
350
00:19:45,840 --> 00:19:48,880
It's a good vantage point, Corporal,
but it hasn't been cleared.
351
00:19:48,880 --> 00:19:50,360
Oh, we can clear it as we go.
352
00:19:50,360 --> 00:19:51,800
I wouldn't advise it.
353
00:19:51,800 --> 00:19:55,000
I think I can trust my team to make
the right decisions.
354
00:19:55,000 --> 00:19:58,000
Trust, mate, not
something you know much about.
355
00:19:58,000 --> 00:20:00,080
Simon,
you do whatever you think's best.
356
00:20:00,080 --> 00:20:01,920
OK, let's move out! You!
357
00:20:01,920 --> 00:20:05,200
Right, if no-one
has any more objections,
358
00:20:05,200 --> 00:20:07,840
I think I might go down
to that device.
359
00:20:07,840 --> 00:20:09,840
Towerblock, get my kit. Yes, boss.
360
00:20:14,720 --> 00:20:15,800
Bird!
361
00:20:17,800 --> 00:20:19,800
MEN SPEAK ON RADIO
362
00:20:19,800 --> 00:20:21,760
The leopard is...
363
00:20:21,760 --> 00:20:23,160
What is it?
364
00:20:23,160 --> 00:20:26,160
The leopard is approaching
the turnip.
365
00:20:26,160 --> 00:20:27,920
I'm a leopard? I'm a leopard now!
366
00:20:27,920 --> 00:20:30,760
Get in! But you haven't started
approaching the turnip yet, boss.
367
00:20:30,760 --> 00:20:34,480
No, no, no! Can we just focus on the
fact that I am a leopard for a moment
because...
368
00:20:37,600 --> 00:20:38,880
Simon.
369
00:20:40,400 --> 00:20:42,560
Simon, Simon!
370
00:20:42,560 --> 00:20:44,000
I'm nearly there, boss!
371
00:20:44,000 --> 00:20:47,160
There's a device up there! Fucking
come back down or you'll die!
372
00:20:47,160 --> 00:20:48,320
Simon, get down!
373
00:20:55,360 --> 00:20:59,880
Charlie, Charlie One, this is
Bluestone 42. Contact IED. Wait out.
374
00:20:59,880 --> 00:21:01,200
Fuck, fuck.
375
00:21:01,200 --> 00:21:03,200
Simon? SIMON!
376
00:21:03,200 --> 00:21:05,960
Mac, thank fuck! Where's Simon?
377
00:21:05,960 --> 00:21:08,760
Fuck knows! Quick, get into cover!
378
00:21:08,760 --> 00:21:10,120
Simon!
379
00:21:11,440 --> 00:21:13,520
SIMON!
380
00:21:13,520 --> 00:21:14,840
Boss!
381
00:21:14,840 --> 00:21:19,280
Oh, Jesus! Simon! Are you OK?
382
00:21:19,280 --> 00:21:22,320
Wha... I AM OK!
383
00:21:22,320 --> 00:21:26,200
OK, everyone stay in cover,
stay sharp. Eyes on.
384
00:21:26,200 --> 00:21:28,480
Eyes on. Eyes on!
385
00:21:30,000 --> 00:21:32,080
Shit. That was too fucking close.
386
00:21:39,440 --> 00:21:40,840
Simon. Boss?
387
00:21:40,840 --> 00:21:43,360
Look, I just wanted to
apologise for earlier.
388
00:21:43,360 --> 00:21:47,200
Letting you go up on that ridge
was... It's all right, boss.
I'm your close protection.
389
00:21:47,200 --> 00:21:50,920
It was my call. Yeah, it's just this
stuff with Nutsack, you know.
390
00:21:52,160 --> 00:21:54,360
It's got to me and I'm sorry.
391
00:21:54,360 --> 00:21:58,520
Maybe...you need to forgive him.
You sound like the padre.
392
00:21:58,520 --> 00:22:01,160
And I can't believe you got to be
the fucking leopard!
393
00:22:01,160 --> 00:22:02,240
ROAARR!
