Original subtitles

J“ pah, pah, pah, pah-pah

j“ pah-pah-pah, pah-pah

j“ good morning how are you?

J“ it's nice to see your face

j“ good morning how are you?

J“ it's nice to see your face j“

announcer: Good morning. How are you?

That was the moir sisters with their knockout hit from '75.

Good morning. How are you?

What a perfect way to start this Australia day weekend.

Bernard st John with you on sunshine 626.

Stay tuned for more classic aussie hits right after these messages.

J“ wonderful atmosphere... j“ oh, come on, Bernie!

J“ ..The juiciest steaks... j“

j“ music and dancing and the scrummiest cakes... j“

j“ dazzlers, you've got it

j“ dazzlers... j“

Mate.

You right, mate?

Woman: Countiy goodness captured in a biscuit...

It'll be something, something delicious

that the kids will love, dad will love and you will too.

A treat for the whole family.

When dad passed, it was hard for all of us...

Bugger

So, how'd you do that thing to your, uh...

Jeez, it's, uh...

Bernard: Coming up in the next hour, flash in the pan, wait for it,

Jon English, but first some good old Chad...

J“ country music

j“ she caught me sleeping in the house with a case of beer

j“ crossed my heart and swore I wouldn't get tight

j“ she came home from the bridge club

j“ and found me laying here

j“ oh, lord, it looks like I can't even do wrong right

j“ I can't even do wrong right

j“ everything I try to do right is wrong

j“ I'm just a helpless, hopeless sight

j“ I can't even do wrong right

j“ I can't even do wrong right

J“ I met a cute little blonde at a dance hall late one night

j“ lsaid, 'can I take you home?' As they cleared the floor

j“ she said, 'that's mighty sweet of you and I guess it'll be alright

j“ ask my husband - he's the bouncer there by the door'

j“ ooh

j“ I can't even do wrong right

j“ everything I try to do right is wrong

j“ I'm just a helpless, hopeless sight

j“ I can't even do wrong right

j“ I can't even do wrong right... j“

Nup. Nah, I can't. I can't.

Oh, come on, soph.

Live dangerously for a minute... Maybe two.

Soph: Oh, my god.

That happened here.

What is it?

There was this awful accident but they didn't find any of the bodies.

Abducted by retarded aliens maybe.

Sorry.

Oh, shit.

Soph: Mission accomplished!

Ok. Just a sec.

Look at you - manly mechanic man.

I was just checking the lower hose.

I thought she might have sprung a leak.

I really thought that the old girl was up to it.

Oh, no. No, she is. She is.

She just doesn't take too kindly to being over-revved all the time.

- Yoink. - Especially on long drives.

I'm a good driver.

I know. No, you are. You are. She just... I mean...

Should have had the radiator checked.

But it's fine. It's not your fault.

I mean, it's hot today and everything, so...

You're right.

I guess I could have got the subie off dad

but I thought, you know, I'd let you...

No, we'll be fine if we just... Just let it cool down a bit.

Getting back might be another story.

Does sticking to the highway sound like too crazy an idea, Wes?

Join all those wankers in the shitfight?

Tedious, man.

Mm... you look amazing today, soph.

What, has... has Wes, like, slipped you something? I...

You've been acting weird all the way up here.

I'm just excited about this weekend, that's all.

Baby, your hands...

Let's go, mother-fuckers!

Hey, Wes, you might want to just give it a minute.

- It's alright. - No, I'm serious, mate.

- I know what I'm doing, man. - No, you don't. Wes...

Looks like we're walking.

Hold on.

Hey.

Hey, wait, look, it's us. Wait!

Don't worry, maigret. We're not stopping.

Come on, stop! We're not bad people!

What the fuck?

Here, you've earned it.

Jesus, what... what is that?

Mekong.

Here you are.

Get out of the way.

Wes.

Wes.

Get out of the way!

Get off the fucking road!

Hey. How you doing?

Your boyfriend got a death wish or something?

I do apologise for that. Just... for him, generally...

You just don't do that kind of thing out here.

I know.

I'm Sophie.

Reg.

Hey, reg, um, we're going to that music festival, stockport.

You're not going in that direction by any chance?

- Um... - How's it going, man?

Hey, what were you playing at, mate? I coulda... I coulda killed ya.

No way, mate. I'm indestructible.

So have we got a ride?

No, I gotta do a run past Charlie's place...

- Oh, come on, we're close, yeah? - No, I'm in the middle of me run.

So much for that famous aussie hospitality, then, eh?

Sophie: Wes!

Sorry, mate. Let you get on your way.

Come on, guys.

Bollocks.

Man: Making a killing

in the exciting world of multi-level marketing.

Hello. I'm Gary spire of the inspire wealth management group.

Here at inspire, we offer fully customised investment opportunities

for people like you,

people who've toiled hard all their life for no reward or no recognition.

Why not call one of our fully-trained and friendly staff today...

Hey.

Hey.

Hey.

Hey, I was thinking, I reckon I can take youse.

Cheers, mate.

But I gotta make a little stopover at the plant and pick up a few more bags.

I'll have you at your thing in 20 minutes, give or take.

Really? Thank you so much, reg.

Wicked, man.

You boys happy sitting in the back? I can't fit youse all up front.

It's cool with me.

- It gets a bit pongy in there, but. - Yeah, no worries.

Hey, I'm Wes, by the way, mate. This is James.

- G'day. - Glad to know youse.

Well, give us a tick while I tidy a few things up.

Stay here, alright?

Thanks, cobber! No wuckers, mate!

Wes.

- What? - We can, um, still walk if you want.

Wes: You got a problem with outback Jack?

- Soph's cool with him, right? - Yeah.

In fact, you know what? You two might be related.

You know what they say -

you can take the country girl out of the country

but you can't take the country boy out of the country girl's...

Reg: Bugger!

- I'm gonna go help him. - No, it's alright, I'll go.

Yeah, yeah, we'll go, soph. Need a hand, mate?

No, no, no, we're good to go.

Just, uh, might want to hold your noses, but.

Mate, I just spent three months

living next to an open sewer in jogjakarta.

I think I can handle it.

Whoa!

Jesus.

That's gotta be some sort of health risk.

Nah. Nah, youse'll be right.

It's just some blood and bone, three or four kinds of manure... bit of roadkill.

Come on, the product's organic.

They use mostly organs, so, uh, yeah.

Hey?

No, it's all good.

Ha. 'It's all good' - Australian for 'everything's fucked'.

Hey... just be careful with them bags, eh?

I got 'em set up perfect.

So, let's, uh, close her up and, uh, make a quick run past the plant.

Yeah.

J“ .. Playing the game that's real

j“ rising and falling like waves on the tide of a life that's all feel

j“ the class of '74

j“ the class of.. J“

thought you'd be a bit young for this kind of thing.

Oh, no, Bernie's been playing this one for years.

Bernard: Ah, the sweet, sweet sounds of Brian cadd and the class of '74.

- Brian who? - Shh!

You're listening to Bernard st John on sunshine 626.

J“ wonderful atmosphere... j“ - bugger.

- What is it? - The ad.

He promised he'd start playing it today.

You've got your own ad?

- Yeah. - J“ dazzlers, you've got it... j“

oh, that's you on the side of the truck.

Yep.

Are you like a local celebrity or something?

Nah.

- Well... kinda. - Ha.

J“ ..The right ingredients for a great night out. J“

j“ planting, plowing, picking, hoeing, or if you need... j“

- oh, jeez, Bernie. - Yeah, come on, Bernie!

J“ the boys in there will get you going... j“

Another superbly crafted 'Wesley wang dang'.

Yeah, a masterpiece.

Hey, you're not gonna smoke that now, are you?

Why not?

Dude, think about all the methane in here. You'd blow us up.

Bullshit.

Yeah, there's three different kinds, apparently.

Ok. But you and I are busting this bad boy as soon as we get there.

Sure.

We shall do some acid, then.

Uh... nah, man. I'm good.

They're blue sunshines.

Yeah, I just want to keep a straight head this weekend.

- Thanks. - Suit yourself.

- Business is good, then? - Demand's picked up, that's for sure.

Good for you.

Yeah, we just landed a contract with Charlie wick & sons.

They sell their spuds to big chicken. You know...

Oh, yeah, the chicken guys. They're big.

Yeah, so I guess... I guess that's good news for us... for me.

Rich and famous.

Oh... just a little bit.

I could never move back here.

Hey? You from yandoit?

Oh, no, no, not from here, but, you know, from the country.

I thought you were one of them city slu... slickers.

I am. Sort of.

Dad shipped me off to boarding school when I was 13 and I never came back.

Oh, you'll love it out here, then.

- There's always something going on. - Right.

You got dazzlers in town if you need a feed.

We got fairyland - state's best kept secret.

Oh, but you'll miss that. They're only open third Sunday of the month.

What else we got?

- Your own local mystery. - Hey?

That salvo 6 thing.

Oh, that was... really...

- And then there's penny weight hill. - ..Really sad.

You and your boyfriends should go check that out.

Boyfriends?

Oh, sorry, I... that just slipped out. I didn't mean to...

- Are you onto me? - Nah.

Nah, nah, I don't know nothin' about anythin'.

Look, I'm no angel, reg,

but I reckon on the whole, I've been a pretty good girlfriend.

Yeah, 'course you have.

You know what it's like, right?

Sometimes, in the heat of moment, you... You do stupid things.

And every now and then I reckon you just gotta say to hell with the consequences.

I mean, we're only flesh and blood.

And bone.

That's funny.

- Itchy nuts? - Oh, no, it's nothing.

Did I ever tell you about that fat German backpacker

I caught crabs off in Ibiza, man?

Had to shave my balls and everything.

Last time I lower my standards, mate.

Sorry, what? Standards?

Hey, you may not think it, buddy,

but I've done a bit of growing up since I saw you guys last.

- Right. - Seriously, man.

Seeing the world, it changes you.

Like, it's not all about the pussy.

It's about meeting new people, shanngideas“.

You're a real citizen of the world with your shaved balls.

Yeah, I suppose I've had a pretty good run.

So, uh... you and soph...

- Yeah, we're doing ok. - Yeah? That's great.

No seven-year itch then?

Do you need to shave your balls for that as well?

I can recommend a balm.

Hey, uh... check this out, yeah?

Jeez, man.

You mean business.

Gonna pop the question tonight, when John Butler's on.

Yeah, she loves that guy. Don't ask me why.

That's about the gayest thing I've ever heard.

Oh, Jesus! Oh!

- Jesus! - Fuck!

Hey! Hey.

Hey, mate. Mate, you alright?

Oh, shit, man, he's completely fucked up.

He's fucking dead!

So, is there a special lady in reg Morgan's life?

Oh, well, there's me aunty Nance.

Oh, you mean like, uh...

Yeah, like, you know...

Yes, I do have a, uh... There is a lady friend, actually.

Nice. What's her name?

Rebecca. Becs. I call her becs.

Local girl?

Nah, she's a... she's a... a slicker.

Bit like you, eh?

J“ slim dusty: Duncan

hey. Hey, turn it up.

- You like slim? - I love him.

Dad used to play this all the time.

J“ I love to have a beer with Duncan

j“ I love to have a beer with dunc

j“ we drink in moderation... j“

maybe he'll just drop us off. He doesn't know that we've found it.

Are you kidding?

One mangled corpse and three new victims - this shit happens, man!

It happens all the time.

I mean, I don't know what the stats are off the top of my head, but fuck!

You go out into the bush, and you run every risk

of bumping into one of these psycho hillbilly fucks.

First of all, they have a little bit of fun with you.