394
00:22:08,960 --> 00:22:10,600
Steve. Nick.
395
00:22:13,160 --> 00:22:14,480
Look.
396
00:22:15,640 --> 00:22:16,800
Kick him in the nuts!
397
00:22:17,800 --> 00:22:20,240
Sorry, mate, I had to do that.
398
00:22:20,240 --> 00:22:24,200
Yeah, yeah, I know mate.
Fair play. Shit!
399
00:22:24,200 --> 00:22:25,800
You've got quite a hook there.
400
00:22:25,800 --> 00:22:28,240
Look, I know that
I behaved like a complete arsehole.
401
00:22:28,240 --> 00:22:31,440
So if you want to have another go,
come on.
402
00:22:31,440 --> 00:22:32,800
Nah!
403
00:22:34,800 --> 00:22:37,440
Look, mate, you and Marianne,
I mean, fair play,
404
00:22:37,440 --> 00:22:39,200
you've made a go of it, right.
405
00:22:39,200 --> 00:22:41,800
When I proposed to her,
I'd just finished my first tour,
406
00:22:41,800 --> 00:22:44,240
I thought it was what I wanted,
but could you imagine?
407
00:22:44,240 --> 00:22:45,920
Me? With a wife?
408
00:22:45,920 --> 00:22:47,960
Stuck in some shitty Army semi?
409
00:22:47,960 --> 00:22:51,040
Bunch of fucking rug rats snotting
and puking all over the place?
410
00:22:51,040 --> 00:22:54,120
What? School runs, recorder
practice, Saturday night telly?
411
00:22:54,120 --> 00:22:57,440
Awful. Never have a shag
cos you're always knackered?
412
00:22:57,440 --> 00:23:00,880
That's my fucking life you're
talking about, you wanker!
413
00:23:00,880 --> 00:23:02,680
Oh, fuck you, you two-faced prick!
414
00:23:02,680 --> 00:23:04,600
Kick him in the nuts!
415
00:23:04,600 --> 00:23:07,400
WISWO! Go, Nick! Go, boss!
416
00:23:12,920 --> 00:23:15,560
Hi, guys, help yourself to
Pepperami.
417
00:23:15,560 --> 00:23:18,160
Who have you come as,
Bob the Builder?
418
00:23:18,160 --> 00:23:20,560
It's a wee bit more
complicated than that.
419
00:23:22,840 --> 00:23:24,160
Nice turn out.
420
00:23:24,160 --> 00:23:27,000
Oh. Thanks, Bird.
421
00:23:27,000 --> 00:23:29,360
And my stereo turned up, so...
422
00:23:29,360 --> 00:23:34,120
No problem. I mean, oh!
Oh! Did it? Great!
423
00:23:34,120 --> 00:23:36,840
Anyway, no harm done.
424
00:23:36,840 --> 00:23:41,120
It's been a hell of a day,
so let's just watch Transformers.
425
00:23:41,120 --> 00:23:42,920
Fuck Boogie Night.
426
00:23:44,560 --> 00:23:46,440
Er, really? OK, OK.
427
00:23:46,440 --> 00:23:51,880
Guys, shall we begin?
ALL: Yeah!
428
00:23:51,880 --> 00:23:55,200
Trailers. They're my favourite.
They're like wee movies.
429
00:23:59,960 --> 00:24:02,880
Hey? What? What is this?
430
00:24:02,880 --> 00:24:06,440
But how is this...
I had a feeling someone might steal
it so I set up the handicam.
431
00:24:12,320 --> 00:24:14,280
OK, I think we've all seen
enough of this.
432
00:24:14,280 --> 00:24:16,880
I don't think we have...Ma'am.
433
00:24:17,960 --> 00:24:19,560
Oh, hello. What's she seen?
434
00:24:19,560 --> 00:24:21,360
THEY ALL LAUGH AND JEER
435
00:24:21,360 --> 00:24:23,520
Now THAT'S entertainment.
436
00:24:23,520 --> 00:24:25,240
Yeah, right padre!
437
00:24:25,240 --> 00:24:29,080
OK, no, sorry, that's it.