They tie you up, watch you squirm.

Then they start sticking pencils up your arse and setting fire to your cock.

Ok, we need to get him to pull over.

J“ and it wouldn't really matter if the beer was flat... j“

see, I'm a country girl at heart.

J“ where the atmosphere is great

- j“ I love to have a beer with Patrick - j“ I love to have a beer with Reggie

j“ 'cause Reggie's me mate. J“

slim dusty: Change key!

Hey, you know what?

Maybe them bags can wait.

I'll just take you straight to your festival thingy, eh?

Really? That'd be great.

Christ, here we go.

Ha.

Maybe we should pull over, give them some air.

Yeah. Yep.

Bernard: Apparently a crashed Van has been discovered along jilljara road

just a few miles past Terry's tropical reptile display.

Evidence at the site suggests the driver...

Alright. They win.

Let's pull over, see what they want.

Oh, they can hold on a bit, eh?

Come on. For your country cousin.

Oh, just a quick breather, then.

Wait here, eh?

Sure. I'll keep an ear out for the ad.

Hey, fellas! Yes, it is a little pongy, isn't it?

Who's he talking to?

James: Hey, mate, I just remembered I've got this allergy to marsupial fur.

Breaking out in a rash.

So there you go! You've had a bit of air.

Now, why don't you get back in and I'll get youse to your festival aspc?

Open the bloody doors, man!

How are you poofters doing back there?

The poof... the boys are doing fine.

Ok, I... I'll just close her up.

You keep your fucking hands off her, alright?!

Nah, I'm not gonna do nothing, but if you guys don't shut up...!

This is completely fucked.

Open the doors!

- Hey, reg, the ads are back on! - Youse all comfy?

Reg: Now let's just go to your festival thingy.

Is everything ok?

Yeah, it's all good. Better get a move on, eh?

In you pop. Mind fingers.

Uh, come to think of it,

we're gonna be going past the plant anyway,

might grab those bags after all, eh?

You're the one doing us a favour.

J“ wonderful atmosphere, the juiciest steaks...

J“ ..And the scrummiest cakes... j“

fuck you, Bernie.

J“ dazzlers, you've got it... j“

Morgan's organic. This is Lindsay.

Man: Linds, Charlie wick. What's the hold-up? Still waiting for me delivery.

What, reg isn't there yet?

Nah, he's not. You know I gotta start planting today.

I got ten blokes sitting around here scratching their balls.

Lot at stake with this crop.

For all of us, mate. For all of us.

You're on a bloody winner with that new blend, linds,

but I gotta tell ya, the rep from yates is pretty keen for me business.

You'll get your bags this arvo, mate. That's a Morgan brothers' guarantee.

Hang on, I'll call you back in two shakes.

- Here we are. - Here we are.

Nice spot.

Yeah.

Shall I give you a hand?

Yeah. Ta.

James: Hey, guys! What's happening out there?

Maybe we should let them out?

Yeah, we'll be two ticks. I just gave 'em some air. You saw me back there.

Seriously, reg.

Wes: Stay away from him, sophl

- James: Sophie, you there? - James?!

Let's just get the bags first.

Reg. Charlie wick phoned. Still waiting on that...

Afternoon, miss.

Fuck's going on here?

Wes: This guy is mental! James: There's a body in here!

Wes: He's a fucking nutter!

No, no, no!

What are you doing?!

I'm sorry.

Sophie: Reggie! Mate!

- Shit and derision. - Sophie: This isn't funny!

I still haven't heard the ad.

You hear anything?

Don't know why Bernie's holding out on us.

J“ there's one in a million... j“ - who is that?

Oh, that's Sophie.

And who the fuck is that?

Her boyfriends.

No, her mates. Well, one of them's her boyf... oh, I dunno, it's complicated.

Plus the dead fella I found along jilljara road this morning.

What the fuckin' fuck have you done?

We got some freshies, linds.

You've always said if the stars were maligned

we should just go through with it.

Like with the salvo 6.

Those downies were already dead, fuck-arse.

This kind of shit requires careful planning and execution -

something which you fail to accomplish on your own.

God knows who might have seen ya.

No-one saw nothin', linds.

Now, come on, you're always saying I gotta be more initiative and stuff.

There is a chain of command here, Reginald.

Have you forgotten who runs this joint?

I'm just thinking of the business.

You know, I seen how cut-up you were,

fillin' up them new blend bags with the old gear.

Now, we don't want to shaft our number-one customer.

We don't do that sort of thing here at Morgan brothers.

Why do you think I keep putting off the delivery?

What if Charlie's next crop don't turn out like the last?

He'll be straight back to them yates boys...

And that'll be the end of all the good work that we... that you done.

James: I'm sure we can work something out together!

We, uh... we... we...

Yeah, we...

We need you to remain calm, miss.

Sophie.

Agh!

Ok-k-k-k-k-k. Just don't touch me with that fucking stick, man.

I'd advise against making a run for it, shitface.

Reg is pretty keen with that thing.

Help! Help!

Help! Help! Help!

No use hollering for a marshal out here, boys -

you're on a hundred bloody acres.

- What have you done with her? - Nothin'. We just tied her up and...

Shut it, reg.

Oh, yeah. Move it.

J“ sunshine sounds good to me. J“

j“ Morgan's organic... j“ - they're playing it.

J“ we'll get your garden growing great

j“ oh, that's a Morgan brothers guarantee. J“

Lindsay: Hi. I'm Lindsay. Reg: And I'm reg. And we're here...

- No! Don't move! - Lindsay: Shoot him, reg.

James: Wes, run! Lindsay: Shoot him, reg!

James: Run, Wes!

- Reg: Morgan's new blend... - Shoot him!

Will get your garden growing great.

That's a Morgan brothers guarantee.

J“ Morgan brothers guarantee, that is. J“ reg: We'll fertilise ya!

For chrissake's, shoot him!

Lindsay: Bring that foreign prick in here.

The ad come up alright, eh?

People are expecting us, you know?

Yeah, we spoke to 'em, uh, before.

I need some quiet here, please.

Hey, man, we just want to get to our festival, you know?

Listen to some music, get fucked up.

We'll probably forget all about this come Monday.

Put a bloody lid on it!

This is a very stressful time for all of us.

Who is this guy, anyway? I thought you ran the show.

Come on. Reggie?

What is becs gonna think?

Oh... she'll be alright, I reckon.

Reg.

Outside.

Now.

Come here, reg.

Ah! You took some initiative, eh?

Yeah, that's right.

Come here, mate.

You're not gonna hurt me, are ya?

Nah.

Come here.

Ah!

Bit different when they talk back to you, eh?

See, I knew you'd...

You've put me in a very invidious position, Reginald.

Remember what aunty Nance told ya? Deep breaths.

If you were me, if you were the boss...

What would you do?

I'd probably just let 'em go.

We haven't hurt no-one yet.

Nah... no, I...

I don't know. What would you do?

If Charlie wick wants new blend, he's gonna get new blend.

Now get up and give us a hand, fuck-arse.

James. James!

Hey, you ok?

Yeah. You?

Yeah.

Hey, soph, check this shit out.

I can't promise I'll have you out in time for John Butler,

but, uh, what do you make of that, then?

Jesus. Wes, hurry.

Don't worry, I'm fucking flying here.

This acid's awesome. It's... it's very clean.

If you get out, just run. Ok? Run for your fucking life.

Get to the main road, find help.

I'll be fine. I feel fucking amazing, guys.

Unstoppable.

Lindsay: Morgan's organic. Leave a message.

Charlie: Linds, it's Charlie. Still no sign of bloody reg.

Hear from you soon, eh?

Filter clean?

Reg: Yeah, did it first thing.

Yes!

I'll take care of this little prick.

You do the other two.

Gag 'em.

Oh. Right.

This shit's intense.

Don't you dare hurt her, you fucking psycho!

We're not psychos, alright?

We're small business operators.

- Not too tight? - Lindsay: Stop talking to 'em, reg.

I ain't.

Time to wake the old girl up.

You take care of the hook grabbers.

What I wouldn't give to get my hands on the new Jarvis.

When things really pick up, eh?

Lookin' forward to seeing the potassium levels on old mate.

Here, reg. Take care of his dacks.

Oh, come on, reg. We're not here to fuck spiders.

Send him up.

Good to go?

Righto!

Nice and easy.

Uh... linds.

When's sound check?

Agh! Agh! Aargghhhh!

Shut it off, linds! We're gonna kill him!

Agh! Aargghhhh!

- Aargghhhh! - Linds!

You'll be right, mate!

I've got ya!

Shit.

Holy shit.

Hey?

We've got liquid gold here, mate.

Huh?

Hey?

Potassium levels are through the roof.

You little ripper! Eh?

You done good this time, Reggie.

Well, maybe... maybe there's more goodness in 'em

if they haven't carked it.

You know, if the heart's still beating and that, like... like...

An over active gland?

Hey? Hey?

Hey, mate, we could fertilise the nullarbor with this gear.

Hey, mix in some of the old blend,

we could have this bagged up and over to Charlie by stumps.

Yeah. Nup.

We need more than one hairy bastard if we're gonna do this right.

We hot-bone the lot of 'em. Now.

Linds!

We'll put it on the Max setting for ya.

Should all be over pretty quick.

Nup. The more they struggle, the better, I reckon.

Wanna keep those glands excited as.

Ugh, shit a brick!

Strip off his denims.

No piss-farting around this time.

Lindsay: Give it here.

Lindsay: Nice.

Could be a small down payment for the new Jarvis.

Reg: Hey!

Skitch him, reg! Go on, get him!

- The 303, dickhead. - Oh, yeah.

Please, mate, just... just jump out.

Have some of that, you cunt.

Come on! Get out!

Sorry, linds. I couldn't stop him.

I'll go get him.

You need a hand?

Try not to do anything stupid while I'm gone.

Bernard: Nancy and the gals are promising a ripper do.

Make sure you're there.

That's the sal vo 6 fundraiser next Saturday at the king George showgrounds.

And I've gotta tell you, folks, I'm really looking forward to judging...

Woman: You've reached 70104688. Please leave a message.

Oh, hi, aunty Nance. It's Reggie.

Just calling up to have one of our chats.

Oh, it's nothing important.

I should get back to work, eh?

See ya.

J“ sunshine sounds good to me. J“

j“ Morgan's organic

j“ we'll get your garden growing... j“ jeez, when it rains...

J“ that's a Morgan brothers guarantee. J“

Lindsay: Hi. I'm Lindsay. Reg: And I'm reg.

And we 're here to tell you about our sensational new blend.

Lindsay: Our organic blood and bone fertiliser

is rich in nitrate calcium and potassium.

Reg: So whether you're sprinkling on your vegies...

Morgan's new blend will get your garden growing great.

Both: That's a Morgan brothers guarantee.

J“ a Morgan brothers guarantee, that is. J“

reg: We'll fertilise ya!

Bernard: Nothing beats reg and Lindsay's powerful new blend.

And I've had the chance to use it myself, by the way.

And it's superb stuff.

Your agapanthus will be in overdrive.

Your frangula just fantastic.

In fact, it's so good, you'll want to eat it yourself coming up now with...

I'm not talking to you.

J“ oom ba da little da da da

j“ thrush can sing, but he ain't pretty

j“ oom ba da little da da da

j“ duck can swim, but he can't sing

j“ nor can the eagle on the wing

j“ emu can't fly, but I'm telling you, he can run the pants off a kangaroo... j“

- you know this one too? - Mm-hm.