No more Mary's Movie Nights.
ALL CHEER
438
00:24:29,080 --> 00:24:31,560
What? I was hoping you'd beg me to
keep them. Never mind.
439
00:24:31,560 --> 00:24:34,320
Who's up for Bird's Boogie Night?
ALL CHEER
440
00:24:34,320 --> 00:24:37,840
Ah, Mary. I've just been watching
Atonement. Cracking film.
441
00:24:37,840 --> 00:24:39,640
Despite the BAFTA.
442
00:24:39,640 --> 00:24:41,040
See you at Boogie Night.
443
00:24:48,400 --> 00:24:51,920
Mac! Mac! Mac!
I've got it! I've got it!
444
00:24:51,920 --> 00:24:55,360
If you want to prove that you're not
gay, then you would have no
445
00:24:55,360 --> 00:24:58,320
problem in putting your penis
in Rocket's mouth.
446
00:24:58,320 --> 00:25:01,280
Eh? I mean, what could be a clearer
demonstration that you're
447
00:25:01,280 --> 00:25:03,320
entirely comfortable
with your own sexuality?
448
00:25:05,640 --> 00:25:07,600
All right. But this is the last one!
449
00:25:07,600 --> 00:25:11,440
Well, don't I get a say in this?
I'm not doing that.
450
00:25:11,440 --> 00:25:13,280
BOTH LAUGH
451
00:25:13,280 --> 00:25:16,880
What? You're in denial, mate.
You must be gay.
452
00:25:16,880 --> 00:25:18,640
Aye. You're gay, Rocket. Am I?
453
00:25:19,680 --> 00:25:22,880
Because I don't want
to suck Mac's cock?
454
00:25:23,880 --> 00:25:27,400
Yeah. Aye. It just goes to show,
you cannae tell.
455
00:25:39,520 --> 00:25:42,280
Sugababes! Great choice!
456
00:25:42,280 --> 00:25:43,840
Thanks, sir!
457
00:25:45,840 --> 00:25:47,800
All right, I take it back.
458
00:25:47,800 --> 00:25:50,200
You do understand what
they want more than I do.
459
00:25:50,200 --> 00:25:52,000
Thank you!
460
00:25:55,840 --> 00:25:57,320
One for the wank bank, eh?
461
00:25:59,120 --> 00:26:00,360
What?
462
00:26:00,360 --> 00:26:03,920
I don't...er...
Let's just say we have different...
463
00:26:03,920 --> 00:26:07,080
Masturbational fantasies?
I'm just going to...
464
00:26:17,080 --> 00:26:19,960
Is there something on your mind,
Rocket?
465
00:26:19,960 --> 00:26:24,240
Eh, I'm just a wee bit
confused about my sexuality.
466
00:26:24,240 --> 00:26:25,760
Really?
467
00:26:25,760 --> 00:26:29,000
Aye, I think
I might be the only gay one here.
468
00:26:31,480 --> 00:26:32,880
What makes you say that?
469
00:26:32,880 --> 00:26:35,440
Mac and Towerblock said
that I'm in denial.
470
00:26:35,440 --> 00:26:36,960
Mac said that?
471
00:26:38,840 --> 00:26:43,600
OK. Rocket, sexuality
is on a spectrum.
472
00:26:43,600 --> 00:26:46,640
Everyone has to work it out
on their own.
473
00:26:49,120 --> 00:26:52,480
And some people find it much harder
to work out than others.
474
00:27:01,760 --> 00:27:04,080
So, you "forgave" him, then?
475
00:27:04,080 --> 00:27:06,280
We forgave each other,
didn't we, mate?
476
00:27:06,280 --> 00:27:10,800
Yeah. We forgave seven
shades of shit out of each other.
477
00:27:10,800 --> 00:27:12,240
I'm glad it all worked out.
478
00:27:17,840 --> 00:27:20,080
Tell you what, mate,
479
00:27:20,080 --> 00:27:22,840
your padre is proper fit.
480
00:27:22,840 --> 00:27:24,520
Don't you fucking dare!
37467
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