J“ well, the kookaburra laughed and he said, 'it's true'

j“ oom ba da little da da da

j“ ha ha-ha-ha ha hoo

j“ he can run the pants off a kangaroo. J“

Alright, but no screaming or nothing, ok?

I'm gonna do it real quick.

Please, reg. Please let us go. I swear we'll look after you.

We'll make sure you don't get into any trouble.

Nah. I can't.

I know you're not a bad person.

You're a good person who's just done some bad things.

Your brother. He's the one behind all this.

It's his idea. That's what we'll tell them.

But it wasn't his idea. It was my idea this time.

It was my stupid bloody idea.

But I saw you trying to save that guy.

Lindsay's the one they're gonna put away.

He never sees how much I try, how much I put in.

Maybe...

You could come over here and I could help you to relax.

I'm sure that I could ease some of that tension for you.

He doesn't have to find out.

You know, it's...

Just you and me.

What do you mean?

All that flirting in the truck.

Can't tell me there wasn't something going on between us.

I don't know what you're talking about.

Isn't there somewhere that we can be alone?

Becs doesn't have to find out.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no. This isn't right.

Come here, reg.

Come on.

Are you serious?

'Course I'm serious.

It's ok.

Touch my cheek.

That's it.

Now let out my hair.

Now kiss me.

J“ she bade me come in

J“ for a drink what looked like gin

j“ but I never tasted nothing like that fire water

j“ well, it burned inside... j“

Untie me, reg.

What's wrong?

No.no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

I know what kind of girl you are.

I seen your type on TV.

Paris Hilton... and all them other...

- You're all the bloody same. - No.

All you want is sex and drugs and a good time.

- It's not right! - No, I'm not like that!

I want to get closer to you. I thought that we had a connection.

Nah. Nah.

A real lady doesn't want to thingo every bloke she meets.

A real lady doesn't flirt with strangers.

A real lady wouldn't be doing two blokes at the same time.

- Sophie: No, that's not true. - You told me yourself!

Oh, it's three blokes now. Jeez!

Please, reg!

Thought us country folk were supposed to look out for each other.

Nah. You ain't country.

You're a... a city slut!

I'm just trying to get us out of here.

He's obviously talking shit, James.

J“ sunshine sounds good to me. J“

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Help!

Woman: Found herself in a strange and wonderful place called wonderland.

Wandering about, she came across a tea party in progress.

The march hare and the mad hatter were sitting at one side of a long table...

With a dormouse between them.

J“ tinny score music

Fuck me, Rhonda.

Wa-hoo!

Whoo!

Whoo-hoo!

Keys, keys. Keys, keys, keys.

Woman: Once upon a time,

there lived a lovely Princess with fair skin and blue eyes.

She was so fair that she was named snow white.

This queen was very pretty but she was also very cruel.

J“ Morgan's organic

j“ we'll get your garden growing great that's a Morgan brothers... j“

but when the huntsman reached the forest with snow white,

he took pity on her and set her free.

He killed a deer and took its heart...

And told her he had killed snow white. Snow white...

I'm sorry.

Hey.

J“ I was caught in memories

j“ and dreams I should have won

j“ blind Freddy knew that

j“ a blind man could see

j“ I was in love with you

j“ but you weren't in love with me

j“ you weren't in love with me

j“ my baby's not in love

j“ you weren't in love with me

j“ weren't in love, weren't in love

j“ you weren't in love with me

j“ my baby's not in love

j“ you weren't in love with me

j“ weren't in love, weren't in love

j“ you weren't in love... j“

Fuck.

James, please don't look at me like that.

We can focus on... getting out of here, what do you reckon?

I don't think it's fair on you for us to be having this conversation right now.

Fuck you!

Oh, right, ok. You really want to know?

Well...

I'm not proud of what happened with Wes...

But it happened.

And if you really want to analyse it, then...

Maybe, you know, there are reasons.

Maybe we should be getting a few things out in the open.

No, I really need you to listen to me right now, James.

Shut up!

You've always made such a good case for why things should be your way.

But has it ever occurred to you

that maybe I don't want the same things as you?

Short-term goals and your five-year plans or whatever the...

Fuck! I'm over it!

The house inspections and the winery tours

and the office Barbies with your project manager mates

and their stupid, boring girlfriends...

Talking about interest rates and clarkey's batting average...

- Clarkey? - ..And listening to John Butler

because it makes you feel like you're doing something for the environment?

I thought you liked John Butler.

Well, I cannot fucking stand John fucking Butler!

James!

J“ ohhh

j“ whip Willy wiggles was a wee young man

j“ with a wiggle and a waggle and a 'yes, I can'

j“ and he cracked his whip all across this land

j“ from woolloomooloo to coonabarabran... j“

Gotta be plain jokin'.

Yeah, g'day, burkey. I can't really stop and yarn. Now I've... I've...

J“ ..His whip all across this land, from woolloomooloo... j“

oh, fuck. Fuck, fu-fu-fu-fu-fu...

Shit and derision.

G'day, burkey.

G'day, mate.

What brings you out here?

Yeah, I just come from that crash scene, down jilljara road.

- Oh, yeah. - Yeah. I'm looking for the driver.

Bugger's gone walkabout.

Haven't seen anything unusual, have you?

No. No, nothing.

Just went bush.

- That's strange. - Yeah. Yeah, very strange indeed.

A bit like the poor old salvo 6, eh.

But I got a bit more to go on this time -

I got some tyre tracks from right next to the vehicle.

- Speaking of which... - Yeah?

Are you gonna be at the fundraiser next week?

Yeah.

How are your pumpkins this year? They...?

Good. Good.

Anyway, mate, I should get going.

You know, now they want me down at that fucking festival, right?

Chaos, they reckon.

Mongrel kids.

Eh, eh, remember last year?

Those poofters that Billy fever found rootin' in his dam.

Yeah, that was messy. Very messy.

Still, a bit of tourism can't be all bad for the district.

Oh, by the way, I heard your ad on sunshine earlier.

- Oh, yeah? - Yeah.

What did you reckon?

Pissed myself, mate. Bloody hilarious.

Anyway, I suppose I better see what those little bastards are up to, eh?

What was that?

What was what?

Coming from your boot. You better open her up, mate.

Know what it is?

- I hit a roo earlier. - Oh, yeah.

That's the twitch they make after they cark it.

- You know, the death twitch. - Huh.

Yeah. That's how it works, right?

We collect the roadkill for processing, the shire saves on disposal,

we keep the product aussie made.

Good on youse, I say.

Yeah, just doing our bit, burkey.

Just doing our bit.

Death twitch. Hmm. I like that.

Wes: Hello?

Hello?

Hey, uh, linds?

Kill the engine, mate.

Wes: Hey! Open the boot!

What, mate?

You forget something?

Burkey: What's going on?

What? No.

Wes: Aghl I'm fucking freaking out in here, man!

Well... what do you know?

Open the fucking boot!

- Burkey: Pull the boot, linds. - I can't.

- Pull the boot. - Wes: Open the boot!

- He must... must have been... - Pull the fuckin' boot, linds!

Whacked-out poofters from the... From the festival...

Pull the fuckin' boot!

Yeah. Yeah, no worries, mate.

Fuck a rat!

He wants my potassium!

- Just relax. Relax. Take it easy. - Fuck. Fuck.

I'll call for help, alright?

Mate, what can I say?

One of those days.

Fuck it.

James, I think... I think I can actually...

James!

Hold on, ok?

Reg, James is in trouble...

Got you a mr frooty. You like pine orange?

- Well... - Drink up. You need it.

Now, I've been doing some real deep soul-seeking, and I reckon...

- Good. That's great. James needs help. - Hang on. I need to say this.

What I reckon is, that when Lindsay gets back,

I'm gonna have a really serious talk to him about all this.

That's the smart thing to do, reg...

And I'm sorry I called you a... you know, what I called you back there.

- Yeah, look, that's ok. Really. - No. No, no.

What I said about you not being a real lady and everything,

you are a real lady.

First real lady I ever met.

What about becs?

Nah, she's not real. Well, she is... It's complicated.

Look, I know that you tried to thingo with me because you had to.

Now, you don't want to die. I get it.

I don't want you to die neither.

He's gonna drown!

Shivers!

James.

Reg, ungag him.

Agh! You fucking slut!

Hey! Don't you talk to her like that!

I'll talk to this whore any way I like!

Lindsay: Reg!

Oh... I'll take care of this.

Untie us! Reg?

- Right in front of me. - Lindsay: Reginald!

I'm, uh... I'm gonna talk to him. I'll sort it all out.

No. No, reg, wait.

Linds, we gotta talk.

Too right, we do.

There's a... there's a reason for what I done.

What's that?

You're baking a giant fuckin' pie?

You don't get it, do ya?

This is me saying I've had enough!

No, reg.

I've had enough.

Oh!

Ugh... see, this is what I'm talking about.

You just can't treat me this way.

All I ever do is clean up after ya.

One fuckin' mess after another.

Want to see the latest? Huh? It's a real ripper.

Get up, fuck-arse.

Have a look in the boot and tell us what we're gonna do about this one.

And next time you want to do something daft like chop up me pumpkins,

piss off to your wank-Van and have a pull instead.

Grrr!

Die, mother-fucker! Die!

Aargghhhh!

Aargghhhhhh!

- Aargghhhh! - You son of a bitch.

No, linds!

Linds!

For Christ sakes, shut up!

Nancy's here.

There he is, maigret.

Don't worry, we'll be quick.

Reg: Lindsay, you still there?

Linds!

Ow! Ow!

Stop that!

Just... mate, mate, your hand.

Here, use me hanky.

Hold that tight. Keep the pressure on it.

Right. Ok. Thanks. Cheers.

I'm gonna get us out of here, alright? Just relax.

Lindsay!

So how many times?

What?

You and Wes. How many times did you fuck?

For god's sake, let it go.

Somewhere between five and ten?

James, what difference does it make?

It makes a heap of difference.

There's a sliding scale of infidelity here

and there's an inverse scale of forgivableness.

So... if I said it was only once, that would make you feel better?

Probably.

It was only once. Ok?

You're lying.

Fucking hell! It happened! What else do you need to know?

I need dates, numbers.

I need to know if you were sober or drunk, who made the first move,

where it happened, what you were wearing,

fingerings, hand jobs, the blow jobs.

I need to know the full magnitude of your betrayal

if I'm gonna... you know, move forward.

Oh! Linds, you gave me a start.

G'day, Nance.

How are you, love?

Pretty... pretty flat out.

- A lot on your plate. - Yeah, yeah, bits and pieces.

You really should wear an apron

when you're working with all that yucky stuff.

Next time I come, I'll make sure I give you one.

Oh, you don't have to do that.

Oh, don't be silly.

Oh, where's maigret?

Maigret, come!

You wait here.

I'll go fetch him.

I'll let myself in, love.

“Yeah.

Oh, no you don't.

No, you fuckin' don't.

Give it here, you little fuckin' shit.

I'll put the kettle on, shall I?

Yeah. Yeah. I'll be, uh... I'll be down in a tick.

Reg: Lindsay! Linds!

Hey, mate, there should be a tyre iron somewhere near ya.

Yeah?

Just have a little fossick down to your side there.

Yeah, got it.

Good work.

I'm sorry I shot you, man.

Oh, nah, she'll be right, eh?

Yeah.

I've got a big order to fill, Nance, so I shouldn't...

I won't keep you.

I just popped in to pick up a couple of those lovely pumpkins.

Not the prize winners, of course. Just a couple from the smaller crop.

The girls and I are setting up a bake stand for the salvo 6 do.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, sure.

Whatever you need.

Reggie's doing his deliveries?

Reg?

Gee, uh... reg, um...

Reg is gonna be gone a while, I reckon.

Really?

Yeah. Yeah.

Uh, cousin Ruth up in queensland - bloody cancer.

Oh, linds.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, well.

Reg has gone up there to sort it all out and could be gone a while.

Driving up, is he?

No, no, no, no. He's flying.

Funny. I thought I saw him about an hour and a half ago

driving down old Cobb road.

Uh... on his way to the drome.

- In the truck? - Yep. I'll pick it up tomorrow.

Well, how will you get the p76 back?

I'll get burkey... or someone to take me down there.

I could always take you, love.

It's all good, Nancy.

It's all good.

So they can stitch 'em back on, yeah?

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Bob Clay up on jacaranda crest,

he chopped his hand off digging fence Poles about ten year ago.

Brave little bugger walked about 20 clicks before anyone found him.

But you know what?

They located his hand, they put it in an esky,

choppered him off to the city

and, before you know it, he was as good as new.

Yeah?

Now I won't lie to you -

the hand didn't take too well and he had to give the farming away,

but it turned out to be a bit of a blessing in disguise.

He got into sign painting during his rehab and now he's got his own business.

Does all the local shops. Even did our truck.

So there's hope, eh?

Yeah. Yeah, we gotta find my hand, man.

Mate, I promise you, as soon as we get out of here,

we'll grab the others, we'll find your hand

and we'll get you straight to hospital, right?

Do you think I'll get to go in the chopper?

I reckon that'll happen for sure.

Cool.

You alright, linds? You look absolutely buggered, pardon my French.

No, no, no, no. I'm alright.

Your cysts giving you gyp again?

No, no. No, just been real busy, Nance.

J“ Morgan's organic

j“ we 'ii get your garden growing great oh, that's... j“

Jesus, I wish they'd stop playing this fuckin' ad!

Lindsay, darl! The ad's terrific. Very funny.

Lindsay: Organic blood and bone fertiliser is rich in nitrate calcium...

Sorry, Nance.

Reg: Sprinkling on your vegies...

It's been one of those days.

- Get your garden growing great. - Of course it has.

Now you just relax.

Oh, you're so tense.

Did you ever see that nice fellow from guildford I was telling you about?

You know? About the anger thingy?

No, I didn't.

Besides, I don't think a shrink's gonna do me much good now, Nance.

I know what you need.

A nice hot cuppa.

Oh, that's probably Charlie wick. I promised I 'd...

No. Stay right where you are, Lindsay Morgan. Let the machine get it.

No, maigret. You can go outside now.

I mean, was he any good?

I'm guessing he's no slouch, right?

I mean, he shaves his balls and everything.

I mean, only the professionals shave their balls.

Charlie: What kind of an operation are you dopes running?

Jesus, soph.

Is this how you treat your number-one customer?

Oh, god, I can see it.

I am this close to calling fucking yates.

Got half a mind to come over...

- And pick up them bags meself - I can see it.

Fuuuuuuck!

Aargghh!

Hey, maigret.

Come on, mate.

Mate, what are you doing?

My hand. Where is it, man?

Let's get the others first, eh?

What did he do with it?

Well, I don't know, but we gotta move. Come on!

Well?

Talk to me!

Alright, James.

You want details?

Yes. Come on.

- Reg. - Gmm.

- Move it, mate. - But we're gonna find it, yeah?

- Jesus, Wesley! Your hand! - You fuckin' dog.

Hey, guys. What's happening?

Oh, nothing much. Just about to learn the full extent of my cuckolding.

Soph, you were about to share.

Thanks, reg. Hey, you're hurt.

- James: Wes... - Oh, nah, it's nothing.

Maybe you could shed some light on the situation.

Wish I could talk in colour.

Hey, them hot grabbers are a bit tricky. You might want to...

Jeez, you're a natural.

Excuse me, mate. Can we get back to the issue at hand, please?

Hey! Jimbo!

I'm gonna fucking kill you.

Hey...

- Get off him! - Hey, just... just settle.

Fellas, settle.

Settling now.

Fucking settle!

Can't you see?

Right now it's not about what we did do or didn't do

but what we do do.

'Cause sometimes what you have to do...

I don't why I keep saying 'do'.

But... well... what I mean is,

you can't undo what you done, but you can do...

Oh! Grrr!

I'm not real good at these big speeches, but you know what I mean, right?

Hey, yeah, yeah, let's gather round and listen to the psycho.

Reg ain't a psycho, alright?

We gotta get your mate into town,

or he's gonna end up with a Bob Clay special.

- Are you right to drive? - Yeah. But what are you gonna do?

I'm gonna march right in there and get them keys off linds.

And if he don't want to give 'em to me, I'm just gonna bloody make him.

Hey. What about my hand, man?

Oh, shut up about your bloody hand for one bloody minute!

Look after your mates, eh?

It's time for me to...

Do it.

What the fuck is with that guy?

J“ all the sheilas think I'm handsome

j“ their fathers think I'm mad

j“ their mothers think I'm a villain

j“ but I'm just a lovable lad

j“ I'm loved by the poor and the wealthy

j“ loved by the good and the bad

j“ loved by the fat and the skinny

j“ because I'm a lovable lad. J“

Lindsay: Bit of a bolt from the blue.

But anyway, if one of us had to go, it was always gonna be Reggie.

Nancy: I suppose I'll have to help out a bit more now that he's gone.

How long did you say he'd be up there, linds?

Lindsay: Oh, hard to say with the old Jackie dancer.

Reckon he'll be a while, though.

Who knows? He might love it up there... On the coast.

May never want to come back.

But anyway, it's a shame to see Reggie go.

Nancy: Oh, it won't be the same without him around.

Lindsay: Nah. Nah, nah, won't be the same at all.

Nancy: I know deep down you do care about him.

He does look up to you, you know.

You're like a father to him.

Lindsay: And you're the mother he never had.

Anyway, reckon I'll enjoy being by meself.

Nancy: Yes, I'm sure we will.

J“ standing there beside me... j“

oh, darl!

How about we just run for it?

We get into town...

And then the three of us can sit down and talk through all this shit

so I can get a little bit of fucking closure.

I'm waiting for the chopper, man.

They're gonna put me back together.

It's a beautiful clean slice. Look.

Ow!

Oh, my god.

Yo, jimbo. There it is!

- W. Es. Hey, boy! - Wes!

- Wes: Hey, boy! - Wes. Fuck.

- Wes, get back here! - Wes: Hey, come on!

- Wes: Hey, boy, come on. - Hey. Let him go.

Nancy: Oh, linds...

Ohh.

Darl...

Nancy: Ooh...

Gently, darl. Gently.

Ooh. Linds.

That's it. Ooh, yes.

Don't stop.

Oh, yes!

Yes. Yes.

Oh, linds.

Deep breaths, linds. Deep breaths.

That's better. That's it.

Just like that! Oh!

Nancy: Yes. Oh. Yes.

Oh! That's it.

Nancy: Yes. That's my boy. That's my boy!

Nancy: Who's there? Maigret. Is that you?

Maigret, no...

Lindsay: Don't worry about the bloody dog.

Nancy: Oh, maigret.

Hey.

Aargghh! Wes: Oh...

Sorry.

Man!

- Fuck this. We're going. - James?

James: Sophie! Come on!

Come on, then.

Come on!

You shot him.

Must have been one of them whacked-out kids from the festival.

Reg, what are you doing here?

Maybe I should ask you the same question.

I just... popped in for a few pumpkins.

Is that what you call it?

- Put it down, reg. - Or you'll what? Kill me?

I thought you'd want to keep me fresh so you can hot-bone me.

No-one's gonna be hot-boning no-one.

Reggie, put the cleaver down. Lindsay, give me the gun.

Aunty Nance, we done some bad things this arvo.

- Shut it, reg. - Don't you tell me to shut it.

From now on, you don't slap me, choke me or call me names.

Aunty Nance, I want you to get on the blower to yandoit police.

You can tell them that the Morgan brothers are turning themselves in.

What the bloody hell is going on here?

Some druggie kid trespassed on me property and I fuckin' shot him.

Why don't you tell aunty Nance about the salvo 6, then?

Shut your mouth, you fucking idiot.

What do you know about the salvo 6?

Or the two terrified kids up in the shed.

I've had just about enough of this.

You're both acting very strange, very strange indeed.

I'm gonna call the station, I'm gonna get burkey...

Agh!

Look what you done.

- Grrr! - Aargghhhh!

Fuck!

You cunt!

Fuck off!

Reg: Sophie! I got 'em!

Sophie! I got 'em!

You are not going back there.

That's it! We're through!

Let's go!

Sophie!

Guys?

Agh!

Ah!

Mum would be very disappointed in you, reg.

Grrr!

Lindsay: Been some afternoon, huh, Reggie?

I know it hasn't turned out especially good for anyone,

but, uh, these are the risks you take when you run a small business.

Why, Lindsay?

It's all over.

We can't get away with this.

Think I don't know that?

Think I can't tell that we're rooted?

Nah, the thing is...

I'm a man of my word.

And when I promise Charlie wick a tonne of premium-grade new blend,

well...

I'm gonna deliver on that promise.

J“ that's a Morgan brothers guarantee. J“

All I ever wanted from you was a bit of 'recca-nition'.

J“ so if your soil's off the boil

j“ you get nothing for your toil... j“

J'the blood and bone will fix you up a treat

j“ Morgan's organic

j“ we'll get your garden growing great

j“ that's a Morgan brothers guarantee

j“ yes, it is

j“ a Morgan brothers guarantee, that is. J“

(Bangd

well, well, well.

Look at little missy here.

A real sharpshooter.

Shot a few pigs in me time. Have no problem shooting another.

Get away from him.

Becs has got some competition, has she, Reggie?

Now come on, shithead.

Give us the rifle.

Agh! Aargghhhh!

J“ Morgan's organic

j“ we'll get your garden growing great

j“ oh, that's a Morgan brothers guarantee

j“ oh, when your soil is off the boil and you get nothing for your toil

j“ our blood and bone will fix you up a treat

j“ Morgan's organic

j“ we'll get your garden growing great

j“ oh, that's a Morgan brothers guarantee

j“ yes, it is

j“ a Morgan brothers guarantee, that is. J“

j“ sunshine sounds good to me. J“

Bernard: Well, folks, that brings us to the end

of another Australia day aussie music marathon.

Hope you've enjoyed the show, 'cause I know I have.

And look forward to seeing you next Saturday

at the king George showgrounds for the salvo 6 fundraiser.

Catch me at the fruit and veg tent around three.

It's my pleasure to judge the pumpkin competition, being a man of the earth,

you know, I'm a hands-on kinda guy.

There's a lot at stake here, though, for all the growers this year.

And I know there's some fierce rivalry out there.

Hopefully, I'll be able to stay out of harm's way,

'cause the competition will be on.

If not, hey, bring a stretcher.

But stick around with my good mate Tim lanyon

who'll take you through to midnight with his golden oldies show.

Terrific program, and a really topnotch broadcaster, that's our Tim.

Say, catch you tomorrow. God bless.

J“ wonderful atmosphere, the juiciest steaks

j“ music and dancing and the scrummiest cakes

j“ dazzlers, you've got it

j“ dazzlers for a great night out

j“ dazzlers, you've got it

j“ you've got the right ingredients... j“

hey! Help! Stop!

Help! You've got to stop!

Charlie: Them Morgan bastards promised me bags.

No-one's gonna stop me getting me fucking bags.

J“ dazzlers for a great night out

j“ dazzlers, you've got it... j“

Man: Hey, stockport! Give it up for the John Butler trio!